messages to swordfern:
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from narcissa :
oooh, thanks for the recommendation, I'll look for it! I'm finding solace in memoirs and fiction (most recently "less", which is both funny and heartbreaking). And thanks for your note - I can see that, but it's such an unfamiliar way to live and to think and, most importantly, to feel. So grateful for this space to help work it all out. It's such an understatement, but I am so happy to read how happy you are. xox
from annanotbob2 :
Nothing to say but wanted to leave a note! I am loving reading your entries. x
from floodtide :
Goodness! "E.T.'s Adventures on Earth" is wonderful! I actually think "E.T." is one of Williams' very best scores, on par with "Jaws" and "Star Wars." It's the best kind of movie scoring - music that enhances what the visual storytelling is already inspiring in you, instead of TELLING YOU WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL. I never fail to get teary at the climax, even though he stole it - that fanfare that accompanied the rainbow contrail as E.T.'s ship bursts away - from the finale of the Dvorak Cello Concerto. If you don't know the Dvorak, give it a listen: the similarities are more than coincidental. XO
from floodtide :
Lovely entry - well, all your entries are lovely - but I was especially tickled by the juxtaposition of "big" John Williams music and the gentle image (and gorgeous photo) of slowly moving paddle boards. Thank you, always. Which John Williams was it? Bonus points if it is was something melodramatic (but really good) such as "Star Wars" or "Indiana Jones"; MORE bonus points if it was schmaltzy dreck like "Jurassic Park." PERFECT if it was "Jaws," of course.
from annanotbob2 :
Thanks for the lovely note. xx
from sparkle-pink :
haha yeah I love sleeping. Yesterday was a combo of exhaustion/sleepytime meds/and love of sleep!
from aryssa90 :
Thank you for your note and delurking! It’s always nice to meet new dland folks. Things are a bit rocky right now but they always end up evening out :) I hope you’re doing well and that you don’t mind if I follow you?
from orangepeeler :
Thanks for the kind note. Lovely writing. Like mandarin and sandalwood.
from zenayda :
OMG, you're radiant!
from lust- :
Ah, yes, I already follow a couple of the therapists stated in this article: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/26/style/instagram-therapists.html. I'll check out Holistic Psychologist, as well. Thanks.xo
from jimbostaxi :
Lmao, awesome note! And great pic of you.!
from floodtide :
Much to say about your weekend, but for now: that photo. Wow. So beautiful. Radiant, I would say.
from kelsi :
Aww, that’s a sweet picture of you, and every time you look at it you’ll have memories of these great times!
from portlypete :
An empathetic pilot, so potentially well-off as well. Certainly worth a second date I'd say. :-)
from sparkle-pink :
lol ty!
from portlypete :
It's my fifth time of leaving DL, but I've been here so long, and made (a few) good friends, so it's hard. Your name has floated through my consciousness over the years, but it has never registered what beautiful, poetic prose you can write. Damn you! I can't unremember my password now.
from narcissa :
6-12: i am loving this love letter to your beautiful city.
from narcissa :
hope you're feeling better and good luck this weekend : /
from annanotbob2 :
I loved hearing your voice - thanks for that x
from poetinthesky :
Thank you for your words. Those are the things that I need to work on to reach peace and happiness
from lust- :
Your days sound blissful. I am glad you are enjoying life.xo
from zenayda :
Ahhh, I remember feeling that way after my divorce. Free, unhurried, unrushed, every day, every date, every handsome smile full of potential. Glad you're enjoying this time. It's overdue and you deserve some wonder.
from jarofporter :
i knew it was you or one other person, but i didn't want to be wrong & i couldn't find where you sent it? thanks!
from kelsi :
Um, if you can run a 43-minute 10K just for fun, you could be winning races! You run races, right?
from catsoul :
5.24.19. Very nice fluidity to your writing. I could feel it. The warmth of your words and life are tingly. Peace. =^..^=
from narcissa :
Was the water so cold?? Love that you’re living best west coast Life!
from narcissa :
i might need a notes page to keep track of russell vs peter vs ... The best kind of notes page, and heading into the gorgeous headiness of summer in the north!! Xox
from poetinthesky :
Love reading how at peace you've become. :)
from jimbostaxi :
Hardwood floors are so beautiful! sounds spectacular! And ty! on the bagel thing but it was just and elaborate plan to get extra cream cheese :) xoxo
from poetinthesky :
Your entry makes me happy... Enjoy all these moments! You deserve them.
from annanotbob2 :
I love that your packing is the same as mine except I have no idea what an invisibobble is and I always have a novel (or two) x
from kelsi :
Invisibobble?!? I need an Invisibobble!
from dangerspouse :
If it's any consolation, the guy in that photo went to an amusement park the next day to celebrate Christmas with his family and fell to his death after leaning too far out of his Ferris Wheel car to glimpse a rainbow in the distance. So he's not lonely any more.
from dangerspouse :
fin. Congratulations. Let your new chapter begin.
from annanotbob2 :
Good work xx
from jimbostaxi :
Awwww thank you! I'm going roll the Yahtzee dice and see who ill be tomorrow:)
from jimbostaxi :
I'm not deleting anything else and, some of the ones I have will be rewritten and thrown back in the mix. The humor part has been missing from my newer stuff but, I'll correct that in future entries. :)
from jimbostaxi :
I've been working hard on my writing and appreciate any feedback.xoxo
from jimbostaxi :
I filled that entry with emotions from other sad things in my life which I thought made it a compelling read.
from poetinthesky :
Love your poem and the pictures are great! How do you add pictures in here?
from jimbostaxi :
Thank you so much for your sweet note!. If I can help someone that's a great feeling but, most of the time I can't do anything.
from jarofporter :
thank you for the note, it made me smile!
from dangerspouse :
*gasp* Not Chris!!!
from dangerspouse :
Are you sure you don't write for some soap opera, or maybe a bodice ripper literary factory or something? Lol..DON'T LET HIM STEAL ANY MORE OF YOUR RAMEN! It's a slippery noodley slope from there to...actually I have no idea. But I know it will lead to *something* dreadful!
from alethia :
I feel that feeling! It has been SO LONG since I've seriously dated anyone, and I think it's partly because when I do end up naked with someone, that skin-to-skin feeling makes me rub against them like a cat. Which I guess is weird. But weird is kind of my thing, sooooo...THAT'S SO WEIRD. Do you remember her name, or what show she was on? My department is very small, and it's about a 50/50 chance I know her.
from jimbostaxi :
No problem anytime :) I’m going to tell her I want a snow globe instead of a postcard next time :)
from alethia :
You're having more success in the love department than I seem to be. Want to be my matchmaker? Does Peter have a (single) brother? ;)
from poetinthesky :
Fern, I know very well about those late night taco dates and can COMPLETELY relate to the highs and lows that absence brings. I am thrilled that you are finding happiness! It's about time.
from dangerspouse :
I knew you'd take my advice, for I AM HYPNOTOAD. (Plus, it was good advice.) Thanks for the note - it was a dilly! :)
from floodtide :
"Radical Forgiveness" is - quite literally - changing my life. Certainly it is changing my perspective about the trauma of April 2013. I get what you meant about forgiveness becoming unnecessary, because it was a factor in an equation that isn't necessary as part of the picture anymore. Cannot thank you enough for the gift of recommendation and empathy. You are an angel.
from jimbostaxi :
I pass by there everyday on the way to work! Thought of you as well :)
from narcissa :
I FORGOT ABOUT ALF. XOXO
from lust- :
New tattoo is three female vampire bats. I gave the artist the inspiration that vampire bats share blood meals with each other to hedge their bets and forge friendships and she incorporated it into an upper back piece. It looks really sweet. She put in a couple evening primrose flowers, a crescent moon, and a few stars as well. And, the bats are these three pals, sharing blood and being all cute. I remember reading about this quality in vampire bats a while back and thinking it was a really feminist and rad thing, so I've been wanting to get a tattoo of it for a while and the artist truly did it justice! Sharing is caring! On another note, I truly adore reading your words and hearing about your life. It sounds so robust. Hope you have a lovely week.
from dangerspouse :
Why is it that every time any woman has ever used my name and the word "kiss" in the same sentence, it's always either preceded or followed by the word "creepy"? A guy could get a complex, y'know? First my mother.... Anyway, WOO HOO for the Real Thing, baby! I'm very happy for you. And *sob* I'm so proud to know I may have played at least a small part in your transition from snow to flesh. No man can want for more than that. :)
from narcissa :
4/7: solo nighttime playing field dance party. that is joy. so happy for you.
from dangerspouse :
My god, you write pretty. I missed your entries while I was away. Gotta go catch up now. Hey, thanks for the nice comment(s) over at my place. I'm glad you liked the photo. Did I tell you it got SECOND PLACE at a recent photo competition? I know, I know. I shouldn't be so modest and hide my light under a bushel like that. What can I say? (ps. I don't care if it is a NY thing. Don't put ketchup on eggs!! Sheesh. Kids.) ;)
from jimbostaxi :
Lol, yeah she was on my mind a lot so I had to give her and entry of her own :)
from jimbostaxi :
Awesome entry!
from narcissa :
*swoon*
from alethia :
OooooOOOOOOoooooo. :D
from jarofporter :
what an exciting experience, 1st kisses are the best! and a hundred dollars on top of that? too cool!
from poetinthesky :
When you described when he put his hands on your face and held it, I got the chills. I know exactly how nice that feels. Let's see where this takes you...
from loveherwell :
that most recent entry is so lovely. i’m so glad you had a magical time.
