messages to whystinger:
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from jimbostaxi :
stinger, I hope you have a great Thanksgiving!
from musikoid :
A doctor prescribed it to help me sleep after quitting smoking pot. I don't like it either but I also don't like losing sleep night after night. It does work. Hopefully I won't have to take it forever. To be honest I have always had sleep issues but I don't know of safe pills that help (besides benzos).
from musikoid :
That's quite amazing, the images we find in the clouds.
from swordfern :
Thanks for the well wishes. The worst of it seems to have passed, but I often hear of relapse. I need to catch up on your entries - I can't read your diary at work anymore because my screen isn't private. I hope that you are doing well.
from jimbostaxi :
Sent an email
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, I hadn't seen another update just checking in on how you are doing,
from catsoul :
9.29.2022. I was wondering how you were doing during this weather event. Step right up people and have a seat. Take care and be safe man. Peace. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
I see a “Rosetta Stone” purchase in your future! Lol, All my Spanish was learned on the job. It’s very helpful in a pinch and it’s funny to see people's faces when they get called out in their own language. Lol
from jimbostaxi :
Sent you an email.
from jimbostaxi :
Headed to the cemetery ill send you an email later today.
from jimbostaxi :
Sent an email about your entry.
from gr8legs :
thanks for the advice, stinger. when tiffany gets back in the states, we are going to make it a point to go walking outside to get sun and exercise. we're going to be each other's accountability partner.
from jimbostaxi :
I found your entry on “E” very interesting. Yep, decisions,,, do I? Or don't I? I feel your pain buddy. Especially when you wrote, “not my cup of tea.” I even wrote about “Vilma” in my parts which if I got involved with would complicate my life in many ways. Loneliness sucks but I'm going to keep on pushing on. Good luck my friend.
from musikoid :
Fascinating entry. On the thing with E, I think God (AKA Universe) sometimes sends people my way "to get me moving." I sometimes the person sent my way is the "one" -- and that is often a mistake. About the temptation to imbibe, I often postpone indulging my vice (so to speak) because it's the only way I can ever halfway moderate. I'm usually fine before I get started, it's after I start that's the problem. Anyway, good on you, on both counts.
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, Thank you so much for the note. I go back and forth about this place and what to write. Mostly I would love just to feel sorry for myself and write “Dear Fran letters.” The thing is destroying myself won't bring her back if anything it will hurt my family more. I must live and learn because that is required. This is not the life I thought I would have but it is still a life. I was thinking about something you said the other day when I was out eating and having a few beers. I'm like the only bullshit I have to deal with is mine. Lol. The whole “Vinny” thing is sad but I did the best I could to rectify it. I felt like that was a good time to step outside my life and do the right thing. I have not got an update on him yet but I do hope he recovers. Your note came at a great time my friend because I was feeling very down. :) thanks for being a bud!
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, his name is “Vinny” and he has issues with alcohol. Honestly, he has been doing good for a long time but sometimes he relapses. I tried to check in on him before the job got too pissed but he decided to be a dick and prolong his absences. Substance issues are not my thing but I have known the guy for years and did try to help. For the last few days, I keep getting sarcastic messages from him. I finally decided to block him. As for me getting out into the world this is all be all new to me. It's so much easier to self-destruct than to self-improve lol thanks for the note, my brother! :)
from musikoid :
Hi I was on a long drunk and some of my entries/requests are embarrassing. I didn't know what to do with myself when they gave me four days off in a row (counting the weekend). Anyway I mailed the user/pass to your email so you can see it right up top.
from wordwhore :
You told me about that woman from the BPD group before. Glad you've reconnected!
from glorycloud :
Diaryland is broken and I think Andrew has left it to decay slowly. I plan to keep writing here till it goes up in smoke. I mainly write in LiveJournal and paste what I write in LJ here in Diaryland. Maybe you could start writing in LiveJournal? peace
from musikoid :
Man that disease must be a pain in the ass. I mean, no pun intended. I enjoy keeping a public blog so I can occasionally weigh in on social issues. Wonder if you live out in the country.
from musikoid :
If you're familiar with 12 Step programs, it's a part of the Fourth Step. Hope you caught "Willow." I believe I am going through my second childhood lol. Reading your entry now --
from catsoul :
7.29.2022. Glad to read about your health improvement. Hey, look into acidophillis that they keep in a refrigetor at a health food store. I take acidophillis daily. As a healer, only buy and keep the refrigerated acidophillis. Also, for fuck sake, start diminishing that spicy food about 25% and see if that helps. As we age, it has been said that our gut bacteria needs more neutral foods, just sayin', take the info with whatever works for you. Peace Stinger, just so very glad there is health improvement. Good poop makes all the difference to having a good day man. Peace, inside and out. =^..^=
from musikoid :
Yeah I know. Like many guys, sanity and common sense sometimes escape me at such moments of strong desire. It all worked out though. She and I were both professional. I just got home and was about to write about it. I've been reading & it's good to hear from you again.
from jimbostaxi :
Glad you are feeling better and it was yummy.
from jimbostaxi :
Sending you an email in regards to your latest entry.
from musikoid :
Just caught your last two entries about the food poisoning. Sounds like a major drag, I hope it's running its course.
from catsoul :
07.10.2022. Hey man, did they test for c-diff? Ova and parasites. Randy said bacteria cultures for listeria and others. This has gone on for your body way to long. You are probably super dehydrated also. Man this is serious. Go and seek medical help. I have been there and man, this is serious. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
Ugh, hope you get well soon! That sounds awful. I've had salmonella and it was horrific, so I have all the sympathy.
from catsoul :
7.4.2022. Hey man, the "a" in the BRAT diet is applesauce, that is easier to digest than apples. When I get diarrhea and have had it one day or two, I start to triple my water and Gatorade intake. I don't want to have to go in for an IV. Just something to help you info wise, from the "poop queen." Glad you are doing better. Take care. Be safe. Peace within yourself. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
Happy 4th! Yeah, it was a great blessing to reunite them with kids.
from warmntoasty- :
Hello! Thank you so much!!
from catsoul :
6.12.2022. Thanks for the note. As far as going out with Randy, I don't want to go out with Randy. I can't eat anything, I usually don't feel well, why the fuck do I want to go out and do anything, dah. Randy is a stick-in-the mud. Like I have said, all he does is sit around and read shit on his fuckin' phone, while I do the tasks. So hence, your words are kind, though I am speaking my truth. Peace. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
Perhaps it is a sign for you to try the B app... Buzz buzz 😄
from wordwhore :
Thanks for your sweet note. Definitely try the B app! And yes, I was sad to find out, but I don't think all is lost, as I now wonder if there was some miscommunication. Idk. It will work out for the best. He and I are still ever-better friends and that is important too. You and I are too, and that is also important. Love ya, buddy.
from musikoid :
I'm with you on the sleep thing. If I don't get enough sleep, it's as though parts of my brain don't ever activate at all, and I'm working on a deficit. I did manage to run 2 1/2 miles this morning--first run in a while, though I've been bicycling a lot. It's amazing what a lift it brings, all around.
from musikoid :
I'm not sure if it's a "lesson" to be learned, but I can attest that it's damn hard to consistently get out there and run. I love running and what it does for me. For some reason it's really hard to get started, on any day, on any particular run. And then, hard to keep up. Definitely helps though, with many things.
from catsoul :
6.4.2022. Glad you are working on you and your health. As for the lessons in life we learn, for myself I have had to have a few lessons a time or two until the ah ha moment, and it all clicks. So good for you, you had your ah ha moment. Take care. Peace within yourself. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
What you said, BFAM. What you said. I've been wanting to either skateboard lately or get roller skates. Thanks for convincing me not to 😏
from jimbostaxi :
Yeah, she's my little buddy. Now that she goes to school the questions never end Lol
from wordwhore :
Whatever her reasons, niece coming to visit will be good. You always get energized by company. I've been wishing I had a skateboard again...
from jimbostaxi :
My cheap scanner and fuse tester saved me from being ripped off again. The guy I use just finished robbing me for a few hundred. He swapped out some 02 sensors and said that would fix the problem. I got a mile away before the light came back on but divided to look at it myself before spending any more money with him. With internet videos assisting me I found out it was a 20 amp fuse located under the hood. That probably saved me from spending another 1k with him or more.
from wordwhore :
Thanks. I was to be the visitor, but his Covid test tomorrow will determine if it happens. Crushes are good! Even in the workplace, as long as you don't do anything about them ;)
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, I missed you, bro! I was just about to send out a search party for you! I hope you feel better. I was in the kitchen drinking beers and crying about Fran a few minutes ago. She's been gone ten days and our room is the same as she left it. (except I have her pic on all the walls now). Her service was beautiful and many people came to pay their respects. Thanks for dropping in and the kind words when you come back to Long Island I will treat you to some real pizza and beers. ( unless you want coffee then I'll drink the beers Lol)
from dangerspouse :
Yeah, see? You and your pussy macarons and a coffee. What the fuck kind of a bud are you? (If you REALLY want top be a bud, continue telling NewWifey(tm) it's "Cows". Thanks - I owe you a chest punch.)
from musikoid :
Thanks Stinger! Things are definitely looking up professionally. Keeping my fingers crossed...
from gr8legs :
hugs! missing you. i hope you feel better soon.
from wordwhore :
And also I got very confused for a second because when you said alannah was your age I read alanis and I was like "huh? Nuh-uh!" 😅
from wordwhore :
Fyi alannah entry ends in a weird place?
from jimbostaxi :
You dug out the twins huh? Hahaha. That line made me chuckle and I'm glad you’re doing better with the Covid
from swordfern :
Glad to hear an update from you and that you're doing alright on recovering from COVID.
from catsoul :
3.9.2022. Oh my, sorry you have Covid. Nothing you can do about that, and don't beat yourself up about, if you spread it. You didn't know you had it until you tested for it. Take it easy, and if you feel worse, go in and seek medical attention. Man, I want you to get better. Peace and health healing. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
Get well soon, my friend. I hope your family didn't catch it! ❤
from wordwhore :
If you mean the $10.05, that was the cost of putting in an address change and mailing him the papers via priority. The filing fees are on him.
from raven72d :
In the last five or six years, my view of what's just too weird to believe has pretty much collapsed. The world is just surreal.
from raven72d :
It's impossible to imagine the Republican Party of, say, 1982 supporting someone like Putin. The Trump (and Fox News-Cotton-Greene) wing of the current Republican party likes Putin because he appears "tough" and is an ethnonationalist. That's really scary. Just for fun, imagine going back to 1982 and explaining to the Republican leadership that in 2022 their party will be the pro-Russia-invading-its-neighbors party.
from raven72d :
Out-of-context is a wonderful thing.
from swordfern :
Hah. Chubby Troubles. What a great name for a cat.
from wordwhore :
Be safe on your trip.
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, hope you get that catheter thing resolved. I kind of was flinching just reading about that whole ordeal. The subject of cancer we touched on in our emails is still extremely hard to talk about but I'm working on it. The soup entry I think was me trying to find peace and be a better me. If I can't find what makes myself tick I won't be much help to anyone.
from wordwhore :
You know I've never steered you wrong on beer or music 😉 Hope you can get it all straightened out! Does not sound like a good time.
from secret-motel :
There's no pissed like a pissed universe. I'd like to think that all those giant rocks whizzing by us are intentional and that the universe just has lousy aim. But I suspect that the universe is indifferent and knows that the worst problems will eventually resolve themselves and require no direct intervention.
from catsoul :
1.27.2022. Hi. Busy as a bee. How about you make me some earrings. I like black and colors of the woods. I could pay you also if that would help motivate you. Yes, yes, do take guitar lessons, best thing I ever did. Being creative can bring such peace and calm. Peace within yourself man. Take care. =^..^=
from swordfern :
I love the lyrics/poem. "I no longer care, immune to your dare" The opposite of love isn't hate - it's indifference. Also, I have to admit that I usually skim over most of the urological stuff as it creeps me out. I'm sorry that you have to deal with it. The ongoing issue sounds frustrating and concerning. I had no idea that anyone had to deal with this sort of thing. Your diligence and continued patience (?) with it is admirable.
from raven72d :
Urology stories are always scary, but I hope everything ends up well for you.
from wordwhore :
Thanks for the warnings you put on your entries. I usually read them anyway, but I appreciate being prepared. Some people don't realize unsolicited dick talk is not much better than unsolicited dick pics.
from wordwhore :
from musikoid :
Meant to add, having that many shoes reminds me of Imelda Marcos (if you recall back then)
from starkitten01 :
I hope you’ve been well. It’s been SO long and you’re locked now. Been trying to catch up with all of my old pals here.
from musikoid :
Gaslighting and projection, yes. Everything was somehow MY fault. If I attempted to make up after a hassle, if I began by admitting what I could have done better, she would agree and then add other things I could have done better. There would never be a moment when she would cop to what SHE could have done better. That kinda thing. It bothered me most when I was really trying to be of service, or helpful. It's difficult to be doing your best to help someone and their responding by laying into you, getting on your case. I think you made a healthy choice by cutting contact. Any kids? In my case, I thought we ought to be "friends" because of our mutual daughter. But that doesn't seem to be happening. It's been about three years since there's been any contact. I haven't dated or tried to be in another relationship, but I think I've moved on. I'll probably never see her again. Do you have any kids?
from wordwhore :
Glad you found the likely culprit, but call your doctor jic!
