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You came to my mind today, and I haven't been by in a very long time. You're all locked up, which always makes me worry. I hope you are well, and I'm thinking of you this Christmas holiday. Blessings and a huge hug - LJ

from realsnoopy :

Awwww, sweetie. I don't know what to say. I don't know the pain your feeling physically, but I do know the emotional. I know you can't physically feel it, but here's a warm hug for you. *hug*

from cera-jeanne :

Your kids are adorable. Good luck with the appointment with your daughter. I wish you all the best.

from second-love :

Thanks for the note. Im glad your move went well:)))

from realsnoopy :

i'm open

from realsnoopy :

Hi sweetie. I have locked up for a while. I can't seem to block mutual readers between me and X without hurting feelings. I am going off to heal on my own for a while. I just wanted to let you know. E-mail me if you ever need to talk! *hugs*

from d1mndn3r0ugh :

Thanks, hon. BTW, your new house is lovely and I LOVE your living room. You deseve to have such a nice place. I'm glad you guys have settled in now.

from realsnoopy :

hi! quick question. the two charactors that are showing up at the end of my buddy list aren't supposed to be there. how do i get rid of them? thanx!!

from realsnoopy :

BEAUTIFUL!! I love it! You did a wonderful job decorating your home!!!!!! Congrats sweetie!!

from realsnoopy :

email me

from realsnoopy :

Hi- Just checking in to see how the new house is coming along! *hugs*

from d1mndn3r0ugh :

I'm glad you're back! I have missed you too!

from realsnoopy :

Thanx sweetie! You really understand how I feel. I knew you would. Thanx for taking the time even though your so busy. I appreciate you! Good luck on the house! *hugs*

from realsnoopy :

GRRR! I know your moving and I need your advice on my entry today!!!! It's tuesday, aug 22. Write your opinion when you can! *hugs*

from lerin :

I have to ask... did you do anything special to edit your private archives page? I am so annoyed... My regular archives work fine, but my private entries only show up with the html codes %%time%% - %%short_description%% and the links don't lead anywhere. I've written to the [email protected] email address and gotten no response. Did your private archives work fine on their own, or was there something you had to do to fix them? Thanks!!!

from realsnoopy :

I hear ya! I'm color blind! LOL

from realsnoopy :

How exciting!

from greenwitch :

Your kids are beautiful! How about bright primary colors for your little man's room?

from realsnoopy :

she's too cute!!

from h2ophobic :

I've added you to my favorites. I hope that's OK. Thanks!

from realsnoopy :

You don't have to listen to me at all. You are too nice and too sweet and too giving! I understand how you feel, however, you are just giving too much!!! I know you know that. Your only obligation is to yourself, your husband and your babies. I do feel they take WAY too much advantage of you! What does hubby say? *love ya*

from realsnoopy :

My newest entry says it all.Please let me know I'm not evil..

from realsnoopy :

I thought you might like my poem entry.

from realsnoopy :

How are things going with the new house? *hugs*

from realsnoopy :

I am thankful for you. Your words always comfort me :)

from kestra :

Thank you for the happy birthday! So how far ahead do you start packing? I don't think I could pack too far ahead in advance, because we use most of the stuff we have. If it were packed in a box, I would have to be constantly going into a box for it. :)

from realsnoopy :

I'm ringing for my favorite witch! Where are you? Just checking in on how things are in the Mother dept.!

from realsnoopy :

No, it's not harsh. It's reality. You give far too much to them! This is your home and family! You do more than anyone I know as far as helping them out! It is very disrespectful of your Mother to say ANYTHING like that to your husband! You are too sweet sometimes Lisa. I understand you. I am the same way in a lot of ways. I am getting better with it. Saying how you feel and nipping it in the ass right now is the best thing to do. I'm proud of you! You have a husband and children and stress of your own, you don't need others responsibilities! I would be stressed out too! Lisa, you have a right to a happy home. Don't feel guilty for wanting it. It's not your job to take care of them. Good luck sweetie! Lots of love,Dawn

from realsnoopy :

Your eyes are so pretty! They really pop with you hair color! Love it!

from realsnoopy :

ok sweetie! Where are you????

from realsnoopy :

Happy Mothers day!

from ingridwrites :

That's funny, I just ordered a catalog from them, so I can see them and decide whether or not I'll get one from there. Did you check out the victoria secret ones? Ooh lala! I like Newport News too!

from realsnoopy :

That was so cute! I saw a little of your daughter, she is really beautiful!

from realsnoopy :

hey sweetie! If you get this in time, give that beautiful baby a big kiss for me! She sure is precious! I know you are in heaven right now! Have fun with your friend! *hugs*

from realsnoopy :

What I have noticed is people want the "real" jewelry. Anything in real gold sells well. White or yellow. Books don't sell as well as I would like. Some of my Wicca stuff hasn't done well. I have made around $500 in jewelry sales. Be very thorough in describing everything! If you don't they either ignore the item or you will get a ton of questions! Good luck! :)

from greenwitch :

Good morning! Disbudding is when the area where the goat horns will grow is cauterized to stop their growth. Not exactly common knowledge :)

from realsnoopy :

I understand. Sometimes we as couples feel "disconnected." Most of the time we each have our own worries and we don't realize we are not connected to our spouse. We get so stuck in our own thoughts. When we finally open up to each other, we usually see it had nothing to do with each other, just everything going on around us. I'm not making excuses or taking sides, I'm not in your everyday life, but he has been through a lot this last year. Parents, job and what not, maybe he's just foggy these days. I understand though when they can make you feel like it's you though. I admit I do that to my husband sometimes when I have things on my mind. Sometimes I know I'm doing it and sometimes I don't. Abe is the same way. Try not to worry. You are so truly wonderful, I can't imagine it's all you. :)

from realsnoopy :

cute puppy!

from greenwitch :

So glad you had a good time visiting safe space and the bring home friend, you are sooo lucky!

from realsnoopy :

HAVE FUN! Remember, your safer in the air than you are on the ground!

from realsnoopy :

Heartbreaking.

from smedindy :

Hey I noticed I vanished from your buddy list. Was there something I wrote, or just not in your idiom???

from realsnoopy :

Sounds like you had a blast! Cute pics! By the way, your daughter looks plenty large enough to be out of a car seat!

from realsnoopy :

no problem! Write me when you get home!

from realsnoopy :

cool bed!

from realsnoopy :

Is it normal to feel like i'm "betraying" something, someone? Or do you think maybe it's a "Catholic" thing? LOL Ya, maybe you should send me an e-mail! I would like to know your thoughts.

from realsnoopy :

Thanx! Are you teaching your children the faith when they are older? I am waiting for "the book of shadows" as we speak! I'm glad it's good. Do you mind my asking what religion you were raised with?

from realsnoopy :

Hey, could you give me your input again on the template? Does anything need correction? Thanx!

from realsnoopy :

Happy Valentines Day sweets!

from realsnoopy :

I'm sorry I am no help. I am here if you need to talk though.

from cera-jeanne :

i'm very sorry for your loss...there are no words that can make this all better...thinking of you.

from fluttrbykiss :

I am so sorry to hear of your loss... My thoughts are with you and your family.... {{{{{Huuuuggggggsssss}}}}}

from realsnoopy :

I am so sorry. Your entry brought tears to my eyes.

from greenwitch :

I was just catching up and want say how sorry I am about your MIL. {{hug}}

from realsnoopy :

Beautiful pics! I'm so happy you had a good Christmas!

from boxx9000 :

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2005!!!!

