messages to old-story:
(click here to add new message):

from old-story :
Dear person trying to read my diary via another website to hurt me: you have tried 60+ times. You are clearly stalking me. I now have your IP address. Get a life already. I haven't written here in forever. You are obviously a very sick person. I'd also appreciate if you stopped calling my phone everyday. I know who you are. That's just such weird behavior. I have idea: leave me alone and get a better job.
from anita-horse :
needtokickit at gmail dot com
from anita-horse :
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss of the babies. It's gotta be horrible. You should know, however, that the Lexapro or any sleep medication had nothing to do with the miscarriage.
from old-story :
Oh, wait, I forgot to add the domestic abuse part. When I went to grab the tablet pc from him, he "thought I was going to hit him, so he grabbed my arms as hard as he could, and I kept screaming and crying saying "let go of me, what are you doing!" He took me, and didn't let go, but threw me into the closet, where I hit a metal bracket, and got a black eye and some marks on my arms. I was out of it for days. Hurt. After that was the time I knew something was wrong with me. I was sick to me stomach. I had this really long and horrific period. Gross, fine. But now, knowing that it was twins, sitting in my cancerous uterus, I can't help but think of them trying to grow. Me repelling them by continuing to take Lexapro, and sleep medications. I feel like I should be punished. Maybe this is the way. All I want to do is go back to t e a c h. It will help me forget it all, maybe. Maybe not. I feel like death. I have 60+ orders to get out because the local PO stole my packages. I have pissed off customers, and a copy shop who is just killing my soul. Is this melodramatic or is it just what's happening? From last summer, toward the end, all the way until now, my life has just felt very difficult. I don't drink. I smoke, but. Sometimes I just think, why aren't I dead yet? No one around me cares save for one friend. Everyone else is too afraid (God forbid) to be kind, to say sorry. To empathize. That's it, I guess. Oh, my insurance wouldn't pay for the DNC. It cost me arounf $2000 because they consider that an abortion. I cried when I got home because I thought, I was sterile, it might as well have been an abortion with all the wrong things I was doing. So that's it. I've emailed my ex's friend. He's been as nice as anyone else. Fuck, he cared more about it than Andy. With the space between us, I'm getting angrier and less in love, realizing the many things that he's done to hurt me. I'll sut up. Hopefully no one sees this. If so, oh well. I don't really care about much anymore.
from old-story :
No. That's the least of my problems, Anita. Horse. Lortab. Whoever you are. Whomever? I don't know. Let's see, I think I broke up with Andy, after 6 years. I've been alone for about 2 weeks in the house. He was Facebooking some girl telling her I was a dumbass for texting an old friend/boyfriend. Then, he took my medication and gave it to this random girl from his hometown, who he doesn't even know. Apparently, she has cancer. So it doesn't matter that I'm sick. Nah, he can take care of another girl; give her love that I never got. Especially toward the time when I discovered it, open, on the tablet that I bought him, innocently trying to play angry birds. Right there, in my face. Several messages from girls. Every time I walked into his room he was closing his computer. I brought the tablet up and made him read the words about me, to so actually hear them. "Dumbass," "bitch," paranoid bullshit. Then, after he moved out, I had a miscarriage, twins. I told Andy, he didn't seems to give a fuck. The way he talked about it. Sickened me. I don't think I can take much more punishment from God, or whatever. I can't get over it. The miscarriage. I can't write about it in my journal. God forbid someone air their woes. I cannot help but think of what they might have looked like. Andy doesn't answer my calls. When I asked if he would come to fix the internet, he said "he was busy for 3 days." Oh, busy. Right. Anyway, I have proof of all of this. I took pictures of the notes. If you want to give me your email address, I would be happy to show you.
from anita-horse :
Oh, thought you had said somebody got you fired. It was part of where you were talking about how you never mentioned where you work, etc. That's good to hear.
from old-story :
No, I'm not fired. Did you read the note below?
from anita-horse :
What's up with Beth?
from anita-horse :
Are you done with the diary? Let us know if so - can stop checking it.
from old-story :
Thank You!
from anita-horse :
Ah, congrats on the tenure. This is fabulous news.
from echoman :
Outstanding news - huge congrats on tenure! To say you deserve it would be the understatement of the century so far. Celebrate and savor. :)
from boombasticat :
Hey! Great news. Congratulations. From what I can see, you certainly deserve that shit.
from echoman :
I agree 100% - you're *both* overdue for a load of breaks, for a karmic payoff. And it's gutting to watching someone you care so deeply about suffer, and to not be able to push a button and relieve their pain. Plus, that can fuel your sadness, and then back to him...it's a crappy, vicious circle that takes time to break out of. Spring depression is awful, and sneaky, too. You're so due for an amazing 2011, it'd better kick in here pronto! Hang in there.
