messages to insanegerbil:
(click here to add new message):

from rivergoddess :
hey its me river i was thinking that ur the only person that i feel like ican talk to even tho we havent talked that much for a while. r u on fb? or have an email? we should talk that way
from svenhard :
she is beautiful in many ways and i tell her every day. I think cow-orker was telling truth about the shoes, she was 'that type' of girl. also she was wierd shaped, with a long body and short legs, low slung arses look strange.
from smokin8balll :
I know it gotta B annoying as hell workin with idiots, but it sure is funny 2 read about, man. I couldn't help it. I waz sittin there readin your diary and laughin my ass off about them dumb fucks not knowin how 2 tell time and shit. LOL. That makes me think of this idiot that put the dope on the scale and then asked me how much a gram weighs. "A gram weighs a gram you stupid ass motherfuckin idiot!" lol. Anyway, you're a great writer and keep me intertained!
from svenhard :
every time you write about the fucknuts you work with i laugh a quiet, sad little laugh for you, in the land of the blind the one-eyed is king, you're currently looking like some kind of savant emperor, complete with humourous oversized brain
from smokin8balll :
Yo, hey, waz up. So what shitty city u livin n now anyway? I think bein rich is a state of mine. When I waz slinging dope I felt like I waz fuckin rich. I mean, I thought I had it made. Compared 2 a lotta people and big time dealers, it still didn't really have shit. But it sure as hell felt like it cuz it waz more than anybody in my family had ever made. But then it didn't pay off either cuz I ended up locked up in the pen for the next few yearz.
from svenhard :
hey, your life sounds ok to me (family, kid, house) it's just the jealous arseholes who surround you who drag you down, at least you've got perspective on the whole situation
from smokin8balll :
1-22-10. Yo, waz up homie? I'm ba-ack! Just got out the pen and thought I'd drop by diaryland and holla. Late.
from rivergoddess :
Porn is crazy! I actually just filmed it did all the camera work and my husband starred in it for a MILF site that she owns with her husband. It's pretty funny shit dude. We are thinking about doing our own soon, things are still a little in the air tho. <3
from svenhard :
thanks for your lovely words, i like gerbils too (and all small animals, but i had gerbils once and they were great). As a qualifier i would fancy wif even if she were obese but with the health issues that come with it i'd help her to lose weight for her own state of mind, but women taking a size 20-26 dress (UK or USA) still bring out the bone in me, and i'm not alone in thinking this, check out the stats for any BBW porn site for confirmation, feeling sexy is not dependant on the physical only the owners self-image of the physical
from svenhard :
it took me years to convince my wif that not only do i love her being fat (not obese tho) but i also will kiss every part of her body including stretch marks and 'ugly bits' because i love her and every part of her makes me genuinely horny, women have such low self esteem on body issues it's sad because 'nicely proportioned girls' are way sexier than anorexic, xylophone birds
from rivergoddess :
Hey remember me? Thinking about writing on here again. What have you been up to? <3 RiverGoddess
from guitarphreak :
Every book you have listed is amazing. As for sex. I rush it everytimne so it's over with faster. Doesn't matter if it's good or bad (anymore). It's easier to fuck people you don't love.
from abhorgod :
if youre hot, ill bang you =)
from rented :
Hi Nikki - I met you on DL back in 1999. I have been reading your diary that long! I love reading your words still. You are a great writer. I'm going through some of the same stuff you are. Will you email me at jenkrispy at yahoo dot com?
from downstares33 :
how long ago did you write that message to me? it's just weird, i didn't think anyone would still have me on their profile. miss you.
from abhorgod :
Haha, thanks. had to end somewhere i guess. works almost over but ill probably read some of your recent posts tomorrow and stroke your ego about how much i like them.
from floaty-ana :
just stoppin by to say hi :)
from for-you-only :
Hi. You filled out my survey once upon a time. Said you have fantasies about rape... well... This is my rape fantasies site: http://rape-fantasy.diaryland.com (username: dirty password: whore) It's got fantasies on it, as well as illustations. If you like what you find there, leave a note. I'll write requests if they're cool. ~Phoenix
from smokin8balll :
Yo waz up! Just wanted 2 holla at ya and say thanx 4 droppin a line in my notes 2 let me know u still out there and shit. As long as I got one loyal reader out there I'll keep on writin whenever I get da chance. I don't get much time on the net these days either, but maybe one day I'll have time to read up on da latest in your life 2.
from smokin8balll :
Yo, what up? I'm finally back. I guess if I wanna know what u doin I should fuckin read your diary, right? Haven't had time yet cuz I been usin all my internet time writin in mine, catchin up on all the bullshit thatz fuckin gone on lately 4 me. N E way, just thought I'd holla at ya and let you know I'M BACK!
from smokin8balll :
what up? i'm back.
from rivergoddess :
hey i was just thinking of you im me sometime poltergeist kat
from dizzigemini :
ur soo right,About "nuttier then a bag of trail mix-ryyyan" he didn't even call to wish me a happy 29th birthday. I don't know why I keep hooking up with inconsiderate guys..... such a bad pattern, i need to break. u make me laugh, I can't wait to hang out with you one day in the future...."cross fingers"
from girlsmad :
oh man, your hate is so beautiful. Whenever you describe people you loath it's so descriptive and im just like..god how i hate fuckers like that. glad to see you updated. I've been writing a memoir for a while so I don't update, i've gotten to page 75 which actually surprises me.i feel like were so old now..its scary. Are you legal to buy booze yet now? I dont even like drinking that much anymore, i feel like by 21 i'll be bored with it..so sad.
from dizzigemini :
mw being sweet or unsweet has no effect to the mother. she thinks something is messed up in my head to get naked infront of strange men. therefor I am not up to "standards" for her son. I... am ....trying to get a job at hooters..., yet at this point I'm holding a grudge against the mother and I hate the dad. It's ricco and I against them... it's a uneasy situation.
from smokin8balll :
1/24/06---I'd fuckin sell to ya if I was still dealing the shit. Fuck, I need to get the fuck out of this hell hole and go back to my own town and start slingin the shit again. God DAMN I miss drugs!
from dizzigemini :
i wanna send u a xmas card, so plz email me at junesoul2001@yahoooooo. take it easy. hugz
from dizzigemini :
what would i want 4 x-mas?..... well, it be nice to have my "crew" with me. Anna went banannas and fucked me over, like an evil crack-"coke" whore that she is.... jose and larry have not spoke to me bkuz i owe them 2 grand each..... and arthur....is otherwise busy with the control freak gfriend that "ownes" him. I miss my crew, i miss what we all once shared. I miss their smiling faces and making jokes and .....hanging out. All i can hope for is the best for them and when the time is right, a new crew will surround me. For now, I have ricco, ((yay)) and I wanted him LAST X-mas, so I GOT what i want, ...really.... <3<3<3.
from rabbitpulse :
hey man, i just read a shit load of your old entries. I couldn't read them for a while. Good luck with the coke habit..i was gonna say something else but ive forgotten. I live with my boyfriend now..still in the city. I still think it'd be sweet to meet you. But its so fucking cold these days. Id love to update more but i'm just too god damn lazy. i feel so old being 19. like i'd write about so much when i was 17 cause nothing was going on but its like now i can't write about the dirty look the cashier at walmart gave me because i'm too fuckin busy or lazy.
from rabbitpulse :
i don't use girlsbad because i think my mom found it. Whereve you been? I've been meaning to talk to you. For one, I noticed what you were talking about when you were 19 & I was 18. In one of your entries you were like "this is it, this is the peak of my beauty its all downhill from here" I've been having crazy existential dilemma regarding shit like that. Plus I recently read this book "fishbowl" and i was totally reminded of you by the character Emma, you should read it. It's pretty funny, good to have you back.
from girlsmad :
i miss your writing
from rivergoddess :
lol well it's like it scared the shit of me and the doctor just blew it off like it was nothing. But shit, it just didn't seem like it was nothing though.
from rivergoddess :
You just do what you've got to do.
from totallyyou :
yeah, no prob. i'll send it to your e-mail if you're willing to tell me what it is over notes. if not, just e-mail me at rockinthaboat@hotmail.com and i'll reply.
from rivergoddess :
You want long hair? Yo ucan have mine I'm sick of it I just want to cut it all off gah. It's about 2 inchs longer then my mid back and it's just annoying in the summer time....can't wait to cut it.
from girlsbad :
hey thanks for the compliment, i only wish i could see myself the way others do. I just gotta realize sometimes you do the envying, sometimes you're the one being envied. it's like a cycle of low self esteems
from propel :
Hey girl. I want to see a picture of you. Do you have any online? I'm sure your hair looks fantastic. I hope you're doing good, I miss you.
from rivergoddess :
I've talked to a few of my friends and they all say that it's be cool if I got my name changed. If I did change my last name I wouldn't know what it would be. Anyways how long did it take to get your name changed?
from girlsbad :
whenre you comin to the city?
from dizzigemini :
yea... visit.... here... or I will visit there.... wherever.....sure....fun times to be had.
from clarity25 :
You know, I've always wanted to work at Blockbuster. When I was 16 and 17 I applied to all of them..I received ONE interview and they didn't take me. It was my dream to work in a video rental store. Well..it isn't any more. I missed the opportunity..but I made up for in with Bartending. You should try that, I think it's a job you'd love and the pay is great. You're right..I left out a lot, It wasn't really a overview of the decade..just the parts I cared about. haha. But I DID mention britney in one line. This one: "...I think the "coolness" of the 90's officially ended with the arrival of Britney Spears, the Backstreet Boys and N-sync. It just all went down hill from there." take care, Nikki!
from girlsbad :
hey what did you say on my voicemail. i can't hear shit.
from propel :
Broad! Where have you been!? I thought you were dead? Welcome back! I missed you!
from abhorgod :
its been a long, long, long drunk.
from propel :
Hey you...are you alive? I'm worried. Email me.
from rivergoddess :
I tried to send you the movies, bu t it wouldn't because it said you have too much mail in your inbox.
from rivergoddess :
Well I just got that bedroom just before last summer when my dad finished building it, before that I shared a bedroom with my sister upstairs. So things looked differently a couple of years ago, I was in a different room.
from propel :
What do you hate?
from rivergoddess :
Everytime I watch Color Me the ending makes me smile. I'll try sending DXM in a couple of days because I'm going to try to get the one I just finished last class up, it's called "God?". That's a funny one.
from girlsbad :
all better
from rivergoddess :
I sent you both movies but it gave me a thing that said it wouldn't let me send you the DXM movie. It's weird, I don't know know why.
from clarity25 :
You know it's funny, My hair keeps turning redder and redder after each washing. I think this is due to having previous platinum bleached hair and then using this dye over it. I was lucky it didn't turn pink though, you're right. This was his response to my new haircolor by the way: "I came home expecting my blond wife and this punk girl greeted me..Holy shit, C.!... that washes out right?!" I guess he doesn't like it.
from girlsbad :
haha! interesting dream. For the record my hair isn't blue anymore :), but word. Crazy shit is, I was drunk last night & put on isaac's lame ass hot topic choker he used to wear in highschool just for the fun of it. Weird. it wouldnt of had to of had spikes on it would it??
from clarity25 :
uh..Thanks for your uplifting comment. LOL. I hear what you're saying and I can always count on you to "tell it like you see it", but the truth is that he HAS and DOES go out to nightclubs without me when I'm visiting my family in New York. Sometimes, Yes, I get jealous when he tells me about some girl flirting with him or whatever. But we give eachother freedom and Eric doesn't have a problem with me going out either. At any rate..connecting Sarah Polley and Angelina Jolie. Quite a feat:)
from clarity25 :
"that's like one of my main conversation openers..."let me see your dick".", I couldn't stop laughing!! That was a great entry..for the record,Believe it or not I've never seen an uncircumsized dick in person either. Only in pictures.
from girlsbad :
?what part of the city are you in
from inherentgoth :
Dude... deans list... what's serious. Now you're playing with the big boys [/sarcasm.] No really what's goin on. I'm sorry I took this long to hit ya back. Uh yeah I'm a drunk girl like that.
from propel :
Sweet! You smart bitch you. Congrats! You are amazing...I'd love to read your paper...
from guitarphreak :
hah..yeah. i read prozac nation then more,now and again. holy...repetative. to me, it all sounded like she was feeling a bit too sorry for herself. i like her writting none the less tho. take care. -nic xox
from insanegerbil :
note to self:just stop it.
from girlsbad :
it trips me out cause I still say "when i grow up"..when exactly is that, when i'm 50?
from crazycutter :
Good way to do it. I find talking out an essay helps get me started, only I can never remember what I said afterwards so its not so effective.
from crazycutter :
Not bad. Run a spellchecker over it before you submit it though. I have to wonder whether it isn't possible for those of us who SI or used to, to be normal on a par with the person who occasionally binge-drinks, but not regularly enough to be called an alcoholic. Just a thought.
from propel :
Damn girl, that is awesome. You are really smart. I would give you an A+! And extra credit! Very good report skills.
from girlsbad :
i swore i'd lose my virginity before I turned 19 an i lost it like last month.
from girlsbad :
hey whats goin on, just checking up on you since you disappeared on me, yeah my new name is lame...i know.
from meowangel12 :
DO YOU LIVE?? i hope you do. because @ my end of the world it is pretty lonely not seeing a note in like months.
from xxbastardxx :
Thanks for all the tips, but actually I just cut my mohawk off not too long ago. As for the mohawk thing at the bottom of my page lol its a quote from a song by AFI. I am going to get a new mohawk soon though as soon as my hair grows back out enough to make for a decent one.
from xxbastardxx :
I find your diary to be absolutely amazing. I saw a lot of me in you, or at least a lot of what I used to be and it made me miss the girl I was. Thank you for opening my god damned eyes. I sat here trying to be something else for everyone in my life and its time to say fuck that because this isn't really who I am. My sincerest appreciation. --Miss Bones
from darkdemon3 :
goodness back off i'm getting my hair cut
from darkdemon3 :
thanx i'm going 2 get my hair cut
from clarity25 :
Hey thanks for your notes, I was just thinking the same thing.."holy shit my life is sweet".. well, something along those lines, then I read your entry. Strange:). My birthday is a secret, but if you write me an E-mail at Clarity25_1978@yahoo.com, I'll give it to you. I hate being wished "Happy Birthday", So I never put the date in a place where anyone can find it. Yes..I AM strange.:).