from realsnoopy :

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I'm so sorry for you and your husband. Do the best you can. In this situation, you can hardly be chipper. Christmas or not. Take care of each other.

from theflyingrat :

Thanks so much for the comment you left about the Santa thing. I was starting to think I was the only one still playing Santa! ♥

from realsnoopy :

Cute entry! Have a "poopy" day! *grin*

from her-story :

I'm SO SO SO sorry that I didn't wish you a Happy T-Day. Accept my late warm wishes and all... :)

from realsnoopy :

I'm so glad things are going well for you! Cute pics!

from jane-dreams :

I emailed the new information to you. Thanks for the note!

from realsnoopy :

Happy Thanksgiving!

from jane-dreams :

Hi there! Thank you for adding me as a favorite. Your children are absolutely gorgeous! I'll be back to read some more.

from realsnoopy :

Oh sweetie! I feel for you. Please don't get mad at the fact that I had to giggle a little! *hugs*

from second-love :

So glad you get to have it... i know how much the holidays mean to you :)

from realsnoopy :

YAAAAA! Good for you! You can get that tree up in time! I have faith in you! *hugs*

from for-riley :

I don't mind you adding me at all! I actually added you too (to my other diary). I wanted to let you know that I'm reading through your archives just in case you notice your stats are up... it's just me! ♥

from realsnoopy :

please email it to me. I can't figure it out! LOL

from realsnoopy :

I would love to see the pics! I would like to see you too!

from realsnoopy :

I hate those dreams! They freak me out!

from realsnoopy :

Lisa, could you email me when you have a moment? Thanx sweetie!

from endthelies :

Hi, could I possibly get the info for the private stuff? If you can email it to me at [email protected] , I would really apreciate it.

from realsnoopy :

Oh, she's a woman now!

from ruachadonai :

Lisa, I wouldn't go by what the blood tests say. I was told for years that I didn't have anything wrong with my thyroid, that my blood tests were "normal". Then I went to see an ENT (who happens to also have a masters' degree in chemistry) and he said that I do have hypothyroidism. The "normal" TSH level is 0.3 to 5.0. However, if you are pushing closer to the 5.0 you could have symptoms. Personally, I would ask for your number. Just FYI.

from realsnoopy :

Of course I understand! You just take care of yourself sweetie!

from realsnoopy :

I'm so sorry. If you need to talk, email me.

from jess1976 :

Hey there, I lost your private entry info.... my computer at work does not store the info. Would you mind sending it to me at [email protected]? Thanks!! Hope you're doing well.

from realsnoopy :

Wow sweetie! Good vent!! *hugs*

from realsnoopy :

Nuts! Wow! I would get the willies too! *cheeky grin* Love ya sweetie!

from realsnoopy :

Good for you!

from realsnoopy :

Good luck hon! Tell him right off the bat, I need something for pain! Tell him advil and so on doesn't help! *hug*

from realsnoopy :

Cute babies!!!! Take care sweetie! Throw mamma from the train! *sorry*

from realsnoopy :

Give your little one a birthday squeeze!

from realsnoopy :

Looks Great! It is so girly now! Give your brother a smooch!

from whystinger :

Damn fine job on the room. It sure makes the whole room more warm and liveable. Great job and kudos to your Bro...

from kestra :

It looks AWESOME! I'm glad you got some help. Not only did that help time wise, I'm sure it saved you a lot of stress too! I love that fairy/unicorn statue you got for her, and the poster is really cool too. Your daughter is so lucky to have a mommy like you!

from arbuckle7 :

Hello. I was reading your diary.. Very interesting. I hope things are going well for you. You're kids are adorable! ...SO cute!

from realsnoopy :

Good entry sweetie!

from realsnoopy :

Oh sweetie, I know the feeling. I am so glad you guys are doing well! I know you miss him, try and do a little something for you. Take a nice bath, and think about how your going to rape him when he gets home! LOL *hugs*

from realsnoopy :

Holy shit! I do leave a lot of notes! *sigh*

from realsnoopy :

Holy shit! I do leave a lot of notes! *sigh*

from kittysays :

Hey threre I was wondering if I could get the password to your locked entries?[email protected]

from her-story :

EVERYTIME I come here, I am enamored with your kids. They are ADORABLE. Anyways... I think that both you and Bunny may be right about the a/c guy. However, time will tell. AND, I don't plan on letting him off easy either. I am just a difficult pain in the ass when I am ignored. *evil grin*

from r-y-r :

Hi, I got your note, I did not receive your email,if you like you can email my personal addy, the one before was my work addy. Email me at [email protected]. Thanks a million

from thecrankyone :

HI!! Just wanted to drop a line and say thanks for adding me as a favorite. I enjoyed reading thru a few of your entries. Your little ones are sooo cute, its amazing how fast they grow up. I've added you to my blogroll.

from adam-selene :

my wife leaves a lot of notes! ;) yeah, health problems with your kids is so stressful! glad to hear that you've got nothing to worry about!

from realsnoopy :

Holy shit! You go girl! Way to make a point! Bravo for you hon! *big hugs*

from realsnoopy :

What do ya think? It worked! Thanx!

from realsnoopy :

Thanx hon! Yes, we need help with the background image. It's tiling and we don't want that? Do you know what I mean??

from realsnoopy :

no, what other diary? I'll check it out!

from realsnoopy :

Glad to hear it. Life is a lot of work. *wink*

from realsnoopy :

I'm sorry things are down for you both. I really FEEL your stress. I know how you are feeling and it sucks. I'm not going to pretend to give any words of advice. You do sound depressed though. Please try and take care of you! Write if you need to talk. *big hugs to you*

from realsnoopy :

Awwww, what cute pics! It's ok to have warm fuzzies.... they are adorable!

from realsnoopy :

Don't ever feel guilty for your feelings. I have always strived to be differant than my family. If you see things that they need to change, then it's good you try to be better. That is the only way your children will be happier, productive, satisfied, and proud of who they are! *hugs* Your a good mommy!

from realsnoopy :

oh hun, I feel so bad for you. That stress is too much! Try and take care, have hubby take you out! *hugs*

from realsnoopy :

Boy do I understand! It is very hard. What can you say?? It sounds so much easier than it is to handle the mother and mother in law. Sometimes I just cry out of the frustration!

from realsnoopy :

I understand being tired! I am flat out sick of it. I feel as though I am walking in a fog. It tends to make me feel sad. It has been such a hot and humid summer. I also look for fall, it is my favorite season.

from realsnoopy :

You kids are soooooo cute!

from realsnoopy :

What does your husband do for a living? My husband is working two jobs so I can relate. I find I get cranky and take it out on him unintentionally. That is one of my faults I am working on. I feel overwhelmed and frustrated in my life right now. I'M SURE I'M NOT ALONE *GRIN*

from realsnoopy :

I was just getting on to write you! How bizare! X-plicity suggested I read you. I know the feelings you have all to well. I felt the same reading yours! Please read, I would love to keep reading you. You have beautiful kids! Stay in touch :) and be well.

from kestra :

Oops, I dropped off a couple words in my last note. LOL. I meant to say that I thought being frustrated with the situation was understandable. I'm sure I would feel overwhelmed and lonely after a while too! But, I'm sure your husband will understand that it's nothing personal against him. In fact, the reason you miss him is because you think he's so wonderful to have around! :-)

from kestra :

