DiaryLand members area

i want to say I love you, I love how you're taking care of your mother and how beautifully you are capturing the experience. I am sorry for your heart, I can't imagine what it's like to be where you are, but you are..well that last entry in particular just made me want to say I love you, stranger on the internet.

from shoelacepunk :

a cat's tooth grazed my hand, and now i am convinced i have rabies.

from whystinger :

Depression can cause that - not sure your doctor explained that well. Our minds are a very powerful influence on our bodies that we don't fully understand. Why does the placebo effect work and why can it actually effect healing? That mind-body connection. At any time, 20% of our population suffers from depression or a mental illness. The other thing is, it is your body and it may not be "in your head" as the doc may be indicating. Follow your gut.

from glorycloud :

I have been listening to the new Drones record on YouTube and it is completely different from the other records-more ballads and not loud rocking guitar sound-right now I am into metal music and not the Drones-I am not rich so I can't buy everything I would want in my music library-so listen to the new Drones in YouTube-peace

from the-grey-one :

Ah, just a reminder that I so love your writing.

from yellopenguin :

sometimes words are just pretty, useless bones. feeling so much & sending love through the ether xoxo

from yellopenguin :

catching up here and having to catch my breath. you are such a beautiful writer. and soul, obviously. your italian reminds me of an italian i used to have (or did he have me?). anyway. xox.

from angelspit609 :

'the dance' is really well written and i found it to be quite beautiful. thank you

from the-grey-one :

loving onself is crazy hard for so damned many of us.. i make small progress with it at times, then backslide for a while, then make some progress... then backslide.. it makes things a lot easier when i can be kind to myself, but i do often get stuck in the mindframe that i don't deserve it. i never do it like i should, but meditation can help with that. i guess a lot of different things can help with it. i wish you the best in your journey !

from yellopenguin :

oh, it is so funny. too funny. you know, i thought you were someone else that i used to know because you guys are eerily similar. but you're not her; you're you. all wonderful. xo.

from yellopenguin :

love you always.

from the-grey-one :

from gonzoprophet :

i hope the tide of feeling that grim way turns for you again

from the-grey-one :

really felt ya on a lot of your thoughts with the (fuck everything) entry. "people are so self centered they mostly just want an audience," . s'a good line.

from glorycloud :

glad you are in love-peace

from loveherwell :

i like reading your stuff, in general. i'm just wishing you well.

from glorycloud :

Sorry to read another one of your cats died-I love cats and feel your lost-peace

from dangerspouse :

Good luck. Seriously, good luck.

from gonzoprophet :

i'm glad you made that shift in focus. lol no need to apologize though. i probably shouldn't've apologized either. i wasn't sorry for what i said so much as sorry for any unforeseen consequence it might end up having, which in hindsight i'm really glad that there didn't seem to be any. but i couldn't know that at the time, as my imagination is a beastly place. anyway...yes.

from gonzoprophet :

i just don't understand how you could possibly feel like you've done all there is for you to do in the world already? i know i don't understand. all i know of you are brief reflections on fleeting moments. but i know some essential things. like the fact that every person dies. that's an inevitable thing. so why rush up to that moment? the world is fucked but it's amazing. yell at me, tell me how wrong i am, forego every pleasure for five years and then indulge in everything you've ever desired, go crazy, claw at happiness, start a cult, do any wild, tumultuous number of things...but why choose to die?...it IS your choice. you have agency over your life, your body, your existence. but why choose something inevitable, why choose something that only cuts out all that you might do between now and then? i truly want to know. I FUCKING LOVE YOU and i hope you triumph. the energy in your bones is precious goddamnit. even as i hesitate and know it isn't really my place to say any of this..i just feel wild here, seeing these entries. and the only meager options i see are to offer up some heartfelt words or do nothing at all so...i'm sorry

from gonzoprophet :

NO stop it...don't talk about suicide like it's an actual option. deal with the feelings, talk about those, but then destroy them beneath your mighty heel damnit. i love you.

from friskyseal :

bah, that class was a nightmare. i got that form signed JUST in time or else i don't think i would have made it. oh well, we'll see how it goes next semester. thank you for your note.

from amanda-anne :

