DiaryLand members area

Weddings BLOW. Fine, get married. But leave me the fuck out of it! Somewhere, I still have a box of bubble gum pink satin pumps from my college pal's wedding. I'm pretty sure I burned the dress. If not, I now have something on my to do list for tomorrow besides sleeping.

from bluemeany :

Oh my LORD. Your 21st b-day sounds like mine, except I did get drunk. BLurrily, nastily, phone-call-makingly DRUNK. And the car bomb is evil. Happy belated!

from mommylap :

I couldn't get to your guestbook. Maybe you should give the first ten people to sign your notes a pair of undies via mail.

from bluemeany :

Hey, if nothing else, at least you got a fun diary entry out of your reunion! Weird family members make the BEST subject matter.

from trufulatree :

Hee hee *pokes*. Ya big softie. And yeah, everyone does that (cries involuntarily, I mean). Hey, try regina spektor!: http://www.reginaspektor.com/index2.html Click on the tape with 'songs' written on it, and listen to Samson. It's girl-weeping-tastic. Well I dunno, maybe not that weepy, but there's the potential there, if you're in the mood. ;-)

from bluemeany :

Hey you funny shit, you! Look how I'm dominating your note-board! Interesting and relevant fact: My (male) Incompetent Co-worker got in serious trouble during his initial Army training course because he ... you guessed it! He sneaked out to go to a Michelle Branch concert. Yep, he risked his rank, his pay, and the respect of his peers, to see an "artist" whom even I, a female, scorn openly. Doesn't that make you feel better about yourself?

from bluemeany :

Thanks for being down wit' my wackness, yo ... you yourself are also truly pants-soilingly hilarious.

from bluemeany :

You can borrow MY herd of lesbians, if you like.

from trufulatree :

Fitness is hazardous� I went jogging the other day. Would have been entertaining, if someone else was there (to laugh). Anyhow, a patch of mud stealth-attacked me. So it went something like: *bound, bound, bound, kerSPLAT*. And I said 'oh, arse.' which was quite funny cause I was looking at my mud-covered arse at the time. But like i said no-one was there� except for my dog that is, and she wasn't paying attention. I'll be quiet now.

from lavidaloca-2 :

This entry just proves that you can have a college education and still be an ignorant fool. (Hence all the made up words, sentence fragments, etc. etc.).............................and here i thought the current president proofed that with the same evidence. ............................ meh good luck with the lungs, if you need vitamin d the easiest without going outside is to get a funky special lamp, but i think it was probably the yoga.

from not-tuesday :

Good to know.

from not-tuesday :

This is probably a stupid question considering I've been reading you for a long time, but sometimes you sound like a chick and sometimes you sound like a guy. Which is it?

from stubbster :

well, if you saw robin williams naked, then you saw The Fisher King. because that's when i saw that hairy, hairy man naked..

from golfwidow :

St. Patrick's Day is Amateur Night anyway. Professional boozehounds leave the green beer to the once-a-year-drunks.

from superlashes :

okay I think the quote actually goes--abstinence makes the heart grow fonder..get your facts straight....jk.

from kyane :

It pains me to tell you this, but for a very stupid reason, I have to lock my diary. If you do, in fact, still read my diary and would like to continue doing so, please email me for the password at [email protected], and I'm sorry about all this.

from for-you-only :

It sounds like you played the ideal role in high school. I play "the nerd who stole the hottest guy in school so lets all kill her" Yeah. lol. ~Pink

from not-tuesday :

Reading that last entry, almost (but not quite) made my head explode. So many names...

from superlashes :

I sympathize with your bad roommate situation. Us perfect roommates have got to stick together. j-k. anyway i've been enjoying the entries. (standing ovation)

from herdarlinsin :

You are funny. I laughed so hard at your "I hope she's a bull dyke now" comment. You crack me up.

from raggedyanne0 :

what if your new room mate is some crazy physco that will threaten to kill you if you dont let that person sniff everyones panties??? what then?

from lavidaloca-2 :

If no one's stepped up I'll be your limited time only latin bitch. The way I understand the spanish radio scene right now (and I actually have quite a bit of info having invested in Univision Conglomerate that runs both a Recording company and a radio network) The thing is that in most key markets (LA NY MIAMI) the Spanish does way better than the English usually taking the top ratings. Why? Well mostly because lack of resources forces the lower class demographically speaking, Spanish people to listen to more radio as opposed to internet, or television which require more money. Also culturally speaking the Spanish speaking, they like their music. Now what does this have to do with your problem? Well Infinity Broadcasting the assholes who bought that station are a huge, evil, monopoly of death, them and Clear Channel. They want very badly to break into the top ratings (Duh) and to make the money. They will do whatever it takes even taking my favorite dj Ryan Seacrest from his more adult STAR show to the more teenybopper KISS show. (Anyway) Since they know that the Spanish has been making the bank in other key markets (NY LA) They probably want to continue that trend in the Maryland/Baltimore area. But the idiots forget something, the reason for their success in markets like LA NY is that they have large concentrations of Latin demographics (spanish speaking latinos) Not that it helps but the Zol if its related to the chain of channels called El Sol, may be more pop music along the lines of Gasolina. Lately in Spanish music, specially on the East Coast there has been a trend towards an arguably catchy mix of salsa, raegae(you know the Marley crap) and hip hop that is in the vein of the Gasolina song. What does this mean for you that if you are in luck the music this station plays will be pop Spanish wich should theoretically be more pleasing to your anglo ears. But if there is a large and under served community of Mexicans that may just have gone unnoticed by you because of well, social reasons, the station may play what are known as corridos, tex-mex, banda music. What this is basically a lot like polkas tune wise with vocals that are more bluesy sounding except in spanish, they usually relate long tedious and very dramatic romance or life stories. This is one of the most famous bandas http://www.bandaelrecodo.com.mx/ .... Now things you can do to make it better because you are not the only one to lose a beloved station to the evil spanishmoneymaking machine, I lost a lovely spanish station that played anything you wanted (A pure request station you could call and ask for almost anything) to have replaced by basically the spanish version of an oldies station. You can stream most radio stations on the internet with the free net available at schools this should be cool. If you have an ipod you can do a thing called podcasting which gathers your favorite crap from the internet and puts it on your ipod (websearch for more info on that I just heard about it from a friend) You can make mix tapes/cds play those for yourself. You can try getting satellite radio so you can listen to anything you want anywhere. Just a little rambley crap from a fan of sorts. Thus ends the temporary latin bitch status. Now returning to anonymous lurker.

from kyane :

Just to let you know, in this entry (http://thecritic.diaryland.com/021207_34.html), you said 'dead' instead of 'dad'. Weird.

from lavidaloca-2 :

Very well said Critic. This is an opportunity to come together, now is not the time for divisive politics, issues can be raised later after people's immediate needs have been taken care of. Sometimes its rather impressive how you can so serious.

from cutie1083 :

Instead of "me" insert a "my". You made MY day. I'm turning into a fucking pirate or something, apparently.

from cutie1083 :

THIS: "They could reach all the corners of the globe and still feel themselves trapped inside their own skin." Totally helped me today. Thanks. It suddenly kinda makes sense. Long story; just know that you made me day. Thanks *hug*

from connie-cobb :

I would like to reiterate that note just below this one. Indeed you do rule.

from discothekid :

Wanted to let you know that I think you rule. I don't know if I told you.

from mommylap :

Me and you and a dozen Boston Cream Donuts as soon as possible baby. OR I will bring "Bavarian Cream" donuts (since that's what we call them in the Midwest) by the dozen and we'll compare them until we pass out from a sugar high. It's a date right?

from eibisch :

And that, my dear, is PRECISELY why I don't clean my room. If my mom sneaks in with a sledgehammer, she's going to break her own damn ankles before she gets to me.

from dork-wad :

Are you a native? I'm asian but I don't drink.

from lavidaloca-2 :

2800? dude what is she doing paying those people a living wage instead of sub=minimum wage?? seriously that's crazy I hope those are like fruit trees or magic bean trees or something! uhm yah...sorry I just kinda can't believe trees cost that much and here I was hoping the day I had a house I could plant couple dozen trees... geesh I think I'll stick to dandelions in the cracks in my pavement.

from not-tuesday :

HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY!!

from a20something :

Happy Birthday! You have an awesome diary, it always makes me laugh!

from cutie1083 :

Happy birthday!!!!

from influence :

I can't claim hatriotic, I heard it in a convention speech. I think Kerry said it, if I remember, referring to O'Rieley and all those chattering heads who bash protesters as hatriots.

from lavidaloca-2 :

Happy Birthday Mr Critic, here's to hoping you make it to your thirtieth and that very important conversation with your dad. :0) I hope it was an enjoyable birthday and what? You mean there's another 5 years before you can rent cars?!! Geesh and here I was making plans and I've got twoo months to go before 20. Ugh...

from erica8378 :

Happy Birthday! Mine was yesterday (8/3). By the way - LOVE your diary! - Erica

from randomtandem :

Hmm . . . sounds like Soulmate's Friend kinda likes you Critic . . . and by kinda likes you I mean, has probably fallen madly in love with you and wants to bear your children!!!!!

from bingoguy :

That'd be a Chicken Abortion with a side of Pig's Ass.

from madamepierce :

re: the Boston accent thing: PREACH. I have to hear it pretty much every day.

from mommylap :

OMG ticks on Lindsey Lohan and Hilary Duff..now that's really funny. Really let that be the lesion!

from lavidaloca-2 :

dude, yay someone else who doesn't know what to do with their life. If Destructo needs a sidekick and I'm in the same sad mess call me! Gluck with the internships.

from lavidaloca-2 :

hah! I'm glad you won the Zoo War.Poor Zoo that's what they get for messing with The Critic.

from drunklazy :

I don't think there is an absolute point where 'trying' becomes regular usage, and I guess to try and make one would render it sort of arbitrary; that was more a reference to a study that said one-off, or at least very occasional ecstacy use, was harmless. The thing about food, is that people have a choice; they don't have to eat things that are bad for them, and the only reason to do so is to make their lives marginally more pleasurable and convenient, and pleasure and convenience are the motivations behind most actions, which is why I don't think there's a distinction to be made between that and drug-use, just because you have to eat something or live somewhere.

from lavidaloca-2 :

wow your sister and i might be long lost twins, i fear my little neighborhood is going ghetto all the time. then again i live in a city what the hell did i expect? still that was one of the most hilarious news bites ever, stabbed over steaks...lol. and the irony of the lung cancer tribute. yes you are a great observer of the silly.

from cutie1083 :

I don't even have an alarm anymore, simply b/c I got so tired of throwing it across the room every time it went off.

from drunklazy :

I'm sorry for anything that's affected you personally, regarding drugs, but given the 'soft drugs lead to hard drugs' argument, where, or why, do you draw the line? People who drink are more likely to take drugs; same with smoking, and probably, anyone more willing to take medication, than those who don't want to 'drug' themselves unnecessarily. Where do you draw the line of acceptability? Also, regarding the long-term effects... 'trying' ecstacy is harmless, but for any questionable cases, do you make the same distinction on GM food, or radiated crops, preservatives and general unhealthy living? What effects specifically do you mean? What you react in the same way to someone who, for example, ate lots of fatty foods and no fruit? Or lived in a city with high smog?

from cutie1083 :

I don't know if I've told you this before, but your diary rocks.

from drunklazy :

Without meaning to be overly critical, over a million ecstacy pills are taken every weekend in Britain. It's about as dangerous as crossing the street, and a lot more fun; where do you draw the line between what is an acceptable risk, and what is "gambling away your future"? I mean, you can argue the necessity of driving, but whether it's drinking heavily or going hang-gliding or riding a bike, there's a 'risk' of death, but that risk is tiny, and so people value their enjoyment over it.

from dangerspouse :

Thanks for the note detailing your friend's peeing adventure, man! Sure hope that plastic bag didn't have any tears in it. I'm with you on the "no kids ever" thing - although sometimes when food is running low in the house I wish I had at least one around for backup. Ah well.

from dangerspouse :

Hey, I just surfed over here from 'Loca's place and read your anti-drug/Pledge rant. Loved it! I couldn't agree more with your anti-drug stance, and it was very well written. Personally, I'd like to see the "under God" line taken out of the Pledge, just because it wasn't in the original (it was added in the 50's after a lobbying effort by the Knights of Columbus), but I don't lose any sleep over it. I had to say it when I was growing up, and I still turned out ok (ie: athiest) despite that. Thanks for the great read!

from lavidaloca-2 :

yaaaaaaaaay!!!! mad mad mad loving of thecritic for being anti-drugs!!!! yay finally someone my age who recognizes that drugs are totally fucking stupid. THANK YOU!!!! SMOOOCh, i loves yah a lot for this entry.

from ittybittycat :

I still love you anyway :D

from ittybittycat :

Thanks for for helping me correct my mistakes on my entry. Tis very kind of you. I corrected everything, but "hun." I like spelling "hon" "hun." And if you don't like like it, too bad... It's not like you read my diary on a daily basis anyways... :)

from ittybittycat :

you put "last" instead of "lost" hun :D

from ittybittycat :

NO!!!!! You forgot the Smear Campaign of '04 note again!! *sniff sniff tear*

from ittybittycat :

:D :D :D Love ya, hun!

from ittybittycat :

you forgot the Smear Campaign of '04 note! *sniff sniff*

from lavidaloca-2 :

dude hilarious, mancelullite. that is gonna keep me laughing for years. maybe it's not your standards that are too high but your inclinations eh..seems to me someones spending just a bit too much time thinking of moe, naming their beer accesories after men barry, etc. just a suggestion to keep in mind.

from biensoul :

Thank you for your "Modest Proposal."

from obscurestorm :

Only five?! Cha-ching.

from obscurestorm :

Have I ever mentioned just how much I love you?

from eibisch :

Close. That quote is from Leviticus, not Corinthians. Let us not forget, according to dear old Leviticus, the sabbath is to be observed on Saturday (good job, Christians) and we can't get tattoos or extend credit or use credit or eat shrimp or eat lobster or eat pork or plant a field/garden with mixed seeds or wear poly-cotton blends or eat rare meat. I'm going to hell.

from havechosen :

78 beer cans??? (And yes, I DID, in fact, take the time to count them.) How many people were at the party????

from golfwidow :

Love your drunk entry. Love. It.

from fangedfemale :

You're hilarious! I wish I knew ya :-D

from fangedfemale :

You aren't the only one who doesn't think babies are cute. :-D

from meli-belly :

trust me hun. us dancers, we NEVER get danced out. haha. bye. -meli-

from angelfish83 :

lol. your diary makes me laugh. true, it is about midnight and the rather pissed me should just go to bed, but i just thought i'd leave you a note instead. keep up the good work Lx

from ishtar6 :

hello clarice have the lambs stoped screaming yet? ....ok sorry i like that movie too^.^ yea you have a pretty diary :p give your profeser time and he/she will give you your paper back...mabey it will be tommorow or somethin ok im sure you dont care what i say so im going to go now.

from mommylap :

Back at school even, and you are spoiling me with daily updates. I won't even mention the fussbudget thing because of that.

from taelor :

your diary is so rediculously funny sometimes that i almost said yes... okay, not really, but i came close to it. :)

from parlance :

:) I know. I was just teasing you.

from parlance :

For a critic, you sure have a lot of favourites listed :P

from limonade :

You got a new subject dividing line thing going on. Spiffy.

from taelor :

your diary made me laugh out loud! here i am, trying to quietly surf diaryland in the middle of my world conflicts class... and i read some of your stuff and laughed out loud. your diary is just too fun.

from valxexrie :

I think you're a good writer. I like your stuff.

from limonade :

I actually think I like your short entries more. They are equally funny, but on days when I don't have the time to (or feel like) reading a huge long entry I don't get the overwealming feeling that I've missed something. :) Yes, I continue to stalk...

from drunkencynic :

What's amazing this time?

from six30 :

Aww, you know that I'll always *heart* you. You may not hear from me as often as when I was at my boring-job-from-hell, but I do always check in on you :)

from everoboto :

You know, I love the whole "Power Ballad" thing your friend sang to you. Now THAT'S friendship right there. Hold on to it. \m/

from mommylap :

Forget about my betrothing you to thisendup. I want you all for myself now. I would make you a t-shirt that read "midget toss" so as not to obscure your locks.

