messages to dinahsoar:
(click here to add new message):

from dangerspouse :
Hey, you posted! AND unlocked your kingdom! Even though I don't know you, welcome back and good to see you :) (ps. is your friend Barbara ok?)
from dangerspouse :
In this the year 2020 through a random series of clicks I somehow landed on your diary. Which I can't read of course, not knowing the password. But I thought I'd leave a note anyway because, who knows? You might get a kick out of knowing someone visited here 5 years after your last entry. Hope you're well....
from raven72d :
Still out there?
from retro-cat :
I hope your friend Barbara will feel better soon!
from i-lost-sarah :
I MISSED YOU. and i've been reading Rumi too :) That entry was layered happiness.
from retro-cat :
beautiful poem, as always :)
from the-grey-one :
happy to see you have updated!
from orderwine :
xo
from theways :
thank you so much :)
from orderwine :
it's me, it's me, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeee. (now and then) xo
from orderwine :
i was just catching up on your entries. the mom about your mother is so beautiful, so relevant, so sheer, utterly timeless. love & grace. xo
from orderwine :
new world order. miss you dearly. xo
from retro-cat :
your latest poem is soo amazing!! i love the use of ballerina in it, i do have a soft spot for anything ballet related. :)
from retro-cat :
:))))!!! <<hugs>>
from stardumb :
hey, its been a while (frown) i miss you-- petals was great, one of my favorites of your latest. really filled with this obsessive kind of thought, atleast it left that in me, something i found that reminded me of the song "i'll be watching you" by the police.. i dont know, but your poems are always so whimsical and gardenofeden-like and fairies and crafted beauty, i dunno, as for me, i am doing better, i want to add you on facebook if you have an account there's something i want you to hear, i can also give you the link, it's live poetry, but you've gotta hear just this one for me; http://youtu.be/igCj3jsbcqs
from fightn4life :
I have been gone long enough…wasn’t sure if I remembered the way back. I found your diary and your poetry…I allowed myself the luxury of falling into it…feeling it from within. I know from writing poetry myself the words have a deep-rooted seed within you…they too have a profound meaning to me. Thank you for sharing so much of your beautiful soul. Xo Sandyz
from the-grey-one :
'you leaned into the soul of me, leaving an impression that just will not fill.' you're just truly awesome, ya know that?
from bliss-sad :
5/31 really touched me. Thank you for the beauty you share!
from atwowaydream :
Aw, thank you. I'm still a dedicated follower of your words.
from retro-cat :
yay!:):) i love the sound of crickets, nothing speaks summer to me more than them.
from the-grey-one :
"to tilt the moon so close it skims the phosphorous waves." what a beautiful image. thank you for that
from fightn4life :
What an awesome poem about Dec…it has a hidden meaning for me…BM and I split up Dec 15th…the poem marked my passage. Thanks for sharing. xo
from retro-cat :
thank you sooo much :):)
from avantbedroc :
you are very kind, but thankYOU, you remind me that the good things in life never fade out of fashion and die.
from fightn4life :
Loved your poem "this day." I have been in hibernation for a good while, finally stuck my head out and opened my diary. I am still free of BM and standing strong, not that it hasn't been a battle. I will get back to catch up with many of your entries that I missed during my slumber from life. xoxo
from retro-cat :
thanks :) your latest poem spoke to me. i want to ride in a turquoise van.
from the-grey-one :
"..knowing not its own mortality, sings without ceasing." brilliant.
from stardumb :
:) soars, you made me smile. so, i've been thinking about getting off all my meds, and just putting my mental health in the Lord's hands? "If you wait patiently on the Lord, he you will soar as if on eagle's wings" -- somewhere in the old testament :)
from stardumb :
soars, happy good friday!! "Great is the Holy One of Israel in the midst of thee." He's in our midst, yay! :)
from stardumb :
"Glory of love" is perfect btw, such rich usage of words and images. i almost wept.
from stardumb :
you made me feel so close to the Spirit with your words, you are lovely beyond description and your faith keeps me on my feet sometimes. i have faith too, but i say to this mountain move and it doesn't, you on the other hand, can move palaces and castles. dont get me wrong, i dont mean to be mindlessly flattering, but you are just so lovely that i had to tell you this. i can't wait for that dinner table where all the Lord's loved ones (including you and I) will be enjoying the marriage feast. you are so right, i was "medicating" but he treated my body with such delicate touches, such wonderful smiles, such delight that it was more like love-making than a meaningless fling. but i didn't fall for him, i knew i couldn't. it struck me that i didn't feel ashamed or bad, then again, in those days, BC, i had to have alcohol to even be naked with a man, and i was happy that i could share something intimate with someone who seemed very precious and not be drunk, altho i was a little stoned. speaking of stoned, Praise the Lord for Mary of Magdelene for such an example and pattern that the Lord desires to save the sinful and foolish. And she waiting at his stone burial, weeping, and he appeared to her before any of his disciples, this "whore" as she would have been called, but he accepted her. now, i dont consider myself whorish, because i've only been with 5 people, and 2 were relationships, but just to know that Jesus knows us is incredible. And you're right, i felt desirable and beautiful again and i wanted to take it all the way, and i did, and i don't regret it. and if i was still around him, i think i'd be doing the same thing until the Lord put an end to it. i do miss him, girls always do find some emotion behind the sex, but it's not like i have to call him or be with him. I loved when you said that the Lord is the lover of our souls because I have a hard time with "your maker is your husband" because of the way i grew up and what i went thru, i should think I want to see a more charming side of the Lord, and a little less "political" or something. But I'm learning, oh soars, I am really learning... xoxo :)
from stardumb :
soars, i thought about it before i did it... but the regret would have came with not doing it... if it makes sense, i fornicated. after pledging to not sleep with anyone years ago, he was like an angel who kissed and touched and whispered into every part of my body and my God, was it good. why don't i feel bad soars, why dont i feel like it was a sin? i had such a great time with him. now i'm going back tomorrow to CT, and it was what it was and that's all we wanted it to be--- but it was so inevitable--- it was like the laws of attraction of something, but why did i give in? and why don't i feel bad about it?
from fightn4life :
I locked up because I was concerned about my safety...I unlocked because I don't care any more. Absolutely love your poetry...it sings to my heart. xo
from stardumb :
oh soars, he's driven me mad.
from stardumb :
rhe process isn't going so smoothly, it's "his" birthday, i dont know... i just want my head to fall of. soars, i'm sure you have kind eyes. :)
from the-grey-one :
thanks muchly!
from fightn4life :
Solstice…I absolutely loved this entry…your poems sing to my deepest core. I loved this line… “Soulmate, Indian summer stretches before us like a white cat on a butterscotch rug” I found myself in your poem resting…listening to the silence in harmony with the earth. Thanks for sharing such eloquent poetry. Hope you got my user name and key.
from corposant :
BTW, if you want to see what a re-captcha thingie is, click the "..." in the fake e-mail address.
from stardumb :
beautiful.
from stardumb :
just dropping by to say AMEN to your poetic loveliness. :)
from moodswing :
oh swiimmiiinng. still a bit too cold here in Minneapolis for swimming. but I will be in Florida by week's end and one can only hope :)
from retro-cat :
"daffodils"..ive got some growing in the garden..spring is coming :)
from fightn4life :
Just remember lower case is important. :) Your username "heart" does PW "beat"
from tragicskies :
I guess we can all relate to it sometime. But that just means we are all in it together, right?
from corposant :
I didn't miss it by much, but I did miss it. Generationally, I bounce around between Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" and Tina Turner's "Private Dancer".
from corposant :
I didn't get the chance to tell you days ago your poem "Summer of Content" made me nostalgic for a generation that was not mine, yet I was one of its orphans.
from retro-cat :
thanks :) your latest poem makes me wanna go and listen to frank zappa music.
from defaults :
sometimes the lovely people don't get enough credit for being who they are. you are precious. don't ever change.
from fightn4life :
OM Gosh...thought you had the key. E-mail me @ [email protected] put "key" or "Pass word" in subject line. I'll send pronto. xo
from all-you-see :
your comment made my day. thank you ♥
from stardumb :
:)
from the-grey-one :
man. fragile boy, completely blew me out of the water. it is simply outstanding. i feel a 'congratulations' is do to you! it's really fantastic!
from stardumb :
sorry to hear you had the flu. i've been having nightmares. i hope you're doing much better. oh soars, i do adore our friendship and starbucks is my favorite. maybe one day, maybe one day... tho whether or not it's in this world, i am sure to adore you in the next as well. i miss your poetry; it is so lovely and gentle and it inspires me. oh virtual friend, i need you and you are there for me so much more than people i have in my daily existence. and i thank you from the deepest parts of my being for that. thank you thank you thank you, agan and again. xoxo --
from stardumb :
where are you??? i miss you.
from stardumb :
oh soars, you are so dear and beautiful, and so are all the loving words of comfort you speak. aside from being the sweetness, softness, comelyness, honesty, beauty and strength in your poetry, you can also aspire with such sincere sentiments. my virtual companion, you truly have helped me more than you could know and i pray our King rewards you richly for that. i went to the ER and got my meds, i had too, i was going C R A Z Y, really, so the abrupt stop is what caused some of the mood swings and bad dreams, now i am feeling better and even preparing to shower for church this morning. i woke up extra early, so maybe i can get a poem in before i leave. thank you thank you thank you. :)
from fightn4life :
Gosh I love your poems. Don't know if you know but for my safety I had to lock up. if you don't yet have the pass word e-mail me @ [email protected] I would miss you as a reader. Oh...put "key" or "pass word" in subject line. xo Sandyz
from stardumb :
aah, i haven't had internet service for a couple of days. i'm so glad you feel my words did something that wonderful. i gotta be honest, i haven't been doing good-- again. thinking about the rat, having nightmares, waking up shaking and disoriented, having these really strange dreams about him or associations acclaimed to him. haven't even been able to enjoy the Lord. maybe it's because i ran out of one of my meds, i'm not sure, but i've been utterly frightened, hurting, headaches, and tears last night where i even told the Lord i hated Him for putting me thru this. aah soars, this boat keeps rocking back and forth, i dont know what it is--- and then i said "i've had enough of this abuse" but i dont know where it's coming from or what i can do to stop the emotional/psychological pain. enjoyed your latest poem, beautiful last line. ooh soars, i'm not okay again, i'm feeling so low and there is no one to talk to, no one who understands, no one whose been thru this, i can't believe i have reverted back to crying about this again, after i thought i was moving on and doing well. when will it end? when will the suffering cease? i seriously can't handle this dysfunction in my head and these severely depressive moods in my emotion anymore. oh soars, i'm sorry to unburden on you again. i just feel so low.
from raven72d :
I really am glad I can read you.
from raven72d :
"bliss-dizzy"... i love that.
from stardumb :
I noticed you were not around for a while and I was hoping you'd return. You're so inspirational to me and i missed your words, your notes, your poems. Surely, we will heal. i have tried to find myself something else to write about, actually someone else. it is helping take my mind off the heartbreak. and proving to me i can like someone again. I can't write about the one who broke my heart anymore, it just no longer feels he's worth any more words. my entire blog was enough useless words and effort. I'm so glad you're back. Thanks for listening, reading, writing to me. You dont know how much it means to me. You're super lovely and super insightful. And I love that we share the same faith and the same Healer, and hopefully we will be those wise virgins with enough oil in our lamps to walk into the kingdom of God and not be turned away. Is that in matthew? I hope you know those verses! So lets keep eating and reading His word and praying to our King so we can enjoy the wedding feast with him in the millenial kingdom! He's been kind to me lately, and I do find him in the most solemn of places and feel his embraces and I hope you do too. Oh, how we adore His name. :)
from all-you-see :
In response to your question: yes, I'm still friends with everyone from the high school clique. It's a miracle we're all still friends. And I'm still friends with that boy, too. I'm very fortunate.
from the-grey-one :
Hey, love The Return! mixture of dark and light, and as always i love the words you choose!!
from stardumb :
You're precious. I love seeing your name in red on my buddy list. please write write write. :)
from adarkshadow :
Hi! Sorry, I never check the email that's hooked up to this diary, so I'm not sure how long ago you left the note. Absolutely feel free to add me if you like. Thanks for your thoughts :)
from stardumb :
You're wonderful. Your messages strengthen me so much you have no idea. It's hard to believe the Lord loves you when you're in pain but I know that we are to go through trials and some ways, share in His sufferings. He too was betrayed and rejected. I'm trying to learn to sense the inner annointing instead of looking for "signs" because these things i thought were "signs" that i was meant to be with this person were obviously not and I got very confused and thats why my faith was shaken and I approached the Lord with lots of anger. Now I call on Him mostly in sadness, it's hard for me to believe he cherishes me that much because I haven't experienced His cherishing. I feel like I'm in a winter phase, spiritually. I know He wants us to be conformed to His image and things in us must be put to the cross but I never imagined when I signed up for this, that this would happen to me. I do hope that like you said, some day i'll see it as a blessing but for now i am left asking why, what, and how come? I guess in theory I know that the Lord loves me but I don't always sense His presence. When I do I feel okay but when I don't, I don't believe that He's near me and it's hard for me to go on, running the race and keeping the faith when I feel like I can't even function correctly. I just hope He comes back soon. Do you think He'll come back in our lifetime?
from stardumb :
wow soars, "really" was beautiful and so sad. i loved it though. the last few lines especially spoke to me. thanks for sharing your poetry here. :)
from corposant :
There has to be solace too, in weeds, in the moonless night, in silence. I hope.
from stardumb :
oh soars, you're such a help to me right now. i try not to write about him but it ends up being about him somehow. i feel some hatred for him now. i dont know if that's helpful in the healing process. thanks for your notes. they keep my hope alive and re-strengthen what's left of my faith. thank you.
from corposant :
"the acute awe of regret" ...the phrase makes me shiver (in a good way).
from stardumb :
he deleted his facebook account. that or he blocked me. and didn't respond to any of my messages. and i was pouring my heart out to him. he's such a jerk. i never thought i'd have to get over him and i don't even know where to begin but it's obvious he doesn't care about me. i need to stop writing about him. i don't know how to do that either. thank you so much for your note again my "soul-friend" i so appreciate it. i need to hear those things now more than ever-- you have no idea. thank you so much.
from stardumb :
you dont know how much that note meant to me. you're such an inspiration to me. i thank the Lord for you right now. i wasted seven years loving someone more than myself, more than God, more than anything. i really thought he was the one and i was shattered that he moved on when i was still waiting for our reconciliation after a really messy break-up. i see pictures of him on facebook with this other girl and start shaking, i dont know if i'm in shock or denial but it hurts so badly. i know even our Lord was rejected, humiliated, hurt and we are to share in His sufferings but i can't help feeling so betrayed. i guess it wasn't the Lord who betrayed me but i thought i had all these "signs" that i was supposed to be with him and now i'm left confused, scared, shattered, alone. oh dinahsoars, you're lovely and your faith is lovely and thank you for your precious note. i will read it over and over until i believe it. i only wish you were here in person so i can give you a hug but i know i will see you when the Lord returns and brings in the real eternal Kingdom. i dont know if the Lord loves me but right now it feels like he doesnt cuz this storm has really knocked me down. all my poems were about him. so many wasted things. he gets to be happy with someone else and i get what? nothing but tears, and tears, and tears. i treasured him but i also remember asking the Lord to take 'his' place in my heart. and maybe that's what He's doing, that's all i can really make of it so far. thank you again for your precious note. i treasure it and i treasure you. thank you.
from raven72d :
"Reverie" is lovely. And I still live here amongst my stufflings--- lifelong companions, always and ever.
from fightn4life :
OMG-OMG I found the song on U tube…it is so perfect, everything is his and my story. Even the Prozac, he is on antidepressants and told me they changed his meds and he is feeling better. That was a few days ago when I agreed to talk to him. This time I didn’t nor did or will I call him back. “My Give a Damn is Busted.” LOL I felt everything in that song, can’t believe it but I did. How cool is that knowing I am so not alone. It is my new motivational song. Thanks for the compliment…my grand daughter turned 21 in Aug, my grandson (her brother) that we lost would be 23 this month. I am very much a grand mother and a great grandmother. Don’t feel the age though…just want to have fun. Thanks again…this song will be my saving grace. xo Sandyz
from fightn4life :
Your poem, "Reverie" is awesome, I have lived it, dreamed it. Your writing flows through me, it weaves though the very essence of my being. When I want to see within myself I often back track through your writings. Thank you for your gift of words. Sandyz
from stardumb :
i wrote a poem to you to, to explain what i'm going through :(
from stardumb :
thank you for writing that poem. it made me cry. but i've been crying for days now. i wish i could tell you more clearly whats going on but maybe you could just figure it out by my entries. i just want to thank you for your support. my faith has really been shaken to the core.
from avantbedroc :
"suspended" :-D
from corposant :
"Suspended" is perfect.
from raven72d :
"suspended"... yes. yes.
from atwowaydream :
thank you so much. i try to be honest with myself, even if it's a bit brutal. spent so many years lying to myself. Pssst: SeLena. ♥ you are such a sweetheart.
from fightn4life :
Loved your poem "Stardumb," your words comfort. Thanks again for being you...your words help heal a broken spirit. Sandyz
from atwowaydream :
"The world doesn't so much turn as spin, shooting lupine spires through a dry crust of earth." --beautiful. (thank you)
from retro-cat :
thank you, that comment really warmed my heart :)
from stardumb :
thanks for worrying.. and for your notes. i just got some bad news, really bad... can't talk about it now but i really feel like my world is crushed and i'm in turmoil. i'm sorry, i dont know when i'll write again.
from raven72d :
i love the 21 Jan. poem.
from raven72d :
i have all my little stufflings with me, and I'd never leave them behind. My little Small Mongolian Pony--- Dorian ---has been with me since...well...half a lifetime.
from atwowaydream :
My sister all had a suicidal hamster. . . she kept trying to electrocute herself. Damn masochist.
from stardumb :
you make so much sense to me. :)
from retro-cat :
yes i've seen cirque du soleil, wondrous!! i wish though that i could've seen the Beatles one they did!
from sassymcgee :
Yes I am starting to see their appeal. ;)
from stardumb :
wow, your latest... it got me. great stuff love. :)
from the-grey-one :
haha! if only i knew... =)
from retro-cat :
i felt like i was there in that dense forest which made me feel so safe :)
from the-grey-one :
"a forest dense with memories, humid with the afterglow of ancient rain.".. that's beautiful. the way you craft your words creates a delicate, yet tenacious image!
from fightn4life :
There are times I lose myself in your poetry, loved “Pirate.” I must thank you as well for being such a major support during some of my darkest days…you helped me reunite with my dad…which by the way is priceless. Even during my off the radar days-weeks when I would once again post you were right there with comforting words and life’s lessons to consider. This latest journey has been a extremely difficult one because my mom, my source of strength, passed from this world to the next. I found myself lost in a place where I have no close family, few friends and tied around the neck an abusive husband…never did I feel so very much alone and would often entertain thoughts of leaving this world before I was called home. You have no idea how much your messages have helped me hang on to an invisible life line…I felt I had to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I realize I am not always that grand of a friend…have been tossed between wanting to connect but fearful of getting hurt. Now I realize it was me that I was running from…not even feeling safe in my own skin. So much of this latest journey has brought back vivid memories of losing my grandson…loss is loss no matter the how or why’s. But I have found with a few kinds words, an understanding heart…yours…that I am blessed. Thank you for being you, for being my life boat through the storm, and for never giving up on me. My journey is far from over, there will be dark days, however I feel I am ready, stronger, and my eyes wide open, someday my heart will follow. {{Hugs}} Sandyz
from atwowaydream :
Nihilism. . .yum. You're awesome. Sadly, I must say I had Tiger Beat posters up in my room, because I was a complete sheep. We can be friends and start an anti-Peeps group. Because they're just. . . ew.
from the-grey-one :
oh man! loved "pirate" !! excellent!
from atwowaydream :
Well, I stand corrected. It's Pennsylvania Dutch. Those damn Amish.
from atwowaydream :
Gummy Bears are okay, I suppose, since I loved the cartoon as a kid. Scrapple is basically a southern breakfast "meat" consisting of all of the innards and throw-away pieces of any of the animals. It looks like gray monkey brain moosh. (ps: thank you very much. That means a lot coming from you.)
from idontpretend :
no problem, go for it. and lol, thanks for the diary description. i dont *try* to be different, i guess i just am. i dunno why. oh, and i didnt name my diary. my ex did. the one that made it for me. i'm still not entirely sure why she picked that name, hehe. i'm glad it's helping you in some way. i know writing here has helped me. and the friends i've made here. =]
from atwowaydream :
Okay. I'm a little bit flexible with the Gummy Worms. But. . . are you a fan of scrapple?
from raven72d :
thank you!
from retro-cat :
yay for used cd/vinyl shops!! hahahaha..i cracked up when i read what you and your husband did with justin..security system..thats actually a great idea! and yes i saw justin in his tough leather look, hilarious!
from atwowaydream :
Used bookstores are one of the best places in the world, ever! Glad I'm not the only one who crushes on books and authors.
from retro-cat :
that poem made me think of how precious life really is.
from moodswing :
and thank you for listening. it helps.
