DiaryLand members area

just wanted to say hello-- it's been a while but it sounds like you're good. still reading your thoughts from austria, and still finding mine are much the same. xx

from sameasmine :

The password would be a gift :) [email protected]

from lust- :

How you doin', doll?

from lust- :

Yes. Everyone tells me that I'll never move back to Ontario. I don't think I'd mind that. I'm in East Van and I work Downtown. It's pretty sweet here. Have been meeting a lot of amazing people, as well. It's definitely a good fit.

from bedwarmhands :

So we're both awake in different cities, hours away from one another, and yet we still end up here together, writing words into boxes for one another. I want to ask to get let in, but don't want to be rejected, so I'll just wait til you open up again. When; if. (I don't recommend watching the videos. It'll hurt far too much.)

from lust- :

Password, please, love. mathews(dot)desiree(at)gmail(dot)com

from lust- :

I'm really sorry about your cousin. I hope you and your family will get through this rough time. I'm sure my words aren't enough, but you're in my thoughts, love.xo

from bedwarmhands :

goddamnit. i got a strange anonymous message via tumblr today. insanely strange. i tried to text you about it. maybe i'll email you. those roots of which you speak are tangled up and knoted up all around my rib bones and heart parts. there's no breaking them lose without causing some serious damage, so i let them grow deeper and i let them knot tighter because i don't know what else to do.

from lust- :

Glad you got it. Thanks for the well wishes. It hasn't been the best trip, but at least I'm away from the known. Hope you've been well.xo

from raven72d :

I'll look forward to entries, though.

from raven72d :

You are missed.

from bedwarmhands :

Alt-J - "Tessellate". And "Breezeblocks" if yr feeling brave.

from foreveragain :

forever grateful for you.

from elusive-you :

oh, now that's just wonderful.

from thisisjohn :

it gets better...

from lust- :

Welcome back. Sorry to hear parts of the trip were brutal. Here's to new adventures!

from lust- :

Have a blast, doll!

from lust- :

Recent entry was lovely. Where are you off to next?

from raven72d :

a very beautiful entry...with stones in the Bay of Fundy.

from elusive-you :

it sounds like you're having a beautiful summer. i enjoy reading. i hope you're doing well.

from cymbals :

may be headed to croatia around then, but will keep in touch, and i'm in florence beginning of september. happy for you, by the way. <3

from lust- :

My friend's dad has an aggressive form of cancer and may die within the year. So, she may move back to BC. NZ was kind of 'our thing' &I don't want to do it alone. There are a lot of other options. Just need to sort through it all.

from cymbals :

yay! looking forward to it. let me know when you're coming here when you know!

from lust- :

I know exactly how you feel. That happy, yet scared feeling is a little mental. I hope the scared part gives way to true happiness for you soon. Have fun in the city! Just remember every decision you make is the right one at the time..

from cymbals :

the feeling you get right before you leave a place is like absolutely nothing else. except for maybe like when you leave a person.

from raven72d :

love the latest entry: 25.05/12

from cymbals :

happy birthday! mine's tomorrow. feelings/birthday twins, almost. <3<3<3

from lust- :

Hope your birthday is nothing less than brilliant. You deserve the best of things, people &places.xo

from defaults :

nothing but ♥

from boombasticat :

Barcelona, Girona, Cuenca, Toledo, Granada, Sevilla, Madrid. A lot of narrow, old-city streets, but worth it. I really liked Barcelona and Sevilla. Where are you going?

from boombasticat :

Turns out you come from a really beautiful place. The land, the cities, and, you know, the people, too.

from swallowthkey :

wreck beach + granville island changed my life forever. you are making me miss vancouver so much. i'm glad it is treating you so well <3

from loz-er :

Thank you, it was such a surreal experience. (And my city too haunts me with memories.)

from lust- :

Thanks lady! I definitely will check out Raw Sugar some time in the near future. I need to stock up on ideas for my perfect cafe, after all. Have a lovely day.xo

from swallowthkey :

you know, i know we never talk but i always check in your writings to see how you have been & often wish we knew each other. if you ever need a friend in vancouver, give me a shout - i'm just across the water.

from cymbals :

uh oh. send me an email!

from cymbals :

man i miss montreal! are you still going to be here in the fall?

from frankie123 :

yeah. don't bring pretty shoes for late april

from frankie123 :

so fucking chill too. i live around his town so i see him sometimes; one time he let me drunknuzzle his beard with my face. i was just like "hey! i always want to nuzzle you" and he laughed and said go ahead

from lust- :

Great song. Good luck with all the planning &such.

from frankie123 :

oh dan mangan is just the sweetest

from raven72d :

good choice of music.

from cymbals :

well i can take you there when you visit!

from cymbals :

i know that that exists: it's in the main library, but it's one of those rooms so silent that i, with my large bags and faulty cell phone and tendency to drop things all at once rarely venture into. thanks for the photo though, maybe i'll make it in there one day i'm feeling quiet.

from lust- :

Oh! BC! Colour me green with envy. Maybe you'll be one of those people who fall in love with the province and never returns to Ontario.

from cymbals :

i'll be here til march at least, end of june, latest. it all depends on how quickly i get a thesis written, but the fall is safe, and it would be uncanny to meet you in person. my door is always open, my couch is always free.

