messages to lousrose:
(click here to add new message):

from herdarlinsin :
You should phone me, k? 920-544-5063 Im always home
from herdarlinsin :
Whitney, have you read the note you left me on lilchrissi??? Its a freaking novel woman.. I read it today, unknowing how long ago you wrote that to me.. whoo lordy.. I think I need a nap now. Are you still with Stef??
from herdarlinsin :
I would love to know what your others places are. I dont have the internet right now, since I moved. It may be even a while yet.. other things have happened that cant be discussed over the internet. You know, nosey people with too imformation usually in the end hurt people with it, or just turn into toads.
from autumnal :
hugs back
from boytrap :
You're still here!!! I hope all is well for you =)..I was just complaining...as usual lol.
from lightfallsup :
i have way too much to learn about writing to stop excercising already.
from pariahpoet :
Oh I know, it's rather sad actually. I don't know why I just have no motivation to write anymore...I'd love to keep up with your other writings. About the only place I ever write anymore is on myspace, but that's a rarity. http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=2883530&MyToken=bb294309-ea20-43df-8914-ba5a3f333ff1ML So anything interesting going on in your life at the moment?
from candoor :
hope all is well in your world (I can never remember passwords and my computer will not)...
from suicidalmuse :
i miss you. are you on myspace? myspace.com/kittieluvnxgirl.
from pariahpoet :
Man it's been too long since I've been on here. I miss you! :( I hope everything is going ok with you.
from herdarlinsin :
Hello Darling. Its been a long time. How are you love?
from planetqueen :
I would still love the password if possible. best wishes always x
from hamiltonian :
oops!
from suicidalmuse :
I WOULD LOVE A PASSWORD. email it to laurafisk@gmail.com or just leave it in the notes. Big hearts, hun. Hopefully, everything is ok?
from hamiltonian :
YOU UPDATED! okay now hand over the password!
from planetqueen :
I hope you are okay. If possible could you email me your password to this diary and also your new diary name. The email is charlottesometimes2@wickedwitch.zzn.com. Best wishes always. Lots of love. x
from fragile-hope :
miss you! <3
from a-prufrock :
Also...I tried what you sent, and I can't make it work. This may be because I'm dumb, or because the computer's allergic to me. That happens sometimes.
from a-prufrock :
Oh, I meant to tell you....when Dland crashed, and all my old entries went missing, I changed my template. First, I saved the html codes for my templates, then I switched to one of the old Dland standby's. At that point, POOF! my old entries had all reappeared. So I switched back to the template I'd had. That could work for you, if you want to try it.
from pariahpoet :
Hey. I had been wondering where you went. *sigh* I understand about lockdowns. Stupid people being nosy. Glad to hear you're still around. Was really nice to get a note from you. I'd love to be able to haunt your new diary and I'm glad that you trust me to. :) You have been so wonderful to me here on D-land. You really have no idea how many times just a quick note has lifted my spirits enough to make it through another day. ^_^ Well, this note is getting a bit long, I guess I better wrap things up. My address is Pariah_poet@hotmail.com . I hope that things are going ok with you at the moment, and again, thanks for the note. After this week, I needed it!
from a-prufrock :
Hi....I don't know you. I've never read your diary. But I've read your notes, and I was sort of hoping maybe I could read your diary. If that's okay with you. This is one of my diaries; my other one is SaraNade. It's older and got a lot more...stuff, I guess. Anyway, my e-mail is Forever_Firerose@yahoo.com. If the answer's no, that's okay too. The monkeys will still be blue.
from vikingmaiden :
Hey hun. I'm doing okay, I guess. my computer had spyware and I had to take AIM off (my father made me) so hopefully soon I'll redownload it. Email me if you want. I'll try to keep updating. I MISS YOU. Love, Erika
from art-esque41 :
An outside job will be really good for you. Get some sun and fresh air. I would love to work outside instead of just seeing it through a window. I dunno about this "pocket money" though. It's probly gonna all be put away until I move out. I can't wait. It's going to be so exciting/scary. Anyway I hope you can finish the drowsy drugs soon and go out and have some fun. :) xoxo
from hamiltonian :
PUBLIUS:"Little Whit, little Whit, let me come in!" Whit:"No, no, no and damn you loathsome creature of sin!" PUBLIUS:"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your journal in!"
from hamiltonian :
PUBLIUS:"Little Whit, little Whit, let me come in!" Whit:"No, no, no and damn you loathsome creature of sin!" PUBLIUS:"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your journal in!"
from onyx-cherub :
my whit! i finally come back here and see that you've locked your diary. i'm so sorry i've been silent. may i please have the password?
from nething315 :
HAPPY HEART DAYYYYY!!! Yay! Muchos lovos and heartos and laceos and chocolatos from Mazz...sarah's back in school! <3 mazzzzz
from herdarlinsin :
Happy Valentine's Day sweetheart.
from nething315 :
Zut alors ma chere chouchou! I am a disgrace to procrastinators everywhere, but I don't care! I HAVE SENT YOUR CARE PACKAGE MY DARLINGEST ONE!!!! YAYYYYYYYYY. *complete with scary amphibian stickers on the box!* <3 mary
from fragile-hope :
Hey darling. It sucks to see that you're diary's locked. Bah to nosy people! Anyway, have a wonderful day. xoxo
from candoor :
happy new year :)
from ashley2ashes :
please go here for sophie, anaz-gurl - http://www.freewebs.com/sophie-prayers/
from nothing----- :
im sorry. i never realized we stopped being friends. i always had you in mind. im sorry im not in yours. ill never forget you if you choose to not talk to me anymore. but always know i love you <3 syb
from nothing----- :
hello whit. :) i'm really glad to hear your better. if you stay around at diaryland, i'm here for you. sorry i left. it was a big mistake and i wish i hadn't done it. i feel like its my fault i drifted away from you and erika. do you two still talk? or is it just me thats missing from the picture? i really hope things can go back to the way they were before. so so so so so so so much<3 sybil
from art-esque41 :
I thinked I'd be enjoying myself if I could spend Christmas with you and Pariah. Yous two are all I have right now and I haven't even met yous. I wish a really Great Christmas. xoxo
from herdarlinsin :
Merry Christmas beautiful *muah*
from lilchrissi :
Whitney rocks my sock off
from watercolored :
My apologies, I mistook you for another diary belonging to someone else, but I do look in to see what you're up to now and then. Thanks for the note.
from pariahpoet :
Eep! Sounds painful. >_< Glad to hear things are going better though. You deserve every moment of peace you can get. Everything's fine here. I dunno, just can't really work up any motivation to write... *shrug* Thanks for the concern though, that means a lot. :)
from planetqueen :
I'm so happy things are going well. xxx
from boytrap :
It's so good to hear things are going well for you.When you keep yourself busy like that you don't have time to think or over-analyze what's wrong with your life.Remember that the only thing that can keep you down is that.I'm really proud of you =) I knew you'd pull through,you're a very strong girl.
from pariahpoet :
Man, it just never lets up does it? Sorry to hear things have been lousy for you. :-/
from vikingmaiden :
Yahoo is threatening to close down LFF. What do I do? I can't let it happen - it's part of us, lame as it may be. I want that all back. The simplicity. I miss you. Everything is forced these days. Pettiness. I want to come to your house and hang out with you, knowing that you know me when no one else really does or ever has and I've... never even met you. You probably think I never think about you. I swear on everything that I am: I think about you EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE. Every day. I swear. Every fucking lonely wasted day, and I wonder what you're doing and if you're okay. I feel like I let you down the way I've never let anyone down. In the worst way. And I didn't even know I was doing it at the time. And now I feel like I've broken a bone that can't mend. Does this make sense to you? Leave me a note or an email or IM me or something. Or not, is you can't, if it's too empty and you've moved on. If you're okay, please let me know. I'll think the worst of your silence. And finally, though it makes no sense to most people, I love you as though you were the only member of my family who matters. You, the sister I never had.
from fragile-hope :
hey darlin. i noticed you haven't updated since october, and i just hope you're doing alright. it seems like people talk in cliches all the time and you don't know whose being genuine anymore i know, but i sincerely hope you're managing okay.
from candoor :
still checking in, hope you're ok :)
from sarahsundae :
OMG! We have the same birthday?! Well happy birthday, birthday twin!! That is so cool! I hardly EVER meet people with the same birthday as me!! So I am very excited! I learned a lot of others have the same birthday, too, yesterday!
from watercolored :
Another incarnation, each one more haunting and beautiful than the last. Now it's my turn to ask-mind if I watch?
from hamiltonian :
w r i te or give me password to other diary
from finalscore :
like ur on crack lololzozlz !!11
from finalscore :
TRUST ME.
from finalscore :
you're perfect omfg!
from b-lnl2k2 :
i wish i could say something profound and wonderful that would make you feel better. but i cant, im not that witty. ^_^ i dont really know you -- besides what ive read that you've put there -- and you dont really know me. i think it's okay if you dont want to let the people on here know everything thats going on with you. the decision is up to you. but i think you underestimate them. this wont mean much, because, as i said, we dont truly know each other, but i think that you should just say whatever's on your mind. be yourself, whomever that happens to be at this particular time. if the people reading ever at any time feel disgusted with whom you've become then they have that choice to stop reading. however, i find it unlikely that many, if anyone at all, will do that. maybe they dont know you anymore, but you know them. you should have faith in them. ..... ...sorry, ive started rambling. i guess thats where ill end this then.
from vikingmaiden :
I love you. I'm at Steff's right now waiting for my mother to come take me away, but I know I'll only end up in another place where I search hopelessly for happiness and come up empty. I've only been away from my father for a day and already I know I have backed myself into a hole; I am slowly and deliberately digging my own grave. ... I was going to write this in my diary but I'm writing it for you because you and I, we're something else, something separate, something different. Someday we'll be together, I know it. It might mean that we're only together for a short while, only to die or to destruct in some other way. Maybe. But I want you to know, I'm not leaving YOU. I'm trying to leave myself. But I'm not leaving you. I'm not saying good bye, I'm saying, "See you later," and I mean it. I'll email you instead of going to lunch (not like I do anything worthwhile at lunch anyway) and we'll stay in touch, and sometime (maybe soon) I'll decide that things suck so much that they couldn't suck any more at my father's house, and I'll go back there and things will be as they were. I swear, I'm not leaving you. I'm not doing what she did. You understand, don't you? We're going to meet, we're going to drink small amounts of vodka together with ice and we're not going to count the calories, and we're going to read books aloud to one another and stay in some small, dimly-lit room and when we go outside, it'll be dark and nightime and we'll feel more secure. See? I promise. We'll punch stop signs and write books together and fly across the country at night. I promise, we'll get together, we'll make it work. (What, marriage? ;)) You know what I mean. Don't give up on us. We're outside of what most people know; I believe this as I believe nothing else. We matter, if only to one another. We're friends in the truest, purest, least infected form. Some of my friends are strangers compared to you. Understand? We're not through; we're not beat. We've got some fight left and someday we'll throw in our lots together and see what we come up with. Yesterday I re-read the first four volumes of the Vampire Chronicles for you; just for you, I promise. I'll write you an email tomorrow during my lunch period. I really do love you. This isn't goodbye; I don't know HOW to say goodbye. But I'll say, See you around.
from pariahpoet :
*hugs* Just making sure you know I am still around and trying to do anything I can to watch out for you. I wish you could move down here to Texas, away from your family and make a fresh start. i don't know anyone who could deal with all that for as long as you have...
from wildlotus3 :
hey. my user name is from a shirt actually. thats why i love it so much. its from some place so random. yeah i figured you might have been high when you wrote it but hey, a lot of great writers have written their best work when under the influence of some sort of drug. :-) later
from wildlotus3 :
your last entry ends in the line "im cold someone come warm me." classic. simply classic and wonderful.
from hamiltonian :
<a href="http://vikingmaiden.diaryland.com"><img src="http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:oAqJGzYidMYJ:http://www.state.sd.us/deca/"></a>
from dramen :
*blinks* That's both incredibly hilarious and... well, mostly hilarious, but kind of sad.
from hamiltonian :
update or else!
from vikingmaiden :
Whitty! It's 10 am on a Sunday and I'M AWAKE. I have an html question for you ;). I know you don't really do html that much anymore but I thought this might be a simple one. Also, I check www.htmlgoodies.com and couldn't find it there so here goes: I want to put one of those 'last 5 entries' things on my diary, but I want it beside the table where my actual entries are, you know what I mean? I'm pretty sure there's got to be a way to do that, I just can't find it. If you don't know, that's fine. And I can't remember the website you always give me. Is it lisasays or asklisa or something? LOL. Anyway, if you know that'd be swell, if not, OH WELL. AND THAT RHYMED SO PLEASE SHOOT ME. <3&<3
from vikingmaiden :
haha, thanks hun! I'm glad you enjoyed my political rant for once ;). Hope you're doing well!! Love you.
from sarahsundae :
Yeah-five miles. Still blows me away. I'm on my way. *blink* *blink* thanks for the note sweetie. I think my links are still there. They are for me.
from hamiltonian :
This is a hold up! Take off your shoes and start typing. All we want is an entry! Now get busy or else I'll fill ya' full of the insanity that I have rumbling around in me fucked up head.
from vikingmaiden :
Oooh, and I keep meaning to say that I love how you haven't changed your comment about my diary in your profile. That's so timeless and everytime I read it I'm reminded of our first summer together, and Love For Fire, and days when (for whatever reason) things seemed a lot easier. Or maybe we were tougher. Or maybe we had better ways of coping... who knows. But I still want to meet you and get drunk/high with you, and then get naked ;) and read VC together during our night flight to the forest of Egypt, where hopefully we shall find an abandoned driveway and conduct our antics there! hahaha, oh man, we had some fun, Whitty! I think things will get better; get 'normal' again (as if things were ever normal...) but I think things will get better. That's what we *have* to think, you know? ... Well I sure have rambled, LMAO. Take care hun, send me that email! I hope you're doing as well as you seem. You don't sound so depressed and you seem to be making your rounds on people's note pages. :) So take care and all. I'll talk to you again soon. Love you tooonnnss!!!
from vikingmaiden :
Ahh yes, we shall watch the debates together! I'll sit right here at the computer while I watch and type all the funny/retarded/meant-to-be-serious quotes ;). I'll probably have a whole entry full of them by the time the night's over. You sound like you're doing better! That's good, hun. I have to remind you to email me, so email me! :) uuh... *dumb face* I can't think of anything to say today, LOL. So drop me that email, and I'll write you back. Love you, hun! <3<3<3 hahaha
from crimsonqueen :
I have a hard time appreciating the good things myself, so I know what you mean. Yeah, things are ok, I'm just caught up in my romantic problems. Username:vampire Password:blood
from vikingmaiden :
Oh Whitty... you're a Bushite? Oh well, I won't let this affect our friendship!! ;););) And about that condom, Steff gave it to me while I was going out with Aaron as a sort of joke, because, I mean, it was Aaron!! EW. So I carried it around in my purse for months, but lately it seemed like if I was in school and something was going to fall out of my HUGE duffel-bag-type ugly ass purse, it was going to be that condom! So I gave it to my friend who has a girlfriend in college, LOL. Thought it would be funny, and it was. :) I sort of like work. I'm a cashier for the pharmacy, and I take perscriptions and give perscriptions and help out the parmacist, &c. It's okay, it's just hard to go right from school to work and then work 'til 8. I hope I get used to it. Until then I'll just sleep in math class ;). I hope you're doing okay. Maybe I'll see you on AIM sometime soon. Love you hun!
from hamiltonian :
thanks.. I met Hunter Thompson, he is fun.
from hamiltonian :
One more thing: my aplogies for the poor grammar in that last one its 5 am and I just wrote that in complete darkness and I have the shakes.Sorry..
from hamiltonian :
I meant to leave another note explaining the others which was kind of funny but something happened and I was not able to. I was not being rude. Maybe if you read my diary you would know I would not do that, as this after all diaryland. I personally would go with innocent till found guilty. But maybe you were in bad mood or something and if so I understand. But if you really thought I was being rude why would treat me with rudeness back? That does not make sense to me , but I will give you the just understanding and consideration for deserve. I do not dislike you and I respect your opinions, sincerely I do okay? Hopefully that clears things up. If your ever upset with anything I say or disagree, I would ask to please email me and ask me about what is up with whatever that maybe. I do believe in people always diplomatically working things out and have complete faith in that system. Hope to hear from you soon, and remember I am an email away. Take care...
from fragile-hope :
haha, i absolutely know what you're talking about with that damned song...you just hate to love it. awhile back i was guiltily in lust with an avril song. heh. we should start out own club.
from sarahsundae :
Well-if you are in New England then we are near one another. Im in Connecticut. *smile* I wish I could have been at the race though. No matter how much I dont like the track there is nothing like being at a race up close and personal.
from crimsonqueen :
I do understand some of the things your talking about. I feel some of them as well.
from crimsonqueen :
Well, there must be something good in your life. I'm sure there's lots of good things going for you. It would still be interesting to be you. To walk in another's shoes gives you wisdom and stuff. I've heard that saying somewhere. Anyway, I keep babbling, lol, I really do hope things get better for you somehow.
from vikingmaiden :
I guess we've changed so much, both of us and Sybil too. The connection is still there but sometimes I feel like it's a strain to have a 'real' conversation with you. All I want for you is that you feel okay someday, and the sooner the better. I know you have the strength to weather whatever storm is upon you; I just hope that when the sky clears, we'll be ourselves again, you know? I know that nothing will ever be the way it was when we first met, but maybe if we could get back just a little of that carefree attitude... or maybe we never felt that. I really don't know, anymore. But I do know that I love you, and I hope that we'll both be okay. "Keep on keepin' on." ... I'll try lisaexlains :). I know you told me about her before, but I couldn't remember exactly what the site was, haha. Take care, hun. <3&<3
from pariahpoet :
*hugs* I miss you, but I understand. I don't write my most personal thoughts either. I hope everything is ok.
from sunshine831 :
Hi! My god I have been dying to write people but I haven't had anytime to. I seriously have to schedule in updates in my day just to type out a few lines in my damn diary. So I have been trying desperately to catch on my reading, gotten pretty far back so I should be all caught up on you in about another day. I can't believe its been YEARS now since I first started reading your diary. Crazy shit. You are too wonderful. You know that? Well if you didn't you know now :P I will write more after I finish up. Love you! Bbye :D
from vikingmaiden :
Random HTML question for you, my HTML goddess: How do I make the text in my um text box ... allign? Uh, line up? Like... so that the right side of it is even? You know? So that the right side of my actual text isn't all 'jagged' and like... uneven? God I really don't know how the ask this! I hope you know what I'm talking about... you usually do. Anyway, I'll keep looking around at other people's diaries for the code that I want, and I'll just steal it if I have to ;). But it would be rad if you knew. <3&<3
from nzforestguy :
Hiya, can i have a password to where you are now?
from for-you-only :
I don't think I've ever gotten a note that long. The entry that pissed you off was very much a narrow view on things at this point in my life. I do have some people around that me that care, but yeah, there are ALOT of dick-heads too. Oh, btw, Robert is my brother, and he's like 35 and he's been picking on my weight since I was like 7. First it was "you're too skinny, you need to eat more" then it was "you're going anerexic" and then it was "gosh, if you keep eating so much you'll be twice my size by next month" and now its, "look at that pot belly, you're so fat!" Gosh, brother's are a drag even when you don't live with them. Pah, notes are such a lame way to talk, I wish the notes system looked like a chat room, or like comments or like a tag board. This just sux. Hey, next time - leave a comment - they look so much better. Oh, and I didn't say I'm on atkins, do you think I'm crazy enough to go without bread and eggs and all that other starch??? I just said it works, even if it's hard. :) Oh, and, I don't think your being a bitch. You said something about that in the note... -Pink
from suicideinc :
thank you for the note. the entry you mentioned was about/for my friends so i felt like i had to make it good and i'm glad you liked it. <3 jacq
from killingjar :
honey! you found me again :)
from finalscore :
oh darling!
from crimsonqueen :
I've always read you diary and wondered what it must be like to be you, living in your life, what you think and feel every day. And I love your layout! I wouldn't change it for the world!
from vikingmaiden :
FUCK DIARYLAND. I just wrote you the longest note imaginable... and DIARYLAND... ugh. Okay. To sum it up. I was really glad to get that note from you. I'm not going to say that I'm relieved, because I'm still worried the way I'm always worried about those I care about. But I've fucked myself up somehow, or maybe the dam just finally burst. Anyway. I'm going through this dissection process. I'm not sure if it's healthy or not, but I'm sure I don't care at this point either way. I'm not going to kill myself, I can assure you. I'm just realizing some things about myself. Like why I act the way I act, why I do some of the things that I do. Or I think I'm figuring that out. Who knows. Does any of this make sense? It doesn't really, only in theory. I'm glad you have that job to distract you. I've been living on distractions. I sincerely hope the best for you, as I always have. You're one of the best friends I ever had, fuck actually knowing one another ;). Shit. There was a lot more in my first note that seemed very heartfelt that I can't remember now. Oh well. I'll probably end up telling all someday. I just have to keep thinking that since we're only 16, things will be okay at some point in our lives. I hope Sybil stays happy, that you get happy, and they we all stay in touch. Maybe next summer when I, too, have my license and a vehicle, we'll meet. Or if my mother comes through with this trip in October to NH, maybe I'll meet you then. I want to drop out of school. Actually, what I really want to do is just crawl into some hole and die. I'm tired trying to be brave. But don't worry about me slitting my wrists in the middle of the night or anything ;). That's not going to happen. Well. This one was pretty long, too. Drop me a note or an email anytime. I love to hear from you and talk to you, even if all we do is bitch and moan ;););). I guess things will never be as carefree as they were the first summer we had together, the three of us. Hopefully we'll all still post at LFF from time to time and act like retards. Somehow that doesn't suffice anymore, though. I guess you feel the same way. Aaaaanyway. Let's stay in touch, Whitty. I only want the best for you; for all of us. Someday we might be able to read these depressing notes and laugh. Until then, I remain forever your friend. <3&<3 Love and Love.
