DiaryLand members area

Hello, It's been awhile. I used to read you and have you as a favourite but then you moved and now I see this one is locked. Does that mean you are back? May I have access please? It's [email protected]. Please delete after reading so not everyone knows my e-mail address thanks.

from kari92 :

Hi...I know you don't know me, but I used to love reading your diary and was quite excited (and relieved, in truth) to see you'd updated. But, I don't have your password :) If you are prepared to give it out, I'd really appreciate it! My email is [email protected] Thanks

from small-one :

i cannot believe i have forgotten your p/w! do send it to me, it's been too long. xoxoxoxoxo

from jaypnaaa :

ya , Si soy addicto. Laura-ly you give me food for thought

from psalm141 :

hey, I was hoping I could get your password to the new page. if so, email me @ [email protected]. Thanks!

from shellbell212 :

hey sweetheart...yeah it has been a long time. I feel so detached from everything. very strange. I miss talking to you, hope everything is going good. I'll be more around come January when shit calms down. for now...it's hell :-( *luvs* shell

from o-jasmine-o :

Just wondering how you are. Hope you're ok. x

from laura-diane :

lock up. or move names. don't stop writing just because someone else knows about you. you're writing for you, not for anyone else. lock up, and when you do, give me a key.

from not-to-be :

hi, this is sad--girl, I've moved here, so if you want to continue reading you'll need to change the username in your buddy list

from genuine-risk :

Can we keep in touch via email?

from the-thinline :

the user: tah; the password: dah; :) sorry about that <love><me>

from genuine-risk :

I'm concerned...you haven't updated....

from laura-diane :

where are you?

from vanity-blade :

It's sweetvanity. This is my new name if you're interested. It'll take me awhile to get an entry up because I still have alot to write.

from genuine-risk :

:( locked?

from shellbell212 :

thanks lovely...*kisses*...I was so lost without you. don't frighten me like that again...but I understand the protection factor.

from imabrat2 :

Hi. Can I have your password? You can e-mail me at [email protected] or drop a note in my diary. I hope you are doing ok.

from veggiepunk :

hi laura! i wanted to read your diary like always today but it seems liked u locked it so i was wondering if u can give me the username and password...pleassse! Take care!

from shellbell212 :

help help...in great need of password...struggling without entry to your diary...

from o-jasmine-o :

I'd love the password if I may... hope you're coping.

from shellbell212 :

Happy bday hunny. We are leo lions through and through. So much of the same...you and I. Well I hope you are surviving the time with the family and soon you'll be back in your element. You just need to discover the balance that keeps your life in line. Mentally and physically. I'm always here if you need me -- *shell*

from jazzyana :

I know what you mean about college sounding good. It keeps us busy, away from family, and gives us a reason for not having time for others... and not eating. So, hope the time till classes passes by quickly!

from genuine-risk :

I think of you every day and read all of your entries. I think we have a lot in common. All I want for us is to be happy. xoxxo.

from imabrat2 :

It sounds like you are getting on the right track. I hope you decide to go through with this and get the help you need. It's going to be hard work, but if you want a healthy body bad enough it will be well worth the effort. You don't want to be my age still fighting the eating disorders. Good luck to you...I'll keep you in my thoughts.

from styrfoamhope :

i like the turn your diary has taken in the past few days. it seems very hopeful and that's good. My girlfriend seems to be doing better. I have lots of people praying for you. Oh, and i forgot to write it down, damnit. IM me soon, love. <333Amy

from fleshandbone :

Just wanted to wish you luck. Been a while since I stopped in.

from wasteland89 :

I never said anything...but thank you for leaving me that note. It makes me smile.

from krugerpak007 :

Thanks always for the nice things you say. I wish I could say something to make you feel good, and to help you feel better. Take care. xoxo Kathy

from genuine-risk :

Thanks for your note Laura, it means a lot. I will let you know how the interviews go. I'm tihnking of YOU too. xoxoxo.

from bloodkiss :

stay strong cuz i know u will...but i feel you. take care xx

from f-o-o :

hi laura-ly. I can feel with you; like another sick human. It's hard to be alone an if there's nobody to talk to. You've wrote "I've convinced myself that no one would ever love me" and it's the same as I think of me. Also "Giving up just seems so much easier than this constant struggle." You are right. I've tried a suicide and survived with heavy injuries. Now I try to life,.. A half year ago (in a psychiatry) somebody said to me "suicide is right if therapy fails and there is a massive affliction". I think we all search a person who care. Sometimes it is hard to be. <p>Thinking of you</p> f-o-o

from lostgrl26 :

hey absolutely none of my buisiness as I don't know you but randomly saw your diary but... why do you hate yourself so much(or seem to). I have never had an eating disorder so I don't try to understand but I am also obssesive about my weight. Just realize if you are 100 pounds or even 140 pounds you are not overweight. Overweight is Rosanne Barr and what Anna Nicole used to look like. If you want ice cream- eat it and relish in the tastes, don't feel guilty or you will end up in a vicious cycle. Anyway sorry to hop on my soap box into your life.