from moonbeamed :
that's cool, I added you to mine too (after fifteen minutes of figuring it out!) :)
from tragicskies :
it's a pleasant and rare gift when we are found. =)
from moonbeamed :
thank you for the sweet words:) the worthless tinsel from prior narrow escapes, catching one glint in the stark December shadows - that is beautiful :)
from defaults :
thank you so much for your kind words and well wishes. it doesn't go unnoticed.
from fightn4life :
Loved your poetic entry "Heathcliff" Don't know why I related but after reading several times I realized that was what I was doing...relating. Thanks for all your encouragement and words of thought...there are times I feel I am going insane...it's nice to feel a calm voice in the storm and realize the craziness inside me is a bit normal. One moment I want to break everything....the next I want to cry forever...the next I want to live...the next I hate each breath. Thanks for your words that helps me understand that at times there is no explanation for... well, it's just OK to feel this way. I think. At least I am getting the just that I am normal in an odd sort of way which is normal when life appears upside down for a moment in time. Sandyz
from retro-cat :
thank you sooo much :D..hugs to ya!! happy new year to you too!
from theways :
oh i am SO glad :) this is exactly why i put these up, with the hope other people will be inspired by them too. i think we should all share our inspirations :) xx
from corposant :
I'm also thinking about selling my books on etsy but I haven't done anything about that. I don't know if etsy would be a good place for my kind of product.
from corposant :
About your question: there will be a launch at a bookstore in Lompoc, California, on Saturday, Jan. 22. From 12 to 4pm, I will be drawing book covers, signing books, hopefully reading a few poems to a small but appreciative audience. I have no idea what the response will be, but once I'm past that event I will be able to take orders online from people who have Paypal accounts. If you happen to live near Lompoc, you can walk in and pick up a book.
from corposant :
"Chasm" on Dec. 20th made me go wow.
from retro-cat :
thank you :) sending lots of hugs to you..i cried when i read your message, it means a lot to me to have you as a friend, thank you for being here :) i also enjoy your poetry so much, it takes me away to a wonderful place when i read them. Hope you and your hubby have a wonderful New Year full of joy, happiness and fun!
from defaults :
thank you. you're so refreshingly beautiful.
from fragilegirl8 :
Thank you.
from the-grey-one :
"with cricket song and skimming stone." Brilliant!! love it ! i cant stop repeating this line in my head! thank you !
from raven72d :
"...i will meet you on the narrow way." I do love that.
from atwowaydream :
"Now my harp hangs on the joshua tree, silent in grief." -Beautiful.
from raven72d :
one day i'll have to send you a couple of my own poems... I do miss Christian, and I hope she's okay wherever she is (her gmail acct. is still active, for whatever that's worth--- active but silent)... I do want to see the Charlie Brown Christmas tree...and the film ("A Christmas Story") with the little boy in the late '40s who wanted the Red Ryder BB gun...
from retro-cat :
thanks :)
from atwowaydream :
It's funny, I was just thinking about The Polar Express yesterday, and how I've never seen it, and that should change. Merry Christmas to you, too! I can't wait for Charlie Brown's Christmas with the little mighty tree.
from avantbedroc :
ha!!! you crack me up :-)
from bethshort :
lovely poem, sharp images, all flickering around the edges. beautiful.
from swallowthkey :
i think i just continuously do not have a clue about anything. a mote of ignorance floating around on a planet that doesn't make any sense at all.
from raven72d :
i love the 9 Dec. 10 poem... and i miss Christian at McEarstix.
from avantbedroc :
MAGNIFICO! "I cannot fathom time. We are creatures of eternity. Years blend like watercolors in a wash of skyblue pink. You are here and gone. Molecules bounce in a cosmic soup, thrusting yearnings unbidden into ordinary days."
from i-lost-sarah :
i haven't read harville hendrix but i've been graphing my relationships since before i had relationships :) thanks for recommending him, i feel a new obsession coming on :D
from retro-cat :
hahaha..im also not a fuchsia kind of girl, i wish cheeks could blush vintage purple instead!
from raven72d :
i've never been to hawaii... though i do want to see nova scotia and vancouver island...
from retro-cat :
love your poem, i thought of butterflies :) thanks so much for your comment!! i was blushing a shade of fuchsia. my friends actually call me little miss thrift..haha. your husband sounds so sweet to carry those heavy things for ya. lucky girl!
from stardumb :
:)
from i-lost-sarah :
i've always felt imago, always. the reason i started writing as a child was because i thought i could somehow capture imago on paper--like it would all click together if i put down enough information. of course it did the complete opposite-- now i just sit back in awe of the ultimate artist and laugh at every overwhelming twist in the road :) this is the perfect description of something i've always believed in! i'm writing it in my notebook so if anybody asks i can go-- well, according to theologian and writer Dinah Soars *opens up book* :))
from raven72d :
PEI = Prince Edward Island... And Woonsocket is in...Rhode Island?
from the-grey-one :
thank you for your kind words and support. i appreciate it.. sometimes taking care of myself seems like the hardest thing to do in the world.
from stardumb :
thank you. it was inspired by a cowboy junkies song called "to love is to bury" it's a great song... your last entry is amazing btw. just so poetic and brilliant.
from retro-cat :
thanks :) you're so much fun too!!
from theways :
thanks :) -- i am still hopeful.. today was just.. longer and different.. the whole picture is still there, in my heart. thing is, i'm a nanny travelling with a family. and as awesome as the world is, not being able to share it with the people i love is rock hard. the main reason why i'm staying is to get time to re-focus, re-evaluate some shit i have had going on back home... and it's what i'm doing... i just don't have much time to myself, and when i do, i feel bad because i know my job is to be with the kids. i know i won't be back to my normal life for a little while still (july-ish) and i'm finding it hard to have no break from myself. being with friends used to be my free time from me. kinda... thanks for your note! you are right. i should keep focusing on what fuels me with good energy. xxx
from bethshort :
We are creatures of eternity. beautiful. i adore your writing. very rich & detailed.
from raven72d :
woonsocket? PEI?
from retro-cat :
i didn't know you live in L.A.? that is THE place to be!! lucky girl!
from fightn4life :
What a beautiful entry, little bits of a love there and gone…flash card memories that take you back to another place and time. What an awesome ending…longing, looking but so glad you couldn’t find. This is some what how my novel is being written…little bits of history’s shared but gone with the shifting sands of time. On another note I believe in miracles, divine intervention, heavenly messengers, and angels on earth. Somewhere in the mix of my beliefs you fall. Thank you again. xo
from theways :
wow i would totally want to make a book out of your diary if i was an editor. you write beautifully :)
from fightn4life :
Loved your entry. Something about your description, "empty of soul" struck a nerve. Also I have meant to thank you for advice concerning my dad. I took it and called him. We had a wonderful conversation...he asked for my phone number. First time in three years did he want it. I feel soo much better...the bridge was built. Thanks coming from my heart...it is those little steps that helps walk up the mountain. Sandyz
from stardumb :
yeah, He is! :)
from omfggwtf :
to be honest, i'm haven't really thought about it.. i'm probably scared of talking about it properly in real life because well.. i dunno. it's so much easier to just spill everything out to a computer screen ahaha. gaaaah i don't know. but i'm feeling better now that i've relaxed. goddamn mondays are always the worst! thank you for the kind notes anyway :) i'm going to stop panicking.. for now ;) xo.
from omfggwtf :
mm i know.. hmm. i'm just getting over dramatic and stuff 'cos i'm really good at doing that haaa. oh i don't bloody know. i'm just scared it's going to happen again, and i have tried so hard to learn my lesson this time, but if it just randomly happened again i think i'll cry.. well i will cry. but i suppose i'd cope. i dunno. we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, aye? i'm just hoping it's late! and hmm, i don't mind the boyfriend thing. the thing is, i don't ever talk to him about how guilty i feel. i never even mention it. not since it happened. so as far as he's concerned, i forgot about it all.. but the diary knows best ;) aha. he's just very laidback so it's probably my fault i stress that he doesn't think about it, since i never even let him know i still do ha. i don't know.
from stardumb :
well it's words like that that get me all excited. "and the sheep hear my voice" we are so very lucky. We have an extraordinary Shepard. "all the hairs of your haid have been numbered." There is nothing he does not know. And he is touched with the feeling of our weaknesses. But Paul said "when I am weak, then I am strong" and boy, did he know what he was talking about. "much rather i would boast in my weakness then, so that the power of Christ can overshadow me" or something. soars, i think this means we're related, sharing the same Father and all! :)
from tragicskies :
Thanks for leaving a message that made me smile =).
from stepfordtart :
I would be delighted to find you have liberally peppered your conversations today with it. It is a splendid word: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=git. Enjoy! s x
from fightn4life :
Wow...I love your poem. So wistful and lots of meaning. Thanks for sharing.
from stepfordtart :
Im such a git - I forgot to thank you for the add (although you appear to be somewhat deluded if your choice of adjectives for me is anything to go by!). I shall naturally return the favour as I have rolled about in your diary now and found it to be jolly comfortable. Sorry if its a bit crumpled - I am fatter than I ought to be. s x
from stardumb :
aww soars, you're sweet. truly sweet and truly gifted as well. your latest entry is precious, beautiful. love the use of biblical persons, ahh, i am a bible fan and Shepard also. mmm mmm good. like soup, and i like soup, and frozen pizza, and avocadoes with olive oil.. and hummus with melba toast.. your writing made me think of delicious food it was that yummy. lovely. :)
from retro-cat :
"I'll be the hero that you're dreaming of ... we'll live together, knowing forever that we did it all ... for the glory of love"..oh wow thats from the Karate Kid, Peter Cetera, i think? the skating on ice entry made me think of the fun i had on the Rideau Canal, i've gotta write about that! i didn't find much thrifting this time,just a sailor moon t-shirt. btw, you did great great finds, omigosh a penny-lane style coat and combat boots, that is soo groovy!!
from sassymcgee :
I'm like this all the time...this writing is EXACTLY how I talk on a daily basis. Well I DO calm it down a tad...I don't want to scare people. Thanks for enjoying my diary! :D
from lobo21 :
maybe we're the most loved and the most blessed when we find ourselves the most broken. "cannot hide from You, my forever Shephard," love this line, love this entry!
from i-lost-sarah :
"i hope it doesn't break your heart" ooowwww, that LINE broke my heart(in a good overwhelming loveliness kinda way) :)
from bethshort :
hello. how are you lately?
from lobo21 :
Thank you thank you thank you! For the kindest of words and the allowance of adding you as a favourite, oh and of course for being so kind as to add me to yours. I'm very happy, honoured and humbled. If a picture can say a thousand words, then your entries are like photographs capturing moments so clearly that one can feel as if they were actually there. Amazing. Be blessed.
from stardumb :
haha.. you're funny! yes.. yes, yes. :) i need to keep reading more of your work. it is truly inspirational and wills my own sacrifice.. i think an entry called "instinct" is written concerning your work.. last weekend i believe :)
from sassymcgee :
Hello. I just read your diary and I must say that I quite enjoyed how eloquent it was. It pulled me right in. If you don't mind I am going to continue to read. It seems like like you might help me find out what I'm looking for. Have a good day! :D
from fightn4life :
Sounds like even through all the fears you had you were a loving a forgiving young woman...still are today. (Not that you are old in any way) I love how candid you are when writing about your past..and your loving heart in spite of being frightened most of your young life. I know how important it was to have let your mom know how much you loved her...I too was able to tell my mom how I felt about my growing up years before she passed. I feel at peace with her final years...would have hated having regrets...more than we have when any one we love passes on. Now if I could get the courage to let my dad know how dear he is too me...in spite of the distance caused by my decision to reconnect with this man. I can't blame my dad for putting the wall up...I hope to break through before he or I move from this life to another. Also love reading your entries.
from i-lost-sarah :
thank you-- i can't read your mind. i just wanted to reassure you of that because i've always been paranoid about psychics. and it's exactly when i suspect one's around that i start panicking and thinking of inappropriate things. but i like your diary so i like your mind. it's warm and cozy and your parents sound cute. i'm glad you got lots of lovin and crazy. i think that's the secret recipe for making humans that you want to hug--some mix of lovin and crazy. i hope you pass it on. thank you again-- i really needed to hear i was lucid and insightful, i was on the brink of asking friends to lie to me, that's how much i needed and appreciate what you said :)
from lobo21 :
hello. Thank you very much for your note. I am glad you liked the entry about the "waiting room". and for mentioning my favourite book and movie. Also thank you much for inviting me to read your diary, except I have a secret. :) I've actually been reading your entries since the 10th of this month. The entry about being outside the dance studio brought me into your world so easily and comfortably, like a close friend. Your memories of your childhood are timeless, I can picture them so clearly. Most certainly your entries resonate with me as I'm sure they do with those that have been reading you for so much longer than I. My apologies for not saying "hello" earlier. My loss but hopefully I can rectify that by coming back more regularly and saying "hi" more often. I would be honoured if you added me and humbly ask if I may reciprocate? I hope this finds you well. Take care and be blessed.
from raven72d :
19 Nov. 2010--- lovely entry.
from stardumb :
soars, you make my day with your comments! sometimes i dont understand them either, i just pluck them off the branches hanging in my head, or elsewhere in the ambiance.. your work nurishes me as well, and Praise the Lord that you love God also--- i am a fan as well. what a beautiful world he made... sometimes it can be exhausting but most of the time its enthralling and well worth the trip. thanks muchly. peace and grace to you! God bless. :)
from stardumb :
thanks dinahsoar, i get really addicted sometimes, especially later at night when i'm home from work and there's nothing to do... thank you for your comments, i appreciate them so much! :)
from omfggwtf :
do you have a DL email system thingy? i dunno what it's called ha. i am going to try and note everyone that has me added to let them know i'm not being evil and locking to keep everyone out.. just one specific girl i actually know haha. so a password is on offer :) x
from corposant :
My father died 10 years ago. It came out of nowhere, that sudden longing to talk to him, and being sad about what he missed in these last 10 years.
from corposant :
Your comment about always feeling a bit alien reminded me of Oliver Sacks' book, An Anthropologist on Mars. The title comes from a phrase used by an autistic woman to describe herself. Her name is Temple Grandin. After I read the book, I started thinking of myself as a bit autistic (with apologies to real people with autism). I felt there was some things I didn't quite get about human social interaction. I wonder if we all don't feel a little bit autistic.
from the-grey-one :
"...yet thirsting for attention, external affirmation from any unlikely source" . Your words are simply superb. I also loved your description of the barbie with the confection hoop skirt, great image!
from atwowaydream :
I love your idea of holding up a non-distorted mirror, showing people to not even look past, but to look through until its a completely clean slate. I love the little vignettes you've been writing, so nostalgic but lucid. You're lovely.
from bethshort :
Isn't though? & isn't it interesting how the real alice differs so in appearance from the alice depicted in the book/movies. Alice Liddell--as the tiny waif, gypsy girl who wanders down the rabbit hole.
from retro-cat :
Love the way you describe the moment, are you going to put out a book some day?
from retro-cat :
I can still baton-twirl..haha! And what you wrote about playing barbies to stay out of trouble and acting out what you and your friend wanted to be doing is exactly how it was with me and my friend..how freaky!!
from avantbedroc :
hello, i found you through another user and i just can't stop reading. you are wonderful!
from omfggwtf :
sure thing, i'll do the same, i was going to ask ;) thanks aswell, i feel appreciated! x
from stardumb :
likewise :)
from omfggwtf :
hahah i got forced into watching it by my boyfriend when we were drunk one night, i must admit.. i did like it though, even though i can't remember the end.. hmmmm. and thanks aha, yeah it's all negative right now 'cos i'm a complete moany little sod. i'm not always such a downer though ;)
from omfggwtf :
down by law!
from stardumb :
your entries are wonderful indeed, full of such richness. the tank at my gut and ask me for my own blood. you are inspirational in what you say, and how you say it, and it's like a melody, dazzling-- until the root is tucked into a cozy plot. thank you for reading me, i appreciate your work at well! :)
from retro-cat :
"Sometimes her hair is stiff as cotton candy and smells of Style hairspray"..i could've sworn i actually smelled that in the air as i read it, freaky! if you need help in html or any tech stuff, let me know. i can be such a geek :)
from stardumb :
thank you, thank you! i appreciate it! :)
from atwowaydream :
11/11-- Beautiful. I can imagine that Sunday as if I've been there several times myself.
from retro-cat :
You should join livejournal and you can post pics there. I'm there, check me out at: www.livejournal.com/users/hipdipcat It would so awesome if you could join!:)
from fightn4life :
Food for thought...thanks. You're right, we were all brought here together for a reason. On good days I realize I am never alone...bad days. Well, they are just bad days. Thanks for your comments and support.
from raven72d :
Condolences for your loss. And it's a heartbreaking but gently lovely entry.
from the-grey-one :
First of all, my condolences to you for your loss. I'm glad you were able relate some of your grief to my writing... Second of all, you truly have a gift with words. You manipulate them into something phonetically and emotionally stimulating. Very moving!
from retro-cat :
so sorry to hear about your mother! i send you loads of cyber-hugs! i also enjoy reading your diary, i <3 the way you write!! that is groovy that you are into collecting vintage stuff too, those Noah's Ark sheets sound amazing!
from bliss-sad :
Thank you so much for your latest note. I keep thinking that since I started this counseling job, that I'm not allowed to feel badly about things. Like, I'm supposed to be some kind of robot or something, programmed to smile and laugh. Your words were inspiring, and I think I've got a fresh perspective now. Thank you!
from glorycloud :
thanks for the note-peace
from bethshort :
love the latest. do keep it up. you inspire me.
from raven72d :
...i dream of being a city, somewhere grey and late-autumn and Central European. I am old and full of narrow streets and unexpected squares and tiny parks. There is fog, and evening. There are cafes behind glass, where people sit and talk and passers-by never hear the voices.
from atwowaydream :
I changed my mind about the bandanna. I don't think I'll be taken seriously. I might be called a "poser" and I don't know if my ego could ever fully recuperate after that.
from bethshort :
Have you tried beekeeping? Something tells me you'd love it--you'd appreciate all the levels and layers, it's one very large extended metaphor.
from atwowaydream :
Yes, but I'm getting a little tired of this wax-on wax-off bullcrap. I'm ready for the crane-kick. I want to do ocean acrobats on wooden poles while The Karate Kid theme whistles through the ocean gusts. And I want a bandanna.
from all-you-see :
thank you! and I don't mind at all ♥
from raven72d :
i must try the Gestalt exercise...
from bliss-sad :
Your 11/5 entry touched me.
from stardumb :
yeah, extra for pictures.. was just able to afford it after years of wanted to get the supergold... slash, haha, gee they were good in their time for sure! i've been reading your work as well... very interesting, adding you as a fav. also. :)
from raven72d :
so many of my dreams are about *place*, about architecture more than people...
from atwowaydream :
The Gestalt approach is certainly interesting, and one that I have thought about throughout the day after reading your comment. I've always struggled with issues involving self-worth and guilt, and probably do, at times, feel like something easily discarded. A thing. My sense of value is like a gawky acrobat on a livewire. Your insight is much appreciated, and I really am grateful for a response that really made me think.
from stardumb :
dinahsoar, awesome, thx.. funny i use to love Gn'R.. awesome you dressed up like Axl one year... haha, him, that guy... yeah.
from fightn4life :
Again you have touched a nerve, doubting your self worth even as a youngster. I felt like that different moments in my past...but they were all fleeting when someone would kick me off the hill. Loved your entry, Sandyz
from fightn4life :
I loved reading your blond entry…your writing is so real it takes me back in time. I could picture you with the mixed colors and felt your shyness when interacting with your classmates. You are such a gifted writer, and I too finished and wondered what if…
from januarysnow :
thank you so much for the kind comments. lovely. :)
from fightn4life :
I absolutely love you’re your writings. This last one recalling your watchful eye keeping your mother in sight was amazingly written. I could see through your eyes when getting a shot, your fears when at the hospital. I felt a sadness seep over me when reading about how it is to be an orphan as an adult. You touched my heart with your words and they found a welcome place in my soul to rest on. Thank you for sharing your story…Oh…how I can relate. Sandyz
from atwowaydream :
Aw nag schmag. I went through my reckless benzo period, and I'm all the more wise (and swiss cheese brained, possibly) for it. Xanax on a plane is completely understandable.
from moonsocket :
indeed i am extending the ivitation. i am foreveragain now. feel free to come browse around. oh, and pei is darling. beautiful. and the people are unbelievably friendly. i hope you get out there one day.
from raven72d :
small stuffed animal friends are key. i'd never leave my little guys--- and Dorian, my small Mongolian Pony, was there when I defended my doctoral thesis and always travels with me.
from raven72d :
i was phobic about flying for 12 years--- couldn't board a plane. never tried xanax, though.
from bethshort :
we should really have coffee....of course this being the e-verse, you are likely in the land of far far away.
from bethshort :
Never learned to swim with the current, Yeah..neither did I.
from musikoid :
Same here. I remember enjoying our correspondence, and if something happened, it was probably along the lines of me snapping at you and maybe hurting your feelings at that moment. But I only say that because that's what usually happens. I try to tell people that it has more to do with my inability to control impulse behavior over the Internet specifically, as opposed to any other medium or face-to-face contact, but nobody ever believes me. All of us have all kinds of negative thoughts flying through our heads at any given moment, but most of us choose not to express them. For some reason, that choice, which I make readily in real life and on the telephone and so forth, is a choice I am unable to make on the Internet. And since I can't find a support group for this kind of condition, nor anyone who takes the issue seriously, I'm shit out of luck until I figure out how to deal with it on my own. In any case, whatever did happen, I recall you as an interesting person, and I certainly did not mean to hurt you, if in fact I did. Thanks for writing back.