from meowangel12 :
darkdemon3's uncle. if you didn't know me and her are cousins. it was real sad because you could tell by her face she was upset. but then again who wouldn't be upset.bye
from meowangel12 :
hi! i haven't had a chance to talk lately and i haven't seen you around so leave me a note!
from poetichealth :
don't listen to them sweetie - they don't know, i don't know, so no one should judge u like tht.
from crazycutter :
Quite keen on System of a Down myself, though I've only the one album by them. Don't think - with the exception of the Beatles - I've really listened to your other favourites though.
from poetichealth :
:) thank u - i just know from expierience. if i hadn't cut myself, i wouldn't understand. i have "friends" who were like "oh my god! u cut yourself!? why?! don't do that it's soooo stupid!" the goody goody ones who've never had ANYTHING wrong with them. and then they try to tell ME what's stupid? i hate that.
from meowangel12 :
oh. she didn't tell me that part. see ya round!
from poetichealth :
yea - like if they give a damn to notice what you're doing, even if u don't want to stop. tht's how it was last yr - like, "does anyone care? does anyone notice?" when i started doing it this year, i'd discreetly make it so my teachers would SEE the cuts on my wrist - and wait for them to ask what happened. to notice and CARE about what i did to myself, becuz they wanted, not that they felt obligated. one teacher noticed me flicking the rubber band on my arm to make it bleed. one teacher. ONE cared.
from meowangel12 :
hi! just saying hi. so i hear you talk to my cuz(darkdemon3) some. how do you like her?
from poetichealth :
i hate that. when you're damaging urself, right in front of ur mother and she doesn't even notice. why the hell else would u eat all that food?! it fuckin sucks! when i cut last year, nobody seemed to notice that whenevr i had a fight with my parents, id run into the bathroom and stay there for awhile. did they think it was a coincidence that i got cramps everytime time they pissed me off?
from propel :
yeah, that really is bullshit about the food...I've grown up with people giving me shit about what I'm eating. That's why I horde my food in big piles, and even though I can't eat alot, now I just eat nothing but the bad shit. If anyone ANYONE even my boyfriend tries to give me shit about what I'm eating, i.e., "You don't need that" I get seriously pissed. On a lighter note, bulimia is not safe...that stomach acid is going to kill you. Please be careful. I won't tell you what to do...just be careful...cause that shit can kill you as fast as drugs if not faster.
from dizzigemini :
this summer I may be able to offer u a job.... (jokeing here of course, at the "pay" amount) ..paying 4 dollars an hour.!!! Heeh haw hee haw yee haw. Ahhh, so funny. Anyways. It will prolly be closer to 10-to-15 an hour, which is not bad for a summer-time job. All in due time, we shall see...what happends. okay.
from dizzigemini :
everything is happening for a greater purpose, and i kNOW u detest me typeing that. trite and unhelpful as it reads. I can identify with your experience of being Hella shocked to be "cut off" from cash supply. breathe deeply and remember "easy does it" with the freak-out wave of "whdda am I gonna do" anxiouty toppels over ya like a ocean wave. Ride the wave, and go with the flow. I am honostly amazed time and again, of the ability u got to manuver urself outta tricky situations...and good comes outta it and u write about it in a way that shows it taught you the very lesson it was ment to. U have done it b4, and I KNOW u will shine BRIGHT ... SOMETHING POSITIVE will manifest. *hugg* I am going to call that number 860-712... soon, like maybe tonight, sunday april 3. or even monday the 4th. I will leave a message, if I don't reach u. Also.... I would remind u of a entry I read, yet... they are all gone, so I can't back-up my "compliment".... but U KNOW, that I KNOW, it is VALID. and knowing is all that matters. Ok leo.!!!
from poetichealth :
good luck with everything, hun!
from clarity25 :
P.S. I'm not on a ruthless quest to collect subscribers or Bookmarks. I don't understand how you got that impression.
from clarity25 :
I was just teasing. I'm not personally offended in any way. I think you misunderstood my last note.
from clarity25 :
ouch, I feel like I've been dumped!:). Just kidding, thanks for your kind words any way.
from dizzigemini :
whaa why.... whattt... what cha go and do that for? what happened/ ? did u get found out? did u haveta cover ur tracks? whats up, there was some samazing reaDS in there. Why didn'y u just ptrivate entry them? I'm about to do that with all my strripper entries..... let me know whats happening. Ohh when can I call u at that number?
from darkdemon3 :
ya but kayla's cool wantya be friends? ps parent lock so no chatrooms which sucks
from meowangel12 :
hi i recieved your note. my cuz wants to know if you would leave her a note. darkdemon3. your so lucky to get snow. we hardly ever get snow. Bye for now. meowangel12.
from rivergoddess :
haha, Yeah she's super skinny and really tall my sister. Her pant's size is like a 1, it'a amazing. And her pants were actually a really pale blue but because of the fact the pictures were black and white and I played with the contrast a bit, it looks white.
from meowangel12 :
hi!!!!!!!! do you remember me from Tuesday. kaliegh maybe or meow. those kept coming on the screen. maybe i'll see you in chat again. BYE!!!!!!! meowangel12(meow)
from vampyrenot :
yeah i know but the servers are still shit so i can't
from girlsmad :
your entries are so much more fun to read while on coke.
from dizzigemini :
hey u.... can u read "funny tummy" AGAIN... and figue out ... when I SHOULD freak out, do I just go "ept" NOW and get it outta my head or wait,.... i'm so stoopid I swear....
from dizzigemini :
"coffee, tea or coke?that's the question." hey nichole that was a very well processed and focused entry, well done!!! It was informative direct and super right on. Keep up that train of thought and you'll breeze threw psy-class.!!! YaY!!! :P *huggz
from girlsmad :
haha "i know you can't help the bone structure you were born with, but damn.". I'm so quoting you on that.
from vampyrenot :
yes thanx, my favorite quote from Nietzsche is "you have your way , i'll have my way, as fro the right way teh correct way, the only way -it does not exist" i love manson so much -he is the reason i am alive :)
from girlsmad :
I made the same mistake with the class in the morning. you like pump yourself up then you wake up an you're like "yeah fuck that.." haha. i got the same problem with the vodka. I don't get fucked out of my head anymore, i just remain buzzed all day. i don't know which is worse. u should gimmie a call sometime, i like our drunken conversations.
from vampyrenot :
hello just noticed your diary kewl i like the template ;)
from clarity25 :
I like your new template..Oh and I checked out the Dizzi-quotes, those are awesome. (Or maybe I should go to her diary and tell her that myself) Yeah well..er.., thanks for your advice, I'll start searching the ground for money. lol. Man, My life sucks!
from dizzigemini :
hey,nichole... i c u got bored with ur old template..... the new one is kicken, i really dig the lips.... those are super... are they called..."favicons"?.... anyways, i've been hang'n with a guy the past week, and not able to "talk" girl talk.... but i will call when i return to miami, from my phone, on my time.... :P ..... I always wished my parents named me KIMBERLY.... kim... kimber...kimmy.... kimme-bimmy-bo-bimmy-banana-anna-bo-immy-kimmmmberly..!!! FUN name..... unlike... "rubyjune"..... aka "dizzi".... shot girls make BANK!!! yo.!! go 4 it.
from dizzigemini :
yo!! how do i go about putting a "quote".... section in my diary.... like u did wit urs..."dizzi quotes says what".....
from golions3jmac :
lol if you want a pic just leave me ur email on my notes, aight?! But dont be thinkin ur gonna get a pic without me gettin one. lol laters now. - mac
from dizzigemini :
... i don't kno what i was thinking, i had to be the one to take ur post off of MY message place (not ther other way around)... heh heh... that was a idiot moment of mine.... ha ha.... i swear common sence isn't to common with me at times, huh>? Yeah... um, so I will give ya a call soon.... I will call. I will. LA mykee is still calling me, and hana IS his current grrrlfriend, he is such a slut puppy. I swear. I'm ignoring him and his petty attempts at hooking up. He got sick, and tried to blame me.... well I told him not to kiss me, but he said... "i don't get sick".... ha ha. thats his karma for fuking around .... lol....
from crazycutter :
Can you emasculate a woman?
from golions3jmac :
thanx for the note.. if you read my junk you should totally just go ahead and sign my guestbook. it could use the love. laters! - mac
from dizzigemini :
Nnnnichole....I got the #..... take it off ur site b4 the stalkers get-cha!!! Omg.... I merely said to check it out, not post on her site so she could.... find out and maybe find this..... *jeez*.... ur right what's done is done, but.... u know..... I wanna stay outta the war zone. :@
from crazycutter :
Copacetic isn't a word you see very often. Well, not on diaryland anyway.
from dizzigemini :
omg u are crazy..... ha ha..... u just started world war 3...... between the "live journal" couple and ..... i'm the casuality..... ha ha.... holy shit..... u know she is going to find OUT..... N.O.W.... *right* ......slaps my head and rolls the eyes..... drama in la..... drama.....drama.... as if u didn't think the current situation was sticky AS WAS????? I don't know to ...laugh at this or to.... not because I feel for that girl, in a sympathetic way.... I don't know how to feel. actually. Oh MY gow NIKKI!!!! what was u thinking?!!!!
from dizzigemini :
its sad to read about roxy..... that was a bad trip. I wudda revenged the mom to hell, fucked up her best shoes or most beloved item.... sold it and rubbed it in her face, somehow.... but I'm petty like that sometimes. I know how painful that mustta been..... i'm so sorry. makes me wanna cry, u kno. :(
from clarity25 :
"i'm 27, i hook on the side, and i smoke alot of crack" - Your conversation with that guy that approached you while you were typing that entry had me cracking up!
from dizzigemini :
here is a puzzel 4 u to piece.... u got a live journal diary--right? check out cell-o-shred and dream-hana .... and then on my site find entry "is 3 way cheating"..... let me know ur outcome, and I will inform u on the reward. he hee. we are so miscevious!!!!
from dizzigemini :
omg... I am in a over size baggy dirty sweat shirt.... my hair is a grease ball, and got my glasses on, looking dorky.. and I have been shoo-ing off guys all night....well, morning, being I got to the inter net cafe at 4 am and it's now 10... holy shit...it's 10 fucking 30 am!!!... well anyways, 5 guys at least have sat next to me asking the same questions..... I swear, I get no peace. EITHER. I feel ya girl. when ya gonna call me? when ya heading to california? I m moving here. miami sucks.
from rivergoddess :
Becuase I have just about had it with men in genral and it wouldn't have been so bad if one of my friends who I care about more said that instead of him.
from girlsmad :
'go away.you're nosy as hell.and your breath smells.and you're ugly.and you're shoes are dirty.and you're clothes don't match.and that hat looks dumb.' hahahahahhaha
from girlsmad :
my phones working again, do you think you can make it on Sat?
from clarity25 :
Yeah diaryland can be funny like that, there's also alot of little mini-dramas going on. I can't even keep up with them. I just take it all with a "grain of salt". (I sound like my grandmother) Your last note had me laughing, here are my answers, "Would clarity sleep in that position?" haha..I usually sleep in a fetal position curled up next to Eric, I hold him like a pillow. Sometimes I sleep on my stomach too... what position were you referring to? As for prepping a canvas, I always use an acrylic wash of burnt umber over every canvas and the underpainting entirely in acrylic, then go over in oil. If I was hit by a drunk that said "Yo sexy", I would smile, which usually disarms them and get away as soon as possible. I find that smiling at people instead of responding coldly prevents a bad confrontation. Sometimes however, this works to my disadvantage. Such as said "drunk retard" assuming I like him and following me. As for drinking coffee, yes, Clarity drinks TOO MUCH coffee all day long, in combination with energy drinks. As for cigarettes, I smoke about 10 a day, I guess. It used to be more, now it's just when I go out drinking for the most part. As for lunch, I rarely eat lunch but a veggie wrap usually does it for me. haha..I don't know if that answers the questions! I'm flattered that you asked! Okay, now I'm going to crash, it's pretty late here in Germany. (I'm 6 hours ahead of New York)
from clarity25 :
Now I have to check out Dizzi..
from clarity25 :
That entry had me cracking up, I don't think you have any idea how cool and funny you are. (or maybe you do) haha .."WWCD", I was seriously flattered by some of the things you said, and just when my head began to inflate.. you knocked me down again. "I don't even actually like her!". lol! Damn! But you know, I think you're wrong about us not being able to chill. I don't think I would have to change to hang out with your group, or you would have to change to hang out with mine. I think we would just "get eachother", you know? Because despite the fact that we might seem different, it's only cause you never met me at your age. And to be honest, I envy your strength, your straight-forwardness and your ability to always stay true to yourself, no matter what shit happens to you. You just say it like it is. I hope you and my sis get to hang out, and who knows..maybe we'll meet up too when I visit home next month.
from rivergoddess :
All that war shit I learned like in first grade who won and shit like that.
from girlsmad :
the way you dealt with those guys hitting on you had me cracking up, i sent you a couple emails by the way.
from girlsmad :
for emails i mean
from girlsmad :
i really like that entry for some reason. i don't have any pics of me online. There are only like 3 pictures of me on Earth & I'm wasted in everyone cause that's the ONLY time i allow someone to take my picture. If I'm sober & someone takes one I will not let them go until they delete it, either that or i'll expose their film... i liked your pics tho, theyre pretty. If you're still up to coming to nyc, i'm not gonna be back till the 7th or so(christmas break) it kinda sucks but whatever. Is your internet back up yet?