from old-story :
Mike, it's just been such a hard year. I don't know what to say other than that. When you see someone you love so much hurting...I don't know. It makes you wonder if my crazy caused his? I see him, and I see me--whe I'm balled up and upset. I guess at the very least I know how to treat it. Lots of of sleep, then brief walks, a little activity. It's hard as hell. I just want to be by him. To be able to let him work it out. He seemed better today. So did I but. It's hurting me watching him hurt. Hopefully he'll emerge. Spring depression is difficult. Extremely difficult. Whoever is watching from above. Just give us a break, you know?
from echoman :
Has Andy considered talking to someone (professionally) about his depression? It might help. And I know you just want him to be happy and to be happy together - I hope you get back there ASAP.
from old-story :
Anyone have decent meds to quell my backpain? Jesus. Periods suck!
from curious-me :
I'm so glad you went and SO glad it's helping already!!
from for-tart :
Don't give up on Andy or anything else. Wait for the fog to clear. Life is always about making it become what you want.
from stepfordtart :
oh and you might want to read a little annanotbob here on d'land (if you dont already). Teacher/depression/working through it - sound familiar? ((cyber hug)) s x
from stepfordtart :
Hey! I hope you start to feel better real soon. Sounds like you're doing the right things to help achieve that and I really hope it all works out for you. s x
from anita-horse :
I've had depression like that. For months. I know exactly what you are talking about. Mine is the big anxiety component too. Not the overeat-oversleep kind but the can't sleep-can't-eat nauseated kind. I even had a seizure once from lack of sleep. It could also be triggered by stopping the Xanax. A lot of times they feed you anti-depressants when the real thing that is causing it is the anxiety. Glad the Xanax is helping. And yeah, people get tired of hearing about it. I guess I don't blame them. Most of them have no idea what it feels like, and don't really understand that you can't voluntarily change it.
from curious-me :
I'm not sure what to say except that I'm sorry you're going through all this but I am glad that you have Andy and your mom to help you right now. Just know that even though I don't "know" you I am rooting for you! Take care of yourself.
from catsoul :
Hi, I was a high school special education teacher for 16 years. I have a masters degree, a vocational rehab degree, and a life license for teaching the mentally challenged. I haven't taught for 16 years. I didn't fit in at all with the other teachers. I just didn't fit. I quit teaching and haven't looked back. It is all right to move along. It sounds like you just need to give yourself permission to let go. You will be fine just like you wrote in this entry of yours. It will all be fine and you will find peace. The hardest part is the decision. Anyhoo, thanks for your honesty and heart. =^..^=
from for-tart :
Greetings, Beth. I'm leaving a note to remind you that although our lives will never cross physically, they have been orbiting each other for years in the arena of thoughts and feelings. You give me new ideas and different viewpoints through your description of the life you lead. Your influence is greater that you may realize. I can say that I am a better person because of you. So thanks for being here. And thanks for being here tomorrow.
from theways :
i hope you feel better. stay strong xxx
from curious-me :
Yay you are unlocked again! Was looking at your jewelry on etsy - so many beautiful pieces! I am especially smitten with the locket type piece where you can change the pictures out - the photos it comes with are amazing!
from old-story :
Unlocked. 1st Amendment right. No slander. I speak truth.
from old-story :
I AM LOCKED INDEFINATELY. EMAIL ME: [email protected], tell me who you are, and you shall receive your LOGIN + PASSWORD. :)
from old-story :
Still totally crazy-but everyone is like "okay, it's over now." Don't mind the giant snow piles. :)
from boombasticat :
When Chicago types get worried about a snowstorm, you know it's a big one. I'm a little jealous. I love those big snowstorms.
from anita-horse :
It is remarkable how often you have upper respiratory infections. If course, being around kids you are walking in essentially one giant virus culture dish. What's this about the polyps? Cervical, uterine, nasal, or colon?
from old-story :
Hey guys, I'm unlocked. Exhausted. Just need a little love.
from fatcatluv :
Pword porfavor. [email protected]
from boombasticat :
I take it you're locked up?
from bridgecity :
I had an infection in both ears back in 2001. I took antibiotics for a month to no avail. Then I read that it just goes away after awhile on it's own. I stopped taking any medicines. It took about 3 months. Although I wasn't really in much pain after the first few days, I would liken my hearing to that of being underwater. Being a musician I was incredibly sad and disturbed by this. Then one day I noticed I could hear a little better. A month or so after that my hearing returned to normal. Although I swear it left some trace of permanent damage I recently had a hearing test that proved otherwise. That is my ear infection story. I sympathize with you and enjoy your writing.
from pink-sapfire :
I will be adding you to my buddy list if that is alright, hope you get rid of the ringing in your ears soon. <hugs> xj
from echoman :
I'm keeping my fingers crossed & sending positive thought waves your way that you finally get a deserved change in luck, health-wise. It almost defies belief how much crap you've had to deal with this year. Hang in there & rest rest rest.