from wordwhore :
Look how much you've grown! You've come so far and learned so much. Proud of you, my friend
from musikoid :
Being the paranoid that I am, I found myself wondering if I had unconsciously been manipulating my ex-wife when, after she suddenly and inexplicably left me quickly (and shortly later cut off contact), I responded by sending her numerous unanswered emails in an effort to get her to please say something. The paranoid mind then leads me to believe that some therapist is teaching her how to identify my manipulations so as to change her reactions toward them. In this case, the recommended reaction is dead silence. So much for my paranoia. I'm not certain I would characterize the dead silence as "manipulative" in her case, but I am pretty pissed off that she "did it again" and pulled the sudden Jekyll & Hyde I have seen so many times over the many years. She came back to me (yet again) claiming to "value clear and complete communication" and about five months later, she left with no desire to communicate at all. Because the other three times she did this, she was leaving me for another man, I naturally suspected that there must be another man. However, this all happened about three years ago, and my daughter assures me there is no other man. So I rest content that J has learned her lessons concerning me and that it would be best for me to do the same, lest I take her back a fifth time and endure the same masochistic torture. Good luck with the one therapist, seems pretty sharp.
from dangerspouse :
Ha! Yeah, that was not exactly my favorite time of life, that's for sure. Still, it at least looked really cool - remember? :)
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, Hey my brother thanks! Belated Merry Christmas and hope the New year gives us all a clean slate.
from wordwhore :
12.20.21 - Likewise, my friend ❤
from glorycloud :
"Maybe I will finish this later". I like to know the rest of the story. peace
from musikoid :
Or actually just email me at pops at angelic dot com. That's easier --
from musikoid :
Yeah Jimbo told me you were working hella hard. But you know, all your references cleared. I'd like to get your keys to you by email if I can get that info.
from musikoid :
Note me if you want to read my diary.
from lust- :
Thanks for the note. I don't need business advice and thoughts on what people think I 'should' be doing. There's a lot of stuff I'm working on that I don't post on here, so it feels very unsolicited.
from musikoid :
Oh - and thank you for the compliment. :)
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, feel better my friend! Thanks for stopping by and the note.
from musikoid :
Hi whystinger. Thanks for noting me. "Eden in Babylon" is my die-hard attempt to write and produce the Great American Musical. It's just a long-term of project of mine. The website Eden in Babylon is mostly about the musical on the front page, and you can find the poetry & songs & such https://edeninbabylon.com/the-artist/ if you scroll down.
from swordfern :
Oh, and I very much appreciate the validation of your notes regarding the bat/owl incident. Thank you!
from swordfern :
Chafing.... after running the half marathon I discovered a spot of painful raw chafing inside my belly button. It's amazing how many places can be chafed!!!!!
from catsoul :
11.9.2021. I don't know what that face message you left me means, please explain it to me. Peace within yourself. =^..^=
from raven72d :
8. Nov. 21-- I love the idea of ornithopters. Loved the fancy ones in 'Dune'.
from wordwhore :
I had a dream last night with a similar "I know that guy, who was he?" Hope you figure yours out!
from catsoul :
11.6.2021. I probably forgot that you made jewelry, especially earrings. I can't remember the last time I put earrings on. I am thinking that I should. I have made so many earrings and other jewelry over the years. I too, pretty much just give it away. Being creative is sooooooo peaceful and comforting. Anyhoo, Randy said he had a good vacation, and that is what matters. Peace within yourself. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
Thanks, me too. Hard to believe it's already sugarcane time again! And yet, idk if you even did it last year. Time is so meaningless at this point 😅
from wordwhore :
Oh right! Bbq nachos and (ugh) bud light. We fed the birds.
from swordfern :
I appreciate your perspective on how men relate to others. It's super helpful - I hadn't considered the 'enjoyable silence' aspect.
from wordwhore :
I almost texted you yesterday (saturday) afternoon! Remind me where Tavares was?
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, yep “resistance is futile” looking at those tiny cheeks covered in chocolate! I don't smile much but around her I do. :)
from jimbostaxi :
She sounds very sexy :) love your description.
from gr8legs :
thank you!!! i'm so excited to start a new chapter. thank you rooting for me. it's nice to know i have a friend :) #10.12.21
from wordwhore :
And I hope that doesn't sound like I'm comparing traumas! I just mean no one pulled me aside and told me. I figured it out when I got over&thru what I thought was the "bad" kind only to be left with much deeper trauma that was all emotional.
from wordwhore :
Oh absolutely. I learned a harder way about abuse being abuse, twice, but absolutely.
from jimbostaxi :
Dreams, especially ones where a powerful evil hurls you downstairs must have been terrifying. You being able to fly and control the fall triumphing over the darkness was awesome. That struggle to do what's right is inside us all and I'm sure it manifests itself in all sorts of ways. Does the fight ever end as we grow up? what path do we choose? The path of light and good? Or the path of darkness and evil? My recurring one is being lost and wandering trying to find something or get home. The setting may change but the circumstances are always similar. Alone,,, without help. Well, I took up enough space on your notes just wanted to say be safe out there. :)
from wordwhore :
For me, what I always said was if a man ever hit me, one time would be it and I would leave. O never hit me. He never had to. He had me so physically terrified and emotionally manipulated and mentally unstable that controlling me didn't require bruises. I got shingles the very first time I went to visit him. The universe telling me to run, maybe, but I didn't listen.
from wordwhore :
I'd been using an Olay moisturizer with SPF that was chemical AND mineral, and that was fine, but that new one had 2 SPF ingredients the Olay didn't and I assume those 2 are the issue. I've got a mineral Cosrx one now that doesn't leave a white cast or seem to dry my skin (the Olay does both). It took several days for my skin to calm down to normal again. Felt like sandpaper.
from wordwhore :
Shingles absolutely suck. They are caused by a herpes virus actually, the same one that causes chickenpox. As I recall, you can tell them by the horrendous pain and the "dew on roses" bumps. I got them in my damn twenties and I still remember how bad it sucked.
from catsoul :
10.09.2021 Congrats!!! The word is "focus," even more now than before. You will do well in this new job, never doubt your abilities. Peace within yourself. =^..^=
from catsoul :
10.09.2021 Congrats!!! The word is "focus," even more now than before. You will do well in this new job, never doubt your abilities. Peace within yourself. =^..^=
from catsoul :
10.3.2021. I feel the love and compassion you have for your mom and dad. Your heart is huge. Awesome man. Peace within yourself. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
Oh that's wonderful! I'm glad it was so beneficial to you all.
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, I hope all goes well keep us updated as always on your progress. Sending prayers out for you and your family.
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, how are you feeling after that prostate biopsy? I admire how you wrote about your experience and the counting of the samples. I never had nitrous before and never knew there were so many people abusing it. On my end, Soccara has been home from the hospital for two days now but she has been zonked out which is very scary. I spent most of my life never asking for help and now that’s all I seem to do. She depends on me so now I even ask God to help me be a better person so I may help her better.
from raven72d :
I do hope everything is well, post-biopsy!
from swordfern :
Ooof. Sorry to hear about the scheduled prostate biopsy. The time waiting for the appointment and the results can be agonizing. Hope that you have something to distract yourself with in the meanwhile... Snorkeling in the Gulf of Mexico sounds fantastic right about now.
from loveherwell :
thank you! i am feeling better already :)
from jimbostaxi :
Maybe, me having a Bday not too long ago is fucking up my subconscious lol When you bottle a lot of stuff up inside it has to manifest itself somehow right?
from wordwhore :
Yes mofongo is mashed plantain with garlic and pork rinds
from raven72d :
I do like veal, though I have occasional ethical flashes about it.
from catsoul :
9.6.2021. I just knew you would respond Stinger! You just can't resist having a few words, haha. So let's revisit the TV Challenge, are you up for it? I say remove each and every fuckin' TV in your house. Sell them, or give them away to places like Women's/Children's shelters that need TVs. A person has their phones and other electronic devices to watch, plus when you go anywhere there seems to be always media displayed. So Stinger, I challenge you to bettering yourself this way. No TV may allow you to improve your health. I say it is a win-win. Something to chew on man. Peace within yourself. =^..^=
from catsoul :
9.4.2021. Howdy. Fresh starts are sometimes necessary. Good for you. May I say something concerning about your TV? I will wait for your response, or maybe since I have made comments about TV watching, I don't need to even say it again. Let's go with you know how I feel about TV. Peace within yourself. Peace. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
Surprised you've never had an MRI before! They are loud. I've had 2, I think. And a CTscan. Don't remember feeling bad after, but I was much younger then.
from raven72d :
Coffee cake is always a good thing.
from jimbostaxi :
It's funny you put that song of Godsmack's in your entry cause “Whatever” is on my playlist. I had no idea they had so much range. Looks like I'm.going have to add a few more of their songs to my list. You visited NY? Damn, we could have taken a ride through the hood blasting “Come baby come” and “Baby got Back.”
from jimbostaxi :
Hi, Stinger sorry about the delay in getting back to you. Soccara was just released from the hospital and it is always hard for me to focus when all my brain is worried about her. Today, things are better but we need to get her meds back on track so things are still in flux but my fingers are crossed. I haven’t been around because I felt I was becoming repetitive and that is never a good read lol. I hope all is well and thank you for thinking about dear old Jimbo Lol. If tonight’s quiet I will look back through your stuff and see where your at. Till then here’s sending out prayers and well wishes to you and your family.
from glorycloud :
Thank you for the Happy Birthday! peace
from wordwhore :
I saw the links were working! Yay! Pity they were a PITA. To clarify, I felt relief when he fell asleep too. The adrenaline was from the snooping I'd do when he fell asleep. (Or the porn I'd watch 😏)
from raven72d :
Real ramen is a wonderful thing. When I was in CT, there was a restaurant chain down in NYC called Dosanko that did "larmen"-- a variant transliteration for "ramen". Loved the restaurants-- great broth, lots of pork or chicken slices, eggs, seaweed... So when I first saw microwave ramen noodles at a grocery store, I had *no* idea that they were in the same family as "larmen". I'm glad to see real ramen available here. Pho, too!
from wordwhore :
When I looked the only one it had done it to was the YouTube link
from wordwhore :
Previous msg refers to the test entry. Regarding the original entry, all the links except the YouTube only have the [page name].html after the "a href" tag. The YouTube still has https instead of http
from wordwhore :
Article 4 is the only one that doesn't work. You left off the http altogether there. The rest work.
from wordwhore :
I did a test link on my page and it works. So they aren't blocked. Try changing the link to http instead of https? It could be the security that's messing things up.
from wordwhore :
Thanks. I actually meant to tell you that the link/code was correct, I had checked it, thinking to tell you what the issue was. Then I saw there wasn't one (even though it won't work), then I got sidetracked... I assume it must be something with your template html that is causing a problem, rather than the link itself.
from raven72d :
Thanks for the kind wishes-- much appreciated! I've used drugstore reading glasses for years and years now, but it's probably time to move into Rx glasses. Glad to hear you did get a bit of time away. Take care of the hand and do well! Always glad to find notes from you.
from raven72d :
How is life?
from i-am-jack :
Glad I wasn't eavesdropping. ;^) Just wanted to make sure, since the Internet (outside Diaryland) can be a weird place these days. I'm glad you were able to go a little further down memory lane and remember the good even in his arrogance. For me, the silver lining to my story was it really impressed my parents, especially my mom, who knew I was telling the truth. They basically said it was a huge compliment that he thought it was that good, even if in an asshole way. Kinda like your teacher too.
from catsoul :
7.14.2021. hi. Who is H/ Could it be Hannah my wild kitty? Granddaughter's initial is L. Peace. =^..^=
from i-am-jack :
I wasn't intentionally eaves dropping but I saw your note about the art professor. In high school I had a history teacher who introduced himself by slamming the door and almost yelling that he hated freshmen and didn't give A's. Some welcome. Well he begrudgingly gave me a B. He accused me of plagiarizing one of my writing assignments and said there was no way I wrote that well, even though I gave the bibliography. He basically gave me a B instead of an E, because he felt he couldn't prove it. In his mind, no freshman could be that smart. I totally related to your story, but in a different way. Some teachers do more harm than good.
from catsoul :
7.6.2021. Glad you are taking acidophills(forgive this misspelling). I only buy the cidophills that is stored in the fridge. Way back in 2009 I learned about that. Peace within yourself. Peace. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
Glad you're taking care of yourself!
from wordwhore :
I have been having some marriage emotions creep up here and there. Mostly I feel nothing, but sometimes a thing will bust thru and surprise me. Like, oh I didn't know I had feelings about that. Afterward, I usually feel a bit better.
from catsoul :
6.22.2021. I really could relate to you writing about that art instructor. There is always one of those types on campus. The art instructor that was so intense at UW-Stout was for my ceramics course, specially in throwing pottery. Wow, I can so relate that feeling of in a daze so well. Anyhoo, glad you liked the recipe. Yes, I reuse the broth from the dish always. Peace. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
Getting rid of the bad juju is so important!
from raven72d :
A good gin is a necessity.
from anni05 :
I'm very sorry that you can relate to that. it can be hard to deal with when someone wants to manipulate you into allowing more abuse in that way. trying to make others feel like shit so you don't have to hold yourself accountable for your actions is immature. you absolutely don't have to keep someone like that in your life, and you shouldn't. keep being strong.
from wordwhore :
Thanks for your notes. Glad your sleep schedule has been getting better. And the exercise is good too. Was just realizing how badly I need to get back on that myself.
from jimbostaxi :
I was never a big pro-shot guy but it's over now one less thing to worry about.
from jimbostaxi :
Hey Stinger, it's all good no worries. I hear ya on the busy part, life doesn't stop there is always something requiring our attention. I tend to fall far away from here partially for that and partially for my moods. Soccara is doing well and I will have to hide my burritos better in the future. :)
from wordwhore :
Hurray for getting home early and for your mom feeling more comfortable driving and for paying back your dad's kindness to others in the past! All good things. I believe letting your BIL help was also a cool thing, as I think you mentioned before that he was excited about it?
from raven72d :
Ms. Dennings is lovely.
from jimbostaxi :
Hey Stinger, I know I don't get around here as much as I should but don't think I have forgotten all the genuine kindness you have shown me through the years. You are aces in my book and will always be in my thoughts.