That is so sweet that he wanted to come rightaway after seeing the pictures! (They were really cute pictures, after all!) I think being frustrated with the *situation* - and glad to hear that things are going well between you two - other than having to be away, of course. By the way, I wanted to send you a note to let you know that I posted the directions for how to make a sparkle image. Since it's not "easy as pie," I would recommend only attempting it when you have more than 2 minutes to dedicate to it. :-) Anyway, here's the URL to the directions: http://kestra.diaryland.com/081205.html

from kestra :

Your husband sounds so much like mine. It's YOUR fault. That's the most important thing in all this! I know you will be able to get things straightened out come next paycheck, and you can take it as a lesson learned. That's what looking on the positive side means! But, you could be like your husband, all doom and gloom about it. Wouldn't you be happy then? Just kidding. I know when people are like that, it can be a real downer. And I haven't really figured out how to shake the negative influence on my attitude. But the traditional image that comes to mind involves a kitchen pan hitting his head. :-) No, but seriously, we all make mistakes, and yes, it sucks. But, let's place it in perspective. Everything is going to be fine in the end, and there are many more important things in your life, things to be thankful for. So how was that for shooting rainbows out of my butt? What a weird saying, I know, but it seemed appropriate. :-) I just figure you need a little bit of a positive attitude here & there!

from spikeswife :

Happy Birthday! Gald you had a good time!

from kestra :

I was about to say I agree with every single one that you listed... but then I saw that you tagged me, so I guess I better come up with my own!

from boxx9000 :

HOORAY!!!! I can see your diary just fine now. PLEASE be careful with your skin and sun exposure. My daughter had to have 3 moles removed before she was 5 years old. I have never worried about the sun but my daughter has fair skin.

from boxx9000 :

I can only read your dairy if I read super fast (while it is loading) the boXx on the left expands out to the *A* in REALITY in your title. I waited but it didn't snap back.

from boxx9000 :

CONGRATULATIONS! (on the employment, income, wheeeeeee!) I'm having trouble viewing your page. (I have an iMac) I can read it while the page is loading. But, when it completely loads the boXx from the left gets bigger and covers the writing on the right.

from kestra :

Congratulations!!! I can imagine the shock that it finally happened, and the feeling that it was long overdue too. By the way, your template looks great! I think the pictures you're using now are much crisper and more colorful than the previous ones... and I like how you use the same phrase, because that was one of my favorite things about your template. :-)

from momma-at-17 :

I like your template! I like the colors!

from momma-at-17 :

Thank you soooo much for teaching me how to do those things. The heart thing is soo cool, and I should have thought about linking like that a long time ago. It sorta dawned on me this morning before I logged online. Lol. But thank you!! Take care!

from momma-at-17 :

I found you through jess1976, and I'm going to add you to my buddy list. I hope that you don't mind... If so let me know. Oh! And I love the pet shish. =) It's cute!

from kestra :

OH MAN. Does he even remember that he suggested it or did he act like this a completely new idea to him? (I think some people suffer from senility earlier than others... lol) Well I guess if he thinks about it and is still okay with it, then it doesn't really matter. But, it seems like it should be pretty easy because both of you can choose how often you see each other, because you'll be living in separate parts of the house. As you said, it might be more convenient because you can leave the dogs there without worrying about them. If her presence becomes a little annoying, then think about this: work can be a nuisance, but you get paid for it. In this situation, you get paid for it too. So it's earning money. ;-) If it becomes too much of a problem, it may be a hassle to have to end the housing relationship, but then you can at least say you did a good thing by trying and not feel guilty about it. Any time that you allow her to stay, I'm sure, is a help. Of course I know you'll want to avoid a situation like that. Anyway, the only thing I would suggest is talking about a maximum time that you're willing to let her stay there, since I'm sure neither one of you want this to be a permenent residence. :-)

from d1mndn3r0ugh :

One of the side effects of Biaxin can be some icky tummy troubles, even if you never had problems with the medication before (I'm a former nurse). I can't stomach the stuff myself. The problems usually subside a few days after your last dose. *hugs* to you.

from d1mndn3r0ugh :

I sure hope you feel better soon! Good luck to hubby with the interview!

from ocd-and-me :

I'm so glad to have found this diary. I'm going through this too.

from second-love :

Congrats... so happy for you.

from her-story :

Thanks for asking. He's doing MUCH better...instead of crying when he gets his diaper changed, he says "booboo byebye." heh

from kestra :

Reading your entry, I could definitely understand the enormous relief you must have felt! I'm so glad to hear that the money arrived. Yeah, it's just "money," but it's kind of funny to disregard its importance when every single day of your life, you need a little bit - for food, shelter, whatever... so yeah, it's important, and it feels even more important when you DON'T have it, because you realize how much you needed it to do anything. And everytime I read about your tenants, I'm always amazed. They're unbelievable in what they seem to think is acceptable, you know? I wouldn't think of staying beyond my lease, not just for legality's sake, but you're not welcome there - who would want the stress of fighting someone to stay in a place you don't belong? Well, I'm hoping that this is the start of some things going right for you and your family! You all deserve that & then some after going through all of this.

from second-love :

I appreciate it. Thanks

from boxx9000 :

Happy Happy Mom's Day! ♥

from d1mndn3r0ugh :

I am so sorry for your loss. *hugs*

from no-map :

:-) Thank you!!! You added me and it made me smile! *hugs* xxx

from d1mndn3r0ugh :

Thanks for the sweet note. I don't really know why I crave the drama!

from second-love :

Thanks for the note. I've been thinking about you too and all you are going through. Hang in there.

from kestra :

As far as references or past jobs go, they're not allowed to talk about what they think of that person. They're only allowed to say whether or not they actually worked there, and that's it. At least as far as I've been told about that type of legal situation. And they suck ass for doing that to him, and when people do stuff like that, they don't realize that they're not just spiting one person - they're hurting other people who didn't do anything to them, an entire family. But what do they care, right? That's why they suck, and that's my nice way of putting it. And I'll never understand the people who bother to be in your life and don't have any intention of being anything worthwhile. Why not just go away and bug somebody else? And about your husband - I had to wonder just a little bit - if he knows that he isn't going to like what you write, especially on a day like this, why does he bother to read it? Is it some kind of compulsion where he can't help himself from reading it? I mean, this is your place to vent, and it's kind of irksome when other people reading it think that you should tailor your diary to them. I know you can't get too mad at him because he's your husband, and being that you have to live with him, I know you don't want to make things miserable between the two of you... I just wish that things would start working out - being down this long, I don't think anyone deserves that.

from optimystic6 :

I think this is one of those times when your spiritual practices would be able to help you out a lot. Do some techniques/exercises for balance and clarity. Pray for some guidance, or maybe do some divination. You might even do a spell if you really feel the need is great.

from coeurdoux :

Thank you so much for your kind note. It means so much during a time when I feel so alone. It's finally time. I am going to take the steps necssary to never give the pain opportunity to happen again. I want so much to be strong but I feel so weak and appreciate your encouraging words.

from kestra :

Before I say anything else: Good luck to your husband tomorrow!!! It seems like you've been really flexible about this entire situation, even though it's understandably stressful, but you're willing to adapt to whatever circumstances are necessary for him to secure decent employment, and I think that shows your support for him in a major way. It seems kind of strange that the offers are so spread across the map, though. Is it that he was applying online for these jobs? I've always wondered at how successful online job searching is...

from kestra :

