messages to shesajar:
(click here to add new message):

from candoor :
it took me forever, but now I wana know where you are... hoping it's not too late :)
from naivecurve :
i'm back.
from redsapphire :
I tend to be rather scarce, but I do enjoy looking you up from time to time, if you don't mind.
from bsmtapt :
Let me know where you are at now. Word.
from jevon :
Send me the link! Or else!
from brdwaybebe :
Hiya dahlink! I'd love the address to your new place of thought posting! ;)
from blucollarboy :
Thank you for the nice words.
from meli-melo :
Wow - you would really make me one? Um, now I feel all shy and stuff. The colours I like the most are pink and black. I also like the long one that you can wrap around your neck many times. I think the thin ones are cool because even though it is also warming up here it is still Canada and I could see myself putting one of those on for a cool day in July. Of course, that could just be Alberta - it has snowed here in August before.
from trumpzero :
This is Verdine. I have a temporary new diary and big news. Hope you'll visit.
from gumphood :
I just got your name. She's a-jar. Like your open. Man. Now I feel wicked stupid!
from meli-melo :
Aw, thanks. That is the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a while. Of course, seeing as I have been home all day and the Mister is STILL asleep it is the only thing anyone has said to me today. :) If you are looking for a picture I posted one a while back so check the archives for "A Picture?" I think it was an entry on February 27th or so. I hope to post more someday but just getting that one up was a whole lot of effort. However, I love diaries with lots of pictures (like yours) and so I hope to join the cool photo kids someday. Thanks for the note and I hope you update soon!
from janna182 :
Darling girl! You're a total catch, too!
from verdine :
Bless your heart, darlin'. My life is just a barrel of mandrill baboons right now. Afternoon tea with you would be just the ticket to improve my outlook.
from tandeetaylor :
I enjoy your diary very much too. I'm in Las Vegas, not by design, I was just born here. How about you? Tigerknight is great. He's also more intelligent or just more knowledgeable than I am, so I suppose I can learn interesting things from him. He's certainly had great experiences. Anyway, thanks for the tip. Bye bye for now.
from humanspirit :
Hey! I am so glad you are having a great time in your life lately!....I know, its been a while since we last talked, but it is good to hear (well, read) you have exciting things going on. Be safe and have a great time on your road trip!
from boogityx2 :
I am so drunk. You rule a lot.
from sirrybeans :
Hi there! I'm so happy for ya. From the read it sounds as though you have had the most amazing couple of weeks. And taking some well deserved time off can't be that bad. Have fun in Arcata. Be careful! Look both ways.
from neangel :
OOh you go girl w/ the girl! ;-) those are adorable shoes! and it sounds like you've had so much fun lately. I'll be in SD not this weekend but next!
from neangel :
But of course I think I can make time to meet up w/ a d-lander! I'll let you know when!
from funda :
This is a test. (beep) This is a test of the Emergency Valentine's Day System. (EVS) This test is to see if leaving notes around DLand will make this a wonderful day (and weekend) in spite of not particularly being with anyone romantically at the moment. (ummm) May the results be that all this love in my heart found some productive use. (smile) And maybe a giggle or few (Happy V-Day from my other persona too :)
from neangel :
you're silly. thanks for the joke. how you been darlin?
from invisibledon :
clicked on your banner nice page
from janna182 :
I wondered if that might be it. That song is from their second album, "Burn and Shiver." (and, i used that lyric in an entry back when jonny and i had our falling out) They came out with another album last September, which is different from the other two, it has more... I'm not sure exactly what, but it is different. I like it, though.
from janna182 :
YES! What are you doing next weekend? You should email me your phone number.
from elipsis :
yes! and i have been listening to it and thinking of things to put in a return gift for you for a while. i'm sorry it's taking so long... i have really appreciated the music. thank you. :)
from gumphood :
http://ww12.e-tractions.com/snowglobe/globe.htm
from neangel :
love the shoes! they would go perfectly w/ that outfit too!
from jcruelty :
internet porn? i didn't know girls were into that!
from neangel :
Ooh lalala are they too big to send via email? I only have im at work right now & don't think it'd be best to receive them here. ;-)
from jbtsugar89 :
If you'd like access, just e-mail me with your name and password you'd like.
from neangel :
i will host your diary template images if you want me too! let me know if you get the PH sex tapes! I wanna see them too! ;-)
from gumphood :
For some reason...I felt like I wanted to tell you something about Mr. Roboto. Maybe that he's Kilroy... I don't think thats it.
from moonrattles :
I love Don McLean and Iron and Wine, too. Thanks for your sweet message. I saw in the paper today that the comic convention was happening this weekend. I wanted to go, but J is working. ah well. It reminded me of your stories of the convention, but I am not so outgoing. Would have liked to go, though. You are so sweet, M. thanks again.
from laura-jane :
No ifs ands or buts: email just your current mailing address (but don't get too excited) to [email protected] RIGHT NOW. Thank you..!
from velcroface :
Doesn't it make you very happy that so many people are interested in you?
from tigerknight :
am better, and grateful for your concern. Thank you for caring.
from mammas-pills :
Just stopping by...I clicked one of your banners...Nice Mononoke costume. :) I love those movies. Well, just wanted to etch a little mark...take care, J.
from boyfromks :
You look hot in that costume. Oh, yes, indeed.
from clam0391 :
Why is it so interesting to you thatI live in Philippines? You're welcome to email me direct, [email protected] you say nothing about the fires, hope you are OK (haven't looked at your diary today though)
from brdwaybebe :
Hi honey, it's been a little while since we've talked but I wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and my prayers. I hope you're doing well. Please email me at [email protected] sometime if you have time. Take care sweetie! Love Christy
from jcruelty :
i was captain of the love boat
from neangel :
i don't know what happened! my email @ diaryland just erased somehow before I got to print out my trade cd address. could you please send it to ob1angel at yahoo dot com? that is my main email. thanks.
