messages to rainforme:
(click here to add new message):

from spiralish :
Hello there. I relate to what you've said about age and motherhood, although my experiences are different overall (I had no job to return to, for example). My diary is locked but there are clues on my profile if you are curious about me.
from milomilo2 :
It is nice to see that you're still around! Congratulations!
from famelicose :
I finally understand all the frustration you've written about being an army wife. I'm now in the same boat, however, in a different branch of the military.
from dangerspouse :
You don't lose the ability, or need, to be creatively expressive in middle age. It's just that middle age sometimes...sometimes...wait, what was I saying?
from famelicose :
Ah, I'm so glad you decided to update. While liberated women may produce a new stereotype that women don't like to be taken care of, most still do (whether they admit it or not is a different matter). Being a stay at home mom can be the most mentally and physically taxing career. You are responsible for shaping, molding, and caring for another human being full time and without breaks. I am so glad you found what has made you happy. I've been following you for (gosh, six years?) and I have loved watching you change.
from sorrowshadow :
::selfless parent:: I'm proud of you. Dont lose yourself.
from trapeze-act :
Parenthood is easily the most critical thing women go through. No matter what you decide, there is also some know it all sanctimommy telling you you're wrong. And that, is when you tell them all to suck it because you harbored life for 9 months, and you get to make the decisions. Their opinions are nil. I have a 13 month old. I tell a lot of people to suck it.
from famelicose :
I am pretty sure your child is almost a year old around now. I hope everything with you is well and I do wish you'd come back to dland to visit.
from boyecho :
hey hey. thank you for doing exactly for your child what YOU want to do.
from sorrowshadow :
Nah, circumcision is normal in some asian countries. although i really am not sure if its for a girl. for a boy though, it's fine. my bf had it, and nothing wrong. he said it sensitizes him more. something to know about ur kid's future sex life =D
from thisisjohn :
I have always enjoyed your open honesty. Having a child... such an amazing experience. Oh so worth it in the end. You will do just fine.
from starkitten01 :
Congratulations on everything<3 I only hope that I can find some sort of clarity and promise/certainty in my own life sometime soon.. I absolutely love your entries, there is something about your writing that hooks me. I think I relate to you on many levels, and I identify. Good luck with the new job as well, I believe that it will all come together perfectly for you and that you will prevail there in all of your pregnant glory :)
from realthoughts :
actually, I really did appreciate hearing that. Thank you. Sorry I turn into such a miserable loser every once in awhile.
from realthoughts :
You know, and I'm not trying to be mean saying this, but thinking beforehand that you were ok with not being able to conceive is not the same thing. I thought about it beforehand, if I'd be ok with doing IVF for my own kids one day. I thought I was. But after months of dashed hopes of actually trying to conceive, and then KNOWING (not just hypothesizing about possible difficulty) that you really might have to pay crazy amounts of money just to have a kid...well, the emotions are completely different. Contrary to what may seem from my diary entries of recent months, I'm only really wound up about this whole TTC (trying to conceive) thing when someone announces a pregnancy or when I get my period. The other times in my life, I do think about other things and I do "just let it go". The advice of just relaxing and it will happen doesn't work for everyone, sadly. Our issues aren't related to stress. I am glad that you were one of the lucky ones that it happened quickly for. It's funny that you heard that it would take so long. I didn't hear anything, and from being a donor and supposedly very fertile, I was naive and thought it would happen right away. And then it's happened right away for everyone else I know, just not me! :) Anyways, I'm sorry about this note, I just have to vent these things. I'm not angry at you; it's just been a weird time in my life.
from realthoughts :
actually, I would say that popular belief is that it does happen quickly, so contrary to that, it DOES take some people a really freakin long time to get pregnant...Congrats though for being one of the lucky ones and I hope your pregnancy is great!
from realthoughts :
As another married chick, I completely understand what you are saying. Yes, K is still home, but he works ALL the time and we hardly see each other other than for a few minutes at night and a few minutes in the morning. We don't have a chance to talk about things, and sometimes I wonder if that's worse than being completely apart. Even though I'm married, I want to be wanted still. And though I too will never do anything with anyone else, it is flattering to think that another guy could be interested in me. There are times when I will meet a guy and see how long I can wait to mention I'm married, and then how long I can continue to hold his interest afterwards. It's never long! Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I have the same feelings.
from famelicose :
Tennessee! I was born and used to live there. Nice place, the roads are pretty shitty though... at least in Eastern Tennessee. And congratulations on your pregnancy. Hope all turns out well.
from revisions :
holy shit! you're pregnant?!
from karaokekatey :
it's a good thing that all my children were unplanned because if I actually had the opportunity to "plan" them, I would have most likely thought the same thing as you when it came down to it, "well, shit..."
from realthoughts :
yeah, Prop 8 was really interesting for me being here in L.A. I've never felt that kind of pressure before: that if I said I believed in something different than my peers, that I would be, well, so looked down upon. I actually made it public in a facebook note that I was a Yes supporter and was really afraid of being socially shunned! :)
from karaokekatey :
well, the achievement is basically made possible by the significant other. As a lowly grad student I barely make 25K. But thanks :) I do really love it! I am so glad you are still updating.
from milomilo2 :
Just catching-up...yes, earnings in the southeast of the states are appalling. I went through the same scenario of earning 100k in Colorado and dropped to mid-30's, and just lucky to have a job. Happy to read your husband is back for R&R and your taking-in California.
from famelicose :
Your list about the south is right. Except for native southerners, like myself, could not live without sweet tea and would not care if it gave us diabetes...and if it did we'd us splenda. Where in the southern region do you call home now?
from revisions :
i don't think i ever thanked you for your note about my transition back to the US - sorry about that and if it's not too late - thanks!
from keeds :
you miss my deliciousness.. as do i.
from realthoughts :
I LOVE and miss sweet tea!!
from karaokekatey :
I don't know if you remember me but your diary was my favorite when I used to post here on a regular basis. I'm so glad that you updated and I do hope that you will update more often. I miss the people that were here when I was here. Take care :)
from realthoughts :
please say you're going to write more often from hear on out! It was such a pleasant surprise to see a new entry from you...I miss your writings. :)
from twsmith23 :
Good to hear from you=) Hope all is well with the rest of your life...
from trapeze-act :
My dad was in Afghanistan for awhile and I understand the fear you're going through. It's difficult to wait all day for a phone call, all month for a phone call, and when you answer there is a thirty second delay and two minutes of silence because you're both so scared you lost your ability to speak. Hang in there. Life gets better when they come home.
from milomilo2 :
Leave the southeast the first chance you get. Unless you were raised there, you may never fit in or be accepted. I used to Louisville, KY and it was the same way -- associations through church and high schools. Outsiders rarely are accepted by the locals. I just visited Austin and it seems to be a great city with alot of activity. Good luck and am glad to see you're still around.
from cached :
Hey, hon, it's what used to be neonlemonz, I don't know if you remember me, but I just wanted to say hi. Saw you updated, and realized I missed you.
from tornadobird :
the past seems so long ago from where we now stand
from straysparrow :
Firefly rocks.
from otis256 :
Hi i've been looking for one of my friends who I have not seen or talked to in a long time. I really miss neonlemonz and was wondering if you have an email address or any contact info that you could give me. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much.
from realthoughts :
hey - you get married in two days! I'm sure you are thrilled (and a little stressed)! I'll be thinking about you on Saturday...it's awesome, having followed your romantic and not-so-romantic adventures for the past several years. I know people will send you so many well-wishes in the next few days, but I really mean it: I wish both of you the best and it makes me happy to read about you being so happy. welcome to the married club - be sure to update your diary every once in awhile still; you always write so well and I can't wait to hear your thoughts on your new life!
from leftunspoken :
Congratulations, dollface!
from milomilo2 :
Yippee! After this long absence, what an announcement!
from tornadobird :
so glad to hear you're happy. congratulations! you should send me your mailing address.. I have a new book of poetry I can send you. cheers to happiness.
from revisions :
i wish so! i am missing so many important events by moving halfway across the world!
from revisions :
are you married by now? :)
from straysparrow :
congratulations. S. xx.
from tooths :
wow! this is truly a shock but i am happy for you and i hope it all works out. i hope you'll write more often. <3 email me [silently_beautiful@hotmail.com] if you want the login to my diary.
from sorrowshadow :
Congratulations! I hope you'll have a wonderful wonderful marriage :))
from realthoughts :
congrats!! and I'm glad it's for real this time! :) I was surprised, in a very good way, to see you'd posted! do have any idea of a date yet?
from raven72d :
Where have you been?
from realthoughts :
hello? haven't heard from you in awhile... :(
from raven72d :
Boybonics? Do give examples...
from zoela :
username: guest, password: guest
from raven72d :
I envy you Cancun. Tan topless, drink good tequila.
from revisions :
so glad you're back. it's been gray without you.
from milomilo2 :
My good friend donated eggs about 12 years ago. At the time, I thought, "what a good way to make ALOT of money quickly." You brought an interesting perspective for me 12 years later in that there could be an eleven year old walking around that looks like her -- Not spit on the sidewalk nor a convenient bank roll.
from realthoughts :
how strange, that you'd post an entry on this. I've actually been thinking, somewhat seriously, about donating my eggs for awhile now. half for money reasons, and half for wanting to feel like I contributed to someone, to something in the world. I'm not ready to be a parent yet, but I greatly appreciate and value my ability to create life - even if it is a life that I would not be part of. I'd love to talk to you more about your sister's experiences - and if she continues to think that it's worth it...
from tooths :
i have missed you.
from sweet-haze :
I've missed you...and I've grown up in the process.
from sweet-haze :
Hey good to hear you're still existing.
from sweet-haze :
New diary.
from raven72d :
The entries are so sad and haunting...
from raven72d :
Intriguing photo...and phone.
from revisions :
oh my gosh...you totally have to!
from realthoughts :
I'm going to The Shins! Hollywood Bowl, July 6th?
from tooths :
and what is it about men that when they look at women, they think the exact opposite.
from raven72d :
If you're not pregnant, why does it matter that you're doing three males? If you are, have it hoovered out and just take better technical precautions next time. There's nothing wrong with variety and experimentation.
from revisions :
fuck these mid 20s...
from tooths :
you are priceless.
from revisions :
thanks. how are you?
from moretoknow :
"And finally there will be resolve and a hatred of men for a while, followed by a distancing and a replacement of the wall broken down by love’s sugared degeneration." Heart heaviness. That's precisely what it is. The way it not only mentally and emotionally weighs on you but physically too. I'd be curious to see a study saying that it really is a real honest to god pain. I suppose I'd rather say (in a very me way) that I'm not sorry. It's better it happened now than when you had waited months and years and then been hit in the face with it when you were much farther in. I know, optimistic. But you said it best...
from milomilo2 :
Damn,didn't see that coming! I'm surprised as well. Love? Maybe it only exist in teenagers and early 20's minds. Love escaped my mind long ago.
from realthoughts :
are you serious??? he did that?? I don't even know him but I fucking hate him now!! I'm so sorry. I wish I could say something that helped, but really, I hurt for you. I'm sorry. I really want to swear at him, or anything just to make him know how crappy of a person I think he must be - and he doesn't even know me. I really am sorry. what was his actual excuse? what did he say about all the things he said to you and planned with you just a few months ago?
from tooths :
i feel you. honestly, i really do. the same thing just happened to me yesterday. so, yeah. i really do hope you feel better, you're a wonderful and beautiful girl who deserves so much more than he could ever give you. seriously. <3 take it easy, okay?
from tooths :
or maybe you suck at keeping jobs. but are awesome at writing books? yeah. i'd go with that.
from tooths :
i agree
from tornadobird :
seriously. I'm not even a car person, bu audis are awesome.
from tornadobird :
get the audi. so much more style than those other cars.
from tooths :
its the new facetag. and i am still waiting on that book.
from pondlife :
Funny how that works isn't it? Whilst in India, Sri Lanka, and Ambon Seram I managed to pull my head out of my @ss for the fist time in my life, actually came to prefer the simpler things and recognise the possible evil in having more than you really need. Here's a thought, should the materialism become too much of a problem you can always use the excess income to fly to Thailand and reconnect, ground and center.
from revisions :
i think it might be san diego this time!
from neonlemonz :
Ah, Jack Johnson and Europe? You are spoiled... Lucky goose. =D
from neonlemonz :
you're in europe...i'm jealous yet again. how's life? i miss you.
from realthoughts :
are you in Europe yet? revisions comes to visit in like a week... :(
from moretoknow :
They aren't as scary when they belong to friends now, are they? And...you know the way things are going you'll have one not too far from now. Hear the crying, then decide.
from revisions :
you sure you want to go to italy??!!
from moretoknow :
I know it'll decrease my reader-ship and what not but I've just been so sick of this place for so long. And I've already purchased my own url and as soon as I get that design finished I'll give y'all the link and you can come read. Granted it won't have a nice update function like diaryland but...I'll live, ya know?
from realthoughts :
I've been meaning to write you an email for awhile now. I don't know why I'm leaving you a note telling you this...but I am. :)
from pinkbowshoe :
I have the same feeling about a girl @ my fiance's work. I just don't like some of the things going on, and it erks me! grr. I feel your pain.
from wonderwall :
yay for love.
from genetikerin :
Wow. Maybe there's hope for me after all. You deserve this. :)
from moretoknow :
It makes me think (back to the days where I read of shallow and who and what and why he was) and it makes me think that maybe the whole experience changed him. Miss you.
from realthoughts :
wow. you. iamnicodemus. the world of diaryland is crazy - for though I have never met you, I really feel like I know you. and I'm so excited for you. really. and happy. and ah, you me and revisions need to hang out someday. I don't know how or when, but we should. it'd make an interesting conversation. I wish you the best and am glad you fell in love again. :)
from revisions :
holy shit! i'm so happy for you!
from f-girl :
oh, yeah, i am not normally locked. and i am unlocked again. sorry! :o)
from realthoughts :
huh? millitary wife? you definitely have to explain more!
from fredthebear :
i really liked cordoba, and obviously barcelona. i was in sevilla for most of the semester. if you go out at night there, ask around about getting to calle alfalfa, its kind of grimy but its something to see buena suerte!
from jadedphoenix :
I might try this again - why not right? Hope your doing well
from tornadobird :
hey... happy new year. just wanted to let you know that even though I don't really write on here anymore, I'm still here.
from fredthebear :
hey, i just got back from spain. I spent most of the semester in seville, but i went to a few places throughout the country. I'd be interested to hear where you're headed.
from raven72d :
What will you be doing in Europe?
from violetanne :
It is a sad sound, especially when she only does it when she thinks no one is around. I wonder if the color pink is significant, since you said your cat carried around something pink? Maybe it's a color they associate with something? Maybe I'm thinking about it too much! :)
from raven72d :
I looked around at 30 and thought-- I hadn't checked off any of the things on the socially-mandated must-do list. And I still haven't.
from facetag :
yes book yes book yes...book. :] <3
from neonlemonz :
I miss you reading me. Your notes always made me smile.
from nygprincess :
Hey. Thanks for the note. I can totally relate to what you're feeling. I'm 28 going on 29 and lately I've been feeling a bit depressed about the fact that I'm not married yet. Which then depresses me even more because I feel pathetic about being worried about it. I'll tell you what everyone tells me: You're still young. :)
from facetag :
How many times must I tell you to write a book? Your life,the good times and shit times like this, are worth writing about. You are simply amazing and I have no other way to put it. If I could I would be you...wait, isn't that from a cereal commerical? Shit.
from neonlemonz :
I hope things get better for you...You're a beautiful person. You've changed my life for the better, and age is just a number. It's more important to know how old you fee than how old you are. Some days, I look in the miror and feel so, so old. People tell me I'm only eighteen, but I feel so old. Age is just a number, but you've got to feel young to be young. Know that, at the very least, you've made a difference in my life and if that doesn't make you feel special, I'm sorry, but I think it should! ~Liz
from pondlife :
Happy...birthday?
from raven72d :
I love the succubus/ghost image.
from realthoughts :
a lady died in your room? that's a story we need to hear... :)
from realthoughts :
that sounds depressing, huh? but it really isn't.
from realthoughts :
is it really that simple? in a way, yeah. making the choice is hard, beacuse we feel we must know every outcome before we can make a wise desicion...but we will never know every outcome. I guess eventually, you just have a make a choice. the hard part is agreeing to continue being content. I guess I just got tired. me and revisions still have our times of doubt - we still occasioanlly wonder if we should've or shouldn't have...but either way, we have. and overall, we're happy and content with the choice. I don't know how to describe it really, cause it isn't like I suddenly became satsified with a certian job or life, but that I got tired of being unsettled with no direction. so I put contentment before possibility. it seemed that there are too many possibilities and most of them are likely to be unfulfilled anyways.
from raven72d :
You have youth still... Youth and beauty are key for girls, just as social standing is key for males. Lovely girls should be in scanty, slinky outfits, males should be in burqas-- I always wanted to dress as a Sith.
from realthoughts :
I hate those perfect people. my sister (the one talked about in previous entries) is one of those people. lately, everytime I see perfect people with perfect style and perfect skin and perfect ideas about thier lives and a perfect looking boyfriend/girlfriend and perfect friends - I am consumed with a sudden maybe not-so-strange desire to claw thier face and clothers, somehow giving them flaws to uh, build thier character...I guess. or maybe just to feel like I'm evening the potential...
from milomilo2 :
Hold a picture of you up at sister's age and compare yoursel. Does the MBA wanna be actually matter? You are so much worldly and knowldgeable than any these pretty boys. I suspect you want more than a pretty boy-- a guy with decent looks but more importantly, a brain to surpass. Don't give up! You're so close.
from facetag :
Awh baby girl, shit like this is hard, I know. He'll never find someone as amazing as you again and he'll never have you again, cause let's face it, I'll he humping you far more often and sooner than he ever will. <3 stay strong <3
from facetag :
if i could, i'd marry you.
from notlikeyoudo :
You're stronger than you believe at this moment. You'll live through this, as you have with everything else. *smiles*
from raven72d :
I do miss hearing from you. And what kind of contract were you signing in China?