It sounds like you definitely need to get rid of the non-paying tenants, no matter where you're going. If you moved to Florida, wouldn't you have to get new tenants for the NY home? Well you'd be stuck finding something in NY, whether it's a new job or new tenants. Which is easier to find, though? I'm just thinking, from everything I've heard, the job market is like a fish tank, so maybe the Florida job is worth considering... I know there's more to factor in than ease, you've got to do what makes you happy, but sometimes it's really hard to do... I would be worried that if you turned down the Florida job, and there really were no jobs in NY, I think that would be regrettable too. Oh shoot, I thought I'd might have useful advice for you, but apparently I don't. Sorry. :P All I can say is I'm feeling the confusion that your situation gives you!

from diomhair :

Well, I did say that, but he generally regards whatever he feels as "right" as a "universal truth" that I've failed to see, and it has nothing to do with equality or a lack of it. But yeah, I think leaving me at school while he searched for the CD, instead of picking me up, was probably the worst part of what he did - or more quantifiable, since the rest are just words. I think he just needs to start learning to use "I" statements, and try to change his thinking away from the "universal truths that I haven't seen" idea. :-)

from almostnormal :

Yes! I got your email, thank you so much. I was going to email you as soon as I had thirty seconds to do so *laugh* I swear I once heard someone say being a SAHmom was all bonbons and jerryspringer...where did all of this work come from? Besides..I didn't want to get everyone all excited about my retail interview until I actually get the job. Then I expect sympathy ;-)

from kestra :

Ugh, your landlord makes me mad too! He does NOT have to be that way, but he's decided for whatever reason, he's going to be the hardest ass that he can be. I wonder what somebody did to him to make him that way, but no matter what, it sucks for everyone else that has to deal with him. It's amazing that people like that even stay in business, though. Bad attitudes don't make people want to keep doing business with them. I would NOT recommend moving in with parents or husband's parents... moving into the car sounds better than that, I swear, because I have been THERE before... It can just really get to you, and it sounds like things are already starting to get to you. MAN, I'm really hoping you guys can figure something out that doesn't totally suck for you all.

from boxx9000 :

HELLO! I am alive and well. I have NO idea WHY my diary is locked. I must have messed up my diary settings. I will ask my daughter to fix it. I am just fine. I am enjoying my vacation. The weather has been absolutely BEAUTIFUL. I am HAPPY. I am sorry I worried everyone. ~Love, BoXx

from second-love :

I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time... i know what that is like - we are still in that position also and the stress is immense. I do wonder if there is such thing as a "fresh start" because really our lives are not where we live, its where we are in our hearts and where our loved ones are. Thats why i think you can really make a wonderful life wherever you end up no matter WHAT state. I can understand why you wanted to get away before... there were terrible memories of what your husband did there... BUT its still about bein a family no matter where you are. Thinkin about you... *hugs*

from mugwhump :

I've just caught up on your recent entries. NOW I know why you've been heavy on my heart for the last 24 hours. I wish I could do something. I have a question though - if your tenants are not paying their rent on time, are they not then breaking the contract lease they have with you, and therefore you have grounds to evict them? This just isn't fair. They are scum and don't deserve a decent place to live. At least that's my humble opinion. And if you have reservations about moving to Texas, ya gotta fill the hubby in now before it's too late. Unless, your fears are unfounded and your just tired of moving. Anyway - please take care of yourself (somehow), love those babies extra hard!

from second-love :

Hon... im so sorry. If anyone can understand your feelings right now its me. I have all the same financial stress and limbo feelings. I sit down to do our finances and just FREAK because there is such a shortfall i cant even come close to bridging that gap. I think about going to work full time and i dont know how THAT will work with my 8 year olds schedule... but i think "how can we make our house payment if i DONT do that?" Ahhh man... i DO understand. Thinkin about you.

from almostnormal :

Here I was going to write an entry of my own filled with self-loathing and worry and ickiness...can I just copy and paste yours instead? (Because that's how lazy I feel I've become *weak smile*) Remember, it will get better eventually...you just have to make it through the rough spots (by spot I mean big huge oily grease stain type spots) This was meant to be positive and uplifting..hmm..I'll do better next time - promise!

from coeurdoux :

PS -Your weight doesn't define who you are. Don't let it make you feel bad. Set some feasible goals and work on things. I am in the same boat. Pass the twinkies!

from coeurdoux :

No, no, no. The weight thing is hard and happens to so many. You need to keep things in perspective. I know it sucks to gain weight. Even being pregnant didn't make me feel any better about it (at least then I did get a prize at the end). Seriously, take one thing at a time. It's all about baby steps. Try hard not to stress and feel bad about it. Weight loss can be something that you can control and there is no real dire consequence either way. Baby steps...

from coeurdoux :

Try to keep it all in perspective. You have overcome much worse! If anyone can survive this it is you!!!

from optimystic6 :

Non-flushing niacin is a good short term way to help deal with migraines. You can get it at most pharmacies and grocery stores these days.

from coeurdoux :

It really will work out. It's only Monday. These things take a little time. Please relax. I would be willing to bet that the migraines are stressed enduced. You've been thru worse and have survived. You can do this. Give it some time and make sure that you take some time for youself.

from coeurdoux :

Reading your last entry brought several things into my mind. Firstly, you need to take a nice long warm bath and relax. It can't be good for anyone to stay up late worrying about things that are some what out of their control. The most pertinent piece of info that I would like to share with you is that you need to take one thing at a time. If you look at the whole picture and every circumstance that is stressful all at once you will quickly feel overwhelmed. Take it one thing at a time. Do what you can, don't feel bad and know that things will work out. They always do. I think it's awesome that you realize just how much both you and your husband need each other. The beauty of all of this is that your angel children think you are both absolutely perfect and they have the utmost confidence in you. You need to have and feel the same confidence. Start with the bath!

from second-love :

I am right where you are... i was up at 2 am thinking about how Johns paycheck JUST pays our mortgage right now and nothing else. The rest is on my shoulders. I am frantically looking at anything i can sell or eliminate... we already sold our travel trailer and now are trying to get rid of the gas gulping SUV to get a smaller car...i too am preparing for the worst... hoping for the best. Here to offer you understanding and support... we WILL get through this!!!! *hugs*

from coeurdoux :

You are one stalward Mom/Wife! Keep your chin up knowing that everything happens for a reason. I still can't get into your archives on any pc. I'm dying here. Is there any way you could send me a text file (like the back up version)? Help! Enjoy what's left of the weekend!

from second-love :

Oh Lisa... i am SOOOOO sorry. I can totally relate to what you are going through. My husband and I have had repeated problems with jobs/job changes/job lay offs et al. And now with MY job loss, its just so difficult. Its hard to even GET back on your feet financially and i know the stress it causes. I cant imagine what he could have done so wrong that didnt even allow for a warning since he is so new... but i hope that this is just a tiny blip in the road for you guys. You WILL get through this!

from coeurdoux :

I am so sorry to hear about your husband's job. I don't claim to completely understand but I am certain that it is difficult. Bless your heart for being such a trooper! I know it is probably hard to imagine right now but things really will work out. Hang on tight!

from mybabylove :

grr. i changed computers and now i dont have your password..may i please have it again :)

from coeurdoux :

I am way sad! I still can't get into your private archives to save my life and I am totally impatient! I have tried 4 different pc's to no avail. Do you have any ideas?

from alifewithin :

please send me a password as well... [email protected]. Thanks!

from gemofajewel :

please send me the password. [email protected]. Thanks! :)

from shortst101 :

please send me the [email protected]

from kaire :

send me the password please! [email protected]

from candoor :

happy new year :)

from second-love :

