messages to jadedmist:
(click here to add new message):

from caged-freed :
Hey, this is just a note to let you know that I'm trying to resurrect C.A.G.E.D. - and I really hope you'll contribute. Check out the updated info, and take care!
from freshlolo :
I am intrigued. I like your name. Can I read your diary?
from jademercy7 :
Where's your new diary? Tell your good ol' pal. Man we had the same first name thingy! Good times.
from allovrmyface :
what is involved in "like you"?
from unimproved :
I was just wonering where your new Diary was...THat's all...Stay True To YourSelf -Meredith-
from soandsotgs :
hi, i wanted to tell you i liked your diary and that i LOVE neopets...my user name on neopets is bubblbutt in case you wanna be my neofriend.... i wanted to show you this website that i think is pretty funny.... tell me what you think http://www.outpimp.com/?x=165657
from slalauren :
Hi, I don't know if you still read these but I'll give it a shot. My mum was diagnosed with MPD when I was 2 years old and there isn't a ring for children (not alters) of Multiples so I was wondering if it'd be ok for me to join your multiple ring? I have applied for membership already. Lauren
from voiceswthin :
can we read you?
from lilpyro :
...where did you go? Why do you keep doing this to me?
from sailorschica :
WOMAN!!!!!! you drive me completely nuts....locking your diary now moving it??? I really enjoy reading it and it makes me not feel so alone :( sigh.....
from jane-does :
Thank you for your note. And thank you for starting your ring. I was totally unaware of the abuse that animals-- especially elephants-- go through for our 'entertainment' until just three years ago. Thank you again for your support. -Lerin
from chikmagnet :
I put the code on my rings entry! hope that's ok :D - alex
from lizbathory :
Diaryland is full of some really strange people.
from neon7c :
my ex raped me several times over the course of our relationship. i don't know if i'll ever feel beautiful or worthy of anything again. i'm so sorry. xox.
from lovelyashley :
the email is [email protected] thanks dear, you are positively amazing:) never forget that -Ash
from jadedcrow :
KK. [email protected] Thankies!
from neuroticaa :
aww yes a friend of audrey's is a friend of mine =) under_neon at hotmail dot com (i'm paranoid about spam, sry, hehe)
from lovelyashley :
hi dear, i realized that you locked your diary and was wondering if i might have a password. i have always loved your writing and hope to be able to continue reading it. love always. -Ash
from sad-doll :
I ♥ your new layout cuppy cake.
from d-flat :
well thank you for thanking me for joing your smeagol ring. i was happy to find one. i was actaully looking for a "stick stickly" ring. you know the old VJ from nickelodeon that was a pop-sicle stick. but i couldnt find one. you would be my favorite person in the world if you made one *winkwink*.
from neon7c :
oh my lord. i can't believe what your mother did. such a breach of trust, & common sense?!?!?! hello?!?!? i'm just...i don't even know. i'm so sorry.
from sad-doll :
So maybe one day will we see each other? I'm sorry about David, your mom should have used her brain and thought about the consequences. I'm so sorry-- I love you please write me soon. I miss you. ♥ Audrey
from jadedcrow :
Heh heh...you go by Jade too. Sweet. Anyways, yeah, I saw that you had a list of your "disorders" up. I do the " " thing because I don't choose to call them disorders. I choose to call the personality traits. Why?Because I grew up around the mentioned list of yours and I have a slight case of PTSD myself. Yeppers. So, send me the passcode to your diary. It seems oh so intriuging (If I spelled that right), and I wanna know if all mentally afflicted people are on the same wavelength. A constant curiousity of mine. Adios!....oh, and one more thing. You listed Creed, so more power to you!
from sad-doll :
I live in Huntsville, which is about an hour from Houston. It's not the greatest place, but it's alright. I guess were not that far apart after all :)
from neuroticaa :
think i could have your password? your profile is intriguing. <3
from sad-doll :
Oh Jade, don't you know I am always here-- I know that most sound so stupid to you, but I am. Even if I'm here in Texas, and only on the computer I am your friend and I love you so [ohso] much. If you ever need anything just tell me. I love you. I am here for you. ♥ always, Audrey
from sailorschica :
>:D< *hugs* >:D<
from sad-doll :
Oh darling-- how long have we know each other! Almost a year I think. You're notes make me happy- because I get to hear from a sweetheart like you. I just wanted to tell you that I love you and you are amazing to over come so much.
from sad-doll :
Darling I know this is a little off topic but I donated to the animal link on your website I bought a necklace is brown but clear and of a cross-- well my mom bought it for my birthday! :) I looove you! where do you live? Maybe one day I will visit you! Hehe! I love you honey I wish I could give you ten million billion trillion hugs! With tissues and candy! ♥ always audrey
from neon7c :
i'm so sorry hon. i can't believe this has happened. & i can't believe your aunt's reaction....
from sad-doll :
*hugs* it sounds like you need one right now.
from sailorschica :
I'm sorry about your cousin... I know exactly how you feel. :(( I wish I could help or make it better but in these situations the only thing that really ever helps is time.....and when someone dies there are always questions that will never be answered
from sad-doll :
Oh god, darling I am so sorry!!! is there anything I could do to make you feel better? I'm so sorry! I hope you're okay! Please tell me if I cand o anything if you want leave me notes-- write in my guestbook whatever is bothering you WHATEVER is bothering you so i can try to help you I really love you and I WANT TO HELP! ♥ always, Audrey
from sad-doll :
♥ I love you so [fucking] much ♥
from neon7c :
hey, thanks for the advice. we shall see what the almighty doctors have to say, right? ha. i've been on meds before, i was on celexa for a little over a year, it worked, then it didn't. up/down. 25mg/50mg. flip/flop. then i was on zoloft. 50mgs for about 6 months. that was hell. i never felt so numb & lifeless in my life. i started drinking a lot & cutting a lot during that period. grr. when i started feeling like total hell on the zoloft i just STOPPED taking it. probably not the smartest move. heh. i've been med free for a few months now, & it hasn't been easy, & i realize that right now i can't do it alone. i need the therapy & probably the meds too. how is all the studying yoga & homeopathy going. that sounds ever-so interesting...i always want to learn stuff like that, but never follow through with it for more than a few days. well, now MY novel is written. take care hon. xox
from neon7c :
it's never easy, is it. sometimes the strength hides...for a LONG time. i hope you find yours again soon. *hugs*
from sad-doll :
I love you and I wish there was some way I could offer you something to make you feel better. I love you. I wish I could give you endless hugs and phone calls. with silly packages of pictures and letters and burnt cds and of hope and love. You deserve happiness. <3 ♥ Audrey
from raven72d :
I miss you... please do leave the p/w for me...
from sad-doll :
[email protected] I love you[!!!] so freaking much!
from other-voicez :
hey, I hope your ok. I am asking for the password to your diary, It's wierd but so much about you I understand, I don't speak much and I don't know if I'm making sense here but I hope so feel free to email me if you want someone to talk to too.
from onelasttear :
hi...i am an avid reader of your diary and i am so sorry that you feel the need to lock your thoughts away...i would love to continue reading if that is okay with you...you can email me the password at [email protected] if you don't mind me reading...thank you <3 kelly
from neon7c :
i hope all is well. i'm a fellow xoexoh-er, if you lock up, i'd love to keep reading. take care. [email protected]
from sailorschica :
Hi- you don'tknow me- been eyeing your journal for a few days now. I would like to be able to continue reading it if that's ok with you. I really enjoy it and kinda makes me feel better cause we think kinda alike or at least i think so.....so if you are ok with it---- [email protected] (that l is really a 1 (one) or at my journal or something...I also just started a new journal for free on diaryland today because I can't express myself fully cause too many of my friends read it and i don't want to write- so i undertand you. Take care!
from asgh :
hey jade please send me the info to unlock your journal at [email protected] iwould tell you to leave me anote but it won't turn on
from sad-doll :
I love you *hugs* and I hope everything is okay.
from neon7c :
i'm always torn when i read words that mirror my thoughts: smiling that someone out there understands; crying that someone else is going through it.
from toshchaya :
Happy random guestbook signing week! Your diary is awesome. How did you get the music clip into your journal, could you show me how to do that!? (By the way, the song is one of my favorites too.) I guess I'll have to come back and visit again!
from utter-views :
Just wanted to let you know that we're open!
from opaque88 :
//sorry; i have such a fucking small entry box on my layout & i had to fiddle around with the html until all the rings would fit width-wise. the ring is up & thankfuck for valium;// XdeadXburntXburiedXaliveX
from freeofchrist :
Blistered skin cannot heal with continuous heat and pressure placed on it. There are volumes of pain to a persons single tear drop. What can you see..? Is this the only way out? I feel for you dear. I do not pity you.. I am not going to say "I understand" because I don't. Just remember that if you kill yourself, who will be there to give your mother her spirit back. Take care dear. Drop me line.. I can't fix any of your problems, but I can listen if you like. Another lost soul, who's found something to hold onto.
from mazi :
You realize of course that the anti-rght-click script can be easily dodged by simply turning off the Java script on your browser settings? Or by getting the address of the file and going there directly? Or just pulling it out of your cache? Which is a pointless topic to bring up except this script is a pet peeve of mine as it messes up my Rapid Webpage Viewing Technique, (by right-clicking and doing "open in new window" so if I get too lost I can always go back from whence I came) and its basic purpose, to reduce plagiarism, can be completely negated. Just a word of warning. If you don't want someone to steal your work, don't post it online.
from lilpyro :
Hello there! How have you been recently? I know I haven't talked to you in a while, and I was wondering how things were with you. I haven't forgotten about you. Write me back when you have a free moment please?
from timefreeze :
hiya. i just wanted to say i like your layout it's awesome..did you design it?
from raven72d :
Where are your moods... I have missed you. Please do write.
from sad-doll :
Hm, these letters these words they arn't me they arn't words I've written they are words I have typed-- would you like to send letters via snail mail. Ihave missed you I'm glad you are back darling. ♥ always, Audrey
from budgood11 :
hey whats up? well unfortunately i have hypocondria as well but not too bad. i was diagnosed a few weeks a ago.i've been getting frequent headaches/migraines my whole life and i told my pyschololgist. he said i might have it cuz i diagnosed myself with my anxiety cuz i had every sypmton of it and i wanted a catscan on my brain to find out why i have headaches. so thats what he thought but some doctor's make me nervous as fuck.my medicine i take is starting to work im not that depressed anymore,i have my up and down days. write back see ya :p
from budgood11 :
hey i seen that you have insomnia and panic disorder. i have the same problem. do you have hypocodria??