from pablo :
I'm sorry you're sad. For want of a better mantra, people suck. Well, most of them. Chin up, buttercup. Pablo x
from facetag :
psh, whore, you're still my favorite and I am the perfect man (ermm...minus the man part?) for you.
from realthoughts :
part of me says I shouldn't say this...but really, I know this is how it was for me, and it's how I hear it happended for others...but it seems you can only really find that one at the least likely point you are looking for them. I don't blame you for giving up on guys for awhile...or even for a long while. and I'm kinda proud of you for not wanting to give even a kiss to any more guys when you feel they are just going to be wasted. I haven't left you a note in awhile or anything, but I'm still reading. it sounds dumb, but I don't know what esle to say - but good luck with everything. I hope you figure it out eventually, in fact, I'm pretty sure you will.
from moretoknow :
I loathe those times of night.
from realthoughts :
the other required tests are a lot harder...
from notlikeyoudo :
Strange weekend indeed. It's a shame that the concert was mostly empty. Franz Ferdinand is incredible. As for the death, I don't know how to respond just from <i>reading</i> it. Death really is a consistent theme in everyone's lives. It's odd how we can forget it's threat so easily, yet still feel it's omnipresence. With everyone still focused on disasters and large scale calamity, one tends to overlook everday accidents and such until it happens to someone you know.
from realthoughts :
the CBEST? way too easy. :) that's really weird about that guy. were you close friends with him? if so, I'm sorry. that really makes life seem weird.
from raven72d :
Hotter weather leads to fewer clothes, true. But it also makes everything sweaty and exhausted... And fewer clothes are good on attractive girls, but guys should always be in huge, hooded robes. And masks.
from genetikerin :
I think I've turned into my mother too. It almost seems inevitable.
from tornadobird :
I feel EXACTLY THE SAME about babies
from milomilo2 :
Slightly hungover, I wasn't ready for that last entry but how can one stop reading after the first sentence? Great entry!!
from moretoknow :
This east coast west coast dichotomy? Boston trip provoked? And don't be fool they're the BIGGEST sluts in the club (just not always out). Yes warm weather promotes more sexuality. Filling in details? Every moment I've ever lived his been romanticized in my head to the point where it barely even exists as reality any more. Coherent phrases are currently not working, so forget the actual structure of all this and look for deeper meaning (8 hours of school + 8 hours of work all in 1 day makes it hard to think). I think.
from pondlife :
Never told anyone, but the bit about being frightened of babies-so am I. How I've managed a child without a mother is a mystery.
from moretoknow :
Beautiful city, though, no?
from moretoknow :
OMG. Orange Line = scariest line ever! And the Forest line? Eek! Note to self: don't get off on the Mass ave stop. Don't!
from angelicagirl :
Whereabouts are you to have found such pretty bridges ?
from realthoughts :
you're leaving? where are you going?
from dannyboyk2 :
In realthoughts' notes, you wrote "amen. fucking politics... blegh!" which, although I am inclined to sympathize with, may be missing the point realthoughts attempted to make with that entry. Check out her final paragraph, for example: "there's something great and freeing about growing up and accepting the reality of what is--instead of always trying to remain a teen and rebel against it[...]" I think, to realthoughts, reality is what is, politics is reality, and disagreement is politics. That seems like a slippery slope argument on my part, but it sounds more reasonable, to me, when set up like math equation (what is = reality = politics = disgreement) OR (reality = disagreement). Maybe you didn't intend it in such a way, but I saw your comment as one of disgust, calling for ignorance in the face of politics. Realthoughts' entry argued (sort of) in favor of favor of politics, I feel, but moreso against ignorance. Okay I'm done speaking my mind for now--write back?
from wonderwall :
oh man. i have polycystic ovaries too, and sometimes i feel so bloated i think i might actually explode... and its so scary to think about whats going on down there. one of my mom's co-workers is 26 and she just got a hysterectomy, and it literally kept me up all night thinking about it... not having my own kids, or possibly not, makes me so sad... but at the same time... being alive is better than that... and still having a functioning uterus is also a plus. even if it hurts and is weird. so, i feel for you.
from facetag :
when i am i getting my book, lady? hmm? still waiting for you to write it. <33
from revisions :
you described my weekend very well...is this some mid 20s phenomenon or are we just going crazy?
from revisions :
did you get our email?
from neonlemonz :
HEY! You like Dave Matthews too, go you! I love Dave Matthews Band...my first concert. And way to go with everything!
from moretoknow :
At least one of us can wake up to that. Still on the other hand I have plenty of room in my bed, a view of the mountains from my patio (which are also a 10 minute ride away), and so many kitchen appliances I make myself giddy as is. Life is good dear, no matter what we want -- we can make it ours.
from revisions :
right back atchya...how's that for my ghetto fabulous self? seriously though...i feel the same.
from violetanne :
Julian MacMahon's character in Nip/Tuck was a dick. Too bad he's a dick in real life; he is oh so good looking. I think, good looking men, as a rule, should always worship the feet of worthy women, such as ourselves.
from oceans-depth :
I think You and your writing is just Lovely. xoxo Deja
from revisions :
i feel like a travel snob...but i'm starting to wonder if it is justified...
from revisions :
yeah!! what did i miss?
from moretoknow :
Oh baby girl do I ever know that position. And as far as not feeling like writing? Welcome to my life for a year, I keep hoping it'll crop back up but it just never does. I have noted one thing though. Once on the insanity with ordinary things dies down I can begin to write. And then when a boy grabs my heart strings, I can write even better. So, if anything, don't give up, keep doing what you're doing, and come back when you're ready. We love you and miss you.
from revisions :
ha ha ha...your current entry total is 666.... and yes..as of last night..i am back here...wherever that is. currently i'm not sure.
from razberryjam :
don't know why, but i very much liked your entry "last night." i think it's a combination of the place you're in, and they way you bring your readers into it. lovely, as usual.
from neonlemonz :
You know, you paint your life so lovely. I wish I wrote like you, thought like you. You sound so whimsical...so...thoughtful. It's so beautiful.
from raven72d :
Deciding between flights to Beijing or Madrid... I do envy that. And even though I'm older than you, I'm still terrified of disappointing my father...and angry and bitter whenever he asks anything about my life.
from moretoknow :
Sometimes...you=me.
from raen :
I totally agree with you (thepill.html). I added it to my favorite entries list.
from realthoughts :
ha ha - I'm actually moving out and looking for someone to move into my room right now...hmm... :)
from revisions :
dear friend, i miss you and hope things are well. look forward to catching up on your entries in august.
from metre :
lovely you. truth will out. those quips and barbs on danger planes. . . shed honest skin in unlikely places, shaking shadows from your hair. scribble more. make me read. you fascinate with insight.
from raven72d :
Hot dog with bbq sauce...eeeeww!
from krugerpak007 :
:-) Good luck! xoxox
from raven72d :
Just a note... A couple of your entries on men have yet once again demonstrated to me how unlikely it is that I will ever have sex again.
from wonderwall :
lol. i think its actually 36-26-36 or something like that. 28 seems kinda reasonable. but yeah, you do have a point about guys lusting after pretty chicks. i just always hate(d) when guy friends told me that i was different from those girls, and that didnt have to do with looks!! messed up. anyway-- yay for british blokes... cant wait to hear more about him.
from krugerpak007 :
Thats how my life is regarding my "ex" husband. Love and babies with him. But thats about all. I dont know if we can have only one or the other. I just know that for now I have just found one or the other. Actually, mainly, the other. Mmm. Enjoy the tea/pint.xoxox
from wonderwall :
hrmm. your entry about overweight people was interesting... made me think. i can't say i've ever been truly overweight, but i'll always be a bit chubby, i can handle it. but i guess the thing that i would disagree with you on is that people (ok, immature assholes who in my experience have usually been guys) seem to only see fat people as fat and nothing else... and view being fat as <i>disgusting</i>. yet on the flip side, guys ideally like women who are skinnier than the average woman. i guess that's what really probably bothers me about it-- not that these guys dont like overweight people, but rather that they are idealizing an unrealistic extreme of 36-28-36, or whatever. and obviously, that doesn't go for everyone, but it pisses me off.
from moretoknow :
Funny how in a few hours things can all fall into perspective. To moments where being a size 2 doesn't help. (And from a size 24, I love you and I know you're not trying to offend anyone, I could just never date a guy who liked me for my size, I'd much rather him just not mind).
from moretoknow :
I understand what you're saying. And don't get me wrong, I do love my ass (it predetermines who I meet because shallow people don't even approach me). But for those of us who have weight for other reasons (see: emotional abuse) and who literally work our asses off to lose it, it's almost a different situation. I understand that I'm me and that I do things that make me me (even good things) but I still get upset when thin people say that it's not that bad being fat. 'Cause they don't feel my side. I do not kill myself daily with cheese fries, I don't. Today I ate a piece of toast, and a pita with turkey and lettuce. It's frustrating from my situation, but don't worry I don't think the thin girls have it all. It just...it does suck.
from raven72d :
My cell phone never gets any action, either. But you're free to send e-mail or postcards...
from raven72d :
I love the tattoo... And you always need to show more photos...
from krugerpak007 :
Nothing like some awsome exercise ;-)
from moretoknow :
Ink. Love. Jet fumes. Tears. Sighs. Drinks. It'll all be ok.
from realthoughts :
if you haven't guessed from the majority of my latest entries...I'm kinda in the same place as you...only I'm giving in and settling, whereas you are still wanting to explore. and it's weird. and I've been trying (mostly unsucessfully) to document this phase right - it's not really bad, this grown-up settling thing, but it feels so, well, out of place here in diaryland - after all, aren't we kinda supposed to be angst-ridden so that we have something to talk about? maybe I shouldn't be settling, maybe there's still more of my life to experience, maybe I'm missing out...I don't know...but there's a lot of things in life I don't know...and this will never change...and maybe I'm coming to terms with that...and just living. I hope I never sound like I'm rubbing the fact that I'm getting married or settling in yours or anyone else's faces, if I ever have, I seriously apoligize. I think I defend these things because I'm still convincing myself that this is the right choice. I guess I don't think there is such thing as a "right" choice - but I think that I am content with the choices that I am making...and that contentment is the only thing we can realistically achieve in life. so yeah...I understand the weirdness of being this age too...
from feesticka :
Ohhhh, girl, do I ever hear ya. I have anxiety induced gastrointestinal problems every time i think about houses and babies. Its the $64000 question; can you have your cake and eat it too?
from genetikerin :
Wow. I know how badly that hurts.
from revisions :
gosh..i'm going to miss you!
from krugerpak007 :
I hope things will go forward with you and your ex. Is that what you want? Will you get back together? You made me long for what I miss...Take care. xoxox
from notlikeyoudo :
it's got all the makings of a soap opera special.
from krugerpak007 :
Glad you are excited for your friend. Hope the hanging out goes well!
from moretoknow :
Careful now...Just 'cause she's your BFF doesn't mean y'all need to be impregnated together. Please.
from realthoughts :
ok, I understand more of what you meant in this new entry. and in the sense that you meant it - I used to think that too - that the love for a spouse would be more practical than passionate, and therefore, a practicality. and in a way, it is more practical. but it another way, it is a million times more passionate. I understand if you choose love, not marriage, right now...but I do think it is possible to choose both, and that first choosing the practical can lead to choosing the best love. not sure if that makes sense...thanks for the new entry though. :)
from ashesrose :
I couldn't have said it better myself. You've taken all my thoughts from the past few months and condensed them into paragraphs. I love how you do that. I say, find a love worth dying for, even if you're the only one who knows.
from revisions :
based on new entry, couldn't agree more.... :)
from revisions :
hmmm, i wonder, is it a practicality or is it something more?
from realthoughts :
for some reason, your entry on love and then moretoknow's note below sparked something inside me about why people get married...so I wrote an entry about it. anyways, I don't know, I guess I've just lately seen love as so much more than just emotions and marriage as more than just a formality...
from moretoknow :
I recently challenged myself with a thought. Why marriage? It's so societal, and I thought about it (and have almost decided) that unless he's set on a ceremony, we're signing a marriage certificate just for tax purposes on some random tuesday and the only wedding we'll be having is one big ass party. Also, you're invited.
from realthoughts :
:)
from revisions :
my heart goes out to you...if we were closer, i'd say lets have lunch! don't let IT overwhelm you...you're not half as wierd as you might think you are.
from moretoknow :
I've swallowed IT so hard that it doesn't exist anymore. So much that I'm numb to whatever it was and what I am and where I'll be, realizing that IT is what I am.
from mymixedtape :
They have this crazy copyright thing on it. I can't even open it in any program except this one that comes with the cd. Those Coldplay fellows sure are tricky. But you should totally pick it up. The singles aren't very good, but the rest of the cd is AMAZING. <3marie
from raven72d :
Other than lust and obsession, how is it *not* normal?
from raven72d :
Why is it not...normal?
from krugerpak007 :
"Are there other people out there with such twisted connections… with a pull and grind of attraction, a give of wants… a way to borrow time with a person who allows them to fulfill some part of themselves that doesn’t play out in normal society?" Yes, I definitely think so...xoxox Kathy
from moretoknow :
I'm beginning to see the hurt in him. Playing with fire is fun but remember it still burns.
from revisions :
well i honestly find you about a thousand times more impressive...thailand, now maybe london, incredibly articulate...i'm restraining my jealousy. so, we're both cool, then... :)
from straysparrow :
Thankyou. Sparrow. xx.
from krugerpak007 :
So glad to hear the smile in your note. xoxo
from moretoknow :
<3
from raven72d :
I like you for your wit and courage...
from krugerpak007 :
Hope you are ok. Take care. Kathy
from raven72d :
Ummmm... what advice has worked with you?
from revisions :
by the way, i'm not trying to be a pain in the ass....i just feel frustrated with myself lately and needed to vent....
from theperson :
5-29. i have similar realizations of my energy levels and thoughts on what will be needed to maintain "my game face" when hobnobbing with new company. it's exhausting, and sometimes feels like it isn't going to be worth it. i think you're also right about the inability to change very easily (or even with some difficulty). i'm curious about the rebound time for a "queer eye for the straight guy" contestant to become an unfuckable slob once again.
from revisions :
yeah...well i'd kill to be as articulate as you....so there!
from inthepresent :
We all suffer in different ways, but I can't help but wonder if you're not unintentionally adding to it.
from krugerpak007 :
Just a hello. xoxox
from raven72d :
London. You were just in Asia. Time for a new climate. And, yes: it always thrills males (well, me, certainly) to watch a lovely girl caress herself.
from zoela :
You're so like me it's ridiculous.
from notlikeyoudo :
London! Do it. I know you want to. It's a lovely opportunity.
from moretoknow :
This one's simple: the people who come here are pre-screened for their abilities. We tend to be more in touch with ourselves (hence sharing, and the ones you KEEP on your buddy list you CHOSE). Factor in that most people who are competent with a computer and are reliable to keep typing are already a step above some and it's not hard to see why you'd listen to the advice of some over others. It's life.
from revisions :
oh dear god...please move to london, then i can live through you vicariously!
from wonderwall :
sometimes it is worth giving the cute safe ones a try. eventually i fell in love with mine.
from tornadobird :
do you have a phone these days? mine is 510 689 7458 give me yours and i'll call it I'll listen
from revisions :
thanks...i know you do...sometimes i just have to lift a cry of desperation...
from revisions :
here's a new thought, maybe it is because we expect there it be an end to everything...a nice completion to each task...and yet when it comes to ourselves the only end is death - and you don't get better looking as you progress toward that ending... just a thought...
from revisions :
my tendency is to blame society but then it makes me seem like some spineless robot - maybe we equate "normal" with perfection.
from revisions :
where you beeeeen? eh? work good?
from krugerpak007 :
I hope we both fall in love again.
from keeds :
i wouldn't love to take you dancing.. but i would like to go to the tide pools..and u come with me.
from raven72d :
I'd love to take you dancing.
from keeds :
well, ok
from krugerpak007 :
I have been in hospital for the last 4 months so my reading therefore sporadic. came to try and catch up a little. You are back I see. I hope you are ok, and managinging to settle in to the different type of life. I am going to catch up now. I have missed your beautiful writing, which doesn't ever cease to amaze me. xoxox Kathy
from feesticka :
Amen, sista!!
from facetag :
<3
from revisions :
you have a way of capturing the raw nature of being human...
from wonderwall :
sigh. i love chris martin.
from notlikeyoudo :
snow patrol! and wilco! and-and-and... so... damn... jealous. as to wanting to move to the uk, i'm with you there.
from realthoughts :
are you at coachella? I got to sorta be at v-fest last year- that was the first place I learned of snow patrol...you would've loved it. :)
from revisions :
no that's wierd....
from revisions :
i didn't finish yet, but my professor is working with me.... bleh...
from razberryjam :
strangely enough, i miss your students too, but on the other hand, it's good to have you back. thanks for documenting these last few months so well - being stuck in texas, the chance to "go" to thailand with you was a blessing.
from raven72d :
separating sheer pleasure from deep emotion is always key. and never undervalue pleasure. remember: it's all just a movie, anyway.
from inthepresent :
And I consider you a friend as well.
from inthepresent :
Isn't the idea of meditation thinking very deeply about something though? Trying to understand exactly why it is we act certain ways, and why the world is the way it is? I've definitely done the ignorance is bliss thing, and I've given in to pleasures, but I'm happier with where I'm at now. I know this isn't the case for everyone, but as someone who loves to meditate and write about my meditations, this is the way I am. Part of me knows you are very similar. You can't write as much as you do, and as deeply as you do, and actually believe, "People do too much talking when they should be enjoying." I'll call you...
from inthepresent :
That's just it. Only a short time ago I would've jumped head first into all those pleasures you mentioned. But now it's not so easy. I'm not implying that I'm in any way "better" because of this; who knows, I could be a complete fool who's just buying into the latest fad. You're absolutely right about that. What I do know, however, is that each time I engage in shallow sex or alcoholic binges I'm left no more satisfied or happy then I was before. In fact, it's more like I regress than anything else. Once again though, I'm speaking for me. My e-mail was incredibly inappropriate; I'm sorry.
from revisions :
the grass isn't always greener, friend...
