DiaryLand members area

Sending you the biggest hug and will think of you tomorrow and send healing vibes. I love the thought of the rain on the roof and Jane Austen on the kindle. x

from orangepeeler :

You are tough. Hoping you have a swift recovery... and success, whatever that ultimately means for you. Xx

from linguafranca :

You can also just freeze whole lemons (toss ‘em in a freezer bag) and microwave to thaw. Depends on where you stand with freezer space or whether you want the labor to be done before/when you need the juice

from jimbostaxi :

I guess maybe we all want that feeling of belonging. I spent my life on the outskirts of everything so this is a whole new experience for me. Yeah, now if I can work on the personal side of my life that would be fantastic. Thanks for the note :)

from kelsi :

Lance Bass is aging like a fine wine. He pops up in random people's dumb (but hilarious) social media videos. He seems good-natured and happy. That's kind of all I know about him but I just can't get enough.

from raven72d :

I'm glad you got the card! All the best for autumn!

from annanotbob2 :

Sending so much love - I wasn't sure whether you'd got married, congratulations. So much pain, so much exhaustion. Hugs xxxx

from troilus :

The final sentence of your last entry - "I am not sorry about getting married but I definitely don’t think I thought it through." It sounds quite...uncertain? Are you all right?

from annanotbob2 :

Thanks and likewise. xx

from orangepeeler :

Wishing you a swift recovery xx

from jimbostaxi :

Hey, I hope you are doing well, and thanks for the note. The trip was great and I did see a lot of those tropical flowered shirts while I was there Lol. I wish I had a vacation years ago because it would have helped me be less of a mess.

from raven72d :

Thanks for the note! I hope my card does wend its way to you! (Let me know about the new address) And I always do like receiving cards-- actual mail is a great thing. I hope the move has gone well for you.

from jimbostaxi :

Hey, just dropped in to see how you are feeling and how is the apartment setup going.

from theshivers :

Checking in after a million years to say I'm glad you are still here! And well, I hope! <3

from raven72d :

Do send a new mailing address. I think I sent a card to your Toronto address a couple of weeks ago, but that may have gone into postal limbo.

from raven72d :

I've been in the lakeside flat since 1. December of the Year Seven. I feel like a ship that's been anchored somewhere ferns long that the crew will never be able to hoist anchor with all the debris of the years atop it.

from raven72d :

I know the feeling about moving. I have too many big, heavy bookshelves crammed with books to even begin to move.

from jimbostaxi :

Yeah, I'll be looking around every corner while the rest of them have fun. Thanks for the notes! I'm glad you're feeling better. :)

from kelsi :

Congrats on the hemoglobin! Glad you're feeling a little better - hope your recovery continues to go well! <3

from jimbostaxi :

We have a small garden with tomatoes and cucumbers and I love that fresh garden taste. Further out from where I live, there are roadside farms, where Fran and I would always stop to pick up stuff. My mind will probably be blown when I taste a freshly grown banana! Lol. We leave Thursday, June 29th around 11 pm. Since you travel a lot isn't it a danger if I'm dressed too touristy? Lol. Dumb question I know but I never go anywhere. Getting out to do new things would probably lessen my obsession with how I'm perceived. It kind of feels like high school all over again Lol. What lunch table will I sit at? 😆😆🤣🤣

from jimbostaxi :

Hey, thank you very much! After twenty years doing the lone wolf thing now I'm part of a ream. It's kind of fitting that of all the hospitals around I'm at the one I spent the most time at with Fran. It's so funny you mentioned that style of shirt because I was going to buy one the other day! :) I had a nice straw Panama hat as well! Lol

from jimbostaxi :

My new gig is in a hospital at the information desk. It's a very mellow atmosphere on the overnight shift and everyone has been very nice. The book I brought got some questions so that made me laugh. It was a Dan Bown book called Inferno which I admitted to them I never read (yet) That got several laughs which was a good icebreaker. I started filling up my suitcase and carry-on bag which is probably way too early but I hate waiting until the last minute. I have been thinking a lot about getting a hat because I'm pale-skinned and never see the sun. Take care xo

from swordfern :

I hope that you made it to the lake and that going there helped in some way. I wish that I could wave a magic wand to fix your uterus; I understand how much this means to you. xoxo

from orangepeeler :

2023-05-19: Wishing you a swift recovery x

from raven72d :

Expect a letter soon.

from jimbostaxi :

Water is very soothing. Most of my best memories of childhood were from by the shore. Xo

from annanotbob2 :

Look after yourself, won't you? Sending hugs xx

from annanotbob2 :

Oh darling, I'm so sorry this had to be, and that it came so suddenly, without time to acclimatise. I know I'm always sending hugs, but I'm sending even more now, wrapping you up in a great big cuddle. {{{{{you}}}}}

from annanotbob2 :

Sending hugs xx

from annanotbob2 :

14/5 Me too xx

from jimbostaxi :

I could see both sides of why it would be great to have BT at the ceremony and understand the awkwardness of the situation. All those people he hasn't seen in 4-5 years approaching him and maybe peppering him with questions about his feelings. Xo

from swordfern :

I love how a highlight of returning home for you is celery. I laughed but also completely understand. I echo raven72's comment of loving your entries from the Congo. xoxo

from raven72d :

I do love your entries from the Congo.

from kelsi :

That sounds scary/stressful - I hope you're staying safe, but you're doing nothing to alter my picture of you as a real-life Indiana Jones with a bullwhip at your hip. You've got a whip, right? Okay, I'm sold on the vitamix - but which one do you have? Costco has one on sale right now but I don't know if it's the one I should get since there are hundreds.

from kelsi :

You're right - liquid calories are so much easier! I don't have a vitamix but might have to get one. I've been eating more soup this week and am feeling much better :)

from raven72d :

Kinshasa... It's a city I can't imagine. I know it's huge, and I know that it pulsates with life. But I know very little about Africa in modern times, and I probably envision Kinshasa as being permanently in 1962. Whatever is it like? (Right now, listening to the news on NPR, I feel the same about Khartoum-- I know almost nothing about it, and my vision of it is probably from 1990s news footage.)

from swordfern :

I somehow missed your 'Feb 26' entry. I love the moment of the sun and his blue eyes and blue shirt. When I imagine getting married, it's that type of moment that I ache for. I hope that you can hold onto that through the chaos of the larger wedding later this summer. I'm proud of you for having an open heart and happy for you to have found R. Congratulations! xoxo

from linguafranca :

I’m intrigued to hear that because I’m not really sure I’m up to go-habitation myself! Best thing for me has been making the casita into my own space and I spend a lot of time alone there.

from nerryna :

congratulations! may everything goes well in planning the big party, and in life!

from annanotbob2 :

Thanks - yes I do love quordle and have recently discovered the daily sequence, a bit of a variation, equally satisfying

from jimbostaxi :

Congrats to you! Throwing imaginary rice in the air! 🎉🎉🎉🎉👍🎉🎉 I wish you nothing but the best in your new life together. Xo

from jimbostaxi :

I'll be happy once I see that office email lol thanks! Xoxo

from troilus :

As a long-time reader, congratulations to both of you!

from orangepeeler :

oh wow, congratulations!

from linguafranca :

That’s wonderful! I wish you both much happiness.

from kelsi :

Awww - congratulations!

from annanotbob2 :

Congratulations! He knows what he's getting with you - top prize, pick of the bunch. I wish you both every happiness x

from annanotbob2 :

xxx

from raven72d :

"Discombobulated" is such a great word...and such a very 1930s thing!

from raven72d :

I hope both the physical illnesses and the malaise clear up. Do feel better!

from raven72d :

28 March 23-- How is life? What's up in your life this spring?

from jimbostaxi :

This trip will be the farthest I've been from home. Laying on a sunny beach seems like such an improbable concept. Feeling that sun will be a pleasure and hopefully, this will be the first of many. If I go anyway abroad I'm sure I will ask you questions because I know you've been everywhere. Xoxo

from jimbostaxi :

Feel better xoxo

from kelsi :

I'm on the pill again to cope with my periods becoming terribler and terribler and closer and closer together. I didn't get any imaging done and just decided to give this a try to see if it would help, and so far everything is much better. Hope you get something figured out - every 14 days is not fair!

from jimbostaxi :

Lol, yeah, it took forever! Everyone is home now and doing well. Thanks for the note! :)

from jimbostaxi :

2/24/23 my grandson arrived today! 10lbs 3 ounces!

from jimbostaxi :

2/01/23- Yesterday Darlene went to the doctor to see how she was coming along but she isn't ready yet. I'm guessing we will all get the call when we least expect it Lol. It's very exciting and I'm a bit of a wreck because Fran’s not here so I want to be twice as ready to make up for anything. Ohhh I forgot she is having a boy! Francisco ( close as Fran as we are going get) take care xo

from swordfern :

You know what is so perfectly lovely? The fact that your relationship is so secure/steady that getting engaged isn't the biggest part of your news update. I'm glad that you will continue to have him supporting you in life! Congrats!

from jimbostaxi :

1/30/23 Heyyyyyyyyyy!!!! Congrats on the soon-to-be nuptials. That is awesome and I'm very happy for you. Love how you are about to embrace all that change that is coming with the wedding and return to the USA. Speaking of change my daughter Darlene is having contractions and a new member of our family will soon be here. Thanks for dropping in xoxo

from kelsi :

I love fennel! Never thought of eating fennel seeds with pepper and sugar, though, and oh by the way CONGRATULATIONS!! o/

from orangepeeler :

Congratulations!!! 🎊 Woot! Woot!

from jimbostaxi :

Sending out love and peace to you on this Christmas day. I hope you have a happy holiday.

from swordfern :

Dec 20 - What bothers me is that what's happening there - catastrophic flooding - doesn't make the news here. Instead, I have to scroll past stories like 'fender bender on highway sends 2 to hospital'.

from swordfern :

Dec 15 2022 - It's so nice to read your words again. The video of you driving thru the flooding was unreal. What's a disaster for white people is just everyday life for people of colour. I was in a clinic yesterday having one of my fingers attended to, and I thought of the women who don't have access to basic medical aid. I appreciate how you help me recognize my privilege.

from orangepeeler :

14-12-22: hoping you have a swift recovery, Narcissa xx

from raven72d :

I loved all of Alexander's books. And the idea of lying in the park with a lovely Young Companion and talking architecture and pattern languages is amazing!

from raven72d :

I will definitely get you my address! And I was hefting a Yeti tumbler just a while ago. There's a real chance that I'd use it to boink someone on the head at the office if I took it to work...

from jarofporter :

thanks for the note. i wish i had something helpful/positive to say, but honestly, the world really is f'ed up, isn't it?

from jimbostaxi :

Today, I ordered a Pina Colada at lunch and thought of you as I held it in the air. I said, “this drink is for Narcissa because she goes to lands I can only dream about.” it's fabulous that you're able to see all those different places and if I find out the secret you will be the first to know! Thanks for the note and kind words please stay safe! I was reading that this was the rainy season over there.

from jimbostaxi :

Hey, dropped in to see how you are feeling. Are any trips planned for the end of the year? Xo

from raven72d :

Thanks! And I will probably make jambalaya with tasso Saturday.

from jimbostaxi :

I'm so sorry that you have to go through that. I wish you a speedy recovery and please keep me updated on your progress. As for me, I'm trying to be the best me I can be. My granddaughters truly are a blessing and I'm sure that I will have another story soon. Xo

from jimbostaxi :

Dropped in to say hi xo

from annanotbob2 :

The right move is probably a week in Brighton x

from kelsi :

In case you want some commiseration - Lucy Bartholomew is an Australian ultrarunner who suffered a concussion in June and is still dealing with the effects. She posts about it every once in a while, what she's experiencing and how she's coping. Sorry you're still having problems! <3

from jimbostaxi :

The house feels more like a prison that Fran’s not there. The occasional outing helps me realize there's more to life than my four walls. Xo

from orangepeeler :

I hope you're healing well... As for a "rake of" - it's only after 17 years in Ireland that such phrases can come to me without prompting and I'll always still wonder if I'm using it correctly.

from kelsi :

I'm sure it was a working helicopter - that sounds amazing! I hope the shiner and the foot & mouth disease are healing up! <3

from raven72d :

Sorry to hear about the fall! I hope the shiner is healing and that you're doing better.

from jimbostaxi :

Yikes! Sorry to read about you falling and getting a shiner. Ugh, now you and “R” are both down. Wishing you both a speedy recovery and better days. Xox

from jimbostaxi :

7/13/22 Hi, I was thinking of you too! Saw your update on life, love, and your dad. I wish I had the energy to accomplish even half of what you have done. 7/11 makes two months since Frans has been gone and everything is pretty much as she left it. I just keep pushing on. Trying to motivate myself and take it day by day. Xo

from annanotbob2 :

It always makes me happy to see you've updates but I feel knackered on your behalf now! If you find out how to make a new friend, do let me know x

from orangepeeler :

My belated commiseratipms re living with your parents, oof!!

from raven72d :

I'd love to see your List!

from jimbostaxi :

Hi, no rain yet by me but it says it’s coming. :( so what’s your favorite thing about D.C? Rainy nights at the job make me very pensive. Big windows on two sides so I hear and see the raindrops. When the rain starts pouring hard I will go outside for a few seconds to be part of it. It’s dumb I know, but I’ve done that for years. Lol, stay safe! Xox

from jimbostaxi :

Ty, for the kind words. I'm trying to be strong for the kids they don't need to see me crack. Funeral coming up Saturday all the arrangements are done. I'm eating and drinking her favorite foods and sleeping with her pic looking over me. Little things like that make it feel less painful. I got your email as well ty! I'll be in touch :)

from raven72d :

Moving is soul-killing. I lived out of suitcases for a while when I was doing the adjunct thing, and it will leave you empty after a while. Also-- glad you recovered the passport!

from theshivers :

Just dropping in to say hello, and sending good vibes and all that. <3

from swordfern :

Just received the initial offer, to which I countered for a higher rate of pay and more vacation. Wish I'd pushed more on the salary. Ugh. I don't have enough experience negotiating to be slick about it. My current 'boss' type person set up a call with me on Friday to discuss, as I'd asked him to provide a reference. Curious what he has to say - I'm sure they weren't expecting me to leave. I'm sort of surprised myself!

from annanotbob2 :

xxx

from jimbostaxi :