The lack of desire thing is VERY common after having kids. I was 20 when i had my first one and was rarin to go BEFORE i had my baby... but after... i had no interest at all. PLUS you have plenty of possible "emotional and mental" blocks that would make it hard! You were betrayed by him and its hard to emotionally reconcile that. Plus he's sorta "threatening" you by kinda implying (with words or NOT)that he will get it elsewhere. The lack of desire thing has been the toughest for me over the years. It takes WORK to have little ones AND feel sexual. I STILL dont with John... and M is 8 (and youngest) - often i do it whether i feel like it or not just to keep him happy. Sometimes that is the easiest :)

from coeurdoux :

Your children ae beautiful!

from kestra :

She really does look so happy! I think it was so cute that she came down the stairs and said, "Wow!" :) And to answer your question, no, I have no idea when those messages were deleted... but thanks for letting me know about that, since it's something to keep in mind for the future!

from ilmomof3 :

Thanks so much for your comment -- the support I get from DL is fantastic. :-)

from second-love :

I appreciate your note... i think women "get" the whole thing with step children better than most men do. And i think that the issue of "discipline" was always a tough one with him being the man of the house. She was MY daughter and i didnt want him imposing a bunch of him random over-bearing rules... it has always driven a wedge between us. Whats funny, is that i ALWAYS loved HIS daughter as much as my own and never treated her any different. Oh well...i hope you have a merry christmas too Lisa *smile*

from coeurdoux :

I love reading your diary. I can relate on so many levels. You are a strong person with a good heart. Enjoy the holidays!

from curiouoso :

Send me an email @ [email protected] to get your password for my diary. I had to lock it. Curiouoso*.

from coeurdoux :

I am in awe that you had a great trip to mall and got a fantastic tear-free picture! We haven't been that lucky this year!

from boxx9000 :

When my son was 2 I lost him at the mall. I had both kids with me, my daughter would have been 10 months old. He had ran out of the store we were in because he had seen the fountain and wanted to throw pennies in it. The mall security finally found him ONE hour later (I was in a total panic) on the complete other side of the mall riding the escalator. He wasn't worried in the least. I thought I'd have a nervous breakdown. Luckily I had taught him his full name, parent's names and phone number. They were able to paige me. I never wanted to take both kids to the mall on my own again. (the pic of the kids with Santa is adorable)

from boxx9000 :

Thanks for the Christmas card. Looks like we got the same quiz results.

from coeurdoux :

I absolutely love your diary and I have to tell you that Mormons rock!

from second-love :

so happy for you sweetie...

from grngrl75 :

I'm so glad that you finally got the rent money. I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday!

from second-love :

So glad you got the rent money!!! I know what its like to be struggling financially...it can cause alot of stress. At least your little ones are still small enough to not really KNOW what they are missing. Imagine having teenagers and an 8 year old!!! She definately knows what SHE would be missing *sigh*... guess we can only do what we can, huh? If i had ANY extra... it would go your way *smile*

from mugwhump :

I've been meaning to ask - how did you get the curser that trails the hearts? It's too cute.

from second-love :

OMG!!! You were a Buffy fan????? I KNEW we were kindred spirits!!! Buffy (and hence Angel) were and ARE still my fav's!!!!

from second-love :

I TOTALLY can relate to how you feel. With my impending job loss and my husbands "2nd job" ending at the end of this month, i can fully understand your stress. I too have family members that seem to revel in our sudden financial difficulty. Maybe its because when we were doing very well we purchased items they wished they could have and were jealous. Now that we are struggling, they LOVE to make comments like "Weeeeeeeeell... maybe if you hadn't bought THAT car" or "weeeell maybe you should have thought a little more before you bought that motorcycle..." or whatever. I too cannot understand people being unsympathetic...hang in there!

from second-love :

Oh believe me... as a mother of 3 daughters... 19, 17 and 8... i have seen MORE than my share of "eye rolls". My 8 year old is the WORST - this is why i have called her "mini me" as i was a BIG eye roller!!! Just hang onto your hat Lisa - only gets worse before it gets better hahahahaahahaha, but worth it, huh??? *hugs from one mother to another*

from second-love :

Happy Thanksgiving, Lisa... to you and to your family. Enjoy!

from boxx9000 :

Our baby boys are just one day apart (and 22 years) Happy birthday to your son and Happy Thanksgiving to your family.

from second-love :

Hi Lisa... i had to close my diary for awhile and change the password... if you want to still read my drivel... i can email it to you - just ask :)))) didnt want ya to think i was purposefully locking you out :)))) Hope you feel better (and ummmmmm i get that guilt trip all the time from my hubby...)

from dadagirl :

I clicked on your banner to get here. Your kids are cute. And the most I can say is that when I was little with stomach aches when my mom filled a Ziploc bag with warm ater and put it on my tummy it made me feel better. And goos luck to you and moving. But since you seem like such an awesome mom that wherever you go your kids and you are gonna be ok.

from second-love :

Hang in there... it WILL get better!! XXXX000

from optimystic6 :

I know what it is like to have to move away from a place you love. Even though where I am at now is a wonderful place to live in itself, I still miss that feeling of "home" very much. I think, that if you haven't already made it clear to him, your husband should try his hardest to find somewhere around your home to work. Even if it means waiting awhile, living on savings, tightening the belt and living without some things for awhile. God, it must be so hard. A good topic to pray on I suppose.

from second-love :

YES Lisa... what i discovered was that when my husband lost his job and we THOUGHT we might have to move also... the waiting was a killer, but what was worse was that when it became obvious that we were staying here (in this house we had completely remodeled etc)that when we had NO money and i was struggling to buy cereal for the kids... the "stuff" that used to be important didn't matter at ALL. As a matter of fact, you could care LESS about all the material things you have accumulated and will sacrifice them in a moment to buy milk or shoes for your kid. We actually had a garage sale at one point because we were so desperate to make our car payment... and i sold all KINDS of "stuff" that i thought mattered. What i discovered from that time period (and we are STILL struggling to get back on our feet, although it IS better) is that the ONLY thing that mattered was my husband and my kids. Really. The love of my house that we have SLAVED over to re-do for the last 10 years just didnt matter. You'll get through this cuz you have your kids AND your hubby! *hugs*

from vikingmaiden :

Hey Lisa! Just wanted to say thanks so much for all your help with my new template. I really love it! You're such a sweetheart. Take care!

from second-love :

Lisa... i really feel your frustration and understand it well. I was faced with a similar situation not long ago and it took a serious toll on my relationship with John. BUT what i learned... is that ultimately WHERE we live does not matter nearly as much as HOW we live wherever we ARE. Im sure you dont listen to much i say since i live such a double standard of a life... but I do know the frustrations... and if your hubby finds something that makes him happy... the EVERYONE (including you and the kids) will be the better for it. *hugs and best wishes for the BEST outcome*

from banefulvenus :

awesome banner! Better site!!

from second-love :

I'm so sorry... my thoughts are with you...that sounds hard. *hugs*

from xnavygrrl :

Gosh, you know, I never lost my dad. I didn't know him until a few years ago. But the pain of losing my mother is sometimes very real. The day she died is April 27th. It is also an anniversary personally for me because that is the day me and my sister almost died too. No one ever calls on the 27th, but I wish they would. I know they haven't forgotten her, but it seems like it.

from iamhubpluh :

Hi. I to am a stay-at-home Mommy. I appreciate hearing what you have to say, there are so few positive voices for young mothers on child rearing these days. Your children are beautiful! I would like to get to know you better, if that doesn't sound to wierd... I am always looking for a mother-friend to bounce ideas around with! Take care and God bless!

from shortst101 :