from raven72d :
Why was the experience awful? What was different? Why is physical pleasure bad?
from raven72d :
why was the experience so awful?
from revisions :
i'm really sorry....
from revisions :
what a great entry...you got me thinking about the irony of getting the things we want... on a totally different note...i absolutely love that toothpaste...
from facetag :
its weird how some people change so drasticly.
from revisions :
yeah it came suprisingly easier than i thought...although a little random...:)
from milomilo2 :
It is good to be good King! Congrats! Wooo Whooo! You rock!
from milomilo2 :
"Life is good!" This is an understatement for you. Ride the wave, among other things/guys! Welcome back.
from moretoknow :
That's my ass on the corner you're talking about.
from inthepresent :
It's very easy to be duped by the American dream, and to think there is real comfort in materialism. Millions of us have been fooled and we continue to be.
from wonderwall :
welcome back :)
from revisions :
hope this transition back goes as well as possible...
from feesticka :
Best wishes for your journey back into the mundane; try to take comfort in the small pleasures of being home. Welcome back! (Oh who am I kidding with that BS– in actuality, the best you can hope for is the reverse culture shock, withdrawl from delicious foods, and the lack spontaneity and passion in everyday living will dissipate as you reassimilate into North American conformity.) KIDDING!! At any rate, keep your chin up, girl! ;-).
from moretoknow :
Love both for what they are.
from moretoknow :
Oh but the fat man in the speedo just screams confidence, ya know?
from tornadobird :
welcome back to states both united and intoxicated. I am here, northwards, embalming the butterfly, tasting the wind
from raven72d :
I remain afraid of Andamaners (and Esquimaux, and Manxmen)... Beach girls doing massage...hmmm. I'd be afraid either that I'd become aroused...or that I *wouldn't* become aroused. And even if some lovely Thai or Australian girl was, ummm, willing, the risk of being seen to fail would outweigh any possible pleasure.
from inthepresent :
Hey, when do you get back to the "mainland"?
from raven72d :
I'd be afraid that the vile, unhuman Andaman Islanders would come up from the sea to get me. After all-- it has been my mission to tell the world that the unhuman Andamaners have come from the hell-dimensions to help Cthulhu devour us... And send out the galley fleets of their turbaned and misshapen Hindoo minions to gather up the unwary for...ummm...feeding and/or nameless, unspeakable rituals. And I'd still be afraid to let anyone male massage me or stand near enough to touch. And afraid to have my flesh seen on a beach. But a drink would be nice. Learning the rules of Scrabble would be frustrating, and I'd refuse to play if I felt like the rules were escaping me.
from raven72d :
02 April 05... Very poignant, very true.
from revisions :
posted as an entry....
from revisions :
great now that song is really in my head....
from moretoknow :
Oh my gosh I friggen love you. Also, wo-girl to wo-girl, the boy interrupted and mocked Law & Order tonight and I got REALLY angry. It's my show. My life. And he's upset 'cause I'm angry. But I'm right...right?
from mymixedtape :
Haha, those aren't good pictures. More are coming though! <3Marie.
from krugerpak007 :
I want OUT too! Your story about your sister and Frisco made me laugh! xoxox
from realthoughts :
I just wanted to let you know that I've been keeing up-to-date on your diary since I added you as a favorite...and that I really enjoy it. I feel like you, me and revisions are on the same weird page in life. I obviously relate to a lot of what you say! so, yeah, that's all, I just wanted to add a note and say thanks. :)
from revisions :
are we on the same page or what?
from revisions :
ha! you nerd!
from revisions :
i don't know about that...but it should be an adventure... thanks for the encouragement...
from revisions :
so sudan it is...what the hell am i getting myself into?!
from moretoknow :
That's almost it. Home is never home but it's more than just not fitting in nowhere. Because every teenager feels that, and we've already felt that and we know this isn't it. It's something more mature than that, something more indescribable than hormones flowing through the body. To be honest, I'm beginning to think I'm not impatient--I just can't stay anywhere too long. Hope you're well.
from revisions :
what prompted this entry??
from weedabeast :
Hey. I taught english in China the year after i finished college. Your recent entries are giving me emotional flashbacks. My email is meiguo02@hotmail.com . Drop me a line sometime.
from revisions :
yeah...check out the university there...
from facetag :
<3 your writing is love. my birthday is tomorrow(monday the 7th)..WRITE YOU BOOK FOR MY BIRTHDAY!
from krugerpak007 :
Just been catching up on all your entries. I missed you, I have been away. I think I am addicted to your diary. Take care of yourself. Kathy
from milomilo2 :
Even I can feel this guy's grease.
from moretoknow :
At least there's one thing you can be sure of. They'll never forget you and he'll never replace you.
from mymixedtape :
Haha, I'm bringing more than one camera and bought a special bag for this trip (well, i'd had my eye on the camera bag for a while now...). So expect millions of pictures! <3Marie.
from revisions :
isn't culture stress a bitch! hang in there...
from tornadobird :
that's a really amazing photograph. the way the sun is perched between those two mountain/hilly things. lucky lucky sun. and the colors are quite quite you.
from facetag :
thats fucking insane... now, only if i had 2 dollars...
from revisions :
hey what teaching program did you go to thailand with....we are thinking of looking into it...
from dannyboyk2 :
D'awww. ^_^ Thanks!
from violetanne :
hah! My mom uses the same excuse for being messy and unorganized. Those artists get away with anything!!
from revisions :
hey, i'm reading a book right now called true to life by michael lynch. it has a good overview of the major theories about truth...you might want to check it out...
from milomilo2 :
uhh...I know you are seeking a path leading to truth, but please forgive me as I provide enlightment -- Alone in bed IS NOT the answer! I can attest to that! Really though, only seven? Your path has just begun!
from weedabeast :
me too
from outoftime :
I've done a quite a bit of thinking and getting depressed over the matter and I've come to the conclusion it's not enough to know just yourself (even though that can take a lifetime), but to know ... *really* know someone else too. What's the point in life if you have nobody to share it with? Cliche, but then again, cliches are cliches because they are true ... well most of them anyway. Just thinking out loud again......
from revisions :
sounds like you would have been a friend of descartes...Cogito ergo sum, i think therefore i am...don't worry about certainty...these days i am starting to realize that we can't know anything for sure, we just have to go with an idea sometimes... lovely piece by the way, it reminded me of myself..
from moretoknow :
Except thin mints. Personally that's most of the reason I live. Seems like enough to me (reference: my enormous ass).
from neonlemonz :
It's okay...I think I hate girls too.
from mymixedtape :
I get to go to France on the 4th. It's only a 14 day trip since exchange programs are ridiculously expensive, but it's going to be amazing! <3marie.
from neonlemonz :
Don't worry about it, I totally understand. I hope things are going well for you. ~Liz
from inthepresent :
As a fellow teacher, perhaps we could practice preparing oral exams on each other:). I couldn't resist. Oh, and saying "verbal exam" usually helps with the jr high kids.
from notlikeyoudo :
Well, your theory would explain a few things. And no, you're not alone in finding "oral exam" funny. In fact, I'm pretty sure that it was used more than once for a lame plotline in a bad porn. And as everyone should know, shameless bad porn is fucking hilarious. Quite literally.
from feesticka :
You've GOT to watch "Office Space", dude. Lol.
from neonlemonz :
I miss you, dear, you and your notes that alivened hope in my partially deadened heart. You stirred something alive in me and made me feel *deeply*, instead of this shallow empty hollow. Anyway, I was wondering if you could host some pictures for a friend of mine? =D You're a sweetheart. Thanks!! ~Liz
from moretoknow :
If I may. Perhaps it's not the corporate world. Perhaps it's not Thailand. Perhaps it's not (and here's the hard part) finding something you love and are meant to do. Perhaps it's the fact that it's a point in your life where you're just not satisfied. Where things just irritate you after a while. 6 months right now is hard and 9 months torture for me, it's almost like I'm so impatient I'll die. But impatience ends when you figure out what's causing it and where you need to go with it. Fuck a duck. What do I know.
from revisions :
did you know that we are less than 1% of the population? maybe that is why so many people miss the message of jesus...if they just listened to us the world would be a better place right? i like the think that sometimes. sorry about the dread of the corporate world. get out and go back to school, that's what i did... eat some pad thai for me.
from revisions :
now of all the possible quotes from my diary, why pick that one?
from opheliaslast :
I've already told you how much I enjoy the way you write, but I just wanted to say that this last one takes the cake! Well said!
from revisions :
sure thanks, i plan to add you as well.
from wonderwall :
oooh that chair is awesome. :)
from revisions :
you write beautifully. thailand sounds cool - i looked at ticket prices to there the other day. they just built a new university in chiang rei - and i think it would be cool to teach there. hope you don't mind if i keep reading...
from mymixedtape :
At one point this past summer, I had 26 mosquito bites on one of my arms. I wish you luck with yours! <3marie
from moretoknow :
In an honest thought...how is it that we're all the same? That you can say men are assholes...and they are. And that women are weak and go back to them, even in thought. How is it that we can be so maliciously predictable and yet do nothing about it?
from neonlemonz :
woah, what a way of looking at people...phosphorus and all, i never thought it that way.
from milomilo2 :
Thanks for the luck. Fortunately, for the moment, my profile wasn't published. Now that my stupor has cleared, I have the difficulty of writing something witty in order to cyber troll for dates.
from violetanne :
Apparently Fiona's album isn't "commercial" so for now it's been held back. there's a campaign (freefiona.com) petitioning to have it released, but I doubt it will work. WE'll have to wait till these teeny boppers fade away and good music becomes popular again. I do like Audioslave, and I'm waiting with bated breath for the NIN album.
from krugerpak007 :
Amen!
from fredthebear :
I wonder if Herland got jetlag from its extensive travels.
from krugerpak007 :
I am also longing for a man. Well not a man, but more the warmth, the comfort, the butterflies. I love your diary and your pictures. I want your life! xoxox Kathy
from pirategrrl66 :
i adore all of your animal pictures! wow, that mokey has a human-y face!!
from mymixedtape :
I know! ROBERT PLANT. And without me...That bastard.
from penguin2864q :
I like your musings about what you observe when you people-watch. Very articulate and delightful reading. Please keep it up!
from violetanne :
Thank you for your kind words. I still expect to see him around the house. It'll just take a little time. I think I'll always miss Bob a little bit, though. He was just a kitty, but he was a pure soul, and that just seems like something to value.
from amazingagain :
the mr. magic stick entry cracked me up!! ;)
from watercolored :
Cheeky.
from outoftime :
Very serene picture. Do you have a little buddha watching over you in your house as well? ;-)
from moretoknow :
That's my girl.
from krugerpak007 :
I get scared to make any future plans because I am scared I will fail! Take care! xxoxox Kathy
from fredthebear :
Hiya, Herland arrived the other day. Pleasure doing business with you. Thanks for the card.
from brideof7less :
Yep. One of my new German roommates is backpacking around Thailand for the next six weeks. One of the best guys you'll ever meet. :)
from tornadobird :
hey... how much longer are you going to be in thailand? can I still send a letter and have it arrive before you leave?
from neonlemonz :
All because of a vegetarian? I admire that much. I agree that being different comes with consequences, and you must come to terms with the consequences. So true, so true.
from jadedphoenix :
Thats it... get angry!
from moretoknow :
Heart.
from pirategrrl66 :
eeeeeeeeek! *dies of cuteness*
from milomilo2 :
Oh, man! Oh, man! EMBARRASSED, I'm laughing at my caffeine induced idiocy. Thanks for granting my wish.
from outoftime :
Well all one can say at this point is: "awwwwwwww, so cute!"
from krugerpak007 :
Hang in there sweetie...xoxox
from inthepresent :
;-)
from fredthebear :
your friend tracy came through, i recieved my money today. pleasure doing business with you.
from neonlemonz :
I continue to strive to write well, it's not so much an apology for myself as...well...a chance to know that I can do better for myself, for my readers. I just know I can do better than I'm doing.
from pirategrrl66 :
oh my! you are too sweet. but can i just say that your writing has been my entertainment all day today? i had never read any of your older entries...you write SO beautifully. i love reading about all your adventures =]
from inthepresent :
I'm still thinking about your question...
from milomilo2 :
Your 1/04/05 entry...well-done! I greatly admire it!
from feesticka :
Hey you -- got you note. I actually have never heard that, and I askd a few people and they haven't either. Curious. At any rate -- hope all is well! Take care.
from outoftime :
"fending off a swarm of Thai termites", that's something original to put on your resume ;-)
from facetag :
first spiders. now this. joy!
from facetag :
gee! thanks! asshole. (: where is the knight in shining armor when you need him?...i'd even take a dyke in shining armor, damnit!
from facetag :
haha. OLD MAID! NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU CAUSE YOU ARE SO OLD AND WRINKLED! haha. i'm kidding. i love you. <3333
from kazzo :
Hello, glad to see that you're ok after the unfortunate incidents. I honestly haven't kept track of where you are in asia now as I haven't been on-line too much the past month or so. Take care, kev.
from inthepresent :
I did call her last night, but I was a disappointed. I know I'm being far too selective when it comes to being in a relationship, but once a person goes without one for so long, that person kind of gets used to it. When that person's me at least.
from candoor :
merry happy new year :)
from violetanne :
you're very welcome. :)
from inthepresent :
Thank you for the compliment, but it wasn't as generous as it might seem. Like most Americans, I've accumulated far more than I could ever need, all the while millions of others are without the bare necessities.
from moretoknow :
I meant to say this the other day, in all honesty, but I've been so wrapped up. I watch the BBC, so I heard about the tsunamis the day before most of the US. And I remember staring at the map of Thailand I'd saved to my computer, looking for where you were and checking back to news reports. And I sighed a HUGE sigh of relief when I found that you were far from the damage. I'm attached, I'll admit it, and I'm super duper grateful that you're ok. Please be well, I send every positive thought I can towards that end of the world right now. Screw the crappy christmas, my selfishness comes second this time.
from jellehbelleh :
Wow. That is the most beautiful food arrangement I've ever seen...not to mention completely tempting! Wish I could get food like that around these parts!
from feesticka :
Glad to hear that you're alright (i.e. not in Phi Phi). Your dinner looked absolutely delicious!
from brideof7less :
By the way, with the Fulbright Teaching Assistantships, they offer a month long language course to those grantees who need it. And if it's near Giessen, it's a bit central and North.
from outoftime :
Only people with half a brain would make a statement like: "If there was a god, the girl wouldn't have been attacked in the first place." That would mean we're basically all puppets on strings and we're not responsible for anything we do, because we're supposedly controlled by a God. Of course people who make the mentioned statement conviently forget that free will was Gods (if there is one) greatest gift to man. Uhm ... yeah ok, I think I'm done rambling now. Sorry, statements like that invoke rambling on my part. I can't help it :-P Even though I'm not a very big fan of fish that's a great picture. Take care :-)
from paleblue- :
stay safe... x -eta.
from facetag :
who cares? now it is.
from facetag :
that looks so good.
from m6twenty3 :
wow. what an amazing, beautiful story. would you mind if I posted that on my livejournal (while crediting you of course)?
from facetag :
haha. and i quote him "its something about growing up between 18 and 25. your interest change, your opinion changes, your goals change, you grow up between those ages." so erm, i still have almost a decade before i'm 25, so its all good. i'm glad you didnt marry him either..then you wouldnt be writing your book (which you are SUPPOSED to be doing) <333
from facetag :
ok, first...ew about the boy..second, YAY XMAS! <3
from brideof7less :
Glad to hear you were North instead of South. Happy holidays!
from outoftime :
That's some story, sheesh. A higher being helping out? Who knows, but I doubt that it requires worshipping. Seems kinda hypocritical to me, I mean, most religions advocate that you should give without expecting something back, so a higher being helping out shouldn't expect to be worshipped, should it? Just thinking out loud about what you wrote :-)
from facetag :
AH! MY SWEET BEAUTIFUL GIRL! merry xmas even though you are a world away! <333
from feesticka :
Happy holidays!
from mymixedtape :
Thank-you very much! I am tres excite about the whole not having braces anymore. Everytime I walk past a mirror, I smile. My teeth are just ever so lovely. <3Marie.
from neonlemonz :
I'm sorry, I feel like a jerk, and rightly so. I guess I'm just unaccustomed to people liking my words, I'm unaccustomed to liking my words myself. I never meant to insult you. That's the last thing I wanted. You're a person I admire, and I don't want you hating me.
from moonshadow34 :
Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you as well :) It's weird, isn't it? Part of me cannot believe Christmas is tomorrow, for everything -- the traditions, family, pretty wrapping papers -- are all missing. I'm not quite sure how I feel about all this, but I hope you enjoy your holidays :)
from neonlemonz :
By the way, your words are what I aspire to have as my own. Mine are just blah and as I'm fond of saying "vanilla"
from raven72d :
Merry (overseas) Xmas!
from brideof7less :
Pick Deutschland! But, you know, I'm biased. Where in Germany?
from thekirks :
Merry Christmas to you!
from eta-c :
oh yah, and wolfies are fucking cool... the ones here actually eat little rats and birds, its disgusting...
from eta-c :
hello, your pictures are great, although the one of the dogs disturbed me a little bit...best wishes to you, enjoy the time you have while it's there...:)
from candoor :
raining :)
from facetag :
yeah, you try molesting someone who lives an hour& a half away...hmm, maybe when you are old you will write a book when you have nothing else to do but eat soggy Cheese-Its and drink vodka.
from facetag :
as for the update..ummm..i'll probably update soon, within a few days....if i get to go up to Lar (best friend)'s house and see Ty(her brother, my boyfriend) and molest him. I'll have something to update about then..LMAO sshh, dont TELL ANYONE!! *glares at all the other diaryland users*
from facetag :
kjdhekrsdk,fb write your damn book already!! I WANT IT, YOU AMAZING GIRL! FKDNFLKFNHFLSHFGLDF <3333
from watercolored :
I'm going to fall in love with you, but it's ok, you don't have to love me back.
from pirategrrl66 :
phew! glad to hear the dogs are ok =] hypnotized? thats crazy! i like their outfits, too!