from hamiltonian :
the balh blah blah was here-->X
from happy-frown :
i'm always going to be here for you hun, even if i did leave diaryland. i just want you to know that i love you and i always will. take care, and see you on aim sometimes. i hope. <3sybil
from rainy-daze- :
*sniffs* your latest entry is so very sad :( *hugs and squeezes* you really sound like you could do with a big, long bear hug. please take care. xxxxxx
from rainy-daze- :
hiya, just wondering what your comment about my diary means, "you don't deserve this". I'm intrigued! xxx
from finalscore :
you'll always have an audience, even if it seems like too many have decided to linger in the lobby during intermission.
from almost-grown :
I'm still here and still read when you update. I'm still on aim at icegoddess8604 and yahoo at dunkin7604 if you ever want to talk.
from b-lnl2k2 :
i love you. you're a beautiful person. and if you were to keep talking, i'd keep listening. because life is "funny" like that.
from nething315 :
I'm still here, have been here, always will be here for you hun. I love you and anytime you want to talk, well. I'll be there. Or here. *hugs* keep checking your mail. Eat lots of ice cream and milky ways. <3 mary
from pariahpoet :
I'm still around and still keep up with your diary. I only wish I had more time. Even if you don't realize it, you've always been there for me as well. I can't remember a single time when I wrote an entry upset that you didn't take the time to leave me a note. That has meant the world to me. : )
from art-esque41 :
Don't worry about it. I tried emailing you once but for some reason it didn't work. Anyway if you're writing anywhere else I would like to keep up with what's going on. Hope you're doing good. Muah.
from vikingmaiden :
My wife. Will you marry me again? <3 HAHAHA TIA hahahaha!
from angellivia :
Hi hun... lmk if you're writing over at LJ... I'm there too now. You can email me somies@diaryland.com to let me know if you like, or tag angellivia. I have the same username on LJ. Liv xx
from vikingmaiden :
yeah, i just thought of that. ;) i'm pretty swift, eh?
from pariahpoet :
*hugs* Hope whoever is haunting your diary goes away. Please let me know how things are going any time you get a chance. Hope things are ok with you. -Holle
from onyx-cherub :
hey gorgeous. i'm so sorry i haven't dropped you a line in a while. i miss and love you.
from nzforestguy :
Hiya, i finally got around to sorting out a password for my diary, so email me at nzforestguyATxtra.co.nz and i will send it to you, hope everything is ok.
from vikingmaiden :
Hi darling. Just leaving a note to say I miss you, and I'm wondering how you're doing. I'm really glad we talked on AOL the other night (or whenever the hell it was, LOL) I think we both needed that. I can only hope that you're hanging in there. But do me a favor and be careful with the vicodin, okay sweetheart? Let's try to limit ourselves to one method of self-destruction at a time ;-). Well for no good reason, I changed the template on my diary! I like it a lot more now, so check it out if you get the chance. I love you, and really I do hope you're doing okay. Talk to you soon. Love, Erika
from sarahsundae :
I'm trying to accept my body. It's hard. But I'm trying. Thanks for the sweet note.
from vikingmaiden :
Hey hun. I don't really know what to say in response to your last note other than... it seems like you're getting seriously annoyed with my diary entries. The last couple of notes you left me sort of made me feel like maybe you think I'm acting this way to get attention, or because I see it as a panacea, or simply to lose weight so that I'll think I look better. Truth is, I don't know what my problem is. And I know that the things you're saying stem from genuine concern, but I can't help feeling like you're condescending to me, like you're sort of disgusted or something with my behavior. I could of course be totally wrong about this. I may not be intuiting well at all. But I'm starting to feel like... I'm censoring myself on your behalf, or perhaps on mine. Lately when I'm writing in my diary I find myself thinking, "Should I say that? Whit might freak out." And I know, I really do, that you're worried or whatever. But I think maybe you're worried for the wrong reasons. And when you write me those long notes about the dangers of starving yourself and all that, I can't help thinking about how hypocritical it sounds. Like... you can dictate that good advice to other peopel and expect them to follow it, but you can't listen to yourself. I don't know if you think maybe I'm trying to play some game, or that maybe I find eating disorders romantic, or what. But it seems you take the eating disorder seriously, but not me. ((I don't even have an eating disorder, per se, but you know what I mean.)) So I'm wondering if maybe it would be beneficial to you to not read my diary, so that you won't get all mad and upset, etc., or maybe I could make another diary just for the shit that is really stupid and superficial. I don't want you to think that I'm a superficial person. I think you know me better than that. And like we've said, I vent in my diary and usually only talk about the bad shit and it sounds worse than it is because that's honestly the way I view the world. I'm not at all mad at you for anything that you said, I'm just confused about what you're feeling, and wondering what to do about it. I'm also thinking that maybe I should have sent this in an email, but I know you'll get it here. I love you and I really want you to be healthy and I know drugs are stupid and maybe just maybe my problem is that I don't want to be healthy. Sorry for the run-on sentence. I love you. I suppose we should talk. ----Erika
from i-am-undone :
.dezzy + lezzy. ( rem?!) love you dez. xoxox Lezzy. haha
from boytrap :
hey girl! you know it's funny you mentioned you haven't been here.don't be sorry...i haven't much either =/ i still keep up with your entries though.i get busy at times but every now and then i get nostalgic and wander back here.take care and keep writing!
from finalscore :
in response to tea--code because i am too lazy to log out and back in: no!! i haven't seen the one where they find the diary in the attic. but i love stacey too. you should reread them as an older kid ... when you're 10 or 11, BSC seems ... obviously, older. and now at 17 i'm like, why did they do all of this crap? lmao. hi.
from pariahpoet :
Please be careful. I am more than willing to give you space if you need a private place to sort out your thoughts. I'm sure it isn't one single person, but I can sympathize with the need for privacy. There is a whole lot that I will never write in my diary because people read it and also because I don't want to be remided of it myself later. I hope things get better. -Holle
from deathxwish :
I hope you get better (you deserve it) <3
from suicidalmuse :
aww honey. That entry on the bottom was from july 5th 2002! I was going through a really hard time than. I still read too. Every update. :) Just for the record: I know you can get better. Happiness and contentness is a hard thing to achieve. I've got the happy thing almost down. I'm still working at it. Its a goal. I'm gonna make it. So will you. You have so much ambition to be thin right now. It would be easy for you to turn that around. Have an ambition to get well. Have you ever read prozac nation? Its a great book. Anyways maybe your a lot like her and you have an addiction to depression.... oh yeah and BTW I drove an hour and a half to rochester where the incubus show was and there was sign posted on the venue saying that the show was postponed untill fall. Those fucking bastards.
from tea--code :
you're so wonderful and thank you for everything!
from sarahsundae :
thanks for adding me. =)
from crimsonqueen :
Hey! I'm glad to hear from you! <3 I've been keeping up with your diary. I understand what it feels like to be in a spiral that you can't escape. I've been in a few myself. I do hope something happens to make things better for you. Hang in there!
from vikingmaiden :
Whitty, guess what? In October, my mother is going to New Hampshire to visit a friend from work who moved away. And I told her about you, and how I'm DYING TO MEET YOU, and guess what? SHE SAID WE COULD COME SEE YOU!! And maybe, just maybe, you could come back to Philly with me. And we could live together and go everything together... oh man, wouldn't that rule? Well write me a note or something or and email or SOMETHING lmao, and we'll talk. :-) I hope this actually really happens. Love, Erika
from pariahpoet :
*hugs* Great layout btw- Donnie Darko is awesome. ^_^
from happy-frown :
lol i'd like to thank the girl who gave me the insperation to FUCK THAT CUNT WITH A FUCKING CHILD MOLESTOR OR WHATEVER ahem. i love you so much!! *hugs and kisses* <3 sybil
from finalscore :
I LOVE YOU TOO, RUFF RYDER.
from pariahpoet :
Nooo!!!!
from vikingmaiden :
I know how you feel, Whitty. I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday, and you know what? I'm glad. LET'S STARVE OURSELVES TOGETHER!!! ;-) ;-) okay i know it's a bad thing to do, and you know it, too. but it's like cutting: sometimes it just can't be helped. i love you. ----Erika
from pariahpoet :
Wow, what an ordeal. I'm so glad you're safe now.
from happy-frown :
*hugs* ilove you. i'm glad its over. i was so scared for you. <3 sybil
from fragile-hope :
Congratulations on your *wake-up call*, honey. I'm really happy for you that you realized these things before it was too late. I really really wish the very, very best for you. xoxo
from pariahpoet :
*smiles* I know I must be driving you crazy as just another person telling you to eat, but I know how it feels when people try to make you give up the one thing you have control over. Please just stay safe. I don't want to lose my banner-bashing buddy!
from tea--code :
"I love not eating- it sounds horrible, but I do. I feel so in control now. I only eat when I get hungry to the point where I think I am going to pass out, or when I know I have to be in the car. I just do it when I have to. Everything's fucked up." aw whit, is it a wonder we worry about you?
from vikingmaiden :
Whit, your father... what a tool ;-) I love you hun, and I'm still around if you need to email me and complain! I'm not going to my mother's til after father's day. :-(. Yeah, what a fucking compassionate soul I'm being, hahaha. Love, Erika
from pariahpoet :
Seriously, those fat carrots are viscious! ;) Honestly, I think it would be easier to just count calories rather than trying to starve yourself. About 1500 calories a day with a decent variety of food and your stomach shouldn't wig out from lack of nourishment and prompt you to binge. I just don't want you to get hurt. Exchanging si for an ed isn't going to help. *hugs* Take care of yourself. You are a wonderful friend and don't deserve the punishment you're putting yourself through.
from nething315 :
IIIII LOOOOOOVVVEEEE YOOOUUU BAAABBYYY I know we haven't talked in a while, but anytime, call me, day or night hun. I'm here for you, and know that you are beautiful the way you are, you live up to everyone's ideal, including my own, and the evidence is here from every one of your friends who love you to pieces. -mary m
from pariahpoet :
*hugs*
from vikingmaiden :
Whitney Picco, you are undeniably and completely beautiful. Sometimes I just feel obligated to say that. love, Erika
from almost-grown :
if you need help with a layout let me know, my computer is working again so i'll be able to get back to designing. I also have a design site at am-designs.diaryland.com if you want to check out what i have.
from pariahpoet :
Glad you got a good one. At least the make-up work will be something to keep you busy. Good luck and stay strong. -Holle
from happy-frown :
username: tied, password: neck
from pariahpoet :
I agree with vikingmaiden, you are beautiful although maybe a bit underweight. This will really take a toll on your immune system. I hope that you can get back into the swing of school. Don't worry about making up stuff. You can take your time with it. Having a schedule will really help you with meals I believe. I know that I do the worst when I am by myself and don't have any set time to eat. It sounds like when you do force yourself to eat normally you eat healthy and that's good. If you can keep that up I think it will help. *hugs* I want you to be content and I'm still praying for you. Take care. -Holle
from vikingmaiden :
Whitty, darling, my god you are gorgeous. Girls would kill to look like you. You're at the level of attractiveness that people try to achieve with plastic surgery. I'm so disturbed that you think so little of yourself, and that you worry so much about food. Exercising is good, sweety, but you need to eat, too. And at our age, we can afford to eat chocolate bars and cheese sandwiches. And as long as you exercise (which you do, and that's awesome) it really doesn't matter what you eat, as long as you get some nutrients, etc. I love you, hun, and I wish you could only see what I see of you, the physical and everything else. But maybe you're standing too close to the mirror... love you, Erika ps. I owe you an email, I know. :-)
from pariahpoet :
*smiles* I appreciate the note. Always good to hear from a friend. It does sound like you've had a rough time lately. Thankfully it also seems you got a decent therapist this time. Hope your new one is as good. ^_^ Hope you can get over the ed's, I imagine it must be pretty tough. Good luck.
from onyx-cherub :
hello, my lovely whit! long time no talk. i'm here, i miss you and i still care. i always have. <3
from pariahpoet :
*hugs* It sucks to be accused of attention-seeking. They just want you to be ok and think that if they find a simple explanation that you will be. They care, they just have trouble understanding.
from pariahpoet :
Ah, 'normal' is overrated. I do, however wish you contentment.
from art-esque41 :
I'm sorry I haven't been on the computer for a loooong time. I feel really bad because you always find time for me. I really appreciate it and I just wish I could have more contact with you. If we went to school together it would be great. We could keep eachother company. I've become a total loser at my school, I have few friends. Like 3 besides Justin. And I can't talk to them about serious things. I wish I could be there to support you, and get your family to do something about your sister. oy. what a catastrophe life is! *big hugs* You shouldn't have to worry about making me feel better anymore. Let me help you, I owe you. I'll do whatever I can. Love you, xo sammye
from vikingmaiden :
hey Whitty, hows it going? I should really download AIM again, but my father is being an asshole about the computer these days. But guess what - only 6 weeks of school for me left!! So we can go back to all night conversations and games at LFF. mmm. I miss you babe. love, Erika
from pariahpoet :
*hugs* I have a feeling words may ring hollow, so I'll leave it at that. Take care. -Holle
from fragile-hope :
It's absolutely wonderful to hear you're feeling a better! :) It makes me smile. It's really unfair, though, how the doctors don't tell you about the side effects of going off of a drug...I've been there. It's obnoxious. But yeah. I did see APC, they didn't play diary of a madman though (sad face). Well darling, take much care.
from planetqueen :
Your diary entry made me really happy. I am very glad to read you are feeling so much better. :)
from happy-frown :
AWWWW hun your the one that rocks the bologna castle!!! IM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!! *HHHHHHHUUUUUUGGGGGGGSSSSSSS* your the best! much <3!! sybil
from suicidalmuse :
I am so happy to hear that your doing so well. Whatever you do know that YOU feel this way and don't let ANYONE or ANYTHING take it away. Your in control of how you react and it seems like your doing great. I've been reading yor diary for a year and a half and I KNOW how hard things are for you. I really admire your strength.
from pariahpoet :
Aww, sounds pretty lousy. I hope you get to feeling better.
from i-am-undone :
.iloveyou.always&forever. [ give me you number again & i shall call you. hiddenxdesirex@hotmail.com] who would of thought with me being so happy all i want to do is cut sometimes too. * sighs* i love you girl and i here for you too...you know that. always.
from pariahpoet :
Wow, that sounds pretty harsh. While this persists, please try to stay in a safe place. I know that unfamiliar or unpleasant places or situations can make it worse. Please do whatever you feel would make things easier for you.
from finalscore :
aww whitney, i really hope you have a wonderful weekend and that things get better for you. if i'm on, talk to me! i miss you :] and remember, do what you have to do -- it's okay to miss school sometimes, and it's okay to tell your therapist you need her. i hope you feel better soon.
from happy-frown :
I love you and I hope you have a great day! <3
from happy-frown :
*hugs* reading your notes do make me want to be better to my body, and I try for you, but its so hard to do by myself. I wish I lived closer to you, love. Then we could do it together. But dont worry too much, every time I think of you, I want to eat. Just so I can be perfectly healthy when we meet, so we can do extra fun stuff that only healthy people can do!! Your my insperation hun! I love you, and never stop doing what your doing, because it helps so much. *hugs* <3
from almost-grown :
that really sucks... i hope that things get better for you soon, if anyone deserves it you do. ~hugs~
from happy-frown :
*hugs* hun, i love you. good things always come to good people, so watch out. an entire world of goodness is coming to you soon. there is no person who deserves it more then you. i love you <3
from pariahpoet :
*hugs* Sorry to hear things are so tough for you at the moment, hope it doesn't last and that things get back to being ok like they were a month or two ago. Take care. -Holle
from boytrap :
Now you officially remind me of me lol.I know I shouldn't laugh..it's a bit scary.I wish I could offer you advice or something motivational,but I'm still not capable of doing that :( You're a smart girl though,in the end,you'll figure it out.
from almost-grown :
hope that you feel better soon
from perceptionss :
I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you and hope everything is okay.
from happy-frown :
Hun! I just wanted to tell you (even though you should already know these) two things: 1) You are awesome and I love you so much, and 2) Peanuts are a good source of protien. So eat those salty little nuts and be sexy!!!
from emoataripunk :
hey there - i know i havent left you a note in a long time, but i have been reading still (obviously). you know i used to cut a lot and i stopped without religion! yes! can you believe it! i just figured that there are other ways to release the pain inside than razors, and i found it. all the best. i hope things get better.
from sunshine831 :
Hey you. Sucks when your period is irregular. Mine has always been like that. The whole diet thing you are on may have a lil something to do with it. Ya never know. Crap now I am going to post this and people are going to be like "eww she wrote about periods" but whatever. Its a part of life, well at least for females. Anyway just wanted to let you know I am still reading. Feel better. And study but don't study too hard. take care hun. XOXOXO
from happy-frown :
yay!!! Hun you are totally the best! I love you so much, and now I *am* 16 but I don't get my license until the 18th. Not cool, but we will totally have cheerio car sex on the highway!!!!
from cuttie87 :
Hey Darling! I am sry that I have taken soo LONG to write you a note, but I have been pretty busy lately which kinda sucks. I'm glad that you are doing well in school. I knew you would because you are fabulously smart, and I'm not just blowing smoke up your ass. DS is its asshole self as usual. Most of the people suck, we hate eachother but learn to tolerate eachother. We are surrounded by fascism, but we learn to deal with it. I hope that you are having a good everything, from day to year! Hang in there and take care! Love, Lej
from i-am-undone :
.sneaks behind you. GUESS WHO?!?! hahaha. i am back. woo. i have that great thing called the NET again. soo...you know what that means...hehehe. HOLD. i love love love love you Dezzy dear.
from pariahpoet :
NOOOOOOO!!!!! No diet, you'll disappear! *grin* Ok- How many skinny people does it take to fill up a bathtub? -I dunno, they keep slipping down the drain! (got plenty more, can't use them myself, may as well pass on the skinny jokes to you.) :) Take care, and please do try to stay healthy if you're bound and determined to do this diet. -Holle
from brokenwords :
Thank you :) That means a lot to me.
from pariahpoet :
It is hard. It could quite possibly be the hardest thing you will ever do to stop. I think that the main thing is your situation. It isn't anything wrong with you. Don't let anyone tory to tell you that you are weak, you are one of the strongest people I know. But as long as there is a lot of stree in your life, the temptation will always be there. The main thing is to know your main triggers ad try to avoid them. Mine was mostly lonliness. I am a Christian, but that wasn't enough to get me to stop when I was alone. It took a change of circumstances. In any case, I have tremendous respect for you trying to stop. I couldn't do it for myself. I had to know that I was hurting someone I cared about to even attempt it. I wish you the best luck with it. I know that you will be able to do this, it just takes time.
from almost-grown :
i'm so sorry that your hurting... wish that i had some words to offer, but even though i fought through the depression i had i never got so bad that I had to cut... so I really dont know what to say, i'm so sorry though.
from pariahpoet :
Understood. With the way society is who could not worry about their weight? Stupid face Ally McBeal! :P Seriously though, 100 lb? That's miniscule, on the upside though, you can make skinny jokes, that's always fun. ^_^ Know it doesn't mean much, but you sure don't need to lose any weight, it would be unhealthy. Being that much underweight can weaken your immune system and you're a lot more likely to get ill. It sounds like you're at a good weight now, could maybe do to gain some even. Anyway, I hope that you can ignore all the crap the media rubs in our faces, no woman is perfect, it's just that females on tv have a huge crew of make-up artists to make them look like it.
from brokenwords :
No, thank you.
from happy-frown :
hun, you are *TOPS* i love you. so, what do you think, should we run around naked? OK SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN. *kisses* I love you!!! <3Sybil
from candoor :
This is a test. (beep) This is a test of the Emergency Valentine's Day System. (EVS) This test is to see if leaving notes around DLand will make this a wonderful day (and weekend) in spite of not particularly being with anyone romantically at the moment. (ummm) May the results be that all this love in my heart found some productive use. (smile) And maybe a giggle or few (Happy V-Day from my other persona too :)
from onyx-cherub :
i'm so proud of you for not cutting.
from crimsonqueen :
Happy Valentines Day! <3
from i-am-undone :
i love love love you. :)
from brokenwords :
Ah you don't wanna be like me, that would be such a waste of the amazing person you are.
from suicidalmuse :
aww hunny. I love you too. You're gonna be better than ok. One day you'll look back and it'll seem like it was only a fleeting moment of your life. I know you can get better. I know it. You can be perfect. Thanks for the note. Your super sweet.
from happy-frown :
I Love You!
from fragile-hope :
Hey there darling :) glad to see you updated and to hear that school's going good...I hope it stays spectacular for you. Take care. xx julia
from moonlight3 :
I no how hard it is to get back to school. I have to take alot of time off aswell and getting back , even to the bus stop is one of the hardest things I have had to do.
from livingwreck :
I'm glad you feel better about school....And I feel out of place wherever I go. Not sure what the cure for that is.
from almost-grown :
yeah sorry i havent been around, i thought that the last time i tried to view your diary it was locked or something. glad to see you back and doing well though!