from moonsocket :
well hello there! i shut this place down a few months ago. it was a necessary move. i've started up again elsewhere (foreveragain) if yr interested. have i ever heard raindogs?!! that album was my soundtrack the first year i moved to vancouver way back when! woonsocket? where is this magical sounding place?!! i am in canada. toronto to be exact, now. thanks for stopping by!
from fightn4life :
I just read your entry about your child hood. Oh my…you took me there, back in time. Thank you for sharing a bit of you and your family. Your writing is mesmerizing. Sandyz
from fightn4life :
I want to thank you for all your comments…your support your understanding. I have read so many times your comments to me and have found a safe haven within your words. During some of my darkest hours I read what you have written and feel a calmness. Thank you for continuing to have faith in me, to not have given up on me and most of all not to have said…I knew this would happen. My heart is heavy tonight…but tomorrow I’ll get up and try again. Thank you for your friendship, Sandyz
from musikoid :
I remember you from 2005. I had a different name then, then locked up for a while, then left. Somebody convinced me to come back, and I thought I would say hello. You and I used to talk quite a bit, then something happened, which I can only assume must have been a negative thing on my part. Anyway, my identity is probably evident by the nature of my entries. Just stopped by to stay hello. I recall you as a very interesting person.
from atwowaydream :
"In the mornings, at the breakfast table, he would do his great impression of Stan Laurel. Dark hair sticking up in all directions, he would scratch the top of his head and apologize to Ollie through covincing mock tears." --I love this entire entry, this ode to your father and your own adult blueprints. Very insightful. I imagine a pre-All in the Family television dad. . . charismatic, handsome, timeless. Beautiful entry.
from bethshort :
"A girl who avoids the sharp edges of the present and the uncharted terrain of the future, slipping into the soft folds of personal history. Finding solace in slings and arrows long stilled. Maybe she is you." I love this. Don't stop writing. I'm already hooked...
from raven72d :
Thank you! I'll be reading along with you. Do feel free to leave notes.
from raven72d :
reading your older entries... yes. powerful and lovely.
from raven72d :
lovely and entrancing entries...
from bethshort :
hello. i'm back after a long break. thank you for the compliments...you have a unique voice. I'll add you to my list as well. x bethshort
from atwowaydream :
I googled the little lamb and she is quite adorable, and totally worth the money. I love that you think of the past as ghost stories, as well. :)
from atwowaydream :
Aw. I feel bashful. Thank you so much! Hey, I'm not a teenager either, maybe we can start a Diaryland Mature Adults (or not really at all in my case) group. I've been reading your back entries and I've been a diaryland whore for years, so I'll be reading as long as you update. Lovely writing, by the way. :)
from atwowaydream :
Wow. Thank you for your kind words, they made my day a little brighter. I will be reading you as well, and look forward to getting to know your stories. My condolences with everything you've been going through lately. I send you textual hugs. :::hugs:::
from corposant :
I'm not surprised that you need to talk. I ran into my friend at the grocery store, spoke the usual condolences, then talked a little about my sister. Suddenly my friend was talking about her husband, the little details of his death, her feelings since his death. When we parted, she told me our conversation had made her feel good. And I had gained insight into an essential experience of life. You have been through something remarkable. I think only good can come from telling people about it.
from corposant :
I hope somewhere in your grief there is some measure of relief? My sister lost her husband Sept 10, and also a friend of mine lost her husband of 49 years just last month. Both after long illnesses. Both women mentioned a certain relief which surprised them.
from fightn4life :
I cried when I read back far enough through your diary to realize you lost your mother…even now I feel the goose’s on my arms. My heart cries out with you. Your words slice through life with so much sorrow yet a knowing she is no longer a prisoner of her earthly form. I am so sorry…so very sorry for your loss. I understand your pain, your flashes of memories…I am there, but not. I am the road only a bit in front of you…my mom passed last March and still I grieve, I miss, and I long to talk to her. As you said…she is Gods now. Please know my heart and sorrow rests with you now…you are not alone. Sandyz
from fightn4life :
I am sorry it has taken me so long to answer. I wanted to write you before posting my entry. My heart goes out to you, our mothers…God…it is so hard to let go. Moms’ passing has once again changed me, or maybe I think it has. I am beginning to see with the passing of each person we love a part of us goes with them and a part of them remain with us. I too pray the angels come and release your mom from these earthly bounds…your writing reflects she is in so much pain. My heart is saddened reading her pain has become yours. Please know I have thought about you from the day you left a message. I just couldn’t write Lord knows I tried but the right words were not there. I should have come to DL and read your entries, this time I could not-not respond. Some times I get angry with myself for not being here when others call…but when we are consumed by grief it is hard to see past our pain. I will stay current with your writings and be here when your mother has left to reunite with your father, what an awesome feeling just knowing the joy they will both feel when their eyes and hearts meet once again. With love and {{hugs}}…Sandyz
from breathe-salt :
this diary is the only place i share my poetry...i rarely show anything to my family and friends. i'm not used to such praise. :) thank you.
from corposant :
Thanks for joining my dark chocolate diaryring. I was getting bored of running around in a circle all by myself.
from corposant :
You think you are stunned? I click thru to your diary to find that you are writing, so evocatively, of my greatest fear. And yet, you give my anxiety a small measure of ease. How odd.
from breathe-salt :
thank you for taking a moment to say something so kind; it made me smile. i really appreciate it.
from fightn4life :
I felt sad reading your entry...I connected with this..."I pray and meditate and cry and dream." That has been my way of life from the day mom passed away. My heart is with you...Hope things get better for you and the family. {{{HUGS}}}
from breathe-salt :
thank you so much! i'm touched. you really just made my day. <3
from fightn4life :
I checked out the tee's on your site...very impressive. I liked them. Good to see a post from you...seems like a long time. Sandyz
from la-the-sage :
Hey thanks! One does not expect to be added to a buddy list while on hiatus. Rather curious how you got to my blog, but all things in their time. I did a bit of archive diving here and enjoyed it very much. ~LA
from fightn4life :
Your poetry always plays my heart strings…Thanks for posting.
from breathe-salt :
thank you so much for the add. <3
from myramains :
YOU MADE MY DAY TODAY!!! Really, such nice things you said. And I NEEDED nice things today. Thank you! *bigfatfriendlyhug*
from fightn4life :
Loved this newest entry it sounds so very peaceful, Sandyz
from fightn4life :
My e-mail address is [email protected] Yeah things are bad here. sad...I am getting one day at a time. Somedays are very long. :) I would be happy to again share my world with you when you are ready. Put user name or pass word in the subject line. So good to hear from you, Sandyz
from sweetresent :
Thank you. They're needed and welcome. I understand this last entry. I think the emotions you describe... being desired is what I wanted for a very long time. And I got it. It made me feel sexy and wanted and like I was important. It's not fulfilling for long though... and lonliness is overwhelming sometimes. Why do your memories strike such a cord with me over and over? It's amazing and a blessing. Your words always are. Thank you again for your prayers....
from wilberteets :
Hey! Thanks for the add. I see you added my sister too. Cool. I concur with your approval of the crumbs of toastiness.
from fightn4life :
I love your last entries, is this real life or another book in the making. It seems a sad story but has captured my heart. Sandyz
from dinahsoar :
Hi Asia. It is amazing how much we have in common. Thank you so much for thanking God for me! That was beautiful to hear! You are a blessing for me, too ... it is like getting to talk to "her" and actually maybe have an impact (in a way that obviously I can't do with "her" since she has already made her choices and I am living the effects of them ... although all is really great ... I am very happily married ... finally got it right (chose right, actually)! I have the career I wanted and am starting a private practice in addition to working at the clinic). Thank you so much for being a part of my life ... it's great to re-connect! Take care and let His blessings overtake you! Love, Cassandra (and especially love from "her")
from sweetresent :
Talk about soul-soothing... Your comment was a blessing to me on a bad day. I can't describe it properly. How do you say or give an appropriate thank you for someone warming the heart? I thanked God for you when I read it. Your last two entries were amazingly funny and familiar! I can't go to the store without make-up either... and I believe that my current problems in life are the result of too many Aquarius's. LOL The thought had just crossed my mind before I started reading! And I laughed out loud when I got there. Too many similarities Cassandra. You are beyond a blessing, and beyond refreshingly suprising. My prayers and thoughts are with you as you try to figure out what's drawing you back to that time in your life, and that mindset. Maybe you're trying to make peace with the girl in the sequined jeans... if so, I hope you find it. Much love, Asia
from pansycline :
hey great! d-land feels like nice calm waters after myspace / facebook frenzy. Like the nice boyfriend after a bad drunk. ha. ;p
from sweetresent :
I feel like that girl. Lonely... wanting. Wishing for a future that seems so far out of my grasp. Willing to settle with a guy, I know for the life of me, is not good for me but is simply hot... and he makes me forget. In the moments we steal, he makes me forget that I'm a rational reasonable girl, with good honed moral values. I feel like a tramp with him. He's nothing but fun, danger, and racy thrill. And for some reason that's not disturbing me as much as it should. I'm too lonely. And I think so stuck in my monotonous pattern that I can't even think of a proper vacation to take. Two weeks paid vacation, and I think I'll just stay home. You always touch on issues I relate to. You are amazing Cassandra. I've missed the entries you write, and the feeling of kinship I get when I read one. I hope that in contemplating the past you don't forget the beauty that is your present. And the work it took to step far away from that unassured girl. I just know, that I can't wait till I get there. Have a blessed day! Thank you for writing...
from fightn4life :
Strange isn't it when something triggers the mind and poof we are back to the 70s/80s…whenever the world was a different place and our hearts were searching in another direction. Wow, you captured that feeling in an amazing entry. Thanks for sharing. (I had to lock my diary…my husband is leaving me after our 17 year marriage). I am not loosing him to another woman; I am losing him to the bottle and grief over the loss of his child. He is returning to his home state, I am???? If you dare to journey with me, leave me a note or e-mail me at [email protected] I could use the company. I feeel so alone. :( Sandyz
from sweetresent :
Oh Cassandra, don't worry about it at all! There's no need to be sorry. It's been a long time for me as well. I haven't been reading anyone's diary for awhile. I finally caught up on everyone a couple of days ago. I had a little hiatus and haven't updated as much either. I've been so busy. I'm sorry for neglecting you! Thank you for writing me, you're so considerate and kind. I look forward to reading more of your entries... yours are always so poignant and beautiful. Thanks again for dropping me a line!
from sweetresent :
Your entry on the 26th of Feb. was beautiful Encouraging because it reminded me to keep plodding... because God is the one in control, directing my steps. And He will lead me the way that I need to go. I've been discouraged lately, I lost some very good friendships this year. And my dog, who we've had for 14 years died. So it's been a year of loss for me so far, and I feel like I've been lacking strength and hope. Please put me in your prayers? Your entry was perfect. Have a great day! I've missed you!
from fightn4life :
Ohh...love the poem, so many meanings when read a few times. I've missed reading your entries. Sandyz
from mugwhump :
So lovely here hear from you again. You've been on my heart for a bout a week now.
from sparkspark :
Hello, Bella--holler when you're back around these parts. I hope all is well. XOXO Violet
from zoela :
username: guest, password: guest
from minstrelite :
http://minstrelite.diaryland.com/061030_10.html when you have time...hope you are well
from sweetresent :
Oh you are happy Cassandra! This last entry really portrayed that! I'm so glad that you've been blessed with a man that loves you and that you love. And I'm so glad that you're happy and joyous. You deserve joy, love, and happiness. You've given me so much in the little bit we've gotten to write one another. Thank you. You are truly special. CONGRATULATIONS again!
from bluemeany :
Hello! I've been a bit absentee, but I've been meaning to leave you some love over here! Thanks for the props on my pirate-ness; I was pretty proud of it. As soon as I get a few minutes, I'm going to catch up on my diary-reading, but until then, I just wanted to say HELLO. So, HELLO!
from tuff517 :
A late hello back to you! How is your autumn going? I'm sporadic here, too much going on but nothing exciting enough to write about!! Nice to see you, even if it's only once in awhile, and online.
from mugwhump :
Thanks for the note. You have SOOO been on my mind lately. I'm glad to see you resurfaced, and sound happy. :-)
from sparkspark :
I was just thinking about you yesterday, and I'm glad to get your note! Welcome back, Bella. XOXO Violet
from sunshine0221 :
So glad to see you back, and thanks for the note:) Hope all is going exceptionally well for you?
from fightn4life :
I have missed your posts and this one was a lullaby for the soul Sandyz
from sweetresent :
Oh that's AWESOME! I will be praying for you! That's some fabulous news!!! Thank you sooo much for the update! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
from sweetresent :
I'm missing you! I have been wondering where you've been, but I'm sure you're busy preparing for your wedding! I hope things are beautiful. I'll pray that you and your husband-to-be recieve blessings beyond your wildest dreams... and that your lives together will be full of joy. Take care! And give us an update as soon as you can!
from mugwhump :
Have you fallen off the face of the earth, or are you just preparing for a wedding?
from kstyle :
hi there! i am an old friend of k. maria's, from diaryland. i was wondering if you have a current email for her. we have lost touch, and her dland and comcast addresses are both dead ends. if you can help me, my email is [email protected] thanks! michael
from tuff517 :
Hi! I've missed your beautiful words. That was lovely.
from hbaybee :
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swan_Song_%28novel%29 Oh yeah, and we do reviews. x
from mugwhump :
Lovely entry. Lovely to hear from you again. You've been on my mind.
from fightn4life :
What a beautifully written entry about angels on earth. Your words, emotions, and cries to our Father all were felt within my soul. When the angel gave His message to you I could feel your undying love. HE feels each teardrop hears our cries and answers every prayer in His time, but we must be open to receive them. Feel blessed and know within His light you are unique and always loved. Sandyz
from toastcrumbs :
Hi - yes, I have the other bracelet finished. Every time I try to download the pic off my camera though, my computer locks up. It is the weirdest thing, every other picture is just fine, hmmmph. Must be possessed, that seems a logical explanation. So I will try and take another non-possessed pic tonight and post so you can see what it looks like. The cost is $15 for this one as well, so total cost is $33 ($15 for each bracelet, plus $3 combined shipping for both). Thanks, you are my best customer ever!!!
from toastcrumbs :
Hello friend! I have finished your bracelets - if you are still interested. :) I will post pictures this evening (because I finally found my camera battery charger, yay!).
from cornnugget :
Congratulations!
from toastcrumbs :
I will work on the bracelets this weekend! As for flying, I do LOVE to fly. I even love just being in an airport and around people - so that part I'm not too worried about. It's the taking a 60% pay cut to do it part that has me questioning if it's too much of a crazy idea. :)
from toastcrumbs :
Sorry for taking so long to reply, I haven't been on here for a while. Thanks for your note. I'm just locked right now because I'm not updating - when I decide to update again, I'll unlock. As for the bracelets, I would love to!! Let me pull together some pictures/ideas and I will get back to you soon. :)
from dinahsoar :
Hi Asia. Thank you for your note. Dreams really do come true.
from sweetresent :
I see you took a hiatus as well! I did the same. The wedding sounds magical. Beautiful. Special and unique. I'm so happy that you found happiness and love. You deserve it. I wish you years of bliss and beauty.
from hissandtell :
Your Jak sounds like a complete treasure, darling. How blissful you two must be together, if your writing is even the slightest measure of your feelings. Congratulations on finding each other and realising what joy there is in sharing your lives - look after each other, soar on those gossamer fairy wings and stay as happy as you are today. Love, R xxx
from citigrrrl :
What a sweet, happy entry...I am so happy for you, girlfriend! We all deserve good things.
from mugwhump :
August 19th is my parents anniversary. My father has passed on now, but they saw 54 years of marriage. Congratulations, I couldn't be more happy for you.
from wistful-blue :
Ah! It's good to hear from you again! Even better, to read that things are going so well for you and John!! -cat
from fightn4life :
I was teary eyed reading your entry, how absolutely fabulous for you. Your wedding plans sound magical, I am thrilled for you. I with so many words have found a loss to express the joy my heart feels knowing God has given you beautiful wings and you my diary friend are using them to start a new life with the man of your soul. Sandyz
from sunshine0221 :
I teared up reading that - so very happy for you!
from onebluegreen :
Best wishes. How exciting!
from hissandtell :
Oh, darling - you're back! I was so sure you'd gone forever and I admit I lost faith (silly thing to do, I know) we'd ever hear from you again. It was so gladdening to read your wondrous words again. Much love, R xxx
from mugwhump :
How wonderful to see you've updated. REgarding the entry - I enjoyed it, and it made me think about a friend I had at about the same age. I never had a "Willie", but I do remember a neighbour having a three foot tall doll with blond hair. Didn't want to dance with her though.
from toastcrumbs :
Ok, your bracelet is up on my etsy site - finally! I hope you like it - the pictures don't do it justice (camera phone pics, argh). Also, to leave feedback: once you log into etsy, there should be a "my account" link at the top. After clicking that, there should be a "feedback" tab half way down the page to click on - and all items that you have purchased should show up for you to leave some feedback. Thanks!!!!!
from toastcrumbs :
Long time, no update from you again. Are you sitting down? - as opposed to standing up and surfing the internet? Anyhow, I cashed your check on Sunday. Miraculous! Even more? I finished your Mod Squad bracelet - I am wearing it today. I always wear my new bracelets for one full day to make sure they aren't scratchy or pokey or won't fall apart. So far, so good. I'll send you some pictures of it tomorrow.
from dinosaurorgy :
Indeed, it is really good to meet another dinosaur!
from toastcrumbs :
No new entry for 12 days?? You are worse than me! I'm glad she liked the bracelet so much - I will deposit your check soon. I am very bad about going to the bank (I'm a direct deposit kind of girl), especially now that my car window does not roll down - actually getting out of the car and walking up to the ATM is a bit much. I will find the strength to do it though! Also, I have pictures for the Mod Squad bracelet, and I'm going to work on it tonight. :) If you get a chance, leave positive feedback for me on the etsy site, it ups my rating and credibility as a seller. Now then, update already!
from dinosaurorgy :
I love how interestingly descriptive your entries are (and, my-oh-my, do you ever have an interesting username)!
from fightn4life :
I loved this entry, so deep and beautiful. I had to reread it again more slowly this time to feel the wind beneath the words. Thank you, Sandyz
from sweetresent :
Thank you for the Valentine's Day wishes! Mine went well, I hope yours was beautiful. Now, this entry, Metanoia, is absolutely perfect. The beginning describes exactly what I've been feeling lately. This need to run back to my Father's arms. Feel Him again and draw near, but letting the urges for this get lost in the mundane of day-to-day. Yes, it struck very close to home for me. Your writing always moves me, as you well know, but sometimes you suprise me again with an entry like this. That taps right into my wavelength. I'll stop rambling now. Have a wonderful day!
from toastcrumbs :
I did get the check, thanks. I actually sent the bracelet out on Monday before I even got the check - I figured if you didn't pay, I could stalk you through Diaryland. Kidding! But you should be receiving the bracelet today or tomorrow - however long it takes mail to get from the east to the west coast.
from toastcrumbs :
I would love to do a Mod Squad bracelet - I'll look around for pictures/ideas and start on it this weekend. Thanks for being my very best and most awesome customer!!
from sparkspark :
I'm catching up on my dinahsoar reading, which is always enjoyable, and I wish you a very happy Valentine's Day, Belladonna. I suddenly saw "Tonight" in a meaningful way, on reading your description. So, thanks for that! XOXO Vio
from sweetresent :
Oh that's so funny. You're making me remember my own tv crushes... and I sincerely recall liking expression-less, "serious" boys, who I thought could see layers of intrigue brewing beneath the surface. It's the story of my life. This definitely brings up memories. Hope you have a lovely Valentine's Day. Take care!
from wistful-blue :
I hope you had a wonderful time *TONIGHT*. :-) -cat
from sweetresent :
Oh that's beautiful, your latest entry. Your guy makes you giddy. That's so precious. It gave me goosebumps. One day, I hope I find my Tony. Have a delightful weekend!
from toastcrumbs :
I'm so glad you found Diaryland! Now where have you been for the past week?? Also I finished the latest bracelet for you - it's listed on my site http://gorilladust.etsy.com, as a custom order for you. Hope you like it.
from sweetresent :
Oh... this entry brought tears to my eyes, and a smile to my lips. Your kindness. Cassandra, you bring joy to my heart... you are such a God-send. I can't even begin. Thank you for mentioning me. Thank you for being such a beautiful soul and a beautiful light. I thank God for you. These words you wrote today especially touched me: "I know, as a therapist, that almost anything makes sense when seen in context. Being so immersed in my own forest, I had no recognition of the trees. No appreciation for the momentary shade they offered." You summed up why I write myself, and so well. I pray God blesses you. Thank you again.
from tuff517 :
I do, I really do! You are a true artist.
from mugwhump :
Thank you. I'm honoured to be amongst your peeps! :-)
from onebluegreen :
Thank you for the note. Dland is indeed a strange but wonderful place. I am glad you found it and are updating -- it makes me so sad when diaries end.
