messages to annanotbob2:
(click here to add new message):

from portlypete :
So good to read a 100% post.
from orangepeeler :
A lovely eulogy, Anna. xx
from portlypete :
I am so sorry for the loss of your friend Bob, but what an amazing tribute to someone who many would have regarded as a wastrel. Yet, it seems, he turned his life around and truly made a difference. I would settle for that. RIP.
from ernst :
What a thoughtful obit for “a diamond geezer”; we should all hope to be as well-remembered. x
from life-my-way :
Love and sympathy on the loss of your friend. I'm with you, I sure hope that's how it works! Hugs and love, K.
from jarofporter :
thank you for you note! i know you're right about not working out (and i likely won't at all this week too), but i'm sad to not be able to & to have to start over.
from portlypete :
You seem to be up to speed again on the word count :-). I remember reading awittykitty‘s entries back in the day, when browsing Diaryland helped keep me sane. There is a worrying trend here - too many DL bloggers expiring before their time, from the big C. I have long since given up trying to understand Americans, especially when election time comes around (sorry Jimbo). Sadly, our country seems to be doing its best to destroy the NHS as well. Is that what you get when the country is run by multimillionaires (and supported by back bench landlords who think no fault evictions are a good idea)?
from orangepeeler :
What a lovely tribute to your darling Angela. So sorry for your loss, Anna x
from portlypete :
OMG, just when you think life can’t get any shittier - BAM! But what a wonderful tribute to your lost friend. By the time I finished reading it, I was nearly in tears - and I never even met the woman although now I wish I had. She sounds like the sort of person who touched people’s lives and made a difference. In an aside, I would suggest that our government thinks a teacher’s job is to get kids through exams - discuss.
from life-my-way :
Love and sympathies on the loss of your friend. OXO
from portlypete :
No. By the wonder of credit cards, I didn’t lose out. Thanks for your concern 😊.
from portlypete :
Bummer about the purse. It reminds me how my credit card was once cloned and criminal spent £3k over three days on smart suits from stores up in London. That is def not my normal pattern of expenditure so I’m not sure why it took the bank three days to pick up on it. Some while later someone from the fraud squad rang me up and said they knew who the criminal was ‘and when he gets out of jail we are going to arrest him’.
from ernst :
Positive vibes from TX headed your way.
from orangepeeler :
Thinking of you xx
from life-my-way :
Praying, hoping, sending all good thoughts. XXOO k
from portlypete :
Bread and butter pudding with home made marmalade? I will be round! I remember making marmalade with my mum as a kid. I was allowed to carve my initials in a piece of peel. Meanwhile, I’m pretty sure it is OK to do nothing sometimes
from orangepeeler :
Thank you for your kind note xx
from portlypete :
Interesting last post.I may respond when I am sober - but what to say!?
from portlypete :
I forgot to say, I once met Bowie in a corridor, he smiled and told me to say 'hi' if I ever met you. The last part isn't stricly true.
from portlypete :
No one could accuse you of having a dull life, and who doesn't love a considerate neighbour?
from portlypete :
Firstly, I congratulate you on your ability to stretch out any entry into 500 words. Secondly ... no, you really don't have the time for my rant on modern life.
from life-my-way :
LOVE Bella in the sea! Also dig (and aspire to be) Ida. XO
from portlypete :
Doing my bit to keep the word count up; I first came across Kathy Burke on an early Jonathan Ross show, many years ago. I do think far too much about my own funeral - I've been to too many recently. Hopefully, mine is a few years away; but who knows? One has to plan ahead. I definitely don't want anything morbid; I was thinking about something along the lines of "The Play That Goes Wrong". Just replace 'Play'with'Funeral' and the job's a good'un! Time for the wake!? :-)
from portlypete :
I think I mentioned before, my childhood pet. He was a Springer Spaniel: the clue was in the name. When he ‘sprung’ himself from captivity, he would make a beeline for the local piggery. Hours later (when hunger pangs set in) he would arrive back, tail between his legs and reeking to high heaven. He knew what was coming: a thorough dowsing with a hose. I loved my dog.
from portlypete :
Well, I listened to Eva Cassidy while I read your latest entry. Music is a big thing for me, and I regularly get emotional about it. I enjoyed your 'free-style' kind of entry (dare I say) more than the 'what I did today version. Please keep it up.
from jarofporter :
re: noise at choir - i tend to carry these around & use them in busy restaurants/etc, when the noise gets too bad. maybe you could find something similar? https://www.hearos.com/collections/events/products/rock-n-roll-series-with-free-case
from portlypete :
NP about the advice. Considering you aren’t an early riser, you certainly pack a lot into your day.
from portlypete :
Well done for keeping your resolution up, although needlecraft is not my thing. I got to day three before I had to open a bottle (as it happens, of zero alcohol Doom Bar). I don't recommend it. Day four may be different- define 'different' as you will. Belated Happy New Year.
from ernst :
“Heartwarming” is an oft-abused term this time of year, but after reading about your Christmas dinner, totally appropriate. Thanks for sharing that. Best wishes for the year to come!
from portlypete :
I would have gone to the dog - we were best mates, but I don’t have a drug addiction.
from portlypete :
I would have gone to the dog - we were best mates, but I don’t have a drug addiction.
from ladyofjazz :
Hey! Thanks for the note. It's good to be back. You don't need to do a comedy course, there is so much free advice online. Although saying that I did do a course online haha. On Udemy there are comedy courses that are very cheap.
from portlypete :
You are very welcome. Quite a bit of eye wiping went on here too.
from jarofporter :
thanks for your note - i appreciate you! :-)
from orangepeeler :
Thinking of you xx
from swordfern :
xx
from swordfern :
I hope that you're doing okay. Your writing of your time in the ward is evocative; I felt like I was there with you. xoxo
from orangepeeler :
Ooh your time in A&E reminds me of my own time last year. Brutal. Hope they sort you out. xx
from ernst :
Better ways to spend an afternoon, no doubt...but your attenuation to the fraught surroundings was acute. Hope they get your blood-pressure sorted Anna, and (selfishly) appreciate that you posted about it.
from jarofporter :
hope your bloodwork comes back ok and that the issue was nothing serious, and hat they can explain what happened to you.
from strawberrri :
Loved the entry about Geraldine <3
from ernst :
Oh hells yeah, Difford and Tilbrook from Squeeze are songwriting heroes of mine...and "Up The Junction" is their best “extended narrative” song (w/"Goodbye Girl" a close second!).
from jarofporter :
i'm so sorry you were re-traumatised like that, what an awful shock to see that person after so long! :-(
from ernst :
If only rosehip jelly and ginger biscuits could fix this f*cked-up world. (They never hurt though...hope tomorrow's a better day, A.)
from ernst :
Those are stellar!
from ernst :
"Both Sides Now"?!? Wow. Way to jump into the deep end of the pool Anna, keep singing please.
from ernst :
Agreed Anna, and it's why I felt compelled to post...and yeah, I failed to inherit my Grandmother's aptitude for journalism, and tend towards the "long and (unnecessarily) complex" in my writing. But where better than D-land to park my mess?
from orangepeeler :
The body is so amazing, isn't it? The very root of a person, fron which all feeling and sense of possibility ensue. Love this entry, conveying the variety of experience a body offers to its inhabitant. Xx
from ernst :
Steve Marriot's first ever Diaryland cameo? And where else but on yer page...love this.
from floodtide :
Being flexible is an IMPORTANT index of fitness! Your yoga teacher is just trying to make NON-flesible folks in your class feel less selfconscious/embarrassed/shamed/frustrated about their lack. GOOD FOR YOU for being proud of yourself. XOXO
from ernst :
Noting to yourself that it's "a bit fab and a bit cringe" as the daughter cries and cries...it's the world in full Anna, where our cringe-lines and crows feet commingle.
from life-my-way :
Your RB entry was powerful and brave, frightening and familiar. I'm sorry we live in this world where women's bodily autonomy is an afterthought on the rare instances when it's thought of at all. Wish it were different, hoping the extreme pushback will move us along a bit. XO k
from ernst :
I'm with you Anna; this whole trends of supporting assailants as “victims” is a sickening affirmation/reflection of how social media can amplify the worst aspects of an ignorant, defensive and spiteful mob mentality (i.e. dudes on Twitter...ugh).
from orangepeeler :
So delighted you and Son have made up and are rebuilding your relationship. xx
from manfromvenus :
Love your work experience tip! I will have to remember that. In fact your description of life without a job interview until 39 was brill. Loved it. xx!
from ernst :
So the heroes got a show, everybody wins. (I like that watercolor, great use of line w/the rocks an' such.)
from orangepeeler :
31.08.23 Thinking of you xx
from jarofporter :
glad to hear you connected with son even it things haven't been fully resolved. as for the anniversary, all i can offer is this - it took me 21 years to get to the point of being able to let go of everything related to my son's passing. be patient and forgiving with yourself, everything you're feeling is legitimate and understandable. you'll heal in your own time. (sorry if this sounds presumptuous.)
from manfromvenus :
25.08.23 Comforting and delusional? What a perfect blend. I respect the rationalism in what you wrote; love the irrational; appreciate the way you shared. Lovely. xx
from narcissa :
Thinking of you Anna xox
from narcissa :
Thinking of you Anna xox
from ernst :
I wish that grief could dissolve and disperse, like ink in the ocean, every time one of us gleans but a fraction of your pain and sheds a tear in response to your openness here.
from jarofporter :
glad to hear contact has been reestablished. hopefully he'll let you know what his issue(s) is(are).
from ernst :
There's definitely a streak of American public sentiment informed by the worst aspects of our cultural heritage: Puritanism and a laissez faire, Adam Smith-style brand of capitalism. Both eschew compassion and espouse an unforgiving worldview. This elitist claptrap disseminates easily, and often inspires people to advocate against their own best interests. And while we ain't all like that, those who are never seem to shut up...
from ernst :
“Stayed calm as the wasps flittered around me.” Her references seemed physical, but could have been as metaphorical as well.
from orangepeeler :
Katy Hessel hosts an excellent podcast called Great Women Artists. A must-listen! In case you're looking for great reads on women artists - * Art Monsters, Lauren Elkin * The Story of Art Without Men, Katy Hessel * Women in the Picture, Catherine McCormack * This Dark Country, Rebecca Birrell * The Mirror & The Palette, Jennifer Higgie * Nineteenth Century Women Artists, Caroline Chapman
from narcissa :
Hi Anna, I’m so glad to read your words, always
from ernst :
Re: the 6th of "5 Things", here here. FFS.
from life-my-way :
Thanks for the note. The eulogies were lovely, thanks also for sharing them. XO K
from ernst :
Totally intrigued by the way “bloke” will haunt a sentence or two of an entry before being exorcised w/a curt dismissal and shake of the head. Might have to scour your archives for context...
from manfromvenus :
xxx
from jarofporter :
hey anna, thanks for your note! unfortunately, i didn't get the membership yet, will have to write about it. still planning to though, eventually!
from bethb :
Waaay too much death lately.
from swordfern :
June 16, 2024. Camping and dancing at the edge of New Forest. Very, very tempting.
from manfromvenus :
Nothing but good things in your latest post. That’s lovely, Anna. Much love! XX
from portlypete :
Have a good break.
from theways :
Happy belated birthday!!
from orangepeeler :
Happy fecking birthday Anna!!!
from swordfern :
Happy Birthday, Anna. You inspire me to do more art and to swim in the ocean more often, among many other things. You are truly beautiful.
from ernst :
"It was like sitting in a little pool of cloud." My buddy list rules, and you're wearing the captain's armband this week anna(notbob2)...
from narcissa :
Belatedly, congratulations on your 2:1 : ) What a thing to achieve with everything else you had going on.
from orangepeeler :
28.5.23: "Do the things you enjoy, even while you don't enjoy them, until the pleasure returns." Great advice.
from jarofporter :
"I'm glad I'm not a man. I know they have blah blah blah, but honestly, can you imagine talking about shit like politics, sport and cars in nearly all the conversations you have? Fuck that." - this is a big reason why i can't stand talking to guys; i totally agree.
from narcissa :
Thanks for taking the time and having the empathy and heart to send that message, I got it at a moment I really really needed it.
from narcissa :
Hugs to you too. Xo
from ernst :
Hope IS a cunt that kicks you when you're down...there's a terse eloquence to your documentation of loss. You speak to a pain I cannot imagine, but with a brut humanity that resonates. Thank you for sharing this.
from narcissa :
may 16: xox
from portlypete :
I have heard recently of so many guys who have prostate cancer, and I urge every male to have a simple test to check. The earlier it is detected, the easier it is to treat. Best wishes to 'bloke'.
from swordfern :
Thanks for the note last week. Oddly, we both wrote about our uteruses on the same day, and that synergy between us makes me so grateful for knowing you. xoxo
from swordfern :
I'm so glad the keys turned up!
from narcissa :
ahhh!!! Keys found! That's a happy ending, but I just hate how all the little things add up to make life so impossible sometimes.
from ernst :
Disco era Euro-McDonald's in a fur coat? You glamorous b*tch, you...
from swordfern :
I hope that you return to feeling more like yourself soon. It's been one thing after another for you for a while now. xoxo
from portlypete :
I won't say I told you so but ... I'm surprised you ever had the strength to lift your diary. Don't take it the wrong way if I say, "don't hurry back", even though we'll all miss you. Take care
from jarofporter :
hope you get your arm figured out, and that it gets better really soon! it's so frustrating when you don't know the reason for the pain...
from narcissa :
i also just discovered the sequence variation! Why are these games so satisfying?? I'm never one for games like angry birds or candy crush but I really love these new word games.
from narcissa :
170 consecutive days of meditation is so incredible!!! [ps. i also find wordle incredibly satisfying, and i'm not sure if i'm doing you a favour or not, because it isn't restricted to one-a -day like wordle, but you might also enjoy quordle]. [pps. i love the term duvet days. I need those]
from portlypete :
Don’t beat yourself up about missing a meditation session. Sometimes life gets in the way. Hell, you do more in a day than I do in a week. I guess paragraph 3 reinforced that. Have you tried adjusting the seat in the car, or a cushion?
from orangepeeler :
11.04.23 - I'm so sorry for your troubles with your son. I haven't spoken to my brother in two decades, and I don't think I ever will as he's very stubborn. But I hope you two will reconnect, after he processes whatever hurt he seems to be harbouring. xx
from narcissa :
Apr 11: thanks for the nice words : ) And I want to tell you that I am so sorry that you have this distance from your son.. i also find unresolved conflict/distance with family so so hard to accept, even when i know that the right thing to do is to accept it and wait or whatever. Just saying i know it's hard and I feel for you. xox.
from jarofporter :
quick note re: weight loss/gain - if you're up in weight after working out, it very well may be due to having built up some muscle. the scale weight is much less important than how you feel/how your clothes fit, etc. regardless, congrats on finishing the 6 weeks!
from portlypete :
I had two attempts at sending a message, but got interrupted both times by people bearing trivia. Still, the crux of the message was - yeah, Bank Holidays are shite! You could try putting a well aimed boot up the arse of your Recovery Centre - I'm guessing you would be the girl for that job. Happy Easter (ironic emoji)
from portlypete :
Your weird dream reminded me of the old joke - ‘Less like swimming, more like going through the motions’. Not so funny in these days of massive raw sewage discharges. :-(
from ernst :
Dance as the light fades, then dance in the dark...what else can you do? Beautiful memories, beautifully put.
from orangepeeler :
I fully endorse Ernst's analysis re painting. <3
from ernst :
The broken eggs, in my opinion, imbue your composition w/a wistful pathos rarely found in a still-life. I dig it.
from narcissa :
xox always still here reading.
from jarofporter :
hey, that's great progress, getting up w/o hands helping - congrats!
from portlypete :
Sometimes you have to wonder whether these "special days" such as Mothers' Day are really such a good thing. Apart from the angst involved in deciding where to put the apostrohe, there is also the thought that someone may have recently lost their Mum, and the day just reinforces the grief; or a child doesn't call or send a card. Still, on the upside, the pubs do a roaring trade and the card manufactures get a boost. Happy days - for some.
from portlypete :
FS can be very funny but, like many commedians, he has a darker side. I've worked with him and even had lunch with him. I imagine it's a stressful occupation (will they laugh?) so I guess I should cut him some slack.
from portlypete :
I'm quite dubious that you stepped away. Is wanker in the OED 'cos it really should be.
from portlypete :
That’s a great picture of the power station. You have a really loose technique which I envy. Watercolour and ink I assume?
from narcissa :
2-28: best photo of you xox
from orangepeeler :
"I do quite like having them now. It keeps her real in my mind, stops me idealizing her, romanticizing her too much. She was quite annoying – maybe I miss that the most." xx
from portlypete :
Re Lucy, have a look (if you haven't already found it) at ... https://soundtouch.ambertrust.org/services/instrumental-and-vocal-tuition/stories/lucys-story/ It is fascinating, and includes the somewhat self-effacing, Daniel, who IMHO has the patience of Job.
from swordfern :
Yin yoga is fierce. Holding a lunge for 5 mins would make my brain melt with anxiety. Good for you; I can only imagine how beneficial that must be for building mental fortitude. No wonder you're tired!
from ernst :
God bless the SGW...what a brave thing to do, out of respect for each other and the dead, on a blanket on a stony beach.
from portlypete :
I can only agree with you on Point 1, I felt the same. And, I would say that everyone on the panel just treads the party line. It is a total waste of time. However, I was quite impressed how well briefed the professionals were. (Not that that means f*** all). Just to add,, Ian Hislop was just irritating.
from portlypete :
I never meant to suggest that life is easy - I know differentyly. Thanks for replying.
from portlypete :
The anguish in your recent post is totally understandable. Any loving mother will have similar fears. You can only ask yourself, "what can I do to change the outcome?" If the answer is "not a thing" then get on with life. Making yourself miserable is not going to change anything or help anyone.The penalty for life is death. Enjoy your children while you can. None of us knows what is around the corner; it may be a 78 bus or a 7.8 earthquake. You cannot let this fear ruin your life - you don't want it to and neither do your loved ones. Hell, what do I know? Sorry if this sounds really harsh but it's the philosophy I try to adopt. It doesn't stop me lying awake at night worrying though. x
from strawberrri :
Oh thank you. And yes, it's the daily dal, not "everyday dahl" - will go back and change that! The recipe says the cloves and black peppercorns are optional but I reckon it's well worth including them. I fished them out before eating as it was easy to spot where they were xx
from jarofporter :
thanks for the note! i rarely think about/mention my v-day, so it's easy to miss!
from swordfern :
Sending a big hug. Your day sounds incredibly frustrating.
from swordfern :
"Healthy, creative, and chilled." Thank you - I'm going to co-opt this for my 2023 intentions. Happy New Year to my fellow polar bear swimmer!
from portlypete :
A friend of mine has just started on exactly the same course of treatment as Bloke. Fingers crossed for both of them. Well done with the cold water swim - I know all about the endorphins etc, but I can’t even bring myself to turn the shower to cold!
from jarofporter :
happy new year to you too - sorry i missed it for you, the time difference always gets me!
from jarofporter :
glad to see you're still doing the cold plunges in the sea, that's great! How are you feeling about it? Is it helping your mood/health? I worked down to 45°F last year, and hope to get back there soon. I probably won't go below 40° though, for maybe up to 5 minutes max. 2 minutes was quick today!
from jarofporter :
i'm sorry, i can understand how that would be difficult for you, having not been given any reasons from him - you most certainly deserve an explanation, otherwise, how can the issue be addressed, right? i do hope you can resolve things with him sooner than later. take care, and thanks for your note. :-)
from narcissa :
Dec 8: So much all at once. i've been thinking a lot about how we just shove our trauma somewhere to get on with whatever has to be gotten on with, but how it's always there, waiting. xoxo
from narcissa :
i meant to tell you but didn't manage to log in to notes: i loved your jimi stories. thanks for sharing your writing.
from strawberrri :
Brilliant photo, the cold water swimming sounds wonderful and I think you're very brave to do it! Xx
from jarofporter :
seems like it should be that simple, doesn't it? thanks for the note! :-)
from swordfern :
I hadn't considered that the girl was me, and when I think about it that way my emotions shift dramatically. Thank you. Xoxo
from marywa :
I had one of those blood sugar monitors on my arm a couple of months ago, and they put tape over it so it wouldn't get wet in the shower. Might be worth a try so you don't have to stress about it while you swim.
from swordfern :
Mobile sauna! That sounds amazing! Hope that your cough clears up soon.
from life-my-way :
It’s just me, bloke, and my mother for Thanksgiving this year—sending big love from my dysfunctional holiday across the pond to you.
from life-my-way :
Made me tear up, too. If only. XO
from swordfern :
When I read your entry about feeling tired with a sore throat, it reminded me of how I felt late last week. Really hope it's just a cold for you. I also have heard the advice to rest, full stop, during recovery, and I embrace that. Being sedentary for the next few weeks is an investment in hopefully being able to return to doing all my activities. Time to catch up on all of the diary entries that I've missed over the last few months!
from life-my-way :
Made me tear up, too. If only. XO
from life-my-way :
Made me tear up, too. If only. XO
from jarofporter :
so good to see you getting into the cold water! i'll be getting back to it soon, i hope!
from portlypete :
I despair too.
from jarofporter :
"but I like reading it back years later and remembering" - this is a good point i need to remember, thank you!
from swordfern :
I can relate to your experience with EMDR. The childhood scene that you revisited is similar to my own: same young age, same overwhelming emotions, similar loneliness, agony and despair. I too would crawl into bed afterwards. There was no other way to recover from revisiting the trauma. I gave up on it after 4 sessions; the experience was too heavy to bear. Please let me know how it goes for you as you do more sessions. You've reminded me that I gave up on it and that perhaps I should try again. Sending love. Thank you for writing and sharing.
from life-my-way :
Made me tear up, too. If only. XO
from strawberrri :
Big hugs, that must have been so hard to read out xx
from narcissa :
nov 7: xox real heartbreaker, that poem.
from jarofporter :
wow, big step on that realization about your mum, i'm happy for you having that experience, and i hope it helps going forward!
from jarofporter :
28.10.22 - that painting is amazing, love it!
from portlypete :
Release those endorphins! Since I am not lucky enough to live near the sea, I make do with turning the shower to cold. Even that has a positive effect. Of course, this has been a very warm autumn so far (whilst I agonise over global warming, it is reducing Europe’s oil bill to Putin). January might be different, do they have a Boxing Day swim where you are? If not, or even for a change, why not take an anti clockwise trip around the coast and enjoy a jazz band on the Eastbourne bandstand while you drown - oops! - enjoy your swim. You won’t be alone; there will be plenty of other crazy people to keep you company. :-) I’m fairly sure DL won’t be changing it’s font any time soon - why do people have to meddle?
from jarofporter :
no, no consolation at all, just makes me sad for both of us... *sigh*
from jarofporter :
just a quick note - heart rate goes up when you first wake up (and just before. cortisol causes it, and that's natural. it could be that blood pressure rises along with heart rate when waking? how soon are you measuring?
from strawberrri :
Thank you! We had a merry old time, stayed in the middle of nowhere, out in the daytime and playing boardgames in the evenings. Heaven. It's so nice you think fondly of the residents from the care home Sam was in, esp Wayne going to gigs with you! Xx
from swordfern :
Wow, the sea incident sounds scary. Glad that there were others there to help you out. A good percentage of accidents happen to experts in familiar terrain; it's common to not properly assess a situation when we've been there a hundred times previously without incident. xoxo
from portlypete :
I have been told that the sea is at its warmest right now. I think I was told it by some idiot who has never been swimming in October.
from narcissa :
god i would love a week in brighton. xox
from swordfern :
I've missed a bunch of your entries but came here to say that I enjoyed reading the pigeon saga. So many questions came to mind. I really have to wonder if next door sacrificed the pigeon themselves?! Hah!
from portlypete :
What a great summary of Conservative policy. Very sorry to hear about Blokes problem.
from portlypete :
Loving your picture.I wish I could be as free with my amateur daubings. Also, I was glad for the confirmation of ST’s bd. I had left a note. No idea why her page takes sooo long to open.
from portlypete :
Pay is one of three main gripes the RMT lists as reasons for the strikes. Redundancys and conditions are others. I’ve moaned before about the widening rich/poor divide and, of course, these workers have a right to strike. My point is that other people who aren’t striking, for whatever reason, also have concerns about their worsening situation and there is no doubt that the strikes are having a detrimental impact on the economy and, consequently, on the lives of others who are already struggling.
from simeons-twin :
OMG, Woody Woodmansey! That is so cool. I'd say that's one degree of separation for you (and two for me while we're at it, haha).
from swordfern :
Thinking of you and Sam today. xoxo
from orangepeeler :
Thinking of you xx
from life-my-way :
So much love for you and your smart, funny, accomplished, beautiful family. I’m over here, across that pond, celebrating the fabulousness and mourning the losses right along with you all. XXX OOO K
from portlypete :
Well, I haven’t been following your diary for very long, so I don’t have the full back-history. XXX and another XXX!