from obscurestorm :

Everyone should get their daily dose of the phrases "quivering member" and "heaving bosom".

from not-tuesday :

I bet that weird girl is probably awesome once you get to know her.

from meli-belly :

haha fun! ok, i don't really understand why you had a hammer, or a bottle of something..but i really can't tell what's one your head? is that a lizard? if so, it made me laugh :). talk to ya later, adios! -meli-

from limonade :

Dearest Dearest TheCritic... I have had much fun stalking you through many screennames, but I have outgrown diaryland. I would really like to hear from you at my new site (that I will tell you if you express any type of interest at all.) I already have a link to you in one of my entries, because I have begun to stalk another person. I refered to my wonderful stalking days with you. :) Wonderful. Feel free to leave me a note. I'll get back to you. Much love!

from sanetwin :

Sounds like a philosophy class I once attended. People used the opportunity to pull out every real and imagined trauma of their lives. Talk about disgusting.

from mommylap :

You'll never end up washing cars for a living as long as I'm alive! The power I might have to remedy it might delusional, but if I need to succeed to ensure this, than so be it!

from mommylap :

Of late, my friend, you are positively giddy. Is it the contact lenses? Is it shedding your former roomie? Whatever it is, gimme some of it. Clearly I need a shemp of my own.

from ittybittycat :

ass. he definatly talks from a horses ass :)

from six30 :

Wow, the end of an era. I feel like I should put on a wake for your old life with Moe ;)

from ittybittycat :

*clings* be my valentine. That's an order, not a question... :)

from six30 :

G, I couldn't help laughing when your friends told you that you seemed so much happier without AGCWR. Did I get the acronym right ;)

from wvlady :

Don't worry, you'll be an old pro in no time! I've been wearing contacts for (yikes) 30 years. Can't imagine having to live without them.

from emptyhouse :

you're giving up your glasses? sellout.

from dizzydude :

The glass isn't just half empty, somone came along, beat the crap out of the glass, stole it's lunch money, and THEN drank half of it.

from obscurestorm :

To remove the pessimist: a really sharp scalpel and distinct precision.

from exhume :

i don't know why there is such a stigma attached to wearing briefs- my understanding is that 50% of all males wear them, so i guess brief-wearers are just more polite or are clever enough to make fun of people's shoes instead. boxers, in my opinion, are silly and uncomfortable. so there.

from dizzydude :

DizzyDude and/or his subsidiaries strongly endorse this diary/product/service. Bahahaha, unoriginality!

from beautyx3 :

1/15- I really liked your entry today, funny, I too get some sort of pleasure watching some of the privileged fail.

from rockerhobo :

haha how true...but all my relatives are quite underweight, i think they would become more anemic then they already are if i made them sign contracts in blood.

from redoleander :

As for New Year's resolutions, do you really think I'm going to keep them after February? Please, donuts and TV are far too alluring.

from ittybittycat :

Oh yea. I am honoured to be your stalker. I will be the best stalker I can be

from ittybittycat :

Thanks a bunch for leaving me a note. I shall cherish it forever :D. You rock! P.S. I think you put the wrong month in your entry...

from madamepierce :

Just SITTING? Or crapping? I must know specifics so I can use it casually in conversation.

from madamepierce :

Mmkay. I know felching. But what is "blumping?"

from ittybittycat :

Pick me! Pick me!! I won't eat your pets!! I promise

from lavidaloca-2 :

hehehe. what the heck a mrs. critic?! noo that'd ruin all our fun! you must stay a crazy old catman in his apartment. hmm too bad you dont like ugly girls tho...not that i'm offering myself or anything. ahem. i bette go now....

from drunkencynic :

I'LL date you. You can be my sugar daddy. Who...doesn't...pay...

from obscurestorm :

Critic-obsessed stalker types?! Do we have a cult for that yet? If not, we should. But as a rule. No eating pets. Except for goldfish. Yummy...

from limonade :

Oh! I'm offended! I would never eat your cat! :)

from lavidaloca-2 :

in the spirit of such a lovely moving entry, let me just say, happy new year.

from limonade :

oooh, look who's stalking now! Just wanted to let you know, I didn't see the ball drop either. I was talking on the phone and Jay hollored "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" Forgeting it was New Years, my first word of the year was "huh?" Happy 2003!

from misspriss921 :

Hi there. I wanted to let you know, so you can continue stalking if you'd like, my new screenname is limonade. I would love to hear from you! I was very excited to see I got a message from you... Your still my idol. :)

from i-am-a-girl :

good resolution. merry holidays!

from cutie1083 :

Happy Holidays!

from goldylockz22 :

Although a new foot-stool would have been nice, my dad opted for cremation of our beloved dog...and that is why she is sitting on our coffee table. Not a very attractive living-room accessory if you ask me...

from mommylap :

If you start a "No drama in 2004" diaryring, I will SO totally join it. Maybe somehow Scott and Moe can be drama roomies in hell.

from zoombeanie :

That's awsome that Snowball will be okay.

from golfwidow :

Forget me. I don't want *you* to have to go through one.

from golfwidow :

That is such great news about Snowball!

from mommylap :

I am trying to figure out how to get a financial windfall so I can afford to hire you to be my sidekick/nanny. I wouldn't really ask you to do any work, really just react to things and by doing so amuse me and the girls.

from lavidaloca-2 :

had to stop by and say how hilarious the thinking too much about thinking too much...hah! the truth is the kid that sits in a corner, absolutely, dumb truth.

from mommylap :

I am so laughing at the karma goin' on with you and Moe. It's almost as if he has no idea what a hysterical bitch he is. I do think you would be a great RA though- because thisendup was one in college and she rocked. But whatever. You are funny in isolation, and you are funny in the thick of the mess. You are my Dawson's Creek, Critic darling.

from gooseit :

Let me guess - you're a history major? They're always the oddest cookies in the batch.

from i-cut-deep :

i love the entery about the penis, i dont think that your friend shouldve gotten so mad at it, you are cool as shit, you really know how to keep someone interested

from rapperkridd :

I just found your diary entry, "thescrooge", lol. Very cute! I'll have to come back and find out what happens with this dinner :-) Feel free to check out my not-so-witty diary :-P (rapperkridd)

from scottie1402 :

babies, eh? well, okay...but i get to be the man...

from wvlady :

I totally enjoy reading your journal..but I gotta tell ya, it's starting to make me very nervous about my daughter starting college next year...heheh

from scottie1402 :

THIS I love...I found you thegreathot, whom I also love. Is anyone else feeling a lot of love here? Okay, fine. Be that way. See if I care.

from misspriss921 :

How can you complain so much about Thanksgiving? Realize what you have! You HAVE a turkey, you HAVE a family and a house. You are so much more fortunate than so many other people in this world and yet you only manage to complain on the one day that's set out for simply being thankful!

from golfwidow :

Enjoyed your Thanksgiving bitchathon. The only thing I can say is, "Look at the bright side. You could've *been* the turkey."

from taliarant :

Ok, so I've been out of the loop for quite a while. To my delight, I stopped by here to find that there are quite a lot of entries that I missed. Um, well, you know, I wasn't delighted that I missed them, but rather delighted because there were lots for me to read! :) Anyway, this entry http://thecritic.diaryland.com/031110_80.html about shaping up... I just have to tell you that I know of several people who refer to a gentleman's... ah, extra limb as just that. So, ah, if you were exercising your tripod out in public, all I have to say is: Wow!

from cutie1083 :

Lol..."spirit fingers"...I love that! Hehe, if I had a volleyball team, I would SO want you to be our stuff holder/funny comment maker/in case someone dies guy:)

from awittykitty :

See, you're lacking the one thing that makes an avante gard poem understandable...PMS.

from lavidaloca-2 :

Tu poema is mucho beautiful. Heeeh Telemundo mucho s u c k o, evil evil fake hispanic nbc owned telemundo. I was most delighted and thankful for that besmirching of telemundo. The fact that your proffesor doesn't like the show though probably has more to do with his age than his ethnicity though, that and his pseudo-proffesor-intellectuality, most them proffesor people think they are so smart that television is beneath them specially popular television. Anyway, I just had to blither my congratulations on such a beautifully written poem, just marvelous.