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

from yellowrosetx :

I'm having a poopy day too! I finally went to the Dr today and didn't really get a great report, but oh well. Hopefully, we both get to feeling better soon!

from apostrophe22 :

I hope you start to feel better soon, being sick sucks. *hugs* And I hope he finds a job soon too.

from second-love :

Aren't men a piece of work!!!! Its like they are in their own lil world where no one but THEM is affected. WHATEVA!!!!

from jaykay617 :

Hi. I left you a message a little while ago about reading your diary; I just wanted to wish you well with everything that is going on. I know that it doesn't necessarily change things, but you're in my thoughts anyways. Although I don't know you, I still really do feel for you. I hope things start looking up for you. Take care.

from second-love :

Hi Lisa...it sounds like things are really tough right now, im sorry things just can't be easier. You have certainly had more than your share lately. I hope your hubby can land a job there so that you can at least stay where you are happy. The last thing you two need is to have to move again and then have it be somewhere you DONT want to be!!!!! I hope it all works out for you and i will be sending you all my best thoughts

from curiouoso :

Dear lost, Thanks for reading my diary. I didn't know about you when I wrote that entry, but psychically I must have realized that some good peoplr were reading! At any rate I'll be thinking of you now and in the future messages. I've added you as a tentative favorite so to keep up with you in your futiure messages. Thanks again, Curiouoso* P.S. I am real as I can be! http://curiouoso.diaryland.com/

from hopeanew :

If you don't mind sharing with me, I'd like to have the private entry password. [email protected]

from rayofmemory :

I'd love to read your private entry. Email me at: [email protected]! :-)

from dollyllama :

I would love to read your private entry. dollyllama-at-diaryland-dot-com

from lovinglav :

may I see your private entry? [email protected]

from fish-fat :

Hi! i read you diary all the time. i was wondering if i could have the password to read you private entry. my email is [email protected]. thanks

from shortst101 :

Will you share the password with me? Please? [email protected]

from jaykay617 :

Hi. I came across your diary a while back when I saw your banner. I hope you don't mind if I add you as one of my favorites. Thanks.

from hamiltonian :

Just dropping by again...

from offg2004 :

You're welcome.

from long-ignored :

I wanted to drop a note and thank you for the add.

from maliger :

I saw your banner and though it was a connection to what I want, maybe most people want, and go through wanting from relationships. I gave up on relationships entirely two days ago.

from no-regretz :

ox just stopping by.

from mpeacock :

I just happened onto you diary and we have a lot in common. I lived through the "Wiggles" although it is way back in my archives. I had to lock my diary (my students found it) but if you are interested let me know. Good luck with all you're going through.

from second-love :

Sweet............. SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET babies... worth ALL the extra effort *smile*

from second-love :

Sweet............. SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET babies... worth ALL the extra effort *smile*

from imaphatpig :

I LOOOOOOOOOVE the redesign! Gorgeous. Absolutely.

from stormyskyz :

even though i no longer update, i still come here to read your diary. if you do decide to lock it, can i please have a password? ♥

from hamiltonian :

Hope you feel better... btw... where did you get those hearts?

from second-love :

You are NOT being repetitive!!! I NEED that reminder. But crazy as it sounds... John gets MORE of me now than he ever did. I know that sounds hard to believe, but we are actually doing better then we EVER have. I have learned to appreciate things in him that i took for grantide before... and while my mind and heart is divided, my love for him IS real. Dont STOP leaving the reminders... i AM listening. *smile*

from dandlioneyes :

stopped by through a banner-ad and wanted to say hi!

from second-love :

Men...!!!!!

from girlygirl83 :

Hey, I found you through sweet-cynic, and i'm adding you to my faves. I hope that you don't mind. I'm glad that you and your husband aren't fighting anymore:)

from second-love :

Try to have a wonderful time!!! And you know... you are right. He cannot dictate WHEN you need to just let go and trust him. That is not his call, that is YOURS. Often the offender just wants "all to be forgotten"... but that is easier said then done. You are doing GREAT though, really!!!! I just hope this is a wonderful time of reconnecting for the two of you!

from daze-of-rain :

I wanted you to know I love the quote you chose...thanks for doing me such a service. lol

from pinyon :

Thanks for the kind words and birthday greetings. Don't worry to much about "list" entries. I had a writer friend who once told me "Some days you're on input, and some days you're on output." Maybe you're just having an input day. Hope you feel better soon.

from schmutzie :

I, too, went through the process of getting off Paxil a couple of years ago. My husband and I did it at the same time, and it was incredibly hard, but we made it through. It was good to read your blog, because at the time I was going through it, I felt so alone in the wihdrawal I was dealing with. The zaps do go away, I promise!

from second-love :

Yes.. i know how you feel and i appreciate you AND your thoughts very much. Don't stop!!! And feel free to be as direct with me as you can. Clearly you are the only one on the "other side" of the issue that i have here and i appreciate you! And thanks for the advice about the medicine... i have heard other horror stories from friends. I will always be careful :)

from second-love :

Soooooooooooooo glad today is a better day! Your husband has come a LONG way... im very happy for you! *hugs*

from second-love :

Hang in there!!!! Sendin positive thoughts your way... hope ya feel better!

from imaphatpig :

Thanks for the support. Both the message and the strength that I have read of you (through your diary) has helped me to be stronger than I have ever been. It's strange the things that you discover of yourself when your life is at a crossroads like this. And aren't men pukes? Yeah, I know... they SO are! Take care! Hope you are loving your new home and stuff! -A

from houtxgirl22 :

Hello. I am Olivia. Your diary was on one of those diaryland banners, and well...I just thought I'd take a look at it, and...wow, I really like your diary...I like a lot of what you have to say...of course I only read a little bit of it, but like I said, I like it. I think you might be a little bit older than me. How old are you? I'm 22. I work for a Baby store, and I am engaged. You are more than welcome to read my diary, well in fact...I invite you to. I will tell you upfront that it is locked because of certain reasons, and I don't wish to tell, if that's ok. But, the username is: sweet and the password is:heart. So, take care of you, and have a good night! Catch ya later.

from imaphatpig :

I am going to make stickers and pass them out to all of my sistas' that say "Men-schmen" so that they can wear them when we've had it up to here with all of the stinky B.S. It's enough to make a woman turn lez!

from second-love :

Oh ALL men are like that!!! and i dont care WHAT they say... they have WAY more PMS then we EVER do!!!! They can go from bein sweet as pie to DICK in 3 seconds flat! Prob ANOTHER GREAT reason NOT to bother with 2!!!!!

from second-love :

I think its totally fair to expect that certain topics of conversation are "out of bounds" in a marriage. Otherwise you will never feel secure to share and open up. MAN... hope ya have a better week!

from pandionna :

Heya, I don't think your comments are working. Anyway, it sucks when sex becomes bogged down in hidden meanings or ulterior motives, or, even worse, becomes a power struggle. There should be no strategic thinking involved, you know? But once that pattern starts, it's hard to break. I feel for you.

from imaphatpig :

I feel for you, gal. I really really do! WTF is up with holding something like that over your head? That's not cool. He needs to stop being such a chump and realize how freakin' lucky he is. Seeing people taken for granted like that bugs me more than anything else in the world! Grrrrrrrrrr!

from xperi-mental :

I've read bits of your diary. It's a painful thing to read, beautiful but painful. I'm terribly sorry for you. I'm glad things are good now. Happy belated birthday.

from second-love :

Happy Birthday... i hope it was the BEST yet.