from jarofporter :
:-(
from portlypete :
p.s. Have you had an “Ambulatory (24-hour) blood pressure monitor”? It’s a far more accurate method of checking real BP.
from portlypete :
For me, the fewer pills the better. 135/85 ? It can fluctuate so much that I thing a lifetime of medication based on one or two readings in the GP’s office is not a great idea. TBH, with the world in the state it is, I don’t want to live forever anyway. My only cheap hotel advice: Premier Inn if you can book waaaay ahead. B&Bs are my go to option - you meet so many interesting people. I was once entertained at breakfast by my host playing a pianola. I have so many interesting tales I could tell of stays at such places.
from portlypete :
My BP can be a tad high if I just sit down and take it, so my method is to get all set up with the cuff on. When all is good to go, I sit and think beautiful thoughts e.g lying on a tropical beach listening to the waves gently lapping then, after a couple of minutes of relaxation, I ambush myself by hitting the button when I’m not expecting it. Bingo, result well within limits!
from swordfern :
My god, I can just imagine all of those similar girls. I bet some of them even had the same name.
from boombasticat :
Lovely, the words about Sam. All the best to you.
from strawberrri :
Thank you Anna, those words are so beautiful and true. It feels like the funeral has knocked me back to square one in terms of grieving, but things will be OK one day xx
from strawberrri :
That was a gorgeous entry about your friend Julia and her three funerals xxx Ps. Trussell do great work round my way too so I'll sponsor you a couple of coins! X
from strawberrri :
He had his good and bad points, as we all do. He was a big character, friendly, who would chat to anyone. It was a perfect tribute to him and good to see his family before the funeral (which will be on the 19th) xx
from strawberrri :
Thanks again Anna for your lovely and thoughtful note, it means so much xxx
from jarofporter :
hoping that, if/when you're ready, things work out with that studio flat you mentioned! it sounds like a great opportunity!
from strawberrri :
Thank you so much Anna for your kind note - thinking of your words gave me much-needed comfort while at the hospital today. We were there a little over an hour and there was a brief flicker of recognition at times. I will never regret going xx Ps. After the phone call from Ollie's mum he called her straight back to tell her her opinions were not welcome. Ha! He has my back :)
from bliss-sad :
What an absolute treasure to have had a friend like that. <3
from orangepeeler :
I know it's been 12 years, but I'm so sorry for your loss. From your description, it sounds like Barb was a tremendous friend to you. “Love doesn’t die when we die. It is our resurrection.”—Etel Adnan On the subject of zooming funerals - it is becoming an option to live-cast (is this a word?) funeral masses from churches here in Ireland.
from portlypete :
Hugely jealous of your rain, but entirely empathetic about the spine thing as I have an acquaintance who suffered 6 months of excruciating pain because an MRA scan, that her original consultant ordered, was never carried out (saving money?) After she managed to get a second opinion, she was rushed into surgery for an emergency procedure which (very possibly) saved her from being paralysed from the neck down for life. The lesson learned here is to always push the experts and never take “no” for an answer. BTW, I don’t necessarily blame the hard-working medics; more the layers of management pushing them to adhere to government targets. Having said that, I have to say I have no experience of the management structure of the NHS.
from swordfern :
Big hugs back. ❤️
from swordfern :
My God, me whining about my wrecked holiday. Sending healing prayers for your son. Xoxo
from narcissa :
sorry anna, how stressful. Sending all the vibes for a rapid recovery.
from orangepeeler :
Hoping for your son's swift recovery xx
from orangepeeler :
Re: Michael Rosen's Word of Mouth - thanks for the tip! I listened to ithe episode about folkloric names for flowers while ironing. I loved all of it, especially the bit about the bees' bums. :)
from portlypete :
You are so lucky to have the sea on your doorstep (oh, wait: that's not 'til next year when Global Warming really kicks in). I was just a bit east of you last week and I was thankful for the sea breaze: I wish I was there now. It is amazing the effect one good teacher, lecturer or matron too can have on one's life. Some things have improved over the years -_I'm not sure all aspects of education fall into that category, but our treatment of unmarried mothers surely does! Somethings in our society are still in desperate need of improvement - the rich-poor divide sure as hell does. I'm off to try and get my head between my knees!
from narcissa :
july 13. xox anna. Trying to hope when you got it kicked out of you... the hardest thing. Thanks for writing, always appreciate you
from jarofporter :
glad to see you're on the mend!
from narcissa :
Feel better soon!! And I’m so glad you got to try poutine, it is indeed our greatest dish.
from orangepeeler :
A belated happy birthday and hoping you have a swift recovery xx
from blueisnotred :
Enjoy Glasto, and belated happy birthday!!
from narcissa :
Happy birthday!!! I love the thought of secret beaches and skinny dipping. And have an amazing time at Glasto xox
from hitch-hike :
¡Feliz cumpleaños, Anna!
from jarofporter :
happy b-day! :-)
from blueisnotred :
BJ is shameless and won't resign, probably not even until he's required to. Thanks for your note and reminding me that it doesn't have to just be coasting along a baseline level of 'sad' lol. So glad there are therapists to help XD
from portlypete :
Loved the nostalgia - especially the no bra bit. Was that the era of one-pieces with long, tempting, zips down the front? (I've read about it in history lessons). OMG, we had stamina back then - a 'full english' after a long night of debauchery. Happy days - I'm told.
from warmntoasty- :
Hey there! I think it's funny how it's "supposed" to be called a murder of crows, lol. Who honestly says that? My girls are always asking what certain groups of animals are called, and my gosh, there are some strange words that no one ever uses for some of those groups of animals, haha. Anyways, I sure am from the US! Southern US, to be more specific, so you might see me use some terms like "yall" or "fixing to", lol.
from jarofporter :
for me, sometimes doing nothing is exactly what i need, and i think we should allow ourselves that, if it helps.
from swordfern :
"I did feel some sadness but never regret." This resonates strongly with me. Thank you for sharing this. I have no friends in 'real life' who have ever told me that they too have accessed abortion. I know that I can't have been the only one. We need to talk about this more to normalize it. I appreciate your courage to lead.
from blueisnotred :
Abortions and miscarriages are never a thing people admit to 'like' reading but it is refreshing to hear honest, personal stories about something people never talk about. I'm glad you shared.
from jarofporter :
so, how are you liking (or not) freeze the fear? i've seen the 1st 3, curious to hear your thoughts!?
from swordfern :
I wish you strength through the EMDR process. It sounds like your therapist has carefully planned for this, so perhaps it will be a gentler process for you.
from blueisnotred :
I wish my mother could listen to me the way you did for your son. He is blessed to have you.
from jarofporter :
i did manage to find it online elsewhere. i liked it too, and will keep watching if it keeps getting uploaded.
from jarofporter :
so what did you think of freeze the fear? i saw bad reviews in the british papers, but the clip i found online seemed really interesting!
from jarofporter :
hey, thanks for the note! i'll see if i can find a way to watch it online :-)
from narcissa :
April 7. Funny, i was just thinking about my vibrator and how much i love it. Enjoy your new technology : )
from portlypete :
2. I like the simplicity of DiaryLand. It has been a prop, steadying me during wobbly moments for a number of years now. I type a lot of crap and then delete most of it, but it is a kind of therapy. I miss some people who used to post regularly. Even more, I miss the ones I know will never return.
from portlypete :
One: Hmm! Not sure I can agree with you that "Naked Attraction" is good. I would say that it merely proves that pretty much everyone looks far better with their clothes on - especially me! Zwei: I can totally see Bloke's reason for trekking over to Germany to say farewell to a good freind. Hell's teath - given a choice between that and weeding the garden, I know which I would choose. And, obviously, it is only the Brits who lack the capability to speak foreign languages. On number three: I doubt anyone would disagree with you regarding the wrongness of losing a child (so sorry), although I suspect it is quite common in Ukraine right now. Four: I have no knitting expertise so ... On number five: I admire your ambition. The past few days, I have been walking a Covid-inflicted friend's dog. It is not a chore given the fantastic early spring sunshine you refer to.
from floodtide :
Love that you're reading "Hamnet"! One of the most beautifully written and powerful novels I have ever, ever read. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did. XOXO
from blueisnotred :
Wow, I'm so proud of you. More of the self-care!
from swordfern :
Knitting has a tendency to make me cry. I have to 'frog' somewhere around a third of my work on any given project, sometimes more. So, is knitting then actually an exercise in letting go? I don't know. What I do know is that sometimes I'm not in the right mental space for knitting because it's too goddamn hard to tolerate the un-doing part of the process. In short, I feel you on the 'Fucketty fucking fuck'.
from blueisnotred :
Imagine if we could afford weekly 90 min massages. I think I've only ever had 60 mins max, ever. But imagine!!!
from portlypete :
Pls delete duplicate.
from portlypete :
So glad you survived the trip. Just another example of short-termism. So, the council thought they could say money by not fixing the pavement but, let’s say you had broken something: how much would that have cost the NHS? Joined up thinking?
from portlypete :
So glad you survived the trip. Just another example of short-termism. So, the council thought they could say money by not fixing the pavement but, let’s say you had broken something: how much would that have cost the NHS? Joined up thinking?
from portlypete :
I quite like the collage too - much harder than it appears.
from orangepeeler :
Gorgeous poppy! :)
from blueisnotred :
I love your painting! I don't know much about O'keefe and haven't really seen her works but as I was reading I thought maybe that was something of hers lol I must look up the detached protector too, it sounds like hard work what you're doing, scary stuff. Well done on being so brave to explore it.
from hitch-hike :
Shirley waited on you and signaled it was time for bed? Ah yes, my Marley often does the same! Gotta love our pups!
from portlypete :
I interupted Norah Jones to play 'thehedgerowcrawler'. It took me back to smokey, pokey rooms above some seedy pub, back in the day when such things were allowed. TY.
from boombasticat :
What a cool starling nest. We have lots of those here (the birds, and the nests, presumably). The shapes the flocks make in the air are magic, though they're considered an invasive species around these parts. Do you know the song named after them by Elbow? I've always liked that one.
from blueisnotred :
I haven't messaged in a while but I've been reading all your posts. Glad to hear that you and your dog are well especially in this horrible weather x
from portlypete :
Really nice photo with great use of aerial perspective (like I know what I am talking about!). BTW, audio files worked a treat TY.
from narcissa :
knowing all those things to do (and doing them!) is so good. I hope you find your cases. xox (from someone who didn't fall asleep til 7am because I couldn't find my work phone).
from jarofporter :
;-)
from portlypete :
That's really great. Is that .com or .uk? For some reason I can't change the defunct email in my profile (put it down to ineptitude!).
from dangerspouse :
Thanks very much, Anna!! :)
from portlypete :
Well, my day was pretty much a mirror image of yours, except I dressed earlier than usual as I had to go to the docs for yet another jab (not Covid related). I walked there and back (probably did my 10K steps, plus a few). Didn’t take a dog: A, because they’re not welcome at surgeries; B, I don’t have one, although I do borrow a cute cockapoo from a neighbour whenever I want: RentaDog is the way to go - all the pleasure; none of the expense. Then I tried to clean the kitchen windows with some gadget I was given at Christmas (I’d have preferred a new watch TBH). Anyway, it leaked like a sieve and I ended up doing them the old fashioned way. I have a vague idea of which area you live in, and I would say walking the dog around there would be a joy worth getting dressed for.
from swordfern :
I had a dream the other night that I was at your beach trying to meet up with you, but I couldn't figure out how to use the keyboard on my phone to text you. I very much value your input on having children and your honest about the challenge. The best things are rarely easy, and the idea of forming up a group of these inherently linked beings is compelling. That's what I want - a family of funny folks who know each other in that unique way. I used to be turned off by the mess and chaos, but I see it so differently now. Also, I'm onto the Wordle train and do it every morning with a cup of coffee. So satisfying to see the entire row light up in green!
from portlypete :
Well, my day was pretty much a mirror image of yours, except I dressed earlier than usual as I had to go to the docs for yet another jab (not Covid related). I walked there and back (probably did my 10K steps, plus a few). Didn’t take a dog: A, because they’re not welcome at surgeries; B, I don’t have one, although I do borrow a cute cockapoo from a neighbour whenever I want: RentaDog is the way to go - all the pleasure; none of the expense. Then I tried to clean the kitchen windows with some gadget I was given at Christmas (I’d have preferred a new watch TBH). Anyway, it leaked like a sieve and I ended up doing them the old fashioned way. I have a vague idea of which area you live in, and I would say walking the dog around there would be a joy worth getting dressed for.
from narcissa :
WTF this dude and his writing prompt was already bad but his reply to you... Love your response. xox
from portlypete :
Great moody pics. Batty Boris knows that, "it's the economy stupid", and if people die, well, think of the inheritence tax!
from swordfern :
Wow, it's not all that difficult to avoid obviously triggering topics. I'm proud of you for telling him of his error. It's on him to acknowledge this and change. xoxo
from portlypete :
You are right, he is totally out of order. You shouldn't need to explain. Just found "Sail" on YouTube - nobody tells me anything! Great song with some lovely pics of ST.
from floodtide :
Congratulations and good for you for walking out of the writers' group that was triggering for you. I'm not sure the teacher should have handed you all such a prompt without some discussion first. I mean, where does he draw the line? "Turn to your left, and whatever you see there is all you have to fend off your rapist." I think he'd know that was over the line, so where IS the line? Good on you, as the saying goes. And the photos from the beach were stunningly beautiful. Such incredible light you captured! Thank you for sharing all of it.
from hitch-hike :
2022-01-15: You are correct. In the States, multi-unit low-income housing provided by the government are 'housing projects' or 'the projects' for short. If you hadn't read about them, look up articles about the ones in Chicago and one infamous one called Cabrini-Green. Their histories eerily say a lot about our deep-rooted social discord.
from portlypete :
With you all the way on your latest post. Let's not even start with Prince A!
from portlypete :
With you all the way on your latest post. Let's not even start with Prince A!
from portlypete :
With you all the way on your latest post. Let's not even start with Prince A!
from boombasticat :
Thanks, friend. Sounds like I'd have loved having you as a teacher. And I'm glad I've read Middlemarch but am also glad it's done.
from portlypete :
Thanks so much for your update on the girls. I always thought / hoped / knew that they had inherited their mother’s genes.
from blueisnotred :
I love before and after tidying photos!
from portlypete :
Sadly, I never did meet her. I remember a pic of the two of you together, I think. Have you any info on how the family are faring? I feel sad for her two girls; losing their mum far too soon.
from portlypete :
Great jam advice. You’ll probably be needing some bread to spread that on! Watching recoding of David Bowie at Glastonbury as I type this. Music can be such a force. I once met Bowie in a corridor: he smiled and said, ”hello”. “Hello”, I replied, and we passed. End of story.
from jarofporter :
i always type my entry in wordpad or notepad, then copy it over - it's saved me many times! i'm sorry you lost your entry, that's really annoying...
from jarofporter :
happy new year to you, it'll be good to start a new one. i've got about three hours left...
from orangepeeler :
I've tested negative so far, knock on wood. I'd flounder if I didn't have books, even for a little while. Every time I travel, I'm always searching for a bookstore with English-language books.
from blueisnotred :
Managed to catch up on my buddylist, happy to see you've updated some while I was absent. Enjoy the rest of the hols x
from dangerspouse :
Hi Anna. I responded to your question in WP, but I thought I'd repeat it here also. So: "Basically, you want to get out of this ridiculous "Blocks" format that Wordpress now defaults to. To do that, when you begin writing a post you will see under "Add Title" the words ""Type / to choose a block". Directly to the right of that, on the far side of the page, you will see a "+" sign. Click that, and a box will open up. From the choices given therein, choose "Classic". You will see the style of the page revert to the format we've come to know and love! Just click on the open box and begin typing away. As soon as you do, you will see the tool bar appear, with the familiar "Add Media" icon placed second from the end. That should do the trick."
from dangerspouse :
My god, a WOMAN was worried about me?? Jeez, and here I'd thought I'd never have a novel experience ever again. Thanks babe, I appreciate it! Glad to be back in the saddle. Hope you manage to stay healthy and afloat in the midst of your own COVID sea there. I really am in awe of your NHT. For all the crap said about them, from everything I've read they are brave souls who are and have been risking life and limb to save their (often unappreciative) countrymen. Hang in there (x)
from orangepeeler :
Happy things are working out for you! Re: Christmas card - I'll keep my anonymity. But thank you for the kind thought. It's so lovely to be considered. Happy Christmas xx
from strawberrri :
Pinching a raincover for your babies - complete champion! :D Mothercare was always vastly overpriced anyway. We went in there to try out prams then bought ours elsewhere Xxx
from marywa :
Very very glad you're negative! Stay well!
from swordfern :
Well, I think that you know that I am able to leave notes, but here's another one anyhow. Becoming ill these days comes with an extra layer of stress and testing - hope you feel better soon and that you're able to rest.
from jarofporter :
so here's me trying to leave a note too - i do hope your tests keep coming back negative! sorry you're not feeling so well...
from life-my-way :
Apparently I am able to leave a note, thank goodness, because I'm sending love and well wishes and hopes/prayers for no COVID. xo k
from blueisnotred :
thank you, it really means a lot. i looked up those cards you mentioned, by the way, because my therapist also mentioned grounding a few times. so expensive! :-o
from blueisnotred :
8/12 hold them accountable; i would love to see this issue be more than a 'sticking point'. there's no denying the current govt have been getting away with atrocious shit, using the pandemic as a veil, sometimes not even bothering with that anymore. naked attraction is such a weird show, yet it's one of those that you kind of can't look away from once it's on tv. just pulls you in. i wish they would normalise body hair though. also generally wish they would have regular middle aged people on tv who are past the honeymoon stages of their relationships. ones that don't try too hard to maintain a certain look, but know that their partners still find them attractive. I'd watch that!
from swordfern :
I was thinking about you when I was writing today's entry, knowing that you've been revisiting your childhood. I'm glad that you wrote me a note. One day, once you are on the other side of things, I will be asking you about the outcome of all of the therapy and digging up of the past; I would like to know if it's ultimately worth the time and emotional toll.
from cocoabean :
I'm not surprised Art is a Trumper..
from blueisnotred :
3/12 I'm just outside southwest London. It's nice to see UK people here on diaryland, I swear when I first wrote here as a teenager it was Americans everywhere! Was/ is your therapy on the NHS and did it have a limit on how many sessions you could have? I never was able to access any psychotherapy on the NHS which is a shame.x
from jarofporter :
thanks for the note! i sent you an email :-)
from jarofporter :
link worked great! if you'd like to add the actual image to your page, here's an example of the image code (you can change the size by changing 50% to whatever you want, or replace the link to show a different picture!) - <img src="https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b02cabb55b02c07ff836721/1623352652793-GJ00JQQJGP453B4MY5YT/Faye+Bridgwater+-+Everyday+Blessings-website.jpg?format=750w" width=50%>
from cocoabean :
I recently talked to Art, he's in Oklahoma now, married, working, and with a house.
from floodtide :
OMG, OMG, OMG, I love your Russell Brand story. So proud of you for your simple honesty and vulnerability and sharing! YOU ARE THE BEST. And I'm so happy that it was a happy experience for you. XOXO
from orangepeeler :
"Boudicca": Love that!
from blueisnotred :
30.11.21 i have been reading your diary for a while now and i have to say, it's like you could be someone down the road from me. something about your writing and your life just feels so familiar. but anyway the russell brand story... LOL. I just had to write to you about it since you are basically a celebrity now!
from swordfern :
oh my god. the russell brand story. i'd have died. you are my hero. xoxo
from life-my-way :
You are a ROCKSTAR!!! So glad you're writing again, plus chatting up Russell Brand--dang! xo
from narcissa :
Truly it is always a pleasure when I see you’ve put up an entry
from life-my-way :
I love it, you writing again! You're name in red = diaryland joy. xo
from simeons-twin :
Sorry for replying so late to your note about my IG comics account, the notification went to spam D: Search for "simeon.inc". Also, I already said it on WP, but I'm glad you're blogging again!
from jarofporter :
'images stored online' means hosted by a third party (photobucket, another blogging site, etc). the code i showed you will work for most any weblink (even if it's not your picture), but with other pics, you run the risk of the code failing if they (re)move the image. you can right-click the image, then 'copy image link' (or similar) and then paste that in your code snippet. feel free to email me if you need help!
from floodtide :
This reader - this FRIEND - will ALWAYS be glad when you write, always be happy to read what you have to say, always be grateful that you share. Love, flood
from jarofporter :
if you have your images stored online somewhere, the simple code for showing them is this: <img src="(weblink here)" alt="Girl in a jacket" width="500" height="600">. if you leave off width or height, the other should auto-adjust. 'alt' is just a text description in case the image doesn't load and is optional. pretty sure this will work, but if not, let me know!
from orangepeeler :
You're writing again! You were missed.
from narcissa :
i'm sorry, what a loss of your community, how difficult.
from cocoabean :
I also had 3 jabs and still wear a mask. I wear it mostly for my protection from others.
from jarofporter :
good to see an entry from you again, and i'm with you on still wearing the mask (i still need to schedule my booster though). my home state is currently the worst in the nation for covid infections.
from strawberrri :
Like the note below, also hoping you're doing okay xxxxx
from swordfern :
Was just thinking of you and realized that you haven't updated in a while. Hope you're doing okay.
from narcissa :
oooh.. i'd be so jealous if you two met too. Is a canada trip in your future? that would be fun :)
from narcissa :
hi anna, welcome back. xox
from jarofporter :
good to see a post from you again
from swordfern :
"I've been taking and posting a lot of photos with jolly words as if all is OK, when it fucking hasn't been." I appreciate this immensely. xoxo
from floodtide :
Very moved by your post of August 31 - beautiful and sad and eloquent. So grateful to read your words. I am holding you close in my heart. XO - flood
from cocoabean :
Glad you're back. I never stopped wearing a mask.
from jarofporter :
great to see an update from you!
from narcissa :
Love that Jimi story.
from strawberrri :
Aw, my dad slept through Jimi at IoW too :)
from orangepeeler :
A very belated happy birthday! Thanks for the good wishes re: quitting. It's been a week since my last fag. Woohoo. xx
from swordfern :
You are lovable, and you are loved. Deeply. xoxo
from swordfern :
A belated Happy Birthday, to my overseas pal. I appreciate you.
from narcissa :
Belatedly- happy birthday Anna. Xox
from narcissa :
Belatedly- happy birthday Anna. Xox
from strawberrri :
Happy birthday Anna, I hope there is happiness in your day today xxx
from jarofporter :
happy early b-day! (i'll forget if i don't say it now!) ;-)
from swordfern :
You are processing and growing, and that is exhausting. This writing, just the acknowledgement, is enough. You are enough.
from jarofporter :
hey, just checking in to see how you're doing...
from narcissa :
And as always.. full of admiration for you— taking the steps to seek help is so hard when you’re down. Xo
from narcissa :
And as always.. full of admiration for you— taking the steps to seek help is so hard when you’re down. Xo
from narcissa :
Thanks Anna
from orangepeeler :
Hope you feel better soon. xo
from narcissa :
Xox. I hope that today is better. I always appreciate your honesty and admire all that you do to try to stay healthy.
from strawberrri :
You do so amazingly so much of the time it's completely understandable you'll fall into shitty difficult periods now and then. I hope you feel better and back to enjoying your hobbies soon xxx
from simeons-twin :
DLand notes go to the spam folder so I'd missed your last one! Yes, I will send you the link to the IG account as soon as is up and running! Thank you for the support <3
from narcissa :
May 2: Thanks Anna, I appreciate it. xox
from hitch-hike :
I had to laugh about the little dog and your yoga. My dog often tries to get involved by playing, sniffing, or giving kisses because I'm at her eye level for once! Downward dog pose looks like a dog stretching, but maybe it was also because a yogi had a playful dog who participated while they practiced!!
from cocoabean :
You can never be sure of a verdict. But after the prosecution had stated their case, I don't know how anyone could have voted not guilty. I am just glad the jury did the right thing.
from jarofporter :
hey anna, thanks for the note! i get to work by 5:30, before sunrise, so no morning walks for me. i'm doing it now as soon as i get home from work, and it seems to be ok. if you decide to try the mornings out, i hope it works well for you!
from orangepeeler :
I read the Heyer novels as well. It is interesting to read a Regency romance novel now that I'm 43 and more experienced - so much to wince at! Sigh.
from simeons-twin :
Aaah, thank you for watching the event! It had a mixture of Spanish accents too. I appreciate your support ^___^
from orangepeeler :
1-4-21 - Your sonnet made me smile! :)
from life-my-way :
OMG--what kind of a monster AM I??? Your Christmas card arrived and I look at it all the time upon its perch on the shelf across from my nest, I mean, where I sit on the sofa. I love that sunlight through the trees so very much and should have said as much ages ago!
from narcissa :
i *love* the pronoun change!