from theways :
stay strong :) you can do it! xx
from anita-horse :
Killer could have been forced to do it under threat of death or threat to his family. That's how they roll.
from old-story :
AH- from what I can garner, they know who the killer was. This year alone 4 murders (all gang-related) have occured on this street. I always tell my students to stay away from people who will get you into trouble. Sometimes, it takes a horrific event like this one to get them to understand that bad things can happen. 15 though. Shit.
from anita-horse :
How awful. I feel so bad for his family. And if the killer was just a kid too, that's yet another tragedy - his mother will grieve for him as well. Their brains aren't developed enough to see the consequences of their actions, and impulsivity rules. By the time the brain does get developed, they can already be in prison with a life sentence.
from catsoul :
Reality hits hard when it happens to the young. I am very sorry to read that one of your student's passed away. Take care. =^..^=
from echoman :
I think it refers to being an ooomph in sales that puts shops "in the black." Although I've always thought the name makes it sound like a day for a massacre, which I suppose these days also fits, considering now people get trampled to death at Wal-Mart, etc.
from old-story :
Thanks AnB, it's my co-workers who seem to not care. So I push myself everyday to do something unique, despite my cold, the extra job, SC and everything else. Frustrated and frazzled.
from annanotbob :
You should be tucked up in bed with that virus! Look after yourself, girl, you don't want to really burn out. (Sorry, that sounded v bossy but I know too many burnt out teachers and am indeed one myself - couldn't keep reading and say nothing) Best wishes x
from anita-horse :
Argh. Well, mine's 4K but my car is paid off.
from old-story :
Agreed. I just don't know who you are. Show yourself!
from anita-horse :
Um, I didn't do any verbal abuse. I hope that's not what you meant.
from old-story :
Anita-horse, you must reveal yourself. And, "not to play the victim" here, I cannot take anymore verbal abuse. You dig?
from old-story :
Alright. I'll do it tomorrow. But if it get vicious, I'm taking comments down.
from anita-horse :
It's just such a bother to switch to this page to leave a brief reply. Otherwise I think there could be a spirited discussion.
from echoman :
Don't be too hard on yourself.
from for-tart :
Glad that good things are coming your way.
from anita-horse :
I gotta see the Riding Hood outfit. What a great idea.
from old-story :
Sorry Mike, that's a DQ. I'm almost 5'10. Thanks for playing, though!
from echoman :
Hell, I meet all the cuddle partner specs except I'm not tall. 5' 7". Am I DQ-ed?
from for-tart :
Hands like space heaters.
from old-story :
If you are unnamed, and will not tell me who you are, I will delete your notes. Also, I deleted many of my journal entries for many reasons. Please do not refer to those for any reason. There are obvious reasons as to why I augmented this space. As for everyone else, thanks for the support and continuing to read. This journal is for me, the few people that have followed me for years, not the world, you know? If I wanted to write somewhere less private, there are many places that I could that.
from annanotbob :
Glad you unlocked and glad you're holding steady. Best wishes x
from catsoul :
Glad you are back! I missed reading what you write. Take care. =^..^=
from peachfront :
You have a wonderful eye for art, and I love your new design for your page. You don't know me, but I wish only the best for you, and I'm sure that many other people do too.
from fatcatluv :
It takes courage to be completely honest, even in an anonymous online community. Applause for you, and my heart totally knows the pain. Of life. And the resentment. For those who don't know it.
from hangover :
Bull hockey on the locking. Who am I to talk with the blank one?
from for-tart :
Don't give anyone the satisfaction of bowing out.
from old-story :
Email me.
from catsoul :
hi there...any chance of getting your PW? My e-mail is [email protected]
from fatcatluv :
password please. no viciousness here love xoxo
from old-story :
Yeah, sorry, I need a horse / Lortab. No can do. Last time vicious shit was posted and I couldn't get rid of it.
from anita-horse :
Turn comments back on, please. I'm sure lots of people want to converse.
from sky-rocket :
my ten-year-old nephew just had mono. this family, as a whole, within the past few months, has experienced gnats, rats, lice, strep, staph, mono, and psoriasis. (be careful cuz psoriasis can be an after-symptom of mono, apparently!)
from annanotbob :
Just wanted to send you some love and a {{{hug}}} in these difficult times. All the very best to you and your mum xx
from old-story :
StarT, that is. I know what people like in their homes, and this I could do.
from old-story :
Maybe I could even star painting again?
from echoman :
Something tells me you'd be incredibly content if you made that transition! I think you'd miss the occasional satisfaction of teaching a student who "gets it," but I think you'd benefit mentally from a clean break from the politics and day-to-day obstacles/stress of the classroom. Plus, your jewelry and art is so damn good, yo! More time to do more of it would only be a good thing.