from raven72d :
Kate and I dated for a minute back a few presidents ago. But we're still friends and neighbors.
from jimbostaxi :
Squirrels are bold fuckers they used to jump from a tree to my open window in my old place. Good luck with getting ready for the yard sale.
from catsoul :
5.4.2021. Sounds like a plan. Do FOCUS on preparing a little everyday for that yard sale. Less clutter/stuff makes one feel so much more peaceful. Peace. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
Hope you put some apple cider vinegar on that bite!
from catsoul :
4.28.2021. True that, the world is full of all those fuckin' assholes. Peace. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
Very, very tired of assholes.
from jimbostaxi :
Hi Stinger, yeah, great song. Maybe I should trade my cab in for a horse Lol. Hope all is well my brother hope you're taking it easy on the Bloody Mary's. :)
from anni05 :
yeah, I agree. it's just hard for me to make friends in real life due to my social anxiety. hopefully someday it'll be easier.
from wordwhore :
Actually, I have the opposite problem. When I get too warm, I can't wake up. I sleep too deeply. I've considered a weighted blanket for other reasons. Lmk if you get one and how it goes.
from anni05 :
I would like to try to... hopefully sometime I can find something to write about.
from jimbostaxi :
Hahaha, People scratch their heads like wtf? I'm glad to know we think similar. :)
from catsoul :
4.11.2021. howdy, I am alright. Since you cleaned off your sister's worktable, instead of leaving it out, put it away. One less space to put more piles on. Just a suggestion. Achievement is one small step at a time. I also agree to hiring yard help for a couple of months would be a great idea. Peace. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
Also, re:clutter, I think you're probably like me. When a space is clean, I keep it clean, but once something happens that creates even small clutter, like I get a bunch of mail at once that I'm not quite sure what to do with or I forgot to put away the laundry right away and now it's bedtime, I start to get overwhelmed and it snowballs.
from wordwhore :
Have you considered hiring out the yard work? Not permanently, just for a couple of months, so you can have the spoons to get the interior sorted out, without the nagging thought of the yard always on your mind. Just a thought.
from raven72d :
It's been an effed-up week for everyone, it seems. I don't want to give up walking places-- I do need the exercise and if I need to do work missions on an immediate basis, I do have Uber.
from anni05 :
I see. I always get the cheapest gas.
from anni05 :
well the fuel pump relay seems to have fixed it. also I don't know what octane is, and I just get gas at the local caseys. as for the temperature I have no clue, and I rarely run my car before afternoon since I'm rarely awake--i work 2nd shift so my sleep schedule is usually 3 or 4 am until whenever I get up on days I don't work and on days I do it's until 11 am. I just really know very little about cars and most of what you said is gibberish to me lol. but no worries, it's figured out.
from anni05 :
when I try to start it it just keeps... turning over, I don't know what to call it. I turn it to the on position for 10 seconds a few times before even trying to start it and it does it anyway. it takes several seconds for it to actually start. I had the fuel pump relay replaced yesterday. I haven't tried to start it yet to see if it fixed it, but I'm going to do that soon.
from jimbostaxi :
Anytime Stinger! :)
from gr8legs :
yolo! go for it. all she can do is say no. #4.1.21
from swordfern :
You inspired me to look back at my first entry. January 2002. I was living on campus at university and decided to start writing online rather than in my paper diary. I was sad and lonely and yearning for connection. I realize now that through Diaryland I learned how to build connections and that I could find interesting people who would accept me as a friend. One of them being you. Thank you.
from anni05 :
I wouldn't be able to, driving in the city is too much and I don't really have a lot if time anyway:/
from anni05 :
I would love to do that, but I live in the middle of nowhere and anywhere holding a meeting nearby would certainly be too far, and I'm terrible with driving in big cities... unfortunately my mental illness makes it very difficult to find any help for it lol.
from raven72d :
Insomnia seems to be the rule this season... I'm waking up at 03h00 and finding myself having to listen to music or read for an hour-- I am trying to avoid going on line at that hour, which would be far too exhausting.
from loveherwell :
yep! it's a great show.
from wordwhore :
I've been on Diaryland since 2001. 20 years. Good grief.
from anni05 :
nope, I had not heard of NAMI before. and thank you for saying that. I always feel like no one in my life understands at all. it's possible my dad doesn't really know about my MI. he isn't exactly involved in my life and never has been. what was really bad was my mother, who punished me for having anxiety regularly and purposely misunderstood it and mocked it. I just don't get why people can't have any compassion or at the very least use Google.
from narcissa :
haha.. You're a better person than i am. it is *I* who needs to open the can of worms.
from loveherwell :
thank you! i'm proud of myself :)
from catsoul :
3.27.2021. Boo again....sure go ahead and email if you would like. Thanks. Peace. =^..^=
from anni05 :
I agree. I hate seeing women putting down other women or believing they shouldn't have the same rights as men--ive heard stories of women asking to have their tubes tied in their 40s and being refused because "her husband might still want children" and its horrific. I'm not sure if women will ever be respected the same as men.
from catsoul :
3.27.2021. I have lucid dreams a lot. What you wrote sounds like a lucid dream. I so love it when my passed away pet family members come and sit/snuggle with me. I can smell and feel them, so comforting. Oh, no Randy does not read ever what I write. Again, I really think you should adopt a shelter cat pair. Yup. Peace. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
My cats have always come to visit, after. Had a lucid dream last night myself (and some sleep paralysis, but I got to fly again and I haven't done that in ages
from narcissa :
well... i would say that if you want to open that can of worms, it's probably worth a conversation with your sister to see if there's something more you could do. Maybe she isn't seething with resentment (as I am) and don't need to feel guilty at all!
from wordwhore :
Thanks for your thoughts. You know I always value your input. You don't need to MYOB Lol I've tried a few and they didn't work for me and I didn't like how they made me feel most of the time. I wish there was something that went more to the root of the issue, with the hormone regulation. SSRI is closer, but it's not really doing more than symptom-treating either. Idk. Just rambling.
from wordwhore :
You'll figure out what to do. I know because you're someone committed to growth (and growth isn't comfortable either). 3.17.21
from catsoul :
3.17.2021. You are correct. You have opened your eyes. You need to just "release" your friendship. You have grown more wisely over the years. You are not "fucked up," as you wrote. I am sooooo proud of you and your compassion has thrived over the years. Be at peace within yourself. Peace. =^..^=
from raven72d :
Thanks!
from jimbostaxi :
Sent you an email
from wordwhore :
Don't put off that screening! Hope to keep you around for a long while yet, my friend. ❤ Happy you might get your shot on Monday! Be prepared for a sore arm and maybe some fatigue, possibly a headache if you're prone to them. Once I iced my arm that helped a lot.
from raven72d :
You're password-only now? I hope you'll send me a p/w...and that things are going well.
from wordwhore :
Thank you. I needed to hear that. Slept okay last night, but my arm feels like I got punched... worth it! Hope you can get your shot soon!
from jimbostaxi :
You know I've heard that song many times before but never really listened to the words until now lol. Thank you so much for the note about Darlene. It was hard to hear her say “Dad, I'm sick just tested positive.” then she followed it up with love you dad.
from anni05 :
thank you:)
from raven72d :
Good thoughts for you and yours.
from wordwhore :
That sounds like better news. I'm glad you were able to go help and get the full.story from the doctor. ❤❤❤
from jimbostaxi :
Sending love and prayers for you and your family.
from jimbostaxi :
Awesome note Stinger! I can't very well write about hate and misery all the time so I'm trying my hand at some love lol.
from gr8legs :
i pray your parents get better soon. #3.3.21
from wordwhore :
No words, just ❤❤❤ and well wishes.
from catsoul :
2.24.2021. Squirrels will making a sad keening cry when one of their tribe passes, either naturally or by man's hand. All have soul's. The soul leaves our bodies, their souls, will never leave our hearts. Sorry about your dad. Life is a continuous cycle. Peace. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
That guy's words just hit me so deep that I wanted to get something done asap. You are a good guy and I'm sure when the times right, you'll bless someone wonderfully.
from nineofswords :
I think you are onto something about social media leading back into ADHD. It kind of primes us to expect everything instantly and only to spend 7 seconds on any one thing.
from anni05 :
that is kind of you to say, thank you.
from wordwhore :
Ha! 30 yr olds huh? Somehow I doubt it, but it made me feel better, anyway 😏 I was just having my own TBT moment earlier when I suddenly remembered that I went and grabbed the last of my stuff and my cat over a 3 day period when O didn't even know I was in town. I left him the first time in 2008 too. And I slept on a lumpy, horrible couch for 3 years because it was better than being in bed with him. Yet you and I both wound up going back. Smh. Emotional abuse is a bad trip.
from secret-motel :
Or reined in.
from secret-motel :
Yeah, unfortunately I don't see the imperial presidency being reigned in anytime soon. Everyone seems to want their idea of a big daddy in office.
from glorycloud :
Thank you for the note concerning my damaged left shoulder and arm. Last Summer I damaged my left shoulder and arm in a moving accident/hard to explain how it all happened/My wife keeps urging me to get physical therapy. Stay safe. peace
from catsoul :
2.08.2021. Hi. I was just wondering if you got your oak leaves raked up? Peace =^..^=
from raven72d :
That particular girl always tells wonderful stories. She claims to have burnt all her teenaged and undergraduate diaries just to guard the feelings of family and friends, but always love hearing her tales. Masks, now--- I'm used to being masked everywhere indoors now, or anyplace on the streets with people. I'm planning on staying that way for a while.
from anni05 :
I find it hard to understand too. people felt safer to be racist and misogynistic. its crazy how much it snowballed. my mother was suddenly extremely racist herself. Trump had a weird effect, I guess. I just hope those people still in la-la land wake up soon and see who he really is.
from anni05 :
yeah, it drives me nuts. it seems like when trump was president he brought out the worst in people. I started seeing a different side of a lot of people I had previously liked. its strange to see my dad becoming like the others. maybe I just never knew him that well, who knows.
from swordfern :
Hah, I have crazy dreams too. I think it comes from a wild & creative imagination! (I also started watching Yellowstone and am enjoying it.)
from swordfern :
I think you're right about a few things in regards to my relationship. In some ways living apart is ideal and what I'd fantasized about in a mature and supportive relationship. I think that you're right about there being deeper fears from unhealed trauma, and that it's not really about living together. I appreciate your honesty about going to therapy. I need the encouragement to go back to counselling.
from swordfern :
Educate and discuss. Yup. And have the courage to talk about it. If we make mistakes then have the strength to work through the shame and apologize. We are going to trip constantly as we learn new language and ideas. This is the process of learning.
from swordfern :
It's hard to write/talk about this stuff online. I meant to add more context when I was sharing the link but wrote and deleted it so many times that I gave up. Would be great to meet you and discuss in person some day!! I think we can all learn from each other as we do our own work and discover how entrenched we are in a white supremist society.
from swordfern :
I've spent some time trying to figure out the pros/cons of cancel culture. There was a highly debated letter that was published in Harper's Magazine that helped me understand the issue. Here's an example discussion: https://tinyurl.com/y6zqelgb
from anni05 :
thank you!
from jimbostaxi :
Sent you an email.
from raven72d :
Chicken cracklins are very much worth exploring!
from jimbostaxi :
My latest entry reached down into that side of me that I keep closed off. Lots of times I can't express what I'm feeling and it's very frustrating. Then there are other times I just fight through the tears and it kind of writes itself. Im.glad you liked it :)
from jimbostaxi :
Hey, got your email will reply soon. Thanks!
from wordwhore :
Well, that was an issue but a)I rarely use top sheets anymore except in summer and b)I sleep hot, to the point I keep my thermostat on 62° at night because otherwise I get hot and headachy. I'm a weirdo.
from raven72d :
Satin sheets are like sex on sand--- great in theory and in film, awful in real life.
from vxxen :
1/6/2021 Hey step-pa! I'm glad ur doing well! Miss ya ! Happy new year! 💕💕
from wordwhore :
I had black satin sheets back in the day with similar results. I did love sleeping on them, tho. I also had bad experiences with memory foam for the opposite reason, you couldn't move anywhere, no bounce, but the mattress I have now doesn't seem to have that issue. I had wondered if satin sheets might depend on the sheet, but sounds like maybe not. Kinda want some more to sleep on now...
from jimbostaxi :
The food thing is a constant issue and so is her keeping secret how she is feeling. Thank you for sharing. You and your family will be in my prayers.
from jimbostaxi :
I had to look up Yearwood never heard of her. I think I would lean more toward Rachel Ray. :) Good luck with the car diagnosis. My Jeep started getting wacky recently too.
from wordwhore :
I tend to be easily over-stimulated and noise-sensitive in general, but it is definitely worse when my brain is acting up. Why do you ask?
from jimbostaxi :
Happy New Year Stinger! Thanks for letting me know about the cold. Is he having any adverse reactions besides that? How are you feeling?
from jimbostaxi :
Happy New Year Stinger! Thanks for letting me know about the cold. Is he having any adverse reactions besides that? How are you feeling?
from catsoul :
12.28.2020. Glad you are able to spend time with your family. My two cents worth, about talking to your nieces about their dogs. Forget it, you don't spend 24/7 with them. Their dogs are their training challenge. Let them deal with their dogs. Why open the can of dogfood, and make hard feelings. You will be going back home soon. Peace. =^..= P.S. please don't me upset with me saying my two cents worth.
from jimbostaxi :
Covid numbers are under-reported. I just found out everyone connected to the owners has covid. I'm talking like 20 people and some of them aren't doing that well. They had large gatherings for the holiday and none of them like to wear masks. That news got me scared,,,,
from swordfern :
Merry Christmas! I appreciate the compassion and care that you've offered me this year. Your entry related to my 'experience' was especially meaningful. Thank you.