from swordfern :
Hah, I thought I was indestructible too. It's good to have my ego put in check once in a while. xoxo
from jarofporter :
"if I want to have anyone to hang out with in real life I have to put some kind of bravura on it" - i think this is why i have no friends locally.i can't be arsed to do so...
from marywa :
I feel the same about how it is for women. My daughter worked for awhile at a big store and it blew me away that men were still doing the same shit they did to me 30 years ago. I thought we were better than that.
from jarofporter :
sorry to read about your fall, hope your ankle will be alright. and thanks for your note, it was helpful :-)
from swordfern :
Medical school should train doctors to never 'laugh off' a patient's concerns, especially when what you are concerned about is expressly noted in the drug literature. I'm angry at him on your behalf. He should be commending you on actually reading the documentation.
from narcissa :
Anna, hi, just came to see how you’re feeling and sorry to read that it’s not great. Hope tomorrow is better. Xox
from narcissa :
march 3. our system is like that too.. pretty great if you're in an urgent situation, but the transition from urgent care to specialist is not great, and it's stressful to navigate it when you're sick and stressed. In the lockdown world, I look back at buses with a lot of nostalgia- just the memory of interacting with a random cross section of people. I hope the reality is close to that.
from swordfern :
Sending a huge hug. xoxo
from orangepeeler :
Oh shit! How scary! Take care. xx
from life-my-way :
Uncertain what to say, but sending love from our coast to yours, lots of it! xoxo
from strawberrri :
Oh how positively scary, so glad you're okay and have been looked after by the brilliant NHS and Bloke. Hope you're resting and taking it easy today xx
from narcissa :
WTF Anna, I’m so sorry, what a terrifying experience. I’m so glad you’re home again already and for such rapid and excellent health care. Take care, thinking of you.
from narcissa :
Thanks Anna, and for your note Jan 6. So much appreciation and admiration to you for keeping up your “3 good things “ in this hell year. So glad you got that shot. Xox
from jarofporter :
that's precisely why i try to keep the art separate from the artist. if i couldn't listen to anyone who was a jerk/ass, i'd never be able to listen to music again.
from jarofporter :
i spoke too soon, your card was in my mailbox today - thanks so much for sending it! i appreciated what you wrote, as well! :-)
from jarofporter :
i hope it works now, since my username went into its proper place! no, i haven't seen a card yet unfortunately, but thanks so much for even thinking to send one! i'll let you know the minute i see it!
from jarofporter :
hey, by the way, i made a change to my template recently - if you would like, try deleting and re-adding my name to your list one more time. it might actually work this time!? (if you do, let me know, ok?) :-)
from swordfern :
Just saying hi. Your marmalade is so beautiful. I think I missed a lot about your "Bella" writing.. is this going to be a book? It seems like it, and if not, then it should be!! I really enjoy the 'voice' of that story.
from simeons-twin :
Thank you <3 I follow Sheffield accounts on IG (but of course), I never thought I'd see its streets so empty. Stay safe xx
from jarofporter :
i associate 'fab' with them because the show was named 'Absolutely Fabulous' which, from what i've seen, always tends to be shortened to 'Ab Fab'. as for the beatles, george harrison wrote a song called 'when we was fab' on one of his last albums, so it likely was a product of that time period! (video here at link - https://youtu.be/AVu6nPTVbBQ)
from cocoabean :
I don't see masks in dreams. As for Trump, I hope he ends up in jail, too!
from jarofporter :
not sure if i've mentioned this before, but every time i see the word "fab" i can't help but think of patsy & eddy!!
from swordfern :
Oh, and 'Happy' New Year. Not sure what's happier about today compared with last week, especially in your neck of the woods. I'll be in a far more celebratory mood on the day after we are vaccinated. I think that is the day that will actually have a sense of renewal. xoxo
from swordfern :
I have pandemic dreams constantly. Last night I dreamed that I was attending a play and there were over 50 people in a small room on small chairs places side by each and nobody was wearing masks. I wondered what was going on and if the organizers were disobeying the law or if restrictions had somehow been lifted. I could tell that I was breathing in the air that the man beside me was exhaling because the chairs were so close together. I put on my mask at that point, even though I knew that it wouldn't help against all of the unmasked people in the room. This, or similar, every goddamned night.
from jarofporter :
regarding not being able to post links anymore... i actually write out the html code for mine every time, so here's what i write, using your link (in case you'd like to try it out?) - <a href="https://painting-planet.com/the-daryal-gorge-moonlit-night-by-arkhip-kuinji/" target=_blank>link description</a> - just replace the web address & description whenever you want to post something new. hope it works!
from jarofporter :
i have yet to have a dream about the pandemic. mine are always elaborate, movie-style plots or some sort, depending on the type of shows I'm currently watching, or what i did just prior to bed.
from jarofporter :
congrats on the sight-reading, i never could get a handle on that! also, congrats on your weight loss, 20 lbs is great! i need to do the same.
from strawberrri :
I'm going to delete the app as I just have no faith in it! I am in Castle Point, which is currently number 5 worst affected in the UK, so just going to continue being very very careful. I hope you are doing as okay as can be, wishing you a brighter and better 2021 xxx
from simeons-twin :
Thank you for your note <3 Hard times indeed, I'm thankful for counting on so many wonderful people. Un abrazo, Anna.
from swordfern :
Merry Christmas, Anna!
from floodtide :
You referred somewhat obliquely the other day to being disappointed that you could no longer post images. You've used up all your file storage space? Or your gold membership has expired? If the latter is the case, I'd like to buy your gold membership. I tried to do it without asking - a surprise, I guess - but since I can't log on to my DIARYLAND membership (though I can still see my buddylist and profile, go figure) I can't log on to buy a gold membership as a gift. So would you let me know, please, if that's it? If so, I'll PayPal or Venmo you the $$. XOXO
from blujeans-uk :
Sending love, AnnaNB. I often think of you walking on your beach when I walk on mine. X
from strawberrri :
LOVE that spiked mince pie tale! :D Xx
from orangepeeler :
"This is not in the spirit of yoga." LOL.
from strawberrri :
Xxxxxxxx
from swordfern :
xoxox
from blujeans-uk :
12/11 I had an illegal hug with my mum this week too. She drove all the way from where she lives, 2 and a half hours away, to drop my birthday present off and have a ten minute bittersweet conversation through the living room window. I couldn't help myself and cried a bit and felt very guilty afterward and then cried a lot when she left to drive all the way back.
from swordfern :
He may be on the autism spectrum, or he may not know how to deal with own emotions and therefore terrified of how to deal with yours. Having someone walk away from you when you're in distress is invalidating and isolating. And even moreso when that person is supposed to be on your 'team'. xoxo
from blujeans-uk :
Oh my goodness - I actually bought that book and then forgot all about it! I'll have to dig it out of whatever pile it's been in for the past year, thank you!
from jarofporter :
i'm glad you're still writing, fwiw. :-)
from swordfern :
Cranial osteopathy? Interesting that they could 'feel' your brain fog. The part about the haircut being traumatic in a way... I get that. The shorter cut does look lighter and suits you, though, even though it likely feels like a loss...
from swordfern :
The vignette of your 'little gang of four' is beautiful. What resonates with me is the love, connection, and fun that existed among yourselves at that time. A sort of 'us against the world'.
from blujeans-uk :
So buy men's pyjamas.. that's partly why I only wear men's trousers these days.. I love shoving my phone, keys and wallet down these capacious pockets and keeping my hands free for other stuff..
from swordfern :
I appreciate your empathy with respect to emotionally absent fathers. My father learned it all from his father, who learned it from his father, and so on. I'm guessing from their British heritage. I haven't been to where that lineage came from - Yorkshire - but some of the family accounts that I've encountered are stiff, dry, and formal. I recall my grandfather telling me explicitly that children should be seen but not heard, and I, of course, being a very literal child with a belief around needing to be 'good' in order to be 'lovable', never said another thing around him. :/
from narcissa :
xox anna - that luscious poppy red tho. (sept 30)
from jarofporter :
hey, thanks for your note the other day - i am completely against AA in its entirety, but i won't detail why here. also, my issue isn't struggling to avoid drinking, it's trying to decide if i should take it up full-time! (i won't, i just toy with the idea every so often.)
from orangepeeler :
20/9 - Thanks for that, Anna xx 21/9 - beautiful painting
from cocoabean :
Gorgeous painting!
from marywa :
Leaving a quick note to say how much I am enjoying the Stella stories as well. I love hearing about how authors put books together, and I can see one happening here. Glad things are better today!
from swordfern :
(and another xoxo for today)
from swordfern :
Haven't written to you in a while. Sending love. The endless crap happening in your life sounds honestly unbearable. I know that you are strong, but this has been brutal. Hoping for some rays of sunshine to enter your life. Or at least a good, long, satisfying nap. xoxo
from blujeans-uk :
Ahh nuts, that's crap about your ankle! Fractured, broken, it's like abrasion vs scrape or ecchymosis vs bruise or antecubital fossa for that soft sensitive bit on the inside of your elbow where the veins run close to the surface. Just words. But stick with the boot otherwise it may not heal, and you don't want a malunion or a non union cos that will bugger up your walking plans for a lot longer than 10 weeks. Please make sure you're getting enough calcium and vitamin D x
from life-my-way :
To inspire your use of the jug, an update from Alabama where, then years or more ago, one of our state legislators (Steve Windom) was filibustering or some shit and used a mayonnaise jar to pee on the floor of the legislature while he droned on. So, should the jug fail, remember the humble quart jar--I'm sure they work as well for civilians as for civil servants. Love and well wishes, K.
from u-saved-me :
heya, hope your ankle is getting a tinsy bit better every moment of the day, and that bloke stops being a nitwit, i think a place right by the sea is lovely, and i'll add my positive vibes to it too <3 I havent been paying attention to any news but school stuff, so I have no idea how Canada or the world is doing, but ive heard rumblings from America as those are inescapable but its terrifying so ive been ignoring it. Once the boys get back to school i'll be able to restart some kind of daily routine that includes keeping up with news. somehow you would think after 6 months I could have started a new routine, but no, not at all, in fact I've got a negative amount of routine, and i dont know how i managed that. Seems I'm some kind of special, lol. okay i really should lay down now and try to sleep, byefornow
from jarofporter :
have you considered a gently used pair of crutches to get back & forth to the loo? or maybe one of those knee-scooters? obviously too pricey new, but maybe a 2nd-hand store or something might have an option? hell, even a cushioned footstool/ottoman with wheela would work!
from cocoabean :
bummer about your broken ankle... broken, fractured, same thing. the boot is probably more for comfort than anything else.
from jarofporter :
glad you got a diagnosis, and can focus on healing now. sorry about the 'not driving' bit though - maybe spend a lot of time in your garden? healing wishes!
from narcissa :
Sept 3: i'm late. but thinking of you xox
from life-my-way :
Sending loads of love and wishing I could also send comfort and joy, but I'm fresh out of both. Hugs for you, Sara, Ren, and Tony from Boo and me. X K
from jarofporter :
i will supplement your affirmation with positive energy from my side of the world!
from hitch-hike :
...You are most welcome! My family has used these services, and I am very grateful for taking a lot of stress of those who were the main caregivers. They also kept the loved one who needed in such comfort!
from orangepeeler :
Hugs xx
from jarofporter :
nice work on the weight loss, and remember, if you eat more on a particular day, you should keep in mind that that food actually weighs something, so gaining a bit isn't such an event. i really liked the wreath pic you posted, very sweet! hang in there, you're in my thoughts.
from hitch-hike :
24 Aug. You looked radiant in the dress and sitting in the breeze! :-)
from ladyofjazz :
Aw thanks for the hug. I don’t know when you sent it but great timing that I just saw it. I came on here crying my eyes out to get all this emotional self pitying crap out of my system and it’s just what I needed. Sorry I haven’t followed you on instagram. I’m self conscious about not being anonymous. Not that it matters I suppose. Maybe I will change my mind. i do wonder if I should make my diary private too though. Look after yourself. Hugs.xx 21/08/20
from blujeans-uk :
Sending hugs back to you too, Anna. But you can be mean and push them off. Like you said, feeling the feels is the way to go sometimes. My thoughts are with you this week x
from jarofporter :
fyi, i'm still reading! ;-) x
from jarofporter :
thank you for your thoughtful note, i appreciate you having taken the time to write so much. i'll look into that book, although i'm not sure what kind of art it's regarding (i'm not much of a painter, but i do draw a bit in pencil). thanks for the recommendation (and the note about the 'x' british ending!), i'll try to incorporate that going forward x
from jarofporter :
one thing of note I'll mention - I get that 'lump in the throat' feeling too, and it's usually related to a misalignment in my neck somewhere. Chiropractor usually takes care of it quickly, but I've cleared it myself with some spine work. Maybe the Yoga will help? Hope so.
from jarofporter :
best of luck with the counselor, really hope they're helpful.
from floodtide :
I will e-mail you the recipe for the cucumber soup! Super-easy and so delicious! Thank you for your sweet note. XOXO
from floodtide :
How I loved seeing your SMILE in the photo in this evening's post - you and P and Daughter enjoying your day in the city. I haven't seen a photo of you smiling so widely and happily in a long time. This gave my heart such joy!
from cocoabean :
I've had a bit of success losing weight by keeping my sugar intake down to 15 g or less a day. It just requires you to read nutrition labels. It seems like theres sugar in everything!
from jarofporter :
japanese is fun, but i'm envious of your keyboard skills. that would be another good thing to learn - i can play some right-hand chords, but as you mentioned, get tripped up when adding the left. anyway, hope you enjoy(ed?) your visit with your son!
from jarofporter :
i say, submit this as your 20-30 word bio... "I don't give a fuck, I don't have a message. Read me, don't read me, do what you like. I'm going to write anyway!" - ;-)
from orangepeeler :
Oof. Hope your leg heals soon. xx
from narcissa :
July 6 - xox anna
from swordfern :
xoxo
from swordfern :
Sorry to hear about the incident with the dog and the slug and your leg. Goddamn slugs, why do they even exist? But in all seriousness, the injury sounds scary, especially with your previous history of infection. I'd be moaning too. It's enough to get through each day, lately, without adding the complication of an additional health concern. xoxox
from life-my-way :
Wondering how you're doing today, how your legs are, how cleaning up the cuts went. Dogs--they're the best and the worst (but really always the best). Boo has a similar late night affair with armadillos. Why, ferfuckssake, would a roll of armadillos choose, of all the yards in all the world, the yard with a grown-ass wolf in residence as a place to set down roots? There are no answers, just many, many questions. Take care of yourself and know that healing and loving vibes are winging across the Atlantic and straight to your door (like a cannonball). XO K
from floodtide :
Your faux-Rothko is WONDERFUL! You really caught his style. I'm sorry your "fanatic" teacher didn't describe his work in a way that captivated you. I certainly would like to try! I might e-mail you some thoughts about him soon. I, too, can look at a Rothko for a long time, but I've never tried to look at one for hours, much less several hours every day for days running. But he was a fascinating character. It's interesting reading John Logan's play "RED" which imagines an assitant for Rothko as Rothko created the murals that are now in the Rothko Room at The Tate in London. They were created for the Four Seasons Restaurant in the Seagram Building when the building was first being built by Phillip Johnson and Mies van der Rohe. It was the LARGEST COMMISION in art history since the Sistine Chapel, in terms of adjusted-for-time dollars. When Rothko saw the almost-completed restaurant, he sent the money back and refused to allow them to have his paintings, which is why they ended up at the Tate. He committed suicide, sadly, by cutting his wrists in a small storage room in his studio, a room about 6 by 8 feet: similar in size to some of his paintings. i have always thought he chose the spot deliberately, that he meant this to be his final "color field" "painting." His paintings like the one you created aren't just meant to be bars of color: he imagined them as PORTALS - windows or doors into other worlds of different kinds of understanding. He would lay down a base coat, then constantly experiment with thinning or diluting or otherwise altering his pigments so that he could get a semi-transparent GLAZE. Then he'd put LAYERS and LAYERS of these glazes down, trying to create the effect of light emerging FROM the painting. And if you look at them that way, he often succeeded. XOXO
from simeons-twin :
Oh yes, you two are almost twins! Wish you'd had some of that cake we got, it was heavenly. And thanks, we're happy to finally get the ball rolling with the adoption process <3
from blujeans-uk :
Or it's mask over the mouth and not the nose, or mask under the chin, or mask on properly until they get outside and light up a fag without cleaning their hands..
from strawberrri :
Happy birthday Anna! Xx
from life-my-way :
I've been wishing you the best and brightest birthday and was sorry to see that the neighbor dogs interfered. Dogs are the best, but out of control dogs are the worst. You also are the best, Sarah and Tony are also the best, and I'm glad y'all made your birthday special. Love and birthday wishes from Alabama, XO K.
from cocoabean :
Happy birthday!
from marywa :
Happy birthday, sounds like it was a great one!
from jarofporter :
happy b-day!
from swordfern :
Denial - Check. Low Self Esteem - Check. Compliance Patterns - Check. Ugh. Thank you - this is coincidentally very close to what I have been struggling with lately. xoxo
from blujeans-uk :
Happy birthday Anna! I hope you've had a good day xxx
from hitch-hike :
Have a very happy early birthday! (I almost said 'earthly' birthday, but I think you might enjoy that, too :)
from swordfern :
Another happy birthday message, this time on the right day!!! Sending you a huge hug. Thanks for being my friend. I appreciate your support and advice and empathy - truly, I think of you as my Auntie. xoxox (Oh - what is this codependency book? I'm curious as it sounds like it's digging deep for you, and I know that I have more work to do so maybe this something that I need to learn?)
from floodtide :
Hope you wake up to many, many wishes for a happy birthday. I will be thinking of you especially tomorrow, with so much love and gratitude for your kindness and friendship. You bless me a thousand ways, and I adore you.
from narcissa :
thanks anna. xox and happy birthday in advance : )
from blujeans-uk :
7/6 That photo is phenomenal! The amazing brooding sky and the pale line of the sea and the yellow buoy.. It looks so angry and forbidding.. just brilliant.
from cocoabean :
Distancing is still the most important thing to do to avoid getting sick!
from blujeans-uk :
5/6. It's all a bit of a shitshow, isn't it.. I can't even begin to process what's going on at the moment.. I ordered a couple of recommended books off you-know-where to have for the boys to read. That is one thing. The other is, I just wanted to say thank you, for your blog being the one thing in my life at the moment that hasn't changed... content aside.. it's so reassuring to know that most days you'll have written something, and the style is the same, and your language, and the format, just this one constant is something I am holding onto while the rest of my world deconstructs around my head. Sending much love x
from hitch-hike :
(2020-06-04) Yes, I was freaking out at first when I had a cough but it was allergies which have been wicked this season. I had a thermometer handy because I'd warm up quickly with movement (yeah, considering we had to stay home and not move much), and then I get body aches more regularly than usual. It's definitely the stress having its way with us, but do get checked just to be on the safe side. **Hugs**
from swordfern :
xxx
from jarofporter :
wish i could've heard the eulogy, or even seen the service online - at least been there for it in some way. i haven't kept in touch w/them because i only knew them for the week i stayed, and well, nothing to say to L. if you ever feel like talking about her, we could email. i'd like to hear more about how she was in person, but only if you're up for it at some point. :-)
from jarofporter :
1) yes, i'd agree with oil, 2) i didn't know you knew stepfie's girls, i talked with them a bit when i stayed with her, they were great kids, so friendly and polite! 3) didn't know their dad, but L was just about useless, wasn't he? I'm still mad at that guy.
from cocoabean :
Don't feel bad about not walking. After all, you are doing yoga so at least you do something!
from u-saved-me :
May 19th, thank you <3
from strawberrri :
Glad I gave you a chuckle! I had to trample the nettles down in order to recommence weeing. I felt very undignified! Hope you enjoy meditation today xx
from u-saved-me :
ahh i love your pictures!! the grass is barely green here, so it's frickin wonderful to see green and growing things <3
from aliannmil :
Thank you for your support. Good on you for doing for yourself, I know I need to do that, still working on it. If it would just stop being cold and snowy I could get out. For anti-maskers I have been using the pee analogy. When folks say "I know a nurse and they say the mask won't protect me, and studies support that" I explain that they don't understand the reason we wear masks If you haven't heard it this is simple...If everyone is naked and a guy pees at you you get pee on you, if you wear pants and he is naked your pants will help but you still get wet. If he wears pants the pee stays with him and you are dry. That is why we wear masks. I wear for you and you wear for me. If only I wear a mask they are protected but I am not. If they refuse it isn't because it doesn't keep US safe, it is because they are a selfish prick who thinks their comfort is more important than our lives. Feel free to use it, even a prick can understand that analogy. Nobody likes pee on them.
from blujeans-uk :
Hi Anna, thank you for your kind words, especially so since you're finding it hard too. It's draining, the trying to carry on and give your days meaning and structure, then it all just falls down around your ears and you think 'why am I bothering..?' I'm trying to hang in there. Sending love and hope that you can do the same xxx
from aliannmil :
There is nothing I can do from so far away but I can say this, you are allowed to be tired and cranky and feel like you are not heard or seen. We are all tied up in our own suffering and it can be hard for the best of us to reach out when all we want is someone to reach in. I am sorry I have been away for so long substituting FB for the real contact here. I will "listen" as long as you like. If the time zone weren't so tricky I could even visit via internet. Hugs to you. I hope you feel better soon.
from aliannmil :
I had no idea you were still posting here, not sure why. I don't know what to say. Hugs to you and Sara.
from life-my-way :
I love your scapes and thing the birds are great. Your work rocks, and I'll get a picture of my card tomorrow. xoxo from Alabama. K.
from cocoabean :
I like the birds!
from simeons-twin :
02/05/2020 Don't worry, I plan on staying on lockdown for a while! You too be safe xxx
from floodtide :
Your beautiful painting and generous words arrived today. I cannot thank you enough. I saw the envelope and almost jumped with joy. I called, "Matt, Matt!" I couldn't wait to show it to him because I knew he'd think your work was beautiful and beautifully done. We are excited to find an appropriate framing job for it and to hang it in just the right place - somewhere it will be seen and appreciated often by both us and our guests. I feel so blessed by you! XOXOXO
from u-saved-me :
01,may,2020. I may not have much faith in the Prime Minister voted Best Hair, but I'm okay with living in my little corner of Canada right now.
from swordfern :
On seeing family. I haven't seen my parents (who are in their mid-70's) since February 26th. A part of me is like - fuck it. They are going into the grocery store and wandering around their neighbourhood talking with all of the dog walkers. And if they get it anyhow and die, what a shame that I didn't risk seeing them during this time. Your quote - we are all human - is right. I saw a bunch of people carrying balloons and wrapped gifts to go to a baby shower on the weekend, and I was outraged that they were still having this type of gathering, but in reality my rage was jealousy of not feeling allowed to do the same thing. The simple thing of spending time with my family. Because I follow rules and believe in doing so will keep my family safe. Which may not be entirely true. This ended up being a rambling mess. Which is an accurate representation of life at the moment. Sending love. (I also enjoyed your letter to your younger self. I could write a similar letter to myself, perhaps even to my current self.)
from blujeans-uk :
When I was little, my Mamma (Dad's mum) would take me and sometimes one of my brothers on what seemed like a miles-long trek to the bluebell woods near our town every Easter or May school holiday. We'd take a picnic and walk through the woods and see the flowers (and pick a few to take home before I knew not to) and she'd tell us how she and her friends used to pick off the nettle flowers and suck out the nectar when they were in the woods. One year we walked back through a field of cloying yellow rapeseed.. the smell was as thick as treacle. I'm sorry to hear about your aunt xxx
from orangepeeler :
I'm so sorry for your loss, Anna. xx
from narcissa :
4/22: it takes so much energy to take stock of all the things that are working and are not, and form any semblance of a plan.. Hard in any time and much harder now that all support mechanisms are askew. I admire and appreciate your effort and really hope that tomorrow is a better day.
from narcissa :
thx anna. Been really appreciating your entries. xox
from cocoabean :
Chicken in your salad or use it for tacos or fajitas or in pasta!
from jimbostaxi :
Love the pics!
from floodtide :
Thanks for your sweet comments, and thanks for switching over to blogspot to keep reading. I've been following you daily and sending all my love and care and compassion. I love that you're enjoying your online sessions, and the painting you've been doing is beautiful. A big virtual hug to you from across the miles.
from orangepeeler :
lovely painting xx
from life-my-way :
I love your seascapes and am so excited that one is waiting for me when I return to Tuscaloosa! The friend who is renting that house opened it, loved it, and was super-impressed that I have an artist friend in Brighton who sends me lovely work! Her husband is a Brit and she may be surprised that she has not cornered that market. I'll message you the address where I am now--I'd love a card and would love to send you one as well. Just lots of love is what I'm saying. xo K.
from jimbostaxi :
Thanks for posting the video! Have a great night.