from anita-horse :
"heel-laden." I love it.
from catsoul :
I can so remember being and feeling like that. I hope today is better for you! Take care. =^..^=
from old-story :
Long story, and I don't want to get into the details. There's oversharing, then there's REAL oversharing, you know? Not only that, it's boring. Let's just say, I've thought about it all. I've covered it all. I do appreciate the concern, though.
from anita-horse :
Is this proven by laparoscopy? Have you had any lasering of the implants or tried suppressive medical therapy? Vaginal delivery prevents the recurrence in a lot of cases. There is often an associated infertility, so if you wanted to get pregnant you'd have it treated for that reason anyway.
from old-story :
Not angry, that is. I'm just in pain. I have a super tolerance for it too. My mom just had her hysterectomy this past year. It really makes me want to do the same, especially when I have my period, (sorry, I know this is gross), and the pain is so severe, but when it ends, I do think a lot about kids. Do I really want one? What would I have to do to get one? Should I prolong this and try to find someone to pound one out? All of this sounds awful--I mean, an awful way to handle shit, I know, but, I just don't know. And that's the problem. No idea what to do.
from old-story :
I am now 29. It really is painful. I try not to take it out on other people,but it's really hard. Occasionally I'll get a decent painkiller or 2, but since I've been teaching, I've been in a really warm room, and I've almost passed out a few times from the pain all while trying really desperately to keep a smile on my face, or at the very least, look like I'm not trying not to anger anyone. And I'm not, I swear. It just really hurts, all of the time.
from herdarlinsin :
I went through endemetriosis (twice) before having a full-on hysterectomy. I was 24. How young are you? I know the pain you're going through (and my heart goes out to you. I hope that it isn't too severe. *hugs*
from old-story :
Anita--I had my blog open for comments for a while, but a few vicious hurtful, things made me pissed so I removes it. I may add a guestbook, but the idea is kind of sickening. This is such a personal, honest place that I kind of enjoy the open air, the ability to talk to myself and to the few people who read this. I t e a c h middle school writing.
from anita-horse :
Hey, could we have a way to comment on your blog entries? I mean besides here?
from herdarlinsin :
Just curious. What do you teach to your students?
from sky-rocket :
love that filmstrip bracelet.
from annanotbob :
I LOVE those 'Wires' pics. xx
from catsoul :
I hear what you are saying exactly, I taught special education for 16 years and then quit teaching. I even have a master's degree, a life licensce for teaching MR, a vocational rehabilation degree out of Stout, that is in Menomonie, WI, so I hear you loud and clear!! By the way, about the jewelry, would you be able to enlarge that vintage topaz ring to a size 8, you never got back to me on the question. Take care and I like your creative spirit, don't let anything or anyone turn that off. =^..^=
from old-story :
Thanks Catsoulio et.al. I didn't even realize that it was you buying my shtuff. need to pay attention to Etsy's new messaging systems, b/c I would have sent you assloads of free things!
from catsoul :
It is always good to know what it is. So now what is next to do. I hope you seek help to get rid of that pain. Having surgery means you won't have to teach for a bit...hey there is always an up side to things. Take care and I do love your necklaces. I now have three of your creations!! =^..^=
from echoman :
I'm sure I (or someone smarter on net protocol) could rig you a computer that can only connect to etsy and no other sites. Straddling the grids (sounds dirty), best of both worlds? (I almost wrote Beth of both worlds...)
from stardumb :
i enjoyed your short story, especially the end! and beginning! (and middle too)! :)
from xorbit :
Wow, excellent story! (tho you have one typo, "hade" instead of, I'm guessing, "made")
from catsoul :
Hi, hope you are doing better and all. I just wanted to tell you that this is a great picture with the shadow contrast. :) =^..^=
from anita-horse :
Damn.
from echoman :
Just write write write and then write some more. Let it go where it goes, get it out and on the page, then tighten it up once it's out your brain. But then what do I know, I'm no writer. But you should definitely keep at it!
from anita-horse :
50 pounds - wow. I'm just reaching 30 pounds lost; wanna do another 10. A great way to become a boy-magnet...
from anita-horse :
50 pounds - wow. I'm just reaching 30 pounds lost; wanna do another 10. A great way to become a boy-magnet...
from bareorigins :
i so agree with the whole facebook thing. i got one like 2 months ago and its just a bunch of bullshit. i don't care if you just picked your kids up from soccer practice! or if you just bought a cow from farmville! don't you have anything better to do with your time? i do.
from catsoul :
Hi, I hope today was better for you & I think you should eat something healthy each day, or at least take gummie vitamins. Take care. =^..^=
from permeation :
I should check my notes page more often, and reply even more often than that. Thank you for your comments -- I'll be spending some time going through your stuff, nosing 'round your photos if that's ok..