from clam0391 :
Just another note to tell you that we chain our dogs in the yard if there are strangers about or visitors coming in and out. Could you do that? At night, and sometimes during the day, they are set free and have the run of the lot, which is securely fenced, but we don't allow them into the house much. In the evening when R and I sit outside in the front porch, our dogs come to us for petting and talking to. Every morning early I take them a short walk.
from clam0391 :
About Holden, see my comment in your diary, wish I cd help but can only offer moral support.
from janna182 :
But of course! The website is www.radiok.org, and my usual shift is from Tuesdays from 1-4pm your time. This late shift was a one-time thing.
from gumphood :
whats going on with you lately. Give me some bass.
from lifelong8040 :
it doesn't matter what he does. He's an actor (as are most politicians) and California just happens to be the home of Hollywood and movies. It only makes sense. Hell, I dont even live in CA, my ex girlfriend does.
from lifelong8040 :
It's not an argument. It's what most people aparently feel. Duh! Since he won ya know.
from lifelong8040 :
GO ARNOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
from bsmtapt :
(I'm done 'Trial and Death' but I've only just started The Republic.)
from bsmtapt :
I've just started Plato as well for my political theory class, so I'm not sure if my background is much more substantial at all, but if you ever have any questions ask away.
from off--kilter :
Your banner caught my attention...and your entry reminded me of one of my all-time favorite breakfast places: Big Kitchen!!! When I lived in Los Angeles, my best friend and I would get up really early and drive all the way down to San Diego just to be charmed by Judy out in the back patio amidst her wild plants and vines. The fresh salsa...kick-ass coffee cake...kona coffee (first cup only!)... Yummy. Now I'd have to leave the day before since it's over 1100 miles away!
from mcdiary :
Wow, you seem full of awesome--and another Californian (I'm mostly from Santa Monica)! Boof!
from officegal :
i love your banner!
from laura-jane :
I know..! I actually read about your mix tape swap about a week ago, got excited, but then realized that my taste in music sucks. Plus, I don't have a tape player hooked up that can record, nor do I have a CD burner. Sigh. But thank you for thinking of me, and if you ever organize anything else via the mail, I will be the absolute first to sign up; I promise. Take care, and, as always, I enjoy your diary. (Oh. And you impress me with wondrous political commentary. Sometimes I feel like I am not political enough to be a Poli Sci major. I mean it in earnest; I am always interested in what you have to say, and agree with most everything that you stand for.) <3 Laura-Jane
from and-then :
I would* really like it, except that both my tape player and my cd burner are broken at the moment. But thanks for letting me know.
from lizardnuts :
I'm taking a break from posting online until I get my life in order. As soon as I've set up shop again, I'll let you know. You're still a favorite read, so I'm not totally gone. ...cheers!
from lunaua :
The funny thing to me is that people scrutinize every little thing that Bush does and says and yet in the case of our last president, who set a beautiful example of how to be morally bankrupt, the whole world was all to eager to let it go. Forget the adultery, no one cares about that. He still LIED UNDER OATH which is an impeachable offense no matter what the lie was about and should've been thrown out on his ear. When the chips are down, the majority of American voters have a lot of respect and admiration for the way that Bush has handled things. We'll be seeing him around for quite some time.
from lunaua :
#1 from you're most recent entry... 3 easy pieces, etc. Numbers 2 & 3: yeah, okay the money goes out the window... Nothing we haven't heard before. For number one, he obviously was not laughing at 3,000 dead Americans... Back to the original statement: Give a guy a break.
from lunaua :
In response to #1, Give a guy a break already...GEEZ!
from greentealeaf :
hMm .. you seem to be an interesting person. (especially when i know none of the bands you listed under 'favourite music') thought i'd let you know .. ;)
from dust-settle :
hey clicked here from your banner. great diary and lovely new tattoo. take care.
from gumphood :
ho ho ho
from boyfromks :
Hee hee hee.
from boyfromks :
I give twee a bad name?!?! I'll simply point you to track 3 of the CD I made for you, er, Mike, er, you, er, whatever. Three words: big, pointy, ears. :p
from janna182 :
That rocks! I wish the activists on my campus were as cool. They're all pretty lame.
from jevon :
Hey, hows it going? It's pretty fun here, but just my luck, there's supposedly a hurricane coming our way. Great. Just great. I've been here a day, but it seems as if all of my friends are just too busy to do anything. It's all right, I can understand, but it feels kind of bad when all your friends bail on you when you come six thousand miles to see them. Yeah. Didn't mean to spill all that out here. Um.. sorry for leaving so abruptly, I blame it on a poor laptop battery and Earthlink's free trial membership of their dialup service. Take care.
from velcroface :
I miss Holden. I visited my brother Dennis and he has a chihuahua/Italian greyhound mix named Nervous Pete. He's a very nervous, gentle and loving dog. Hope all is well.
from gumphood :
I didn't start it, I just distrubted it. Anniewait 18 started it.
from gumphood :
knowing that I loved to read the answers to the questions that I handed out, I will notify you that yours are up and posted. Hopefully you will enjoy them darling. They were really good.
from kitten42 :
could i get 5 questions done???