Yeah, that's not too far away probably about 2-3 hours depending on the area. Thanks for the note xo

from jimbostaxi :

Hey, I just wanted to say hi! Hope all is well. :)

from raven72d :

I have one friend left from my schooldays-- someone I've known since elementary school. And maybe a couple of friends from grad school. But most of my high school era is something I've just erased. My world, my life, really began when I left home for university.

from raven72d :

This afternoon I sat outside at a patio table with a pint of Guinness and a platter of Korean short ribs. Maybe 70 F outside, bright and cool. A lovely day.

from swordfern :

1. My sister is still best friends with her high school crew. They don't see each other often, though, nor hang out on any regular basis. So. Not sure if that counts. 2. Some of my friend 'hangs' have turned into 'soft pants' events. Anything goes. 3. We play a lot of board games to keep away from anxiety-inducing conversations about current events. 4. Tea is comforting when socially anxious? 5. I put a few days between social gatherings; otherwise, I try to not think too much about it because the social connection is important to my mental health. (The Dad stuff is rough. It's a tough place to be, wanting to protect your mom but also needing to protect yourself. Sounds like you both need respite?)

from orangepeeler :

Thank you! I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that crap from your father.

from annanotbob2 :

15/3 Oh man - sending hugs xx

from raven72d :

I try to be...useful...even if only as a bad example.

from raven72d :

Well, a Sherlock Holmes joke that's a Gilles de Rais reference is a rare thing...

from annanotbob2 :

Thanks xxx

from theshivers :

I so wish we got snow here!

from swordfern :

That's a great question. I sort of hate it, which means that I really should sit down and answer it. Thank you.

from raven72d :

I do love watching films with friends.

from raven72d :

January of the Year Twenty-Two seems to be sparking malaise everywhere. Do get a bit of winter sunlight, stay safe and stay warm.

from kelsi :

I feel like your across-the-hall neighbor should be a character in a book, along with my neighbor. Who just leaves packages sitting there? I would love to know more about their motivation.

from linguafranca :

I have so much to say about the dependable men vs. undependable ones. I can’t even begin. I think the deep seated issues with the undependable ones get hard wired into us and that pull will always be there, deep in the bones.

from linguafranca :

from jimbostaxi :

Yeah, I'm like 90-95 percent good right now. I'm wondering if I should get a booster. There are some days I'm a little more tired than others but for me, that’s like normal. Thanks for the note xo

from portlypete :

Hey! You know, normal face masks are most useful for protectiong others by trapping outgoing droplets from the wearer(which makes it doubly annoying when you see someone refusing to use one). If you are going on a flight, it might be worth trying to get one or more medical grade masks: KN95 (FFP2 Equivalent in the UK) is an industry-standard, and means that the mask provides the intended effectiveness of filtering 95% of particles with a mass median diameter of 0.3 micrometres. Or, in plain English, it protects the wearer by trapping incoming Covid virus particles. They are more expensive, but will help to keep you safe on your flight. Good luck P.P.

from annanotbob2 :

14/1/22 Good to hear from you xxx

from jimbostaxi :

Hey, happy new year wishing you and your family peace and strength. Hope the hard times are few and the love is plenty. Xoxo

from dangerspouse :

Yoooooooooo! Hey kiddo, thanks for the note leaving while I was gone. Hope you and yours are well through this mess, and as it's the day: MERRY CHRISTMAS! Much nog to you :)

from jimbostaxi :

There is a temporary truce in place and the last two days I have barely slept. We all want what's best for her it's just a matter of agreeing to what that entails. xoxo

from jimbostaxi :

No sleep yesterday and none planned for today. I have to keep pushing. I'm the only one free during the days because I work nights. I will have more info on her status today because there was some confusion yesterday about them not knowing something in her file. Xo

from jimbostaxi :

Evening, today was the battle of getting her to eat. There are days when she has an appetite but today wasn't one of them. I just got home and will nap briefly before heading out to work. I fought back the tears so far today but it's still early. Xo

from jimbostaxi :

The gift of speaking eloquently is something wonderful to have but I do not possess it. For me, things are much more basic and primitive. I think about the situation and then I cry. Mostly, I don't even know the real reason I'm crying. I could speculate and tell you it's because of this and that but all I know for sure is it hurts. Take care and thanks for listening.

from jimbostaxi :

Sending positive vibes out that your test comes back negative. Xo

from jimbostaxi :

A beautiful gift from a wonderful friend.

from jimbostaxi :

Thanks, I will definitely drop you a line if need be. You are very kind in my business I deal with the dregs of humanity night after night. It's hard for me at times to adjust to the big heart of people here. Xoxo appreciate you! :)

from raven72d :

Congrats on the bound volume! That sounds wonderful!

from annanotbob2 :

4/12 Wow! What a brilliant thing to do! Happy birthday! xxx

from jimbostaxi :

Things are really bad right now far worse than what I could ever express to anyone in my feeble attempts at entries. I'm so embarrassed I rambled on and on in those early emails to you. I feel like such an idiot not knowing your dad was fighting the same battle as Soccara. Now I feel like we could take turns crying on each other's shoulders. Please accept my humble apology for not being more supportive. You and your family are always in my mind. Xo

from raven72d :

I do like Stars and Yo La Tengo!

from theshivers :

I hope the rest of your stay in Africa goes well, virus be damned. And so happy to read about you being ridiculously in love. <3

from annanotbob2 :

xxx

from orangepeeler :

"i'm kind of ridiculously in love": I'm so happy for you!

from linguafranca :

This seems so mundane next to your last post, but I like marmalade in my pumpkin and Uly likes smoked paprika on his.

from annanotbob2 :

Thinking of you and your dad and your family. Sending love xx

from raven72d :

Watch my diary. I'll be posing list questions there.

from portlypete :

Small typo: for ‘our’, read ‘your’.

from portlypete :

Thank you for your very kind message, especially as I didn’t realise anyone read my posts. Then I remembered (TBH, looked up) that I sent you a note some time back about snorkelling naked in Thailand, which, in retrospect, seems a bit forward on a first introduction - I apologise! Anyway, I am looking forward to looking backward at our posts. Thanks again.

from jimbostaxi :

Awww, Thank you so much! That is very sweet of you! I saw your name pop up the other day and wondered how you and dad were doing. Sending much love xoxo If I had to pick a costume on this Halloween day I would be a cowboy! Lol, there is something to be said for riding off into the sunset after saving the day. Lol

from raven72d :

A very good pop culture week! And I have a new, larger TV! The TV is smarter than I am, but I'm working on learning its ways.

from theshivers :

Thank you for your nice message (and for checking in on me). Sending you and your family lots of love right now. <3

from raven72d :

I do like the Lynch version. It's crazy, and it's really "Great Scenes from the Novel 'Dune'", but the visuals are brilliant (I love the scene at the imperial court with the Guild Navigator, and the attack on the Atreides palace as well). And it has Patrick Stewart holding one of the ducal pugs! I am so looking forward to seeing the Villeneuve version this weekend!

from jimbostaxi :

Ugh, I need to proof my notes better and stop using “very”,,,, sorry about that :(

from jimbostaxi :

Is it possible to say “your tears are my tears” without it sounding presumptuous? I'm very sorry to read your dad became very ill after eating. Stay strong xo

from jimbostaxi :

Yeah, it was very surreal and I know that I shouldn't get used to that. It’s hard to say how I feel about it. I WANT more days like that but It sounds so very selfish of me even to write that here. I guess it's part of my new normal just roll with it and when she has good days I will smile. Xo

from raven72d :

I was just thinking of you! Sunset at 18h30 isn't too bad, though it means when I do afternoon long walks, I'm coming home in the dark. But...I do love autumn. And, yes-- I find myself plotting out all kinds of complex things just to have people to whom I can talk.

from raven72d :

10 October 21. How is life this evening?

from jimbostaxi :

10/07/21 Sign me up for the “break dad out” mission. I will gladly play any part in such a worthy cause. :)

from jimbostaxi :

10/05/21. I’ve been reading about your dad's journey through these difficult times and it’s like what you said, “everything is so raw.” What’s the proper thing to say. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I do appreciate you stopping by to read about our struggles. Somehow, knowing all you guys are out there helps the hurt feel a little less painful.

from annanotbob2 :

Thanks for the note - it warmed my heart. I am SO JEALOUS of you and Shannon meeting - I want to be there next time, somehow. And I know what you mean in this entry about the words. I never had the right word for Sam and what was happening to her and her mind and her body. Maybe we just hate all the words because we hate what is happening. xx

from annanotbob2 :

I hate that I've been gone so long and you've had all this going on. I want to get on a plane and come and hug you. But it's OK, I won't. Just sending virtual hugs and love xxx

from raven72d :

I hope you're bearing up. Your latest entry sounds exhausting and grim. The yellow cake with chocolate icing would be a balm, though.

from orangepeeler :

That is so much to bear and cope with ... I hope you get some respite soon. xx

from kelsi :

Ugh, you are dealing with so much. When you think back to this time, the details will probably all be a blur, but you'll know you did what needed to be done. <3

from troilus :

I'm sorry that things are so difficult - you are carrying a heavy load, and family-related drama really doesn't make things easier. I hope that you can find some 'you' time, when your burden is less. All the best, A.

from linguafranca :

I’m sorry it’s all so hard. I don’t know what else to say, really, other than that. My mother and I took care of my dad for years, but the situation, while difficult by most people’s standards, wasn’t like this. And it was mainly her and nurses aides doing the personal care. Anyway. That’s a lot and I… hold space for you? Is that the term?

from raven72d :

It's been so long since cross-border travel collapsed that I've forgotten about things like customs inspections. Europe and NZ might as well be Mars right now. I don't even know if US citizens can go to Canada right now. But I do thank you for the thought of Madeira cake.

from raven72d :

I just got back from lunch. No Madeira cake (I envy you those cakes on the kitchen counter), but at least I did have Mississippi Mud Pie, which is very good.

from raven72d :

The library has ordered "Stories of Your Life", "Merchant at the Alchemist's Gate", and "Exhalations" for me. I should have those via Interlibrary Loan by week's end. I'll definitely let you know what I think. Thanks for the support! Burning down my office does have a certain charm!

from annanotbob2 :

xxx

from jimbostaxi :

Thanks for the note and understanding. :)

from annanotbob2 :

Thank you for your kind note xx I hope things are going well for you and yours xx

from jimbostaxi :

Ugh, I'm so embarrassed my previous note should have been about your dad's cancer treatment. For him to have you and your mon to walk him through all these steps and procedures is truly a blessing. My heart and thoughts are with your family as well.

from kelsi :

Hope your dad's treatment goes as well as can be <3

from raven72d :

I'm told that "Arrival" is good--- and I'll add it to my Netflix queue.

from linguafranca :

It is scary. I hope he’ll do well. Thinking of you both.

from jimbostaxi :

We were like that the first day as well. Almost a year in and she still gets butterflies with the port and the pump. I’m sure you will beat this like a champ! Sending healing vibes your way. Xo

from raven72d :

Ted Chiang... I will take a look! Thanks.

from swordfern :

Thinking of you and your dad. He's lucky to have you to help him along through treatment. xoxo

from annanotbob2 :

More xxx. Holding you and your dad in my thoughts. It can go well - my dear friend M had lymphoma and the chemo and has been well ever since. xxx

from annanotbob2 :

xxx

from swordfern :

*swoon*

from raven72d :

One of my longstanding dreams is to see the Green Flash at sea.

from raven72d :

By the way... I like the remix! Many thanks.

from raven72d :

I will check into the remix!

from raven72d :

I only learned about vaccine teams after I got my first shot. Someone nodded when I said I'd had a Moderna injection and said, "Well, of course...you're such a Ravenclaw anyway." So... Pfizer and Moderna are for boomers? I'm not sure how to feel about that.

from raven72d :

Thanks for the link! I'll listening to it as soon as I get home from the office! And...yes: I'm the eldest of three. My sister is the middle child. I texted her yesterday to let me know as soon as she gets settled...and told her to go see someone about her breathing. I do want her to take care of herself. She's a kind and decent person, a sometime sessions musician in Nashville, and she's had some rough patches. My brother and I both want her to stop chain-smoking and look after herself. When her long-term partner died a couple of years ago, she just gave up in a lot of ways.

from orangepeeler :

Congrats on getting the shot. :)

from jimbostaxi :

Congrats! 🥳Yeah, I had that strange hungover feeling as well. My anxiety about a clot was monumental,,, I was a complete wreck for at least 4-5 days.

from raven72d :

Best wishes to your dad-- and to your family.

from annanotbob2 :

1/5 I'm so sorry to hear about you dad. xxx

from raven72d :

Thank you for the kind note-- it really does mean a lot. I'll be here writing until they turn the lights out. This place feels like home to me. I enjoy writing here...and I enjoy the people. By the way, I won't say I'm old, but when my school did "duck and cover", it was about hiding from T. Rex attacks.

from raven72d :

Good luck on trying something new!

from swordfern :

Your entry conveys such fragility and tenderness. The exquisite pain of living and tentative excitement of connection. It'll be nice to see you again sometime soon, for a coffee on a leafy street somewhere in the world.

from whystinger :

My sister and I have a great relationship. My brother in law loves that, my ex-wife was jealous of that and hated it. We all have cans of worms that we don't want to open... and some probably shouldn't be opened but I tend to open a few.

from whystinger :

Thanks for the note, I have opened that can and discussed her care taking of my folks. Thankfully, in their mid-eighties they are still pretty much self-sufficient. They sold their house and moved into a 55+ apartment and are doing so well. Long story behind my sister's taking care of them, but my folks moved to follow my sister, due to the grandkids.

from raven72d :

Good luck on the socially distanced date. I've given up any pretense of a social life this last year, and even trying to imagine getting drunk and making out eludes me these days.

from raven72d :

The one gourmet hot dog place in town has things like alligator sausage hot dogs and a bratwurst in a kind of Hungarian-goulash version of chili... Occasionally they have venison hot dogs. And they have a bar. (Not open on Sunday or Monday, alas)

from linguafranca :

Yeah. A convenience store soda from out the window of a truck when I was walking down a Main Street in my hometown. Beach towns, we get all the bros.

from linguafranca :