from zoombeanie :

I dislike that awkward type of poetry. It so.... It makes me wanna go curl up in a corner and rock back and forth. Well, you poem is cool. I like your poem. I can understand where you're comming from ^_~

from obscurestorm :

*tear* Your poetry, it speaks to me...Although I can't quite decipher what it is saying. Drunken slurs. It's beautiful.

from mommylap :

I'm not hoping for acutal drama, but it would be good fodder for the screenplay you are bound to write someday. Maybe to make your point, show up to the meeting draped in some of the garbage, and sit right next to CockTease. If it doesn't get better, make a scarecrow stuffed with the garbage (anatomically correct) and tuck that into her bed. It remains that whatever you are thinking, I am eager to hear the tale.

from drunkencynic :

Aww. You thought of me. I know, hobgoblin is a bitch to type. I'm getting really annoyed with it myself. However, you have the highly attractive option of just checking off that 'save password' box in the pop-up window. Or at least in Explorer you should...if you find yourself longing for the drunkencynic fix. My same-boat predicament has me in a bit of a fit at the moment, but that sort of ridiculousness always sorts itself out eventually, I've noticed. Good luck with yours.

from obscurestorm :

All hail St.TheCritic.

from mommylap :

Personally, after 3 months of not taking out the trash, I would have left the trash bag itself right in front of her door as a "helpful reminder". How's that for mature and politically correct?

from kyane :

Thanks for that lil' note about my poems. I appreciate your appreciation. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Black heart, indeed...

from stubbster :

i just want to say that your final paragraph with the intimidating squirrel was brillant and brightened my night immensely. i chuckled heartily at it. thank you.

from peytonsplace :

It's hard to go against everything you have always believed in. The question raised is Do you still believe in it, or are you changing and your beliefs need to change too? Also raised is, Are you trying to jusify your behaviour because its what you want in the here and now? Hard questions. When my husband and I moved in together before we were married, it went against everything I had been taught. I justified it by saying that since we lived so far apart (700 miles) it was the only solution. Sometimes I still feel like though that my moral fiber of old, just slipped down the toilet. College does that to you. Makes you question everything.

from life-is-this :

hey there. just thought i'd leave a note saying that i read ur diary. n-e ways, i've always wanted a friend with benifits, but then decided not to because of the whole love factor. I bet it's hard.

from drunkencynic :

I think you and I are in the same boat, darling, or at least boats of roughly the same make. drunkencynic/hobgoblin in case you'd forgotten...

from awittykitty :

You're too hard on yourself, my dear boy. You don't have to be full throttle in-love with someone to have a relationship with them. Give yourself a break. (((thecritic)))

from thisendup :

i don't feel like we talk much anymore... it truly does feel like a marriage. listen, i'm okay with the sidebends and situps but please don't lose that butt. no, really.

from drunkencynic :

Tripods! Mwahahahayou.need.an.editorhahahaha

from everoboto :

Greetings BeerMate! Thanks for the love. I'm sure I'll never write another interesting entry every again. \m/

from rhyme :

i am also trying to perfect the art of the run-on sentence thank you for your help.

from rhyme :

hello! i am saying hello today because somehow i have been reading your diary for a good while, and have never once bothered to leave you a note saying so, and it seems so rude all of a sudden. so, hello!

from drunkencynic :

You wish. :)

from drunkencynic :

That's attributed, darling, not contributed. Spanish grammar must be especially hard when you have no grasp on English. Just kidding, you're hilarious. Have you thought seriously of dropping the class?

from rockerhobo :

lol that letter to your spanish tchr was fucking hilarious!

from obscurestorm :

Good idea! That way, there will be more of you. Just want everyone wants. We could sell them on the black market. Or EBay. Same difference.

from obscurestorm :

Seems I've recently installed TheCritic Radar. Everytime you update: my Critic Senses make my bum tingle. I <3 you. Yes...there...I said it. With all my teenaged little heart, I <3 you. I wish to have all your illegitimate children. Or maybe...CLONES!!! < insert evil laughter >

from lavidaloca-2 :

failed spanish eh? que pena. probecito critiquito. ~poor little critic~ Hopefully pasaste. ~passed~ glad to hear you havent taken to wearing white sheets though! phew, those crosses are hard to put out yah kno'?!

from awittykitty :

Gee a therapist who is empathetic and always agrees with me and doesn't show any emotion when I'm screwing up. I think mine missed that class. :-)

from mommylap :

Gotta tell you honestly- I would love a therapist who "heard" me on what I was thinking, feeling, & trying to do, but was completely unafraid to tell me what he disagreed with about it. I think my main disguest with "therapy" was being able to lie about whatever I wanted without anyone questioning it. I don't think I should have to pay someone for the privilege of lying to them, I have lots of people I could lie to for free. Anyway, I guess that telling it like it is isn't a therapist's job anyone. So maybe you're better off. I'd certainly rather read accounts of you telling the others around you what you think of them and why. If you go into teaching, I will of course move heaven and earth to be sure my little weasels get taught by you.

from zoombeanie :

The change, eh? I'll probably go through that a zillon or more times by the time I get to college. Anyways, english major is perfect for you. Enjoy.

from lavidaloca-2 :

"Necesita ayuda para bajarse de su caja de jabon" cannot remember the cultural equivalent in spanish. Well, this is what I made up, "?a terminado con su sermon senor cura?" roughly translated it means have you finished your sermon, mr. priest?...yah the mad, mad, bilingual skillz aint that great at midnites. but hey there's a little phrase if you ever really do get mad with the funny little spanish man, if you need some tutoring and such nonsense you can emails me i'm not as bad as i sound/write.

from stubbster :

rock to the English major! that's what i plan on doing next year..

from gnu-high :

Enjoyed the words, and the laughter. :)

from zoombeanie :

CockTease needs mannerism schooling...

from lavidaloca-2 :

just out of sheer mind-numbing anal curiosty, is this new problem drama queen the other one from the letter? or am I confusing people? and if she leaves do you guys lose the suite because seems to me you were running low on people as it is. Yep, I'm one bored-ass fan.

from zoombeanie :

Aww, so sorry you have to endure the ugliness of your spanish teacher. Take tomorrow off and sleep the entire day. And when I say entire day I mean from the time you sleep tonight to the time you wake up Sunday afternoon. Once you do that, those enhanced imperfections will disappear (speaking from expirenece). Take care

from pantherchild :

~i *heart* you. especially the way 'working internet' is in large print. and 'misplaced virginity' isn't. but then, i'm a computer science student.~

from zoombeanie :

Two things. First thing, WHY OH WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN ME (sex story)?!?! Second thing, aww poor baby. Get some sleep sleep. It helps with the think and stuff...

from thisendup :

when we get married i will support you. so continue on with the good work for now... when i take you on as my spouse i expect that you will be dead weight financially. you will more than make up for this with ironing my shirts and returning my tapes to the rental store. we have a lot to look forward to.

from kristintracy :

I think that you may be, oh, I dunno, kind of overplaying the work, homework, tests, papers, etc., and downplaying the fact that you can't sleep because you are SO TOTALLY thinking about sex all the time now! Haha! See, I knew it!

from dont-stop :

Steal monkeys from the zoo?

from emptyhouse :

i believe this merits a hallmark card, my friend, "on the loss of your virginity"...would it better suited as a sympathy card or as a congratulations? hmm.

from thisendup :

okay, so waiting for our marriage didn't do it for you? i dig it. you will be all experienced and ready for me... cool. listen honey, it only gets better. you get over all the crap and the 'what if i do this? what if i do that?' shit and it's actually fucking awesome. sex is nothing compared to the first time you fart in front of your significant other... that's not your pc, is it?

from exhume :

so, what's the final tally on the "reading or breeding" program?

from peytonsplace :

I guess Congratulations are in order?! I am suprised though that I didn't read about it first in the Enquirer or Star!

from madamepierce :

yay for loss of virginity!

from obscurestorm :

In completely unrelated news: There is such a thing as Mullet Fest.

from obscurestorm :

*GASP*

from drunkencynic :

Damn sexy movie, that Frida. Congratulations, I hope you're feeling good about it.

from misspriss921 :