I fucking miss you... xo

from glorycloud :

once i was an eagle-life is hard

from glorycloud :

once i was an eagle-like is hard

from glorycloud :

why not start a diary in LiveJournal to share your inner thoughts/pains? peace glorycloud (remember your special)

from glorycloud :

the drones one of my favorite bands-I can't seem to get in the US their new record "I See Seaweed"-peace

from darthuae :

i just went through your diary and it broke my heart. my senses are currently sitting on my lap, hopeless, frightened, unable to look reality in the eye. i love your mind. thank you so much. x

from cordeliameg :

Just wanted to say hi and tell you that I enjoy reading your diary. Feel like I can relate on certain levels. Hope you are doing okay.

from glorycloud :

nick cave-I recently pre-ordered his new record-he is a great artist! God bless Jonny

from gonzoprophet :

i admittedly have no idea what dealing with such an impulse must be like. but i do severely hope that you don't hurt yourself too badly

from incshrnkmn :

I'm sure you have a good reason for locking up, and I'm just a lurker. But if you would be willing to share the password, I'm at [email protected] and would be grateful.

from darthuae :

please take me with you when you find some place else to write. x

from sunfuck :

yeah fer sure, thxxx for making yourself known...

from sunfuck :

yeah for sure...do i have to use your email? i think maybe so

from glorycloud :

if you leave Diaryland drop me a note and tell me where you plan to keep a diary at next

from famelicose :

No, thank you.

from darthuae :

"writing about it makes it worse..." i hate that i've been feeling this way too. sending you some love. not that you need it. just that i need to release it (strangled).

from incshrnkmn :

To answer your question, I am out here -- here being in the middle of the United States -- and so I am sending you a note. I am just one person, one reader, but perhaps others will follow suit. For what it's worth, your mention of First Aid Kit was enough for me to download some of the group's music and watch their videos. (They sound, and look, great.) Going to try to see the two of them when they swing through my town on their U.S. tour. Have to say, while we are very different people and at different places in our lives, not to mention the planet, I can relate to much of what you write. On top of that, the sex and sensuality stuff is a turn-on. Your ups and downs seem to represent the price of creativity, sensitivity and a whole lot else, in addition to chemistry. I just hope they and their manifestations don't break you. Bottom line: I feel I've become invested in you and I want you to be happy.

from friskyseal :

thank you! i'm really glad you like it.

from incshrnkmn :

Live. Please.

from raygirl999 :

pw please? raygirl999[at]yahoo[dot]com

from incshrnkmn :

And I would love the password. [email protected]

from incshrnkmn :

I came to really appreciate this diary, so I'm sorry it's locked. Hope you're well in any case. My email is [email protected]. -- a US reader

from alswelinhell :

Hey, I haven't talked to you in years. How you been?

from alswelinhell :

Hey, how have you been?

from raygirl999 :

Glad to see you updating again!

from raygirl999 :

Aww thank you! And you are gorgeous as well of course. It's always nice to talk to my DL buddies!

from ninabean :

hey thanks for the book suggestion you left LONG ago .. I've been meaning to say thanks for the longest but I suck :0) sounds like youre in quite a predicament with this guy... I think you should talk to him about this and explain what you need and want out of the relationship to him directly. However he takes it is up to him, youre doing it for the best interest of the relationship, not just your best interest. This is what you need it to be in order to fix things.. and see what he needs it to be to fix it as well.. communication. Sadly if he's not mature enough to leave guilt or pity out of it then you should consider letting it go for good. You cant label yourself responsible for someone due to guilt. You will lose who you are and stop growing into the person you want to be. Just my two cents, I'm not Dr Phil, I just play him on Diaryland ;)

from raygirl999 :

Thanks hon! You take care of yourself too. I just realized that your diary is the one I've been reading the longest! I consider you an old friend, even though we are thousands of miles a part and we've never met. You're a kind soul :-)

from moodswing :

plug your ears

from raygirl999 :

Sorry you were fired! Oh my goodness what happened?

from winteranfang :

My good attitude never lasts either. I'm always in so much pain. Please read my diary if you want to. The password is nunca/nunca.

from winteranfang :

What a good attitude you have!! XOXO

from moodswing :

yes! the word!

from friskyseal :

you're welcome. thanks for making me feel really good when i woke up. ott ott

from moodswing :

yeah I guess I've been pretty active this year. perhaps I should award you with some kind of prize. hah. anyway, I'm glad you're getting something out of it

from pettyquarrel :