from hangover :
My wife says your a damn good looking girl. My wife is cool like that.
from hangover :
I didn't know my notes were disabled. I am but a victim. They're enabled now. You mofo, fooking mudda falga macker.
from old-story :
Xorbit--no, not you! :) It's a reallllly long, strange story that really, I did nothing to provoke. I was going to post it, but instead, I've emailed a bunch of people, yoi know, in case I end uo dead, in a gutter.
from xorbit :
I didn't mean to spook you. I hope it's not my fault :(
from for-tart :
Knock Knock. Can I come in?
from xorbit :
I love the photo in 100508_17.html - very atmospheric :)
from hangover :
A little while ago I trekked a hard drive dedicated to everything music that I've collected over the million years I've been alive. I ran across some samples you sent me in the past and played them two, some of them three, times. It was a west coast June gloom day when even the grass appears gray. The hole where my heart used to be did a bit of a pitter patter. I do love music, especially when it comes from someone who means it. If I could miss it I'm sure I will when I am dead.
from xorbit :
Re 080630_17.html - I have LOTS of I-need-to-pee dreams. Sometimes I am in a communal bathroom like you would find at a campsite or public pool. Other times I am at a rich relative's house and trying to find the guest bathroom. So I will dream that I've peed, but I still need to go. Usually I manage to wake up in time :)
from xorbit :
Hey, just to let you know I'm reading (I started in 2005 sometime). I've been on a medication chemically similar to lexapro for 7+ years and I keep trying to wean off it but inevitably go crazy and have to get back on a high dose. Pretty depressing in itself, that.
from boombasticat :
Negro cooter!
from for-tart :
I like it. I really like it!
from permeation :
Beautiful tattoo. My next one is going to be of an old brownie box camera.
from fatcatluv :
Do not delete. I repeat, do not delete.
from echoman :
Ass caskets!
from catsoul :
So glad you can check off one more thing to get you closer to the end of the year school crap. I understand having been a special education teacher for 16 years. I just up and resigned. Your plans for the summer sound awesome. Let me know if you get up around central Wisconsin. Take care. =^..^=
from echoman :
I love the coffee pic. May you have more dandelion days with that sparkle in your eyes.
from anita-horse :
You list some things that are horrible, yet you don't seem to have any anger about them. Depression is anger turned inward.
from annanotbob :
Nice pics x
from boombasticat :
You should gather up the young ones and jam them directly into a salad. I'd do it, but all the ones near me are in dog-walking areas.
from catsoul :
Hi, I am wondering what kind of fisheye lens you use. I just love reading your writing and I love your pictures. Take care. =^..^=
from for-tart :
Tempting.
from atwowaydream :
This person that takes you out, can they be crazy too? I'd imagine it would be much more entertaining that way.
from annanotbob :
Just a quick hello from a fellow depression sufferer and English teacher. (Not that I'm teaching these days - unstoppable tears and teenagers don't mix.) Best wishes though and well done for not drinking x
from anita-horse :
I know exactly what you're talking about with the helium fog, the looking normal to everyone else, the fact that it's not sadness, and the worry that it won't get better. I think a lot of people use the word "depression" without knowing what a clinical depression is really like.
from theways :
stay strong. they might be the worst of days but they are honest days, at least (between you and you, not you and the world, obviously.) (love your tattoo btw)
from illusionless :
That makes sense. It's a shame that one person can ruin the whole experience just by being nasty like that. It's immature really. You're clearly the bigger person. Diaryland does seem to update funny and it's very slow at loading pages too. I do enjoy reading your journal. I like all the cool pictures too.
from illusionless :
What do you mean something rotten in diarylands state? Do you mean all the spam journals? If so I agree with you.
from insidemyeyes :
I admire the way you write, its both honest and funny.
from hangover :
I find the dream with Isaiha Thomas being the most disturbing for I couldn't imagine someone thinking about Isaiha Thomas anymore.
from anita-horse :
Love reading your travails. I think my favorite was the one where you made the student write "I will not interrupt when she is speaking to another student." Seriously, how do you stand these eighth-graders?
from fatcatluv :
Lovelovelove that you are unlocked. Gracias.
from fatcatluv :
Hi there, I've been reading your diary for 3 years and after the little "love note" I completely understand why you would lock it. Could I pretty please with sugar on top have the password? Muchas gracias.
from echoman :
I still don't get it - why leave a note just to disparage someone else's personal space? People are fools.
from for-tart :
Don't let a few gay asses bring you down. I love your photos and your writing. Let them get pissed and stay pissed. People who think they have a right to control your thoughts and feelings are delusional.