from a-rainbow :
Please takea couple of mins to read this, and if possible email it out to your friends and family, raising awarness and having people understands can make such a difference to the quality of our lives... ME Awareness Week 2003 May 12th - May 18th - sent to you on behalf of all the members of the international online association 'BRAINFOG!!' - The following piece of writing was written by Vikki George. She is just 18 years old. Although she has had the symptoms of the illness ME/CFS for much of her life, she has been officially ill for 9 years. For someone so young, she has endured so much but somehow she has managed to keep going. She is a remarkable inspiration to so many of her fellow Brainfoggers from all around the world who are also living with this isolating and debilitating illness. She wrote this powerful piece of writing as a way of conveying her life to those who believe this illness is just about fatigue when it is in fact about so much more! For many people, this extreme degree of ME is a reality and not one that we often hear about, as communication at this level can often be impossible: Can you imagine? Can you imagine waking up not able to move, not even a finger, Wiggle a toe, move an arm or a leg? Can you imagine laying there not able to move, but vomiting, Being too scared to breathe, choking till your parents roll you over? Can you imagine being so ill you can hear the voices of your parents but not know who they are? Or hear English but not understand a single word? Can you imagine going months on end without seeing anyone outside the family? Not a single soul, not even a milkman or a passerby. Can you imagine being in so much pain that you just want to give up? Feeling like there are thousands of hot pins sticking in you? Can you imagine going years and years with a continuous migraine, Not easing for a minute or a second of your life? Can you imagine going over a year without sitting up or being propped up, Feeling so dizzy that you can't see straight? Can you imagine feeling like you are moving, falling over backwards, And at the same time rotating sideways all the time? Can you imagine going 6 months without going downstairs in your own house? Not seeing the living room, kitchen, garage, or garden? Can you imagine life like this? I don't need to imagine, after all, I live like this every single day. Still think ME is just about feeling tired? by Vikki George - Feb 03 ME Awareness Week - 12th 18th 2003 ME Awareness Week coincides with the birthday of Florence Nightingale, who after returning from the Crimean war spent a long period of her life housebound whilst displaying the symptoms of ME. Until now there has been little acknowledgement of the devastating impact ME can have, despite it being around since at least the 19th century. Now for the first time in history, the UK Government officially recognises the illness. The Chief Medical Officer, Sir Liam Donaldson issued a major report in January of this year describing ME as 'a disease in the wilderness '. He also conceded the terrible prejudice, which has afflicted the lives of the thousands of people who develop the illness each year. What is ME? ME (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis) / CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) is an incurable chronic condition which has many symptoms, commonly including pain, exhausting fatigue, sore throats and swollen glands, difficulty in thinking clearly, and an overwhelming malaise which has been described as a feeling of being "poisoned". It is an extremely debilitating illness, which leaves many people with ME, bed or house bound for many months and in many cases for years on end. The causes of the illness remain a mystery despite years of research which has shown many anomalies in the immune, nervous and endocrine systems of sufferers. The best available estimate is that it currently affects 240,000 people in the UK, 40,000 of whom are children. Because of the mystery surrounding ME, there is widespread ignorance and misunderstanding about it on the part of the general public and sadly of many GPs. This increases the difficulties facing sufferers. A recent report by the Chief Medical Officer (CMO) has done much to validate the illness, and the Medical Research Council (MRC) have now finalised a Research Strategy. But this is only a very small drop in the ocean. The only thing that is really known about it is that it has ruined many thousands of lives across the globe and will continue to do so for years to come unless Awareness is heightened and more is done to fund Research so that a cure can be found. What is 'The Brainfog Association'? 'The Brainfog Association', www.brainfog.org is an international online community founded and created two years ago by Ally, an ME sufferer from Sussex, England, now 27 years old. It was designed specifically to offer support and help to people worldwide with the illness ME through fun, friendship and understanding. It is named after one of the common symptoms of ME - an inability to think clearly. Brainfog currently has over 700 members, who rely heavily on it to provide crucial social contact in the isolated and lonely world of the chronically ill. Although it is quite clearly a website for people with ME, there is one obvious difference from many other online ME support groups; this is clear from the motto of the website: 'BRAINFOG!! - Keeping the lighter side of ME and life, well and truly ALIVE!!' If you would like more information about ME and the website Brainfog, please e-mail Ally on [email protected] or visit the 'The Brainfog Association' at www.brainfog.org Alternatively, if you feel you are in the position to offer a donation to 'The Brainfog Association' to help fund the ongoing development of the website / forum, please e-mail the Brainfog Treasurer, Fiona Sanderson at [email protected] for details. Useful references BRAINFOG !!: http://www.brainfog.org/ Action for ME: http://www.afme.org.uk/ The ME Association: http://www.meassociation.org.uk/ 25% ME Group: http://www.25megroup.org/ AYME- http://www.ayme.org.uk CMO Report: http://www.doh.gov.uk/cmo/cfsmereport/index.htm MRC draft research strategy: http://www.mrc.ac.uk/index/public-interest/public-press_office/public-press_ releases_2003/public-1_may_2003a.htm
from raven72d :
I've missed you.
from asgh :
i have same problems keeping friends due to mood swings. I was wondering what your musical talent talent was play an insturment/sing. you can email me at [email protected] ps ilove your diary and have been reading it since feb.
from sad-doll :
I love you girl
from chordchild :
thanks so much for joining the c-a-g-e-d diaryring, in support of the site at caged-freed. please take care, and feel free to submit an entry anytime!
from lyricalardor :
Hi..Just wanted to thank you for being a member of the BPD diaryring and let you know I started a yahoo group for BPD survivors...It can be joined by going to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BPDsurvivors/?yguid=122476060 Hope to see you join... Miranda
from fallenorra :
hey nice music. how did you add that into your diary?
from sylviashadow :
Hey-Haven't been around for a while but I'm back again-so-hey. But I'll be out of town for the nest week or so. I've written some new poetry and stuff and I have a spiffy new template-tell me whatcha think--By the way-I nearly od'd on vistarel purposely and the tox test showed no drugs in my system at all-weird huh? Vistaryl is just a mild sedative like a stronger benadryl-in the same class of ryl medicines-nothing to worry about. Take care--sylviashadow
from kentraine :
Hey, thanks for the note lovin'. ;) Gotta say, it's nice being able to hear Evanescence when I'm at home for the weekend away from all my music...
from mellowmeout :
Thanks for having a ring like the anti-circus one. I am big on animal rights, and I am also a big time elephant lover. This ring was made for me. Thank you! I love your diary too. Welcome to my favorites.
from sad-doll :
I loove you so much.
from auroraline :
you have a beautiful diary. would you like to join my Milwaukee diary ring?
from raven72d :
Girl-- I've utterly, utterly missed you! Bubbles...well, they aren't a *bad* hallucination... Please do write.
from crazeedevil :
Hi, I like your diary a lot, its beautiful. Incidentally I used to have this layout. Im sorry for the pain youve had to go through. I was abused as a kid, and a possible date rape that I cant remember properly. Please drop in on my diary any time. Take care or you. love Anna xxxx
from sad-doll :
what ever happend to smoking those expensive cigarettes, Newports and laughing and eating too much candy? those things always cheer me up. Oh yeah, I love yous help too. I love you, always, Audrey xoexoh ♥
from sad-doll :
I love you, I wish I could make things better, what would cheer you up? If I lived by you I'd bake you cookies :) Love ya girl, ♥ always, Audrey
from caged-freed :
saw you were a member of the edsufferer diaryring and thought this new forum at caged-freed might interest you. check it out, if you can, and take care.
from fallenorra :
Hey that had to be awful what your cousin tried to do. I would have freaked out, but gotten away as soon as possible. I think that you need to talk to your aunt and uncle about what happen.
from love-is-pain :
Can barely keep my tear swollen eyes open but I will write to you soon. *hugs* I hope you are well and please, please, . . I don't know. Just please!!!!!!
from sad-doll :
I'm glad that you're some what okay, I'm thankful that you're safe. I suppose some people are angry bitter drunks, such as my ex-boyfriend. I just want to say been there done that with him. I wish I could tape the guy who raped you to a tree naked, and cover his toes in honey, and his private area too then send out fire ants! Sounds fun eh? ♥ always, Audrey -x- xoexoh ♥
from redexplosion :
I have the code for the Smeagol ring on my Rings entry, not on my template. However, I do have a link to my rings entry on my index page. Is that okay, or would you like me to put it elsewhere?
from sad-doll :
I miss you, I wish you'd update I do worry Jade, I really do. :( Tell me you're okay. ♥ always, Audrey
from raven72d :
I wanted to say that I'm vur' sorry about your hamster. Small friends are key-- and they're deeply missed.
from unicornangel :
Thanks for the welcome. I like a lot of your fave movies and authors. It's cool. Well just dropping by to say hi. --angel
from the-diseased :
hey. i was reading your entry about bathrooms. heheh. i totally understand what you mean cuz i do the same things when i go into a bathroom. check behind the shower curtains and stuff. i like you diary. later
from natty-kate :
I know you don't know me from a hole in the wall, but I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions regarding your symptoms from H***** in da lower region. I spotted your name on Amberfall's guestbook. I think I have symptoms, but in the mouth -- know anything about that? my email is [email protected]
from j35s1ca :
Thank you for RUNNING the anti-circus ring! People thing it's a joke, that it's all in fun, but we know it's animal abuse and it needs to stop.
from sad-doll :
Edward Scissorhands is a good movie, the first time I saw it I cried. I'm such a dork. Sometimes I don't cry for months then I break down and cry for hours in my room alone. Crying myself to sleep. Maybe I could call you one day, if not it's fine just an idea. Sometimes I wish I still had my best friends, I remeber back in the party days, I was so depressed but I always had someone to call in the middle of the night. Two of those people are dead now. One's in jail.. list goes on. I'm not a good person at all I got arrested I'm a junkie what the fuck? I'm telling you all this jade but I'm glad I finally have someone to talk to. I like this guy he doesn't like me back. Same thing, as before. All the times before except for Brandon. I know alot about drugs sometimes I wonder if I'll get sucked into dealing with Brandon. I mean I've rolled joints for him to sell. That was only once though he mostly just sells heroin and coke. I do too many drugs myself. I've got to go my Mom will be home soon. Write me again soon darling. xoexoh
from sad-doll :
Jade, I hope you feeling better.. I love you write me again soon. Love always, Audrey ♥
from ewoodsgirl :
thanks! i just put up the code. nice pic! smeagol rocks....