from raven72d :

sinus infections are hideous.

from cymbals :

it's flo, so i'm hoping i have a chance, but really, i'm already in, it's too late to get out.

from boombasticat :

Yes, I read his book Blankets. You like graphic novels? I'm all ears if you have recommendations.

from boombasticat :

I'd love to know more about that book, if that is a book. Many reasons are contained therein, I'd bet.

from foreveragain :

jour apr�s jour tu me manques.

from foreveragain :

yes, we really did. and the memories have been eating my insides up lately. [my parts miss yr parts.]

from boombasticat :

Well, thank you. And congrats on that glow. Go with it, I say.

from grimm0826 :

Attitude is everything, and I'm glad you're finding that out. Yeah, everybody wants a piece of a good attitude. Conserve what you need; give away the rest. Regards from the Grimm One!

from foreveragain :

be careful out there. and for fucksake play safe. you know what i mean. [don't ever forget, lisa. because i never will.]

from midnightrun :

I had not heard of Gregory Alan Isakov, and I quite enjoyed the son you shared. Thank you so much, I love finding new music.

from foreveragain :

maybe that's true, but no one will ever fit me like you did. remember that.

from cymbals :

a resounding fucking yes to that. it hasn't been cold here since i've been home, and i'm feeling a bit cheated of my cold. hope this year is everything going forward for you. x

from grimm0826 :

Hi there! I just accidentally found your diary, and must add you to my favorites list, on the strength of the fact that our respective entries for today were so similar! Hope you don't mind if I'm lurking - er, looking - around your page in the very near future. Regards from The Grimm One!

from raven72d :

All the best for the Year Twelve...

from raven72d :

audio dreams... I do the same.

from raven72d :

I'm listening and reading. And hoping that your new year goes well--- successes and delights.

from raven72d :

The soundclip. Yes.

from raven72d :

I spend nights downtown in a coffeeshop typing away, too...

from raven72d :

Holiday season is always a bit soul-killing, even though the days will start getting longer and lighter.

from the-grey-one :

i always have trouble come this time of year, as well. hopefully spring finds us soon.

from raven72d :

Love the tattoo and poem.

from lust- :

Pretty pictures. Feelings fade and pass. I'm sure you'll be okay again in time.

from mangotuesday :

hug.

from raven72d :

What songs are haunting you ?

from cymbals :

good luck on the GRE! i started my chrismas playlist today; wish there was snow to go with it.

from cymbals :

not yet, i'm home for christmas in a few weeks, and then perma-back next august. i shouldn't really even be complaining about the cold over here, but a foggy -1 somehow feels more miserable than a bright -15.

from dizzigemini :

Thanks for link. Except this phone is faulty and sprint decided to stop streeming youtube, I have to be wi-fi'ed to watch anything. What's the video of?

from dizzigemini :

I can never view the flashplayer posts. I can only do so much on my phone.

from julymalaise :

beautiful picture!

from raven72d :

i always love finding your entries.

from akasha90 :

oh how i wish. i'm starting to collaborate with a few friends, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

from thisisjohn :

sounds like a beautiful time...

from atwowaydream :

Beautiful entry, lovely song.

from foreveragain :

♥

from raven72d :

loved your last couple of entries.

from lust- :

Live it up over there..xo

from lust- :

I have a few but the one on my ribs is a black&grey jellyfish. How many more days 'til Portugal?

from lust- :

Beautiful. Must've been quite painful, though. I have one a little lower than that, on the ribs and the shading was a bitch! Hope it heals well.xo

from thisisjohn :

quite lovely

from cymbals :

reciprocal tattoo pictures? / i will send you news soon but i think you must have some too?

from julymalaise :

Oh my goodness,I must admit that was a very beautiful entry, I think I'll add that as one of my favourite entries, if that's okay with you (:

from lust- :

Beautiful piece. Thanks for sharing. What will your first tattoo be?

from lust- :

Colour me green with envy, that'll be such a nice getaway!

from lust- :

What will you be doing in Europe?

from thisisjohn :

yes, beautiful song

from raven72d :

i always love finding your entries.

from the-grey-one :

fuck, that song.... i must have listened to it at least 10 times! love your music picks!

from lust- :

Thanks. I'll be okay again in time. Broke up with the boyfriend on Sunday. Potheads are alright. Burnouts, not so much. I'm trying to work on myself again. Hope things are swell on your side!

from raven72d :

Ottawa, yes...

from the-grey-one :

i do believe it is important to try to overcome fear whenever possible.. what i'm saying is good for you, and good luck!

from lust- :

You can do it! Ottawa is such a lovely place. Good luck with whatever you decide.xo

from raven72d :

i love that rain sound, too.

from raven72d :

happy belated... and i hope to read more from you... i hope summer is going well.

from theways :

after rain ♥

from lust- :

Happy belated, doll. Hope everything was amazing and that your cake was delish. Also, hope things work out with the boy..if you want them to work out, that is!xo

from avantbedroc :

my wishes for you, i hope you had a good birthday xxx

from lust- :

I'm sorry to hear that. I really hope you'll find a new home soon, though. It's such a beautiful day today! Finally! Also, a little side note, but do you like Portugal. The Man? They're playing a show in Toronto on May 27th. Just a heads up 'cause I know you loooove music. Enjoy your weekend, doll.xo

from lust- :