from imabrat2 :

I don't know what to say so I'll just send some ***HUGS*** I worry about you. :-(

from krugerpak007 :

Lots of hugs coming your way from me...Hope you are doing ok sweety! xoxox Kathy

from genuine-risk :

GRRR somehow I wasn't about to finish my note. Anyway, I check your diary every day and always worry about you. I care about you. I wish you weren't so miserable.

from genuine-risk :

things are ok. i'm eating more protein so I feel a little better. i haven't been updating enough because I spend most of my online time at TF

from imabrat2 :

You must at least drink your liquids and take your vitamins. Thinking of you **hugs**

from shellbell212 :

Hey sweetie...try potassium pills for those shin splints. That's no calories as opposed to eating bananas which we all know are loaded! Hope that helped. I used to get them all the time but if you take iron/potassium pills it helps way better than just pain pills. OH plus if you could get a prescription for Vioxx (anti inflammatory) that's WAY BETTER. Loves!--shell : )

from o-jasmine-o :

I hope you do find yourself the therapy you want, I hope you find a way around the money bit. Thinking of you. x

from fleshandbone :

Thank you. :)

from dissolving :

i know you want a platinum blonde life.. but remember that platinum blonde is almost always fake.

from laura-diane :

un: diaryland pw: password -- thanks for reading!

from styrfoamhope :

you're reading it without me! oh no! I'm going to go straight to the library and get it. You're so sneaky! Remember, we were going to read it together? how far along in it are you...wonder if I could catch up. <333333Amy

from imabrat2 :

Hi. Thanks for adding me. :-)

from jazzyana :

Your will power is astounding.... The next time you feel stupid or worthless... just think about what you did at the gym. 99 percent of people (me included) are way to pathetic to push themselves like that. I envy that!

from styrfoamhope :

don't offend me by saying no one cares. You know that's a lie and that I'd be there for you at anytime you needed me. 317-753-1452 use it. I love you, darling.

from vintagegurl :

please make sure your knee's okay, cut yourself some slack every once in a while. remember a lot of people care about you. in here, diaryland, but also in your life. okay? <3 <3 <3

from imabrat2 :

Lots of people would care....more than you know. You need to find someone to talk to. Feeling alone is the worst kind of hurt. *hugs*

from genuine-risk :

What are you talking about? I would care! So would everyone else who comes here. And your mother. She would too. :::::::::hugs::::::::

from genuine-risk :

Thanks for the clarification. I'm hanging in there. How are you? Your mother likely says that because she worries about you and thinks that is the most convincing thing to say. If it's gotten to be too much......I wish you'd get some help. xoxo.

from shellbell212 :

Sweetheart...I've been there so many times before. Not before the porcelain god...so cold and thick...but just on my knees praying to die. I promise you, the Bible says nowhere that suicide is unforgivable. There is no such sin. I love you...this is a "rock bottom" spot...lift your beautiful head. Let the sun warm your cheeks. Believe that your soul still can survive no matter how dead your body may feel. **shelley**

from genuine-risk :

I'm sorry my entries scare you. Do you want me to not contact you anymore? I don't see how they are different from anyone else's that I read around here. And I am actually considering recovery. The other anorexics and bulimics I know are in as deep as I am or deeper. Sad but true.

from small-one :

i know exactly what you're talking about!!! and, i'm a little embarrassed to say it, but i've totally used it to my advantage many times. unfortunately, these people are acting differently (even strangers) because it's obvious something is very wrong. . .they just don't know what it is yet. cancer? ed? depression? aids? heart probs? i found it a little disturbing when i gained my weight back (the first time) and these same people started telling me what "they had thought" was wrong. and how they felt when they found out i had done it to myself! (betrayed, scared, confused, the whole spectrum). but, hey, maybe your people don't have to find out? either way, i identify with you. ..and wish you the best amongst them. xoxoxo

from genuine-risk :

isn't it intoxicating- that change....but it won't last. The longer we are sick and the sicker we get, the more people who are going to grow increasingly resentful and tense. And then you have to hide the ED with every ounce of energy you have. I hate it all. Laur, what are you feeling about all of this?

from blondiegrl24 :

hi, just wanted to say I totally know what you mean about going home and not wanting to hang out with friends. For some reason when I'm restricting, I just want to go home, relax and focus on losing more weight. Seeing friends means probably going out to eat or partyin... Anyway, I have only recently begun reading your diary, but it's great so far! Keep up the good work! xoxoxo ~Blondiegrl24~

from genuine-risk :

Sorry for my terrible grammar/spelling. I'm cloudy right now.

from genuine-risk :

Wtf. I don't even know what to say about the entry beneath this one. I find it very sad when people celebrate these disorders. Sink in them, revel in these perversions, but for God's sake don't celebrate them, because they HURT people. Anyway, Laur, when is it going to be enough? I am curious to know when you think you will be satisfied, because I don't here you talk about goal weights as much as other people. I don't know what will satisfy me. I have a number in my head, but I don't know if I will ever find a place I want to maintain. I don't know if that number exists. I'm thinking of you.