from fightn4life :
I found myself again lost in your world in written form, wow, I had to say this. What I think as I complete it is "oh what a tangled web we weave" I danced back through some early entries and fell back into your captivating spell of catching the reader. This is good, really good, and I loved the ending that in a way feels more like a new beginning. Sandyz
from fightn4life :
I believe it is possible to love a cyber friend as I do you, through your voice that pours out your heart, your soul shines through it all. Confession is I still haven't finished your book left open in my mind on the 16th when we left for PA. When I am sure my mind can grasp the final pages left in mystery for me I will indulge myself once more. You have been an awesome force and inspiration here in Diary Land and I am thrilled to have lurked my way into your world. Thank you for being here, sharing, and inspiring me to keep moving onward. Your friend in cyber space, Sandyz
from sunshine0221 :
And thank you so much for sharing yourself with all of us. Diaryland is a richer place because you are here.
from wistful-blue :
I couldn't agree more...I realize there isn't *tangible* evidence of a higher power, but I feel that if we all *really* listen to our hearts and honestly count our blessings, there is a presence beneath the chaos. It guides us to the people and situations we *need* in order to become the best versions of ourselves. I'm so glad to have found *you* and am grateful you had the courage to share your journey so openly with all of us. I also look forward to the adventures yet to come in your life! *Hugs* Love, cat
from toastcrumbs :
Sure, love to. I'll take a look around for some pictures tonight or tomorrow and let you know what I come up with. K
from tattoobelly :
I'm getting all teary over here. I have loved loved loved reading your story and the happy ending is icing on the cake. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.
from sweetresent :
That sounds like a true romantic ending... it's nice to be sure. Wonderful to be positive in one another. You wove such a tale with your words. You wrote your life's story with eloquence and beauty. It really inspired and empowered me. Thank you for writing it, for being brave enough to let us all read it. You are truly special Cassandra.
from tuff517 :
c'est magnifique! your writing style makes it seem like the words just flow out of you, they may not, but it reads very easily. love it. can't wait to BUY IT in print. ohhh, maybe i'm getting ahead of myself. and yourself.
from fightn4life :
Thank you for the prayers, now I must catch up on your book. I saw, "the end" and thought…Hey what did I miss. Sandyz
from mugwhump :
A lovely ending, but I hope this means this isn't the end of your writing here.
from wistful-blue :
*GASP* That's where you're leaving us?! Oh man, now I'm *really* hoping for a sequel. *CONGRATULATIONS!!!*
from mugwhump :
I'm not exactly sure what a meme is either, but I do know that it generally associated with quizes or numbers questions. Then you 'tag' someone. And LOL or lol is chat speak or internet speak for 'laugh out loud'. Now you can say you learned something new today. Why don't you post the 'meme' question in your next entry. I'm dieing to know myself. lol :-)
from sweetresent :
Well, as I always say, it's a woman's perogative to change her mind, the payback we get for birthing babies. Fair? Not in the least, but all the same, it's our right. The entry touched me. It felt, tender, awkward, and right, all at the same time, if that makes sense? I'm feeling better, thank you for your concern, it was just a little bug. Have a wonderful day! Be blessed. I'm thrilled that the story is continuing! Thank your cousin for me? lol
from mugwhump :
I think I still have the Joni Mitchell "Blue" album - in Album form too. One of my all time fav's. Nice to see that you will continue to grace us with your presence here on D-land. :-)
from hamiltonian :
A new reader to your journal I am
from sweetresent :
Oh I loved the last entry! It was fun and free and full of joy. It's nice to hear about your latest adventures! Does this new style feel more freeing or does it feel the same I'm wondering? Your writing could never be anything but wonderful, I didn't doubt for a minute.
from wistful-blue :
Oooo! I like the new style of too! -cat
from bluemeany :
I think "The End" doesn't exist! I love everything you write, so just do what you feel is right with your story, and remember it's never really complete.
from toastcrumbs :
First off, I just sent you an e-mail on how to make your dream of owning a Gilmore Girls bracelet come true - and yes, that bracelet was based on your suggestion. Other people asked that I make one based on Gilmore Girls as well - maybe I will have to start watching that show. I love the other bracelet ideas too! Thank you as always for all your kind, funny and encouraging notes - you were right about the party too, it was a wonderful time. Lastly, I think that the way you ended your story was perfect, as others have already said. As long as you keep writing here, then I will be happy!!
from wistful-blue :
You're welcome! Happy to be of service. :-D -cat
from sweetresent :
For some reason...I am so going against the tide here, but it seems as though there's more to say. There's a little something needed to make it feel... complete. There is something to be said for ending with a promising new start. It's good to leave the reader wanting, and I'm still holding my breath waiting to breathe. But I'm curious by nature, and want to know a little more. Though it is a absolutely beautiful ending. Romantic and mysterious... and if you feel that is where you want to end, then you should. It comes down to comfort and need, do you feel as though you need to tell more? I am glad to hear that you won't be abandoning D-land if you decide to end here, it would truly not be the same without you. It's a blessing, the union between you and John, so beautiful and precious. I am so happy for you! This story breathes hope, and reminds me clearly that God is there, and He answers. It is definitely solidifying to my faith. Thank you for writing it. I will say again, that you have inspired me more than I can express. Follow your heart. Take care.
from wistful-blue :
From a writer and reader's perspective, the entry preceding today's felt conclusive. While I realize many people want details of the "resolution" - ie, what happened in your relationship, where is it now, etc; I think one of the best plot devices any author can use is that of leaving their audience with a bit of wonder. And, if you so choose, you can always write a sequel later on. :-) -cat
from mugwhump :
I think you did sum it up in todays entry. However, this is not "the end" of Dinah, now she needs to write about her soaring in her day to day life. Inquiring minds want to know :-).
from mugwhump :
There is nothing romantic about rain when it's been going on for a month, and you've started to grow web feet.
from sparkspark :
I now believe in magic! What an amazing thrift store! I want one! Look at all my exclamation points! That is how much I love the concept of your magic thrift store. (!) Maybe I need to start concentrating on certain items and seeing if they appear... XOXO Vio
from fightn4life :
Your writing is awesome. Even when I lose days of not being able to read diaries I can always find my way back to your book. I never miss a beat, and cannot wait to get back on-line. Sandyz
from sweetresent :
Wow right back at you! This last entry. Just beautiful. Simply beautiful... a dream. It sounds like a blessedly beautiful dream. But real. It touched very close to home... of course I'm thrilled to see you writing again. And what an entry to begin the new year with... Take Care.
from mugwhump :
Good to hear from you again! I've missed you.
from tattoobelly :
YESSSS!!!
from hissandtell :
Sweetheart, I miss you. Please come back soon. Love, R xxx
from mugwhump :
I would never call you a slacker!! I just wanted you to know that I missed you :-)
from sweetresent :
That's beautiful.
from mugwhump :
Awesome! I thought you'd left us, its' been 11 long days! Glad you're back.
from tattoobelly :
MORE! MORE!
from sweetresent :
You are more than welcome! As you know. The reason I cited you was because you are such an inspiration and a kindred heart. Take Care, have a beautiful day.
from sweetresent :
"Piecing swatches of their transitory approval and abandonment into a crazy quilt named 'me'." This fragment reminded me of a poem I wrote years ago, I'll dredge it up I think... it's amazing how your writing speaks so perfectly to me. Just wow. Breathless again...
from mugwhump :
I've been silent, but I haven't been absent. Blessings - LJ
from fightn4life :
I love reading your book, I have to go back and reread some of the entries to be sure nothing was lost in my foggy daze. I haven't added more of my novel to the Blog I am posting it on, I'll get moving on this soon. I might not have made the NO NA deadline for 50,000 words but I haven't given up on completing my first draft. I just got distracted you might say during a time of healing. I did buy a new Blazer and released by my Dr. to drive. Last night I picked up my Blazer and couldn't stop shaking I was so fearful of driving again. This too will pass. Thank you all your prayers and kind messages. Sandyz
from bluemeany :
Hey Cassandra, I'm glad to see you're back and writing as wonderfully as ever! You're in my thoughts; I hope all is well.
from sweetresent :
Oh, and I got so caught up in your entry, I forgot to answer your other question. I have hazel-green eyes myself. And I think you would match the Eden Eyed description very well. "When someone feels down or is hurt, you have the remarkable ability to help them and heal them.... Some words to describe you: peaceful, sincere, affectionate, tranquil, intuitive, trustworthy, pure, loyal, healing, and stable." Oh yes, Cassandra, those are definitely qualities I see in you.
from sweetresent :
Your John reminds me of a guy I met named Erik. He loves God with a passion and was there just before I started dating the boy again (and the word again is very telling here). Everything about Erik annoyed me in the beginning, and then I looked at it and I think I was more annoyed with myself. Wanting a guy that wasn't "the boy", and admiring a guy that wasn't "the boy" who had qualities that he lacked and that I wanted in a man. Oh and Gilmore Girls is my favorite show too! This is getting spooky. ;)
from fightn4life :
Oh my, do not give a thought to not reading my Blog yet, I had not even updated in so long. I was in a roll over accident on the mountain and totaled my Blazer sending me to the hospital and out of work. Closed head injury is the only thing I am dealing with now and soon I'll be able to return to normal life and work. My thought's and prayers are with you and your mom, I hope your moms fall wasn't too bad. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, maybe I will feel up to bringing my other Blog up-to-date. Good grief I had forgot all about it. Sandyz
from sweetresent :
This latest entry was heartbreaking. But the last line, hanging on by a fingernail... that's how it feels sometimes. I feel that way, and then I get reminded that God is there. The smallest morsel of hope is there. It stays with you because you remember that He makes good on all His promises... A stunning entry. That fingernail analogy is going to stay with me for some time.
from tuff517 :
Hi sweet pea. It's been too long since I've said hi, but I've been around.
from mugwhump :
Like I keep telling you "God is good all the time. All the time, God is good!"
from sweetresent :
I'm so sorry I'm flooding your notes, please delete them? I decided against the password. I was having a zany moment, and feeling extremely vulnerable. Please pray for me? Thank you so much.
from sweetresent :
I decided to password protect my diary... Um. If you want the code, please e-mail me at [email protected]
from sweetresent :
I'm going to be a dork and add another one... lol It's so inspiring to see a woman who recognizes God so unabashedly, searingly true, honestly. So fully and completely. You are such a rare gift.
from sweetresent :
Just so touching. So perfect for today.
from wistful-blue :
I know I've used the word "breathtaking" before in describing your entries...it's just, I always find myself "swept away" when reading them, whether they're a few paragraphs long or more. Your story, combined with your gift for deftly weaving words into a masterpiece...it's unparalleled and I *always* look forward to your upbates. -cat
from sweetresent :
I laughed so heartily when you said "not to sound vain or that everything has reference to me"... I do the same thing. I keep thinking that your words are your own personal life-experiences... and here I come along, "That's exactly how I feel! It sounds like that time I went through... How I felt..." (Notice the word "I" here?) I believe that it's a good thing (at least that's what I tell myself), because it shows and gives understanding. And I believe that you're right, this does show another glimpse into the bond we share. I think the number one thing that I see in my mother in reference to her raising us, is that she was SO hard on herself when she felt she took a misstep. For things she could never of helped. I realized long ago, that she was not perfect... (However bad that sounds, it's meant in the nicest way). The second you start looking at your parents as human, and go about your life's journey, you will look back and see what they went through, and appreciate them more I believe. Especially when a parent has such a beautiful soul, like the one you possess. A soul that shines so beautifully through millions of wires and touches mine. Thank you Cassandra.
from mugwhump :
God is good all the time. All the time, God is good.
from sweetresent :
I'm in absolute awe. I read your entry, and was taken aback... you stated things that have been running through my mind lately so perfectly. So well. Put them down in the most exquisite way. I was again suprised and delighted with how God works. Placing a person like you in this world, that could understand so well. And then your note. Your beauty shines through everything you write to me. You touched my heart. Your words were affirming. Making me feel as though I was doing the right thing, right now. You are a true God-send. A balm to my soul that I did not even recognize I needed, until it was given to me. Thank you.
from fightn4life :
http://fouryearletter.blogspot.com/ :) Remember, there has been no editing, no going back to see where i left off. Just writing on the FLY. Sandyz
from sweetresent :
Your latest entry feels like where I am right now. Just cuddling up in God... it's what I need. Thank you again for putting it down into the words, I could not begin to express.
from cdghost :
enjoyed your words
from sparkspark :
You are, too? That is strange! I wonder what it means.
from toastcrumbs :
Hi, thank you for your notes, you always make me smile! I can't really add to what everyone else has already said about your writing, but to put it simply, you are amazing. p.s. Resin Making Christmas jewelry would be great - and now is the perfect time - unemployment allows me tons of time for such new projects. Just e-mail me at [email protected] or leave a note with what you have in mind.
from fightn4life :
Hi, As soon as I open a new blog to post my very rough letter story I will send you the link. :) I need to get through this weekend first, friends coming and working, oh yeah this house needs cleaned up. I do not want to lose my word count. :) Sandyz
from sweetresent :
Cassandra, your note made me so happy. It moved me and added joy to my day. I love everything you write me, and treasure your words in my heart. This last entry was one of my favorites. I have never seen a real life tale told so well. Your memories and your experiences are raw, you'd swear you were going through them right now. Your honesty.... you take the reader into your life and emotions. And again yes, my eyes are filled with tears. And so yes, here we are. lol Moved by one another. Wiping the corners of my eyes and enjoying your words. I'm so glad you are in this world, and I thank God for you. I wish you happiness, joy, and love... you deserve it and so much more for all the joy you bring.
from fightn4life :
Hi, I too was back to reading your book in progress. Gosh I love it and wish I could write on the fly with the flair you have. I end up writing choppy and need to keep going back to edit. I haven't the time to do that if I want to reach this goal. Sorry I cannot feel good about posting this in my open Blog. If you feel the desire to read work in progress I can open a Blog on a different site as I did last year and leave it limited to those closest to me. I am forewarning this is a rough draft, no edits. EEKS! Last year I did edit every night. That will help explain why I didn't get close to my goal. After this challenge, I am going to go over it and post it on the web site I used last year. Let me know what you think. And…thanks for the encouragement. Lord knows I need it. Sandyz
from sweetresent :
Oh the entry on the 26th of October struck so close to home. My eyes are filled with tears. I am so amazed that you could write something that strikes soooo close to my heart. The names are different, but the emotions are the same... You are such a blessing. To see that someone else understands and comprehends, and not just by saying "I understand or I get it" but by reciting their own life is truly amazing to me. You've given me such a gift today, understanding in a way I have never recieved.
from wistful-blue :
One word: WOW!
from sparkspark :
Hi, there--welcome back. I hope all's going well. XOX Violet
from onebluegreen :
glad to see you are updating again.
from sweetresent :
First of all, HI!!! Welcome back! I've missed you. Now, onto business. The words in this past entry... made my heart ache for your experience with Anthony. You have such an ability to make me feel your words and life experiences. Each entry I read shows your beauty and heart. You're simply gorgeous. And the statement you made "...the mystery of how I came to trust the blatantly untrustworthy while suspecting the kindest of souls was yet to be unraveled" hit very close to home for me. My current thought process has been to deal with guys who are easily defined as jerks. I know for a fact that I will not let myself go too far with them, I know where I stand, and feel safer around them because of that. I find myself suspecting the self-proclaimed "good guy"... which is not in the least fair. So, I'm backing away from boys. I'll stop ranting here. Thank you for your kind words in my notes. I hope all things are well with you now (health included) and as always you're in my thoughts and prayers.
from fightn4life :
O my gosh...I can again fall into the words of your book. How awesome. I have missed your reads. I pray all is well with you. Sandyz
from mugwhump :
Glad to see you back. Lovely to read you again. Hope all is well, and healthy!!
from tuff517 :
Hi sugar! I hope you're doing well, I worried when I saw your last entry. I'll say a little prayer for ya. You're worth it, you're worth a BIG ONE!
from fightn4life :
I am catching up with diaries as I lost a few days. I am so glad all is going well with you and that our Lord was with you. My prayers are with you now. Please take care, there is only one you, and you are such a gift. Sandyz
from sweetresent :
Anytime. I'm relieved that the doctors didn't find anything wrong. Stress can sometimes knock us down. And yes for goodness sakes, drink more water! You are special to me as well. Thank you for updating and letting us know how you are! The sisterhood of the traveling computers, eh? I love that line.
from bluemeany :
Oh YAY, I'm so glad you're better! Now drink water!
from mugwhump :
Take care of yourself. We've missed you this week. It's probably just a strange bout of the flu. Blessings - LJ
from sweetresent :
You're in my prayers. That God will heal you, keep you safe, and give you strength. Take care.
from hissandtell :
You are in my thoughts, darling, and I'm sending all my very best wishes to you. Take it easy and come back soon when you're feeling all bright and shiny and new. Much love, R xxx
from sunshine0221 :
Big huge prayers coming your way from the land of pigs and corn. Feel better and drink lots of water. Oh help I sound like my mother.
from wistful-blue :
Definitely asking the gods to send the good vibes your way. I'm so sorry about what's going on; not knowing what's happening with your body is unnerving, at best. I hope it's not serious! *Hugs* -cat
from toastcrumbs :
And more importantly, hope everything is ok with you, will be thinking about you. Let us know what is going on if you are able.
from toastcrumbs :
I'm temporarily locked! Username: username, Password: password
from bluemeany :
Prayers headed your way! I hope they figure out what happened. Take care of yourself, lovely lady!
from tattoobelly :
What Violet said--you are in my thoughts.
from sparkspark :
Hi, Bella--I'm thinking of you, and wishing you well. Let us know how you're doing. XOXOX Vio
from onebluegreen :
I am temporarily locked. I sent an email through dland but not everyone got it. username: reader password: wurd Hope you are having a good day!
from sweetresent :
Pushed the button and I wasn't finished. Ahem... it's also inspirational and somehow comforting and affirming. All done now... lol
from sweetresent :
Your welcome. And the past entry "Dark Choice"... I believe it's one of my favorites of yours. The way you weave your life's tapestry, with intelligent reflective analysis and creative poetic symbolic prose... you captivate. You know yourself. It's refreshing to see.
from fightn4life :
I love reading your words. Your gift of expression takes me on a timeless journey within your world. I am so glad I found your diary. I went back today and reread some of your entries. This book is awesome. Sandyz
from sweetresent :
And wow.... The Martyr poem. Wow. Just wow. You described that so well. The severing the head from heart line. WOW. I was meant to read that today. I can't say anything but "wow". Right when I forget the way I described your writing in the beginning, you do it again. Breathless.
from sweetresent :
Grace makes me nervous too. Unconditional love... is unsettling. It's because we're so used to being "loved" conditionally, and you know how to respond in those conditions. Such a parallel of emotion in that particular entry spoke very loudly to me. There is not supposed to be fear in true love... but since when have human's done all they're supposed to? You're an amazing amazing writer.
from bluemeany :
That made me shiver! Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
from mugwhump :
Praise God for His abundant mercy, love and grace.
from tuff517 :
One thing I enjoy is being in water. I can't swim, but I love water. And sometimes I get panicked and my breath catches in my throat. But then I can't wait to feel the silky water on my skin again.
from sweetresent :
Oh Cassandra, you did more than your best. You did all, everything, you could do. You are beautiful. The blame you place in your own hands... Oh no, it kills me, because one can clearly see from the words you wrote that not one ounce of that blame is deserved. You have such courage, strength, and heart. Your love radiates. Your father being as beautiful and intelligent as described... oh, he knew. He knew what a beautiful daughter he had. He had to of known, its too clear.
from sparkspark :
Thank you so much, Ms. DS!
from tattoobelly :
I will never stop reading your diary.
from mugwhump :
Reading about what "was" your father, harkens me back to my own feelings at my father's passing. For some reason, it seems that the truth of their realities, childhood's, dreams are not truly realized until after it is too late for us to ask. Unlike you, my father was not a psuedo knight to protect me, but in fact a firely dragon that wanted to destroy me. My longings to understand his childhood were not to romanticize him, but to also put to rest the demon that succeeded in dismantling my young years. This was a very well written entry Dinah. I was there with you.
from mugwhump :
WOW!
from tattoobelly :
You've got me crying again. That was beautifully written.
from wistful-blue :
"The Best I Could Rant," has left me in tears... -cat
from sweetresent :
I really needed to hear "may all your birthday wishes come true" today. Thank you... we keep volleying thank you's back and forth I've noticed. It's simply impossible for me to not keep saying it, because your words continue to touch me. I hope all is well with you. Take care.
from sweetresent :
Your note was the best birthday present I could ever have received. You are such a beautiful person! Your spirit flows out of every bit of you and captures everyone you encounter. I know, because I've been so captured. I'm happy that my words touched you, because I truly meant them. I thank God that you so wonderfully and randomly fell into my life. I find it amazing that you can touch me so across thousands of wires. I don't think I can express how much of a blessing you've been in this short time. All this to say thank you as well, and thank God for you.
from camera-girl :
Thanks a lot for the nice comment in my diary. It's nice to know that people like my pictures. It keeps me going on. :-) Thanks, again!