How are things? Are you sailing away soon?

from foreveragain :

re: the music....absolutelyfuckingperfect.

from cymbals :

i'm back. sorry it took so long. i like your news. let's try this again.

from acuteapathy :

Let's start all over..

from frankie123 :

04/07/11 -- really like this! helped me to study biomes, which is probably the exact opposite of what you'd intended but thanks, man!

from lust- :

Ohh! Luck! That would be an amazing gig..hope you ace the interview.

from lust- :

I wish there was a 'like' button I could click on your latest entry. And, don't worry 'bout the job..I'm sure something even more amazing is around the corner.xo

from lust- :

That sounds like an amazing weekend! Good luck on the job.xo

from raven72d :

love the last poems here...

from cymbals :

i'm sorry! i'm doing that thing where i don't return emails or phone calls and i haven't skyped with my parents in three weeks. it'll come soon, i promise.

from opposure :

Love your last entry.

from atwowaydream :

"i am a lover through and through. can't escape it. my heart wants what it wants, whether it be the horizon, or the moon," --pretty.

from the-grey-one :

okay, the last entry you wrote, could have been mine. i have started isolating even more than usual. can't even leave my house to go to school most days. depression is a bitch.

from the-grey-one :

here's hoping for change then

from the-grey-one :

I really felt where you were coming from in your recent entry. It is very hard to mourn a lost connection. Try to have faith that if you found it once, you can find it again.

from lust- :

�Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.�-Henry David Thoreau. Have a lovely week.xo

from cymbals :

i emailed you back.

from cymbals :

is it wrong that i think the only boy i will ever be able to fall in love with again is the kind who writes his secret thoughts here and who is secretly waiting for someone to find him? hope you found my slightly real-er email. -kp

from cymbals :

ahhh i got the email wrong. dunce. send it to this one and i will read it/write you/be pleased: [email protected]

from cymbals :

email me here and we can get fb-friended? [email protected]

from lust- :

Loved your latest entry! It's supposed to get chilly by tonight but I'm glad we're both cherishing the weather right now. So good! Enjoy the rest of your day, love.xo

from swallowthkey :

secret: i'm still talking to my ex. i'm seeing her on sunday. i still have feelings for her. my girlfriend doesn't know.

from cymbals :

ohmigod your playlist was effective. ;) you said august in europe, right? i agree on the similarities; if we were writing in the same diary our respective entries would get redundant.

from lust- :

Ask your friends to be your Valentine(s)! It can be like grade school all over again when we used to give Charlie Brown cards to everyone and no one was left out. Those were the days..

from avantbedroc :

yes, and thanku for being here. i think you are wonderful! xx

from avantbedroc :

trying to remember.. there was of course a big australian group of late teens early 20's caraxus, gypped, explodingboy... the san francisco crew esp tollef & dianabee. oh gosh, and so many separate people from here and there who didn't fall into any group except awesome; cloudscapes, potemkin, complexlogic, oobersugar, ejaculated, sea-secret..... my loves lost at sea!

from avantbedroc :

i feel exactly the same way. so many old friends.. vanished. and especially in the early days no one posted photos of themselves so you had hardly any mental visualisation of the person behind the words. ah :-) sparkling shining words.

from dizzigemini :

I was taking trazadone to sleep but it stopped working. Sighs. Thankx for ur note.

from cymbals :

i am going to use your playlist to seduce mine in approximately 1.5 hours. thanks. *wink&smile*

from dizzigemini :

Insomnia ails me as well. The only time my mind went to sleep and my body woke up at dawn was when I took zyprexia. I stopped (taking) it 3 months ago bkuz it made me crave sugar and I didn't wanna become diabetic, and made me gain 30 lbs. But ur lucky to have creative-ness. Makes time pass easier. I think so at least.

from atwowaydream :

you're right, but you're smart enough to look over that kind of trickery.

from atwowaydream :

it does make you stronger, i want to fill your head with promises that being sick and getting sidetracked does make you stronger. you have that tooth and nail attitude, and you are stronger for it.

from the-grey-one :

hey loved the music that you posted!! it was the perfect playlist to listen to tonight, thank you. =)

from swallowthkey :

my favourite robert frost poem <3

from lust- :

You're brilliant. Hope you post a photo of the tattoo once you get 'er done. They are oh-so-addictive. Maybe getting inked can be your new anti-depressants?

from darthuae :

love you for stopping the anti-ds for a while, for no other reason but to see what the deal is the world and get really drunk. i just stopped taking mine as well, it took me sixty days to lower the dose to none and the vertigo withdrawal symptoms? out of this world. get inked with love x

from raven72d :

congrats on the tattoo.

from lust- :

Honestly, I've been listening to a lot of radio-friendly stuff. I'm big on belting out the tunes while driving. Also, Edward Sharpe &The Magnetic Zeros, M.I.A., Y La Bamba. And, I found this pretty ace music site, wearehunted.com that's good for discovering new stuff. Hope you dig it as much as I do!xo

from lust- :

I'm on the east side. Also, you have lovely taste in music. =)

from lust- :

Ohh neat. I don't actually live in TorontoToronto though. I live in the 'burbs. Close enough, though, I s'pose. Have a good one!

from boombasticat :