from lust- :
April 3/19 - Seems as if that happy hair-do brought you more positivity than imagined! Happy for you.xo
from annanotbob2 :
Fab - I am loving this xx
from jimbostaxi :
Sashimi:)
from kelsi :
Ugh, hope your adult zits have faded into oblivion by now! re: a couch - after my Big Change I couldn't make myself get a couch, just the thought of it freaked me out. Too much commitment or something. Anyway, finally, a year or so ago, I got myself a couch. When it's right it's right, and when it's not it's not!
from jimbostaxi :
Lol, I saw it and didn’t believe it :)
from poetinthesky :
Do it! Write your book! I will be one of the first to buy it! Your journey is inspiring and encouraging... you are very brave!
from lust- :
I think it is that fear of judgement you mentioned that stops me from being vulnerable. I like the idea of being vulnerable alone. Definitely something to sit with. Thank you for the good vibes.xo
from sparkle-pink :
Right? And bottom line is she is a good employee. Always shows up for work, early even, rarely takes sick days, stays late if asks, and gets all of her shit done. And the customers LOVE her. Dollarama really lost a great asset.
from zenayda :
Hi there! I'm the one Flood mentioned. Apologies for not introducing myself sooner. I hope it's not creepy that I read enough of your diary to note your way with words. Truly, I meant what I said to Flood about your ability to make even disaster sound softy beautiful. I'm all hard lines and jagged edges, so your style struck me. Been here on d-land since 2002, but under other names. The only one of note was Pandionna, back in the d-land hay-day. Point is, you're lovely, and I wish the very best for you. And I hope that's not creepy either.
from floodtide :
Wow wow wow - thank you for your most recent note, which has prompted me to put "Radical Forgiveness" into my car on Amazon; I'll click "submit" on Friday, payday and probably have it overnighted. I'm eager for anything that will help on this journey. (For the background, go to mid-April in my diary.) Terri is on d-land as Zenayda, and on Facebook as TC Violetta. Her diary is pw-protected, but I sent her an e-mail telling her you were interested in communicating. Her own d-land notes page is confusing; I can't tell if it accepts notes or not. But I've no doubt she'll let me know it's okay to contact her, and the best way to do so. Thank you for so many things.
from sparkle-pink :
ty! parallel parking is something I lack skill at haha. Congrats on the apartment!!
from alethia :
Try Sigur Ros on for size. I particularly like their album Takk, but it's all good. It's a bit more structured than your classic ambient, though. If you want a good unstructured one, try Three Organic Experiences, by Aglaia. I listened to that one constantly in England. I tried to train myself to fall asleep when I heard it, but it didn't work. It still reminds me of napping under the rhododendron bushes at the studio, though.
from jimbostaxi :
Congrats on the apartment !! Plus I have to tell you that after reading the Bowen island part I wanted to jump off that cliff too! Of course my splash would be so immense it would drown nearby villages but it would be worth it :)
from narcissa :
3/24: YESSSS! Springtime and a new home. Excited for you. I love reading these joyful entries from you. I am just catching up on entries and have to tell you that with those eyes and that smile you’re so memorable.
from poetinthesky :
Congratulations!! This is just the beginning of great things!
from annanotbob2 :
*happy sigh*
from jarofporter :
3/23 - this whole entry makes me smile! congrats on the apartment!
from loveherwell :
congrats on the apartment!!
from jimbostaxi :
So would 3 notes make me even more awesome? I’m Eating a lovely thin crust veggie pizza and watching something on TV about the eighties it doesn’t get much better than this for a work night. I like the app idea for the glasses :) I once bought a pair I hated so much I refused to wear them!
from jimbostaxi :
I’m basaack hello again as far as glasses go how about those that change into sunglasses when you go into the light they are so cool. I always stand there staring at myself in the mirror looking to see what’s best,, ugh is this too round? Is this too square? Then I give up in disgust and leave with nothing or what the merchant recommends. Before I go congrats on the free class :)
from jimbostaxi :
Yes ! Another one on our side of the mayo battle 👍 welcome to the team :) nice to meet you!!! Did I mention i like exclamation points? Feel free to stop by anytime.
from alethia :
Which ambient album? I like ambient.
from annanotbob2 :
Mmm hardwood floors, warm beneath my feet... Thanks for your note - I feel much the same. I don't talk to him any more and it boils up inside me. I'm glad to know you're there. I bet you are far less ordinary than you think you are. It comes from within and has nothing to do with those items you listed. Fingers crossed for the flat x
from annanotbob2 :
Mmm hardwood floors, warm beneath my feet... Thanks for your note - I feel much the same. I don't talk to him any more and it boils up inside me. I'm glad to know you're there. I bet you are far less ordinary than you think you are. It comes from within and has nothing to do with those items you listed. Fingers crossed for the flat x
from poetinthesky :
Thank you for your encouraging words. I enjoy reading your entries. I love how you describe everything. I feel like I'm reading a book. Have you ever considered writing one?
from lust- :
Thank you for your note from however long ago. It feels nice that someone understands. I hope you get the apartment with the pink bathtub and are able to relax and find joy in living alone. Sending good vibes.xo
from annanotbob2 :
I love how you're living your life these days, how you're writing about it. Thank you for sharing it with us. It feels exciting to be with you on the brink of whatever is coming next. All the best xxx
from poetinthesky :
You describe your surroundings with such detail, I can almost picture it. You are becoming a stronger person, just as your muscles are strengthening, so is your soul. Good things are yet to come for you.
from poetinthesky :
You will surely find your home. You've already taken the first steps. I'm glad that you're finally finding yourself and leaving behind the old you.
from floodtide :
Moved and delighted by your eloquent and thoughtful (as always) entry about apartment hunting and then the swimming pool. You write so beautifully, with such gentleness. The description of the two boys diving was especially vivid and I loved it - read and re-read it a couple of times. "I loved them both...." Of course. I would have, too. Good luck with the hunt: I agree strongly with "If I can find one, I can find another." True and practical.
from dangerspouse :
Your entries now make me smile. :) (See?)
from narcissa :
3/13: i wasn't. i did fly ethiopian airlines the morning before from Addis to Dar es Salaam - same flight path, different plane so it felt a bit close to home but luckily no one i knew was on it. But still, i really feel for all these families and friends. I think in this kind of work we're so far from home sometimes our colleagues are closer than our families. it's so sad.
from kelsi :
I started boxing a few years ago and LOVED it. It's the best.
from narcissa :
3/7: i know you're right, but also it seems so indulgent. Why can't i just be okay with all these riches? // i also have replayed so many of those pool/hotel scenarios these last few months. [boxing sounds good]
from loveherwell :
that note made me feel much better about writing that. thank you.
from narcissa :
lovely photo. I'm glad you're doing so many things to take care of yourself.
from poetinthesky :
It's very hard to let go of something or someone that becomes your everything. But I think that's also the problem. They should not be your 'everything'. They should be your something, and that's it. I'm trying to un-whatever it is... let go, forget, erase... whatever it takes to stop the hurt. Thank you for recommending the book. I just ordered it.
from catsoul :
2.28.19. Hi Back at you. Thanks for the note. I am a snowtrooper now. I sat with my paper journal the other day, coming up with all words using the word snow. Never thought of snowtrooper. Peace.
from sparkle-pink :
i saw that! yay Vancouver. I like living here!
from floodtide :
You were well within your rights and then some to respond with frustration to "that's fine." It's hard for me to fathom that anyone wouldn't know that the proper response is some version of "Please tell him 'thank you.'"
from floodtide :
Thank you especially for your most recent note of kind affirmation. I am grateful for you in more ways than one.
from alethia :
Sometimes I wonder if that's a reason I've been alone so long: I do the woman things and the man things. I don't NEED anybody else, and it feels like so many partners need to feel needed. But anyway, all this to say, doing all the stuff feels really good. It feels like I'm a boat slicing through the bullshit of life. Sometimes I feel sad that there's no one to scratch my back and pet my face and tell me everything is okay, but at least I'm not drowning.
from sparkle-pink :
hi there! username: sparklepink password: envelope Looking forward to reading more of your entries!
from poetinthesky :
Fern, thank you for your kind words. I'm glad things are looking brighter for you, too! Please feel free to email me should you need to talk, adrianacuellar81@gmail.com. I'm with you!
from floodtide :
Yes, you are: capable, adaptable, and brave.
from floodtide :
Thanks for your note - for both of them. And for continuing to share your journey. For onion soup I use the recipe from the Balthazar cookbook, and if you don't know it it please let me know and I'll e-mail it or post it. Best onion soup BY FAR that I've ever tasted. Surprisingly (to me, anyway) it uses chicken broth instead of beef; you can also use vegetable stock. Somehow it's just RIGHT. Other than the time caramelizing the onions it's easy to make, and sooooooo satisfying. XO
from lust- :
Thank you for your kind words.
from narcissa :
2-19: i'm sure there's a dish soap link but i took that out and there's still some other things. blech. Thanks for the sympathy, and I love your entry. Congratulations. You're so brave and strong. xox
from poetinthesky :
You describe everything in so much detail. Beautifully written. I'm so happy you're finding your peace!
from annanotbob2 :
Oh she's so right - congratulations x
from floodtide :
Hi, I'm Guy - friend of Katherine and Anna. K's diary (life-my-way) led me to you, and I have been a regular reader since. Your writing is beautiful, succinct, eloquent, expressive. Your entries are little gifts every time. Like K's my diary is locked but if it would interest you you are welcome to visit it. UN is recondite and pw is phoenix. Won't be offended in the slightest if you don't want or need to add to your already-long list. But I've added you to my favorites so that I see when you've posted. Thank you. With love, gwm
from annanotbob2 :
xxx
from poetinthesky :
I love how you describe everything. Hang in there! You are much stronger than you think!!!