from clarity25 :
I've been meaning to leave you a note for a while, you are going through some difficult and serious struggles right now. I know you're going to get through this though, I'm sorry for the pain in your stomach and it's brave and strong of you to keep the Baby. I hope that things calm down, and you feel better. I hope you can make it to New York to see my sister cause I know she's dying to get together with you. I hope you have a good christmas this year. If you ever want to write me an E-mail, feel free (Clarity25_1978@yahoo.com). I've been through a similiar situation, but I can't talk about it in the notebox. -Clarity
from girlsmad :
glad to hear your brothers out. I'm visiting my bro on the 26th, its gonna be so depressing but i hope i can cheer him up or some shit. well if you do come to ny we can like not do drugs if you want. i saw the tree the other day, it was huge but it kinda cause they turn off the lights after a certain time which is stupid as fuck. i still think ice skating could be sweet. how much is a train ticket by the way? you can always call whenever or if you're drunk & lose your local numbers
from girlsmad :
"accidental crack head" hahhaha, but on to more serious shit. i can't believe you're pregnant...god thats so ksjd;lfjasl;kfj are you freaking out? I always told myself if i ever got pregnant i'd just do drugs consecutively each day until the thing died or I did because having a baby would suck too much. either that or punch my uterus like 60 times and if that didnt work...i'd just stop eating. I mean having a miscarriage is a lot easier than paying a shitload of money for an abortion i guess. it might not be healthy but what is these days. i dont know, i hope you're not offended by my complete lack of care for fetuses i just hate children. especially ones that just sneak up on you like that, fuckin assholes.
from midnightrum :
hey nikki whats up havent talked to you in forever. so are you gonna have the baby?
from girlsmad :
oh yeah my password is "crocodile" not umbrella, i dont know what the fuck i was thinkin
from girlsmad :
haha my mouse is broken so i have to use "tab" for everything so while it was scrolling down all your notes i took a shot an the SECOND i was done it was on "leave a note"..ahhhhh anyway as i was saying, i really want you to come man. tomorrow i'm gettin an 8ball an i'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excitied but i'd really like to meet you just for the sake of like, knowing eachothers diary shits n stuff i think it'd be sweet ummm. wow my sis left a long ass note. CLARITY I LVOE YOU!!! so yeah, you can call me cause i guess your internet isnt working. My room mate is really excited to meet you an i think we could have a lot of fun. i'm so pissed right now i went to this bar an it was just full of fucking losers, like...even the people i bummed cigarettes off of were fucking retarded. i just hate everyth ing right now annn blah blah blah, gimmie a call. oh yeah you can leave me a note an if you can't get my password via your email its' umm.......umbrella i think. I dunno i forgot, later.
from clarity25 :
Okay, I feel like shit today myself, but it sounds like you're doing worse. I don't have the right words to make you feel better, and I don't have the solution. I can say that I've been there, in a very similiar place. I know the frustration of wanting to change, but not knowing what to do. Feeling like a failure and than just accepting it. Feeling lost and just thinking "whatever", falling into it. It's a hard place to be in, but you'll come out of it and you'll find your way. I can say that prostitution is not the answer (smiles) but in Germany, you get great health care benefits. I always wondered about being a stripper myself. Seriously though, you should pursue art. That's what you love, right? Go for it, once you get started it gets easier to stay on the path. Things can feel really dark when your in a low place, but when you come out of it. You realize it's not as bad as it seems. (I don't know if any of this helped) Hope you feel better
from dizzigemini :
I believe "love" or that feeling for another, will save you from all that is evil. I was 16 when my drug dealing 26 year old male friend gave me lsd and ask me to move to NY with him, was gonna buy me a boob job, get me a fake ID, and... Blah-Zay-Blue,... and all I said was "but I love my boyfriend, can he come too?"... of course he said "NO!"..... and I said, "well, I love him and I'm not leaving". And that was That. Love saved me from an entirely different future. Love sucks. Fuck Love. Yet.... it has it's magic.
from dizzigemini :
I bought that book "once now again" by the wurtzel girl. I haven't started it...yet. And whats ur problem.... "hooking" is yet another form of abuse. SELF-ABUSE. It's one thing to do drugs, it's also self abuse, yet vastly different from sexual abuse. Addicts abuse one'self enough. Fuck that Nikki, your prettier then that and have a bigger heart then to be a hooker. Get your mind into a ligher place. Stripping is abusive as well, I'm about to write a very long entry on this topic. The "stripping industry" as I-we know it, is morphing into a sexual-revolution, as evolution does. Like the red light dist in Amsterdamn. It's .... not for me any more. I'm getting into bartending. Then going from there. ((sorry so long))
from dizzigemini :
From the deepest softest mushy-ist place in my heart, (whats left of it at least), I have to say, Thank You. For what? --For being kick-ass, ganster REAL YO!!! and I respect that. I thrive off of that and .... it's flattering to my Jaded Fucked up Out look, and your comments keep it real for me. because... I'm fucking Lost. HRS doesn't even know, and I'm .... now looking forward to reading YOUR comments. Ahhh, how the tables have turned. No, You Rock!!!!. Now, go be pretty and model some more. It's easy work with greatlazy pay and even greater deboutchery hazy daze, day after day after day...... *heart* (i forgot how to do the heart) *muah*
from clarity25 :
The only reason I remember the clubs I've been to is because I steal the posters off the bathroom stall doors!!:), Oh..what you wrote as a response to your sister telling you that you were her "bestfriend" for some reason had me cracking up. I think your relationship with your sis is actually really sweet. I consider my sister my bestfriend..although lately, I don't know. You probably talk to her more than I do..Jesus. As for the image on the template, No..although I chose it because of the strong resemblance, that's the one image in my entire diary I can't take credit for.
from agothagoth :
fine i guees im just pissed at nothing. sorry gor being such an ass. we can meet if you want i guess... i live in indy. where do you live?
from agothalink :
wow! your the worst poser ive ever heard of damn you act like you all cool and shit but you aint motherfucking homo.
from dizzigemini :
no... really....does it really cause puffy eyes.....I think I am just AGE-ing..... u r teezing me, in my vunerable state of mind, hurting my feelings.... bad pudty-cat....
from clarity25 :
Hey, thanks for the note! I gave my sis your message. I hope you guys do end up meeting, I'm a bit envious. Wish I could meet you as well, I think the three of us would have quite a time.
from rivergoddess :
yeah i think iread all of the ann m. martin books too, they fuckin' rocked
from midnightrum :
Nikkie...Superman IS dead!
from dizzigemini :
can u email comontegus, and ask her to give me a code to view her diary. I always enjoyed reading her style of expressing thoughts. send it onward to email... junesoul2001@yahoo.com, thankx.
from girlsmad :
I really want to meet you. I got 500 bucks and I live in nyc...think of the possibilities...Email me. Laurfayce@yahoo.com
from dizzigemini :
money these days for all has been like air, u know it's there, it's all around, yet... un grabbable. I feel ya, sista'. *big hug
from clarity25 :
hey, your last entry..written in 2040, made me think about alot of things. I'm too tired right now to attempt to express all of it. (it's 3:30AM) but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about the problems with your boyfriend, I hope that works out. I had a similiar problem with a past boyfriend, I can relate to the frustrations you were expressing. Hope things start looking up.
from ihaveslept :
Cheer up, girl. Drugs and boobs are not the end of the world. Best wishes.
from smokin8balll :
8/10/04---"Life Is This" was a very facinating entry. I really enjoy reading shit like that.
from darkredblood :
love you xx
from clarity25 :
Happy belated Birthday!!:)
from bellhead :
I can see you forgetting your own number.... how often do you call yourself. ? haha. It just weirded me out, that's all. Why would you forget your boyfriend's phone number? Especially after being together for 2 or 3 years. And why ask the 'other girl' for it. I dunno. All I do know is that you're beautiful.
from ihaveslept :
it was one of the most formidable concerts i have ever witnessed. i go to more shows than i'd comfortably admit. you write so much. constantly searching, twisting, revisioning. and your reading nietzsche suggests a philosophic nature. if you ever get calm enough to read more, i believe you could benefit from many philosophers. i relied on nietzsche, drugs, and joy division when my life turned to shit. i hope things start to look up for you. summer's here.
from girlsmad :
"i'm tired of the effort involved in life." You know through all your rambling I frequently find the most true to life, thought provoking quotes in your entries. It's been good reading your diary, & exchanging notes. Take care. ps: I really would like to meet you someday, perhaps with my sister too. If you're ever in nyc or something, you should leave my sis a note. Later
from ihaveslept :
i'm not sure i even like fabulous muscles. a promise will always be the greater masterpiece. i saw xiu xiu live in hamburg in may, i think, and that was absolutely brilliant. we took a lot of pictures. it was great. and jamie was great. i adore the lyrics, but they aren't exactly brilliant works of poetry, i think. i love music, but i hate hype of any kind. wonderful stuff, though. a promise has recently been reissued on vinyl. only two hundred copies have been issued. and i'm on the dole. oh no.
from clarity25 :
Thanks for your note earlier, I know you can relate to the things I've been going through, you've been on that boat and you know the pain. Your previous entry on your own brother was so moving. Thanks for being there for me and my sister, means alot more to me, than you probably realize.. p.s. those are beautiful new pics on your layout.
from smokin8balll :
7/30/04---Yeah, just gotta say you have that right. Marilyn Manson is fucking HOTTTTT! Yup.
from ihaveslept :
as i've written about, a few of my best friendships have been based on the tell-everything mentality. but it simply binds too much. i love your entry for today, by the way. practically nineteen and almost twenty is good. you like xiu xiu a lot? i'm continuously impressed by you relative eliteness.
from ihaveslept :
friends have obligations to help whenever they can. and sometimes they can't help without ruining the friendship. the persistence of loss is too much to handle for most people. but thank you for the advice. in addition, i really don't think people should read your diary. it makes everything too difficult to write. for me, at least.
from ihaveslept :
whenever i feel like shit, i drop valium. the most effective antidepressant in the world. but addictive like nothing else.
from stark197 :
thanks for the message well leave me more and then we can chat
from midnightrum :
Yea I could see what youre talkin about. I can tell you though I ain't bored. Its not the best ime ive ever had but Im just kinda in between right now. But Im the kinda person who enjoys sleeping late and and relaxing during the time when you don't have to do anything (ie. the summer...) I just figure you may as well enjoy it while youve got the time off. The thing that makes it hard to say I wanna play baseball is that I really dont enjoy it as much as I should, but Im just too damn good at it. O well i guess the big league salary could appease some of those doubts :D
from special-one :
hey, thank you :)
from sexxie101 :
why?
from joecartoon :
Ummm... I'm not super high on a goth chick, but if I were to be it'd probably be on a hot gothic barbiedoll. Thanks for the note.
from bellhead :
Thanks babe. I am glad I still have a reader or two out there. xox
from jillykins :
Look I think me and you got off on the wrong foot, and you maybe got an inaccurate impresson of me (or maybe I am really STUPID). So perhaps we could start off again? Cause you really seem like the type of person i could get along with.
from floaty-ana :
hehe i was toying with the idea of gettin my maddona done but piercings n kids dont mix i have to wear a clear stud to work n the lil bastards still pull it!
from ihaveslept :
i rarely write while under the influence. i often find my output to be crap. usually, in fact. at least if we're talking downers. in the spirit of kerouac, i've written some interesting things while on amphetamine, but not much. i prefer to keep a relatively sound mind. either way, i'm adding you as a favorite. i'll try to catch up on some of your entries and get in your head, all in due time.
from clarity25 :
I've also does some pretty strange yet beautiful paintings while under the influence. Also I'm so attached to my record player and have that same Mama's and the papas album. you know, that former comment you had made about me being "admirable vernacular"..I had to look that up!
from ihaveslept :
hello. i thank you for your words. it is most kind. i think you will enjoy my diary in the future. i have been away, but i am back. i'm currently trying to "get into" your diary. but with so many entries, i am left clueless as to where to begin. xiu xiu, by the way, kick ass.
from dawnavive :
Don't worry about it I was not insulted at all. None offense taken. I'm just not into answering questions like that. I mean I don't find it to be beneficial to the conversation. But either way I look forward to talking to you again. Have a good one.
from girlsmad :
why sunflower seeds
from insanegerbil :
i am mean.big shit.i'm not leaving you a fuckin note either, nerd.
from jillykins :
You are mean, you sya you hate being stereotyped,WELL WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT TO ME SO?? And I wouldn't mind only you seem like a nice person!!
from rock-chick27 :
Thanks for the note ! I tried to fix the image with photobucket. Is it working now ? :-) A barbeque or swimming are great ideas ! If only it wouldn't be raining over here... xXx Cayin
from rivergoddess :
one model place or something like that. i got more acceptences for being in videos 2. so cool
from floaty-ana :
i know it sucks, but i'll get myself sorrted eventually..i hope he does to. thanx for your note, im sorry about your brother..
from smokin8balll :
7/14/04---Hey, that's crazy about you being all into the Beatles and shit. From the time I was 14-17 I was all fucking into the 60's and 70's, obsessed with the Beatles, and known as "the hippie chick". lol. It's so weird some of the stuff we have in commen. It's fuckin crazy.
from girlsmad :
thanks for the heads up. that shit was so nasty, worse than lemon extract oil. It's times like these I know I'll never live past 30..i could write a book about the stupid shit i do when i'm bored.
from girlsmad :
i tried nutmeg, it didn't do anything for me. I mixed the powder with water to drink it. That's the first time I tasted something so dry in liquid form ever, I could only hold it down for about 30 minutes, think that's why I didn't get anything out of it?
from cut-ur-wrist :
hey read a little bit of your diary... i really liked it. i got the note... its a bit w e i r d bye
from suicideinc :
i love your diary. you sound so amazing. i also noticed that you've read party monster. my fave book ever. <3 jacq
from clarity25 :
You're so right, Gouache IS great, particulary for correcting watercolor drawings, adding an opaque quality or highlights. More people should use it! beautiful reference photograph, by the way. I look forward to seeing the drawing.
from gothsmurf04 :
thankyou thankyou THANKYOU SOO MUCH i love my template..