Thanks very much for your note. I'm glad that part rang true (that's what I was going for).

from lust- :

You know it! You're getting some as well, right? I over-analyze things also. Just keep on with the hanky-panky and hopefully the rest will work itself out.xo

from atwowaydream :

I must thank you for saving my soul. Took your advice, along with some others about the whole WoW thing, and from the research I've done. . . I owe you all my soul.

from permeation :

Yay for girl-crushes ! xx

from the-grey-one :

haha! yes i suppose that is the truth of it.

from atwowaydream :

i was really looking at wow, but i've heard the same thing every single place: it will fuck your world up. your note just made that a bit concrete, so thank you. :)

from the-grey-one :

"..all the foreign sheets she could be wrapped up in." < great entry!!

from thisisjohn :

well done.

from raven72d :

9 jan. 11--- lovely entry.

from opposure :

To answer your question, they are and they aren't. Most of what happens in my life is pure fantasy.

from raven72d :

i will definitely be looking into Mr. Watson's work.

from lust- :

Stumbled upon this. Lovely song. Thanks for sharing..xo

from raven72d :

i love the link!

from theways :

hell yeah :)

from theways :

i feel the same today about being able to see clearly what i always wanted :)

from defaults :

fuck yes, chuck palahniuk.

from atwowaydream :

i kind of meant for it to be like, intertwined. complexity and simplicity. neither of them will ever have an actual definition.

from atwowaydream :

♥ right back at you, darling.

from julymalaise :

Yeah, I get what you mean, because you don't want to be flashy about it and people will be like "Omg! That girl has a tatoo!" I get it, that's the same with me, if I ever get a tattoo, but to be honest,I do not see myself with one, but the one you pick is very nice!

from julymalaise :

It's so beautiful, did you get the tattoo already?

from julymalaise :

That tattoo is very pretty.

from foreveragain :

o hai....

from raven72d :

december and nostalgic music... that i do know about.

from cymbals :

i will be in austria till august. if you want a couch to sleep on, or just a canadian to hang out with, you know how to get in touch with me.

from cymbals :

i know that we don't know each other, are in different cities, but i wish we could hang out. if you do end up in europe, drop me a note.

from raven72d :

congrats on the thesis!

from the-grey-one :

hey, stumbled upon your diary. i can really relate to the doubts you've expressed recently. and feeling closer to yourself, making progress on a deep level, but still looking over your shoulder to the seemingly ever-present threat of depression. you write it well.

from raven72d :

push through and do well.

from atwowaydream :

wow. sorry. that note really sounded like something one of those mechanical boardwalk psychics spit out in arcades.

from atwowaydream :

the urgency in people tends to attract me. i'm glad you're finding your footing, you will most definitely make it to that horizon. ♥

from raven72d :

lovely powerful entries.

from opposure :

I feel quite fortunate to have been able to read your last entry just before going to bed. It's part of the song I want the world keep playing. x

from atwowaydream :

I loved the world is opening entry. When that happens, it's like everything is lidless and sprawling with this sudden fierce illumination. I love that you're smiling. I love that the world is opening up to you, for you.

from dinahsoar :

I'm a total stranger, but please don't kill yourself. You are precious. That hole you talk about is a God-shaped hole. I'm not preaching & I have no damn right to speak anything to you. But I know God is real and if you seek Him, you will find Him. He beats the hell out of pills or anything else. I'm just saying.

from foreveragain :

did you know i did this as well? idividedbyi.diaryland.com

from atwowaydream :

I've stared at those pill bottles before, too. I know you've been having a hard time lately, but beauty will spring up again. It always does. ::::hugs::::

from foreveragain :

not sure if anything i could say would help, but if you ever want to grab that drink, we don't even have to talk, we could just sit and stare, just say the word. :)

from foreveragain :

ugh, that's all i'm really asking for as well. you wouldn't think it's too much to ask, but here i lay, alone every night. we'll get ours, one day, love.

from crazy-raver :

Its not too much to ask, if anything ask MORE.

from omfggwtf :

haha! yeah it's me and thank you very much :) i was going a bit mad earlier about something with appearances, so that's nice to hear ^__^

from omfggwtf :

i am going to add you, hope you don't mind.. stumbled on here, :) x

from foreveragain :

effword, thrice are so good though aren't they?

from foreveragain :

glad to hear yr feeling better. oh, just moving to a new city, with 2 newly single roomates who like to party has made it a little insane! i guess we all just need to blow off some steam. the getaway has been well deserved. a regrouping or sorts. and of course, my offer does include beer. :)

from foreveragain :

i hope you are ok. my offer still stands. things in the city are.....getting out of control. i am fleeing this weekend, to where things are slower, simpler, and no one knows me. try to find the sanity. xo

from foreveragain :

what can i do? (i'll do whatever i can)

from lobo21 :

I like Thunder Bay, though in the summer more so than through the winter. On to Van eh? Very nice.

from foreveragain :

don't be sad! there will be more. promise. ;) no, i'm not from windsor, i just have a group of insanely talented friends who reside there. you found my photos! sweet! yes, i do like to travel and see things, though i haven't ventured out of north america as yet. (that all changes this dec when i hit the uk.)