The Perks of Being a Wallflower is so great.

from moodswing :

five hours.. that is intense.. glad to be of service (service?) anyway, hi!

from sntheticlove :

Thanks! I had no idea I actually had an audience anymore. This is very encouraging :)

from raygirl999 :

It's funny how your words reflect how I feel inside. We often seem to be in the same place emotionally even though we are thousands of miles a part.

from boyecho :

That print is fantastic. Thanks for showing. The one i posted was from a link about a giant toothed whale skull they recently found in peru.

from avantbedroc :

wine & listening to Monsieur Cave in the bathtub... delight!!

from winteranfang :

Regarding your recent entry msjessica, I just want to say I love shoes!!! I feel like I ought to look good in them, too.

from pettyquarrel :

You are not a weirdo! (I am.) Anyway ... thank you for the kind comments. I see two solutions to this potential problem of your communicating with me via public journal posts. You could 1.) leave notes in your own or journal (others do this), or 2.) I could give you my email address. BUT, you must delete it from your notes right away (the address) if we go that route ... so the others ... can't contact me ... *nervous looking around*

from pettyquarrel :

Hi. I don't have my notes turned on because I know people will make fun of me. "You are weird." That sort of thing. Also I have the paranoia, a throwback from years of drug use. Measures of communication strike me as wildly risky ... i.e. "here is my heart ... please don't poke it too hard." The note was for ninabean. The line was a gem.

from raygirl999 :

I feel the same way. I never even think about saying no to alcohol even if I am super drunk already. But food I am learning to say no to. I hate having others watch me eat. Being a vegetarian makes it easier to say no to things though. I do feel bad sometimes. Especially when people go out of their way to make a special meat free, lard free, gelatin free dish for me.

from raygirl999 :

It's nice to have you updating regularly again. i always like to read about your life. And yes it is often better to have practical real work experience and great contacts than it is to earn a degree just because. I have definitely learned more through my years of work than I did while earning my degree. But I am going to get my masters because I love learning and school not to further my career. So it all works out :-)

from pettyquarrel :

I'm reasonably sure empathy kills. I never feel worse than when I feel viscerally someone else's shame, or sorrow, or letdown. I've said before somewhere that it's worse to feel a thing for/with someone else than to a feel a thing outright, for one's self. I generally thing that's true. I think you're clever, good with the words. I think you could be great if you got away from the booze, too, but I know what that's like ... the hold of that stuff. I used to cut, too. Some things hurt worse than mere physical pain. And then physical pain becomes a remedy.

from pettyquarrel :

Thanks. I like your journal, too.

from alienamiss :

Nice -- I like all those movies (in your profile), too. Added -- wicked picture in the main layout; are you the artist?

from isobellecech :

i liked your letter to john lennon. you have an ineffable taste in music, film and literature, i look forward to delving into your past entries.

from glorycloud :

I do not find your diary boring-be real is my motto-peace

from glorycloud :

finally you wrote something-glad to read all is well-peace

from urgeforgoing :

Hi, you asked me ages ago if I gave out passwords to my diary. It's unlocked now, just in case you still care. I only just found your note.

from manvsdevil :

lol the credit stakes? next question- grenache, cab merlot or ? I hope your arvo is turning out well =)

from boyecho :

i think i am too

from glorycloud :

I noticed you added me as a favorite blog-thanks for the encouragement-may the Lord bless-peace Jonny

from raygirl999 :

Much love to you my dear. You have a beautiful soul.

from sharpsecret :

one of the most beautiful and saddest entries i have ever read. i cant offer anything really, but i do think i understand at least xxx

from summerxxlove :

So I'm thinking that not only do we have the same name, but judging by your most recent entry, we kinda feel the same way...I love simple things too :)

from manvsdevil :

love- yes! no to death!

from sharpsecret :

i do love reading your words xxxx everytime you update im always happy to read whats happening in your world xxxx

from alswelinhell :

we must converse. are there ways of getting in concact with you?