from dangerspouse :
I like Josh :)
from dangerspouse :
I'm very, very proud of you. FOR EATING THAT STEW! Oh ok, and for the inner fortitude stuff and stuff, too :) Seriously, I am literally in awe of your ability to weather this gale, and I just know things are going to be better for you going forward now. Sing it with me: "I am woman, I am strong...." (Well not me personally, but ya know.Solidarity, etc.) :)
from annanotbob2 :
Just read this (11/2/19) when it's been posted 16 hours ago so sincerely hoping you are away and out of there and it's all done and dusted. Big love and hugs and an intercontinental strength and solidarity booster! xx
from dangerspouse :
You rejected a slow cooker meal? It must REALLY be over, then. Hitch up those BGP's and make for those greener pastures, girl. And stay there this time.
from narcissa :
thinking of you every day. sending love. you're making all the right choices to take care of yourself - it's so hard and you are doing it anyway. xox. (ps omg yes those birds).
from loveherwell :
i truly commend you for recognizing what’s best for you and going through with it. hang in there. it’s worth it.
from annanotbob2 :
Ah, you and K. xx
from jarofporter :
piano music? see, synchronicities like that absolutely fascinate me!
from alethia :
I read parts and skimmed parts. I am familiar with this letter. I've been sent variations of it over the years. They all made me go hmmmmmmmmm. -_-
from kelsi :
Wow, your soap is beautiful!
from kelsi :
You make soap!?! That is fantastic! Also, now I've got Nightswimming by REM stuck in my head but instead of "nightswimming" it's "nightskiing"...
from dangerspouse :
As am I. (BTW, I've been planning on making Soup Dumplings this year, once I get a good gelatenous stock made. I'll let you know how they turn out. That'll be more of a test!) :)
from dangerspouse :
https://tinyurl.com/y39o8u6h
from jarofporter :
That sounds like a great evening!
from dangerspouse :
I actually had a few things I wanted to offer (none of them helpful), but as soon as I read "my first Chinese dumpling" everything flew out of my head. Your FIRST EVER Chinese dumpling? Really? What are you, an illegal alien from Mars? How did this happen??
from life-my-way :
Hi, I'm Katherine, a friend of Anna's, and I've been reading you for a bit--wanted to say hello. I'm locked up but would share if you're interested. Your writing about the separation is so stark and clear...great. K.
from annanotbob2 :
Just popped in to say hi and have a good weekend x
from whaleart :
I really like the simplicity of your template :)
from se7enchance :
I'll be the voice of the unpopular (and perhaps, unwelcome) opinion, here: I'm quite certain that email isn't deliberately meant to deceive or manipulate. It's real, and raw, and a mess. I have written that email. And I winced sympathetically as I read it. I hate using personal anecdotes-- "I" is not a good word. And no one would, in good faith, say you should go back to that. But that letter is genuine, and sincere. Just the opinion of a disembodied someone who recognizes the vessel of regret which is that letter. Cheers. Here's to your healing, lady~
from alethia :
Hmmmmmm. -_-
from kelsi :
Um, so, I don’t know you and have very little background on all this, but that email seems like manipulation to me. Maybe it isn’t, or maybe he truly thinks he’s being honest and sincere - but it’s still laying a lot on you, and I don’t think that’s fair, especially after less than two weeks. If I were you I wouldn’t respond. But I’m not you, so do what you feel is best for you!
from jarofporter :
Ugh. can honestly say I'm not surprised by this, just sad that you had to be exposed to it...
from kelsi :
There are no mistakes. Even if you decide you don’t like what’s happening in your life now, it’s not a mistake, just part of the path youll travel in life. Likewise, the previous however-many years weren’t a mistake - everything was necessary to get you where you are now!
from dangerspouse :
A rush hour slog in the rain would break Mother Teresa, Santa Clause, AND Mr. Rogers. I'd think of something more humanly possible if I were you. And...you're welcome. Again. PEP! PEP! PEP! :)
from annanotbob2 :
You were with him a long time - it's OK feel sad - it's natural to grieve the loss of the hope you would make it together. Have a good week, dear friend x
from jarofporter :
sounds like a great weekend!
from dangerspouse :
I waited ALL FREAKING YEAR to make that movie reference. I'm glad you appreciate it. Hey, don't go all glumly morose over my stupid analysis. It's not destiny. I just feel like I've got a lot invested in you now after all those finely crafted notes I left, so I'm feeling overprotective. Just do me a favor: don't cut yourself off from potentially great things over fears of the past repeating itself. But go into things with your eyes open and your wits about you knowing they could. Look for familiar signs early, and act if you find them. You're a good person. Demand to be treated like one.
from dangerspouse :
Happy Groundhog Day! Now take a deep breath and asess things rationally. You don't want your love life following the same script as the movie. The 'halo effect' is real, and is famous in rebound relationships. But I'm sure you know that already, so I'm gonna just go pop more popcorn and see how this plays out ;)
from dangerspouse :
No. No texting for me, thanks. A land line, and a PC. It's a wonder I can function at all, eh? (Gee, and he has such a sterling record of respecting all your previous wishes....) :)
from dangerspouse :
Can you, like, I dunno, block people from messaging you? I don't have a texting device of my own, but I've heard rumor that filtering technology exists on them.... ;)
from dangerspouse :
Thank you so much for the birthday greeting! That was very nice of you :)
from achmardi :
I hadn't been to diaryland in a few weeks, so just read the last 10 or so entries. At some point I started crying -- I'm really glad you left him. My Daniel used to say the same stuff, that I was "withholding information" in those exact words, convinced me I was selfish and the one with mental problems, etc. I learned from therapy that you don't owe anyone ANY of your thoughts and feelings. You should reveal them only when the person deserves them. He's not entitled to anything, as much as he wants to believe he is. I think that's important to remember, especially during the breakup phase. Stay strong. <3
from kelsi :
I don't know how I haven't run across your diary before, but somehow I hadn't, and I happen to have found you at a huge moment in your life. Good luck! I left once too, and moved back home. Thomas Wolfe said You Can't Go Home Again, but I could, and it was the best possible place for me. As difficult and heartbreaking as that time was, it was also exciting and absolutely right. My future was my own again, and I was my own again, and I hope that's true for you too.
from annanotbob2 :
I don't know if this link will work, but when I listened it made me think of you, skating and skiing. It's a radio programme about Joni Mitchell's song The River - I listened to it before you skated away https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0001l70
from dangerspouse :
Why does the song "Since U Been Gone" keep looping through my brain since reading your marvelous ode to personal emancipation? ("I can breathe for the first time. I'm so moving on....") Thank you for the lovely note, that meant a lot to me. Oh, and...there is no fucking way I'm going to sabotage that FitBit. Do you think I want to alter NewWifey(tm)'s newfound strategy to reach 116bpm? I've never loved a piece of consumer electronics so much in my life! ;)
from alethia :
Welcome home. :)
from jarofporter :
beautiful :-)
from annanotbob2 :
26/01/19 That was the best post. I got goosebumps in the last paragraph. Well done, you. xx
from jarofporter :
Charter flight into bright, blue skies... :-)
from annanotbob2 :
Good stuff. Big hugs - it will be fine. You got me and Danger behind you, we got your back, kiddo. Travel safe xx
from dangerspouse :
Safe flight, babe. We're all pulling for you here. Update when you can. Don't be scared....
from annanotbob2 :
Standing with you, shoulder to shoulder. xx
from dangerspouse :
The sordid underbelly of academia indeed.... :)
from dangerspouse :
Not until I can find a large enough Skinner Box, and some Pine-Sol to use as a reward. ( https://dangerspouse.diaryland.com/050219_21.html )
from dangerspouse :
He's gotta like Pine-Sol?! Damn, I've heard of girls setting the bar impossibly high before, but this takes the cake. Ah well, if you're gonna dream, dream BIG, right? Good luck with that! (Did you know that in my pre-radio (ie: pre-poverty) life I studied experimental psychology, and after college worked as a councilor at a halfway house for schizophrenics? Talking to you has been a real flashback to those days!) ;)
from annanotbob2 :
Yes. On you go. Almost there, almost free. xx
from dangerspouse :
I like your counselor, she sounds almost as astute at that blogger guy "Dangerspouse". I hope you follow through now. Pressing your lips against pine scented snow is fine for a while. But pressing them against warm, loving lips is better. You deserve lips like that, and I'm sure you'll find them now. Stay strong, babe.
from lust- :
Wishing, hoping & sending strength & love your way.xo
from se7enchance :
Shannon. I have many things to say, but I'll keep it short. Firstly, you're welcome, but your thanks weren't necessary. Consider the care that people offer you an echo of your good karma, yeah? Secondly, you do do write so very lovely-- it's an undervalued privilege being able to read such things for free. And thirdly, good for you-- and good luck-- on your recent turn of relationship gears. It will be very hard, but you're surely up for it. And, of course, my offer as pixelated tribute stands. Cheers, and LessThanThree
from poetinthesky :
I really hope things work out for you. Feeling numb never helps in a marriage. I should know. We've been zombies for the last 5-6 years or so and now... now I don't know what will become of us... We are strangers in our own home and I, well, I found my Chris...
from annanotbob2 :
Good on you. I think you will find it brilliant. All that Danger said, all that. It will be fine. Yay, good for you. *happy dance*
from dangerspouse :
You're welcome. I, and Emmeline Pankhurst, applaud your new sense of resolve :)
from jarofporter :
you have email...