from sweetresent :
Oh Cassandra, there is nothing I can say about this entry that I feel would appropriately identify the emotions pouring out of it. The blame you put upon your own shoulders... and the emotional storm. The repetition in this one was very powerful. You bore your soul. You called me courageous, and I take that to heart, because I see such strength in you. God is already using you to balm others wounds, and you can tell you are in the profession you were called for. You never cease to be anything but a blessing to my day. You're in my prayers, that God will soothe and comfort you seven-fold, as you soothe and comfort others.
from onebluegreen :
Mum is the word but congratulations!
from sweetresent :
"He looked far too long into the abyss that was me. He seemed not to notice the way the electricity surrounding my form shrank from the nearness of his healing touch." My God, where are the words? You describe things so unbelievably well. It makes me ache for you, and remember the way my ex used to make me feel. The tender quality you described of the state of both you and John's hearts. Just wow. Your notes were so kind. Especially when you said that my words would serve as a balm to others... That's one of my goals. I hope that I can give another a little of what I found lacking at that time. You made me smile. You are wonderous. One of the most incredible people I've encountered. Thank you for your words, encouragement, inspiration... and story.
from fightn4life :
I adore reading your book each day, what a gift you have to bring the reader within the emotions of each character. Some nights on my way to work I find myself thinking about someone you are writing about as if they were walking among us. Thank you also for leaving such loving notes through out my diary. I am so glad I stumbled upon yours. Sandyz
from sweetresent :
"John's face was an upleasant reminder that what can be shaken will be shaken..." That spoke to me today. And made my eyes mist and a bittersweet smile touch my lips.
from sweetresent :
This entry... on Sept. 4th, touched on so many things that I believe and feel, but haven't been able to put into words and express appropriately. I'm glad and feel unremarkably blessed that I was allowed to read this. Wow, you amaze me with your brilliance, your heart, and your mind. Breathless again. I don't think I can describe how much your writing touches me. I'm waiting to find out more about this John fellow... suspense is good for the soul though. ;)
from onebluegreen :
Thank you for the note. I remember you said you were going through a break up -- I hope all is well.
from sweetresent :
And unfortunately, I have not yet tasted the wonderful fruits of Hawaii to my satisfaction. Second-hand accounts are the closest I've come, but hopefully that will be remedied soon.
from sweetresent :
I wanted to highlight a few key passages that really spoke to me in the past two entries you've written... but I found I was highlighting it all. You are so gifted with words. SO unbelievably clever. I'm honored that you even thought to mention me in the acknowledgements of your book. I don't believe that it's deserved because your words have soothed, humored, comforted, and made me feel like I had a companion out there who thought a bit of the way I did. You deserve MY acknowledgements. Thank you. Oh, and the lyrics to that Beatles song just defined a part of how I felt at the end of the relationship with my first love. Hilarious that we both adore it, but of course I'm not suprised this is the case, you being such a kindred spirit.
from mousemilk :
Thanks for your note!
from bluemeany :
Oh, it doesn't mean anything for YOU! There's a story behind the pink corduroys; I actually have it somewhere in my archives ... somewhere in February, I think.
from bluemeany :
That was perfect. It was so perfect that I actually FELT it.
from fightn4life :
I forgot to answer your question about the painting. Although I do oil paint that painting is not one of my own. It felt like it belonged to me; the expression of the painter is awesome. Sandyz
from fightn4life :
Thank you so much for the kind notes you have left in my diary. Strange as it ay seem I find much comfort reading your diary as well. Your gift of expression is awesome; I lose myself within your story. You have such a fair for the written language you have a gift. I am so glad you share it with us. Thanks again, Sandyz
from geeked-out :
Oh yeah you'll still be able to get there through diaryland. And when I update I'll let diaryland know so your buddylist will still get all rosey. I'm going to be at the diaryland site daily checking everyone elses so I'm not totally leaving, I just like blogger and their ability to actually respond to tech questions.
from geeked-out :
I love reading you. I wish I was half as good at writing as you are.
from sweetresent :
You're welcome. I meant every word.
from sweetresent :
The picture you're evoking of Anthony is becoming more and more foreboding... But you can feel the entrapment of the relationship. The way vulnerability can make us susceptible. You weave an enthralling web... and your words are as always... beautiful. Your writing just gets better, when I believe it's not possible, you amaze me again. The note you left me was so touching. You are such a rare, beautiful person Cassandra. I laughed with joy when I read it. It was such a pleasant suprise. No, hands down, in the playful battle we have going, there's no way you could be anyone but who you are. I don't believe I have ever encountered someone with such a beautiful soul. Your words, notes, and kindness soothe, comfort, and encourage me, and I have no doubt that God dwells inside you. You radiate goodness, humor, and love. I can't wait to read more of your story... And if we entertain the thought that you and I are identical twins... but just a few years apart, that means that since you were here first, God thought you were so wonderful he had to make someone almost exactly like you, just with a couple of subtle changes so the F.B.I. wouldn't get suspicious. ;)
from bluemeany :
How did I not read this entry before? It's gripping; you've outdone yourself. And as for my title song ... I actually only know it form the Hayley Mills version of "The Parent Trap" -- one of my favorite movies as a young'un! Obviously, the song stuck with me. ;)
from sunshine0221 :
Teeny has not been for a ride yet. Ever since Spikey decided that his seat was on my head that time he wouldn't go in his carrier I save kitty rides for emergencies. And how are you?
from sweetresent :
In this entry, the one on August 24th, you depicted the deviance, deceptiveness... and manipulatory capability of this man, of evil itself, in its cleverest most frightening form. The kind that feeds you honey laced with arsenic... The hardest to pin down. The kind that creeps on you when you're feeling secure and safe. Oh yes, I could envision the man in this entry... I think I've met a few like him in my time, and learned quickly to steer clear of them. Yet people like Anthony always amaze me, because you never want to truly believe that such darkness can exist in a human being, especially not one who looks like an Angel. I just adore your writing, it never bores me... you constantly pull me in. I await your next entry. I hope all is well with you, take care.
from mugwhump :
Glad to see you're writing again. I was afraid we'd lost you to the busyness of life. :-)
from tuff517 :
Hi sugarcrumb, just wanted to stop by and say Hi.
from toastcrumbs :
Just a note to let you know I finished your jewelry and will be sending it out tomorrow.
from bluemeany :
P.S. I love all of your entries, even if I don't always comment on each one specifically. Smooch!
from bluemeany :
Johnny's image is now going to be close to me wherever I go -- and YOU made it all possible! The sushi bandaids are spectacular, the Pez are eaten (I know, I know ...), the shirt fits great, and everything else is seriously just perfect. Thank you thank you thank you! I'm going to post pictures as soon as I can get my camera recharged.
from bluemeany :
I GOT YOUR PACKAGE TODAY!!! Holy shit, it is awesome! I am wearing the blinky squishy frog ring as I type. And everything else totally made me squeal with happiness -- yay! Thank you so much!
from toastcrumbs :
I miss your writing! Glad to hear you will be back. I will be finishing up your jewelry this weekend and sending it out on Monday.
from bluemeany :
We miss you, too -- smooch!
from bluemeany :
You know, I thought it might be an ovary thing, too, but the doc said all was fine in that area (thank goodness, because I had PID last year, and I was afraid it had returned). And no, your package has not arrived yet, but the suspense is KILLING me! Oh, revelation -- maybe THAT'S what's causing my tummyache!
from sweetresent :
"Sandcastle walls enclosed the dream like a message in a bottle from my shipwrecked soul." If you can't feel the free flowing awe in that statement. There's joy in this entry Sounds like someone enjoyed being in Hawaii... lol "It felt good to know that I had everything I needed. All of the esentials for a girl on loan from God." I smiled so widely when I read this line. Oh its so true. And thank God you are on loan to us, and you've definitely peaked held my interest. Thank you for this entry. And for your kind words. You caught the subtle text.. and understood the meaning of my last entry more than I thought anyone would... I adore the words and phrases you fashion together so cleverly more each day. And your comments never cease to to add some sunlight to my world.
from sweetresent :
I second bluemeany. A perfect beginning. "A girl can easily get misplaced. Sacrifice her still, small voice for pretty lies." Oh how that spoke to me, and brought back a rush of melancholy... It's the pretty lies that are the hardest to rid yourself of. The ugly ones wound, but the beautiful ones are usually put in place to protect your heart. Regarding your note... Don't at all feel as though you're being redundant. I cherish each and every comment you leave. I notice I keep using the same words to describe your diary myself. Ha. I don't know, its just beautiful. It pulls you in and doesn't let you wander away without pondering. I do everything out of sequence myself.... just another tidbit. ;) Take care.
from bluemeany :
What a perfect beginning.
from sweetresent :
You could feel this one, well I could feel this one. And it felt like it was difficult to type it out... difficult to re-hash. I understand that panic and vulnerability. It shows the despair and desperation that we all feel when we lose someone who was in our lives for so long.. someone we loved. I remember crying and crying too. I'm sorry that you had to feel that way as well. It's the most heartbreaking crying I've ever done. You've told us so much about your soul in this diary, thank you, because you've had the courage to write things I haven't, and encouraged me with your kind words to actually start writing things that mean something to me and my life. I pray that God keeps you, protects you, heals all your wounds, and blesses you with the desires of your heart. Take care.
from sunshine0221 :
Why yes, I am Amish AND in the CIA AND Witness Protection. So that totally explains the no pictures of me. Also I was the designated photographer:)
from bluemeany :
Silly! You're so funny. It'll probably take at LEAST a week. But I'll bug the mailroom people every day for ya!
from godzgirlz :
I love that you've droped in and I love the way you write...because you should write...you're talented in that way! I'll have to find the time to read more...*heart* in Him
from onebluegreen :
I did read the Secret Life of Bees and loved it. I haven't read her new one though. Thanks for the suggestion. I hope you are thinking about publishing your life story because you really are the comeback kid.
from bluemeany :
Lovely, and so inspiring! I am engrossed.
from sweetresent :
"Resilient hermit crab, sliding easily into this perfect fit. Bearing home like the pleasant weight of heaven. I left a mermaid windchime like a kiss on the sill, promise of my return." Wow. I felt myself being pulled into this entry... Absorbed as my eyes misted. You feel the ache in this story. It's poignant. And I understand the need to move forward in life... otherwise you just become stifled. Your honesty and depiction, there aren't words. I loved it.
from pansycline :
I've told you this before, I know, but just in case you might wonder if it's fading -- your writing continues to put a little lump in my throat. Especially these last few, I have to say, about the leaving (and leaving and leaving and leaving)... I can relate.
from pansycline :
well mine were doing great until I moved... now I think they're getting too much sun. So I have to rig something up with light but not sun. Ach, so delicate, the little babies.
from zencelt :
There's an idea! I need to search for holes. I've had one spider and one praying mantis so far, but then fall comes, I'll be overrun if I don't take measures to keep the suckers out!
from sweetresent :
This last entry.. was "Melancholy" defined. You can feel the ache... and the purpose. And the strength, and the tender new freedom. Perfectly described. You never cease to awe me with your ability to capture emotion... I just recieved your note, Thank you. You are truly special, because not only is your work fabulous and awe-inspiring, but so is your spirit, your persona, and your delicate words. You are such a blessing to me. And to all those that happen upon your diary, I know that you'll continue to be. You deserve so many rewards for just being who you are. You are a rare and irreplaceable gift. I hope that someday you meet someone else who will appreciate every nuance of your persona, and until then you are surrounded with good friends who do. You deserve the best.
from bluemeany :
Yaaaaaay! Goodies for meeee! [smooches, smothering hugs, etc.]
from revisions :
so how many years of your life have i missed out on by now...time to catch up huh!
from minstrelite :
I still haven't figured out how to reply on the blogspot to your comments, so I'm leaving one last note here. It sounds good that you are re-connecting with friends. I haven't followed that carefully, but maybe you should steer clear of relationships for a while?? I don't really know. I'm sure your CoDa group will provide support and insight. You are a very brilliant person, and I'm sure it's mostly a matter of following the Lord's leading.
from camera-girl :
Thx a lot for the comment! Glad you like my pictures. Your writing is lovely. I'll be back to read some more :-)
from sweetresent :
I'm laughing here. You never fail to suprise me and in the most lovliest of fashions. Your last note was kind, Thank you so much for it. I needed a laugh that was the result of being pleased today. I have come to the conclusion that I want to be just like you when I grow up. Ha.
from sweetresent :
Now that was just too scary. It's like you channeled my emotions, my current state of reminiscing about the past, in the last half of this entry... "That girl I loved and hated. Impulsive. Resilient. Following her heart into the pit of hell only to rise victorious as a butterfly."... Oh my GOD. Everything in that statement spoke to me. It felt like it was about me. It was just too perfect and so applicable. You are truly gifted. Tell me when your book is published, I will be first in line.
from in-my-life :
I'm not caught up yet, but printed out your entries going back to 8/3 and will enjoy them during my bus ride home today. What immediately caught my eye was "So I sat on the mountaintop, trying my best to fiddle." That has got to be the greatest line I've ever read. Love it! Hope all is well in DinahLand. xoxoxo - k
from onebluegreen :
Sorry -- you couldn't find him in the cast page b/c he has more than one name. He is a mutual friend of mine and Rogers. And he is a good friend but he can not keep a secret. The Honorable Muttonchops/Milkman Friend/male. Painter, former drawing and design teacher, fellow philosopher and sometimes Jurassic House regular who brings diary products. Doog's ex.
from fightn4life :
I found this web template at this web site…http://rpdesigns.sytes.org/ I have the link to it on the top of my diary page. One diary land member thought the photo came from a movie, I am not sure. When I was searching for a change, I saw the women on the horse and it felt a connection to it, like many dreams I have had. I too felt peaceful and intrigued when viewing it. I have a profound love of horses and before we moved here, we had a small farm and several horses. We suffered tragedies during the 10 years we lived there; I found solace within their embrace. I found the strength to keep going. I truly believe horses are one of the most majestic animals upon this earth. My love for them follows me all the way through early child hood as I was raised in the city. I had an imaginary horse that lived in our back yard and I would often tell "Midnight" my deepest thoughts. Ok…do not let them come lock me up. Later in life, my black as coal horse was named Midnight Blue. (Angels in different forms?) Sandyz
from toastcrumbs :
Not to worry, the resin jewelry progress will continue even with all of my crunching and chompage. I was so excited about it, I even worked on it at lunch today instead of eating - there was a slight spill and now my fingers keep sticking to the keyboard - but that's how dedicated to finishing it I am. And good news, I am off work Saturday, so hopefully will finish it all by then - if I don't accidentally glue my fingers together or anything.
from geeked-out :
I'm not totally sure what it is but I'm pretty sure that is a handcuff on his wrist. So he may be shiesty and steal most of the gauc.
from hardsauce :
I just know that in the past, when I've followed through on similar impulses, I have always regretted it. I haven't lived long enough to know whether those regrets are permanent or incidental. I'm enjoying your latest chapters and feeling a certain familiarity with the situation you describe. I'll never be a good social climber, because I can never quite bring myself to try and fit in with people who consider me socially inferior.
from minstrelite :
Yeah, I got your comment, and I noted you back over there, because I couldn't figure out how to reach you. It's on my blogspot.
from sweetresent :
Thank you again for the wonderful words and appreciation... In this last entry I was making an attempt to describe how the power of wind moved me, and what you saw is what flowed out... with a bit of editing of course. Afterwards, I reread your latest entry over. It hit me afresh, especially the part about the delicate gold chain.. It was remiss of me not to mention it in the last note. I remember the frustration of attempting to get a knot or a cluster of knots out of a few of my necklaces and bracelets. The process sometimes felt impossible, was always difficult to manage, and if the knotage was so cluttered you went for help or ended up tossing it. Your depiction is pure poetic genius! The idea is extremely tangible, both physically and emotionally. I wish I had thought of it! Ha.
from pansycline :
Thank you! If you ever wanted to put a different face on your diary it's pretty easy, by the way. Speaking of putting on faces... how are you? :)
from sunshine0221 :
Glad you enjoyed the photo essay! I had a blast doing it. I could send you an authentic Checkerz sub if you would like. I don't think the transit time would make it any worse than a fresh one. Kelly's hair is a beautiful red/auburn that obviously I did not capture well. And I just realized we forgot to stop at the Cheese House!
from bluemeany :
The red glow? Sand, m'dear! Beautiful desert sand! Looks tasty, doesn't it? :)
from sweetresent :
And you've done it again... the poetry, the images evoked from the words in this last entry... amazing. It just begged to be read slowly, and to be savored. The reference to the pheonix-like ascension from the ashes... just pure poetic brilliance. It warms me that you take my words to heart, because your words are always taken the same way. Oh and don't worry about sounding un-humble, you didn't. It's good to recognize when we do well, and I think its sad that we rarely get to say, "This was definitely the best I've ever done, and it's good." We should be able to do that more often, well, especially when you have good taste. ;)
from loner-blues :
Everytime I read an entry I think: "Wow! What a *life* she's had! And my Goddess, how gifted she is in telling the story of it!" You have this wonderful elegance of prose Cassandra; it's simply breathtaking. -cat
from sweetresent :
Oh.. I'm sorry but I have to say that this entry, just one of your best best absolute best. I could feel the passion, the emotion in the words. "resenting the ones whose song would not be silenced. Fighting the resonance that beckoned from within. The yearning for surrender."... How many times have I felt that way? Again.. breathless.
from sweetresent :
I think the same thing when I read your entries. Definitely kindred. You inspire me. I feel like I keep flooding your notes with so many positive, flattering tidbits that they won't seem genuine.. but know that I'm attempting to be as honest as I can possibly be here. Your words touch me. And the thought process you use.. the writing style, feels like you've just taken a page out of my mind. But you state them so eloquently and so beautifully that I know that they can be none other than your own. You are extremely unique in the most lovely way. Yet so many things you say remind me of myself. It's always a delight to read your diary.. and to recieve your comments.
from minstrelite :
I still think you can publish this stuff. Have you looked into self-publishing resources? There's a lot of information on the Web.
from emperorincxt :
indeed. love is different for everyone. and that is a hard idea to get into people's skulls. exhausting, it is. quite exhausting.
from sweetresent :
You're very special as well, and you're welcome. Your entries are inspiring, and not just because they're cleverly written, but because you can feel the sincerity pouring out of them. I read your latest entry earlier today and it stuck with me. It is funny how our parents' statements stick with us throughout our lives and influence our actions and thoughts. Even after we realize that our parents aren't perfect creatures and what they say is not always the way things are. It's not at all logical, but ingrained in us nonetheless. How can you tell the person who wiped your tush and bundled you in coats to keep you from getting ill that their opinion no longer has any merit to you? Sigh, its a battle most of us fight. Take care, I hope you get inspired and continue to write, if not just for your healing, but for my selfish want to read more. ;)
from fightn4life :
I meant to tell you I absolutely adore your writing. I can fall within its embrace. What a wonderful God given talent you have to bring written form to visual within the mind. Sandyz
from fightn4life :
Oh my…my own words came back to bite me. Thanks for sending back the message that writing at times soothes the soul. Your message brought back the feeling I get at times when I write...the soft breeze that caresses your face, the gentle rocking a mother does with a child she loves, a gorgeous sunrise or sunset. Writing can heal internal wounds as we message the soul with a lightness of written melodies. Thank you, Sandyz
from bluemeany :
Heh, I'd probably be better off if I DID run from relationships. Just look at me now! I am SO GOOD at functioning with another human being.
from sparkspark :
No diss on the Artist's Way--I used to write my morning pages on the No. 3 bus in San Francisco on my way to work. There were so many interesting things to record each day.
from sparkspark :
"Morning pages." Was he all Julia Cameron? This is a very interesting chapter in your life.
from tuff517 :
Hi Sugar! I'm sending you a hug or if you're not into hugs, then an open ear. I like virtual hugs-no personal contact. Take care of yourself. I missed you while I was behind on reading!
from bluemeany :
I. Love. Your. Writing. And I'm here if you need to talk, don't forget that!
from minstrelite :
Are you okay?
from loner-blues :
You're welcome...I *do* hope the pain is receding, even if just a little. *Hugs* -cat
from pansycline :
me too, lady. I wish I knew someone like that! Do you know what you want?
from poetown :
No, I haven't heard of that -- though I'm definitely a Niebuhr neophyte, so maybe I'll come across it! Have you ever read Paul Tillich's "Dynamics of Faith"? It is so great, I think. Though I should probably read it about 10 times before I make up my mind. By the little I know of you, I bet you'd like it. ---- ps. thanks for the other note you left me on here! It left me kind of speechless.
from minstrelite :
I think your writing is really excellent, in terms of both style and content, and I have no doubt you can get this published when you have completed the story. This most recent entry was particularly engaging. I also saw an analogy in my own experience, in that at a few points in my life my natural disregard for the things of this world seemed rewarded in the favor of the wealthy. That, incidentally, is how I wound up in the big mansion with the recording studio and the two Steinway grands. Such ascents always seem to precede a fall, although in my case that has been because the ascents are accompanied by pride. I'm on the verge of another such opportunity even as I speak, and I am wondering at this moment how I can temper my ego in order to see to it that this one lasts.
from sparkspark :
Thinking of you, Bella. Be well.
from bluemeany :
Hey -- there is ALWAYS room for a virtual margarita or seven! The decision will be made ... eventually. I'm just so tired of stressing over it. As for El Package-o, any man-hating girly-stuffs are welcome, or just whatever you happen to have lying around the house, hehe! I welcome all forms of mail-love ... if not male-love. ;) Love ya.