from penguinwhore :
hi! i know this is really random, but i saw on your ad you had a ex dog drawing, and in your diary too. i just started a drawing site of my own, thats kinda ex dog inspired. you shhould check it out! http://turtleduck.org -clare
from verdine :
And here, for you, are five! 1. Can you remember when music started to mean something to you beyond pretty sounds? 2. If you could choose to be anyone else in your next life, whom from history or popular culture would you choose? 3. Do you remember your dreams, and if so, what are your dreams like? 4. What is your opinion of cloning? 5. If women could grow beards, would you shave or have a beard/mustache/muttonchops?
from verdine :
You got it, doll! I'll come up with five for you and get back to you ASAP.
from verdine :
You got it, doll! I'll come up with five for you and get back to you ASAP.
from funda :
of course I should be sleeping, but here I am wandering around even though I'll be doing 24 hour babbling tomorrow across at least four different sites (and how many times can we crash a computer in a day?)... I am altogether too silly tonight to be reading your seriousness, but luckily you have a sense of humor that can make grumpy cartoon characters laugh, so all is good, and well, and luckily, I'm no facist.
from pigment :
HI! May i thank you? a lot? Plus, I really loved the episode one... Are you the one who did it?
from funda :
This requires further exploration (looks like fun).
from missused :
I love your banner! I really hope you didn't make that little conversation up to go with the picture, because then it wouldn't be so funny. But then again, I'd have to give you props for being so clever. Good work!
from jcruelty :
penny-arcade is hilarious! and yeah the sim mafia thing is strange... especially since it's occurring in a MMORPG with no player killing. hard to have a mafia when there's no violence possible.
from honkytonk13 :
it nice to see some one that like Mr. Clowes work
from ericintervw :
Hello, I hope you are doing fine. I posted your interview and it's located right here: http://ericintervw.diaryland.com/030701_77.html Hope you are doing well and maybe we can share a meal someday =)
from fireflea :
I'm absolutely delighted that my last diary entry made you giggle. And thanks even more for telling me so; your kind words made my day! =)
from boyfromks :
Have I mentioned that I like the new hair?
from moonrattles :
M, I read and loved the posting about going to target with your mother today. Shortly after I read it I found your testimonial. Such nice things! I don't know how, but I want to say thanks. Thanks for seeing through the bitching and drunkenness and insecurity, thanks for seeing through all the complaints and rambles. I wanted to send you a message through the site, but it developed problams right away. Thanks anyway, though. You make me feel good. B
from spacemuppet :
You did the right thing... beyond the right thing. Hearing situations like yours really depresses me, knowing how important issues get buried in the desperate need to politically capsize someone. I've got your back, kid.
from laura-jane :
Melissa! Thank you for the wonderful puzzle postcard; you made my day..! I shall absolutely be sending you one in return. Happy paper writing (if that's at all possible)...
from boogityx2 :
Happy birthday! Had I but known, I would have... I dunno, finished that banner or something. Or emptied your dishwasher.
from raven72d :
Lovely photos... And I do like the little Stick Guys. Wherever are they from? Keegan on WW-1... fine book, really. My doctoral field was late Habsburg Monarchy; WW-1 is vur' much something I think about. A bleakly funny musical about it-- "Oh What a Lovely War"... Bitter but dead on in many ways... Though I keep thinking of July 1914... Conrad and the Monarchy's leadership determined not to appear week, determined to take their last chance to stop the Serbs; Wilhelm terrified of seeming weak in front of his generals; the German generals too locked into the Schlieffen Plan and too scared to risk anything else; the French pushing the Russians to stand up for the Serbs... Al Stewart wrote a song, once-- "And the tsar in his great Winter Palace/Is reading the foreign news/Seems an archduke was shot down in Bosnia/But else, nothing much..."
from verdine :
Happy happy HAPPY birthday, dear girl! I can't believe you're only 22. Cheers to you, and many happy returns!
from facepunch :
ahahahahahaha model UN=rpg; CLASSIC......p.s. hiya.
from boogityx2 :
I will gladly make you a banner or banners, but I should warn you - I'm not nearly as good at making awesome banners as I am at insulting the banners of others.
from moonrattles :
I tried to email you at diaryland.com, but my message bounced. Email me at [email protected] Thanks, B.
from jcruelty :
that's the last straw. i'm firing my factchecker IMMEDIATELY.
from starlight99 :
yes indeed, hugs are always wonderful. since we can't give each other real ones I'll give you the next best thing: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/hug.php :)
from blam :
by the way, I'll be in San Diego in July for the Comic-Con...any urge to meet up and say hi? drop me a line via my journal (email's in there) if ya feel like it.
from blam :
Oh, hush...I'm not smart; I'm just paying attention. (You're the one with the book smarts to understand alla this crap, remember?)
from boogityx2 :
Winamp 3 does suck. I have 2.something with the awesome "Steel_This_Amp" skin and it is lovely. Also, thanks for visiting and stuff.
from blam :
Ajarajar, your diary is insightful and a joy to read, always giving me a kick in my complacency whenever I think I understand the political forces around me. Keep it up fo-evah.
from boyfromks :
We'll miss you while you're gone! Have fun!
from starlight99 :
dearest Sajar, you are the loveliest of lovers, my sweet. i'll probably be at work by the time you finish your dances with the sugarplum faeries, but, fear not, i leave you with a *smooch* another *smooch* and yet more *smooches* - SM
from boyfromks :
How did you get so cool?
from jcruelty :
t s o is kinda lame, but dont tell anybody i told you! i think they're making it better w/ auctions and whatnot... in another 6 months my verdict may change. hope all's well.