from erases :

hold on

from foreveragain :

maybe you've been here too long? you need a break to appreciate it again. i am new. well, to living here anyways, ao i'm still a little naive. more recommendations, yes! another friend from windsor 'the drawing room' (http://myspace.com/inthedrawingroom) new records coming soon as well. and my current staple, 'weathervanes' by freelance whales. makes me dizzy how good that record is.

from foreveragain :

ps - i have a friend out of windsor, leighton bain, pretty sure you'll love him. he is in the making of a new record as we speak. check his myspace til then (http://www.myspace.com/leightonbain). i'll be sure to keep you posted on new sounds if you wish!

from foreveragain :

been following you for a couple few. thought i should say hi. yr last entry is gold. that song, god, that song.... isn't this city just amazing right now? kinda feels like bursting, doesn't it?

from atwowaydream :

that looks like the the cutest little postcard. beautiful.

from atwowaydream :

we all lose that pure laughing self sometimes. . . but i'm happy that you're getting it back.

from warpednormal :

i'm so sorry. but yeah. i remember how it felt..it was the worst.

from warpednormal :

Hi, i don't know if this is technically the best place to say this but where else can i go, really. and i don't know what it is exactly that you are going through right now...but i can feel it. because i think i know exactly how you feel. but maybe not, i don't know. i just remember feeling stupid and used and in so much pain i couldn't even think or sit because it hurt too much physically, emotionally. all i could do was cry. i know i don't know exactly what it is you are going through, or what you have. but i hope to god or whatever or whoever that you get through this. because i can tell that you are a strong and wonderful person. and there is no way in hell that no one could ever love you again. PS. your writing is beautiful If i have misunderstood anything, sorry!!! <3 much love, Alex

from atwowaydream :

"make memories. tell stories. kiss passionately. make love like the world is ending. don't let secrets weigh down your soul. let them out in any way that you can" --such a pretty entry. you against the world. i'm sure you'll make it through.

from erases :

pick yourself up, little lisa, with the two hands that were given to you.

from erases :

i think i know exactly how you feel.. what is your e-mail, dear?

from erases :

and what a boat it is, my friend.

from secret-pages :

hi. reading you was like taking a walk inside my mind. it was fun, and strangely reassuring to know, there are others, just as obsessive, just as worried, just as full of wonder, and just as confused and yet, firmly grounded in place. we are from totally different worlds, but i could connect with your words.

from mangotuesday :

you are one of the good ones. of this, i am sure.

from darthuae :

that's about right, love.

from julymalaise :

You can add me too, thanks for saying yes!

from julymalaise :

Hello, I would love to add you to my list, if you don't mind. You can add me too if you like.

from lobo21 :

Here's to making everyday incredible. Hope you get to ride the crest of those waves and a small reminder the sun sets out here on this coast. Hope you'll get a chance to make your way to Van someday soon.

from lobo21 :

Oh you have a great to do list. I'm pulling for you to begin crossing them off one by one until there's nothing left but to write down 79 more. :)

from lobo21 :

Vancouver huh? Well I'm in Victoria so, from T.O it may be too much of a downsizing for you to switch places. :) Still, there is a big upside to the Wetcoast, if you don't mind a little rain.

from lobo21 :

I'm not sure if I have left a note before or not. I know I've been in your neighbourhood a time or two, so if I've neglected to say "hi" before this, my apologies. So "Hi. How's things?" From your entry, my humble advice from years of hesitation, is to give yourself some freedom to make mistakes. Hopefully you're young enough to recover from them unlike myself and not in a position where mistakes will affect others that you love and cherish, also unlike me. Anyway I hope in the end how you go out and live your life is exactly how you want to live it. Take care.

from mangotuesday :

ilovethatsong.

from errantnights :

Remember this, no matter what someone did: that they once were just a kid at breast and in bib, in blanket and crib. So just reach inside yourself and find the part that still needs help, find that part in someone else and you�ll do good.

from errantnights :

said you'd never seen someone bleed like i bleed

from alikid182 :

ahaha. amen to that. can we be total bff?

from alikid182 :

amazing taste

from mangotuesday :

love.

from wish-at11-11 :

please forgive me, i'm in a strange mood. i like your diary by the way. but i feel the need to tell someone anonymous, someone i do not know, that while HE has replaced me, it's my turn to do the same. & don't worry i'm aware it won't work, it never does. i'm upset. i'm sorry about your grandmother. i hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow & that if you by chance get one of those chain letters that the person you hoped would call at 10:37 pm actually does.<3

from vinylgirl :

I can't say I know you or the situation, but it certainly sounds familiar. I have gone through those break-ups and they are horrible at the time; you always have to keep perspective though, because this one person was only one small speck in the entire course of your life. That said, savour the good memories and let them keep you warm on the lonely nights - know it gets easier and you will move on. Allison xo

from onthetrain :

god, i adore you!

from amourdevogue :

wow i don't know but reading your diary...you're life seems to practically parallel mine, almost. <33333

from vinylgirl :

I hope you don't mind I added you as a favourite. You have a beautiful voice as a writer.