from catsoul :
Wow, that isn't a nice thing to write. You will have to send me your password to: [email protected] I like your pictures, it inspires me to try taking more creative photos. Take care. =^..^=
from old-story :
River-Run- It would be nice to communicate with you, but I see your notes are turned off. Did it feel nice to stand atop your soapbox with your "THE END IS NEAR SIGN?" Jesus, can't you tell I'm being annoyingly sardonic? I say things just to say them. It's a diary, for crying out loud. My point about Rush Limbaugh was that you don't have to listen or read anything that offends you. Two words: Gay hearts. Really? That's the bee in your bonnet? Christ on a bike. I've heard worse in church, if I ever went.
from surfking :
i want to leave a note but i'm not sure what to say by any means...i read some entries and i wanted to leave a note.
from theways :
first one. cause your hair looks lovely on it.
from omfggwtf :
stumbled onto your diary. hope you feel better soon! xo.
from boombasticat :
I'm afraid I don't know your last name.
from echoman :
Oh Beth, so funny I forgot to laugh... :) I was trying to come up with a good Kierkegaard related euphemism for yanking the chain, but I got nothing.
from catsoul :
Hi, so when you do lock your writing, would you mind sending me the password please. [email protected] Thanks! =^..^=
from boombasticat :
Yo! I just realized that you responded to my note, from months ago. Well, I'd like to do business, for a necklace? Should I leave you a note on your business-type page?
from sky-rocket :
:) i watched some old richard pryor stand-up tonight and he said, "in illinois, the wind waits for you to walk around the corner" and "in illinois, it's too cold to be racist." (the show was filmed in new orleans.)
from old-story :
boombasticat-YES! let me know what you want, and becky! are you still in town? i didn't check my notes until today!
from division-day :
Beth i'm on the south side of chicago today, are you around? I want to meet you. Otherwise i might have a little time tomorrow morning before i leave. Call or email me -- 503 757 x00x62 take out the x. Merry christmas!
from boombasticat :
Happy December and I hope the holiday break comes soon for you. Are you still making your great pendants and things, custom? If so, I think I'd like to place an order. Thanks very much and hope you're good.
from bicyclelove :
happy thanksgiving! i wish i were in florida too...
from boombasticat :
I read that story about DFW last night, too. Stayed up late reading it, so late I didn't wake up in time for work today. It's heartbreaking. I'm sorry you feel bad.
from dinosaurorgy :
Haloscan might be something to look in to if you're looking for a new note system.
from sythy :
I support whatever you think is best for you, is what I'm saying. And I am also so glad you have Andy, too.
from sythy :
I am glad you're feeling a little better. I can relate to feeling like you've never been happy before -- that used to happen to me when I got depressed. It was like it edited all my memories of the past with a black sludgy marker. If it takes lexapro to give you the insight that your feelings -- good and bad -- are completely transitory, then lexapro is a good thing for now. In my opinion.
from leaveten :
i think you seem strong enough to be off drugs. at least i believe so. at least someone believes in you.
from fidelitykill :
I want you to know that I have visited your Etsy shop, and plan on ordering at least two hundred of your photo ttv necklaces. Okay, maybe just three or four. But I really like them, and I certainly would like to purchase a few.
from onepinksock :
we all need help to get by- it just differs on how/where we get it. so your help is in a pill...that's perfectly fine.
from sythy :
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I am *so* sorry you're feeling so awful.
from soldiergirl :
Thank you for sending an extra pendant with the jewelry I purchased from the Itsy website. I think you're a great writer and artist. Please do whatever it takes to be free of addiction. It can emotionally cripple you. I look at your beautiful photography collection, entries about coaching volleyball to young girls and teaching... you're not even 30 with so much life ahead of you. Please don't throw it all away. It a twitch of an eye, it can be over. Your heath wrecked forever. I realize it more and more in my forties. Several of my friends have died from cancer and other diseases. This is your most weakest time of year...off for the summer from teaching. Free to indulge yourself. A trip overseas or somewhere different where you bring a camera along... that could be a solution. Or a 12-step program. I'm addicted to computers. But I force myself to get outdoors whenever possible. Take care of yourself. No one else can do it for you. A daily reader and fan.
from leaveten :
i think you seem strong enough to be off drugs. at least i believe so. at least someone believes in you.
from danimal42 :
loser
from danimal42 :
yur gonna shoot so great
from day-ending :
(it entered by accident)..but ive only read a couple entries, but i'd love to keep reading <3
from day-ending :
i found your diary very randomly; ive only
from onepinksock :
ummm, i like your jewelry. in fact i plan on buying something once i stop being such a lazy ass.
from danimal42 :
i love you.. let's chat sometime.
from bi-pet :
wow - you've got a twin. i'd have never guessed..
from dinosaurorgy :
Re: Pee dreams -- I had a dream that this crazy kid I knew from high school was stalking me, and I hid in the ladies bathroom. I really had to pee. He came in, so I was trying to pee really quietly so he wouldn't find me; I woke up to find that I'd pissed myself.