from pirategrrl66 :
oh my, are those doggies dead? =[
from facetag :
SEE! I ALWAYS KNEW TEACHERS HAD FAVORITES AND GJEHTKDV59EG4LEHFLSGH5! i knew it, i knew it all along.
from raven72d :
Wuff! I'd like to talk to a Thai monk about Theravada Buddhism myself... I wanted to thank you for the lovely postcards...and wish you a wonderful Siamese Christmas.
from neonlemonz :
wow, since when did i become a young woman? i think of myself as twelve-years-old with a pessimist outlook, not seventeen and a young woman.
from neonlemonz :
don't apologise, it's just me being a selfish kid
from neonlemonz :
i miss you. im being selfish, but i do miss you. i miss your words, even though i read you, i miss your words to me, but i guess you're learning, getting the experiences i've always wished for. i just hope the best for you. thanks always for what you've done for me.
from outoftime :
Yes, the little baby spiders running around across mommy spider was a nice detail :-D That little story sent shivers down my spine, thank god I live in a country without such creatures! If you ever write a script for a horror movie, don't forget to include this experience ;-)
from tornadobird :
I guess I don't have much time. I didn't update all that much when i had nothing but time and the internet in my room.. now I don't have either. but thank you. and I'm working on a letter for you.
from facetag :
LMAO! spiders are..icky..unless its a tarantula...okay, wait, that spider scared me when it was thrown on my chest..SOO i don't blame you! lol! at least it didnt bite you or lanch its self onto your face. :)!
from notlikeyoudo :
First of all, I'd like to thank you for your compliments. I'm very flattered! Secondly, I couldn't blame you for freaking out over that hideous creature! I probably would have leapt to the nearest chair to display a humiliating show of whimpering. Okay, I'm not that bad, but still I admire your efforts to banish it.
from violetanne :
I would have peed my pants.
from aglaia :
ahhhh! I actually had to look away from the sceen as I read your spider story (*shudder*). I think I would have run screaming and forced the roommate to take care of that one!
from feesticka :
*shudder* I totally would have crawled out of my skin.
from krugerpak007 :
OMG! I would have freaked out! xoxoxox Kathy
from neonlemonz :
Sorry-another note-I wish I had time to sit and think about Buddhism. I think I've grown fond of Buddhism. It seems to be my religion of choice, however, I don't want it to be a flavor of the month religion. I believe it and soak much of it in my heart, but other things, I have trouble adhering to. Oh, well, give me time, I suppose.
from neonlemonz :
Thanks for the hug, it means a lot to me. I wish all the world's problems could be solved with a simple hug. I'm so scared, I've actually been praying sincerely. I need all the support I can get.
from brideof7less :
I wish I could say I wasn't enjoying my predicament, but I am such a drama queen!
from neonlemonz :
I wish I could be as brave as you, as amazing as you, as good as you...you're good. I care about you, and I hope everything is going well.
from moretoknow :
Remember that great purge you made? Of all your stuff? What did ever happen to those shoes...
from wonderwall :
yum. killians. thanks for your comment about my entry. it made my day :)
from tearsofadoll :
your diary's nice...i like it :)
from grngrl75 :
Hang in there hon..
from facetag :
hmm..cold& rainy& shitty here. must be nice in thailand
from inthepresent :
Hey, I've been meaning to wish you happy birthday, even if it is a bit late. So happy birthday. And thank you for the note as well. You're completely right, it's just a sad reality to face at times. Sounds like Thailand is treating you nicely. Remember to live in the moment though, don't dwell on the future too much:).
from violetanne :
Men can be super stupid sometimes, can't they? He apologized yesterday when he finally realized how largely he mistepped in the world of girl (mostly because I hadn't let it go yet), then complimented my sweater a lot, then let me sit in front of the fire while he went out and picked up dinner. So he is redeemed.
from wonderwall :
thanks for confirming my sanity. unless we're both insane :)
from neonlemonz :
Hey, nice to hear from you. Don't worry, I didn't take offense to her comment. I just laughed and said, "Hey, just because I have a darker tan than you..." And left it at that. I AM growing up
from moretoknow :
Um. Isn't Chronicles of Riddick (the "new movie") the sequel to Pitch Black? I thought so. Too lazy to check though...<3 you
from milomilo2 :
Great new pictures! Any explanation of the "monkey party"? Traditional or just a 'why the hell not because we have so many damn monkeys around' kind of party?
from facetag :
Happy blatedbirthday from the dirrty south& that cake is adorable. Sorry I couldnt say it yesterday, I fell asleep when I got home from school ><;! Ah, weightloss works in ways we'll never understand. You seem to have a weightloss fairy...if you put pudding under your pillow I'll--I mean--the weightloss fairy will take it& give you a nice heathly tofu turkey leftover from KTHXgiving. :)
from milomilo2 :
I'm laughing with your fortunate weight loss only to find you're quadruple XXXL in a different country. Man, how skinny are these folks? Thanks for the direction and kick in the pants. Sometimes, an outside perspective is much needed. The entry was a moment of debate, anxiety and doubt after a week-end thought of introspection of my choices; how I arrived at my current situation; realization that I live in a different geo-economy; career path; values; etc. I thought to have come to a resolution but dangle a carrot and I may swerve. Very nice point on HR having the final word. Negotiating a salary -- one of my weaknesses.
from outoftime :
Happy birthday from Holland! Great pictures, makes me wish I was there. Winter is setting in here and the weather doesn't really invite one to go on a photo-safari. What's winter like over there?
from wonderwall :
happy birthday!! great pics. have i asked you waht kind of camera you have? i am getting one for my birthday, but i haven't picked which yet.
from feesticka :
Happy birthday, girl! Great pics.
from irishblueyes :
Happy birthday honey! Hope 25 will be good for you...it's winding down for me and hasn't been half bad!
from milomilo2 :
Happy 25th!
from moonshadow34 :
Holidays away from family and in another country are very odd....Thanksgiving and Christmas have always been my two favorite days of the year simply because of family, and the traditions I've grown up with every year of my life until this one. Quite an interesting experience. We should indeed move to Tuscany, and then to Portugal (or perhaps Portugal first). No, the travel lust shall never be satiated. Le sigh.
from grngrl75 :
Have a Happy Thanksgiving hon...
from grngrl75 :
Thank you so much for your comment. I look forward to reading more of your journal!
from fredthebear :
i just read the book herland, and your last entry reminded me of it, perhaps you'd like to check it out
from eta-c :
hello. sorry about that. i am trying to be better at what im doing, you know, to give something positive in the writing. sometimes though, that is very hard for me. still, something to work toward. hope you are healthy and happy...
from kazzo :
sex concentrates on what is on the outside of the individual. It's funny because I think it's better inside.
from moretoknow :
I know I've been silent. But honestly I think I've been upset with you. Angry that your time is being spent with them. Jealous that you're not the same. And strangely perturbed by the fact that I agree with you. None of this is to say it's your fault. It's more to say that it all makes sense. Think of your spectrum with a place in between, women becoming more masculine and those who are so frail they almost break. A true woman (or may I say wo-girl), has power (a male attribute) in her femininity (a female one). A male in his late 30s, so appreciative of life, would kill for a girl like that. For a woman that understands that her ability to chew correctly and smile faintly and bat her eyelashes is what gives her the power and right to deserve to be with that man.
from krugerpak007 :
I have to agree with you. I just didn't know how to put it in words like you do.
from milomilo2 :
Famine of the Feminity...in equality, women sure picked some of the wrong masculine charateristics to emmulate, especially your gaseous roommate. After last night's barrage of late night "Girls Gone Wild" commercials, I wondered what ever happened to women? When did women become "guy's"? Seriously though, you struck a chord with this issue as I don't like timid women, but rather those with strong, independent character yet maintain the feminine appeal and finer feminine characteristics you decribed. As for inconsiderate, beer guzzling, flatuant, loud mouths, flshing whores (male and females) the world already has enough jackasses - that's not equality displayed through a modern, liberated woman, it's narcissim.
from facetag :
hmm..true but i've never done any type of physical activity, i just kinda roll around everywhere like Sonic the hedgehog...but for some odd reason I'm still only like, what, 100lbs? lol. if I was a 34D..i think i'd spaz in happiness and back pain.
from brokenlies62 :
still, SO does not sound right. ^-^ Oh, you do know who I am, right?
from tornadobird :
yes.. I'm still here. just phenomenally busy and thus lacking energy for the diary. I was a spotty diarist at best when unemployed and possessing huge tracts of unused time. now my unused time is usually .. umm.. used. for laundry or band practice. so I haven't been writing here. I mean to, just don't get around to it. but a package would be wonderful, and I would surely reciprocate. 3039 Fruitvale Ave. Oakland, Ca, 94602. keep up the good sweat. I do still read. love, Dan
from facetag :
sweating smells horrible. thus not of any importatance. boobs, on the other hand, if smelling horrible (god only knows why) would also be of no importance..but i think we can all agree that sweaty 34Ds are indeed hot..and not in the sweaty kinda way.
from brokenlies62 :
heh... I like sweat sometimes. It keeps you cool (espically when the wind blows) and people tend to look hot all wet. Ooh... that sounds kinky. lol
from pirategrrl66 :
i just wanted to say hi, i stumbled upon your diary and i have really enjoyed it so far! your life is very exciting- i always love reading about lucky people who get to travel all over =] i have heard lots of wonderful things about Thailand...my best friend lived there for 5 years. i'm sure i'll be back to read more!! -christine
from kazzo :
=(
from milomilo2 :
The bubble isn't broken just a different interpretation of the top 2%. Have a great experience in Thailand and be sure to post plenty of pictures. My friend Tonia returned just a little over a year ago from Thailand where she taught English to workers and their children in a northern, Thailand national forest. Romance...she met her current boyfriend and probably soon to be husband during this trip as well. Good travels!
from milomilo2 :
Sorry, it wasn't a banner...your note to Irishblueyes is where I clicked you.
from irishblueyes :
thank you for your note, and you're probably right, i'm sure i am searching for happiness in the wrong place. the thing is i am happy with school and with my daughter and to some extent even with myself, it's just this love/relationship thing that seems to be baffling me lately. but i'm sure i'll figure it out sooner or later.
from facetag :
wow. different from America. god, makes me more jealous of you than ever. "Teacher, can I get a hit of that?" "No, Johnnie, it’s may I get a hit of that." (lol. made my day)
from facetag :
beautiful.
from krugerpak007 :
Thanks again for sharing those great pictures!
from outoftime :
Reply to your note: I live in Holland, but my english is TV-english (everything is subtitled here) mixed with British english I learned at school and the MS Word spell checker which is set for British english. Hope that answers your question :-)
from outoftime :
Great pictures, but what exactly am I looking at? It looks like some sort of ritual in a temple, but what is it about?
from hubble :
thankyou for the bday wishes beautiful. :)
from facetag :
haha. Yeah, I'm still short but not legally considered a midget, so I'm happy. ^_^ I do wanna visit your "house" and I shall travel all over the world to find you, you continent hoppin monkey! ^_^ i mean that in the best way possible. <3 lots of love and dont get any really horrible uncurable diseases, it'd make me cry.
from facetag :
i've grown almost an inch in the past year and half. ^.~ i am sure you are much prettier than i& books can be asses. *nods* i'll still be the first to buy it though. w00t w00t. i want to travel with you. (this has been a long note)
from krugerpak007 :
Anything you write, in my eyes, is perfection. xoxox
from facetag :
i would love to be you; just for a second. (write a book now, damnit!) <3
from m6twenty3 :
not at all... I have been reading you for a while, under different names.
from kazzo :
I continue to not know what is sincere and what is sarcastic =p
from raven72d :
Yay, postcard from Hong Kong!
from inthepresent :
Naughty, naughty, naughty. Your last entry made me feel kind of funny inside...and I think I liked it too much. Adios.
from outoftime :
I agree, that little story about the chicken was quite disturbing. Pretty funny too though :-D
from facetag :
..what...the...fuck HAPPY HALLOWEEN BABY!
from wonderwall :
i got your postcard! thank you so much <3
from ashesrose :
Isn't it funny how much and how little things can change over time? "For nonconformity the world whips you with displeasure." (Emerson) Say hello to Thailand for me.
from irishblueyes :
Thank you so much, about everything. And I know I haven't been leaving notes much but I am continually facsinated by your journey. You (and it) are amazing.
from kazzo :
nice photos, I personally loved the "china" entry photos with the blue flowers (i think they're blue, but I'm color blind=/) but anywho, wow... I'm flattered that I apparently made a "dl flirtation attempt" =p.
from facetag :
amazing. beautiful. gorgeous. i could go on. it makes me jealous of people who live there.
from krugerpak007 :
Wow! Thanks for sharing those amazing photos. And as for that paradise. With all the crap going on here, I only wish for a couple of days there, alone, with no men and no worries. Just me and the sun and the water. Thanks for sharing. And enjoy yourself. xoxox
from xyliao-o :
Gorgeous, gorgeous, photographs. Wow.
from irishblueyes :
The pictures are just beautiful! And I emailed you the passworld for the private entries!
from outoftime :
Awesome pictures! :-)
from kazzo :
Wow, Hong Kong sounds awesome, so... you like a man in a corporate uniform huh? I'll be starting at my new job with First Hawaiian Bank/BancWest Corporation soon =p
from krugerpak007 :
Just catching up now. Hong Kong sounds great. I am waiting for your photos....xoxoxo
from feesticka :
I haven't said hi in a while, so I thought I'd drop you a line. I love living vicariously through your daily postings. Its sounds like you're have a wonderful adventure. Thanks for keeping us all posted.
from moretoknow :
Why how can anyone hate their own breasts. Sure they have some issues, but let's cut to the chase, they're hunks of flesh we deal with and men drool over. I think it's fair enough to say that you're plenty gorgeous (and have superb style). I must admit, I'm a bit jealous. Honest.
from raven72d :
I always love postcards...
from kazzo :
that's a pop'n fresh lookin' john there =P
from karaokekatey :
Just letting you know that I'm still out here...somewhere..lurking. I hope all is well with you halfway around the world. One of these days I'll come out from hiding. I've just had a lack of ambition, creativity, you know the kind. Take care. ♥
from raven72d :
A postcard arrived today... Many, many thanks...
from facetag :
signed? Ooh! I feel all tingly inside.
from krugerpak007 :
Ok, with a bit of work it could be nice, I guess. Right? The dog is cute! Hope you are doing ok. Thanks again for sharing your pictures! xoxox Kathy
from facetag :
its a...uhh...very nice. :)
from moretoknow :
Here's what we'll do. You make me some authentic meal. I'll bring tacos and margaritas and we'll sit on that there porch and we'll have a grand old time. Sure the neighbors will stare, who are those two crazy women and what are those brightly colored drinks, and why are they giggling so much? But it'll be cool. Like we're 30. And have nothing better to do than have girl time. So, make the meal, I'm on my way.
from facetag :
you need to write a book. i'd buy it.
from kazzo :
I think is takes a certain type to want to run towards things like that without an inkling of running away. Judging by what you write, you could be very well on your way to becoming that type =D
from inthepresent :
Like you, I'm not sure I could ever NOT write. But, I do think it's helpful to change formats every now and then. Thank you for reading what I wrote though. I value your opinion very highly, and I respect you as both a reader and a writer. I will continue to read your diaryland journal, even though I may be finished writing in mine. Keep enjoying Thailand, too. Each day you persuade me more and more to make that my abroad destination.
from facetag :
you are not weak. you are amazing.
from krugerpak007 :
You are certainly not weak! I think that that type of thing scares all of us. Well, me definitely. Your photos are absolutely amazing, as well as your writing. But you know that already-right? It is such a pleasure reading about all your experiences. You put my thoughts on paper sometimes. Take care. Kathy
from moonshadow34 :
To echo previous notes, fabulous last entry and incredible pictures :) Reading these entries makes me feel a little more at home, for while I am living in quite a different world, I still relate in my own way to many of your experiences. Living abroad....quite the life.
from kazzo :
gawd, I love the way you write... (see "homesick" entry)
from raven72d :
The photos of sea and sky are incredible... And papaya salad and sticky rice...not a bad vision of a meal.
from kazzo :
"the girl" entry is perfect. I totally get it. What I tend to do when I read diaries online is to read the first few lines then skim to the last paragraph. This time it made so much sense to me, it hit me in a fraction of a second. Nice. As ususal.
from jadedphoenix :
That last entry about the girl and her dreams - its so perfect - the perspective of it all. Very well done.
from kazzo :
Cherry Bomb = a shot of 2/3 Bacardi 151 and 1/3 grenadine I believe... But the classic Long Island Iced Tea is my poison at the moment... As for going to Thailand I'm looking at May 2005. It was supposed to be this year, but my car got stolen right in front of my house and I had to shell out money for the new 2004 Mazda Tribute. I love it and all but damn! Imagine the money I'd be saving right now if I didn't have to make monthly payments +(
from kazzo :
Sorry for the belated "Get Well Soon" note... Hope you're 100% by now. But speaking of the "best spicy sauce ever" have you ever tried what me and my buddies call the "cock sauce"? We call it that due to a pic of a rooster on the clear label. I think it has Vietnamese origins...
from moretoknow :
What's even better? Pictures of sunsets NEVER look like the real thing. They always look less grandeur. So to see this? Darling you must be in heaven.
from feesticka :
I think its so cool that you're getting the opportunity to see stuff like that, and that you are taking the time to reflect on the beauty contained therein. Great, AMAZING pics. You're one lucky lady.
from kazzo :
Well I feel like an idiot =(. but it sounds like ole' scratch himself working in a brewery. I've never thrown up from beer but I once smoked half a quarter of weed just to see how long I could do it... bad idea... I threw up straight off of da ganja... although I never said I'd never smoke again I didn't touch that crap for about a month. and I haven't smoked for about two months now and I kinda dont feel the need to anyway. If that Chang stuff is no longer a choice of yours may I suggest we meet up for some Cherry Bombs? =p
from kazzo :
Hey yo! What's this "chang" you keep refering to? Im guessing it's hard liquor because judging by the way to talked about "after last night" how you wouldnt have any more =p.
from waycoolmama :
10/03/04 ~ Oh S, I've been gone so long and am trying to catch up... And you are, as you've always been... simply beautiful.