from pariahpoet :
Ugh, yea, being in a new school sucks. Thankfully everyone is likely to be nice to you because you're new. ^_^ I'm glad that it ended up being a pretty good thing. : )
from happy-frown :
Yay!! I'm so happy your proud! I feel all warm and fuzzy now, and because we are the same weight!!! Eeee! I will totally work up the nerve to take a picture of Mr. Peterson, but omg, I found out his first name, and it just makes him sound not hot at all, Iven. LMFAO like it cancels out his hotness! But yes, I'll still get a pic for you hun, cause your my ride!! Kisses!!!
from broknpieces :
my diary is brokn-grrl. thats where ive moved onto.
from pariahpoet :
Haha, that's awesome! Yea, come to think of it I don't think I've seen one today. I just get the gold banner. That one I can handle. ^_^
from pariahpoet :
Sounds like a good plan to me! : ) Nothing better than bashing stupid people. ^_^
from suicidalmuse :
hey! thanks for the note, seriously, thanks I really needed to hear that. I admire how well you've made yourself. I haven't taken my paxil in 2 weeks and I think I can do it. I've actually felt the happiness! love ya sweetie
from vikingmaiden :
aw sweety, whoever the fuck you were talking about is a cunt-bitch-fuckface whore. worse, she's a female marius. a sanitno beating asshole. because you're santino ;-) mmm love you. ---Erika
from sarahsundae :
I just wanted to say thank you for the lovely note you left me. How sweet of you, really. It was nice. My therapist has told me from DAY ONE (starting in June) that exercising is GOOD for me and should help me not be so darn depressed. Thanks again for the note, sweetie. Good luck with everything. Believe me-I haven't been much of a role model for anyone lately. (((hugs)))
from brokenwords :
Aw hun I am so sorry that happened. Friends can do the shittiest things sometimes. But like Norah said, they aren't worth your time. You are amazing and beautiful and a million other wonderful things I can't put into words because they won't do yuo justice. *Hugs* I love you.
from onyx-cherub :
i know this will be difficult to move on from. but it's the cruel people that aren't worth your time and the cruel people that help you to appreciate the people who really love you. i love you, sweet whit. and lots of other people do, too. *kisskiss* <3 Nor. ps: i'm ba-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!
from finalscore :
hi dearie, i miss you. i'm glad the appointment went okay though. you do sound really unmoved about everything -- but i was thinking, could it have to do with that idea you pondered? that you need something to look forward to. remember that one night when you said the only thing you loved anymore was painting, but you didn't want to ruin it for yourself? you looked forward to the prospect of painting. with this school, you stressed about it for a few weeks. it was always something to expect and maybe you just worried it out of your system. things ending tend to do that to me. i just feel flat after, even if going into it i was a mess. about losing the people in your class -- you can always gain new ones. and i can't really relate to you on that one ... since i'm in honours classes and live in a small town, a lot of my classmates and i have known each other since 4th grade. and we got sort of close because of all the hard work helps us come together, or something. but it made me sad that you feel you've lost something. anyway, i hope we get some time to talk this weekend but i have to study for finals. so instead i'll hope that your mom is okay. when is the first day? does that you mean you're accepted definitely? by the way, maria is adorable.
from nething315 :
chinchilla...dead?? I can't believe this...it's like the world is ending... :( :( :( :( :( :(...ditto about having the runaway bag and looking up air/trains fares...jesus. Keep on the right track hun, I know you can do it!!
from candoor :
while reading, I started understanding and I did not understand how, but the reading was good anyway... keep writing :)
from i-am-undone :
i lovelovelove you dezzy. hope to talk to you soon. i miss you soo soo soo much! HOLD. haha. xoxox mrs. smith. :)
from sarahsundae :
Your therapist said what? Asshole! Sorry-I couldn't help myself. I just found your diary, BTW.
from pariahpoet :
*hugs* I know what you mean. 'Recovery' really hollows you out. But, you've gone so long already, if you really want to stop, you've made a lot of progress. ^_^ Just keep after it. Hopefully the Zoloft will just be to get you through the worst and when that is over they can start decreasing yout dose. Take care, and hang in there. -Holle
from finalscore :
i feel the same way too most of the time, that i've been too busy to be sad but the threat of crying's always there. i hope and believe it'll get better for you, that you'll be able to feel and know who you are without depression involved. good luck with the school :] i love you, whitlet.
from pariahpoet :
"I'm not crazy!!...Im a teen!!" Eek! Why are these people allowed out in public!? >_<
from dramen :
*hugs* It's okay, you don't have to understand yourself. There's things that we may never understand about ourselves, but the main thing that matters, is that we live. Even if that means just getting through the day with-out killing ourself, it's the main thing that matters. I don't know, perhaps we're never supposed to understand ourselves completely. To varying extents, I understand what you feel. Towards the end of last year, I didn't hardly trust myself at all; now I mostly do. At the airport, you have to have your baggage, shoes, jacket, and anything else you're carrying, put through the screener; and each time I always got sort of panicky; would I be able to get my shoes on quick enough ? To get my stuff out ? Would the person behind me get mad at me for holding up the line ? But, that was probably just being anxious, but yeah. Maybe sometime you should just make yourself go, to one of the social gathering things. Just go. To look at it from a perspective of fear; avoiding what one fears only strengthens the fear. To go up against it, to put yourself into the thick of it, forces you to deal with it, and your fear lessens. I know it'd be hard, but it might help. I completely know what you mean about the feeling detached; about suddenly looking around and going "This is my life ? When did this happen... when did things become this way. I know how it happened, but it still... still feels impossible." That you're not really in this world, this is just some alternative ending, but it isn't, it's what's real, and you can't change what's already happened, and it sucks. You care because you're human, like anyone; we all want companionship, to know that we're not outcast. To know that someone does understand us. New years has always generally been a time of, if you <i>don't</i> have someone to be with, then most people are kind of inclined to pity you. I don't -heck, most years I've been one of those people, sitting in front of the computer. It's like it's some measure of social compatibility, or something. Kind of like Valentines is, 'cept that's more of a dating compatibility, as opposed to social. Great when you're winning the game, elsewise it sucks, and you either act like you don't really care, or you mope. I don't know if anyone really does what they want, or says what they mean. To an extent, we all do, but at the same time, there's politeness, or peer/society pressure, or fear of reaction, and various things. I completely know what you mean about Elena; about being so annoyed towards someone, but hiding it, and wondering sometimes how it is they don't react -can't they see ? Isn't it obvious, that you're trying to hide it ? But I guess sometimes we hide it too well for our own good. I've had a lot of daydreams of hurting people that I was repressing my feelings towards. You don't have to know about yourself, though. It's so stupid how, it's like we're supposed to be miniature adults right now -we're on the road, we're okay, we're working towards that good ol' Ph.D in whatever the heck it is, we're volunteering, we're a leader, everything's peachy, we know who we are, or if we don't we're atleast dealing with it okay -we don't have any social disorders or anything, oh no. But lor, I don't think hardly anyone of us really know who we are. I think the strongest sense of self I've ever had, was when I just didn't really try and figure out who I was. i don't know, perhaps that's the trick to it -you just kind of ignore it, or something. But yeah, concentrate on just going for what you want. Face up to things (your anxieties). Although I'm not one to say that, being I'm not exactly doing that myself, I know that's what's best (or at least, I currently feel that). I don't really know what I'm doing... sure, look at it from a factual standpoint; I'm going to school, not bothering which much of my homework. But in terms of goals; or what I'm really accomplishing ? Sure, I have things in mind, but I'm not doing a thing to work towards it, unless realizing what some of my stresses are and taking them out of my life counts, which I don't think does. And I don't really know where I'm going with this, but just keep on living, and although it is comforting to figure things out about yourself, you don't have to. Oh, and if this all fits in here, sorry but guestbook wasn't working for me, lol.
from velvet-heart :
Happy New Years love. May this new year bring you more happiness than your last and may you have a greater learning of more things to come. Much love, Huggles
from lilchrissi :
You're still fantabulous miss.. I heart you!! I miss talking to you- you can be my savior... and I can be your downfall.... ♥ girlface I miss you!
from boytrap :
It's a deal on the Orlando arrangement =) As for Christmas it was crazy as usual.I got a lot of good stuff,but I don't know if it was worth all the kissing and hugging of relatives - makes ya feel whorish but you know,you got to show gratitude lol.How was yours?
from onyx-cherub :
i'll always be around, sweetie. whenever you need me.
from happy-frown :
oh hun, i was all pissed off and ready for my next weird attempt of suicide because of my mom, and then i read your note and forgot all about it. thanks so much hun, i love you. *DISAGREES* *SIGNS OFF* <3
from art-esque41 :
you suck :P i want orlando! hehe Merry Christmas. (you're gorgeous i might add)
from vikingmaiden :
WHITTY! i got a 'my-size' stand up orlando bloom thingy too, the same exact one! johnny bought it for me. do you sleep with it in your room? i tried but i kept waking up thinking there was a 6 foot tale man standing over my bed!! needless to say, orli is now folded up in my closet. :-) Merry Christmas babe. love, Erika
from pariahpoet :
Haha, that's great! :)
from boytrap :
Oh you're so pretty! Orlando is hot..but that was beside the point =)
from saxifrage :
Eeeee! Im so jealous, your very own Leggy! xoxo
from neuroticaa :
<3 Happy Xmas, sweetums
from brokenwords :
Very true, Happy Holidays Whit :)
from happy-frown :
MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU SEXY BITCH!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!! <3sybil
from happy-frown :
MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU SEXY BITCH!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!! <3sybil
from perceptionss :
Hello Whit, I hope you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. You're such a beautiful person inside and out =)
from sadangl :
Hey I like your diary it's pretty!! I love the layout!
from happy-frown :
your totally sexy. you you you you you!!
from sunshine831 :
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! Umm...yeah thats it. :D
from vikingmaiden :
hey sweety. just dropping in to let you know i'm still alive, though i'm sick :-( i've been out of school for 3 days, with some kind of infection. the doc has me on like 4 meds, its great. yeah. hope you get on AIM soon! love, Erika
from onyx-cherub :
i'll never forget you.
from pariahpoet :
That's cool. I say go for it. If you'd like to play around with writing some of your own music, I would recommend NoteworthyComposer. You can get it from download.com. I love to use it to write midis.
from i-am-undone :
i love you.
from velvet-heart :
Password is in my profile
from andonlyif :
I <3 you doll.
from asweettale :
you know what darling? you're incredibly beautiful. <33
from i-am-undone :
you lefted me today. :(
from pariahpoet :
Just my noes for the first time in several days. Thank you so much for the support. I guess I just needed to hear that it might be ok afterall from someone who's already been there. Havn't seen them to talk really since that whole episode, but they took it better than I thought, so yea...I hope you're right. ^_^ *hugs* thanks again
from onyx-cherub :
i love you too, honey. thank you so much.
from sunshine831 :
errands, i never have time for them anymore. hope your pets get better. hugs :D
from pariahpoet :
aww, poor mouse. That happened to my rat. Hope all your animals get better soon.
from happy-frown :
Hot guy huh? Mmmmm Congrats my hun!! ;);) Love ya! Sybil
from pariahpoet :
OOH! I recently discovered Chevelle on Yahoo radio. They are bloody awesome! :)
from lackoftrust :
I love that song! Closure, that is. Chevelle rocks :-P
from onyx-cherub :
the christmas season brings out a lot in people. don't feel bad about how you feel towards your father. such is life, sweetie. being there for him does him good. in the long run, you're helping him. and that'll help you, too. take care sweetie. <3
from pariahpoet :
Wow, that had to be the quickest reply in the history of diaryland. ^_^ And yes, that is it. Rather odd. Have no idea what comes next... *comes back to reality* Hope all is well with you. Sounds like this past week's been a bit rough. You sure have put up with a lot. In any case, I hope all is well now. And thanks for the note. I have trouble getting around to writing as well, but always appreciated. Take care, -out-
from velvet-heart :
*hugs you back* and I love you, too
from happy-frown :
I love you hun! and in March when I get my lisence, I'll be sure to bring a shot gun. ;) <3Sybil
from brokenwords :
Thank you, I missed you. *Hugs* <3
from velvet-heart :
You crack me up, Whitney *laughs*
from deathxwish :
After all you've gone through, you surely deserve the license. I'll try to get it on wednesday myself. I can't stand the process, but it'll pay off...I guess. Congratulations (I suck at parking, too)!
from pariahpoet :
Wow, glad to hear you did well on your driving test. Everyone tells me it's a killer. ^_^
from finalscore :
good luck. and good job. i love you dear.
from happy-frown :
good luck on your test hun, i know you will rock ass on it! if you believe in yourself just a fraction as much as i do, youll pass with a bit more then flying colors... what ever that means... lol, love you hun! sybil
from sunshine831 :
Happy Birthday!!!! And itd better be happy or I am seriously going to have to give some people a beatdown. Wow sixteen already. Have I have been reading diaries on diaryland that long now? Don't grow up too fast. And enjoy these somewhat sometimes miserable times cause once your my age...its all downhill from there. Nah just kidding. Happy Bday girl, you deserve it!
from happy-frown :
happy birthday to the best girl in the world!! now, you have lots of fun, and dont get into any trouble, and stuff like that. *preaches* yeah, you know, you should definatly road trip down to me!! omg we could hang out and buy coffee at the coffee house down the street from that is acually just a gas station with good coffee. it will rock so much. ok, so happy happy happy birthday *16 birthday spanks* and have fun, be safe, and am i repeating myself? lol, love you girl!!! <3sybil
from deathxwish :
Happy birthday (I enjoy reading your diary, you're a wonderful girl)! <3
from lackoftrust :
OMG, I had no idea you were 16!! To be honest, I thought you were still 14! :-P But then again, I didn't realize that *I* wasn't still 15. (Whoa, am I really almost 17? Holy crap.) But HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! I seriously can't believe that you're 16. It's hard to believe that I've known you for almost a year and a half. Yay us! Have a fantastic Birthday and good luck on the driving test!! I love you so much! ~m
from pariahpoet :
Cool, happy birthday. You know, a few months ago when I first realized how old you were it came as quite a surprise. You're writing is much more mature than others your age. Anyway, hope all goes well. Good luck on your driving test. : )
from perceptionss :
Happy Birthday Whit! I hope you have a day filled with nothing but smiles =)
from finalscore :
happy birthday general uterus, i love you.
from happy-frown :
hi hun. im sooo sorry to hear about you sister and how she is now. but maybe this is acually a step up! it could lead to better things you know. i hope the best to come from it. love you lots all the time, sybil. ps, hey, can you help me with some html? i really need it, cause the layout i have is a bit screwed, and i need a scoll bar, but cant know how to put it in! maybe ill go to lissas and see if she can explain it to me. well, you know i always will love you! <3sybil
from i-am-undone :
i love you & i wish i could of saw you just once.
from vikingmaiden :
Hey sweety, gods I miss you and Sybil so much. I want you to know how happy I am to read that you're feeling better, about everything, and that you've taken this new control over your life. I wish I could give you similar news about myself. Well, I'm gonna go write in my diary, and hopefully I'll talk to you really soon. love, Erika
from lackoftrust :
hey babe. I e-mailed you the password, but if you didn't get it, find me online sometime and I'll tell ya :) It's only locked because I'm afraid of the people in my own house. I'll explain more sometime. I hope you're doing better, and judging from your last entry, it sounds like you're about there! Love you always.
from cuttie87 :
whit thanx so much for leaving me a note! im sry that i havent responded in a while but its basically because the term is ending soon and teachers have been pilling too much shit on all of us! ahhh! i cant wait for u to get you licence! im soo jealose but thats besides the point because that will be another step towards your freedom! yay! take care! i luv u! LEJLA
from pariahpoet :
Oh lovely... *is extremely grateful that she took home driver's ed and didn't have to see corpses* :-/
from lorigrrl :
hey babe. i'm on livejournal now. i'm lorigrrl there too. i just thought about you and wanted to let you know i didnt forget about you. life just gets crazy sometimes
from onyx-cherub :
sweetheart, do stick up for yourself. because you're fantastically wonderful and i loooooooooooooove you. now, pretty girl -- you MUST see benny & joon! and crybaby, and sleepy hollow and blow and PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN!!! (ok -- i love johnny depp waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much! so sue me!) i love you!!!
from andonlyif :
Whitney, darling can I say this as your friend where you won't be mad at me, Your last note really made me angry. I'm not addicted to anything, although I have done alot of drugs. I don't really need help, just new friends a nd I just wanted you to understand that. I love you none the less. Audrey
from andonlyif :
Oh darling I love you so much and you know you mean the world to me. I don't know why we don't talk as much as we used to. I love you so much I think you are so beautiful. <3 Audrey
from happy-frown :
OMG WHIT, I LOVE YOU. you always make me feel better with your insperational naked marius speeches. and i just have to tell you something, but i cant otherwise i cant have anything to write about in my diary, but it has to do with this kid i drove with...haha and this thing with that pen i told you about with the naked guys. its all grand. that breathing thing sounds cool! you should teach me it!!!!!!!! omg, my grandma is singing some random old rock and roll song. wtf, can i kill her please?? love you hun, my uncle on my father's side, 3 times removed from my cousin's butt hair...???? LOVE YOU<3<3
from happy-frown :
aww hun, just for you i will eat! mmm im eating a sexy bologna and cheese sandwich! its got 'whit' and 'erika' written all over it!!! i love you hun, and lets eat together and stay strong together!! and good luck with your driver's ed. mine was so boring i always fell asleep in the classes. lol, and tomarrow i am suppose to go drive with my teacher. IM SO NERVOUS. but to quote you, if i get nervous, ill just picture marius in the audiance naked with his legs spread. LMAO. well, i love you! but you already know that!! <3Sybil
from happy-frown :
hun you rule! i love you so much! and check out your email, erika finally got her pics to us!! yay! shes really pretty. i love you alot, just so you know. and i have to show you this pen i got. its got naked men on it!! mmm its sexy. OMG ITS LIKE MY DREAM DILDO I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS!! *hint hint* lol, jk jk jk. i love you again!! and kisses, not, um... drugs... (???) to you too!!!! i love you! <3<3<3<3Sybil
from nething315 :
I lurve you love you dollface. Thanks-I can't wait either! Teach me to drive your car-I'll crash it probably, but it will be a fascinating experience. Muchos hugs...I will call you from Saratoga :) <3<3<3 (it looks like a penis!!)
from vikingmaiden :
Hey hun! Just waiting for you to get online, haha. I tried to email a pic of me to you but your email is over quota? You should take care of that soldier ;-) well, thats all! LOL, love you hun! ----Erika
from vikingmaiden :
hi hun. i've been trying to get in touch with you but it seems we keep missing each other. everytime i get on to check diaries it says you updated 10 hours ago, LOL, DAMN TIMING!! well, i left a bunch of posts at groups for you, and i'm on AIM. its about 11:15 our time, i'm hoping you got up and did all the things you hoped to do. don't let one day drag you down like this sweety, you're stronger than that. i know you'll pull through. i know it's scary when the balance you've so carefully secured for yourself is suddenly broken. believe me, i know. and if you want to talk (i still don't know whats going on between us, but i love you) you know you can email, or leave me a note, or post something at our private groups. i'm here for ya man!! my sexy sandwich ;-) okay, well, i hope to talk to you today. love, Erika
from pariahpoet :
*hugs* Don't worry. One off day doesn't mean you're going back. It isn't going to break you, you're too strong to let it, and we're here behind you the whole way. : )
from onyx-cherub :
i want you to be happy and secure just like you do, because you deserve it, my love. i'm no stranger to random suicidal thoughts. unloading the dishwasher tonight, i removed a knife and went "i could hack myself out of existence with this thing", even though i didn't. i really hope you don't act on an impulse, no matter how tempting it is to you. you're better than that, stronger. you've GOTTEN better, and even if things are downhill now, they will get better because you've chosen to get better. you're determined. and you're WORTH IT. stay strong, sweetheart. i love you.
from happy-frown :
hi again hun!! i just wanted to say hi again! i love you too. and when i come up there, ill bring my dog so ours can all play together. lol, my dog has a tumar though. hahah, acually its not a tumar..its just so thing growing out of her side or something. lol, its been there for years, but i was always afraid she would die. lol, i think our dogs would be happy together. I HAVE KNOW IDEA WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT all i know is i love and worship your ankles!!!!!! *all hail whits ankles* *kisses your ankles* ahhh it is soooooooo good. <3sybby
from pariahpoet :
Sounds like a pretty rough day. Hope everything ends up ok with your friend. I have an idea that you can sense emotional tension in people. I can do it too to some extent; sometimes I mistake it for something having to do with me when it isn't. This could be the case for you as well. Dunno, just wanted to toss that out there. As for your dog, don't let it worry you too badly. I know it's scary and you want him to be perfectly well, but most of the time it doesn't have any long-term effects. When I was growing up my schnauzzer Sassy had bad siezures like that fairly often. It never did her any harm though. We had her for years and she was perfectly happy. :) Take care. -the poet
from happy-frown :
i love you and i always will.
from crimsonqueen :
Hello, again! I'm sorry to bother you again, but I was wondering if you wouldn't mind doing the html for another one of my diaries? If not, just let me know, I know you've been busy and stuff. Take care!
from happy-frown :
yes my love, i agree with erika, tell us what its like to have a life! im so proud of you and stuff!! let me get mushy on you. *MUSH* ok, hows that? im really happy for you because mostly everything got better. but then theres elena. dont worry though hun! it will pass and the sun can shine and the birds will sing and WTF AM I TALKING ABOUT!! i love you so much my sexy lara croft bologna sandwich! <3<3<3<3sybil
from vikingmaiden :
hi sweety! just saying hi, and i'm glad to hear you're doing so well. so you have a life now huh? ;-) you'll have to tell me what its like, hehe. i should really go post at fire or something, before every member leaves us. hope you get on AIM today!!! love ya. ----your little viking
from brokenwords :
Thanks :) At least somebody out there loves me. And a very cool somebody at that.