from sythy :
at the risk of sounding like a broken record, i really dig the layout man! i just got back from a run (it is hot hot hot out). i love dripping with sweat -- it is the best! also i just read an advice column somewhere about some girl's boyfriend urinating in her closet when he was drunk and asleep. i guess he ruined a pair of her good shoes. i think i would rather have someone beat me. kidding! or am i...
from hangover :
but I really am in love, and shit. You can tell I'm in love because I say "and love, and shit"
from danimal42 :
sorry you're troubled, sugarface. wish i could do something about it..
from sythy :
And I heart you, too! Please don't worry about being slow at responding to e-mail. I am the queen of that.
from sythy :
I love your new layout. Great photo choices and the blues are pretty.
from danimal42 :
two blogs are better than one, but then one gets cobwebs, right? i'll take you in any form... and thanks for the sweet compliment.. and let me know when i can buy your bottle cap magnets and used underwear and stuff.
from sky-rocket :
yes, better here.
from onepinksock :
'ello!
from bi-pet :
i'd like you to come back!!
from danimal42 :
yes come back little sheba..
from onepinksock :
you're welcome wherever you feel most comfortable writing.
from division-day :
yeah into the wild!! i much prefer non-fiction. truth is stranger than fiction anyway, and half the things i read in non-fiction i'd never believe were true, except i know it's non-fiction. i like knowing what is possible, not just what someone can make up in their imagination. anyway, enjoy the book, it's amazing.
from danimal42 :
lesley hated running with scissors.. i rented it as well and we tried to watch it and couldn't bear it after 6 minutes. into the wild sounds good, becky, as we know, went hogwild over it.. devil and the white city was *fun*.. in my stocking i got portrait of a lady, buddenbrooks, and zen ataomm... i don't know if you ever read comics, but you might enjoy some of the more grown up versions of the form.. you can finish one in a relatively short period of time so the investment isn't huge... i recommend blankets by craig thompson palestine by joe sacco.. i got ice have by daniel clowes this year, too.. it was good. hope yur xmas and new year are low stress.. xo,dan
from division-day :
my mom is curious about where you teach/live. she's from oak park.
from old-story :
thanks. i wish that you could block users from seeing pics. seems kind of silly that pervs can still look at them, no?
from danimal42 :
click the buddy icon.. there's a dropdown menu that appears directly below the icon, bottom choice: block. hope that works.. still haven't done it myself. i was tempted to block you actually, cuz i find your photos so disturbing in a wake up screaming kind of way, but then the internets would be no fun....
from division-day :
hmm, i don't know if you can block them from seeing them, but you can block comments, and block them from being your contact. go to the person's profile and on the right there's a link that says "block this person".
from danimal42 :
yo, you gots to block that shit.. at least my stalker has pictures other than gentials and lips in his faves.
from division-day :
gut=guy. sorry, i can't find my glasses so i'm typing by touch.
from division-day :
i saw that creepy gut.. he favorited one of my pictures, too, and commented about my lips. eww! you can always block flickr users if you want... oh, and did you know about donna's obsession with dr. pepper lip stuff?
from boombasticat :
If you're still looking for anthem-y songs (or ever were), one of my favorites is "The Bleeding Heart Show" by The New Pornographers.
from danimal42 :
i lurve yur blog, please post every ten minutes. that will in no way be overkill. it will not diminish this blog's excellence one scintilla.
from boombasticat :
How about "An Experiment" by Mates of State? The end is mad anthem-y.
from danimal42 :
where do i find said ad...?
from danimal42 :
snuffalupagus, huh? did you just read my blog or what?
from for-tart :
Best nose I have ever seen. Cool writing as well.
from danimal42 :
lesley mentioned to me something that might be of use to you... it's called rescue remedy. it's a bach flower remedy that helps you step down from the freak... you can find it at any healthfood store or homeopathic pharmacy that sells bach flower remedies..
from danimal42 :
try to go home... don't gut it out unless you absolutely have to.
from bi-pet :
i'm getting seriously addicted to your journal!!
from sky-rocket :
i got the lottery in 7th grade.
from division-day :
you're going to be such a cool teacher.
from division-day :
what happened??? you ok?
from division-day :
oh my god. i did not expect that even after you mentioned it the other day. are you ok? how bad is it?
from division-day :
i have my period too. let's wallow in our uncomfortable body image(s).
from pinky77 :
i love love love yr writing!
from division-day :
i want to see the wedding pictures! i want to see your twin! and you in your sweaty dress! i forgot you even had a twin! sorry about the excessive punctuation. hey, donna's sister got married today, too.
from raven72d :
Lovely entries.
from onepinksock :
congrats!!!!!!!!!
from whtlunalycan :
just surfing around and found your diary thought I would say hello. *hugs* don't be too sad. ~Luna
from echoman :
Oh god, they're back aren't they?? I remember those alien husks on all the trees. As creepy as they were to look at, the quadrophonic chirping was even more eerie.