from angrybuddha :
Is it just me, or are humans really loony? But not loony in a loony toony way... more loony in a sick perverted kinda way. Thanks for the note, Jarhead :-)
from verdine :
Thank you so much for your sweet note! You really know how to make a person feel worthwhile. BTW, your Q&A between Peacenik and Warmonger really puts the whole thing in a nutshell. I feel like printing it out and giving a copy to everyone I know who's not sure how they feel about the war. I hope you have some idea how beautiful and brilliant you are.
from boyfromks :
Ruby shoes? Only if they're open-toe 3" heels with ankle straps.
from elipsis :
hopefully..:) i just have to set aside some time to create something new. by the way.. thank you for sharing your political conscience in here... your diary has become as valuable as the news to me!
from near-sighted :
as per the diarist below, i lock my door like crazy. and my parents, living in a population 400 town, also lock their door. TRUST NO ONE my mother said... and gosh, don't fret, you can find me at www.livejournal.com/users/snowpaz/ or www.livejournal.com/~snowpaz ... i'll keep reading you wherever thou art... muah!
from laura-jane :
Yes, us Canadians lock our doors, and double-bolt them if at all possible! I am thinking that maybe in really really small towns people might not, but I think it's probably the same in the U.S. (in that people in big cities do and people in the middle of nowhere don't). As for visiting Canada, it all depends on where you want to go. I have lived on Vancouver Island, BC my whole life, and I would say that this area is a beautiful one to visit. You could get the West-Coast nature feel (not to get too specific, but if you're in this area you have to go to Tofino.), or take a ferry over to the mainland to get the whole city feel. Would you be driving up? This was a long answer to your question..! Anyway, if you come up my way be sure to come over for tea and we can talk about how much Bush is the devil. Yes.
from blam :
I don't know how anyone's talented at being a diarist, but thank yas for the compliment. :) as for NYC, drop me an email @ diaryland and lemme know the kinda stuff you like to do, and I'll throw back too many recommendations. (the comic's due in July, BTW. I'm still writing as we speak, and my artist's walking the Brooklyn Bridge today to get it in his head so he can draw it.)
from starlight99 :
also, why DO yanks say 'could care less'?!? hehe.
from starlight99 :
hey, thanks so much for your kind note. it means a lot to me that there are people who care. I really like your entries about the war - I'm anti it too (you probably already knew that). but why do I make you want to move to Canada? And, I didn't know it was you who pissed off Jim, but I'm not going to judge you on it. I know theres always two sides to every story.
from velcroface :
"The saddest thing I ever did see Was a woodpecker peckin' at a plastic tree. He looks at me, and 'Friend,' says he, 'Things ain't as sweet as they used to be.'"
from ljamesjr :
"And it makes no difference to me how they cried all over overseas / When it's hot in the Poor Places tonight I'm not going outside." I stumbled across your diary tonight as I search for the meaning of this song in today's world. While listening to Wilco's album for the thousandth time tonight, I just broke down and wept during this song. Perhaps it is because I feel so utterly helpless to stop our actions. There is a grandma and grandpa waking up in Bagdhad to have their morning tea, boiling the water, pouring loose tea into the pot, opening the kitchen curtain. They will call on their grandchildren this morning to check on them, stopping on the way to buy what they can in the market.
from jbtsugar89 :
On your window scratches entry... I'm not sure if I took it the right way, but just to clarify, I know how embarrassing it can be to be ashamed of how you react to a person with a mental illness (My sister is schizophrenic). That's why I'm in awe with those people who can devote their lives to caring for such people. Last year, I met a girl whose parents adopted several kids, all who were mentally ill. They're amazing people and just make me feel ashamed for the thoughts that run through my head when I'm around my sister. I wish there were more people out there who're like those previously mentioned parents.
from jeffjeffj :
do you know why my diary (that i never wrote in) disappeared? probbly cause i never wrote in it. i guess it's almost perfect now cause i still have access to your diary without the extra space in the electronic world taken up by my few odd entries. i was curious though when it had disappeared. you should get someone to write a diary for me. then i could just put my name on it. (im having an andy warhol moment) they could start with a story of how my landlord had me arrested for the type of house plant i chose to water, nourish, and love.(i didn't used to know you could love plants. i felt tearful when it was folded in half and put into a manila envelope by the childish hands of a police ociffer.) landlords are not to be trusted. men whose values are decided for them by the law are pathetic. (not quite men? very scary guns indeed!) so get on it. i need a diary writer. will be in touch. i love you melissa
from hungerhurts :
i have been thinking about how you mistook something i was addressing to myself to actually be addressed to you. and as bad as i felt about it, i also sort of felt good too, in that something like that could even happen. like you and i share just so much, have so much in common, that it is incredible. there are parallels and connections and it's like some of my blood vessels are actually attached to your heart instead of my own, and vise versa. all kinds of stuff like that. you know what i mean. and where what i said applies to you: i do not, have never, and will not ever doubt who you are and what you can accomplish. when we talk of such forces, i guess you might call them, there's not a doubt in my mind about who you are and why you are. now as far as it applies to me: i am kept away from danger and shown the most beautiful people and things in the world, and it is hard not to believe it's all a figment of my imagination. where i am certain of you, i cannot be with me, because it just makes so much less sense. it's impossible for me to gauge whether that makes sense. but i know it does. you know me like i know you. thank you. without a doubt you are the most amazing person i know.
from verdine :
I just realized, three weeks later, that I never thanked you for your birthday greeting! I am such a heel! Thank you, doll! Hearing from you really made me happy, even though I was a dip enough to forget to thank you! x-o-x
from bikinikiller :
I searched for Clem Snide and found your name. I heard about Exploding Dog from the same boy who introduced me to Clem Snide.