from clarity25 :
Hey again, To answer your question. I sketch out the drawing first, usually starting with the eyes. Than once I have it all down, I start working in with the charcoal pencil, than with a stick of vine charcoal for the shading and a smudging stick for details. What's your favorite media to work in By the way? oil, acrylic, pencil, charcoal..?
from smokin8balll :
7/11/04---Yup, sounds like I need to start over with a new shrink... You know you wanted to hear about my homeless days, well there you have it... in my diary. I don't know how hard to follow it is. I tried to sum up 8 notebooks worth of experiences into one entry. It's hard.
from abhorgod :
Sure man, IM me on AIM sometime and ill send ya one. sn is Floods Of Doom.
from sexxie101 :
i know how it feels. im one of the few who really does. im there and have been for a few years only diff is i know the attepmts too. things suck yeah i know but dont give up. at least thats what they tell me. and when ever ya feel like that just holler at me cuz i know how ya feel.
from smokin8balll :
7/10/04---Damn, that was sad (the older entry you linked to). I'm glad you are doing better now. In the past I have had periods of time where I felt some of the same kind of shit you described. Like everything about life is pointless. And not even being able to tell what emmotion you feel because your only feeling is NOTHING. Luckily, at the moment I'm doing better too......... About the pills. My shrink gave me Straterra and said it was the closest thing he had to speed. But that's fucking bullshit because Straterra is not even a fucking stimulent. It's supposed to be this new medication for ADHD and it's specifically advertised as NON-STIMULENT. What kinda fucking bullshit is that? I'll see if he'll let me try any of those kinds you mentioned.
from girlsmad :
I thought so too, but my teacher took everything way too seriously. She was like "I only deal with SERIOUS art students who want a career in art, so if you're not SERIOUS I advise you to leave now." & of course I wasn't listening, I drew the pictures but never did the homework or projects because they required more effort than I was willing to give (she'd make us research different artists & go into art history which was a whole nother fucking subject.), so she failed me. Funny thing is, my sister had the same teacher & she failed her too, & now she's an artist.
from girlsmad :
you n your bro remind me a lot of how me & mine interacted. :(
from smokin8balll :
7/9/04---So are you really getting a little spun from those pills that chick gave you? 'Cause the pills my shrink gave me for ADD/ADHD turned out to be completel worthless crap that made me sleep all the time. When I go to see him again I'm going to complain and see if I can get somethin better. something that fucking speeds you up at least a little.
from sexxie101 :
thats good. it doesnt make you sound concieted. really.
from abhorgod :
well thats fuckin honesty. im pale and not that tall. but im cocky enough to say, im a sexy mother fucker. haha. (really though. i am..haaaaaaaaaaaaaa)
from sexxie101 :
it is nice. is it as rare for you as it is me??
from girlsmad :
cant buy non alcoholic beer unless you're 21 though, right?
from clarity25 :
I really liked your entry..particularly the part about the paycheck coming a day late. I hear your point about "life is about being remembered", I thought about it a bit. But if life is really about being remembered, Hitler did a damn good job. Interesting however, is that through us remembering hitler we surely wont ever forget what not to do. Memory is a wierd thing because what the hell do you get out of it? you're dead. If I were Van Gogh, I'd feel pretty cheated. But you do have a point because inspiration coming from good or bad examples is one of the few things that rescue our lives past the definite border of death. P.S. I'll remember to never introduce you to my cat:)
from girlsmad :
"today is the tomorow that we thought about yesterday, but you fuckin wasted yesterday thinking about today...and now you waste today remembering yesterday and getting depressed about how you're now one day closer to your death without having accomplished shit." I love that.
from abhorgod :
when i read your diary, i wonder... is this chick hot or what? i kind of want to bang you, so be hot.
from sexxie101 :
i like you.
from smokin8balll :
7/7/04---(Re: your last note) I'm changing my full name (first, middle, last) to the name that was on my website. That wasn't my real name, just the name all my friends call me. I have always hated my real name. Course I'm not saying names here because I am trying to stay somewhat anonymous on diaryland now. However, i do need to e-mail you sometime soon. ******** You've seen pictures of me, but I haven't seen any of you. Would you be willing to share? Anyway, rock on! It's amazing sometimes how much shit we have in common.
from clarity25 :
I know, I can't read Aurora's last note without cracking up! .. btw, thanks so much for the compliment. It's a portrait of a fellow diarylander that sent me English books. (lauralgood)
from artofliving :
hey i found you through clarity. i've enjoyed what i have read of your so far. just wanted to let you know
from girlsmad :
do you think it's possible to take shots of lemon extract or would that be suicide?
from gothsmurf04 :
thanx for complimenting my profile..i probly did confuse them..yuppies..thats a great word.. but..i dotn kno..i wanna learn how to make them..its still confusing...i tried by making them on the program PAINT and then putting it on the notepad..but it gays up and opens as a bunch of symbols..
from gothsmurf04 :
how do u make templates?
from floaty-ana :
hiya thanx for you note, i promise i wont trade fruit for fried! as a matter of fact i had kentucky lastnight...
from clarity25 :
Hey again, A euro translates into one dollar and 25 cents American money. so, yes..I gave that homeless stranger a good chunk of money today. P.S. Hope you find your lighter:)
from insanegerbil :
haha..i didn't even notice that.
from smokin8balll :
7/06/04---"Stacie's Mom has got it goin' on..." lol. I couldn't help but hear the music when I read your entry. lol.
from girlsmad :
stacy's mom was hot. That cracks me up. I always decide I don't want the piercing when I'm sober.
from smokin8balll :
7/06/04---Hey, now I really think we should meet in person. I could give you a brand that's guaranteed to look good. (I've had plenty of practice on myself and I've done a few designs on friends too). Anyway, I understand the whole paranoia thing on the internet. That's why my diary is annonymous now. ************* The pills sounds like a good idea. I'm trying to get my shrink to perscribe me some speedy pills because i have ADD. He gave me a new one to try so we'll see.
from floaty-ana :
thanx for filling out my survey, nice to know there are others like us around, keep writing xxx
from for-you-only :
Thanks for filling out my survey. I like to know there are others out there like me.
from clarity25 :
I'm sorry to hear that you also have a friend dealing with sickness. It's a hard thing to handle..This feeling of hopelessness and fear overwhelms you and it's so unfair. Well, I don't want to get into all that right now. Thank you for the compliment and I really enjoyed reading your answers based on the survey! Also, It IS crazy how they card people to get into video stores in Germany. But I guess it works to their advantage. Teenagers rush to the video store once they turn 18, it feels like a privilege. crazy germans..
from midnightrum :
.
from dizzigemini :
..."little kids think i'm so cool.they are just fascinated by me.so are my peers but they are afraid to approach me cuz they think i'm mean, which i am, so i don't blame them..." hee hee. funny.
from girlsmad :
i've only experienced the bonding, my friend started smoking pot, her brother didn't. I guess that's how. But shit it's a beautiful thing, when you can smoke & drink with your bro or sis, sort of like playing hide n seek as if you're kids again, that's how I always saw it.
from smokin8balll :
Oh my God, thatz fuckin crazy! You shave your eyebrows too? About a month ago I suddenly just randomly decided to shave off my eyebrows. They were just getting in the way for my massive black eye-shadow. lol. I'd really like to get my scars tattooed over---like sleave both arms. But i keep trying to think if i'll still like it in 15 years. But shit, who says I'll even survive the next 5 years?
from girlsmad :
man..nothings bonds siblings more than drugs..then again nothing splits siblings up more than drugs
from midnightrum :
Hey it's midnight, Are you allright?
from smokin8balll :
7/03/04---The answer to your question is pretty well summed up in this entry from about 3 months ago. http://smokin8balll.diaryland.com/040403_34.html ....I guess you can copy and paste the link. Or just go to my diary and open the April 3 entry called "I Dream of Skinny".
from smokin8balll :
Hey, I can sure relate to what it's like to have to put up with a bunch of scars that make people ask a shitload of questions. Just feel lucky it's just your legs you have to worry about. My left arm is totally mutilated with such deep scars that they will never fade away very well... About the eating dissorder thing. I can relate to that a lot too because I was really annorexic from when I was 13-18. I never was buliemic 'cause i hate puking. Anyway, just wanted to say i hope you're not serious about wanting to be 72 pounds because... well, it could be suicide. But who knows, maybe that's what you're trying to do. I wouldn't mind dying soon, come to think of it. But I'd rather die of drug overdose. Anyway, this is just mindless babble from a tweaker who's coming down and not quite all there.
from girlsmad :
wish i could hang out with you
from girlsmad :
Absolut is where it's at. Straight, because cocktails just slow down the time it takes to get drunk. But I've got to find a new drink. this is my 6th shot/gulp of vodka & I still feel sober. Ever hear of goldschlager? I hear thats real good.
from abhorgod :
drinking vodka isnt trendy. drinking trendy vodka drinks is trendy. drinking stoli ras and redbull or whatever people mix that with.. thats trendy. also, i agree with you on the ice/no ice thing depending on the vodka. ketel one, tastes better on the rocks. stoli is distilled with more charcoal and has more noticeable flavor that you shouldnt fuck with. i also think grey goose is the most overrated overpriced shit in the world. anyway, when it comes down to it, there are people who drink vodka, and people who love vodka. i think you know where i stand on that one.
from clarity25 :
Hey again, I used to play the violin too. I wish I hadn't stopped. Being paid to create isn't so bad. Having a job you love, doing the one thing you love is the most important thing. You're job will end up being the place you spend most of life in. Doesn't really matter what you're doing, as long as it makes you happy. As for your question about "The Ramen noodle diet". the reason I lost the amount of weight I did, was because I only ate one a day, alternating every other day with just pasta with some tomato sauce on top. I wouldn't truly recommend it because I was hungry most of the time, but just too busy to notice. It sucked.
from smokin8balll :
i can relate to your last entry. yeah. lol. i've turned a lot of my friends into fucking tweakers. haha. i haven't turned anyone else into pyromaniacs yet, but that will be my next project. i've also influenced friends to start self-mutilating, but that was never intentional. they just hang out with me a while and start doing it.
from abhorgod :
how can you be too apathetic to call people at 4am. its one of the few things in life that has the potential to annoy someone so much they will hate you forever so long as they - prior to this - never liked you much anyway. i love it. whats you phone number, ill call you when im fucking trashed at somewhere between 3 and 5am - haha
from girlsmad :
no, I *want* to go to college.
from abhorgod :
when you get to my next note - TOUGH CROWD.. not tough crown.
from abhorgod :
thanks man. for some reason i get the "you cant update message" pretty much whenever im sober. speaking of old bitties. i used to work as a cashier for a supermarket (Acme) when i was like 17. and this woman used to come in and she had to be 45, and she looked like julianne moore (but better) (you know, the actress from big lebowski, laws of attraction, boogie nights i think) and i was absolutely in love with her. id be all "do you want paper, plastic, maybe you want to spoon with me late at night when your husbands working late in the city and your kids are away at school. i dont want you to be lonely.. fuck, i dont want to be lonely" - but really all that would come out was "uhhh have a uhhh good day and stuff ma'am" ... then i grew up, graduated highschool and went to my local county college where i wound up fucking this Mom who was married to a Narcotics officer with a 3 year old kid. she was in my creative writing class. good fuck, too much baggage. plus i was afraid that i might get arrested and thrown in jail on some bullshit planted drug fucking set up. anyway, im gonna go jerk off - watch the daily show and tough crown while drinking drinks that are entirely and unnecessarily strong - hopefully passing out with a smile on my face.
from crazycutter :
Random information: another thing which dilates your eyes is belladonna (deadly nightshade), if you put drops of it in there. Elizabethan ladies used to use it for that purpose - but you've got to be careful because it is poisonous. Thought you might like to know that.
from clarity25 :
Hey, a new update! I was beginning to fear we'd lost you to Live Journal. (you have a nice journal there btw) Thanks for the compliment, but I like the your writing style. It forces the reader to connect everything themselves and read it over again. I like that. Like streams of thoughts..Random, scattered and perfect. That's how life is. Oh, I also wanted to ask, Do you have a link to some of your paintings? I'd like to see your artwork someday.
from girlsmad :
feel the same way with the face hatred, and its so fucked up that you can win a million dollars but if you feel ugly you'll still feel like shit.
from takexmyxhand :
I love yr random beautiful mind. ♥
from smokin8balll :
You should not fear death, but rather fear the unlived life. (something like that. not sure if it's word for word) Being alive, and living are two different things. Lyrics from my song DEAD LIFE: i walk and talk and breath, but inside i am dead...
from dizzigemini :
DO I need to justify my sedation? what about you? do you ever think on why u sedate? let me know...."i've been found out" It's funny.
from amber-darko :
I don't remeber much of Anistacia, I was quite drunk when my grandmother drug me to see it with my little sis. I think Shrek is the best kid movie when you have small children who wish to replay a certain movie daily for a year. I can't stand Lion King or Simba's Pride, which they chose to watch somtimes twice in one day. I did love Lion King 1 1/2. It was the funniest Disney Movie I have seen in a long time. I really liked Brother Bear, but I didn't think it was funny. When the Sprirts would come out from the Northern Lights and the would play that Dutch song, it just gives me goose bumps. I love that part. omg I'm such a nerd.
from girlsmad :
You're definitely right about greenday, i'm gonna miss you if you leave though. Your diary has always been my favorite to read.
from clarity25 :
that would be a shame if you stopped your diary, you would be missed. I really enjoy reading your writings.. You know, I kept a diary all through out my teen years, and I can tell you that later on you'll enjoy looking back at yourself. I think you are your truest self as a teen, after that you start wearing different masks for different people and conforming. Recording your feelings now, remind you of who you are and how you've grown through your experiences..the good AND the bad ones...
from girlsmad :
thanks, and good luck on wednesday & the 15th. i'm really glad things are happening for you. ;]
from b0b0 :
Thank you much for takin my potty survey- the ketchup and pad story was hilarious! Thanks!