from shellbell212 :

I love you sweetheart *smiles* you make me so proud. Everyday is a joy to hear of your triumphs. I wish you could see them as that. Your power comes through your restriction more than anything. Concentrate on that. Think about it and meditate on it as you work out. It will strengthen the core ana inside of you. *hugs* lets continue on together--shell

from genuine-risk :

Just checking in to say I'm here. xoxoxo.

from the-thinline :

thank you sincerely dear. i appreciate your kindness. take care <love><me>

from small-one :

i still read you and if it mattered at all, i'd tell you how i've grown to care. but i know they're only words so {{hug}} yourself for me, right now. go on! [hugs are so freakin' important that it's irritating]. it sounds as if the two of us are very much on the same page lately. . .i'm sending you light because i know it can be dark and lonely in there. xoxoxoxoxoxo

from genuine-risk :

I think of you every day. Make sure you're not losing too much muscle mass. That's what happened to me and I have been paying for it in muscle/nerve injuries for going on two years. I want to know what you're feeling inside. Love you. xoxo.

from styrfoamhope :

i need to hug you and let you know I'm here. I need it for me too, though. Sometimes life just sucks and we need hugs to hold us together. This past week has been 7 of those days for me. I miss you.

from genuine-risk :

:-(

from imanobody00 :

I'm so worried about you. You don't deserve any of it. I just hope you will see how beautiful and great you truely are someday soon. Please try and take care of yourself hun~

from genuine-risk :

Yes you should be scared. You need to talk to someone Laur. Come on. :(

from o-jasmine-o :

Thank you. That was a really nice signing. You take care too, xxx Tasmin

from xemowhorex :

as far as your parentss see it you are always going to be their "problem". i doubt they lable it as sush though. no matter how old you are you're still their child and they care about you and only want the best for you. that said i understand you not wanting to take you mom up on her offer. i wouldn't want to move back in with my folks either. any way i hope all works out well for you whatever you decide.

from vintagegurl :

thanks! take care of yourself hun.

from o-jasmine-o :

but you're their child... you'll Always be their 'problem', however old you are x

from soultonic :

Hey, I've unlocked my diary. Just so you know.

from schampy :

thank you dear, for the note. you needn't be sorry as it isn't your fault. i think i had this coming to me but i really am just looking forward to living far away from her. and she doesn't know where i'll be. but we can't run from ourselves, you are right. and sometimes it is in fact a drug- this food. dear, take care and i hope that comfort comes soon. <love><me>

from genuine-risk :

I'm sorry I haven't left you a note in a while- for some reason I thought I had. God knows I have been so mental lately, with the ED< health, wrecking that car, etc. Laur I'm so worried for you. I wish we could apply the worry we have for each other to ourselves! I wish you would see a therapist, sweets. You don't even have to bring up the ED if you don't want to. It feels good to be able to talk to someone in real life about all of this. And I don't want you to die. :(

from shellbell212 :

I'm so proud of you : ) You dazzle me with your entries....I'm cheering for you inside! But I also want you to find peace. Maybe when you reach a place with ana you are comfortable with...you will be happy--luvs *shell*

from thintowin :

Thanks for the link. I need to remind myself of that alot more often that I do.

from tearsr4ever :

what were you paying for thats blood money or what not?

from painted-lips :

oh my wondergirl.i adore you.♥.

from small-one :

hey. thanks for your note--i was convinced nobody read my bull-shit anymore. yo, i'm sorry to hear about the loss of your financial aid. . .that sucks, but maybe you could use a break anyway? and maybe, once you decide you're ready, you could go somewhere less expensive? just a thought, b/c there really is more than one option. keep your head up. no matter what. xoxoxo

from tearsr4ever :

hey i love your diary.... your awesome baby... -jessica

from laura-diane :

hey, i know you don't think much of it, and i understand, but i've SEEN you. you've posted photos. you are beautiful. you need not try any harder.

from genuine-risk :

Your last diary scared me :( I thought...that is the kind of bulimia that can kill you :*( Can you see a counselor?? Maybe make sure that you drink a small V8 or a bit of gatorade after that kind of purging? You don't want your electrolites to be really messed up. Also, I'm really surprised TF isn't taking new members....although the community is so huge it is probably close to unmanageable. Anyway, I'm thinking of you. xoxo

from genuine-risk :

Hey, I password protected my diary- for the time being- out of paranoia...I want to give you the password though. Can I email you? Can you still leave notes if I lock my diary? Hmm...I will need to investigate this a little further. Are you on TF? Because I could PM you with it.

from genuine-risk :

Seeing a counselor doesn't mean recovery. Not at all. You could see a counselor so you don't get any worse, or to work on other issues. I started seeing a therapist to work on painful issues surrounding an ex, family, etc. And getting your jaw writed shut certainly is not the answer. Also....think about it...if you just fasted indefinitely, for a long period of time, your metabolism would just shut down and you wouldn't lose any weight at all. I too think you should see someone- I know there are other things that are hurting you besides the ED. How are you feeling today? I'm thinking of you. xoxoxoxo

from jesslez69 :

of course i will give you the password sweety just promise if anyone asks you for it you wont give it to them okay. glad to see your also a fan of the one and only Anjelina Jolie. KICK ASS. -Jessica

from luxelady :

thanks for your support babe - i have locked my diary. email me at [email protected] if you want the password.