from jimbostaxi :
They diagnosed Soccara wrong when we first brought her to the clinic. It was only when we rushed her to the hospital that it came back positive for COVID. Imagine how many other people that clinic sent home to struggle with this illness and die. I'm going to start wrapping people in plastic wrap before they enter my house and car. Lol. Hope you have a safe and Merry Christmas my brother.
from jimbostaxi :
I surely do know what your thinking and see that as well. As for being a blessing that is very kind of you to say. I'm just a hostage to her folded arms and bunny slippers. Lol.
from jimbostaxi :
Racism, I don't touch on that all in my blog because I see it every day. It's too much of a hot button issue and my comments on it would be too real for many to digest. Some might even try and say I have no right to comment on such things because I'm white. Believe me, I got truckloads I could put here with my kids being mixed and all these years in the cab business.
from jimbostaxi :
Soccara is struggling with lots of pain and we are all looking for an answer so she can cope. Doc has switched her pain med but I think we need something stronger because it barely helps. Thanks for the notes!
from jimbostaxi :
Yeah, I constantly do that. Lol. The last entry deleted was about my co-worker who never saw the movie ” A Christmas Story.”
from wordwhore :
I think some people never grew out of the mindset from high school, of believing whatever urban legend or rumor your friend told you, without questioning it. "Did you hear about so and so? I heard she blanked blank's blank!" "Yeah, and I heard so and so blanks blanks!" "Mr. So and So retired because his blank caught him blanking a blank in the blank." "I really won this blank, but blank blanked blanks..."
from loveherwell :
thank you -- i think continuing to run has been the biggest help so far.
from nineofswords :
Thanks for the congrats on my impending nuptials. haha. Just kidding. I won't be marrying Mr. Moneybags because I don't have any romantical feelings towards him. I think it takes a long while to really be ready for dating after a divorce (talking about your situation) so it is not that unusual that you haven't started that just yet. It will happen for you. :)
from hitch-hike :
Yeah, isn't that crazy about the deaths and suicides? It moved me more because I've experienced a wave of deaths these past 4 years. At first I figured it was because of my age or that the people I'm close to tend to be older, but it hasn't been the reason these past couple years!
from bantenhut :
Hey, Stinger! Thanks. :D We'll see what the doctor says to future entries. Also -- I've tried refreshing your page, but still can't get in. Is there a UN/PW hidden somewhere?
from jimbostaxi :
Hi Stinger, yeah it was a good evening and I saw the grandkids which made it even better. Thanks for the note.
from catsoul :
12.3.2020. Itchy balls....come on man.....lotion up. Heard it was chilly in Florida. Make lotion your friend. I suggest patchouli lotion. Anyway...take care. Peace. =^..^=
from swordfern :
I very much appreciate your support as an ally! I don't have a hate on for men. I wish for diversity and inclusion because I know that we would all benefit from it. And my dream of a female-run construction site? I mean, it's a fantasy, and it ultimately lacks diversity, but imagine what we could learn from it! And what a relief to not have to brace myself for the predictable and relentless comments.
from wordwhore :
septic.
from wordwhore :
Oh, I've been missing it too, I'm just saying your entry was... ahem. It brought back vivid memories that made me miss it more, let me put it that way.
from wordwhore :
Well if I wasn't missing sex before...
from jimbostaxi :
Just heard she severed a tendon and is being transferred to a psych ward when the hospital has cleared her. Thanks for the note and Happy Thanksgiving!
from secret-motel :
Ah, glad you liked it. The Black Angels actually played in my office some years back: https://secret-motel.diaryland.com/130222_79.html I've been a fan ever since.
from raven72d :
Yes indeed! Herr Gresl is Bavarian, 17th-c., and dresses all in dark green leather. I read about him in "High Road to the Stake", a great account (really good archival research) about a witchcraft trial where a really unlucky family of itinerant laborers ended up facing witchcraft charges and the full brunt of early 1600s justice.
from wordwhore :
Glad you had such a great time and had a good talk alone with your dad too!
from secret-motel :
Oh, yeah, good call! I can see that. Such a great song, btw. And The Black Angels did a pretty nice cover: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UU0ARjfBoMc
from englishsucks :
I emailed. :)
from justjones :
Hi! I tried to get a gold membership because yeah, I think that used to give you the option to download, but when I click to button to order it, it doesn't work. So maybe that's not a thing. I've left notes for Andrew and emailed him but so far, nothing. :(
from jimbostaxi :
To clarify my last note if they say sorry it's unacceptable. Lol
from jimbostaxi :
I have not been known for my restraint in the past but I'm trying to change. I don't know what I'm going to say when I see them tomorrow but sorry is unacceptable.
from englishsucks :
11/12/2020 - thank you for the note. I tried to peek into your diary but no access. I wish you're well and staying safe!
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, holy shit man I just caught up on a few entries and saw the stuff about your sister and dad. Jeez, I feel like shit that I didn't get back to you sooner sorry about that. I know this must weigh heavy on your mind but you have a lot of support here among your D-land buds. If reaching out here to one of us doesn't work least you can go shoot up some targets. Must be great just to shoot the shit out of something. Peace my brother.
from swordfern :
Just catching up on a few of your entries - sorry to hear about your dad and sister's diagnoses. Hope you're doing OK. There is so much uncertainty and change at the moment, adding cancer onto all of this would put me over the edge and into bed for a few days. Looking forward to reading your piece on race and color, if you're still going to share that.
from catsoul :
11.7.2020. Not everything is good or bad. To be in control is to let go of control. Your family will get through this. Just be there, listen to what isn't said and be brave enough to talk about it with them. On to other things, glad you didn't go target shooting. I have found out that there is a shortage of bullets. I have tried and finally gotten bullets for two of our guns. I still am on a list waiting for some more from another place. So decide wisely as to when to lock and load my friend, just sayin'. I have a friend who said that he will show me how to make bullets, and I may just take him up on his offer. Who says an old gal can't learn something new. Hahahahahaha Peace. =^..^=
from loveherwell :
i've been using bumble but i hate it.
from gr8legs :
that's a lot to take in for one day. i pray everyone's tests come back with the best outlook. #10.31.20
from jimbostaxi :
Happy Halloween! Stay safe out there. Just wanted to thank you again for all your notes, emails, and encouragement. Your words are always greatly appreciated! :)
from jimbostaxi :
Sent you a funny email about the sundress. Things are ok for the moment just keeping up with the appointments.
from catsoul :
10.29.2020. What a lovely grocery run you had. I also would have totally dropped my grocery list. Peace. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
*less cringy description
from wordwhore :
I swear to you, earlier I was reading "30 times male writers knew nothing about women" and when I read this one description of breasts, I immediately thought of you as there was a similarity of tone, but my follow up thought was "Wyatt would do a much better and less description." Lo and behold, your entry is about tits 🤣 And no, your description was not gross or offensive, like most of the ones on that list.
from jimbostaxi :
Yellow sundress lady sounds intriguing! I definitely would have forgotten all of my list items after that.
from wordwhore :
Oooh, spooky dream! Probably from that horror movie that came on while we were on the phone the other night!
from jimbostaxi :
Hi Stinger, yes we are moving in the right direction but the treatments are taking their toll on her. I feel so useless standing on the sidelines. Thanks, for the note!
from raven72d :
"Babylon" is a lovely song.
from wordwhore :
RIP RBG, indeed a badass. Sorry about Chubbles. Did you dream about CL partly because you came across your Mexico pics, perhaps?
from catsoul :
9.27.2020. I fixed it. Thanks anyway, you don't have to contact Andrew. I don't totally know what I did. It worked. Whoopie. Peace. =^..^=
from catsoul :
9.27.2020. I fixed it. Thanks anyway, you don't have to contact Andrew. I don't totally know what I did. It worked. Whoopie. Peace. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
Hi Stinger, Sometimes Its harder to describe the silly stuff because it's more personal and it makes me wonder if anyone gets it but me. Thank you for the note and the applause. :)
from catsoul :
9.9.2020. Hello there. My, my you have been busy outdoors, good for you. I wrote all I was told and know about what happened. The doctors suspect that I again built up an intolerance to some food I eat, therefore it happened. So since 450 foods I can't eat, they want to do more allergy testing. I just let them babble on. If in 14 years they haven't solved the cipher, who the fuck cares. I deal with it and then move on to live in the moment and to be at peace within myself. Be kind to yourself Stinger, you are doing fine with your tasks. Peace. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
I've had ants in my car too! Fire ants and I got bitten the other day. Alcohol spray and getting rid of the main draw got rid of them in the console, but not on the door frame.
from wordwhore :
I've had bad experiences with lump charcoal in the past, which might have been failure on O's part, but whenever he'd cook with them, the food would have a chemical taste. I don't know if it was the charcoal itself or if he didn't let them turn to ash enough or if he overused lighter fluid and didn't let it burn off or what, but I always hated when he bought that stuff. The chicken he'd cook with it would be inedible for me. Steak covered more sins, but it wasn't good either. Hope it works better for you! You may have used it before, but since you were surprised by the weight, I wasn't sure.
from wordwhore :
Oh, I'm sure chicken is an actual Mexican staple. But she doesn't like it with Mexican seasoning, therefore it is wrong, Lol Idk, in some ways my mom is amazing and resilient and has evolved and improved so much... and in other ways, she is a Karen who is turning into her own mom, which is a bad thing. Thanks.
from raven72d :
This has just not been a year for getting any kind of regular sleep!
from wordwhore :
Well actually, no. She never has had those things. She doesn't believe chicken belongs in Mexican food and she doesn't like most fish. But what she meant was we hadn't made any tacos without ground beef, which was not true.
from swordfern :
What is the mandatory trip for? Work? Unfortunately, you cannot visit Canada at the moment for pleasure unless you have Canadian citizenship. The border is closed to non-essential travel for US Citizens. Have you been to Vancouver? I've never been down to the area of the states where you live... perhaps one day on a long road trip!
from raven72d :
*DEFINITELY NOT* the poker player!
from catsoul :
9.1.2020. Hi. You should go snorkeling then. BTW do you know how to make my notes size smaller. I am unable to read the right side of the notes people leave because it goes under that recent public entries list on the right side of the computer screen. I just don't know or get how to fix/correct this. Thank you. My mother is a work of art, a fucked up gem. She doesn't start anything because she misses me. My mother has to be in total control and she wants me to bend and not answer back. Do you get it now? Peace. =^..^=
from orangepeeler :
Yeah, it's really outrageous how our attention gets dispersed on these stupid emails, and how we have to invent ways to circumvent them.
from loveherwell :
thank you!! :)
from jimbostaxi :
Later on, tonight when work slows down I will work on and email to you.
from jimbostaxi :
Thanks for the info on the downed tree. You must have saved a fortune doing all that work yourself. I think we are going to use a local service but I'm still calling around for prices.
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, if you were closer I would say let's have a few brewskis in one of those places in your blog! Thanks very much for the email and bday note. :)
from raven72d :
Ah, now...strawberry blondes! Always a delight.
from jimbostaxi :
How much would a company charge to chop up a downed tree and remove it?
from raven72d :
You're locked! I hope I'll be allowed the password.
from swordfern :
PS - You have a cheque book?!?!?!? A physical cheque book? Which businesses still accept personal cheques in your area?
from swordfern :
I live in Vancouver, Canada, in a very democratic neighbourhood. My current provincial political representative (MLA) is a gay man from the New Democratic Party, and he's held the position for over 10 years. My current federal representative is the longest serving female member of parliament, a BIPOC physician, and with the liberal party. So. Very different from America!
from catsoul :
8.24.2020. Hi. Thanks for the note from you. Hugs back to you. Oh my the woos of oak splitting. I should go and take a pic of my pile of chunks of oak that I need to get to split. I have been letting them sit for 3 years now. I do go out there and try with my wedges and axe every once in awhile. I so hear you man, when you write, I will go and work on that for about an hour. The axe does bounce. No one trully understands and gets the challenges of all the maintenance work one has to keep up with concerning the chainsaws, the sharpening of the chains, keeping burrs and such off the wedges, constantly sharpening the two axes I have. Yup, you get it, power on. Oak is so dense and hard, they are one strong mother fuckers. Peace. =^..^=
from raven72d :
I hope things are going well.
from swordfern :
Pointless perhaps in not accomplishing anything tangible in terms of governmental change, but educational for me - an outsider - to read about how you - a representative of America - views the current political scene. So, thank you!
from wordwhore :
Definitely avoid the drama
from wordwhore :
Hm, lots of dreams about vehicles and escaping, there, Wyatt. What are you in need of getting away from?
from jimbostaxi :
Hey Stinger, sorry to hear about the company vehicle getting banged up and that you were feeling depressed. That was very nice of you to help out your neighbor with the car repair. Maybe, now he will talk to the rest of the gang and say how awesome you are. :)
from nineofswords :
I agree. I must write down my dreams first thing. I don't know why I resist. I hate having too many conference calls. They've been eating up a lot of my time lately because we are having new software built and new projects are around every corner.
from wordwhore :
Regardless, you're working on it and that's what matters
from wordwhore :
Proud of you too, for pulling yourself out of that funk. And thanks. 8.12.2020
from jimbostaxi :
Hey Stinger, thanks for dropping me a note. Things are a bit hectic here but moving along. Today is her 3rd chemo appt and everyone knows more what to expect. As for me? What can I say?,,,,,, I’m surviving... .
from jimbostaxi :
She did well Stinger thank you! And I got the email about your computer. Jimbo appreciates you reaching out. :)
from jimbostaxi :
My Facebook ads are now showing places that do therapy. Big brother reads everything. Lol
from raven72d :
The powder works really well as a paste!