from amanda-anne :

miss jessica.. sorry i was flat out at work yesterday.. i love you.. i hope your okay.. come home for awhile.. i just want to pick you up and squeeze you so tight that all the shit you have become a magnet to just disappears.. i miss you.. i wish i could do 7417% more for you then reality currently allows me.. your amazing.. you know your own potential girl.. so im not even going to start.. you have support if you truly seek it.. what will be the next chapter?... remember im always be here.. you know that.. i want you to call me anytime at all.. if you have nothing to do.. to be angry.. or sad.. or silent.. or off chops... i dont mind.. my legs are numb.. talk to you soon beautiful.. xxoo

from sharpsecret :

thats a really sad story, im sorry you went through that and im thinking of you

from raygirl999 :

I hope you are doing OK. I love you for your brutal yet lovely honesty. Take care.

from murder :

They click like tiny little bugs against my window screen at night. I shout for them to go away, instead they keep clicking. Click, click, it's deafening to be this alone.

from errantnights :

just say how to make it right and i swear i'll do my best to comply

from alswelinhell :

you make me realize that there is a human side to sex. (in a good way)

from aesthetica87 :

miss jessica... its lovely to know your doing okay.. (seem to be atleast) ive been worried / hoping your doing alright... i should really do something about coming down there.. even just to hang out for a weekend or something would be just fabulous... keep smiling baby and have a fancy cocktail glass of wed wine for me.. mwah xo

from sosuga :

Hi! Sure, sorry I know I'm like stalkin you by adding you but not saying anything hehe. Just liked what I read but didnt get a chance to send you a shout. My info is: User-bite Pass-me (please delete once you see this, thanks darlin!)

from raygirl999 :

Merry Christmas! I hope the move works out well for you. Take care of yourself and update soon!

from thedevlyn :

I think the problem is more that he is not good enough for you.

from karbonphyber :

bummer

from raygirl999 :

Goodness I hope you are ok! Maybe you should go back to the Doctor?

from raven72d :

Lovely entries.

from painted-eyes :

Oh, hey, at least you still update. :D

from raygirl999 :

I just checked my Guestbook. I'm so glad that you came upon my diary again! It's been too long. I am glad to see that you are still around. I look forward to catching up. And since I've locked my diary un: donnie pw: darko Take care!

from mooncentered :

I just stumbled upon your profile and feel like we are the same person.

from honestliar :

You locked your diary. May I have a password?

from readthisline :

You're so sweet! Thank you. I've been avoiding the internet for the past few weeks. I'm not going on MSN or Myspace. I need to disappear. I'm in NZ at the moment.. but catching up would be nice when I have the time for it. Thank you for caring and for the messages you left. When I just read them my hopes lifted. I thank you again for that xx

from readthisline :

Hey sweetheart! Sorry about the belated reply. I've been away for a while and haven't really had access to the internet for any time more than about 5 minutes. I hope you're well.. I don't drink, sorry. I'm in Melbourne at the moment. And with my last post you might think I'm a bit of a freak.. but that's ok. I hope you're well xxx

from honestliar :

Can I have the password? [email protected] much love xxx

from lastflightin :

i just thought you should know ... you kind of made me cry. that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me or my writing. i doubt it means much to you, but i just wanted to let you know that in the midst of a HORRIBLE night, your note gave me a glimmer of 'feel good.'

from readthisline :

Yeah, I know what you mean about not fitting in. I kind of have trouble everywhere I go.. I think it comes from the travlling. Hahha, I love that kind of music!! I could listen to it forever.. Oh wow, a call centre must be interesting. I'm actually finishing off year 12.. and doing just some work on the side.. trying to start up a career. It's going well. lol. So what kind of movies do you like to watch? xx

from readthisline :

Oh wow, you've been here a little while. How brilliant.. ok. This is really starting to scare me, I'm from QLD! Gold Coast.. and you? I moved for work, which is going well. Though I'm probably only staying until Christmas.. are you here permanently?

from readthisline :

How weird.. Yeah, Sydney is good. I'm surviving - which is a comforting thought lol. So, have you lived here your whole life?

from readthisline :

Hahha! That's the way I felt when you said your read all of mine.. I was like, poor girl. I whine so much, and I don't have many happy things to say.. nonetheless, I shall continue reading your posts, I really like them. Omg.. you live close to me. I'm in Carlton, just near Hurstville. What a co-incidence. I've only been here about a month and a half. So are you in uni? xx

from readthisline :

You seriously live in Sydney..? that's so strage! Hahha, and yes, we do share the same name. It's really sweet that you've read all of my posts.. I haven't written all that much yet. I love reading other people's diaries - yours being one of them. Though I haven't read all your entries, I'm sure I'll get there. Thanks for replying back xx

from readthisline :