from sad-doll :
Oh Jade, I was going to kill myself last night, I went so crazy. I wrote a suicide letter and signed my name in blood, but I just couldn't slash my wrists I held the razor blade write there. Today I'm sick and dizzy weak and frail feeling, I wish it would go away, I love you write me again soon. ♥ Audrey xoexoh
from sad-doll :
Dearest Jade, It's been forever since I've talked to you, I'm sorry about smokey *hugs* It's just not fun to loose someone important to you. I love you, always, Audrey xoexoh ♥
from love-is-pain :
I'm sorry I haven't talked to you *hugs* I'm so unhappy. I don't even know why, it just hit me. Hard. It won't go away. I'm so tired. So tired. I'm so sorry about your little guy. I had a russian dwarf and he died and I never cried because it was so painful. Too painful. I love you so much and you mean a lot to me and I feel your pain. I know exactly what you mean. I don't cry for humans but I still sit in agony over myrtle (my dead turtle *sob*) and I didn't even cry over my dead cousin and that makes me sad that I didn't cry, but I'm a freak!! I hate who I am lately. I've lost all my pride and I don't know what to do and I've been on this fucking grapefruit diet for only a few days and I can FEEL the fat coming off but I am always so emotional and achy feeling. I mean, that can't be good, but I don't fucking care. I don't fucking care. I'm okay. I don't mean to say all this. I'll talk to you soon, I just need to cool off. Hide in the light. You know the drill. Please take care. Please be safe. Kaila
from xtallica420x :
also, i'm sorry about the hamster! i had 2 dwarf hamsters and one, LeViticus (Levi), died recently. now, i have just Eva Dawn. i really hope that smokey gets well soon. poor baby. *The Kommandant*
from xtallica420x :
hey, wow that's alot of afflictions. i have Borderline Personality Disorder with psychotic features (hearing voices and having hallucinations much like a Schizophrenic does), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Dissociative Self-Mutilation Disoder. my boyfriend has Paranoid Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder. aren't we just the jolliest bunch this side of the nuthouse! lol. *The Kommandant*
from dernhelm :
*hugs* I hope Smokey is okay.
from fallenorra :
thanks for the note. I wouldn't let it get to anything bad. He's just sometimes feels that he's not worthy to have me. I know all will be ok. Thanks for the note.
from asgh :
hey i wanted to let you know that Linkin Park will be performing a live concert on mtv 2 on march 25. i know you had them listed as one of your favorites.
from sylviashadow :
Thanx for joining ladylazurus!"The Blood-jet is poetry-there is no stopping it"--sylvia plath
from fallenorra :
Hey. Well I am trying but I know that Ican't do it. If I do burn myself I will have to keep it inside otherwise there will be people mad at me. The funny thing is that these are people from on line I do not know them personally nor have I known them long. I can't I'm like you I need the feeling of pain. I can't really put the flam against my skin cuz of the heat, but the heat of it being close has done enough for now. Thanks for stoping by my diary and leaving me a not.
from fallenorra :
Hey thanks for joining the burning ring. I read some of your diary. I think your fine for helping the hamster. It's a living thing and deservse a fighting chance at life.
from sylviashadow :
Welcome to Verbalsmack! We got yer contreversy right here...sylviashadow
from vyv-xx :
Welcome to the hypochondria diaryring.
from lulu-skitzo :
I know you don't know me, and I'm sure that you hear this alot, but I just wanted to write and say that I hope things look up for you soon. I've been reading your diary for awhile now, and you seem like a unique, amazing person, and just...don't do anythinf stupid. I don't even know you, but I just wanted to write and tell you that you are an amazing person, and not to give up. No matter the troubles you have. -LuLu
from raven72d :
I still read your diary...and of course I'll take the time to leave you notes...
from lizbathory :
hey girl. Just to let you know, all of the kids' diaries have been locked up. Let me know if you want a pass to them. I know you were reading "dogdays", but there are also 4 others. Just send me your email addy, and I will set you up. All I ask is that you share the pass with your kids.
from sylviashadow :
I had a ghost in my old house--it liked to fuck with my printer and make walking noises at night...sylviashadow
from skinnyboney :
i love your photography...do you only take pictures of animals/trees or also of people? sin
from sylviashadow :
love your site--your photography is quite good. added you to my faves list. :)sylviashadow
from rockrgrl3 :
Oh, and i put up the ring for mini-me
from rockrgrl3 :
hey, lol, yeah i joined both 0:-). i just joined the site, so i'm not sure how things work. are you supposed to have all of the rings you belong to up on your diary?
from sylviashadow :
hey-join my ana-miafems diaryring for feminists with ed's--Sylviashadow
from sylviashadow :
We're on the same aj diaryring--you're amazing! added you to my faves list...sylviashadow
from sistercookie :
Thanks for taking my surveys and stuff. I just wanted you to know that I understand about mental illness and feel free to talk to me anytime about it. I have been heavy duty into mental health since 1997 when I started taking medication for my depression. I also spent 5 years on mental health chat rooms doing all I can to help. Sistercookie's House of Mental Order. Its for all of us who suffer.
from speculating :
Thanks for the welcome and kind words. Be strong. I'll be back (geeps that sounded somewhat schwarzenegger movieish, sorry!).
from asgh :
sometimes you entries are difficult for me to read please read entry no 90 of your guestbook it would mean a great deal if youdid
from sexkitten666 :
wahoo! i've been accepted into the anti-circus ring. *BIG smile*. let me add that i really do like the layout for your diary. *thumbs up*
from raven72d :
Do write... I miss you.
from darkeone :
I love you, just like all these other people do. I know it won't stop you feeling alone, but I still do. .x.x.x.
from other-voicez :
hey, just wanted to say, i'm here and I can understand and listen if that can help any. take care. *hugs*
from joeic :
*hugs* Hey, don't feel so alone. Though I may not have gone through as much shit as you I know what it's like to feel alone. I love your diary, I love reading your words. Feel free to talk to me anytime.
from luckyrachel :
Welcome to the no more cuts diary ring. I'm really glad you joined because it led me to your diary. I wish you happiness. -Rachel
from p-brain :
Thanks for joining thr Gollum Ring!
from maeve-arie :
Welcome fellow veggie, to the veggieburger diaryring :) Maeve
from mightybruja :
Welcome to the thunderstorm ring!
from raven72d :
If you need someone to help you ride the elevator...or get you a hot pretzel with only mustard instead of blood... do write.
from creepatron :
Clone High is the best! Thanks for supporting a drunk Ghandi!
from lyricalardor :
Hey there, Welcome to the BPD diaryring! LyricalArdor
from sad-doll :
Oh, girl I'm missing you still, ♥ Audrey
from sad-doll :
I love you <3 if you want to email it's [email protected], or if you have msn you can add me I love you girl please stay in touch I know it's hard but I miss you
from solstice36 :
hi, i'm thinking of starting an open diary for people to share poetry, songs, stories and experiences about abuse and rape. i'm leaving notes for all the members of my abused and raped rings to see if there is enough interest to start the diary. if i get at least thirty people to agree to contribute i will create the diary. if you're interested and would like to contribute please let me know by emailing me at [email protected] thanks :-)
from taffy77 :
Hey Jade, Yeah i may seem to make it look easy but it certainly has it's obnoxious momments! I hated being an MPD for my first 6 months of knowing but then it seemed to fit into my daily routine, Amber makes it alot easier maybe that is why things come so easily. Hang on in there, it'll get easier for you. Jay
from silent1-kat :
thank you for this gift. for giving me a diary to write in. although it doesn't make up for not being able to speak, it is a nice release. they're calling me away now. bye.
from love-is-pain :
Mope session? :) or should that be :( Thinking about you, Kaila
from lizbathory :
Haven't heard from the Angel, but I still have to email her anyway. I promised to start teaching her energy work, and I have been consumed by everything going on here, and haven't made it that far yet. She is probably just doing her thing. Alters have a life inside as well as out. She is probably inside doing something she needs too. They aren't like us, the come out when they have time, they aren't just always out. Try not to worry about it, I'm sure she is fine. She is a strong person.
from book-wurm1 :
hi jadedmist, no, i haven't heard from scarred angel since the end of december, and i've been kind of worried about her. i'm not sure how much i should tell you about it, but i think i can, without betraying anything, say that she seemed a bit down on herself when i last heard from her. if you'd like, you can email me or note me again. i'd like to hear from you. p.s.- i've emailed our little angel since i last heard from her, but maybe you could leave her a note that i said hi. thanks by the way, i really enjoy your diary and i'm glad that scarred angel suggested i take a look.
from raven72d :
Treat the bubbles not as separation but as your shields... See them as protection.
from raven72d :
I hope you feel that control is returning to your life... And I want '03 to go well for you.
from lizbathory :
Good show on the ballon! Things like that are how I started Jay on healing. You regain the control. Take back the power. What alot of multiples don't know.....you can rewrite the memories, and take back the power. It makes you stronger. See the situation, and mentally see yourself doing what you wish you could have done......It's a form of visialization and guided imagry that actually works. It felt good didn't it? Keep it up....they can't touch you now, you are too strong.
from lilpyro :
It's been a while since I've left you anything, so I figured that I should again : ) Just so you know that I'm still here. Happy Holidays! (I know that they aren't always happy though) I liked Two Towers as well : ) The battle was incredible...I agree. Before it started my heart was like racing because I knew it was going to be good. You're okay. Believe that you're okay. Don't let people or things get to you. It's hard not to sometimes, but you just have to fight it. Remember that I'm here for you! Remember that. Even if you give up on the world and everything and everyone in it, just remember that I am still fighting with you, and that I'm not going to give up on you. You have the will inside to keep going. Regardless of what you feel...it is there. Be stronger than the pain. Be stronger than the hurt. You can.
from liquidrave :
hey you!! *hugs* i hope you are doing alright!! I've been thinking about you! Hope you are having happy holidays and happy days!! Write me if you get a chance! love ya!!
from other-voicez :
Happy belated birthday ... So a very happy unbirthday to you! I wish you a clean cup ;)
from raven72d :
Happy Birthday, lovely one!