from pariahpoet :
Lol, I am quite proud. Rather wish I had the guts to do that. I think you have more followers than you realize. I know that at least for me and probably a lot of others, it is wonderful to hear that you're feeling better, tis a bit of hope for the rest of us. :) I know that the school work must be frustrating, but you'll get it done. You're much smarter than most your age and seem to be better with application as well. Your lack of focus could be boredom. I know my mind wanders badly if I am not interested in what I am trying to learn. I suppose that is about it, take care and I hope all continues as well for you. -PariahPoet-
from i-am-undone :
god i love you.
from finalscore :
i'll always read what you write. well, as long as i can.
from jofetish :
ummm...okay...you know nothing about me, and you judge me by a banner? sure...okay...go with that. a friend called me adorable, i never believed that, but i decided it sounded good on a banner, so i thought i'd try to be positive for once in my life. hmmm....way to judge there, buddy :)
from pariahpoet :
Lol, now that's interesting. I actually did have a bow and arrows in my car tonight! They're my visual aid for my speech Friday. *grin* On a more serious note though, you really ought to take your meds regularly. No need putting yourself through more than you have to. Take care. -PariahPoet-
from vikingmaiden :
aw hun, you leave the sweetest notes! i just finally checked back here, after like... 5 days or something, and the note you left really cheered me up! its all early in the morning and you're not on AIM but i wish you were. well, we'll talk later, i basically have all day! i love you my sexy sandwich! Erika
from art-esque41 :
cars are life. enjoy.
from onyx-cherub :
you know who's way hotter and more talented than ewan? JOHNNY DEPP! *bounces* YUMMY!!!
from cabbages69 :
cabbages69/lousrose I tried to do the e-mail alert thing, but I guess it didn't work. Glad all is well! You should take a drive to the Cape sometime!
from vampiresybil :
hun i love you!!! i just have to tell you this: i am wearing a wedding dress right now. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?? but hun, dont worry about anything your mom says, you know im always here for you, and um...if you dont mind racking up your phone bill, im just 7 didgets away (10 if you count the area code!!) and you know i would LOVE to do the same for you, NO MATTER HOW BIG THE PHONE BILL IS because i love you no matter what! hahaha wedding dress...LOVE YOU Sybil<3
from i-am-undone :
[ I think we should take over the world. together.] We would be amazing together. you are fucking more then amazing to me love. you make the day bright && the nights starry for me. i wish i could tell you how much you mean to me as a friend.[ as more then a friend.] how much you have helped me though thick & thin..how much you have just been there for me no matter what. even when your having the worse day also..i came first to you. && i dont think i have ever told you thank you. so Thank you a fucking million zillion times. || b\c you are so worth that|| I love you so much some time it hurts. i know that sounds dumb. but its true. so when we take over the world. && dance in the streets of NY\PA, i want you to know that I will always love you. [ no matter what.] xoxox
from nething315 :
I looooooveee yooouuu and I will see about toting your ass to france with me...mm we can seduce sexy terrorists OR the sexy french boys we can stay with as a "family"...then swear at the french in english while riding the carousel near the eiffel tower...mmm...bastards.
from vampiresybil :
hun hun hun!!!! im so proud of you! working out, getting a job, not cutting! wow, you are so brave!! and that whole thing about working out helps you, is it true? ive never worked out, but i guess working at hell like i do is considered somewhat of a work out. i should try it!! then we can be lara croft together in erikas jeep!! omg lets go walk into some random guys house while hes in the shower and make him say, 'now for a cold shower' after we leave. it would be so much fun!!! we have to grow our hair out past our ass and have the whole huge perfect boobs and big lips with the sexy dip in them things going on. i know you could definatly pull it off!!!!! im really proud of you for getting a job. its alot better then mine! is it fun coming home from work and not smelling like food? lol, but dont you feel acomplished after you get done with the day? just wait til you get your paycheck!!!! well hun, you have fun at the fair thing, and my kitties, scott and todd (gay neighbors lol) and my mother all say hi!! lol, i told my mom about this convo we had onces, and now she thinks your a cool person and a good influence for me!!! lol,if my mom approves, then we ARE ment for each other, plus there is the whole you said 'nifty' before we met thing, so there, we are ment for each other. ok, wow, im going to work out, my hero!!!! love you so much, <3<3<3<3<3SYBIL!!!!! ps, have i mentioned im proud of you????????
from lilchrissi :
I see you have my Jess listed on your favs.. let's see if you can figure out which diary is hers.. *love*
from lilchrissi :
Oh Whitney don't be so modest. I'm not that great of anything either. I have never thought of myself to be much of anything. And I suppose you've wondered how I have stumbled across your diary. It was never meant to be anything deliberate, I was just always curious who Whitney was .. that one person that stole someone's heart - that person whom being a friend of mine had doubts and worries... I remembered after a while of being lost inside of myself about that "special" person too and I went looking for you. And when I found you I have to be as honest as possible without trying to make you gloat on uninhibated pride, I was fascinated by you and had to keep on reading, but out of fear I would never leave you a note. Not once, not even as far back as 2 months ago. I was friends with Stefanie. And I was scared of something I don't know what was, and I still don't. But scared or afraid I'm not anymore. I have read lengthy amounts of your diary and everytime I read a little more I connect.. I don't know what exactly I connect to but I know I connect with something and I feel like you've filled that broken link inside of myself. That part that was lost and I couldn't find. Maybe or possibly because I didn't want to, or refused to look at. There were reasons, and tons of them why I had locked myself away from my past.. I didn't want to see myself the way I used to be. I wanted to change, I had to, needed to. And when I found your diary (finally)I was aboslutely blown away. You captured every fear and emotion I have ever felt for one or more reasons than others and spilled them out on a blank screen.. but I know they were for you.. but somehow I can't help but think that God allowed me to find you so I could heal within myself.. even if I was a whisper away from doing the worst to myself. I have found out the hard way that I'm okay just the way I am.. and I never would have believed that, ever, if it hadn't have been for you, and Stef. She's helped me tremendously too. I have possibly failed to tell her so, but I shall, in time. She's a wonderfully special person, even if she feels differently about herself. I guess that's the way life goes, even though those emotions of life comes around full circle, others will always see you for who you are inside, even when we ourselves can't because we've been led to believe things we have been told religiously. Others will always be there for us to lean on, quietly, even supernaturally; I truly believe there are reasons why people are brought together. I have yet to figure out what mine is to you, but I know we both will know before too long. Maybe you're right with the things you told me.. you were sent to me for a reason because you can relate and understand me, even though you don't "actually" know me, you can still relate to things. And even though you may think you were more interesting when you were depressed, that's not completely accurate dear. All people are interesting through their movements, facial expressions, words, anything. Evryone is their own unique person no matter what. God created you to walk and talk and express yourself in your own manner. He made you important, and special and very unique. You don't have to have a special talent to be noticed. And you have plenty to talk about in your diary.. you are amazing and your words are like diamonds to the heart - to me. Just like so many other people. Your sis just happens to be the topic of your venue right now.. hold onto that.. there's a significant, yet quiet, bond there. You'll see. I promise. Things may get you down, and life may look bleak and grey, but you are NEVER dull! And if you see me as an Angel then you must be a fucking Godsend because you've managed to clear the dullness off of me into something bright and shiny.. and that something bright and shiny is my new attitude. I'm not one to brag about much of anything, I don't brag actually. I think I'm a pitiful excuse for talent, but Stefanie sure loves my poems. I even wrote her a few to give to you for both of you to share- she may never have given them to you but I know which ones they were. If she hasn't- don't ask her .. I'm afraid she'll think I'm stalking you two.. well half truth there- she wants to be stalked lol and I made fun of that comment in her diary once and left her note after note... if you ever see the trpicvslmist ones, those are me... shh.. I really don't tell very many people about myself.. unless of course there's a connection. And well my girl, you have a deadline hook on my heart. Your words and you could never possibly fade. You're a shining star.. only thing is you can't see youself the way I do- just like I can't see myself the way you or anyone else sees me. I just know we have a silent connection and if its okay with you I'd like to hold onto it for a while..? I hope you have a pleasant evening.. Huggles dollface :)
from boytrap :
I know this sounds like a "motherly" thing to say but,I'm so proud of you.Every now and then you'll get in your moods,but you know everyone has and deserves that time.It helps a lot if you stay busy,which it sounds like you are.Keep up with everything.
from operaghost- :
*hugs* I'm so glad things are looking up for you. After all you've put up with you deserve contentment. Hope it continues going as well. Take care, -OG
from saxifrage :
Oh Im so happy for you, you kinda sound like you're better. Well yeah, you do. Have fun being a sexy secretary ;) xoxo
from onyx-cherub :
you got a job! wheee! and the parent of the boy i tutor just phoned to cut me off until november coz his son is too busy. funny how the world works.
from cuttie87 :
OMG whit u always make my day and i LOVE u for it! what would i do with out ur awesome notes? lol im watching the simpson an avoiding doing homework! im glad that u getting caught up with the homeschooling thing... i know that i might sound really retarded but its very important to graduate so that u can come away to college with me and maz! oh and getting drunk would be a major PLUS! lol i hope that ur feeling better and that everything is going well with ur fam! luv ya , lej PS: r u coming to the deerfield fair? please do so!!!
from vampiresybil :
aw hun. i love you! hey, if your dad is lonely, he can have one of my dads girlfriends. omg they should be friends, then they could share all their girlfriends, AND BOTH OUR DADS COULD BE BIGOTS AND MARRY ADAM SANDLERS SISTER. wouldnt that be fun? ah you would really be my sister then. and i love the last paragraph in your diary. its grand;) i love you so much my chapstick holder!! <3sybil
from operaghost- :
Heh, good deal. It would be a bit of a challenge to convert someone to agnosticism. That one usually comes naturally. : ) As for myself, I am a (maybe not 'strong', I think 'stubborn' would work better here) Christian. I believe in forgiveness through the death of Christ. I know a lot of people will hate me for this...but I believe He is the only way. I certainly don't think that followers of other religions are bad. I respect anyone who acts out of a desire to do good. In contrast to most Christians, I don't believe that you have to have an earth-shattering Benny Hinn emotional experience to believe. It isn't really a monumental turning point as much as it is a lifelong journey. Heh, unfortunately I'm not very good at explaining it. Hope that made some ammount of sense. BTW-If any more jerks leave messages with an actual e-mail address, let me know because I'd like to spoof them into orbit. " 'Vengence is mine, thus saiththe Lord' ....I just want to be about the Lord's business." -Rich Mullins ;-)
from brokenwords :
I'm sorry I didn't write back sooner. Sadly I have been too caught up in people that don't matter and have neglected people that truly do. I adore you, I love you, you are far to sweet to me. :)
from vikingmaiden :
Hi hun! Just wanted to say... I love you! I LOVE YOU! SO YEAH i like jeeps? OKAY BYE SWEETY! hope you feel better! ----Erika
from boytrap :
I know getting lectured about homework is unfair while your sister's out shooting up and no one says anything.But I think your parents are so hard on you because they know that you have a chance...your sister seems long gone.
from vampiresybil :
hun, im sorry to hear about your surgery. i had to get one on my mouth too, so i know how you feel!! i had an extra tooth in the top of my mouth, and had to get it removed cause it really fucked up my teeth. but they did someting wrong, so now i lisp!! but its a sexy lisp! if they do soemting wrong with your already perfect smile, ill kill them!! but if you end up with a lisp too, im sure it will be the sexiest thing ever!!!!! and you just go on and complain all you want. you know im here for you to complain to! god only knows how often ive done it to you, you deserve the same!! iwould love to listen to anything you hve to say, and ill do my best to give you good advice like you always do for me. i love you so much, and i always will! *hugs* i wish you good luck with your surgery and with your problems with your mom and elana. i love you again, <3sybil
from operaghost- :
Gripe all you want. You have a right to. That is what a diary is for. It isn't to entertain us, it is for your own peace of mind. That said, sorry things are going badly. I do hope they begin to improve. I know that every one of us would help if there was any way to. For now though, I suppose all we can offer is support, and that you do have- unconditionally.
from lilchrissi :
The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost..and when you can't quite make it.. you can reach out others and they will help you with the last little bit you can't achieve by yourself. When you go down into depression/low self-esteem... you are going deeper into the well. Sometimes when you are so low... you can't manage even a call for help that reaches the surface.. but somebody will come across that well you are in and be curious.. they will realize that someone is down there... then they go down there and then get behind you and see if you can make it out.. but they are always behind you... when you can't do it alone they move your feet and hands up each rung of the ladder.. each rung.. one rung closer to daylight and eventually after a lot of effort on both behalfs... you both emerge into the light. You have such a connection to others its almost as if I am seeing a mirror image of myself. And then you spill the words I wish I could say across the screen and I am so in touch with your emotions it makes me cry. Friendships can be amazing if people let them be. You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity. Your words are beautiful..**tears** You help me out of the well many times! When I have just started down there...I hear a friendly voice up at the top calling out to me...with people like you who I know that CAN understand .. I know I can do better. Thank you for being able to express everything I can't - being my sounding board when I have felt the need to vent. **big hugs** Hang in there doll. Things look and feel shitty right now,(I know that feeling) but they will get better. You are you're only true inner strength.. and only you know the real person inside all of the depressed nature. Nuture it and it will do better things for you by far. Trust me.. I had to learn the hard way myself. And, boy was that road lonely all by myself. Hang in there peaches. You'll be spectacular in the end and others will wish they hadn't done or said their worst to you. Paybacks may be a bitch, but they are also liberating. *snuggles* Have a great day dollface :)
from vikingmaiden :
aw hun *hugs* i'm sorry you're struggling with school. i wish i had some adive to give you, but as you know i have my own fucked up school bullshit to deal with. all i can tell you is that you're an extremely bright person and i'm sure if you can get through the boring shit you'll excel. as i suspected, 10th grade is just as boring and stupid as 9th grade was. i hate it even more, maybe. i was thinking... maybe if you tried waking up a little ealier, so it would seem you had more hours in the day to get stuff done? like, johnny homeschools and he gets up at like 830 9ish and he gets all his work done by about 2. obviously it's not the same program, but just a suggestion. wish i could help more babes, but i'm just no good at this sort of thing. hang in there. love, Erika
from operaghost- :
*half-smile* Well, boredom is preferable to being suicidal. I actually had a honkin huge note written this morning, but the stupid face network screwed up and I lost it when I went to send. Could be just as well, it was a bit too long. ^_^ I can see where you would have trouble concentrating. I know what you mean about needing complete silence. Me too. My mind wanders too much. Christianity and Wicca huh? Odd combination. But then again, look who's talking- the gothic/christian/cutter/psychology major. ;) Will make for an interesting conversation anyway. Normally I tend to shy away from religious discussions simply because most people I talk to are not content to simply talk and put forth ideas. They are out to change my mind and get upset when I don't. However, From what I think I know about you from your notes and your diary, I have a feeling it would not be wrong to assume that you are an exception. So I would be happy to have that discussion sometime. I love to hear what other people believe. It gives a lot of insight into who they really are. And don't worry, I won't expect to convert you. *grin* Take care, -out-
from vampiresybil :
oh hun thank you so much. you would really do anything for your friends, wouldnt you? you are amazing and beautiful!!! i love you so much. love, sybil <3
from vampiresybil :
i love you so much it isnt even funny. i can hardly breath at the thought of you and your kindness and selflessness. i love you SO fucking much. <3<3<3<3<3
from i-am-undone :
[ NY\PA streets are waiting in the sunset ] when you need me more then anything look at the sunset softly in the skyline & know that i am watching the same sun set wishing i was with you. [ coffee & phonebooth sex [ wink hehe] & dancing all night with baby breath in our hair & thick eyeliner eyes ] i love you so much dezzy may. always. [ forever ] i wish i knew away that i could make you mine for all eternity. [ oh i know..lets go to New Orleans & be vampire lovers in the gloomy graveyards. hehe] after we fuck up NY\PA[!!]. you mean the world to me babydoll. I love you.
from operaghost- :
Ouch- sounds like a rough day. Hope all gets better. For my diary just use your d-land u/n and alwebber for the p/w. *hugs* Take care. -OG
from vampiresybil :
hahahaha! *reads the 'you know what' wedding vows* hahah FORGIVE ME I FUCKED UP!!! <3Sybil
from andonlyif :
I'll be here now. <3 Audrey
from onyx-cherub :
thank you. i love you.
from vampiresybil :
hi hun! well, im so proud of you for all the driving you have done. your getting so much better!!! gods, if you were right here, i would hug you so hard that you would blow up!! now when we both get our license, we can drive to each other and to erika! yay! *pierces nipple* alright!!! <3 sybil!
from nething315 :
Ahhh hahaha yes I am retarded with links...you msut buy a Poopies car and we shall au revoir to N'orleans...mm. Yummy. I CAN DRIVE IN 3 DAYS! OOOOOOOO-ER! NGch. <3 you too ma bonne amie
from lilchrissi :
Nice entry.. you're a riot by the way.. good go with the band thing.. cracked me up.. thanks so much for the laugh, I truly needed it. ((hugs))
from vikingmaiden :
hey hun!! mmm i just read your entry about your fun times driving, HAHA!! well yeah, my real reason for being here is: apparently i need a 'gold membership' to upload an image here? how strange. and of course, i was far too lazy to email you so here i am leaving you a note and wasting your space! yay! hit me back, wtf?? love you
from vampiresybil :
ok, i was totally stupid, and i went to leave a note for you cause your my hun, but instead i left it at my notes. so if you see a note for myself, its for you, because i love you will all my...dildo, not blue like elanas...bright pink an glow in the dark. <3sybil
from i-am-undone :
[ new york streets[ or PA] wont be ready for us when we come drinking our coffee[allnightlong] && dancing with random people.] i cant wait to feel your touch. see your oh so fucking beautiful face.[!!] I love you Dez. [ like a million times more then you know] xoxo
from vampiresybil :
hun, dont thing that! its not true, i love your personality, and i love everything about it, and you!! i love you so much. i dont know how to explain it, but when ever i talk to you, or i read something you write, it just makes me feel better about myself. you make everyone around you feel good about tehmselves, and that IS your personality. thats what i wish my personality is. your the character in the movie i watch and wish to be. i love you so fucking much. even if that means nothing to you, because we have never acually met, just know that you make me want to be a better person, like you. i love you. <3sybil
from i-am-undone :
___no will EVER love you AS MUCH AS I DO. you will always be my dream girl.____ i love you so fucking [!!] much!! like whoa. haha.
from perceptionss :
Much Love to you Whit =) Eric Anthony
from retrovenus :
Hi there! I'm part of your insecure ring, and I don't remember if you allow locked diaries or not, but just to play it safe, here is the username (shadowfox) and the p-word (tainted). My cousin went through my stuff and deliberately read my diary, and I don't think I could live with the fact of her having access to my diary. If this is unacceptable, please leave me a note or E-mail me. Thank you for your time, ~ Retro Venus ~
from vampiresybil :
hey babe! i just wanted to tell you i love ya, girl! i always will. im here if you need anything. i wanted to tell you about something, too. i kinda learned some html codes, and i made a few minor adjustments to my diary, so you should check out my 'handy work' and i think ill be unlocking my diary soon, so yay! well, i love you so much i cant even tell you the beginning of it.
from art-esque41 :
hey hun. I'm sorry about everything with your sister. Hang in there. I'll be here to support you, no matter what. Be strong and try not to worry. *big hugs!!!*
from planetqueen :
thank you for always leaving me kind signings. I hope things are going really well for you.
from vampiresybil :
hey hun! im glad things are ok with you! if you ever need anything, dont hesitate to email me! have fun at the conserts! i love you!
from vampiresybil :
I LOVE YOU!!!
from operaghost- :
*grin* How about the one with the little spot being your chick at my house? lol, it's a bit of a running joke. All of my cats have been claimed by one of my online friends, why not the chickens too? :)
from boytrap :
While we're on the subject of names...girls named Leah are always chosen first before me.What is up with that???!!! I met another Chris...but I'm reluctant to get to know him.
from cuttie87 :
hey whit! im glad that i have u to leave me cute notes that always make me happy! chica no matter whats going on in ur life... ur awesome... and i really appreachiate that u are so caring. i want u to know that if u need help with anything, like getting ur mom signed up to run in the boston marathon or anything, ill be there! OMG this is sooo weird, u know kurt kobein (im not sure if i spelled him last name right)? the front man from nirvana who over dozed on drugs and was married to courtney love? well see he has a sister named brieann and she i guess is dating jack osbourne (i think that she has bad taste in guys) BUT she somewhat looks like what u looked like in middle school, like hair wise and expression wise. so i just thought that was weird, but hopefully u wont start dating jack! lol take care love, lejla
from operaghost- :
lol Yes, no self-medicator worth her salt denies the healing power of chocolate. In reply- yea, I'm fine. Things just always seem to fly at you at the same time don't they? I appreciate you so much. I glanced briefly over some of your notes and it looks like you have helped a lot of us here. You appear to have made a tremendous impact on our depressed little sect of the diaryland community. Please don't ever doubt that you have helped anyone. You have probably more than you know. I wish that I had your kind spirit. You've been through a heck of a lot more than I have and you still concern yourself with the well-being of others. Just don't let it overwhelm you. *hugs* I thank you for that. -out-
from vampiresybil :
I love you hun! Your my hero :) I love you all the time, Kisses.
from cabbages69 :
Get out of that house, Whit...I'll send you the money, whatever you need, go to a boarding school, get your own place, just get out before it kills you.
