messages to outer-jessie:
(click here to add new message):

from annanotbob2 :
When I feel I can't go on you have come through for me time after time - thank you, dear friend. xxx
from annanotbob2 :
Sending love and hugs x
from linguafranca :
I would love to teach you from afar! Bearing in mind that I myself am a rank amateur and autodidact. But I have a lot of good resources on hand that o cm share/refer you to. Shoot me a message and we'll do it!
from linguafranca :
I don't mind the advice-- clearly I am out of my own ideas. I actually do use distraction with him successfully sometimes. It kind of boils down to whether I have a good enough idea that he won't realize he's being manipulated. I need to come up with a list of ideas that I can use in rotation. He has his own interests, but his fantasy worlds are pretty intertwined with his sister's and he doesn't play pretend by himself that much. He is really hostile to strangers of all ages, and so can't attend classes and stuff yet even though he is almost of an age where it will become an option.
from annanotbob2 :
Thank you - I do, I lug a whole bag full of stuff with me every time, thinking I might draw or write or something. Once I painted some flowers, while I was staying there, and sometimes I knit, but mostly I'm frozen into inactivity. She's pretty oblivious to anything unless I hold her hand. Thanks for feeling the feels. x
from annanotbob2 :
Thank you so much - my brain is barely functional and you are so right! xxx
from linguafranca :
Thanks. This shit is much harder than I thought it would be.
from annanotbob2 :
xxx
from patheticness :
Hi, I'm searching for new readers and some old friends. Only have one reader since I've password locked and it shouldn't matter but I'm lonely here and looking for words of wisdom from others who may feel same ways as I do. Your profile caught my attention. If you are interested in reading me, let me know, give me your email in my notes or something and I can email the password to you. Thanks! I may just lurk at your diary on occasion if ok with you?
from friskyseal :
outer-jessie! I just saw your note, although I'm not even sure what year it's from! Diaryland is pretty broken now so I think notes aren't being sent to my e-mail. I was just rearranging a few entries in preparation for my final batch. I'm going to e-mail this to the address on your diary in hopes that it reaches you. When it does, contact me by e-mail and let me know how you're doing! Barry
from annanotbob2 :
Good news is good news - You've bloody earned it! xx
from linguafranca :
Yes, seed paper is always popular! And one that specialized in southwestern wildflowers would be good. can be a challenge to get it to dry before it germinates, but that would be less of a problem here!
from annanotbob2 :
Yay! xx
from dangerspouse :
Ahh, I'm sorry to hear about this latest rejection letter. Have another consolation cookie. It's not much, but it's still a cookie, and that's at least something. Hang in there.
from annanotbob2 :
Wish I could come round and we could talk it through... hugs xxx
from atwowaydream :
D'aww. Yay. As a fellow worry-bot, your words mean the world to me. I really do hope things start feeling better for you (they will). Baby steps and all that jazz.
from annanotbob2 :
Hope you are both well. Your last lovely note cheers me up so much, I keep going back to read it again when I feel wobbly. Sending strength and love to you too xx
from annanotbob2 :
Ah, it's made my day to hear you're going somewhere you like and that G has a great job. Best best wishes to you both x
from linguafranca :
We are awaiting update now that you have moved. Bit of a cliffhanger you left us with. Less scary now? I hope?
from linguafranca :
Most of my sadness is fairly transient. Mostly I get mad. Then I do some mixture of crying, figuring out how to improve the situation, or some of the things that make me happy-- making stuff or food, reading, gardening, going for walks. When I was younger and was stuck in a very sad/mad situation that it was hard to see a way out of, I used to have some less healthy behaviors as well. If the sadness is Depression with a capital D, you should get some professional help. No happy activities will snap you out of it.
from linguafranca :
Well, maybe. We had really restricted our search space from the start, so we have to go back through and see. There aren't any obviously better contenders at this point. One thing I know is that we will no longer attempt to please anyone but ourselves in this matter. He is _this close_ to being named Xenophon. I just noticed you call me "cheerful" in your description of my diary. What?!
from jaysthoughts :
Yeah, I haven't got much up yet. I intend to remedy that.. :)
from jaysthoughts :
Greetings.
from linguafranca :
Just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear about this new trouble. Fingers crossed for you both.
from linguafranca :
Thank you. The silence from my peanut gallery in the subject had me worrying that you all agreed with J. Not that that would stop me, but it would give me (brief) pause. ;)
from socialpuppet :
Umm, we used to chat, we should do that again ;)
from linguafranca :
Aaarrrgh. Rage some, then find the happy, I guess. I don't know. Still a yucky feeling. :(
from annanotbob2 :
You too, J, you too, and thanks x
from linguafranca :
I think so too! Now only to do the part where I make a thing so wonderful that everyone wants one. ;) easy-peasy.
from linguafranca :
BLAH. Sorry you didn't get fired? Is that an appropriate sentiment?
from annanotbob2 :
Hugs xxxxxxxxxx
from linguafranca :
Future perfect! And here's hoping it'll be better, if not perfect.
from dangerspouse :
Very tense, if you're about to be fired.
from annanotbob2 :
Amen to that xx
from dangerspouse :
CONGRATULATIONS!!
from annanotbob2 :
Such good work, Dr J, well done you! xx
from linguafranca :
So you've done did it? Hope it went well!
from linguafranca :
Hooray! Here's to being done! You get...a fancy piece of paper. Congratulations, Dr. Jessie!
from atwowaydream :
I definitely see your point, as I am also a very curious individual. . . but I guess when you have nothing really sacred in your life, you want to make yourself a spot, right?
from atwowaydream :
could you send me your email so i can give you the password or add me on facebook so I can annoy you greatly with my "interesting" life experience antics?
from linguafranca :
Yeah, I was a bit surprised at your reaction at the park-- thought we'd be on the same wavelength about it-- that explains it! Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and it's demon spinoff Minnie Mouse Bowtique (at least she gets to be the star, and is a businesswoman, but still. I'm never happy, am I?) [peers at the next note down] glad to see danger spouse is still around. Hi, dangerspouse! *waves*
from dangerspouse :
Holy crap. I just stumbled across your diary and read back a few entries. Holy crap! "Hang in there" is an empty platitude, but I don't know what else to say. I do hope things somehow, some way, manage to turn themselves around for you though!