from love-is-pain :
I am such a gimp. I just wrote myself a note. duh. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABYYYYYYYYYY *technically, it may be 12:10am but I'll run over to the Mountains to make it 11:10, lol. *hugs and kisses* Love you babe, you'll have to tell me how your day went in great detail. ((Here is the note I was SUPPOSE to send to you but sent to myself)) - You've got mail. Hell, you have an entire diary entry devoted to you. *smile* - em, the one before my love for Claire the Transsexual. It's called, "My companion on my trip through hell" - whoo-hoo. I just ranted and went off on someone for like, 2 hours! and don't have an ounce of energy left. I mean, GOD I fucking hate that fucker! (Tell you about it later). No, I don't mean my little bro (smile)
from raven72d :
Happy Birthday, Jade... I do think good thoughts for you...
from jade1821 :
Oh my God. I couldn't breathe when I read "One Consistency." It's amazing to me how powerful words can be when they are put together in a certain way... All I can say is wow.
from anti-all :
hi! i was just going through everyone that lists me as a favorite and I wanted to let you know that I am going to be locking my diary and wanted to know if you wanted a username and password so you could still read it. Well just leave me a message or something either way so I know. Hope you have a great day =)
from sistercookie :
Happy Birthday!!!!!
from ravenheart :
Thank you for joining my Frodo ring, you are welcome!
from raven72d :
Don't let me forget about your b-day...
from love-is-pain :
You know, I was so hurt and thinking, what the hell did I do a few months back - but then I was like, damn, she is SO like me, I mean, I am the same way. Trust me, I KNOW how you feel about animals, I quit that job 3 weeks after working it (I guess you missed that entry). I went to change a cage and there were these rats that had stitches in their head and I went balistic. I started crying and was so mad I started throwing stuff around and just left. I didn't even tell my boss anything, I just left. DIdn't call, didn't go back in. Later I felt guilty and told her I was pregnant and couldn't work there anymore. I thought I could be tough and play nurse maid to the poor mites cause people are shitty but I couldn't do it. My parents secretly think I'm the biggest losers but come on, I just couldn't do it. :( I have a final exam in 5 minutes so I gotta run but I nearly bawled when I read your note cause I was so missing you and I just told myself I must have done something to offend you but I was too chicken shit to ask what (yeah, I'm such a coward too). :) I still read your diary and wanted to send you emails about certain stuff but I felt this bad vibe everytime I went to send it and I'd delete it cause I knew you didn't want to deal with me anymore. Everyone gets tired of me eventually, I didn't hold it against you or anything. :!
from other-voicez :
hey, you're guestbook didn't let me in for some reason, so I'm leaving a note. sorry i didn't reply for so long. long story.. I actually read your whole diary and omg do we ever sound alike! I am speechless.. damn.. So you see/hear things too? I'm afraid I don't have any adice but I'm thinking it might help when there is an understanding. And as for your mom tell her.. just cuz she doesn't want to admit it's real doesn't change the facts! If you deny the sky is blue does it change colour? No. Maybe in their eyes.. but that is them lying to themselves then! It's that people can't understand. That they choose not too. And as for the "normal" b.s. she says.. statistically speaking most ppl come from dysfunctional families.. so does that make it "how it should be"? No. You are stronger than most ppl. Other's can't even deal with this from outside, and you can and do and its this which makes you so strong, including in the first place. lol.. and now I left a huge note too.. same reaon, it's so wierd. Have you researched mpd much? I haven't I get too tripped out n stuff. Anyway I'll leave it at that .. take care.
from obsessional :
Thank you very much for sigining my guest book. Your diary amoungst many is one of my favorites. I wish I would of had someone to not let me get two pounds overweight but that didn't happen, it seems like! But don't worry hun you will definately do better in the thin and control areas of your life. If you ever want to AIM me go right ahead! My AIM SN is Faloness. Talk to ya later. Obsessional
from pinkwolf :
hey. thankyou for joining the cutting diaryring. ;) love Lara
from obsessional :
Hey there girlie thank you for the note and no problem about adding you to my list! Here is a password and username for my diary! Hope you like it! Username:Forever Password:Thin And then you can read it ofcourse! Talk to you later hun! Obsessional
from dyke-girl :
Sent you a password hunny :) Hope you got it! If you wanna change it or anything then let me know and I shall gladly do it for you. Take Care x Ciao! Joey xxx
from dead-grrrrl :
No. You can't list me. You will tell everyone that I'm your little alter. I don't want people to know. Leave me alone, ass. You disgust me to no end. I know you would like to have "peace" with everyone who shares your body, but there ARE some that hate you, like me. And there's nothing you can fucking do about it. Dark One was at least nice enough to write in your guestbook that no one reads, but I am just not that gracious. Meet your match, bitch.
from raven72d :
November-December is a hideously stressful and evil time... But I'm there if you need a listener.
from dyke-girl :
Heya hun. I'm not opening my diary again, but if you still want to read then I'll send you a password :) Let me know if you want one xxx Take care xxx Jo xxx
from lilpyro :
I'm glad nothing went wrong either. It wasn't something I was expecting to happen...but then again you would know a lot about that... I really wish there were some way that you could alleviate the pain...because I can't imagine how great it must be. Thank you for all of the kind things you say about me...I just wish you could see the same things in yourself. I'm not a backstabber, it's not something that I do. Don't worry about me ever turning on you. I gotta write you more often. Take care, okay?
from darkeone :
thanks for signing my guestbook. we are alone though, all of us are. it must be nice for you to have friendly alters. hollie x
from taffy77 :
hey there, you ain't got nowt to be lost about mpd is fun! lol no, you do get used to it over time, it really fucked my head at first but when you relise you aren't alone it tends to get easier. swing my way! jay
from lizbathory :
Yes my dear. Most of your diagnosed disorders can be linked to MPD. I see it, the shrinks never do. They are too worried about drugs, and having you talk about it to them so they can learn from you. I have a question for you......one you might be taken back by........do you have seizures?
from lizbathory :
I'm suffering from having the howdy doody theme song in my head. *sigh* Well, hello again. Okay.....I have a couple of things to say...well...when do I not? First of all, yes, you do infact have a chance at what my byrd has. Oddly enough....I have a carbon copy on d'land. His name is Jeff(taneki) and he is Jenns(multiple) husband. Both Jeff and I seem to have grown up in similar situations, with the same asshole type of fathers. We also trip out the same when we crack up. It's almost scary at times, but I see him as being so like me, that even Jay admittedly had a feeling of instant trust with him. Jeff and I do infact come from the same mold, so if there are two of us, there have to be more. It's just a matter of being patient.....Jay was happy being alone, and had been for 6 years when she met me. The last thing she wanted was a relationship. I just attacked her in a yahoo club one day. We keep the group going because it is documentation of when we first met. It's funny as hell too. I told her off, and kept insulting her. She fell for me instantly. Now onto my second thing. Pain......pain, blood, emptiness, lack of emotion. You sure as hell aren't alone there! I am covered in scars from both aspects. Feeling so void of emotion that you wonder if you are alive at all. You sit and ponder on it. I used to bang my head on things for fun. I would cut to feel. If I felt too much, I would cut to bring me back to reality. The pain made everything better. Then there is intense pain. If it hurts bad enough, I hit my head until I almost knock myself out.....Jay.....well, her ex fucked her over emotionally, and Jay sat in her room one day, and broke her own arm with a hammer. She lost it, and hit herself until she was pissing with blood. Her sister found her unconscious in a pool of blood in her room. Ya....you aren't alone at all. How do I understand multiples so well? Because you are real. Your problems aren't superficial at all. I have a friend who just had her stomache stapled to loose weight. Her biggest problems in life are the fact she isn't losing weight fast enough for her liking, and the fact that her boyfriend won't give into her pressure for him to marry her. She goes on and on about how fucked her life is, and how upset she is over it. Then I look at Jenn, Jay, you, and the 2 other multiples I know on here. What do I see? People with real problems, who don't moan and complain. Instead they hide it as much as is possible, and live a life as normal as they can. People who have been through hell and back, and have survived. People who others see as being fucked up, but I see as being the strongest people I know. Multiple? so what! You adapted to a fucked up situation, and you did what you had to survive. And thats just it....you did survive. Others would be dead by now.....but you survived. Thats what I see. Fuck anyone who wants to call you fuckedup, or a freak. I can guarantee that everyone in you is cooler than them anyday. I have never met a multiple that I have never liked. I choose to be around those who are real. Not these fucking shallow assholes who are worried about if their bf is cheating on them because they won't put out. Those people are the ones who make me sick......don't get Jeff and I started on that one. We bitched about that for about an hour one night on aol. Man does he rock! Laterz
from isolatedsoul :
Why thank you - i like your name to, it plants interesting images of planes shrouded in cloud.
from lizbathory :
I just wanted to say thanks for adding us all. The kids are gonna get excited when they find out. But I noticed what I wrote below, and realised I was pretty vague. Toots is another of Jays alters. I call him the man in my life, because thats the only male I would ever need......aside from my son. It's kinda an ongoing joke between us. I hope you enjoy your read. I also wanted to say.....I find it amusing that you have been officially diagnosed with every symptom of MPD, then the MPD. Jay had been through 34 psychiatrists. The last one said he couldn't help her, and shut the door in her face. Everyone tried to treat the symptoms, and couldn't understand why it wouldn't work. They never noticed the problem.
from raven72d :
The little gerbils sound delightful...
from luckybobb :
i just have to try to get though it day by day yet it suxs
from liquidrave :
HEY YOU!!! *HUGS* I miss you tons to!!! I will write more about me in my diary!! I promise! Things are finally starting to piece together and i'm so in love with it i haven't had much time to get over here to use the computer. hehe. I hope that you are doing alright!! I read some of your other entries and i will read the rest that i haven't read yet soon!! I've been thinking about you and hoping that things are working out for you!! Love you lots!! *hugs* Hang in there girl!!!
from lizbathory :
Hellooooooo there! I just thought I would drop you a note to say hello. I am the GF of a multiple, and an online friend of Jenn's (multiple)*points down* My GF is "taffy77", and her little ones have a diary called "dogdays". Also, Toots.....who is a 30 yr old alter, has his diary too. His is "tootsy-roll". He is the man in my life. *grins* I just figured you, and your kids, might like to know that you aren't alone. I do believe it was one of yours that joined my mpd-kids diaryring. At any rate....just wanted to say hi, and let you know we were here.
from lousrose :
by the way, thank you for all the things you said! you are a sweetheart :D
from prncssamy :
hey..check out my diary...maybe we can chat sometime..