from dizzigemini :
Have u seen this? Do u know who this is? Interresting site.http://www.freewebs.com/girlswasted/pic/navigate.html
from dizzigemini :
i didn't finish high school. my spelling sux, at my own fault.... thank goodness for spellcheck, yea?
from girlsmad :
i don't know..i'm just really mellow these days. "depends how hard you throw them" hahaha
from ana4daniel :
i sorta disagree w. requiem... that movie is fucking amazing, even sober... and the score is amazing! but i enjoyed the list nonetheless!
from missmack420 :
You rock too. I will have to check out some of those movies. I am glad you like Party Monster...i thought me and my crazy friends were the only ones! :)
from clarity25 :
Good list but you left out "cheech and Chong", the old-school pot smokers movie of our parents generation. It deserves recognition, one of the first of its' kind..
from clarity25 :
three questions: 1.)What would you like to be doing five years from now?, what do you think you will be doing? 2.) What do you like most about your life? the least? 3.) If a crystal ball would tell you the truth about any ONE thing you wished to know concerning yourself, life, the future or anything else...What would you want to know?
from girlsmad :
by the way, 1.) have you ever wanted to be someone else 2.) if you could change one thing about you what would it be 3.) what do you believe happens after you die?
from girlsmad :
It's "shocking blue" by manic panic.
from clarity25 :
Hey again, thanks for the kind note. I've never viewed myself as a person possessing a great deal of strength, but I appreciate the compliment. It means alot. I read the novel your working on. It's really good, you should finish it. I love the descriptions of simple actions and how they flow in a way that you can clearly envision the character's movements and surroundings. Also, love the dialogue in the broken shop with the 13 year old "Summer". the line "bugger off, Sofie. She"s probably protecting her essence" had me laughing. Brilliant character development. Look forward to reading the rest of it. And thankyou for putting me on your best diary entries link. :)
from pumpkingrl :
Thanks for your note, the guy kind of is a little bitch, but it took me a while to figure out...now that I know I can avoid him ^_^. Hope your nephew gets better.
from fuckedvirgin :
i read your note to feelsnothing, and i was just commenting how i agree with you. i have a couple rasins in the morning, and mostly water, not juice, so i can spend my calories on cardboard rice cakes.. yum.. sike ♥
from girlsmad :
"I want freetime to never exist because I want o live every second that I'm alive" me too, nobody else seems to get that concept.
from feelsnothing :
thank you, I realize this. The point of the "fast" was to lower my calories not disintegrate all consumation. Excuse my incorrect terminology.
from dizzigemini :
exactly!!! word girl. """I don't exist in a world made for you. I'm not some random charachter placed here by god to interact with you in some meaningfull or meaningless way."""
from pumpkingrl :
Yes, Johnny Depp is a sexy bitch. Too bad hes with someone and has children or else I would probably stalk him. I might stalk him anyways.
from nose0vertail :
hey... i saw that girl was one of your fav. movies... you should read the book it's alot better and gives more detail on her relationship with practically every character in the movie... just an idea.
from smokin8balll :
Damn! Wish I had read about pickle juice in time! I fucking LOVE pickle juice.
from dizzigemini :
thats why i stick to shwag, the more mexican and browner the better. All the other hy-dro is too potient.
from smokin8balll :
Right on, Nikki. ;-) Your part about the Beatles sounds much better now. lol
from smokin8balll :
LOL! That was fucking hillarious about your brother getting chased. haha...... The Beatles didn't end because they died. They broke up. THEN john lennon died on December 8, 1980. THEN george harrison died November 2001. just some trivia. lol. I am really not sure what you were trying to say about the Beatles on your profile. something... never mind.
from pinky-bloo :
hello... just happened to take a look at your journal. hope you don't mind...
from amber-darko :
which movie is that from?
from figurehead :
sorry dude,i will totally work on it.
from jamaicaka :
for some reason i decided to peep my old diary today...cuz i write on livejournal now...and i stopped by to see how you are doing. you seem to be doing better...i miss your accent...you r the coolest "yankee" ive ever met...and i love u to death...and the only thing i think i miss more than your accent is you..so give me a call sometime..email me if u forgot tha digits...do ya thang, babygirl
from clarity25 :
Thanks for the compliment on the Angelina piece I'm working on, Yes , I'm always open for advice. I'm never sure where I'm going with a painting until I finish it. realism versus being more impressionistic. I'm trying to break out of my traditional painting style, but it's a bitch to do. Btw, I saw Marilyn live back in 96. It was in a small club, and I was up front holding onto the rail for my life. He was insanely tall and intimidating, and only inches away. He spit on me and then I was pulled into the mosh pit and pummeled. Never forgot that experience.I also liked your celeb crush entry. Good to know I wasn't the only one with a crush on a cartoon character.. and Trent Reznor.
from burntxheroin :
i do? why thank you same goes to you!
from feeltheopium :
For sure, I'll check them out. Thanks.
from girlsmad :
*each asterisk is where "Fuckin" would've been added.> hahaha love the formality of that sentence.
from feeltheopium :
Haha, yeah. Ant-depressants are overrated, really. Especially by the doctors, with their promises and raising false hopes. Giving you medication that was supposed to help you "sleep" but was really for schizo's. Their liars, every one of them! School is fucked, really. That's a very good quote, because it's completely true. School is a fucking waste of time, even my psych says so, lol. Theres always the possibility if you ever want to go back for whatever reason, but meh. Nobody who goes to school REALLY makes it. :x Thanks, your movie list is pretty kick ass too. Your layout is snazzy too, especially the way you worded the navigations and stuff. Hee. E>
from girlsmad :
They deemed me ok. I stopped self injuring which was why I had to go in the first place. I told my therapist I stopped drinking too but..if I didn't she would know I wasn't taking my meds.
from scieran :
Hi Nikki, thanks for visiting my diary. FYI, I do cut shallowly - hence the blood and mess. Mostly I like the mess. But sometimes it is inconvenient. The pleasure/pain thing from cutting is a difficult one - the pain I get from twisting an ankle or banging my knee is incomparably worse than the pain I get from cutting. Maybe other people wouldn't describe it as pain as such - but I don't have another word to use for it. Thanks for stopping by.
from blue88 :
I've been touched by Mr. Manson..... and I don't even make your favorites diary list. What a guy to do!!!!
from blue88 :
I took Traz. for almost 6 months after I found out "The X " was getting married. Hated it. made me feel like my brain was floating about a foot above my head. And made me think my teeth were going to shatter (The girl I was with at the time siad i was grinding them in my sleep.) While working I got headaches and my mouth dried out something like husk and I got cold sores throughout the winter. The only good thing is it let me sleep, which was precious and stopped panic attacks. I got into cycling and back into therapy have been off ever since. Nasty stuff..... Marylin Manson eh,...Do I have a story for you..... I was working the Tear down of the Mason tour, "Dead to the world" which came to Vancouver in 1998? (Sorry,, I'm old... it's been awhile. ) And after I'd checked in with the crew chief I went back to the stage where I was supposed to join up with the shows Guitar tech to load out the stage gear. The Auditorium mercury lights had barely kicked in after the performance. Giving the place an erie silver glow with tonnes of shaddows everywhere. As I passed by a couple of the touring personnel I couldn't help notice, (you know, like seeing a car crash on the side of a hi-way moments after the accident.) they were giving Marylin a huge dose of oxygen out of a respirator tank while he was slumped, spread eagle over a road case lid, and his eyes were all glassy and strange. "OH, it's the lead singer...." I thought... I proceeded to Stage Left to meet up with Dave the guitar tech. When all of a sudden, there's this guy behind me, pushing me kind of forcefully into the raised corner of the steel staging. I turned around and it was yours truley, Mr.Mason. Who with a raised fist, snarled at me with a very loud slure, "LOOKK ATTT MEEE AGGAINN LLIKKKE THATYTT ANNDD ILLLL @#**&&^*%$ KKKKIIIILLLL YYYYOOUUU!!!!" I held my ground pushed back and began to say " Hey, Man YOU TOUCH ME AGAIN...And I'll Fuckin SUE YOU!!!" when his security personnel came up and dragged him away as politely as they could.... Dave was terribly appologenic, "HE didn't Hurt you or anything,,,Man I'm Sorry, He gets like that... the oxygen and all..We're really sorry...." I gave the T-Shirt away....
from girlsmad :
eh it could be better. I really liked your story though.
from girlsmad :
Just a tip about that shitty oil. Use a straw & drink from the bottom, then when there's only about a sip left throw it out.(it makes things a LOT easier) Also it's added because it tastes terrible so that alcoholics won't drink it & they don't have to put the beverage tax on it.
from girlsmad :
really odd how you sent me that note right as I finished reading your novel. Are you going to add more?
from girlsmad :
haha. I'm a loner Dotty, a rebel.
from dizzigemini :
i really dig the new layout, wonderful job nikki, did u do it all ur-self? it's super cool. ;)
from girlsmad :
thanks, it's a pantoem actually. The rhyme scheme for the first stanza is the basic 1,2,3,4. The the next stanza would be 5,2,6,4, and so on. I read about it in reader's digest & gave it a try.
from smokin8balll :
Hey Nikki. I liked your 2003 Survey and put it on my diary too. ANyway, I sent you an E-mail so that's all I have to say for now. Keep rockin!
from onewetleg :
you are right. i should never have made such a broad statement and i apologise for that. i was referring to an entry where you talked about putting your hand over a babies mouth and him squirming. you also mentioned doing the same thing to your baby brother.
from girlsmad :
Doesnt jason look hot in spun?
from ladechat :
how did you find my diary?
from rivergoddess :
if ur nose ring gets infected it wont leave a mark. when mine got infected it was red for mayb 3 days and i kept my ring out then it was fine. you couldnt even see it. and now that i havent had the ring in for months i cant put it back in, but you really cant notice it.
from onewetleg :
unbelievable. you frighten me. please don't reproduce.
from slutreviews :
http://slutreviews.diaryland.com/insanegerbi.html
from dizzigemini :
ur "boss" is dis-pick-able. ?disbictable? like, as in..... make me puke.!!! that mad me so angry, be smarter then their stupid sexual comments, batt ur eyes and play dumber then them, works all the time.....the tough part is ACTUALLY BEING SMARTER. Now, thats the whole point. Jeez, that entry made me wanna slap him.
from girlsmad :
lately i've been scared of breast cancer too. God I hate cancer, fuck that. Fuck alcohol causing cancer. How many bottles (2 oz)of extract would you say you've had since january, estimated.
from idiotreviews :
Reviews up.
from crazycutter :
Nepotism is where you promote your favourites, usually family members and the like, rather than appointing people based on merit.
from girlsmad :
thanks
from girlsmad :
I know what you mean about the school shit. If I actually learned something in it, I'd probably like it.
from girlsmad :
"the lemon extract supply was finally restored since i cleaned them out a few months ago" haha I've done that before, think they realize whos selling out their cooking spices?
from acuttersedge :
Thanks.
from one-way-mule :
about time i met someone who could outswear me. thanks for the compliments.you are heaps cool, and an awesome read!
from laura-diane :
i just need to lose 13. if 13 can come off, i'll be okay. if more comes off, i'll be overjoyed. but 13 is the lucky number, in this case. and if i can't, i'll have to back out last minute. that would be terrible for tons of reasons :(
from dizzigemini :
i h-ate raszz-seeds too. *spit*
from takexmyxhand :
you are amazazing.
from crazycutter :
lol no it was dead skin - I haven't ended up like one of those models you get in biology classes just yet. Though that would probably be quite interesting.
from girlsmad :
"no,i just happened to wake up as soon as you did, and managed to collect myself faster,you stupid bitch." haha i know exactly what you mean
from crazycutter :
About Lord of the Flies: Did you know in the movie, there's a bit where Piggy is talking to all the other kids? That was unscripted - the boy playing him just started talking and they thought it suited the character so they left it in. I remember learning that when I was studying Lord of the Flies for my GCSEs.
from girlsmad :
hehe you should visit my school
from bellhead :
how's that for an update?
from crazycutter :
Just wanted to let you know that I do actually read your diary. Though, frankly, we're very different, and write in a different way, you can definitely write. I can see that even when I disagree with you :)
from girlsmad :
hahaha
from tinaster :
Nigger doesn't have anything to do with the color of someone’s skin. It is an ignorant person. A white person can be a nigger, as long as ANY race.
from tinaster :
In a previous entry, you said you wanted to change your name and needed suggestions....Cyrix was mine!
from tinaster :
I think you should change your name to Cyrix....that is my suggestion!
from girlsmad :
id like to, but it's near impossible to get a ride
from dizzigemini :
nice and long, just the way i likkke it....hee hee
from girlsmad :
do you want to
from abhorgod :
who knows. but wait, for a guy to feel "understood" all he really wants is a girl who "understands" when she should give him some good head, and when to fuck him when its 3am and he cant sleep.
from girlsmad :
My therapist is ignorant & my psychiatrist is incompetent, so no. What part of ny are you going to?
from enchanted-be :
Your review is up at: http://enchanted-be.diaryland.com/insanegerbi.html
from ana4daniel :
hey girl! where did you go? i miss you... come back!
from girlsmad :
whered you go
from caustic-slip :
hey why dont you write on tear-fucked anymore??? that diary was awesome...whatever though...rock on
from thejane :
thanks. for serious, dude.
from ambrosiah :
I moved my diary to lullaymarie(:
from acuttersedge :
Brillent I tell you. I just so happened to ask my mom again what it would take for her to "let" me die my hair purple or something. She held up the zero sign. I then asked her if I dyed my hair purple after I am 18 but still living then the house. She didn't go for that either. *shrugs* Sounds like I will be trying your idea. Thank you.
from acuttersedge :
My mom acts the same way. I swear that I have never met anyone who really wants to make my life a living hell as much as my mom does.
from acuttersedge :
Eh, Good thinking. I just didn't think it was like her not to update for a week, ya know? Thanks for thinking and writing me back.