from jimbostaxi :
There may be no getting through this without talking to someone. It should be interesting to see how I answer ”well, how do you feel about that? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
from wordwhore :
I'm the same way with sleeping. If I even think I need to pee or if I am even slightly hungry, sleep will not happen.
from jimbostaxi :
I wrote jokingly about my exchange with my doctor but she was genuinely concerned. I'm just going try and work through this the old fashioned way. If things get worse then maybe I will consider some meds.
from jimbostaxi :
Can't wait to read more about Brenda. :)
from raven72d :
Oxyclean! Thanks! Sounds like good advice.
from jimbostaxi :
Sent you an email.
from gr8legs :
hey, stinger! thanks for the notes. sorry it took so long to get back to you - life is a mofo! but i hope you are doing well. thanks for the notes. i'm still trying navigate this life spiritually without beating myself up in the process.
from jimbostaxi :
Hi stinger, Is the Botfly a major pest by you? I just googled it and that seems scary if they get in you. Take care of your health Stinger! Many thanks for the prayers and notes! You truly are a king among men.
from catsoul :
6.29.2020. I didn't put out any seed or suet for 24 hours. I watched the birds and critters. I felt terrible doing that because the momma's before were feeding their young. So I put up some, and took them into the garage before dark, and that is what I will continue to do for awhile. I have put up the trail cams again to see if the black bear comes back. Then I will go from there. Thanks for asking. Peace. =^..^=
from catsoul :
6.29.2020. I didn't put out any seed or suet for 24 hours. I watched the birds and critters. I felt terrible doing that because the momma's before were feeding their young. So I put up some, and took them into the garage before dark, and that is what I will continue to do for awhile. I have put up the trail cams again to see if the black bear comes back. Then I will go from there. Thanks for asking. Peace. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
I'm existing, not good, not bad. Sent you an email. Thank you for the prayers
from jimbostaxi :
You are doing a great job articulating Singer! The way I was brought up no one ever talked about stuff. That's why it's so difficult for me to put into words how I'm feeling. I'm so used to internalizing it all and going about my business. Soccara’s situation just pushes all that stuff to a head and It feels like sometimes it will break me. Thank you for reaching out.
from gr8legs :
hey, stinger. thank you for thinking of me. i've been in my own head for a while trying to get to the bottom of things. this is a perfect opportunity for self-reflection and change. i thank you for your kind words. it means a lot that you care. #6.21.20
from jimbostaxi :
I'm alternately between tears and rage right now. Just staying away from everyone today and work should be fun in a little while. I never felt more guilty about wanting to leave than yesterday... My daughter Darlene was crying about mom on my shoulder and I was thinking ”God, me leaving on top of mom would not be fair to her.” Very selfish of me,,,, Im working on being better but honestly its a struggle,, there is a kind of peace that washes over you when you think,,,, the struggles over,,,, no more tears or sadness only the eternal sleep.
from jimbostaxi :
My wifes dying i may go too bro. I just heard
from jimbostaxi :
Ty my friend.
from raven72d :
I disliked house chores and repairs, but I do miss sitting on the patio early Saturday mornings with coffee and watching chipmunks and squirrels run in to the yard from the stand of pines out back.
from wordwhore :
It really was a good show! And the bar was good for live music and craft beer, so hopefully you can catch a show there sometime. The guys I saw will probably be back eventually. My friend doesn't play with them anymore, but they were still touring up until the quarantine started and I feel like Loosey's is a fave of theirs to play at.
from swordfern :
"That should have changed the relationship but it did not, she only doubled down." That is what happened with my ex too - he didn't like that the manipulations were no longer controlling me and he was uncomfortable with the change so intensified his efforts. The climax scene was horrifying and physically threatening but ultimately allowed me to see him clearly for who he was. Glad that we are both on the other side of these relationships.
from lust- :
You probably saw similarities in my relationship with M and your relationship with your ex because of their mental illness. I think it anyone who has been with someone who has a mental illness knows how trying it can be. Despite it but working out for you, I know you had hope for me because you never truly know someone else's experience. Although your outcome wasn't ideal, you still had faith that mine would be different. Thanks for your support & friendship throughout that time. Regarding the Covid entry, we can all only do what is in our control. Take care of yourself and keep following precautions. The naysayers are the ones that are living with too much risk. All we can do is be safe and handle ourselves.💛
from raven72d :
Lawnmowers... I owned a house once, for not quite two years. Then I moved to a smallish flat. No more cutting yards, no more cleaning gutters, no more buying new HVAC. I like apartment life much better.
from catsoul :
6.6.2020. Hi. I always get even more interested in what a person is writing when they are trying to recall their dreams. Your dream hit a chord with me about dreaming about cats. I did some research a number of years ago about what the representation of cats are in dreams. So here is some info. do what you want with it. Back in the ancient times cats were often associated with goddesses/divine posers. For example in Egypt the feline-headed goddesses Bastet, goddess of pleasure, and Sekhmet, a bad mother(the bringer of epidemics but also a goddess of healing/healers represents good aspects of healing and attaining peace/calmness with oneself. So this is my interpretation of your cat in your dream. So if you want, let me know your thoughts. When we dream, most of the time, there are many parts to a dream. Then we wake up and try to remember the dream. In reality we may have dreamed 2 or 3 separate dreams that night, when upon waking, we think it is just one. So this is why I just focused on the cat. I feel that the cat dream is showing/telling you that you are healing within yourself and enjoying finding your true self. It is a journey, and in general, a person is way too, too busy to take the time to find the peace within themselves. Peace. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
Thanks. I was shocked and disappointed myself. It was not at all the reaction I expected, either a month ago or this week. I know he has mental health issues and that's what he's been working on, but I don't understand his actions at all, even so. As for sexy dreams, I've been having those myself. Always wake up too soon, though. I think sometimes it's because when escalation happens, in the distance a part of my brain shouts "THAT'S NOT HOW THAT FEELS!" and brings me back to consciousness.
from jimbostaxi :
Haha yep. Hope your feeling better Stinger
from loveherwell :
thank you -- both about the 10K and your thoughts on the matter about him. it was nice to see it in another light.
from wordwhore :
Ugh, whenever anyone tells me they're using pesticide I immediately worry about bees and birds and lizards...
from wordwhore :
I'm fed up with the whole system right now and everyone in it.
from wordwhore :
Sounds like y'all busted ass! I'm sure you earned that coffee cake ;)
from vxxen :
Miss you step-pa! hope everybody on your end is doing well! Love you!
from wordwhore :
No worries. I wasn't good company anyway. The fire wound up being a good time and today is better.
from wordwhore :
you know how i feel about fire ants. nasty buggers. even one in texas, before i knew about vinegar, would swell up whatever part of my body it got. what they do is they bite down and then they sting in a circle around where they are latched on. it's why the center of the bite is so messed up, when you can't get them off before they finish the circle.
from jimbostaxi :
Hmmmmm, anythings possible. I think Liz knows something and is hoping I slip up and confirm her suspicions. I hate head games I'm too old for this shit lol
from swordfern :
Thanks for encouraging me to ask him. I thought about you telling me to just go for it in the moments leading up to me asking.
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, always feel free to comment on stuff. I was a bit of a pussy when she was screwing with my head but I’m good now. Lol 😂
from jimbostaxi :
Soccara sat on the deck and watched the grandkids play today. You couldn't tell by looking at her that things were so out of control last week. We still have the oxygen tank just in case something happens but so far so good. The Liz thing was really fucking annoying. Yeah, your high why call me? Her connection to Harley makes me very suspicious that it wasn't just a random call. Thanks for the note Stinger.
from dangerspouse :
Dude! Beer and self rising flour is a CLASSIC! Throw some crushed herbs in there, maybe some grated cheese, and we are talkin' good times, pal. Good on ya! And a LOL about the wolf spider surviving that major suck job. We have wolf spiders here too, and they are pretty impressive to look at. I leave 'em be though, because they're not particularly venemous to humans, and they do a good job of sucking up quantities of other insects. Thanks for the great note!
from jimbostaxi :
Hi Stinger, the media and FB are two ways that shape people's opinions sometimes so subtlety they don't even know it. On FB I don't stay on long enough to let friends or families political ideology vex me. I post pics of the grandkids then like a couple of memes and leave. As for as the media I take what they say with a grain of salt. The local media came to my job after a bank robber used one of our cabs and tried to interview me. The fuckers were trying to tell me what to say,,,, just say this,,, or say this,,, “no comment” is all I had to say but they kept harassing me for a few hours. The best thing a person can do is try to do your own research and formulate a fact-based opinion on why you believe something. This whole thing is like an Orwellian nightmare but the virus is real that I say for a certainty. Stay safe my friend!
from jimbostaxi :
Hey Stinger, I never really even worried about the virus up till a few weeks ago. Then it made its way out here to the island and that’s when it got real. Damn, all the tears Stinger it was so sad,,,, the most fucked up part is we really don't know how many are going to be critical,,, we just have to wait and see. Stay safe!
from jimbostaxi :
Hi Stinger, If you ever in a situation where you need a hard to get item let me know. I will be more than happy to send it to you. Stay, safe
from catsoul :
4/16/2020. Top of the list today, is go trim up that tree for your neighbor. Though first stop and ask if that would be alright from a distance. People love to be kept in the loop wouldn't you say. Thanks for the mention by-the-way. Have you ever read the book called, "The Path?" I have read this book so many times, it is falling apart on me. Take Care. Be Safe. Peace. =^..^=
from catsoul :
4/13/2020. howdy do. I had to shut the drapes in order to see/read your entry today. My eyes must be getting worse. So good neighbor, hahaha, perhaps larger print, hahaha. Take Care. Be Safe. Peace. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
Feel better and I hope you get in touch with the docs so they can give you some input on your situation.
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, Happy Easter!
from jimbostaxi :
K. Washington is on my list too! :)
from wordwhore :
Ugh, I've closed the window and lost it all myself. That sucks. I'm sorry.
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, be careful of those chest pains. I know it’s insane In the world with the virus running amok but seek medical attention if that continues. Stay safe and healthy, my friend
from wordwhore :
Thanks. We are holding off replacing it for now (we will probably do the whole toilet) even though it is inconvenient because the sink is also slow draining, so we are thinking it might be another problem (or a fuel problem, but we will eliminate one possible issue once my pipe wrench arrives and go from there).
from jimbostaxi :
The only dream I want to have right now is a virus-free world. Stay safe.
from aryssa90 :
Hope you’re staying safe!
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, Stay safe out there. Thanks for the note. :)
from wordwhore :
The bowl. I made tank repairs 2 weeks ago. I'm pretty sure the wax seal has failed and I'll have to replace it
from dangerspouse :
I bet if we could just kill those two Japanese midgets, this whole thing would be over with in a day. Why the hell doesn't anyone think of these obvious solutions?!
from wordwhore :
Thanks. Stay safe.
from jimbostaxi :
Interesting dream. I was thinking Stinger has some ”Thorn Bird” action going on. :)
from wordwhore :
What a strange dream!
from princesse69 :
Can I have a key lol, this has been some long term leave from diaryland I know haha u prob don’t even remember me!
from wordwhore :
That must have been some leg! 😉😁
from lust- :
Thank you for validating me about my feelings being valid. Hah. It is something I constantly struggle with. Dude, get out there and date! No need to do it with the intention to automatically bring someone home, but if you meet someone nice then that will give you the motivation you need to clean the house, then bring them back to your clean & cozy dwelling. Also, I'd love to read about your dating life, instead of you creepin' on women. Haha. ;-)
from lust- :
Oops, I meant he's diagnosed with bipolar disorder for which he is taking medication.
from lust- :
Yeah, BPD is definitely one of the hardest disorders to officially diagnose because there are many criteria and not one person exhibits all of them. M is diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, ADD, avoidant personality disorder and has slight narcissistic qualities as diagnosed from Psychiatrists. Manipulation and narcissism are tied together, so if he manipulated me, it is because of his narcissistic qualities. We could definitely all benefit from DBT. I've been trying to incorporate certain aspects of DBT into my own life by being more mindful and using self-regulation and emotion regulation tools. It's been very helpful. I have so many resources on my computer from when I thought I had BPD and it's simply a matter of sifting through them and reworking my mind to know that they are useful, but also that I do not have BPD.
from lust- :
Re: BPD, I had an evaluation from a Social Worker, who is not qualified to provide a professional diagnosis. He only said that I qualified for a program related to BPD and included all the steps for treatment, but said if I did have it, it was mild and that I had some form of emotional dysregulation. M was the one who was 100% certain in his mind that I had it and needed to seek treatment. There were certain things I enjoyed about the relationship, but the things I did not enjoy were amplified when I followed him to the small town in Nova Scotia so he could go forward with his residency and I was left feeling isolated, alone, sad and angry, which led to resentment and heartache. There are things I did then that I am not proud of but I know it was the side of me that was fearful and really had no idea what was going on so I did the only things I knew how to do to protect myself. My therapist and I are working more on changing my thought patterns and building up my self-esteem. It's been valuable thus far. Also, Zoe Kravitz, yes, total bombshell! Congrats with all the progress you and your team have made at work. Definitely something to be proud of.
from lust- :
Yes, I realize now that I was controlled and manipulated into believing I had BPD when in actuality, I don't. I'm working with my current therapist to break down all the criteria and see them as just phases in my life and not parts of the whole. He even read a book about BPD, completely thinking that I displayed the characteristics and did certain things and acted on them with the thought in mind that I had BPD and he was trying to teach me a lesson by doing everything the book said he should do when dealing with someone with BPD. But, if you do those things with someone who doesn't have that mental illness then it is even more harmful to their mental health, right? I'm sure he's still convinced that I have BPD because the last time he texted over a month ago, he told me to be honest with myself. When I look deep and sit with myself, I realize that I in fact, do not have BPD and never did. I was acting out my past trauma, feeling isolated, lonely and as if I did not have a path because I was aiding someone I loved in following their journey. That is what completely tore me apart. All we can do is gain insight and rebuild. Thanks for being on my side, I appreciate it.