from multiple :
*waves* hey there! ^_^ nice to see another friendly multiple around here! i'm glad you dropped by my diary... looking forward to reading about you and getting to know you!
from sistercookie :
The Mental Order Diary Ring Page is here: http://sistercookie.diaryland.com/mentalorder.html
from lousrose :
hey hun. it appears that we are a lot alike as you said. i read through some of your entries and could really relate. thanks for the vote of confidence. knowing me, i won't go through with this tomorrow. but i'll have to spill something. its a hard job keeping secrets. harry pothead is not suitable for children- its just wrong. ;) xoxo.
from luckybobb :
hey i have manic-d too do you have any suggestions
from dyke-girl :
Hey hun. Don't worry, I'm just making a few changes :) I'll have the diary back to normal soon. Promise x Take care :) Jo xxx
from raven72d :
Get enough protein...and some sleep. I've spent too many nights up and alone and too tired to read or pace...
from krimsonlake :
I don't know why people even bother with guns when they could just get a dog instead. I have a Staffordshire Bull Terrier, the sweetest dog you'll ever meet, but a great deterant anyway because people who don't know her are shit scared of her. Dogs = good company and a possibly destructive weapon all wrapped in a coating of fur.:-)
from z0tl :
from raven72d :
Let me know if you got the e-mail...
from marieh :
hey, sorry to inform you that i'm getting rid of my wedontsteal ring... i decided i have too many rings and need to get rid of some of them. thanks for you interest.
from raven72d :
Don't worry... I'll e-mail you first. And I'm not bothered by any stigma or diagnosis. I'll write soon.
from sistercookie :
Seriously I understand how intense your problems are. Keep venting, don't worry about stigma from here. You are not the only one who suffers from severe mental disturbances. Some of your OCD may be able to be helped by behavior therapy. Basically it just teaches you that nothing extremely bad is going to happen and if something happens you can probably handle it. But at this point its very hard to do. I wish I could be there to somehow help you or comfort you or something.
from ladycroft :
Heylo, how have you been? I know the feeling of four am, sucky feeling, that's about the time I crawl into bed. And it's not like I have such a great night life that I've been out partying, I'm just awake, just thinking too much, just worrying, just pissing and moaning to myself. It's a crappy feeling. Anyway, I hope you feel better soon. That yuck feeling just gets dull after awhile of being there forever. I hope you get some sleep.
from raven72d :
How is Monday?
from raven72d :
Write soon ([email protected]) and dream of autumns...
from raven72d :
When I'm insomniac I go outside at 03h00 and watch the stars and feel myself disintegrate in the dark...
from raven72d :
Migraines are vicious things... But-- sleep. Sleep as much as you can. Store it up against the night.
from raven72d :
I'm glad my notes can mean something to you... I'll be back today to read more...
from me-always :
Hi. I know what you're going through, I feel the same but dwellling on it won't help it. I have often felt this ache and emptiness but I have learned to push it aside and try and find a way to get rid of it. It hasn't gone yet but it has lessened greatly. I pray yours will too in time.
from raven72d :
You aren't invisible... not at all.
from raven72d :
I talk to myself in the dark, and I whisper aloud stories and lectures...
from sistercookie :
Personally you aren't the only one who hallucinates, the rest of us just keep it to ourselves. You will hallucinate more if you don't get very much sleep. Also you sound like me when my depression is really bad. Hallucinations are more common than you think and are associated with schizoaffective personality disorder. Other than going to a psychiatrist to get medication for your depression like paxil or zoloft, I would recomment you just talk to people who feel like you do, I am one of those people. The scary thing is that the way you feel is more common than anybody wants to admit. As long as the hallucinations don't make you act upon them or control your behavior, they are just scary but harmless really. The part I am worried about is your feeling of hopelessness. While I still feel that way everyday I just keep going. I am here if you need support or someone to understand or just listen without judgement. Those who don't understand how you feel should just leave you alone. I am sick of people telling me to just get over it as if its that easy. The only way you can get through things is one day at a time. Every day you make it through is a victory just remember that. Seriously the only way I can get through is to just take it one minute at a time. If there was a miracle cure I would give it to you.
from raven72d :
At least Halloween is over... Winter is bleak, but somehow soothing...
from jadedmercy :
Thank you. It makes me feel a bit more sane that someone else can relate to what I say. Due to the fact that I don't have very many people tell me that they do relate to what I say, it get's frustrating. I start referring to the times when my mother claims that I'm just insane and no one thinks like I do. Who knows...But our names our similiar, how ironic that we actually agree. I'm adding you to my favorites, you are blessed.
from sistercookie :
I know what you mean about people saying "Get over it" or "you are fine" or "it will be fine". Every day that you have to live is like a giant struggle through hell. I still don't know why I am still here.
from raven72d :
I think there's a point at which the night light becomes frightening-- the light shows the room too clearly, would make any Bad Thing too visible. It's easier sometimes to sleep in half-dark, when everything fades into shadow and mist...
from ladycroft :
One more thing. DO NOT TAKE ANY SLEEPING AIDS! They'll knock you out, but your body and mind won't get the rest that you need. The way the sleep cycle works is you go through a few stages before you slip into REM. REM is the only level of sleep that has any restorative properties. If you take a sleeping aid you'll be trapped in a cycle of those sleep stages, minus the REM. I don't suggest any mood altering drugs either. What happens is they feed your brain the chemicals for you to be relaxed or happier, pretty soon you're brain starts making new places for all this new chemical to go, and stops making the chemical on its own. Then soon you'll have to take more of the drug to fill all the new places, and when you try to stop you'll be left with empty places for a chemical that your brain doesn't think it needs to make anymore. You'll just fall harder. I don't mean to lecture or burst hope. I mean to say that you have everything you need to feel better, don't trust pills or drugs and such to do what your body can do on its own. later :/ ladycroft
from ladycroft :
I can't say I know exactly how you feel, I'm not you. However I can relate with some of the emotions. You remind me of a friend of mine. Other people have depleated her self-esteem so much that she can't fight back anymore. I think you should know that you deserve respect, you deserve to be happy, and you are strong enough to keep going, and get to a place you feel comfortable. Grant you it's not easy, and you may not feel like you can't, trust me, you have it, it's inside, and you just gotta look for it. When you're at the bottom the only place to go is up. later girl ladycroft
from krimsonlake :
I can't help you with the answer to your question, but if I win lotto I can get you a pretty cottage on my land.:-) I know what you mean about not being able to fake positivity anymore too, I feel like that a lot. I used to put on a good show, but now I just can't.
from anti-all :
i said i would update that day and didn't till the next. lol =)
from sistercookie :
Personally I sleep with the light on every night because it makes me feel safer. If you are not hurting anyone then you should be able to sleep with the lights on, the radio on and a teddy bear if you want. People who can sleep in the dark have never had the dark be an enemy.
from anti-all :
I lied. I'm sorry.
from liquidrave :
Hey girl!! I miss talking to you to!! I know about the soap opera thing. haha. And i HATE those stupid shows. I never watch them. lol. Hopefully things will work out soon, i will write about what is going on sometime!! Hope you are feeling alright!! love and *hugs* : )
from sistercookie :
You might want to join my mental order ring. I am going to start posting various things for people to read and help and suggestions and etc. so that we all might have a little less stress in our lives. ***hugs***
from sistercookie :
The generic version is clonzapem (klon-za-pem) or klonopin (klon-o-pin). It would probably help you to relax enough and its like candy so the doctor isn't afraid to give it to you. My doctor also gives me like 15 ambien a month in case I can't sleep. If you are able to only take control yourself to take it only every few days maybe the doctor would give it to you. Some days nothing will help you sleep but I find that clonzapem helps you stay calmer so you aren't as freaked out about things. Some people take 2 (.5mg) a day while others take 6 (.5mg) a day. But I know for a fact that you cannot od on this stuff. As for the stuff at the bottom of the glass or anything that makes you paranoid, its more common than you think. Most people would just never admit to things like that. When you feel like that paranoid think about what is the worse that can happen if you are able to? I mean a spider is not pleasant but will it really hurt you drastically? I think there is a homicidal maniac in my house at 3 a.m. when I am paranoid so I try to keep things in perspective. My therapist says questions your perspective and your thoughts and ask yourself how much real danger are you in. I had a panic attack in the parking lot of Home Depot. While it was embarassing, it did not hurt anyone including myself so fuck that stupid people who are freaked out by it. I mean nobody there was more freaked out then me. They don't have these problems so they should consider themselves lucky. If you can't sleep and you can't lie down, try listening to music that you like. Its very hard to concentrate but I find that if you can help to drown out your own brain that it can be less painful. I try to do things that require no emotional impact like computer games or even naming bands alphabetically or every band that starts with a specific letter of the alphabet. Sometimes even curling up in a fetal position in a dark corner can make you feel safer. Don't be afraid to have people think you are crazy if it helps you. As long as you are not hurting yourself or others its just fluff. Chaos exists all the time, some people just pretend that it doesn't. These are the same people that are worse off because if there perfect little worlds are taken away they go off the deep end. Those of us who live with it every day know that its always there so we appreciate the good days more than most people. Who is crazier the person who believes that as long as they do everything they are suppose to do that everything will be fine or those of us who know that no matter what we don't have that kind of control and just have to wait till it passes. While some people may be mental ill sometimes they are more grounded in reality than the idiot driving their SUV who thinks that everything is just fine sometimes to the point where they can't deal with it if its isn't fine. If you already know your perspective is fucked up then you are more likely to question it than somebody who thinks that they way they are is just fine.
from sistercookie :
I was thinking of ambien or nyquil. But I was thinking that mostly you need to make sure you get sleep every 3 days if you can so you don't go too long without. I know the insomnia can really increase everything else to be really intensely stessful. If you can't sleep just make sure you lie down for a few hours like you are trying to sleep, listen to music and avoid everything like you are asleep. Even if you can't sleep you do need to rest your eyes, your body and if you can your mind. Valium is not a sleep aid, its an anti-anxiety. If you need something for anxiety I would suggest clonzapem, its like baby valium, non-addicting, and you can't od on it. Rest if the best even if you can't sleep. Thanks for the support.