from wonderwall :
ugh. i went on a mini diaryland hiatus so i stopped reading everyone's diaries-- why? that was so dumb. your pictures are majestic and make me wish i was somewhere with bright colors. i'm so glad teaching is going well. and that you are still updating :) ah, modern technology. oh. if i could get a postcard by any chance, that would be awesome-- i have this project in my mind that i want to frame postcards and hang them up in my room...
from krugerpak007 :
Just catching up now...beautiful entries about your trip. I am glad you are loving the teaching. The classroom is beautiful, everything just seems beautiful. I hope you will be happy! Take care. Kathy
from kazzo :
Girls, girls, girls no girls. No girl, no girls <----- that's just me though =p. I really can't say anything but I'll leave you with some words of wisdom that could be useful to you as it's been useful for me...... "Consider that which exists to exist and that which does not exist to not exist, and recognize things just as they are. With such a frame of mind, one will have divine protection even though he/she does not pray." - Hojo Nagauji
from kazzo :
Hey! I have a friend from Thailand and it looks like we'll be making a trip there within the next few months...
from feesticka :
Congrats on the new position. I'm glad that things are working out well for you.
from leftunspoken :
For your generosity, my unending gratitude. You've offered a piece of a world I will never know, and pieces of your soul so "satisfying" (the only word that feels right) I could dream them for a million years and be ever filled and excited. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Be well.
from kazzo :
HEY! I'm back! After a lenghty break from roadrunner.com I am back. I did get your note though but I had no way to contact you because of a lack of the internet, but everything is now all right with the world =p.
from neonlemonz :
you don't have to respond to my notes anymore...being in another country-you have my envy. i love your words, they paint a world for me that i might never know. my world is so mundane, i can't wait to escape and fly free one day.
from raven72d :
I want to go to China and see the pandas, too-- especially the less-appreciated red pandas.
from tornadobird :
that's beau'iful, luv, just beau'iful
from moretoknow :
*Walks in a sets down a small package. It's wrapped in brown paper and has a simple cream colored string tied over it, a bit off center.* This is one of those feelings...this one's happiness and well wished satisfaction mixed with a few tears because I know where this story's going. Someday I'll have to get over it.
from neonlemonz :
I'm so sorry I haven't written notes to you, my computer filters at school have been prohibitting your notes page. I hope you keep reading my diary because I read yours and your words are my inspiration.
from violetanne :
Ew. Different cultures, I guess. Still, though-- ew.
from moretoknow :
Don't you wish you could give emotions? Like I could give you the way I feel for you right now. Not tell you, just hand it over, there ya go. It's this great warm glowing happy jealousy. I'm so very happy for you dear. You live a far better life than most of us.
from krugerpak007 :
Beautiful pictures from a beautiful girl. It sounds like an experience of a life time. I really hope you find what you are looking for! Including the Aussie or anyone that can give you what you need... At the market, are those pictures of insects? Or am I just seeing things? Anyway it all sounds amazing. Thanks for sharing it with us. Enjoy every minute. Even though you miss home. Live each day to the fullest, and go out there and have a ball. You live once.... xoxox Kathy
from jadedphoenix :
This is like ultimate "Fear Factor" training... You're gonna come back loving all types of nasty bugs and critters - I'm so jealous..haha... Hope your doing well - Miss ya.
from moretoknow :
Awww man...now I'm hungry :/ ps, glad you changed your opinion.
from violetanne :
one of those trays-- are those grasshoppers?
from feesticka :
great pics -- hope things are looking up.
from starlight42 :
wow- you do have the chance of a lifetime. give it a little time. I can't wait to hear about what unfolds. loved the pics by the way!
from moretoknow :
You know those posters with the kitty who's hanging on by one claw from some branch or something? I can't remember what cliche phrase it had on there...but please push it out. Really. So this program's not what you want, is it completely against what you believe? I mean...here I am working for Starbucks. Am I brainwashed? Well, no. But my point is...remember how all those negatives started to moph into neutrals? Give it a day, morph some negatives to neutrals again, and take a look back. Never be like me. Never assume and never state something as if it will always be the truth. Give everything(one) a second chance. Ps, heart you and miss you much.
from krugerpak007 :
I have missed so many entries. because of me wallowing (is that even a word) in my self pity.Anyway those pictures are beautiful. It is amazing hearing you describe your new surroundings and the new part of your life. I am sorry you were a bit let down today. I hope that things do improve, and that you live each day to the full. Take care. xoxo Kathy
from inthepresent :
How are the ever-smiling people? You know, my dream is actually to go to Thailand, so it appears we're living vicariously through each other for the moment. Part of me is hesitant to go there though. I've heard the people are nice on the surface but deceitful underneath. Naturally, this is hearsay, but perhaps a heads up as well. At the same time, my brother said it's one of the most beautiful places in the world. Either way, I hope you have an amazing time and if you're half as thoughtful and passionate about teaching as you are about writing, you will be great. Live in the moment:)
from mymixedtape :
I can't think of the words to describe how jealous I am. Update often. Please? I'm begging you. <3Marie.
from jadedphoenix :
I just realized something - Now I'm the Westerner and your the Easterner... strange how things can change overnight... Great to hear from you, and to know you made it safely. I heart ya my little Thai Master. Stay safe - stay in touch - and stay you...
from twsmith23 :
Glad to see you made it safe, and that you're updating so soon. In all that change, you always have dirayland has a constant. The loneliness and doubting will pass, and before you know it you'll be loving it there. And by the way- thanks, you're not bad looking yourself=)
from brideof7less :
I can't sleep on planes at all either. I know what you mean about the lonliness of traveling alone. I've been experiencing a lot of that myself. I love traveling alone, but it can be so incredibly isolating. I leave you with a Wilco quote, "How do you fight lonliness? Just smile all the time." :)
from icomeundone :
i heart you. don't go where i can't follow. viva la travel! love and whatnot. ♥
from raven72d :
Good luck and a safe journey!
from twsmith23 :
I'm just getting to know you and you're already leaving... I will miss your words. Have a safe trip, and write when you can. And have fun!!
from moretoknow :
You're not even gone...and I'm lost. I know this sounds silly and retarded and maybe it's all the estrogen pumping through my system--but I can't help it. There's honest to god tears in my eyes right now. Your plane ride will rock, no doubt, and your first night will rock, another no doubt--but jesus mary and joseph (and maybe peter too) don't go too far. And if you never find words again. Just don't come back. 'Cause I can't handle one goodbye, let alone two.
from xyliao-o :
Enjoy the trip! Take lots of pictures. I always regret not taking enough pictures when I go travelling :(
from brideof7less :
Gute Reise! Und aufwiederlesen. :)
from feesticka :
Its been great reading you -- hopefully you'll still be able to write while having your adventure of a lifetime. Best wishes, be safe, and have fun!
from fredthebear :
I hope I will be able to read updates of your adventures while away. If not, then oh well. I've enjoyed your words. I hope your experience is fruitful. Peace.
from moretoknow :
*smacks her arm once* Don't do that. That sappy, I'm leaving, I'm learning, I'm growing up thing. 'Cause I'm trying my hardest not to deal with it, and just avoid it all together. I know you're gonna be busy when you get there. And I know you're going to have a job, and things to do, and things to learn, and places to see...so I'd feel guilty asking you to make a commitment to this thing, because it's only for my personal self indulgence. Just...post a little? I mean after you get settled in and all. Just don't leave.
from twsmith23 :
there is nothing more calming or peaceful than sitting on the sand at night, watching the waves roll in out. I wish i had the opportunity to do it whenever i felt the need. I hope you will still be writing on here after you move. Your words inspire me. Good luck and best wishes...
from outoftime :
Thanks for the note :-)
from krugerpak007 :
That was stunning. I know one person that I would love to say it to now....A pity we can't be that honest in real life... Well, I can't at least... xoxox Kathy
from hubble :
...you still flowered in songs you still broke in currents. oh pit of debris, open and bitter well. pale blind diver, luckless slinger, lost discoverer, in you everything sank. it is the hour of departure, the cold hard hour which the night fastens to all timetables. the rustling belt of the sea girdles the shore. cold stars heave up, black birds migrate. deserted are the wharves at dawn. only the tremulous shadow twists in my hands. it is the hour of departure....nerdua. yeah, some people should be missed, i miss a lot of people at the moment, so much its almost impossible to write. i used to think that this sort of pain was constructive as far as poetics went, but having come out of the other side into something far more terrible and stronger, the pen now seems to sag in my hand. i guess its just important to just, well, just love certain people, if they know it or not, then its out there, it can only do good. anyway, enough of my raving beautiful babe. :)
from tornadobird :
I'm out at burning man right now.. in the middle of the desert partying with a bunch of pagans lunatics geniuses and other sundry out of the ordinary types... I am only typing this now cause my status as an employee gives me access to the very first internet that has ever existed in the 13 year history of this event... anyway, I'll be back in oakland with dsl soon and writing again.
from krugerpak007 :
Beautiful friends, for a beautiful girl I guess. Brilliant idea, and maybe share some of the pictures...Feel good! xoxox Kathy
from moretoknow :
You make my eyes water.
from raven72d :
I never saw a human figure in the moon-- no man, certainly no woman. I've seen the moon as female at all. I always saw a grinning skull face in the moon--terrifying to a child. The Japanese see a rabbit in the moon. That's at least pettable.
from irishblueyes :
You're very welcome!
from krugerpak007 :
You are right. In fact my diary friends are some of my closest. And it would kill me if they just disappeared on me like that. Stop worrying and biting your nails though. Have a good weekend. xoxo Kathy
from moretoknow :
I had heard a rumor that Katey had some serious "ish" if you will to deal with at that current moment, along with work and the like. Again, rumor. You know how d-land is. And she'll be back eventually, ever faithful, and here. Genius. Ps, heart you.
from xyliao-o :
:) hehe thanks
from raven72d :
i miss katey, too. and i at least will still be writing while you're in siam.
from irishblueyes :
I know I was wondering about karaokekatey too. I think she was still writing when I left for vacation and then once I got hooked up here...she was suddenly gone. Oh and I miss Bono too...he is awfully yummy!
from xyliao-o :
thanks, and you're welcome :) I am terribly impressed by your writing - actually it's a little intimidating - but enjoyable nonetheless
from amazingagain :
welcome. :) you're an awesome writer. <3
from starlight42 :
loved your Lunar Thoughts entry. I know I've said it before, but you're a great thinker/writer.
from twsmith23 :
not just god, but heaven on earth...
from irishblueyes :
that is stunningly beautiful!
from candoor :
we all can rain, but what does the rain you seek consist of... I want to read you more, I want more time... we can't always get what we want, but try... and try again.
from raven72d :
I like very slender girls, of course-- flat, hard tummies, prominent hipbones. But I don't understand the thing about changing Oriental eyes. Surely-- exotic is good? Caucasian as I am, all through my adolescence I wanted epicanthic folds-- I thought Oriental eyes would be exotic and powerful.
from krugerpak007 :
No wonder almost all the women I know have eating rpoblems, and why we stress and worry about our weight so damn much. Because they even turn models in to anorexoc bean poles and make us think that that is the ideal. Ughh. I am so tired of that battle. And eye surgery. That is just plain ridiculous. I am sure the prints were beautiful. Just the way she was. xoxox Kathy
from inthepresent :
Hey, thank you for the uplifting message. I will also pass along your message to Todd. I'm sure he'd be flattered. I think he holds you in pretty high regard as well; of course, why wouldn't he? Enjoy your weekend!
from krugerpak007 :
You are gorgeous. You just don't realise how gorgeous. xoxo
from eta-c :
;)
from raven72d :
Are you bringing a laptop to Siam?
from brideof7less :
Vielen Dank! I've so missed fly guts this summer.
from the-thinline :
hello dear. a friend of mine reads your journal regularly so i decided to take a look myself and i just wanted to tell you that i think you write beautifully. i'd also like to tell you that he isn't dead, just a little preoccupied, so you didn't keep a bit of worry. i hope your trip turns out wonderfully. take care, <love><me>
from razberryjam :
pretty girl entry was so right on. (did i just say right on?) at any rate, i hope you let us all know where you'll be updating when you're in thailand. i wouldn't want to miss out on that. be well and have fun.
from pablo :
hello, stranger. well, almost. i was catching up with your diary since you left a note for me. thing is, i'm kicking my heels in thailand for a week or so late september, and if you're in bangkok, i was going to propose a cup of tea somewhere. or not. it was just a thought. you give good diary, btw. pablo
from morbidhippie :
(pretty girl)thank you, i needed to read something like that. good luck with everything lovely girl (lady), although i don't imagine you'll be needing Luck..i think you'll be brilliant. xox
from moonshadow34 :
Good luck on your adventure, and I quite understand the attack of nerves. Getting along in Ireland with no family, friends, or support of any sort is proving to be more trying than I thought. I wish you the best on your journey :)
from inthepresent :
You are entirely right. But, how often is the fanatic conservative open to the other side? How often is the strict Catholic open to the other side? How often is the crazy terrorist open to the other side? I wish, just as you do, that people could both love what they love and dislike what they dislike without harming others. This, I am completely open to. At the same time though, I am open to the other side as well. And I can certainly see why people think they need to take their opinions to the extreme. Looking from the outside at our country, I'm not so sure I'd be a huge fan of our lifestyle either. Thank you for your response, and please know that it wasn't directed at you at all. You're entry on how a man should dress just sparked a thought. So thank you, my Muse:).
from moretoknow :
Shit, b. It's like the opposite of wo-girl syndrome.
from raven72d :
I've known club girls and certain young lipstick lesbians who agreed with the "amle" viewpoint.
from raven72d :
Sex and love are utterly divisible. I can have sex for pleasure, or to relieve the boredom, or to show that I have some social value. Those I love I really can't do sex with.
from moretoknow :
How is it that after I come back from being battered and bruised with a boy you say the words I want to? That I just spent hour upon hour struggling with him over what we were doing, and I simply left as if I had given up. No closure, and I think I like that. Boys suck. Can we start a club?
from moretoknow :
Curious. Because right now, I too am in bed with my laptop. Nice lap warmer, similar to the weight and temperature of a small cat. Interesting.
from krugerpak007 :
A woman after my own heart! Enjoy. Kathy
from krugerpak007 :
And that song? Amen.
from krugerpak007 :
At the moment I am a bit anti men. They confuse us, and make us happy, and make us cry, and I guess we just can't live with out them. Well, I do speak for myself. I hope, my dear, that you find what you are looking for. You are young and bright and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't settle for anything less than perfect. Kathy
from raven72d :
Anticipation and expectation are so addictive....
from jadedphoenix :
knock knock... -fullerton
from privatemuses :
rather is my vice for downplaying the significance of something. I mean I take it as an implied that people see through it, and understand there's more too it. But I like humble.
from privatemuses :
You seem rather neat, and thanks for all those nice things you said about the way I phrase junk. (even if I'm incapable of leaving a note that isn't smeared with a bashful{that word is just... not very good.} uncertaintly.) Anyways...
from raven72d :
I'll be looking forward to cards!
from moonshadow34 :
I loved your last entry about Thailand. I'm taking a break from school and heading to Ireland and the UK for a year to follow a dream of mine, and your words were a great reminder for me. (I'm also in the process of putting all my music onto a new iPod -- indeed one of the most glorious musical inventions! :)
from tornadobird :
you will find
from moretoknow :
I don't know if I like being confronted with the things I already know. I want you to leave, sure, but I don't want you to become so engrossed with life that we don't exist. I suppose I'm being selfish, now aren't I? I will make a super venti iced caramel macchiato in honor of you today (and gag as I drink it, 'cause I can't stand the vanilla in it). Heart you much.
from raven72d :
I'll be looking forward to entries from Siam...
from raven72d :
Fallen angels are always best. Or at least suspect and ambiguous ones. I know zero about iPods, but I'm glad you're having fun with yours. One year....don't ever stop writing.
from krugerpak007 :
Amen, I agree. I could totally handle that orgy. xoxox
from jadedphoenix :
I am not saying that we dispose of our natural reactions - I am simply suggesting that we have the freedom to define our own nature - and thus create beauty in that nature through our response.... booya
from moretoknow :
No, sadly no Died...Diedrich... Diedrichwhatever's. And if I had the choice...I would work for the man (but the man pays comparatively good wages, and I have a second job with the opposite of the man). So...I suppose I balance out?
from moretoknow :
I = new employee for "the man" (aka Starbucks, ew) and I earn a supposed $8 an hour. Manager at said "man" store earns a supposed $16. Her job includes sitting in the back and ordering drinks. My job includes making her job. Fair? No. But I do love my job. Wanna pound of coffee? Oy.
from starlight42 :
Your Corporate entry hit home. You said it all, there's so many big companies like that- if you were to see how the offices run...scary!
from starlight42 :
Just wanted to tell you I had a chance to read more of your entries and I am in love with your writing...you're so well spoken and thought-out. I just had to say that.
from jadedphoenix :
As your words waiver, so does too your progression as an individual - moving forward, staggering back, second guessing, helplessly pushin on, wondering what-if - but in the end - there are only two things - that is you - and the beautiful path you have carved yourself in the wake of your spiritual destiny. ash to ash...
from inthepresent :
No. Why do you ask? And, more importantly, is it any good? - The Questionist
from krugerpak007 :
Wow, thats impressive. A model huh? Happy Birthday to your pretty sister. xoxo
from moretoknow :
Bwa ha. It took me a bit to realize it. And a phone call from the very special boy mentioned (Colin), as well as words from y'all to mke me realize...hormonal swings and upsets should not be a reason for stopping something I love (internally linking, for example). And shit, I had to find a use for that picture sometime, right? Thank you so much.
from krugerpak007 :
That was beautiful. xoxox
from moonshadow34 :
Thank you. Doesn't spoil it at all. I stumbled across your words several days ago and have loved reading everything you write - quite a treat.
from jadedphoenix :
I made it.
from inthepresent :
I feel like I'm in high school again passing notes. I love it.
from inthepresent :
Soap, I need soap. And a shower. Only kidding. It does spoil it a little, but I was still imagining you saying those things as I read them. Fantasy? Reality? They both serve their purposes.