from laura-jane :
glad it got there safely. and, just for the record, my permed-and-neon-clad friends and i watched 'she-devil' at my sixth grade birthday party.
from elipsis :
this was so lovely it made me happy for the world. thank you.
from jbtsugar89 :
Your second post on 11-13 was thought provoking, so I sent a link to all my friends.
from earthlila :
don't make me crazy. you need to update your diary because it's making me e-lonely. mike looked over my shoulder and said what are you doing on DAIRY-land! isn't he precious? fact: the nose rings that indian people wear are little spirals of metal that you twist inside your nose, so they can't come out when unexpected.
from danawear :
how interesting. bye
from jcruelty :
hey what's abe's last name ? did he have a letter published in the utne reader? NO WAY. WAY?
from jbtsugar89 :
Isn't Amelie such a cute movie? I liked your costume btw.
from verdine :
A few years ago I started feeling really serene and happy and compassionate and hopeful, really believing that it was possible to spread the Cosmic Love Vibe all over the world, and the people around me HATED it! I admire you for keeping and enjoying your commitment to a compassionate world while surrounded by cynics. It's a challenge. During that optomistic time I came across some newspaper clippings I had kept from that time, things I had hung up around the house to remind me of the kindness people do and the potential we all have to heal ourselves and each other. I was dismayed to see how far away I had come from that time of happy hopefulness, and I resolved to find a way to feel that way again. You serve as yet another reminder that cynicism and bitterness are not the only responses possible to a cynical and bitter world. Thank you.
from velcroface :
I was also Rogue. Wacky
from velcroface :
your ucsd makeoutclub friend sounded like a precocious jerkface to me, but hey - look who's talking! haha. I believe that objects can serve an important purpose in life if meaning is attached to them. I think there are three types of people in the world: those that are brainwashed by pop culture, those that are brainwashed by the anti-pop culture method of thinking, and those that don't subscribe to either and just live their life without catalogued people, fashions or ideals. The fact is, there is no rule-book and nobody's right while at the same time everone's right. Everyone just is, I guess. But I must say, I like some people more than others, and you're up there.
from verdine :
Don't worry about liking stuff. Stuff can be very good. Stuff that is created by other human beings can remind us of our own power to create, to influence our environment. Don't worry about other folks' disdain of stuff. Believe me, they're going to grow older and want Cuisinarts and entertainment centers just like everybody else eventually does. Only trust the anti-stuff thing in those over fifty. Any younger, and it's most certainly a phase. Besides -- we're only here for such a short time. Why not be a little comfortable?
from moonrattles :
Thank you for the ride on the bus. That one is so lovely.
from hodgson :
I think pretty much any vagina is all right with us as long as it doesn't resemble Johnny Cash or something.
from near-sighted :
your hair is ADORABLE. and i quite enjoyed your entry about the "events leading up to abe". life works some strange wonders, babe. in deed it does. muah!
from jcruelty :
lookin foxy
from jcruelty :
DEATH TO LONG HAIR!!! haha just kidding. anyway re: 5 years -- wow. re: U2 -- one of my fave rock n roll writers, jim grier, did a series for spin called 'a year in the life of rock n roll', and i remember clearly one scene where he was slumped at a bar after several drinks, and someone puts U2 on the jukebox, and, although grier has always hated U2, he is struck by the powerful communal nature of their music and suddenly a wave of love overcomes his heart and he feels like standing up, raising his arms magnaminously and proclaiming: "i forgive you U2!! i forgive everything!!" i always thought that was a funny image and your entry made me think of it.
from verdine :
I like long hair.
from jcruelty :
i like short hair.
from near-sighted :
those bug photos made me drop my cookies. thanks jar. thanks. ha!
from jeffjeffj :
not everyone is sad and angry and scared when approaching death. this is small-mindedness. don't believe everything you hear, darling. everyone is different.
from jcruelty :
i like that painting too! i took an art history class in college & my final paper was an interpretation of the eggshell man in the right panel. it's a very mysterious symbol-- nobody has any idea what bosch was getting at. there were some wacky theories that i've now forgotten-- i think one of them was that the eggshell guy represents the vice of intoxication-- basically he's got a hell of a hangover.
from near-sighted :
holden is absolutely precious.
from verdine :
It can't be all your fault. Each person in a relationship contributes to its success or failure. Wanting things to be more exciting or romantic or intimate isn't emotional abuse. It's a normal reaction to a normal situation: Committed monogamy gets boring sometimes. Apparently this deficit is compensated for in other areas, like steady companionship and emotional intimacy, but it's hard to keep that in mind when we go through those rougher patches.
from jcruelty :
i also like pictures. it's nice to connect faces to names. i can't believe you worked in a chicken farm! what an experience. you are now allowed to eat chicken cos you can say, "well *i* know what chickens go through and it ain't that bad." or you can say "ew, how can you eat chicken? you wouldn't if you saw what they go through." the point is, no matter whether you eat chicken or not, you now have the ability to be a snob about it. woohoo!
from thisisjohn :
nice pictures. i like pictures. looks like you had fun?
from near-sighted :
it appears that you've somehow miraculously landed in australia, not california. and ps. i love the tweezer-less shot. in deed.
from jcruelty :
that IS an improvement over the technique i was using. “My son doesn’t like the deodorant I bought him and I need to return it.” "YEAH? WELL FUCK YOU!! FUCKING EAT IT!! EAT IT!!!" (shoves deodorant into complaining customers face)
from near-sighted :
welcome back!
from jeffjeffj :
i was just being cryptic to make you confused and then hopefully make you smile when you saw that i was just being cryptic to make you confused and then hopefully make you smile. it's fun making people smile. it's touching making you smile. i'll have you at least once one of these days, and then i'll really make you smile.;) on all the rest of the days around though, i guess it's just sing, song, & wonderment.