from hitch-hike :
Sending love to the States to you and the UK!! Pandemic or not, I just wanted to send a message from the ether and am glad you've been able to carry on as best you can.
from jimbostaxi :
Hi, I'm a new reader. How difficult was it to make your masks? And do you have any recommendations for others who want to try? Would you consider selling a few? Stay safe and have a great day. :)
from life-my-way :
Thank you for the note--I love notes! Why don't I leave them all the time? I don't know! Love reading about your activities and admire your executive function putting a day together. Will try again with that myself tomorrow. xoxo from far away, K.
from u-saved-me :
thinkin of you <3
from orangepeeler :
Thank you for the link - it looks interesting! :)
from u-saved-me :
heya, its reflexive to not put in any physical details in the posts i write just in case someone i know in real life stumbles across it, but that is leftover from when dland was all the rage and i knew about 10 people in real life who kept dland diaries. And also I didnt have kids. So, uh, eons ago. It might be time to retire that bit of 'internet safety' haha.
from u-saved-me :
<3<3<3
from ladyofjazz :
Love your piece of writing based on the Sandy Denny song. Really captures the freedom and beauty of those times. I feel bad the kids today don't get to experience that magic. At least it doesn't look like it from where I'm standing. I don't know if there's a happier memory than a teenage summer in England post war, pre internet.
from swordfern :
That 'oil painting' of Sam is simply stunning.
from floodtide :
Thank you for your kind, sweet note, my friend. It made me smile again to hear from you. Wasn't sure what you meant by "lost," but if you haven't been able to access my "new" blog, it's at https://flloodtide2.blogspot.com/ XOXOXOXO
from u-saved-me :
heya, no problem at all, and take your time, i think a lot of people feel a lot of stress/pressure and i didn't mean to add more to your pile with my long ass note. thank you for updating as much as you do, i know its fucking hard, everything is so hard right now, so i guess im just flickering my light back out to you, to let you know im here and reading and i hope the best for you. take care <3
from floodtide :
Loved your description of the Zoom writing workshop. Sounds like it was really fun and satisfying and productive. You sounded HAPPY writing about it, and that made me smile.
from u-saved-me :
heya, im a delivery driver for a pharmacy in canada, and while I'm not a particularly science-y person I have been reading a metric ton on this and trying to piece things together myself from all the info from all the places (good thing I only work part time so i have time to do all this reading lol) Yep the plain material masks do have to be washed after every outing, soap and warm/hot water makes the virus fall apart as it is held together by a thin layer of fat. You could probably just boil it, I'm thinking that would work fine, but I would suggest washing all the clothes you wear out in public, as then there's less of a chance of having the virus stick around on your clothes. And if you're doing laundry anyway might as well toss the mask in with the clothes. The only thing is when taking the masks/clothes off try not to shake them much, think of the virus as dust bits, they will stick to the material but if you shake it or throw it around, the virus will float off into the air and is easy to breath in then. I did find a post on facebook that is pretty good, not great as i think it was translated to english, but if you want to take a look: https://www.facebook.com/groups/198346424935322/permalink/207268237376474/
from jarofporter :
received your painting today, thank you so much!
from jarofporter :
the hills look lovely for a walk!
from strawberrri :
Ah you are so productive! Love the painting of the pots x
from orangepeeler :
good tips - thanks xx
from jarofporter :
in my experience, the US doesn't use the 'practise' version at all, it's 'practice' for both the noun & the verb. but then, what do i expect? we're not exactly sophisticates over here...
from swordfern :
I think we'd be great isolation pals. Music, dancing, yoga, art, cooking... if only there weren't an overture of doom and societal collapse. *sigh* Thinking of you lots. And glad that you isolated early.
from strawberrri :
Routine is definitely important, even if part of that routine is getting up late and/or an afternoon nap (I wish!). I was hoping to break the days up with both a morning and afternoon walk with Leo, but looks like it'll be one walk plus the garden for our other outside time xxxxxxx
from blujeans-uk :
Sending love, Anna-with-whom-I-share-a-surname It's all shit and horrible, no two ways about it. xxx
from jarofporter :
'focus on your breath' - precisely why i'm still doing the Wim Hof Method, just skipping the cold, as it's too much of a physical stressor for these times. I do wish you'd look into it a bit, as I believe it would be of benefit. :-)
from jarofporter :
sorry, didn't see a message from you in inbox or junkmail folders. if you want to leave me a note with your email, i'll reply, and delete it right away, or you could try again? :-)
from life-my-way :
Of course, I also would love one of your seascapes! Also love the way you're taking things on in this strange new world. A model is what you are! XO K
from marywa :
I would love one of your seascapes! I especially like the third from the bottom on the left. My email is pralls AT gmail.com
from jarofporter :
i've always been impressed with your seascapes & would love to have one, if you're up for sending. (i may even have some English currency left from my trip there that I'd love to send back, if that's feasible?) my email addy is on my journal page (hover-text) - if you send me an email i'll write back with details!
from swordfern :
Oh, Anna. Stuck at home with Bloke. Layers of discomfort. I'm sorry. Please keep sharing your art - it is truly beautiful, and watching your style and skill evolve is fascinating and inspiring.
from swordfern :
Checking in from Canada. Our borders are closing and everyone has been told to stay home. For now, and from my position of privilege, this is all very beautiful. The slowing down and taking stock of what is important. I just stood on my balcony here at 10pm and watched as a man handed over a tray of food to a woman standing on the sidewalk. "Stay safe," he said as they parted ways. Of course I have fears and have broken down in tears, but over and over I learn that letting go creates space for something new. Xoxo.
from ladyofjazz :
Hi, checking in. It's very surreal here in Spain. Awful situation but with some beautiful moments like all the singing on the balconies and everyone's sense of humour is on top form. For now... It's going to be OK. Just gotta sit tight and try and stay sane. Take care.x 16/03/20
from narcissa :
3-16: hi friend, i'm not writing right now, i can't. but I am reading and I'm here. Perhaps i will look up this grief series, i seem to need it. xox take care.
from cocoabean :
Wash your hands, something we all should have been doing all along. I still have to work, I never get that close to customers anyway so I think I'll be fine. I kind of feel like the media has made this worse than it is. Stores are out of toilet paper and cleaning products. Glad I bought mine weeks ago!
from life-my-way :
I'm loving the beach pics you share from your walks with Shirley! We're fine here, but I feel like the US is not being given strong messages about how to deal (besides washing our freaking hands already). Yay for Spain for making things a little plainer. Sending wellest of wishes for you keeping on1 XOXO K
from orangepeeler :
Thinking of you. xx
from strawberrri :
Ollie's tried to explain it to me. No point closing schools etc now. Need to do it when it's bad. No point keeping healthy people home for 2 weeks. I'm not sure, but keep safe as you can xx
from life-my-way :
I love love love your photographs. Also, may be able to help with the video stuff. XOXO
from life-my-way :
You're brave to do that interview and I can't wait to see it. XOXO
from cocoabean :
That is one awesome cloud!
from floodtide :
The gull photo: WOW. Just WOW.
from jarofporter :
yes, sunsets are one of my fave things. always so peaceful, no matter my mood.
from simeons-twin :
It's a powerful perfomance, isn't it? If it happens before my eyes I'll start to cry. I promise I'll be extra careful <3
from jarofporter :
really glad it was returned to you, that's got to be a big relief!
from cocoabean :
it IS amazing! Thanks to whoever turned it in!!
from cocoabean :
I don't look forward to long drives, and it takes me about an hour to actually relax once I've started. The absolute best thing about them is arriving safe and sound.
from life-my-way :
Thank you for writing, I see my things in you and you make them loveable and okay. So thank you. Don't know what to wear. Don't know what to bring. Don't know what to do, how to do it, but know damn well that I did it all wrong in retrospect. Only that's wrong, too--my lying fuck of a brain is telling bullshit stories that I believe. Fall for it every time, I do. xo from across the waves.
from jarofporter :
ha! you came to the same conclusion i would have - take along multiple sets of footware. great job on the compromise solution!
from cocoabean :
The Wire is an awesome show! I once worked in an office on the 4th floor. Every night at 5PM I watched a cloud of black birds fly from one park to another. It was an amazing sight! I always thought they were crows, but they could have been starlings. From the distance, it's a bit difficult to tell which is which.
from jarofporter :
never seen starlings in person, but that video was amazing!
from swordfern :
Those starling photos. *heart eyes*
from jarofporter :
this is likely because I have nothing of worth to say & you'd be better off not bothering to read any of my posts... ;-)
from jarofporter :
"chat sounded like starlings chatter" - this is why one should always carry a pair of ear plugs of some sort. i use them most every time i'm in a pub, else i'd go mad.
from swordfern :
Thinking of you. 💛
from dangerspouse :
"But Dangerspouse does it too, so fuck it." Truer words were never spoken. I so love that picture of Sam. I often think of the Dr. Seuss line, "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." when I get maudlin thinking of my own losses. It doesn't lessen the grief of course, but sometimes it does make me smile for however brief a time. x
from jarofporter :
1) finding someone with whom to do things is always such a task, isn't it? i have the same dilemma. 2) i'm excited for you to start getting your pension, and hope it will be enough that you can do what you want & not feel stuck where you are. maybe moving on to better things?
from floodtide :
Sorry that d-land deleted most of your post, but the photograph of the pond and the green hills is stunning - thank you for sharing this. I hope you don't mind, but I downloaded it so I could have it on my computer. You are a gift. XOXO
from jarofporter :
love the idea of a 'One Bum Cinema Club', wish we had things like that here.
from swordfern :
The starlings. Wish I could be there to witness that with you. Beautiful photo.
from orangepeeler :
Love the hat! X
from swordfern :
Why not just tell him? That's a good point. I keep waiting for the right moment, but I know that is an excuse. I'm afraid that saying it will change things, that it will cause a loss of tension/mystery. Thanks for forcing me to confront this and think more about it. xoxo
from cocoabean :
the bungaroosh reminds me of a big cob of corn.
from life-my-way :
If you can send me a link to the photo I can put together the html and maybe even figure out where to put it in the D-land d-bag.
from swordfern :
Merry Christmas, Anna. Sending love and light.
from cocoabean :
Happy Christmas to you too!
from cocoabean :
I am moving too, so I can sympathize, only I'm on the third floor so have many more steps!
from jarofporter :
Couldn't place Julie Driscoll so I followed your link. I had to laugh when I heard it, because the song you linked is the theme song for the TV show Ab Fab (Absolutely Fabulous)! Man, I love Patsie & Eddie! Always wondered where the song came from...
from cocoabean :
I agree with you; I would never describe Wally Lamb as comforting! LOL
from jarofporter :
hi! thanks for your note - i'm sorry you can identify with what i wrote, but it helps knowing others feel the same. i hope you find your way to feeling better soon as well. for what it's worth, if i were nearby, i'd be happy to help move your furniture...
from simeons-twin :
I got your note! Getting the notification was like a blast from the past, haha. Hugs to you <3 (I'll add the date for posterity: 18/12/2019)
from life-my-way :
I hope you're keeping cozy and warm and congratulate you on the four years fagless--that's a huge accomplishment XOXO from across the pond. K
from blujeans-uk :
Day 10 (I'm catching up)- I don't shave anything either. I don't get it,the need for it to satisfy some perverted male idea of how a female body should look and how it's insidiously become accepted as 'normal'. Grrrrrr
from cocoabean :
Great picture!
from narcissa :
Anna, WTF is this vote? I'm sorry (for all of us) - i remember that feeling of shocked disbelief the morning I woke up after Trump won. People were crying on the bus. Appreciate your daughter's words, let's hold to that but seriously what the fuck is this.
from jarofporter :
i imagine you're feeling the same way i did when that twit won our highest office. i'm really sorry...
from jarofporter :
i've been wanting to find a yin yoga class for a while myself - your instructor sounds lovely, and is likely an empath. glad you found this safe space!
from narcissa :
12-11: loved this entry, first: hadn't heard of this show and i also love imagining the meeting where this gets greenlit(so bananas that this exists); second: i also have a lot of thoughts (similar) on hair and loved to hear yours. xox i'm so glad you're writing all the time.
from jarofporter :
just letting you know i'm still reading, just don't have much of worth to offer for comments. :-)
from narcissa :
dec 6: i too have found that when things are already hard, the fuckedupness and corruption of the political space is just overwhelming. (and i'm in washington DC so I get it). xox thinking of you.
from orangepeeler :
Congrats on submitting xx
from swordfern :
Nov 4: Thinking of you. Sending love.
from cocoabean :
The cats might enjoy high places to play/walk on, further away from Shirley...
from life-my-way :
"I don't know who I am anymore," really struck a chord with me...tomorrow is my last day of work here and I already have that feeling. Who am I if not (without) this? Hope you write about seeing Patti Smith, that should be amazing! For now, you're strong and amazing and my self-care role model...and that's just what I can see from waaaay over here. XO K.
from strawberrri :
Hope you are managing to hold up okay. You're in my thoughts xxx
from narcissa :
10/8: thinking of you. xox
from orangepeeler :
hope you take care of yourself xx
from blujeans-uk :
Oh Anna.. I'm so sorry.. I was off D-land for a bit so just read everything. Sending all my love xxx
from narcissa :
xox
from life-my-way :
I also hope you'll find a way to give yourself some special care of yourself. You've been a hero, doing the impossible on the regular, and more than deserve tender care and comfort yourself. In any event, I'm (metaphorically) right next to you as all pain, unfelt and brand new, crashes on your shore. And wish I were there there, and so glad you're so loved where you are. xo
from jarofporter :
:-(
from narcissa :
(also - to echo jarofporter below, i think i put it in my note I sent from my email but I hope you are able to use some of that money for self care, not just for the funeral.. you have so carefully established those supports and you'll need them and none of this is cheap. maybe you can't think of it right now. xox take care)
from narcissa :
Anna, you have so much grit. I know you had no choice, and it's just something you had to do ,but still you found the strength to manage that funeral, to write that perfect, funny, and incredibly personal story for Sam, and to take the time to edit it so everyone would have their time to speak. What a hard journey, and I'm so sorry for all you've all lost. xox thinking of you.
from life-my-way :
Your words were beautiful, as per usual, and I'm sending all the love and sympathy to you in this chapter of the loss of beautiful, funny Sam. Love and sympathy to Tony, Son, and YD. A gentle kick in the shins for bloke. xo K
from strawberrri :
Such a heart-warming entry. I hope you are coping as best as possible in the run up to Sam's funeral xxx
from floodtide :
So much I wish I could say - and do - to help you go through this time. Your postings about trying to prepare for Sam's funeral have been beautiful, generous, and heartbreaking. I am sending so much love and so many hugs from this side of the Atlantic. I still can't post on d-land; my diary is locked out. I've been writing in Word and e-mail documents to the few regular readers but don't have an e-mail address for you. Number 1: if you'd like to read my diary (when things calm down, obviously), send an e-address to me at [email protected]. Number 2: please e-mail a link to the PayPal or GoFundMe (or whatever crowdsourcing site) so I can make a small contribution to the moneys that will help with not only Sam's funeral but your own next chapter. XOXOXO - Flood/GWM
from jarofporter :
i'm so glad all those people were able to help! i'd like to mention that the money donated likely wasn't just for the funeral, but was an offer of/wish to support you & your family through this time. as a long-0time care-giver, i personally think a little self-care is due. apologies if this comes across as out of line, i just feel you deserve some comfort...
from annanotbob2 :
Thank you marywa - there's no noes on your dairy so I added it to the bottom of the post and also in case you don't return my paypal is via this email [email protected] I really appreciate your kindness xxx
from marywa :
Please can you post a link to your paypal or something? I would like to send a gift to help with the funeral, and I'm sure others would too.
from narcissa :
sept 10: thinking of you. (every day) xox. I know nothing can make this better, so just hoping all of you are supporting each other the best you can and finding solace in whatever ways you can.
from swordfern :
Thinking of you. Thinking of you all of the time, to be honest. Your first born; your first love. Xoxo
from hitch-hike :
2019-09-07: I am sending my condolences to you and your family for the loss of your daughter. This has been a long and difficult journey, and send thoughts of comfort, healing, and compassion. xoxox
from stellarrobot :
I am so relieved to hear that you are comfort eating. I wanted to come and post a note to say find some big dirty pastries and cakes and almonds croissants, and eat with devil may care attitude. The time is now and you need to keep your energy up. Your strength and grace is phenomenal. Still transmitting air hugs.
from stellarrobot :
I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending you biggest hugest air hugs through the universe. The photos of your daughter were beautiful.
from narcissa :
6-sept: xox thinking of you and your family today
from cantilever :
You have been love in action. I know this will be hard as hell, but in the days to come I pray that the exquisite love you showered upon her will come back to you 1000-fold.
from marywa :
Sending love to all of you. I am so so sorry.
from orangepeeler :
Anna, I am so, so sorry for your loss. May your lovely daughter rest in peace.
from strawberrri :
Choked up and heartbroken for you. Rest in peace, beautiful ED. Xxxxx
from narcissa :
Dear Anna: I'm so so sorry. I appreciated all those photos of your lovely daughter...She looks so vibrant - she must have been really special. Glad you have all those memories and that you have spent so much time with her for all these years. I'm thinking back to all of the ways that you have fought and advocated and loved and cared for her. It's so unfair that this happened, but you did so much with the time you had. Sending love and thinking of you and all who love her. xoxox.
from life-my-way :
Still sending the love, will continue to do so always. You've done the impossible for so long, I'm wishing a smooth transition out of full-time caregiver and into full-time selfcare. You are so deserving of all good things. XOXOXO k
from onlyemma :
Just came across your diary after not logging on to diaryland for years and was so sad to read your entry about your daughter. I couldn’t read it and not pass on my condolences, it sounds like you, your family and especially your lovely daughter have been so very brave. I hope you can find some peace during such a painful time xx
from floodtide :
Sweet Anna, I am so, so sorry. Sending love, compassion, and prayers for healing over time. Thank you for sharing this journey with us. You are beautiful.
from cocoabean :
*hugs* my condolences.
from jarofporter :
i'm so sorry she's gone from you, but i know from experience that there's a bit of relief from all of the suffering you both have been through. so glad you're memories have reemerged - hold on to them. my thoughts are with you.
from life-my-way :
All the XXXs for you, my friend.
from jarofporter :
no, there really are no words. you've been, and will continue to be, in my thoughts.
from swordfern :
xxx (times a million)
from strawberrri :
I've texted myself a note to watch Better Things sometime. To echo a note below, you are so very courageous. What's happening sounds so so awful for your daughter and all of you who love her, but she is lucky to have you xxx
from orangepeeler :
So much courage in the face of everything. Thinking of you.
from swordfern :
Jesus, Anna, your writing conveys the desperation, the pain, the sad helplessness of the situation. Happy anniversary of your ED's birth. Sending love.
from life-my-way :
Thinking of you and your dear family with so much love. Sending well wishes of comfort and peace to you all. XOXO k
from swordfern :
I am behind on reading your diary but think of you often. xoxo
from strawberrri :
Xxxxxx and more xxxxxxxxx
from swordfern :
Thank you for the commentary and reassurance. I have a hard time reading things from him and not putting a spin on them, so the feedback is valuable. By the way - your watercolour of sandwich menu is fucking fabulous. Seriously. xoxox
from orangepeeler :
20.07.19 - lovely sketch
from narcissa :
just came to say exactly that: your dentist experience is such a nightmare. Thinking of you.
from swordfern :
my god, anna, the dentist episode sounds like a living nightmare. xoxo
from narcissa :
Jul 10: xo. i think you're right you have to feel it. I use these kind of clunky meditation/visualization apps for grief and they're pretty cathartic.
from boombasticat :
Thank you for your kindness, A.
from swordfern :
I always appreciate your honest writing. The good times and the lonely times. Festival sounds like an intense experience. You are brave to go it alone without a partner in crime.
from strawberrri :
Happy birthday! Hope you have a great Glastonbury - absolutely perfect weather for it this year xx
from narcissa :
6-20: been a while since you posted so checking in - miss your words and thinking of you.
from orangepeeler :
hope you're okay xx
from jarofporter :
looking forward to hearing from you again on d-land. take care.
from jarofporter :
hi, was just wondering how you're doing, as it's been a while since your last update. hope all's as well as it can be.
from jarofporter :
the pond, and your description of the birds, sounds lovely! glad you had that enjoyable experience!
from narcissa :
June 1: xox
from strawberrri :
Tomorrow is meant to be lovely. I hope both you and your daughter find enjoyment from the woods. It must be unthinkable to be planning end of life care for your own child - my heart goes out to you and her Xx
from swordfern :
my god, these kinds of dreams. the most painful of gifts. xoxo
from jarofporter :
#2, the garden/pond sounds lovely. i would sit there all day watching the little creatures. congrats on winning some cash too!
from narcissa :
May 8- Anna! I want all 7! I love your art... Errr I’ll email you to figure out how to pay you and get them. So glad you’re feeling a bit better.. been off and just catching up- hadn’t realized how Ill you've been.
from jarofporter :
hi! glad to hear your health is improving, sorry it seems to be so slowly. getting to your pension will give you a lot of freedom/options, hang in there!
from life-my-way :
Love to you all, self and ED and S and Ren and Bloke and Shirley and Tony, love to all of you from all of us over here.
from marywa :
Sending you healing thoughts from Seattle!
from strawberrri :
Agh, hope you get better very very soon xx
from hitch-hike :
Sending wishes for a full recovery, Anna!
from jarofporter :
since you mentioned breathing exercises, thought you might be interested in this. i got over my last respiratory infection in two days with no meds using this method 4 times/day. hope it might be of some use... https://youtu.be/nzCaZQqAs9I
from blujeans-uk :
Hope you're on the mend xx
from floodtide :
You wrote very movingly of the Notre Dame fire and the crowds' reactions. I've had to change my username/password. I'd love to share them with you but don't want to post them in a public note. Drop me an e-mail, please, to [email protected] and I'll share new info with you! XO
from orangepeeler :
Oof. Hope you get better soon, Anna.
from dangerspouse :
HAHAA! Best reply note I've recieved in a long, long time. Well done :)
from life-my-way :
Oh Anna, pneumonia is so difficult and draining. I am glad, at least, that a trip to the ER reminded you how fine and fit you are--you walk 1000 miles! Regularly. I both envy your NHS and rejoice that it's there for you and your peeps to give care when you need it. Sending love, of course, but from too far away to help. XOXO K
from dangerspouse :
That's it. I'm moving to England, Brexit or no Brexit. Your NHS is brilliant. I hope you get better.
from jarofporter :
hope you're feeling better soon!
from orangepeeler :
09.04.19 - Sorry for your loss, Anna. That was a sweet tribute to your friend.
from swordfern :
Anna. Your latest entry is very moving. xoxo
from swordfern :
Thank you for the 'flat' vibes! I have no doubt that you and the others here rooting for me helped me get the place! Thinking of you and bloke and that situation often. xoxo
from orangepeeler :
Thanks, Anna. My mom is amazing. I wish I had more of her courage and resilience.
from swordfern :
Thank you, Anna. You know what? You reading me and commenting is a big part of my life right now. One of the empty spaces for me right now is not having someone to talk to at the end of the day, someone to text message when something exciting or funny happens, a witness to my life. My diary has become that witness, and by you reading it, you become my witness. So thank you for helping me find steady footing. Thank you for reading. Thank you for being you!
from narcissa :
3-18: sorry it was such a hard few days. xox
from life-my-way :
I want Queer Eye to come sort me out, too. Maybe they could do a "Diaryland Do-over" and sort Andrew too, while they're at it, and anyone else who's left up in here. xxx k
from orangepeeler :
Beautiful tribute.
from life-my-way :
xoxo on this anniversary, Anna, and on all the other days besides. xxx k
from swordfern :
I wish to have known your brother. I like the part where he gave you a different view of yourself. It takes a generous spirit to evoke that in others. xoxo
from life-my-way :
It's hard to rest an injury (or be caged up for whatever reason). Good for you following Dr's instructions; a beach walk is hard to resist! xo k
from life-my-way :
Sending love from x the pond and well wishes for fast healing bruises. xoxo k
from jarofporter :
hi! thanks for the add, i don't know why it won't update. that's ok though, you wouldn't really be missing much anyway, i'm kind of dull! ;-)
from jarofporter :
1) i can't stand that ultra-loud, echo-y cacophony with indoor pools either! earplugs don't really help, what helps is a decided lack of kids. i miss pool swimming. 2) a doula who does reiki? that's interesting! i'm glad that seems to be helpful.
from orangepeeler :
re 20.02.19. lovely painting
from life-my-way :
I got quite clenchy (thanks swordfern!) reading about J. There are too many of those people who are "the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral" on the loose and it distresses me every time one runs into me. And apparently an actual runin is not required. Those with nothing to bring to the situation should def fuck right off with a quickness. xoxoxo k.
from swordfern :
I'm sorry that you had to experience that from J. They can certainly fuck right off.
from jarofporter :
:-(
from cocoabean :
Yes, smells do evoke a lot of memories! Some good, some bad.
