DiaryLand members area

Oh, child. The cooking of the microwave burrito was perfected back in college. Until tonight, I hadn't eaten one in ages. Like 2 years, or something. You should've seen the crap my roommates ate. They'd heat up canned refried beans, spread them on tortillas and heat it up in the toaster oven. If they could afford cheese, they'd add it. They did this EVERY DAY and EVERY NIGHT for months. By the time I began eating frozen burritos, I considered myself POSH in comparison to those heathens. :)

from miedema2002 :

Hi, I like your diary. You are an intelligent writer. I like your witty sense of humour while you write. I looke forward to reading more.

from heidiann :

Oh I see how it goes. I wait patiently for 10 months before giving up and sadly removing you from my list. And THEN you pull some sneaky ninja move and try to slip back in without me knowing! I'm on to you, lady! I know you're back and updating once again! So ha! You can't out-ninja me!

from plopphizz :

Congrats, you have been Quoted: http://quoted.diaryland.com/quoted_2006.html. Thanks for the great writing. -- Ploppy.

from candoor :

hi genius, Merry Happy New Year and a fantastic 2006 to you :)

from plopphizz :

Congratulations, you have been Quoted: http://quoted.diaryland.com/hohoquotes.html. Thanks for the great writing. -- Ploppy.

from heidiann :

Oh god...that's brilliant!! BRILLIANT! I can't wait to find out which of us right! Though I don't know if I'm Nancy Drew enough to make that happen.

from graffitihart :

No problem. I found you through a banner, which I was very glad to see that you have a way with words. Very relieving, you must understand, as I have entered a lot of diaries with banners that were so "blah"

from graffitihart :

Love your diary! You're added.

from haloaskew :

Yes, I would bite his pickle, now that you mention it. But really really NICELY LIKE. Or naughty like. Heh. MY NAME IS HALO ASKEW AND I'M A NAUGHTY PICKLE BITER.

from haloaskew :

ESPECIALLY if he looks like the UPS guy from "Legally Blonde"...*biting fist*

from herdarlinsin :

You cant do "bluemeany" I called it first :P

from banefulvenus :

LOVE your thug banner! You always have your way of amazing me!

from heidiann :

Oh no, please don't apologize. I greatly appreciated your coming to my defense against the evil Betsy! I thank you a million times over for helping combat the stupidity that runs rampant.

from ladyvaduva :

I happened upon one of your banners.. quite enjoy your diary.. will be back to read on..

from m0nique :

Random link clicked landed me hear , fate is kind. Wity stuff . drop by some time.

from ezeeminhas :

m sorry dat waz "BIG WATCHEZ N SMALL DICKZ" lolz

from ezeeminhas :

Been so involved in sex n flying tht i neva had tyme to get into the core ov the thingz lolz. Well i ve heard n read bt G'Spot ba dunno shit bt whr it is n i know whr it is ba dunno how to find!!!!!!!!!! n when im into tht battle on bed lolz thrs no tyme to think bt anything else. Ba Htaz Off To UUUUUUUUUU- ive been thru a page ov yr diary n Ma God its just gr8- outta this world-whr v all r livin in-unaware ov wht v ve right next to us-forget bt whts in our vicinity lolz. I agree wid ya----------------MEN dunno shit bt wht WOMEN WANT- not even Mel Gibson or the Nerd who wrote bt it lolz. As for Pilots----well they ve "BID WATCHEZ N SMALL DICKZ"lolz. Good work n nice n interesting stuff (atleast for me) Kepp it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

from bluemeany :

Thanks for adding me! I would totally do you, too [wink wink, nudge nudge] ... even though you don't do the Honky Dance. You are, after all, an Empress. I am but a lowly Dork.

from ariza :

I stumbled across your banner and started reading your bathroom etiquettes. I thought it was hilarious, though I'm sure that since I'm American most of the people I talk to wouldn't get it. I will be sure to remember that the next time I'm at a host's/hostess's house; however, I don't think Americans are as..."straightforward". They'll do anything to get away from the truth. I will be sure to read some more of your entries...I find them to be quite interesting.

from banefulvenus :

I still love your site, and I've clicked on your banner again. I've been meaning to ask you, WHAT IS A GIFT WHORE? :)

from xbeeyatchx :

I LOVE YOUR DIARY

from candoor :