I am your first loyal reader to comment on your virginitylessness. Congradulations! (Is that what I should say right now?) (How would I know?) As long as you feel good about it, thats all that matters.

from cornflake1 :

Aw man. I feel your pain (but.. uh.. in a different area). I'd wax, but I can't find anybody to put me under general anaesthetic. Heh. So I guess Itching and Redness it is.

from pantherchild :

~after parktaking of a good, deep, belly laugh at your shaving misadventures, i thought maybe i ought to offer advice in return. i have sensitive skin too and ISSUES with most razors in unpleastent places...then i was introduced to the wonder that is the Venus Razor. it's wonderful!! skin is smooth, clean, hair and bump free! i know you're a guy, but it's a really great razor. despite the stupid commercials. hehehee. update more. feed my thecritic addiction.~

from kandinado :

Have you given any thought to dilapitories? (I assume waxing is out.)

from meli-belly :

hey hun! haven't talked to you in forever. with this stomach shaving entry i can only imagine what some of your google hits are going to be! lol, bye babes, tty when your connection doesn't suck. -meli-

from obscurestorm :

Don't ever leave us!! I,for one, know that I'd suffer massive withdraw if you ever did. Withdraw=Bad. Continue to feed my addiction.

from mommylap :

See, now I worry that once back in the suite of drama that you'll forget that we all hang breathlessly waiting for your thoughts. In the space of 4 short days I have been hopelessly spoiled, as if we spent the weekend in Vegas on a big critic binge or something. Luckily you don't cause a hangover.

from taliarant :

You weren't kidding when you said you'd update the pants off me!!! :) Thanks for all the giggles. I only read today all your posts from the last couple days, so it felt like an extra bonus serving of The Critic. :)

from madamepierce :

you've discovered the reason why i'm extra smart. i just eat a BUTTLOAD of food.

from thisendup :

hey honey. i made my future hubby a link on my guestbook with his own little icon. if you don't like it, sweets... just drop me a line. ~kiss,kiss~

from manders33 :

::laughs:: I have to say, your diary makes me laugh the hardest out of all my favorites. Keep On Truckin'.

from golfwidow :

Your letter to the Princess after J-Board? Only magnificent.

from thegreathot :

god I've missed you!! You mentioned that it was obvious why you weren't an English major..maybe.. but how about Creative Writing? Seriously. You kill me...R

from obscurestorm :

The thing that passes for my heart was shattered at the news of Moe's immmenent meeting with the College Nazis. It may piece itself back together again. He is safe.

from mommylap :

I am so excited that there was more than one update this week! I can barely contain myself. And the drama! It's only matched by the bitterness and sarcasm. You are the boy after my small shrunken heart.

from zoombeanie :

I just want to say that i love you i and i want your babies... asap...

from lavidaloca-2 :

I'm glad your frightened. Mullet's are a serious business...plus you look slightly like jesus with that hairdo. Ooh " I. Lost. It." hahaha oh the many misinterpretations. Perhaps you'll be lucky and the hurrican will take care of La Princesa. Yay update often now since your at home! Tell us all the lurid details. Oh yah, me?? I have no fucking life. ahem. I better get going.

from sketchedpony :

Lucky that you are getting off because of Isabel. I don't think that I'll be away from school tomorrow.

from taliarant :

Now, let's just think about that for a moment, shall we??? If you update the pants off me, I believe my husband would be slightly miffed. Well, you know, that it was someone else who had caused it, not that my pants would be off... :) All the same, I look forward to the attempt! :)

from taliarant :

Am I allowed to demand more updates??? Every time I come over here, I end up laughing. More! [insert image of 5th grade children pounding on their tables with forks and knives] More! More! More! :)

from sad-night :

i love your diary!!!! i read your entry about your teachers, LOL!! that was so funny. i added you to my list of favorite diaries.

from lavidaloca-2 :

i want to add a little pic to your ring. http://lavidaloca-2.diaryland.com/images/criticsmullet.jpg tell me if you approve or not so i can delete it from my diary or not.

from misspriss921 :

I miss you. Like [someone] below said, it sucks not to get the pleasure of hearing from you daily. What college are you attending?

from obscurestorm :

College kicks ass. Lucky for me, I'm "special". I get to go early. Don't know what system of education severly screwed that one up...but it works. Have fun. Your college entries are the greatest. The characters that you room with, pricless!

from mommylap :

I'm not sure I can handle the fact that you and poppyfish aren't/can't post every day. I will miss that instant gratification. I will look forward to "live from the critic's suite" however.

from thegreathot :

you're wonderful

from kindacheesy :

hey! sorry for not noting you back...about those crickets, i think that they do absolutely no good, and i especially do not appreciate the mass amounts that seem to be invading my area of ohio.

from drunkencynic :

I had no choice but to sit there and succumb to the racking of my body that was my uncontrollable, hysterical laughter in reaction to your eyebrow entry. Nice work.

from meli-belly :

you should feel so proud. i was eating when i read your eyebrow hair story..and now i'm not so hungry anymore...:) bye babes! -meli-

from misspriss921 :

You have left over half the messages in my notes area. Isn't that sad?

from goldylockz22 :

no, not just live...she needs to learn how to sing PERIOD....but I just think she's hot...so it's all good for me...grrr....

from mommylap :

A tongue scraper will make you feel unbelievably fresh. It's better than gum- I recommend it highly. And if you gag a little it will just make you that much nicer the next time a girl gives you head.

from misspriss921 :

I was talking to a friend of mine and she made a list of the 10 hottest guys. You were in there, along with Elijah Wood and Orlando Bloom. The fact that neither of us had the slightest clue what you look like didn't matter. Just wanted to let you know. :)

from obscurestorm :

Hmm, you know I'm not even sure what I was talking about. Seems that I have a memory reminiscent to that of the goldfish lately. It might have been the reference at the bottom of your entries. The "Reading and Breeding Program". Ah, you wish to know the plight of The Great One? http://geocities.com/sasausage/ That should help you along on your path to enlightenment, ibthen. The Great Sasausage *raises fists in praise* is a many splendored being.

from obscurestorm :

Yes. You are a dirty, dirty mind whore. A constant porno plays on your minds eye. You sicken me...yet, somehow, make me hot and bothered. It's your mind whore tricks! Um...so how much do I have to pay? 'Cause I'm just a little short on thought cash at the moment.

from candora :

amusing, inspiring, satisfying... oh, and about the whore note, not asking, complimenting and appreciating (but alas, I often merely confuse)... praise unto you.

from boxingnun :

i don't mean to be rude, but your new colors look like a doctor's office...you don't want people to think you're a proctologist do you?...

from misspriss921 :

yes... I think it's just too beige... Too dull...

from misspriss921 :

I like the old colors more... This one has too much beige in it... It lacks colors.

from lavidaloca-2 :

%%diaryring_criticmullet%% one just for you.

from thisendup :

dearest critic, mommylap has her sights set on us meeting and propogating. you sound like a charming lad but your penchant for sister abuse is worrisome. perhaps she has it coming as you state. i have a housemate that could do with some emotional abuse directed his way. shall i send you his e-mail? i often drop by to read up on my future mr. right. thought that i would leave you a note. you will just have to keep on reading until i can move east...

from over-the-top :

I was approved by the critic. I feel fantastic! You're hilarious by the way, and an excellent writer. Huzzah! Thanks for stopping by my diary! (And I must say, your mention of mozzarella sticks in your entry leaves me with an insane craving�)

from exhume :

first- i saw a snowball stand on route 29 in maryland yesterday two- do not forget my favorite, mullocks. that is, a mullet with dreadlocks [kinda like latrell sprewell]

from miss-edith :

Sigh. . . Now I can rest easy. But if you show up at my door wanting me to eat some pie, I will be awfully suspicious.

from drunkencynic :

Hey...locking the diary. I'm nervous about it being used against me. Combo is drunkencynic/hobgoblin. :)

from kristintracy :

aw. there you are. i also live in maryland. HOW CONVENIENT! well. i don't want to have children, so your make babies suggestion is a no go. however, we could adopt kitties, as long as i get to name one of the boy cats steve. that is the best cat name ever.

from smoog :