from iadorecarre :
Math is difficult whomever is teaching it, please don't be so hard on yourself. Wishing you some peace in your life .. [[ hugs ]]
from atwowaydream :
::diaryland hugs all over the place:: We need to make an island where all of our problems stay the hell off our property.
from annanotbob2 :
I wish I had more than a virtual hug to offer, but it's all I have. {{{{{{{Jessie}}}}}}}}
from annanotbob2 :
I can see you online, just waving hello and hope you're well xx
from linguafranca :
Oh, I'm so sorry. That sucks beyond words. If you want, look me up when you get here. (And I'll understand if you just aren't in the mood, too).
from annanotbob2 :
Fucking fuckers.
from atwowaydream :
D'aww. As for the writing, the same goes for you, love!
from annanotbob2 :
Team Jessie (UK division) cheering you on up to the finish-line. Can you hear us? Go on Jessie, almost there!!! You can do it! xxx
from fa11 :
so you never figured me out. solo. diluted red. foot cover.
from atwowaydream :
I was just playin'. And thank you for the compliment, by the way! You do whatever your little heart desires in the bedroom. . . as long as you have a safe word.
from atwowaydream :
It's only because I used the word "cock" like, fifty-thousand times.
from annanotbob2 :
I do that too. xxx
from atwowaydream :
::hangs on::
from annanotbob2 :
Fab xxx
from boombasticat :
Thank you for your note. How you doing?
from linguafranca :
Yeah, the state of Arizona basically sent me a picture of Tard the Grumpy Cat going "NO".
from linguafranca :
I've actually been thinking about that! But it may require everything being done in a commercial kitchen. There are exceptions for baked goods and confectionary, but jams appear to be excluded. I've written them asking for a ruling on high-acid preserves like marmalades, but am keeping my hopes in check.
from linguafranca :
We're in Sam Hughes (for now)-- spitting distance from the Tamale Company, which is the only place on your list we've tried so far, though we are aware of the others. (Well, I may have been to Babylon Market, I'm not sure if it was that or another one. I like that there is more than one middle eastern market). It's the _time_ to explore properly that we sort of lack...but we were really bemoaning the absence of specialty charcuterie here, and now are rejoicing mightily.
from linguafranca :
I don't blame you for being curious! Couldn't find your email addy, and the diaryland email bounced back...let me know (again) how to get ahold of you and I'll tell you the names.
from fa11 :
i stopped writing about 4 years ago. i'm back as someone else now, and i'm still in another dimension.
from linguafranca :
I posted that passage to my Facebook. Feel free to do the same. Hopefully we'll start a movement.
from atwowaydream :
Thank you. That was a beautiful thing that you said.
from linguafranca :
Thanks for the lead! We'll check it out...thank goodness we have a couple of years to work on getting her to actually enter a room containing other children. P.S. Prepositions at the end of a sentence are often entirely right and proper. Perhaps more often than not. Don't sweat it.
from atwowaydream :
My sister's 8 inch vibrator that she was hiding. That's the weirdest thing I've ever found in my sock drawer. Did a lot of shopping for new socks after that.
from annanotbob2 :
Shit I wish I lived near you. xxx
from atwowaydream :
My dad's always like. . . . "JEEEZ Edith!"
from annanotbob2 :
xxxx
from annanotbob2 :
Just a hug, from me to you, from here to there. xx
from linguafranca :
No coffee shop! Good Lord. That illustrates the problem vivdly. Much sympathy.
from linguafranca :
Is it the weather? Because that'll get better, for a little while eventually, I assume. It's easy to hate a state in February.
from boombasticat :
I drove through Nefuckingbraska once. It took forfuckingever. Do you like the Springsteen album?
from linguafranca :
Send me your address, I'll mail you some cookies. Seriously. They might not get there while your uterus still hurts, though.
from annanotbob2 :
Ah - three days ain't long to wait, though it can seem like it. xxx ps I've moved to above slightly different place
from friskyseal :
=D
from friskyseal :
BUT DID YOU LIKE THE PART WHERE I BUZZED YOU??? =(
from friskyseal :
BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ OUTER JESSIE NEW ENTRY JUST FOR YOU GO GO GO I HOPE YOU LIKE IT =(
from outer-jessie :
Yeah, and I'm not really that old either ;) But still, it's nice to know you have people to lean on, if you ever need them.
from atwowaydream :
I'm not very young, either, just volatile and prone to ranting in my journal. Sometimes relationship stuff gets tandled in there and it ends up being a mess. Thank you for your caring note, though.
from linguafranca :
Unrelatedly, one of the things that J and I did when we were living in different states was, we had a small book (handmade, but that's not important) that we'd write love letters to each other in, and mail it back and forth to each other. It was wonderful to get it in the mail and now to have it all together in one volume. That in addition to many emails a day + phone calls helped us get through it.
from linguafranca :
Oh, we utterly failed to overlap, it seems. We were still in Memphis then. Not much meandering yet-- checked out a farmer's market, have eaten out a lot, but no real fun stuff yet. So far we like what we've seen, though!
from linguafranca :
Are you still here? I just got your note (spotty Internet on the road).
from trapeze-act :
Thanks for the kind words about LO not walking yet.
from boombasticat :
Bitch-ass Pain in the Bitch will be the name of my new blog which will be a site dedicated to reviewing high school teen movies.
from atwowaydream :
Your raptor/Titanic comment nestled a special place in my heart. Be my Buddy. It's not a demand, of course, more like a warning. And also a question.
from atwowaydream :
He's just snorting too many chemicals. I hope that things go okay for you and G, I know it's a struggle, but sometimes well worth it.
from college-kid :
Hello! I just randomly came across your diary and had a curious twist on your dilemma. Did you perchance see if he/she/it had any other charges? More specifically, breaking and entering? In the area I live in, North Texas, if you break into a residence after 10pm, not only is it a felony but you're also forced to register as a sex offender, regardless of whether people were home at the time. Just something to ponder. :)
from linguafranca :
First of all, if you don't buy it, someone else may come along and buy it next week, and the guy will be completely unaffected one way or another by whether it's you or someone else. If you buy it, sure, worst case scenario is that maybe children in his new neighborhood will be endangered. Let him stay where he is, and children in his old neighborhood may remain endangered. I don't think you can affect the outcomes one way or another. But if what you know and imagine will prevent you from enjoying the house, then that's reason enough not to buy it. No point in buying something that's ultimately just gonna ick you out. I think calling the neighbors is a good idea, though, for the information it'll give you about how you'll be received. That will affect your daily life even after you've made the house entirely your own and forgot all about the previous owner.