from dangerspouse :
Wow. My father once told me, "There are two ways to do something: the right way, and the easy way". That must have been one of the hardest things you've ever done, requiring even more courage and resolve than skiing without poles. I'm very proud of you (not that it's my place to be proud or not proud of you, but y'know...). I do hope this means a positive change in your life now, either with him wisening up (*cough*notbloodylikely*cough*) or you realizing the maelstrom's shrapnel is worth suffering if it means a better live awaits on the other side. And I have the temerity to suggest it does. Good luck. Really. (And thank you for the kind words about my scribbles. But I just write silly stories punctuated with occasional waxing porn. You write Life. You're at a whole 'nuther level.)
from dangerspouse :
I understand what you're saying. The view from without is always crystal clear. From within, it's a much more confusing morass. You have my sympathy, and I hope you find the best solution for you. Soon. I'll just add one more log to the fire though, and then shut up (at least for this note, lol): you wrote that you hold yourself back from leaving over "the responsibility of causing maelstrom in someone else's life". Very admirable. But has he ever expressed any qualms, or even hesitations, about causing maelstrom in YOUR life? Nature abhors a vacuum, I abhor a double standard. Ah well, I suppose I have to get back to your original point. It looks different from the inside. So...all the best to you. (And your posts don't bore me. Despite the dolorous narrative, it's so beautifully written as to be compelling. I wish I had your style.) Lol, yes, alpaca snow globes cure many, many ills. Send me your address, and who knows.... :)
from jarofporter :
while looking at the abyss below, don't forget that the other direction is wide-open, bright, blue sky. i'm really sorry you're having to go through this.
from dangerspouse :
"I have been trying to be better for him" is one of the saddest, not to mention most futile, things a girl could write. I don't mean to point out the obvious, but if 11 years after writing that you're still on that balance beam then either you're not trying hard enough, or you'll NEVER be good enough for him. Guess which one I'm guessing? What are you going to do now - sleep alone for another 11 years until you come back and read that old entry again, and wonder again if there's yet another thing you can do to make things better? Will you go to your grave wondering? You only get one life to live, babe, and you better advocate for yourself to make it the life you want. If I may leave you with a hackneyed meme: "A woman can't change a man because she loves him. A man changes himself because he loves her." Your man isn't changing, ergo....
from annanotbob2 :
*waving*
from the-grey-one :
i'm not sure if i've messaged you before but i've been reading you for quite a while, your writing has always drawn me in. i mostly just wanted to drop a line of communication, and stop just being a silent creeper. so, hello!
from alethia :
I'd like that. :)
from dangerspouse :
Sexual harassment! SEXUAL HARASSMENT!! ;)
from alethia :
That’s my hometown. I was born in the hospital there. I hope you liked it. <3
from dangerspouse :
Happy birthday, many more! The earrings sound nice...I hope the sentiment was sincere.
from jarofporter :
i haven't celebrated my b-day in years. no plans, though i do work that day. as for national parks, i would have no idea what to do once i got to one. it would be different if i could go with a group, without someone to sort of guide me through it, i'd probably just get super-anxious & leave right away. i'm not very good with new things unless i have a clear game plan. that's also why i only like to travel to places where I know someone.
from jarofporter :
Are you a Capricorn too? My b-day is in a couple weeks. Happy b-day, glad his gifts turned out to be something you liked - trying to fake liking a gift sucks!
from annanotbob2 :
Thanks xx
from jarofporter :
I would've ghosted too. Having at this point been asked, I would have been direct. "I'm sorry, but this has felt like a one-sided friendship for ages, and the fact that you couldn't see that & had to ask, I think speaks for itself, regardless of the unsolicited over-sharing of your intimate bits". (or some such). I think you handled it well, and better yet, did so in a way that felt true to yourself.
from jarofporter :
Early for me as well, but rather than wine I've got rum. Happy New Year to you too!
from jarofporter :
:-)
from narcissa :
Dec 27 18: oh thanks for asking. Was sort of full of landmines with my pregnant sister in law and meeting BT to get a bunch of my stuff back aand my 39th(!) birthday plus christmas and everyone asking, 'where is BT? WHAT?' etc. But i made it through and then i kind of huddled under covers for a long time and cried a lot and now i think i'll be okay for a few days. thank you so much for asking. I hope you're okay... i don't think it's any easier when things are rocky. Maybe harder.
from jarofporter :
resent!
from jarofporter :
several drinks notwithstanding, i'm still concerned.
from annanotbob2 :
I'm OK, not great but not bad, thanks for asking. Hope you're OK too x
from jarofporter :
Hi! Thanks for the note; I sent you an email to your d-land address, hopefully it'll be forwarded.
from jarofporter :
I should add, I hope things are alright with you. Not sure if I offered before, but if you'd like to talk any time, feel free to email me...
from jarofporter :
Thanks, Happy holiday to you as well :-)
from achmardi :
He's 100% gaslighting you. I'm glad you recognize that it's emotional abuse. Stay strong. <3
from jarofporter :
'thanks' seems inadequate, but I don't know what else to say...
from se7enchance :
Please be very, very careful in proceeding with this. People usually respond extraordinarily badly to narcissitic injuries. Which this may threaten to do. Please leave yourself an (immediate) out.
from jarofporter :
your analysis seems pretty spot-on. really impressed you're able to see this, i never was until after my divorce. stay strong.
from annanotbob2 :
Ooh, you know how to write a cliffhanger ending! Wishing you all the best, whatever that turns out to be x
from jarofporter :
The end of your Dec. 13 entry got me to smile, though I'm saddened by the surrounding circumstances.
from narcissa :
to both of you (swordfern and anna): I don't know how anyone knows the answers here, so i guess i should be praying more. Serenity please : /
from alethia :
I'm sorry you're experiencing this. <3
from annanotbob2 :
It's that serenity prayer, isn't it? "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference." How do we know the difference? I will say that when I ended things with each of my husbands, I immediately felt as though I'd put down a heavy burden. I suddenly had a spring in my step and new found joie de vivre. Yet here I am now. Though I'm not sure how much is brutally financial. x
from annanotbob2 :
Dec 11th Oh man, I feel you. This is where I am, exactly. I'm too tired to mend it, too tired to face leaving and all that goes with it. But it's no way to live, is it? Best wishes xxx
from bombasine :
not to move on when you should can also be a kind of giving up. all the best to you.
from narcissa :
Dec 11: thinking of you, sending love.
from dangerspouse :
Don't confuse "improving your lot" with "being a quitter". You'll only be a quitter if you see the right path and don't make the effort to go down it. Then you'll have quit on life.
from se7enchance :
I was hesitant to say anything, with your previous entry. But your comment about having trained him to interact with you in that way is painfully insightful. Your kindness demonstrated, is also complicit sanction, for him. I do wish I could talk with you real time. You're simply lovely. If you ever wanted a stranger to fill the pixelated gaps in your text messages-- with anything at all-- I'd volunteer as tribute. Wishing you good juju, in the meantime.
from dangerspouse :
“This award honours a woman who is an ASTTBC member, has distinguished herself in her field of technology and has demonstrated leadership by serving as a role model and promoting careers in technology,”...And who has made herself a doormat. Who has to apologize for building a fire incorrectly to a man who shows up late and doesn't even ask about her day. Who is lonely and sad and tries to will the phone to ring. Who is invisible. Nope. Don't see any dichotomy there at all. Do you...?
from jarofporter :
Dec 5th entry sounds like my ex-marriage, I could feel stomach winding itself up in knots as I read. I hope you find your way out of this, nobody deserves to be treated that way! :-(
from alethia :
I feel like I can't top DangerSpouse's last comment for wit and style, so I'll just add my congratulations. ;)
from dangerspouse :
God, you are SO vain.
from se7enchance :
Cheers and congratulations on that article. You must feel incredible. And rightly so.
from narcissa :
04-Dec: !!! so amazing.. nice to be recognized, and the write-up is so good! (far cry from that soap one!)
from annanotbob2 :
Congratulations! You are brilliant - how can you be such a good writer and know all that techno stuff as well? x
from dangerspouse :
Is that you? The hot one in the middle, between the fat chick and the dude who's copping a quick ass feel because he knows you're not gonna flinch during the Official Photo? That's freakin' AWESOME! Congrats! Many more!! And man, what a glowing review. That really was a fascinating write-up they did. You're pretty incredible, it turns out. Who knew?? :)
from jarofporter :
Wow, congrats! Really cool to read that article!
from se7enchance :
The self-control and thoughtful attention that you demonstrate when acknowledging the way you 'contributed to how he is reacting' (WHILE he is reacting)-- as well as demonstrating empathy for his position-- is simultaneously incredibly laudable, and unbearably sad. Where did you learn this rare and valuable ability?
from dangerspouse :
Uh-oh. Somebody's threatening to take my advice. That's on of the 7 signs of the Apocalypse....
from dangerspouse :
Over a LAMP? Seriously? That's so pathetic I'm not even going to make the "light headed" joke I immediatly thought of. Sheesh. Over a lamp. That's no way to live....
from dangerspouse :
Shame on you for standing on a dyke. She's probably bruised, at the very least. (Thanks for the great note, but you do not want to share a hot tub with me. My back hair ALWAYS clogs the drain. What a mess.) :)
from dangerspouse :
I missed you too, babe. So I came back. Yay! (Came back to read you're living the life I was meant to live...sans all those men in hot tubs, lol.) :)
from narcissa :
it felt SO GOOD to want to write it. coming back from the brink. oof. Thanks xox
from jarofporter :
hey, thanks for the note - it seems like the only people who feel that way are anonymous internet people. if only i could find someone irl to show some interest/concern. i appreciate you taking the time to write. :-)
from alethia :
<3
from narcissa :
summer corn, one of the true joys. xox
from jarofporter :
Yeah, I never said anything, but I find your writing style really captivating! Oh, and I wouldn't add me until you've read a bit, it's a lot of the same recurrent themes - boredom, apathy, depression, trying to be healthy... Even I get tired of it! ;-)
from jarofporter :
great pics! good to put a face to the space, too.