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, besides my dealings with a handful of people on Dland. my world consists of very few people. This fucking job has stained my soul for eternity and I'm tired of seeing people fall into the abyss. I wish I never knew about all the sadness and evil that is in this world. I can't turn back the clock for me but I can try to pull a few people off the ledge. Thanks for listening :)
from wordwhore :
Glad you got it all fixed!
from jimbostaxi :
It kind of all came to a head yesterday when he was out cold for 30 min after dropping off someone. I told him each day he's getting worse and I was concerned about him. He lied and said he’s having a sleep issue but I didn’t accept that as a valid answer. I pushed him for a few more minutes to answer me and got the run around.
from hitch-hike :
Hi, I did send condolences over a recent death in her family but hadn't heard back. I will try again to get in touch with my sis since it is her birthday this week, and see what happens then.
from jimbostaxi :
I’ve known the guy for like ten years but we kind of never have those deep talks. I could have a broken leg and him a broken arm and we would both say the say ”everything is fine.” Stinger, I will try and stumble through something like ”hey, you ok man?” thanks for the note :)
from whystinger :
@Wordwhore, that was my argument with Brian and friend - if you don't pay in to it, you don't get it unless it is attached to a parent or someone who did pay into it. I had a "semi-illegal alien friend who probably gets SSI as he paid into the system for 25 years. He was semi-illegal as he lost his green card and had difficulty replacing it. The issue was on his home country and not the U. S. Oh, he paid taxes, had a SS# or TIN# and filed his taxes each year, so he was entitled to what he paid into it. They claim I am wrong. I also read the rules...
from wordwhore :
If you do mind, I won't, obviously
from wordwhore :
My uncle, a minister, should stand against everything Trump because Trump is the antithesis of everything my uncle has been his whole life - but uncle won't vote blue because they're pro choice. Period, point blank, the end. As for Brian's bro and SSI... you cannot collect SSI if you've never worked. If you didn't pay in, you can't collect out, except in severe disability cases where you can be paid based on your parents' or spouses hours. Immigrants do receive worker's comp benefits, even if they are illegal, but not the rest. The reason they get WC being basically, the employer hired them and assumed responsibility regardless of their citizenship. In other words, employers can't illegally hire them and then get out of paying them benefits for injury because they're illegal. If you don't mind, I'd like to quote something you said on my FB. I liked it very much. The haven't read all the Bible thing about the ill and addicted?
from wordwhore :
Thanks. It has been a revelation, for sure. O is most likely exactly as he said, he got in a hurry of tossing things out and threw them away. I was hoping it was nearly over, but here we are. He may have tossed them out subconsciously as a way to stall, but I don't think he actually did it on purpose because if they won't reprint them and he has to file again, that will cost him more money and he wouldn't choose to spend more $, I don't think. Who knows.
from lust- :
Hmm, true about therapy. I think I need to figure out exactly what it is I need/am expecting from sessions and then I will ask. Thanks for the advice. I read back a few notes and realized the deadline (Jan 14) has come and gone for when we were supposed to start rebuilding our plant collection. How is yours coming along? I still only have the three, one fake crocheted cactus and am working on stained glass cacti! It's a start! Also, there are so many perks to knowing a Chef at an eatery. I was always blessed with a plate full of greasy bacon on my especially hungover days while working as a server. Gotta love the hookups!
from jimbostaxi :
My anxiety drives me crazy over the littlest of things,,, lol
from swordfern :
Congrats on the award! I love it when the good guy wins.
from jimbostaxi :
Bad ass you are bud! Let em try he won’t get close! Congrats on the award! I would have walked up to him after he moved and said “ better luck next year” 🤣🤣🤣
from wordwhore :
Thank you!! That means a lot. I'm working on it.
from wordwhore :
You are a badass! Own it! Be a moving target they can't possibly hit, always moving up! Glad you were recognized for what you do. Good job!
from wordwhore :
Hope it's nothing serious, my friend. Go make that appt asap!
from u-saved-me :
I did read the Badass book by Jen Sincero! I listened to the audio book while I was working, so i caught a lot of it but I plan on rereading it (either listening or reading) I've added it to my list of books-to-some-day-own so that I can highlight and underline and reread to squeeze all the good bits out of it. I also noticed as I was listening that it's written focused on women. That makes it rough to recommend to my Dad or my brothers to read, when I was tuning out during some of it. Also, can I have a key? beybergenathotmaildotcom
from swordfern :
Happy New Year! That's a big task list! A lot of it is related to your house and cars - two things that I do not have. It's interesting to see what keeps other people busy! The Four Agreements retreat piques my interest. That was the first personal growth book that I read back in my early 20's, and reading it changed me. Going to go do some research on this now! Thx!
from jimbostaxi :
I hear ya Stinger, ty my friend :)
from jimbostaxi :
Im not such a good person,,, I appreciate it,, but I will always remember the guy I could have saved but didn’t.
from u-saved-me :
Right!?! I thought i was losing my mind when everyone else was just like, "yes children, sit down and play CaH with us adults." I flipped into the Twilight Zone without knowing it.
from jimbostaxi :
The image of the guys face covered in blood kind of fucked me up,,,, a day later I’m still dwelling on it.
from jimbostaxi :
Happy New Year Stinger! Im just trying not to dig myself into any more holes. As much as I hate letting someone get away with bullshit sometimes its just less time consuming to not get dragged into their drama.
from glorycloud :
Hope you have a blessed New Year!
from wordwhore :
You've reminded me: a few years ago, rfb and I did lists for every quarter. It was supposed to be a certain number of goals, try to do as many as you can, everything from "draw more" to "get another tattoo" to "visit 5 state parks" - whatever we thought of. It was great fun and very motivating. I may do that again, since you've brought it back to mind! I hope you do go to Belize. Going to a tropical island somewhere is one of my life goals. Better get to work on it!
from raven72d :
Great! Thanks! Looks I do have the keys to the kingdom! Much appreciated.
from nineofswords :
Welllll... the ex gets invited to things because my sister was right. I am a saint. Actually, I am so beyond out of love with my ex that absolutely nothing can evoke a hint of jealousy or FOMO. I get along very well with his current wife and my daughter lights up when she gets to have her dad AND her mom. So, I play along and for the most part, I can handle it. When the events are too close together though, I get stressed out. I'd be fine with about 4 visits a year, 1 per quarter. I am always stuck with Nov & December visits, but I draw the line at 2 more in January. Ha!
from raven72d :
No password from you, alas... Best wishes for the New Year--- and Concrete Blonde does need to re-form and hit the road. I saw them back in the early 90s, and I'd love to hear them again.
from lust- :
Meditation - On YouTube search: The Mindful Movement. Lots of different meditations, even short ones for when you are beginning to get back into it. I use Michael Sealey for sleep meditations/hypnosis. Sandra Rolus for ho'oponopono meditation/mantra which I do when I am puttering around. Hope this helps! Here's to your journey back into meditation.xo
from wordwhore :
I didn't think you *actually* chose her for her boobs. That was just a random tweet, as I recall. The grooming you to be a caretaker is very interesting. I recognize grooming behaviors in my marriage also. And in S's. Interesting.
from wordwhore :
And thank you, for all the thoughtful words.
from wordwhore :
Yes! Take a painting class! Start beading again! Do all the creative things! Was the beading lampwork or something else? When you sketch the bartender, I wanna see!
from dangerspouse :
Dude! I got a new computer and I don't have your password memorized, so I can't get in to read your stuff. Could you shoot me an email ( notepad101-at-hotmail) with it? In the meantime, lemme ask you about your meat. Did you buy a WHOLE tenderloin? Like, the size of a Little League baseball bat? If so, I recommend cooking it in portions unless you bought it to feed a party. My favorite way is to first make Chateaubriand from the center portion, then use the end thirds to make various concoctions as whim dictates. Here, check this out: I already did a tutorial on how to break down a tenderloin and cook the Chateaubriand portion. It's at https://tinyurl.com/rum7rhc Just do yourself a favor and skip the stupid preamble. Start right above the first picture, and you're good to go. If you got any questions, hit me up at the above email also. Oh - and Happy New Year, buddy :)
from wordwhore :
That is a good sign! I'm glad.
from whystinger :
I wasn't quite close enough to see Ms. Luxurious Hair's lips and look for the lines, but they were pretty good looking from where I was and that hair... I couldn't see her boobs or much of her thin legs to see if she was shapely. Still, I am interested in meeting and interacting with some women. I think that is a good sign.
from wordwhore :
Jessica Paré is the one whose mouth you mentioned before. The wrinkly lips lady, yes? Hope you remembered what you wanted to tell the T. I remember once way back, you said you'd chosen Honey partly for her boobs and maybe next time you'd find a woman with great legs Lol
from wordwhore :
Was it about luxurious hair's mouth?
from hiv :
Thank you for the note! I agree, I gotta get on the new job that I want.. and that’s also a thing that worries me is that I hope it’ll pay as much (or more) and still have benefits, vacation and all that. Why’s life gotta be so scary?!?
from lust- :
Hmmm herb garden-still green, definitely counts! Let me know what herbs you end up planting. Basil is a must, yes?
from amoa4nusao :
Thank u for the note .. yeah the silent treatment is emotional abuse I agree. Glad u got out of that relationship with your ex wife. It’s also petty. Yes I’m no longer in that relationship and working on healing and getting over him still. Hope u are healing/healed too from the abuse.
from lust- :
Let me know how it goes, if you decide to plant the lemon seeds! I went to a garden centre today & got a braided sansevieria & a watermelon peperomia! Things are starting to feel more homey!
from aryssa90 :
Thank you for the note and honestly,‘I know you’re right. Being in recovery Ana terrible time to be in a relationship and I don’t really have any excuse to like stay with him because you’re also right that he can’t really be there for me in the way I need. And I hope one day either that changes or I’m able to just be like, no, you focus on yourself and just be done. Right now I’m not at that place, I definitely feel closer though. Thank you for your support and encouragement!
from raven72d :
iTunes has Area--- they are a lovely band. I do wish I knew whatever became of Toni.
from wordwhore :
Thanks. You're right.
from raven72d :
Just Stinger isn't so bad a name for an Unk.
from wordwhore :
You're welcome! So glad you liked it. You got your card too, right? If you decide you might want it in the bathroom after all, you can get some acrylic sealant from the hobby store. Just take it outside and give it a thin coat, let it dry however long the can says, and then it should be moisture protected.
from raven72d :
Yep. Got to come up with something better.
from wordwhore :
Who, me? ;)
from lust- :
Thanks, Stinger, that means a lot. I love our little community and that we can all be proud and happy for each other! I say your plan for the weekend needs to be to change your profile photo and set up an online dating profile. Get out there and mingle, you clearly have a lot to say! Good luck! Also, let's set a specific date to both buy one plant by...maybe by January 14? That gives us both a month to start rebuilding our respective collections. I think we can do it!
from jimbostaxi :
Jeez, Im at work rushing,,, posting and deleting stuff in the wrong places. Your last note just got erased because I was erasing my note in the wrong place,,, ugh,, lol,, just giving you a heads up :)
from jimbostaxi :
Happy holidays Stinger! Ty for the note. When i was reading your last couple of updates I kept thinking ”damn I wish there were pics!” :) I also thought about what you said about the 4 hour drive thing,,I cant imagine 15 min away so 4 hours would be hell noooooo! Lol.
from wordwhore :
Yes, depression can be tricky to spot when it's low level. I need to pay attention to little signs, like how irritated I'm getting over small things and how much joy I'm taking in big things. If it's a lot and not much, respectively, there's an issue.
from raven72d :
Much appreciated!
from gr8legs :
thank you for your words of encouragement. i really need them. i'm glad all worked out well for you and just as happy to hear your mom is a survivor as well. #11.16.19
from whystinger :
In my situation, I knew that I deserved better but she was a great manipulator and also, the situation, abuse and her mental illness took a toll on me and pushed me into my own depression. She knew I was a person that took responsibilities serious and she played on that. I like to say that I had to stay to learn and that is part of it. Each time I left and when I finally left, is when I became more healthy, healthy and educated enough to see the truth.
from swordfern :
So much of your story resonates with me. It took me a long time to accept that what was happening was abuse. Now, on the other side of it, I am so sad for my former self, for thinking that those scraps of 'love' were all I deserved. And the part where you accept that everything that happened served as growth and transformation? That's the same for me. I could say that I stayed X too many years, but the reality is that I needed that long to develop my own sense of self, to see the situation clearly, and to gather the courage to leave. I am grateful for all that I have learned and continue to be amazed at how beautiful and fulfilling authentic and loving relationships can be. Anyhow, thanks for sharing. I'm looking forward to getting to know you better and following along on your journey.
from lust- :
DBT therapy was offered to me in Amherst. I am trying to find the same program where I currently am in Ontario with my family, but it's harder. I couldn't do it alone up in Amherst, which is essentially what would have happened because I put M through so much that he needed space, so I thought I may be able to get more support where I am now. I think I fucked it all up.
from swordfern :
I'd love to know the notes of your story. I felt as though we had some things in common.
from wordwhore :
It is possible you always get lots of eye contact from women at these things, but you're only just now noticing them because you're only just now ready to see women as potential partners again. Possible? Anyway, get on those apps and start casually dating! Don't try what so many people do and try to get serious right away. Shop around, but be upfront about it. Most of all - Good Luck!