I really like your diary. It has a lot of interesting thoughts. I've come across you twice in the past hour, one in a list, and then again in updated diaries. Both completely unrelated to each other, so I figured that I'd check out what you had to say. xx

from honestliar :

Yes yes yes love. Diaryland did see your vagina. Congratulations on that. I went to a show today and thought of you. Very american. Its a local thing...called "WING DING". Yea. It was good. 8 fucking bands for $5. No joke. And they were like...well known bands (Saliva, Tantric, The trews..) It was pretty damn exciting. It was like 99 degrees all friggin day though. I got hit on by sweaty guys..that was not happy. And I moshed and hurt my elbow =( And I got shitfaced on beer and mixed drinks that were completely more vodka then anything else they supposedly put in it. Crazy americans giving alcohol to underage girls. So the whole concert thing...I thought of you. I almost got a tatoo! That would have been the shit. Except then they decided to follow the rules..."Do you have I.D?" Oh fuck. Never mind. Bah!! So close!! This was kinda random have you heard of drunk dialing? I think this might be drunk typing...mwah!

from aesthetica87 :

i miss you jessica.. i hope your having fun.. im sure you are.. time is wasting away.. i cant wait to be there ... how about you come up here and drive down with me and kane .. some special for his birthday.. i think it would be great fun.. even though id be doing all the driving.. heh.. i miss you.. tell me how you are... and tell me how good it feels... xo

from aesthetica87 :

thats so fucking hot jessica.. xo

from aesthetica87 :

ive just had this urge for about the last three hours.. i just need to say hi.. and that i love you. and im so excited baby teehee..

from amanda-anne :

what am i doing jessica.. i cant breathe... if you read all the "notes" you have ever left me.. then youll see the things we used to "Say" ... things we used to talk a bout.. (all the time.. so many hours).. you still never licked my ear.. i was pretty excited about that.. my life has finally hit the rock bottom... it couldnt get much worse right now.. 7 days jessica until i can breathe and be away from here.. i dont know if ill come back... i dont know if i cant last 7 days... i love you my darling. 5 years was just unrealistic.. i am so fucking stupid. xo

from nightminded :

its completely possible to miss me...becuase i miss you in the same way. its strange how often i think of you...id like to visit you and miss bec...would be stunningly lovely...

from aesthetica87 :

now im drunk.. and its fucking great. im almost tempted to not see you. just so youll stalk me.. i think thats pretty hot... i miss you so much jessica.. you have no idea how lovely you are.. i think we should run away together.. i really do.. see how long it would take to make the missing persons list.. and bek. beks great.. i love you darling. more then sex on a sharp rockwall.. ill see you in april.. i wont promise because im pretty lame at that .. but thats okay.. youll see :)

from honestliar :

Locked up. Give a lover a name?

from aesthetica87 :

i see your still attracting those blonde 13 year old girls. heh xo friday is perfect.

from mustbeblonde :

lol i mis-spelt my name **Eva

from mustbeblonde :

hey there my name is eav im 13 would u like to chat?

from honestliar :

Locked. username: not password: you

from missy-17 :

miss jessica, hey how are you doing, me i am fine just wanting to say hi!!!

from aesthetica87 :

why brisbane?

from hurting-lots :

www.knottyboy.com is also really awesome.

from aesthetica87 :

8-1-2003 ?????????

from aesthetica87 :

facial tissue

from aesthetica87 :

its the same as before. xox

from honestliar :

You torture me.

from nightminded :

i miss you. more than you know. i want to hold your hand and know that things are ok.

from nightminded :

so much missing you.

from nightminded :

oh i love you. i honestly do.

from nightminded :

so nice to hear you speak of love...so honest.

from nightminded :

you know im only a message, phone call away whichever you desire...i care about you. and your world. and your thoughts..

from aesthetica87 :

thankyou for existing.. happy jess day xox

from nightminded :

i miss you.

from aesthetica87 :

sure i can do that.. and yayyy im finally back... i had a dream about you on wednesday night.. and benny.. it was a bit crazy.. i have to go because im not suppose to be on here.. but all big earth moving jessica and amanda hugs to you.. mwah xoxoxoxoxoxxxxxxx meow.

from msjessica :

will somebody please leave me a note...

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