Yeah. You’ve spent a lot more time in much larger cities than I have, for sure. And I don’t doubt for a second that race is a factor. Of course I’ve been catcalled, stuff like that. Someone’s drink thrown on me from out of a vehicle. But never followed. The only time I felt hyper vigilant was when the house kept getting broken into when we moved here. I didn’t like it and can’t imagine living with that all the time. I suppose I’m in a foolish/lucky/privileged minority that it hasn’t had to be an ongoing issue for me.

from whystinger :

Re: Exuinox. I get your feelings over being away from family as I have been away for maybe 30 years and I am a brother with a sister (she does a lot for my parents) as I am about 12-14 hours away. My folks moved to where my sister and her family were so they could be by the grandkids. Sometimes I feel guilty that my sister has had to handle a lot of things for them as they grow older and are now elderly. I am lucky that my sister is there to handle it. Occasionally I need to remember (maybe as your brother needs to) that need to go visit or help out, like during my Dad's recent surgery. You now have me reading about the Parsis.

from jimbostaxi :

Lol, jeez, WAY TOO LOUD especially on their cell phones. I'm around phones and noise all day at work. I need the decibel level way down when I'm in the outside world. I just had to write that entry because it made me laugh how I want some of both worlds. It's good to know that I'm not the only one who is like that Lol.

from theshivers :

Happy to send you down the Wilco rabbit hole :) xoShivers

from theshivers :

I love the image of your parents dropping everything to sing "Battle Hymn of the Republic" to their granddaughter. xoShivers

from theshivers :

Thank you xoxo--and I'm glad you're feeling better. Your skiing excursions sound wonderful right now.

from annanotbob2 :

9/3 wow! So glad you're safe and well after all that. I love how you write about the skiing - I can almost feel the cold air on my face.xx

from raven72d :

I so agree about Cara Gee and David Strathairn.

from jimbostaxi :

It made me very sad to read about that incident between you and your dad. I wished that I was better at communicating and could offer you something more than I'm sorry. Xo

from annanotbob2 :

Thanks for the note. I'm riddled with anxiety - it's not too bad until I sit down to write, then it bubbles up and overwhelms me. Will speak to my doctor tomorrow. Hope you are well and safe xx

from raven72d :

I've loved Cowboy Junkies for many a long year!

from annanotbob2 :

Thanks mate. I'm OK, I think. xx

from linguafranca :

I don’t know what to say. That’s a really, really awful situation, and I’m sorry.

from swordfern :

You are moving through one of the most emotionally complex situations that exists. To love and to fear someone simultaneously. Anger seems like a natural response to being pushed to the edge of your emotional tolerance. Your bother is missing the aspect of how we lose our ability to think about consequences when we are pushed beyond the limit of feeling safe.

from orangepeeler :

I'm so sorry about your dad. I lived with an alcoholic for years, and I remember feeling so unsafe all the time - not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. So much of the time I was hoping he'd change, but he never did, not until well after we split up. I hope things get better for you soon. xx

from raven72d :

Thanks for the good wishes--- and I hope things stay quiet and calm for you.

from raven72d :

20. Feb.21 Sorry to hear about your dad. I don't know what the resolution can be, but I do wish that the storms abate.

from kelsi :

I'm sorry, it's so hard loving an alcoholic <3

from annanotbob2 :

19/2/21 Oh man, I am sending you the biggest hug. Really, I have no words, but I hear you, I feel you. Hugs xx

from portlypete :

Well, that sounds like a great idea: following some strange guy you don’t know into the jungle! It seems to me that you got off lightly. However, I do remember taking a walk in the jungle near (possibly - it was a long time ago) Pattaya beach- not exactly remote - and getting stranded as the tide came in, and darkness descended. It all ended OK, but I also remember snorkeling naked in the clear blue water, whilst the locals wandered down the beach towards the ocean, fully clothed, and just kept walking. Do you paint at all? - do tell.

from raven72d :

6 Jan. 21-- Yikes! The Thailand story was scary. I hope you can feel better soon--- more directed, more in control. Do well.

from annanotbob2 :

6/1/21 I know that feeling - I let go when I slid into my first, biggest mental breakdown - didn't have the strength to hold on any more. Glad we're both still here to tell the tale. Happy new year - been thinking of you what with the news and all. Yikes xx

from swordfern :

it's so nice to read your writing once again. happy new year!

from portlypete :

Bob Ross IS boring, with or without a side of mushrooms.

from jimbostaxi :

Dec 22. Hey!!! I’m glad your back!! I hope all is well. Wishing you much joy and love this holiday season. Xo

from raven72d :

Thanks for checking in--- and I hope you feel better. I always enjoy your writing.

from raven72d :

How are you these days?

from raven72d :

How is life this autumn?

from raven72d :

I'm going to Trader Joe's Friday! I'll take a look!

from jimbostaxi :

Just dropped in to say hello and hope all is well.

from kelsi :

Also, happy 20 year Diarylandiversary!

from kelsi :

Hooray!

from annanotbob2 :

Ooh, dancing in the rain sounds fab. Best wishes for your new beginning x

from swordfern :

welcome home ❤

from theshivers :

Thank you for the tip - I'll try that out! And if that doesn't work I'll try bugging Andrew on Twitter. Also: Congrats on leaving your new life. Your new new life sounds wonderful.

from alethia :

Thank you. She is the best/worst of cats.

from raven72d :

I always go with Andouille.

from portlypete :

The Ganges: a magical river. I love the warm glow it reflects at dawn - but that may just be the radioactivity.

from portlypete :

Thankyou for so much your note. Cinema Paradiso used to be in my 'favourite films' list, in my profile - back in the day when I had a profile. Great choice of colours in your diary BTW.

from raven72d :

Biscuits with sausage gravy... Yes. That's one of those culinary skills I need to learn. It's one that'll never go out of fashion!

from raven72d :

Rishikesh... a lovely word to say aloud.

from orangepeeler :

I liked that sentence about the Ganges. A lovely image.

from jimbostaxi :

That guy was a jerk for taking advantage of you. Sorry, you had to go through something like that. That view of the Ganges must have been spectacular. Xoxo

from annanotbob2 :

26/4 Reading it made me cry too. Hugs x

from swordfern :

Nightbiking, peaches, gin, friends. So beautifully you. ❤

from swordfern :

Sorry to hear about your Dad. It sounds like you have a lot to grieve, these parts of him slowly disappearing. Sending love.

from jimbostaxi :

Thank you for your kind words,,, It's hard posting that emotional vulnerable stuff,,Here is all i have.,,, there is no place else,...No one else to tell,,. Its either put it here or explode. Im going to make a note of your email and erase it,, thanks.

from blujeans-uk :

I never said thank you for the note you left - thank you. And bloody hell please stay safe. xB

from theshivers :

yikes, yikes, yikes--thanks for protesting and I hope you are safe. Such crazy but important times.

from kelsi :

Honestly I do too - this feels different. <3

from linguafranca :

Message me over on IG or wherever seems best (does the email here still work? Not sure) and I’ll set you up. Gonna be ordering more blank shirts soon so let me know what size. They’re unbleached organic cotton. If I’m reordering I might can get one in a color if you have a preference.

from linguafranca :

<3 If you want one of the guillotine shirts I’m printing I’ll send you one. Chop chop. Stay safe, as much as one can.

from annanotbob2 :

So glad you're safe. I've been thinking of you. Oh man, I so hope this is the turning point, the moment when those who've been apathetic about violence against POC realise they have to stand up and be counted. Stay safe and remember this is mental - pandemic and race war - anxiety and brain melt totally normal. Hugs xx

from raven72d :

Stay safe. There was a small demonstration here Sunday downtown-- very quiet and solemn. I walked over and then went with the demonstrators to the state capitol building. But DC looks nightmarish right now. This is all so soul-killing and appalling.

from swordfern :

2/Jun - Thank you for sharing this. Hearing your personal experience of DC this week is a gift.

from raven72d :

Very much agreed. Great comfort food.

from kelsi :

Wow, holy shit. I hope you stay safe.

from raven72d :

Healthy and employed are two key things here in May of the Year Twenty.

from raven72d :

How is May going for you?

from theshivers :

thank you for the doctor insight - I think I am going to call and see if I can get an appointment. Breathing is an essential worker in my body, i guess. Here's to all the ri1o ki1ey songs <3

from theshivers :

xoxo - hope you are doing well!

from jimbostaxi :

Lol. Yep, I'm ”Johnny-On-The-Spot” (or should I say, Jimmy)🤣🤣🤣 Who doesn’t love a good double entendre? Lol

from jimbostaxi :

ThIngs unraveled so quickly that I barely had time to digest the first bit of info before they laid something new on me. It was unbelievable stressful to make decisions remotely and lots of tears were shed. Thankfully she is home now and breathing without the use of oxygen and has no fever. I'm here for whatever she needs and for as long as it takes. Thank you so much for the note xoxo

from annanotbob2 :

Just hugs xx

from orangepeeler :

I was just thinking about you. Glad to know you're safe. xx

from kelsi :

Yay, glad to see an update from you! Your writing is exquisite and now I always think of you riding your bike down sun-dappled streets.

from annanotbob2 :

Just popping in to say hi and that I think of you and hope you and yours are as well as can be xx

from linguafranca :

Oh, thank you! I’m glad (relieved) you like it. If you’re curious, I have another account with my nefarious shit, @scriptoriumtitivillianum

from swordfern :

He's still sick. No fever but the most brutal cough that I'm afraid is going to turn into pneumonia. My cold is simmering in the background and so I'm not visiting my parents either. It's hard - not being together as a family in a time of crisis. But it's the right decision. At least for now. The magnolia blossoms all pushed themselves open this weekend, but rain is coming. xoxo

from annanotbob2 :

I thought I saw a 'story' on your Instagram but it was gone before I could catch it or comment. Good to see your face. Sending love xx

from annanotbob2 :

I would strongly recommend it - on headspace.com Take care, dear L xxx

from swordfern :

Not sure where you are in the world, but I am thinking of you. 💛

from linguafranca :

Yes, if you’re on IG, I’m @joannalynntaylor

from jimbostaxi :

Hello, I’m a new reader I just read your last entry and I think that it's a chemical thing myself. You feel the sparks in the air and you think damn I have to know more about this person. Its like a giant magnet pulling you in closer and closer. :) have a great day!

from bridgecity :

Similar to starwars, when i was a kid i was obsessed with batman from 89-92. Pretty much all i ever thought about. my parents thought something was wrong with me and banned me from batman. This was so long ago i don't know what i was thinking. when i got a drivers license my batman obsession ended.

from swordfern :

Merry Christmas, Lisa!! Your presence in my life is a gift. Sending love.

from dangerspouse :

I'm glad you're doing pretty good over there :) A very Merry Christmas to you (today)!

from raven72d :

22 December 19--- all the best for the holiday season, wherever you may be.

from swordfern :

Happy birthday! A milestone birthday in a challenging year. How does 40 feel? Portugal with close friends sounds divine. My birthday is on the 23rd, which day is yours? I have one year left in my 30's, though turning 40 this year would have felt right, keeping in my theme of changing everything and witnessing the experience.

from jarofporter :

funny, i've been learning to sing/play 'song for a winter night' on guitar for the last few months. almost never hear anyone mention it, you obviously have good taste in music!

from linguafranca :

I think it’s...well, I want to say chemical except for me it always happens at a distance. But it’s always instant. When there’s the spark, you know it on some level very quickly. And the guys...they’re all so lonely, starved for one thing or another.

from raven72d :

14 Dec. 19--- Happy Birthday!

from alethia :

I actually managed to get to one yesterday. He also said this just might be my new normal. I am not thrilled about the situation.

from annanotbob2 :

Happy birthday! I loved this entry 13/12/19 xx

from annanotbob2 :

Thinking of you too, and hoping you are well, bearing up in these hard times x

from kelsi :

Ha, I did see the moon last night (through a thin veil of clouds, which made it look super cool) and thought of you! Hope you're doing well! <3

from kelsi :

The training program is with a tech company in town, so I'm quitting my current job and doing that. It's paid training so I'll technically be a contractor with the tech company. After the training I'm guaranteed an interview for a real job with the company. So... What are you up to these days? Where in the world are you? Did you see the full moon last weekend?

from whystinger :

Damn straight it can be hard. After four years, it still is difficult at times but it does get better.

from whystinger :

Your 09/20/2019 entry (Small Shifts) hit me a bit hard - reminded me a bit of my ex-wife and our marriage. We've been divorced since 2015 and it was a blessing even though it was hard.

from linguafranca :

I can’t recommend nonwholesome activities highly enough. I met this person online over a year ago and we have some kind of a crazy essential kinky/emotional connection. If we lived on the same continent it’d be great.

from linguafranca :

Ah that would have been so cool to run into you in Amsterdam! Are you passing back through anytime soon? Probably not as soon as I am if it’s for work, I expect.

from theshivers :

Just sending you light and love on this particularly hard anniversary. xo ~shivers

from raven72d :

I know the feeling. Being afraid is something we have to fight against.

from annanotbob2 :

Sending hugs xxx

from raven72d :

I hope lots of cool new things are opening up for you.

from kelsi :

Her book West with the Night is really great and I highly recommend it. I’m not in Colorado but I’m glad you think that!

from patheticness :

Hi! How the heck are you btw? Ive just been going thru some of my old notes and dropping notes to old "friends." If you are still interested in reading me sometimes, when I update, then you can email me at [email protected] for the current user name and password. Thanks!

from patheticness :

from annanotbob2 :

Thank you so so so much. People have kept saying, don't worry about it, it will all be OK and I couldn't see how, but it will be because of people being kind like this. xxx

from kelsi :

Also, I like to think of you as a female Indiana Jones-type character, or a modern-day Beryl Markham.

from kelsi :

I’ve meant to leave you notes a couple times but the time always slips away and the notes don’t get written. But anyway, way back when you were sitting outside looking at the moon, I was walking around in the middle of the day on the other side of the world, and then saw that same moon when it came up that evening. I like thinking about the world that way.

from troilus :

Narcissa - you write really, really clearly, and about so many categories of life. I don't know if I should congratulate you or perhaps venerate you? (ha).

from raven72d :

I do enjoy reading them!

from raven72d :

23 July 19: Love your latest entry.

from annanotbob2 :

Thank you for this entry 19/7/19 - it felt like coming with you x

from orangepeeler :

re: 2019-07-19: magic!

from swordfern :