from solace-blue :

your diary is beautiful, my dear. as always. your writing is lovely and so heartfelt. i hate to sound like some kind of recruiting officer, but i run a writing community [bang-.diaryland.com] and i was wondering if you'd like to join? we'd love to have you, if you're willing. <3taryn

from sleepystorm :

yeah, oh comely is pretty much the greatest song ever. i can send you a copy of this song live if youd like (via email). its really amazing. x

from lastflightin :

by the weakerthans? if so, then i have not. i'm not the biggest fan of music videos. i kind of like to imagine my own, you know? anyway, i wanted to tell you i love the decemberists & the engine driver is one of MY favorite songs. you're amazing, if for no other reason than the fact that you used those lyrics ... & that you know who the fuck colin meloy is. <3's to you. millions of 'em.

from bonnylisbon :

The last paragraph in your latest entry broke my fucking heart. I know, I know.

from x--drifting :

I lovelovelove your writing & photography, hun. ♥

from conjugate-me :

'ello! how do you do? i just thought i would drop a line & suggest a few more songs. ( i was reading over my notes, wihle i was bored.) anyway: damien rice - volcano. anything by rilo kiley. the weakerthans - aside. the delgados - everybody come down. & that's all i have for today. i have another diary that i update more often - lastflightin, if you want to check that one out. i love your writing though, dear. it's beautiful.

from oh-five :

loved your diary, so i added you. much♥ (my old diary = dream-him)

from taxine :

the surreal coincidence was that i found that new template a few hours before i caught a bus to your area/

from taxine :

im so pleased you used that picture!

from onthetrain :

i adore you <3

from bonnylisbon :

A VERY VERY good,old, punk band from Los Angeles.

from bonnylisbon :

A part of the second stanza in your Be Still My Heart about the father wanting to be some place else (or something) reminds me of an X song with lyrics that go: "This is no place/ to be dreaming of another place" she is talking about Los Angeles. All in all good stuff, I liked your poem.

from elasticskies :

i loved your latest entry <333

from taxine :

for sure - go for it!

from taxine :

its the city that made me fall in love twice, and brought me back to earth.

from taxine :

im coming back!!! (so excited) we should hook up while im there. give me an e-shout if youre interested ([email protected])

from taxine :

im gone already. but i want to be back.

from substantial :

I liked "from the suburbs to the downtown city lights." You write very well.

from akindofmagic :

thank you. ♥

from bonnylisbon :

I can FINALLY read outoftunes diary again, but I still can't leave him notes.

from loathe :

. . ooh. That was so a low blow. I didn't say that there was anything wrong with it. Just stating a fact. ^_^

from loathe :

Glad you found someone that makes you happy dear. Told you that you were looking for some action. ^_^

from i-am-jack :

;^}' That would be pretty funny.

from bonnylisbon :

Have you had any contact with "out of tune" lately? I miss him so much! I can't leave him notes and his diary is usually just a blank black screen, WHAT'S GOING ON?!

from bonnylisbon :

I'm glad you got it out of your system.

from bonnylisbon :

It feels so awkward to say, "Hey, I really liked your new entry" when the person who wrote it was tramendously sad or troubled at the time. But I did really enjoy it and I love that song "asleep" by The Smiths.

from elasticskies :

dinosaur jr- water & david bowie- quicksand

from conjugate-me :

minus the bear - hey is that a ninja up there? & Mock Orange - She Runs The Rise & Moving Units - Between Us & Them. enjoy.

from rememberthat :

barenaked ladies, "blame it on me"

from elasticskies :

i loveloveloved your second to latest entry. i swear thats exactly how i feel. and im definitely adding your new diary. <3333333333

from loathe :

Good. If you actually want to talk, "[email protected]" is my MSN. Go ahead.

from bilgedasto :

that was what i was going for. if you thought that one was unimaginative, wait until you read the latest.

from loathe :

It depends on whose life you're talking about. Good and bad is all relative anyway. Right now, I'm actually feeling better than I have in a while.

from loathe :

Yeah, it is. . I apologize that I can't return that favor. My memory isn't what it used to be.

from bedperson :

loved your entry from 09.12.04 - "you and your..." funny and beautiful

from loathe :

You remind me of someone. . .

from stickyhearts :

i meant about your parents lol

from stickyhearts :

i hope things get better for you. <3333

from bonnylisbon :

P.S. He recently wrote me a really sweet note and I have no idea how to get back to him, when I click on his name a screen pops up informing me that this "user doesn't exist," BULLSHIT he doesn't exist!

from bonnylisbon :

He never e-mailed me back. It's so odd, his site is just blank. Maybe he's going through "something," hopefully he's ok.

from bilgedasto :

the photography website is currently in the early stages of development. as soon as the design work is complete i will let you know. i actually have blue eyes. they turn green in photoshop because i suck at color modification. if you want i can email you an unaltered picture.

from bilgedasto :

that is an accurate description of the live experience. don't worry. they will come around again.

from bilgedasto :

The crush is mutual! I see you also enjoy jets to brazil and the movie ghost world. Instead of sunglasses we should purchase identical studded leather jackets. The fancy imported type with secret pockets to conceal our knives. Then we would be truly hazardous. Oh yes I adore the ros and was fortunate to see them perform live a few years ago. It was undoubtedly the best concert I have attended. So stirring and impassioned. I wish they would return to california.

from bilgedasto :

thank you so much. i have found love in your words and pictures. excuse me while i listen to agaetis byrjin on repeat.

from eta-c :

i love your poems.

from eta-c :

from bonnylisbon :