from swordfern :
Ugh, I started to get clenchy as you described the art teacher being insistent on things... good for you for leaving. Art shouldn't be stressful.
from jarofporter :
completely agree on the V-day comments! Ugh.
from swordfern :
All is well, Anna. The hard part is over. Now to untangle the assets. I am thinking of you in your relationship situation and am sending you compassion and love.
from life-my-way :
It is so nice that we are connected by a thing. Thanks for the reminder. xoxo k.
from life-my-way :
Love you Anna. xxx
from swordfern :
I am listening to Joni Mitchell and thinking of you. <3
from life-my-way :
I second jarofporters emotion--bunch of cunts is just too right! Your writing group sounds amazing and I wish that I could be there to take it. Yay you, for doing the hard things (and yay you, also, when the hard things are just too hard). And yay Brighton for having a death doula--that's brilliant and I've never heard of such before, only hospice. Death doula is nice and brave for its plainspokenness. Sometimes the horror needs to be plainly spake. xxx from quite near a bit of the pond, k
from jarofporter :
"bunch of cunts"... exactly! glad your writing group went so well.
from strawberrri :
Also just saw your note to me - thank you! Xx
from strawberrri :
Just caught up on your last few entries xxxxx
from dangerspouse :
XXXXXXX
from blujeans-uk :
Xxx
from swordfern :
My heart ached to read your dream. I know the feeling of wanting to stay in that moment forever. xxx
from narcissa :
Xox I am glad you could have that memory and that dream.
from swordfern :
Thank you, Anna, for being with me through this. You have helped me find myself again. xoxo
from swordfern :
Thank you. Today is hard. I'm feeling unsure of myself. Your note helps me feel safe. Sending love back to you.
from cocoabean :
glad your day was better than yesterday!
from swordfern :
Cancelling and saying no is an undervalued skill of self care. xoxo
from life-my-way :
I never miss reading but, without proper instructions like you gave today, I can't be sure how to post a note. But I love when I get them and should guess that you would too. XXX from the colonies. k
from jarofporter :
I always read you every time you post, I'm just rubbish for having anything to say that doesn't read as a platitude. I'm thinking of you though, and hoping you find some relief soon. The books & candles were such a nice gift, I'm glad they helped a bit. Take care of you, ok?
from swordfern :
Thanks for cheering me on. I go back and read these when times get murky and my resolve falters. Xoxo
from swordfern :
Thanks, Anna. There is a lot of messiness to wade through, but I'm (currently) optimistic that the future holds great promise.
from life-my-way :
I also knew Mel and am sorry to learn of her death. She accomplished so much even with so many challenges and I always envied her animals, especially way back when they were on that farm here in the U.S. Great photographer, too. Hugs and sympathy and grief from the heart of Dixie...k
from strawberrri :
I didn't know Mel but I'm sad and sorry for her passing - losing an online friend is no less a loss because of how you knew them. Your words about her and the dream are beautiful xx
from jarofporter :
I'm sorry to hear about your friend.
from swordfern :
Sending love, Anna.
from swordfern :
Thinking of your brother. Wish he was here to celebrate his birthday with you.
from orangepeeler :
Happy new year. Wishing you good health and much writing energy for 2019.
from narcissa :
Anna - i love that tree... such a perfect use for your glass! Just to say i'm thinking of you and hope you are having some nice days over this sometimes tricky and stressful time.
from orangepeeler :
Love the tree!
from swordfern :
How are you doing? I am thinking about you. Also, I love what you did with the wall tree - it's so creative and beautifully designed.
from strawberrri :
Oh thank you, that's such a compliment. Wishing and hoping for a happy Christmas for you and your family xx
from ladyofjazz :
I always wondered about daring to go bare legged in winter. Some outfits do not look good with tights. So the trick is extra warm feet! Will try it.
from narcissa :
i also go that way when i'm stressed. Like now: where are my glasses? Who knows. Etc. My mother reminds me constantly: Look behind you whenever you leave a place. I hope this phase of losing things passses, but in the meantime, sending you calm energy.
from swordfern :
I have secretly been wishing that he ends it, because then it's out of my hands and not me giving up. I desperately want validation that parting ways is the right thing to do. And then when someone tells me that it's OK to move on, I start to defend the relationship and him and want to work on it some more. I wish that someone could tell us whether a repair is possible, or if this is just how life is. I feel so ungrateful. I shame myself for wanting something different. I wonder if I've sabotaged this due to some childhood trauma that leaves me believing that I don't deserve nice things. The entire thing is exhausting mentally. Sending my love your way too.
from swordfern :
And being told that I'm a good at writing means more to me than being good at engineering. Which is an interesting realization... *sigh* xoxo
from swordfern :
Hah, thanks, Anna. My answer? Lots of time alone :/
from strawberrri :
I actually gave birth in theatre in the end! But that's the next part of the story :) Sorry to hear you were stuck on a trolley for a long time - exactly the kind of thing you'll never forget. I'm so sorry about all the other shit going on in your life too - you come across as very strong though x
from blujeans-uk :
Still here, still reading. Sending all my love for you and your baby girl x
from jarofporter :
that UN article you mentioned is making the rounds on FB (which is where I saw it). hopefully it keeps getting more press.
from dangerspouse :
I just came back to blogging, and yours was one of the first other than mine I checked. I was so hoping for...I don't know. Words of hope regarding Sam, honestly. I never know what to say in the face of dolor, but please know that even in my absence I was still thinking of you. ((( )))
from ladyofjazz :
17/11/18 It's bloody terrifying! I was reading the twitter feed for #savebrexit and there are some right nutters on there talking about taking to the streets and using force to make their utterly deluded Brexit dream a reality. It's like a nightmare and it's only going to get worse. Yeah it's the young ones I feel so sorry for, having opportunity taken from them. I had a great time and amazing opportunities to do whatever I wanted when I was younger.... inter-railing for example! Took it all for granted at the time, but why wouldn't I? You don't expect a constitutional crisis like this to happen sometime in the future. Guess the good times can't last. Just feel so hopeless and helpless!xx
from life-my-way :
Loved the multiple affirmations of our unlikely friendship in today’s entry. Love also having such a great pal across great distances of time and space. Love most of all that your writing moved the audience which, in turn, moved you. Plus just plain old love you. (Nov 10 2018)
from strawberrri :
Thank you. I have my six week check with the GP next Thursday so will see how I'm feeling by then and whether they think it's normal xx
from joistmonkey :
Hi annanotbob, and than you for the nice comment about missing my entries. I've been keeping a densely handwritten paper diary this year and it's felt quite useful and different - no matter how honest one tries to be in a public diary, there's always going to be a little bit of 'life through a lens' and subtle differences between an online and 'real' self. Am enjoying dipping back in to follow online diary friends but don't think I'll be back myself. I've lost the will/confidence to express my mundane self in that way, I guess.
from floodtide :
Just read your entry - "Five Good Things," I think you called it - on the morning of Nov 4. (Back to Standard time here in the States.) Your beach glass pendants are beautiful, and so are the sun photographs you posted. And so are YOU.
from catsoul :
hi. I also read your writings. I don't have a lot to say either. Take Care. Peace. =^..^=
from jarofporter :
I read every update too, just rarely have anything useful to say. :-)
from life-my-way :
There with you always, from here. Your pendants are lovely and will sell with or without chains. XOXO K
from strawberrri :
Thank you! His name is Leo and he rules our house now. Luckily he lets us sleep occasionally :) xx
from jenistar2 :
As I nose around a little, I’m finding some familiar names! Nice to see your name in that list <3
from orangepeeler :
yay for good times with dear pals!
from jarofporter :
glad you heard from dangerspouse, i'd written & posted notes a few times with no response. good to know he's still kickin.
from life-my-way :
I love seeing your photographs (almost as much as I love seeing your name lit up red). Trying to maintain sanity, or civility, or optimism, let alone an ounce of humor in this world these days is a mighty challenge. I so admire your efforts, your ability to find resources, and most of all your day by day by day. If you were a grief/anxiety/depression counselor, I'd be lining up for an appointment. As is, I think of you often as I contemplate collapse vs carrying on and (mostly so far) I elect to carry on. XOXO from the united states of dystopia.
from orangepeeler :
Oof. The impulse to compare is a killer. Keep writing. There's only the present.
from cantilever :
Dear Anna, please know that the journal entries you send out are read by so many, and that your life --- with all of its flaws --- is, quite simply, triumphant in terms of the human spirit. I know that sounds impossibly overblown, but that really is how I feel when I read you (and I have been reading you for YEARS!).
from jarofporter :
I'm sorry you had to go thru hosting a person like that, no matter the reason for their behavior.
from blujeans-uk :
RIP Bob. So sorry for your loss x
from marywa :
I'm so sorry. Losing pets is so hard.
from jarofporter :
i'm sorry to hear about bob :-(
from strawberrri :
I'm so sorry about your cat - I hope the sadness fades and you can be comforted by lovely memories of her :'( x
from cocoabean :
My condolences.. losing a pet is so sad.
from life-my-way :
I needed to read that old entry about when you were with Bloke before. I had no idea, or didn't fully realize. Or both. "Things are shite. Not in your face fighting all the time, but worse perhaps, dreary, weary, beyond all that. I should call it a day, I know that really, but I can't seem to manage it. I'm sure it's the real source of my endless tiredness, living like this." Heavens! And thank you. Thank you so much.
from jarofporter :
been thinking about stepfie quite often too. still mad, still calling 'bullshit', still wish i could talk with her. so unfair...
from xorbit :
Ah, thanks. I saw she hadn't updated for a couple of years and had a sinking feeling. :( Thanks for the heads up. I found your entry on the subject, too. I'm shocked and so sad she's gone.
from xorbit :
Hi, we're not really acquainted, but I recall that stepfordtart visited you yonks ago and you did some art. I've been away from diaryland a horribly long while and it's just dawned on me that she may not be with us any more :( :( Can you enlighten me? Please and thank you xxx
from orangepeeler :
That horoscope was by Madame Clairevoyant. Highly recommended. https://www.thecut.com/2018/07/weekly-horoscope-astrology-madame-clairevoyant-july-16.html
from orangepeeler :
3 July - well done on the walk :)
from narcissa :
jun 28: that's a great smile she has.
from orangepeeler :
good luck on getting back into the swing of things :)
from cocoabean :
My theory on beaches is, no matter how fat I think I look in a swimsuit, there is always someone fatter which takes the pressure off of me. Enjoy yourself, don't worry about what others think. If you are happy in the moment, that's all you need.
from jarofporter :
re: #4? https://www.wikihow.com/Attach-a-Merkin lol ;-)
from strawberrri :
Hehe, I'm sure the police would love to hear about my tick! To be fair I did bag it as evidence (but then threw it away). The Lyme disease charity replied to my email and suggested I go back to my gp x
from strawberrri :
I saw your note, yay! And also thanks - I'll keep 111 in mind :) I've emailed a Lyme disease charity but also going to wait a few days to see if anything else weird happens. And from what I've read it takes several weeks until a blood test would come up positive and it's only been three weeks. Also wanted to say: I love house of games too! Xx
from jarofporter :
happy late b-day, btw. i don't celebrate mine anymore, so i never have to be concerned with anyone forgetting, because i want them to! :-)
from life-my-way :
What a lovely entry. I'd forgotten reading it, forgotten the joy I feel when you're reunited with the horse. xoxo
from hitch-hike :
Shirley looks so precious! I love those little spots! P.S. Have a happy birthday, regardless of weather!!
from life-my-way :
I adore that entry about Tony. I further adore my beautiful piece of sea glass. It arrived today from all the way in England, ferchrissake! Royal Mail I'm saying; Air Mail I'm talking about. I was inside out with joy when I saw it. You're an artist and a woman of letters and an artist in every discipline. So glad you are my friend. XOXO from x the pond K
from cocoabean :
Alone time is great, and necessary!
from jarofporter :
time to ourselves is one of the most important things we have. hope you can find a way to bring more of that into your life! :-)
from life-my-way :
I love seeing your name in red, I love seeing your pictures, I love everything about you, Anna, even as I am jealous af of you seeing Patti Smith. How I wish I could have been there with you. XOXO you sweety Brit.
from orangepeeler :
re 22-5-18 - I hope you get some relief soon. Thanks for the kind message. xx
from cocoabean :
Usually that's called a pot luck. Everyone brings something and you eat what you get. I don't think it sounds bad, just be clear on what people need to bring. If you're lucky, you'll get all desserts! LOL
from jarofporter :
please, never apologize, you have every right to your honest feelings. i know how debilitating depression can be. take care of yourself as best you can, and be patient with yourself. sometimes it helps to think of treating yourself the way you would a close friend who's struggling. i don't know why, but most never treat themselves as well as they do the ones they love. hang in there. :-)
from swordfern :
Lovely interview. I think that you have impostor syndrome - you are for sure a 'real' artist!!
from hitch-hike :
Thanks coe the Guthrie to-do list! It was amusing and very human at the same time to see his aspirations. They weren't that different from anyone else's!
from jarofporter :
one thing i've always remembered is that you can't take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself 1st, otherwise you'll burn out & not be able to help at all. hard to do, but quite true.
from strawberrri :
Thank you! I love all the sea glass you collect. I always tend to look for shells at the beach but will look for some glass next time. Sorry the teeth are causing you aggro. I know it's not the same but I had braces as a teen and they took AGES to get used to the feel of them. Then it felt massively weird for a while when they were taken off. Hopefully one day soon your teeth will just feel normal again xx
from jarofporter :
i don't care for that term either. maybe you can call them 'canola' plants!? "Etymology In the 1970s, the Rapeseed Association of Canada chose the name "canola" to represent "Can" for Canada, and "ola" for oil.[4]"
from swordfern :
Sending love. Congrats on selling your art - that's a big achievement. I'm proud of you!
from hitch-hike :
I eas eating a lot of soft foods after getting dental work!! It is short-term but I was so glad to had gotten the work! I used the fiod processor to puree a lot of the food I couldn't chew. Your smile looks great!!
from narcissa :
nice teeth! i also recently had a dentist thing (not even close to as scary as yours) that i was unreasonably terrified of. There's something really primal about that fear of pain. Feel better.
from narcissa :
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just checked that line-up and it's amazing... st vincent is also incredible live. I'm so glad you're going!
from jarofporter :
what is it w/you Brits & "a fried egg on top"? ;-) https://youtu.be/anwy2MPT5RE?t=35s
from floodtide :
Your chicken-and-veggies dinner description made me very hungry, and I just had a huge meal of my own (visiting my Riley in Chicago - took him out for macaroni and cheese). Congrats on BIG "small victories." You rock.
from narcissa :
apr-5: will be thinking of you tomorrrow.
from cocoabean :
Useless? You? Look at all you do, and not only that, you keep going. You have a purpose, and you are fulfilling it. You are not useless!
from orangepeeler :
I'm so sorry for your loss.
from strawberrri :
I'm so sorry about the loss of your brother. Such a handsome man in that photo x
from narcissa :
so handsome. xox
from narcissa :
so handsome. xox
from narcissa :
28-3-18 - thanks, i appreciate it. Am i being melodramatic about all of it relative to real loss? but it just seems so hard. Take care of yourself (including that leg, looks terrible)
from narcissa :
Anna - was traveling and missed your last posts. I'm so sorry about your brother, what a heartbreaking loss. Thinking of you and your family. Take care.
from life-my-way :
Oh such times we live in that healthcare is so convoluted and inaccessible. May you gain access soon and may you find many more turquoise gems of sea glass. XO
from ladyofjazz :
So sorry to hear about the passing of your brother Anna. Hugs to you.xxx
from hitch-hike :
I am very sorry to hear about your loss. May he be in peace. xoxo
from life-my-way :
He's lovely, his smile sincere and so likeable. Thank you for sharing him. I'm still over here, across that pond, thinking of you and wishing comfort. OXO
from floodtide :
Just saw the post. I am so very, very sorry. Your heart must be hurting in ways for which there are no words. From across the waters and the lands and the miles I am sending my love and compassion and my hopes for healing and wellness and peace. I am just one of many who love you.
from jarofporter :
Really sorry to see this. :-(
from swordfern :
Oh, Anna. Take care.
from marywa :
I'm so sorry. Sending you hugs if you like them.
from life-my-way :
So much love and so much sympathy. OXOXO
from cocoabean :
so sorry, *hugs*
from swordfern :
xoxo
from life-my-way :
Love from across the pond. How I wish we could value ourselves the way others value us, and the way we value others. OXO K
from jarofporter :
wow, that kevin bridges one was great too - I need to go back & watch that show from the beginning, thanks for turning me on to it! :-)
from jarofporter :
1st time seeing bob mortimer - that was great! also, wanted to say i'm really a fan of the "things for which i'm grateful" ending each of your posts. :-)
from dangerspouse :
Thank you for the nice shout out regarding my starchy advice! I'm so glad it worked for you. So glad that I'm gonna leave this same note in your other diary as well, in fact :)
from narcissa :
2/22- what an amazing mentor you would be - they'd be so lucky to have you.
from hitch-hike :
This week's shooting in Florida happened 12 miles from me. Everyone is angry, outraged and numb. It was an area of Broward County where people go so tbeir kids have good public schools amd can be free of elements from bad neighborhoods (socioeconomic segregation is pretty stark in these parts). Then about 30 miles northwest of that is where our disgraceful leader jas his winter estate. We Yanks are also very nervous about everything.
from cocoabean :
I have one on my ankle.. so I can't say if it hurts more or less than somewhere else.
from swordfern :
Feb 13 - Thanks, Anna!! The scrapes are much better this morning; I think your kind thoughts helped :) PS. Love the photos of your lil pup. So sweet.
from ladyofjazz :
Your pictures are lovely and so is the short story. Thanks for the link.x
from boombasticat :
Holy shit! That sounds like a frustrating, neverending fever dream. What information were they trying to get on the internet?
from narcissa :
1-25: hope you got some good rest and tomorrow is a better day xo
from dangerspouse :
It's a wonder that more women don't turn to lesbianism out of sheer despair over their options otherwise.
from narcissa :
ugh, FFS is right.
from annanotbob2 :
I know - awful. There's one today about a little boy who hugged a girl and when she said she didn't want a hug, he let go. They're all off on what a marvel he is, what a great kid etc etc. Like, headline news, male doesn't force himself on female, read all about it. FFS x
from narcissa :
omg i also followed an exchange related to that tweet, and i couldn't get over all the people that had to jump and clarify that it's important to be balanced and while women are great, *many men are also great*. ugh.
from hitch-hike :
2018-01-18: A woman can't even get any peace on Twitter? I'm starting to think I should just say whatever I feel towards anyone who doesn't seem to take 'no' for an answer. I can be nice, they run all over me, or I can be assertive and I'm called a cunt. I'll simply say 'fuck off!' next time and call it a day!
from moonbeams :
From one mother to another, Anna, my heart goes out to you! I sincerely hope that your daughter receives some kind of healing with Vitamin D supplementation. If any hard lessons come out of your family's suffering, I think it is that, at the very least, your daughter knows your love for her is boundless. If you don't mind, I'm adding you and your daughter to my prayers this month.
from moonbeams :
Hi Anna, I have been enjoying a few of your entries and pictures. Just curious, is your daughter on any kind of special (natural) diet for MS? Here's an example of beneficial foods from Dr. Axe: https://draxe.com/5-natural-treatments-multiple-sclerosis/ as an example. Best wishes to you and yours :-)
from floodtide :
Happy New Year from across the pond. Congrats on all you've accomplished, even as you feel sad and pessimistic. You have accomplished a lot - the walking alone blows me away, and inspires me. And your painting is GORGEOUS! I am sending love and care. XO - flood
from outer-jessie :
Spotify playlists of songs that remind you of each person are free and thoughtful and probably pretty fun to do. You can create artwork to go with each, if you're feeling ambitious. You could also write up some of your family history for your kids and grandson, talking about some of the oldest relatives you can remember and what they were like. Or, you could make each person a digital photojournal. Or just keep doing the art that you do in your class, and in a couple weeks, see if you have pieces that jump out at you as "belonging" to a given person. In short, there's a lot you can do for no $$ (or pounds (or euros (or whatever it is these days))).
from narcissa :
12/6 - december can be hard with the dark and the cold plus all the other things you're dealing with. xo
from cocoabean :
People do need to grow old with grace and let nature take its course.
from ladyofjazz :
08/11/17 that is a perfect puppy you got there! Seeing her pics has cheered me up. What a photogenic cute pup she is.
from strawberrri :
Thank you for the pic - I love how happy you both are in it :) x
from cocoabean :
Just make sure not to get the tattoo where there would be a strap or any kind of tight clothing...
from narcissa :
11-3: I saw this in the Guardian this morning and thought of you: https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2017/nov/03/dramatic-rise-in-plastic-seabed-litter-around-uk It's so important what you're doing with the trash pick up when you walk. Inspiring. [I hope that link works - i'm not sure about the guestbook links. Essentially it says that Britain is surrounded by garbage and the plastic apocalypse is coming]
from hitch-hike :
Awww, did Marley really inspire you to meet Miss Shirley? I'm so glad! She gets me out of the house and walking, and it actually helps start a connection with people. In my former fishing village, I used to walk my dog at the same time as others who got out of work and we'd hang around and talk (I called that the Fishing Village Dog Community, haha)! Having a good dog is truly something to cherish and enjoy! Oh, and I've seen cats get on quite well with them (eventually...).
from jarofporter :
Thanks for the Stepfie pics, was good to see her face again. I didn't realize it was the anniversary though, I tend to block those things out. Doesn't stop me from thinking of her all the time though...
from strawberrri :
Oh thank you for helping to keep to her memory alive x
from hitch-hike :
What a cute little puppy!! Oh, I was so glad I got Marley, my mini-dachshund! Here is to a long and happy companionship!!
from portlypete :
Thanks for the reminder of the date. I only knew Stepfie through her posts but, still, I miss her witty, well-crafted diary. She had such a zest for life even though it was sometimes less than easy.
from narcissa :
still reading... I don't know how you took him on right now, but that puppy sure is adorable.
from boombasticat :
Thanks, Anna, for your nice note.
from cocoabean :
I can send a shovel to help you fill in that pit... and that is an awfully adorable puppy!
from floodtide :
Love love LOVE the photo of you in your entry about climbing the tor. You look - and sound - so positive. Thanks for sharing this: it makes me happy. Love from flood.
from outer-jessie :
7-27, again: Speaking of feeling the feels, does she respond to tactile sensations? I can picture her enjoying the feel of the different materials you create with, and getting to hold them while you work. But my imagination is not reality, so.
from outer-jessie :
7-27: Would you ever want to bring some of your hobbies to Sam, even if she can't participate? Back a bag of art supplies and journals so you can write and make pictures, or whatever? She'd probably like it, and it would be self-care and Sam-care all at once.
from narcissa :
7-20: WTF - that's some (understatement) stressful miscommunication w/ the hospice, but at least sorted now. Thanks for the reminder about morning pages.. i need that. xo
from cocoabean :
what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides... it is a freedom. Don't be afraid..
from life-my-way :
Love and hugs and kisses and tears from across the pond to you and Sam and everyone who cares and helps.
from integrating :
Hello Anna..I've just found you. I've read back very far. Love your writing, so honest. Love to you.
from narcissa :
Anna: so great that you have these caregivers that you can really trust - what a struggle it was for you to advocate and move your daughter to this new place, and what a difference it has made these last few months. I truly can't imagine being on this rollercoaster that you're on and I hope that you get to see another doctor and get some useful information.
from cocoabean :
I agree, drunk and sad is not a good thing. Hang on...
from blujeans-uk :
It's not like you to go quiet for so long. I just wanted to send my best wishes, and a hope for peace and strength if things are hard at the moment. X
from cocoabean :
a reprieve~! sending good vibes....
from life-my-way :
Loving you from afar. XOXOXO
from manfromvenus :
xxx
from narcissa :
Thinking of you xo
from life-my-way :
Sending love to you. To you all. XO
from candoor :
Hug.
from swordfern :
Happy Birthday. I don't have much else to offer here. Hope you can find some time for self care today. Hope your bloke remembers. :(
from narcissa :
i know this has been a terrible year for you, but still - happy birthday and sending strength and love for the coming year.
from cocoabean :
Have a good birthday!
from narcissa :
6-15-17: i have always been similarly irritated(good days)/enraged(bad days) by the "fight cancer" exhortations. Marybeth Williams said it better than I can, noting that it implies that "recovery is a matter not of medicine and good fortune, but of just trying hard enough" http://nypost.com/2016/04/24/stop-telling-the-lie-that-cancer-is-a-battle/ Thinking of you every day. xox
from manfromvenus :
And again, xxx. (You told me once that it was enough. So I won't put anything more complicated. Love.)
from outer-jessie :
Re camper van and dog: She wouldn't mind being in the van for an hour or two by herself, if it was her home, would she? She would understand that it was just for a bit while you did some people stuff. You could live like the people around here, setting up in your camper for the long term, even year-round. You could hook it up wherever you please for as long as you like, and then explore your new surroundings on long walks with the puppy. Sounds like a great life for a dog!