from genuine-risk :

Oh dear. I don't know what to say. Obviously this woman was disturbed by your weight loss. That isn't good. I think her questions are important. What are you doing this for Laur? How far are you going to go? I worry about you. xoxo

from shellbell212 :

You are so much like me : ) Aren't knives just delicious???????--*muah* shell

from candoor :

You. Who? You.

from genuine-risk :

I could. I could love a girl with thunder thighs, especially this girl, because she is beautiful inside and out (and I KNOW she is because I saw her picture). I care about you. Tell us how you're feeling. xoxoxoxoxoxo

from dimstar :

Fight it! You do not have to go back to this! Get out of the house. Do something good for yourself. You are worth it. I am praying for you. I know that you can get out of this ed hell as well. You have strength beyond your last breath. I know you do. Please, take care sweetie. (((hugs))) I know it is hard. I know so much. But you are deserving and I would hate for anything to happen to you! xoxo gwen

from xemowhorex :

yeah i know 140 by august is unrealistic... it's just how i work. i aim high and then fall short but i still make progress... my guess is i'll actually only get to about 160 - 170. as for fasting it's the same concept. aim high and fuck up less than i would have if i'd said ok you can have 1,000 calories a day. see then i would end up at 2,000... if i say i'm going to fast and actually try to do it, then screw up i'll still only be at 500 - 1,000 calories. i know it's screwy, but it seams to work for me... or at least it has in the past... i just have to lie to myself to get any results. see?

from the-thinline :

dear, the user is : dontjudge and the password is : me (for schampy). take care <love><me>

from genuine-risk :

I just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain. I'm sorry that you're scared and so upset. I know you feel this is out of control- when will it be time to get help? xoxo

from the-thinline :

dear, at times that seem hopeless there is always hope no matter how small, and that is what keeps us going. it is a terrible cycle we catch ourselves in, and i pray you climb out of it. you are not horrible or terrible at all. feel free to talk to me anytime. take care <love><me>

from dissolving :

i believe in you, and i believe you desearve much better in life. but you'll get there, don't give up.. it's the easy way out and you're a fighter, eventhough fighting is hard.

from styrfoamhope :

yeah you will! haha I'm here for ya, girl. "just call my name, i'll be there in a hurry, you don't have to worry, cause baby there..."

from laura-diane :

you won't do it because part of you doesn't want to. hold on to that part as long as you can -- that's what's in you that's alive.

from shellbell212 :

thanx hunny : ) I'm just delerious so the writings come out pretty twisted. I know just what you are talking about with the digestion too. That happens to me all the time. Pretty much shot my intestines to hell over the past few years wouldn't you agree? Anyways...love the diary and I read you every single day. luvs--shell

from genuine-risk :

You are beautiful.

from luxelady :

hey babe - for what it's worth, i think you're absolutely beautiful.

from sarahsundae :

thanks so much for the comment. it means more then you know. lately I feel myself sucked back into that ed obsession from last year and I am so afraid of what might happen.

from genuine-risk :

It's funny that you sent me a note- I had seen your diary too and was thinking about writing you, because I very much relate to your words. Of course you can read and link me. I would really like to talk or email sometime. Love to you, xoxo

from fleshandbone :

Thank you so much for your note. I wish I could be less plain in my gratitude, but I'm a little wrung-out at the moment. Take care of yourself.

from laura-diane :

try to talk to a counselor. at some schools they will see that you are disordered and expunge your poor grade.

from dissolving :

i know what you mean... try to take care.

from imanobody00 :

I just read your entry... I'm sorry to hear you are so depressed. I really hope things get better for you and I Hope you are alright. Take care.

from styrfoamhope :

::claps:: yayyyy, this entry makes me really happy! But what happened witht the boy??

from sweetvanity :

Congrats on eating in public. It's hard for me, too. I'm proud of you :) Take care.

from fleshandbone :

Hey Chicklet, you think that roommate situation is bad, try living with your best-friend-cum-sister-in-law, who has had 2 children within 18 months of each other, and still wears a size 5. She's 5'9 and weighs 123-125 and still complains. Take care of yourself.

from anyra :

hi sweetie, thanks for the note, you said in your comment about me : has a heart of gold. But you know what, you have a heart of gold too! i give you a big hug and sweet kisses, anyra xoxox

from styrfoamhope :

hmm...that IS weird. Maybe you need to research foods that raise your metabolism and eat lots of them. Like peppers. peppers are good for that. :o)

from styrfoamhope :

darling, you can't keep doing this to yourself...I love you.

from jettemarie :

thank you. i really, really needed that.

from styrfoamhope :