Ah, I see you possess the unerring ability that all good critics have to show up at the most inopportune moments -- in this case, when my remote web server was suffering an epileptic seizure and the guestbook function was offline. However, I'm afraid your timing, although good, was not perfect: you missed out on last night's debacle, now deleted, which was written while I was thoroughly sloshed. It went something like this: "#%)EE ewke 2f,wej GRRARfk po8*)#*) kkdsj adfas;hse asdfk. *burp*" I think I may have simply passed out on the keyboard rather than attempting actual communication. Then again, perhaps I was channelling aliens. Or Keith Richards.

from drahmaqueen :

...and I think I am going to go pick on those morons that run the toll booths here. You know, the ones that have that glazed look on their faces and hand you the receipt? They are so damn rude sometimes! Granted, they have pretty thankless jobs but, jeeze! It will at least give me something to write about. So, are you my UCFer? I am short on time today but your diary is pretty funny. I am going to read more when I have time later. Thanks for the note and have a great day! Moi'

from taliarant :

You're hilarious! Dropped by because of the note you left me, but I think I'm going to keep coming back. (Oh, and, although the debate is closed, I HAVE heard of snowball stands, although I've never actually been to one.)

from jruskwriter :

From the evil dice thrower girl: thanks for the reading randomness of my diary. I didn't think anybody but like two people read it. Prompted me to check out other diaries and I have found some pretty interesting stuff. Read some interesting blips into people's lives. I especially like in your template the "newest" button is "fresh crap"

from local-girl :

Quite. The article I linked mentioned some boy who got 9 A Levels and still didn't get into Cambridge. 9! I'm struggling along attempting to do 4 and still have something resembling a social life - it almost makes you want to give up and work in pizza hut...

from punksrule :

Hey, Lol. Ok, I will. And I'll tell you what happened! :)

from exhume :

obviously, you have proved your point and snowball stands do exist. the problem is, though [aside from the fact that these snowballs in no way, shape, or form resemble actual snowballs] is that hostess makes snack products by the name of snowballs, which may or may not be copyrighted. you might want to look into that.

from drunkencynic :

They're called 'shave(d) ice' here. Go figure.

from serena6184 :

hey, thanks for the note. you are amongst the now 300 strong readers that i have no idea who they are or where they are coming from...not that i'm complaining...saves the the money of having to buy a gold membership. and in your defense, i have seen snowball stands...there were a few in new orleans when i was a kid. i also think i remember seeing one in and old episode of nickelodeon's "the adventures of pete and pete"

from forevermyown :

Thanks for the compliment! :P LOL

from obscurestorm :

Ball gags are too kinky. They might enjoy it. Makes me shudder to think about that...

from katehackett :

MAN OF THE SEXY: Where the HELL is my snowball quote? That's PROOF right THERE! The word snowcone isn't even recognised by spellcheck! COME ON, MAN!

from misspriss921 :

http://lissaexplains.com/ Some html that you might understand. :)

from onlyyouknow :

Sorry for not responding to your note earlier. Thanks for congradulating me on my new job! I enjoy reading your diary.

from everoboto :

I know, you'd think I'd be appreciative of the swash buckling psychopath. They are not so easy to come by. And I'm sure by now he must have a shield to go with that sword of his. Well, I'm sure his new wife appreciates him. HA!

from drunkencynic :

Well, we all know what you mean and that's what counts. Thank you so much for the linkage! :)

from janysdrkpoet :

Thank you:)

from drunkencynic :

P.S. I agree, it would be very difficult to find the place on a 'nap'. So much for spell-check. :)

from drunkencynic :

Yippee! Thank you. :)

from janysdrkpoet :

Hi! Nope, not a pagan as of right now, just interested in it. :)

from mommylap :

Do you realize that had you set fire to that ho-clothing store in the mall the clothes wouldn't have burned with a lovely flame growing bigger & bigger until it ate the mall? Those ho-clothes would've just melted and the thick acrid smoke would've made you ill. Too ill to update your diary- and that would be very sad. So about your note- that means the way you really are is upside-down, right?

from thegreathot :

paolos has changed to: thegreathot is now readable at: http://thegreathot.diaryland.com --Ryan

from miss-edith :

It's too bad that you can't hire me, because wouldn't that rule? I could provide protection services when the hose sends its thugs to break your kneecaps.

from dust-settle :

like twins i say...

from exhume :

that guy looks like the original red might-morphin' power ranger. i know it isn't, though, because he's an EMT in sterling. and in community college.... and not doing so well in his spanish class...

from paolos :

You must know the affect you have on your READERSHIP!!... I did it. you are THE ONLY person who I have ever wasted my time for doing something so silly. Yet I did it. TEN TIMES!! (and a few under my cat's name.) Not that it was much of a problem, I geniunely thought he was the most attractive of my options. However, my options were limited, as neither Robbie Williams or Colin Farrel were on there. *sigh*... --R

from leslieirene :

Arrggg.

from meli-belly :

excuse me, but i've never seen a more pointless diary. how can you even think your funny? you ramble on about crap no one even gives a shit about. go out and get laid. oh wait, that would be completely impossible because within the first 15 minutes of meeting any person you would kill them with your stupidity.

from squirrelx :

You're a man after my own heart! Without 'sport and a sense of adventure', life would be about as excitin' as sittin' around watchin' a bucket of grits go bad. Thank you again for your gracious communication. Warmest regards, Xtine

from squirrelx :

Thank you for the note. I truly appreciate your kindness. Warmest regards, Xtine P.S.: if you 'right click' on banners you can discover their source and thus avoid any diaries you don't want to visit.

from fairyfish :

Thanks for the garlic tip!! Thankfully after 45 minutes the hiccups went so there was no need for me to scare my workmates with garlicky smells! Oh and by the way - I had them all (childhood diseases that is!) - chicken pox (with scars!), measles, German measles, tonsilitus, mumps...bet you're jealous now!!!

from taydo :

You are fucking DEAD to me. DEAD. Next time you ask me to go in and fix something in your diary? You're totally getting a vagina.

from frozen-vodka :

lol, thanks for your sympathy! Hopefully you recover from your sympathy-attack. Trust me, it's worse than it seems. *grin*

from paolos :

p.s. (read previous note) I forgot to mention. I still like Rueben, I just think Clay has more talent. I saw the "Stones" cover, and have to tell you..... CLAY WAS ON IT FIRST, CLAY WAS ON IT FIRST, CLAY WAS ON IT FIRST. ---Your biggest fan..

from paolos :

You are with out a doubt my favorite diarist on line. Period, in all of the internet!! Bravo, Bravo. I aspire to be as entertaining as you are, truly!! To be educated on the same standards as you would be an honor!! Wow. That was a little too deep for internet. Say something stupid, quick, Ryan, quick.... Britney is the only girl I'd ever sleep with. AHHH. There we go. Now I've officially erased any idea of me having ever been...*duh*duh*duh*... too deep.

from ravenheart :

Adrian Mole, that's his name (referring to my guestbook message). In my eyes, you will always be Adrian Mole somehow. I hope you dont hate it.

from chubbychic :

Happy Birthday!!!! Man.. now I'm all hungry for that Victoria steak. And the break. GOD THE BREAD!! *orgasm*

from flambee :

Happy birthday to ya! I just want to thank you for the note you left me, even though you probably left it ages ago and you probably don't remember writing it. I didn't find it until today, after I discovered my notes feature...finally. I was absolutly shocked to find a note from you! Thank you so much, it really made my day. Stop back at my diary if you find the time!

from golfwidow :

Happiest Birthday!!!

from emptyhouse :

my friend tony had a similarly gargantuan zit which he named "juggernaut". oh, and happy birthday.

from drunkencynic :

Thank ya. That's nice, coming from you.

from screemingink :

i didn't mean it in a bad way. and crazy is good, by the way ;)...Miss Takes

from screemingink :

you are very, very interesting. hmm. -Miss Takes

from katehackett :

....I hope so too. :O)

from poppyfish :

I'm beginning to realize, painfully, that most people do fail their tests more often than not. Maybe I was just in with a crowd of geniuses that day? Anyway. Good luck on getting your uglies bumped. I'm still working on that, myself. ;)

from emptyhouse :

"midnight pudding" would be a great band name...

from taydo :