I am glad to read your latest update. I often wonder how things are going for you. My latest discovery is the book 'Attached'. Several of my girlfriends have read it and we have all found it transformative in understanding present and past relationships. Maybe there is something close to an answer in that book regarding what's happened for you? Maybe not an answer but at least another way to see things. It's worth waiting out the 100+ library holds to get your hands on this gem. And... you CAN write. You did write, with beauty and grace and honesty. The narrative arc may not be tidy but it's real and raw. The tangled ribbons? A macrame. Part design, part knotted mess, and all the more beautiful for the both. xoxo

from annanotbob2 :

11/7/19 Thanks for your note - sorry to read that you're going through stuff too - we do have to feel it, don't we? Exercise always helps me, but not in any lasting way, just for the rest of the day. Hugs x

from theshivers :

from raven72d :

Hydrox are...my favourite cookie. They were early rivals of Oreos, but have a less sweet taste. I discovered that after many a year they were being made again (via Amazon!) and I've been buying them ever since. Cowboy Junkies...sigh... I can listen to their songs and just sigh all night.

from kelsi :

I think it isn't really understood by a lot of people how pervasive unwanted male attention really is for women. Like, how often do men on bikes get yelled at? How often do men get told to smile? How many times does a man mowing his lawn get comments from some stranger driving down the street? How often do men get man-handled by someone trying to "squeeze" past them? Etc. I hear ya, is what I'm saying.

from raven72d :

Are you able to see and read my diary again?

from raven72d :

Looks like I'm back!

from orangepeeler :

Ugh. That's awful. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

from linguafranca :

Fuck. What a dick. 😡

from raven72d :

I do envy your heart-eyed friend.

from raven72d :

I did DM him on Twitter, but no response yet.

from raven72d :

If you have any access to whoever claims to be in charge at D-land, please do let them know that I'm having a serious issue here--- can't post anything new, can't access my archives. I've tried contacting Andrew via Twitter, but...no response in a month. Thanks.

from theshivers :

Thank you. And I came here to say how much this resonates with me: "How little I am prepared for the sheer messiness and loopiness and nuance of it all. " I used to think life would follow this neat trajectory because obviously if you had goals and put one foot in front of the other....obviously I've long learned that is not how it works exactly, and yet I keep trying. One foot in front of the other. xoxo

from raven72d :

30 May 19--- Diaryland still won't let me post! I'm going to keep trying to reach Andrew via Twitter. When and if this is fixed, I'll post all my May entries from my mirror site. If you can get a response out of Andrew, please help! I miss writing here! Once I get back here, I'm going go open up the lock and be open-reading again. Please don't think I'll vanish.

from swordfern :

Hah, I know re: notes page. I might need this for myself! Things are chilling out on the man front; I needed to get some things out of my system, and now I can move forward with a more calculated strategy. The ocean is cold - colder than a typical plunge pool at a spa. But that's the beauty - it tightens everything up and feels SO GREAT once you are out. I'm realizing that I am a sensation seeker, and going into cold water pushes all of the right buttons for me. Thinking of you. Let me know if you head out this way. Would be amazing to catch up in person!

from swordfern :

Xoxo

from annanotbob2 :

I sent you a private message on Instagram xx

from raven72d :

Gaah! For some reason over the last week I can't post new entries! I have no idea what's wrong, but I haven't just stopped writing. When this gets sorted out, I'll add all the entries from my mirror site.

from theshivers :

Thank you <3

from dangerspouse :

Woot! Woot! Thanks for the congrats, kiddo! And yeah, this dumb country really can be dumb sometimes, can't it. Sheesh. But of more importance: GET BETTER!! No one wants a body that skin has trouble sticking to. That sucks! I sure hope you get a handle on this whole bag of fuck soon. I'll be following your updates, so you better. (And if your hospital gives you any shit, I know a lawyer...) :)

from kelsi :

Nah, if you're gonna be sore, you'll be sore, but if you don't get enough protein and carbs right after a strenuous workout, you'll be even MORE sore than that. At least that's what I've found. Recovery goes much much easier when you get your recovery nutrition right.

from kelsi :

You feel what you feel, you know what you know, and sometimes those things don’t line up. Humans are complicated. Just keep riding your bike and reminding yourself of the good things you’ve got and making good choices for yourself. It’s all you can do - it’s all any of us can do.

from swordfern :

Oh - and I've raged at hikers that STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ALPINE WILDFLOWER MEADOWS. WTF!! I'd do the same thing with the blossom shakers.

from swordfern :

I feel like the 'fixing your own bike' thing is symbolic of independence. Volunteering to teach this is inspiring and an incredible gift to others.

from alethia :

Have you ever seen Sigur Ros in concert? They're amaaaaaaazing.

from dangerspouse :

Thank you so much, that was sweet of you to say!

from dangerspouse :

Home is where the gun is, and welcome back to it! Sounds like you have a wonderful time, but yes, tht feeling when you first drop back into your own bed after a long stretch away is divine. (I hope E got the job!) :)

from misfitstray :

I sent you an email with a few youTube links.

from raven72d :

Modern courtship is...scary. October may be a trip to Paris, but it's certainly the next time when the weather will cool off. I live from cool season to cool season, and I try to hide out during Hell in Burma Season...which is pretty much May to October here.

from misfitstray :

in what kind of form do you like the music? USB-Stick? via Email as attachments? via WhatsApp or other App via mobile phone? Just tell me how, and I'll send you some.

from raven72d :

A library card! Always a big thing! I carry mine proudly. It makes me feel like I'm part of something--- a community, a neighbourhood.

from swordfern :

Ahhhh, you leave the best notes!! Thank you! Also thank you for mentioning that podcast; I've queued it up and am excited to listen to it. I liked reading about you getting your library card - that's always such a great way of welcoming oneself to a community.

from orangepeeler :

Thanks for your kind note. xx

from kelsi :

Youtube gave me all the David Gray suggestions but I avoided them because all I wanted to listen to was Babylon. But I'll have to get into him a little more - just listened to Sail Away and I can see how that would become one of those songs that gets into your head.

from annanotbob2 :

Hoping to be able to take some photos for you to choose from v soon! Haven't forgotten but knew you were away. xx

from misfitstray :

You are right about Corey Hart. It's just this one song. But I loved this one so much, that's why I bought the "LP" a very loooooooong time ago. You like music? I would send you some, if you like. What kind of music do you like?

from kelsi :

Frangipani are so unbelievable. There's a tree at my work that comes out in the summer and gets a few blossoms and I look at them and smell them and they're so perfect, and unbelievable.

from linguafranca :

<3 Tanzania.

from swordfern :

Mar 11 - Tell me that you were not on that plane. Thinking of you in the event that you knew someone that was.

from swordfern :

There are horrible things in the world, but your trauma is real too.

from raven72d :

People come and go, and that exhausts and saddens me. I was trained to be a historian, and I archive things (letters, emails, etc.) and remember too much about the past.

from theshivers :

3/5.2 - I wrote the note below before I even saw yours. Thank you so much. When I read your last entry I thought to myself, 'oh in some parallel world I imagine she and I would be friends.' Your last note confirmed it <3

from theshivers :

3/5 - beautiful if heartbreakingly sad entry on friendship--it hit so many notes with me. Thank you for sharing it.

from raven72d :

I'd be terrified to read paper diary entries from myself at 20... That boy had a scruffy beard and was so desperate to fit in...

from kelsi :

Hey, sorry, I didn't mean to sound like my solution should also be your solution. I know that's super unhelpful. It was dumb luck that I ever even figured mine out. Skin problems like that aren't always caused by any specific allergy to something. Anyway, sorry you're dealing with it and I hope it gets better!

from troilus :

Do you have many new readers leave you notes, after almost twenty years of writing? I fear not. I came to your diary through an entry from Raven72d - and through words you seem so...human. So fully-formed, with thoughts that can stretch beyond the tip of your nose. Thanks for writing.

from swordfern :

On the bright side, you are mindful of your ironic search for mindfulness. I like S's advice.

from theshivers :

thank you so much xo

from raven72d :

I sent you a password this morning. Let me know if it works.

from raven72d :

I'll get you the p/w today. I'm hoping this is only temporary.

from raven72d :

I've had to lock up for a bit, but I will get you a password. You're vur' much someone I enjoy having as a reader and correspondent.

from swordfern :

Echoing Kelsi's note... I suffered from scaling, itchy, cracking skin on my hands, mostly around my knuckles for the majority of my life. Also irritation on my back and chest. I went to dermatologists and tried all sorts of creams. Eventually, I discovered that I was allergic to sulfate-based soaps. So, any kind of liquid hand soap or dish detergent. Shampoo too, which explains my back/chest issues. If I so much as grab a dish from a sink of soapy water, my hand is a mess for a week. My sister had the same issue and spent hundreds of dollars at a naturopath trying to fix it with herbs/diet, and it resolved as soon as she stopped using the commercial hand soap in her work bathroom. BUT, whatever the case, I feel for you. This is an insult to injury. Take care. I think of you often. The steamy pine-scented air sounds divine, despite the awkward towel dancer. xoxo

from kelsi :

My second year of college I developed something on my eyelid - at first just dry skin that itched and then itched some more, then after a while it developed this cycle of scaling up and coming off and then it would be red and puffy and so painful. I suffered through it for months. People started asking if my boyfriend was hitting me. One day I woke up and it hurt so bad it had me in tears, so I finally went to the doctor and found out it was eczema, which I'd never heard of. I started using hydrocortisone on it, and that was instantly effective, but only for a little while. It came back, and started spreading from my eyelid to the rest of my face. Then I went home for Christmas and it started going away! Then I went back to school and it came back. Turned out I was allergic to my soap, which I didn't even use on my face. I still get a tingle on the skin near my eye every once in a while, especially during times of stress. I hope you figure out your skin thing - it can be so miserable! <3

from swordfern :

I just saw this and immediately thought of you: http://tinyurl.com/y28gf3j2

from whystinger :

In the last two years, I killed it, going to many concerts. Last year I went to Breaking Benjamin and Five Finger Death Punch (yeah, I am a Metalhead). Metallica, Avenged Sevenfold, Volbeat and a bunch of smaller venues. It really made my year! BTW, emailed you.

from a-d-w :

i missed your entries. glad you're back. kia kaha

from swordfern :

Jan 29 - I read your entry a dozen times, trying to understand the meaning and application of this to various things in my own life. Horrifying is inadequate. Take care. But know that it's never wrong to be hopeful and passionate.

from whystinger :

Joy in a concert! I love a good concert and need to get to a few this year.

from kelsi :

You’ve done a darn good job handling all of that with aplomb! I hope 2019 is a little more peaceful, for all of us.

from whystinger :

Depression is most definitely an illness, no less an illness than any other.

from swordfern :

Jan 26 - I second the motion that your behaviour merits celebration. Truly and deeply. And I believe that you having the confidence to put that forward is a foreshadowing of better times ahead. xoxo

from swordfern :

Jan 17 - glad to hear that you survived, even if barely. That sounds like a lot to deal with, on top the usual holiday emotions. I was just sitting here realizing that I've all but completely checked out of my relationship (it goes up and down with staggering velocity) and then thought of you and that you are making it through a gut punching apocalypse. So if my life comes apart at the seams that there is hope for me as well, if I can be as brave and resilient as you. xoxo

from swordfern :

How are you doing? Thinking of you. Holidays can be rough.

from swordfern :

Thank you. I think the journalist did a great job. Later, in a round about way, she asked if we could be friends, which I'd love because we had a lot in common. I felt instant friend vibes as well. So there's that as well!! The interesting part that isn't included in that article is that my partner did not attend the award ceremony. The best moment of my career so far, and he wasn't there. I arrived home from that week to him having smashed in the bathroom door and not talking to me for 3 days. The dark side to the good stories reside just below the surface. Or maybe this is me channeling my energy into something *easier* than a relationship.

from dangerspouse :

I don't think someone is moving the rat. I think a mysterious plague is ravaging the rat community at a ferocious pace and you are seeing each time a different rat which has recently succumbed. The horror...the horror....

from dangerspouse :

I WANT THAT TACO SHIRT! :)

from swordfern :

I'm terribly happy to see an update from you like this. xoxo

from jenistar2 :

I thought everyone from “back then” was gone!!!! I see you have been in a terribly difficult place. I’m sorry ❤️

from joistmonkey :

Thanks for the nice comment about missing my lists :-) I miss the community aspect of diaryland but have enjoyed the challenge of keeping a written paper diary in 2018 too... is different inflicting my pointless ramblings on myself alone as opposed to folk online!

from kelsi :

I am sorry about the smidge and about the long break. It’s perfectly okay to stay inside for three days, or three weeks (but probably not three years), and it’s also perfectly okay to feel or not feel however you feel. Hang in there!

from linguafranca :

Much love to you, dear.

from orangepeeler :

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. Take care.

from theshivers :

I wish I had something witty and profound to say--sorry for all the upheaval in your life. Here's hoping time brings perspective, good health and happiness.

from raven72d :

03 October 18 --- I hope things are going better for you.

from raven72d :

As I grow older, I appreciate sheets with some sky-high thread count more and more.

from raven72d :

Thank you. My young companion and I have booked a series of them. I'll be out of town four weekends in a row.

from linguafranca :

I’m thinking about you often. Difficult stuff.

from annanotbob2 :

Wow. Sending love x

from theshivers :

What a heavy week you've had and now this. I am sending you all the positive vibes and mentally casting a rock into the ocean for you.

from a-d-w :

that's a big entry, e hoa. sending you the good stuff.

from kelsi :

Well holy balls, batman! And I'm very sorry about your uncle and your advisor...

from raven72d :

I do try....!

from raven72d :

I'm notorious for having and packing spares.

from orangepeeler :

hope everything is okay now

from raven72d :

PEI =Prince Edward Island?

from kelsi :

Oh wow, I hope your dad is okay - that’s scary...

from swordfern :

I just ate some corn and thought of you. Safe travels, wherever you are at the moment.

from theshivers :

Thank you! Nothing's really happening/happened yet but finger's crossed and I appreciate the sweet note--it makes for a much-needed confidence boost xo

from alethia :

Thanks for checking in. I'm having a rough go of things right now. All my words are smashed together in my head and I can't make tails or heads of it. I keep trying to write but nothing is coming out. I'm still here reading though.

from raven72d :

I love the Mada entry.

from theshivers :

Thank you <3 Also, I really love your writing.

from linguafranca :