from narcissa :
10-Jul-18: *heart eyes emojis* love those photos, your smile is incandescent
from narcissa :
16-May: you're so rad.. way to live your best life xo
from annanotbob2 :
Yay! 12/5/18
from annanotbob2 :
Good. xx
from narcissa :
Apr 3- *SO*MISLED*
from dangerspouse :
That's you? Kawaii!!
from narcissa :
amazing!! about the soap, you've really managed to do so much just since new years plus with all the travel and buying a house etc etc etc? so inspiring. (obviously I'm with Anna (and you) on my need to edit that article, geesh "contributor", so painful!). Was your hair so long in July?? so lovely. (and thanks for sending thoughts, much appreciated)
from annanotbob2 :
You look splendid - but that is one hell of an article, Jeez. Makes my hand itch for the red pen, to whizz through with some corrections.
from narcissa :
3-28-18: cool! what's your side project?!?
from dangerspouse :
Why would having a profile in a local newspaper cause you anxiety? Revel in your 15 minutes! Woot!!
from annanotbob2 :
10/3/18 Beautiful - that's how it is, isn't it? Shafts of pure sorrow amongst the mundane and the joyous. x
from annanotbob2 :
Yikes, don't know how to send note on Insta but hoping you are as well as can be, hugs xxx
from alethia :
<3
from dangerspouse :
Happy Christmas to you too, babe! Thank you for the sweet note. I'm so glad my little silliness gave you a smile :)
from dangerspouse :
Wow, lookit you! Glad the new place is paradise, and Scots are already hitting on you. Revel in it, babe! (And FWIW, I'm lean yet soft WITHOUT ever having gotten my period back. So there.) :)
from narcissa :
12-6: thinking of you and hope the new place is feeling right!
from narcissa :
I think most of it is hot. But also there are lots of mountain ranges, and many of the capital cities are located in the hills because it's cooler. Sincerely, thank you for saying that, because I felt like an ignorant dummy.
from narcissa :
lawyers! also *sob* why are those counselors so expensive. It's really so amazing that you're finding a way to make all this work. And now really glad I caught you while you were still in the city! Good luck with the move, looking forward to hearing updates from the other side.
from dangerspouse :
BTW, by "it gave itself to us", do you think he meant "it gave itself to our car"?
from dangerspouse :
'Atta girl! (I just hope the rest of the deer is dead, too.) :)
from narcissa :
congratulations! I feel like that all happened really fast?! Amazing - looking forward to hearing about the adventures that come with the next step
from alethia :
I envy your ability to Get Things Done. Most days I feel like I'm drowning under Things I Should Be Doing, but can somehow never quite get done.
from alethia :
How exciting! And scary! And exciting! I was born in the interior. If I didn't love my career so much, I'd probably go live in Kaslo, or similar. I love when the mountains get really tight, and there's always rivers.
from alethia :
But...where are you going?! Still in the city, or going far away?
from alethia :
<3
from alethia :
Hahaha. New job isn't THAT exciting. I'm a freelancer, so this job will carry me through most of the winter. It's a Christmas movie. It's the big one. If you see a Christmas movie filming around town, that'll be mine. I'll be somewhere far away in a workshop with no windows, but you could wave at the production anyway. I'll know. ;)
from narcissa :
8-24: badass!
from alethia :
I have recently had that exact fear, while trying to empty mine at the Hope Slide rest stop. Fortunately for me I had slightly better luck. (Also, holy fuck menstrual cups?! If I had known how much better life would be with one I would have switched years ago!)
from dangerspouse :
I'm glad you remembered you could post pictures. Those were breathtaking. I'm also glad you remembered you could be happy :)
from scullerymaid :
Thanks so much for your note. I definitely plan on ordering a copy of that book!
from narcissa :
possibly weird, but i'll be in your town june 27-jul 6 if you wanted to get a coffee? Completely understand if you do not want to/cannot make it! narcissadiaryland@gmail.com
from narcissa :
i really wasn't trying to bring it up, i was just going to quietly hang up... but then i remembered this horrible story about this First Nations man in Saskatchewan who died in Emergency because the staff assumed he was drunk but actually he was having a stroke. So it was more of a better safe than sorry thing and yeah, it didn't go over so well. But yeah, I hear what you're saying and i really appreciate your note. Hope all well with you in that beautiful city. xo.
from alethia :
I think I would die a slow and terrible death if I ever discovered my parents were reading this. And, uh, I suddenly feel the need to apologize for my last entry! But don't worry. I won't show you a picture of my vulva. ;) Heck, I don't think I'd even show MY best friend that, and we share EVERYTHING.
from annanotbob2 :
Ah, my heart lifts when I see you've updated! Eeek! Why are we so polite to such awful people? Why didn't you get up and walk away and show her the same level of disrespect? Rhetorical question - I wouldn't have been able to either. x
from jarofporter :
Hi! Really enjoy your writing style - hope you won't mind if I add you to my list, I'd like to read a bit more. :-)
from dangerspouse :
Ahhhhhhhhhh, no. From the way you described her, she would not think you were trying to even the score. She would think you wanted to join her. Lol - I hope the food was at least ok, despite the menu, the insincere teen waiter, and us awful Americans :)
from alethia :
Where you at? How are you?
from annanotbob2 :
When I hear YOU saying, "Why would she like me?" I can see how equally mad it is for me to think that about myself. Why shouldn't anybody like anyone? It's a terrible thing to have that question always lurking. Especially when we have a beautiful big ginger cat in our lives x
from annanotbob2 :
xxx
from alethia :
Good to see you again. I was worried you wouldn't come back. :)
from annanotbob2 :
2/2/17 Good to hear from you - beautiful evocative writing - feel I've been there now = hope you are well x
from dangerspouse :
I hate winter too. But that was beautiful writing.
from alethia :
Thanks. You too.
from narcissa :
i'm with anna - i loved that entry too. enjoy whitehorse, i'm so jealous. i hope you get clear skies and northern lights!
from dangerspouse :
Tomato turds? Now THAT would be amazing. Lol...glad you liked my silly little tale of coprophage. It was all worth it now :) And what an entry *you* just put up! I laughed, I cried, I ate an entire bag of Cheeto's! Whew. Great stuff. But damn. Those old men are creepy. How do you attract them?
from annanotbob2 :
Nov 20 - God, I loved reading that post. xx
from narcissa :
11/18 - you're on my mind. xox
from narcissa :
11/14 2. Thanks so much for your message, I appreciate your congratulations and am going to try to hold on to the lightness, but it's so hard! BT came in the end and who knows what was going on in his head, but i think that ultimately he was glad he came and obvs i wonder why there has to be such drama in the first place, but at least we worked though it.
from narcissa :
11/14 - 1. I am so sorry about your thyroid news. You're in my thoughts and hoping they get you onto the next step quickly so you get some more information, and hoping it's not serious. You are in my thoughts.
from dangerspouse :
When can you expect to get a diagnosis? God, I hope it's nothing that can't be treated quickly and easily. Keep us updated - I'll be thinking about you. All the best.
from narcissa :
yay, periods!
from se7enchance :
Congratulations on turning the corner, so to speak. Good luck with your health and self-acceptance. ♥
from dangerspouse :
Bread pudding, coming up! :)
from alethia :
WHOOO! BLEEDING! WHOOOOOOOOO CHOCOLATE PUDDING! :D :D :D
from dangerspouse :
I never thought I'd say this to a woman (or a man, come to think of it), but...CONGRATULATIONS ON GETTING YOUR PERIOD! Now go have another snack. :)
from narcissa :
I second the recommendation for headspace. It is pretty vital for my life.
from zenayda :
Wow. Back when I had my first diary here 13 years ago, my ex-hub never read it, but for one entry after we separated, just before the divorce was final. He felt it would be a violation of boundaries to read it, and I have to say he was right. After he read that one entry, in which I described a date with someone new (he was also dating someone), I did lock up, and it was never the same after that. If you can forgive someone for that, more power to ya, because I couldn't. I consider it a dealbreaker for someone to snoop through a journal of any kind without permission. We all need a safe place, and no one has the right to invade it that way. Just thoughts from a random reader. I mean no offense.
from alethia :
I'm so sorry that happened to you. That's a huge fear of mine. No one in my life knows of this diary, and even though I don't write a lot of specific names, anyone who knows my people will know who is who. I write a lot of my inner layers. It's rough to have anyone close to me see those, much less by surprise. Hang in there. It will get better.
from annanotbob2 :
I paid the subscription a couple of years ago - I can't remember how much it was but I only did a few more as something happened to distract me. This time a counsellor recommended it and suggested doing it before I got dressed as a way of sticking to it and this has worked. I found the subscription still open and now I seem to be able to do whatever I like so I'm doing the same 10 minute basic guided one to see me through this difficult bit but honestly I am amazed at the subtle but powerful impact it's having.
from annanotbob2 :
I try not to give unsolicited advice, honest, but I do want to recommend a ten minute guided meditation as an alternative to medication for anxiety. I have been using headspace.com which is free for ten sessions and then not much and I think has made a massive difference for me. Best wishes anyway xxx
from alethia :
Where are you? How are you? It's September and how about that rain, eh. Madness.
from narcissa :
Aug 12 - gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak. omg no words. catatonic is right. but also, yes, all the things that have to be said, right? thank you, and sending you all the same wishes.