from annanotbob :
I think when you buy an old house you have to accept that all sorts of things will be in its past. I also think the babysitter scenario does sound like a reasonable possibility if it was 20 years ago - a guy with a public record is going to be heavily scrutinised. But the question is, how does it make you two feel? Can you live with it or will it creep you out? Do you think stuff lurks? Do you think it can be cleansed? Or do you think it's just a building, which will soon be filled with the happy vibes of you and your girl? xxx
from linguafranca :
Ooh! Thanks for the tip! And a pumpkin festival, too...it's like a little bit of Indiana in Arizona. Who knew I would ever look forward to that?
from linguafranca :
Bats! That's exciting. I love bats, unless they're rabid. In front of a mirror! Why would they do that to people? So wrong. *shudder* I'm sorry I'll miss you-- hope to catch you on one of your visits, although I wouldn't blame you in the least if you decide you want to, you know, visit with G rather than the internet stranger.
from linguafranca :
When will you move? We're going to be arriving in Tucson in late July (move-in date is the 25th). Maybe we'll overlap a bit?
from linguafranca :
Great news, congratulations! But (selfishly), oh phooey! But I suppose you will visit Tucson occasionally, right? Where are you going?
from boombasticat :
Congrats! What's the job?
from leotard :
Thanks! I'm enjoying your writing as well. Long live Diaryland!
from linguafranca :
People keep asking us that! As though we're supposed to know or something! Sometime before August, but since we're dragging ass on getting the house ready to go on the market and are not too optimistic about the speed at which it will sell, probably the last possible minute, i.e. late July. I hope you're still there then! Tell me you'll be there then!
from trapeze-act :
Thanks for the link, it was an interesting read. I'll have to do a bit more research but I'm not too worried. It seems like the 'gel' the psyllium husk forms would help push all the nasty out of the colon, but I'm also not a professional so I could be talking out my ass. Pardon the pun. (;
from friskyseal :
thank you, jessie.
from stepfordtart :
just read that back and it sounded like I was having a pop at you. I wasnt. : ) s x
from stepfordtart :
I dont usually read here (not sure why, we have mutual friends after all!) but I thought I'd just stop by and say WTF?! Surely as a 'holy' type person, you'd have a moral obligation to do good for your subjects, wouldnt you? Not just the ones who will pay you. If you really believed that someone was in danger (spiritually/physically/whatever)and you could prevent it and didnt act cos they hadnt paid you, what sort of person would you be? I dont know you and yours, but that seems wrong to me. s x
from linguafranca :
That's a good way to make the generalization, I think. But I'm afraid you're a bit behind: her first birthday came and went back in January! (I know!) And fortunately we didn't get anything I could complain about. ;)
from evilyoyo :
oh crap! you might be right! let me know what you find out ;)
from trapeze-act :
Bahaha what a weirdo. I was just talking with J the other day about how salesmen just don't know what they're doing anymore. Back in the day they would have been all over your feet in a borderline creepy, but helpful way.
from linguafranca :
No, not unoriginal! A good solution, perhaps. I was thinking of backing it onto paper to make bookcloth (you coat with paste, then flatten onto mulberry paper) and using that to cover the boards. I haven't done a large piece before, and am worried I'll destroy it in the learning process, is all.
from annanotbob :
Your comment made me happier than I can say! Do you facebook? I'm Mills. Hope things are good with you x
from linguafranca :
I know what you mean. You said it very eloquently. For me, the frustration comes in terms of the need to display 'identity'. So all-important, but so artificial. I have no advice about how to get the dissertation done in light of this. Other than, remember, it IS artificial (if reifying). You are who you think you are.
from annanotbob :
Hugs xx
from trapeze-act :
We could be online workout buddies! Report to each other weekly about our exercise and diet. I park far when by myself but with the biebs and how cold it is I try to get a close spot. So what all is your class about?
from boombasticat :
Your pleasure center idea made me laugh. And thanks very much for your nice note. What's your dissertation about, generally? I know they can get pretty specific.
from linguafranca :
I hope you're right about me and Tucson getting along! J reported the flatness; I took his word for it. Maybe just in comparison with Southern Indiana?
from annanotbob :
Yay! write her!! I just saw the previous note which advised no blogging. I'm not so sure about that as a hard and fast rule - I've found that a brief, spew it out, unedited blog can be a useful warm-up for my 'proper' writing brain, especially if I tell it to get busy on my first few sentences while my conscious mind is busy with the blog. x
from annanotbob :
Thanks for the note. Hope you are well xx
from graagh :
Just to say, been there: the dissertation nightmare. It gets better. Focus! No more blogging. Ignore your other things. The good news is: you get your life back in ten days. I used to hangy wristwatch on the doorknob. For some reason, the subconscious thoughts that kept me shying away from my computer would be defeated by "huh? Why can't I leave the room?" ... "Oh yeah, now I remember. I can't leave the room until I've written this section." Give something in, on time. Better than losing out by default! Good luck...
from shot-of-tea :
Heeey there, just to inform you that I'm temporarily locked up, username: shots password: andtea
from jwinokur :
Ok, my trip to Tucson is approaching. (October 16th) Can you email me directly and we can see about meeting up?
from shot-of-tea :
Haha HOW DID YOU GUESS!?