from boytrap :
I love you Whit =)
from i-am-undone :
___whitney rocks my fucking toe socks off___ [[ i love you dezzy dear.]]
from onyx-cherub :
*twirls with whit* I'M THE GREEN FAIRY! squee! i miss you, babygirl! how have you been lately? what's on your mind? you and i need to pick a time and watch moulin rouge together (oh oh! we could talk on the phone through the whole thing) and i can show you my favourite dancers and everything! right now i'm obsessed with nini, the NA, babydoll, juno and of course the green fairy, coz she's meeeee!!! *kiss* i'm writing a moulin rouge fic where a few of the priciple characters are vampires! i'll send it your way when it's finished! i love you!
from i-am-undone :
[[[ you will always be my air i breath, no matter what. I _love_you_so_fucking_much.]]]
from i-am-undone :
oh dezzy baby, you know i cant live without you && i promised you once before, you go..I go. I love you so much sometimes it hurts. you are so fucking important to me words will never describe. |||| you make life worth living && if you wasnt here then what is the purpose of living?|||| I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH YOU HAVE NO IDEA. [[[ so throw the note away && come && lay down beside me so i can hold you && whisper that everything will be ok love.]]]
from vampiresybil :
Hun, I don't want you to kill yourself! I love you and I don't know what I would do with out you. I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU! If you wern't here, there wouldn't be any more Santo and Armie sex! Me and Erika would be so bored without you, not to mention depressed because our favorite sexy sandwhich is gone! I love you! Always remember that! *kiss* I'm always here for you, just like you were always there for me...and so is Erika! We love you!
from art-esque41 :
:( No suicide please :( My untouched wrist and faded scars keep me from cutting nowadays. I hope it can do the same for you. Take it eeeeeeaseh (listen to the eagles :P) luv ya hun <3
from i-am-undone :
i love you dezzy. [[ i leaving on a jet plane...to NH...i dont want tears && heartache anymore...]] xoxox
from neuroticaa :
(hearting the new layout!) it's the same one as last time, should still be on your notes page somewhere; u=neuroticaa, p=upthewall. i'm just protecting from the uglies here at home =/
from saxifrage :
yay! no more locked diary! :D
from operaghost- :
Glad you're back. Sorry to hear you've had such a rough time of it lately. I know I am just a semi-anonymous online entity, but I do worry about you and want to know that you are safe. You've been so sweet to me, I don't want anything bad to happen to you. Besides, there've been a lot of insanely stupid banner ads I havn't had anyone to make fun of with. :)
from i-am-undone :
HOLD in the HUMMERTIME DYKE hahahaha
from vampiresybil :
Hey my hun! Just thought I would say I love you, my sexy sandwhich. SEXIER then Angelina! Mmmmm double bacon sexy sandwhich...*drool* I love you!
from nething315 :
I hope you know that I'll leave you a note anytime you want sweetie, you only have to ask. Love you very much, hugs and unlimited hug coupons whenever you need one. Please pick up the phone or call me because I very much need to talk to you.
from crimsonqueen :
Its ok about the whole noted thing. I understand. Sometimes I don't want to leave notes becuase I feel like its just not worth it, or I'm too weary to try, or sometimes I want to hurt people, have them feel what I feel. I don't know. If you've been reading my entries, then you'd know that 'she' is the one in my mind a lot, and sometimes I don't want to think of anything else. Anyway, I just want you to know, that its alright. Don't stress yourself.
from i-am-undone :
DEZZY IS MY DYKE!! [[ now smile for me honey]]
from i-am-undone :
&& I lovelovelovelove you so much!! [[ you will always be my dream girl]] xoxox
from i-am-undone :
is the most beautiful girl in the WORLD[[!!}}
from i-am-undone :
DEZZY
from i-am-undone :
I will always be here && I love you ALWAYS.[[!!]] even when you have those days where you wanna scream fuck you world!! [[ but when it comes time when you need a sholder to cry on...i am here.]]] rem that ok honey. I LOVE YOU SOO FUCKING MUCH &&& I ALWAYS WILL!! [[ HOLD]] haha
from vampiresybil :
Oh, hun, I hope you feel better. *Hugs* And I'm sorry you didn't go to your movie! I was soppose to go to see Tomb Rader as well, but of course, I have no money because of the car I bought. Oh well, soon enough...I love you! And feel better!
from vampiresybil :
Hey girl. Thanks for the note, it really helped. I emailed you a bit ago about a dream I had that could be the reason of bleached inside, but I don't really think so. I really don't know why I'm depressed agian, I think its just part of my personality, but enough about me, how are you? Are you holding up alright? I saw you were going to visit your friend from here, thats good, even though I don't know her, tell her I say hi!! I love you always. Syb
from onyx-cherub :
be careful, okay m'darling?
from i-am-undone :
i love you dezzy may././. always && fucking forever/./.
from vampiresybil :
Hey hon! Hey, I was wondering if you know how to change diaries into blog style? You know, so they have more then one entry on a page, well, it gives directions...but I do not get them. I was wondering if you could help? If not, thats cool...I love you! Sybil<3
from vampiresybil :
Hey hon! Well, that whole thing about caugh syrup and your story kinda confused me...you found the story right? Was it Il racanto Italiano? (please excuse my terrible spelling, lol) I would just die if it got lost or ruined and I wouldn't know what happens next...btw, when do I get to hear the next part? Soon I hope. Anyways, just thought I would tell you I love you! Ps. That whole 'if you see Elena, tell her to stop playing with her jugs' thing was the most hilarious thing I have heard in a while!! LOL!
from crimsonqueen :
Hey, if you want to know my password & username here they are! Username:darkthoughts Password:bloodymind
from vampiresybil :
Yes, that is true, but I don't do elevators anymore. When I would wake up from them, I would have a killer headache. So I stopped. Besides, all my friends died. Lol, thats kinda funny...hehe. But know what?! I just got my hair cut and dyed!! Its about at my shoulders, and its black!! Ah! I love it!!! Well, I love you so much! And I'm sure your newly back-to-blonde hair is beautiful!!
from vampiresybil :
Yes! It was sooo much fun. The only thing is, I think Steve and Cyrena are moving Mass at the end of summer, so I'll have to go there for halloween! We could all be whores together!! that would be awsome!! Well, I love ya, and I hope we could do that!! <3
from brokenwords :
it seems to be a common sentiment, but I too love you.
from sad-doll :
I love you sweetheart.
from onyx-cherub :
i love you too.
from vampiresybil :
Oh, thanks so much hun! I acually have another question about the html. Do you need a gold membership to have a backround? Well, if you don't could you put one on for me? I'll send it to you on your email! um...I thinks thats it, maybe when your done with Erika's site, if I ever start writing agian, you could help me with my site!! BTW, what is Erika's new site? Thank you much!!! Love ya!
from cuttie87 :
hun i love u for always leaving me notes that make me smile! thanx sooo much! its nice to know that someone truly cares... hows everything?? hows ur love life going lol... IM me or whatever to chat! love lejla
from crimsonqueen :
Its ok! thanks! you too!
from vampiresybil :
Ah! I'm sooo happy for you hun!!!
from vampiresybil :
Hey hun. I heard your good with HTML codes? I can kind of do them, but I have a question or two. Do you think you could help? Thanks a bun babe!! :)
from crimsonqueen :
Happy 4th of July!!!
from vampiresybil :
Hey hun...I know how you feel with your grandma. My grandma isn't capable to take care of her self all the time so she lives with us alot. Her name is LaVern (which I always thought was a mans name...that makes me wonder...she does look very manish) But yeah, she is in the living room right now laughing her ass off and talking to the TV. But yeah. Its been awhile since I've left a note. Love your diary's new look! Its very creative!! Well, I love you!!!
from onyx-cherub :
i'm here for you, angel. through and through.
from crimsonqueen :
My e-mail is jeantaylorprime@earthlink.net
from crimsonqueen :
I did but something went wrong with the sending and I'll do it again tonight.
from sad-doll :
I love you, you are so amazing and so sweet-- you shouldn't have to go through all that shit at home you deserve to be treated like a queen with lots a servants and such. Oooh.. and you could have a moat and a dragon and a unicorn I mean.. yes. I just ruined the note didn't I? Damn-- but you and trust me when I say I love you and the same goes to you I am always here for you no matter what you know where to find me and I can always call you if you want. <3 Audrey
from art-esque41 :
smam62@hotmail.com xoxo
from suicidalmuse :
grrrrrrr...... ok, don't leave me in the dark here! new diary? gimme addy. Locked diary? I WANT A PASSWORD! email it to frigtastic@hotmail.com
from livingwreck :
Thanks heaps. And may I have the password please?
from crimsonqueen :
Um...I'm really sorry to bother you...but whenever I go to my diary...you're little thing asking for the password into you're diary keeps popping up...and it won't go away...and its kind of annoying...I was wondering if you knew how to get it off my diary? Sorry, again, to bother you.
from neuroticaa :
i miss you =( i know about your new journal but do you think i could have the password for this one? <3
from crimsonqueen :
ok thanks
from onyx-cherub :
i miss you!
from boytrap :
I see so much of myself in you.And whether you know this or not,you're going strong.If you keep it up,you'll find your "place".I have a few fall ups every now and then,but I'm thriving.What people don't understand is you can't cure what we're going through,you can only learn how to deal with it or manipulate it so that YOU control it.One of these days,I know you'll figure it out =) *hugs* Take care.
from i-am-undone :
no..VINNY LOVE YOU!! haha. I love you dream.girl.[[always && forver && ever && ever]]
from art-esque41 :
hey girl. I haven't been in touch for a long time. I don't know what's going on with you right now since your diary's locked but I hope you're ok. It's exam week so I've been kinda busy. I gotta try and make time to come on the computer and catch up. Hope to hear from ya soon. xoxo
from fragile-hope :
hey there...i tried writing you an email cuz i got yr note, but somehow it didn't go thru, it says your mail account's invalid? anyway. you can email me though, kittiespit16@hotmail.com talk to you later. xx julia
from crimsonqueen :
hey ur locked thingy keeps popping up on my diary and i was wondering what do i do with that?
from fragile-hope :
locked? :( xx julia
from operaghost- :
Hey...just realized I hadn't left you a note in quite some time. Hope things are going better for you. Seems you've had a rough couple of weeks. Just wanting to make sure you're ok. *hugs* Take care. -out-
from saxifrage :
*gasp* locked you say??? could a common blogger like myself have the password? pretty please with whatever floats your boat on top? xoxo
from nething315 :
When the day is long.. and the night, the night is yours alone, when you're sure you've had enough, of this life, well hang on. Don't let yourself go, cause everybody cries, and everybody hurts ...........sometimes. Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along. When your day is night alone......hold on, hold on if you feel like letting go......hold on when you think you've had too much, of this life, well hang on. Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends. Everybody hurts. Don't throw in your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand. If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you're not alone If you're on your own, in this life, the days and nights are long, when you think you've had too much, of this life, hang on. Well, everybody hurts, sometimes, everybody cries. And everybody hurts, sometimes. And everybody hurts, sometimes. So, hold on, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. hold on. Everybody hurts. You are not alone. heh. Not an original note, but still... <3 u forever hun :)
from k-o-d :
just checking up on you. you know if you change the code you have for the kissofdeath icon from jpg to gif it will have a transparent background? food for thought. <3
from onyx-cherub :
being emotional can make you feel weak but i KNOW you're strong. i love you.
from i-am-undone :
i already thought you was in love or have already fallen...
from vampiresybil :
Oh, Whit, where would I be without you? I'm soooo glad that I'm moving, even though Carol is getting better. I like being around Cyrena. Seriously, she is the best thing that happend to me, she makes me want to be...I don't know, normal. Well, I can't wait to move, then we can sit and discuss depression and suicide together. Sounds fun! Wicked love to ya!
from saxifrage :
hehehe, no Im pale because I try to avoid the light of day. I like my dark little room with nothing the warm glow of the computer. Jk jk. I wear sunscreen everyday cause if I dont I burn really fast actually. And freckle. Yep, have nice day <3
from vampiresybil :
Ok, Whit, I got AIM, and I think I added you, but I'm not sure...never use AIM before, so if I didn't add you, you can add me. My name is wickedsybil6. I love ya something wicked!
from i-am-undone :
have i told you latly that I love you. becuz Dezzy I do. :)
from vampiresybil :
Lol, Whit that dream is hilarious! I think we should acaually make it happen! Err... I don't have AIM, but I have wanted it for ever, do you know where I can get it? I'm not to good with some things on the computer, but a few things I am pretty good. I'll look around to see if I can find it, and if I do, I'll add you. See ya later girl! Love ya something wicked! Syb
from ind2006 :
But if you can do it, please don't change anything else on it, thanks!
from ind2006 :
Hey I was wondering if you have time and all if you could help me with my diary? If you click on it you notice the big white space to the right of my entry? Well I was wondering if you knew how to put a pic there to fill up the space? If you can then my password is 791833 and the pic i want is this http://lotr-conspiracy.tripod.com/pictures/galadriel_pouring_ew.jpg if that doesn't work then http://www.nehelena.de/Deutsch/galadriel03.jpg if you don't have time, don't know how, or just don't feel like doing this then I understand completely and im sorry to bother you. I hope you feel better soon!
from vampiresybil :
Hey there hun. Some funny stuff has happend at your house I see. Lol, I can't even imagine talking with Carol about guys not going down on me. She still thinks I don't know what sex is. Lol. Well, yeah, love ya!!
from xeriphism :
that latest entry made me smile. but any guy who won't go down isn't a man. anyways, later *chuckles*
from saxifrage :
Hey again. I was bored and reading your bio, Ive got translucent skin too, and my friend got these red sunglasses wear you could see all the veins really well through my legs. Do you enjoy being really fair? cause sometimes you can work it, you know wear all black. Okay, yeah. Sorry if Im getting creepy xoxo
from boytrap :
Don't worry about the driving school thing,it's so easy! Just pray you don't have to sit by a boy with horrible body odor like I did..yuck.
from onyx-cherub :
sweetheart, smile for me okay? if not for yourself, then for your green fairy because she loves you! *mwah* i've wanted to have black hair since i was four! my papa would murder me if i dyed it, though. he had enough objections to the thought of me piercing my navel so my mum and i went for me to get it done while he was out of town. heehee. xxx i love you.
from i-am-undone :
if you die..i die. I love you so much dezzy may. [[ rem. i am only a phone call away..& if you need me, i will jump in my [[small haha]] car & drive my ass to NH.]]
from vampiresybil :
Oh, hun! I love you, and if you ever need anyone to talk to, you know I'm here, right? Well, I'm here. I just read your Santino story. It's awsome! I love your writing style. Its very captivating. I can't wait for more! Love you soooo much! Sybil
from crimsonqueen :
Yes, thank you. I'm starting to understand this stuff better.
from operaghost- :
LOL!! I'm glad I'm not the only tractor-user then! Heh, yea, I too have experience with mice. Any mouse owner worth his/her salt has been peed on at least once. It's worth it though, they're so darn cute! Changing the topic though. Would living with your dad really be that much worse? Sounds like your situation right now is pretty harsh. *shrug* I know you have legitimate reasons for not wanting to go, I'll trust that. I just wish you could get away from all the insanity you have to deal with now.
from boytrap :
Well I'm glad you won't hold that Christina Aguilera thing against me because I like you lol.The song just hits home...or maybe it's just the fact Dave Navarro plays the guitar on it.Anywho,I know exactly what you mean when you said you lie all the time.I do it too..as far as how I'm feeling.It all just seems so complicating and then to try and to explain something I'm not even sure about to someone else just drives me nuts...especially when I'm paying some doctor to sit there and try and pry my thoughts out of me...that's another story.Stay strong,you haven't failed me yet =)
from i-am-undone :
I.[[ fucking]] love you [[ so very much]]!!
from vampiresybil :
Hey hun. Sorry I have yet to talk to you in a while. I'm sorry your feeling blahish. It's not very fun, I know. But I have some good news I hope would cheer you up. I spent the weekend with Steve and Cyrena, and stuff, and when they move, they are moving to Salem. YAY! Salem is sooo cool and I heard there are like big Wiccan fests and stuff. You should come down and we could do stuff, then I'll come up by you and we could do stuff! I do have some bad news though too. Carol is such a bitch, and says I have to finish school here. She is sooo dumb. But I will spend the summers over there, and the winters, so we will still have a lot of time to hang out. Well, yeah. Sorry again your feeling blah. Feel better! Love ya *hug*
from operaghost- :
*hugs* I'm so sorry things have been so lousy for you. With all that goes on at your house, I have no idea how you manage to deal with it. You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. It is difficult when everyone you know seems to be struggling as much as you are. I think that it is just because we know more about people and life in general than others do. You don't need to lie to your therapist though. She may be intolerably annoying and bug the heck out of you, but it is her job to try and help. Of course I don't fault you for it though. I don't think I would want to talk either. Anyway, I hope that things calm down there a bit. Sounds like you just need a break from the turmoil. Take care of yourself. -Holle-
from onyx-cherub :
you're beautiful, i promise. i've been worried about you lately and i wish that you didn't have to hide so many things. let diaryland and all the people that adore you be your therapy. i only wish for you to find it within yourself to be strong, because you're worth it and you're utterly precious to me.
from crimsonqueen :
i joined the vamp diaryring but im not quite sure how to put it in my rings page. im sorry for bothering you again.
from vampiresybil :
Ah, Whit! I'm so excited too! I can't wait, but the gay thing is, they just HAVE to get married before they can move, and Cyrina is the type of girl who is a total perfectionist, and she has been planning her wedding since she was like 3. So it wont be for a while before we can go consert hopping. I CANT FUCKING WAIT! Oh, and yes, I saw your pics. They are fucking awsome! I lvoe black hair, LOVE IT! AH they are awsome! I think I'm jeolous. Carol won't let me dye my hair, but I've always wanted black hair. Everyone always tells me to just dye it, but Carol says if I do, she'll save my head, and I live for my hair. Lol that sounds sooo pathetic, I know. But I'm rambling, like always, but, Love ya lots! Sybil
from onyx-cherub :
you are beautiful!
from crimsonqueen :
Thank you, I'll let you know! ^_^
from neuroticaa :
very rarely do i lock my journal but once in a while i will -- username= neuroticaa, password=upthewall / <3
from operaghost- :
Pft! I'm a dork. Went and forgot to give your u/n and p/w. It's lousrose and alwebber. Take care. -out-
from operaghost- :
*grin* Yea, 'stalker' would be a friend's girlfriend. Needless to say I'm not overly thrilled with the fact that someone who hates me has access to my diary. Long story. I tell you what, it sounds like there's never a dull moment at your house. ^_^ Well, other than your sister's insanity, I hope everything is going ok with you. Ooh, btw, I like the new layout. :)
from fragile-hope :
Hey! black, that's way cool. I dyed my hair black last year...it made me feel like I was tough...no one could touch me. It really did. That'd be cool to see what you look like, I'm sure you look wonderful! I'm decent. Today's the last day of school and the suckiest finals today. I have to get up in front of my fouth hour class and give a presentation about myself in espanole. Blahhhh. Well. I better figure out what to do with my hair today. Take care love. xx julia
from saxifrage :
Wow, you have barn? that so cool... and yeah, I wish the high would last forever... just get permafried!
from i-am-undone :
damnit dezzy I love you!! haha. Do I have to come all the way to NH to talk to you?!? b\c honey, your NEVER on anymore and I miss you sooooo much!!! I love you!! [[more then you know]] so email me or answer the phone when I call. hahaha. [[ or does your mom have it again! hahaha]]
from fragile-hope :
hello there dear...just wondering if you're hanging in there. take care. xx julia
from onyx-cherub :
i love my whitney!
from art-esque41 :
I don't have a friggin clue what to do. Some days I want to be with Justin some days I don't. I think about not being able to be in his arms, then being free from the problems couples have and I can't decide which is better. Plus I have this amazing guilt when I dump people. He loves me so much and I'm so afraid of him being so depressed if I do it. He would go so far as to kill himself and I don't want that hanging over me. The saying sex changes everything is so true. I bet if me and Justin hadn't things wouldn't be so bad now. I shouldn't have got so close so fast. Fuck me! When we're talking about serious things and I hear him cry my heart breaks. I can't do that to him. This sucks Whit :( I am the worst person for making decisions. I don't know what I'd do without your support. xoxo
from damagedxsoul :
You sound like a wonderful person . . . you're sweet and carnig and very poetic . .
from vampiresybil :
Whit! OMG, in case you havn't seen it at the group yet, Steve, my brother proposed to his girlfriend!! AH! I'm going to have a sister! I'm so happy! And know what else, since she is from Mass, she wants to move there, (temporarily, unfortunatly) And I'm going with! We could hang out and stuff! Wow. The only thing is, they prolly won't move there till the end of next winter, but I can't wait, and I'll see you there! AH!
from crimsonqueen :
Thank you ever so much and I'm sorry if I caused you any grief!
from vampiresybil :
OMG Whit! The most hilarious thing happend tonight. I got my crippled ass down to this thing in a town close by with my cousin Mallory and her mom. Anyways, we were on our way back, and my aunt had to pee really bad. Then I started to talk about something and she said "Shut up! I really have to pee!!" Immediatly, I thought of bladder sluts. I still can't get over it! Lol, just thought I would tell you. Lots of love, Sybil.
from vampiresybil :
OMG Whit! The most hilarious thing happend tonight. I got my crippled ass down to this thing in a town close by with my cousin Mallory and her mom. Anyways, we were on our way back, and my aunt had to pee really bad. Then I started to talk about something and she said "Shut up! I really have to pee!!" Immediatly, I thought of bladder sluts. I still can't get over it! Lol, just thought I would tell you. Lots of love, Sybil.