Every day I read and want to leave a comment...but I never have the words. I just wanted you to know that I read and care.

from keryanna :

Just from personal experience, as a teenageer I was very overweight and I did horrible things to myself to try to get thin ... but I never could. No matter how much I restricted food or how many disgusting things I did to my body get rid of any calories I consumed. I felt hopeless. So, one day, I said fuck it. Killing myself wasn't working so I decided to try another alternative: I began to eat healthy (at least 1,200 calories a day of good foods with nutrients) and exercise regularly - but not obsessively. And the pounds came off - slowly but much more healthy. I'm a fit size 3/4 now and have been so for almost ten years. If you are violent to your body - it will revolt. But be kind to your body - and your soul - and it will shows its appreciation.

from my-oblivion :

username: ju, password: lie. thanks for reading :)

from xredbracelet :

your wish is my command little lady!!http://f1.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/d_e_a_d_f_l_o_w_e_r/my_photos it's the "me" folder. "picture 24" was the newest one and that was back in sept. of 03 i think. i want to look like the december pic again. red shirt..short hair..so much thinner! let me know if the link doesn't work. i was having issues. if it doesn't leave me ur email and i'll email them your way!

from sarahsundae :

thanks for the comment sweetie. you are too kind.

from vintagegurl :

Thanks! still a fatso, but hey! :-)

from anyra :

hey sweetie, you're not alone... even if i'm not near of you, we still near by our mind. I give you a big big hug and a big sweet kisse. anyra xoxox

from laura-diane :

email me! @ [email protected]

from imanobody00 :

I told my boyfriend.. it wasn't that big of a deal. He didn't succeed w/ anything. I have horrible luck w/ guys. Thanx again for leaving me a note... take care of yourself :)

from shellbell212 :

yes i remember that too....i'm trying hard to get back to my 1/2 jeans as well girlie. Keep on keepin on--shell

from imanobody00 :

Thankyou so much for that nice note! It was very sweet of you to take the time to leave me a message. Try to take care of yourself ((hugs))

from wastedcamel :

being vegan is great. i actually have a really good excuse not to eat when people offer me food. i'm enjoying it too. i've been looking online for some good vegan recipes. do you know any good sites that i can go to?

from shellbell212 :

I've started restricting again too. Under 400 cal a day on just low carb protein bars and lettuce. Let's see how low we can go, I'm here for ya girlie!--shell

from sarahsundae :

About the topamax-I've been on it for a week and I have lost 1.4 pounds so far. Not bad for a week, right? Plus I'm exercising and watching what I'm eating. But I'm not taking it for the weight loss. I'm taking it for my bipolar disorder.

from fleshandbone :

Sorry for any worry caused. Things got hectic and I wasn't home much. Thanks for showing so much care. Take care.

from perfectbone :

I am happy to know other vegan's out here in this world. But when it comes to food, being vegan isn't much different than being omnivorus. After all....vegan junkfood can still pack on the lbs. But you know what...depsite that...YAY vegan! We rule!

from shellbell212 :

I know exactly how you feel...I used to be that dancer. But time does so much damage to those who let it (me) and your scars turn purple, sharp pains to dull aches and your hurts are buried under new flesh ready for more punishment. You feel alone...but I read with you and cry tears for you. So even though you feel like life is a solitary experience...by sharing it with me you've given up a piece of that pain. Don't be afraid of suffering...find strength in us here.--shells

from loungeact333 :

i'm sorry you're feeling bad about yourself. i know for a fact that if you stick around long enough it's possible that you can and will find happiness and love and everything that you want. I know it's easier said than done, but you can allow yourself to treat you better. And eventually you may not always love yourself, but hopefully you will be able to love yourself more often than not, and at least be comfortable in your own skin. I love to eat too. I've never been addicted to anything except food. Okay...maybe tv. I'm a big guy. And I still found the love of my life. Just when I had almost given up. So I know that crazy things can happen that will change your life. Just be yourself and try and stay positive, and before you know it things will start happening. Just remember how much worse other people have it, and remember that you can take positives out of negative things. Unfortunately, my girlfriend has an eating disorder and it's a constant struggle, but I think that she's getting better slowly. I can only pray that she can love herself as much as I love her one day, and I hope that you achieve whatever it is you want, and that most of all I hope that you can just live life without feeling like you want to die. I know what that can feel like, and I'm glad I'm not there anymore. I still have bad days, but I just remember the things that I have going for me, and it helps me stay as positive as possible. I'm not trying to preach to you. I just want everyone to love themselves while their here, because I know you have something amazing to offer to the world. So thanks for reading my diary and for reading my ranting right now. Take care. Best wishes, Jon

from sweetvanity :

Thanks for leaving me a note already! BTW, I just checked my guestbook and saw that you wanted the address to my other diary. What's your email address so I can send it there? Or you can email me your address in case you don't want it viewed at diaryland. I just don't want my sister to find the address posted in someone's diary because she'd kill me if she found out. And thank you for the comments on the pictures. I'm absolutely happy with him and it kills me that he's gonna be gone for 10 months in the air force. Painful to think about. Talk to you later.