I know exactly what you mean. I had a boyfriend for 7 years who was alcoholic, and my brother was too of course. I’ve talked with my nephew a bit about what that’s like when it’s your parent, rather than sibling. Just, I hear you.

from raven72d :

Glad you liked the bitcoin image!

from raven72d :

22 May 18 --- are you on your way to Abyssinia?

from annanotbob2 :

So glad you got a ticket too! Sometimes I feel we do have to keep doing the stuff that 'ought' to make us feel okay even when it doesn't, because if we stop it will get even worse. And it usually picks up again. Hope it does for you soon x

from annanotbob2 :

*whispers* I have tickets to see him and Patti Smith on the same bill in June ...

from swordfern :

May 29: The part about carrying the stuff to the next relationship? I think our counsellors went to the same school. I'M struggling with what else to say. I can't imagine how hard it is to be in therapy working on the exit plan. D and I are constantly working on things. I'm not sure that either of us will ever be truly happy and fulfilled but that in itself is part of the mystery of life??? The worst joke, I feel so misled by movies/books/fairytales.

from annanotbob2 :

29/3 absolutely not - it is what it is and you feel what you feel. It is real loss, real grief. xx

from raven72d :

No paid sick days. I only found out this year that I could get paid for Christmas and New Years Day--- fifteen years working for the same firm, and they'd never told me that I could.

from swordfern :

May 28 - I linked to the article, in all its small town glory. At New Years I resolved to venture into selling my soap. I've already sold a fair amount and learned so much in the process. The whole thing is daunting and scary - there's a lot of vulnerability in selling something that you've created. But therein lies the reward. Thinking of you and what you're going through with BT. xoxo

from annanotbob2 :

Sending hugs in these hard times. xx

from orangepeeler :

2018-03-27- I hope that walk helped you x

from a-d-w :

i hope everything works out for you

from annanotbob2 :

Thanks - shocking, really shocking x

from linguafranca :

Safi sana. Uko wapi Kenya? Watu wanaongea Kiingereza zaidi kuliko katika Tanzania, siyo? Hata kwenye vijiji au mjini Kama Nairobi tu? I just like practicing my swahili, asante sana sana.

from linguafranca :

Furaha ya asubuhi. Nimefurahi kusoma juu ya Tanzania.

from kelsi :

Goddamn you have an interesting life. I’m sorry you’re heartbroken though.

from orangepeeler :

2018-03-05 - I hope your anxiety diminishes soon. xx

from annanotbob2 :

Aw thanks, I appreciate that. Sending hugs to you in Tanzania

from orangepeeler :

Thank you!!!

from alethia :

You always seem to particularly like the entries that feel the clumsiest to me. ;) Not that it's bad, or anything. It reminds me my own reality is not the same as someone else's. Glad you liked it. It's a weird feeling, isn't it?

from dangerspouse :

Hey, thanks very much for the note of condolence, kiddo. Meant a lot to me. I can't believe someone remembered the lemon entry, lol. And...hang in there. Hang in there.

from kelsi :

I’m sorry 😐

from dangerspouse :

Wow. Is Tori still recording?

from orangepeeler :

2018-02-07 - <3 Been feeling Tori Amos a lot these days.

from theshivers :

Thank you, I appreciate that. And I'm sorry to hear you are hurting; I hope things get better soon. Or at least less sucky.

from swordfern :

Jan 29 - Are you ok?

from orangepeeler :

thank you! xx

from annanotbob2 :

Jan 23, in response to yours on mine tho I posted it there too, just in case: I know - awful. There's one today about a little boy who hugged a girl and when she said she didn't want a hug, he let go. They're all off on what a marvel he is, what a great kid etc etc. Like, headline news, male doesn't force himself on female, read all about it. FFS x

from orangepeeler :

Good luck with the job search!

from raven72d :

Happy Year Eighteen!

from raven72d :

Sounds like a perfect dinner to me...

from swordfern :

Dec 6 - Everything is so strange right now. I'm sort of waiting for everything to go back to normal. I haven't had the space/time to write. Working just as much as ever, which is a shame because everyone else is up skiing in the morning. I don't know how they do it? I guess they aren't billing 45 hrs per week. But I get to live here, so that's pretty awesome despite not totally getting to have the ski bum lifestyle. I need some time off to really digest what has happened. I can't believe that your sister is only 2 months away. Seems like you just found out.

from swordfern :

I'm back at therapy too. This time just me, not couple's. The therapist loaned me a book that describes how Western psychotherapy practice of building and strengthening the ego is essentially backwards and that the real solution is to follow Buddhist methodology of accepting emptiness, clearing the mind, generally letting go. I'm not sure how this supports her business as a therapist but I liked that her approach was radically different from the lady I was seeing in Vancouver. The take away from this is that I've learned to try out different therapists to get alternate views on dealing with anxiety. By the way, the part where you talk about his hand on your back... I need that right now. It's so perfect. I could live forever with someone's hand on my back in bed. xoxo

from raven72d :

Import it! Cook both! But just make sure the gravy on the cornbread dressing is thick and seasoned and dark. Gravy outside the Deepest South tends to be...well...brown water.

from narcissa :

actively drooling. I could eat stuffing any day any time, so i will take both groups please! just none of stovetop nonsense. Neither oyster stuffing nor cornbread stuffing are a thing up north, but you're making me wonder if that's just got to be something i import.

from raven72d :

The world is divided into two groups--- cornbread dressing and oyster stuffing. I've had oyster stuffing and enjoyed it, but I'm a cornbread dressing with dark, seasoned, rich gravy fan...always.

from raven72d :

Oh, yes--- my family always did turkey gumbo after Thanksgiving and then one day of leftover slices. Saturday and Sunday after Turkey Day? Turkey gumbo!

from raven72d :

Ethiopia is one the key places in Africa that I'd like to see.

from raven72d :

How is life in Addis?

from swordfern :

Africa is not always hot?!?! Ugh... I will never again laugh when someone assumes us Canadians all live in igloos. :/

from annanotbob2 :

Just saying hi and imagining the city... xx

from theshivers :

Thank you for the kind note <3

from swordfern :

Oct 24 - I'm meeting with an employment lawyer this afternoon to talk about the details of my remote work agreement. This made me think of you and B's struggle to be able to live and work in the same city and both be fulfilled. And then the realization that I'm at a point in life where I need legal advice, and that you would totally get how strangely adult it is to be in a position to pay for a lawyer. Which actually seems cheap in comparison to counselling? Anyhow, we move on the weekend!!!!!! xoxo

from theshivers :

I love that book so much but it's been years since I read it. Time for a return, perhaps.

from dangerspouse :

Hey, thanks for the notes, kid. I knew you'd never leave me ;) Oooo, three kinds of pie!! Woot! I'm very impressed.

from annanotbob2 :

Glad you're home safe - how awful, awful, awful x

from orangepeeler :

re 2017-09-10: Holy shit! Sorry you had to go through that. Glad you're safe

from patheticness :

Thanks so much for your note, I have to catch up on "you" soon now btw....:)

from kelsi :

Dang dude, stalker guy sounds really sketchy and scary! And yeah, infuriating that some fuckknob thinks he has the right to inject himself in your life like that. Glad you made it inside safe! Other than that it sounds like a perfectly lovely day. :)

from raven72d :

One day I shall coax you into sending postcards from Africa and the Indian Ocean. I haven't had foreign stamps arriving in far too long.

from raven72d :

It's not...awful...in the Solo cup. It lacks aesthetic charm and the heft of a copper mug in one's hand, but it's not...awful.

from orangepeeler :

Thank you! I read 'Bird by Bird' years ago, but that you for reminding me of it. I'll keep it in mind these last few weeks. It's raininjg alot these days, so I don't feel the urge to wander... for now, eep!

from raven72d :

Exactly.

from annanotbob2 :

Ooh, Portishead, I'd forgotten them, off to find Glory Box right now.

from raven72d :

At least you're in a place with lemurs!

from raven72d :

Glad to know you're still out there in the Far Foreign and still reading!

from patheticness :

Hi, I've been meaning to thank you for your kind note, so just doing that now.:)

from alethia :

Hey, you're in my town!

from patheticness :

I liked your entry. I used to know to feeling, to an extent. I used to long to have a settled life with kids and everyone else around me, friends much younger then me who were not ready were having them. At the time I was in an unhappy marraige that I eluded myself for years that it was happy and fine. At the time we had trouble concieving and he never really was that "into it." At the time I thought I had my dream and I lost it. I was 34 when I finally met J and everything happened so fast and at once. Some will say too fast but it wasn't for us. Within the next year I was pregnant, we bought a house, were married and here I be, 14 years and 2 kids later, 3 including my step daughter. I was 35 when I had my first son and just turned 39 a week before I had my second son. I guess what I'm saying is I can relate and it will happen for you one day and you will look back and remember when you thought it never would. I loved the ending of your entry to most.;) Congrats you will be an aunt and you will be so loved by that child, near or far! Sorry for the sappiness lol

from raven72d :

I know! I loved reading Sitemeter and trying to see if I could figure out who was who, and who was reading me where!

from kelsi :

You'll get a new temporary best friend occasionally at races but not often. The tougher the conditions, though, the higher the likelihood - so sign up for a 5K when the forecast is terrible! Or better yet a 50 miler!

from annanotbob2 :

I am amazed that anyone manages to actually choose to get pregnant. all of mine were what I learned to call 'surprises' and that seems like the only way, for things to fall as they do. I think your feeling of joy speaks volumes - so much more when there's a real little person. Thank you for your notes to me, so kind. That article was really good - I almost posted it on FB but thought best not in the end. xxx

from raven72d :

The drunk texts were the usual: professions of...ummm...romantic admiration and longing. My real fear is that they went to the wrong numbers.

from raven72d :

Hah! And how is life in Madagascar? What are you up to there?

from swordfern :

This is so hard. You calling him and reaching out to him - that is a really important thing and is a way for you to be with him. And for him to know that you're there for him. I don't think that you're a buzzkill... but you asking him about drinking vs stroke probably brings up feelings of shame, and that tends to close people up a lot. xoxo

from patheticness :

Thank you for your note.:)Yes, losing my mom was one of my biggest losses, if not the biggest. Thanks again

from patheticness :

Ah ok, sorry to misunderstand your entries. :)

from annanotbob2 :

Oh I wish I lived alone - though I probably wouldn't like it just now. I haven't forgotten the paintings but I'm still doing YD's birthday, so soon. Yay for peace and sorting things out x

from patheticness :

Your entry reminded me of when I was single between my last loser boyfriend and my current husband and was finally able to enjoy my own company and realize it was better to be single and enjoy myself then to be with someone just for the sake of having their company. You go girl!

from raven72d :

Very good!

from raven72d :

Save the vodka for later, eat the olive anytime.

from raven72d :

Dry vermouth.

from raven72d :

It's always awkward when a house party has no energy or appeal... But it does happen.

from annanotbob2 :

Thanks - I was already down there, found my phone, saw that it hadn't smashed and well, had to take the pic after all that! Hope you are well, buddy xx

from dangerspouse :

Thank you very much. Really.

from raven72d :

Ummm....drank too much, embarrassed myself. No bar fight, no dancing on bar top, just...pouring out TMI stories. And making out just outside the main window with a woman who was a friend of the owner and his wife. Just can't go back. Far too embarrassed. Ditto the hipster café bar.

from patheticness :

[email protected] Thanks!

from raven72d :

Good thought! Wild Turkey! Yes!

from patheticness :

Got your note. Thank you. Can you give out your email in the notes section, yours or mine? Or do you need mine? Then I can email you my password. Thanks!

from annanotbob2 :

Y and ay for walking and keeping going. Hugs xx

from patheticness :

Hi, I'm searching for new readers and some old friends. Only have one reader since I've password locked and it shouldn't matter but I'm lonely here and looking for words of wisdom from others who may feel same ways as I do. Your profile caught my attention. If you are interested in reading me, let me know, give me your email in my notes or something and I can email the password to you. Thanks! I may just lurk at your diary on occasion if ok with you?

from dangerspouse :

Wow, a brass band popping up unexpectedly at a new place! Glad you got a dose of that again. Now to work on getting friends! (Hint: stop binge watching Netflix, lol...) Hey, thanks for the note at my place. Hope you get that water heater :)

from raven72d :

Not boring at all. And tea/bourbon is usually a good late-night thing.

from raven72d :

I'd love to see that table photo.

from dangerspouse :

The magic powers of Snickers Bars knows no limits! Lol...glad it worked for you :) And speaking as a one time devout Catholic, now an atheist: the answer is "no".

from for-you-only :

3/9/2017: On your Opera entry . . . Whew! That's how I felt watching Pan's Labyrinth. I thought I was sitting down to an easy-going movie, not a horror flick! Animation has gotten a lot more graphic in the last decade. The movie reminded me why I swore off of movies nearly ten years ago now.

from annanotbob2 :

Thanks for your notes xx I love Nick Cave's new album. He lives a couple of miles from here though I never see him xxx

from raven72d :

Thanks much--- kind thoughts appreciated.

from dangerspouse :

Thanks for your note about the Women's March. I'm glad you liked it (it was the bra tree picture, right?). Too bad you didn't know my wife was going beforehand. You could have just stood in the middle of the crowd and screamed "Yo! NEWWIFEY(TM)! OVER HERE!!" and she would have heard you and you could have spent the rest of the day complaining about me. Oh well. Next rally.

from raven72d :

Bourbon made in....PHILLY? That's...appalling and scary!

from annanotbob2 :

xxx

from dangerspouse :

I'm so proud of you for going to the march!! (Did you read my entry about my wife going? You could have met her!) Wow, that really is awesome. And heartening that so MANY went. Let's hope it leads to something now. Like not dropping your bike key in the future ;)

from raven72d :

Go, go, and acquire some good bourbon!

from dangerspouse :

I'm glad you're enjoying NYC. I've spent all my life in and around the City, and it's still thrilling to me. Now go down another growler and go on an adventure!

from theshivers :

Happy belated birthday--I hope your dad is doing better.

from annanotbob2 :

Dec 23rd - only just seen yesterday - thinking of you and your dad and sending love xxx

from swordfern :

Dec 22 - Thinking of you. Hope your Dad is OK.

from raven72d :

Feel better! Happy Holidays!

from annanotbob2 :

Oh! If it hadn't been now I'd have found a way but ED has her operation tomorrow so my head is full of that, but next time you're here, we will walk on that beach! x

from annanotbob2 :