from a-z-a :

i actually stumbled upon your diary completely by accident... then again, that's how i stumble upon most things in life... but to cut right to the chase.... my dad cheated on my mom... twice, before they finally decided to get a divorce... after over 20 years of marriage.... my mom gave him a second chance, tried to rebuild... but i suppose it doesn't matter, if one person is unhappy, then there can't be a marriage... it hurt me and my brother, too... it's like everything from my childhood seems like a lie, you know? and i know it will take a lot of time for my mom to heal, and to trust... she already finds it very difficults... but... reading your diary, feeling your pain... you are a very brave and forgiving as well as loving person... i can't even fathom what i would do in your situation, but i hope i would be able to be as half as strong as you are.... i felt i needed to tell you that.... anyways, take care....

from krugerpak007 :

I found you through second-love. I spent the early morning over my breakfast reading a lot of your entries. My heart goes out to you, and I hope that your husband will have the strength to pull himself together and realise how special you and your kids are and make this work. Your diary made me think so much. I am not quite sure what else to say but I wish you only the best. xoxo Kathy

from second-love :

OMG... i just pretty much read your ENTIRE diary (yes... been reading for hours). Felt compelled to COMPLETELY understand your pain and your story BEFORE commenting anymore. I just didnt feel right. I am SO glad and happy for you BOTH that you moved. I think it is and WILL be the absolute best thing for BOTH of you!

from second-love :

Ahhhhhhhh thanks for your note... and you know what?? Its ok... you can leave my note there. Maybe i DO need some punishment!! And thank you for not mentioning my name there... i did notice that. I thought about just emailing you again, but i wanted to make it clear to anyone else who might leave a note to you on the entry how i felt about it. I wasn't angry and i hope you werent either by my response. I'm glad you gut is "workin"... but you dont need "proof"... i didnt get my proof until i moved out and SHE moved in a month later!!!! Anyway... i hope you have a wonderful birthday and i hope i haven't spoiled it in any way! Have a GREAT time!

from second-love :

I DO want to clear up one thing. I DONT feel like a victim. I know all to well that my life choices are mine. I OWN THEM. I think my point of the email was two-fold. First to tell you to TRUST YOUR GUT when it comes to your husband and what he may or may not be doing... and hopefully (through your feedback) re-REMIND myself of how it felt to be where you are at. And while i think i responded to it differently then you (my husbands affair... (i would never STAY with a man who had had more then ONCE "strayed")I hope you know that by putting your experiences out there you help some people. Maybe me. Maybe that doesnt matter or isnt the reason why you write... but for what its worth, i am grateful for your writing. Think of this though too... sometimes staying in a marriage for the sake of love ISNT the best thing to do. If you have a daughter, she will learn by your example... and she WILL find out about her dad one day... and will look to your response. Maybe she will admire your staying in the face of all this, but maybe not. Likewise a son will learn and possibly emulate his fathers actions. I know i am the last one to hand out advice and you might NOT want to even hear it, but for what its worth, there ya go. Have an awesome holiday weekend and thanks again for the words...

from imaphatpig :

Absolutely right on, gal! I have been cheated on as well - this one guy did it TWICE and got the one girl pregnant and then married the other one only a few months after he hooked up with her! I have such a tremendous amount of respect for you and the way you are taking things in stride. It takes so much strength to be able to let bygones be bygones. If that girl is smart she will heed every word you say and stop while she still has an honest conscience. Though she is acting like she is the victim, she still has the guilt enough to ask you for your opinion about stuff. Hopefully she'll save herself before it's too late. You rock for being able to be the bigger person! -A

from imaphatpig :

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. I am working through it but men really do suck. No, seriously! Like, they REALLY SUCK! I never get how they are always all, "Well, women always get all emotional about stuff." Well, maybe if men weren't so thick headed about stuff and got things on the first time we wouldn't have to kick and scream and yell and "get emotional" to make our point. Y'think? Anyway, glad to hear that you are doing well also! Don't sweat that whole business with your guy. If anyone can pull through it all, you can! -A

from banefulvenus :

great site.... amazing banner that brought me there....

from imaphatpig :

I have been my own personal hero since yesterday (after pranking someone else's ex-boyfriend with my amazing skills) but I must just have to hand you that title if you do all of that for me. Unfortunately I think that it might be a very unfair trade since surely your kids are much smarter than the dolts that I work among. In any case, you're shout out to me is much appreciated on this "one he11uva day!" Take care!

from mugwhump :

Thanks for adding me to your favourites. I hope I don't disappoint you. Thank you also for your note and well wishes. Cheers - LJ

from mugwhump :

I heave a sigh of relief for you. As much as babies are a beautiful thing, the added stress to your family right now wouldn't be. You are an amazing strong, brilliant woman - I hope you know that. Fond thoughts - LJ

from lookinsideme :

Thanks so much for signing my guestbook the other day. Sorry it�s taken me so long to respond, it�s been kind of crazy. I�m glad you�re still around and I enjoy reading your entries, so keep them comin�! I�m sorry you�re having a hard time lately, I sympathize with you in so many ways, I�m just too chicken to write about it sometimes. So keep your chin up and I�ll talk to you later! :-)

from mugwhump :

I stumbled onto your site this morning because of a banner. Your entry "Intimacy" touched me. My heart aches for your understandably untrusting feelings surrounding your husband. How you can possibly trust again after numerous infidelities I just don't know. But something else that came to me was that I was struck by your honesty and openness about your intimate relationship. You are a brave woman. My husband and I have the opposite problem - he doesn't want to be intimate with me, and I often lay away at night, long after he's fallen asleep and cry myself to sleep. The yearning that is never answered. I would NEVER seek the arms of another in answer to that desire. My husband is the only man for me regardless of the difficulties we may face. Anyway - I look forwared to checking in on you again. Be strong - LJ

from heartx :

im so sorry your having trouble with things, i do hope it gets better, and im sure it will :) hang in there.

from liltexas101 :

cool... I thought you had a young one, but afterwards I thought I might be mistaken! :p Melissa

from liltexas101 :

Hey! Thanx for the thoughts! Thats very sweet of you. Things are actually going wonderful for me. I do need to update, I've wanted to many times and procrastinated. I'll spend some good time on the computer later tonight, catch up on you and keep in touch! *Mel*

from drewbears :

Hey there girl! I really hope that things are going the right direction and thing will work out right. You deserve to be happy! (((((HUGS))))) Thinking of you sweetie

from chailife :

Thanks for your note. I like chai, too. But my chai is actually a tattoo on my wrist of the symbol "chai", which is the Hebrew word for "life"!

from liltexas101 :

I love your layout. The picture is just beautiful and sweet! Melissa

from torn-n-half :

Take it from a husband that has cheated. The old saying "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is not always true. Although, if you have not noticed a definite change in your husband, I would be aware. I cheated on my wife, then struggled with cheating again for a long time. After things calmed down at home, I was trying my best to see the other woman again. Only through the Grace of God was I changed, I couldn't do it on my own.

from shortst101 :

Could counseling be an option?

from la-the-sage :

Gosh, I feel dopey talking about birthdays, but thanks for your note! My return wish for you is strength and clarity. ~LA

from pandionna :

I was wondering what was going on. I hope an answer presents itself soon. Life is too short to be unhappy the whole time. Hugs!

from pandionna :