Thanks so much, I think I'll do that...

from bonnylisbon :

How the hell do I get a hold of outoftune now? I try to click on his name in my profile to leave notes, but it says he doesn't exist? I haven't really "been around" lately, did I miss something?

from outoftune :

He's also a very talented ice sculptor. I mean, Canada, eh?

from outoftune :

Hey, you'd best figure out who David Foley is, chop-chop. I mean, the guy's running your life, for cryin' out loud.

from weedabeast :

Your writing is wonderful. Like a gentle creek. The meaning is subordinate to the flow and the rhythm. You extend into the words and let us feel you. Thanks.

from outoftune :

But everyone knows? That David Foley is the real power behind the Canadian PM.

from outoftune :

"I want you to hit me as hard as you can." I dunno, I go off on tangents? And the doctor can't seem to regulate my dosage.

from outoftune :

Would you hit a guy in glasses? What about a man in a coma? A boy on one of those annoying scooter things in the middle of the intersection? Eminem? A Bush supporter?

from outoftune :

[urgent communique from Denn Island] THINKING IN ACRYLIC COLO(U)RS STOP BELIEVE I HAVE THE UNIVERSE STUCK IN MY EYE STOP PLEASE SEND HOT TEA STOP REPORTS OF MY DEMISE ARE PREMATURE STOP GIVE LARRY MY BEST STOP DON'T EVER STOP STOP

from outoftune :

[inside secret club stuff] Like Bobby Drake would say: you are so cooool.

from bonnylisbon :

I wish I could tell you IT IS a good thing to get your hopes up, but I suppose I've learned as well that it's really really not a good idea. Goddamn it, that sucks!

from bonnylisbon :

How old are you? I don't think I'm much older then you, I'm nineteen, and I've gotta say, boys around my age (your age) are just so incredibly fucked up, you know? Just incredibly lost, so much in fact that you almost have to disregaurd everything they do and say that is hurtful because they're just so... clueless? Oblivious? I don't know what the word is, but I hope you get my meaning.

from bonnylisbon :

YOU ARE BREAKING MY HEART! Is your current entry about a boy? Oh boy, oh boys. They do some damage, don't they?

from outoftune :

You can't blame me for that, I have an airtight alibi.

from outoftune :

But now? She's a toilet cleaning robot. Hey! When she gets out? And she's back on her show? She can teach us how to make a shiv out of a toothbrush handle! Thank God for Tivo, huh?

from outoftune :

Um, but you're right: that is totally gay.

from outoftune :

I think? Hey, I'm not biased, they ARE cute. I'm talking adorable like puppies & kittens... I know! Hasselhoff! He was/is this uberstar in Germany and it soooo beggars the imagination. Still, if anybody can save me? He can. Because Martha Stewart's a little busy at the moment.

from outoftune :

Try subliminal suggestion. The cute glasses won't hurt, either.

from outoftune :

I'm still fuming over "wacky". It was the classical music from the baroque period, wasn't it? Wacky. I'm going home to watch Lost in Translation & Kill Bill, Vol. II now and, later, I'm going to be very introspective. Which is so not wacky......

from outoftune :

Again with the name calling.

from bonnylisbon :

OH WOW! Judging by your newest entry, you are growing up. You've surpassed me in ambition already. You may feel weird; driving, working, working out, being responsible. You're going to leave a couple of your buddies behind because it becomes too difficult to remain friends with people who remind you of how you don't want to be. All the friends I had growing up in high school now work, now drive, now work out, now go out, go out on dates, they go to "real colleges," and work real hard. I am so behind. This may be why I literally do not have any friends. I'm the goofball who rides buses, wastes away in community college because she can't decided what to do "with life," I don't work because I don't want to. Because I'm irresponsible, immature and lame. So, good for you missy. Grow up and be good at it.

from outoftune :

In our Mutual Admiration Society meetings? On Wednesday nights? Because Thursday night is when the chess club meets? And we're both pretty busy on the weekends? We'll serve club soda. Pursuant to local ordinances & regulations regarding consumption of alcoholic beverages. Later, though? When everyone's gone to bed? We'll pitch such a bitch.

from outoftune :

Larry, you're such an amazing writer.

from outoftune :

Yep, all I need is someone to write a response that doesn't sound like they're stressed out & ready to go all Hulk on somebody's ass? Yeah. Haha! Bling! I came, I saw, I laughed.

from outoftune :

Space Channel? YOU had a Space Channel? I never had a friggin' Space Channel.... I hate Canada so hard.

from bonnylisbon :

Is that person okay now? Getting help or whatever you're supposed to do?

from bonnylisbon :

I left that note ages ago. I was asking what you thought about your friend doing what she or he did. You know, about attempting suicide?

from outoftune :

Farscape? If you've never seen an episode you can't share my escape pod. Crush on Claudia Black optional.

from outoftune :

Three blocks? Home? If you're not finished? E-mail. I'll read it in the morning, promise. Stay warm, Geeky Scifi Girl.

from outoftune :

Send me poutine and we'll be even, eh? PS: I have fond memories of Canada. Some of which? Are in an antique box on my bookshelf. Truth is the core of all good fiction, Ms. Recluse, but they're easily confused. Ta-ta.

from outoftune :