from alethia :
I have been thinking of what to say, but I have no really good advice. Relationships are hard. The housing market in Van is hard. I wish I could give you perfect advice to solve your problems. Your relationship sounds toxic, but I also understand the struggle to stay. I hope your life settles and brings you happiness.
from narcissa :
xox sending all the good thoughts and wishes. You are an amazing person and you are going to get through this.
from annanotbob2 :
You're a bit 'killing me softly' with these posts - I want to shake you and say leave him, for fuck's sake, but Bloke makes me feel the same way and here I am, so I do know how hard it is. But I am old and unemployable. Leave though, really. There's no feeling better than putting down the weight of a bad relationship. Hugs xx
from dangerspouse :
No offense, but I believe you're beyond the point where herbs will be of any help. Please do something for yourself. This is not living.
from narcissa :
Jul 12- xox
from dangerspouse :
You're welcome. I think you should take the advice you tell me you'd tell yourself. 11 years of memories, artifacts, etc? THAT'S hard to get rid of? How about the prospect of 11 more? You seem like a very, very nice person who doesn't deserve the fate a bad decision is going to hand you. I know it's trite to the point of being ridiculous, but it's true: you only live once. Don't throw away this one go-round. All the best to you in this, really. (And btw, that was a beautiful photo. Very dramatic landscape you got to see first hand!)
from nineofswords :
I notice that when you write about Chris you talk about fascination, passion, endless great conversation, laughter, friendship, trust, thoughtfulness, and all the good feelings. When you write about Daniel it is fear, hatred, anger, hurt, disappointment, sorrow. He doesn't see your pain, he doesn't think he should do anything differently... It is pretty clear what you would do if not for the fear that holds you back. I know it is hard to let go, but there is immense happiness on the other side of this pain. Best wishes.
from alethia :
Thank you. :) And I know it. I wish she knew it, too. She's always been really obsessed about her weight, but eighteen years of nagging will really wear a person down.
from dangerspouse :
7/2 I hope this isn't too intrusive, but has there been any resolution? Has he at least texted again? All the best, really.
from narcissa :
jun 28 - then you think, 'surely it shouldn't be this hard?' and then you think, 'but all this history/all these memories/things can be so great' and then you think 'ugh what do i do and how will i know what to do?' [or is all that just me?]
from narcissa :
oh hi - just checking in (June 23)
from narcissa :
June 18. ugh. Thanks for the thoughts, and sending them back to you.
from alethia :
Oh no. Oh my heart.
from narcissa :
june 10 - thanks, it *is* a lot. i just lay awake staring at the ceiling for 5 hours last night. But everything will be okay, right? uggggggggghhhhh. You too, sending all the good thoughts.
from alethia :
I think it's really important for women to connect in male-dominated fields. If only to compare notes and make sure the normal they're experiencing is actually normal.
from se7enchance :
Your diary is amazing. In the best way. I feel privileged to be able to read it. ♥ Well wishes~
from alethia :
Yes. That's where I was living before I moved to London. Lots of film in Van. If I go back, that's where I'll go. I haven't decided. Adventure is good, but I'm so, so tired.
from alethia :
I know the campus you're talking about. I got hired a couple years ago to help a theatre clear out it's warehouse on that site, to make way for building. Not a judgement, just a curious thought. How many links on the chain never meet.
from narcissa :
i'm sorry. Sounds stressful. Sending good thoughts.
from narcissa :
i didn't apply. We'll see what's next but it isn't going to be new orleans. In the end, it wasn't that hard. After 10 years, I'm ready for some change.
from alethia :
The patriarchy can suck my dick. I'll do what I like. ;)
from alethia :
Oh, my heart.
from annanotbob2 :
Hiya - saw you on Narcissa's notes, added you. x
from alethia :
I feel for you. Feelings are hard.
from narcissa :
Take care of yourself. It sounds like you're being so brave, and that is not easy.
from narcissa :
s, i'm so sorry. xox
from alethia :
CLIFFHANGER!! AAAAAHHHH!!!
from narcissa :
oh, thx for your note.. sometimes i feel like a weird stalker on your page, but you so often write something that strikes such a chord for me and then I have to let you know. I keep on not being finished, so more vibrancy for me! (**Sobs**). Wishes for all good things in 2016.
from narcissa :
ugh, your improv story is my nightmare. Consolation that max people got to see your amazing dress. That always helps.
from narcissa :
always so inspired by your yoga stories!
from alethia :
Your entries make me homesick.
from scullerymaid :
Thank you so much for your kind note!
from dangerspouse :
Wow. How fragile, how tenuous it all is. Godspeed, Gord.
from narcissa :
was that too weird? i think so.
from narcissa :
did you see this? http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/12/return-of-the-rhythm-method/383545/ thought you might be interested.
from narcissa :
we read these journals for so long that it's so amazing to see when someone is so happy.
from narcissa :
dude, it's just that relationships are so hard, and then there are those moments of 'is it supposed to be *this* hard?', and that is why we have these journals.
from narcissa :
hey, you know my note below about the counseling that BT and I did together? Actually the best thing that came out of that experiment and the whole messy breakup was that I started to see someone on my own (and so did he), which helped me clarify for myself what i wanted, and my limits and boundaries...i still don't have answers, but it helps. It sounds like you have so much going on and that might help you figure it out. Again, it's $$$. But worth it, if you can find someone you respect and want to work with.
from dangerspouse :
You don't know what this means? Really?
from adaorardor :
Somehow I don't think a larger living space would help. I think listening to your own anger will. No, his need for conversation doesn't trump your need to be inside yourself. Etc.
from narcissa :
we did that last year, after we broke up for a while... it was just the most expensive thing i'd ever really done.. seriously, we could have gone on a great vacation for what we spent. But it was really, really worth it. I hope it works out for you... actually, after that, we both ended seeing counselors separately for some of what came out of that. So yes. $$$.
from futurewifey :
Re: is this something you should be listening to? I think if things allow then yes, you should.
from narcissa :
you're so brave with your dance classes. That stuff terrifies me.
from narcissa :
egh. sorry. i can't imagine.
from narcissa :
BUT I WANT TO! (thanks)
from narcissa :
egh, it makes me nervous. i hope we don't regret it.
from narcissa :
what a gift to have this time to yourself before all the upcoming changes. And to have the chance to really immerse into the world that you've created for yourself up there. Glad you're writing it all down so you have a record for later. Thanks for sharing, it's been a window into such a different life.
from futurewifey :
Hope your move goes as smooth as can be.
from straysparrow :
I should have sent you this ages ago, but life has been crazy and in complete turmoil and I'm trying not to write about it anywhere public because everything is still amicable and I don't want to feed the gossip mongers. But I didn't mean to keep it from you. If you have a Livejournal account, its all there in locked form: straysparrow. If you don't you can email me. robin dot e dot young at gmail
from futurewifey :
RE: Keeping Score. J & I have been together 11.5 years, married for 1.5 years. Let me just say that in order to make it through, you absolutely cannot keep score. It will ruin you, him and your relationship. Talking, maybe even arguing about it, will shed some light on the situation though. We've been living together 6 years, and learned in a hurry that keeping score would not work for long. I will say that since having the baby, any remainder of a score card has flown out the window. I could never have found a better partner. I stay at home with her and he works, and if I had to look at the cards, I'd honestly say they are just about even.
from futurewifey :
I am absolutely drooling over 'Drive to Alaska'!
from futurewifey :
Thinking of you, sending you positive thoughts for good results. xo
from futurewifey :
The whole situation with doctors and PAP tests and so on sounds so familiar to what happens around here. Only we have no walk in clinics, doctors arent accepting new patients, which forces people to dial 811 Healthlink or go to the local emergency department. Since people go for prescription refills, check ups, etc, the entire system is ridiculously slow. People have waited 14 hours + for a 1 minute doctor visit, and those who really need to be seen due often leave to go home and call an ambulance just to be seen quicker. It is ridiculous.
from narcissa :
biological clock, bah. (i know. i really do). your entry so resonated with me today.
from narcissa :
Bleech, is the worst. And i bet that it's dark and rainy and gloomy too... that can't be helping. Hope it all starts to sort itself out.
from narcissa :
hi, hope all okay.. locked down journals almost always a bad sign. will miss your updates, take care.
from futurewifey :
A tip that always works for me in ripening green tomatoes is placing them side by side on windowsils that are exposed to the most sunlight.
from futurewifey :
I continue to travel vicariously through your beautiful photos. I always love your photo blogs!
from straysparrow :
Change is good for the soul. And change can be a blessing in disguise.... for you or for them. It will all be ok. They will understand.
from futurewifey :
A few notes: The jam looks amazing and I am drooling at the photo. We LOVED the soaps you sent and the bath bombs were THE bomb (hehe). Also? Jealous RE: your clothes shopping as I haven't been in ages. Now that I am smaller than my pre-pregnancy self I require a closet overhaul also. But, who has the time?
from narcissa :
the entry 8-14 was truly an inspiration. You make beautiful things.
from futurewifey :
As always, beautiful pictures. And the bathroom reno? It looks fantastic! You guys did a great job!!
from swimmmer72 :
Great pics! I'm glad to hear things are looking up! Summer has a tendency to do that... :)
from swimmmer72 :
Call it "application practice". Since you're thinking about it and have some valid concerns about your future, you owe it to yourself to check out your options. You may find that no, the grass is NOT greener, OR, that maybe having an interview more clarified what you are looking for. And what you aren't. Either way, good luck - you go, girl!! :)
from futurewifey :
I'm sorry you're under so much stress. I know what it's like, I have been there myself. Keep your chin up, and don't be afraid to do what you need to do in order to make it through this time of unease and stress. We are in a similar situation at the moment with J's Honda being out of commission, also likely the altenator, so he has been using my car during the day which leaves me home alone without a vehicle. It gets incredibly lonely.