Mm a picture would be nice - bet the image I've conjured is dead wrong. But I wouldn't be giving money to d'land - it feels abandoned now x

from annanotbob2 :

26/11 Yay for Patti. I remember when I left teaching - took me ages to get used to not having too much to do.

from raven72d :

All of Africa scares me except Morocco and the Skeleton Coast. But where will you be next?

from swordfern :

Nov 23 - It was cloudy... no Northern Lights :((((

from raven72d :

It was a great feeling--- exhilarating.

from raven72d :

2016 has been an awful year. The worst. (But--- did you get your PhD? Did I miss that?)

from swordfern :

Yes, holding onto that feeling of lightness. Of success. You deserve it, you've worked so hard. Congratulations, from my whole heart. I wish that BT would drive to be there for you - this is your moment. It's sad that he cannot see that. I get that it's a long drive, and I get that he resents how your work has taken you away from him. But this is your time to celebrate. I hope that he changes his mind.

from dangerspouse :

CONGRATULATIONS D0CTOR NARCISSA!! Wow, that really is very, very impressive. I hope it leads to wonderful thing for you. And...I hope things work out for the best with BT, also.

from dangerspouse :

Good plan. Add ice cream, though.

from annanotbob2 :

Yay for Dr Narcissa and head in sand about everything else x

from dangerspouse :

You nailed it. We're living a nightmare now. If only we could wake up....

from swordfern :

Oct 31 - Sending all of the good thoughts your way. You've got this!!!

from annanotbob2 :

19/10/16 Congratulations! You may not feel it but you have earned congratulating! xx

from dangerspouse :

Thanks! Next time I make some I'll drop you a note here, and you can come join me :)

from a-d-w :

good luck, you got this

from ladyofjazz :

20/09/16 Good luck with your move, starting a new life again...It is a drag but also exciting.

from annanotbob2 :

xxx

from dangerspouse :

Way to go, bike mechanic! I'm jealous - my only talent these days, as you read, is photo realistic owl anatomy. Oh well. Chicks seem to dig it (badum-bum!). Thanks for the notes! BTW, what kind of bike do you have?

from raven72d :

I've become ashamed of my car and afraid to drive any distance. And there's no point in going anywhere alone. That marks you as a failure.

from dangerspouse :

That poor lady. One of my wife's friends is married to a hoarder and it's a real nightmare. I hope your neighbor can find help if she needs it. And I hope your therapy sessions are producing results for you. Now stop reading this and go fix that bike!

from swordfern :

Aug 12 - Therapy, $$, yup. Our longest sessions are 1.5 hrs ($200)... you are tough to endure 3 hrs! It gets worse before it gets better, apparently, at least in our situation. I hope we hit rock bottom last week. He read my diary (here) and I found him catatonic in the bedroom when I came home from work. It was bad. Really bad. But in the end, it's going to be good. Because now he knows everything, and we are working with our counsellor to work through things. Essentially all of the things that I have been feeling about Chris are the things that I am missing from D and that I need to tell him that and work towards having those needs met. SO HARD. Sending you piles of gorgeous flowers and a million words of encouragement. Relationships are the hardest goddamn thing in the world. xoxo

from dangerspouse :

Thank you so much for the nice note, Narcissa! That was very sweet of you to say :)

from swordfern :

june 30 - Yes, yes, yes. You somehow got inside my head. Lately we've had the lowest of lows followed by the highest of highs. Steps back and steps forward. It's so hard to stay vulnerable after so many years.

from raven72d :

I'm usually terrified of any geographic area that's humid, hot, and green. Comes from too much growing up in the Deepest South.

from swordfern :

June 23 - Ugh, I haven't had time to update. Counselling session yesterday helped bring us back together a bit. Still feeling disconnected. He's not stretching himself enough most of the time. I know that's blaming, but it's true. I tell him my feelings, leaving myself feeling raw and exposed, physically shaking with fear, and he doesn't know what to do. He does not know how to empathize. Which is funny because the premise of why we went to counselling in the first place was that he told me that I had no ability to empathize. I've learned. And I've also learned that he doesn't empathize with me, ever. I tell him my feelings and he replies, "Oh, don't feel like that. You're misinterpreting this situation." friiggggggg

from raven72d :

And what brings you to Kampala? (I remain terrified of most places in Africa other than Morocco and Walvis Bay)

from raven72d :

Hmmm... I keep hoping for legions of fans at the supermodel cloning farms near Novorossisk...

from raven72d :

Addis? Were you on your way to Kampala? I do keep getting someone in Kampala reading me...

from raven72d :

Good beer advice! Thanks!

from alethia :

People always tell me I'm brave, but I was totally and completely terrified the whole time. I just told me feet to do things and ignore my brain, so they did. I felt completely insane, and so very, very lucky it worked out.

from swordfern :

June 14th - Thinking of you....

from swordfern :

Wow.... so much happening... dream job... relationship stress... I hope you're doing OK. By the way, I loved the entry describing your weekend. Magical.

from dangerspouse :

;)

from dangerspouse :

Ok then. In that case we can still hook up. Wise choice.

from dangerspouse :

What an opus! I nearly finished my entire FRESH GULF SHRIMP WRAP WITH HOT SAUCE, DRESSED by the time I got to the end. That's 4 feet of wrapped crustacean! Oh...and don't do heroin. As seductive as I'm sure a woman sitting on the toilet cutting off the blood flow to her arm so she can stick a dirty needle in it must have looked to you. Go have more pizza instead. Sheesh. Kids today....

from annanotbob2 :

Oh I loved reading this entry! June6th I could feel the heat, I was there! XX

from dangerspouse :

Dammit! I WANT A SHRIMP WRAP!!

from dangerspouse :

Is this the same Canal Street that I sometimes frequent in Lower Manhattan? If so...WHERE IS THIS NEW SHRIMP WRAP PLACE?!

from raven72d :

I will have to look into it, then.

from dangerspouse :

I'm sure your hair still would have looked amazing even if you'd arrived sweaty and on a bike. Girls are magical that way. That was a sweet, wistful entry - glad you had a good time :)

from raven72d :

You should write more. And...after 14 years here, this is where I feel at home--- telling stories, thinking aloud, meeting friends, feeling part of something.

from dangerspouse :

Yes you DO need to write more! Recriminations are much better done online, here, for all to point at and mock. Yay, blogging! And thanks for the well wishes for my poor elbow. You cheered it immensely :)

from dangerspouse :

Sooooo....are we dealing with bitter recriminations this morning? And was the beer good enough that it was at least worth it?

from raven72d :

It may be from Baudelaire. But I love it, too.

from annanotbob2 :

Mmn, that reminded me of being on the back of a motorbike in Venezuela, no helmet, wearing shorts, up the mountains in the warm wind... lovely xxx

from swordfern :

Ugh, big decisions. The job sounds like a perfect fit. But... Mtl and BT. :(

from raven72d :

Chargrilled oysters and good whisky always help.

from annanotbob2 :

Yay! Good for you! Raising a glass! x

from raven72d :

So--- spring/summer plans?

from annanotbob2 :

Thanks - I'm gonna write now xxxx

from swordfern :

thanks for the xox. i cried when i read it.

from annanotbob2 :

Thanks xx

from dangerspouse :

Not ICP?

from annanotbob2 :

I have glue-gun envy xx

from a-d-w :

there definitely wasn't one of those here. i can't even find the special rolling stone edition. i would have loved that starman experience. closest i got was a guy giving me thumbs up when i drove past him while i was playing five years. that sounds like great comfort food.

from raven72d :

Barkus has been around for a while. But every city needs a doggie Mardi Gras. Just as Phoenix has the Wiener Dog Olympics.

from annanotbob2 :

Thank you - meant a lot xx

from raven72d :

Thank you, too! And whiskey is always a good idea!

from raven72d :

Welcome to the Year Sixteen... And I am glad you're still out there writing.

from annanotbob2 :

chills reading about it too xxx

from a-d-w :

yes. and yet there is also an insidious need to validate my grief at the same time. which i am loathe to do. the most i can do by way of explaining it is to say this is the first time in my life i have actively avoided anything bowie related. tv and radio off. i hope you come through it.

from annanotbob2 :

Hope today is better. xx

from swordfern :

Ugh, I know, total nightmare. Thankfully nobody has mentioned it yet at work this morning. Thanks for being around - I appreciate your notes so much. And I will miss your stories of nola when you eventually move back north. Your descriptions of the city are rich and thoughtful, and I want to go there to ride my bike around your neighbourhood to see/smell/hear what you describe. What an incredible experience, to have lived there and gotten to know such a vibrant city.

from annanotbob2 :

Cheers, matey. Yay for great hair! xx

from a-d-w :

well i like your stories. i can't get you to uganda, though. here, we call cilantro coriander. cool story huh

from dangerspouse :

Try telling your stories topless. Guys tend to pay attention when presented with that, I've noticed. Although to be fair, I haven't found that to be the case so much when I try it myself....

from raven72d :

And spiffy little guys the Raccoons are!

from dangerspouse :

Knowing one is not about to be drummed out of the country must be reassuring indeed. On the other hand, I understand "refugee status" is all the rage with kids today. Good luck with the juggling of decisions!

from annanotbob2 :

It does sound interesting - I've never received a d'land email, just checked and it wasn't turned on. It is now. xxx

from annanotbob2 :

I know it's not the thing to ask questions but I'm dead interested in what your dissertation is about... Douglas Adams used to have to do that hotel room thing to write the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy sequels, so you're in good company. xxx

from dangerspouse :

LOL! You go, alkie!

from dangerspouse :

You know, if you try just a *little* bit harder you could twist that knife even more painfully. At least tell me it wasn't a Dixie beer.

from dangerspouse :

Congrats of finally being Home!! I wish you nothing but the best there. (And mail me a muffalatta from Central Grocery when ya get a chance, willya? Thanks, babe.) :)

from dangerspouse :

I love going to concerts by myself! We'll have to go by ourselves together one of these days. ;)

from annanotbob2 :

Thanks for your lovely note - so nice to meet you - I read back as far as May and will read more when I'm not so knackered - best wishes and hugs xx

from a-d-w :

inching is better than hanging out on the edge nervously, innit?

from dangerspouse :

Aww, thanks very much for the sweet and concerned sounding note. It was much appreciated - especially since things are no doubt rather hectic on your end what with the move and all. You rock, kiddo :)

from dangerspouse :

WAHHHH! TAKE ME TO PARIS WITH YOU IF HE WON'T GO! I promise not to eat your foi gras. Maybe.

from orangepeeler :

Oooof! Good luck on negotiating the labyrinth!

from dangerspouse :

Holy hallucinations, Khatman! That was some article. Yeah, it's definitely going to Dad...who will no doubt be tempted to head there and get behind the controls of a DC-3 that hasn't had an annual inspection since TWA released it from service. Thanks for the link!!

from dangerspouse :

Thank you very much for the sweet note you left me about my dog. It was very much appreciated. (And I'm in awe of your latest entry. What a fascinating life you live! I hope you don't mind, but I'm cutting-n-pasting your story and sending it to my dad, who is an avid sport flyer. Rock on, Cap'n.)

from raven72d :

I've never forgiven Mozambique for changing the Portuguese name of the capital city. As far as I'm concerned, it'll always and ever be Louren�o Marques.

from raven72d :

Well, I hope Burundi goes well...

from raven72d :

Burundi? Why? Not your ordinary tourist stop.

from a-d-w :

yes, i am waiting for the puns but i am sure they will happen. i want a beer too.

from raven72d :

Loved the Covington Strawberry. The South Coast, too. I'm okay with the La. 31, and I want to try more of the Tin Roof varieties. And a shrimp lo-boy sounds great.

from swordfern :

Hahhah... currently still at work at 8pm, and I started today at 8am. This is the downside of consulting. The upside is that there is company supplied beer and brie in the fridge.

from raven72d :

cognac? yes!

from raven72d :

Congrats on the prospectus defense, by the way.

from raven72d :

Reading Percy while drinking Dixie on the stoop? Sounds like a great Sunday morning to me!

from dangerspouse :

Yes. Yes she is. Thanks for noticing. (And good luck on your dream's prospectus defense!) :)

from raven72d :

Grad students weren't treated badly where I was, though I do favour unions for them... Adjuncts, though--- another story. But I miss the feeling of connecting with classes--- and the satisfaction of doing something I know I do well.

from raven72d :

I know, I know... But I really miss the actual lecturing--- telling stories, getting students to be interested in History...

from raven72d :

I really need adjunct classes again!

from dangerspouse :

Lol. I know, right? Such a waste of godlike talent. Still, anything more and it's pearls before swine (sometimes literally - we throw a signal out into the farmlands north and west of the City). BTW, I watched that very same World Cup game with a mostly Hispanic crew. There was no doubt at all in their collective minds that the Su�rez deserved sainthood. Go figure.

from swordfern :

"...so much going on" is so true. I read your note when I was in the thick of it and didn't really see what you were saying, but now that I've pulled out of it I know that you're right.

from dangerspouse :

Have a safe trip! Don't fall in with any rebels.

from raven72d :

I think I'll be having a good martini tonight.

from raven72d :

Definitely invest in a good flask. And Wild Turkey Rye is always worth a try.

from raven72d :

ah, now--- a favourite brand of bourbon?

from raven72d :

Actually, rather an interesting topic. Very much so. Of course--- mimosas do trump it, but they trump pretty much everything. Serious good luck on the dissertation!

from raven72d :

when's your defense scheduled? what's the topic?

from raven72d :

How's life this Easter time?

from raven72d :

Oh, it's a thing--- very good, actually. I mostly eyeball the mix, but... maybe an OJ : Pimm's ratio of 4:1...or 3:1 for afternoons when required.

from raven72d :

Pimms and o.j. for me, but the principle is the same...

from raven72d :

Allergies... I spend days with my eyes streaming. But at least my sinuses haven't gone berserk yet.

from raven72d :

Sounds exactly like spring here!

from raven72d :

How is spring beginning?

from raven72d :

Herr Herzog has his alternative voice out there on the aether...and he's always correct.

from raven72d :

Thank you for the link! I'll go take a look... I'm always a major Herzog fan!

from swordfern :