from sweetresent :
I understand. Sometimes I can't find the words either, but I have to express something. It usually comes out, however vaguely in the songs that I listen to, poems or stories that I read that capture the emotion. I went through, (am still going through in fact, because a part of me still aches when I think of him) a very painful break-up myself. I feel for you. Take care. Heal. Embrace life. Burst everything out when you're ready. Your fans will wait... patience is a virtue I need more of anyway. It would be redundant to say you're in my prayers, but since I am not scared of redundancy, know that you are.
from onebluegreen :
I am so sorry. *hugs* and *more hugs*
from fightn4life :
My heart and prayers are with you. Some times writing will help sooth the soul...when you are ready. Sandyz
from godsong :
I'm back and I love you and I'm praying for you...call me if you want to talk!
from bluemeany :
I love you, Cassandra! Would you like to join me in the Painful Breakup Club? We can drink cyber-margaritas and say nasty things about men in general all day long.
from loner-blues :
I'm so sorry Cassandra! Please don't feel pressured to write until *YOU'RE* ready. This diary is YOURS and we are privilaged enough that you're willing to share. *Hugs* -cat
from minstrelite :
Cassandra, I understand. These things are very hard, and I am praying for you.
from sunshine0221 :
Hugs and come abck when you're feeling better. Your fans miss you:)
from pansycline :
oh ladykins, it's some of the worst, isn't it. no matter which side you're on. I'm thinking about you. It will be ok. do you have someone to talk to?
from hissandtell :
Oh, baby darling - I'm so sorry. Go off and rant and let off steam and kick and scream and wallow and cry and do whatever it takes until you're healed, and come back to us when you're feeling more like talking. Love, R xxx
from sweetresent :
Oh, your entry made me chuckle. "My smallest observations mistaken for Proust"... "I wore my middle class sensibilities like a noble cliche".. so well described. I loved it. It reminded me of the haughty way I hold my own sensibilities from time to time. I'm glad that my entry touched you (However many days ago that was. Sorry it took me so long to respond, by the way) I truly needed to write it. It's always nice to know that someone else related to it, and someone else needed just those words. You never fail to bring a smile to my lips with your comments. You are such a blessing. I pray that God blesses you ten-fold. And that he gives you joy. Take care.
from onebluegreen :
Thanks for the note. OS is the operating system -- I couldn't get windows to boot. What is nice about having a diary is the more time you spend online the more you figure out. I, too, would like to see photos from your vacation. I hope it was a good trip.
from toastcrumbs :
As everyone else has already said, welcome back. Eventually you'll have to tackle your fear of html and upload pictures from your vacation for all of us to enjoy. As for the bracelet, sounds like a fun idea. I charge $15 per bracelet - and you are my first customer! How exciting. Anyhow, you can either e-mail pictures to me at [email protected] or send by regular mail - e-mail me for the physical address.
from sweetresent :
I am stunned. You've knocked the wind out of me again. That entry was excrutiatingly beautiful and alarmingly delicate. I loved it.
from hissandtell :
So glad you're back, darling. My world is empty without you, babe... Love, R xxx
from in-my-life :
Welcome back! Thank you for that last entry and returning us to your story. It's all so visual and I really do get lost in your words. More please.
from hardsauce :
Welcome back! And thanks for the shoulder-shake. I am finally absorbing the idea (after many years of mis-steps) that courtly/remote invariably dissolves into inattentive/flirts-with-other-girls misery in a very brief time. (And so why is it initially attractive, again?) Anyway, Aloha!
from mugwhump :
Your very silly today. Me thinks the holiday did you good! :-)
from minstrelite :
Got your e-mail, and replied. As for the pertinence of the quotes to my comments, I did read that it might be cool to go to "Babylon" for a season as a type of diversion, temporarily foregoing the spiritual battle for the sake of release. I also was unclear in expressing that for me, being in the entertainment profession, Babylon is associated with work as opposed to frolic. Here, in the Valley, I have no work. Therefore my "grass is greener" longing to be in the Great City is because that is where I have typically found work, whereas the Valley is sterile in that regard. That things are much better spiritually in the Valley is beyond question. But professionally, nothing's happening here, and I'd rather be around the spiritually decadedent right now if they're going to be signing my pachecks. As I said, God sure isn't going to sign my paychecks himself. So I need to make a sacrifice. I can't soak in the spiritual wonders of the Valley forever while going broke. I need to go back to the Great City.
from bluemeany :
Hehe -- AA really knows what they're talkin' about, huh? And, of COURSE we like you! How could we not; you are the total shizz-nit! :)
from minstrelite :
I read your note again, and all the quotes, and I will probably send you an e-mail later. I love all the quotes, and the earlier quotes you sent helped me a great deal at a time when I was very distraught. These are not the typical Christian platitudes such as you described receiving at the "Women's Tea." However, I'm having some intellectual difficulty discerning how the quotes pertain to what I said in my entries. Of course, my Babylon entry was pretty obscure.
from sweetresent :
Oh! Just got your note! Thank you so much.. your comments touched the corners of my mouth and resulted in a warm smile, that I hadn't planned on giving so early in the morning. It made me realize two-fold just how much I'd missed your presence while you were gone. Again, gladder than ever to have you back!
from sweetresent :
I am so happy that you've returned!!! Welcome Back and with open arms. I hope Hawaii did it's reputation justice and was absolute paradise... Enjoy your unpacking. Oh yes, your entry about Dinah. There aren't correct words to describe it, perfect comes to mind. Looking forward to more. God Bless.
from loner-blues :
YIPEEEEE!!! I'm so glad you had a good time! And, I'm so glad you're back! I've missed your entries more than you can imagine! -cat
from mugwhump :
On the contrary my dear Dinah - you are one of my faithful commentors! :-) Always a pleasure. ANd welcome back.
from mugwhump :
On the contrary my dear Dinah - you are one of my faithful commentors! :-) Always a pleasure. ANd welcome back.
from pansycline :
woopwoop! I've been uninspired since you're gone! I think you might be my muse! Is that creepy? looking forward to the renewed entries by renewed you.
from minstrelite :
It's good to have you back, Cassandra, and your note intrigues me. I'm going to have to ponder those quotes, and their relationship to the entries of mine that you mentioned. I'll get back to you again after that.
from sunshine0221 :
Just re-read your note and if you need pics scanned etc - also no prob - just email me and I'll get you my address. Reading comprehension - it's not just for breakfast anymore!
from sunshine0221 :
I love Guns n' Roses. Only 512 pics - no prob!And you can email your pictures - low res is fine for online - to lauren at accoutrements.net. And I'll get you the html to put in your journal so that all of your fans can see them.
from zencelt :
Welcome back!
from minstrelite :
Welcome back! I've got a number of new entries up, including four today, although during the last three I was openly working through some stuff that has since been resolved. Sounds like you're trip was fun! Anyway, please read me once you become "coherent" after all the jet lag. It's good to see you here again!
from sunshine0221 :
Welcome back!! And if you have any pictures that are so gorgeous you must show them to us I can host them for you.
from bluemeany :
Yay, you're back! And with all your fingers, too -- that's always a plus! About the e-mail from Husband -- yeah, I dunno either. I just tell myself how nice it is that he's really good at math. :)
from hardsauce :
Hi, just checking in--I see you're on vacation. I'm looking forward to your return!
from tuff517 :
I hope you had a great time in Hawaii. [Now that you're back.]
from loner-blues :
I certainly do hope you return safe and sound! Have a lovely time in Hawaii!! *Hugs* -cat
from emperorincxt :
thankya from the bottom of my heart :)
from toastcrumbs :
How random that you found my diary - and before I locked it. Glad it somehow (and I have no idea how) inspired you to start writing. Have a wonderful time in Hawaii. I just got back from a vacation . . . in Missouri. Be jealous.
from sunshine0221 :
Hey thanks for the note - I am actually heading out of twon for 5 days myself. See you when you get back!
from sweetresent :
I await your return with bated breath. Have a wonderful time! And I thank you for considering me a friend, I am honored. And I laugh at the Miss Congeniality, Miss Rhode Island qoute myself.. I just took to the statement. I adore the movie. lol Have a good time.. I hope you find peace, fun, enjoyment.. and many sexy male figures with their shirts off to gaze at. Take care and God bless.
from hissandtell :
Smooches for the lovely note, darling - thank you. Have a wonderful time with your Lava Flows; we shall be waiting for your safe, refreshed and inspirational return. (And I shall even have a few little boat-drinks with lots of blue curacao swimming with saucy plastic mermaids in your honour, alrighty?) Much love, R xxx
from godsong :
Enjoy! I'm sure God's going to use this trip to renew and refresh you! We'll chat when you get back!
from fightn4life :
I hope your trip is as awesome as your entries. I will miss your daily posting...but knowing you are having a blast...well... Just enjoy. Sandyz
from geeked-out :
haha great. well I'll just tell people I was in fact tanning behind a picket fence.
from zencelt :
How sweet! Yes, I will miss your creatively written entries, but have a wonderful time!
from geeked-out :
Have a wonderful time in Hawaii...with your new and glorious Natural glow that didn't make you orange. YAY I'm jealous that you are going, take pictures and drink something out of a coconut in my honor.
from sparkspark :
Hi, Bella! Have a wonderful time. I'll miss you.
from mugwhump :
I do not know what I will do without my daily 'Dinah'. Have a wonderful, stressfree, inspiring trip, and come back to us soon. :-) LJ
from onebluegreen :
Have a great trip!
from pansycline :
have a great trip!!
from tattoobelly :
You're such a wonderful writer. I'll MISS YOU while you're in Hawaii, but I hope you have a Fantastic time!
from sunshine0221 :
Yes Teeny's sunglasses are Mizrahi for Target. He and I both feel that spending enormous amounts of money on sunglasses would not be a good idea - We have other priorities! And still loving your journal:)
from sweetresent :
You are beyond welcome. Thanks weren't even necessary. I should thank you for putting the emotions out there, it is nice to know that someone understands you and that goes both ways. So, thank you. About the movie Breaking the Waves, I have not seen it. But from what you've described, it is now on my must see list. It sounds enlightening and intriguing..
from sparkspark :
Ah. Trompe l'oeil = "fool the eye." In other words, I will paint a wall with a door in it, creating the illusion that there is a real door slightly open to a beach beyond.
from bluemeany :
Oh, your notes make me happy! Thank you! I just had an exasperating conversation with Husband, and I really needed a pick-me-up. Mwah!
from sparkspark :
Who knew paperdolls could be so engaging? The mural will be a vast sunset over the ocean, with a trompe-l'oeil door in a wall at the bottom right. I'm hoping I budgeted enough time for it. I estimated about right for the last job I did, so I'll probably be fine. But yeah, it's very high.
from drowning13 :
Thank you for your kind notes. It's nice to see new shapes flitting through my waters. The only thing better than dinosaurs are underwater dinosaurs. And the only thing better than that are dinosaurs that breathe fire underwater. And the only thing better than THAT is poking holes in the sun and watching it bleed hot yolk all all over the earth like a big geographical slab of toast. I look forward to reading your entries soon when I swim back to diaryland mode.
from zencelt :
Double scoop - lol!
from hardsauce :
Thank you for your comment. I think that your suggestion about the dream is very helpful, and I am going to take some time and think about it from that perspective.
from minstrelite :
I was aware of its sort of unintended evolution from the prosaic to the more poetic; however I think that if you start playing with transforming the more recent entries into verse, every thing will come clear to you. That's only my feeling, however, and I don't want to horn in on your own work. It just struck me, that's all.
from pansycline :
oh, and, there is nothing wrong with getting mad and yelling. Lots of times it feels better than crying -- takes the first layer off the built up crap, too.
from pansycline :
hi. ok, well, all I really meant by 'you know what you have to do', is that all of us have a piece inside of us (mine seems to be in my stomach) that tells us the right, or best, or wise, thing to do. It's a matter of learning to listen to it, and that comes not from some secret lesson but from practice. What we learn is that it can be trusted. --- Anyhow, my assumption, in your case, has to do with your choice/s in the matters of getting help / getting married in the church / getting married to this guy [?]. I am reluctant to say what I think you should do since I am so far removed from your situation it would be ridiculous. But one thing that I think is universally good advice is to be honest. Including brutally so. You can't base any future on untruths. Or even half- or 3/4-truths. The results of honesty may be scary, but at least they feel clean and you are left with a solid base to go on from. -- And there is my lip unbuttoned. Hearts, P.
from minstrelite :
Just a thought: not that you should change the way you've entered any of your writing on D-Land, but I wonder what it would look like if you divided it into verse. It's so poetic, it's not that I hate to see it as prose, it's just that I think it would look great in poem form. I sent it to Heather again, and I'll see what she says. I'm going to see her tonight. (She's the State-wide award-winning poet I mentioned).
from loner-blues :
I'm so glad you've found a niche here. :-) *Hugs* -cat
from bluemeany :
P.S. Toby is very cool "in real life," but I didn't get to talk to him much because his publicist apparently is a daughter of Satan. Which sucked. But he was really down-to-earth and friendly, and also a good interviewee. Of course, most famous people are ...
from fightn4life :
Thank you for your wonderful comments. I followed another person's idea about getting the little pool. :) I love it and I can find much peace through the quiet. Yoga and mediation, (I use this quiet time to talk to God) has helped me over come many stages of depression. I still struggle at times but I allow for human error. Ways might be a better word. Thanks for the congratulations...having a daughter that lives in Florida and her having a baby in the midst of a hurricane can be...well...exciting. Sandyz
from bluemeany :
I'm so glad you're feeling better! And of course you're on my A-list; don't you ever think any different. The party will be held post-Iraq, by the way, because there will have to be ridiculous quantities of alcohol there. Oh, and thank you so much for your offer to get some good news out ... all the stuff our office puts out gets posted on www.dvidshub.net, and people pick it up from there. If you know anyonoe who's interested, you can direct them there. I haven't covered anything in awhile, since I've been on night shift, but we have a bunch of military reporters and broadcasters out there getting a lot of good stories.
from pansycline :
Aw, what a sweet comment! I would be thrilled to ever write such a thing! as for the other note you left (about the church and your relationship)... that is tough. It is really not my business and so all I will say is that I do know what it is like to have a lot of bile and anger and sadness crammed inside and it is hard to a) tell anyone b) tell someone who can help, because oddly it is hard to c) let go of it all. It's like you've had so much pressure on it, keeping it in there for who knows how long (God, in your case ;) ), that to let it out it seems like you would have to snap -- like it would get worse. In brief, I guess, it's like the pain of cutting the skin to clean an infection. Lady, you know what you have to do, and you are in the midst of the best support you might ever find. I have more to say, but will button my lip right there.
from minstrelite :
Just read your new entry, and all I can say is WOW. I e-mailed it to my student Heather who has one California state-wide poetry contests.
from minstrelite :
Are you in California by any chance? It seems you might be (not sure where else there are Borders.) Well, a CodA meeting is a good thing. You can email me or call me if you like. I'll be mostly at home scoring music between now and Thursday.
from mugwhump :
Beautifully put Dinah.
from onebluegreen :
Happy Belated Birthday!
from godsong :
Hey - sent you an email - hope you get it! Take care and keep looking up!
from fightn4life :
I loved this entry. Your faith is strong I can feel it within your words. Such candor you were able to transform from heart to paper. I believe many adverse thoughts drift along in many of our souls during our life spans. At times, it is only through the silence we find the God we know exists. It is good to question in my humble opinion as it is during our quest through life we begin to understand what we are to learn during this journey. Although for me, there are as many unanswered questions as are there stars in the sky…infinite. Keep asking, questioning, pondering, there is much to learn about ourselves. There lies the truth. Sandyz
from minstrelite :
Well, it sounds as though you know what the problem is--you're probably seeking some kind of tangible substitute for the often intangible relationship with God in your relationships with men. I guess I'm concerned that, although you are aware of the nature of the problem, it will take the un-doing and replacement of a lot of learned behavior for you to overcome it. Any Christian will tell you to seek first the Kingdom, and His righteousness, and the rest will be added. But this is often more easily said than done, especially when there are years of learned behavior, often based on unconscious motives, to be unlearned. If I can help you in any way, I will. I have been through a lot, too, you know, and I think you have an idea about what some of my issues are. Maybe we can be friends, however at a distance. I do like you, Cassandra, despite that I had snapped at you.
from pansycline :
anytime. -- I have a wonder, though. You are, obviously, a Christian. Is there no one in your church community that you can turn to? It seems so wrong that in the midst of so much potential love and support that your struggling should go on alone. In your entry, you asked God to show you that you're not alone. Doesn't he do that through the bodies of believers? Thinking of you, P.
from godsong :
Hey there...the most wonderful thing of all is that God which you describe so wonderful is already yours - just as He is mine. We just need to look at Him, rather than at ourselves - which is where my failure most often occurs. In my weakness, though, He is made strong. And, despite my weaknesses, I am here for you - let's continue to build each other up, to encourage each other, to pray for each other.
from sweetresent :
Oh my... You have made me so thrilled that I added you to my favorites. It is always an amazing experience to find someone who understands the way you've felt or what you've experienced. I think every Christian at one point feels the way you described. At the very least, I understand. It is scary when you can't feel God, especially when you need Him. He's always there, though. Those times feeling like He's not there are the hardest. I feel your anguish. I've been there. It's hard, but you'll get through it. I'll put you in my prayers. Take care.
from minstrelite :
I just read your notes on sweetresent and fightnforlife. Why are you downcast? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I promise I won't snap at you.
from minstrelite :
Well, I'm honored--but you're a much better writer than I am. I spew everything forth, stream of consciousness style. Every word of yours counts.
from minstrelite :
Now THAT, Cassandra (7/9/05 10pm) was RIGHT ON!
from loner-blues :
I'm so sorry about your birthday... :-( If I had known, I would have loved to sent a card...or at least an e-card (knowing it's probably not the most comforting thought in the world to give out your address over the internet). *Hugs* -cat
from sweetresent :
in** Darn typos.
from sweetresent :
Thank you for the kind words you left im my diary. After reading yours, I'm not only humbled, but in awe. The description I have of your diary in my profile is the best way I can think of to describe your awesome writing. You leave me breathless.. You can feel the emotion. You words are romantic, raw, and real. Again, I'm in awe.
from sparkspark :
Hi, belladonna. Every time I read your words, I feel something: happiness, sadness, wistfulness, and on like that. You are a wonderful communicator, and I am glad every time our paths cross online. I hope that the year ahead brings you joy and clarity and a million wonderful things beyond your wildest imaginings. Love and peace to you--Ms. Sparky
from pansycline :
oh, sweetheart. you have my empathy and sympathy and I wish there were something real I could do. Hugs to you. Things will improve, and... what Hiss said! Get those tapes out of your head and shred them to tiny pieces.
from hissandtell :
You are NOT ugly, NOT unwanted, NOT despised or any of those other hateful self-loathing words that creep up on us and grab us around the throat and whisper to us that we're hideous failures, darling. I'm so sorry you had such a crappy birthday and I wish I could say or do something to make you feel special and wonderful and loved and all the other bright shiny things you deserve to feel right now. Love, R xxx
from bluemeany :
Yesterday was your birthday? Shame on you for not telling me! I love you, you lovely lady, you. Don't make me get teary-eyed before breakfast anymore!
from fightn4life :
What an awesome diary you have. I am thrilled you stopped by and left a note, this directing me to yours. I added you to my list of favorites...thank you so much for adding me to yours, and adding such kind words. :) Sandyz
from minstrelite :
Cassandra, thanks so much for your note. It is encouraging to hear your words, and know that something I said rang true or real for someone. "Living Water" is of course a reference from Revelation 22 but I use it as euphemism for a place called the Blackwater Cafe in Stockton, California. (The "town" is Stockton; the "village" is Lodi, and the "Great City" is San Francisco).
from onebluegreen :
speaking of short stories, I have been meaning to ask. . .you are an excellent and interesting writer have you published?
from loner-blues :
Oh Rapunzel...how I wish you'd kept your tresses unfurled, just this once! -cat
from inacrumbling :
well received - thank you. it's good to be back. if only the circumstances were different.
from bluemeany :
Oh, don't get me wrong -- the heavenly cheesecake is not a part of my normal diet! My normal diet consists of eating, like, one meal a day. And smoking a lot. And not exercising. (Maybe now you can see why I failed my test, hehe.) But thanks for the vote of confidence!
from onebluegreen :
I live in Virginia but I have friends who live in London. My entry does sound like I'm in London but it was empathy and thoughts about war and bombings in general.
from onebluegreen :
You'd mentioned also being a July child but I forgot to ask the date of your birthday. (Also, thanks for updating regularly. I am engrossed in your story. You've been through so much and have lived to tell.)
from zencelt :
Hey there! Thanks for dropping by and commisserating.
from darcy-farrow :
Oh, I know! I didn't think it was! Hard to show inflection in this font. :)
from darcy-farrow :
I know - I am spoiled. But I was very worn out when I wrote that entry!!
from dollyllama :
"Firefly" is a tv show from 2002 that is a western sci-fi. Can you imagine? Somehow the genre combination works. The writing is very good but the show only lasted a year (and now the movie is coming out). I am renting it from Netflix but you could probably get it at a video store. Your recent entries are really fabulous. I can't believe this is your life and yet I can sometimes see something of myself.