from jeffjeffj :
if you only understood...
from near-sighted :
oh god, is this an indication of what will happen to me if i lose internet access at work? you're missed!
from velcroface :
It was my friend Joe's birthday and a friend of his made him a scrap book with pictures they collected, one of which was the one taken of Ben licking one side of your face (or pretending to do so) and me kissing the other cheek. I laughed for a year and then I, well, stopped laughing. So you're off at school already and I didn't get to say goodbye, not that I've said anything else lately. I really miss you and I know that I've missed many chances at being around you, and that pains me. But I'm so incredibly grateful for the late nights talking on my couch and our trips to Star Wok and assorted other random places. I want to play my song for you. I'm going to visit my friend in SD sometime soon.. mayhaps I'll track you down. A million warm wishes. erin
from verdine :
Miss you.
from near-sighted :
oh nooooooooooooooo! no internet at your new work?!? does this mean that there will be fewer updates? ...at any rate, good luck...
from verdine :
You will have an internet connection where you're going, won't you? D-land without our jar of candy will be missing a vital sweetness if you go away!
from hungerhurts :
Makes Even Little Irishmen Sing Sweet Admirations. Resonates Angel Compassion, Hope's Eternal Love. Lives Our Noble Goals, And Misses Own Radiant Existence. She Hugs Every Single Atom Just About Right.
from jeffjeffj :
i wonder if complements will ever stop pouring into your life. a girl with a leo moon probbly needs lots of that too. i hope your ego gets stroked enough some day that you actually feel it there. your humility is beautiful and you deserve any self-satisfaction you can get. (or allow yourself). i love you melissa. life on this planet is easier to move through knowing there is youth around that might be spirited like you. you are lovely.
from verdine :
You have no idea the kindness you have performed for me today. It amazes me that you don't see what an asset to this world you are.
from near-sighted :
it's funny, the same thing happened to me when i had my nose ring (for all of two months). the last straw was walking down the street, snorting a colossal snort and the ring just shot out to the sidewalk. ha! ...you have a nice outlook on love. makes me reevaluate things. sigh.
from verdine :
I've always hated doing math, too -- might even be phobic! But numbers are fascinating, the things they do. I recommend Fermat's Last Theorem by Simon Singh for a good time learning the history and culture of math and number theory. Also: Hope the birthday turns out super!
from jcruelty :
hope you have a great (upcoming) birthday!
from near-sighted :
so it WAS beverly cleary! you nearly convinced me otherwise, you! haha! that environmental law program sounds like a lot of fun. plus, a week away from home! sounds like bliss to me!
from near-sighted :
man! i almost completely forgot about dear mr. henshaw! the nerve of me, i thought it was a beverly cleary book and not judy blume. you'll have to set me straight. sigh... stupid thing about your excoworker and the nasty rumour. some people have too much time on their hands...
from jeffjeffj :
"She is still a very depressed person. I can feel it being next to her. I mean, not to sound kooky, but I can feel most people's temperament just by being near them. This is not to say I have some special powers, only that I can sense something, even if it just means I pay attention." melissa, of many things in your personal makeup that make me think you're wonderful, one major one is how you understand feelings like the one i just quoted and feel surer about your rightness of your senses, whereas i feel the same sensitivity and had been too unsure to trust something that makes your feelings so unearthly, and distant from the people you'd really wish to not be distanced from. this is why i think you're a stronger person than you credit yourself with. you just can't see that person yet for who she is because you're distant from yourself and you only see one half of yourself while the other part is a perpetual fear of what the outside is thinking of your self. that perpetual fear half is your past life(past 20 yrs., not karmically) and all that that experience has taught your innocent senses about life. you're an animal. you stand on the earth. your body-mind-nervous-system experiences reality and you keep that as your understanding of how to survive. it's primitive, and it goes on everywhere all the time. when i read your diary and when i've spoken to you i hear you say things that sound like your'e very aware of this in some sense and you just haven't defined it for yourself. this fear seems to keep people from having faith in their differentiating points of view. fragmented people like you, like me, like probbly lots of people you know. then you have to get approval from the outside to satisfy that perpetual fear half. it's a reall entity in your mind. im sure when you move and are somewhat more on your own you'll start freeing yourself of dispositive influence and figure out that you don't need approval from the outside. you're lucky that you already know how to see love from the outside.(the way you understand the feelings people have towards you, etcc...) it's something i really like about you. i miss out on this a lot i think in my vast lonely space inside. i like you also cause i feel like you understand that too. now im starting to effuse to the point where i'll begin to ramble. i think about you often, it stirs my mind with some contrasting feelings. it's good. you're lovely, and my life feels better from knowing you. giving people reasons to love life has been my most endeared, embarrassing, and abstract-focusless endeavor in my life. im feeling extremely touched that that is what you glean from knowing me thus far. it's embarrasing how things like this leave me fighting inside for composure over warm tears that want to fall. you made me really happy when i read that. you made me grow a little more in accepting the haunted spaces inside that i must call me. and for some reason it's more beautiful because it came from you. i still feel that, even though it's not this way now, you are a person that can see me better than anyone else i know. you already seem to see me for my purest intentions in life. this is why im always saying your'e beautiful to me. you probbly understand what it means to be seen. the clearest visual memory i have in my very non visual memory is a vision of you standing brightly in the dim longs back warehouse with the biggest, wondering eyes that made me want to know what could be inside. ive never felt the feeling as much as looking at you of wanting to stop the world and stare through your eyes to find meaning. i find more in them than any one else iv'e seen. it's irrisitable to have that sense. and now i know why by gaining deeper knowledge than what my eyes could have told me and it makes that image and all the others of before i really spoke to you kind of blur into one image that holds a strong feeling of truth shaped in this vision of you standing in front of me making me wish to understand. that feeling then was so overwhelming that i was too shocked to focus on the existence of a body this girl so fortuneately posesses. i noticed many times, later. i want to know what you see when you look out at all the faces. i wonder if you ever try to figure out my view. i often feel compelled to let you know how much i think of your beauty, so i thought id leave a short note to that point. this was it. you're lovely.