from inthepresent :
I just about had a mental orgasm, and you're to blame. Thank you for that "lovely" piece of writing.
from feesticka :
We all have our own definitions….I think they change seasonally, daily, hourly, and over a lifetime. The one that I’m currently functioning under involves the feeling of contentment and belonging that happens in spite of one’s mate taking a poo while one takes a shower. :-p … BTW…I hope you’re feeling better about leaving your cat-baby. Only a true cat lover would know the extent of what you gave up the other day. I hope your journey is fulfilling.
from moretoknow :
From the bottom up. I like that. And...as drama has it, all seems to be well with me again (to an extent). As you were soldier...
from starlight42 :
Just wanted to wish you luck with the move. I can only imagine how hard that is. Your entry about figuring out what is worth saving was touching. I have 2 cats myself and I feel for you having to give them up. Good luck!
from moretoknow :
God I want to delete that so bad. But you don't understand--I've barely had people upset at me in my life, let alone hate me. I feel like I need to bow to her, to kiss her feet, and to scream that I'm sorry. But I'll most likely never see her again in my life. I just don't want to chalk this one up to "fuck up"
from facetag :
<3poor kitty.
from krugerpak007 :
You are doing the right thing. I am sure. If you didn't do it you would always regret it. Like I do..So take it from an old thirty year old hag. I am sure its going to be so worth it.
from inthepresent :
We seem to have lost contact. I didn't intend for that to happen, although you might think otherwise. Anyway, e-mail me, or send me a D-land note if you have time. I know you have a lot on your mind right now though. - me
from krugerpak007 :
Yes, it's really hard. I remember also making that move. You don't know what to take, what to keep, when you will be back. Very difficult. But so worth it. Just think of all the new adventures ahead of you. A whole new chapter of your life. Feel good sweety! xoxo Kathy
from moretoknow :
Packing. It's like saying goodbye to everything you love and hate, and lived with and just...ugh. I can't stand it. I cry, I'm close to tears right now even thinking of it. I know that things will not be bad for you. But I'm screwed if you stop writing, screwed. Remember your semi-almost-sorta-kinda promise to me? I'll live of course, just won't wanna.
from karaokekatey :
I’m so relieved that you decided not to lock your diary after all. You know you were one of the very first diaries I read when I came across this diaryland stuff. And you are probably the main reason I decided to write here. You are an amazing, clever writer and you are much bolder than I ever could be. I tried very early on in this diary to write about my thoughts, feelings, heartaches, triumphs, etc. but I can’t write in that capacity. You can. And you do it beautifully. Despite criticism you may receive, don’t ever stop writing. Love ya, wo-girl ♥
from krugerpak007 :
Well said. xoxo Kathy
from moretoknow :
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. (say that out for full effect). That's totally not cool...the girl I adore and want to be runs off? *whines* why? Ok, done bitching. Enjoy the time off, and if you have to permanently lock your diary, so be it, we still heart you. (you go wo-girl)
from rainforme :
hello everyone... had to lock for awhile. won't write until i can release my diary from the evils of threatened snoopers. love ya all. be back soon.
from krugerpak007 :
*Hugs* Enjoy it, but watch out for your feelings. We don't want you hurting. xoxo
from moretoknow :
Landscapes don't hurt...ya know? They're trees and roads, and things like that...and they don't hurt. They don't bite and scorn back and they never tell you that the shots you took were "terrible" and "the worst you've ever seen." They're also terribly predictable. There's no glint of a smile, and there's no hint of sexual tension because...it's a road, or a tree, or some grass. I guess part of my magic was the machinery, sadly stolen and then parted out (I happened to find one of the lenses years later with the same serial number in a pawn shop). I have another one of my babies back (my 1974 Nikormat FT2) but...I just don't know anymore. I don't have a flash, I don't have a tripod, I don't have all of those expensive things that make those sorts of shots, and I sure as hell don't have my own darkroom. I suppose it'll be random shots of me for now, then. And as far as Mr. Turk goes...he sounds exotic, and sweet, and totally in adoration of you. And that's a bad thing. Don't ask why, it just is.
from krugerpak007 :
A HUGE HELLLLOOOOO to Mr. Turk!! Hope you had fun anyway. And I hope you are feeling better. xoxo K
from brideof7less :
I know what that feels like.
from karaokekatey :
The best food for a beer hangover is homemade BBQ pizza. I always convince the "significant other" to make me one. I'm glad you liked the entry. ♥
from raven72d :
Tyvex! Cool! That's the kind of information I love knowing! Thanks!
from karaokekatey :
Hmmmm. breakfast food...I've decided there's nothing better than a box of popsicles after a night of drinking Bacardi O and cosmopolitans. Take care. ♥
from moretoknow :
Oh those words that make me smile. Promise me never to stop, ok?
from raven72d :
What, pray tell, is Tyvex?
from irishblueyes :
I know isn't this all crazy? Why do all the crazy people have to find my diary and write nutty things? I'm a magnet for debate and drama I suppose, what can I say?! ♥
from serenaville :
I wanted to e-mail, but couldn't find your addy, so I hope you'll forgive the note. I only wanted to say that I was sorry to notice you'd deleted me... but I don't really blame you, I'd have too. Just wanted to say a heartfelt thank you for reading as long as you did. You were one of the first to find me, and I'll never forget that! Very appreciated. *HUGS*
from moretoknow :
*sigh* the dating world...I laughed and got sad at the statistics. I suppose we'll learn to deal. Thanks for the compilation of everything ranty and good...really, thanks.
from ashesrose :
Vegas... yeah :) Vegas rocks.
from krugerpak007 :
Go enjoy the beach woman!
from karaokekatey :
Umm yeah, why can't I find jobs like that? Enjoy your paid day at the beach ♥
from morbidhippie :
oh, it's free this time. (backspace/delete) it's more necessity than want really. thank you for asking xo
from krugerpak007 :
I was in Vegas once. It was breath taking...Glad you had a good time. Photos???? xoxo Kathy
from karaokekatey :
oh, isn't absinthe crazy shit? I was in love with it once upon a time. ♥
from krugerpak007 :
Cool! Have fun and good luck! xoxo K
from feesticka :
Thanks for the compliments on my pics. I'm trying to learn how to use my camera a little bit better, so your note was great for the ole' ego. Loved yesterday's entry, by the way (amen, sister!).
from raven72d :
You and "Mr. Magic Stick" call each other odd names.
from raven72d :
Walking a mile in someone else's shoes only leads to fungal infections.
from krugerpak007 :
Cute, extremely cute. Go out with him for: the company, and it could also be good for the reputation. The free dinners and movies are a big plus especially for the unemployed. Just go and have some fun. Enjoy, relax and live!xoxox K
from krugerpak007 :
I am not offended. I am what I am, I take what I have to take I guess...:-)I just think that one probably never knows what's actually happening to a person until you are in their shoes. Everyone deals with things in their life differently. Some cope better than others. I wish I knew the secret of been a solid human being without the help of medication, but I guess I understand that at the moment I need that help. I don't know if it makes me a weaker person that I need to resort to medication, I just know that when I am not on this medication, I am a little bit out of control and usually need hospitilization. Anyway again, I am not offended, you have your beliefs and I respect that totally.... Have a good weekend. xoxox K
from moretoknow :
Oh hunny. I've got it. Along with the wo-girl ring (which you better get your butt on), you've officially become that woman in the back of my head that I'm gonna go, 'dude, I wanna be like her!' Why? You have kickass shoes. I fell in love with your writing at first site. You make me giggle, think, and cry all in the same entry. And you just (in general) just rock my casbah. So whether my illusions of you are deluded or not, I say what I mean.
from irishblueyes :
I agree with you whole heartedly! I've read articles that say that if you are feeling depressed that taking a daily walk can have the same effects as taking those drugs...and imagine you might actually get more physically fit from that as well! We are just lazy and believe all the shit they shove down our throats. We as a society should really be ashamed of ourselves!
from krugerpak007 :
I am adding you. Your diary makes me keep coming back...Have a good weekend. Kathy
from moretoknow :
Stalker? No. 'Cause if that was true, I'd be yours. And as for as your words, thank you. I've lost it. I feel terrible on the inside and yet want to beam with every part of my being. I'm a terrible human, but make no effort to change it. He's hot, and that picture, may I just say, does NOT do him justice. And he's been the first one in so long who offered me something like that, ya know? Save a truck. Ride a cowboy. *sigh* thank you.
from moretoknow :
1) I'm totally thinking of creating a wo-girl ring, 'cause I heart rings that don't require links and ya know, I just heart rings. 2) Captain crunch is amazing. I always get thoughtful when I eat it. I can hear that crunching in my head and I just can't help but think. None the less, your thoughts are deep, intuitive, and amazing. Let's all take a little shopping trip through the aisles of our mind looking for satisfaction, eh?
from karaokekatey :
You go, wo-girl ♥
from distortedlie :
Heh... thanx. I thought of it myself. Umm... yes, I do miss neonlemonz... and I think she said something about being back in the fall I dont know exactly where she went, but where ever it was she needs to hurry her butt back and talk to us!
from moretoknow :
and yes, I do leave bad random notes like that :D deal
from moretoknow :
you=cool
from raven72d :
About memories... True. It does.
from karaokekatey :
You failed the psychopath test, my dear. haha! She killed her sister so she could see him again.
from raven72d :
There's always a sadness to any collection of memories.
from moretoknow :
Oh lord. I'm in love with your shoe (http://www.geocities.com/rainsforme/england/stonehenge5.jpg). More than that? You're a pretty damn good writer. Now, I haven't had time to read it all or judge it all or anything like that but...what I have seen I love. And you got to me through good company. So, (as much as these things are so awkward, 'cause you kinda wanna say 'you=cool', that just sounds to childish) I'll leave you at that, tell you I'll be back (dun dun dun), and to keep on living the good life (and rocking the casbah). "From one sweet girl to another, I'm simply a bee in search of my honey."
from irishblueyes :
Thanks for the note, and you are welcome to any of my code anytime. That's how I learned was just picking up bits and pieces here and there and trying to figure it out and adapt it to my own page!
from raven72d :
I never get anything right. Don't mind me.
from feesticka :
Thanks for the ice cream and couch warning; I've already found myself getting into that rut, which is scary! I hate how my reaction to stress is always to eat and make permanent butt-imprints in my couch. :-)
from tornadobird :
welcome back, I liked your photos.. you have a way of adding little bits of yourself, literally and figuratively. I'm in oakland now, riding my bike with bags of groceries on the handlebars, taking public transit to band practice.. things are happening..portfolios, paintings sold.. I want to come to southern california before you leave it that much more desolate.
from krugerpak007 :
Reading about your trip was great, and then seen photos, a real treat! Thanks for sharing that with us and welcome home. xoxo Kathy
from karaokekatey :
les photographies sont belles. ♥
from raven72d :
Let me know how the packing goes... And I hope to hear from you when you're deep in Thailand...
from kazzo :
Well at least they don't have to pay those mannequins to do the job it takes for one human to point in the ONLY direction you can possibly go... THANKS GUYS for the help or else little ole' me would of driven into the ditch =D
from raven72d :
How long will you have before you go to Thailand?
from raven72d :
No, not kidding: chocolate mayo. But Nutella is cool. And--Brittany... I love the Breton coast.
from karaokekatey :
Oh...I have always wanted to visit the Brittany region. The whole Breton way of life just fascinates me! Au revior.
from krugerpak007 :
I am jealous...Go Belgium! :-) Enjoy! Kathy
from raven72d :
In Belgium they make chocolate mayo and put it on bread. That's just...creepy. But I'm glad the shirts fit...
from raven72d :
Diesel shirts... Why Diesel in particular? (I'm male; I miss these bits o'knowledge) At 5 euros ("oy-ros") a minute, I expect free liquor...
from krugerpak007 :
Diesel-great! french kids suck, shame your poor sister, I hope her passport was seperate! 5 euros a minute? Thats is ridiculous! Anyway enjoy yourselves! xoxo Kathy
from feesticka :
Diesel outlet ... *drool*. Enjoy!
from raven72d :
Hmmmm... Touring Europe in earch of Diesel jeans... It has a certain charm.
from krugerpak007 :
London in good weather!I am jealous!xoxo Kathy
from krugerpak007 :
Even though your room is a bit crappy, sounds like you are having an awsome time! Enjoy! Kathy
from raven72d :
Thanks for the kind thoughts from Europe!
from irishblueyes :
Sounds like things are going wonderfully...and yeah the Franz Ferdinand cd kicks ass!
from karaokekatey :
just a tidbit of info since you and your sister were trying to figure out the nationality of the people...anyway...I watched 60 minutes about a month ago and apparently 5 million people who live in Paris are of muslim decent, and these people are immigrating there from former french colonies like northern africa. The whole segment was basically how bad it was in the Paris projects and how truly horrific muslim women are treated. anyway...french bread...tres bien indeed
from neonlemonz :
geez, i miss you (all of you, not just you, but you... i do miss you-never doubt it)anywho, i won't be back until fall, its true. i hate it, but it's true. i'll talk more then, but now, i'm too scared. ~hazel
from raven72d :
Yay, Moleskine notebooks!! I'm glad you have one... And I hope Paris goes well for you...
from karaokekatey :
In the ghettooooo!!! Oh how dreadfully...horribly...funny. Hopefully your sister will live through the experience. Take care.♥
from hubble :
you're in london? ha, i just left!
from heartracer :
thanks for stopping by. london sounds splendid and rich; the weight of another place. enjoy it.
from raven72d :
John Updike, "Museums and Women"... A story that suddenly comes to mind...
from karaokekatey :
Thank you for the VERY flattering note. I absolutely love hearing about London!!! Take care.♥
from kazzo :
Hey there! If you don't mind I'd like to add your "Im Drunk" entry link into an upcoming entry. Its sublime.
from raven72d :
I'm glad your trip is underway...
from karaokekatey :
London sounds...intoxicating. I can't wait to read more about it. take care and enjoy your vacation.♥
from raven72d :
Tell me more about the internet place...
from wonderwall :
oh i agree... "Is it too much to want someone who you really want, who makes the earth spin on an alternate course, who makes you feel as if things could be better, if you were just in their arms at all times?" *sigh*
from facetag :
Thanks. He was only 45.
from raven72d :
I was just hearing "London Calling" in my head on the drive home a day or two ago... I hope you will stay in touch... I'd love a card from London or Bangkok...
from raven72d :
The internet place in Kensington High Street sounds brilliant.
from facetag :
Everyone is dying lately, speaking of dying, my uncle died too. ><; People need to stop dying, I swear.
from leftunspoken :
Oh honey. *tight hugs* Reminders that life is fragile are good, but should never be so traumatic. Be gentle with yourself today. Know I am always praying for your peace and joy. Love, M.
from wonderwall :
oh my god. thats terrible. anyway... i hope you have a fantastic trip! enjoy yourself :)
from feesticka :
Have a great trip. I hope that you find all that you're looking for while you're away. Best wishes.
from neonlemonz :
Hey, my words are just words...plain and simple, it's nothing special. Just ordinary like a plain day with no sun and no stars-just clouds. I'm ordinary, a plain girl who is a bit of a drama queen.
from feesticka :
Congratulations on making it this far; you've got so much ahead of you to look forward to. Four more days left for me too....
from karaokekatey :
ahhh...naughty naughty you *slap slap* (grin grin) At least perhaps you're coming to the realization that things are finally over. I have yet to come to any sort of realization...about anything. Take care. XOXO
from karaokekatey :
regarding previous entry...I did not mean to say that I RELATE TO THEM...I got a little carried away with myself there for a moment (those girls always get me going) What I meant to say is that I can relate to your situation...fake, vacuous girls are everywhere!!! I believe it has become an epidemic. Anyway, enough ramblings here...XOXO
from karaokekatey :
I wanted to comment on your bar scene entry and when I went to re-read it I saw that you had deleated it. Anyway, I thought it was funny. I can relate to those fake, plastic, dolled-up done-up INSIPID women...they are invading all of my favorite hangouts too. And trust me, they'll never GET IT. hahaha. Take care.
from irishblueyes :
I haven't been leaving you many notes lately, but I just wanted to tell you that I am still reading and as always your entries just get more beautiful and moving with time.
from karaokekatey :
mmmmm yummy...MAN IN UNIFORM. Where can I sign up? Hahaha.
from facetag :
i'll always love you, Dollface.
from neonlemonz :
wow...that picture...i can't even find words to describe that picture...it's...uh...special? haha, thanks for posting it though, i should really put pictures on my diary. ~liz aka hazel
from paleblue- :
hey you, just in for a read...:)
from neonlemonz :
oh, rain...it hurts me to see you so...i don't even know the word for it...i want you to stop hurting and just have everything go your way, and be peachy keen and jelly beans.
from neonlemonz :
your writing is beautiful, and so is your life. i want it so much, but i do want to be me too...i can't wait!
from facetag :
*writes down* Woe is us. I have to go [I'll be back Tues] We can talk then <3 love you dollface <3
from facetag :
haha..we should start a club.
from facetag :
[at least you can SEE your desk..lol] I was planning on sending mr. boyface packing tomorrow! perfect way to ruin his summer..teehee..Everytime I see the tall one I want to rip his clothes off, I know you know that feeling.
from facetag :
Wow! That desk looks eventful!
from feesticka :
Its kinda weird -- i have nearly the exact same pile of crap on my desk too. Yea for corporate individuality, heh heh.
from tornadobird :
hi
from neonlemonz :
wow...your life...i'm constantly shifting in deciding whether i envy it, admire it, hate it,or want it. my life is getting to your level of complication ALMOST. i have a druggie and a foreign boy and boys who melt my heart. i can't wait until the day when i become you...or something like it. good night. have a precious tomorrow.
from notlikeyoudo :
Thank you so much. Your kind thoughts are most certainly appreciated.
from feesticka :
I can't decide whether to tell you that you're lucky or that I hate you :-p. Just kidding! Looks like so much fun! Enjoy yourself.
from leftunspoken :
Love you, love you, love you. Wish I was there.