from bluemeany :
Dear Silly McUltradork, Johnny was feeding me chocolate chips because I did not experience the glorious cheesecake until AFTER the dream. Tomorrow's dream, no doubt, will include both Johnny AND cheesecake, and I will experience euphoric ectasy throughout the entirety of said dream. Yay!
from dinahsoar :
Yeah, Blue, but I only have one questions from your entry today (mine, by the way, was cut way short today because my supervisor walked in - yes, sometimes I write at work - I guess I am most inspired when I am looking over my shoulder & fearing unemployment - something about that kind of adrenalin that jogs my best memories - but now I just thought of where YOU are, so my kind of adrenalin is just pathetic by comparison, so I'm sorry I even mentioned it), okay ... back to my question about today's entry. Why was Johnny Depp feeding you chocolate chip cookies and not CHEESECAKE??????I mean, if you're gonna have a fantasy, HAVE A FANTASY! Okay? Okay.
from bluemeany :
"many circuitous travels back to square one" ... oh, how well I am acquainted with those!
from bluemeany :
You SO made me grin, and that's just too cool of you! I of course got a fabulous mental picture of you (or, you know, someone who I know what they look like) waltzing around Staples with ink jets as your partner. Finally I had the chance to read some of your entries, and honestly, I'm never good at reading an unbroken paragraph on a screen -- but your writing really grabbed me, and I had no trouble at all ... that's something to be proud of, trust me! Have a great 4th
from pansycline :
oh man, let me tell you, if the list was just a list of very great songs those would be there, but dagnabbit I had to narrow it down to those songs that I can hear anytime, in any mood, and love. It's tough. Phoo-ee. I'll admit I don't own Angie.. but I used to... what the heck ever happened to that record? thanks for the many notes, by the way!
from sparkspark :
I love it! Grazie, Belladonna.
from bluemeany :
Hello! Thanks for your note and the mad props for my diary -- it's always nice to feel the love!
from sparkspark :
Good morning! I "tagged" you without really thinking about how it would fit in with your narrative structure (i.e., not at all), so please ignore it and think of it as a shout-out for how much I enjoy reading your journal.
from pansycline :
but thanks for the encouragement!
from pansycline :
I know. that's what I'm aiming for... and that's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid I'll just end up drinking litres of wine and passing out in a muttering fist-waving haze every night.
from sunshine0221 :
I am so glad you wrote to Evelyn. I am sure you brightened her day. Her situation hit close to home for me because my mom would be in the same situation or worse if I were not able to help her. How terrifying to be older and not have enough money. And new topic - I hope I have told you how much I am enjoying your journal. I can't wait for the next installments.
from mugwhump :
Ahhhh.... my fix for the day. Now I can continue.
from tuff517 :
I think I want to be reincarnated as you. I wish I could tap into myself like you do! You remember everything so vividly, that's what's so great. I feel like I'm there. I can feel the wicker and the macrame.
from sparkspark :
I am really relating to your latest. I've always understood that I couldn't have the best of anything, even though I am able to identify it, because I couldn't conceal my flaws and soon would be revealed as an undeserving fraud. A charming legacy.
from toastcrumbs :
Hey, I am on a temporary Diaryland break - writing, not reading. I was going to send you an e-mail, but I don't know what your e-mail address is. For my jewelry, it's $15 for bracelets, $10 for necklaces. I have lots more pictures of stuff I've made that I will post in a few days so you have more of an idea of what I can do. I found a shop in Tampa that would like to sell my stuff so I am working on getting professional pictures done as well. You can e-mail me pictures if you would like those made into something - kimberlyDOTkelleyATraymondjamesDOTcom or to kkelley474ATyahooDOTcom
from loner-blues :
Dear "Dinah," I'm sorry it's taken me so long to thank you for the wonderful note of encouragement you left. I do indeed love my cyberfriends and have come to rely in them a great deal over the past two years. And thank you so much for including me in your prayers; I'm touched by your kindness and generousity. I am still absolutely blown away and dying for more of your life story. You have a gift for communicating via the written word, truly. I feel privaleged to be a member of your readership. -cat
from pansycline :
well, you are Anglo if your first language is English and your French is negligible or less. Cowering behind bushes and darting between dark doorways on Fete St. Jean is also a dead giveaway.
from darcy-farrow :
Thanks for your kind note! I will have to read more of your entries, but from what I have read so far, we do share common experiences! XoXo
from pansycline :
are you sure you want to know? cuz I'll tell you but maybe you'd have more fun just making something up... if you don't want to know stop reading Now! ok ok. it was really Debbie Harry. ['stop lying!' 'well I'm philosophizing that it was Debbie Harry.' 'that's not what she meant!' 'ssshhhut up, you wet blankety oaf!' 'you are gonna pay for this some day, you know!' 'what did I just say to you?'] oh hoho, sorry 'bout that. anyways, have a great weekend!
from sparkspark :
Hi, Ms. D! Are you pampering yourself today? Fabulous! (Ick...) My cousin is involved with some Avon-lady kind of deal called The Pampered Chef, and it always makes me think of a mustachioed guy standing at a stove, wearing a big tall white hat and some diapers.
from tattoobelly :
The book I chose isn't new--it's 'Eva Moves The Furniture'. I chose it because my name was in the title (hello narcissism!), but I'm Enjoying it because it's set in Scotland (which I love) and because the story is interesting, to me at least. It's not a hard read, but that's okay because I'm looking for easy right now anyway.
from minstrelite :
I noticed I had 211 readers, including some new ones, so I felt guilty. I decided to start up again, but just to lock the journal. If you want a password, send me an email and I'll create one for you. If not, that's cool. But I'm realizing now (at the end of the day) that I just had a bad day. This, too, shall pass.
from pansycline :
woah now I'm so excited for MY own place!! good timing, m'lady!
from hardsauce :
Hi Dinah, I just added you to my list. Also, I mentioned you in today's entry and thought I should tell you. It wouldn't be fair to talk behind your back, even if it's praise. I'm new to the neighborhood, but I like your diary. -- Carolyn
from mugwhump :
I was determined to ask where your son was in all this, but you're fast - you answered my Childcare Workers heart. 18!!! My how time flies!
from minstrelite :
Yes, I see now, it's a chronological story of your life in a certain area, and you're leading up to something.
from minstrelite :
Actually, well, my life is really really good now, and I'm not having any particular difficulties. I hate it when people *tell* me I'm having a hard time. I just want to be accepted and respected. Not sure where you got that things are difficult for me. I hate it when people try to fix me. It was hard reading some of your entries, because I wondered literally WHERE you women find guys who want to be fixed, because I sure don't. Do you get it now? That's all.
from minstrelite :
I read "The Wounded Healer" by Henri Nouwen some years ago. He's still one of my favorite authors, although I confess I don't read much.
from minstrelite :
Thanks for your note. You are in my prayers. God bless.
from minstrelite :
Well, it's a new day. I was only nervous about the reading, and I was snapping at people, and giving off mixed messages to everyone. Also, escaping onto DiaryLand and the Internet. I apologize. I wrote something in my blog. I shouldn't have asked questions pertaining to a subject I'd already decided is out of the realm into which I ought to dwelve. I have no interest in male-female relationships, or I should say, if from time to time that interest is re-awakened, I usually see clearly to douse that particular fire before it spreads hazardously. Sorry I brought it up. You're good.
from loner-blues :
Asteriks (**) at each end or a word, phrase or sentence is usually a substitute when we can't use HTML to bold, italicize or underline something we want to emphasize. People vary though; some prefer to capitalize when they can't use HTML tags (<b></b> for bolding, <u></u> for underline, <i></i> for italicies, etc.).
from pansycline :
yeeaah... one of those things where you recognize a bit of yourself that you've known has been going on but you haven't had time/space to deal with... and remember that there's an inevitable shitstorm waiting on the horizon when you do get around to it... which I will... if I want to be more than just technically alive/living. meh. could be worse.
from minstrelite :
Sorry I was a little ascerbic. I'm in a bad mood. Let's talk tomorrow. Have a good night.
from loner-blues :
Thank you Dinah (...or is it Cassandra)? :-) I *always* appreciate prayers/good thoughts/positive vibes.
from minstrelite :
Oh. Well, *I'm* cynical, for whatever it's worth.
from pansycline :
your descriptions of clogged emotional arteries terrify me.
from minstrelite :
I did read your last two entries, by the way, but I haven't gone back to pick up the pieces yet. I'm trying to gather exactly what the issue is. I've always believed in a healthy cynicism, as long as one stays in touch with one's spiritual center, but I'm a little confused right now. You and I seem to be in a somewhat similar place, and I'm not sure it's entirely good. Anyway, I'll read more, and refrain from drawing a conclusion until I've gathered enough information and received clarity. Take care.
from minstrelite :
I see my friend GODMONEY is watching you now. She is an inspired person.
from minstrelite :
No, I didn't mean the show was stupid, I meant I have never watched it, so I know nothing about it (other than what you just told me). I'm not a TV person in general--of course I caught old shows while growing up, but stopped watching TV once I was able to make my own decisions.
from godmoney :
sry--sick of me yet? def did the appropriate perusing and loving it. there's something stereotypical and weak and antifeminist about falling for "cruel, narcisisstic" men. i guess because that cockiness is a manifestation of confidence which we translate into desirable sexual dynamic and genes.
from godmoney :
MY BAD. i was accidentally perusing PANSYCLINE'S diary 'stead of yours. i will remedy this at once and note once more.
from godmoney :
it seems we have another connection: MINSTRELITE. he is perhaps my only "online" friend and i love him. you are certifiably awesome. it's hard to find "i am not a teenager" diaries these days. i love your diary way much. "At least I don't tell him he's boring./ At least he doesn't tell me I'm boring." there is some aching profoundness in that. or else it's just late... anyway, seeings how your are bffl with pansycline you can use her user/ pass: pansy. enjoy. but don't count on it. meanwhile i'm going to meander to your myspace and friends you bwahaha.
from minstrelite :
It was late at night. (re Brady Bunch) I saw it, but I didn't really grasp it, as I had never watched the show.
from mugwhump :
Did you know that up here - Morning Glories have white flowers, and are a horrid horrid weed, that invades and takes over our gardens? Definitely not the pretty pale blue bloom that I've seen in California.
from minstrelite :
Believe it or not, I thought about rhyming Eliphaz with "all that jazz" just before I sent you that note, but then thought it would be more interesting if I just succumbed to the notion that they're impossible rhymes. By the way, I can produce old deleted 2004 entries in which I compared the senior pastor, the associate pastor, and the student pastor of my old Baptist Church to Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar. FWIW.
from pansycline :
haha! no I thought you were a bearded lady and I still think so! (just kidding - I swear I'm just kidding so much, but I never say it because half the hilarity is people not knowing -- but yeah I knew you were joking). -- it's 1:40 here and I wish I had a favorite Brady, but I've never seen that show. Ok, here's one: Laverne or Shirley?
from dinahsoar :
Good night, John Boy.
from dinahsoar :
Now I have to note myself again to let whoever may be reading that I don't really have a beard. Pansy, did you not know I was kidding? My favorite dwarf is Dopey, too. And my favorite Brady is Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.
from pansycline :
wa-wai-wait! Far from disappointed - who doesn't like being told all about theirself? Not me. re. the dwarf thing -- it's weird that is totally not how I would've imagined you looking. Do you ever forget that the people on here are actually sitting home exactly the way you are, wrestling with keyboards and tired fingers to get these notes out? I do. I just realized. I'm making these magic things appear too!
from dinahsoar :
Somebody, please! Note me! What kind of a dork has a note from themself as their top note?
from dinahsoar :
Damn! I just noted myself again. I'm getting all mixed up, here. Pansy was disappointed with the Beatle's test & so I tried to entertain her, but instead entertained myself. And, since I'm in a Brady state of mind, I also challenged Minstrelite to a poetry challenge involving all of those with hair of gold ... like their mother, etc. Ooooooops again!
from dinahsoar :
Myself? Well, I have big eyes, but a bit of a five o'clock shadow I'm sorry to say. I apologize that the Beatle's thing was so predictable. But, quick ... who's your favorite Brady?
from pansycline :
I feel like a sucker for saying there's "something to" the Beatles analysis... wahwhahh. So, onward ho to the seven dwarfs. I can only remember Grumpy, Dopey and Sleepy -- I always had a soft spot for Dopey when I was a kid (the big eyes and beardlessness had something to do with it, I'm sure). And yourself?
from pansycline :
well, other than the jealous bones... it's weird. Let me tell you a story: I have probably gone through all of the Beatles in the past 10 years or less, and it is only recently that I'm thinking maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be happy and do what I like, instead of focusing on suffering and constant self-criticism. That maybe it's ok that the thing I value most in a friendship is the quality of the jokes. You know, I don't want to turn into some simpering moron, but I think that a balance can be found where the heavier end is the smiley one. So anyways -- I chose Paul because he has a laughy face and I've finally figured out that tortured artists and angry young men are a real drag to date. Hah! Yeah, there's something to it. --- though I could've predicted the answers. ;)
from minstrelite :
I had to do a google search to find out what Narrative Therapy is, which now intrigues me. I bet you're a good therapist, and you ought to go over to the Personality Disorders forum on my discussion board at http://www.burdenproject.com/phpBB2/index.php - I bet you'd have a lot to contribute!
from minstrelite :
Indeed. I have yet to find good rhymes for Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar.
from pansycline :
so, uh, my favorite beatle is Paul, repeat, Paul... ? urgh. jeez. I just think I don't like any of the beatles. but, with a gun at my head, Paul.
from loner-blues :
This is an amazing and wonderfuly insightful entry.
from minstrelite :
The rhyming version: "Jim and Tim should go to CoDa. Alex sounds alot like Yoda. Phil, Phil - he needs to chill. Kent's a snob, and that leaves Rob." Should we collaborate? ;-)
from minstrelite :
You're a poet--and you know it.
from minstrelite :
In this most recent, lengthier entry, I would say that the depth of the content transcends even the beauty of the style. My tendency is to see style first, and be drawn only to that. Sometimes content leaps out at me later, as it just did, especially when it's identifiable. That's why I had to write the "Dear Echo" letter I posted at the beginning of this journal. I had listened to my daughter's song numerous times, and felt only pride. Finally I listened, and I felt her pain. I'm kinda like that. On another note, I'm curious what kind of therapy you do? Just curious. Your journal is great--I'll have to go back and pick up the pieces. It's interesting getting to know you a little bit.
from minstrelite :
Heavy.
from geeked-out :
I have been so lazy lately. I wish that I could say I was one of those quick to respond people, but I get distracted easily and forget everything. Thank you so much for the notes. It was a short entry today. The hell is up with that?
from mugwhump :
This is a short entry ... please don't tell me that you're coming to a close on your story? And I see that Minstrelite is trying to teach you some computer stuff too! Good! :-)
from minstrelite :
I just read your recent entry. You're a genius. (It takes one to know one, by the way).
from minstrelite :
To clarify, here is the url you need to input in order for people to become aware of your ownership rights: http://parthenis.com/copyrightbutton/copyright.cgi?Cassandra+LastName (I don't know your last name, but just replace the expression "LastName" with whatever it is.) OK, I've probably given you enough information for a while!
from minstrelite :
I just sent you an email. Buzz me back if it was too confusing. Although I'm a teacher, I still sometimes don't know what people don't know and what they do know, and therefore do not know how to teach them what it is they need to know. (Was that a mouthful or what?) Anyway, I forgot to add: yes, I meant for you to simple replace my name with yours. I'll email you with my cell phone number, and you can call me if you have any questions. Usually these things are easier to explain verbally. By the way, html stands for "hyper text markup language." It's the "code" used to produce things like signs, symbols, <B>boldface</B>, <I>italics</I>, different fonts and colors, etc. etc., and it's just loads of fun. Three years ago I took a crash course in html online--a free course--and learned everything I needed to know in about a week. Curious what your Masters is in. Psychology?
from pansycline :
okok. Paul.
from in-my-life :
I'm glad that you're feeling encouraged. I found this site and it seems like a good place to get direction: www.writingclasses.com. Plus, there are always the local university extension schools: http://www.uclaextension.edu/
from minstrelite :
Cassandra, according to copyright law, if you put a little c with a circle around it ( html code = © ), you automatically own the rights as pertain to electronic publishing. However, it is advisable to print out the work and send a copy with $30 to the Library of Congress. The form to use is Form TX, which you may download from http://www.copyright.gov/forms/ in a pdf file. It's advisable to register the work with the United States Copyright Office because someone could conceivably copyright your own work as well, and if they have registered it, and you have not, it will be difficult for you to prove that you are the actual author. Also, if you click on my name "Andy Pope" at the bottom of the page, it will lead to a url and an explanation of your electronic publishing rights. Simply replace the "+Andy-Pope" at the end of the url with "+Cassandra-(last name)" and anyone clicking on that url will receive the same explanation, which is usually sufficient to deter the dim-witted.
from minstrelite :
Yes, Isaiah 26:3 is a great one. Believe it or not, I just now came back from my five mile run. (I left right after I last noted you, and it's already 10:45pm on the West Coast).
from dinahsoar :
Somehow, I noted myself when I was trying to note Pansy. So, Pans, if you're out there, that note to me was to you.
from dinahsoar :
No, see, it's gotta be a Beatle. One. Definitively. I mean, my favorite at the time was Jim Morrison, but that doesn't count at all. It's gotta be ONE BEATLE. It would be like if you asked about chocolate & I gave you my favorite popsicle. ONE BEATLE! It's like a Rorschach test, got it?
from pansycline :
weird you're the second person to ask me about the Beatles in 2 days. And I've really been wishing I had the White Album, for about a month now. I knew I was psychic. Um, favorite Beatle... I don't know. I'm more of a Stones girl. So, Mick Jagger and Charlie Watts are tied for first there. If I must pick a Beatle, though, well, definitely not Ringo. Not Paul. Well, maybe Paul. I haven't really thought of this since college and my crush priorities have changed. Whoever is the smily-est in the pictures, I guess.
from minstrelite :
I seem to recall that's a New Testament scripture, but I don't know where it is either. People quote it a lot. Probably God's plan was to shake a false foundation in me (or us?) however painfully, so as to replace it with a true foundation in good time. I think that's what's happening. Am looking at Psalm 34 now--I've always taken comfort in verses 19-22.
from pansycline :
hmmm, Cadbury Easter Eggs and chocolate covered marshmallow, eh? well... it's clear to me, that for you, it's what's inside that counts. Soft, tasty, and terrible for the teeth. no wait that makes no sexual persona sense. um. It's what inside... sweet and tender, bordering on soft? [the other person, I mean. You, on the other hand, are one who likes to sink her teeth into things.] ;) How'd I do?
from minstrelite :
I didn't know you were a therapist, or I'd have been more specific. I actually had a manic episode, a really long one, my first and hopefully my last. They then diagnosed me bipolar, and I spent two sojourns in psych wards while in the process of losing all my jobs. (I was a self-employed music teacher with 17 accounts, all of whom had to let me go). Friends of mine have told me just to say "nervous breakdown" because people in this society don't know how to relate to mental illness. On another note, interestingly, I also took a walk after agreeing to pray for you. There's a certain time of the day when I try to pray a number of prayers while walking, and I did pray for you. I got some coffee at the dollar store & am going to go jogging now. I'm honored and glad that God is touching your life tonight thru a stranger.
from minstrelite :
Let's pray for each other. My mom actually died in October of 2003, I was wrapped up in a big work project and could not grieve, they put me on medication and then I had a total nervous breakdown early in 2004. It's taken me this long to start dealing with it.
from minstrelite :
Your June 15 entry was breathtaking! I'm going to have to read more. I'm going to add you, if you don't mind.
from in-my-life :
I hope you don't mind, but I've taken to printing, then reading, several of your entries at a time. It gives me time to digest your words and then string together the story. I'm completely enthralled and hope that this turns into a novel that we can buy all neat and hard bound. Also, I wanted to mention that I love the references to specific locations because it makes it all the more vivid.
from revisions :
you know...i'm not sure...it seems each one is only missing something when i'm in it...grass is always greener, you know...
from hey4eyes :
Thank you.....Check the most recent entry again. I just finally finished it right now. Takes a while to post the photos. Bobbie Sue Dicks.
from tuff517 :
Hi! I never answered you back about "Dark Water", I think it is by the "Grudge" guy. And I looked it up and apparently some think water has conciousness and that it's a way for the ghosts to communicate with the living. Also, did you ever notice that all the female ghosts have that long dark hair?
from lookin4liz :
It's so strange to know and understand someone's emotion, though you wouldn't know them if you met on a street. You're a stranger, yet I know you. It's like closing my eyes, and blinking. It's so real. It's so me.
from mugwhump :
Now that you've figured out how to click and do those tests - we have to work on you getting the results posted in your diary . . . . ;-)
from mugwhump :
You're the theropist - you tell me what its all about. :-) Ms. Jung
from amblus :
Howdy, thanks for reading! I've quickly become fascinated with your journal. It reads like fiction, but with a definite non-fiction edge. Nice stuff.