from jeffjeffj :
mile's & i think those little nose rings girls wear on the outside of their nose, in the curve on top of the nostril, just inside the crevice there, are really sexy. it's mysterious why though. it's like the dots indian girls put on their fore head when their fifteen.
from verdine :
Chin up, dear girl. Here's a wish for heart's ease for you.
from jeffjeffj :
do i have to contribute more to my journal to get on your favourites list. i thought you told me i just had to try.:) maybe my effort was too weak.
from jeffjeffj :
im really happy you got such approval. i have to admit i was kind of shocked that the approvals weren't coming in, but i realized im just partial in my opinion of your brilliance and don't know all the other applicants. how precious to picture your heart inside feeling the glow of satisfaction and freeing up tears. i hope it wasn't tainted by the sadness of inner doubts about whether that could really be you that earned such approval. we're all sure it was.
from jcruelty :
yay! my friend nels is going to film school at UCLA this fall. maybe you guys will cross paths. yay, i say!
from jeffjeffj :
you're a funny girl,melissa. i wish you weren't numb to the cruelty in other people's hearts just because you posess love and understanding in yours.(i wish i knew for sure how to spell posess.) i hope you figure out what i mean by this someday. it will save you a lot of the pain in dealing with people who are too stupid to see that they're being abusive. people shouldn't abuse eachother, whether they're tactful to think of it or not. you don't need tact when the feelings in your heart just drive you naturally to not be snide and cynical and unkind to those you supposedly have love for. don't live in pretenses. they just hurt people everywhere.
from near-sighted :
well, i'll be! i'm watching dirty dancing and i got a great mention in your diary! two bonuses in one day! har! i quite enjoyed your lego character. shopping woman? ha!
from verdine :
Well, okay -- I guess I can let Aram off the hook!
from near-sighted :
whoa, i'm getting the impression that i have to write a novel in this notes section before it passes the "okay, you're on the 'in-list'" test. anyways, nice cd collection. take heart in the fact that if i worked anywhere near your desk, i would steal pretty near all of them. it's funny because my old gay roommate would chastise me for my musical tastes as well. he would blast elton john 24/7. but because of that, i've become fond of mr. john myself. i am scarred.
from shesajar :
Oops, I think I gave the wrong impression. Verdine, you are too sweet to me. I feel ever protected by you. It seems unlikely to meet someone so nice online such as you. But, maybe I should be more evenhanded to Aram in my most recent post. Aram most likely wasn't laughing just because Abe said that. He probably laughed because Abe and I are funny together. Abe says things like that without thinking and my jaw drops. I am past (most of the time at least) getting hurt by them. Abe forgets sometimes that things need to be thought of in the perspective of the receiver before said. But, in that way it is sort of nice to have someone so honest. But, not always.
from verdine :
I hope you'll forgive me for saying so, but if someone tells you that you "aren't cool enough" to do something you want very much to do, then that person is the dork, not you. And so is the "friend" who thinks it's funny to hear you be insulted. You deserve better than that.
from jcruelty :
it sounds like you work with some real a**holes. um why am i not writing ass? i guess i didn't want sully your notes page. too late. :) well at least not everybody there is like that. & i sympathize, it's hard to speak up when people say things like that. at least you said something.
from jeffjeffj :
"the amazing thing is, they are fundementally people"--melissa "the amazing thing is, melissa is beautifully Melissa"--jeff
from verdine :
Such a darling you are! I agree there is More Than Meets The Eye here. Where is the rest of the tribe?
from jeffjeffj :
you're like me. you rarely could wish malice toward someone regardless of their behaviour. i love you for it. the pettiness and spite within these sort of people that can't seem to be nice is a nagging stupidity that flows throughout their consciousness. i don't really think about god or time or any of these things punishing them. i don't really care about punishment anyways. i think what really happens is that they lack the sensitivity to any of the meaningless beauty of life that makes us cry and fills us with the meaning we need to feel it's worthwhile. it's hard to see, but i know you know how truly pitiful it is to be them inside. you're a sun. beauty orbits around and inside that wonderous head of yours. you lock up the intensity by not allowing yourself to be free of the burdens other people have selfishly placed on you. the way you admire me means a lot to me. i let it remind me that im not just insane because i hear your thoughts and know i have more respect for who you are than most so any positive opinions you have indicate something valuable to me. i hope the ardent praise i give to you, and all the other admiration i know you've inspired in other people, eventually rings true to you and fills you with a little more strength to just accept yourself with a lighter air than the gloomy weight you do so with now. thanks for being an audience of one.:) i've been sad. playing music is the most honest way i can say anything about my feelings. your listening made me feel warm and held. thank you. im glad you really like Thom yorke. it makes me feel more understood by you. it's alright if that doesn't make sense.
from jcruelty :
congrats on getting accepted to san diego... i'm sure more acceptances will follow. sounds like you're going through ups and downs in a major way. in the spirit of beneficence i will forgive the utter lack of letters received from you :P
from hungerhurts :
welcome home, dinky bossetti!