from dizzigemini :
i wuz wun-dering where u've beeeeeeen. I woke up the other morning saying outloud...."and then there was a purple gerbil".....I sat there giggeling, what in the world was I dreaming about>? Hee hee.... about the poetry, it's from my old stuff. I'll be adding more, and then archiving it all, so if it all dissapears one day, check "my life with jason in san francisco" and "connecting it all together". Other then that, I have had major writers block. Glad to see ur still around, missed reading ya. My aunt just gave me a bag of ty-3's, like 20 od them.....YUM!!!!
from ana4daniel :
hey girl... so good to see how happy you are... well, content at least, and thats all anyone can ask for, right? go easy on the blow... or at least get me some! kisses...
from acuttersedge :
Any idea what girlsmad is up to? Regaurding her last entrie and then not updating for 5 days kinda worries me.
from ambrosiah :
And how might you be? I'm an idiot reviews whore too. How quiant. Hope every little thing is dandy.
from hibiscus101 :
your review is up at everwoodrevu!
from xpullmyhair :
Haha, that thing you wrote about evanesence, it was the best thing I ever read.. haha. You're just as sardonic as me, it was great. Thanks for that.
from abhorgod :
free drugs and alcohol... if youre not going, can you still give me the address. i think youre hot, on a scale of 1 to 10, id say you are an i want to bang you.
from musicchic85 :
hey there...I took a survey from a girl who swear to god was on crack. i wanted to know what other peopleansered and i read yours and you sound interesting so i went to your site-thing(diary?)i dont have time to read alot now but Ill check in later.you can check mine too if ya feel like it. I just started like today though so not much is there.later.erika
from girlsmad :
my older & also favorite brother did that before he went to jail, we'd be sitting around about to smoke a bowl & right before he lights it up he'll be like "i'm a horrible brother oh my god" meanwhile i'm thinking ohh shut up & pass the friggen pipe. so cute though
from girlsmad :
i know what you mean. My therapist does the same thing with my dad. & she looks like kim cattrall. It's so hard to take her seriously.
from her-noise :
hey thanx for the note. i'm glad to hear i'm not the only one. <3
from dizzigemini :
ur style of writing has changed.... before it was scattered yet in a big block, and now it's more orginized and spaced. You still say the same GREAT"insane"stuff yet it's easier to read. I dig how ur ever changing in small ways. hee hee. wink .
from ana4daniel :
girl, keep doing what you're doing and write it all down when it feels right... but DO write... constantly... you have an amazing sense of voice and a stream on concious that is the reason why i love you so much... polish it up and you're good to go... career-bound and making $$$
from loss-pending :
let's burn down all the kfc's.
from dizzigemini :
you and i really need to exchange numbers....
from beagle47 :
all my best to you, 'gerbil. merry, merry and all that rot. peace. (and i really mean that).
from girlsmad :
"everyone keeps sayin i'm pretty.i feel uglier now for those compliments,like they are all lying,like when i see a ugly baby and i say "oh,its so cute"..or when a ugly person says theyre ugly and i say "no your not".." I knowwwwwwwww mannn, exactly
from face-yrself :
your wish has ben granted, but please dont beg... i find it quite, liberal... just ask
from dizzigemini :
thankz... maybe we could exchange numbers or something? I don't have a computor accessable righht now, i am at a internet place. thanks, i know,..... i feel the same way about you. btw, u never did get to mention about that lump on your throat.... what ever happened? --huggz
from pink-pills :
16
from girlsmad :
i wouldve listened if it was my mother but it was my therapist saying that, you know how they just assume one theory after the next about why you're so fucked up. I'm too damn vague sometimes.
from acuttersedge :
By the way, the song (or music video)that you were asking for the name is: No Rain by Blind Melon
from acidkandy :
hello, thanks for the comment. You aswell have a creative way in your writings. heh good advice on five finger discounts, that seems to be the only way that works.
from xpullmyhair :
Nope. Just turned sixteen last month.
from arcarcenal :
hey I was just checkin up on my lil sister (acidkandy) and saw your note...pretty good shoplifting advice I might add. Anyway I looked you up and you seem pretty interesting so I thought I'd just say hi. Hi.
from girlsmad :
hahaha! I fuckin luv you "I don't CARE about all this suposed 'inner-beauty'.I have to at least be able to STAND your face in my pressence,right?" gotta write that one down
from acuttersedge :
*sniffles* I just so happened to be one of those ugly people. lol jk Loved that entrie.
from ambrosiah :
Oooooh. Thank you. And to think I'm a poet w/ shitty writing skills. blah. Anywhat....how are you dearie?
from snowdrop114 :
Thanks... :) But the thing is that he's not my man, I just wish he was... I think I'm gonna have to boikot reviews for a while...:)
from acuttersedge :
Thank you for more tips on the extract. You and girlsmad are great. Sheesh, My mom has never done anything like that. If I called my mom by her first name she would hit me up side the head I think. Anyways, hang in there.
from acuttersedge :
Who is Linda? I think I missed the entrie where it explained who is was. She sounds like a huge creep.
from girlsmad :
I've never tried orange extract with orange soda. Is it easier to get down compared to lemon extract?
from bellhead :
thanks darlin'.... let's see if i can put your superhuman html skillz to good use
from girlsmad :
You pull out the roll of film from your camera(in the dark) & place it in this round sprong thing then put it in a small canister. Then you pour 5 different chemicals in (during different intervals) for a certain number of minutes each time. Anyway that's developing negatives, after your negatives are developed you can start making pictures. You put the film on an enlarger, get photographic paper, turn on your enlarger to project a light version of the picture on the paper. Then put it in developer for 2 minutes, stop bath for 15-30 seconds then fixer for 5, & boom you got a picture. It's really hard to explain because I'm trying to be considerate of your note space yet give enough detail so that my ramblings are coherent. This is definitely something I'd have to explain in person because I suck at writing. Developing film is basically chemicals, papers, & enlargers. In case you don't know what an enlarger is, it's basically an overhead projector that you expose photogenic paper with for a certain number of seconds(depending on the contrast of the film) to develop a picture. damn, it doesn't seem like much taken-in information until you explain it.
from marinedream :
yeah, the reason they put me up was pretty stupid! thanks alot, and yes, i did make the layout.
from perfect-line :
hey, thanks for the note! i have to check out your diary when i have more time to read. amazingly enough my worst review was at idiot review. i'm thinking perhaps the girl was drunk when she wrote my review at everwood. it's not exactly coherant. lol...but yeah...thanks again!
from acuttersedge :
Believe me, that is how I wanted to react. I wanted to tell her off. However, my parents are very strict people. I would have many things revoked from my use. I raither just sit without saying much and have a computer then lose everything for my few seconds of victory. Ya know? I am enjoying chattin back and forth. It is nice to have communication.
from acuttersedge :
Hey there. Thank you for writing me. You think I was classy eh? Does it help to know that no one is talking to me? lol. I don't think they thought I was classy at all. I just tried to have a good outcome from it all, I guess it didn't work. Thanks for your words of encouragement.
from beatupinside :
his ex.
from wolf-prophet :
she missed insane lezbo action with her friends, to spend time with cockface
from xpullmyhair :
Haha, fine. You've got me there...
from xpullmyhair :
It wasn't molestation, just physical contact. But I do get commission :)
from pink-pills :
:)
from xpullmyhair :
Exactly, and that's why I'm doing my speech on the topic. More knowledge= less ignoreance.. even if it's in a small amount. But I go to a suburbian white school, where everone is upper middle class white christians, so learning about something else wouldn't hurt 'em :)
from ramla13 :
thanx, I thought the same thing about my review. but I guess the whole point about requesting a review is being able to take the critism. and I'm in the 8th grade.
from girlsmad :
purple metallic treasure box. I keep mine in a gold treasure box. Damn.
from xpullmyhair :
Actually, wicca is a pagan religion meaning there is more than one god.. There's the Goddess, and the God. It's nature based, and uses symbols, rites, and ritual magick from Celtic beliefs.. combined with many simmilarities from European nature based religions- kind of liek the religions of the native americans.. So.. you couldn't really be christian or jewish or anything and wiccan at the same time, they are nearly polar opposites.. there are almost no simmilarities in the two religions... Are you sure it's wanna you're talking about? Beacuse I haven't seen anything related to wicca at hot topic either...hahah, oh well :)
from youvegetable :
a review would be entirely possible, by ellen too, and she would like to add that she has never met an insane gerbil. your on teh pending. cheers, ellen.
from lonelyemogrl :
Hey, thanks for that message you left me. I read some of your entries and think you're a pretty cool person too. I'm glad at least one person reads my damn diary and actually enjoys my fucked up life. =) Well, I'll update more often as long as I know someone out there is reading it. Thanks again, you made my day.
from xpullmyhair :
My speech on Wicca is for Communications class, we had to pick a topic, and since people no NOTHING about the religion at all, I was under the impression it'd be an interesting, and informative thing to talk about... Are you really wiccan? That's fuckin cool.. I was wiccan for about seven years, I never joined a coven though, it seemed to cult-ish for my tastes.. I remained eclectic.. that's still awesome.
from pink-pills :
"not i said the fly" you brought a huge memory from that one...childrens book..damn OH YEAH green eggs & ham..no hen, the big red hen? with her pie or some shit?? am i right??
from toxic-teddy :
Thanks! *mwah*
from o0-girl-0o :
Hey, thanks. Glad to know someone likes it. :)
from suicidedark :
Thanks for the note. I'll look at your journal later.
from memaselfni :
Yo..I feel like that pill-oval lookin thingy from that beat ass Paxil commercial...mainly cause I haven't been takin my Paxil...Ugg Fuck Paxil! Ok..and why don't I have a password :( hook me up....please!
from pink-pills :
I want the links next to the entry on the right so you don't have to max. the window to see the whole thing. Thanks
from girlsmad :
If you haven't heard it "Angels fuck"- jack off jill...I think you'd like it.
from abhorgod :
wisdom - the ability to gain insight from experience. which is on a whole, a lot more important than knowledge. a fact aint shit unless it means something to you. ive stopped going to school, ive stopped reading, i dont think i need to know any more shit than i already know - right now. what i need is insight because im tired of being an ignorant little kid. i guess my memory should come in nice and handy.. cause ive been around for 21 years, and been paying attention for maybe a few days of that. --- i really dont know where im going with this note so im gonna jerk off and shower and think about shit
from abhorgod :
you know why you want me? cause im the type of guy that gets diarrhea and says fuck it, im drinking 2 cups of coffee and eating taco bell.
from dizzigemini :
...yea, I am a Lady friend... I feel so damn old as a lady friend. Thanks for the referral. You always crack me up, gurl, leos are sucj fun to hang with, your drama too, do doubt, but FUN!...none the less. hee hee. wink wink.
from pink-pills :
Finally Thankyou, because that site seriously pissed me off. I can't stand the supposed"cutters" who cut RIGHT on their wrist so lightly right for everyone to see and they do it for the god damn attention. I HATE that so much, and i think I'll keep that note there to educate further people who read it.
from asweettale :
no no, it's alright, i didn't think your note was yelling. i've heard about the different places to cut if you're serious, and i'm not serious. i really don't want to die. i just blame myself for everything and get dumb ideas like cutting is my way out of it. oh and i read your diary &i really like it.. you're a very talented writer <3
from girlsmad :
I know what you mean about the guilty mind making one paranoid. Either they've done it(most likely), or it's been done to them. & it's all they know. Sometimes I just spend hours trying to analzye human behavior & get all these insane connections. The only time I think one really knows "everything" is when you're theyve drunken to oblivion. Cause your response to everything is. "because it just is, mother fucker!" & how can you argue with that.
from abhorgod :
jack anything you want- im not too attached. but you might as become famous already, and make lots of money - and then fall in love with me and support me financially,.. and sexually. maybe im not perfect - but i can pull of sure as sexy in the right lighting
from godxisxdead :
HAHAHA, thanks! :) [ T a r a ]
from girlsmad :
Violet is pretty, or you can go from nikki to vikki. The small changes are always the best.
from moongazer17 :
oh wow...thank you so much. it amazes the hell out of me that anyone likes my writing..thank you agian (blushes and stares at the floor) ♥ Crystle
from common-tegus :
it all makes sense now..... thanks
from common-tegus :
hm. someone called me a geek. guess i have to live with it. the unpopular part doesn't fit though.
from no-and-then :
I added some stuff to my profile for you. Not much, cuz I'm in a hurry. Anyway, go back to my diary and read my latest entry on the doorman, it's entertainment for all.
from beatupinside :
thank you!! i love getting compliments about my writing. it totally makes my day.
from beatupinside :
hey. i don't know what you've won... i thought i would've had longer to think about it. i'm 14.
from girlsmad :
Yeah, everyone I know who goes on meds says it's horrible & fucks with you. What are you on?
from dizzigemini :
I like all the new templates u have tinkered with. They are alll so cool, wish my buddy joel would hurry up and finias with mine "reflections"..... be good to yourself nikki.
from cayin :
Thanks for pointing that out ;)
from ana4daniel :
being 21 aint that great... it goes by too fast (if you do it right!) ... and then you're 22 and you feel old... i'll buy you drinks... stay 18... by the way girl... we haven't talked in awhile... i'll catch up with you next time i see you're online...
from girlsmad :
"send a pic over or fuck off" Wow. Ignorance prevails. but anyways, yeah I like cosmopolitan the best but every page is like "sex tips to make your lover moan", too much sex & ads, ELLE has the most ads. I hate that
from keeds :
the same reason i don't want some dumb fat cunt reading my diary..send a pic over or fuck off.
from keeds :
senda pic over
from abhorgod :
i always try - to deprive myself of something - so that i can concentrate on it -instead of any silence - right now its.. sex - food - sleep - sobriety. im somewhere between elation and breaking.
from ambrosiah :
*hugs and drugs*....quite. Yes..(:
from darkredblood :
thank you for your lovely notes. I hope you begin to feel better sweetheart :( <3 xxx
from mindquill :
Thanks for taking my survey.