I tried that email again (backwards, me?... well, semitemos ebyam)... I do love your sense of humor (I think :)

from candoor :

tried emailing you (seriously) in response to your comment, apparently I am a permanent failure (oh the shame, not seriously), anyway, my humor is irreverent, but harmless (don't tell :)

from banefulvenus :

Still love your site!

from luvabeans :

thanks for the add. i'm going to add you as well, but please don't think it's purely a "buddy/counterbuddy" situation ... i had you on my buddylist a while ago, and love your diary, but then you disappeared! now that i know you're back, so, too will i be. that was a really awful sentence. blah. oh, and yes, bonnie raitts' "angel of montgomery" is gorgeous.

from banefulvenus :

LOVE the Nun banner!!

from smoog :

Oh my.

from devian :

your diary left me gasping...you are one of the best writers i've come across on dland or anywhere else. i'm totally smitten and had to add thee to my elite favorites list.

from realthoughts :

so apparently you were either an only child or should have been one. oh, and you should probably never get married. :)

from funkbox :

your diary makes me laugh..thank you.

from fightn4life :

Your Diary was on the other end of an awesome banner. I have done the smoking while writing thing�years of smokes hanging out of my mouth leaving pot holes in a great number of things. Sorry kids. Your Diary is wonderful, hilarious, and a great read. I too have several siblings many living out of this state, our get together much like yours. I read back through several of your entries, love your mind. I hope you don't mind I am adding you to my list of favorites�I want to back track through your Diary and would hate to miss further musing's. Anytime I need to laugh at our twisted life�I'll visit. Sandyz

from madfuzzyme :

so hey, i just found you, and was wondering "who the heck is smoog? is it a fictional mythological god or character?" and i happened to stumble by urbandictionary.com and they have this to say: "smoog: a fart from the penis opposite of queef. ex> Last night, when I shoved a pencil into my pee hole, I smooged." what. the. fuck. please tell me the eye of smoog is not what this alludes to. :|

from bluperspex :

mmm. last week, i was fairly convinced that i was discombovulated by someone who must really dispise me. mother of fuck. the idea of pregnancy. is there a word for that?

from candoor :

and a Valentine for smoog (cuz you deserve the love :)

from candoor :

happy new year :)

from candoor :

oh, but to be one of smoog's favorites, how better that this to complete a life :)

from soror :

Geee, smoog, I'm going to read your diary, I've read only two entries but I loved them so much! :D

from banefulvenus :

LOVED your banner!! :)

from breathtaken1 :

So I made you a favorite after your last entry and you sit there on my buddy list...last updated 70 days ago. 70. Seventy. Days. Ago. Far be it from me to drag you in from your fun in the sun to sit at your computer and write something. Just thought I would point out that someone has noticed that you have gone missing. Looking forward to your next entry.

from smokeybone :

Love your diary. I have added it to my favorites.

from happy-pony :

Very funny! I love your wit, will be reading.

from banefulvenus :

You're very creative and I love your style!! :)

from banefulvenus :

it was the banner with the chick on a counter top.... Know which one I'm talkin' abooooot?

from sarkasmo :

I got here by way of a clevah bannah, and I added you so I can come back later to read some more. Funny & interesting stuff!

from banefulvenus :

LOVED YOUR BANNER!!!! :)

from excogitate :

I just found you smoog, but it seems you have gone... But I�ve added you to my favorites, should you return. And, you should return; you are brilliant and witty. I like.

from mugwhump :

Where have you gone? I've missed you sly, poetic way with words. Please come back . . . . - LJ -

from suzannadanna :

Love you. Mean it.

from pyroguysr :

April (MrsCoble) always seems to get to meet the most interesting people online... So Hiya! Great stuff here! Fascinating! Will you marry me? April will vouch for me, honest!

from cheerchik234 :

You're my new hero...

from carriesatc :

Wow. You can write. Well done! Your diary is...well...interesting! This sounds all wrong doesn't it? I'll revise. What I'm trying to say is, your diary is eye-catching. No pun intended. Feel free to note-me-back! I think we could have some interesting conversations!

from downbeat :

smoog, you are fantastically intriguing. I shall proceed to study you in order to pick up your excellent use of the English languange as performed by a fellow Canadian, as to avoid seeing color written with a lamentable lack of u. I digress. I love your blog!

from invisibledon :

thanks for visiting

from mugwhump :