from futurewifey :
I'm glad you called your friends back. I completely understand where you're coming from, had I been in your shoes and J was away on business I'm almost positive I wouldn't have called them back...and I can't even say why. Call me socially awkward. Your friends sounds lovely!
from swimmmer72 :
Thanks for the note. I downgraded from super gold to gold and maybe that disengaged comments - I'm not sure. Otherwise, we are in a very spring-like week - 60's and 70's, sunshine so far, and life is very very good, if somewhat hectic. Please bear with me on the story. I know it is going slow, but I'm putting more effort into getting the fifteen chapters (already mostly written) into shape and posted. AND, I like the ending! I just need to write another 8-10 chapters to get to it. I think I'll finish it this time since I'm so close. Hope you're doing well on your side of the continent! XO :)
from futurewifey :
Enjoy your holidays, and time with D. Relax, unwind, and if you need a change perhaps considering the 'package' from the competitor might be what you're looking for!
from swimmmer72 :
re:disenchantment. Sometimes, you just have to vent! I hope your company's competitor offers you a very nice incentive to get to where you want to be! :)
from futurewifey :
I love that you make soap! How much do you sell for? I would LOVE to buy some!
from swimmmer72 :
Great pics, Shannon!! It is always interesting to me to see what other locations actually look like. Also, I had been sitting here in Erie bemoaning our crappy spring weather, but snow-wise, well, I'll just say that you have lots more than we do. I hope spring hurries your way! XO
from swimmmer72 :
The answer- you're going to wish you had a kayak! :)
from swimmmer72 :
Very creative!! Nice pictures of the evolution of a project!! :)
from swimmmer72 :
re: tree quilt. I like it. ALOT! password sent via dland - let me know if you don't get it. I wasn't able to make it work at first. :)
from narcissa :
that friend stuff... brutal. sorry.
from swimmmer72 :
Well.... "sigh". I don't know what exactly to tell you but I guess it goes something like this: I'm sorry you're stuck in this city so far away from, well, everything in terms of any real bonding possibilities, but you have Daniel and you know he has your back. I wish it were better than that, but sometimes, that's as good as it gets. And now you know, but it won't be forever, and at least you have Daniel because it could definitely be worse and yeah, eventually, you'll be in a different place where you're happy and have the love and trust that you need. AND, I hope that happens real soon. XO
from swimmmer72 :
Nice pictures, as always! I especially like the sunny one with the skis in the snow. Video's pretty cute, too!! :)
from swimmmer72 :
Well.... good for dreams then! :)
from swimmmer72 :
re: north. Beautiful entry, very poignant. It is a nice perspective when, as an outsider, you recognize something special about the place. :)
from swimmmer72 :
re: small moments. Beautiful entry! I love that you see and appreciate the little things and seem to be able to keep it all in perspective! :)
from swimmmer72 :
re: alone in the city. It sounds like you are running into some interesting dynamics and you're not sure of where to go with them. I think we all go through that, and from my own experiences, it isn't necessarily just a 20's thing. Also, if you ever come east and would like a tour of New York's Finger Lake area or anyplace else, I'd be happy to take you to Lucifer Falls and anyplace else you might like to go. By the same token, if I ever make it to BC, you'll be the person I call for exploring advice! BTW, if life seems especially chaotic now, that part usually does pass and things will settle down. I hope you are happy! :)
from swimmmer72 :
"meant to be lived, not documented." Excellent point!! I like that!! :)
from swimmmer72 :
re: August in the Rockies. Beautiful, stunning pictures!!
from swimmmer72 :
Beautiful pictures!! The time thing - it doesn't ever really improve, based on my own time struggles. I think you just learn to deal with it! :)
from swimmmer72 :
re: That's a tough call - fireworks versus stability. I've always been the fireworks guy, I guess and I have the lack of anything long lasting to show for it. Things change and people mature - I think things would be different were I to try again, although it wasn't that I was the fireworks - it was more that that just happened to be the type of relationship I always drifted into. You're right - there are pros and cons and it boils down to fundamental questions you probably need to think about. Good luck, it's a tough call and your happiness is at stake.
from swimmmer72 :
Great pictures!! Thanks for sharing! :)
from swimmmer72 :
Nice looking house and neighborhood!! AND, despite being a couple hundred miles further north than I am, our yards look pretty similar... You look happy! :)
from swimmmer72 :
Congratulations!! Yes, a commitment, but if you like Prince George, why not? :)
from straysparrow :
When my friends moved to Lethbridge for 2 years, they saw it as their opportunity to get into the housing market without having to pay the ridiculous Vancouver prices. Now they're back and they can afford to keep the house and rent it out, generating a little bit of income for themselves as they go. But house hunting is stressful. there's no doubt about it. You look at a place for 5 minutes to decide if you're going to spend a couple hundred thousand dollars on it. Such a strange thing.
from swimmmer72 :
Interesting look at what was, what is, and what could be. Yeah, I can relate. You sound happy with what is and that's a real good sign that you're doing something right! :)
from swimmmer72 :
That's a very romantic story and the fact that your integrity is still intact makes it all the better. Best wishes to you and it seems like the new year is already full of promise... :)
from swimmmer72 :
There's something about being outside at night in the winter. I don't ski, but of course, I'm always traipsing around and I love how the lights (or the moon) shine off the snow covered ground and give everything a fresh perspective. It sounds like you had fun! :)
from swimmmer72 :
Too bad - it's an interesting pic! :)
from swimmmer72 :
"Autumn"??? Yes, I know we are one cold front away from the same thing... :)
from swimmmer72 :
Thank you for that info on Prince George. I've looked at it on a map, and it isn't that it's small (actually, I like Erie's size, so I'm not dissing small cities), but it's definitely in a world of its own, i.e., no where near anything of size. What amazes me is the number of small towns all along the roads spidering off in all directions and I wonder what life is like in these remote little communities. Do they all commute to Prince George or are they self-sufficient in their own right? Winter must last 7-8 months a year, with much of it being brutally cold. Erie is a summer paradise by comparison! I give you credit - while I'd love to explore there (in the summer), I can't imagine living there, as beautiful as it undoubtably is. :)
from swimmmer72 :
Silly me!! And I thought PRINCE GEORGE was a little town on the edge of nowhere..... Well, if you can handle the desolation and the emptiness of it all, yeah, I would say you are in one of the most beautiful, unspoiled areas of the world! I hope you take LOTS of pictures! :)
from swimmmer72 :
YAY!! Good for you!! :)
from swimmmer72 :
Stunningly beautiful picture! I am SO looking forward to spending 2 or 3 months out there, exploring to my hearts content! :)
from swimmmer72 :
Wow! I'm looking forward to my future when I get to take my sweet time exploring the Canadian Rockies and seeing the things you are seeing. You're taking pictures, right? :)
from straysparrow :
Good luck on your new adventure. I've heard good things about PG, even though its not on an island. Sometimes starting fresh is the thing you didn't know you needed.
from swimmmer72 :
Beautiful pictures! You're very pretty as well. You may wonder why you're leaving. Maybe that means eventually, you'll be back! :)
from swimmmer72 :
re: I've thought of that and know it's a possibility. I don't know the whys and thinking of them will only make me crazy, but if that's the reason, I may be able to reassure her that I am exactly as presented, and if she's still interested, so am I. We'll see. :)
from swimmmer72 :
Sometimes, chemistry is just too powerful to ignore... :)
from swimmmer72 :
Beautiful!! I love to see your pictures! :)
from straysparrow :
We have this problem as well, only reversed. I made it through school by a-parental support, and b- going into debt. Boy did it by taking 15 years to finish because he did one course at a time so he could work full time while he did it. His salary is between 2 and 3 times mine, and I have debt equal to his annual salary (almost). I would be lying if I said that it hasn't cause tension, but to be honest its mostly on my part, because I feel guilty about the fact that I can't possibly keep up with him, and I get upset when I'm skipping meals to make ends meet and he's buying unnecessary gear. We talk about it, though, and we negotiate reasonable things that we can both handle mentally and financially. He pays more rent, as he earns more, and so I don't have to ask for money for things he might be judgemental on. On the other hand I changed my life plan so we could stay together, thus crimping some of my future earning potential. Not everything is quantifiable. And not all the payback is foreseen. Talking openly about how you are going to handle the situation before it becomes a problem helps manage it, in my experience.
from swimmmer72 :
re: mutual money. I think that's one of the problems with today's relationships. Even the good ones have a sort of lack of permanence that really makes the "share and share alike" thing kind of tenuous. It's hard to have enough faith in "through sickness and health" etc to go into it without at least keeping an eye on what is "actually yours". I don't know the answers - exes and I always had at least a little bit of money issues. You have reasons to think about it, but I hope it all works out in the end. :)
from straysparrow :
I can't wait for my thesis to be over, so that I can go camping again.
from swimmmer72 :
Also, your part of the world is very beautiful and I'm glad you share your pictures. I don't think you can do that on Twitter! :)
from swimmmer72 :
Thanks for the comment! I appreciate the sentiment - D-land will always be where I write and it is also a very good fit for you and your thoughtful updates and stories. BTW, are you saying I'm NOT TRENDY!!!??? :)
from straysparrow :
I'm sorry, too.
from swimmmer72 :
I'm sorry for your loss, yet happy he left you such nice memories.
from swimmmer72 :
I think that makes perfect sense, re: how you are with your boyfriend vs classmates. You SHOULD be open to be yourself around those that know you best. Classmates? Does it really matter what they think? :)
from straysparrow :
Its a pretty pencil case though.