from fruitbottom :

Hey, thanks for the quick reply! My e-mail is [email protected], and my msn is x_rasputina_X if you want to chat! :)

from madeinfrance :

I love having a face to go with the name! I saw your picture and you remind me of myself. I'm not sure why. You are beautiful hun and I love the color of your hair. :)

from jazzyana :

I just wanted to tell you I think you have beautiful golden hair =).

from chicflaws :

thanks so much. that really means a lot.

from xemowhorex :

you have me listed as a favorite. if you're still around and care at all, i have had to locked my diary for a while. the username: emo password: whore

from vintagegurl :

yes you're very pretty! <3

from fruitbottom :

wow... you are so beautiful. you may not believe it and i respect that because everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but i do believe you are gorgeous... and i love your hair! :) Caelan

from shellbell212 :

i love it...latest entry...so intense it made my scars from years ago start to ache again.--shells

from anyra :

thanks for adding my diary to your favorites... you're sweet. big kisses, and big hug anyra xoxoxo

from laura-diane :

thank you for adding my entry to your favorites! your comment made me smile :) thank you again!

from jazzyana :

Thanks for the post! I'm sure I'll love the book. I bet the author of the pamphlet didn't read it either! hahahaha....

from design-doll :

hi i just read your current entry- you write in a way i comprehend- with images. i will continue to read...

from styrfoamhope :

:o) thanks

from loungeact333 :

hi. thanks for leaving a note on my diary. hope you have time to visit again sometime. love, jon

from madeinfrance :

Sleep is my way of coping also. It's the easiest way to forget everything. Hang in there, xoxox

from perfectnever :

//hugs

from styrfoamhope :

yeah, I did that for the first two months...I started to get very tired and depressed and...gave up, basically. I've befriended the guy in charge of food(call him the "food kid"), but he wants suggestions and I don't know what to tell him, ya know? I contacted an organization that's supposed to help me(affiliated with VeganOutreach)...but they never got back to me. It just kind of sucks. I don't know what to tell him b/c I was never a healthy vegan anyway.

from candoor :

when searching for identity, we do not want to be like sheep... and when other people stop caring, we do not have to follow blindly.

from sweetvanity :

You're way too nice in everything you say to me. Thanks so much for all your notes. You make me less high-strung when I read them and it lets me chill out for a second about everything that hasn't been going right. Know that I'm not writing those things in my diary because I want to have people comment on me and think, "Oh, poor you..." I'm not doing that. It irritates me if I don't write what I'm feeling. Thanks again and take care.

from thespark :

I run a diaryring/community. I'd like for you to join the ring. E-mail me if you're interested: [email protected].

from stilldying :

you may not be doing too well so far, but you have 358 days left. Good luck.

from twizzledmind :

Thanx for leaving a note! I read your entire diary... and I'm obsessed! You gave me the strength to know that I could control my body and that it doesn't control me, and I'm so jealous! 'I woke up and his hand was under my shirt; his fingers tracing my ribs back and forth. He slips down and touches my pelvic bone gently, then lowers his hand into the trench built by my stomach and it�s lack of food for the last three days.' Sorry for quoting or whatever... but I want that body so bad! (*sigh*) Anyhoo! Thanx for leaving a note once again!

from reject88 :

well thank you... i feel special now <3 xx

from feelsnothing :

i love that song. my favorite cd is the bends.

from luxelady :

hey thanx for understanding - i've always felt so hypocritical and it drives me crazy. i'm sorry that your guy doesn't understand how it is - it's so frustrating when you can't make the people who are so important to you see what is really going on. i hope you and he can sort things out. oh and that radiohead song is my anthem (well, one of my anthems!) sometimes those words are the only ones that fit what i'm feeling.

from laura-diane :

oh, and to reply to your question about mine... i cut him off and then he started having problems with his gf again so he started calling me.. and now she might break it off with him but i don't know if i like being second best. we'll see.

from laura-diane :

you're better than him and you know it. that's what's kept you on top all along.

from laura-diane :

how is the thing with the friend boy going?

from wasted-face :

thankies for my note, it made me feel happy :-) have a new years hug x

from michael37 :

hi, thanks for the note. i read your diary a little...i'm sorry you are struggling with an eating disorder. i don't know too much about it, but you may want to consider that it is curable. miracles happen every day to people who honestly are in worse situations, so don't rule out yourself. God loves everyone even before they come to him, it's unconditional, which is really the significant part. all you need is a little faith sometimes. you'll be in my prayers. write back if you'd like to talk. michael

from miedema2002 :

Thanks!

from madeinfrance :

That's crazy! At least I wasn't the only one not partying and going wild at midnight :P

from fleshandbone :

Late Happy New Year.

from mymagicpiano :

hey, I love your diary... I've been looking for the pro-ana community on here for awhile. I'm a veteran of RRC. I've had ana for seven years, in and out of hospitals forever. Now I'm in college. Check out my diary if you want :-)

from styrfoamhope :