The first few lines of your newest entry had me hooked. What an amazing gift with words you have (connection between left brain/right brain or not). As I face a CT scan this evening to try to get to the root of some problems I've been having, I've reflected on your "Who is Smoog". I laughed, I cried, I gained a great respect for you. Please keep on writing.

from sunnflower :

What a great diary!

from candora :

finding you as a featured site on CLIX I clicked hoping to find a new entry... imagine my profound disappointment... crushed... ah, broken hearted... hoping you are at least enjoying life and too busy to update...

from evilringzrok :

your diary rocks! i love it man its hilarious!

from candora :

merry happy to you

from laukat :

=) Happy Holidays!

from ameliarules :

I am quite jealous of you. You've writtan all of like, 32 entries and you have like ten million people putting you on their favorites list. That is completely crazy. But you do do a great job of writing. :) You should write a book. Like Pamela Ribon did. Yep, so thats my advice of the day, whether you wanted to hear or not. I'm going to be defiant though, and not add you to my favorites because just about everyone else in the universe already has. Have a nice day, and I'll check on your diary later. Bye. :)

from chocolatelvr :

when are u gonna write again?? :C i miss reading your entries...

from laukat :

HAPPY THANKSGiViNG!

from surfnskate :

haha! your profile rockxs. according to your musical preferences, you might try listening to over the rhine or visiting www.pastemusic.com. there's free mp3's to download too lata, clay

from punkinqueen :

I like your diary and i added you.

from boot-in-ear :

you're cool. you rock my alien print socks!! psst...ever had a horse sneeze on you? THAT'S a trip.

from candora :

if a cookie would help, here's a box... if a cookie would not help, well, maybe the box will amuse.

from candora :

is loving your depression too strange?

from diddakoi :

I suffer with depression and I loved the idea of it being inherited like an unwanted ugly clock - very very true

from xeran :

You asked fer a cowboy?? I'm right here, dahlin.

from candora :

amazing (enjoyably so).

from alien-nation :

I agree with it all, but hell hon, sometimes the ass is far far better than the face !!!!

from capnstumpy :

hahahaha, "...any man who's squirming..." "...replace it with "big boobies"". you are amazing. you genius rants have inspired me again. and im probably alot more girly than you are. rock.

from peth :

between the two of us, we only have about 58 pairs of shoes. on average.

from taliarant :

You make me laugh! :) You're just out to offend everyone today, aren't you! :)

from moonfairy0o0 :

gender politics suck. oh, and so does pink : ) yeah, who says that just cause we're female we've gotta be girlie all the time (i'm more of a sometimes girly, usually not)

from fiercelingua :

"smoogan" really is so much cooler then "bi". Why bother trying to classify yourself so you fit into a nice little box? You're not a box, and labels are for food. And while I'm sure you're delicious to eat, you're not a food either.

from foxgallagher :

Yay for not liking pink, having 3 pairs of shoes, and ice cream! :)

from fiercelingua :

Re Lesbianism: I was teasing you about the lesbian thing. And personally, I don't get gender politics either and my fellow homosexuals just make gender politics more confusing. Though I do dress rather androgynously, this is due to current female fashion trends that involve ass-hugging-thigh-grabbing-ass crack-showin' pants and thongs.

from fiercelingua :

All that stuff may make you "ungirlie", but they don't make you not female. You're basicly a sensible female. You guys are rare finds outside of the lesbian population (unless of course you are a lesbian, in which case welcome to the club!). Don't be offended lol, It's early in the morning and I'm sleepy.

from blaiyze :

*Blaiyze points at you and laughs* "Bloody fuck but your odd". Rubbing body parts against rough surfaces....hmm...were that I were I rough surface. *Blaiyze bows and hands you a black rose*

from gur :

you, are brilliant!

from holcombe :

you made me pee in my pants. and believe me, i haven't done that in quite some time. so i guess that should be interpreted as a good thing. a little disturbing, but good. i hope.

from funda :

I got a call from the FDA. Apparently they are a suspicious lot and had some questions about the contents of the zip-lock bag. They were not pleased and I'll have to stay here with them until they sort things out. They claimed that hiding it in a kilo of white powder was probably not the best idea. I heard the guard say I might get out some time tomorrow after they run the powder through a few tests. Hope you are feeling better in spite of my failed attempt to get the soup to you. Ironically, the guards said they'll be serving chicken soup for dinner.