from crimsonqueen :
I tried to do it myself three times but it just wouldn't work!
from crimsonqueen :
I'm sorry to bother you again but I was wondering if you knew how to do mouse tails? If you do or you know anyone who does then I think I'd like to have one for my diary. If its not too much trouble, of course. You go to http://www.dynamicdrive.com and then you click on Mouse Trails effects and the type I want is the Fade-away cursor trail script. Thank you, and I promise not to bother you again!
from crimsonqueen :
Oh, I saw it! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
from crimsonqueen :
O.K. Thank you. Do you need my password again?
from vampiresybil :
Lol, bladder sluts. I can't get over it, its SOOOO FUCKING HILARIOUS. Ah, Whit, you always know how to brighten a crippled girl's day! Lol.
from crimsonqueen :
I just saw your bladder entry. Hilarious!
from vampiresybil :
Wow, girl. Your last entry was deep. It really made me think...death is only the begining *to quote The Mummy* Hey, there is something I just thought of. Lets get Armand or someone to bring us into the realm of vampires! That would make our attempts to survive a little better. Hm...I really don't know what I'm talking about at the moment. Lol. Love!!!
from crimsonqueen :
Just one thing...do you think you could make a seperate page for my diaryrings? If you could, that would be great! Thanks!
from crimsonqueen :
It's wonderful! Thank you! ^_^
from crimsonqueen :
Thank you ever so much! I love it! ^_^
from vampiresybil :
Girl, you are NOT a failer! And if your were, we would all still love you, forever! And I would love to read your Auto bio of Santino! Huggies and Kissies!
from crimsonqueen :
Sorry I got cut off there. I was wondering if you were ok with it if I could have a link to your site? I think its really cool! Thanks!
from ind2006 :
Thanks! ^_^ Could you tell bassterd to turn his notes on?
from crimsonqueen :
Yes if it would not be too much trouble could you put my older entries and profile and
from onyx-cherub :
if not dominatrix, then juno - she's an angel. from a sadist to a seraph. *giggle* "i'm the green fairy!" xxx i love you!
from bassterd :
Hi, Wanna fuck?
from ind2006 :
Anne Rice, that is
from ind2006 :
Yeah...I think I'm going to the library this weekend and I'm going to check out all of the books of hers that I can find! Any suggestions about any of them?
from sad-doll :
I love you doll, god damnit I wish I could say more I'd give you a thousand -- no wait a million comforting words but I'd end up just carving them into my flesh. I love you hon. I hope I talk to you again soon.
from onyx-cherub :
what about dominatrix? *heeheehee* she has nipple clamps and whips.
from operaghost- :
Thanks. I really appreciate it. Always good to be reminded that someone cares. That means a lot to me. *sigh* I wish you didn't have to be in a situation that makes you so unhappy either. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone could just get along? Don't see that happening anytime soon though... As for the banners, I am pleased to report that I have not seen that one. Let's hope it stays that way. ; ) At the moment I'm having to watch the "Hooray! People are paying attention to me!" one. *rolls eyes* Heh, well, I guess that's all, getting tired of watching the stupid banner. Take care. -Holle-
from art-esque41 :
I'm sorry I'm not in shape to be supporting you right now. I wish I was. I hate the way things are for you and I wish I could make it better. Don't worry about me. I'm going to be alive for a long time unfortunately. *hugs*
from crimsonqueen :
I've changed my mind. I was wondering if you could put this picture up as the background on my diary. Please. Thank you. I'm sorry to bug you. It's at http://www.caratuleo.com/b/bso_-_queen_of_the_damned-in01.jpg if that doesn't work then go to http://www.caratuleo.com/lista.php?letra=b&pag=7 and go down and click on the 4th Queen of the Damned picture. If you can't do this, its ok, just send me a note and I'll look for someone else.
from crimsonqueen :
Hello. I'm new to this site and I ran across your diary and site. I was wondering, if you have time, you could design my diary. I would do it myself, but I don't know how. I was thinking, if you could have a picture of blood or vampires or, if it's alright with you, if I could have that piture of Aaliyah that is on your site. Either the one with the white background or the one where she's in the bath with Lestat. If you could do this for me, I would be very grateful. Thank you!
from i-am-undone :
iloveyou.ioveyou.iloveyou.iloveyou.iloveyou.iloveyou.iloveyou.iloveyou.iloveyou.iloveyou.[[I.fucking.love.you.]]:)
from ind2006 :
hey i just saw Queen of the Damned and Interview with a Vampire! i feel all dark and mysterious and vampiry now. it's cool!
from vampiresybil :
Oh, hun. I'm so sorry for everything you go through. I wish so much I could be there for you. But your strong. I know you can and WILL get through everything. Just do everything the best you can, and the people who matter will know what you've done. *Hugs* Love you!
from onyx-cherub :
*hug* we all grapple with the words we write. you write really well and you're very honest. i love you sweetheart. i wish things were easier for you.
from operaghost- :
*hugs* I'm sorry. I know what it's like to not have anyone to trust or depend on. It's the worst feeling in the world. I honestly don't know how you withstand all you do. Please don't believe anything negative that they say about you though. You are wonderful and deserve peace. Really hope that tomorrow is better. Take care of yourself. ~Holle~
from vampiresybil :
Hey girl. Thank you so much for your support. It means SO much to me! Well, I've had alot of dreams, should I send them to your email? The one from the group? Well if you get an email from me, thats what they are. Love you so much, and feel better!!
from ind2006 :
i'm really sorry u feel so bad...please feel better soon...if i knew how to help u i would...just think of things that make u happy...don't u want to be happy?
from vampiresybil :
Hey hun. Long time no type. Missed you sooo much! I hope your dad does better! I hope that the tension of your quiet days goes down! I love you and feel better!!!
from onyx-cherub :
peaceful days always do give you that horrible feeling, don't they? when times are too serene, disaster strikes you hard. i can only hope that you find the self acceptance that you deserve, because i love you.
from sad-doll :
I love you I wish I could make everything better for you I got the package -- thank you!
from ind2006 :
i'm sorry about the nose thing and i hope u feel better soon. don't die!
from onyx-cherub :
i love you sweetie. we need to find you a moulin rouge character to indentify with. i'm the green fairy and petal is nini. sometimes i'm babydoll, too. do you have any idea who you'd most identify with? liberty, probably. or polkadot. let me know.
from snifffle :
thanks so much. you have me if you ever need to talk to someone. it's nice knowing that someone is going through the same thing <33 haha.. and don't YOU watch any HORSE HEAD movies ;D hahah. take care. love, kristy
from liastaind :
Hey! You write the funniest posts..I love them.
from art-esque41 :
If I had had something sharp at that party last night, I would've sliced my wrist so bad. I'd like to believe that I'm going to be alright but why does all this shit keep happening then? Nothing is ever going to be good for me.
from i-am-undone :
dezzy may! i love you!! HOLD. ::smile for me baby..:: xoxoxox.
from vampiresybil :
Well, just to let you know, I really don't think your an ungrateful moron. You are very far from it! :) Happy mother's day, huh? Yeah, I think it is just a holiday created by moms like that, so they can lay all their blames on their children. Hm...Well, at least there's coffee:P Lol, luv ya!
from fragile-hope :
Yeah, I really like Kill Hannah, but they're all guys aren't they? That's what I gathered from their website anyway. And I've definitely heard of Jack off Jill, they have great songs. Do you like Rasputina?
from ind2006 :
yeah...the heat gets to me too! i'm just not hungry and am always thirsty and people think i'm anorexic (which i probably am) and won't leave me alone! Argh!
from i-am-undone :
dezzy may, dezzy may oh how I love you! let me count the ways. ::hmm yeah i am fucked up i know..haha:: HOLD. just wanted to tell you that I.love.you.!! love you always your lezzy rea. :)
from vampiresybil :
Oh, thanks so much hun! The ice water helped alot, and so did putting everything away. Your such a sweety! So, what are your mice's names? I have a mouse, his name is Willard. He's such a cuty, and my cats are afraid of him, lol. Well, take care hun!
from ind2006 :
2 many. my head wuz spinning! everything wuz a blur. i think i took 2 more than i should have.
from suicidalmuse :
hey hunny. Yea- its totally fine to add this diary. I thought I left you a message a WHILE back tellin you the new diary sn... ahh well its here now. woo hoo! you didn't forget about me! I love you sweetie-pie! i know things have been super shitty for you as of late- remember my offer still stands- I'm always here and u have my celly number!
from perceptionss :
I really...really waited for you WHIT. The plumbers are going to take apart my shower soon, so I hope I can talk to you soon. MORE TRACTOR PICTURES!!!
from operaghost- :
*grin* yea, I guess you have a point there. You know, what ythey ought to do is offer banner-free service for gold members. I would cheerfully pay an arm for that. ^_^ Good to be able to talk with someone who has also been thrust into this role. People just can't seem to understand how stressful it can get. You're right though, I would rather be aware of it all and perhaps make some use of it than to not know... Anyway, I really appreciate the notes. *hugs* You're the greatest. : ) Take care, and I hope all goes well for you today.
from ind2006 :
I wrote it now. I feel so embaresed! *sigh*
from vampiresybil :
Oh, Whit hun! I love you. Don't kill yourself. No matter how pushed over the edge you may be, I will always be your bungy cord to pull you back. (Hm...that sounded better in my head) Just want you to know that I love you! And if your gone, who will me and Erika stalk Mael with? Think of Mael! And Armand! And Louis!
from ind2006 :
I'm sorry! I ment to write it earlier, but my damn computer class ended, and...well...you'll see!
from liastaind :
Don't kill yourself. I like knowing that I'm not the only crazy person in the world. ...and that's completely a compliment. :-)
from snifffle :
hahah! i will definitely IM you so we can badmouth leif and roger. bastards, they deserve it. and LMAO.. pro ana tips.. that's a good one.they would flip, lol. &i read your entry.. oh god, you scared me. please don't ever go through with that.. i know it's hard.. but so many people would miss you.. you're a fucking amazing person. <3 take care! and be watching out for an IM! kristy
from operaghost- :
Oh no kidding! I never cease to be amazed at people's stupidity! ^_^ Mercifully I missed the BS banners, the main one I'm getting now is "I have big boobies". -_- I really appreciate the offer. I think I'm going to change layouts again soon, so I'm going to see how that works. May take ya up on the webspace yet though. Hope all is going well. -Holle-
from ind2006 :
I'm alright. Read my diary. You'll see all about my tylonol overdose! I took too much! I'll see about those fanfics! ^_^
from fragile-hope :
hrmm. i see how your psychiatrist is. wow, i can't spell. i have real bad anxiety too; i don't know if i ever mentioned it. i just can't stand the thought of you suffering on some medication when there's a possibility one could be better for you. take care my darling. xo julia
from i-am-undone :
i.love.you. rem that ok? rem that I am here for you. [[always]]
from operaghost- :
Yea, sorry about that. My diary's been a bit wonky lately. Had several complaints. Hope to have it working a bit better sometime this week. I do appreciate you being careful. It eases my mind a bit. It's my job to take care of everybody. D-landers are not excluded. :)
from onyx-cherub :
*hug* starving will only make things worse, my love. stay strong, ok? xxx <3
from liastaind :
:-) You're so cool.
from operaghost- :
Man...sorry to be horrible, but IND sounds bloody obnoxious. Saying sickeningly cute things is not going to help. Or maybe I'm a-typical and other self=injurers wouldn't want to bash somebody who told them to "think happy thoughts". *shudder* Anyway, I think the reason that your diary is so popular is that we can identify with you. Trust me, all the stuff you've been putting up with is far from boring. Please do take care of yourself though.We would all be devastated to lose you to a cutting accident. :(
from vampiresybil :
Hey girl. I know how the meds go. I couldn't take mine anymore. I threw mine into a puddle outside (shh dont tell my mom!) I think they screwed me up more. But anyways, as bad as it gets, you shouldn't have to cut! I use to cut. But now, everytime I do, its liek its not me, like someone took over my body, so now i have all sharp objects out of my room, and all my razors have very dull blades, so now they cant even cut a tomato. Lol, it works for me anyways. Well, I hope your cuttings stop soon! And if you ever need anyone, I'm here! P.s. Thanks...:)
from ind2006 :
please feel better! Ur diary iss interesting! More than mine!
from ind2006 :
Why r u cutting urself? I feel bad. I want 2 help u 2 feel better but i don't know how. Cheer up! The world is grand! Think happy thoughts! ^_^
from i-am-undone :
::sighs:: ok..i think i am done smoking cigs tonight anyways..my thoart hurts. my wrist burns like crazy. you have an away message up right now..i am sitting here..looking at the computer screen..i want to be with you more then anything right now..i love you so much dezzy. you.mean.so.much.to.me.[[ i hope you know this.]] I am here for you always. you.[[ in my eyes]] are so fucking beautiful..amazing..wonderful..your everything. perfect. just doesnt come close to what you are. I.[[in]]love [[with]] you.
from operaghost- :
I agree with Julia, it would be nice if you could get something that works better. Anyway, if you are still bleeding when you get this, please put some peroxide on it. Just to keep it from getting infected and to stop the bleeding. I certainly can't ask you to stop since I know that's one of the most difficult things in the world and I can't eather, but please do be careful.
from fragile-hope :
maybe you could try a different medicine? i used to feel like a zombie when i was on paxil...i was real lethargic. then i got switched to wellbutrin. well that made me cry all the time, which i don't normally do. then celexa. the pink pill of death. but now i'm on lexapro. and it's decent. finally. it's taken awhile, but [i've found something that works.?] it's better than feeling like i would usually. and i'm glad. i want you to be glad. i want you to feel better, honey. you shouldn't have to feel this way on medicine...it's supposed to make you feel a bit better. xoxo. let me know how you're doing. julia
from i-am-undone :
i love you [[ more then anything.]]
from vampiresybil :
Hey girl. Yeah, I have realized our home life is alot the same. Your one of the only people I know that I can realate with. Yeah, I hope I could move with my brother, then we could stalk Armand...*Drools* opps sorry, lol. Yeah, but I dont think that will happen. There is always a chance. So, if I do, you will probably be the first to know!
from art-esque41 :
That's ok about not leaving notes, I understand. It sux to be like a zombie. I know when I'm like that I can't do anything. I hope you feel better though. Don't feel bad for cutting, we all need a release of some form. I almost failed, this morning I was going to cut but I didn't. I honestly don't believe I will ever get over this shit. I should be feeling better now, but I feel the same if not worse. Fucking guys ruin lives. xoxo
from i-am-undone :
i want to spend forever in your amazing eyes. :) i just want to spend one day with you and i can die happy. I love you so much!!
from ind2006 :
thanks for the site name! what r specs?
from onyx-cherub :
i have the seether CD! i saw them open for our lady peace and bought the CD as soon as it came out. listen to "driven under".
from ind2006 :
I hope you feel better soon...I'm sorry ur cutting yourself!
from liastaind :
Awww...
from ind2006 :
What is your website again? it's really cool!
from broknpieces :
oh my, honey, yr not a bad friend at ALL! yr wonderful and amazing and beautiful, and please dont feel bad. you have some stuff going on right now, and i would rather you take care of yrself. because yr important to me, i love you like mad. imm sorry to hear that things arent going well for you lately, i know how that goes. but yr stronger than anything that is happening right now. you remind me of something my friend once told me "only ppl who suffer grow into beauty." doll, yr blossoming with prettiness. yea yea!!! <3 i love yoo shelley <3
from i-am-undone :
i.love.you.[[forever]]
from boytrap :
That's pretty much what I've been doing this whole weekend...staring at the wall or passing out.Zoloft has to be a lot better then Paxil.I'm turning into a frickin junkie.
from art-esque41 :
Well, I hid and my room and turned the music up. That still doesn't make the feeling go away though. I really think my family should go to counselling together. We're falling apart and everybody's finally starting to acknowledge it. I hate this house. I'm glad I have Justin to be with when I feel like shit. Send me a pic ;) xoxox
from onyx-cherub :
send me some piccies! *bounces*
from operaghost- :
Oo..might Holle have a pic? ^_^ Will trade if you so choose. dust_puppy@hotmail.com Take care -out-
from operaghost- :
sounds like a rough day. : ( Just hang in there ok? I never cease to be amazed by all the stuff you manage to put up with. ^_^ (btw: Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote the songs for Phantom of the Opera and Cats. )
from neuroticaa :
shelley told me it was your birthday! she did! she did! i'm not crazy, honest! lol well now that i feel like the biggest tosser ever.... god. feel free to hit me anytime. / xo
from i-am-undone :
i love you so much. you mean so much to me dezzy baby.always. :) ::humps the floor:: hahahahaha. you make me feel like i am one of the prettiest people in the world. thank you so much for that. thank you for everything.:)i am here for you always too. rem that ok? i would walk a million miles if i knew that it would make you smile..make you laugh. there nothing i wouldnt do for you baby. i would take down the stars for you if you said you want to see them shine in your hand...swim the oceans for one touch from you. one look. baby. i said this many many time, you are taking over me. i love you so much.[[ i miss you so much that my heart aches to talk to you...]]
from planetqueen :
Thanks for leaving me a note. Please don't worry about me. I am so not worth worrying about.
from neuroticaa :
harry pothead! hahaha, remember that? you totally stole my shtick LOL... ron weasley = ron greenleaf // harry potter and the sorceror's stone = harry pothead and the sorceror's stoned // hermione grainger = hermione ganja // slitherin = stuff-it-in // hufflepuff = huff and puff // umm there are more i just can't remember them all ! i'm gonna post the official list very soon ;D haha... good times... MUAH
from neuroticaa :
yes, i want to see your new haircut too! happy easter right back atcha. i wish you were here. <3 <3 <3
from boytrap :
The new hair cut and highlights brought on a new you...or at least a better mood :) I'll try that if it gives me a new attitude hehe.Good to see things are better.Take care.
from sad-doll :
I was on wellbruitin, it made me sick, but I hear it's a good all around drugs, its what they prescribe smokers to stop smoking, maybe that's why I got so sick. Hm, but you are such a sweetheart, I want to see your new haircut! Send me pictures doll face! You are such an angel. I love you, <3 always, Audrey -x-
from neuroticaa :
i love you too!! *kisses the screen*
from art-esque41 :
I've been having bad mood swings. I want to stay away from people when I'm like that so I'm not a bitch but then Justin thinks I'm ditching him. There's no winning. I dunno what to do now. I've been getting real annoyed lately and that's bad because Justin is always crackin jokes and I'm like ugh. Life is too hard.
from onyx-cherub :
*hugs* I MISS YOU!
from operaghost- :
yea, sorry about that, I think I have a jealous girlfriend stalking me. >_< I tried to e-mail you a passowrd, but I guess it didn't go through. Anyway, just use your d-land handle and alwebber for the p/w. Take care
from operaghost- :
Hey. Sounds like you had a pretty rotten day. I wish that there was some way you could get out of that situation, sounds pretty harsh. I wish I could offer some encouragement. It has been nice dropping notes back and forth. Has really helped me several times when you left a word of sympathy or encouragement. I would like to do the same, but I don't really know how... I suppose I just wanted to let you know that you've helped me and I'm sure many other people on here or irl. Sometimes you just need reminding...
from operaghost- :
Man...that does sound pretty harsh. :( You still did the right thing though. Don't worry what anyone else thinks, just tell the truth and you'll be blameless even if your mom and sister don't like it. Take care, hope it goes ok.
from emoataripunk :
hey there - i know what your feeling about this court situation. i had to testify in court once and i hated it. i was so nervous and scared, but its just something you have to do. afterwards it didnt seem that bad. just tell the truth, and you'll be fine. good luck!
from art-esque41 :
I meant what I said ;). Don't let your sister's snake eat your mice. My sister has a python that she has to feed live rodents to. It's gotten to the size where he eats hamsters, it makes me want to cry. They're so cute and I'm like you evil hor how can you give away its life to feed that disgusting shit!!! ....I really don't like snakes :P. Love ya!
from i-am-undone :
haha your mice are dykes. hahaha. i.love.you.so.much.
from liastaind :
Mice are kind of nifty - but rats are GROSS!
from onyx-cherub :
*hug* and *kiss* my absinthe fairy!
from pieceofme :
those mice couldnt be half as cute as you xxx
from operaghost- :
Awww!!!! Mice are so cute! Good for you for getting a cool pet instead of something normal. ;) One of my favourite pets was a rat. Mice and rats are awesome. :)
from hardcorepunk :
meet me half way? somewhere in PA? then you and I can run away together..so its just you and me. [[ even though my car is small, it would make a nice home. haha]]i love you so much dezzy babe. and i wish i could be your knight [[ or knightet {{sp?}}] in shining armor and take you away from there..away from the pain.the hurt. the sister from hell. [[haha]]. i wanna take you to a place where no words can describ its beauty..i love you. so meet me half way?
from boytrap :
You know why you don't get in a car and drive far away? You're too good of a person :) I can't understand why/how you could hurt yourself..you're a pretty strong person.
from art-esque41 :
I just wanted to let you know how much your friendship means to me. On the drive to that party last night I had such a bad feeling in my stomach. I heard that matchbox 20 song and thought of you, and smiled :). On the drive home I wasn't feeling too good and I heard it again and felt better. I've been feeling shitty all day so guess what I'm listening to :P. At the attempt of making you feel better I'm going to give you permission to kill your sister. If you don't want to do it, I will because I haven't got any ass kicking in for a long time. I gotta vent my anger somehow. xoxo
from nething315 :
dear you really need to move in with me...or sell that nasty snake, buy and glock, and get rid of that short female ass thing that is supposedly your sibling. :( hugs hun, call me and let us talk :)
from hardcorepunk :
if you was to touch me ever so softly in the cool night air, my body would melt with desire to be touched by you a million times more...I love you dezzy. ::hugs:: i wish i could make you feel alive...