from anti-all :
hey--sorry i don't answer all your messages all the time but most of the time i'm busy and when people are around i'm not aloud to feel. I'm fine..i'm hope you are doing okay too..I will update later today. *hugs*
from ladysadness :
hey man, i saw your note.yeah i've been through a bit.from your profile i would say you have too.i couldn't read much of your diary because it's in such small print.i did however read a bit and plan to read more.i'm going to add you on my faves list.i'm glad you wrote and would like o hear from you soon.take care! ~sadness
from sistercookie :
The reason you are having hallucinations may be because you aren't getting any sleep. You need to take something to sleep and see if that helps.
from ladycroft :
hey girl. how ya been? i'm back for awhile. chat at ya sometime. aim-buttercupchic360. later gator ladycroft
from cuddleduddle :
hey there, jaded. I'm glad to see that you got to get out and enjoy yourself. i'm really happy that you had a good weekend. and i don't think your entry was any less deep than any of your other entries. what can ya do? when you're in a good mood, you're in a good mood. it's best not to bitch about it. anyways, i hope you stay cheered up for at LEAST a few days. x0x0, cuddles
from liquidrave :
hey you! How's it going? Alright i hope!! I miss you!! hehe. *hugs* Things have been alright but i am kind of coming off of my manic thingy. lol. I was thinking about you today, and hoping that you are doing alright! Hang in there!! love ya!!
from just-fine :
You seem lost and scared, i know those feeling's. These are beautiful words, your a beautiful person. try to takecare of yourself, i hope things get better for you. <3 x
from lilpyro :
:) More and more people are listing you. :( I can't imagine what you're going through...I really can't, and because of that I feel guilty. I wish I could be closer to you so that I could offer you some comfort, but alas, that is not possible. We all have hard times...and I think you've had your share a plenty. I wish there was some way that I could take some of it from you, you don't deserve any of it. Try to stay strong, and know that I would be there if I could.
from sadeyes85 :
Hey Jade I'm def. hangin in there..maybe by a wire..but I am. Are you? In a little over 2 hours I go see the therapist. God, I wish my mom wasn't taking me. I'm afraid I'll cry or something and come out all red eyed. Or she'll pressure me for what we talked about/my diagnoses..I don't even know if shrinks can diagnose..they can't give meds..can they do the other? Next time will be better though b/c my mom won't be taking me. She said she wanted to take me the first time which I still find odd. I don't live with her..barely see her..and then I think I'm being set up..oy vey. I am really paranoid..but I think I have every reason to be b/c she's fucked me over in the past. One time after school in 5th grade she said we needed to run a quick errand..we went to a shrink..I was 11..that was so disturbing for me..that wasn't my first shrink either. I was so pissed off that I didn't talk at all. Then another time my mom said she was going out of town and I was going to stay with my sister at 1 of her friends houses..the day of..I get dropped off at my grandparents house..the ppl who verbally/emotionally abused me. I was there for 7 days. I cried when I got there. I escaped through the front door..but they got me. I don't trust her. My dad is home..another thing I don't trust..another reason why I feel like they are setting me up..he should be at work..but he's not. This is the first sick day he has taken in 4 years..of all days he picks the day that I'm supposed to go see a shrink..do they have the power to lock me up? THe shink I mean..? Sorry that this ramble bullshit was all about me. I hope you're well. -Katie
from cuddleduddle :
Hey there, sweet thang! Maybe this'll make ya feel better. I also took that test and here is what I got: Paranoid: Moderate Schizoid: Low Schizotypal: High Antisocial: Moderate Borderline: Very High Histrionic: High Narcissistic: High Avoidant: High Dependent: High Obsessive-Compulsive: Low (Anyways, I just thought I'd let ya know my scores. I hope you have a great day tomorrow! You should go out and get yourself some vanilla chai, it's sooo good when it's poured over white rice! Garunteed to cheer anyone up! <okay, yeah yeah, so I'm just a dork!>) *mmmm-wah!*
from sistercookie :
I started a ring called Mentalorder, please check it out.
from sistercookie :
First take the personality test at NYU site this is a great site for testing: http://www.med.nyu.edu/Psych/screens/pds.html Then go to this site and write down all the specific aspects or symptoms that you experience http://www.mentalhealth.com/fr20.html If you post these results in your diary, then I will overload you with information to try to help you. I am totally genuine and serious when I say this. I hate to see anyone suffer to the degree that you do. You are a good person who suffers because of their mental health. Please try to hang in there and I will do my best to help you in anyway I can.
from wiccanvixen1 :
yes i'm still alive i haven't disappeared. my family finally bought a computer well a laptop it so cool. cooler than my cousins that i use even though we don't have dsl. so hopefully the entres will be coming mor rapildy now. thanks for caring. i hope you feel better ya know with ur anger.
from sistercookie :
I don't know if the chat room still exists. There was a flame war between the ops. I am not so rational all the time. That the reality. But when I am rational I try to help others. The reason I have made it this far is beyond me. I think if you made it this far you will be amazed how far you can go. Write down how you feel all the time. Try to figure out what triggers the feelings if anything. Try to figure out tricks to help make it easier on you. If you really want to help yourself its a long, hard road but every step is a victory in itself. As you realise that you are diminishing the effects and are able to spend less time in your dark pit like a mole digging in a hole (U2) you can have company (because you can't dig out of the hole but you can have company until it eases) or you can learn to cope, overcome, reduce the symptoms without being cured. Its like living with allergies or diabetes you can learn to live with it and do what you need to do to help yourself. If you are not hurting anyone including yourself then realise it really doesn't matter if you think Donald Duck is talking to you in your head, just learn to keep it to yourself. See its the appearance that counts in this superficial society. Seriously if people think you are a lunatic, calling you crazy, saying you are messed in the head then simply say to them "Yes and You are lucky that you are not". They never have an answer for that statement. If nothing else say "I am not the only crazy person look at your outfit", laugh hysterically then skip away. Nothing freaks people out more than a crazy person. But really "ITS A FREE COUNTRY". If you aren't harming anyone or causing a disaster fuck them. I mean all your need is a place to sleep, food in your stomach, clothes on your back and hopefully a bathroom. Everything else is a luxury. If you are not hurting yourself or others then all you need to do is take care of yourself, the rest is irrelevant. Reminding yourself of this fact on a daily basis is a sort of goal or plan that you can try to accomplish on a daily basis or even an hourly basis or even minute by minute, second by second. Each time you wake up, you have another victory.
from sistercookie :
I have felt like you do. I still don't trust people but I do more of what I want and say Fuck them. If you want to take some of your anger and do something with it then I have some suggestions. Yell at speeders on your street to slow down. Scream at people walking to walk faster. Play music really loud. You don't need to trust me but if you need someone to talk to about feeling the way you do just let me know. Just because the world is too fucking stupid and selfish to think about anyone else but themselves doesn't mean that I am one of those fuckers. I believe you should hang around just to be a thorn in those fuckers side. I mean I was so mad last night that I felt like putting my pen in the neck of this asshole who kept spilling beer all over the place. And people wonder why I never want to leave the house or want to deal with anyone.
from liquidrave :
hey girl! I'm sorry to hear you're in an angry mood. : ( I hope that things pick up for you soon! Just wanted to let ya know that i am thinking about you, and sending you lots of hugs!! Hang in there!
from cuddleduddle :
I'm sorry to leave you another message. I just got done reading a few of your entries... I think you're wonderful! I added you to my aol im buddy list, I hope you don't mind. You are really amazing. *kisses*
from cuddleduddle :
Hey there, Jade. I'm really slow on checking my notes or else I would have replied sooner. Thanks for stopping by my diary. Its not very often that someone I don't know pops in and makes my day. Your diary is beautiful! *is so jealous!!* I LOVE LOVE your photos, ESPECIALLY the nature ones. You know, I used to go crazy with my black and white film, snapping pics all the time. Anyways, I might say too much, so I'll let you get back to the rest of your fans. And you can bet your bottom dollar that I'll be poppin' in on a regular basis. (BTW, feel free to IM me sometime. All my nicks are posted in my profile.)
from liquidrave :
hey you! I have that stupid rapid cycling Bipolar crap to. And i also have the auditory hallucinations. But then there are lots of other weird things i have that they are associating with schizophrenia. And i really hate taking meds... grr... . Hang in there girl!! You're so awesome! I love your pictures, and the photos of you are really cute!! Don't worry, i'm straight, you're cute. lol. Your animals are adorable to! My animal, Jack, a bearded dragon has kept me alive for the past few years. Animals are great! Good Luck with everything! I don't think you corrupted your counselor that bad.. lol. I think it's cool you guys are friends! Have a good day and try to smile! *hugs*
from krimsonlake :
Oh, do I know what you mean! It's so easy to sit there and get caught up in just not being right and realizing that a lot more is wrong then most people. I often think it's so unfair that I'm both a little crazy and have herpes. And I think that no-body is going to want to cope with that. And it's scary when I think like that. But at least I know, from my ex-hubby, that someone will except the herpes at least. I just worry that now it's such a combination of shit that it'd just be too much for anyone to take.
from anti-all :
Hey..thanks for the note..usually i catch myself when i'm doing and try to stop but sometimes i just can't..and i'm pretty optomistic about the smoking thing. I'll let you know how it's going..Hope you have a good day!
from deadblckrose :
I really wish that I wouldn't cry. It shows how weak I've become. I don't think I'm getting any better. I'm becoming so depressed. When I thought that I was doing fine, then now here I am sitting in my room at 2 in the morning crying for no reason. Just stupidness. I used to never cry and now it's like a damn fountian. And it scares me, I'm breaking down.. love. Erin.
from ravenheart :
Thank you for joining my Art ring, you are welcome!
from sistercookie :
I love your photos. The scenery alone is worth looking at and you did an excellent job of composition. I like your dog too!
from krimsonlake :
Wow, you have got it bad with the H. I've had it for nearly 10 years, and only recently has it started playing up. I had an awful initial outbreak too though. I ended up hospitalized for 3 days, it was horrible. But then it just went all quiet, until now. Anyway, it's actually great (in a way) to see someone else who can really understand it. I love your diary btw. :-)
from liquidrave :
Hey girl!! I miss you to!!! I am alright. Things are a bit crazy, but hopefully they will pick up soon! My computer has a virus so i'm on the library's computer. lol. I will update soon. I've been busy between school and work and all of that good stuff. lol. Hope you're doing okay!! Love you! *hugs*
from sistercookie :
I am amazed that you deal with things so well. If you are having a panic attack sometimes I try to count backwards from 20 and its so hard to do that I stop panicking. If you having a panic attack also try naming all the bands you like or by each letter of the alphabet or just sing different lyrics that pop into your head until it passes. I would consider that you should try taking valium on a schedule possibily even several times a day. If you can't take valium try clonzapem because its a very mild form of valium and you can take all you want. I hate panic attacks myself. That feeling that makes you curl up in a ball, I wish they had something that could make that go away the way valium works.