from swordfern :
June 11 - Sending you lots of love. Also lots of love to Sam. xoxo
from narcissa :
6-7-17 - you're an amazing advocate. Glad you will find some time to take care of yourself too. Thinking of you and your whole family.
from cocoabean :
Hang in there.
from stellarrobot :
Thinking of you.
from manfromvenus :
xxx
from narcissa :
may26-xoxo
from cocoabean :
Hold on tight.
from narcissa :
Hi Anna - I'm so sorry. Thinking of you.
from life-my-way :
Sending so much love to you and wishing there were something anyone could do because so many of us would do the fuck out of that thing. Because we love you. And your relations. XOXO
from blujeans-uk :
I'm so sorry, Anna. There are no words. You are both in my thoughts xxx
from cocoabean :
*hugs* lots of them....
from patheticness :
Im not sure who ED is to you, but I am so sorry to hear the news. I have been there with both my mother, as her primary caretaker, and mother in law, with my husband being hers, and now brother in law not doing good at all and my sister is going through hell. My heart goes out to you and to ED
from swordfern :
Are you doing OK? I'm worried about you.
from life-my-way :
So many hugs and so much love from x the pond. A thought from a wiser being, "We never get over great losses; we absorb them and they carve us into different, often kinder, creatures." Which goes a way toward explaining your own kindness. Love and more love, K
from cocoabean :
sending lots and lots of hugs
from swordfern :
Sending so much love your way. xoxo
from marywa :
I am so sorry you all are going through this. Sending you a big American hug.
from narcissa :
5-15- sorry anna, thinking of you. xox
from swordfern :
"...in fact don't choose one, one will choose you." I love this. xoxo
from swordfern :
I know that I sat there waiting - yearning - for her to ask about me. Kept thinking that she'd be done talking about herself, and that she'd look at me and ask me how things are. We all just want to be *seen*, right?
from hitch-hike :
I love the pic of the house with eyes and the knarled tree in front!! It reminds me of a fable or fairy tale! **Hugs**
from dangerspouse :
HOORAY FOR THE PARKING PERMIT RENEWAL!! All that other piddly stuff pales in comparison, of course. But very happy for you for them also :)
from life-my-way :
And hugs and love and resilience right back at you. People sometimes, WTF? But then there are the you's and the me's and the Guy's and the LA's and the Danger's and the Cat's (which I know are not possessive, just something blah) and others, many others, and that helps reel things in when they get so unstrung. Thanks for that. XOXO dear Anna.
from patheticness :
I love your creative artwork! I used to be an artist. Well, I still am inside but now I use it in a different form. I used to love to draw. Haven't tried that in a long time. Now it's more the art of photography. Portrait photography. It's what I do for a living and I love it. But I miss being a true artist, sitting and sketching for hours...my oldest son inherited it but he's better than I ever was. So proud of him. Anyways, just had to say, continue to embrace and use your talent.:)
from marywa :
This made me think of you today. http://www.pdza.org/washed-ashore/
from narcissa :
i really love your art. sometime if you have something you can mail, can I buy one from you? i'm at [email protected]
from life-my-way :
Your gift for YD will be amazing! I love all your work but that found bits ocean thing may be the best thing yet. Also love you and send sincere regrets on the coming election. At least you're not in Alabama (though you're more than welcome here should that ever arise). XOXO K
from narcissa :
Anna,i think i understood that you're already back at home? What a terrible day. Hope you're up and moving soon... really sorry you had to go through all that. (i do love that you stopped to take those pictures in the midst of the whole ordeal)
from jarofporter :
re: "focused inbox" in hotmail - click the "gear" (upper right hand, near logout), scroll down the "options" sidebar (left side) to "layout". you'll see "focused inbox", click it, then select "don't sort messages". that should fix it. :-)
from swordfern :
I push people away from me for various reasons. I love them but there's something uncomfortable about being close. It's easier to cancel sometimes. Just today, a gal at work asked me to go for coffee with her, and I immediately thought about how my hair was greasy and wondered why she was asking because there's no way that she actually wants to be friends with me. It's so illogical. Life is hard. Relationships are hard. I'm glad that you talked it through with her. The job sounds interesting... being surrounded by books all day would be dreamy!
from life-my-way :
You rock and are my hero. I need my 6K steps or I know no peace. Walking 500 miles and 500 more right along with you, only in a less organized fashion. XOXO
from swordfern :
You know how to love. She is wrong about that. xoxox
from outer-jessie :
Love you, Anna.
from boombasticat :
Thanks, lovely lady. I really love your photographs. You got an eye for composition and moments, I'd say.
from patheticness :
Got your note. Of course you can read me and thank you. Can you give out your email in the notes section, yours or mine? Or do you need mine? Then I can email you my password. Thanks!
from narcissa :
Thanks Anna, and likewise, with the walking and the keeping going. Was also going to suggest a bike shop for the mirror, like this: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01G98514Q/ref=s9_acsd_top_hd_bw_bEHKz_c_x_1_w?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=merchandised-search-3&pf_rd_r=FQB24AAPPKK2HAYC7XEF&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=5b11d248-702a-51cc-971f-cc59244a4527&pf_rd_i=3403241 who knows if that link will work, but hopefully.
from cocoabean :
Try a bicycle shop for a mirror with a mount.
from dangerspouse :
Woo hoo! You go, chef! That looks like the start of a lovely soup. Thanks so much for posting it, it really did make me happy. Do let me know how the final product tasted, won't you? Fantastic. Oh, and I love the artwork. If it doesn't sell for 130 I would be very surprised indeed. Best :)
from cocoabean :
Love the coat! It looks warm!
from joistmonkey :
*time ritzy = 'temerity'. Bloody predictive text.
from joistmonkey :
I liked your point about the small difference between religious fundamentalism and insanity - I suppose it depends how many other people you can convince that the voices are real. After all, I've read that talking to God is considered a sign of religious faith, but when God has the time ritzy to talk back, it’s a symptom of mental illness.
from dangerspouse :
Hey kiddo, I'm sure this is my fault but I absolutely cannot find your location in WP. I clicked on your name in the note you left me, but it leads to nowhere. I'm not sure what to do beyond that, as is typical of my techno-phobic self. Can you perhaps shoot me a direct link or something, either at my own WP home or via email? I feel like I'm creating a breach of internet etiquette by not reciprocating with notes there.
from dangerspouse :
I recall a BBC World Service episode I heard several years ago ("The Inquiry"?) discussing the dearth of children and young adult books featuring independent female lead characters. They noted that the gender of the author didn't even matter, as gender stereotyping is culture wide. Women authors, fed the same diet of gender myths as everyone else, often carried over that bias in their own works even while professing otherwise in interviews. I've often thought it would be a good exercise to write a story - of any length - then upon completion go back and switch every character's gender, from hero right down to most insignificant, and see how it reads. (I mean, how great would it be for girls if "Harry Potter" were instead "Hermione Granger"?) To be frank, while I admire what the two women in the "If You Have a Daughter" video are trying to do, I don't seem much difference in the book they've produced and any number of other all-female biography compilations out there (and they are out there). That's dry stuff. I should think youth would be more taken with actual stories, adventures, that sort of thing, rather than a series of single page dissertations. Oh, and I do hope the police are able to bring some sort of resolution to your case, despite the number of years that have passed. You certainly deserve succor, poor thing.
from narcissa :
3-9: great news. good night
from narcissa :
3/1/17- !!! that is really so rad. running! seriously. ok i am inspired to get out there too, i'm going right now.
from ladyofjazz :
27/02/17 Admiring your strength from over here in Spain. I miss the beach, so I vicariously enjoy your walks through your writing and pics. Sending a hug.xx
from narcissa :
2/21: Anna, I'm sorry. It sounds so difficult. xox.
from dangerspouse :
You're still loved. It doesn't do much to ease the pain, but...you're still loved.
from dangerspouse :
I find it a never ending disgrace that for all our words and memes and general bombardment with the message of "gender equality", when the boots hit the ground there is still an overwhelming bias towards boys being the smart, capable ones in products marketed towards children. What kind of message are we (still) sending girls when books, toys, clothes, EVERYTHING, still overwhelmingly tell them, sometimes subtly, sometimes overtly, that they are not capable, and should probably be subservient? We do ourselves and future generations a great disservice when we willfully suppress half our population from reaching their full potential. This subject angers me more than almost any other. (On the other hand, your latest "glue things onto other things" was very pretty. I loved the colors.)
from swordfern :
Feb 15 - Ugh, that whole thing with your car sounds awful. They treated you so harshly considering it was an honest and benign mistake. xoxo
from cocoabean :
That's why I liked the Nancy Drew series... girl detective. When I was 8, I thought I would one day do the things she did. Never did, though. And I love that beak!
from narcissa :
that would have defeated me too. i mean, on top of everything??!? fuuuuck.
from narcissa :
UGH! bummer about your car.
from cocoabean :
crossing fingers, toes and everything else I possibly can! And I don't mind losing either to someone who I admire...
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}
from dangerspouse :
Thank you for the equally lovely note, and for letting me know where you are at WP. I'll have to stalk you there now also, bwahaha! And thank you for the mention in your diary here. Your soups sound wonderful - my Lancaster City grandmother would be proud. Real British foodstuffs are a joy, with a long and glorious history (as Keith Floyd was constantly telling me). I'm sure your stock was every bit the equal of mine, if a different style. You will never hear me disparage food made by others. Anyone who takes the time and effort to whip up something in the kitchen in these days when it's so easy not to deserves applause. Speaking of applause: I love the anchor! It went cheap at 30 pounds. Well done!
from outer-jessie :
"If I thought it would keep her alive I'd push a lorry up a hill, but it's in the lap of the gods, who spit in the face of love, so all I can do is cook and love anyway." Such a gorgeous line.
from dangerspouse :
Haha!! "#nicegranny"....if only they knew :) Good to hear that ED got to go to a pub. That must have been almost like being on holiday. I hope there's more of that.....
from dangerspouse :
It is so, so hard not to become almost paralyzed with rage or fear over the current political machinations that seem ready to bring thousands of years of human civilization to a grinding halt. I'm glad you have some distractions, not least your wonderful art ability. We find succor where we can these days....
from narcissa :
really happy for you (and I like your hat! i marched without one)
from melodymetuka :
So glad the operation is finally over and all is as well as it can be. Ive been so out of it for so long... glad to be back for good news. {{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}
from dangerspouse :
First, of course, it is such a relief to hear some positive news on the daughter front. Second, it may be a useless gesture, but if (as) more and more people get behind it.... And third - striped pussy is still pussy. Ie: perfect. Well done.
from narcissa :
heart. xox
from blujeans-uk :
I saw a lady picking up junk on the beach near us this weekend, and putting it in a bag. I wonder if she was doing the same as you. What do you do with all the stuff you pick up? Sending best wishes for your daughter's op xx
from dangerspouse :
Best of luck getting that post! If there was ever anyone worthy of a writing position....
from hitch-hike :
I agree with others when they say you are expressive. Some people can't label how they feel or what they mean to say, and in my personal life, people who did that helped me and showed me how to do the same. You also utilize support systems (professional, friends, complementary/alternative medicine) in your day-by-day life, and would encourage others to do the same. It doesn't sound like much, but so many others can't even do that. I'd also say you're warm, caring, and experienced in life.
from life-my-way :
I would be happy to say all the things and happier still for you to quote me. I sort of started yesterday even before I knew it might be helpful. Will work on more things soon.
from cocoabean :
I love reading your diary. You are so honest and expressive I can feel your emotions coming through the screen. Even though I don't comment a lot, I always read. (use this note if you want)
from life-my-way :
I love you, dear Anna. Your transparency of process is more helpful to me than I am able to express. Like you, I'd like to start writing everyday to capture the process of what feels like is going to be some kind of apocalypse in my life, micro and macro. Thank you for all you give and all you do and all you are. You're like my real-life Patti Smith. XOXOXO
from hitch-hike :
Have a very happy new year, Anna!! At least the holidays got it on a better start.
from narcissa :
i am so envious of that walk. And I'm sorry about your brother.
from ladyofjazz :
Hey thanks for all the hugs. Appreciate it. Sending a big one back. Xx
from blujeans-uk :
I thought that.. Almost left a message for smashthegas since he's the closest geographically and actually spent time with her..
from narcissa :
thinking of ED and of you and your family. I hope everything goes smoothly.
from narcissa :
but since not, i will just say i'm glad to hear about your mammogram and i wish you a good week.
from narcissa :
i wish i had a way to reach you! i'm in london the next couple of days with not a whole lot to do.. would have been nice to wander that beach and have some chips with you.
from melodymetuka :
Sorry for the double-posting. Don't know how that happened.
from melodymetuka :
Being old sure beats the alternatives, doesn't it? I love the colours of the lobster, whatever the cause, they stand out great against the red felt. Also love the 'om.'
from melodymetuka :
Being old sure beats the alternatives, doesn't it? I love the colours of the lobster, whatever the cause, they stand out great against the red felt. Also love the 'om.'
from narcissa :
that lobster! how can such colours be natural!? thinking of you and of ED. xox
from ladyofjazz :
Awesome image of you blasting Immigrant Song at the bungalow dwellers.
from narcissa :
oh my, that sky, those beach huts. xo
from swordfern :
Nov 20 - Thank you for the lovely message. You are in my thoughts a lot, and I love the photos that you take of the sea the scenery. xoxo
from dangerspouse :
I'd never thought before that "The worst thing about death is the way people go on being dead", and now I'll never think of it any other way. Thank you for the touching description of the service. I hope your own mammogram produces nothing startling...and that your fava beans grow in, and you manage to get those blackcurrants :)
from life-my-way :
Thank you for the note. I love you, dear Anna, and am inspired by your smoke-free-ness. It'll be me again soon. Not going anywhere (because we colonials have a big ass mess to clean up!). XOXO
from blujeans-uk :
Thank you, Anna, for posting that. Deeply, thank you.
from strawberrri :
Thank you for writing about Stepfie's funeral xx
from melodymetuka :
Thank you. I'll never get to meet Stepfie irl, but I am glad not to have missed all of it.
from manfromvenus :
Thank you for reporting on Sarah's funeral, and singing out loud. Well done – I know it can't have been easy to face. x
from narcissa :
(oh, and thank you for your note of congratulations, and yes! head in sand about all other things! one thing at a time, yes?) xox
from narcissa :
thinking of you today
from annanotbob2 :
Thank you Danger. I've got to go out but I'll be back as I'd like to explain what's occurring more fully. I'll post this here and on your page - fucking Diaryland is not encouraging of dialogue
from dangerspouse :
In my defense, I am not one of "those" men as a rule. But I made an exception for Steppy. Some of the conversations we had were so wildly inappropriate that anyone looking in from the outside might be forgiven for thinking he'd stumbled upon a chat between two unmedicated sociopaths. I mean, looking over some of the things she left me in my Notes section I spot immediately things like "could suck-start a Harley Davidson", "When she gets to fulfill her 'Hitler Fuck Fantasy' you'll be on the home straight...", "I love a good gunnel stuffing." (not in the nautical sense), and "My boobs make that noise when you squish 'em, too. s x". And that's just what she wrote in a PUBLIC forum! You can only imagine what our private correspondences were like. So while I would never, ever, write an elegy like that for anyone else (save my equally inappropriate wife perhaps), for Steppy I thought it a fitting homage. She would have expected - wanted - nothing less of me, I'm sure. I am, however, deeply deeply sorry you took offense. I mean that sincerely. I like you quite a bit, and feel real pangs of sympathy when I read of your incredible travails. To think that I've perhaps added to your sorrow in even a very small way makes me feel quite diminished.
from hitch-hike :
Thank you for your thoughts and assurances. I dug up something I wrote on the 2004 election, and the conclusion was something along the lines of "carry on and be the kindness and humility I want to see." **Hugs and hopes for peace**
from manfromvenus :
A real punch in the belly to read "Stepfie’s funeral" mentioned in your latest post. Bloody hell. I never even knew her name, nor she mine... but Stepfordtart invariably amused, entertained... and cared, cared so much. Let’s raise a glass, and salute that lovely lady. MFVx
from blujeans-uk :
I'm glad they're giving her a good send-off. I was wondering today if they'll play any of her recordings. I heard the one she did for her wedding, and that was lovely.
from joistmonkey :
Plantar fasciitis, in my experience, is best treated with resting it, as much as is possible. Found that rolling a cold cylinder like a glass jar of something with the sole of the foot along the floor helped too. Plus making sure shoes aren't too loose when wearing them. Hope you're able to get out on your calming strolls though and aren't in much pain-ness.
from dangerspouse :
Ok comment hound, here ya go. :)
from blujeans-uk :
Thank you for telling me. I had a dream she'd gone. I went and hung a calendar in the school she worked at. I had a feeling, with her saying how it had spread and then having been in a hospice, that it wouldn't be long. Lovely stepfie.. Can you tell me when?
from dangerspouse :
Very glad to be able to help. Thanks for the mention. You're a doll :)
from dangerspouse :
Here's how to move pics from WordPress over to D-Land: when you finish your WP entry, picture included, click the "HTML" tab in the upper right (just underneath where you write the Title). Copy the entire HTML code of your entry and paste it into the Diaryland "Add an Entry" box. It will show up here with the picture included (bypassing any limits you may have on pictures with your Gold Membership, I might add, since the pics are stored elsewhere). Hope this helps! :)
from dangerspouse :
I had no idea Stepford passed. How absolutely awful. I loved her.
from hitch-hike :
Thank you, kindly, for the information. I deleted it from my notes but it still shows up... I'll try it again later but I respect your request.
from narcissa :
[oh and thank you for the congratulations.. premature, as I actually defend on Thursday. but it lifted my spirits, because you're right. xox]
from narcissa :
oh fuck. i missed her last entry about the hospice. super tragic, what a spark that woman had - just from her writing, it was clear. I'm sorry you lost your friend.
from hitch-hike :
Is there a way I can write by email? I think I need to close shop or lock.
from hitch-hike :
Wow, in the brief time I taught, I'm lucky I didn't have anything quite go that route of cussing at the kids. I'm sure it's the same in England, but they've stripped teachers of so many rights and assurances that they are are the mercy of their school districts, parents, and the kids. I wish were were more like the Canadians that considered the profession to be so important for the future, but alas... However, I can list the times kids made my laugh hysterically to counterbalance losing my cool!
from floodtide :
Loved your newest entry about the walking and the yoga. You are a woman of strength and beauty. This man on the other side of the pond admires and respects and loves you, and is lighting a candle as a prayer for peace.
from melodymetuka :
Just waving 'hi.'
from ladyofjazz :
Hola! I too was thinking about the unthinkable of Diaryland going down. I don't know where else to go, kind of like real life then.
from life-my-way :
Always hugs and love for you! Wishing you were closer so we could yoga, or you could help me learn to draw. Until then, XOXO from darkest Alabama.
from marywa :
Here's what I have learned about kidney stones over the last six weeks, as my husband has suffered from a big one -- they don't resolve right away. Even with being broken up by ultrasound, his still caused a lot of pain and nausea. He had problems for a whole month and I was in despair, and then suddenly it cleared up completely and he's back to normal. So hang in there. She might still be passing pieces of the thing.
from life-my-way :
I loved seeing the beautiful photo of you holding hands with your girl, and double loved the photo of you emerging from the sea. We're all covered up in backed up plumbing and disgruntled pets here. My big accomplishment for the day may be getting an old undershirt all sweaty so I can tie it in a knot and give it to the puppy as a reminder that he is not alone. XOXO to you and yours from this side of the pond. Also, Boo says woof.
from harri3tspy :
I haven't been to diaryland in...probably years. And your blog was the first thing I stumbled on and it felt nice to see an old friend here. I am so sorry about what you are going through. I don't have anything useful to say. But sending you hugs and support from across the pond.
from melodymetuka :
Just a quick note to say hi. "Hi!"
from cocoabean :
who cares what other people think? This is you and your family and no one has a right to judge you for what is going on. Hang in there...
from ladyofjazz :
Good to hear that you are focused on the self care. It can be easy to let that slide because it takes effort and can feel like an indulgence if everything else is shitty. Keep it up, good things still exist however bad it gets. Just that we might not see them as that for some time while we deal with life's difficulties. And lemon and lime possets are lovely. :) To my mind food is the one constant thing that gives me pleasure. Something tasty is always going to be tasty, unless you eat it all the time and get sick of it. Anyway I can feel myself starting to ramble on. Xxx
from floodtide :
"Comments and notes," you said in your entry today. So I'm leaving a note to remind you that I follow, that I think of you even when you don't update, that you are in my thoughts and in my heart. I have so little to offer in terms of real help, but please know that I think of you, as I said.
from narcissa :
Sept 9 - sending you good thoughts... and just saw your note from Swordfern, below. Headspace saving my life these days, it feels like.
from life-my-way :
Sending hugs and wishing a gentle tomorrow for us all. XOXOXO
from swordfern :
Yes! I've been using Headspace and worked my way through the first 10 free sessions. I've also gone to a local meditation temple for an intro night, and my counsellor gave me a pre-recorded relaxation meditation. It really helps - those clear moments after meditating make me realize what I am working towards. Thanks again for the suggestion. Did you pay for the subscription? Trying to decide if it's worth buying. I've also been using an app called Insight Timer that has a huge library of free meditations. I really don't want to go on medication, as I worry that it just covers up the symptoms of a larger problem.
from narcissa :
Sept 6 - Anna, thinking of you, xox
from melodymetuka :
So glad to read that she is moving in the right direction. I had no idea how bad it was. I hope you sleep (slept) well. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
from outer-jessie :
God damn, what a horror. I'm glad for the broad smile. Bless that girl.
from cocoabean :
Yay for broad smiles!
from melodymetuka :
So glad to hear it's 'just' a kidney stone. Hope they are able to get it moving (do they have the thing that breaks them up with sound waves?). Keeping you all in my prayers.
from life-my-way :
Hugs to you, Anna. Mel said it best, I am humbled by your strength. XOXOXO
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I wish I had words. I am humbled by your strength.
from dangerspouse :
(((( ))))
from life-my-way :
Hugs from Alabama, dear one. I wish I could make it a bit easier for you, or do anything at all really. But I'll just be over here loving and admiring you. XOXOXO
from outer-jessie :
Is it possible to hire additional help to work with ED where she is? Can a nurse be brought in from outside so that she can stay where she's loved and cared for? I know, it sounds sinfully expensive (at least from a US perspective), but it would be worth it if it's at all possible.
from ladyofjazz :
Always happy to see you've updated. Love your diary, you are amazing! Yes Garageband is a fantastic way to forget everything for a few hours and express yourself and it's so much easier than painting. No mess either. Get it!
from dangerspouse :
I hope you have a good time at the festival. Unrelenting sadness takes its toll. A mental health break once in a while can be very therapeutic. I hope it is for you. And I hope The Who don't show up :)
from narcissa :
8/24: Anna, I can't believe she is only 38. Thinking of you. xox
from life-my-way :
Huzzah to you for swimming and for loving the sea. Hugging you from afar against the awfulness. Hoping there are moments on the trip, maybe the singing/dancing bits, where there's a moment of joy to be found. XXXOOO
from hitch-hike :
I'm actually going to see a psychologist in a week or so about neurofeedback. I was curious about it and decided to see if I'd be a good candidate for it. I hear you about not wanting the anti-d's. They work for a very short time and then after 3 months, it's back to the mental static. After reading about their shoddy trials and the studies that say everything else is more effective in terms of treatment, I'm not going back to those if I can help it. **Hugs**
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}
from narcissa :
hug hug hug xxx xxx xxx
from cocoabean :
XXOOXX
from marywa :
XOX. Sending good thoughts.
from life-my-way :
OXOXOXO And DangerSpouse is correct, that pudding looked amazing. You, too, are amazing, dear Anna.
from dangerspouse :
Your pudding sounds - and looks! - amazing. How wonderful that the author acknowledged your thanks. That was really nice to read :)
from ladyofjazz :
Thanks for the encouraging words. I have decided to just try to live in the moment and relax. Not everything has to be about progressing. I think my anxiety stems from feeling I wasted a lot of years being a bit of a stoner/procrastinator and feel like I need to catch up. I am definately the tortoise in the race. I must join the Labour Party too, £25 is a bit steep but I feel like it's our only hope now. Scary times. I think your conspiracy theory rings true. I always said that whatever you can imagine the truth is even more shocking. Xx
from swordfern :
Thanks for following along. I'm afraid of making the wrong decision - that my own anxiety is getting in the way of me loving Daniel, and that if I don't solve this now that it will carry over to any new relationship. But then there's the part of me that's done with trying to fix things - that the relationship has so many band-aids on it that it's no longer a substantial being. Too many hurts to really move forward and love each other in the way that we deserve. Plus the daunting task of starting over, of untangling our combined assets like bank accounts, shared car, shared mortgage, shared toaster/tent/hammer/etc. of 11 years of cohabitation. But really, thanks for following along. It makes me feel less alone in this whole thing.