from emoataripunk :
everything has to get better eventually. the problem is just waiting for it to come.
from onyx-cherub :
*hugs tightly* if it's any consolation, i feel the same way about my life most of the time - that and i love you to itty bitty little pieces.
from cassanndra :
Found your diary while checking out Clix sites. Your design is great.
from starry79 :
Thanks! I live in Barnstead with my dad, and my mom lives in Alton! Nice to see other people in NH know about diaryland, thats cool.
from mazeofmirors :
Atkinson is near Salem and Haverhill. I'm about half an hour from Manchester. I actually used to go camping in Raymond. I forget where though.
from mazeofmirors :
Hi.I found your note on someone ele's notes page and you said you live in New Hampshire. I do to. I live in Atkinson. I like your diary btw <333
from onyx-cherub :
hello my love. what's your current email? you have so many i can hardly keep track!
from cuttie87 :
omg thanx for the note that u left me a while ago.... but i have to tell u something wicked funny! i had a dream that ur mom was running laps around ur house because she thought that that would cure her alcoholicism ... so u, mary and i were sitting or ur porch and watching her... when she stoped she said that she was going to the boston marathon and ran into the distance.... how weird is that??
from brokenwords :
oh lord why is that the funniest thing I have ever heard? Remind me never to get on your bad side :)
from sad-doll :
Hm, medicine and alcohol don't mix. I don't even drink any more, but then again I think it's lame. I don't even give into peer pressure and there is alot. It dehydrates you immensly more than people think. Yes, where do you live? I'll stop by. ♥ always, Audrey xoexoh -x-
from art-esque41 :
I'm glad u have some place to run to and aren't just drowning in the misery we all feel. I know exactly what you mean when you talk about wanting to throw up because everything is so horrible, and being to tired to cut. I've felt like that one too many times. If things get worse just go to your dads. I want you to be ok. xoxo
from sad-doll :
You can come live with me :) I love you, I'll write you again soon. ♥ always, Audrey -x- exohxo
from art-esque41 :
I got my agencies from a theatre website for the city im going to for it. And one of the people, my sister and my best friend have dealt with before so I know these people are on the level :p. Plus that same person works with a guy I've done a play with so ya. I hope you get into acting too!! But i dunno if I'm feeling better I'm just trying to get this acting thing going. Anyhoo I'm out, <3.
from sad-doll :
Oh, god I hate it when people drink. I'm sorry I just never liked the feeling I got when I drank. It just made things worse. I'm so sorry your life sounds like hell. I just wish I could make things better for you. *hugs* ♥ always, Audrey -x- ♥ xoexoh
from hardcorepunk :
you.are.simple.the.greatest person i have ever met.everything about you is so beautiful. so.wonder.ful to me. so perfect.you.will be on my mind.forever...i.love.you.always.dezzy.
from art-esque41 :
You don't sound cheesy that's a really good idea because there are so many things I still want to do. And of course I don't want to leave Justin behind but when I'm feeling suicidal I try to block all that stuff out. I don't feel as crazy today.. that's good. ps- you're a funny kid :P. you're entries always make me laugh :)
from art-esque41 :
At least I know that if I go crazy, I'll still have people like you by my side. We're gonna get past this right? Soon enough we both will be out of our houses and ready to get away from the fighting and yelling. We can leave our pasts behind. Whatever happens with you I'll be supportive for as long as I'm around. I really don't know how long that will be anymore. <3
from art-esque41 :
Thanks. I don't know what's up with me lately. I feel so helpless and lost. I can barely think and stay awake. Everyday it's just 'i have a headache, i want to go home or go to sleep'. My life has become so boring and pointless. I just felt so lifeless when I was with Justin and I didn't know what to think about myself. I don't ever know what to think about myself now. I've totally lost my self-identity. I feel drugged all the time. and i can't remember what my point was, i cant even remember if i already said my point. I gotta lie down or something I'm feeling to fucked up. Love you.
from art-esque41 :
Am I a slut?
from onyx-cherub :
*pouts* i thought i was your girlfriend! anyhoo, i'm really glad that you had a good laugh. laughter is like oxygen! laughter is a many-splendored thing. laughter lifts us up where we belong. all you need is laughter! *giggles madly* I'M THE GREEN FAIRY!
from emoataripunk :
go for the acting lessons. you never know what you can accomlish unless you try.
from fragile-hope :
aw, you're so super nice...where all the good people like you hiding?! It doesn't seem fair that there's so many fucks at school and everywhere else...and everyone that gives me real hope for humanity's miles and miles away!! I know what you mean about the depression...I think we should talk on aim..that'd be groovy. I'm glad you're gonna keep writing. talk to you later. xo julia
from onyx-cherub :
mmmm ewwie. mmmm *drools* *blush* mwhahaha. *hugs you*
from boytrap :
You have to admit though,that's the ONLY thing that sucks about being a girl.Good to see you're feeling better other then the monthly visit heheh :p
from onyx-cherub :
i miss you! *sniff*
from perceptionss :
Whit, thanks for the kind note and know that I love you very much:)
from fragile-hope :
you are such a sweet girl, and never a shitty friend. I want you to feel better, be happy, whatever it takes. you seem like an incredibley selfless person and i have to love you for that. I hope through all the shit that goes down somehow I know you're still around. I don't wanna lose touch with you, you're too awesome for that. I hope that this makes some sense...I'm really tired. Kind of tipsy. Oh dear. Take care, honey. xoxo julia
from onyx-cherub :
hello my love! you have put forth a strong opinion about war and have supported it excellently. i'm anti-war myself, but i do see your point. i'm glad you're able to express your views without fear. you're amazing! *smooch* ps: i watched Moulin Rouge last night and i thought of you! whoo, don't you love when she says "why don't you come down here. let's... get it over and done with." or, or... when she says "i couldn't go through with it" after the gothic tower scene... and that's the one time where she actually says "christian, i love you." isn't that sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet? just like you. *hugs*!
from operaghost- :
Good to hear you're holding up ok. Yea, little teenagers who write only about their boyfriends and petty scandals have a tendency to screw up everything they invade. ^_^
from operaghost- :
Ugh...yea, I think that was from my tracker. I found a script that kills pop-ups so maybe that'll help. Is it just me or are the D-land banners getting more offensive every day? Bah... Hey, hope things are going ok. Sounds like you've had it pretty rough lately. Take care.
from operaghost- :
Thank you! So glad to finally see someone who is willing to think for themselves about the war instead of blindly following whatever the news says. I completely agree, the guy is killing his own people. Where were these anti-violence protestors when he was killing people? It's insane.... ^_^
from hardcorepunk :
HOLD. i love you so much whitney aka dezzy. you are my dream girl also. :) talk to you later baby. xoxox Stef aka lezzy. Lezzy and dezzy. always.:):)
from name-less :
oh yea its hot-fashion.diaryland.com incase you didnt know
from name-less :
hey whit i have started a diaryland comunity hot-fashion its where people of diaryland can show off their clothes and what not, want to join ? same goes to you (readers of whit). ;)
from art-esque41 :
I can't leave Justin because I feel like I have to help him get better, no matter what happens to me. That's exactly how it was with Robert but this time I get treated a whole lot better at least. I'm sorry to hear about your mom but hopefully it'll open her eyes. I hope things work out for you all. I'm here for you too. Love ya.
from paperxcut :
hope you're doing well dearest. remember, anytime you want to talk.... <333
from art-esque41 :
If you ran where would you go? And what about the people you would lose contact with? It would probly be much worse if you ran away cuz what would you do then? I know your situation sucks but maybe this will lead to something better. Maybe it will help you handle things at your house until you can move out of there and actually have somewhere to go. Don't freak out it'll be ok.
from onyx-cherub :
sweetheart, RUN!
from neuroticaa :
the anti-kissofdeath ring! awesome. we can have the lips kissing a picture of osama or mitler or stalin. muahahaha, glorious!
from neuroticaa :
i know, man! wtf! neo-nazis. umm its a freakin diaryring not bootcamp. anyway, they sent out that email a while ago, didn't they? so i'm hoping that the inspection is over and i "passed". i should check that out actually... haha how funny would that be if they kicked me out. you don't have to worry though -- you kick the kind of ass i only dream of ;) <33333
from skinthesun :
hi. you left me a note. i wasnt too sure what it was about, though. but hi for any reason.
from art-esque41 :
Sorry. I've been going through a real low period, which is obvious. I feel absolutely shitty all the time. Just 2 months ago I thought things couldnt get any worse. Oh look I was fucking wrong. I am so goddamn bitter and bitchy i would punch myself if it were easy.
from onyx-cherub :
i know EXACTLY how you feel. argh! it's so aggravating! all the nice, sexy guys are either taken or gay! *tears hair out*
from broknpieces :
wow, that was such a beautiful response to a timely question. and i know that yr going through a lot right now, and i wish that i could make things easier for you, and im here for you whenever, but i can tell that a strong person like you is going places in this world. places far away, exotic, great, grand places that wonderful people go. you will make it, you will, i know you can. because yr amazing and beautiful. and you DESERVE it. *much love for you*
from boytrap :
Thank you so much =) You have no idea how much you've made my day.
from hardcorepunk :
i love you whitney!!! hehe. :):):)
from nething315 :
hey hun...I just read your entry for today, and the last paragraph reminded me of myself...I used to cry in 5-6 grade, not really because I was truly depressed, but just how I felt I didn't belong at all and that's what made me feel empty...hugs tho-maz
from perceptionss :
*Hugs you tight!* I really do miss you Whit:)
from raindroplets :
It makes perfect sence. When you're so sad for so long it becomes lke a little home, where you can hideaway. I know how you feel. I've felt it many times before; it does get better though. It takes time. I hope this helps alittle.
from onyx-cherub :
hello my love, i miss you! my other diary was full of moulin rouge fanfiction (and music group fanfiction) but i just got sick of it. bleurgh.
from cuttie87 :
hey whit! thank u so much for all the caring words and the fact that u read my diary and pay attention to the shit little things that piss me off so much! its nice to know what someone else is paying attention to u... how is everything else? how is the home schooling going! i really want u to take care of urself and dont let ur retarded sister push u around... if she had gone that balistic on me i would have hit her over the head with a vasa or something while she wasnt looking but thats just me! take care of urself! and thanx for caring!luv, lejla
from name-less :
yes the code worked if it wasnt for you, well I would probly be lost and confused! Also you are on my favorites list, because you are awsome(i live for cheesy slang for cool). =corbin
from operaghost- :
Wow..when I first started reading your entry I thought it sounded eerily like my own life. The whole horrible school experiences, stupid, crues classmates and such, but you've been through so much. I doubt I would've had the strength to endure as much. I hope that you can learn to not be so down on yourself. You have my respect for putting up with all that.
from art-esque41 :
I dont want to go back to therapy. I feel like I dont have time. There's too much to do- work, school, drama things, Justin, sunday w/dad, time for myself! I'm such a lazy person I whine about not having enough time to sit on my ass. I know i should go back but... i dunno i feel stupid when i go there. And I dont want them to tell me things i dont want to hear. Whatever I'll be back there soon im sure.
from lemonhead84 :
I just wanted to let you know that I agree with you that that is a crazy environment for anyone to live. If I were put in that situation, I would call the cops or child protection or something like that and let them know what is going on. Maybe that could at least get you out of there. If you need to talk, feel free to find me on AIM, my name is RadiantPig3. *hugs* hang in there. Emily
from art-esque41 :
That's crazy, what happend at your house with all the arrests n such. I hope you can get out of there soon because there's no way you can live in a place like that. If I were there I'd kick your sister's ass :P. If you're too stoned to talk that's ok ;) lol. ttyl xox
from neuroticaa :
oh I know! i think the Enquirer should hire us hehe. I have the picture of michael holding his baby over the balcony. I watched that vh1 interview and was genuinely scared at the end!
from lorigrrl :
i wish i were there to help you. i mean i am here to help you but it's different then actually being there for you. you are so strong. i hope you realize that. it's a constant struggle and you're getting through it. i love you babe. you're so special. i hope you know that.
from operaghost- :
Erg...that is the worst feeling in the world when you are trying to help your friends and no one is there to help you. Just remember that friendship goes both ways, they should listen to you too. You can't rescue someone drowning if you're treading water yourself.
from boytrap :
Aww I hope you feel better! I had that weeks ago,and trust me,you'll be amazed at how much crap can come out of you than you thought.
from operaghost- :
Yea, I was following your diary as well and thinking it sounded like the same thing I have. So very odd..I don't think I know anybody who isn't sick right now...I think I am starting to get better though, and hope you feel better as well.
from onyx-cherub :
*hugs* get better, my love. drink lots of orange juice and get some well-deserved rest!
from onyx-cherub :
I lost my muse. AGAIN! *screeches* She's gooooooooooone! Help me get her back!
from boytrap :
Family doesn't feel like family if they aren't dysfunctional..er at least mine anyway.Hope your headache goes away!
from onyx-cherub :
*hugs* siblings are so annoying!
from operaghost- :
Yea, suicide scares are the worst. Sounds like you know that all too well. This was the first time I really thought he would do it. Erg...don't see how you've managed to keep your sanity after going through that so many times...
from danawear :
haha sure, i'll send you a suicidal mailing envelope. i'm sure it wants to get out of here.
from neuroticaa :
no you haven't. i'd love to read it though! dont forget to tell meee ;)
from onyx-cherub :
*bouncity bouncity bouncity bouncity* hi muffin! *waves* how're you? i've missed you lately. y'know what? we should pick a time of day and watch moulin rouge at the same time and think of eachother! whee! i love when satine does the whole *naughty words* thing. "naughty! don't stop! yes yes yes!" hehehe. as you can tell, i'm a little bit hyper right now. guess what i heard from my friend about the guy i like? *bounce bounce* she said that he told her, "Nor is like surfing-- I love her and I could totally picture riding her." HE SAID THAT ABOUT ME! *falls over giggling like mad* okay, forgive me. i'm insane. *hugs*!
from hardcorepunk :
did you get my letter yet?!? and WHERE ARE YOU??!!!!????? ya i miss you so much!!! i love you babe! hehe. :)
from operaghost- :
I'm glad you're going to try to stick with it. The same thing holds me here. There are a lot more people like all of us than people would like to admit and we have to look out for one another. I know we havn't really spoken other than a few notes, but I believe I speak for everyone else who reads your diary regularly when I say that we really do care about you and understand what you have to endure. I do hope that things improve for you. Take care.
from brokenwords :
I'm sorry things are so crappy right now, I know how you feel about friends doing the worst things to you. But in the end it helps you be a better person right? You see what they do to you and you realize how crappy it is and how you would never do those same things. It doesn't help much, but I hope that helps a little. As for being honest, don't let anyone take that from you, who cares if they get angry, you've got to be yourself afterall if you don't be yourself who will?
from art-esque41 :
Ya brad pitt's a cutie. Pretty cool movie too :P. I love kirsten dunst. i just told robert that i am not forgiving him for this or anything else ever again and he hasnt answered me. I am so incredibly pissed off at him. That was the worst possible thing that he could have done (being something that hed be likely to do). I have felt dizzy all day and sometimes i thought i was gonna faint. I hope you hear from Mary and Im sorry you had to go through all that. I promise to try not to try to kill myself :S Ill IM you sometime. take care xoxo
from onyx-cherub :
he's alive? oh whit, that must have both thrilled and shocked you beyond belief. i can sympathize with your stress. *hugs*
from hardcorepunk :
damnit...i send you a letter and it comes back to me. haha you know why?!? i put MY zip code on there not yours!!!! grr i am dumb!! so ya..i will RESEND it on Monday. I love you!!
from lorigrrl :
hey sweetie, i sent you a letter and stickers and i hadnt heard from you so i guess you've been busy. i hope you're well. i love you!
from art-esque41 :
i cant remember what i was thinking. but i bet you anything that it will happen again sooner or later if i dont experience a miracle. im already thinking about trying again. and i dont even have a reason i just want to hurt myself. i must have PMDD because everything gets so much worse at this time. i dont want to talk to a doctor or therapist anymore. i just want to suffer... justin doesnt deserve this, hes so good to me.
from angry-tears :
ooo fun fun fun- lets move to canada!
from emoataripunk :
hey there- yeah, i thought leaving that message might have been a little crazy, but you are going through something that is so similar to what i went through. i went to a hospital when i was 15. it was really scared about going, but since depression runs in my family, my brother was there before and told me it helped him a lot. it really was nice. the only way that i can explain it, is that its like you take a little break from life, to figure out why you feel like shit, and there are so many nurses and doctors to talk to with different viewpoints on how to feel better. i was also in a teen unit so there was lots of kids there going through the same thing, and it was just nice to relate to someone when i was feeling bad. maybe a hospital isnt the answer for you, but think about it.
from boytrap :
Trust me,you don't wanna be a lesbian.Guys are so much more easier to figure out..but I commend them for trying to put up with us.
from art-esque41 :
Im so glad you are feeling good!! :) I'm feeling better than before since I've been talking to Justin more. He applied at McDs to work with me, hehe. He came over last night and I finally kissed him :) I think my moods getting better overall. The time it's real fucked is during PMS so I think it's gonna be ok :P. I skipped my appointment with my therapist the other day. She doesn't know about the breakup or anything about Justin and I didn't want to talk about it. Anyhoo I'm going to the movie with Justin soon so ttyl. Luv Ya!
from lorigrrl :
hey sweets! did you get my letter? i hope so! talk to you soon! i love you!!
from priceless :
Thanks,I really needed that...no one will go near me with this cold!
from jen69 :
hi. i was wondering if you were going to get back to me about eric?!?!?
from priceless :
I think I gave my sick cooties to you,sorry =/
from art-esque41 :
thanks hun. justin asked me out yesterday :) yay. dammit i have to get off now but ill update tomorrow. xoxo -sammye
from priceless :
What kind of world does your friend live in? Looking from the outside of it is pretty amusing =)
from dead-ophelia :
I empathize with you. I went through a lot of similar things when I was younger. Just know that I am listening. If you need someone to talk, feel free to IM me. :)
from dcalien :
Thanks for the note, Whit. See you later.
from art-esque41 :
Me and Rob arent even going out anymore and its still like hes controlling my life. Now that Ive broken up with him I can see so much more of his dad in him. The possesiveness, the guilt tripping, controlling. I hate his dad. I cant let Rob affect the way I act anymore. Ill do what I want, when I want, with Who ;) I want. I cant believe I let him control me so much. Well it wasnt to bad but it was like everything Id do Id think about how it would affect him first. I barely went out with my friends anymore. Anyhoo :P thanks for the support. xoxo
from bleu-diamant :
*hugsies* i'm hugging everyone right now. if you read OC and SA you'll see why.
from dcalien :
Thanks for the letter, whit. Glad to hear about Eric. That is what I figured had happened after I compared email between eric and steph. Tell him I am not mad, and I doubt many others are either. I only hope for him peace in his soul.
from bleu-diamant :
i heard that anne rice's real name is howard. isn't that funny?
from bleu-diamant :
oooh...i'm reading yr profile and you like MOULIN ROUGE! *dances happily* I'm so obsessed with MR it isn't even funny!
from sixfortunes :
driving lessons, latin...how old are you, anyway? and if you would be so kind as to send me a message in latin, it'd be some translating work for me. salve.
from bleu-diamant :
i am anne's rice's vampire pandora. i am also a very tired girly who needs to go to bed, but i wanted to tell you i love you.
from autumnal :
shining
from sixfortunes :
hmm... obviously you have difficulty distinguishing sarcasm from seriousness. i.e., i was kidding and being playful. <i>canis bifurctum morde.
from priceless :
You call her honey TOO??? hehe :p Don't worry,you aren't the bore! I just lose interest when people write about what they ate hehe...for 5 days straight.Ack.
from sixfortunes :
do you always refer to people you don't know as "honey"? if i were you, i'd watch it... i'm a jealous girl. m
from bleu-diamant :
darling, do you have MSN?
from bleu-diamant :
I know what you mean about a regular schedule feeling almost alien. During my winter break, I would go to bed at 2 AM and wake up around 3 PM, so going back to school was torture in terms of waking up early (I'm NOT a morning person at ALL). Two years ago, when I went to private school a this platinum blonde bitch smoked up in the basement bathroom. She was expelled... I don't know if that's worse than your friend going to juvi. Anyway, if I could, I would give you a hugsie. Hugs are wonderfully healing and safe and lovely. And they have no calories, either. *hugs* <3 you!
from operaghost- :
Thank you so much. I can't tell you how much I appreciate the encouragement. I know that you've been having a terrible time of it lately, and I do hope that things will get better for you. I appreciate the offer to talk, and it goes both ways. If you ever need to just gripe about the world I will be here. If nothing else, I can always just listen. Anyway, just hang in there and take care of yourself. I hope you find peace in spite of all you've been through. I know this sounds stupid, but I'll let you know anyway, I'll be praying for you.
from bleu-diamant :
"mortals mortals everyhwere and lots of drops to drink." *hehe*
from bleu-diamant :
*hugs* my parents aren't bad or mean, they're just frustrated coz i'm very lazy and since i don't like math i run from it. my parents are wonderful, dedicated and supportive, they just don't understand why i can't focus on math or science or any of that stupid junk! i have the highest mark in my english honors class, though. anyway, i love you very much and thank you tons for you support, it really means the world to me. by the way, i found your diary through broken's diary (brokenwords) she's one of my best friends. cheerio then! *giggles*
from neuroticaa :
mr jingles? like the mouse?? ahh that is so awesome lol! my aim is Latristessdurera... we'll definately chat sometime. i'm glad it sounds like you're finally getting the homeschooling you want. i wish i could get that sooo bad but it definately won't happen. strange how we feel more claustrophobic inside school than in our own homes, which are like 10 times smaller. but yeah geez its such a relief to speak with someone who remotely understands me. ok love, talk to you later <3
from onyx-cherub :
I love you sweetheart.