from jeffjeffj :
i miss you. scenesters are lame.:) you could just as easily be cooly culturally hip. it's just a matter of knowing the right things. not so many people will, or are strong enough, to bare the emotional honesty you hold yourself to the best you can. you're way cooler. my coolness is more discomforted in your presence than in any place else i think. i get the sense that eventually you could see right through me. i have to admit that, like in any of us that have a lot of dark shadows of consciousness inside, this can be a little frightening. it takes someone who gives me that sense to make me want them the way i want you. that makes it worthwhile. you're well deserving to have me care about you. i wonder when you'll quit thinking and writing things of doubt about this. you deserve someone passionately wondering what you'll write next in your journal even if they get to see you most every day. how could someone who finds you precious and important in their life not want to know what you're thinking inside the mind that views life with the utmost sincerity. you deserve all the caring you get im sure. i declare that you deserve mine and im the top authority on me. i still haven't aquired a harmonica.
from jcruelty :
good luck at model UN! take no prisoners!!!
from jeffjeffj :
i've been thinking and returning to feelings about what you wrote about in katzenjammer. i was at Drew's last night. we had to by stock in the business.;) there was a show on the discovery channel while we were going to sleep. it was computer animation of the Ice Age and the animals alive during it including the earliest humans that i have been reading about recently. humans can be beautiful. commercials came on and made me cry. i had a conversation with my dad about money a long while back and tried to express how i felt about it which was just what you were saying in your diary, only i couldn't explain myself so well then. he thought i was ridiculous. it was the first time i had been able to feel alright about what i thought in spite of him thinking im ridiculous. you amaze me. you go to your model UN meeting and refuse to numb yourself at the risk of your emotional stability. i know how you think of being weak in some ways, but i hope you don't forget the kind of strengths you have inside that most other people don't seem to acknowledge, and maybe that's why it's harder to see for yourself. it is valuable, and lovely to me. Drew and Melissa are both on antidepressants. depression is a sort of illness. you can talk about it startlingly matter of fact if that's the level you're willing or wanting to deal with it on. it's a complex illness. a lot of it can be a part of what's meaningful to you, while a lot can be completely meaningless and just be making you feel bad and unfunctional for nothing good for you at all. regardless everything is relatively chemical. don't disregard the validity of those plastic bottles. i don't really know, but i guess it never hurts to look at the options. im sorry knowledge of the world hurts you. im pretty afraid of that pain too. it's been too familiar in the last month or so. just wanted to express understanding....
from verdine :
I'm sorry that happened to you. It hurts to be forgotten, especially by someone who's meant a lot to you. I only know you from your diary, but I can't imagine that you're forgettable in the slightest.
from jeffjeffj :
i won't ever hate you til you become a hateable person. i don't think you have the ambition to change that drastically, so you're safe from my hatred. the reason you wrote for not calling is exactly what i figured and is easily understandable by me. i'm glad to hear it from you though so i don't have to doubt it. i think i would have liked you a lot if i had read your diaries before having seen or met you, but after what i have seen and known of you, reading your diaries makes me feel in deeper admiration(& enamoration) for you. you're still really special to me in spite of your short-comings(& even if you weren't so nice). just because i know who you are in a specific, and personally important, way that i've never known in any one else. in the honest place in my self, when there is no hurt or fear feelings countering my self inside, i feel an open love for who you are. i thought it would be positive for you to know that. i know how your mind works so i guess ishould remind you that i don't come with obligations. im free to offer what i want of my self & keep what i don't. you're free to receive and refuse as you wish. i'm free; as you wish....
from littleeiffel :
um... hey I was just gonna say you were cool but I guess jeff here beat me to the punch. good night!
from jeffjeffj :
this is almost all i have of you anymore. maybe you could write more often. (just a suggestion...)☻ I MISS YOU!!! :( Damn girl!
from jeffjeffj :
this is almost all i have of you anymore. maybe you could write more often. (just a suggestion...)☻ I MISS YOU!!! :( Damn girl!
from jeffjeffj :
i don't know why....i can't get over how much i like you more all the time, Melissa. i like reading your diary a lot. the structure of your thoughts, and the delicate manner in which you treat your knowledge and understanding of your life experience within your mind comes out in your writing and reaffirms the preciousness of my image of you in my mind. i also love how you are honest and direct about your feelings. you challenge my understanding of feelings. i can't really explain how. you're special, melissa. you have my admiration.
from jeffjeffj :
hi Melissa. :)
from jeffjeffj :
"When I spend a lot of time with someone I begin to pick up his or her mannerisms. I find myself moving my hands like them or raising my eyebrow a certain way. I don't do it on purpose. I am a natural mimic coming to a sidewalk performance near you." i've always been the same way too. but now that i think about it i dont' think i've noticed myself doing it for a long time. and i think if i were to pick up any of yours i would have done it by now.
from jeffjeffj :
i was always in love with lewis carrol's alice when i was a child.... and it is still there now in a way. i love nonsense. i see it going on all the time everywhere when people are around. i love how alioce just insists on trying to find meaning in any of it. i've tried that most of my life.
from jcruelty :
i also enjoy reading about the life of george orwell. i like the image of him in down & out in paris, starving himself to know what it feels like. "day 3-- spittle becoming somewhat dry" . i was making a list of literary heroes: orwell, mark twain, andrei codrescu... i'm getting into walt whitman too, but it would be a stretch to call him a hero. did you get my postcards from way back when? hope you're well :)
from verdine :
"Dry your eyes, you poor devil," was the kindest thing anybody ever sang to me. And not bad advice, either. It's the best way to get over the hill -- a small gesture of manifest destiny over your own heart.

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