from taydo :

HA! Sweet! Now, if you'll kindly spread that little tag line 'round the streets of Boston I'm sure the guys'll be rip-roaring ready to go by the time I get there!

from grimm0826 :

I would have thought the same thing...but you should see how the membership in my 'Stupid Heads' diary ring is just exploding! It's all in the marketing. And you have the gift!

from poppyfish :

Damn.

from grimm0826 :

I clicked on an eyeball banner, and came here...what a ride! Have you considered starting the FUGLY SEX diary ring??? If not, you should! I'm adding you as a favorite, hope you don't mind...got to read more of this!!!

from thatmarygirl :

oh yeah.

from poppyfish :

I volunteer myself as an ugly person!

from funda :

To sum up the reaction to reading your words for an hour or so: You are absolutely adored.

from katehackett :

Dear God, smoog! You're RIGHT! See, this is why you made the funny your biatch & I only occasionally see him for tea.

from augustdreams :

Your red-eyed tree frog who told a little, green lie to get a smooch drew me swiftly into your delicious diary! You've got a new fan. Oh, yes. And with me come the dog and the guinea pig, so that's like three fans in one. Just don't give the guinea pig your VISA number, no matter how much she begs. She found out there's a website for Petsmart and there's been no living with her ever since! And hey, there's not a dang thing wrong with your sexy bits! I'm not always burnin' with the urge to make sweet love, either. Low sex drive quite often. And I SO agree with you about the warmth factor. Obviously, we need to have sex. Then we can retreat to our separate, cool corners with no hurt feelings. ;)

from leaves3 :

Ahh!! And all this while, I thought I was the only one who had this problem?! Nobody believed that I had straight hair b4 and I never knew what went wrong...cursed purberty! Hmm, and I am so tempted to shave my hair bald too, except that my mum said that she would disown me, if I did it...haiZ, I just have to contend myself with monster hair. I really want to sympathise with you, but I think that I used up all of it for myself, along with tons of hair gel, wax and clay...haha...

from blendedheart :

Hot damn, you're a good writer. Definitely my favorite read.

from curiosekwe :

aloha, you are my new favorite read. plz dont stop writing, ever. and put out more banners so others can revel in the joy. hows that for blowin kisses up your ass?

from dust-settle :

great diary.

from marn :

Smoog, thank you muchly for the generous donation! Right after this you will be enshrined in the Bazonga Booster's Hall o' Fame. I know. You have a lump in your throat and you can hardly speak, you are so overwhelmed. You're not the first one. If my training doesn't go much better I may *have* to pay someone to run for me. Sweet Jeebus, but my legs and butt ache.

from limegreenman :

You need to be like a sheep! Have a winter coat and then shave your head in the spring so you stay cool in the summer.

from bedawang :

smoog-baby... just wanted to drop you a line to let you know i DIG your mind & stroke your soul with the greatest of affections. you've got the post-modern beatnik (in need of new definition & terminology) word-groove, and i will continue to read your soliloquies for the fix of love & lust you inevitably provide the Diaryland world-at-large. you are beautiful. keep on freakin' on, & i will continue to read... also, I LOVE PESTS as much as you. i think your "hug a maggot" entry is one of my faves, for not only do i *share* your appreciation of all things 'foul' & 'pestilent'... but i revel in them as well. the simple beauty of those adaptive, filth-recycling souls on this fetid blue orb we share are nothing short of brilliant life-altering chaotic wonderment. you are magic. may the good fairies be with you... ~ BeDaWaNg

from budget204 :

I ahve a friend with hair exactly like yours, and it's so strange. Her whole family has normal hair except for hers. It's kind of like black people's hair, really thick and wiry and stands straight out from her head in perfect itty bitty tiny curly things. They're fun to pull on because they bounce back : ) She also said her hair was straight when she was a kid, but now it is definately not. She's tried everything, too - straigtening, perming, comnbing, but none of it has worked. Me and my friends suggested dreads...

from jellybelly84 :

your bad hair day reminds me of a chapter from rich hall's 'things snowball' (portrait of a distressed head). i think one of his lines were 'chemotherapy patients are sending me sympathy cards.'

from eternallove9 :

*Claps Hands* Smoog, I must say, YOU are a great writer. Your hair story is very entertaining.

from drunkencynic :