GACK! And now I see your gentle note in my guestbook and I'm all wincey like, "Shit, did I just hurt her feelings?" I guess my point is that communication goes both ways, in that when you say something is bothering you, he needs to actually hear it, and then you can take it from there, and try to work out how to address it. See, feelings are neither right nor wrong--they just happen--so there's no real reason to have to justify their existence. But the feelings need to be acknowledged by the other party involved (friend, husband, whoever), or it will just be you talking and him saying you're too sensitive. That you are concerned about the internet use is reason enough to talk through it, whether he actually looked at that stuff or not. And about the counseling, I don't mean shrink. Even if you go alone, a marriage counselor can help you learn how to cope with what is bothering you and teach you new ways of communicating that might get a better response. BLARGH, I sound like such a proselytizing idiot, but I just hate to see folks unhappy. You strike me as just such a gentle, sweet person with so much love to give, and he strikes me as being incredibly intelligent and spunky, and darn it, Opie, I like you.

from pandionna :

This is awkard, because I do pop on over to his diary, too, so I see both sides. Have you been to marriage counseling? (Please forgive if you've mentioned that in an older entry.) Because, just from the outside looking in, a marriage without trust or communication can't be all that great. Does it really matter if you are being sensitive? Probably not, if you're not connecting about it. Anyway, the counseling might be worth a shot, and, not to sound like Dear Abby, but if he won't go, maybe you could go yourself. Hard to be married to someone you don't trust, you know?

from shortst101 :

Hang in there, things will settle down, your doing great :)

from pandionna :

Oh, I feel your pain! At least on the husband snoring part. I don't know what's going to happen with mine. When we finally get a new place (someday) it's going to have three bedrooms, and one of us will be sleeping in the guestroom a LOT. I don't really know much about getting babies to sleep. Wish I could say something intelligent there.

from pandionna :

Yeah, SignMyGuestbook is ridiculous. They've been having problems with it for a while now. That's why I turned on my notes. Argh!

from pandionna :

Well, you asked, so I'll answer. I'd tell him that if he wasn't straight with me, one day he'll come home and find the entire computer password protected so that he can't use it, and then I'd find a way to do it. It's one thing if he wants to look at that stuff. It's another if he's exposing your child to it. Also, on your end, I guess the thing to ask yourself is why it bothers you. I found out my huz looked at some of that stuff, though it was very artsy, almost like a photographer's portfolio of extraordinarily beautiful women. At first I pitched a fit because, like all men will do, he lied about it. But I didn't give up on getting him to admit what he did, because really, the lying bothered me more than the actual act. Eventually, we hashed it out. He was sorry for hurting me, and I was sorry for being threatened by pixelated pictures. Again, he has pretty elegant taste, so maybe yours is a different situation. If the pictures are violent in nature, that's something to be concerned over. But if they are just of naked people doing...whatever...well, maybe it's not such a big deal?

from pandionna :

Yeah, that would cheese me off, too. It sounds like you're doing the right thing. I mean, you do need water!

from pandionna :

I hope you feel better soon. Fall also *smells* good--the leaves, the crisp tang in the air, the first chimney smoke of the season... Yes, unstuff, unstuff! Completely understand the financial stuff. My huz does some wine-tasting events that he gets paid cash for, and it makes a world of difference.

from flyinby :

wow, you read the whole thing and you're heart didn't stop from boredom? amazing! lol

from xoxtasxox :

Just read some of your old and new entrys. Your amazing, really. Hope everything works out with your husband. Oh and your poster-rules plan w/ your stepdaughter? good plan. I would've allready kicked her out by now. How old is she anyhow? Have a great one. TaSeRoO

from blaiyze :

Come find me....get lost in my love.

from shortst101 :

Happy Anniversary

from diary-viewer :

Your review is complete. Check the site!

from shortst101 :

I hope you don't mind, but I want to say something. I honestly do think that people can change and that everyone deserves a 2nd chance. We all make mistakes, some are just bigger than others. I can read what he writes about you in his diary and what you say about him. There is a special love there. I'm glad to be a witness to it. Sandy

from shortst101 :

Hang in there, hugs

from shortst101 :

Thank you, I hope you are doing ok. Hugs

from flyinby :

*BIG HUGE HUG*

from myemma :

I am really moved by the way you write. I read ALOT and I haven't ever really seen someone write that well. I love it. You can be sure that I will be back. :)

from neospooning :

add a note

from machogirl7 :

Hi, I found your diary through supermommy, and I started reading. I love your writing style. It's so emotional, and it just draws you in. I must have spent half an hour here! :)

from flyinby :

what happened is that my husband found my journal and didn't like what i had written about him in it. he didn't read the whole thing, but in the entry that was the default entry (the one he saw) i said that he used to be a hardbody and now he's turned into the dough boy (as in pilsbury! cute thing that!). he got really offended. so he looked at my archines and saw a couple of entries titled 'hubby bashing', that sort of thing, and skimmed over those, too. so he was all testy about it for a loooonnnng while, i had to close the diary to make him happy, then i started a new diary, but i hated it, so i came back to this one. i warned him not to be offended at what i write when i blow off steam, i reminded him of all the times he's blown off steam and then expected me not to be mad about it. so far no problems, but . . . i find myself worried that he'll read it again. i don't wanna password protect it, though. i hate that, it grates on my nerves. he knows i'm writing again, but hasn't said anything so i figure he's gotten over it. (hope that is) thanks for adding me to your faves!

from hookedonher :

have you tried taking him to obedience classes? i, like you have a hard time with people who so easily give up on animals. to me, i feel like they are a part of the family and i just couldn't give up on a member of my family. my parents are the same way but i know that they did have to give away a german shepard once that was just crazy. it was untrainable and it was unsafe to have around children. i think in those kind of instances, its much like giving up on a family member who is a threat to the rest of your family - sometimes things have to be done. i really would try the obedience school though. at least as a last resort before giving up.

from flyinby :

myself, i would try to find a saint bernard rescue group and alert them to the problem you are having with the dog, see if they can't take him off of your hands for you. they will train him, foster him in a good home, and find him a new home that will be able to handle him better. they monitor the new family and home and check back to make sure it is working out alright so that the dog doesn't end up in the pound or something. *shrug* just a suggestion. you can probably find some good no-kill places for your dog online in a search.

from sweetvanny :

I like the way you write about ur daughter and ur family. Sure I'll stop by your diary occasionally. :> Take good care of urself too! Summer is beautiful here, I hope the place where ur living is the same. Bye~

from teena79 :

Hey long time no update... I hope things are okay for you :o)

from teena79 :

Congratulations, i hope you have all the happiness in the world :o)

from flyinby :

how painful for you. i know very much how you must feel. i feel the same way about the name angela and christine right now. *grumble* i can't go into detail here, but maybe someday i'll tackle it in my diary. i know how it is to have a husband with that sort of thing always hovering overhead. :( on the lighter side, i think that amber and becca are adorable names for girls, but i might be biased. *shhh* ;)

from teena79 :

I love the way you wrote about your daughter, it was beautiful x

from flyinby :

of course you can read! i don't mind at all. it is flattering that you would even want to! thanks for your note. i appreciate it.

from spacebabe :

Come back as often as you like :)

from teena79 :

Hey i just came across your diary and i read all your entries, some of it really reminded me of stuff i've been through. I'm going to keep reading hope that it's okay x :o)

from happilyever :

hey thanks for the good luck wishes! We can use all the luck we can get! I see you have a 6-month-old - don't you love having a daughter? I know how you feel about waiting for the future but wanting to savor every moment. I try to remind myself when I don't feel like picking up my daughter that I will miss it terribly when she is too big to carry. :) Ours is 3 now and she is just wonderful. Thanks again :)

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