from annanotbob :
Thanks for the comment - I thought I'd left one for you about grief recently, but apparently not. Big hugs to you and your girl tho in these hard times. Teaching college here is tricky - I've done it before but the pay is absolute shite. Our systems (US and UK) are so different - too much for a note! xxx
from annanotbob :
Just wanted to send you a hug. {{{hug}}}
from planetpink :
I just now saw your two comments! I was preoccupied writing the next section of the story. :) And I certainly can see what you mean about the way you'd thought of me. (No arrogance was at all implied, I thought, from your comments!) I do think you're right that I have a lot of those personality traits you described, which is one of the reasons that even *I* find my behavior with respect to Dave so fascinating. I think that I probably constructed myself, on my previous diary, as the person you saw, largely because that's the person I want to be and often think I am. But with romantic relationships, I have definitely not always held myself to my own high standards, and I've put up with a lot of shit that I shouldn't have. I'm actually kind of glad it surprises you, because it's not really the kind of person I want to be. Still, I do think that it has a lot to do with my family background and my sense of really needing love in my life. Since I didn't feel like I'd find anything better, I really felt (and sort of continue to feel) like at least I had SOMETHING to occupy myself, and to occasionally make me feel loved. However, one thing I have yet to talk about is how, after being with Jay, my experiences with Dave sort of became meaningless. I had a perspective I'd never had previously about what was really possible in a loving relationship, and it allowed me to keep more distance between us. I look forward to any further insights you have as the story goes on... I'll be curious to see if you see the "real me" emerge or not. :)
from planetpink :
Heh. That IS interesting. I promise it's me. :) I don't think of my writing on either diary as a "character" (though I understand what you mean by that). I am leading up to talking about my late partner, Jay, so maybe I'll sound more familiar then. :)
from planetpink :
Hi! I used to blog as astralounge. I know it's been a million years, but you'd asked to follow when I started my new blog. Well, I finally did and here it is! Take care! :D
from boombasticat :
Tell me about it. Yikes, right?
from annanotbob :
Thanks xx
from shot-of-tea :
Haha I meant he writes it in texts and stuff. Do you think I am being ever so slightly pernickity?
from evilyoyo :
Ah I LOVE STEINBECK. That said, that book makes me cry every time it. And I agree with you. I changed my mind. I'll be there when my pet is being euthanized. But I need someone to be with me at the time... I'm a chicken at heart.
from linguafranca :
Oh, we won't be moving until next summer. J still teaches here this academic year. I still can't believe we're moving out there...and I still haven't visited! Hope you're still around when I get there (though not if that means you're jobless.) Happy dissertating!
from jwinokur :
Oh, BTW reach me at justin at justin winokur dot com! Also, do you have both of my albums?
from jwinokur :
I'll be in Tucson in October! It would be nice to get to say hi. (Unless you will already be at the wedding I'm attending!) Email me directly!
from killsbury :
I'm right there with reading/yet never updating thing. You shall be my inspiration. I always liked you.
from gomeny :
is everything okay?
from linguafranca :
Ok, here's a harmless email addy of mine: lichenlover at hotmail dot com.
from linguafranca :
Hrm, no, your email bounced back at me, too. I enabled mine day before yesterday-- try again? Or I'll try yours again later too...if we can't get either of them to work it'll be a frustrating quandary...
from linguafranca :
Sure, I have an art blog with lots of pics. Drop me an email and I'll send you the link.
from linguafranca :
Crap, I just left a note and the internet ate it. Reconstructed: Well, that's a more humane solution than some I come up with in the heat of the moment. What I really need is an ammuntion belt type of thing to hold little beanbags, perhaps with jingly things in them (that way I would get that satisfying confirmation of contact). Also with holders for remote controls. Yes, that would be just the thing. Oh, and no, he's not a math prof. But still! You never know!
from linguafranca :
Meant to thank you for all the good info you gave-- looks like I will be getting to use it, just not this year! Arizona won. Fortunately universities vary widely from department to department in how well people get along, and J knows the folks in the new dept pretty well-- so hopefully none of the nasty behavior you allude to will apply. I think it'll be a good situation. Anyway, he's already tenured. :)
from shot-of-tea :
You know, I mean to reply to every note you leave me and also get distracted by something silly (sausages, biscuits... any food stuffs, really) so I am finally remembering to say THANK YOU for them all :) You're always so supportive and every one makes me smile. Hope you're doing well!
from linguafranca :
Well, thanks! Probably not much time for that this trip-- the university folks will probably be keeping us occupied most of the time, we're only going for a couple of days. Should we decide to make the move, I'll be in touch! Any advice about things not to miss during our brief stay?
from linguafranca :
Yes, precisely! We are Tucson-bound (certainly short-term and perhaps long-term as well).
from fireflyez76 :
I randomly came across your diary and decided to leave a note, just because I think it's rude not to. I really enjoyed what I've read so far and too have wondered wth is up with all the fake diaries?! Nice to see there are still some around with actual content!
from teenmommie :
hey there! Been missing you! how've you been love?
from giallothang :
It's been what, 3 years? You still out and about?
from linguafranca :
Thanks-- all good suggestions. I'm not sure though that I can actually tell her I don't want her giving the baby extraneous stuff due to it will turn the kid overly materialistic-- hard to ignore the implication that that must mean I find her overly materialistic. Which isn't _quite_ true. But anyhow. Thanks.
from evilyoyo :
thank you for your kind words!
from graagh :
Hmm, this whole thing about telling your family is very sad to read. I mean, you shouldn't have to apologize or explain yourself. Not at all! You find a human being that you love and who loves you... I really don't see that it's anybody's business but yours. Damn it, why are families so unsupportive at times? Chin up - you've done nothing a reasonable person would condemn you for.
from killsbury :
Thank you for your comment and mostly Thank You for listening.
from linguafranca :
Yeah, it's the raw eggs= listeria risk. But you know, the egg product might just work. I even have a carton of it in my fridge (it's a new thing around the house, & I don't usually use it, myself-- that's my excuse for not even thinking about that option). THANK YOU.
from teenmommie :
hello love(: I personally believe that having a good cry would do you a world of good. Not so much in a lets-give-up-on-everything sort of way, but because, after you've had a proper cry, you manage to clear your head a bit and breathe easier. we're right here for you when you need to rant and scream and throw stuff at <3
from annanotbob :
Hugs, sweetie.
from boombasticat :
I like reading your stuff, too. And, turkey vultures, I think, are pretty common, at least on the east coast. I live in Baltimore.
from annanotbob :
I just loved reading your diary just now. Hugs xxx
from teenmommie :
haha I know exactly what you mean love! (i'm so sorry, all this time I thought you were a guy until the note you just left me. oopsie!) It's funny, but it's frustrating at the same time and then I just realize over again that, maybe I don't really know what I want. And that isn't a very good thing, is it? haha. But I do get annoyed at myself because i always ask, if I did what I did, how can I still want a kid so badly, you know? And then I'm left with this torrent of unanswered questions that I've posed to myself and all I can think is, "Good Lord, I really need a smoke right now!"