Aha, you were the culprit. That's right, I remember. I have yet to try it, although I can pretty much guess what my reaction will be.

from curiosekwe :

ack. grass is always greener - my hair is fine and straight and thin and have always wanted volumous, crazy, thick hair - do you want to trade heads?....tho i used to tease and aquanet (rendering several species extinct with every morning 'do, to be sure) my hair into a rats nest in 6th grade; ah, the joys of fashion. have you condsidered getting your hair locked? (as in dreds) k.

from diddakoi :

Mines the same, I started off with straight hair now I wash it, It dries then - Bam ! - dandilion clock

from pureone :

LOL! You're hair entry is truly the wittiest thing I've read in ages! Thank you for sharing it.

from marn :

I feel so very wistful reading about your hair. I have, perhaps, 22 strands left on my aging head. Why oh why is it that some have such bounty and others such drought? Huh? HUH? Oh, and thank you muchly for the kind offer to donate to the Jog for Jugs. Very sweet of you. You've had an extraordinary experience with your tumour. It's very odd, the thought of starting life with a perfectly clean slate like that. Your recovery is extraordinary--you must be both a strong and determined woman to have pulled through like this. Kudos.

from candora :

hair... sounds so familiar... I soak my hair in condition, no rinse, let it dry (hours), then coat it with gel... when it finally dries, it is almost like human hair. Until I sleep on it.

from xeran :

Love the hair story. It reminds me of what I see when I look in the mirror, only mine is not on my head, but on every other part of my body. Yep, I'm a wookie!!

from katehackett :

*dies* Need, I says. NEED. ;o)

from katehackett :

I suddenly have the undying NEED to see your hair.

from burningdoubt :

Wow. Never seen someone go on for so long about hair. Very well written though. :P

from candora :

feeling unworthy, wondering if it the wrong time to bow.

from sianni :

Cool banner, and good writing :)

from babyisblue :

the one with the frog with lipstick and it said okay so i lied, thought that was totally cute! ♥

from babyisblue :

love the banner, made me smile ♥

from sull3neyes :

LMAO!!

from gumphood :

Smoog you banner got me agian.!!!

from gumphood :

hahah. Smoog need to get smooches. Not from me though. I only like green faries.

from raven72d :

Fabulous diary... You're witty and fun.

from candora :

Amusement and enjoyment just turned into fascination and admiration and an invitation to use the couch here if you should visit. Applause for creativity, courage, and craniums.

from foxgallagher :

wonderful points, Smoog!

from coolwatyr :

*shudder* spam's cousin scrapple. The natives here defile apples with an annual "Scrapple/Apple Festival" Lovely rant Smoog

from science-girl :

You crack me up. I'm glad I found your diary and added you to my favorites. (I don't understand big, expensive weddings either. That's why we bought a house together FIRST, then got married in a small ceremony with only 18 guests.) :-)

from katehackett :

It's what I do. Swing by anytime. Much love.

from katehackett :

That was possibly the most frightening thing I've heard all day. And I *babysat*...

from katehackett :

:O) Loverly entry.

from candora :

definitely a love-hate relationship forming.

from thecritic :

Heeey haha it's the review-whorer himself. Don't worry I promise the process will be as painless as possible... unless I hate your diary but from what I've read it's quite good!

from smoog :

I already have. In fact, I devoted a whole entry to the pestilential nature of cats, just a short while ago. I don't want to talk about it any more than that because, you know, they're *listening*.

from bottleofbluz :

and pests like dandelions, clovers DO make the greenest grass; doesnt need water neither good earth, while the neighbours debile grass rolls dies in the sun... but you should include domestic animals like cats in your pest list: in evolutionnary term, they succeeded at becoming a *researched* human parasyte, while they still can live in the wild. Now THAT'S opportunism at its best

from greenthinker :

hey, puppies really are great. From now on, I'll just happily smack my brother on the nose when he steals my cds ands blames me for taking his. Awwww, widdle matty-poo. alright, buddy. great ideas. -sally

from foxgallagher :

Thanks. You're posted :)

from foxgallagher :

whoa...that is a totally great puppy/human analogy/theory/thingy. You are a true genius :P would you mind if I posted that in my diary (credit to you)? If you do, I can just put a link. =)

from asrael :

You're right. The frog prince stands for lies. All lies.

from squirrelx :