from girlsmad :
thankyou...fucking thankyou for saying all the words I don't know how to say. I <3 you
from memaselfni :
O shit..i haven't been on d-land in forfuckin ever, i've been missin out..but i'm all caught up now...oh yeah, that duck bish, who was sayin my 'early flemmy mannish voice' was sexy..wowww!!! Good point..why would she say it was sexy..i'm wonderin was it..me hackin in her hear...or was it..aah screw it! You made me think on it..either way! Harr harr harr..Outro
from girlsmad :
GOD i so fucking know what you mean, thats SO how i feel completely, thats why i love alcohol so much, though its evil I love the shit out of it because it brings you that closeness, love that post my friend
from girlsmad :
I took that drug quiz. I'm alcohol...figures.
from blonddie :
I really agree about the cats. I can not make these cats quit stinking like little piglets. Anyways, I enjoy your diary a lot. I think you are VERY intelligent and that you are looking for something that you just haven't found yet. People will start understanding you more and I hope you can see that. You couldn't pay me to be your age again. Just want you to know there is light at the end of the drug tunnel.:)
from ambrosiah :
hey hun..(: Yup. Aloof means; to be at a distance, yet..within view. Apart. Miss hearing from you. I love your newer layout..(: Leave me a letter, let me know your still among me~*~
from short-bus :
hey its been awhile, just wanted to say hi. soooo......hi. i wish i had more to say or tell but for now i have nothing. maybe i'll think of something later. i'll let you know. if i think of something. you know. later on. yeah. BYE!
from abhorgod :
98 pounds. sounds heroin chic enough for me. im so fucking spaced out - i cant deal with my family unless im entirely trashed - so thanksgiving, i dont remember it - but right now i feel like i must have had a good time. and my dick is sticky, i think i fucked someone - i hope not my grandmother
from bellhead :
and i you
from mumuhkuh :
thx for your words (and your help)...i like talking to you, even if you think it isn't fun..actually my times aren't that bad atm, i just always complain about every little nuisance..(;..take care
from lifeisempty :
thanks :) you left that note just as I was updating (finally) though it's a really really crappy entry so meh... lauren
from girlsmad :
i read it
from dizzigemini :
it was a NEW moon the other night, which means your hair will grow FASTER, so chill. Change is good, and I dig the new design. good job.
from cayin :
Thanx for mentioning =D I just thought I'd leave a message here, because I'm a NICE white tic-tac =P and NICE white tic-tacs leave notes for people who wrote notes for them Thanx ! The NICE white tic-tac ! P.S. Did I mention I'm a tic-tac ?
from girlsmad :
thanks again, i'd be lost without you. yeah, Brittany murphy is great, I think her best movie yet was spun. But still Ill always like angelina the best. my diary is the only thing that keeps time for me too, otherwise days all mold together and time is broken down to when i'm asleep & when i'm awake.
from rughead :
Yeah. No classes on the weekends, but the students still eat in the cafeteria, and guess who's cooking them breakfast. Ha ha.... But seriously, you can take classes anytime basically. They have classes that start as early as 8:00am, and other one's that end as late as 10:00pm. So basically it's up to you what you want to take and at what time. -Jessie P.S. I liked your last entry a lot. Sometimes the phony BS you gotta do to get through your day is really draining. I've started wearing headphones around campus so no one can talk to me. It's super hot I think.
from girlsmad :
like the new layout, always love the content
from rivergoddess :
hey, yea so wat have u been up to lately. blah im sick and feel like shit iive got a cold :-( and im at skool :-( byebye *River*
from ambrosiah :
I swear...I moved my chest and his eyes followed. Like my boobs were his goal in life. It was disturbing.
from lady-dra :
*eats her mashed potatoes and says* thank you *hands a plate of mashed potatoes over* want some? :)
from ambrosiah :
You fucking rock!!! Ok, I'm done flipping out now. Go back to your sewing, or whatever you were casually doing before I freaked out and foamed all over your diary and notes and shit. I know. It's scary.
from dizzigemini :
**offers a get out of jail FREE CARD**.<winks>
from girlsmad :
oh god thankyou!
from watercolored :
Thank you for the kind words left in my notes some time back. Glad you find something there worthwhile.
from ambrosiah :
Hey insane. What's your drug preference? I prefer ecstasy over much, but stopped doing it so much. I usually just drink and smoke now. I need to quit too. It's fucking me up. Sometimes I just give up and go on binges. I guess I try to live my life to the fullest(in a harmful way). Ah well. Life's a biatch and then you live too fucking long.
from girlsmad :
i told you lemon extract was good ;D, i've dexed before too, jeez you're like my long lost twin. Your post today was needed advice, I've wanted to buy cigs for quite some time but was always scared I'd be like arrested for trying & being underage. But you gave me hope so now i'm off to the gas station.
from girlsmad :
hehe, I read about it & being only 17 it's hard to get ahold of real alcohol when in need. You should try it, it's cheap & effective.
from dyingisanart :
hi you left me a note, i didn't know you read my diary! or do you have another diary i know of? and how did you get my code? and why havent you added me to favorites?? i'm shocked (just kidding)
from ambrosiah :
You can make it. You are meant to make it. You are the gerbil.
from broken-gurl :
you left a note on my diary asking why i was in the hospital - i was admitted because i cut my wrist & had suicide plans... & ended up stayed so long because my eating problems made me unable to stand up, let alone walk out of there
from rebrose :
lol yeah i wouldnt mind being his mistress or his bitch...hes just to hot to handle :D
from frozenrain79 :
yes . . . but Kayla says the same about me , nevermind . . .
from sideview :
thanks...i have not read yours yet...but i appreciate the nod. office space is better than jello and foil wrapped ho-hos.
from planetarium :
no, for real. i bet he knows all bout diaryland. what a creepy kid. if i were you, i'd stay as far away from memphis as possible. he'll probably fall in love with you next if he sees you've left me a note.(just joking, kind of...) thanks for the note!
from girlsmad :
wow...i love you. I agree, we are very much alike. I love that entry!! i wanna add it to my favorites but I don't know how. I'm sort of new to all this diaryland shit. I'm adding you to my friends list, you're fuckin awesome
from rughead :
cool! How did you find my diary? I rarely get notes from people. I'm going to add you as a favorite.
from ambrosiah :
Pfft...20. Can't drink "legally" yet. How bout you?
from ambrosiah :
mmm....Manson..gerbils..chaos...*drools*.
from dizzigemini :
twiggy and I kept looking at one another last night during the APC show.... he even slightly *smiled*, that is, as close as he gets to smiling. I never really thought of him as cute, but *something* about him last night made my mind think of naughty things.
from short-bus :
thanks for the note....its always nice to get notes. i dont get them that often, maybe i should come to the site more often. but yeah, just wanted to say hi, good day Gerbil
from bellhead :
let's spit on society
from blaiyze :
How goes the insanity?
from memaselfni :
*Chompin on Capt'n Crucnh*...nothin like early mornin rants, about a retard named Linda..and cereal..get's me goin! Oh i'm so gonna use your idea..about iggin..nobody's at parties!! Harr harr harr!!! Peace
from ambrosiah :
Thanks for noticing, I was just about to start licking light sockets, untill you left me that sincere note. I want you to know that I totally give you two thumbs up and a pinky, on your new template. Oh, god, the things I'd do to Brian Warner, I don't care if he's a nigger. Heheheh. I'm on the verge of losing it. heheheheheheheeheh. Keep in touch. Sweet dreams.
from girlsmad :
hey, Just peeking in, I know what you mean my family is god damn annoying as well. It's like no matter what you do they're constantly on your ass about something. wellll nice diary, later
from dizzigemini :
The new template is super cool, Good JoB.!! I have to highlight (as if I was going to copy/paste) inorder to read what u write, so if u put that "what u fucking thinking fool" or "back off bitch"...anti-copy/paste thingie on, I won't be able to read what u write. I LIKE the colors, I am not hinting to changing anything, I am just bringing this to your awareness, incase you did not know. well anyways, u had it protected, and thats a SMART think to do, I have been searching for that link to add into mine, so snooty ART folk don't be adding more of my personal poetry into their snooty ART forms without my permission. Whats up with that. U know.!! ANyhow... change is good. I like the new set up. Awesome!!!
from dizzigemini :
*i am speechless*. "dizzi-quotes", y didn't I ever think of that!! Thats like, for'real-yo-flattering. Thankyou.
from mallgoth :
Maybe i did have the wrong definition cuz on this one website it said gummy goths are new goths. Maybe they don't know what the hell their talking about, but i sertainly not trying to be something i'm not. I AM goth and if U don't think so, tough.
from mallgoth :
look, i'm trying to be nice. And a beginner goth is a gummy goth, not a poser ok? And i have been goth for a year and a half ok? god damn listen to me for once.
from mallgoth :
Ok. Here's my idea. U don't insult me and i won't insult U. Is that ok? Cuz this name calling bullshit is getting real old real fast.
from ambrosiah :
Loving the new template.
from jennipunkin :
thx for your note.. can i look around your diary?
from morguecrawl :
Thanks a bunch.
from aubrey-eavan :
whoa, i love the jhonen picture. nice. thank you for reading my diary, i really didnt think anyone did, especially since i never update. ill make an effort now. haha. how did you come across it anyway? thanks for the note, doll. love josie
from nny777 :
I know, everyone’s blaming it on the drugs he was proscribed. From what I hear, they make people violent and suicidal. I wish he went through with the suicidal part. I swear if he does ANYTHING that may be a sign that he’ll do that again, I’m fucking going to take a knife to him. I would have run away when he came back and lived here again. *sigh* Everyone told me to stay…so I did. I don’t talk to him much…
from nny777 :
Ill go look for it on DVD, but problem is...my fucking DVD player is in the pawn shop. My dad pawned it when he got drunk and fucked with my life. Anyways...i want to see the comic. ^_^
from bottleofbluz :
thanks for your note it's very flattering! As for me and reality, well, i guess we have a strange relation, constantly circling one another...
from nny777 :
Yeah it is, i watched twice. The first time, half way through the movie, it got all fuzzy at the top and bottom. I still watched it. I felt so fucking bad when Heroin Bob died, so sad. Everything else was great, i think ill go watch it again, lol.
from twitchygeek :
righteous.
from bellhead :
everyone knows i'm not a virgin... i think i give off the 'i'm a sexual being' scent. It's a distinct odur.
from ambrosiah :
Thank you! I am so glad that you enjoy my poetry. I love your diary also. I have been reading it since we met in chat and discussed sneezing. I guess I write from experience, and some of my work is just thoughts or really fucked dreams. Everything I do or see inspires me to write. Again, thank you. You also inspire me to keep on writing. Just when I thought people didn't appreciate poetry anymore, you come around and give me hope in taking it further. I'll keep in touch insane one. You know where I be...(:
from coldbluefish :
I read your note...wow, that IS sad, but not very surprising. I've known a lot of people like that.
from rebrose :
WOO HA!!!! thanks so much dear! ;) teehee
from dizzigemini :
my ex hubby OD'd on meth. It's a scary addiction u have. meth is thee worst too, H at least has methodone to come off from, but meth=nothing but WILL. check out AA and NA meetings. what state do u live in?
from insanegerbil :
cheerchic35
from mallgoth :
Why must U insult everyone? U'd have much more friends if U'd be nicer and stop being a bitch.
from dizzigemini :
"6"-~*~-"9"...hee hee, my to favorite numbers!. wutz urz?
from dizzigemini :
6-6-1977.=36/9. I am VERY 9. Most numerology I read about 9 says I am "authoritive", and need to be "in control". True, at times. Check out this book if u can... by Harish Johari, called Numerology with Tantra, Ayurveda, and Astrology. "a KEY to human Behavior". *peace*
from what-you-see :
I don't know who you are, but I got your comment on my template. The older page is a differant picture of him (justin). But I change it from that pic to a one of a couple having sex in a kids ball pit. Called "Playtime" you should check that one out sometime to. Thanks for the compliment on the Template. Take care!
from bellhead :
i just read your note. I laughed and blew snot on myself. good times friend
from blick9mm :
Hey, thanks for the note. Spun is rad.
from fuct-up-girl :
Hi there. You left me a note. And er, thought I'd do the same!! My favourite colour is purple too..lol.. Yeah, hope life treats you good. You only get one. x Hannah x
from kristintracy :
he-he-hello! so glad you think i am funny. half the time i'm like, man, you are cracking yourself up like an egg, kristin, here's to hoping someone else finds it amusing!!! ~xo
from burpewww :
Thanks for the advise. Never really thought anyone would be reading all that crap I wrote. I just read ur diary. U're pretty interesting. I'm in no hurry to 'cure' my ed so no worries k.
from bellhead :
thanks for your note. i was beginning to think that twitchy was my only reader. but, yah, rumors are stupid, like the people who spread them. But i don't give a fuck. i just think of how the tables turned. it's fucking gold. Take Care.
from dizzigemini :
deff get the lump checked out. it's probably just a swollen gland. maybe mono....but there is a flu going around, puking for 7days and fever and ickyness. don't be kissing no one. *i might get jealous* hee hee. j/k.
from jackkandon :
your life is so unpredictable, and your diary entries are so confusing to read. : p pretty interesting shit, though,. peace.
from ashadeofred :
email me at pinky94070@yahoo.com and you could be a select few :) im just locking it from bitchy ex friends that tend to creat lots of drama.
from dizzigemini :
the way u "write"...IZ KOOL. so like whatever. It's very basic and slang-ish and very cool. I think it's cool spelling words all phonically and shit. "wuz"/was..."sum"/some...and it reads a bit comical, and funny, light hearted. It's a good read. I know life with addiction, however light or heavey is still tuff to struggle with, yet you seem to channel it in creative directions....don't be so hard on yourself, no pout. don't compair. Heck, I wish I could be more crafty like you are with money. U KNOW how to score the best deals on stuff and freebee's, and just your general attitude rockz. ur such a bad-ass, it...makes me a bit envious, because I am a wimp. Leo's kick ass. Leos rock, so that means u rock.!!!