Hmm.. thanks for the honest info! Nobody ever talks about these things, but I know that other people's relationships can't be perfect. So far, after two sessions, we are already seeing some change. It's hard to change the way that we interact, but we are both committed to trying. I truly want to fix this, and $200/session is bank-breaking, but if this is my life partner here, then it's worth every penny. And I'm realizing that I also have unresolved issues that could use some work outside of the couple's therapy.

from dangerspouse :

Thank you so much for the nice note! I'm glad you liked it :)

from a-d-w :

*high five* here's to that last entry (and also mid-00s net-action-speak)

from dangerspouse :

There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.

from raven72d :

That does sound like Ms. Miller did okay for herself.

from dangerspouse :

Thanks for the note - I'm glad you like the corgi! (Getting him to sit still for the pic was a bitch.) Oh, and the eggs, too :)

from dangerspouse :

Don't be sad. Have another beer. "The cause of, and answer to, all of Man's problems" as some wise cartoon sage once said. Besides, it's gotta be like 5:30 now, right? That's respectable.

from dangerspouse :

3:30 AM or PM?

from raven72d :

Just doing my bit.

from raven72d :

I've lived here in this flat for 5 years now. I sometimes miss the days of living out of suitcases, but I'm not sure I could do it again. Too much stuff to either store or carry, and lots of it can't just be ditched.

from raven72d :

How was the return to NOLA?

from raven72d :

I do know that feeling!

from raven72d :

I read French reasonably well, but I've lost the ability to speak it. Same with German. I have to get those things back.

from raven72d :

Talking to strangers in French?

from raven72d :

Left originally for school in New England, then in and out for jobs and postgrad. But I do know what you mean. The city marks you as much as, say, NYC does. And you do always miss the ambience and the food and the attitudes.

from raven72d :

Born there, darlin'! At Charity Hospital on a November morning in the Far Long Ago. Haven't been back for a while, but I'm a Deepest South kid.

from raven72d :

You're in NOLA? I know all about summers there--- Burmese heat until early October.

from raven72d :

glad to be of help!

from dangerspouse :

OATMEAL CHOCOLATE COOKIES!!! I know there was something else in there, but that's all I can think of now. Thanks.

from sduckie :

Yes. For me it is exciting to create so much space in my life... I really want things to be different! Thanks for your support :D

from raven72d :

Ethiopia is place I'd like to see.

from raven72d :

Herds of camels... always a wonderful sight.

from raven72d :

Abyssinia? What takes you to the Horn of Africa?

from raven72d :

Montreal! I do envy you Montreal!

from swordfern :

Ack...! Hang in there missy!!!!!!!!! No Officer Down on repeat!

from raven72d :

I always look forward to autumn here--- any relief from the heat.

from raven72d :

I hope the end of summer goes well for you.

from raven72d :

Loved your description of the skies and of being outdoors...

from a-d-w :

got sorta the same problem with the forcing myself out of the house AND not to drink so much. in that the only times i leave the house seems to be to have a drink somewhere. just crawled out of a book into diaryland, after leaving this note i am gonna scramble right back into it. dl obviously attracts a certain kind of people. still.

from marn :

I saw her on the news, too. Just amazing what people can do. Clara Hughes (the Olympic cyclist/skater) is in our village right now doing her final training for the London Olympics. She is scary fit. I've passed her charging up a really steep grade on our local highway that makes my *car* chug. There are some inspiring women out there, eh?

from sduckie :

I probably would have said chain of twitters.

from raven72d :

go ahead and re-post at FB. don't be afraid to do that. or to re-tweet. i always pass along tweets that are clever or powerful or just informative and cool.

from swordfern :

I like how we're both allowing ourselves to admit that home is home :)

from raven72d :

I love showing people from out of state drive-thru daiquiri places. No one quite believes it.

from raven72d :

southern Louisiana...where there are drive-thru daiquiri shops... (I like my frozen daiquiris in Red Sin)

from raven72d :

Definitely reading along.

from raven72d :

lovely writing.

from swordfern :

Hahahaha is that a joke? Sounds like something from CBC's "This is That"!

from joistmonkey :

Hello. Sorry about the iffy fish. Thank you for the add, however - have had a wee read of your beautiful stuff, rather nice, whatsay :-)

from a-d-w :

your crumb story makes me delirious with happiness!

from swordfern :

Sorry... I had a bad weekend. Massive self-pity mad-at-the-world entry that nobody needs to read. Thanks for checking in. Will unlock and update later with something more constructive. :(

from ramanda :

Tribal bellydance? Good grief!! I'm with you on that. Also, hello! How are you? It's been a while :)

from swordfern :

Thanks. It means a lot to me to hear that. If I can make beautiful things, than maybe I can make my life beautiful? I like how you're updating regularly again, and I like how honest you always are. And I liked how you wrote about the car/bike struggle - something in that really resonated with me... how simple seemingly inconsequential decisions can become so large and... I don't know. Your life IS beautiful, though, and you are wholehearted - something that I heard a psychologist talking about on the CBC as the most important aspect of living.

from linguafranca :

Thanks for the recipe lead! I'll try it.

from sduckie :

I wonder if it's always like that with "home". I feel very nostalgic too when I go visit.

from killsoft :

you should read The Virtue of Selfishness by Ayn Rand. i think you'd get a lot out of it. (seriously) rational self interest is not always narcissism.

from mechaieh :

Ohhh. That anecdote about your father. Hope this finds you well!

from unresolved :

welcome back to the internet ;) hunting / rabbits

from mechaieh :

Ethiopia? Wow. Hope your travels are treating you well. Blessings and strength.

from greenplastic :

hi there. sorry i only just saw i had a note. the password is 'now'. there's not a lot there. cheerio.

from sduckie :

You are an inspiration!

from sduckie :

Hmm... also you probably know about cutting out sugar and dairy, and taking acidophilus? "Friendly" Bacteria, yum... hope it's better at any rate!

from sduckie :

What once worked for me: a couple drops of tea-tree oil in a homemade water douche. And a friend once told me to thread a clove of garlic like a tampon using a tapestry needle and dental floss, and put it... you know where. I opted to just rub a clove of garlic right on my private parts. Hope this isn't TMI... but... you asked! Thanks for the link to that entry, I find it right on, as I hate boys who text and don't call. To me it's the coward's way out. Be well and hope you are back in balance real soon!

from sduckie :

All the experiences that you are having are preparing you for the next thing... (People used to tell me that when I was younger, and I didn't understand. I get it now, and it's true... the work I do in my life, and why I do it well, is because of all the experiences and adventures I had the courage to have when I was younger). Believe it. Don't worry about what you are "supposed" to do- follow your heart. And when it is time to do something else, whether that be settle down, or go on the next adventure, you'll know. You'll know so deep in your bones that you'll just do it. It might be that you're not in that stage yet so you don't know what that feels like or even doubt that you'll ever have that sensation. But you will. You'll know. Best wishes, Duck

from sduckie :

If you go to Ethiopia, it might re-awaken that part of your soul. A thought. Take care...

from ramanda :

Oh *hugs* I remember those days. I'm too old for that now! I think I might die if I had to come to work hungover. Too hard!

from ramanda :

I'm so sorry about your uncle.

from suckledhoney :

Hey, good luck.

from sduckie :

This entry seems very honest itself... to admit what you did... I used to have a paper journal that I just felt my boyfriend would read so I never wrote in my true voice... that was bad! Anyway, just sending some support.

from innocentspy :

if past was so easy to forget, I believe no person wud ve even bothered to write diary because then he wud know that this past will have no reflection on tomorrow. Those are able to overcome their past are heroes but who move forward in light of past are exceptional.

from ramanda :

Does it work? Do you manage to talk yourself into doing something? I have the same problem. I sometimes spend entire weekends in the same clothes. Drifting from room to room. Watching TV. Reading. Smoking. Not answering the phone. Inertia is a bitch.

from jessrawk :

Hey stranger. Found your diary again for the first time in.... er... years, obviously. Just thought I'd pop round and say 'hello.' You always were a favourite for a reason. xo.

from peasantwench :

Hey. I didn't actually password protect myself as hide away the early entries that embarrass me now. Feel of them being found now, 5 years later. So now I write at http://peasantwench.blogspot.com - not password protected, though not updated as frequently, either...

from greenplastic :

hey it's lisa. got your note. the diary is over. i'm going to delete it all when i figure how to do so easily. i've started another but it's not really the same. an attempt at process rather than 'feelings'. it's at greenplastic... the user name is the same as before, the pw 'now'. cheerio.

from ncss :

I'll miss your updates!

from ncss :

absolutely you are a good person and deserve to be happy!

from raven72d :

I just randomly found your entries... And I do love the writing.

from cera-jeanne :

i hope you find the happiness you are looking for.

from ramanda :

Hi! Yes! Here! Me! I still read my buddylist religiously, but my own muddled attempts are now here: http:elusivebalance.com/blog Come visit :)

from ramanda :

I read "He's Just Not that Into You" and I felt like a tool the entire time because it was all so very self-help. But the book is smart and funny and it reminds you (in a playful way) that you are a lovely person and you do not need to settle for less. It's good stuff. Reading that book actually convinced me to break up with my last boyfriend. I think it's actually pretty ingenoious. Most women would never read an earnest book called "Love Yourself" or "Don't Settle for Less" so they put a sarcastic spin on it and voila! Instant hit. And power to them, cos it's a good message to be spreading.

from orgami :

mirror mirror on the wall who is the fairest of thee all Hey Narcissis why yah crying?? (crying because of my beauty there in the pool) North American culture is inheritently motivated around the self I ME not WE our Grand Egos shine like beacons feed me feed me oh great masses ....

from peasantwench :

"Do we create drama to escape from the humdrum of daily life?" Yes. I really think we do...

from candoor :

yes, anyone who quotes from Princess Bride just had to be visited :)

from f-i-n :

we all need a little princess bride

from snow666white :

wow...awesome entry...some excellent choice of quotes....i too am a fan of Rilke. :)

from raven72d :

Congrats on Tulane! And hold on to the dream of working abroad...

from itsmylife :

Love the new layout. Purdy.

from raven72d :

What a lovely diary! And cool camels!

from fancyass :

good to hear from you! I'm doing okay. My life has become sorta messy but I just stay busy and hope it blows over. I know - not the best way to deal with it....you did get the password I emailed to you, right?

from jennyj :

Boo I am so sad to have missed you, although I am glad you got to have a good fry up, incl fried slice and bubble. Just wish I could have been eating it with you. Enjoy Paris - have you been to Marianne's in the Marais?

from anibananie :

Woo, India! I was there a month ago on a school exchange. I stayed at a girls' boarding school and then in Delhi. It was cool - we saw the Taj! ANYway, what I came here to say was INDIA, WOO!

from fancyass :

I'm guessing it's your bday by the notes but maybe they are old...i haven't read your diary in a couple of weeks...better go check! anyway,....I've moved. Though I am pretty sad that I left diaryland...I think it was best for me to write somewhere else for now. fancyass.blogspot.com

from elite-divine :

don't know ya, but what the hell...happy belated bday for whatever its worth...nice diary

from thecrankyone :

Happy Belated Birthay!!

from kathiec :

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Have a great day... heck, have a great year! Love and birthday hugs, Kathie

from elliorange :

♥ Happy Birthday! I hope you've enjoyed your special day!

from wifemotherme :

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I HOPE YOU HAD A WONDERFUL DAY AND AN OUTSTANDING YEAR TO COME!

from bluebonnet :

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

from dombilly :

Happy Birthday!! Love your template

from treewillow :

Happy Birthday!

from goldchar9 :

Hey, I finally got through!! I like Sartre, Camus, NIN, and Impressionism and loud rock and roll, and jazz!! I don't like mean people or stupid people!! Tell me more about you!! I live in central Florida now!! I have an eight-year-old daughter!!

from mindspin :

I particularly enjoy your D-land more than anything, because being Indian myself, and visiting India often in the areas you have mentioned, I can relate to what you've been writing about very well. Keep it up & stay safe. Go shoppin'. :)

from fuzzilicious :

sorry! (this is tuffy) my new diary is at fuzzilicious. i have new artwork there, too <3

from paper-girl :

Hi. I tired to email you, but it got bounced back. I was just saying that I was sad your diary's locked, and was wondering if it was permanent? I hope not, I'd miss you!

from marn :

Hey, that's a great idea! Oh, and I so completely understand about the keys. The spousal unit got so incredibly pissed off at me that one day he pounded a big nail into the wall (log part of the house) and through clenched teeth said, "Everytime you walk in the door Your Keys Go Here." They have, ever since. Tee hee.

from jen69 :

happy birthday. hope you had a great day. sorry this is late x x x

from marn :

Remember, Narcissa, it's a quarter mile walk uphill for me to get home. I'm in decent cardio shape just because of where I live, so if I want to push my heart, it takes more for me to do it. I'm self-employed, too, so I can pick my time to work out. I'm not doing it after I've put in a full day working for someone else in an office or such like--I head off first thing in the morning usually, when I'm fresh and rested. Oh, and I only do this three times a week. Some folks show up at the gym five nights a week after putting in a whole days work! THOSE people are the machines.

from marn :

It's always good to know you're not alone

from flamedancer :

people suck. i had to password it so they would suck a little less. john'll be back. don't miss him next time--he puts on a good show.

from angelina1066 :

like your diary, girl. v. nice. how informative,lol.

from weymouth66 :

Well, I've survived the first few days! :-)

from marn :

Narcissa, that picture was 20 years in the making, built slowly with infinite tweaking, eh. And that vista only lasts for about a half an hour each morning, beginning the moment when the sun first rises and shines through the mist from the pond ... So don't give up. Keep moving those wheelbarrows, be ruthless with the plants that don't perform as advertised, and before you know it you'll be there and you'll have YOUR little slice of green goodness. Promise.

from sheherazade :

ah, i couldn't agree with you more! hot showers and sleep = heaven, yet i also never get to bed before 4 am. and it's not that i study either! it's all wasted talking to people! or surfing around here. or watching tv, claiming to study! grr! it's insomniac insanity.

from marn :

Yes, Zub DOES look Satanic in that picture. I posted it because it's the only one that had his tongue out ... Hrm, I didn't even register the rest of his expression. You're right about him mowing down small children--he would, in a heartbeat.

from larrielou :

Oh! You added me! Oh! I don't know quite what it says about my life (or lack thereof) when the best part of my day is when someone whom I've never met adds my online diary as a favourite of their online diary. Oh, it's fun being a geek. Thank you :-D

from lizardsyr :

congrats on the 500 mark im approaching on my #200 woohoo, i agree with you on the song over use

from caerydd :