from swimmmer72 :
I know the feeling. I used to make wood clocks. About $4 of materials not counting the wood, which was usually of an exotic variety, and at least 4 hours of work. To sell it and make it worth my while I'd have to charge more than anyone would pay so I usually just ended up giving them away. Family members and ex-girlfriends have most of them, which somehow works for me. It's a very nice purse/utility bag, BTW! :)
from swimmmer72 :
I love your pictures of a part of the country I love to travel to. I've done similar road trips 3 times in the last 10 years and feel the same way about some of the more crowded areas. Never done it in the winter, but that will change eventually if only because I REALLY want to get some snow pics of Grand Canyon, Bryce, and a few of the other national Parks. I'm glad you had a safe trip. :)
from swimmmer72 :
Beautiful pictures! I LOVE forest pictures - your area is so different than ours, especially this time of the year! :)
from swimmmer72 :
You are one of 5 BC'ers on my buddy list and between the bunch of you, you are really giving me an education on what BC is all about. At the very least, where everything is! For a guy from the eastern US (despite my travels) it's a whole different world! Anyway, I hope things work out for you. :)
from straysparrow :
A documentary I saw on Babcock was part of the inspiration for that post. I'm glad you caught that!
from swimmmer72 :
I'm happy too. Thanks for asking! :)
from swimmmer72 :
re: deteriorate. I can definitely relate. My situation isn't really close to being the same, but it has some of the same elements. It has always made me wonder when relatively small things are allowed to accumulate because one side chooses to ignore what the other side is trying to tell them. And what happens as a result. Differences in values are huge. I hope you can work it out.
from lobo21 :
I love your photos and your writing. It's tough going in all your borderline ethical jobs. Good luck in your search for the perfect job!! It's nice to run across someone else from Vic.
from swimmmer72 :
Thanks for adding me as a fav! That led me back to your site and your beautiful pictures! Very, very nice! I'll be adding you to my buddy list as well! :)
from quietsecrets :
I've started this somewhat public diary, and I thought your posts might add something to it. Come take a look at it, if you want, and if you'd rather not be a member, I understand. You're already approved if you do decide to post.
from emaciana :
i just read your previous entries about the pregnancy, miscarriage, etc. Sounds like you are doing okay with everything and I'm glad for you. Also, being balanced is difficult. It sounds easy but really it's not. Good luck.
from straysparrow :
I love snowdrops.
from straysparrow :
I'm sorry
from f-i-n :
((hugs))
from f-i-n :
The peacock puzzle is amazing
from getodweller :
I'd say those are more Sepia toned than B&W :)
from f-i-n :
:)
from pterals :
Your photos are really something. You seem to capture so well both the image and the moment - sometimes you can even see or feel an emotion. It's quite striking.
from f-i-n :
the "go" entry was lovely...like words to a song.
from straysparrow :
mmm... climbing is goood.
from f-i-n :
I had fun reading this...
from schmutzie :
I came here through Pterals, and I like what I read. I'll be back!
from whiskeybabe :
Hey go to my diary plz! its netto cheeto!
from stealinghope :
Hey there! I'll not be creepy too... Thanks for adding me. I checked out a few of your entries and you write beautifully... I couldn't resist not returning the favor! And yes... Shannon's DO RULE!
from straysparrow :
heh. I'm glad the mail truck didn't send me to the hospital too... though I was 5 blocks from VGH at the time. Sparrow.
from shri :
Just wanted to tell you, that I love your diary. Your writings are beautiful. :)
from ceck :
cool diary. the mice pics are cute! found your site on the vancouver diaryring :) christine
from straysparrow :
Thanks for adding me. Sparrow.
from straysparrow :
I was at Bar None last night as well... good music. Sparrow.
from crash-chaos :
love the new layout!
from kill-soma :
near lord byng? because that's the school i go to.
from kill-soma :
cool! i live near UBC. i live on the native reserve on 41st and salish. im notnative though..i just live on the lease hold land.
from kill-soma :
soooo from vancouver eh? where in vancity? i am too :)
from wood-elf :
Hey, I added you to my fave list, keep up the good work, it's soothing to read your diary, and I can sometimes relate to some things going on in your life :-)
from sheherazade :
thanks for that chem site link! i'm definitely going to make use of it :-)
from argyle-socks :
Ok, I don't want to start posting recipes because either a) it would seem kind of preachy, or b) people would keep wanting them and I would have to start some culinary page..hrmm...anyway, here is the recipe just for you, it is really really simple, so don't be impressed. Fill a medium sized frying pan 3/4 full of good (not from concentrate) orange juice. Cut up two green onions, two cloves garlic and a large fennel bulb and put the juice, bring to a boil. Keep boiling until it is reduced by half (actually, a little more than half), remember to stir almost all the time. When it is reduced, add some thick cream (about 1/4 cup or so, you can decide, just make sure it still tastes very orangey), and stir while it simmers. Simmer until thick, serve over seafood. I recommend filet of soul cooked with lemon and dill, or scallops cooked right in the sauce (my favorite way). Serve rice pilaf or grilled marinated zuccinni on the side. Go with a sweet fruity white wine, and watch as the people flock to you. See you!
from sheherazade :
ah, how freaky! i deleted them, all right. shh! you heard nothing from me, right? ;-P i get paranoid easily about people i know/write about finding this place (as it's happened once before), but... yes. heh.
from sheherazade :
....yes. uh, dland's feeling too close for comfort now. hehe, you didn't go to carson, did you? i've been meaning to ask.
from sheherazade :
i usually say "you got your haircut!" and if it looks good, then, "it looks good!" haha. but don't you feel kinda redundant, if you just tell them they got their haircut, and not comment on it? i feel like they're thinking, "really? i didn't notice that." but then again, if it's a bad cut, i'm not going to pretend i like it. i just say something about how it's good for the current climate or something. ;-)
from argyle-socks :
Now, I normally hate d.land poetry with a hate unparalleled by any hate this world knows, but that poem was truly something else. It was captivating, thanks for posting it.
from sheherazade :
ah! i drool at your encounter with "Massive Crush." haha, he sounds hot! ;-)
from angel-stars :
I just walked through Pacific Spirit a couple days ago with my Biology class. Beautiful poem...
from argyle-socks :
"This rule, however, must quickly be followed by the Argyle Proviso, which exempts that particular pattern of interlocking diamonds from the ban." Damn strait argyle it a great, great pattern, manly and demure all at the same time. Thanks, funny article that, once again proving the Post is just an odd newspaper. I wish I could go jog in the woods, in Montreal we have a) no woods, and b) snow. Anyway, thanks for thinking of me!
from argyle-socks :
No kidding, the three day rule applies to e-mails, but ICQ, since you do have it on all day in theory...tough one, I say wait two, just cause. Can I include you in my "Diaries I Dig" section? Please don't wait three days to get back though, I promise I won't ICQ.
from janene :
Hey, thanks for the friendly note. I've stopped by your diary a few times and have really enjoyed your writing. Have a great nite!
from sheherazade :
hey hey... i was at plaza saturday night too! ;-) but not for very long, probably the 1-2 am slot. heh. too many nasties!
from angel-stars :
I love those 99 cent pizza joints.
from sheherazade :
oh, i got me a rat! we were actually quite good dissectors! (if that's the right term...) finished about an hour and half early, and did a very clean job with the slices! the only downside was the rancid smell, when separating the insides of the abdominal cavity from the wall. that was lovely. :-P but it was interesting... the cats were done by two groups, and reeked, and were humongous, and terribly messy. i could never have done it. egh!
from greenalive :
Thanks for the explanation. Did I say one drink maximum? Maybe not... Are these things usually pretty safe at UBC? Have you ever heard anything...?
from sheherazade :
high school memories can sour up people so easily. hehe. re: the nerd getting the biotech job, and the model working at mariposa- that's how it should be! ;-) mosquito creek, and cap, and west van... all that rings so close to home, it's weird to see someone else writing about it on here!
from papervandal :
wow, its dark. its brewing. but it calls out to my deepest emotions. you spoke to me today
from angel-stars :
That's really fucking scary, the whole "Too Close" thing. We were separated at birth? I am most likely going to UBC next fall, so I'll have some lovely anecdotes to share. We can compare stories. Good times.
from sheherazade :
hmm... i know what you mean. mood dictates everything sometimes! if i'm feeling disgusting, everything is disgusting. but cheerful days are always fun. i always find myself walking around campus grinning like a fool when that happens.

are you in coop?? are you a biochem student? is it that much harder to juggle the courses and work, though? i'm still thinking about whether i should apply, as my grades aren't that fabulous right now. i wouldn't mind adding another year to my studies, actually, as long as i'm getting some good experience out of it. it sounds good!

from sheherazade :
hmm.... what preconceptions do you have about the generic ubc student? (besides being boring...) i find that i never say hi to people i don't know. rarely, anyway. if they smile, then i smile back. :-)
your entries are so poetic sometimes... beautiful! i enjoy spying on fellow vancouverites too. (specially ubc students!) hehe.
from faithnomore :
hey, I noticed you added me to your list of favorites =) I wanted to say thanks, that's really nice of you. I like your diary, it's pretty. Keep it up! *hug*
from angel-stars :
Oops, forgot to add one thing - you should join my Vancouver diaryring :) I think it should be in the directory...if not, check my profile to get to it.
from angel-stars :
Hey, I noticed you added me to your favourites list. Your diary is amazing, I love your writing style. Please keep writing. We even live in the same city :) Your words are really touching.

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update January 7, 2019: Working full-time behind the scenes to improve the site in so many ways. This will not be a fast process, but it's going to be so good for numerous reasons. Big 2019 for Diaryland!

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