from dizzigemini :
little kitty....leo, ur gonna make me cry. sweet thing. Just gotta rise above the pain and push it away. I have a dark side, I don't allow to show, it's not pretty and it reads negative, yet I rise and allow the pain to go away. Because all that negativity just brings me and other people down. But, my childhood was wayy fucked up. I should probably be in a menatal ward for what I saw. But I am thankful that I am not. An angle protects me, and I know this, however "kooky" it sounds. Peace be still.
from agothalink :
so u actually think im kool. y did u call my friend mallgoth a poser? cus she isnt. she's actually rretty kool. but o well. i dont think u no, but thats ok. anyway i ha=ve 2 go now. L8R. -agothalink.
from beagle47 :
a most excellent survey answer; thank you, 'bil.
from insanegerbil :
http://www.livejournal.com/users/ladyshady0529/
from mallgoth :
Did U call agothalink an ugly loser? Y do U have insult everyone all the time? Y don't U shut the hell up for once. And don't write on my notes any more cuz i don't give a shit what U think. Cords? Banging my wrists? Honestly. where do U get this shit?
from bellhead :
loser high fives
from agothalink :
DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!! yes i must be a ugly loser, but o well. Who cares? not me.
from dizzigemini :
**hugs** thanks sweetz, thats so endearing of you. I appreciate your verbal affection. ur a mush-ball underneigth it all. wink-wink. whats ur astrological sign? let me kno.
from d-cokewhore :
my drops of writing all over what site? dland? TF?
from bellhead :
i just read your diary, i fuckin loved it... you're ace man and i'm adding you to my buddy list
from bellhead :
thanks man, i appreciate it
from wastedhero :
yeah that's my actual address. 308 and then the rest that I gave ya heh. You can address it to Eli, cause that's my name. I'm not allowed to give my last name over computers tho lol.
from ana4daniel :
marilyn manson was doing an interview on the radio last night when i was coming home and i thought of you... im sure you know everything there is to know but he talked about his life growing up and his parents and it was really interesting... i was totally entertained... thought you'd like to know...
from memaselfni :
MMMMkay..it's official,i'm addin you..aaahh..no..no, don't you go tryna be modest and stop me either! I can't get enough of this twisted "stuff"..Your diary might be my new addiction..heh, whodathunkit!(haha@that)
from sybil117 :
Hey, thanks for leaving a note.. I hadn't realised anyone but buffgirl had read my diary. I'm 35 (arrggh) to answer your age querry, not sure what else you wanted to know that you couldn't gleen from my rmablings in my diary.. but feel free to ask away! I can't wait to read the diary of an insane gerbil.. all the ones I know are sane! ~
from dizzigemini :
hee heh, i wish I could speak spanish, i cheated and used "babelfish.altavista.com". Sorry to disappoint you. All my life growing up in florida, I picked up on very little spanish. But I like Russian! I can say russian phrases and stuff, I want to learn more russian someday. Thanks for the note,....so, like, it reads well in spanish--huh? That makes me smile, I can't wait to hear his reaction to it. I'll let u kno.
from guessgirly :
Hey, thanx for leaving me a note. Yeah, it actually did turn into a pretty good night afterall.
from ashadeofred :
yeah run lola run kicks ass! another good subtitle film is life is beautiful, but totally differnt type of movie, though u probly already knew that. made me fucking bawl my eyes out :*( ps ur diary is quite amusing :)
from xxcuregirlxx :
thanx I know more people have to feel that way...ya know...touch it to see if it still hurts...but it's only people like us that can admit it...and secretary.....oh geeeze...I LOVE james spayder....those confident assholes always get to me....plus that movie is fantastic on a whole It makes cutting seem cool xoxoJessxoxo
from nicoat :
ed gein removed the skin from corpses and with intense gratification wore it about his own body. he had lamp shades covered with skin, the crown of the skull used as a soup bowl and the refrigerator was stocked with human organs. well, isn't that just lovely?
from greaterevil :
read your note. read your writing, (though i relate to what you said) ,i'm feeling really rude today and went head and read it. will be back again.
from androgynus :
Yes, I know the Gender of my dear Jameson, but we both are caught between sexes, so it is better not to refer to s/him as one nor the other. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed yourself. The Jhonen layout is fabulous, "I Feel Sick" amused me greatly.
from dizzigemini :
i appreciate the fact u can relate to my writings. I have had writers block, and so...no recent poems...ohh pooh, i need a muse...to inspire me. by the way, i luv the way u speak, it makes me smile. It reminds me of some dancers at work....it's cool.
from face-yrself :
well thank you, you seem to have great taste in music, macthing myown... so go you!!!
from trent-byrne :
Yes, yes it does. Why do you say that to me? Who are you?
from ana4daniel :
hey girl thanks for the note... i added u 2 my aim list if thats cool... i gotta catch up on your diary!... and i will in the next few days... hopefully i'll talk to you soon... stay strong... and and i got a little "legally blond" ref for ya too, i saw u liked the movie...
from rivergoddess :
mahahahaha! english i can read it now lol *River*
from rivergoddess :
ahhhhhhhhh! ::mummbles:: more french *River*
from rivergoddess :
hey! i cant read this anymore. just cuz i took french 4 one year and failed doesnt mean i can underdstand it lol. much luv *River*
from darkredblood :
"my biggest pet peeves are double chins. I can't stand them.they look so ugly" Great. Thanks. That makes me feel very GOOD.
from memaselfni :
haaa@me..What tha *gasp* took my dumb ass so long to hit you back, wit this note!! *slap*@my gotdamn self! I'm lovin the diary hun..it's real chill, your welcome to read about my gay ass anytime! :) OUTROOOOOO
from nny777 :
I think it kicks ass! WHoo Hoo! It kicks ass!!! *does a little dance* I dont know......hehe
from mnvnjnsn :
You're trying to tell me glittery pens aren't geeky? Ri-ii-ght. Thanks for taking the Geek survey. Bad news: They won't let you into the geek parties. Good news: You wouldn't wanna be there anyway. Keep on keepin' on.
from mightymaeve :
Hi InsaneGerbil Woman! Yuppers, that is me. Why, thank you for the compliment! That sure made my day. I love your name! It IS funny, i agree. Quite the visual picture that it conjures up in my mind. Hey, I've read that book too, by Marya Hornbacher. Very honest and point-blank about such traumatic subjects. Goddammit, too many women don't believe in their own beauty within that shines through to the physical. Keep writing! I like your journal. Very lively and poignant.
from missused :
Thank you for taking my fashion survey!
from tboneboy :
hey u left a note for me a long time ago but i just read it and u still wanted to read my diary u can!
from zodie2 :
hahahaha i was just chattin whit u but had to leave.um thats all bibi!!!!!!
from veronica-- :
Thank you for the note you left me! Notes like that make my day.
from razordreamer :
oh thank you. since we cant get goldmembership without our parents findin out its a lil boring looking but we're trying. ttfn <3<3<3<3 -jess(razordreamer)
from seastate5 :
Yeah I was married, but been divorced for about a year. I am 26 y/o.
from seastate5 :
Thank you for filling out my survey. Leave me a note anytime. Hopefully I will be writing more so my diary is not some boring. Best wishes, SeaState5
from mallgoth :
Y arn't U eating? U R gonna get sick if U don't eat more. Did U ever notice that the one soda, Pepsi 1 or whatever only has 1 calory? Y couldn't they get that last one out? What the fuck is their problem? 2 damn lazy 2 get that 1 calory?
from mallgoth :
Hi! I am bored. I don;t really know what 2 say but U know, I am bored. I love the rain 2! It rained here 2day 2. I wanted 2 go outside N it but i couldn't. I hate the sun. I hate the snow unless it's snowball fights. Fun! But i love the rain.
from mallgoth :
U say U wish U were like me? If U look at my profile i am miserable 99% of the time. I am not a very kool person and all that other junk. U have lost it! But whatever U want.
from thias :
hello. if you feel like giving me your password and whatnot that'd be nifty..as i'm always bored and in need of reading material. the e-mail address is mattharby@stny.rr.com thanks.
from rivergoddess :
hilo im MAD tired and theres like nothin to do so im just typen cuz theres nothin to do. ummmm here r to links to 2 stortys that im writen. http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1326312 http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1302300 ight well i gots to go. *river*
from rivergoddess :
ahhhhh im mad board i have nothin better else to do then sit on my ass and write and write and write. lalalala. i board. talk to ya lata.
from stop-pro-ana :
Cadmium beat me to it! As she said, you don't come into the category of what we calss as "pro-ana". And you are very welcome at the forum!
from cadmium-red :
hiya - i personally wouldn't consider your site "pro-ana" because you don't flaunt your ED, nor do you have loads of links to sites with the 3T's (tips, trick and thinspiration). you don't have any of the 3T's on the page itself. wouldn't worry ;) i'm not the internet police or anything, but since you asked, i thought i'd just let you know you're not what the SPA considers pro-ana. no worries :) thanks for visiting though, and you're welcome to sign in at the forum. i'd like to know more about why you feel the way you do about pro-ana sites. take care.
from swtseduction :
2
from loastfer9 :
thanks for taking my survey-ill keep that in mind for next year (or for now as people in glasgow are still dressing up)! is that your music in the background of your diary page? if so, keep up the great work-you seem very talented. take it easy, allie carr
from flippie :
Hi! Thanks for signing my guestbook-I don't mind if you read the diary! Yup-having a baby-I am married and we currently rent a house... A grown up on the outside and a complete child on the inside... :)
from jamaika :
gerbil pregnant...WHAT? what she talkin bout? anyways... whad up with ya nichole? how u been hangin? linda still got u stressin? howz skool and life wit ya man? good i hope? hit me back. i miss ya crazy. 1 luv
from kuein-la :
how u from chi and cant pop, u KNOW thas all we do!!
from kuein-la :
how u from chi and cant pop, u KNOW thas all we do!!
from kuein-la :
gerbil i think u pregnant boo!
from dakotamoon17 :
hey girl! I been around.. just really busy.. lol.. u don't wanna know ;) school is going great.. :P well i can't write long, but IM me sometimes if you see me! buh byes!
from tekken311 :
hi
from tekken311 :
hi
from jamaika :
hey, skit. werd up wit cha? i miss ya crazy self million$$$. how life been treatin ya? yo, i hadn't talked 2 u in a hour. werd. holla at me, u know da digits. just like u kno u ma gurl 4 life. oh yeh, ima "dream sweet dreams 4 you" lol...foreal. lylas, and u know this man.
from rebelmaiden :
hey insane!! man i really need to get on more. i havnt updated me diary in like forever. i just get on read messages then i have to go because somethings goin on. so i havnt had time to right. plus im so busy and the same things pretty much happen again and again. go to school go to work go to volleyball eat dinner do homework blah blah blah! i want to go on the chat right now. hope to see you in there sometime!!
from egyptiandoll :
hello insaneg.i am deeply sorry for the loss of touch *touches gerbil* there!the system has been fixed.well i guess nottins really happened and if it has then ill tellya lata because i am at school right now.i bid the farewell.smooches! =)
from insanegerbil :
lmao...peep them freestylin skills..rep yo skills ivory!lmao..thats my girl.i'm so proud!hee hee
from jamaika :
sup girl? yo shits so ill...and u so chill and u got mad skill, and yo page is a thrill. holla if ya will..~~~IVORY~~~
from liliam :
wow thx for the lovely note!
from scarydoll :
who/what inspired you & your lyrics? I am interested.... ;)
from liliam :
hiya. its lily! i hav come to grace ur notes w/ my presence. u are still as funny as heck! mess w/ life for it is you toy! ja ne!
from scarydoll :
i was the 1st to sign your g-book... yay!
from wiccaloser :
hey girlie, mysti is one of my best friends.... why do you ask?
from insanegerbil :
hey...coo.
from mnemonia :
Hilarious.
from jamaika :
ey, gurl...how ya been...sorry i been gone lately. i been missin yo crazy. happy birthday tommorrow..shit, have fun.
from dakotamoon17 :
Hey. seems i left a note in there from my other journal! well anywayz, i had to see my psych today,and guess what?! He diagnosed me bipolar! I'm soooo mad. I am now considered to have a mental disorder. wonderful. well thanks for seeing my journal , and hey, my aim name is starfaeryluvr16 or seasoninUK. IM me one time :) bye!
from dakotamoon15 :
hey just saying hi. visit my diary in a couple of days, maybe even hours, i'll have something in there in about 5 or 6 hours. c ya!
from sood :
thanks so much for filling out the survey and for leaving me a note...i've been trying my hand at writing on and off for a few years and have JUST really pushed myself to make it something more then getting rid of everything i my head. the survey was my first attempt to play the 'question game' in a diary :) it's my fav. game in real life. i'm going to check out the link you told me about, and i'm coming back to wonder through your world.
from uni-journal :
by the way it's reeks (http://reeks.diaryland.com) i'm just in my school diary and stoopid me didn't realise ay.... GAH!
from uni-journal :
hey, i haven't actually read your diary but i guess i'll get around to eventually ay, so i read your note today, just now so i'm just shouting back at you, to let you know that you seem like a pretty sweet ass person ay. The only rapper? True? What diaryland's got like 10 thousand people, and you and me are the only ones? search around a bit more girl, you'll find some brother or sister who's doing the same thing.
from nitz :
hey ! thx for reading ! ... i'll tell you comments on your when i read it all ... or part of it, whatever :) stay cool ! luv, Mel
from bboykillah :
Hi, I was pretty happy when seeing your message, cus its like the first one. Anyways, yeah I'm a big fan of HipHop. Canibus I think could be like the best mc ever, but like I hardly ever get to here his shit, as i live in england. And also, I went to the record store today, and they had this new Canibus album, I was so close to getting it but didn't as it was on Import, and it cost loads. So wow, a female mc. So you anygood??

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update April 6, 2020: Sorry, we just had 8+ hours downtime due to a server problem. Restoring from backups took soooo long, but everything is back and no data was lost. Ay yay yay! Anyhow, hope everyone is well with the virus stuff.

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