I'm gonna let you slide on this whole nasty Dennis the Menace thing. I can see where you might've lost your head there for a second. It happens a lot to people in the food service industry and Canadians. Bon appetite, cher. But to insinuate I'm evil? Well, that's just mean.

from outoftune :

Dear Ms. Recluse, Hope your next pizza has an extra ingredient. <3, Dennis

from outoftune :

Gotcha, yeah, it's actually more of a mood setting than a scene but I get where, lacking TWO and THREE and FOUR, etc., it could leave the reader wondering where the hell they are... Fool the pizza people? Hey, those are the people MAKING your pizza, you don't mess around with those lunatics. Yeah, Dennis, really.

from outoftune :

Look, thank you, I appreciate the input. How did you think this latest stacked up to the first one for you? But call me Dennis? It works when I call my order in to Tiny Tim's Pizza.

from outoftune :

Since it seemed like you were looking for it: http://outoftune.diaryland.com/040608_13.html

from outoftune :

Dear Geeky Scifi Girl, All the best fiction has, like all the best people and at least to some degree or another, a core of truth. But, yes, it was mostly a fictious rough-draft of a later chapter for something I've finally gotten around to working on. My turn to ask, ok? What was it about that entry that got stuck in your drain? Sincerely, D.

from bonnylisbon :

So, about your last entry. Now that it's had time to settle, what do you think?

from bonnylisbon :

I am of the opinion that it's good to spend "way too much time thinking," but then again don't take my opinion too seriously, I'm pretty fucked up myself.

from bonnylisbon :

I really hope you don't lose "it." I'm not too sure what this "it" I'm talking about is, but it's a good "it." It's how you write, it's why you write, it's your sense of wonder, it's being able to take a city, which many consider depressing and cold, and turning it into something warm and welcoming. Hindsight is such a paradox, it's oh so fucking great and mindblowing, and oh so irritating and frustrating. I wish I could've maintained whatever you have that I'm so drawn to. I know I had "it," and people I knew had "it." I'd hate to think that it fades as you get older. Just... god, I don't even know what I'm trying to tell you. Just don't ever stop being amazing, got it?

from lovely-erica :

this is the most beautiful writing i have ever seen on diaryland. or anywhere for that matter. keep it going. it's great!

from outoftune :

Pssst: geeky scifi nerdcore = new hotness. Don't tell anyone.

from outoftune :

Straight-line thinking will get you places, but? Will it get us the android sex slaves we were promised in all those science fiction stories? I don't think so. Thus, I give you, as an example of the penultimate form of thought -vs- metaphor: the flight of the bee. I mean, honey/bumble/etc., pick a "b", any will do so long as you just, you know, be.

from bonnylisbon :

Well, I wouldn't say they're the "best" days of your life, but they CAN be pretty fucking special.

from onyxkiwi :

i am in love with your diary. wow man. <333

from bonnylisbon :

Are you still in high school? If so, listen to me... are you listening? It seems like it sucks a lot of the time, and it seems like people, the kids in particular are assholes, but I swear, you will miss it. You will miss it in weird ways, you will miss it in obvious ways, you will miss these times like no other because they will be like no other in your whole entire fucking life. Keep it in mind kiddo.

from outoftune :

What do I get for all the Bukowski I've swallowed? Thanks, I'm going to split my bonus points with that Russian gymnast who got screwed out of the gold.

from totheend- :

I have two compilations that each have a song by Melee on them... Thank you for suggesting them. I don't really remember much about the songs, but I will definitely check them out! Hearts.

from totheend- :

Your diary is amazing. Wish I could write like you... sadly, I can't even come close. I admire your honesty. Hearts.

from aquietboy :

okay. i don't know how to say this. i don't usually like photography. well, not a lot of it. but i just spent about an hour looking at all your pictures. and they're some of the most beautiful things i've ever seen. thank you for sharing that. thank you.

from aquietboy :

i live in london, and am in toronto on a fairly frequent basis....why?

from november-- :

oh ps metric owns.

from november-- :

definently. im liking yr diary girl, especially the poem that starts off with "i'm fine.", gonna keep reading. thnx for visiting c:

from gloryxxfades :

kthnx !!<33

from aquietboy :

she battered it around pretty good. let's leave it at that. and it all happened in the blink of an eye actually. maybe i'll tell you about it sometime.

from heartshaped :

brave new world is one of my favorites; everything else i'll have to check out. thank you so so much. <3

from gloryxxfades :

i wish i could write like you♥

from taxine :

i know the feeling (all too well)and i wish i could help

from gloryxxfades :

wow♥

from morceaux :

searching really isn't as much fun as everyone else makes it out to be, but i'll make you a deal: i'll promise i won't give up on it if you promise the same thing ♥

from taxine :

it feels like im reading the diary of an alternate me, i feel exactly the same. but i read that one entry called 'disappointed?' and it literally encompassed all of how i feel about my friends sometimes(most of the time), and i wished that i had found those words 'all your kings and queens, your knights and courtesses are only in it for the ball.' and then the follow up entry was another ditto, so i had to say, thanks for being one in a million.

from aquietboy :

allright. you win. the wedding will be next friday. be there. preferably in white.

from aquietboy :

oh don't be silly (though i am flattered). i'm not the type of boy you would want to marry. trust me. i'm strange.

from heartshaped :

(hi)

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