from dangerspouse :
See, I think men SHOULD be bankers. We tend to carry more pounds on us :)
from dangerspouse :
Woo hoo, look at you! And look at that gorgeous, smooth, silky looking yoghurt!! Well done old girl well done :) (I like your method of determining when the milk has come to temperature. But I'll note one little scientific-y thing I read, if it's of interest: the closer the milk gets to boiling without actually boiling, the more proteins unravel and act as thickeners when the yoghurt forms. So if you want thicker goop right out of the pan, without straining, you might want to try that variation. But of course, your strainer did a yeoman's job of making a perfect product, so...why bother? Terrific stuff!) Now, of course, the real concern: I hope the madness of trying to navigate the healthcare waters over there on ED's behalf don't break you completely. It sounds like it's taking a heavy toll despite all the affirmations you end your posts with. My thoughts are with you and ED frequently. I don't know how you do it. (And I don't know how BORIS FUCKING JOHNSON just got named Foreign Secretary. There is no justice. Your rant was well placed.)
from dangerspouse :
I'm so glad you've made the yoghurt. Do let me know how it came out when strained. And...I feel your pain about the Brexit fiasco, having had to cover it in my newscasts and learning as much as I could about it via the BBC World Service (may god bless them, really). Do you think Theresa May...ah, never mind. I already know the answer. I gotta get me one of them mugs.... xoxox
from dangerspouse :
Of COURSE you sailed through the interview. There was never a question :)
from hitch-hike :
I was always curious about the effect of spliff on the anxiety/depression I've wrangled for a good chunk of my life. Am I right to conclude abstaining didn't make much of a difference?
from dangerspouse :
Good luck on the interview!! So glad to hear that the son's visit was so pleasant...and that you don't have bird shit on your car. That's always a plus :)
from lirenne :
I lived up to my side of the social contract too. Considering what I got for it, it wasn't worth the effort. I should have been more debauched. Also, hello, I am a new reader.
from manfromvenus :
Sorry, Anna. For what it’s worth, I’ve been a very poor friend to everybody on here. I still look in on you here from time to time... but parenting, horrible job, and the general struggle to stay afloat in a world where hard work and honesty aren't enough anymore, quite frankly. Sucks. Must try to do better. Happy belated birthday to you, m’dear. I’ll try to fit in a visit to your little bit of seaside before the year is out. (Try!) Love, MFV
from narcissa :
anna, just catching up on entries. So glad your daughter is much closer and that you are happy the new place. As always, admiring your ability to take it all a day at a time (including this never-ending sea of bureaucracy that you are navigating... i'm all for public benefits but god, this trend of turning them into an endurance race). xo
from dangerspouse :
Aww, thank you so much for the notes. It was very sweet of you. And despte it all, I still love D-Land. But then, I'm known for making bad choices.... :)
from dangerspouse :
How you're not overwhelmed to the point of being paralyzed is beyond me. Maybe it's the key lime pie giving you strength, who knows. Whatever it is, bless you bless you bless you. You're a better man than I.
from ladyofjazz :
A muddy post Brexit Coldplay headed Glastonbury sounds like the end of days. :(
from melodymetuka :
Sorry to hear things got so overwhelming. Glad for the dry bed. It really is no small thing if you haven't got one.
from portlypete :
Gun laws! Don't get me started! Do you have any news on your Chigley chum?
from cocoabean :
It's amazing how good a nice bath can make you feel!
from narcissa :
june 6 - oh thanks, it was such a fun entry to write.. one of the ones I wrote with a smile on my face. I kept thinking, "oh, don't forget that other thing!"
from outer-jessie :
Hooray! Glad you all made it safely and things are looking up.
from melodymetuka :
So glad you are back, with all intact and good news. Hope it keeps on being good - I would love to be able to walk (okay, be pushed in the w/c) to the beach. Wonderful!
from hitch-hike :
Greetings again from Florida USA! The adjustment, at least, is short-term and your daughter will be nearby. I hope it's a good place, too! Xoxo
from ladyofjazz :
Just had to say Hello too. Best wishes and other such things.x
from manfromvenus :
I was here. (So hello, Anna!) Thinking of you, and hoping for the change in your luck that you deserve. Lots of love! XX
from dangerspouse :
As you've asked, "Hello!". I still pass by here regularly, hoping for better news each time. My thoughts are with you, and your travails.
from outer-jessie :
You're amazing, Anna.
from cocoabean :
I'm glad ED will be closer to you, better for both of you!
from wyndspirit :
So the entry I just did at my new blog started with "So..." The irony! Glad you are all OK after the accident, and hopefully just shook up and will feel better soon.
from wyndspirit :
Wow. Just. Wow. I've never told anybody but my nephew tried to kill himself the night of my dad's funeral. I have no words. All I can say is, hang in there, you and yours are in my prayers!
from joistmonkey :
Thanks for highlighting the sad death of Sally Brampton btw - I've read articles by her, very insightful and thought-provoking. Alas too common. Happy to hear about the folks scrapping over your art though - it's a curious mixture of pride/self-justification and anxiety/modesty when that sort of thing happens, I've found!
from narcissa :
your beautiful art. I always admire it when you post it. Not at all surprised people were fighting over it. xox
from narcissa :
So frightening. Your family and friends are so lucky to have you. Sending my deep admiration for the way you just keep going. It's the only way through, but I know it's so hard sometimes. xox.
from stepfordtart :
Love you and yours v much xxxxxxx
from life-my-way :
I just saw your note and it was perfectly perfect. When you write of your percieved shortcomings I cannot fathom the possibility of their being real--I'll try to think of myself in that way when the bad thoughts return as is their superpower. OoOoOoOoO from the colonies. K
from melodymetuka :
Can't type much, so, {{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}} You are in my thoughts and prayers, along with YD and your whole family. Much love <3
from wyndspirit :
I'm sorry I haven't been following you, well, I haven't really been following anybody for years. My life kinda fell apart and I kinda hid... Anyway, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!
from life-my-way :
It's almost Mother's Day for the USians so a fine time for me to mention that you're an amazing mother. I often think of you when wondering what to do/how to be a parent to an adult child. You're strong and brave and talented and funny and so SO loved. So loved! XO K
from marywa :
I almost never leave notes but I'm leaving one now to let you know I'm sending good thoughts your way from Seattle!
from outer-jessie :
You are wonderful and brave and strong. In case you didn't remember. Love, an American (yes, we are Americans, because that's what we call ourselves. We get to decide who we are, no? "America" in Spanish is "The Americas" in English, and somehow I think that distinction makes the difference.)
from hitch-hike :
Hopefully you are able to find good care nearby so your daughter will be close to you and everyone else who loves her! **Waves hello from The Sunshine State**
from outer-jessie :
Thank you :) I wish it for everyone, but especially for you.
from narcissa :
hope you feel better soon.
from narcissa :
anna, hey- checking in from uganda. Hope you are well. (13/4/16)
from swordfern :
Thx! :)
from narcissa :
hey anna, it's been a few days (a week?) since you posted those gorgeous photos... just wanted to say hello and tell you you're in my thoughts.
from narcissa :
incredibly beautiful, even through pictures... I can only imagine what it would have been like in real life. Envying you your beach walks.. it is so amazing that you keep doing those, even on the days when everything else feels so bad.
from cocoabean :
It is beautiful!
from hitch-hike :
...my point is at least science is backing up the real effects of trauma, and it's finally starting to address it in terms of treatments. It's some real sh*t! It gives me a sense of validation. The world is f^cked up enough as it is and people do horrible things to each other, and it's so unfair that we have to fix ourselves and pick up the pieces afterward. However, I doubt I would had gotten through all of this if it weren't for the support of people who also had been there, or had enough in them to empathize. **Hugs**
from hitch-hike :
For the longest time, everyone thought trauma was "in our head," like it was a flaw of character, lack of willpower, or weakness that haunted us with such memories. Brain scans have showed the real effects of violence and abuse and recent studies show those things affect our genes and can literally be passed down for multiple generations!...
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}}}}} We DO recover. It takes that nastiest of four-letter-words, time But we do. Love you.
from narcissa :
sending good thoughts for today.
from stepfordtart :
(((((loves))))) s xx
from narcissa :
i'm sorry. hope that tomorrow is better and glad there is such a thing as a recovery centre where you live.
from narcissa :
i love your photos. That incredible palm.
from melodymetuka :
Often the gratitude list seems like a waste of time or worse hypocrisy to me, but now I can at least remember how it has helped me before to pull my head out of my a**. So I'm not as good at it as I once was (not every day, or every time I write anymore) but I stick with it, 'cause for me it really is worth it.
from whystinger :
I was pissed off about the idiots bitching about Carrie Fisher's looks. She looked fine to me, but then again I am an ugly old man, so that is probably why it she is fine. I share your bitchiness lately.
from melodymetuka :
I'm so sorry, and wish that there was something I could do or say. I am not going to 'fuck off' I am going to be here if there is ever anything I can do - besides keeping you in my prayers, which I always do.
from narcissa :
Hi, just caught up on your last few entries, and so sorry that everything has been so hard over the last week. Really admire you quitting smoking - it's so hard - and hope that today is a better day. [29/12/15]
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}}}
from joistmonkey :
Aye - have read a couple of Malcolm Mackay's - 'Necessary Death of Lewis Winter' was very impressive, I agree, but I was slightly less blown away by the second in the series ('When A Gunman Says Goodbye') though did enjoy it. Have the third on my shelf to read.
from narcissa :
phew. glad you're okay.
from life-my-way :
I tried to leave a note earlier (from work) but could not. I've been thinking of you and sending all the healthful thoughts I can. Life feels like a carnival ride these days. Sudden turns, things popping out unexpected, generally unrelaxing and pretty much terrifying. I've no idea what the point is, or if there is a point, except to be as loving and kind as we can while trying to grow ever more so. Not that I can do that, just that I think I should try. Hang in there, friend. You are all good things (all of them!) and you are so very loved by so many people. Even in Alabama. xoxo
from joistmonkey :
I like the pier/sky painting from your art group very much Don't worry or be bashful about the lack of toil/effort you may have put in - surely art is about creating something visually stimulating (be it aesthetic or thought provoking) essentially? I get p*ssed off with all the back stories of artists struggles when producing a work.. surely it should mainly be judged on what it ends up looking like and what effect it may have on the viewer?
from stepfordtart :
I like everything about that crochet bag....apart from that it is goose-shit green. Jollier colours, please! Love you lots xxxx
from dangerspouse :
A well written poem can convey more in a short space than even reams of the best written prose. That was very poignant, the one you posted. I hope your online support gives you some succor, if you can't find as much as you need elsewhere.
from narcissa :
AND ALSO i do feel better thinking of the excellent D. Adams having to do the same thing (but also it makes me wonder if maybe Cary Tennis just steals all his advice ideas from other people?)
from narcissa :
oh, thanks for asking! It's on reaching women to improve nutrition in very poor rural settings in developing countries. It was so interesting and fun to work on for the first few years (and sometimes it still is) but now I wish it was over because i just want to think about anything else [I sent you an email.. not sure if you ever check that email address you have on your page]
from annanotbob2 :
Thank you so much for this, K. I haven't listened to the podcast yet, saving it for tomorrow, but as always a little touch of Patti is a strengthening tonic. The photo of her with Bowles is fabulous. Hope you are well, dear friend xxx
from life-my-way :
You are so wonderful, Anna, and I am so sorry that you're not feeling wonderful. Sometimes maybe the "next right thing" to do is nothing. Soon maybe something else will be the next right things. So you've probably seen this (https://www.brainpickings.org/2015/11/02/patti-smith-favorite-books-m-train/) but maybe not. It's lovely, especially the New York Public Library podcast bit. You couldn't manage the concert (I could no more manage a Patti Smith concert in London that fly to the moon--I think you were brave to consider trying it), but hearing her speak like that, and with the really nice interviewer man, it's a very good thing. Hold on, dear Anna, and take care of Anna, Bob. XOXO
from narcissa :
super kind of that man from the queue to engage and actually say something to you. Nothing worse than everyone pretending around you pretending they're on the other side of a soundproof glass wall, while you get more and more upset. Going off to look for the murder mystery now.
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{Anna}}}}}} Good to get back and read a bit of what is going on with you. Smack the cat! *silly grin* I swear they (my cats) think my going to bed is time to get up to their worst tricks.
from dangerspouse :
I'm proud of you for tenaciously keeping up the anti-smoking effort. Smoking has taken away too many people I loved, so I always cheer for anyone undertaking the enormous effort it takes to quite. And yeah: ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING BACK TO THE FUTURE DELUGE! Jesus. Like there's not real news to cover.
from life-my-way :
Thanks for working on your piece in your diary--I feel luck to have gotten to see it. I'll be sending love and strength from here, where no one seems to be using their love or strength so much so they'll probably never miss it. XO sweet friend. (also, thanks for the apple-sized golden business--it's just perfectly wonderful!)
from life-my-way :
Sending love and well wishes from across the pond. The world may be sad and scary but you, my friend, are a beacon and a balm. A hero, really. And the work on paper you posted on FB is amazing--and you can DO that. May beacons and heroes appear all around you to lift you up and lead you on (as you do so well for so many). XOXO K
from dangerspouse :
((((( )))))
from outer-jessie :
From an unreliable source (maybe Pinterest; maybe Cracked), they say it's easier to quit if, on your first two or three days, you go to a sauna to sweat out the nicotine. For your next go. Meanwhile, smell a flower, name a color, squish something soft. Be well.
from dangerspouse :
Be strong at quitting. You're worth it. Your lungs, and everything else you love, will thank you. Good luck.
from dangerspouse :
NOT THE DREADED LURGY!! Eccles! Bluebottle! Hurry with that salve!!!
from dangerspouse :
We should all wish for a pleasant fucker, or at least be able to say it cheerfully. What a trial has been laid on your shoulders. I'm amazed at how you hold up under it. I do hope life is more of a pleasant fucker to you in the future, bringing you succor and maybe wine. Lots and lots of wine. Hang in there, kiddo.
from dangerspouse :
Writing about my bottom? Is that a crack? Lol. No, for once the entry was NOT about my best feature. It's about having to drive to New York City on the same day the Pope is there (along with President Obama and numerous heads of foreign countries). You can only imagine how thrilled I am at the prospect of facing increased security and traffic congestion of Biblical proportions. There, you just read my entire entry, you kid :)
from outer-jessie :
Hang in there. There's lots and lots of good in the world, and that includes you.
from life-my-way :
I'm sorry you're struggling and wish I could help. Hang on, remember the semicolon, you're not finished. You are so wonderful and so loved, I hope you can feel that.
from joistmonkey :
Dick King Smith! Used to love his books as a kid, I had several - Sheep-pig, Harry's Mad, Saddlebottom, The Queen's Nose, and more I can't remember the titles of. Getting a follow off his family as opposed to him is a slight disappointment but hey, it's better than being followed by Charles Manson or Quaker Oats Mexico :-)
from life-my-way :
Lots of virtual hugs for you, and I wish I were there to listen or help. As is, I'll just admire your strength from this side of the pond and call it a day. OOOXXOOO
from narcissa :
yeesh, i can't believe your MP tweeted that. The whole internet was depressing yesterday, thanks for articulating it so well, it just made me tired.
from outer-jessie :
So wonderful to hear!
from life-my-way :
So great to read you this morning! I'm so happy for GS, happy that he has you and that the you that he has possesses enough sense to celebrate what a superstar he is. Young men can be tricky to shepherd along through youth (as we both know)--it's wonderful that things are slowly working out and that the momentum seems to have turned and is moving in a positive direction. You do so much for those you love, it's great to see you're getting back into yoga to do a bit of something for yourself. XOXO
from outer-jessie :
You're doing so well. And by that I mean, you're still you. Something like that. Anyway, I have no right to be, but I'm proud of you.
from narcissa :
long long time lurker here. didn't seem right to just keep reading without telling you how much I always appreciate the honesty of your entries. Today's made me wish for a loaner dog and a beach to wander.
from cocoabean :
So glad the visit went so well!
from outer-jessie :
This (your August 11th entry) gave me such a feeling of gladness to read that I got a little lump in my throat. Keep going, you're doing fine.
from outer-jessie :
Sending you strength. Remember we all stand beside you, in some plane where we'll all together.
from manfromvenus :
Just to say hello, as I pass by here on my first visit in... ages. Best wishes! Best wishes and much love!
from stepfordtart :
for Lawn Tennis, presumably?! :-) xxxxxx
from joistmonkey :
I remember 'doing' both 'To Kill a Mockingbird' and 'Roll Of Thunder Hear My Cry' for GCSE English as a lad myself, I found the second more realistic perchance, but so earnest that it put me off. Though TKaM also reads very strangely (almost as if it was written to be studied/analysed) I do agree with your point about the white POV coming over like protecting a strange animal.
from newschick :
i'm sorry, i didn't know about your loss. thinking of you xo
from stepfordtart :
I dont know why I didnt know that fava beans are broad beans. Now I can fucking hate them both. They are foul. Like cardboard boxes full of plasticene farts. Love you tho. You are fab. s xx
from stepfordtart :
(((loves)))) s xx
from stepfordtart :
Aww, thanks matey! It was lovely to see you (and you handled yourself just fine) - next time I'll sing something more cheery, tho, huh? ;-) s xxx
from stepfordtart :
Divorce, Death. Moving House - 3 most stressful things in the whole wide world ever. Cut yourself some slack, lady :-) xxxxxxxxxx
from cocoabean :
I agree with you about moving. One room finished means you have a place to rest and have peace before going back to the other rooms of chaos
from stepfordtart :
'you can always fuck off' is my go-to response at the mo. I heartily applaud its use, in all situations. s x
from outer-jessie :
I think the little doll is utterly delightful! I don't see what you're seeing about it being kind of off because it's bigger. It's very sweet!
from stepfordtart :
Hey, Girl! *waves* xx
from stepfordtart :
I saw that picture - at no point did I think badly of you for posting it. Even when I realised it wasnt quite all it seemed, it still didnt occur to me to hold you to account for it. (((loves))) xx
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}} Hang in there. I know it's awful now, but in time it will be better. Be very good to yourself and know that you matter to an awful lot of people, even if many of us aren't close enough to run over and give you a real hug.
from life-my-way :
Dear Anna,I 'm just writing to remind you that you're practically perfect in every way. Please remember that! XO K
from dangerspouse :
Wow. How horrible, horrible a position for you to be in. Expressions of sympathy feel shallow, even silly, in the face of what you're going through. But you have my sincere sympathy anyway. And I'm sure - I hope - you have her sincere gratitude for your ongoing sacrifice. (((( ))))
from dangerspouse :
YE GADS! Thanks for letting me know!!
from annanotbob2 :
testing
from melodymetuka :
I really like the photos today, and I like being able to leave a comment. So sorry you are slogging through the muck again, but I'm glad you will still be here to laugh when it again passes. So sorry your friend didn't make it. We are all stronger the more of us there are holding on. {{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}
from dangerspouse :
The cat makes everything better.
from newschick :
your art is beautiful! love the colour choices.
from life-my-way :
Your drawings are so amazing--I love everything you post. They're so full of life and motion, even the still lifes. Thanks for sharing them! XOXO
from cocoabean :
Is there a charity or charity drop box near where you could donate them? Even a school could use them.
from dangerspouse :
Thanks, kiddo. I appreciate it.
from dangerspouse :
HANG IN THERE!! A fag-free life will be worth it in the end (not saying you shouldn't make endless lists of people you hatehatehate anyway, mind you). I love the line of swans trailing you - much more dramatic than my flies. And...you're an angel.
from melodymetuka :
Haven't been up to writing much at all, but I feel like I resemble what you wrote here and I wanted to at least send a hug. {{{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}}
from thecrankyone :
Sounds like your politicians are taking lessons from our politicians.
from harri3tspy :
Hi, Anna! I'm not sure what made me think of you today, but I surfed over to catch up and discovered you've had rather a lot on your plate. Good thoughts headed your way from across the pond!
from dangerspouse :
I love those pictures. Love. Although that looks to be a very, very evil cat.
from dangerspouse :
There are no rules in art. It's art. Fuck that woman. You did great.
from life-my-way :
So so so beautiful!!! Your haircut is brilliant. You are amazing. ED is gorgeous out in the weather in that fabulous coat. XOXOXO
from cocoabean :
That picture says it all!
from joistmonkey :
Nice to see that Squeeze vid again (and nice too to have a pop video of 'a band playing the song' as opposed to someth more contrived!) - my Squeeze 'best of' would be worn around 'Up The Junction' and (the similarly narrative) 'Labelled With Love' were it not a CD/digital copy.. because they're the only two I play :-)
from thecrankyone :
Glad things are going good for her. I envy your medical system, where one doesn't have to be wealthy or destitute to get care with out having to sell off a body part or first born to pay for it. Keeping my fingers crossed that all continues to go well
from thecrankyone :
Glad things are going good for her. I envy your medical system, where one doesn't have to be wealthy or destitute to get care with out having to sell off a body part or first born to pay for it. Keeping my fingers crossed that all continues to go well
from dangerspouse :
I'm very, very glad to hear of ED's progress. I've been thinking of her over here in the colonies.
from cocoabean :
Hooray!!!
from life-my-way :
More fabulous news--hoping for more and more and more. Prayers and well wishes continue to head your way from Alabama, from everywhere. I really liked that Marigold Hotel movie--full of hope for a gal like myself. For many of us.
from life-my-way :
That's fabulous news--more alert sounds like progress for sure! Keep taking care of yourself, you're very important!
from dangerspouse :
Hang in there, kid. Hope ED is ok :(
from life-my-way :
Oh Anna, I'm sorry about your day. Wishing I could do more than think about you all and send love and strength. XOXOXO
from stepfordtart :
One of my faves, was Manchester City (after a particularly convoluted 'new manager' debacle) fans singing to the Gallagher brothers (oasis = big man city fans) to the tune of Wonderwall, "and maybeeeeee, we could have had Liam Bradyyyyyyy, but after allllll, we got Alan Balllllll". Genius. xx
from outer-jessie :
Most glorious entry ever.
from life-my-way :
Praying and sending radiant energy and asking my lightest and brightest to do the same. Your email sounds right on, Anna, I think you've summed it up very well. XOXOXO
from la-the-sage :
Writing is good. I'm a shaky correspondent at best, but I'm trying. Keep posting, I'm here even if often I am inarticulate and clumsy. ~LA
from outer-jessie :
You sound much better. It's good to have a plan.
from life-my-way :
Your photographs are so amazing--I'm very glad you and they are back. XOXOXO
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}
from outer-jessie :
Wow. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this and that it's been so hard, but I'm so glad that you're still here. I don't know what to say that will help, because I realize that there really isn't much that will, except that it doesn't have to be this way. It can get better, and it sometimes will. There will be good days, good weeks, good years. Suffering is inevitable, but so is joy. I know you know that intellectually, even if it's hard to believe it'll happen to you again. But it will.
from life-my-way :
You ARE a warrior, that's exactly what you are, and a tremendous one at that. Meanwhile, at work the other day I was talking to the cheeriest, cutest, blondest, sweetest woman a year or so younger than I and, apropos of nothing, she mentioned that she wanted a "Do Not Resuscitate" order. Why? Because I'm just about tired of living. And so am I. So many are these days, it seems. But for now let's keep being warriors and hang on. You are so amazing. Yay for yoga. Yay for you. XOXO K
from life-my-way :
{{{{{{Anna}}}}}} Keep making it through to the end of the day. Everyday. Your name lit in red is a beautiful sight. XOXOXOXO
from jaysthoughts :
No one is "doing" it. If there were some one entity to blame, maybe it'd be easier, seem less senseless. It's life; entropy, thermodynamics. The fact that things tend towards disorder, and that it all breaks you down... I'm probably not helping.
from thecrankyone :
many many hugs to you. I wish there was something I could do. Hang in there.
from melodymetuka :
Don't know why it all has to happen at once - I just know that it does. This too shall pass. Hang in there. {{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}
from dangerspouse :
(((((((((( )))))))))
from stepfordtart :
((((loves Anna)))) xx
from life-my-way :
{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}} Yes we will wait and yes you are worth it and yes this will pass and bloody hell why is it all happening at once? I shared this but you would have missed it (as you seem to be wisely stepped aside from facespace)-- "Your weirdness will make you stronger. Your dark side will keep you whole. Your vulnerability will keep you connected to the rest of our suffering world. Your creativity will set you free. There is nothing wrong with you." Andr�a Balt And it's true, there is only right with you. You are so loved and so wonderful.
from aliannmil :
((((hugs))))
from cocoabean :
Take your time... we will wait for you!
from dangerspouse :
xoxoxoxox. Hang in there. You're worth it.