from teenmommie :
teehee, I am aren't I? thanks(: It feels good to not be moping around and crying everytime I see a baby smile at me. That very first note you left me helped immensely. So, thank you(:
from annanotbob :
Bollocks. and a big hug xxx
from annanotbob :
Thanks hon. I wouldn't ever use the word 'tragic' about my life as most of it is pretty good. Just having a fucked up mind that fails to appreciate it. It's a win-win thing though - good times are fun but not easy to write about, whereas dog shit and cringing piss you off but leave a funny story. I thought you were on my friends list - did you stop writing for a while? Now I can't add you as the whole thing is fucked up. I'm gibbering here at you to avoid clearing a bit of floor to enable the friends that are on their way to actually enter the house. But I must away. Best wishes and happy thoughts for you and your GF xx
from shot-of-tea :
I suppose it helps with my dork-factor ;) Do you think dungarees should be my new thing? Sure I could make them work somehow...
from trapeze-act :
I hope resolution is in your near future.
from o-twinkle-o :
holy crap .. !
from o-twinkle-o :
thank you for the +fav!
from shot-of-tea :
We have a Foot Locker. I walked past it today. 3 Stupid Points to me.
from shot-of-tea :
BUT I DON'T KNOW IF WE HAVE ANY FOOT LOCKERS IN ENGLAND! We probably do, actually, but I buy all of my shoes from shabby places (and then wonder why they fall apart as soon as the weather woman predicts a chance of a shower). By the by, I fully sympathise with all of your bus-missing, but still agree with you on never running for them. It's embarrassing even if you do manage to catch it.
from killsbury :
Thank you and I shall give it my very best attempt ;)
from shot-of-tea :
Haha thank you (even though I'm not sure whether 'goofy' is a compliment!?). It's not stalky, it's simply that nobody else wishes to talk to me - life is cruel.
from boombasticat :
I'll have to do some homework, because I don't want to butcher the name of the collection or the poem, but it's the first or second one in his early book of love poems. It's short and very nice.
from gomeny :
You can email me at this pers-tvnqj-1262554042@craigslist.org. Me and her used to be really close, but i messed everything up. The last I really heard about her was from a friend, she claimed that geri was married.
from gomeny :
Do you know how moonshine76 is? I hope she is in a really good place in life!
from gomeny :
hahaha, I mean e-mail address
from gomeny :
Most likely I'll be there during the second weekend of august. What do you do for fun now? can I get your mail address?
from gomeny :
I'm glad your marriage end amicably. I have an ex friend who recently went through a divorce. It really seems to be eating up him up. How did you and your girlfriend meet? Are you happy? I used to be a bizzaro pat buchanan; so I probably would've said something really dumb and ignorant, hahahaha. That would be amazing experience teaching at tribal school. I want a career either in investment banking or micro finance. I live in Phoenix. Yet, I might visit an old friend in Tucson during august. We should totally meet up and get a drink or something.
from gomeny :
Itís so nice to hear from you. The feeling is mutual. You were the first ever blog/diary I really got into. God, I used to act a little over the top, and then you would school me. Will be you using your PhD to teach at the post secondary level? Did you marry your life partner? Iím back at school going for my B.S. in business finance. I have paid off all my debt outside of student loans. Just trying to be a better man. What is your opinion of pop science shows like The Universe?
from gomeny :
Wow, you're writing again! So are you a full fledged astronomer now?
from killsbury :
Thank you and back at ya!
from shevdevil :
Hey there, thank you so much for your note :-) I really appreciate what you have to say, as for me being crazy - I guess that's true. I'm just really shy and not all that confident. Hope to hear more from you. P.S. my archives link hasn't been working for ages, can't seem to fix it.
from seattle-rain :
Your tardliness is forgiven! You can make the payment to my paypal account.
from seattle-rain :
Isn't rain amazingly refreshing?:) I was in bed till 1:30 PM today- I love days off!
from seattle-rain :
You may like Obama, but I like you!:) Thanks for the add- it's always exciting to find EXCELLENT new reads.
from evilyoyo :
thank you so much for your kind words :) but nah, i do not plan on dying anytime soon. for any type of reasons. my sickness or because of the fools out there that the cops are too lazy to look into. in fact, i believe (quite possibly incorrectly, although i do not want to test this theory) i am unkillable. eh.. life sucks at times, but if it didn't, we wouldn't know how awesome it can be at the other times :) <-- totally hallmark card worthy!
from teenmommie :
Thank you so much. You have no idea how much that meant to me. Thank you(:
from boombasticat :
Very nice. Makes me want to get up early, too.
from evilyoyo :
thank you! all that matters that there are still people who care :) at least that gives me some hope for our generation :)
from evilyoyo :
hahah! yea, i wish it was just that :) but no, i actually stated what i had stuck in that entry. take care!
from annanotbob :
Hope you're having a great cruise. Thanks for the lovely card xxx
from sparkspark :
I'm sorry to hear this, and I wish you peace and many, many things to be thankful for. XO Violet
from shevdevil :
So sad to hear about your relationship troubles. I don't quite understand what has happened, but I wish you all the best. If you need to talk, get in touch. x
from shot-of-tea :
Thank you m'lovely (oh and a belated thank you for the birthday note as well! I am so slack with note-replying thse days), I was pondering whether including a little reference to this here blog would be of any use. They wouldn't have to know that it only largely involved talk of biscuits and shopping, would they? ;)
from graagh :
Interesting question about genetic material, gay parenthood and the grandparents. I think you /might/ find life a little more complicated. Supppose, for example, that both mothers (naturally) want to keep their child close at hand. The guys don't necessarily obtain their 'share' of the bargain... and who can say, until you feel the bond with your children? You also have the great 'sit-com' potential of both being heavily pregnant at the same time! I don't think any of this will bother the child or children (no guarantee you get two). Kids are incredibly robust, and will get used to anything: an extended family unit? No problem! I'm sure cave-men lived like that. My dad had to run to school with a steel helmet on his head because the German air force was trying to kill him... and he turned out reasonably normal. The grandparents may have some difficulties overcoming their taboos, but I think you need to be firm with them. And you /really/ need to make sure that your relationships last. Probably moreso than other parents. Still, your idea made me smile. 21st century families!