from finalscore :
this is ellie's diary, and her nickname for me is peggy, if you didn't know: http://elliewear.diaryland.com/030107_87.html. we're all here for you, whitney. - love, dana
from neuroticaa :
i appreciate your note. so much. but he isn't like this abusive alcoholic or anything. i don't really care that he hit me or whatever. verbal abuse always hurts more than physical anyway. he just lost it... i'm not some delusional always-forgiving female like "oh he didn't mean it". i'm not stupid. if i thought he would do it again, i would totally follow your advice but that's just not the case here. he just has such a temper, whit. its just the things he *said* i think thats more worse than anything else in the world. i needed to hear what you said about not comparing your life to other people... i REALLY needed to hear that from someone. thank you. i like to think i'm sooo independent but i need friends like the ones i have for times like these, like you, i think everyone does. i'm better now though. sort of. love ya~stay beautiful *hugs*
from bleu-diamant :
*big hugs* i feel tormented at school too (a big scandal happened with this one guy. long story.) my papa is on my back about my math mark even though i don't graduate til next year. he raged at me, saying "you'll be flipping bugers if you don't shape up." he doesn't seem to see my straigh A's in english and high mark in dance...*sigh* always remember that you're not alone, and that you deserve to be happy coz you're worth it. *hugs again*
from onyx-cherub :
I wish there was something I could do or say that would just take all the pain away...I hope that my in-progress vampire fic will be of some help (I'll email it to you once I start working on it). *more hugs*
from bleu-diamant :
*hugs back*
from autumnal :
cheers to you on the new year & thanks for your kind words on my diary in your profile!
from sweetlystill :
i have been reading your diary now for quite some time...im sorry to hear about your friend eric and i just want to let you know that it will all turn out for the best. i cant say that i undestand what you are going thru because i dont. everyone is different and what gets one person thru wont get everyone else thru. if you ever need to talk to someone about ANYTHING you can drop me a line. im a good listener and i know everyone needs one of those at some time. this is just one of many obstacles in life that make you that much more stronger. remember what i said...anytime you need someone to talk to, im here. -amanda kate
from bleu-diamant :
Just for you, I'm going to write a vampire story (here we go again). The reason I wanted to drop you a line is because I have a daily diary on blogspot.com but I give it to very few people, so I'll email the link to you, okay?
from operaghost- :
I just read your latest entry. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you to lose such a good friend. I don't mean to sound like one of those fake people who grab for attention by trying to comfort you even though they don't know you. It sounded like you were one of the few things that gave him happiness. It seems that by comforting you he also had some small ammount of comfort himself in being able to take care of you. I'm sure he knew how much you cared for him. I guess right now all I can do is wish you peace. Sometimes it takes another perspective to realize how important you are to somebody. I just wanted to remind you of the comfort you were to him.
from operaghost- :
You speak for all of us. It would be sad if we couldn't at least encourage eachother. Sure not going to get much support anywhere else.
from hardcorepunk :
i love you whitney! haha. where have you been?!? i miss you. and grr about the cutting :\ we need to talk ASAP. rem I am here for you..ok.
from nething315 :
teehee...you saw donnie darko?? Ah finally :) try watching it high, I heard it's quite an experience...
from icut :
forty-three- i think braces are hot.
from brokenwords :
Thanks :) I hope you're right. And I hope you had a happy new year too .
from priceless :
Resolutions break easily,unless you're real strong.Think of it as a goal and follow through! It's important.Good luck =)
from priceless :
I've been feeling pretty depressed lately also =/ I think it's because of Christmas break and staying home too much.It can't be good for all that's going on in my head.You're not alone you know.
from hardcorepunk :
go to my diary thingy on freeopendiary.com. haha. Jess has left some more notes! haha. oh ya...you NEED to email me. make me feel special. :: laughs:: i love you girl. Take care. :: hugs:: oh ya..givemeyourheartback is the name of my diary.
from art-esque41 :
your last entry is my thoughts exactly. I always look in the mirror without being able to recognize myself. im like 'this isnt me. im living someone elses life. why do people have to care about me. why dont they just forget so i can fade away'. we have so much in common its scary. so ill always be here to talk to. i have crazy psychic things to :p. merry christmas
from hardcorepunk :
merry x-mas baby!!! hope it was well. talk to you soon. I love you!! :: hugs and kiss on the cheek:: haha
from neuroticaa :
hi love. merry christmas <3
from redshiftblue :
the november code is up, it's at blueshiftred, where i keep all my rings etc etc so it doesn't slow down the rest of my diary. hope that's alright.
from lackoftrust :
Oh I might as well leave you a note too. It's still to late to read the clock, so I'll just say it's past Mary's bedtime. Have fun, but don't talk to strangers.
from jonathan :
Just came round to say hello. That survey on depression is straight from the neuropsyciatry department of a London hospital. I took the survey, got bored waiting, so took notes - I wanted to share my responses with friends and family. Depression runs in the family. Both my sister and I have married into families where their have been suicides.
from smartepants :
i forgot about this until i read it in your diary, but i was on the 504 program as well, it helps. really.
from hardcorepunk :
OMG. i miss you!!! where have you been?? :: drums fingertips on desk...:: email me. IM me. haha i love you!
from hardcorepunk :
no hon..i cut again. I love you too. hehe. talk to you later. night
from hardcorepunk :
i did it again...grr i wish i could talk to you. i miss you:) take care doll.. love Stef
from lorigrrl :
thank you sweets! send me your address, i made you a holiday card!
from perceptionss :
Hey, I hope you get my package soon. I LOVE YOU:) Instant Message me and say hello sometimes...and take care. Eric
from art-esque41 :
Movies , music, anything to get away from reality. I like the idea of having a job that allows you to ignore reality .. Acting.. thats what attracted me to it I guess. Well I hope you have the best holiday that is possible. Even if the family ruins it try to enjoy the.. spirit or something. I love Christmas. The one day Im not mad for waking up too early :P. xox take care.
from unlucky13 :
thank you for joining the bittersweet diaryring!!
from neuroticaa :
shit, me too. i hate when therapists do that reverse psychology thing on you. like "well what do YOU think the reason is?" how in the blue fuck should i know, the whole reason i'm here is because i can't figure that out! they always ask for words when there are none. there's no room left on my arm so i just... actually i don't know what i do. i try not to think but it doesn't work. anyway, thought it might help to know that you aren't alone out there ;) take care sweetie <3 Redd
from ravenheart :
Maybe I can make you smile with a mushroom penis picture? I think there is a mushroom penis on this site: http://waynesword.palomar.edu/ww0602.htm I will look for seeds.
from priceless :
If I cut my hair everytime someone left me...I'd be bald.Hang in there Whit =/
from dolphinscry :
hey.. I just found your diary coz I just joined your diaryring.. I can't believe it though.. I can really relate to you.. and I've only read one entry! My whole family life is fucked up and well so am I.. If ya ever want to chat.. Adriana
from hardcorepunk :
IM me sometime if you have AIM. pfct paper doll. take care doll.
from art-esque41 :
sweetheart if you want to get better you might have to go to a hospital. The bright side is no school. And you might meet people who are going through the same thing as you, that arent totally crazy. If you want things to sort out, you have to be totally honest with your therapist. The sooner you get it all out, the sooner you can get better. I wish you luck , whatever you do. xoxo
from hardcorepunk :
...dont leave...
from art-esque41 :
I really hope things turn out for me and rob, hes the only thing keeping me together. Thanks for being so sweet. I hope everything works out for you too. Parents can be so irritating. Don't you wish you could snap your fingers and theyd be out of your face? I know I do. xoxo
from labeled-girl :
thank you so much for your thoughts. i just hope people keep reading his work. he created so much. thank you.
from art-esque41 :
I feel like I have no one right now. What you can do is just be there for me like you already are. I'll do the same for you. Email me if you want. xox
from perceptionss :
Of course I knew he was your husband:) It was the only reason I wrote it down. I looked at your profile and was inspired and thank you very much. I hope you aren't letting your Mom get you down. Just know I'm thinking about you and hope things get better soon:) Your Friend Forever, Booby
from dirtydeeds :
A blue dildo? ^^;
from angry-tears :
i don't know if I should laugh or said "shit"
from angry-tears :
your such a sweet chick. Thank you so much. I'd feel guilty though. You've always talked about how everyone uses you to lean on, and you get nothing in return. How no one ever asks how your doing and all that. If you say your gonna be there for me... you sure as hell better realize that I'm GONNA be there for you. i love you chick
from art-esque41 :
I'll try and help you. You should talk to your boyfriend about your problems first to see how much he understands. If he's all there for you give it a shot. If he gets all weirded out just end it. It's really important to have someone who understands. I know sometimes when I was thinking about breaking up with robert I thought about how hard it would be to find support. Because he really understands and accepts me. I don't think anyone else would accept my cutting and be there for me like he is. So i think you should just talk it over with him. luv ya
from sistercookie :
The Mental Order Diary Ring Page is here: http://sistercookie.diaryland.com/mentalorder.html
from neuroticaa :
hello... i just added you to my d-land hall of fame... aka, my favorite diaries... because, well, you are just that cool. lol drop me a line some time =)
from perceptionss :
::BIG HUG:: Love You! Booby
from art-esque41 :
Thank you and your welcome. I'm here for you all the time. I totally understand everything you say. Like not wanting to die, just going to sleep and never waking up. I've used those exact words before. And I don't want to hurt my family either. It's like we're soul sisters lol. My point is I understand and such :P. xox
from art-esque41 :
Thats weird about sat night! lol. yeah I think its gonna be ok for me and rob. we went on like usually after, kinda more cuddly tho. I'm feeling a little better. I'm trying to train myself to think happy thoughts, normally i would slap anyone who said that but i want to be better for robert. Maybe cuz i havent been to an appointment in a while... i hate those. But I should keep going if I want help. Im sorry you have to live with what your mom does. Try to talk to her I guess ? But try not to let it worry you too much. I know thats hard but its her problem not yours. xox
from art-esque41 :
its alot of help to have you talking to me. I hope I can help you. If you need anything just ask I'll give you the best advice I can. xox
from hear-you-me :
lol, i agree. there is definetely something not right about harry potter. he scares me. anyhow, i'm sorry about your mom. fucking parents are always ruining their kids lives, it's depressing. don't let her get to you, maybe someday she'll sort out all her issues with booze. you hang in there too. :)
from art-esque41 :
thanks for being so sweet but i dont know what else to do. I paint sometimes and my one friend was wondering why i cant do that instead of cutting. Nothing helps like cutting. Theres nothing like pain for pleasure. I dont know if I can find anything that calms me down quite like this. I still havent told any adults , im afraid what will happen if I tell my therapist. I don't want my mom to know and especially my dad. If they knew Id feel even more like a failure. I dont want them to be any more disapointed in me, but I dont know howd theyd react. What do you think I could do instead of cut?
from brokenwords :
Thank you for your praise on the tattoo. And thank you for the words on independence. I think the root of it is that I am stubborn, and that you are right. Some people just don't want to admit that they have a problem. But I try. :)
from priceless :
Whit,I know you think talking about the norm in your diary is boring,but you know not many people do.I think everyone I read only writes when something goes wrong so it's good to read about a normal day every now and then.Glad things are going well for you :) - Nicki
from art-esque41 :
thanks lots :) It's good to know someone will take time for me. I've been cutting so much lately, and its usually to make me feel better. But last night it was to punish myself for wanting to break up with my boyfriend, because i dont want to... actually i have no clue what I want. I hate myself and I wish I would just go away..
from justenough :
sometimes convincing people that you're alright is ever so hard. keep trying.
from brokenwords :
Thank you so much. It means a lot to me that you would stop by the let me know that. And as for wanting to help me more, you have helped me so much just by letting me know you're there and that I'm not alone. Thank you, honestly, from the bottom of my heart.
from mightybruja :
Welcome back :)
from mightybruja :
ACK! I totally did NOT mean to remove you from the thunderstorm ring... my cat jumped up on my desk as I was clicking around on the screen.... please join again! I am SO sorry!
from mightybruja :
Thanks for joining my Thunderstorm ring! :)
from perceptionss :
I see you online and I'm thinking how nice you are for writing me such a kind note. I will get the nerve to chat with you but until then, thank you very much:) Booby
from sprung :
Oh hey, I was just kidding around. ;) How've you been?
from priceless :
I think people think of me the same way when they read my stuff.It's probably because I use this diary to write down my frustrations/wishes more than I do the happy things.
from perceptionss :
You always make me smile and I thank you so much for that act of kindness. I hope you are doing well and thanks for all the kind notes:) Love, Booby
from brokenwords- :
i love your diary. i read a lot of it .... very very lovely. <3 ps: staind rocks, i love that song on yer profile.
from darkgenesis :
I love the poem in your profile, its beautiful
from perceptionss :
Awww..Thanks for the kind note. I'll camp out in front of my mailbox waiting for your letter:) Booby
from elberry :
Glad you are levelling out and thanks for the acknowledgement of my site. Ever notice how much easier it is to write when you are down rather than up?
from s-l-e-e-p-y :
thank you, im actually doin quite fine, i dunno if you can tell from my entries. i do a lot more whining and bitching in my diary than laughing and joking. anyways, i really appreciate the note. hope you're doing okay too
from priceless :
I know this is completely irrelevant to you being on tv but...that Don guy is kinda cute.
from ravenheart :
I actually did used to cut myself a little too, it's a bad thing and it doesn't really lead to anything, but at the same time you cant really disagree with your feelings. You are a nice and sweet person and the world seems like a great place because of people like you. I feel that way and it's something I want you to remember. Take care.
from elberry :
Thanks for your note. Actually, I'm recuperating and it is good to hear (or see) a friend....and you?
from angry-tears :
shit girly. my offer still stands, I'm here for ya, if you ever need to talk e-mail me and I'll give ya my phone number or somethin' i can call ya anytime you need to vent or talk or anythin' (we have free longdistance :p) your gonna get through this
from dead-ophelia :
I've decided that I really, really like your diary, so I shall put you in my favorites. I especially like the shot from "Girl, Interrupted." Lisa is definitely my favorite character. :)
from invisiblepal :
Hmm... As far as I know I have no art galleries. :)
from angry-tears :
omg hunny, I just read your latest post about alateen and I actually cried. You have so much insight and the best perspective on life. Its simply not fucking fair that u have to deal with this shit! Hey, if you ever wanna get outta your house for a bit, I always have an extra bed here :) Serously though, fuck the drs. let them think and say whatever the hell that wanna think, be straight forward and have no regrets! talk to me online sometime.. aighty tighty?
from priceless :
Hey Whit,I was reading your current entry and I just wanted to say sorry about you being caught in the middle with your family,that's pretty fucked up.I wish you the best.I'm in a similar situation with my parents,only I know for sure who's side to defend..the hand that feeds and loves me.Oh and it isn't your computer,it's diaryland that messed up my entries! Later,Nicki.
from priceless :
My results change too,but I'm not borderline.Your mood at the time you take the test can affect your results.
from angellivia :
Thanks for the welcome note you left me. Brad Pitt is one hot fella! Liv xx
from angry-tears :
damn! that was one one interesting post! you were all over the place! ditch the new guy b4 he gets to attached and tries to kill himself when you dump him.... it will make things less painfull. If you need your space than stay away for guyz untill your ready yannnow? In a way what your doing to dan is kinda mean. I mean from the info that I have on him, it doesn't even seem like you LIKE him... who knows i could be wrong. well, I'ma bizOUNCE! lol. check ya lata Laura
from ravenheart :
I tried to find a photo online that showed the backside of the Tori Amos album. So you could see the mushroom penis, I have the album you see. Anyway, maybe you should try cook them one day, the ones you have in your garden, they say they are good, but I dont know if I would have done it. I wonder why they look like that, isn't it strange?
from finalscore :
ever notice that there's a slight difference between guestbook-signing people and note-leaving people? anyway, your guestbook isn't working, so i'm using this. i know what you mean about not really being sure if you WANT to ... insertsomethinghere ... with your best friend. like if you even want to be there anymore. but i wouldn't recommend implying she has nothing to be depressed about -- there's always things you absolutely don't see. all my friends describe me as the happy one, they think i'm spoiled, my parents are together, and so on. they all assume things about me. just .. don't do that. lol. when you don't feel like you can feel anymore, try connecting yourself to everything. touch things and see things. talk to someone. and just try to wait. - love, dana
from julietlives :
hello. i dont feel so alone when i read your diary. because i know im not the only one being consumed by sadness, and grief. love the writing. <3
from pieceofme :
love the new design. i know what you mean about the happy and sad..xxx
from priceless :
Stickshift is a bitch,word.But you handled it better than I did hehe...I'm still driving an automatic car.
from ravenheart :
Tori Amos have the mushroom penis on the back of the album called Little Earthquakes. I dont know why I had to tell you that, guess I just have a thing for mushrooms.
from s-l-e-e-p-y :
thank you, i got my template off a site but changed most of it. oh and thanks for adding me, you dont know how happy it makes me...its actually kinda sad lol.
from angry-tears :
p.s. love the layout! i was thinking about useing that one yesterday... but i like the new one better!
from angry-tears :
shiiit. damn girl. I haven't felt like that in so long, but i *think* i can majorly relate. I'm sure you gotz a shit load of poeple worrying out of their fucking minds right now... so i'm sure you don't need ONE more... but damn, take care of you... perk up camper! i wanna see ya smile!
from angry-tears :
aww doll. I am so glad that you finally got everything out (did u?) to your psych. All he will do is help. I was on Zoloft. but i hated it. take care of you!
from ravenheart :
You just changed your layout right? or am I just going crazy? okay, I go and read you now. You know I have seen those penis mushrooms too (in pictures) they are quite funny. I heard that they are supposed to taste very nice.
from pieceofme :
they have gone to a lot of trouble to mask their identity. it is freaky. i would prefer flowers rather than weirdass emails though. heh.
from angry-tears :
Hey u. Dude, the song Fade by staind is the fuckin best. I used to have the biggest *thing* for aaron lewis, but it wasn't becuz of his looks, it was all his lyrics. They make me wanna give him a biggest hug, and tell him "everythings gonna be aight" I've seen him a concert a few times, and he looks so sa when hes singing those songs live. Its so weird, like he totally emptying himself out emotionally in front of millions of people, and he actually gets a great response from it. The Staind song that i think is *my song* is either Waste, or A flat, or Excess Baggage... wow, ok I love like all their songs. I could go on and on!
from priceless :
Sorry you're having a tough time :/ I get pretty emotional when I read your journal because I see so much of me in you.I wish I had some words of encouragement to offer,but I really don't have room to speak..we're sort of in the same boat...you're not alone.
from priceless :
glad everything is going well,enjoy it! if you're anything like me...perfect happens so fast it feels like a dream.
from ascetic :
signmyguestbook is just being retarded. i cant sign yours either. but you had rolling laughing when you said "make out with my sister - cuz siblings do that ya know" LOL!! so are you and tim an 'item' now? im so happy your life is stable at the moment...it's always nice to be able to stand on your feet. as for me and chris...we're not really together, but yet we are. im sure you know what i mean. he doesnt have the money to pay for a divorce [he should have said that in the first place] so i'm just going to sit back and wait. b/c honestly, i really dont have the desire to be with anyone else BUT him, so i'm willing to wait. i know i sound stupid & needy but the thing is i have never been more sure about anything in my life like im sure about being with him. and ive been pretty damn sure about some stuff. it just seems so right & perfect. love is nuts!! but life is life...it moves on whether you're ready or not. and the only real choice i have is to move along with it. and im okay with that. thanx for everything you've done for me...it's really deeply appreciated <3
from priceless :
yeah I'm ok,he just scared the hell out of me...bastard.anywho,I went to another highschool too! And everytime I came back to town people would gawk and whisper like I was some freak of a legend,but I liked the fact I could intimidate =)
from yellowreview :
your review is up! *hugs*
from pieceofme :
hey, i went to the creed concert here in melbourne and i loved it! and you are right - i think i need to learn how to kick ass. take care xxx
from ravenheart :
Thank you for joining my Art ring, you are welcome!
from erica2175 :
welcome to the paranoid diaryring
from elberry :
Thanks for your message. I very much appreciate your comments. I'll drop by from time to time./e
from acidhood :
Hey whit, it's pretty damn comfy in these pants of yours ;)..might have to take up current residence lol. Dogs are annoying, mine howls all the fucking time and I just want to strangle her. I don't ofcourse, just for the plan fact she weighs like 300lbs more then me..lmao. Anyways..Peace!
from tundrawolven :
Mwahaha, first note lol. I swear, when I get to your house, I'm going to train your dogs lol. Maybe bring Angel along to get the two in shape LOL. Don't you hate it when you seem to be the only person realizing that, hey, somebody needs some help here ? Ugh. Everyone's so self-centered lately. Waaahhh I want my mom lol...

back to lousrose's profile
recommend this diary to a pal?

Other diaries starting with the letter:
a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

Back to Diaryland

Recently updated
News
update April 6, 2020: Sorry, we just had 8+ hours downtime due to a server problem. Restoring from backups took soooo long, but everything is back and no data was lost. Ay yay yay! Anyhow, hope everyone is well with the virus stuff.

Sign up for paid membership if you want!

Users online