from dorknoodle :
I'm sort of amazed you happened upon my diary and have such nice things to say. I'm basically a mess physically, and mentally, I've had not much luck either. That said, I do walk, talk, and procreate (in my own lil' homo way), so I gotta be happy about something. Thank you for your note and I'm sure I'll see you about.
from dorknoodle :
I'm sort of amazed you happened upon my diary and have such nice things to say. I'm basically a mess physically, and mentally, I've had not much luck either. That said, I do walk, talk, and procreate (in my own lil' homo way), so I gotta be happy about something. Thank you for your note and I'm sure I'll see you about.
from sistercookie :
I also have 4 personality disorders and clinical depression with occasional anxiety attacks. If you need someone to understand the prejudice against you, you are welcome to cry on my shoulder.
from liquidrave :
hey you! If you get this before you go camping, i hope you have a blast!! I bet you will!! I'm so sorry to be reading what you are writing. But i have found journals written in MY handwriting also, and i don't EVER remember writing them. They talk about things i don't even think I know about. What is going on, i don't know. I really need to find out, but I to am scared to know. But hey you, have a GREAT time camping!!! *hugs* good luck!!
from sadeyes85 :
that would be so great..seriously. i wish i lived closer to you so we could. you know that guy i mentioned..jim? well i talked to him earlier and he said he was sitting around drinking today and i could come over. i didn't go b/c i haven't met him yet..and i feel odd about that..plus..what if he's disgusted by the way i look? i don't want to put him in an awkward position ya know? if i was gonna drink with him..he'd have to come to me b/c i do not want to drink and drive. i refuse to do that.
from saftey-pin :
I suppose I should say thank you...
from sadeyes85 :
lol awww girl, i update all the time!! i actually just got done writing an insanely long entry...oy vey.. no i'm not from OK..I live in Terre Haute, Indiana. He is though..the guy. He just moved here he said b/c his bst friend was bored? Yeh, I don't know..he didn't meet me last night b/c supposedly he got lost. It's ok though b/c I had tons of work and tests I needed to study for so I did all that and made good use of my time. We are planning to meet up somewhere else sometime...somewhere that he can actually find lol
from liquidrave :
Hey you... i am on meds to. But i tend to "forget" to take them. I don't like the way they make me feel.. i feel numb. I would rather go talk to someone about everything once a week intsead of being on medicine. If he doesn't take me off of it this October, i'm slowly going to take myself off of it. I HATE medicine!! I wish you lots of luck!! Maybe you could ask your Dr.... ? i'm not sure, i'm kind of in the same situation. grr.... *hugs* !! Hang in there!
from liquidrave :
hey you! I hope you're doing okay! Thanks soo much for leaving me that note! I'm so mad to know that you've gone through it to, but like you said, it's in a way comforting. I wish i could take all of your sadness away! And get rid of those haunting memories. There are days when i'm just sitting back and out of no where, i think of that... i HATE it!!!! I wish that i could hug you and let you know that i was there for you, even though you may not be able to talk, but just to feel someone's arms around you to let you know that you're not alone! *hugs*
from sad-doll :
wow..
from empty-cuts :
im glad you can relate to my diary. but not. but atleast i know someone out there can still feel. ill try updating more often. <3
from lilpyro :
: ) Hmm...maybe the fact that I'm responding shows you that I knew who it was :D I'm observent...hehe. I know how hard it can be to trust people. When everyone in your life has turned their back on you, how can you trust anyone else? You're afraid of being hurt. I understand that feeling perfectly. There aren't that many people that I trust though...and my future husband *shh, you didn't hear anything : )* is the only person I could ever trust as much as I do. He's been hurt like I have, so I know that he wouldn't do to me what had been done to him. He literally means the world to me. I don't know what it would be like for me to be allergic to dairy! I LOVE dairy food! I'm a HUGE cheese-a-holic. I've been doing good though! I haven't had any beef (except once, and I almost threw up, so I regreted that). My family doesn't get the purpose though. Hopefully I'll be able to stick to it as long as I can. Take care! And I think you can trust her, ; ) *I wanna be a psychiatrist someday, and I'm going to try and make my patients trust me, I am trustable!* hehe, ttyl!
from mickalah :
I just read your e-mail. I am not mickalah, but I have a better understanding of the therapy process than she does. You are in the exposure phase and that is when everything can break loose in your life. I understand those feelings. We are in the confrontation stage and that is still very difficult for me. Actually Mickalah is now doing more work on her issues than I am. I have been denying that I have anger. Well,hang in there. It sounds like you're trying your best. Mickalah says thanks for the note.
from liquidrave :
hey you! I'm so sorry to have read what i did in your diary today. I can relate to you about the ritual abuse and the boyfriend thing also. It's so horrible, i have yet to trust someone else to talk about it! *hugs* Hang in there, and good luck!!
from anti-all :
hey..last time i sent you a note i said i was gunna add you but then diaryland started messing up and meant to do it the next morn. but forgot..silly me..but it's there now..i just remembered..well i guess that's it besides have a good day.. =)
from liquidrave :
hey you! I added you to my favorites! And i absolutely LOVE your new entry! I can think of a way it relates to me.... *hugs* Hang in there!
from raven72d :
You have a lovely layout... and some haunting entries... I'll be back here to read you often...
from lilpyro :
People seem to like you a lot! You get a hell of a lot more notes than I do. : ) See, people do care about you! I was good today! I didn't eat any beef. I don't know how long it will take me to get used to it, but I'll get there. My boyfriend asked me if I was going to make him give up meat too and I laughed and told him that I would never force my beliefs on anyone else. It is interesting to know that you love Angelina Jolie too! I just think she is down right sexy. I've never really been attracted to any females before, but in her case, she is an exception. I don't know how to respond to the fact that you believe that it was my words that kept you alive. I meant everything that I said. You really are such a beautiful person, and a lot stronger than I am. I need people too much, and it worries me. As independent as I am, I am still very dependent on certain people. Knowing that you are alive gives me so much strength. Hell won't last forever, there will be a time when happiness will be for real, and things will be okay. : )
from liquidrave :
hey there! Thanks for the note, and i read a few of your entries. I love them!! I will add you to my favorite diaries!! And later on when i have more time, i'll read the rest of your diary! Thanks!
from ladycroft :
i kno what it's like to have a really hard time being happy. it may sound weird, but try having some popcorn and soda. in fact put the soda in a glass, and watch the popcorn fizzle in it. it just creates happiness for me. i don't know why, i can't explain it, i'm being serious. have some popcorn and soda and just sit back and let it sink in. i hope it works for u, it works for me, i have no idea why. my diary is gonna be locked for awhile. there's a few people i don't want to read it, cause they wanna copy some of my work. so i'll keep leavin notes when i'm online though. yea about that guy, i can't get over him. it sux later ladycroft
from flippie :
Hey! Thanks for joining the Faux Jean diary ring! That rocks faux real!!!
from love-is-pain :
lol, I just wrote a long, rather hostile, entry and noticed afterwards that you left me messages in my guestbook & was so happy! I wrote like an eon long email before I realized you didn't list your email address anywhere. Then, before I could cut and paste it my stupid computer crashed. I was like, oh my god, what the hell? Is this a conspiracy? ^_^ Now all there is left is this crappy message. Basically, I know what you mean! I swear, we are a sad two-some indeed cause just by our messages & our diaries, I felt like I know you more than I've known people who have been in my life since the beginning. They are virtually strangers and I've never met you but you are like my best friend. I would tell you anything and trust you because I KNOW you and know you would never betray me because I am you. We are the same. And neither of us would hurt the other because It would be even worse than hurting ourselves. Um, again, I mean that in a non-stalker psycho way. *clearing throat* Just wanted to reclarify that. If you give out your email addy (NO pressure, I'm not the best emailer anyways) I changed mine to: [email protected] because my other one got spammed to death. *angry look*. . . Oh yeah, too bad about the whole "legal" thing, lol, wouldn't the world be great if the authorities could just turn a blind eye to heartless butchery? What fun we could have - um, not to make light of it with jokes, just awkwardly trying to say I feel DEEPLY for you and wouldn't mind working off a bit of hurt if need be, though honestly, I'm better at verbal assasination and would probably cry if someone plucked me, ha-ha.
from anti-all :
I love your layout..not that that matters, but i do all the same. I'm glad you like my diary and I'm bad at reading past entries all in one big go but i read some of your entries and I like it so I'm going to add you to my list also...sorry if this is more like incoherent babble than an actual note... I'm very tired.
from ladycroft :
some stuff is just addictive. it depends on what kind of high it gives u, and how far ur gonna fall when it's gone, on whether it's a bad addiction or not. example: i'm addicted to some music, this guy i like, and some poems. The music can go away and i'll just be sad, if the guy i like goes away i'll be mortified, if the poems go away i'll just be annoyed. So perhaps my addiction to the guy I like is bad, cause i'll spiral downward. anyways i'm just rambling, sry for my useless babble, i hope u feel better. later, ladycroft
from ivy-says :
hey hey.... I'm gonna back. I think I'm addicted.
from lilpyro :
I never forgot you...ever! I became so worried about you once you locked it, wouldn't respond to my emails, and that your site wasn't accessible anymore. I feared that you had gotten to the point of committing suicide. You don't know how happy I am to hear from you! I have been to this diary of yours before! You joined my moo-cow diaryring! I remember reading a few of the entries and just being so depressed when I read them, I didn't know that it was you! But I could sense something about it, and Iíve been back to it a couple of times. Deep within me I always hoped that you were okay, and that you didn't commit suicide. Without you knowing it, I was constantly praying and hoping that you were okay. Thank you...thank you...thank you for contacting me! You don't know how wonderful it is to hear from you. It makes me so happy to know that you are still alive, and that you are getting better. Please remember that I will always care about you, Summer, always. Try and promise that you wonít do it again to me though, because it worried me greatly, and it scared me at the same time. : ) Iím listing you, I almost did even before I knew it was you, I am definitely going to now. I feel like Iím rambling, but I donít know how else to shorten this. You are so strongÖso very strong, donít ever give up hope. Iíll never forget you.