from swordfern :
Here's the short version of my story: I left my partner of 13 years in January of this year. The relationship was empty - I was lonely, and he was controlling and emotionally vacant. We were good friends, and we did a lot of things together - including years of therapy - but he started to become violent towards the end of last year. I know that he cared about me, but he needed to do a lot of work and was unwilling to do so, and I was tired of being told that *I* was the problem, and that there was something wrong with me, and that I was misinterpreting him (classic gaslighting and emotional abuse, though I didn't know these terms until somewhat recently). He was not happy with my decision to leave (understatement). I started dating in the Spring, which I feared judgement about, but the reality was that I had checked out of my previous relationship long before ending it, and I was lonely and wishing desperately for a real connection - both physical and emotional - with a man. I met a bunch of different guys and was dating for a while, and then I met Russell at the beginning of May. We've been pretty much glued together since then. His story was something similar, him leaving a woman that he'd lived with for over a decade during which their relationship dissolved into 'roommate syndrome'. So the climbing date request is flattering but not interesting for me at the moment, especially with someone who appears a decade younger than me (I'm in my late 30's). So, that's my story and where I'm at!
from catsoul :
11.4.19. Man you of all people should know that we can't have what we had 20 years ago, sleep included. We all change, as do our bodies. It will work itself out. Seems you have a lot going on, so that doesn't help with sleep. Peace. =^..^=
from swordfern :
Hah, yup, it was a climbing date request. I asked around to see who knows the guy, and a reputable source told me that he was for sure hitting on me. You're right!
from swordfern :
Yeah, I get that swearing is a good way to release anger and move onto other feelings. I think it's healthy in the right situations, like when you hurt yourself or screw something up or are generally frustrated with something going wrong. I will get better at depersonalizing anger as time goes on. It's helpful to hear from you that it's just a flash of emotion and not something to dwell on. And yup - rock climbing! :)
from jimbostaxi :
You are a good tipper. Unfortunately, most people tip on the low end. I've received some very generous tips over the years, but most people seem to think a dollar is big money.🤣🤣
from jimbostaxi :
Hmmm, how much do you tip? Lol
from swordfern :
I enjoyed reading about your dream. It's fascinating to have a glimpse into someone's fantasy world. I'm looking forward to hearing if it turns into reality!
from wordwhore :
Phew! Is it hot in here? It feels hot in here... 🥵😳😉
from wordwhore :
I think you might be coming out of your depression or at least be on the right track - you're noticing women again and you haven't mentioned that for a long while. Good deal!
from narcissa :
blargh, thanks for that note. I try to remind myself that it's for the best but as you know sometimes it's just really hard.
from aryssa90 :
I think cleaning for me is about control like, I feel out of control in other areas so I'm going to make my environment clean and organized. It's nice to have things clean but I've also found I struggle to sit still and will always fidget with something. What are some coping skills you use?! I'm always on the lookout for new ones.
from wordwhore :
You didn't pester me! If that was your goal, you'll have to try harder next time 😄
from jimbostaxi :
Lol. Pudding pants was walking like John Wayne! No way he was getting in my car.
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, That was quite and impressive rundown of my entries! :) Harleys cake was pretty good. As far as fun goes let’s just say my life doesn’t completely suck as usual so that’s an improvement.
from catsoul :
10.5.19.Howdy Do. Your toxins leaving your body through sweat is normal. When I sweat, being diabetic, even though I don't eat a lot of sugar, when I sweat, I smell carrots. I eat with every meal, carrots. Carrots contain sugar. If you drink alcohol frequently, there will be a different sweat smell. I have researched this a lot. So I think that what is happening with you, is normal for you. My idea for what it is worth. Oh, if you consume double the amount of protein in your diet, that sweats out a total different smell at first also. Peace. =^..^=
from swordfern :
I have similar sentiments about running. Starting out (again) sucks, but then it becomes glorious.
from jimbostaxi :
Hey Stinger, Consider your friend's message a ticket out of Dramaville. Sure, the initial reaction is WTF? But I wouldn't put any more thought into it just keep your distance and say ”Moving on” lol.
from wordwhore :
I can't remember if I wished you happy birthday on the day or not, so consider this my wish, if I didn't! I think you handled the situation well, but I will say that I am not sure she has a right to say who her adult children become friends with. You seemed to develop a kinship with her son that had nothing to do with her and for her to give an edict about that seems controlling of her kid, if not you. As you say - better to remove yourself from the drama, but it is a shame you and her son have to get caught up in this bit.
from swordfern :
I'm not sure of your story yet (relationship history) but will read back into your archives when I get a chance. However, it takes a great deal of courage for most people to trust/date again after being in a challenging relationship. Plus, dating apps lead to many horrifying/hilarious interactions along the way towards something authentic. Keeping an open heart and a sense of humour has brought me a lot rewarding experiences. All the best on your journey; I look forward to following along!
from jimbostaxi :
Happy belated Bday old man!! Thats with much love :) glad to read your voice is doing better and you'll be doing therapy. Peace
from raven72d :
Autumn is a great time to be outside.
from swordfern :
Thank you for the note. Your appreciation of my words fills my soul. I'd like to read you if you'd like to share your password with me. [email protected]
from raven72d :
Sporting clays can be a lot of fun. Gets expensive, but still fun.
from raven72d :
Chicken chips, indeed! With pink Himalayan salt!
from jimbostaxi :
Hey Stinger, Thanks for the note! Seems to be quite a few us Virgos on here :) I read about your work vehicle situation that really sucks! But I was happy to read about your voice getting better after your surgery. Peace my brother!
from raven72d :
glad to be aboard!
from raven72d :
Thanks!
from jimbostaxi :
Hey stinger, ty for the notes! Sorry for the delay in getting back to you. Want to hear another weird update? That same guy who offered me the job just bought 3 year old hot dog truck and said ” oh ill help u set up and then its all yours.” debt free,, weird right?
from raven72d :
did you get the email with the p/w request?
from wordwhore :
It was a really great weekend! Glad it was so good for your mental health, as well as just being fun. I think it was good for me in that way too.
from raven72d :
May I get a p/w to read along?
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, I thought it was me being jaded and cynical but everything has a cost. I mentioned that to him one day and he kind of joked and said, ” You'll owe me one.” That joke plus being far from Soccara was all I needed to say ”No.”
from gr8legs :
thanks for note. i'm glad you saw the setup with the "disabled" car. it's scary to think what would have happened if things went the other way. yeah, that call spoke volumes so much so i had to do some self-reflecting. there was no way around it. because of it, i had a dream last night that i pulled an alligator from under my bed. that has to be relevant.
from gr8legs :
8.4.19. sorry to hear about the ticket. Hopefully they will overlook it so that you don't have to go through the drama of making costly arrangements. Glad to hear you may have a date soon. Fill us in 😄
from wordwhore :
Thanks! I'm trying.
from raven72d :
How is August shaping up?
from catsoul :
7.24.19. Something is brewing more than coffee!! Think it through as you do. Step back, make a pro and con list, put it aside for awhile. Then decide. Peace. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
Good luck with whatever it is. I meant to text you today. Sounds like it's best I didn't. Fill us in when you're ready. Until then, keep your head and don't get caught up in feeling like a fuck up because it won't help. ❤
from phaythles :
17 July 2019. Normally I wouldn't really know when someone left a note but I only wrote 2 entries last year. The June one I was happy-ish and the September one where I mentally fell apart and was basically alluding to the fact I wanted to die. I actually then stopped writing until May of this year. The entries this year so far haven't been quite so dark because I'm actually being active and working on my shit. The context of the note you left me I'd say you wrote it sometime late last year. I'm glad to hear you are busier and doing the damn thing :) I agree working out feels really good! I think I'm surprised about how much lighter I feel mentally/emotionally by going to the gym on a regular basis. I have a bad habit of not staying consistent but I keep telling myself I feel really good and its keeping the crazy in check so hopefully I keep it up.
from phaythles :
12 July 2019. Thank you for the kind note! I was definitely going through some things and was in a dark place but I'm pulling through. Hope things have gotten better for you as well. :)
from gr8legs :
they were my boobs lol 7.12.19
from lust- :
Looking forward to reading about your dating experience once you get the ball rolling. Good luck!
from catsoul :
7.11.19. Come on man. Get laid, sooner than later!!!!!! Peace. =^..^=
from gr8legs :
i'm still reading. it's just harder for me to sit down. you're finding yourself just like i am :)
from wordwhore :
Woohoo!! Glad to hear it all went well and they didn't have to cut and scrape!! Best of luck to you, my friend!
from catsoul :
6.9.19. So glad, that you are glad that all went well. So good to read about good news for you. Peace. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
Im very happy it went well! Thats awesome :)
from raven72d :
Good conversational exchanges, good stories for later.
from jimbostaxi :
I'm good no worries :) it's good your sister is coming out to help you in these stressful times. I wish you the best of luck if you decide to do the surgery.
from jimbostaxi :
I knew that lol but my note sounded more serious than i meant.
from jimbostaxi :
How long after surgery will it take to know how it went?
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, We are friends for the moment. It’s much less complicated that way but boring.
from wordwhore :
Good luck with surgery, if you do it. And with daying, when you do it. I've found that when I get up earlier, I am less depressed, generally. I've found that if I don't let myself stay up, I do better over all. Used to be really hard for me, and I find myself back sliding lately, but I'm still doing ok. I recommend it. If you're depressed, staying up late makes it worse, in my experience. Best wishes, my friend. I think of you often and forget to reach out.
from wordwhore :
Enjoy yourself!!
from catsoul :
5.21.19.Glad to read that you are enjoying a vacation. I have climbed up Diamond Head when I was way younger. You go man!!!!! Peace. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
Jeez, you must have the patience of a saint to have explained each part to her bit by bit. Enjoy your vacation!
from jimbostaxi :
That last note i left was a mess ! So sorry about that
from wordwhore :
Take care of yourself, unplug, and have a great time with your parents. Don't let the nor.al minor irritants get to you. Laugh them off and Have. Some. Fun. Ok? Ok. Hugs and best wishes 💙
from jimbostaxi :
Hi stinger, that my friend is a very hard question to answer. I think on the outside he's doing very well. In fact he had to tell me dont worry so much cause it doesn't bother him so why shouldn't bother me. He was joking and everything he said they all said i should be dead already but here i am.
from aryssa90 :
Hey there! They do know about eachother, Bill and I still live together but in separate rooms and Tim comes over 2-3x a week. Bill and I started out having an open relationship but it didn’t work out for me so we separated and I met Tim. It’s been hard trying to figure out what my feelings for Bill still are. I think I’m leaning towards still semi romantic but not enough to be with him but I also don’t want to be without him, at least not right now. Tim has been a good boyfriend overall and has been super understanding of Bill being here and us still being married but separated. Thanks for the note!
from wordwhore :
Ps if you invite your friend, you're not taking yourself :P
from wordwhore :
I'm sure he did feel drained. I just didn't know what I could do other than give him a little quiet. It's in my nature to want to help people, but I don't feel like I'm good with people in grief so I felt powerless and just so much sorrow for him. Jester lost his little brother a couple of years ago, so I've seen the lingering effects, plus RFB and I are so close and I can easily imagine the devastation. Poor guy.
from wordwhore :
Sounds like a lot of frustration! Rotten spinach is unacceptable!! Health code violation for sure.
from dangerspouse :
Hey man, thanks for the note. Y'know, I have no idea if the hospital is affiliated with a religious organization any more. I think they used to be, but a few months before this whole fiasco started they were taken over by one of the two hospital mega-corporations that rule our area. So I dunno. They still have priests and iconography all throughout the place though, so maybe they struck a deal of some kind to let them retain at least partial ownership. (Probably for tax purposes, the vultures.) But yeah, FUCK THEM. And in an act of solidarity: FUCK YOUR RAPACIOUS HOSPITALS TOO! You're welcome :) (ps. the most productive 5 years of my life were the 5 years I lived without a tv. If I wasn't married, I'd make that permanent. The first couple of weeks were hell, but then...just do it. You'll see.) :)
from wordwhore :
You weren't ready. Now you are. Taking time to make sure you aren't going to wind up with another Honi is important and I think you waited long enough to make sure you weren't going to be drawn to that sort of person again. Long enough to work through a lot of things. I hope you find someone amazing, but don't worry if it doesn't happen right away.
from lust- :
Hey! I emailed you a few days ago. Haven't received a response, yet, so checking in.
from catsoul :
4.22.19 hi, on FB you can snooze a person for 30 days and they don't know about it. Peace. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
Thanks for the tips Stinger! I will let you know how it works out :)
from whystinger :
Hi Jimbo, Yes, you could run a cooling fan through a switch and a timer circuit, but a few things first. 1. I wouldn't run that amperage through a switch, I would use a relay in the circuit. Run the fan (higher amperage) through the relay and use the switch to run the relay. Where are you going to get a timer circuit and why use a timer? I would be more tempted to add a coolant temperature switch that closes at a certain temperature and let that run the fan via the relay - it will work automatically. After all, if a fan only ran every 10 minutes and if it was running hot, it may overheat before the fan timer kicks on. You would have to most likely build the timer, so why not automate it for maybe $20 and save time? There are kits available, I'll send you a link or you could get one from a parts store.