from astralounge :
Hahaha! Thanks for the heads up in my notes. I would have seen the guestbook entry sooner or later... I actually just checked it earlier today. But the note helped me see it right away! And now I do remember you, yes! Did you used to have a layout with photos of a starry sky? Anyhow, yep, I'm still around, believe it or not. Seems like just about everyone I know has jumped the diaryland ship, but not me! :) And thanks for your kind words... yeah, it's been a rough couple of years. :( But I'm making it, which I guess is all anyone can ever really ask. Anyhow, good to see you around and I'll be sure to stop back and check in! I think your idea for having kids with your brother is really cool, BTW! (Ok, not having kids *with your brother* obviously, but you know what I mean!!) :)
from astralounge :
You know me? :) Am I supposed to remember you? I'm sorry that I don't!! O.O How do you know me? And I'm ok... how the heck are you? :)
from onepinksock :
this friday. thank you for the greetings. :)
from annanotbob :
Hello - I just read a few entries, back to the one about the hands and which is worse. I experienced it the other way round - first one I loved, then one who loved me. They're both lonely places. Wishing you all the best xx
from graagh :
Who is there to advise you on this? Well, not me... you don't need advice from somebody who barely knows you. But I'm rooting for you and sending positive thought-wave karma-thingies.
from onepinksock :
then i suppose i am waiting for that significant moment, rather than mumbling it as i fall asleep. of course, a whole other part of me is reluctant to say anything for fear of scaring her off or a damning silence. meh.
from onepinksock :
the right time, i guess
from sparkspark :
XO and thanks for adding me!
from graagh :
Re: "She came out to her family..." Hooray! Even if I don't know very much about your circumstances, it seems like a very good thing. There's an old joke that if you lend $20 to a person and you never see them again, you probably got a bargain. Likewise, I think if you come out to your family and they're assholes, it can't have been much of a family to begin with. So all the best to you both.
from raven72d :
She came out to her family about you--- I don't know any of the backstory, but the act seems courageous and done with love.
from onepinksock :
thanks for reading! glad you are enjoying my life. :)
from raven72d :
Indeed.
from raven72d :
Visceral... I'll have to think...
from raven72d :
Thank you for the encouragement. I do need to live life...or at least be able to enjoy it.
from raven72d :
Other than the cat--- how is life?
from raven72d :
Did you get a replacement phone? You should at least go buy a pre-paid phone...
from raven72d :
I'm not sure. I've had a certain degree of success on paper--- doctorate, law degree, teaching, scholarships. But I've never felt like I belong anywhere, and I've never had the one kind of success I've craved: the feeling that girls found me valuable.
from graagh :
Viva las Vegas! Have fun... and buy yourself a nice new iPhone with all your winnings. Red fourteen. That's all I'm saying. Not much help if you're playing Blackjack, of course...
from polarity :
this was great! i'm still fascinated by the way lives twist and turn, one small choice can lead to a totally different path. thank you for sharing.
from polarity :
just taking the rough with the smooth, OJ. waves of discontent have become my soul food on days like these. the tide wil turn. :p hope you are looking up and smiling.
from raven72d :
Syllabus writing is utterly depressing. When I taught, I'd just do a vur' brief outline: areas covered for each exam, chapters assigned, grading scale. I loved lecturing, but hated the admin stuff. And I will check your archives...
from raven72d :
via shot-of-tea, i think. i'm a compulsive reader of bibliographies and footnotes, and i will link from notes to diaries to see what entries are like.
from raven72d :
you're a vur' intriguing discovery...
from graagh :
A sincere welcome back. It was great to hear from you. Your life sounds good... enjoy all those possibilities! (Hmm, gotta get a cat...)
from shot-of-tea :
Hello! Thank you very, very much you kind, albeit slightly deluded soul... I one day hope to be as good as Harry Potter ;) And hurrah, another person who says hot damn! I assume you can get away with it though as you appear to be American or some such nationality, and I am just a twat.
from polarity :
Thanks for dropping by. You write beautifully. So glad you found me. I will be browsing your archives.
from graagh :
Hey Jessie! You once published a poem about covering the moon with your outstretched finger... it has haunted me ever since (although I don't have a copy, so my memory may be at fault...) Glad to see you back, and expecting great things!
from graagh :
You've updated? After all these years? Wow... Remember me? I'd have looked to see what you had to say for yourself, but it's private :( Hope all is well. Keep on looking outwards! Best wishes, Richard / Graagh
from argos67 :
hi outer-jessie. i met you four years ago and was having a hell of a time with my life. you helped me through most of my challenging issues, and you were more than a thousand miles away. i just want to say thank you again. i remember you told me once that most of my peers would mature by the time we reach our senior year and that popularity wouldn't be life or death. although it didn't seem like it at the time, i listened to you, and i couldn't be more thankful for it now. although that sounds silly and trivial-how i thought that that is, but it has really helped. thank you so much...oh, and i guess i should tell you who i am. my name is megan, and then, i went under the username of soapypjs, if that rings any bells. <3
from giallothang :
Hi sweetie. It's looking like work will not be sending me to AZ any time soon but I might be able to work out a visit. I'm glad that you commented on our awkwardness and it's reason. All this time I thought it was because you were disappointed in how I looked. (remember that it was 30 pounds and quite a bit of yoga ago) Thank you also for your comments in my diary. It's comforting to know that you're still out there. I've missed you.
from graagh :
Hi Jessie! How nice to hear from you. While I understand that you may not be back 'to stay', it's great that you stopped by. Congratulations on getting wed... while you've been away, I proposed to R, but she said "not yet." *sigh* Don't worry too much about the image of 'wifedom'. It's what you make of it. (Last weekend - in the UK - R and I saw a woman laden with child and shopping, walking ten paces behind her unencumbered husband. It was a shocking reminder that even within a democracy, the most fundamental freedoms and courtesies are denied to some people. I may not be the most considerate human being on the planet, but it's comforting to think that worse people than me are married.) Anyway, I hope you'll choose to rejoin the Diaryland community. If not, I'll look forward to occasional surprise visits. Rxx
from regz :
JESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Holy mother of... where did you come from?! Who cares! Glad you stopped by.... Was just thinking how long it had been and who I used to know round these parts. Tuscon, huh? If you see an English girl walking around an empty, dusty piece of ground with large bits of paper, it's probably a friend of mine, out in Tuscon on an exchange visit, studying architecture at the university. Anyhoot. Hope you're well and that you'll be back soon!