from sparkspark :
Hey, Bella. I was thinking today of my patron saint, Francis, and also of the Jonathan Richman song, "Not So Much to Be Loved but to Love." I didn't realize the two things were related, but reading your entry today is the third incidence, and so it seems there's some idea I am meant to think about, as far as loving/being loved. So... I'm thinking.
from mugwhump :
I am speechless, but I did want you to know I'm still reading ... and riveted!
from toastcrumbs :
Thanks for the compliment on my jewelry. I'm working on putting together a website for it right now. Maybe make some extra $$ with my hobby. I've made bracelets/necklaces for friends using pictures, names, etc. Since I'm just starting out, let me know if there's anything you'd like, and I can do it. Of course then you can tell all your friends where you got it and I'll make my millions that way. :)
from pansycline :
oh, your diary makes my heart ache.
from lookin4liz :
So I have to tell you a story about a boy that I loved very deeply once upon a time. He took his own life the day I graduated from high school, and ironically, his name was Matt. I remember that phone call like it was yesterday, and am almost positive I have never known sorrow like I did sitting at his funeral. My heart goes out to you, in remembering such a trying and difficult time.
from minstrelite :
Thanks, Dinah, for the vote of confidence! It's difficult to explain to some people why I feel it's better for me to be celibate. It's not so much a matter of calling, it's a matter of practicality--at least, for me. God bless you.
from sparkspark :
Ohhhhh, Saint Virginia... what can I say? I guess I've already said it. But anyway, you should see the new lipstick I got! All six of them.
from loner-blues :
Amazing...I've "known" you for less than a week and already you've broken my heart. Your last two entries are beyond words. Wow!
from lookin4liz :
Lovely blue eyes, oh how I've had my share. Thank you for helping me to remember the passion of a time that seems so long ago, it may even be a past life. I like Matt, and his squiggly "x" very much. *smile* Hope things are looking up for you this evening...If not, you know where my mailbox is.
from geeked-out :
If you scroll down to the bottom of my diary there is a little flickr account thingymabobber and it'll take you to a million pictures of squishy [it's more like 30 something but you get the idea, exageration is fun...so is spelling]. Like I said though, he's nothing I've ever found attractive before, maybe it's just because he's so sweet to the squish. Of course hopefully it's not because he's really chester the molester in disguise.
from lookin4liz :
You should try it sometime. The most meaningful sex is sometimes with strangers. If you're around, pm me. I could use a shoulder this evening... yahoo-charliegurl_2000, aol im-lemonwaterbaybee
from lookin4liz :
I want for both of us, for you to have a maddening affair with the councelor that had the bluest eyes. Ah, to love, to lust, and to fuck without purpose. *smile* We should write a book...
from pansycline :
I swear I'm not an obsessive note leaver. I just read your Darby Rant, though, and it really struck a chord with me. I, too, am [was? I'm not sure -- have been, anyhow] rendered inert by the dread of hurting the feeling of a person I, in many ways but not the right way, love/d. So I ended up ignoring my feelings, or playing them down, or re-interpreting them, or trying to convince myself that the problem was something else, for 4 years [not 8, but long enough -- and I wasn't even married!]. He also helped me do these things. But it gets and did get to the point where, rather than becoming what you want them to be, your feelings just amputate entirely, and you not only don't know, exactly, how you feel (a lot of the time, anyhow), but you really don't feel anything for the person anymore, and you certainly don't feel guilty. I think it's cool how we, as emotional bodies, like physical bodies, will over time isolate and expell things that do not belong in us. On one hand, it seems like such a tragedy to spend ones time doing that in the first place, but, since it's done, there are a lot of valuable things to know about ones self, as well as a lot of empathy to gain. This is a fairly recent set of events for me, so I'm still processing, and you diary is a well-timed find. I'm enjoying it immensely.
from pansycline :
jeez and now I saw the note... I'm so lucky you found meeeee. that's a song right? and Beach Boyz are a-ok. lovin' California Girls is cool, just as long as the lover doesn't try to make them wear aprons instead of bikinis (unless, they're just waiting to be "tamed" - pphhh)! I could see arranging for aprons ANd bikinis, though. it is the most hilarious fantasy.
from pansycline :
ps I just checked out YOUR diary!! I cannot wait to read it cover to cover.
from pansycline :
hi thanks for buddy-listing me! that is probably my favorite description of my diary ever!
from geeked-out :
Good because I'm paranoid as well, so I was a little afraid to throw that out there thinking you might have me admitted. But seriously someone MIGHT have tapped my car. They'd know I talked to myself while I drove, I only have the music up loud so people in other cars don't know what I'm actually doing. Erm I mean yes singing along thats it. When you played Solitare [however you spell it] alot did you then at night while trying to fall asleep end up plan out your moves for the next time you played? I did that with Tetris too. If so maybe we can have adjoining cells.
from lookin4liz :
Ah, I think we all need a chubby guy with a motorcycle. Mine had a son who called me mom. After that, his daddy stopped seeing me. *smile* I think we may have lived the same life, you and I...
from geeked-out :
How have I not found you before as well? It was some kind of shiesty conspiracy keeping us apart. All is well now.
from mugwhump :
Check back. I edited my last entry.
from mugwhump :
Never say you "can't". I have come to learn you are a very smart person, and I do not believe that computers will get the better of you. I won't send anymore instructions, but I challenge you to think outside the box. AND regarding appoggiatura - if you click on the word on me page it will take you to the definition. It's a musical term, something to do with a grace note that delays the next note of the melody. No - it's not a silly Canadian word. LOL - you're funny!
from sparkspark :
I'm enjoying the ride--ex-husbands, future husbands, delusional alcoholics, Victorian wash stands, inconveniently located guest-houses and all. Roll on, my sister!
from toastcrumbs :
Oops, the message below is from me too - I was logged in with my old username (Glitterkick). Just thought I would clarify that for you.
from glitterkick :
Oh yes, so glad I gave you the password, lol! With all the suggestions, I think the get-out-of-Florida one is the best - this place is a hell hole!! Between the (giant) bugs, lizards, humidity and hurricanes, I think it might be time to move on. :)
from tattoobelly :
Oh wait, now I just read sparkspark's note to you, so I guess you don't need me to mail you my copy. Anyone else want the cd after I load it on the computer? Anyone?
from tattoobelly :
I will Absolutely share sparkspark's cd with you! I'll load it onto our computer with the rest of our music, and then I'll mail it to you. Email me your address -- [email protected]
from bhs95 :
There is just something so extraweird about Tom Cruise, ya know? He's so contradictory at times and is just really... extraordinary.
from mugwhump :
For someone who has only recently joined the ranks of blogging, you are garnering quite the audience. You really should have taken up writing a long time ago. I beginning to get a little jealous (but in a good way). Great entry today.
from sparkspark :
P.S., re: today's entry, I'm with tattoobelly.... NOOOOOOOOO!
from sparkspark :
I'll burn ya a copy, dinah--how could I say no to you? E-mail me your mail info and it'll be on its way! --V
from tattoobelly :
NOOO! Don't do it!! I mean, I realize it's in the past, but still. Don't do it!!
from cornnugget :
I appreciate the note you left for me. I promptly visited your diary and found an excellent writer and only the second person I have ever known to use the word "skosh"! I am so proud to have known what it meant! Will return and enjoy it again! HRH
from sunshine0221 :
I am enjoying your journal A LOT. Can't wait for the next installment! And is it is so kind of you to offer your professional services to Teeny. As you know, the whole family probably needs counseling - Teeny's toilet paper massacres are of course a reflection of underlying problems in the home.
from loner-blues :
Wow! These entries about your relationship with David leave me breathless and *dying* for more! The hallmark of a talented writer... :-) -cat
from loner-blues :
Dear Dinah, (I hope you don't mind if I call you that). I'm sorry it's taken so long to resond to your note. If you want/need any info on researching publishing basics, I've got an arsenal of knowledge. (I'm big on knowledge...less large with effort, although I *have* had two pieces published and managed to place in a Writer's Digest poetry contest). There's so much info though, I don't want to take up too much space on your notes page so I'll stick to the basics here: subscribe to, buy or peruse the libraries old copies of THE WRITER and WRITER'S DIGEST. (There are a ton of magazines out there, but I've found those to be the most helpful). If you're interested in poetry, I also recommend POETS AND WRITERS. Depending on the genres you're interested in (ie: creative non fiction, literary fiction, children's fiction, romance, historical fiction, sci-fi/fantasy, etc.) you might want to pick up or at least look through a copy of the book WRITER'S MARKET specific to the genre you're interested in. Like I said, there's SO MUCH out there, it can be hard to know what's worth your time and what's not so if you have any questions I'd be more than happy to tell share info. The web's a great place for resources too and I've got a list of sites. If you'd like, please feel free to leave a note or send an e-mail to [[email protected]].
from sparkspark :
Your note made me laugh--thank you, Ms. Dinah. I'll send you the link to my article. Thanks for the props.
from godzgirlz :
Much needed most of the time our His hands of mercy washing me clean and wiping my tears! I like the idea of Him wiping everyone who asks...Peace Love...
from mugwhump :
Intrigue in a red western shirt .. . . hmmmm ....
from loner-blues :
Okay, I've only read your first entry and I'm hooked. Please tell me you plan to pursue publication of your work! Pleeeeeeeze? :-) -cat
from loner-blues :
Thank you so much for your lovely note and (WOW!!!) your incredible compliment on my writing! Are you *sure* you have the right girl? :-) Okay, pushing playfulness and self-esteem "issues" aside, thank you again. -cat
from sparkspark :
I love today's entry. I love the thought of taking the phone off the hook. Somehow, turning off my cell phone doesn't have the same effect (on me, anyway).
from sparkspark :
Yeah... I pretty much fear the originator of the chain letter more than anything supernatural.
from mugwhump :
Great minds think alike. Fools seldom differ. :-) You can put those quizzes into your diary if you want. It's very easy, just let me know if you want help.
from sunshine0221 :
I a so lucky to have a professional evaluating Teeny's issues. I fear ending up on Dr. Phil, where Teeny will bite his foot, and be sent to bad cat bootcamp, and I will be mocked for my poor cat-parenting skills.
from godsong :
Well - I am actually working on my master's in music education. I was referring to my teaching job - i teach music to grades 4-8 in a local school district. Keeps me busy!!
from sparkspark :
I totally drive a Volvo. (Bonus: station wagon!) But I don't hold your comment against you because all my friends laugh at me about it and call me the Soccer Mom. Wait. That's not funny! I've been dissed! Ah, well. Such is the indignity of the modern girl.
from godsong :
Hey there - I just wanted to tell you again that I absolutely love reading your diary. You have been blessed with a wonderful writing style, and I look forward to each new entry. It's been great getting to know you too - thanks for the brutally honest look at your life. Thanks too for your notes - they always make me smile! God bless! Lisa
from mugwhump :
This new era of your life sounded almost idylic, yet there is a part of me that knows it couldn't have lasted. But then again ... you may completely suprise us. Oui?
from sparkspark :
Greetings, fellow rain dog.
from dollyllama :
I love you asking "Any reason I should be afraid?"
from tuff517 :
You leave me breathless.
from revisions :
thank you...i'll need them!
from lookin4liz :
Your grace, dignity and beauty capture my attention. How I envy your ability to make freedom sound so liberating and obtainable all at the same time. We should have coffee sometime...*smile* Thank you for the kind words, and know how much they mean to me, coming from one trapped dove to another. Feel free to email me anytime. [email protected] ~Liz
from mugwhump :
We didn't have Hall police like you did. I suppose that's one of the many reasons we Canadian are too compliant.
from weetabix :
Thank you! And also, you're not too shabby yourself!
from tattoobelly :
I'm so excited for the young you--out on your own with your new brown hair. I can't say it enough times; your story has me fascinated.
from tuff517 :
You're breaking my heart! [And yes, I'll be missing the Shrimporee, and that's breaking my heart, too.]
from mugwhump :
As I'm reading you, I sometimes forget that this is history. Because I find myself shouting at my monitor "Get Out Of THERE. Spread your poetic wings and fly away to safety" (and don't forget you son). WOW!
from dollyllama :
wow. Just wow.
from mugwhump :
Thanks for the explanation of Memorial Day. We have November 11th, which I think celebrates D-day of world war 2. But I thought you celebrated that too. Have an excellent weekend! Blessings - LJ
from godzgirlz :
You write so poetically~God Bless and Keep you! Peace:)
from tattoobelly :
Your story is fascinating! I'm so glad you're writing it and that I'm getting to read it.
from sunshine0221 :
And err- that is respond. I am apparently not capable of leaving an uneditable note without at least one typo.
from sunshine0221 :
Thanks you SO MUCH for all of your notes and compliments!! I promise I will repsond to them - but right now too busy reading your journal! - Lauren
from sparkspark :
I'm reorganizing, so it's chaos, chaos, chaos all the time--come on down to crazy Violet's for some half-priced chaos! (Kind of like that.) It'll be fixed soon, I promise.
from zoela :
WOW. That's the most thoughtful compliment I've ever received. I know this doesn't sound as fluid and literary but...back atya.
from mugwhump :
Thank you for your wonderful, heartfelt note. I appreciate all that you said.
from sparkspark :
But I did write about the Narnia chronicles! Your answer totally made sense!
from in-my-life :
I wish I had meaningful feedback to leave, but all I can seem to come up with is "wow". Just, wow! I wish I could write like this. Instead I only seem to be able to come up with my recent purchases, tv shows that I've watched and what I've eaten that day. Maybe you'll inspire me to greater or bigger thoughts. I know they're in there somewhere.
from mugwhump :
Why are you bothering to write in D-land? You should be writing a great American novel! I digress - sounds like an interesting time, and again - I'm glued in baby. Write away!!
from godzgirlz :
Thanks so very much...As I may encourage others I too by them soak in their encouragement to me as well...Be Blessed & Give God the deserving Glory for How wonderful He is to US His children...Peace Anj piperjoy
from sparkspark :
Thank you, belladonna! I always enjoy hearing from you and reading your updates. I'm trying to organize my diary, so that entry is actually from last September. I'll get it together one of these days. (Right...) -Violet
from onebluegreen :
Thanks for the note. I appreciated it. I read all of your entries. You are a good writer. You're right -- there are many similarities.
from revisions :
yeah i actually find much more solace in the christianity of the patristics than in modern religion....i feel like we have lost something and i don't know how to get it back.
from mugwhump :
I continue to be mezmerized, and I see your readership is growing leaps and bounds. How cool is that?!?
from tuff517 :
Keep feeling fascination. That's what I think when I read you.
from tattoobelly :
You're keeping me on the edge of my seat over here! I mean that in a good way.
from sparkspark :
Thanks for sending me the Gestalt technique--I'm going to try it and see what results. At the very worst, I'll look like I'm talking to myself, which of course is nothing new.
from tattoobelly :
What you wrote about Jose was so descriptive and evocative--I could put myself right into the story as you. Beautiful!
from toastcrumbs :
My diary is locked now. Send me an e-mail should you want the password - sorry I don't want to leave it in your notes page - [email protected] Thanks!!
from godsong :
Hey there! Thanks for reading and for your wonderful comments! I have enjoyed reading your updates as well and looking forward to the next "chapter". It would seem that we have a few things in common, and I am always glad to make new online friends - especially a sister in Christ! My email is [email protected] if you's like to contact me there. I'm taking it that you are still in California? I'll be flying out to Oregon in July to see on of my best friends. And again, thank you so much for your comments, especially about faith in action - it is something that I hope I show regularly! I look at my diary as a place to work things out - an extension of what goes on in my brain regularly! Have a wonderful day, and please keep writing! God bless!
from dollyllama :
How did you find me? It's so rare for new people to start reading. I love your entries, too. I can't wait to find out more of your story. It's nice to hear from someone new. take care.
from tuff517 :
Marty Feldman, heh heh. That was so wonderful I cried and wrote a poem.
from tattoobelly :
Marty Feldman! EXCELLENT REFERENCE.
from sparkspark :
Bob Eubanks can pass me the marmalade any time, sister!
from citigrrrl :
I am so happy you found me and wrote to me and felt a connection with my entries, and I am overwhelmed with the intensity of attempting to begin to read your diary...you've just begun! It's an etherial process...creative, pressing...people will email you and say, Why haven't you updated??...and, there's this - when we're gone, where does this concept of a virtual diary exactly GO? Paper journals and dream diaries, with room for illustrations and observances on the side, I still believe are best. But an online public opening up of yourself is so, so much more challenging, right?
from breakthedark :
Thank you...I appreciate you taking the time to read. Take care!
from tuff517 :
I can send my fat Billie to you. Chuck calls her "5 Gallon Drum". I call her My Little Stinky Fatty or variations on that. I love her fat belly.
from mugwhump :
You realize you've got me completely hooked. I can't wait to see how each episode of "Dinahsoar" comes together. Beginner or not, you've got me reading!
from mugwhump :
I got an error message just after sending you that e-mail. Did you get it?
from mugwhump :
Looks like I was e-mailing you when you were leaving me a note. Great minds think alike, fools seldom differ. :-)
from godzgirlz :
I'm just at a standstill...trying to let your kindness seep inside and so I smile and Thank You.... Eavesdrop anytime:)
from revisions :
not usually..unfortunately i am very critical of my personal appearance...
from in-my-life :
I can't wait for the next installment. This is good stuff! More please.
from mugwhump :
if you send me your e-mail address I send you some simple html commands to dress up your page. ljducharme at telus dot net
from hey4eyes :
Best Friends Forever! Meet me behind the bleachers after class. Bring your glasses and a bottle of Kahlua. Bobbie Sue Dicks.
from revisions :
don't canonize me yet...i'm not even sure what i'm getting myself into. thank you for your sweet note, though. your life story is a very interesting one, i'm excited to see what happens next. :)
from tuff517 :
Did you know I was going to marry Axl Rose? I'm so intrigued, I can't wait to read more!
from hissandtell :
Thanks for the note and the kind words, darling; if you can't find the poem (being as it tends to be quite shy about revealing itself) do let me know and I'll email it to you - I have it somewhere in a word document. Love, R xxx
from hissandtell :
Hi - I'm visiting via tattoobelly, and finding your writing rather intoxicating; I breathlessly await the "more to be revealed"... Love, R xxx
from tattoobelly :
Whoa. You had me at "5 by 7 of myself as a baby". You pushed a baby picture of yourself in your toy stroller?? I think that's one of the best things I've ever read. Then I read your other entries and I am very intrigued indeed.
from mugwhump :
Another mysteriously intriguing entry. My, my, my .. And you mentioned Pippy Longstocky! We must be of the same era. I loved that tv show in the 60's (or was it the early 70's). She was enigmatic,and I was aghast and jealous that she could live independent of parents. None-the-less - I am so enjoying what you've been writing.
from dozydormouse :
Thank you for your nice note it made me smile.
from toastcrumbs :
I LOVED your last entry and can't wait to read the next part. My diary was locked briefly - it was partly a reaction to some things going on, partly that I was messing with the HTML code and that just never ends well for me. Anyhow it is unlocked now and probably forever.
from sparkspark :
I love your Hollywood story! I'm looking forward to reading more. Thanks for adding me. :) --Violet
from godsong :
Francine Rivers has a number of absolutely wonderful books - her Mark of the Lion series is set in early Christendom in Rome. The 3 books are amazing! My personal favorite is ...And the Shofar Blew - a modern novel of today's church. I'd recommend anything she's written! Have a great day, and thank you for youe wonderful comment on your profile!
from sunnflower :
Hi from Suburban Island. Thanks so much for your wonderful note. It made my day.
from itoldyou :
Thank you very much.
from in-my-life :
Thank you for that lovely note. I am very intrigued based on the bit that I've read, so I hope you keep writing!
from mugwhump :
I'm on the west coast, about as far as you can get from P.E.I. In fact - I've never been there.
from mugwhump :
What a wonderful entry ("Horray for ..."). You've been hiding a talent, but I'm glad you're blogging now.
from toastcrumbs :
And here I thought I would be the first to leave you a note . . . also wanted to add thanks for the note and guestbook messages you left for me, you made me sound so cool! I'm glad you found Diaryland, and so far I am loving your writing. Keep it up, don't get lazy like me with my once every two month entry writing.
from godsong :
Thanks to for noting me - it's always wonderful to read a fellow believer and receive encouragement. Our God is an awesome God...I'm glad He's using diaryland to touch lives. I'm looking forward to reading more!
from mugwhump :
I see from the two previous "noter's" that you've been busy. I too thank you for dropping by and leaving your kind comment. I have now taken the liberty of reading what you've got to say and in most of your writing - you've read my mind. The only difference being that you express yourself in print far better than I do. Welcome to Diaryland! Blessings - LJ
from godzgirlz :
Hey~ Great Diary Name! Thanks for the encouraging words about mine:)) Peace&Love In Christ Anj [email protected]
from revisions :
thank you so much for your note...it's odd how being candid in an anonymous format can be difficult...i hope you enjoy diaryland, there are amazing people and friends to be found here...keep writing and exploring what it means to be...

back to dinahsoar's profile
recommend this diary to a pal?

Other diaries starting with the letter:
a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

Back to Diaryland

Recently updated
News
update April 6, 2020: Sorry, we just had 8+ hours downtime due to a server problem. Restoring from backups took soooo long, but everything is back and no data was lost. Ay yay yay! Anyhow, hope everyone is well with the virus stuff.

Sign up for paid membership if you want!

Users online