I know you don't want to hear this, but if it is that big of an obsession it is taking the place of God. The 7 deadly sins may not be in the Bible but the "no other gods before Me" part is. I'm not condemning...I do it too. Just a bit of information. Everything is a choice...and you are choosing this, and I am just as bad in other ways. I'll be praying for you. Don't dismiss me as being critical, that is not my intention. -Amy

from sadangl :

Awe thanks so much!! I wish I saw what you do. Happy New Year!! Be safe!

from vanoonoo :

hi :) you shall be spared from the floody ;) heehee

from anyra :

hey girl... thanks for the great comment you put by adding me in your favorite.. youre sweet. (and please, dont look to much on my mispelling... english as a second language for me, thats sometimes difficult for me to write in english as perfectly that i want to...) anyways big kisses, anyra xoxo

from anyra :

hey sweetie... i ever heard that ulcer often happen when you purge a lot. That's what always scared me about purging... so you might look online on ana or mia sites... i know i see that on one of them. anyway, i hope you'll feel better soon. big kisses, anyra xoxox

from shellbell212 :

i miss you too...dearly...i'm sort of back and all caught up on reading you :) things have been hell around here--luvs shell

from ethereal-red :

Ah, I, too, did terribly in school this semester. I failed two of my classes- partly because I'm horrible at math, partly because I was in the psych ward for a week and in mental pain the rest of the time, partly because I couldn't concentrate at all because my ED just keeps getting stronger and stronger. I've never failed a class before. Ever. I, too, love Requiem For A Dream. It's next to impossible to find it in DVD for some reason. I love the book, I love the movie, and both of them make me cry- and I'm not a cryer when it comes to entertainment, save for Shindler's List. Thanks. I only wish I could tell myself the same beautiful things and believe them.

from sweetvanity :

I refused communion once. I couldn't eat it because it was flour and sugar practically. The way I see it is God knows everything about you. He knows you have problems in certain areas and I don't think He's going to hold that against you. Just as long as you still believe in Him, I don't think he's going to condemn you for eternity. We talked about communion last week in church and I got nervous about it. I'm going to try and make the conscience decision to just eat it next time. You can do it with me, too. Don't worry about it. Just pray and tell Him everything you're getting worked up over. Take care.

from cleorock :

In my opinion, well i have no religion but as you i do belive in God and i think he put us in this hell and he can blame us for it...that's what i think, but sometimes i ask myself those same questions take care

from anyra :

hi... i know how you feel, i've just finished my semester... and my finals went bad. that's bad cause i enter at university next year. Anyways, keep working, and you'll do better i'm sure!! I want to wish you a merry christmas Love, peace, and succes for you big kisses anyra

from wastedcamel :

i know how you feel...i did terrible at school this semester. i hope things get better for you.

from neverswallow :

I could so relate to this entry. Thanks for checkin my diary out. Gwen is hot, but I think Im gonna change my layout when I have a minute. I'm also gonna add you to my faves!

from sweetvanity :

Your dad actually said that? Wow, my dad knows better not to comment on stuff like that. I'd bite his head off. He's sarcastic about it all the time and I still get mad at him for it. Of course I understand why you'd get angry. And thank you for yet another one of your sweet comments. I feel so bad asking for things like that, but it comes with being critical and self-conscious, I guess. Thanks again; I appreciate it, as always. Take care. Don't let what your dad said bother you.

from laura-diane :

baby. i know. it must be hard. just know you are whole without him. you are. i know you are.

from laura-diane :

i'm going through the same thing right now... the other woman. it's miserable.

from onyx-cherub :

thank you.

from vintagegurl :

thanks for the note! I'll be reading your diary too!

from sarahsundae :

what an amazing graphic on your diary.

from madeinfrance :

Thanks for your note laura-ly, I've been reading some of your past entries and can relate to so much of what you say. I will definetly be coming back. xoxo

from sweetvanity :

Thanks for commenting on my outfit. I actually thought the tights really didn't flatter my legs because the shadow it kind of forms behind me and it being the same color. I'm glad you think they look alright. I cover them up most of the time. Thanks again for commenting. Take care.

from fleshandbone :

Thank you.

from laura-diane :

send me an email to [email protected] if you have a chance. i have some questions.

from anyra :

hi.. i leave you a quick note just to say that i really enjoy reading your diary. Keep writing, you're sweet. I put you on my favorites. Anyra xoxo

from sweetvanity :

Thank you for the note. I really appreciate that you read my whining last night, haha. My mom tells me that I expect too much from people because I try to do the same thing; that I try to give too much. If that makes sense. Homeschool also adds to the problem, as well. Only this girl has been homeschooled her whole life, so we have that in common. Thanks again for cheering me up by leaving me a note. Take care.

from mindquill :

Hey, thanks so much for the note. I always appreciate the encouragement. I shall give your diary a read as well.

from fat0free0air :