from socialpuppet :
I miss you!!! e-mail me please
from soapypjs :
i know you prolly don't want to get stuff anymore, but i have a question. when you were my age, did you ever struggle to um, this is hard, to make up your mind for the rest of your life. cuz i am so confused. i want to be a cardiovascular technichian, but everyone is telling me to just go for med school, to become a doctor. i don't want to, but the only way they seem to approve of me doing is what they suggest. i know medical school isn't for me, but they don't understand that and believe they only thing that matters is money and stature. i want to be something and someone who no one wants me to be, and it's tying me down because i'm losing myself in the process. i'm so confused with where i am going in life, and people are telling me different things, and i'm falling apart all over. my grades are slipping and it feels like my brain is slipping away as well. please help me if you can.
from faecat :
someone emailed my husband a link to my diary last night. will relocate. will let you know.
from soapypjs :
you are always so often! loves and hugs!
from pigment :
hey nebula, trees, radiohead... I know what you mean! Do you know the Horsehead nebula? Somewhere in Nasa website, or here (i put it in my website...): http://www.pigment-digital.net/links.htm. Beautifulest picture of the world... i think.
from silleehed :
so when were you in arizona? i lived there for 5 years before moving here. sorry about your loss. i hope next week is better. -c
from sweetnsmple :
Hey outer-jessie, do you remember me? The one who can't decide on her future? well, anyway, i wrote a poem and i was wondering if you can go read it and drop me a note. The poem is in one of my diary entries. I'll talk to you (hopefully) soon. bye meghan
from silleehed :
you are really cracking me up today. weddings shouldn't be stressful. anyway, we can talk about it more if you like. i'm 26, got married 3 years ago. moved to boston 2 years ago. anything else you wanna know? pookiekoon@netscape.net -c.
from silleehed :
i forgot you were getting hitched. i'm hitched mehself. pretty good deal, i think. glad you got yr undies back. -charlotte
from silleehed :
hi. thanks for dropping in. you're my first messager! i was not offended in the least. if i knew even a smidge about html, i would spruce up a bit. soon. it's on my looooong list of things to do. but for now, you'll just have to be entertained by my blurbies. i'll try to keep it oh, so fascinating. cheers, charlotte
from graagh :
Thanks for the input, Jessie! It's good to know that at least one of my diarypals is still dropping by. You're right that saving is dull. In fact, it's downright stupid at the moment, especially if buying shares! Think I shall buy something frivolous. Money like that should be easy come, easy go, right? A set of stainless steel sporks... hmm...
from regz :
Well Jessie, I was told that I was an accident right after I got dumped by her. So it wasn't in a pleasant way... broke my heart. Your accident was much happier by the sound of it! All the best, you linguistic minimalist you. ~ Graeme.
from marn :
Why thank you kindly. You can NEVER make too much fuss about a birthday, eh?
from found-her :
Ah yes, I was alive all this time, I fooled you all . Not only that but I have tales about washing that I did in a machine!! Oh yes the medication is working! kissy kiss x
from soapypjs :
Jessie, God, i wish i could just express my fathomless gratitude to you. you have made yourself my role model since our first e-conversation. i remember that cold day in october, there was just about every house hold cleaner mixed in a glass waiting for me in the bathroom. i was nervous and full of anxiety. i wanted to find somebody to talk to, i had nowhere to go. i had never been in a chat room before, so i thought, "hell, might as well try, what do i have to lose that's not already on the line?" since then i've grown so much, you've taught me so much from your diaries, you have steered me clear of the path i might have taken if not for that day. thank you Jessie, i'm living now, and i'm happy, and i have a lot to contribute to you. Thank you.
from found-her :
Hey thanks!! Now I can go to the Disney store and ask a lady to give me crabs! :-ř
from foduck :
HEHE WHY DOES YOU ARGUE WITH LITTLE GIRLS ABOUT BACK STREET BOYS? THE INSULTS DON'T REALLY HAVE A GOOD TRANSLATION BUT MAYBE "STUBBORN GOAT" IS THE BEST WAY TO PUT IT. ALL THE BEST FODUCK
from twinarrows :
jessie!!!!!! ahhhhhh!!!!!!!! must check your e-mail!!!!!!! important question!!!!!!! no, i dont want you to marry me, silly... how many times have i told you i don't like you like that, you freak..... no, but really, i need your councelling......... daffydaffydaffydaffy/skfglk slim signing out brrhaggghahaga byebeyebyebeebey
from kittykat202 :
hey jessie wazzup?
from twinarrows :
you never read little bear?! by maurice sendak?! author of where the wild things are?! who's main character also shared the name 'max'?! gasp woman, i'm shocked! well, paddington is cute i guess, but still can't hold a candle to little bear... nick jr. eventually bought the rights to little bear, and cheapened him terribly... but the original books and illustrations by maurice sendak are the cutest goddamn things you'll ever see... here's a picture of nick jr.-ized little bear, so he's far from his usual state of cuteness, but maybe it'll jog your memory... http://www.hammonshall.com/new/events/family/little%20bear/littlebear.html thanks for your response, and your uncannily kind comment! hope you're having a great day! max
from twinarrows :
i'm sorry, one more note... when i wrote "crazt" in that last note, i couldn't help but remember that conversation and crack up again... egads, that was funny! i remember we were just shooting off insults at each other, and i meant to call you a crazy wench, or something... the point was, the insult had nothing to do with the word "crazy"... but i misspelled it as crazt, and your next line was indignant, but said nothing besides: "crazt?!" hahahahahhaa! my god, that's hilarious! you honestly have one of the best senses of humor i've ever known (to say NOTHING of being the funniest girl i've ever known!)... you rock
from twinarrows :
cheat at twister, eh? fat chance, you crazt wrench! well, actually, i have personal space issues, so you'd never catch me playing twister unless two big ogres killed me and were trying to prop my body into maniacal twister positions, laughing and snorting and drooling as my poor, lifeless husk is contorted and warped in a sick, pretzeline manner... ewwwww... [max shudders, not so much at the thought of the ogres but at the thought of playing twister]... but jeff is SO far from over-stepping her bounds, believe you me... hey! i have a great idea! on friday, i get out of class at 10am, so i'm going to go to her work and bring her lunch! eh? eh? whattaya think? does my plan get the jessie stamp-o-approval? well, i better get back to writing this blasted paper... nice to hear from you (sweety) [gasp! what did he just say?!] relax, it was only to be annoying... max
from soapypjs :
hey jessie!!! thanx for the notes and all the hope. keep hope alive? i wrote it myself, now its bugging me to do it more often. but really. i am confused. everyone is saying that things will play off. but this has been going on for a while. things get better, then get drastically worse. is there a happy median? my trust is in you, jessie, you are the first person i ever met here.u have inspired me so much. and at times, changed the way i thought by your diaries. and i'm sure you do look beautiful at harvard, like the half naked lady on the clam. so thank you for everything. you are a wonderful person. :-)
from soapypjs :
jessie, what possessed you to come and check out my stuff? i haven't heard from you in like two months. wow, you completely amaze me with all the encouragement you have given me. i have been so lost and confused lately, and its great to know i have wonderful people like you that support me, and help me along the way. wow. that really lifted my spirits. but did you just casually got bored or something? it's been such a long time! well, thanx jessie, smiles to the first one i ever met here. :-) love.