First of all, I STILL haven't got a clue what's going on with the entry you can't see but, honestly? I'm really not concerned and therefore don't feel an editors note is at all necessary. Second of all, I had a "second of all" like ten seconds ago and now I can't remember what it was so I'm going to go now...

from hermitude :

No, it's not egotistical saying the entry was to make a point about yourself. That's pretty much what a diary is. ;) And I'm not saying your perspective was skewed either, because the entry was about your place with your diary and not everyone's place in their diary. Just thought I would throw that thought in there as a defense of my own(and a bunch of other people's) reasons lest they get overlooked.

from silverbiker :

i hate smiling with my teeth showing..lol

from taydo :

Oh, Mister Critic. Flattery will get you nowhere. Actually, that's a lie. Flattery will get you everywhere. EVERYWHERE.

from ranzi :

Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I love reading your diary. I think you're fantastic! Your writing style is very intriguing and your outlook on life is inspiring, esp. for someone like me because I'm such a whiny girl and I tend to focus more on the little things than on the global mindset you were talking about. Other than that I identify with you on many of your views (being agnostic, open-minded, and political stances). You're awesome. Just wanted to let you know I'm out here... lol ranzi

from amnesiafaker :

Exotic birds are out of my price range. So I tried to coax a seagull into starting the chain, but I think it smelled my fear because it flew, flew, flew. Anyway, in case you were wondering, centipedes are carnivores and I was told if I get rid of all the other insects in my house their numbers will rapidly diminish. I bought every trap and poison on the market and have positioned them strategically: all over the floor. In the meantime, I'm spending more time out of doors. Given the choices, a) bugs and poison or b) smog [poison] and spirit-crushing heat...in which environment would you rather spend time? Do tell.

from emptyhouse :

i liked how none of the walmart employees could afford to shop at walmart and the well-dressed woman who lived in her car. it was very eye-opening, but i really didn't care for her writing style and at times her tone smacked of false sympathy. i dunno, maybe i was LOOKING for signs of false sympathy. bah. overall i thought it was good.

from compendious :

Your review is up at Compendious Reviews. Thanks for the chance to get a look at your journal!

from orgasmicrevu :

Review complete my pet, you can view it here: http://orgasmicrevu.diaryland.com/thecritic.html

from kenjigrl :

Nickel and Dimed is the best book ever! I read it for a class last semester. First time I actually did a reading assignment cover to cover. Bet you're proud of me now (or not, cuz, ya know, well, I'm not gonna spell it out or anything...)

from golfwidow :

Have I told you lately that I adore you? 'Cos I do. .:mwah:. I'm all unlocked. Back to my daily goal of boring you all to tears.

from golfwidow :

Okay, you so scared me, damn you. But thank God or whoever that you're not really bailing.

from emptyhouse :

hey, let me know what you think of 'nickled and dimed'. i had to read it last summer before i got to college, and i've definitely got some opinions on it.

from paolos :

You never cease to amuse me.. Ryan

from pirategirl :

I love your Reading or Breading program. I feel cool knowing that I'm about 37 or so years ahead the average person this year alone as far as books are concerned, and pretty damn far behind the in the gettin booty department this year. Wait. I don't feel cool about being far behind in the booty department. So it goes, right?

from meli-belly :

allow me to add my opinion: i think you , if you haven't mentined this already, have a thing for tiffany/the ditz. maybe you should "breed" with her. sorry if this is offensive, i love you diary! bye! -meli-

from misspriss921 :

I, also, and stealing your reading or breeding program. Mainly reading since I don't stand a chance at breeding. Oh well. :) I would like it if you would come look at my diary... You are great at this stuff and I wanted to know what you thought.

from emptyhouse :

(Y) cleavage.

from emptyhouse :

hmm...download adwiper.

from thesevildeds :

haha...yea this is some fucked up funny shit

from ehadams :

Ok I tried to sign the guestbook but its evil and wouldn't let me. So here we are. I am so stealing your Reading or Breeding program! Oh and painting still life crap does indeed suck. And next week- people! Ack! Sounds like our teachers are doing the same lessons. :\

from lorilabcoat :

haha, that's why i picked rob lowe. because i like to have sex with 13-year old prostitutes, too. of course we'd be soulmates. no, no, i kid. he was just the first cute boy i thought of. my heart really belongs to dave grohl.

from lorilabcoat :

you are the most endearing boy ever, no doubt. let's be friends. :)

from stats01 :

this entry about breeding vs. reading is either the most offensive or the most hilarious thing i have ever read. either way, it was good times. ;)

from sweetliz2000 :

I agree with the previous note you got, you're SOOO funny! You're such an excellent writer, you could make anything funny. Anything! Amazing.

from paolos :

You are just too funny!! Good lord!! I don't even know as if what you were saying was funny, or if it was how you were saying it.. Jesus, diaryland needs more of you., I loved it all. I'm a regular reader now!! .. I can't even tell you how happy your entries make me.

from golfwidow :

I think I might have to implement your idea, there. You have no idea how many people read a diary called golf "widow", wherein I make mention that I am married to a man (and also have written about my boobs and various other womanly sorts of issues that have no place in your notes page) and not only do these readers think I'm a man, they think I'm John Cleese.

from paolos :

p.s. My only regret about visiting your diary is that I feel bad that I probably won't be able to amuse you as much. However, what I can do for you is tell you if your clothes don't match. Unfortunetly, you'll have to write what you're wearing in your entries, maybe even what you smell like. It won't do you any good, because I probably won't get to you until three days later, but I'm trying to pay you back. ---Ryan (See note below)

from paolos :

I don't think I have ever laughed so hard reading any diary entry. The internet is fun again!! (WOW!! I need sleep) THANK YOU!! If everybody wrote like you... I don't know.. I'd embrace the full diaryland experience more often..??... Great job.. I'll write an entry in honor of you!!

from spacemuppet :

Consider me one of the ever-elusive 1%, a straight 8===>. Now that sounds bad too. So I shall leave it at that, with the knowledge that I admire your words and welcome you to my tome-like epistle.

from fuzzy-grey :

Buenos Dias!

from drunkencynic :

I think I'm in love... :)

from golfwidow :

What alarmed me was that she mightn't be *shaving* at all but rather utilising, er, something else, er, requiring batteries. Nudge nudge, say no more.

from scanzilla :

Good for you chum.........p.

from radioflyer- :

No I don't think I want to be Ahab. However I am pretty insane sometimes. Well, thanks for writing back.

from radioflyer- :

Hey thanks for making my day. You are so hilarious! Whenever I need some cheering up I read your diary.

from drunkencynic :

I love reading your diary. Every entry is hilarious. I'm so glad there are quirky, funny, grammatically-correct people like you out there.

from biensoul :

Seriously sweetie, I'm overwhelmed. I had no idea this was coming. It made my day (is that dorky for me to say? I dunno, it just means a lot to be in good company, you know?). Two Marylanders on 12% Beer...there's gotta be a quota or SOMETHING.

from penmagic :

I think 'hot in a dorky way' probably means you look slightly bewildered most of the time but in a sweet 'aww, don't you just want to look after him?' sense. It's probably better to be 'hot in a dorky way' than just 'hot' because then you'd be boring. It'd be like, 'hey, he's sexy� but where's the entertainment?' Being dorky will only make you MORE attractive (wahey! I love this twisted logic!) so I guess you can be flattered. -Pen :)

from penmagic :

I tried to post this in your guestbook but it wouldn't work, *brandishes fist at guestbook*��Regarding your marvellous poem, here's a poem my friend Joe wrote: "There was an old women who lived in a shoe, She had so many children she didn't know what to do, So she.......ouch.......that seems nasty..........Well I Never........ Lets just say that mass murdering unwanted children is not the way to go people." �He's also written one about the jelly he found in his armpit. I thought you'd like to know there's a kindred spirit out there! -Pen :-)

from zappagrrl :

I read your entry about how you found out that you had three roommates instead of one. That same thing happened to me!!! Except it isn't an all girls hall and we do have air conditioning. But everything worked out in the end for us cos we all get along...but it would be kind of nice to have a study room.

from iamthegraham :

hi! well i just read some of your entries and i wanted to let you know that you rock my world! haha...it especialy made me laugh about mtv and their vj's...it is very true, they are dumb. anyway, just wanted to let you know that i like your diary and..have a wonderful day!