from aliannmil :
http://www.woofmang.com/index.shtml You are doing wonderful. The link leads to some terrific reading about the road you are traveling. There is also a forum with nice helpful folks who will support you. Tell them I sent you. I quit with many of them. I have been quit now for 11 years. You can do this, and you will, I promise you, feel better eventually. Until then, read a bit.
from melodymetuka :
Congratulations on life smoke-free. I had it a bit easier, because I quit smoking for good while I was pregnant with S3. I found the tobacco unappealing during the pregnancy, which helped a lot. Then I just had ot not pick them up again. It will get better. Really, kol hakavod (all honour to you). Well done!
from life-my-way :
Too, too, too hard is right, but also too, too, too good and worth it. We all have our ways to get through it—I gave myself anything that I wanted as long it wasn't a cigarette (candy, gum, food, anything). And I cherished things like the "what happens when you stop smoking" (it won't let me copy and paste, so Google it if you haven't already). I followed those even up to seven years, at which time my body had replaced all its cells with cells that had never smoked, though by then smoking was seldom thought of. I still dream I've smoked, sometimes, but it's less of a nightmare now than it used to be. Hang in there, precious Anna, you're dead right about it being the worst treat ever. You deserve much better. XOXO K
from hitch-hike :
Welcome back! Thanks for the pics from Glasto and the wedding :)
from life-my-way :
That's a great start to your wedfest words—it's going to be brilliant. You've done the most important thing. You've loved them all, your children and theirs. You love them all now. That's what matters and you do it very well. Mazel tov, YD and SIL. XO Anna
from life-my-way :
I apologize for the ugly Americans. Shocking that she doesn't love the current government, that patriot. You are right. Snowden was right. Hugs and more hugs in regards to the real source of the predominant feelings of the day. XOXO
from cocoabean :
Technically I suppose Snowden is a traitor, acting against the government, but he did the right thing. I agree with your assessment of the whole thing! And BTW, my father was never in the military. He farmed and grew grains and animals to help feed the US.. not every war hero actually went to war!
from life-my-way :
XOXOXO...these kids and how they grow. We're lucky to have them and they're lucky to have us. And we're all lucky to have you!
from simeons-twin :
Gracias! xx
from melodymetuka :
Just saying 'Hi!' I like the sky photo, sometimes you don't need a lot. {{{Anna}}}
from cocoabean :
Is there a grocers or deli on the way to the flat walk? You could stop and get some ready to eat lunch!
from hitch-hike :
I'd like to congratulate you (and myself) for maintaining a 100% record of getting through bad days!! xoxo
from cocoabean :
I like 8871 the best... more closed at the arms, I agree with you on the original about how it would hang.
from stepfordtart :
He's 14. He knows the smell of weed. If he didnt mention it its because he's not bothered. s x PS TES has been really useful - Im not bothered about the actual 'teaching' bit, just how I'll get through it with the minimum of blubbing!
from life-my-way :
My pick from your Glasto list would be the Sun Ra Arkestra. I'd think you might like them too. Thinking of you often and sending strength and love. K
from hitch-hike :
I know you're doing the best you can <3 xxx
from floodtide :
Sending you love and support from the wintery midwest. And wanted to share this after reading you this morning: Once I rode in an elevator with Cab Calloway. Yup.
from outer-jessie :
I love you, Anna, and I don't care how crazy that may be. More importantly, your daughter loves you, and you make her happy when you're with her. I hope there is some joy in that.
from cocoabean :
Hang in there, sending good vibes your way.
from life-my-way :
XXX and this--a kindly group of Reiki practitioners of my acquaintance often refer to one's "process" when speaking of difficult times (though true, too, I am sure, of the happy times as well). I don't know why, but the concept of process comforts me. I've added you and ED to the list of peeps to receive radiant support now. You are so loved, and your sharing of your process has helped me more than I can say. You are, truly, my role model for parenting adult children. And for awesomeness. XOXOXO K
from thecrankyone :
Thinking of you and sending prayers your way.
from floodtide :
I loved loved loved what you wrote in your diary last night about Fred Phelps' passing and the fact that your facebook/diaryland friends weren't snarky. Yes, we're the good guys. XO
from life-my-way :
Hey Anna, that beautiful blooming tree smells, I swear to god, like sperm. Bill said today that it smells like an Amsterdam gutter (not that we'd know, but...). So that's the deal with it. I love the photos of your garden and admire your efforts to get things in and out of there. XOXO
from aliannmil :
Hope you are feeling better. So happy you have NHS, here in the states you have to suffer or scrape together money to be seen, no money no tooth extraction even the ER won't see you unless you are infected, then it's antibiotics, pain killers and off you go to hope it falls out on it's own, oh and an ER bill that may or may not exceed what the dentist bill would have been. Dentist can turn you away with no ins or money. Hope you are completely healed very soon, Hugs.
from thecrankyone :
American Health Care, there's a can of worms if ever there was one. If you are wealthy or destitute it's awesome, for the rest of us not so much.
from life-my-way :
It's on my list to come to Glastonbury, and soon, so maybe it will be me who beams over your way. Could happen...
from life-my-way :
Fabulous pictures...I love a gauzy sun through the clouds and the fence keeping out the bright green grass is lovely. Yes proud that you handled the pub so masterfully. Thanks for your notes, they fortify. XOXO
from newschick :
LOL. lovely visual! i've been a fan for a long time, but this place is the perfect blend of old and modern...i'm sure the hippy yogis would scoff the place but i don't care!
from floodtide :
Thank you, gentle friend. Hugs back to you. XO
from melodymetuka :
I'm really glad to hear it. Please be very nice to yourself today. :-)
from dangerspouse :
I'm glad to hear that. I really fretted for you following your last entry. ((( )))
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}}}}
from cocoabean :
Every time someone reads your diary, it's like they called to see how you are. There are lots of people who care!
from hitch-hike :
Many things seemed to fall in place and with interesting timing in terms of your ED's care. Perhaps they will soon move her from the dementia unit when space for her is available. In my experience, a lot of that has to do with the space that may (or may not) be available. **Hugs, and shares a toke (lol)**
from melodymetuka :
The new van looks terrific. I know it is hard, but I have to say it sounds really good. Let this be the beginning of things only getting better.
from crowbelle :
like I said, I will help in any way with a new blog at JournalScape... just holler.
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
from joistmonkey :
Ah, just I thought you left a message in my comments box "..Didn't get on with Julian Barnes but have bought 'Cradle', x.." and I was wondering whether it was the Arthur C Clarke one. Never mind. I guessed that the Eliz George I read was prob not typical, unfortunate taster of her oeuvre. PS just saw your note about fisting. Oh my. I wonder whether teenagers expectations actually have changed. That said, I remember when I lost my virginity thinking "right, there's a clitorus here somewhere that I have to find" in a rather over-informed manner that I imagine teenagers were less likely to think in pre-FHM pre-Cosmo times?
from joistmonkey :
I'm still unsure about whether I'll give Eliz George another go - I read 'What came before he shot her' and liked much of it, but thought it excessively long and full of family minutae and misery. She can clearly write though. That 'Cradle' you mentioned - that classic scifi novel? Not read it, till be interested in your thoughts.
from crowbelle :
There is no "comments" link on your page! support --- here it is --- from across the Pond. You are amazing Anna, and I don't know how you keep any of it together in any semblance of normal, but you do it anyway. Life is way to friggin hard! Damn it all!
from cocoabean :
I agree with life-my way! *Hugs*
from life-my-way :
I admire you so much and aspire to be the kind of mother you are to my adult children (when that time is finally upon me). You are loving and caring and put others before yourself, you're really an example of how things should be done. I don't know about flaky, but I do know that you are exceptionally bold and that boldness will carry the day. Love to you from across the pond in Alabama. K
from melodymetuka :
I forgot to write -thanks for the Beethoven. I really love that video.
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}} I haven't been writing much to anyone, and I am sorry I haven't been able to send even little positive messages. I know it feels like a horrible change, the residential placement, and I know that you will do everything you can and then beat yourself up for not being able to do more. So the best thing I can offer is a hug and to say to be very, very gentle with yourself because you are grieving, and you will crash, and then you will get up and do it all again, and it will be easier if you can remember that you are a wonderful person doing the best possible job under impossible circumstances. NOT a crazy nutter who is no good to anyone. Sorry, don't mean to be putting words in your mouth. That is how I feel too much of the time. Anyway, here's the hug (again) {{{{{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}}}}. I just wish I could do it for real. You hang in there, you will be okay and your daughter can still have a good life, even if it isn't the life you wanted for her. I don't have the life I wanted, but it is still a good one. Love you!
from life-my-way :
Yo, Brit-friend, you forgot a star--artist, writer, mother of three turned awesome fundraiser philanthropist. You are a superstar ++++. I'm so proud that you are my friend. XOXO
from joistmonkey :
That 'The Casual Vacancy' is on my to read list too, though not near the top till recently, due to my antipathy of the populist nature of people all reading it when it came out and complaining it was different to the children's stories she'd churned out before. Will try to read her crime novel too. I'm with you on enjoying Educating Yorkshire too - though last night's made me despair at the lack of effective tools left to deal with belligerent kids who won't do what parents or teachers ask, and everyone else suffers as a consequence.
from hitch-hike :
Well, well! I decided to say 'hello' the old-fashioned way! I'm glad to hear you had the help you needed with the rent increase. I feel reassured when the universe steps in and gives back to those are are generous and giving (agh, we Yanks hear so much more about taking and the takers: the only one who talks about the opposite seems to be Oprah). Thanks also for your thoughts during this time.
from life-my-way :
So glad your sister is on the mend, and sorry that she got crossways with that horse (they're a little scary, if you ask me). As for meals on ones own, there are few things better. In fact, I envy you. XOXO
from joistmonkey :
Been meaning to try some Malcolm Mackay for a while, thanks for the rec, i'll keep an eye out for 'em, sounds good.
from floodtide :
I agree with K/life-my-way-: you are awesome. I had a relatively good day, but I don't think I could list NINE accomplishments as you did. But I like that you listed them. That's an inspiration and challenge to me; I am going to try to do the same. Sending love.
from life-my-way :
Your video (and your girl) are brilliant! Oh, and so are you. Plus, you know dangerspouse, so now I'm all starstruck. You amaze. You are awesome. And your hair is absolutely the perfect length. Perfect.
from dangerspouse :
Alabama, Arkansas. All those "A" states are pretty much states of last resort. I'm glad I'm staying put for the time being also. Thanks :)
from dangerspouse :
I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's easy to be glib from far away and say "chin up, wot" and all that, but that never really gives succor, does it. I hope that when all is said and done you can tell yourself you did the best you could and got the most humane outcome. It's always tough, though. It's always tough. Hang in there.
from dangerspouse :
It is true about the milk! You should try it sometime, especially if you like Indian confections. Or you don't have a fridge :)
from l-empress :
Wish I could help. Please keep waving hard enough to keep from drowning. ;)
from stepfordtart :
want to come and stay at mine? Will come and collect you. s x
from life-my-way :
Swim, Anna, swim!!! Love you and sending good thoughts and well wishes your way. I think of you often sending wishes that things get better and easier. Comfort and joy to you, dear one. XO
from floodtide :
Your drawing is so beautiful! You have such talent; I had no idea. Read your entry tonight and am empathizing and sending much love. You are strong and beautiful. I know this to be true.
from cocoabean :
Why not have a diary no one knows about? You can write there what you want, and don't have to worry about us readers. ;)
from dangerspouse :
Stupid cats ruin everything.
from dangerspouse :
Come on chica, you've gotta motivate yourself to cook at least! Even if it's just making a giant batch of tomato sauce on the weekend and freezing it in portions to pour over all sorts of stuff during the week. Have some pride, woman! (Or just drop me a line and I'll mail you out some of mine. I'm getting sick of the stuff.) ;)
from stepfordtart :
Hello Matey! Looking for'ard to Glasto info :-). Guess what, just got OfSTED'ed. Scary as FUCK! s x
from floodtide :
Thank you for your sweet, loving, supportive notes, and forgive me for not responding sooner. I only check my notes page when I get a notification via e-mail, and for some reason d-land's e-mails were suddenly going into my spam folder - so I hadn't had any indication you'd written. I finally saw them last night and was touched and grateful. Sending love.
from cocoabean :
*hugs*
from dangerspouse :
*sigh* I so did not want to read this. I'm very sorry to hear what you and your family are going through.
from dangerspouse :
Accupuncture? Really?? How about that - thanks for the tip! And the note :)
from cocoabean :
Don't be so hard on yourself. If you can't go, you can't.
from floodtide :
Sorry that you are sad. I am sad, too. There's no denying it. But thank you so much for posting that magnificent youtube video of Shirley Bassey singing "I Am What I Am." You gave me a smile and even some hope. I am sending you love.
from floodtide :
I continue to read, and even if you haven't updated I imagine you, and think about you and send you healing energy and love. I will write in the next day or two about how my own situation has resolved itself - which is both good and bad. Good, in that I am finally severed from that evil place. Bad, in that I have no prospects for employment and in that my poor husband still works there, long hours for low pay, sometimes with students he knows are those who accused me. But will be moving forward. I love you.
from floodtide :
As you no doubt know, I am going through my own shit - worse than anything I could have imagined. But: My thoughts and my love and support are with you EVERY DAY. I read your diary and I imagine you planting zucchini, and I imagine the day you'll toss those zucchini sliced with sesame seeds in a saute pan, or when you'll stuff the blossoms. I imagine you productive and FEELING productive. From three thousand miles away I support you. I am in AWE of you. You inspire me, and your courage helps me more than you could possibly know. Sending so much love, gwm/aka floodtide
from life-my-way :
Sending love to you and the girl. These are difficult times, especially for the sensitive and artistically inclined of which you both are both. XOXO K.
from cocoabean :
The Wire is a great show! I have watched it twice, and plan on watching it again.. there's always something I didn't notice the first time around..
from crowbelle :
It's the 9th of April 2013 Anna, and I am here because your comments keeps disappearing. Thanks for coming by my blog and also know that I am always in your corner, rooting you on. If only I could be there for you, but I am there in thought and in my heart for you... just remember that.
from life-my-way :
Yo, you awesome babe, keep hanging in because Mel is right, the good part's about to start. It IS! Hang in and hang on. XOXO
from stepfordtart :
Wanna come stay here for a bit, lady? Have spare room, central heating, food, hot baths etc. s xxxx (PS you still have to fuck off outside if you want to smoke, tho!)
from melodymetuka :
Hey there lady, don't quit now! The good part is coming, just around the corner, you just can't see it yet... I promise it is there! I've been sitting here making plots to get myself a drink - just as suicidal. I really don't want to go there. Yet I find myself thinking about it. Somehow hope is too painful and scary, it's easier to believe that this is all there is and yet I KNOW that's crazy. I was going to try to write about the past week in my diary, but ... I guess I'm writing in your notes instead. I'm back in the place where i have to stay in my room with the door closed, I lost the thread, went off the path, and now I have to be so very careful for a little while. Very careful or I go right back into that dark, dreadful place. What I have to do is give myself permission to be where I'm at right now, and try to remember that it really is temporary. Hang in there! If I can do this you can. Or if we can do it, anybody can. :-) I really hope you are doing better when you read this, but if not, then, remember that you are loved, and deserving, and good things WILL come to you. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ANNA}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
from life-my-way :
Keep staying alive and I'll just send notes instead (I kind of prefer them, really). Been meaning to tell you, I saw a copy of a letter written by Van Gogh with sketches and his sketches reminded me of your sketches which, not surprisingly, makes ME want to sketch (though I'll find it tricky not comparing myself to you two). And there you have it. XOXO K
from boombasticat :
Comments or notes, up or down, spliff or joint, I'm glad you're out there.
from life-my-way :
A Greek Isles tutor? WOW!!! Yay Anna! This feels like the start of things turning round your way. XO K
from stepfordtart :
What Ho! Are you requiring Eastertide visitors (especially ones who dont need entertaining and who will most likely bring cake)? Email me if you think you can bear an afternoon of me and we'll fix something up. Loves. xx
from cocoabean :
I agree, deep breaths to calm oneself are needed. You will get through this, hang on!
from life-my-way :
Anxiety, the Black Chihuahua, trembling and debilitated but ready to bite and draw blood in a blink. Sending calming and soothing, anxiety sucks (and it LOVES me!). XOXO
from outer-jessie :
Thank you Anna! I really need the rah-rah-rahs right now!
from life-my-way :
I like that you and bloke are planning a future bird-friendly house together. It makes me happy to think about it. XOXO K
from cocoabean :
I hate when my sleep schedule gets messed up. It's not always easy to get it straightened out again!
from stepfordtart :
The E-cig has some seriously excellent advantages - you can 'smoke' it in the pub/cafe/whatever and not have to go outside in the pissing rain to get your fix! Also, they wont kill you....unless you stuck it in your ear and rammed REALLY hard. s x
from stepfordtart :
Hey Girlie! D'land is saying youve updated but I can only see he stuff about the OGWT prog (which I saw, too, but didnt feel quite so nostalgic for. Mostly me and Jooj just laughed at their clothes!). Is there something Im not seeing? s x
from life-my-way :
Love to you, Anna, lots and lots of love. No answers, of course, but lots of love. I'm home and near the bottom today but have plans to use a timer to try to do something, almost anything, for ten minutes hoping that the contrast between the before and the after will be a dry spot on which to perch for a moment and might even, I dare to hope, encourage me to undertake another ten minutes. You are wonderful beyond what my words can say (but kind and funny and talented and brave and smart and loving and wise and beautiful are a few words that hint at your wonderfulness), hang on until you can begin to see yourself as others see you. XOXO K
from joistmonkey :
I am self-knowingly rubbish at the kind of reassurance you probably need (bloody male requirement to fix what cannot necessarily be fixed) but please be assured that I hope the black cloud isn't too long a visitor or too sustained a dampening. I don't even have any amusing new expletives to offer, though ones combining small animals and existing cusses seem to be doing the trick for me at present (q.v. cockpigeon and cuntybadgers).
from stepfordtart :
Seville Oranges! *gasp* Sissy and I have an idea that we may be able to make ersatz triple-sec from them (in the same way we make limoncello). Will rush out soonest and look for them. Hoping you feel less downy and dumpy soon. loves s xxx
from life-my-way :
Hang in there, Anna, and many congrats to your boy on his fabulous accomplishment. That's huge and you both rock. XOXO K
from stepfordtart :
Comments seem to have disappeared, Lovely! Anyways, sorry to hear youve had the lurg - Ive read through that entry a thousand times now just to make sure Im not wrong but Im pretty much convinced, so I'll just say fair play for getting all the puke in the bowl during your D & V episode, but not sure how you managed to get shite all over the TV. *snigger* s xxxx
from newschick :
thank you. :)
from simeons-twin :
Thank you :) And yay, nice to find a Pulp fan, the show was awesome!
from crowbelle :
me too, behind you for support, moral and any other you might need.
from cocoabean :
*Hugs* We are here reading so that you have someone to vent to about things. We're all behind you, in a moral support kind of way..
from life-my-way :
Funny you say that, Anna, I feel the longing to commit to a big project. Have even said as much to several, now bemused, friends. I'll keep you apprised of mine, you please do the same. XO K.
from stepfordtart :
no, matey, its not. s x
from stepfordtart :
One minute at a time, thats how you get through this day. Every minute that you get through is a small victory to be celebrated. We love you lots. s x
from dangerspouse :
No, not really hanging out anywhere else. It's just that I started the diary to keep me from lapsing into a stupor during long gaps in my work schedule. Once I started moving up the food chain I found myself with less time to write at work. So my poor diary has suffered neglect, a tragedy almost rivaling 9/11 (or so my readers have told me). Oh, the price of fame. You little people have no idea... ;)
from newschick :
thank you! enjoy the sleeping pills. good night. :)
from floodtide :
What a fabulous entry, and not just because you were feeling happy - the one with the amazingly beautiful sketch of the plants. I had no idea. So glad you had a satisfying, gratifying day. You are in my thoughts and prayers and heart.
from floodtide :
Just read your "one on a scale of zero-to-ten" entry. I had a shit day, too. But: I am sending you love from this side of the Atlantic, with all the support and belief in you I have.
from jondavid2010 :
I get a lot of hits from Mountain View California on a lot of my blogs. My research leads me to believe they are google I-bots, programs that archive your pages for search engines and stuff like that. This is how you are able to be searched online.
from floodtide :
Early Monday morning, my time, just read "broken the spell of doom" you've been under. Sweet friend, I hope this continues. I am sending healing energy and love and support from my side of the Atlantic. If you're reading me you know I'm getting better, too, though I just woke with an anxiety attack about money. Matt's old roommate and friend Jon is a big player in the Paralympics - football (soccer to us) and others. He got to carry the torch in the other day because of his many years of service to the event! He looked so proud. He doesn't look disabled in any way, but when he was in the navy a hatch cover was released accidentally as he was just climbing down the ladder, and about a gazillion pounds of steel landed on his head. Closed head wound, swelling of the brain, broken neck. You wouldn't know it to look at him (or watch him play) but he struggles every day. Will be thinking of you: hope you have a great, fun time. XO
from floodtide :
Thanks for your continuing encouragement and friendship. I haven't said nearly often enough how much I appreciate you, and how much your kind notes help. Just saw your entry about the budget (and with the gorgeous photos, loved the one of the sea). Coincidence: I'm awake at 3:30 am because of a panic attack about overdue bills. Ah, life... Sending love.
from floodtide :
Sending love and healing energy; sorry that yesterday felt so horrid. I feel so impotent trying to find words that will bring comfort, and yet: you've sent notes to me in dark times that helped more than you could possibly know. So remember that you are in my thoughts and in my heart, and that I believe in you and empathize with you as you struggle. Much love, ft
from stellarrobot :
Thank you for your kind notes over the last while. They were like little air-hugs of goodness during my grief. And congrats on the tax-man coming through!
from life-my-way :
It brought joy to read about your conversation with the long lost cousin, finding ever more common ground, planned May meeting--all of it just lovely. Sending well wishes for the weekend visit and visitors. Love to you all. XOXOXO
from boombasticat :
Great image and feeling, that sea mist. Thank you.
from stepfordtart :
Aha! That would explain why the big comment I wrote out yesterday disappeared into the ether. I thought it was just me, being a spaz. s x
from aliannmil :
It's good that GS has a Grandmother who can help out even if it can feel overwhelming. So much for a little boy to have to carry, and he sounds like such a sweet lad. I am hoping that everyone who is helping falls in love with him the better to bear him through it all. Hugs to you.
from simeons-twin :
Thanks for your support, dear! I'm so sorry about your friend, that's horrible. Insurance companies can end up doing more harm than good. I'll be checking myself over and over again from now on, I was lucky to find it at an early stage. By the way, sorry you've had rough days lately...hang in there, �nimo!
from simeons-twin :
Yay, I'm glad you got them and liked them! If you need some help with translation or context, do ask. Thanks for your interest in my work, I'm honored!
from fatcowww :
Thank you <3
from simeons-twin :
A little package is coming your way! It should arrive in a week or so :)
from simeons-twin :
Thank you so much for the support and encouragement, I really need it! By the way, I will mail you the book once I return from the trip, next week. Hope you are well! Hugs!
from simeons-twin :
Hi! I have your book...my book...a copy of my book for you, hoping to mail it in february once I'm done with the semester. Can you send me your address? [email protected] :)
from artgnome :
I have finally unlocked my diary. If my ex wants to read my business, let him.
from fatcowww :
Hi Anna :) I have decided to lock my diary again, probably indefinitely, starting the entry after next. I hope you would still want to read me - if so, please let me know where to send your details for login (via email would be best). Note me or email me (fatcowww@dl). xxx
from simeons-twin :
Very nice! :D You could say "me gustar�a intentar leerlo". I really appreciate it, I'll send it your way when it comes out ^_^
from simeons-twin :
Thank you for your interest and support! ^_^ It's in spanish and it's for free, it should be available for download in a couple of weeks, I'll let you know. And If you'd like a copy I will be glad to mail it to you!
from fatcowww :
Thank you - there are times when I feel I must have the only 15/strike/16-year-old in the world who still has tantrums like a Terrible Two. Maybe I expect too much of her... maybe it's because she's so different to how I was at that age (very quiet, respectful, eager to please). I dunno. *cherishes your hugs* :)
from jondavid2010 :
7th note! Yay me!
from jondavid2010 :
Thanks Anna. Did you go to the archives? It's marked "old" on the page. Notice the dates. I'm actually posting old stuff right now, slowly catching up.
from fuckxthis :
they have to get in good w/ one of the other fuckers. ; )
from simeons-twin :
Just coming to say hi and tell you it's a pleasure to read you :) And I agree, DLand is the cosiest place on earth to blog from!
from outer-jessie :
Gah! No wonder I haven't seen you in days! Silly oblivious me. Welcome back! Sort of...well you know what I mean.
from fifidellabon :
Hallo, Anna! Second note! Yay me! XOFifi
from stepfordtart :
First Note! Yay Me! s x

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