from neonlemonz :
LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY!! i am extremely envious. here i sit, preparing for an exam, discussing drinks and history lessons, and you're off...cruising around the world. *Sighs* Consider me...jealous. Extremely, insanely jealous. ~Hazel
from icomeundone :
thank you darling. you stun me too. we should get together and do lunch. lol. glad to hear from you, don't be a stranger now. <3
from karaokekatey :
...I need an umbrella drink myself...(rummaging through cabinets for anything exotic, pink and fruity...)**sigh** only Wild Turkey whiskey. I wonder if I could mix that with grape kool-aid. Ewwww. Have a fantastic trip. XOXO
from facetag :
*gives Umbrella drink*
from wonderwall :
hehe. i have a gopher (the one from caddyshack) who wiggles his butt and sings "i'm allllright, nobody worry bout me, why ya got to put up a fight, why cant you just let me be." my freshman year roommate (who was fond of martha stewart) almost died.
from morbidhippie :
hmm darling, we use the same shampoo...by the way, the whole story..a little while ago, took my breath away. xox (wow, i just saw your older page for the first time? is it...could that be the pantene pro-v hair? oh you're great)
from karaokekatey :
hahaha! I've had a few co-workers that I myself would have liked to imbed paper clips into their chairs...some supervisors too.
from eta-c :
crazy gal, thankyou so much for the kind things you say, even if i dont believe a lick of it! ive been so far down there seemed no point in writing, so as silly as it sounds, what you said did help me a little, it was over the top but welcomed, :)
from raven72d :
Clever acronyms.
from leftunspoken :
Beautiful entry. Amazing the impact of words. The thoughts of people we will never "know". The ties that bind and connect. The light you shine. You inspire. You teach. You heal. A woman a million miles away in another life. Thank you for all of your gifts.
from just-fine :
Thankyou...for caring and for being so kind with your words. Your far too sweet to me. Takecare of yourself too, okay? *kiss* xo
from neonlemonz :
dont give up on yourself...you're beautiful.
from brideof7less :
You're certainly welcome for the phrase and thanks for the congrats. It's very cool to know that a little tidbit transcended this diary into reality.
from karaokekatey :
excellent list. love to see Tom made the cut. haha
from neonlemonz :
you know, you're right... i hope someday i can be like you.i aspire to write as well as you and to live as well as you.thanks for the advice and the sweet words. you warm my heart sometimes, i mean it. thanks a lot! have an awesome day.
from neonlemonz :
*sigh* i don't know if you're keeping up with my diary, but i need someone to vent to...for some reason, i feel as though i could spill my entire soul to you, and you'd understand. you're more of a mother or friend to me than my own mother...though, if you were to be my mother you'd have to give birth to me when you were ten, and that's just weird, anyway...i'm so confused. i'm torn between two guys, two places, and my heart is ripped...not in half like it should be...just ripped. god, i need somebody REAL to talk to. sorry, just venting, thanks for listening.
from tornadobird :
difficult loves is a mediocre early work. invisible cities is ok... but the one you really need to read is "if on a winters night a traveler". I have a copy. I'll send it.
from raven72d :
The Turkish phrase is lovely. The USC shirt image is a delight. Congrats on the night of small kisses and languages. I think I'm jealous.
from karaokekatey :
thanks for the kind words...this opressiveness, the inability to find inspiration or creativity seems to come and go in spurts. We'll see what today holds. XOXO
from irishblueyes :
Yeah I have gotten some of those weird refers from foreign websites, I clicked on them, but I don't know how they got to my page from it, it's really weird, right?
from ashesrose :
Henri Bresson once said some things that have stuck with me: ?Life is once, forever? and ?You have to be yourself, and you have to forget yourself? Do you think we can do that? Or have we already gotten there in our bitterness? But without the bitter, the sweet is not as sweet.
from feesticka :
LOL -- nothing like cooking a pot roast to achieve domestic bliss. Hope that your trip preparations are going well. It will be here before you know it.
from raven72d :
Loved the photos... I have no photos from places I've thought of as "home"-- all places far away from where I grow up/live. And the office door image-- I like that, too. My hope is that some girl will one day arrive at my office door with wicked intentions...
from sweet-cynic :
i'm so glad raven linked you. glad to have found you. it's all beautiful. good luck on your trip.
from facetag :
thank you...that made me feel a lot better.
from mymixedtape :
Agreed.
from feesticka :
Amen, sister.
from raven72d :
Anytime. I enjoy your writing and thoughts. I will try to convince you to stay in touch...and send postcards from overseas.
from raven72d :
Caramel is alovely beach-tan color... And a pillow from an SD hotel is a lovely image.
from mymixedtape :
<3Thanks. If you like my photos, you should read my photo-diary. Guiltyflash. Well, not READ, but look at, heh.
from smalllife :
you read my entire diary? you don't know how happy that makes me. i'm touched. xoxo jessica
from wonderwall :
i dont think it ever goes away :(
from raven72d :
"Tschuess..." I like it when anyone knows how to use Tschuess as a kind of "ciao"...
from raven72d :
I think I will add you to my favorites.
from raven72d :
I love curling up with a girl and telling stories...reading to one another...Wallace Stevens or children's books or Sei Shonagon...I like sharing stories breath-to-breath with someone...
from neonlemonz :
you ARE an inspiration, and often times, i don't feel like i should be priviliged enough to read yours, it feels like it should be something private that only the elitest gets to read it. i just wish one day, my words would taste as good as yours, mine feel so commonplace, or as i said in an entry, so vanilla compared to yours and Kristina's. I wish I were smart and beautiful like you. That's enough rambling from me for one day. Lots of love, Hazel
from raven72d :
"Traveler" is a lot of complex fun. But "Invisible Cities" is a must read before traveling anywhere. E-mail ("Emil") me sometime-- I'd like to get a card from Thailand some day.
from raven72d :
I've always been a big fan of architectural photos. And I love looking at photos and trying to imagine the story behind everything.
from raven72d :
The club photos were brilliant. What's the story behind the photo of the hotel.
from raven72d :
I hope you'll stay in touch from Thailand... And-- Calvino, yes: "Invisible Cities" or "If On A Winter's Night A Traveler"....
from karaokekatey :
got cd today. I love it!! Definitely trak #4. But all the songs are fantastic. Thanks so much. XOXO
from tornadobird :
read something by: richard brautigan, italo calvino or gabriel garcia marquez. you won't be dissapointed.
from kazzo :
=D Again, thanks! And yes you are updating like crazy =p. Hope everything is well with you!
from wonderwall :
hrmm. sent without finishing what i wrote. meant to say, job seems killer, think they'll hire me in your place? :) youre brave and awesome and i hope your adventure is all you hoped for. :D
from wonderwall :
that job seems killer.
from brideof7less :
I applaud your decision. Viel Spass!
from raven72d :
Enjoy the trip, lovely one. I may take you up on the dinner when you get back. Stay in touch.
from raven72d :
Go to Thailand, learn and see and experience... Then come back to friends in Vegas and share it with them.
from razberryjam :
things are never as simple as they appear. and while considering the options might give you an ulcer, at least you're trying to decide between two awesome life courses... my advice, though... have your adventures now, while you still can. but you already seem to know that, deep down if nothing else.
from karaokekatey :
Oh, and regarding your most current entry-DREAM LIFE!! I think you should go for it. My take on this: dream jobs come and go. Home will always be waiting for you, and so will friends. I say grab this extraordinarily wonderful opportunity and run like hell. My best wishes in whatever you decide. XOXO.
from karaokekatey :
Thanks for the encouragement. We'll see what transpires over the next couple of months.
from irishblueyes :
I like the layout re-arrange, very nice!
from neonlemonz :
oh, and rain, you're not stale. not in the least, you're so beautiful. i wish you knew how you help change a bad day into a good one.
from brideof7less :
I knew someone would recognize it. It's a pretty celebrated little town and I knew my German readership would. Those are multiple places along the wall. The spot I was refering to though is located a few meters from Rodertor. The pictures are working fine on my computer, but if you're interested, you can look here: http://www.fotolog.net/smttrling When I get more pictures, I'm going to link this page. But first I have to install the software for my digital camera. Also I'm glad you like my stories. I'm looking forward to hearing yours from Thailand.
from neonlemonz :
you know you were my first fan, and sometimes, even when i have friends that i see and talk to everyday, there are days when i feel like you're the only one who understands me.
from neonlemonz :
your diary continues to make me wish that i could live like you, love like you, hurt like you, but in so many ways it makes me still feel like a breathless little girl.
from karaokekatey :
reading your entry...and it's like I'm looking at my own reflection in the mirror. How many times have I asked myself the same question? "The me wanting you and the you wanting… not me." Heartbreaking. XOXO
from feesticka :
Right now, I'm just feeling the "punched in the stomach" part. I'm hoping that the flying feeling will kick in after a few drinks. :-)
from portraits :
hmm i meant to do it last night but obviously forgot. it's open now...you make for a great read xox
from karaokekatey :
Hell Yeah! DMB is playing in chicago and st. louis. Both are about 6 hrs away. I'd drive it, considering I drove 1200 miles in one day to see Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers in Houston. Yeah, unfortunately, I do kinda live in the middle of nowhere. Occasionally a good show comes along, but usually I gotta make a road trip to see anyone worthwhile...
from karaokekatey :
(sigh)...jack johnson and fleetwood mac. Well, why is it when I finally have money to go to concerts, all the good shows are on the other side of the country. Sigh again. My envy dances all around you...DMB. He always puts on such a good show. XOXO
from wonderwall :
i sooooo want to go to jack johnson/g.love at central park... alas... i am already spending faaaaaaaar too much money to see matt nathanson/howie day/OAR... i want to see maroon 5 too at some point. damn concerts. this is the problem, these people that i used to see for $12 a show are now pulling in $35... and my income has actually decreased inversely proportionately. ahhh, music will be the end of me.
from neonlemonz :
Does this mean goodbye? I hope not...you were my first fan, and most likely, the only true fan. You stuck by me, even when I was a pessimistic moany groany gripy teenager. You're a great person, and I will miss you...but never look back. I learned that the hard way. When you look back, you see things that you'll be missing. I love your diary, and I have grown to love you. (wow, this is turning into a letter...I think I'll stop now.) Lots of love and thanks and perpetual gratitude, Neonlemonz aka Hazel aka Liz
from brideof7less :
How well I understand. Moving from your comfort zone and leaving everything behind can be so scary (I'm dealing with plenty of those issues right now too), but so incredibly exciting and free. I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster, not wanting to leave and really, really wanting to leave and knowing that it's time to move on. Good luck and best wishes!
from leftunspoken :
You sweet, beautiful, goofy, brilliant, glowing, perfect, precious child. You are so brave. So strong. So lovely. Everything will be fine. I promise cross my heart. This is right. You know it in every fiber of your being that this is right, or you wouldn't be doing it. This isn't one of your kamikaze, foolish defiance and stoicism in the face of danger acts. This is a true part of your journey. Everything about you radiates that. It's like watching a lighthouse guide the ship. This is meant to be. Blessings on your every step. Much love!
from eta-c :
i come around to have a read and find out you are leaving, good luck mate, don't look back...
from icomeundone :
thank you. i also adore all your entries. i wish i could pick just one, but i cannot play faves with your writing. please keep in touch darling. pudding pop eh? cute..so you're my lemon drop then. lol. ciao.<3
from karaokekatey :
Listened to few mp3 clips from the website. Sounds fantastic. Would love to hear more. Thanks.
from keeds :
xo
from karaokekatey :
yeah, funny thing about that list...it'll all change next week when I find some more obscure off the wall bands that I fall head over heels in love with. XOXO.
from keeds :
bon voyage, charlie brown.. and you gave me wood many times:)
from feesticka :
You didn't stretch my notes out -- I've noticed that sometimes my notes page just loads all funny looking like that. It looked normal to me! At any rate, that cat is HUUUUUGE!!! Like, could be mistaken for a dog huge. Seeing him gave me the fortitude to deal with my "seal's" diet, she's drving me crazy right now meowing pitifully for food. Heh heh. Those were great pics.
from feesticka :
That's exactly how I feel right now with some of the crap that's going on in my life; even though we're moving away from the symptoms of the way I deal with things, the cause is still there. I'm just hoping that at the very least, a change of scenery will do me some good.
from neonlemonz :
you always bring a smile to my face, no matter how bad my day is going... i want to thank you for that. i wish i could say i'm doing well, but i'm not.
from kazzo :
You know, I too HAD the feelings of appreciating where I live. I too live in a place people dream about, but living in Hawaii sure as hell doesn't exempt you from pain and other things... but what the hell, I don't have to tell you that.
from kazzo :
"comments: Anger and retribution and beauty."... Again, thank you so much =).
from wonderwall :
ooh my dear, i'm so sorry you got hurt. *hugs*
from scientist626 :
My girlie might take exception to me being part of someone else's stable, but I'll check ;) Keep your head... I was trying to use the multi-girl thing to help keep my head out of my ass...
from scientist626 :
you pimpstress!
from karaokekatey :
I feel your pain. All I can say is I wish you the best. You deserved so much more anyway. Take care.
from irishblueyes :
I think as long as anyone is infomred enough to make a concious choice as to stay out of it, that's all you can ask. The people I hate are the ones who are just too fucky lazy or stupid to participate and I know you're not one of them. Chances are you're a much saner individual for staying out of it. It drives people like me fucking nuts!
from brideof7less :
Thanks and good luck to you too. I feel like such a broken record complaining about the same trivialities, namely boys, when all creature comforts and then some are accounted for.
from paleblue- :
well well well, hello :)
from karaokekatey :
hate to lose you now that I found you...but am really hoping that you'll stick around.
from irishblueyes :
very nice list indeed...monica bellucci might be the most beautiful woman I've ever seen...but please don't tell me that was vin diesel second to last...sorry, I just can't tolerate him. personally, i want to put my list up every day.
from karaokekatey :
P.S. excellent list
from karaokekatey :
by chance were you watching Labyrinth?
from leftunspoken :
You deserve so much more.
from karaokekatey :
Thanks. Good luck with your guy and with whatever decision you make. Your diary is fantastic.
from karaokekatey :
I'm not one to pass judgments on anyone, but I'd be careful. I dated an alcoholic right after my divorce. He PROMISED me after every drunken episode that it would be the last time, but his habit only progressively worsened until he became someone I barely knew. The whole situation was just out of control and just absolutely heartbreaking. A cruise sounds fantastic but you're right, you can't get him off the boat if he gets out of control. My heart goes out to you in your dilemma.
from irishblueyes :
hey, thanks about the layout. And yeah my husband was very tempted to say something to the father in the store, but since he's getting out of the military soon he said the last thing he needed right now was to get arrested for disturbing the peace by fighting with this guy in the A&P...guess he's right! But it would have been funny!
from neonlemonz :
i love your diary. you're so different from me, but i feel as though we have some similarities, it's nice knowing you and knowing that you'll always treat me sweetly, unlike some people in the real world. thanks a whole lot, your words help me get through some tough days.
from the-book-bag :
I'm glad you're showing us your photos. You've got a great eye for the unusual and interesting. Can't wait to see more. -Cat
from karaokekatey :
****DAMN FINE****Your jeans entry is so true!!! I love it! I think it's about time somebody invent a pair of jeans that will do exactly that. Y'know, kinda like Back to the Future Part 2 when he presses a button on his coat and it dries itself, well, how about a button on the jeans. Press it and voila! You got a fine lookin' ass until it's time to take those suckers off. Take care.
from brideof7less :
Yes! And the guy operating the mechanical bull was so hot. The more you resisted the ride, the more his hands were on you. Quite fun!
from wonderwall :
i agree on the fiona thing. i'm definitely feening for some new songs.
from neonlemonz :
thanks for reading mine and always encouraging me, i'm going through a dark time right now, i hope you're with me to help me see through to the lighter days.
from feesticka :
Thanks for the note -- I'd love to see the pictures of your "harbour seal" sometime. (For some reason, that sounds really bad). :-)
from karaokekatey :
I know what it's like to only be "bedroom fodder." I'm happy to see that you've made the decision to give your new guy a chance. Loved it.
from scientist626 :
Sadly, the warehouse doesn't tell us where our seats are until like the week before they ship :(... apparently this is to detour members from scalping...
from oceans-depth :
Damn I must be going to the wrong beaches all I saw were old men with metal detectors. Next time you go to the beach can I come. Nice diary xoxo Deja
from tornadobird :
oh where, where, where have you gone, lost in the caverns of sweetness, love, and light- far from me, far from me, you flit and fly, love and sweetness and charm your every laughing eye.
from karaokekatey :
Thank you for the comment. I love your writing. It seems to touch on every part of my life in one way of another especially "Why Can't I Just Let Go." And thanx for adding me as well.
from irishblueyes :
I lied...Bennifer arrived in the mail yesterday!
from irishblueyes :
Luckily my subscription is a bit overdue and I just received last month's Outkast covered edition yesterday...(but I've seen the Affleck one, and it's just a little creepy!)
from wonderwall :
i was puzzled by the ben affleck cover as well. i used to like him, back in the good will hunting days... then again i used to like rolling stone too. then they both got kinda sleazy and not really worth my time or money.
from feesticka :
Right on. I HATE Ben Affleck.
from the-book-bag :
Hehe, you're welcome.
from icomeundone :
i had the stomach flu-twenty four hour variety on monday. but i am fine now. pleasure to hear that you support my love of polka dot tights. perhaps someday i will make you some. i am quite crafty with sewing. we'll see. have a great tuesday. keep in touch.<3
from the-book-bag :
I'm the same way...I absolutely must have ample amounts of time, otherwise, i turn in to a raging, homocidal, foaming-at-the-mouth sea-hag. That's probably why I've lost countless friends over the years too. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know, you're not alone in the need for time alone. -Cat
from icomeundone :
hello love duck. glad to see you added me. how was your..let's see it would be your monday. how was your monday? currently i am suffering from food poisoning. i also think polka dotted tights rock too. what do you think? yay or nay? keep in touch darling,<3
from neonlemonz :
your writing never ceases to amaze me. as the days go on, it just keeps getting better. thanks for reading mine in the beginning (i don't know if you do anymore.) and for writing and inspiring me.