Thank you for the photo of Super Squirrel! I posted it at the top of an entry a few months back, but seein' it again today made me smile at a moment when smilin' was what I sorely needed to do. Your kindness is profoundly appreciated! Warmest regards, Xtine P.S.: your recent entry about 'contagious cats' was brilliant. So true and so funny and so beautifully written. You have an amazin' talent.

from beadie :

glad i stumbled onto this diary. awesome entry on sleep. am in total agreement. off to dream :)

from susabeth :

I loved your entry on sleep... She says as she sits up past midnight just for the hell of it. Anyway, fabulous writing.

from wilder3 :

Pat Travers "Don't Want To be awake" ZZZZZZZZZ

from lotabug :

Your entry on "sleep" has to be one of the funniest things I have read in a while. Except for my credit rating that is... Wonderful stuff!

from laukat :

I've added you to my buddy list -- is that okay? -- because I absolutely **love** your diary.

from asrael :

LIES! All lies! Oh how could you? How could you lie like that? Joking---all I saw of your ad banner was a frog with the words, "So I lied" on it. All lies. Damn you smoog. Damn your lies all to hell where I reign.

from mindquill :

Thanks for suggesting Tom Robbins. I shall check out some of his stuff.

from greenthinker :

haha! I agree with you about sleeping. It's marvelous. And getting lice or a cold doesn't even happen that often. I'm glad I don't wave my genitalia around. yay! -sally

from mindquill :

I like your diary. I am adding it to my favorites.

from bohner :

i love sleep TOO! especially at work, under my desk!

from katehackett :

Meep! Love your diary. You're a new favourite.

from squishyvan :

I was drawn here by the Richard Simmons banner. He IS pretty frightening. I totally agree, sleep is great stuff! :D

from banefulvenus :

hey there, Loved your banner! and you have a great site! :)

from foxgallagher :

Hmm...some sort of gadget for that would be nice!

from candora :

It is worse that you thought. Well, maybe not you, actually, you were quite clear on how bad it could be. It is worse than I thought. Catnip.

from psy-vamp :

I love your canadian bird banner. very clever.

from brucegirl :

Funny comment in my notes. It should have been 'whole' but I guess you found out. My english isn't that good... ;-) *cheers*

from coolwatyr :

A friend suggested I stop by here. I find myself wandering around the living room waiting for more. Charming and funny. Thanks. I think. *smile*

from weretheshit :

I like the way you write your thoughts. Somewhat of a dry sense of humor, very good. I thought your "dairyland" banner kicked ass, and I clicked. xo.

from redpanther :

your banner popped up. I came, I read, I freaking died laughing. Very very good.

from blondie364 :

thanks for the tip, I might have to try that. of course, then my friends would pester me to update. it's a bit of a no win situation. oh well.

from sad-doll :

Man, I freaking love your banner.

from greenthinker :

haha! I love the mound. I know someone with one of those, and it worries me a great deal. I actually feel the same way about some of my past teachers, though, as htye too have that same sort of foul feces-infested breath. It's really quite unnerving. Anyhow, I foundthis absolutely hilarious, and would love to get to knowyou some more. Note me back, and if you're appalled by my lack of entries, then remember that I joined about two days ago. bah. oh, and by the way, how do you advertise yourself with banners??? -sally

from candora :

yes, assimilation by cats has occurred, also, it appears, by smoog.

from popbutterfly :

Hello there! I stumbled across your diary through your banner, and I find it quite entertaining. Richard Simmons, look out!

from smoog :

Bartender, a round of proboscides for the house, and put it on my tab.

from gbqueen212 :

i must say- u r so funny! i was cyring from laughter about the richard simmons energy sucker thing. y hasnt ne 1 thought of that earlier?!

from antireviews :

hi i just made a new review site called antireview...funny name huh?...well i was wondering if u would mid being reviewed, or becoming a reviewer...if so just sign the guest book and let me know... thanks! ~ashley

from candora :

And here I sit watching over four cats (and a dog) for a friend this week, kismet, probably.

from rurisue :

I forgot to mention (and I can't re-sign your guestbook this soon): My boyfriend has that exact same nun-toy you've got pictured. The one that shoots sparks. Yeah, it's given us hours of entertainment. Ta!

from smoog :

Note to Self: there is no smell more revolting on earth than that of rotting alfalfa sprouts. Rotate your produce, you forgetful twit.

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