from twinarrows :
damn you [twinarrows hangs head pathetically]
from twinarrows :
oops! did i say "max" in that last note i left you? my anonimity has been all but washed away!!!! blast!!!! uhh... i meant "max" as in "maximum twinarrows".... hehe, yeah, that's the ticket... that's what i meant... not like my name is max or anything! haha! heavens no! i scoff at any fool with such a name! hear me scoff! [twinarrows scoffs maliciously]... damn, i doubt i'm fooling you... i'm just so used to sending e-mails that i toss that "max" in at the end of everything... blast
from twinarrows :
egads, you added me?! but why? my diary has always been such tripe! blast... you know, now i feel somewhat obligated to actually put something worth reading in there... see what you've done, young lady?! you've got me working! i don't want to be working! but alas... alright then... i appreciate you extending such a compliment, and i'll have you know that from now on, i'll actually put some effort into this bloomin' thing, in an attempt to vindicate your rash actions... oh, and one more thing: what did you mean by "(poke)... (poke, poke)..."? call me daft, but i'm afraid i don't get it... was it a prompting of sorts? i'm dyin' here! max
from soapypjs :
jessie! i'm so glad i finally found you! me and that demented cat are tired of randomly getting on and asking people on the chat rooms if they know you, she probably never did, but i did, and i begged her to, so that counts as something. i'm so glad i have an older kewler person i can look up to, since i am only one of the many of highschoolers lost in this world of fake sincerety. please help me. i wrote in one of my diaries that i was still searching for you and that you're my hope and junk. you are so kewl! never lose track of me-please, i desperately beg like a puppy looking for food.
from twinarrows :
bwahahaha! [diabolical laugh]... so, i seem to have found your secret layer, my friend jessie... i'll have you know that this is the beginning of the end for the likes of yourself... by the way, i LOVE vonnegut... maybe your partiality to good literature will be your salvation, but don't get your hopes up [another diabolical laugh... this time somewhat more dastardly]... talk to you later
from outer-jessie :
I'm leaving myself a note. I'm sick of seeing that same note every time I open this page. Love, Jessie
from littlesuga :
im so sorry! but when i said that i was j/k! sorry!!!!!!!!!!!! :(
from taxidriver :
thank you for that fantastic cheesejoe interlude! you made my entire day, seriously. now i will have something to smile about for the rest of the night. you're awesome.
from plastroncafe :
Hee hee hee. Gender non specific.
from littlesuga :
sexy stud
from rectangle :
How come no one ever leaves me notes? I feel so unloved. Anyway hi.
from witchgirl :
Thanks for adding me to your favorite diaries list (although I'm boring as hell :), but I don't understand the comment...help =) Karen
from plastroncafe :
Hey Jessie, I don't think my site is netscape compatible. And knowing your employer like I do, I think that's the browser you use. So you should be able to see it in all it's glory if you use internet explorer.
from plastroncafe :
Hey Jessie, I don't think my site is netscape compatible. And knowing your employer like I do, I think that's the browser you use. So you should be able to see it in all it's glory if you use internet explorer.
from jaundiceface :
Hey, outer-Jessie, i got to your diary through Amy-Blushings Diary; i also live in the city and am not that into it. But hey we ar ebpoth into radiohead have you ever heard of a band called Onslaughtshitfuck they're really good and if you you're into radiohead's b-side's such as faithless wonderboy, lewis mistreated, etc... then you'll love them, cuz they're a radiohead b-side cover band and they rock sooooo hard. Point being check out my new diary and let's keep in touch. peace.
from found-her :
Well if it means anything (which it probably doesn't) I think you'll make friends no problem! Anyway, I'll be yer mate!
from found-her :
Can I just say how nice it was to speak with your cousin tonight!
from found-her :
ooh, I'm a bit drunk, can't you just mail me!! Go on, you know you want to!
from found-her :
Well that's clearly no use, I need my penguin time! Have you considered how public and odd this conversation is? :-ř
from found-her :
Hmm, what kind of luggage are we talking here? Is it leather sexy luggage or a battered old cloth case? Will it be big enough for me to also smuggle a penguin in with me (not the biscuit, the animal) Saying that, youíre not good with animals, I see youíre letting fish starve
from found-her :
Me getting a Visa would involve me being far less of a lazy bugger and with the whole marriage thing, donít you think your boyfriend or my wife would have something to say about that? (In my case sheíd probably say, take herÖ I canít take anymore of the madness!!!) The whole contact details just falling off your page, thatís exactly what happened to me! I mailed the people at diaryland but they didnít respond, Iíll see them hung for this! Hmm, wait, itís an American thing, youíll have to get them, good luck!
from found-her :
I'm really not in the habit of hitting people (honest!)Penguin biscuits are made by Mcvities (do you have them there?) anyway, they have chocolate on the outside and kinda chocolate bream inside a biscuity centre! I like the thought of someone having a fancy for all things Scottish (sorry, that's my wishful thinking) Finally, you get me my Visa and we'll be there! Do you know your contact thing isn't working? FH x
from littlesuga :
hey o found u!! well cool profile .luff ya
from o-jasmine-o :
:X heeellloooooo 'member me outer? ;) :X nice chatting to you :) xxx

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