from zappagrrl :

Hey...just wanted to say that I loved your entry today. I was sitting there last night watching MTV and thinking the same thing. I mean who really cares what Fred Durst thinks about the war? What's next? Britney Spears coming on saying "War is bad but puppies and flowers are good." Like I really need to hear MTV pretend it has a conscience.

from ehadams :

Hey now, the only reason you signed my notes three times in a row is cause everyone else signs the guestbook. Keep up with the technology man. ;)

from marn :

More than once the "send" button has caused me grief, too. I understand how you feel, I really do.

from mightybruja :

I'm not really a cree-eepy Internet stalker... or am I? No, I'm really not, but I like to leave guestbook messages and such. It won't let me leave another guestbook message yet, so here I am. In all honesty, I just wanted to let you know how much you make me laugh every day, and share in the Land of the Misunderstood. No one laughs at my jokes, either.

from silverbiker :

happy valentines day

from saint-louise :

I don't see anything wrong with doing/saying any of the things you described. No, really. Nothing. Or is that just emphasizing your point?

from ursamajor :

oh lordy you make me laugh! thank you so much... you're writing is excellent.

from six30 :

Here's a big WOOT! For making it on to the Dean's list.

from six30 :

OMG, that's hilarious. How the heck did he manage to be your roommate for next year as well? Oh well, at least you do seem to get along. That's cool. He certainly does keep you (and the rest of us!) entertained. It's all good then ;)

from six30 :

Ah ha ha ha! I'm SO sorry that you've already been having nightmares about Moe! Just a few more months to go, then you'll never have to room with him again ;)

from six30 :

Hey there, just wanted to let you know that my latest entry makes reference to my favourite critic - that's you ;)

from ehadams :

Yes, it was a weird movie. I dont think I especially liked it. I was just trying to get them to watch it cause its odd. Hehehe. Someone told me their theory was that the entire beginning of the movie is a dream. Next time I watch it I'll have to see if that makes sense.

from jenne1017 :

Damn, neither of you are stalking me. Damn.

from six30 :

Mmmm...tater-tots. Actually, I like potatoes in any form :)

from jenne1017 :

Yeah, I am the same...it had a microphone...but I change layouts ever 2-3 months. I like change...all sorts of it. Anywho, so it's an elite group huh? Damn stuffy headed people. Just joshin'. Ok, thanks...the explaination was too long and not right in my face so I opted to ask you. Glad you could assist. That is all.

from fukup :

hallo. ace diary! come visit mine sometime. gem :)

from strppdndirty :

I might be visiting your school come Springtime. I have a friend whose a freshman there that I used to polevault with :)

from strppdndirty :

Don't you just love this good old weather we are having here in this fine state? I'm wondering if it is ever going to be getting warm..at all.....

from six30 :

OMG. From your family cat, to your roommates, to your non-English speaking instructors, you never cease to amaze & amuse! :)

from jonnybox :

I can't really picture the devil skiing but I'll run it by him next time we do lunch. Did you know there's a difference between dwarves and midgets? It's to do with whether parts shrink in proportion or the lucky ones get to keep some normal sized appendages....

from twelvebeer :

Hey man, thanks for adding 12% as a buddy! You rock like the horse you rode in on! WooHoo!

from invisibledon :

thanks for visiting

from sunnflower :

Hi - thanks for stopping by Suburban Island and leaving a note. I am glad you see the heroic in the shrimp incident - that's exactly how I see it too. I really like your diary - you are so funny! Hope you stop by Suburban Island again soon. I'll be visiting again - and I know what you mean about those voices over the store loudspeakers.

from vyv-xx :

Dude, it took FOREVER to properly compose that shot. Thanks for taking notice of my hard work and dedication.

from marn :

Shhhhhh. Don't tell the other tripods, 'kay?

from cindie-loo :

hee hee...i was trying to taunt you with pictures of muffins, as you are a poor sick baby, but you are not html enabled in there so i apologise for any confussion your poor stuffy head may have suffered. feel better muffin.

from name-less :

aha yea i think that nyquil makes everyone pass out, once when i took it when i had ad cold i started seeing stuff

from elateddream :

HmMm..don't like Christmas much?

from piehole :

Whee!! If you have any idea what you want, let me know... If not, I'll just wing it. (PS, be warned, my ideas are typically very clean and white)

from piehole :

ME ME ME! Pick ME! I'm, like, pretty good at the HTML geeking and stuff. No really! Honest!

from streetfaerie :

i'm completely not that stellar at desiginging but if you find something you want to modify - email me and I'll see if I can help. And if you can host images for free at www.ranchoweb.com

from streetfaerie :

lo and behold it did actually take both times - ironically I did refresh and not see them before I left the note so fear not I'm really not a crazy stalker who needs to leave their messages 800 times...

from streetfaerie :

UGH! I was going to leave a gbook entry as they're like 14810 times more fun to get but it wasnt working server issue or something - so this is what I was going to sign had I been allowed to: "I'm out like a fat kid in dodgeball" - Had I been drinking something I probably would have spit it out all over my computer screen...great diary. ;0)

from kopy-aid :

hey' if your open to suggestions... you know what you should do to those curtain cutters! (If ever you find them) ... use those culprits as your shower portiere. Luck with your papers! Im sure done with mine! PEACE OUT!

from pissy-pants :

hey there, YOU ROCK just thought that i would let you know. cheers

from elateddream :

Hahaha, I really like your entries..

from fuddle :

Arrgh arr. Pirate ships ahoy! Just thought I'd add a little something extra to your notes section. (Sincerely, Another Adoring Lover)

from six30 :

Wedn., Oct. 16, 2002 Hey! I learned about sex while I was at a Catholic school too!

from ravenheart :

I have actually seen one of those (hip hop) guys lose his pants, in public. I belive they usually only manage to keep them up by god's will.

from ravenheart :

you are the best in this land of diary!

from ravenheart :

Now I'm not only on your notify list, you are also in my Diaryland favorites. Feel loved.

from ms-m :

Nothing in this world could entice me back to school. My heart is with you, young Jedi Warrior. Fight the good fight and buy some camoflauge - it sounds like you're going to need it.

from mspsyched1 :

Thank you...you just described in great detail just about every day of my life. And I thought I was the only one blessed...err, cursed with the ability to attract the strange and eccentric. Even through the weeping of irony, I was still able to laugh.

from fummy-cheese :

I decided to go the way of the note so as to seem like less of a creepy stalker type person. When your living the life of a dorm person, if you work out some kind of secret sign to warn eachother you have a girl over.. if that's possible, you should use it even when you don't... Then you can be a stud, and get rid of your roommates at the same time! Until you get caught and they think your a loser, but what are the chances of THAT happening?

from geezo :

Listen man, I know B.O. when I smell it. Old people funk is one thing (the smell of BenGay and salve and whatnot) but unwashed flesh is something else. Anyway, thanks for the note!

from ann-frank :

I know allllll about the wide feet thing. I could pass for a Flinstone. Fellas can get away with it, wimmins, not so much!

from jenne1017 :

(o: 'yo

from saftey-pin :

i wish i could write like you,but i dont,oh well life goes on..

from invisibledon :

I guess that is true that it is a good thing we are trying to reach out to the common man but there are mullets that get followed around when they come in

from ciara2 :

hey nice diary! :) why don't you check out mine! tell me wat you think! :)

from ladeeleroy :

I must admit that that conjunctivitus picture was actually lifted off of another Internet web site. If you choose to turn me over to the copy right authorities, I will comply... but after being released for good behavior I will find you and I will give you the worst case of pink eye ever. It will be so bad that they'll have to call it 'fuscia eye.' That is all.

from me-whoelse :

hey I wanted to thank you for signing my guest book and that I, too, went to see Goldmember already, in fact I did the day it came out. It was extremely funny and not as good as the other ones. But funny! And that's what really counts

from cone41 :

thank you for signing my sign-book! but yea i really agree with what you said, its all about whatever makes you feel comforable.

from weezerisfun :

It's weird how sometimes you can read a person's diary, and realize you are basically the same(except for the sex). I am an average girl, in a small town, 17 going on 18, and going away for college. I too have to leave my only friends behind in search of a life, and it scares me. But on a lighter note, your diary is really fun to read.

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