Those sound like really good ideas, I always heard tofu was like disgusting or whatever so I was a bit hesitant to try it. I'll try to convince my parents to pick some up, I guess it wouldn't be so bad when it's in frozen yogurt or something. I've kinda decided to cut back slowly on the diary and most meat is pretty much gone, besides when I have a bit of someones sandwich and I find out it has meat in it haha. Thanks!

from fat0free0air :

thanks for the note :). It's really hard this whole vegitarian thing! food with animal in it is everywhere, when you switched to vegan what did you do about your cravings? plz answer haha, I'm totally desperate.

from cleorock :

I happend to do the exact same thing with my bones... take care

from fleshandbone :

Thank you. Just did a 3-day update. I've been sick. Take care.

from thintowin :

Hi there, thanks for the note. Wow, I love your layout!

from shellbell212 :

I think you are the pinnacle of beauty. I love your strength...you teach me so much about busting through pain to reach that goal...that dream. I still read you every day girl!!!!!--shell :)

from cleorock :

Hey, thanks for the note, i just happend to like your diary too We feel the same. take care

from jettemarie :

Your diary makes my heart ache. You bare your soul in your writing with such raw honesty, that I find myself genuinely caring for you. I went through your archives and read your entire diary, and I feel like I know you. It is strange to see what a different experience walking through the same halls, eating in the same restaurants, and living in the same city is for someone else. I will definitely keep reading and wishing you well. *hugs*

from appleblowpop :

aahha thanx.. im a dork..

from miedema2002 :

Hi, thanks for leaving me that note. I have just finished reading a few entries of your diary and I think you're pretty cool. I'm gonna add you to my faves list! Maybe we can talk more often. See ya! xoxo

from wastedcamel :

can i please have your password? thanks

from shellbell212 :

if you lock...make sure to leave me the keys...drop me a note

from shellbell212 :

hey girlie...i always check your diary and read up on what you are doing. definitely share many of the same thoughts but you vocalize them so much better than i do. i love your diary because it say's what i am always afraid to say. hey hey and thanx for the compliment i bet you are a hottie tooooo!-shells

from sarahsundae :

i could fast for about 2 seconds...

from xredbracelet :

thank you :) i wasn't sure even today if i had made the right decision

from sweetvanity :

I love that entry. I was just thinking about how women are always being exploited and men are barely ever in the same spot and having to deal with major depression and eating issues over it. So yeah, they may obsess about it, but they don't take themselves as seriously, I'm sure, ya know? You said it wonderfully. Take care.

from pleasediana :

i've moved xredbracelet

from pillow-k8se :

i found your diary one night while searching through d-land, and i have been hooked since that first entry. the battles you fight with yourself and with your body are battles that i have found myself fighting for most of my life, too. thank you for the sweet note you left for me, and thank you for giving a voice to my, and i'm sure many others', seemingly neverending struggles. it's always comforting to know i'm not alone in this.

from numbers-game :

hi laura, do i know you from somewhere online, like TF? just curious. about the gym... i understand where you're coming from, being angry that they won't let you go, but what message would they be sending if they did? that would be like saying "yes, you should go. you're fat." they KNOW you're sick and that you shouldn't be working out, so they are putting their feet down. i am sure your parents aren't dumb enough to think you'll suddenly recover if you stop going to the gym, but i'm guessing they want you to at least know that they don't think it's a good idea for you to go. i feel torn about stuff like this a lot, with my mom... she will do stuff like ask me to go take an exercise class with her. i'm thinking "what the hell are you saying? that i'm fat???" you know? i will still have an ED if she "enables" me by buying diet food etc and yet i will still have an ED if she refuses to, and refuses to let me go to the gym, refuses to buy the countless cases of diet coke, but at least that would send the message that she wants me to get better. but she doesn't... she continues to "enable" my ed. and how does that help, really? the sick part of me is happy and would be angry if she didn't do that, but there is a part of me deep down that is hurt. your dad might be a total asshole, he sounds like it from other entries where you've decribed him, but at least he cares about your health enough to refuse you from going to the gym. i hope you're not mad at me for what i'm saying. i understand how frustrated you are, I DO! but i also can understand where he's coming from. it's ok to give yourself a break. you DON'T need to work out. it's just the fucking ED telling you that you do. you're so right... there are never any breaks. it's horrible to have a dictator in your mind 24/7. i wish you, all of us, could get some peace :(

from shellbell212 :

it's nice not having a period ;p (i haven't had one in almost 2 years now) and heroin is rough on everything, but coke is lovely and a nice stimulant for those nights when your body is too weak to work out. keep on fighting for your free will girl, as soon as you move out of the house you'll see how easy it gets!

from pleasediana :

happy birthday :)

from tears-drop :

wow... that entry really made me think... really, all i can say is wow...

from shellbell212 :

stumbled on your diary...i don't remember how but I got hooked. Some of your stories are hauntingly similar to my life. love it all! *shells*

from appleblowpop :

ugly~? fuck your friends. all my life i've been called ugly and fat. all my life i've been played by men. you know what i look like and if this is ugly then fine, i'm cool with it. you kick ass. simple as that. and as long as you kick ass you cant be ugly. cause i'm a fuckin genious.

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