from irishblueyes :
What a perfectly wonderful entry. It so speaks to what I feel I am going through with my ex right now. The alcholic reference is dead on. I know that if I let myself get any closer it will be potentially disasterous. And I have to question why something I think I want, something I think would make me so happy, has to come at the expense of someone who's done nothing wrong...the infinte battle between want and need I suppose. Beautiful entry.
from icomeundone :
you're excellent. ashesrose told me to check you out, so i had to do it. and i fell in love. consider yourself added. and don't worry about the eighties earrings. my friend heather and i wear them all over the place and love the looks we get. this small town just does not get fashion. lol. have a great day and keep in touch!
from feesticka :
Yay for pink, tee hee! :-) (I bought bright pink pumps today, effictively shoving the four up my two's ass too).
from scientist626 :
good luck with your title free, not-relationship!!! BTW Have you gotten your DMB tix yet for the summer??? I'm going to the SD show and both LA shows.... and I'll probably end up in Marysville too! Black Eyed Peas and Ben Harper are opening in LA!!! Take care Pretty!
from ashesrose :
You just put into words everything I could never say to my boy. Thank you for that.
from ashesrose :
I'll give you the advice everyone gave me: do not run from this one. And then I'll tell you how that screws up everything. I didn't run. Now I'm fucked and my heart is going cold again. So wait 2 weeks and if he tells you he loves you run. Run as fast as you can back to Mr Magic Stick because that is the time when your heart will be open again and you won't feel compressed by life.
from waycoolmama :
See, the trick is no NEVER look at them directly in the eye! Just pass them inconspicuously on your way into and out of the grocery store and pretend they're not there... with their little table and their little handwritten signs and their little uniforms and their little cash box, all smling hopped up on Thin Mints. Gotta be stronger, Darlin. They know how to break even the most hardened of men. ~~~~~ And as to the topic of late... Run WITH him, Sweetie. Hold his hand gently, and run WITH him... and don't even look ahead. Just run.
from feesticka :
I think there is something in that "tis better to give than to receive" adage. However, I also have a weakness for buying gifts when money should be saved. But, a teapot shouldn't kill your bank account. Go with it and have fun.
from leftunspoken :
Hey Beautiful, just live. You know the trick. Be in it. No toes in the shallow end because well maybe the water isn't warm enough and maybe there are sharks or maybe you really didn't want your hair wet. Just dive. And love it. And know that one million people will line up to save you should anything ever pull you under. Be happy. (P.S. The buying thing - betcha walk through the mens department and choose shirts that would look wonderful on him too. Me too.) Love you, Marcia
from love--fool :
"...life is too short, why set boundaries? Why indeed." Absolutely perfect, and so very true. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who sees life that way. Your writing is full of punch and zeal, every entry a blow to the mind that stirs my thoughts into a frenzy.
from irishblueyes :
It certainly sounds promising...and from my experience love is all those things, okay, different, and nice. For me love was peaceful, and unexpected...unlike lust and obsession which were always like some strange drugs.
from wonderwall :
how do you get all these guys? shit, girl. send some my way.
from kazzo :
Hey there. I haven't been checking out your entries in a while, but I really loved your "disappoint" entry. It does suck to be sensitive, but I guess I look at it and smile knowing I'm not cold and rigid.
from razberryjam :
hey. a friend and i are doing a zine, based on the general theme of obsession. deadline is march 8th, and i thought maybe you'd like to submit something. let me know.
from razberryjam :
thanks for the beautiful note. that compliment meant more to me than you or i could possibly know.
from serenaville :
Thank you for your enthusiastic sharing of my joy, and for the wonderful support. Your comment made me smile ear to ear, Rain. I agree that a girl needs her mom during high school, especially. What a transformative time! Stepmonsters, especially HER, just don't cut it. I don't know how or why Karma is making nice with me, but I question nothing. Bad omen. Anyhow, just wanted you to know you made my day. :)
from comatwinkle :
ahaha. that is genius.
from feesticka :
Thanks for the note of encouragement :-).
from comatwinkle :
I am twisted levels of sound. thanks for listening.
from halo-x-choke :
laguerre/demacoeur. it's unlocked now, so that's for future reference.
from wonderwall :
amen, maroon5.
from miss-music :
Lissenme you! Don't you dare take my Adam! I agree, I wish he hadn't shaved his head. I'm hoping he'll claim temporary insanity and allow it to grow back in time for the concert I'm going to attend.
from irishblueyes :
Isn't he just the sexiest thing ever? I wish he hadn't cut his hair though, but still...very, very yummy!
from comatwinkle :
Pearl of a sunset and gentle of trivial rain you are beauty subtle and brave. This is what I consider tear my heart out poetry and I am bewilderd by your wording and eloquence.
from feesticka :
Constantly wanting more than I’ve achieved eats me alive from the inside out. Your entry today put into words a feeling that’s been gnawing at me for a long time too.
from halo-x-choke :
I've been reading your words for a while, trying to get a taste of you, so I'm thrilled that you've added me as a favourite. I was reading the "just let go" entry, aaaand... it's as if you got into my head and wrote out a prettier version of all I've been thinking lately. I've almost let go. Sort of. Best of luck with it.
from cartridge :
hey! im setting up a collective diary for a few writers i like to work together. i would love it if you would think about joining us. it will be a lot of different stuff, on all levels, some very good, some still finding a voice. i really wanna keep away from the "we are better than you" attitude. let me know if you are interested. eta-c
from irishblueyes :
Boy have I been there. I used to date a guy years ago, the relationship was a fucking mess but well the fucking that was great...long story short I continued to spend afternoons at his apartment long after the boyfriend/girlfriend thing was over. I agreed that if I couldn't get the first, I might as well enjoy the second...unfortunately it never made me stop longing for the first.
from neonlemonz :
that newest entry is amazing!!! i love it! keep writing, please, for kids like me!
from keeds :
it was bound to happen sooner or later.
from leftunspoken :
One of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. Thank you love.
from scientist626 :
PS Your real name in Yiddish means Pretty... in case u didn't know. Signed, A new fan
from waycoolmama :
Thanks for the sex dance! I sent you an email. I've been gone too long. :o(
from razberryjam :
boy versus image. pure gorgeousness.
from eta-c :
i always come back to you rainforme. i love the way you write.
from eta-c :
:)
from irishblueyes :
Thank you! You are too sweet...but I think she's pretty darn cute myself!
from feesticka :
Thanks for the note – I like your writing too. As for your entry from today, take comfort in the fact that recognizing pointlessness is less of a scary thing than leading a pointless life all the while thinking that it means something. I look forward to reading more of your entries.
from brideof7less :
Still buzzing a bit. Please excuse the typo!
from brideof7less :
I've seen 'O' twice and Siegfried and Roy (I knwo where they live actually). I met Celine last year because my friend works for her. She was very nice but it was rather comical because the crowd kept yelling "eat, woman!"; she really is way too skinny. Definitely something to think about. Anything more wild and crazy? I often hear, "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" and was curious for something a little more along those lines.
from serenaville :
*quietly leaves you a long hug* (Especially over the layoffs, and how excruciating that had to have been.)
from razberryjam :
thank you for letting me know i'm not dull afterall. i'm still a faithful reader of your diary, so do keep it coming. (though you seem to have no problem with that!) ; )
from brideof7less :
Thanks! Also, I tend to think that men who fear successful women aren't really worth it anyway. That does, however, drastically limit my dating pool. Btw, I sympathize with your ordeal with the big C word. That's happened to me rather recently too and it's still pretty up in the air.
from eta-c :
breathe
from serenaville :
Many congratulations on the promotion and hefty raise!! If the mentions of them are scaring men off your ad, then you don't want men like that anyhow. Evolved men aren't threatened by an equal. Just my unsolicited two cents.
from tornadobird :
a basket of love, scent and texture from me, to you.
from miss-music :
What you said about writing today(1/23/04)I could completely identify with. I remember situations where I wrote poems and teachers ran to the guidance counselor because they were "too deep for my age" w/o having a significant, darker meaning. It got to the point where I refused to let anyone read what I wrote and never again poured my heart into a writing assignment. To this day I still don't let people read my writings, but I'm glad you do!
from leftunspoken :
She walks endless ages; grass beneath her feet; winding vines at her thighs; and summer comes when she shakes her head; answering the siren song of her hair; pulling flowers from the ground; a magic trick to make her smile; because when she smiles the earth sighs. - For Rain, from M. Remember little one...you are not the note, you are the symphony.
from hubble :
...and i didn't just mean your pictures.
from hubble :
Beautiful...err, ha, i already said that:)
from irishblueyes :
Don't worry, it will happen for you. For someone as passionate and beautiful as you...how could it not? And when it does, he will be amazing...I know it!
from wonderwall :
i'm irish and i LOVE potatoes and beer. so i guess i fit right in ;)
from hubble :
beautiful
from brideof7less :
Deine Fotos sind auch sehr schön. You are very photogenic. Thanks for sharing. "Even though it takes a small chunk of my heart with it every time" - well understood and very aptly described.
from itoldyou :
Just like I thought you looked - beautiful. You remind me a of a mermaid.
from irishblueyes :
That may have been the most beautiful description of a concert I have ever read. What you said about the guitar being like a woman....ahh, you never fail to take my breath away with your words. You are so gifted. Love, Kris
from scarbourne :
I love your diary, and i know how you feel :)
from eta-c :
who needs a view when youre taking a shit? and bag boys are always the best...thanks for opening your world up. i always enjoy reading your stuff. :)
from leftunspoken :
You know what? You are one of my favorite things to have remembered...And that is the very best birthday wish I have EVER received. You rock baby girl. A million thank yous! Love, Marcia
from keeds :
depressing and funny. and depressing. and funny.
from tornadobird :
A horse! A horse! My Kingdom for a horse!
from eta-c :
/gets soaked
from serenaville :
The pictures were simply brilliant. How incredibly apt. I send every hope that you will feel better soon, especially whilst working over the weekend.
from mymixedtape :
Get better <3
from leftunspoken :
Beautiful thought. Beautiful mind.
from eta-c :
:) Lady day
from leftunspoken :
Amen, my sister. I may not have any morals, but there are a few things I won't do. Or eat as the case may be. Love ya, M.
from neonlemonz :
Thanks for all the things you say. I wish I knew what it was like to be dating, sometimes, my life feels like a fish by itself in its fish bowl. No privacy, but also no friends. I want to wake up and start over, but because I can't, I feel like through you, I kind of start over.
from brideof7less :
I agree. Dating sucks. And yet I feel like such a girly girl when I admit to craving a relationship...but I do admit to it.
from kazzo :
The more I read, the more I don't know what to think... Which I love because I'm not writing this expecting you to expect me to "get you" or anyone else for that matter...
from eta-c :
i have to gush, must tell you that your writing blows me away :)
from tornadobird :
I'll trade you. Instead of sex and chinese food I had chicken soup and fever dreams. And I wouldn't have minded kissing a girl. Except I was probably still contagious. And yes, good shipwrights are hard to find.
from wonderwall :
thanks so much for listing me as a favorite. your current entry on hope totally rocks. the other day i saw shawshank redemption (again) and remembered why i loved the movie so much at the line "remember, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. and no good thing ever dies." happy new year :)
from leftunspoken :
Oh honey! Hahahaha. Be well.
from deprecated :
youre a beautiful writer
from irishblueyes :
I know what you mean, there are some Dave Mathews songs that do that for me as well. I think whether these men are worshiping or hating women, it's all in their ability to express those emotions that really gets me.
from eta-c :
you write so beautifully...
from thisisjohn :
I love your dream. Seriously. I am THIS close to joining you.
from keeds :
race ya.
from keeds :
i like your belly. a lot.
from razberryjam :
in reguards to the antagonist entry - brilliant. that's all.
from nutters224 :
hey, can you do me a favor and read my other diary and put your comments on it, my ummm name on it is "neonlemonz" and because you usually write good stuff on my other, i was wondering what u would have to say about it. thanx. ~me your fan
from eta-c :
umm, too many diaries, i killed off the blues- and mspara...but will you rain for me?
from iooi :
haha, the imaginary ones are usually the best ones.
from keeds :
why you little consumer you.. awwwwwwww
from waycoolmama :
12-12-03 As always... you are amazing. And your brother's words made me sigh... as you often do. You should be famous.
from msparacelsus :
hello beautiful, maybe i shoulda said...The Importance of being erroneous...instead...watch out, that man will eat you up and spit out the bones given half the chance. :)
from tornadobird :
thoughts of parents and siblings. love is all there is, and all we can give.
from soillsich :
You're very welcome my dear. Your diary is quite the refreshing read. And at the risk of reiterating what others before me have already told you, that "filter" was hilarious. Take care.
from reganesque :
i want to marry your boy filter, i really really do!
from mymixedtape :
Your boy filter is brilliant. It made me "lmao" if you will. I salut you.
from mymixedtape :
Agreed. But it will be a sad day when I stop believing in others.
from mymixedtape :
I'm just as gullible as you, heh.
from irishblueyes :
I went back and read your "pointless" entry after you mentioned it in your latest one, somehow I missed it. Don't erase it, and don't feel sorry for it. I can personally identify with this very problem. I was always expected to grow up, go to college, get a great job, and be highly successful, in that arena. Instead, I grew up, did about half of college, got married and had a baby. I still want to finish school and work, but for my own satisfaction, not to meet standards set by others. But you're so right. The feminists make women like me feel like crap. I stay home with my daughter right now because I feel that since I don't absolutely have to work right now, I should be the one to raise her, not some stranger. I often feel bad that all my girlfriends are either working or in law school or some such. But when they talk to me they all say they wish they could just start having babies, or get married and stay home. It's just so sad that not only are men and women divided, but women have divided themselves. Thank you for your entry. I don't often take pride in the job I currently have. But now that I've read your entry, it makes me think I should!
from violetanne :
That was a great entry. Most people miss things like that and never realize everything that is going on around them.
from razberryjam :
cheers to fucking first and friends later indeed! and let me just say i read your journal regularly and am nearly never disappointed by your insights nor by the lovely handle you have on prose. peace.
from leftunspoken :
sighing softly and wishing I could make you mint tea and cookies
from irishblueyes :
What a beautiful entry. Beautiful and sad. I guess we all feel that way, or we should. The love and the art. Sometimes they don't go together. I sometimes feel like I sold the art for the love. But without the love, there is no art. Or is there only art when love is just out of reach? It's a conundrum, and a question I've yet to answer. But you put it so beautifully, maybe I'll keep looking for the answer.
from tornadobird :
the air between raindrops smells of past, present and future.
from leftunspoken :
If I've understood correctly: Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy belated birthday dear Rainforme. Happy birthday to you. May the year leave contentment and joy wrapped in ribbons at your feet. If I've misunderstood...well then it never hurts to be sung to and be wished things. Love much, Marcia
from keeds :
whereforart thou juliet ?.. wake your ass up.
from brideof7less :
Lovely diary. My Mr. BMW is a Turk coincidentally. He makes up the part of my combo-boy that is culturally fascinating and has an incredible sense of humor. Good luck on the hunt for an amalgam...I'm certainly not having any.
from leftunspoken :
A most perfect explanation of girlness. I genuflect.
from leftunspoken :
You may choose to paint in only one color for a time. Broad strokes of red. Passionate and fearless. It never means that you aren't many colors. It certainly doesn't keep anyone who looks long enough at the painting from knowing that you are beautiful. Regarding your journeys...understand and concur. Want, want, need, need. In the meantime, look for the magic in the trip. And remember to shake the skies. Love, M
from mymixedtape :
I started my diary for the same reason. Except for a boy, seeing as he's only fifteen, heh.
from itoldyou :
i just wanna tell you that this: http://rainforme.diaryland.com/ok.html is fucking amazing
from tornadobird :
don't harden
from irishblueyes :
Glad to be of inspiration. Bono's quite funny though isn't he? I think he realizes fully that men need women a hell of a lot more than we need them. He's a full on woman worshiper in my opinion. Too bad there aren't more of him, right?
from guitarpoet :
wow..that entry was amazing..i dont see why you would list me as a favorite..im fucking terrible..but thanks for sharing your words
from tornadobird :
a world as wide as 12 point, in recycled sunlight, revealing detail crystal spark and warm flutter. a thought as warm as the spinning heart of the world.
from thisisjohn :
you have an interesting mind
from tornadobird :
no plans needed. you will get free.
from keeds :
come get some love
from tornadobird :
happy yom kippur. lets bake bread and eat peaches and be warm in that field of truth you describe so wonderfully.
from irishblueyes :
Thank you for your note, it means a lot that anyone even cares much less takes the time to write....and thanks for the heads up on the links, I fixed it. Peace. =)
from razberryjam :
hey, thanks for the note. you write beautifully and i'll be back again and again and again... think of it as computer cuddles, if that's at all comforting. be well!
from irishblueyes :
You have such a beautiful diary, I only had to get back far enough to get to the "i am the highway" lyrics to know i needed to drop you a note. i just had them in mine a few days back. you are a wonderful writer and I look forward to reading more. Your ideas on being a woman are perfectly described and so true.
from waycoolmama :
choices: 09.29.2003 Definitely one of my favorite entries. You write just beautifully. p.s. He does exist.
from razberryjam :
thanks for your comment. i like to pretend people read my journal, and it's good to know someone actually does. i've been reading yours for the last two days and it's lovely. be well.
from alteranne :
I'm glad you like this one. I always wonder if people read it.
from tornadobird :
OUT 9-24-2003 22:37 this is some fucking good writing, like holy shit.
from tornadobird :
ah. you are delicious and wonderful. and make me wait even though you update more than once a day. I like your style.
from itoldyou :
Thank you. I love reading you...
from violetanne :
Well, you're welcome. I suppose I should thank you for writing, so that I can read it. :) Your diary is refreshing-- I like it because... well, I just like it.
from tornadobird :
so. quite interesting, I like your writing. look at my diary if you like.
from keeds :
you better be fucking cute cuz so far this is like pulling teeth..send it over
from keeds :
pssst. send a pic over. --the rebel government
from iammilesaway :
hey thanks : ) i just read your entries, i really enjoyed them. so thank you for that too

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