Miami Vice *giggles*

from ambiguousq :

there's a secret hiding at ambiguousQ.diaryland.com

from carebear0068 :

hey whats up? nothing much here..I like your diary..the movies music and authors are cool..got to go bye! *leave me a note sometime :)

from supergrover1 :

Insecure, what you gonna do? Feel so small they could step on you. Called you up - answer machine. When the human touch is what I need...

from sheherazade :

ah! i was watching both those movies too! argh, i know what you mean about tv sucking you in. i have to fight that a lot. i caught the end of selena then the breakfast club came on and i eventually fell asleep to it. that movie is classic! ;-)

from lush :

Yay for good conversations and people that listen! I, too, find that most people don't and it's REALLY refreshing when you meet someone who genuinely, genuinely lets you sparkle and lets you BE in your element when you're with them! (I'm a wallflower, these things mean ever so much more to me.)

from kittyspy :

ugh, I am trying to finish everything at the last minute too! (and I only have 2 classes, how pathetic am I?) I just have other activities which always take precedence, until the end of the semester when I have to get my shit done! anyway, don't stress too much!! love yr diary as always, xoxoxoxo, *davida*

from vampiric :

Ahahaha!! Why is everyone else getting better google hits than me? Damn! :-)

from methybeth :

Mmmm, Hayden is so wonderful. I love "As Bad As They Seem".

from methybeth :

I didn't know you were Indian! You know what that entry *just* made me realize? Either because I'm white, or because I'm an idiot, unless it's specifically mentioned, I picture people as white. Heh, that's sorta pathetic. I wouldn't worry too much about your cousins--they'll have to deal with some name-calling, which will suck, but mean children are evil to EVERYONE, and there will be nice kids, too, who will end up being the ones that matter. Still love reading you, still trying to read all the old ones.

from kittyspy :

yr relatives are coming from India? my little sister Aditi is from India, although my parents adopted her when she was 7 weeks old....so she never had to adjust to a new culture, she just grew up in it. she's 17 now, very "american", and quite the rebellious brat....typical teenager i suppose. But my parents have lots of books and all sorts of odds n' ends from India. anyway, just wanted to leave a comment! xoxo, *davida*

from tvzero :

it's refreshing to read someone's entries and be like "i said the same thing," or "i felt that way." i'm not accusing you of stealing, just saying that i like your entries and i found myself relating, more than once. and i started smoking again recently too. i'm really good at quitting, but i'm also really good at starting again. good luck to you.

from kittyspy :

lisa-grrrl, i love what you wrote today! you are so great! did you still want a mixtape?! i didn't get yr address if you sent it, and I'll totally make you one! anyway, lemme know!! xxxxooo *davida*

from vampiric :

Damn... I don't like this new analyzer. I wish they get it finished soon. And (hugs) hey. I'm doing alright... I've been reading some entries I've missed from your diary. Damn, you are too cool you know. :) (sigh) ^_~

from cylee305 :

I have just stumbled onto your diary and would like to give you madd props. I wish I could articulate half of what runs through my mind as eloquently as you are able to :)~

from leica :

I just read all the entries I've missed since the last time I was here. And gosh. You ROCK!

from vampiric :

Just wanted to blurt that I know what you're talking about! I only slept a few nights on my exam week, I had to study so much. When I was going to the last exam (and hadn't slept at all) I tried to understand my watch on the bus stop and couldn't make anything out of it! It was funny... in a sleepy, creepy way. ^_^

from kittyspy :

yeah, if you would like to send me a valentine that would rock! *real* mail is great. or an e-card would be nice. yay! um, yeah, if you send me something, i'll send you something! my e-mail is: [email protected].

from vampiric :

...I seriously do need to learn how to use this analyzer thingy. I just linked YOUR diary in my previous analyzer entry. Uhum....wishful thinking. :-P Okay, I obviously need more caffeine.

from narcissa :

Mwahaha! It's my third week without smoking. Hang on in there, you can do it! And, I hate the smell of bubblegum. Ugh. Ew. I'm off to reply to that mail now. You're awesome! :-)

from indierawk :

Hotdamn girl, you are just too supercool! You make me smile like Fraggle Rock.

from methybeth :

You are so neat. We should start a "Diaryland Quitters" webring...I'm on day 10 of the no-smoke, and boyyyyyy amd I irritable. Anyway....keep writing...you do it well. XOX

from probably :

One more thing - SUPER MARIO 3 kicks all kinds of ass! Why don't they make games like that anymore, with P-wings?

from probably :

Okay, see, when I said "thank you for signing YOUR guestbook" I actually meant "thank you for signing MY guestbook." Gosh. After all that talk about appreciating people who can spell/punctuate I am extremely embarrassed.

from probably :

THANK YOU for signing your guestbook, you are such a dear. The funny thing is I actually stumbled across your diary earlier today somehow, I read and partook and enjoyed, but I did not sign! I am such a heel! Please forgive me. Do you know what? We have the almost exact same taste in music and movies. And I also love people who can spell. Proper punctuation is also sexy! I'm feeling a bit odd tonight.

from vampiric :

Okay, I just sent you mail so this is pretty pathetic but anyway. I have a friend who's exactly like that, too. It's pretty tiring, when a friend like that is acting cool you wonder if it was all in your head, and the next moment when the person misunderstands everything you say you wonder if you should let the friend go for good. (sighs)

from vampiric :

OMFG. I just read a few of your entries I had missed and I can't tell you how sorry I am. :( I know it doesn't make a damn difference what I or anyone else says, but I am just so very sorry.

from vampiric :

(sigh) I know, you're very right. I should do all that right now but I'm just too chicken. In my opinion I'm just too heavy to cut my hair or get a tattoo or pierce my nose. No kidding is it nuts. ^_^ I listen to my friends too much, they never want me to change and won't support me in any of my decisions. I guess learning to be totally independent without getting hurt by other people is the great lesson I have to learn in this world. :)

from mindless :

thankyou. for signing my analyzer. i think you have a long, deep crimson lining in your heart and when i read you i want to reach into myself and tell you that no matter how hard it gets, we find a way out. you touched me in a way i can't describe and that is something i don't say. being able to write and let it touch people is a unique thing. and you did just that.

from mocksie :

oh my god. narcissa, I just want to grab you and hug you and hold you and absorb all your pain, everything you've been through. I'm just... speechless. ~mocksie~

from ayah :

hi. thanks for your kind words on my analyzer. i like your writing, too, it's captivating. i must add you to my 'reads' list

from javakid :

Narcissa, in response to your question about my diary crashing Explorer: Explorer doesn't like loading graphics which may be one reason..does it crash WHILE the page is loading?? also, I suggest testing this out on other diaries it seem more due to your computer from what I can fathom. Also, if it says that it's loading an image. stop it. if you do this right and enough times you will not see the picture, but the text should appear. if all else fails ditch IE and use Netscape..it's better and easier.

from kittyspy :

i like yr diary. lots and lots. and i like what you had to say today very much and i think those statistics are right. keep writing. luv- *davi*

from narcissa :

i can't believe you just contaminated my guestbook like that. not impressed

from vinylflower :

For someone who hates the words "crap" and "shit", you sure do use "ass" a lot. You think those'd go hand in hand.

from mocksie :

Yay! Congrats on the tongue ring! Advice: Don't attempt chicken caesar salads for at least a couple weeks. After 3-4 days, grilled cheese is mighty good :) ~mocksie~

from vampiric :

Well, I think I fixed the guestbook, too. :) It was missing the same thing as the other pages, too so it didn't even take long. I hope it works now! :) (I also think I'm spamming your Analyzer now...*coughcough*)

from vampiric :

Of course you're worth it! I like solving html problems, even though I think my entire guestbook is one big html problem. That's caused by my guestbook server though and not me.:) But I'll try and solve this one too... Thanks so much for your comments, it made me feel so better to know I didn't sound as crazy and disjointed as I thought I did. :)

from vampiric :

Okay! How about now...? I'm not sure if I got it fixed but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. :-) I love your new layout by the way. As if that'd really matter to you but oh well. I'm too talkative. :)

from vampiric :

Hmm, I think you can see the version of your Netscape by checking the "help" tab in the browser's main window and then selecting "about". That should do it! :)

from argyle-socks :

Update more often, I work at the Federal Government...it is a student job damnit, all I do is surf the net, you don't update enough, I'm bored.

from vampiric :

Say WHAT?! You mean some version of Netscape has a problem with my diary? *hits her head on the wall* Just when I thought I had it all sorted out. Could you be so kind and tell me which version of Netscape you have installed? :-)

from mocksie :

To pierce! Get the tongue ring. They're hella fun and so worth the two weeks of mashed potatoes and pudding and gallons of listerine! ~mocks~

from vinylflower :

that last quote on your songs was not by britney girlfriend, it was by jennifer lopez. as if!

from trini :

Go for it....take the time, travel, enjoy. The longer you wait the less likely that it will happen. I've been thinking the same thoughts for years, didn't do it and now I'm settled into a lifestyle that doesn't allow the opportunity (or so I keep telling myself!!)

from stinef :

I still just loooooooooooooooooove your writing. You make me smile talking about thos elementary school-dances and so on. I recognize myself in you all the time. By the way - happy birthday (which was the 25th, right?)...my birthday is the 29th :)

from leica :

Good grief. Your writing makes me feel so insecure, so inadequate! Why is it that when I read you, I get the feeling that any guy I'm into would automatically fall in love with YOU instead? *sob* *sniffle*

from sympatric :

i never know what to write in these, really.. i think it's the fact they're called an "analyzer".. it throws me off, i guess.. thank you for the lovely words you left in my guestbook.. it did lead me to you, after all.. i'm so starved for some canadian content 'round here.. oh, by the way, i snickered at us torontonians too when mayor mel called in the army.. heh.. i think that's just because i don't like mel, though. oh, and because i was disappointed that i dind't get to see a bison tank thingy driving across lawrence avenue.. ah well..

from dbt808 :

happy birthday lisa. ...cheers...a...

from jerri-blank :

hi! this is a totally different anna from the ones who have signed before. hey, i think your diary rules. you're a funny girl. keep writing. :)

from vinylflower :

emo is a kind of punk rock. Just to let you know.

from weakend :

so I was sooo excited when you wrote the kind words in my diary, but then I read your diary, and realized you were a complete dorc, so I was all ehhhh. ... i am, of course, joking, and i am, of course, blushing at your sweetness in my diary, and i am, of course, glad that i found yours, cause every entry is great. i will be keeping a close and attentive eye.

from narcissa :

but james! I kissed you! wasn't that enough??? i think that's all the good looking girls you need... plus there was that time when it was just you and me alone in the blue room...

from change :

ok. i don't know why it took me so long to sign this thing, but your diary is awesome.

from frozensoul :

LOL!! I know someone whose online name is Juicy! *wide grin*

from dbt808 :

hey lisa! still reading girl. and loving every minute of it. anyway, cheers.......a.........

from twiggle :

Oh the joys of being a perfectionist. Ignore the "n" in that previous entry. "an boring"? I don't know how the "n" snuck in there but I didn't have a way of getting it out.

from twiggle :

I found you through quoted and now I'm addicted. I'm trying to plow though all the entries in one sitting but my back is starting to hurt (it's been a whole hour already) so I'll come back for more. I love it. It's refreshing to find someone articulate and interesting. I almost quit looking for new diaries because if I searched randomly I always stumbled across some lame teen crap. I have a confession though. I almost didn't read when I saw the plain template. The plain blue and grey makes me cringe. Yes, I'm a diaryland snob...to me plain template = plain person. But it's not the case with you. How can it be that such original writing is presented in such an boring template? Don't take that personally because I LOVE your diary. I don't have great HTML skills but I would LOVE to spiff up your diary if you want me to design something for you. Am I out of line? Visit my diary and let me know what you think.

from insanity- :

Well, surprisingly I wanted to write something, Im a 17 yr old Western Australian Male yet still I think I can almost relate to some of your feelings, especially towards death and violience. Which is scary because I collect knifes and I play games where you get points for hitting people. BTW I just got my licence. U seem a wonderful person, death comes and goes, but life is as important as you make it, cheerish it.

from frozensoul :

*LOL* You are so right. Emode really needs to work on their descriptions, I don't know about the accurance of your results but mine were full of drama. :o)

from frozensoul :

Ack, I've been in the same situation in just a little while ago. I gave my addy to my best friend who is very easily hurt, and a little while ago she did something that hurt /me/ a lot. I had to decide between starting up a new diary or talking about it on the existing one. I chose the latter. Keeping up two diaries, one for appearances and one for the truth would probably be too much like real life. And sometimes it's just better to say things like they are, regardless of someone's feelings. ^_^

from waterlily :

Erm. Now I feel like a dork. Blame my mother's computer. ;) Anyway, you don't have to move to Mexico. You can always try Texas. The Texan language isn't all that different from Canadian. You just have to learn to say 'y'all'. I've been introducing the phrase, 'no worries, eh?' into Texan vocabulary, as I feel that's the national phrase of Canada. It's my bow to culture. :) Thanks for signing my guestbook. :) I'll have to spend more time reading your diary from now on.

from trini :

I can relate. I had someone ask me if I was black because I'm from the islands and only black people are from the islands, right?? One of these days we will all be a little more educated on different cultures.

from katie :

Luv your diary! check me out sometime! I am inspired to write more!

from vinylflower :

I just wanted to say that youre awsome. even though this keyboard has secret north american puncuation. i am in rome. write me.

from athena98122 :

hi . . i just wanted to let you know that i stumbled across your diary via the randomizer, and i wound up reading every entry. which, doesn't often happen. =)

from vinylflower :

I just wanted to let you know that I just spent, probably over an hour, reading every single diary entry. To add to that, I would like to say that I am more in love with you than ever before. I also like the fact that when I started, I thought that I had read all your entries, but it turns out, I got several surprises. What can make my day any better?

from vinylflower :

I feel exactly the same way about this diaryland teenager stuff... maybe we should switch diaries into something a little more grown up. I hate to think of myself as belonging to something that these peopel do. Arg to them. *spit spit*

from dbt808 :

hi L. just droppin by... more interesting dialog to come, i am certain. cheers.a

back to narcissa's profile
recommend this diary to a pal?

Other diaries starting with the letter:
a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

Back to Diaryland