from onepinksock :
i never read flipped when i worked in the library, but i did always admire the cover. good for you. keep up the YA reading, there's a whole lot in there that doesn't come to the surface in adult books.
from division-day :
i like your manic-y entry from a few days ago... i can totally feel your words.
from hangover :
a week from this evening I will be in Chicago. I wonder if I'll be sober.
from division-day :
fuck yeah! i've never been really depressed, but i totally agree with you..
from humanidiot :
That recent post about the hanging vagina part was the best thing I have read in such a long time. It just snapped me right out of the numbness I was feeling on a rainy sunday morning.
from cloverst :
hey, i love your hair color. is it really as two-toned as it looks in the photo? and yeah, medicine sucks. what really bothers me is that doctors always want to avoid giving out the pleasant drugs, for fear of addiction, but often have no problem giving out stuff that can cause permanent damage.
from boombasticat :
I love the Arcade Fire, though I missed SNL last night. I got semi-drunk instead. I discovered them later than most. They're so big and optimistic, somehow.
from division-day :
the sweating/dizzy will subside. i've watched all my friends go on and off SSRIs -- it works for a while, stops working, makes them gain weight, they stop, have withdrawal... i don't know anyone who's been able to stay on it long term. SSRIs *make* me depressed, and psychotic (hearing voices, seeing things), so i never got sucked in. also, you've got me thinking about songs to play for your class... i have so many suggestions, i have to stop thinking about this or i'll never stop. good job with the sufjan...
from division-day :
married??
from nwgirlchild :
well thank someone for open bars, eh. Also I like this layout and I liked your last. But I'm a layout whore.
from nwgirlchild :
Any chance they'll have an open bar at the wedding reception?
from nwgirlchild :
I always wondered if the whole "bruised knees" thing was sort of why they call it "falling" in love. It isn't always love, but it does always seem to be falling. Good luck, tho.
from hangover :
Hello Beth. I made a mix CD for a friend of mine (the guitar player with whom I play) and I was seeking something unique to put on this mix CD. I found something. I Fictionary Duck version of Neil Young's "After the Gold Rush". He played the CD at the party and people asked him "who is this?" He picked up the cover and said "Fictionary Duck". All the men at the party wanted to sex you up and all the women wanted to be you. That's how it goes, sometimes
from division-day :
i'm sorry i got married! i know what you mean, though. once i was on the bus and i overheard this girl saying, "a few years ago, all my friends started getting married, and it was really strange for me. now they're all starting to get divorced."
from cheekyash :
i had fun reading your entries and wasting priceless time
from division-day :
wanna hang out when i come to chicago for christmas? i'll be there from dec 23 (fri) until thursday. i'll be in wheaton but i could take the train somewhere. i've always wanted to meet you! unless you're too busy with family stuff...
from echoman :
I quite like the new layout & header image. The black + the burst of light is perfect.
from division-day :
i love the photo, it's amazing and dreamy... sometimes my world looks like that.
from jazzua :
hi old-story... i just looked at the photos of your paintings and was totally amazed. they're incredible! if i had money and you were selling prints i would totally buy your art off you. you've got real talent. keep up the good work :)
from echoman :
that Cubs starting 5 makes me cry... Cardinals' chances are not looking good this year.
from sickday :
hey-hey! A good Chicago diary by someone reasonable yet a little out of control. Just introducing myself and whoring a little for new readers.
from wanderboot :
I meant to say the other day that the painting was really good.
from muse11 :
Thanks! Your latest entry inspired my own. Cheers!!
from red-river :
oh my god, can i have some vicoden? heh heh. seriously, if you want to hang out, i could have a train adventure and try to go south, or you could come up here. my phone number is 773 329 0386 if you want to call me. we could also meet halfway, but then you wouldn't be able to see the dungeon -- whips and chains everywhere!
from echoman :
I love summer carnivals. In the St. Louis area, they're usually run by churches, or towns will have their own "homecoming" type ones. Either way, cotton candy + funnel cakes + spinning around = nausea + fun. Oh, and I remember riding the Gravitron type thing at Six Flags. One time, after the bottom fell out, my feet slipped so instead of being upright, I was pinned up against the wall in a sort of scrunched/fetal ball position & couldn't move. Love that centrifugal force...
from red-river :
hi, i live at 1044 lawrence, which i think is near ainslee. i can't remember the cross street.. it's one block east of the aragon. maybe your friend is one of natalie's friends in my building! we should hang out or something since we're both here..
from hangover :
I've never seen Mulholland drive (I assume you meant the movie). And me, such a David Lynch fan (except 'Dune', but he hated it as well)
from humanidiot :
hey, thanks for making me a favorite! I like your diary so far. good luck with it!

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