from panjandrum :
Welcome to the Austin Powers Diaryring! Yeah Baby!
from ladycroft :
heyo. ur right tomb raider is freaking awesome! she has one of the coolest jobs ever. i read your most recent entry. Migraines suc major! omg! I kno what u mean about sitting in the dark with sunglasses on. I saw the little fairy at the bottom of your entry. Is that from neopets? I'm on neopets too. My sn on that is "skittle360". Have you listened to any Hot Rod Circuit? I think you would like their stuff, based on the other stuff u said u liked. Anyway catcha later! *_* \/ ladycroft
from nirvanazz :
Hey. Thanx for the note and reading my diary. And I'm glad you know what I'm saying, since I don't. Maybe you could explain it to me sometime. I love your diary. Fantastic :D
from megwan01 :
thanks for joining the 10 things I hate about you ring and putting up your code.
from nicedream06 :
thanks for filling out my divorce survey! (and i invite you to join my fatherless diaryring if you want)
from p-brain :
Thanks for joining my Tomb Raider ring. Unfortunately I can't visit your page. (get kicked out of the Net!!!) So I really hope you've put the code on your page! =)
from glitterscars :
Thanks for the note! First impressions on viewing your diary - "flippin hell!" It's GORGEOUS! And as for your writing: well let's just say sharp edges and too many pills are something I can identify with xx PS Screw orange being the new pink - it's a hideous, non-colour!
from frozenmoment :
I recently came across your diary and I would like to invite you to post an entry in a public diary called, Frozen Moments. Itís a virtual keepsake box of sorts where people can post special memories. Memories of sorrow, love, hope, despair. Itís up to you. If youíre interested, the link is, http://frozenmoment.diaryland.com
from bloodyscars :
You're lovely. I can relate to what you say; your feelings are ones I feel similarly. I would enjoy knowing you personally, you seem like someone I would appreciate being in the company of. I'll come back to read more.
from love-is-pain :
Omg, that was way long. I didn't realize and now I think it's official, I'm a psycho. *sob*
from love-is-pain :
^_^ Wheeee *hugs* Your back. Goodie. I just wrote some long ass entry and feel like hot shit on a platter. Geez, maybe I can take some of those prescription drugs off of ya? To top it off, I'm like, steaming mad (for no reason) and depressed as hell (because life sucks) and I'm like, reading your entries and like, why the fuck am I reading her entries? If I get any madder or depressed I'm going to die. I'm like shaking so badly. I so don't condone violence but I really startedt thinking of some bloody awful ways you can use your scissors. In a Loraina Bobbit sort of way if you get me. *wincing* I'm like, blacking out I'm so mad! I can't believe it, can someone faint from anger?? God, I've never wanted to be able to cry more but I can't. I hope you don't go back to cutting yourself but if you do, then that's what you have to do to survive. I can relate to that. It just angers me that you are left with the traumatic shit alone. I don't mean to presume, cause you may have support but even if you do, no one is living your life of hell but you, so ultimately we are all alone. Shit, this isn't helping I suppose. I just mean . . . I don't know. When I feel that kind of hurt and rage, I don't react any better. I internalize to the point where I won't drink or sleep for days. When I'm nearly dehydrating to death I'll smash every fucking thing in my apartment and quickly throw it all away before relatives or "friends" visit. Just tell them I'm remodeling. (I remodel VERY often). I never told anyone that, lol. Not even my diary. I don't know why I think you'd care but . . . sigh, god, I can't deal with this now. Glad your back, Thank you for writing me a note, I LOVE getting notes from people I care about (um, I know I don't know you, but I do anyway). Jesus, I'm a real loser-psycho. Kaila
from reeks :
Hey just wanted to welcome you to the heels-suck diaryring. =)
from love-is-pain :
Know you said you'd be out of commission for a while but it's getting rather dark and lonely up in d-land. Hope your doing well, update soon okay . . . ^_^ Much love, Kaila
from panzer-kitty :
Thanks for joining the animal rights diarying!
from broken-glass :
Hello... I hope your surgery went okay, and you'll update as soon as you're feeling up to it! :-)
from elberry :
From your 'older' diaryring....dropped by....hmmm ....a pearl is an irritant covered over...let him have it.....what you have inside can easily furnish another.....blessings/
from superjoint :
Hey its me again. Just wanted to say hey and good luck on your surgery. i'm sure you'll do fine and hopefully be so doped up that you cant feel anything...and if you got any left over painkillers send them to me hehe. Take care girl.
from pinkmoonbeam :
I hadn't been by in a while to leave a note so I thought I would just to say hi and how much I enjoy your writing. Always, Cait
from surreal669 :
I am glad I ran across your diary. Youve been through some hellish things similar to stuff Ive had to deal with. And though it seems that life will always be cruel, from experience, things ALWAYS fall into place eventually. Karma is real and life can only throw you so much hell before its your turn to recieve your good karma. You dont know me but I hate to see anyone feeling so hopeless especially since that hopeless person used to be me. Keep your chin up.:)
from love-is-pain :
I cannot express how angry I feel. I wish I knew who your "boyfriend" was so I could fucking rip his fucking guts out and staple them to his fucking forhead! . . . I'm sorry but I cannot stop shaking in rage because I feel so hurt that you had to go through that. I know you don't know me from adam (or is that Eve?) but If you EVER want to email me to talk or just rage (especially to rage) then I am your gurl! Jesus Fuck, I already had a serious problem with trust but now . . . I swear, now I don't trust ANYONE! (Not to make this about ME). Jesus. Keep venting and writing or else I'll be worrying about you for the rest of my natural life! Kaila ([email protected])
from clarinerd :
Hey! Welcome to the outcasts diaryring; hope your troubles will end soon! ~*O*~Amy
from unlucky13 :
thank you for joining the alone forever diaryring. <3
from itsmylife :
Welcome to the Alanis ring!
from superjoint :
Hey. I've been reading some of your entries lately. Man you've gonne through some shit huh? Life can be so cruel sometimes. YOu seem like a fuckin cool chick too it's ashame that you are in so much pain. Well im not trying to put pitty on you. I admire you writing and your strength to go on after what you have been through. Suicide is for pansies anyway. Well feel free to check out my diary if ya feel up to it. Take it easy!
from solstice36 :
better late than never, thanks for joining the abused diaryring :-)
from sweet-relics :
hey thanks for joining the mypaddedroom diaryring
from naniloa :
Gee, I'm sorry that you've got such bad stuff going on. I seriously hope you get better, girl. I've had really close family members go through surgery, and I know how nerve-wracking it is. Let me give you a hint though: pray. pray to everybody, cuz if you do, somebodys likely to hear and answer. :) Much Luvs, Naniloa
from missprisy :
Welcome to the beaniebaby d-ring. Sorry to hear about your health problems. Hope everything goes well for you.
from parkerlewis :
Hey, I just stumbled on your diary, and I wanted to wish you luck with your surgery and your recovery- good luck and I hope you feel better!
from rosecongo :
Thank you ever so much for joining my humble li'l Paxil ring!
from rainyskiez :
Just wanted to compliment u...Beautiful, beautiful writings =) luv them ~Frances
from magical016 :
I can relate to a lot of the stuff you say. Keep writing.
from daath :
Your layout is a low calorie electro-shock to my pleasure centres. I'm shutting up the hatred diaryring to make way for 'nookie.' Ah, sorry for the inconvenience.
from pinkmoonbeam :
I love, love, LOVE your layout. Fiona Apple is amazing. I'm going to go back now and read through your diary. Drop by sometime and say hello!
from diaryreviews :
Just a short note to let you know that your Diary Review has been posted. Thanks much! Angela ^_^
from bluelaser :
Hey there! Welcome to the rain ring. Thanks for joining!
from kymee :
Thanks for joining the test-addict diaryring, brilliant Fiona layout. Sorry that you're in so much pain - seems too much for a 19 year old to go through. I hope all goes well next month!
from msmongi :
Welcome to lex-luthor! Very nice layout,too.
from rstemplates :
hello, just letting you know that your link is up at my site now.. thanks for using Rockstar Templates. *hugs*
from heidiann :
Hi, me again. =) I just went into your haven. I wanted to tell you: your strength and courage amaze me. I can tell your soul is old and has been through a lot...but all that subconcious knowledge and experience has helped you to survive this time around. And sometimes that's what life is about...survival. No matter what we have to do in order to cope with the pain we're dealt...there's nothing wrong with it if it keeps us alive and kicking. At least that's my thinking. You are an amazing human being and I hope you never doubt that.
from parables :
Yeah well. I agree with the phoney thing. I started to be myself and my mates just vanished. I guess it's okay because I didn't really like them in the first place. But now I've got proper friends so all is okay. :) I'm sure things'll look up.
from faerielover :
Thank you so very much for joining the anti-depressants diaryring. Tis yummy, no? Okay, well much love... Toodles.
from heidiann :
Okay am I crazy (don't answer that!) but was your diary not locked earlier? You left such a sweet message on my guestbook and I wanted to go read some more of your writing and now it won't let me! WAAAAAAAAH! =( Sniffle, poor me.
from heidiann :
Thanks bunches for joining the Not-Quite-Bi ring and for putting the code up. I read some of your entries and I like your writing. I'm sorry for your pain...too bad I don't have any advice to make it all better. Take care of yourself.
from aviclark :
Thanks for joining the Gandalf diaryring! :)
from chidiogo :
hey i so get what you are going through. i went through it and i came out fine. but i'm sort of going through it again. this time i'm more trying to find my place. well just sending you my love and best wishes.
from twisted-mind :
Hi, just stopping by to welcome you to the emotional me diary ring. Thanks for posting the code. I dig your purple flames on the side. :o)
from jgstitches :
Welcome to the Ben Stiller diaryring. Thank you for joining.
from erato :
thank you for leaving your footprints for me to follow, i couldn't help but fall into your words as well...
bella, it doesn't matter whether or not people like us. you should live for you, regardless of who they are and what they tell you. love you and live for you. and if they object, just smile--they don't know. put one foot in front of the other. this is your catwalk life. it's your choice how you wish to strut it.
from spinincircle :
yeah i know what you mean.
from ravenheart :
Thanks for joining my Ravenheart ring!

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update April 6, 2020: Sorry, we just had 8+ hours downtime due to a server problem. Restoring from backups took soooo long, but everything is back and no data was lost. Ay yay yay! Anyhow, hope everyone is well with the virus stuff.

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