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger if I have my coolant fan wired to a toggle switch that gets constant power is it possible to add a timer to the circuit? Set to 10-15 min intervals
from lust- :
Hey, thanks for the notes. I got locked out of your diary a while back when my computer did an update. What's your email, so I can get the password again please & thanks!
from jimbostaxi :
4/14/19 Stinger read your last entry I felt better leaving you a note in and email instead of here.
from wordwhore :
Changed my pass again. The Un now has an f in front of it, so the un/pw are now the same
from jimbostaxi :
Catsouls note was on the money proud of you for staying away and keeping your sanity. Stinger, I’ve been saving up a little money each week getting ready for that day I finally leave. The art class will happen just waiting for all the planets to align again! Haha but seriously i owe it to myself to try new things.
from catsoul :
3.31.19. Wow, you are continuing to make the right decision man. Ignore and don't return those calls. You have worked so hard these past few years distances yourself from her and are now working on distancing yourself from the other woman. I am proud of you and your effort to keep yourself healthy mentally. Peace. =^..^=
from poetinthesky :
Thanks for your note. Tried to view your diary but it doesn't let me, even when entering my password...
from jimbostaxi :
Sent you and email let me know if you don’t see it
from catsoul :
3.25.19. Thought that woman was all gone. Keep at ignoring and screen all calls first. Long, long ago, I decided to let others have the last word or text. I really didn't care. When I say or text less I have more time to think, especially later, deciding usually to just let it go. Peace. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger sorry to read about you being sick I hope you feel better soon! I get That whole coughing without covering your mouth thing all too well. People do that shit in the taxi all the time that’s why when I drove everyday I was perpetually sick. As far as squirrels go we used peanut butter
from cherrygash :
I think they got the place for added income as they are coming up to retirement. I think its risky seeing as theyve never been there in person, but its not my money, and honestly i dont care, just worry about bad decisions. My grandma is still in the hospital. She had a couple set backs. Just sitting on pins and needles.
from wordwhore :
Glad work is going well at least! No worries on forgetting about me. I forgot to follow up. Msg me when you get a minute and we will figure it out.
from jimbostaxi :
Oooooo stinger she drains it and then uses ungodly amounts of mayo! I should buy stock in Hellmans with all the mayo we use lol
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger the funny thing was there was hardly anything hard on the windshield it was all soft mushy stuff, I immediately thought this is good for a snowball fight but not good enough to stop a wiper ,,,Hope my wiper motors not going,,, they are good so far but I’m being gentle with them lol
from raven72d :
Do let me know if you got the p/w.
from wordwhore :
Just sending good thoughts my friend
from raven72d :
Certainly! I'll send you one!
from jimbostaxi :
I had to send you greetings and salutations from Long Island saw you online and I’ve been trying to get and entry out of my head for what seems like and eternity. Hope your doing well Stinger
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger!!!!! Just dropped in to say hi !
from raven72d :
How is life?
from wordwhore :
Yeah, he's fucking gross. So beyond done. Cut yourself some slack, like the therapist said. In addition to the things she mentioned, you work A LOT. Are traveling A LOT. And you are always having to do yard maintenance or animal control of some kind. Not to mention all the issues with your voice, marathons, syrup making...
from jimbostaxi :
Aww thanks Stinger I’m feeling better I appreciate that! Thanks for the advice on Jane I’m trying buddy it’s not easy but Im working on it. Stinger I’m not going lie to you bud you know what the scariest part is? Putting yourself out there..,, I guess being afraid is no excuse,,, it’s better to try and fail than never to have tried at all
from wordwhore :
Always happy to cockblock a drunk text to the ex, my friend. Anytime. Day or night. ;)
from dangerspouse :
Er...make that, "...with the same BUG". We have different butts. (Mine's cuter.)
from dangerspouse :
I am feeling better, thanks. (Lol - was that your subtle way of saying, "Dude, FUCKING UPDATE ALREAY!"?) Alas, since I'm such a sharing husband, NewWifey(tm) is now knocked flat with the same but. Oh well, at least it's shut her up for a while :)
from raven72d :
I've been here since I think late June or early July of 2002. That's a whole world away now... But I'll be here writing 'til they turn the lights out.
from raven72d :
Aha! Someone else from the Long Ago on D-Land! I do wonder whatever happened to all the Sad Girls from fifteen years ago who were nonetheless good writers.... And-- thanks for stopping by yourself. I hope you'll keep reading and commenting!
from aryssa90 :
Thanks for the note! Therapists are tricky! It’s hard for me to be open in general in my personal life so, I’ve had some anxiety about telling her hat I don’t really care for our current style! So bill-he and I are married and have been together for 10 years however we are currently separated, still living together and most likely heading towards divorce. We did have an open relationship for awhile before officially separating a few months before I met Tim. Tim is the person I’ve been seriously dating for almost 7 months now. Both of them know about eachother and Tim stays over quite frequently. It can def get confusing, it’s been awhile since I’ve had a traditional relationship and even though Tim and I are monogamous, Bill is still around and I’m still his primary support system/semi caretaker.
from jimbostaxi :
I’ve actually never listened to one myself wouldn’t even know where to begin, the TV on watching me thing I’ve done that actually still do that just to have the noise and not just silence. Did the no TV thing not by choice in the beginning it was hard but after awhile I didn’t miss it.
from wordwhore :
Yay for working toward positive changes! I've had these same habits in the past and when I was able to change them, the weight dropped and the energy went up! You can do this. You're too committed to progress not to. That is also in your makeup.
from narcissa :
concerts are the best! They kind of saved me this year = i hope you can go. Do you share the password for your journal? i'm at narcissadiaryland[at]gmaildotcom
from catsoul :
1.29.19. Thanks for that lengthy note. I recall just challenging you to 30 days no TV watching. Remember I just live in the moment, so a challenge with continuous days is something to and for me. I still can't believe how long I have been cooking for Randy. I need a vacation from that, plus it would give him hopefully a bigger appreciation of what I have done for years, though I haven't minded. He is easy to cook for. Peace. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
What podcasts would you listen to ?
from narcissa :
Of course you’re right. It’s just that in previous years when I did this I thought only about the physical- so it was more my mind shift about the prompt.
from alethia :
I'm always around, but I don't update as often as I could/should. I check my notes and buddy list probably every day. I'm glad you liked my entry. I hope you are doing well. :)
from jimbostaxi :
Hey my friend I dropped in to say hi and to comment on the entry. The hate in this world is the worst I’ve ever seen and I think the tipping point will be soon upon us
from wordwhore :
And thinking back on a tweet I sent the prez the other day, I've been guilty of it recently - another reason I've tried to avoid political stuff. I get too angry.
from wordwhore :
We've all become so angry. I've tried to stay away from politics as much as possible lately because I saw what it was doing to me. Sometimes I get sucked back in. I think some of the cause is, people under Trump gave in to their lowest selves because that's what he encourages. And sad to say, many, many on the opposite side followed suit. They may have felt justified in response, but it's like I've said about marriage. Just because one person acts like an asshole, doesn't make it okay for you to act like an asshole back. I've been guilty. We all have. It's sad and disheartening. I know there was a push from the left to not be so kind because we couldn't beat them by being soft or words like that and I don't think that helped. No one is getting what they want and everyone is angry. And people refuse to see the man they voted for as what he truly is so they dig deeper into his hate and the libs follow suit and it escalates and escalates. Sigh.
from cherrygash :
They claimed he said "coon", but he had just flubbed martin luther kings name together by talking too fast
from catsoul :
1.15.19. Hi. Maybe, what do you think, that the 2nd trainee was coming from the fear of changing. Change is good, yet, when you get older, it takes a hell of a lot longer to change. Working with him through empathy and understanding, the idea, pushing you can do this. That it will be alright. I will be there with you. Peace. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
Happy belated New year!
from catsoul :
1.1.19. hi. Being on "guard," as you wrote is no way to live your life. It is always it seems, some steps forward, and then a little slip back. So going forward, I know, you know what you need to do for you. Be selfish here man. Help yourself. Peace. =^..^=
from catsoul :
12.29.18. Hi. It sounds like you are relaxing and enjoying your time with family.You can always make my granddaughter an adopted niece. She treasures memories. We are Polish also. I remember using periogi dough for noodles boiled in salt water with my Grandma G. I should make those and homemade noodles when my granddaughter is here. I loved reading this entry you wrote. Peace. =^..^=
from dangerspouse :
Holy crap, Polish sauerkraut is the BEST. I've actually written about it before, what high quality it is if you can find the real stuff imported from the Motherland itself. Good for you, making that wonderful variation! I'm sure it would have made your grandmother proud. And damn, I wish we had a food like that around here. Scratch that - I wish I could start a food truck like that, where people brought me ingredients and I whipped up something from them. I'd invite you over so you could bring some of your sauerkraut! (Er...but leave the pepper spray home. I only use ground Tellicherry.) :)
from jimbostaxi :
Happy holidays my friend sorry with the delay “F" hsd surgery and hAs been back And forth to the doctors and i couldnt really focus on updating but they are better now and ill churn one out soon. i really wanted my page to be more of a reflection of who i am so i started adding more feelings,,,i used to leave thatstuff out :) thank you for reading :)
from catsoul :
12.21.18. hi. Merry Christmas to YOU. Here's a thought I had after reading this entry. Since you seem to get so, so captivated when it comes to TV watching, here comes the thought now, how about a challenge. 30 days of not TURNING on your TV? How about it? I challenged myself to 6 months of not watching TV back in 2006. It did the trick, I hardly to this day watch a lot of TV. OK. Enjoy your Christmas. Peace. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
I definitely think it's something worth pursuing to see where it leads. As you say, heartbreak heals. Thanks for your thoughts on it. Marital PTSD is probably a thing we both have...
from dangerspouse :
Good job getting the truck clunk diagnosed. Funny how one wonky bold can cause a whole host of symptoms, huh? Hey if you need help patching that roof, drop me a line. I'll send NewWifey(tm) over.
from shyest :
Hey, thanks for the note! I love coming back. I'll definitely try to post more. Yea I remember I had a hard time in drawing class. I do have a few sketches that Im proud of. You just sparked my interest in drawing again.
from dangerspouse :
Holy crap. Did that really happen?? That's wild - beats my story by a country mile. Hey, thanks for the great note, man. I appreciate it :)
from wordwhore :
Almost certainly a manipulation. Hope you get some intrigue soon ;)
from wordwhore :
It is not a choice. You can choose to *believe* you are in love and thereby convince yourself, but actual love is not a choice. If it were a choice, we could choose to stop. I am sure there was something charming about C Linda, but from here, I'm afraid I just can't see it. I'm glad you've resolved against contact. The dark haired woman sounds intriguing!
from dangerspouse :
I don't watch tv myself, but I'm not surprised to hear that different themes and characters are coming to the fore. The tenor of entertainment always seems to reflect the tone of society, and when social norms and mores start changing, so does entertainment. I see that even in radio - stuff I could get away with 20 years ago would get me canned now. Fascinating stuff, huh? Oh yeah, I do indeed remember guest entries! Did a few myself, they were fun :)
from wordwhore :
Growth is always good! ❤
from wordwhore :
Haha, that has me curious too!
from wordwhore :
Wow. Wasn't she always chastising you for your language? You did explicitly tell her you did not love her on more than one occasion. It sounds like she and V tried to trap you into something, it didn't work, and they both got pissed. You already know I support a break from her, but I also know loneliness motivates. Hope you can get out and start socializing. Try Tinder, but be selective. It has worked well for me. All the best. (Still wanna come see you sometime in the near future!)
from dangerspouse :
hey, thanks for the nice note and 'welcome back'. Great job on the Pickle Run - way to go! FWIW, wifey got me a pair of Allbirds last year, and they're a hot orgasm for the feet. All wool uppers, in various styles, made to be worn without socks (but you still can wear sock if you want). I will say the soles aren't the most comfortable, but those damn uppers are sweeeeet. Hit up allbirds.com and give 'em a look.
from catsoul :
12/1/18. Stick to your guns, Wyatt. Done is done. Peace. =^..^=
from dangerspouse :
Dude. I know you've been through a helluva lot in the years I've been reading you, but almost nothing is worse than job and financial insecurity. I really, really hope things work out for you here, and you manage to plot the right path. I'm pulling for ya.
from aryssa90 :
Sorry you have such stressful things going on regarding work!
from lust- :
Oops. I meant I look a lot younger than I actually am.
from lust- :
Funny how we see ourselves vs. how others view us. I think it's easy for people to not respect me, because I'm a lot younger than I look, so they think I'm this young, naive, little thing that can be trampled on. Good times. Hah. Boundaries are important. Glad you found a balance with the ex.
from jimbostaxi :
I’ve been meaning to leave a note the last few days but I keep getting sidetracked, it’s like 4AM right now and it’s fairly quiet in my house so I’ll give it a try now, first the Matty thing ,, honestly we’ve only spoken on the phone I don’t know the guy outside if that, i consider him a friend but I wouldn’t feel to comfortable talking about prostate cancer with him. I asked if it was something curable he said no ,,, he went on fir a moment about how far it progressed and then we stopped talking about it. I just tried to listen mostly and talked about the business and then told him I would call to check on him ,,, I think I asked if he needed anything and he politely declined. I just chalked it up as someone reaching out fir someone to listen ,,, I hadn’t heard from him in awhile before this phone call maybe 2 years ago? Idk but it’s been awhiile. As far as “F” goes I don’t really feel to comfortable talking about her medical problems on a notes page but what I was venting about her being selfish,,, I didn’t write that in there but yeah I don’t think it’s right.. I took care of her when she was in and out the hospital a few years ago and I faulted myself back then for not doing enough for her. I spent my nights at work and by days by her side at one point I thought I might lose her and I cried randomly at places when i thought about it. Now she’s been out the hospital awhile now and I think it’s selfish to screw up your doctors appointments and chance going back to the hospital. I’ may never put that in and entry but that’s how I feel about it. Those days were really really sad and I honestly don’t know if I can muster the strength to do it all again,, thanks for the notes Stinger
from aryssa90 :
Hey :) I emailed you! Let me know if you got it. Thanks!
from jimbostaxi :
What’s there to say,,,? I simultaneously miss Harley and hate her ... i feel like I’m in recovery of some sort 5 days no contact with each passing day it gets easier and easier. We still have access to each other through various channels but I must say I cherish the quiet,,, Take care my brother
from catsoul :
10.28.18 hi. Do you have a foot roller rocker? It helps relax and stretch one's calf muscles and the foot. Just an idea. OK. Peace. =^..^=
from aryssa90 :
Thank you! I’m hoping that with the way things are going that he’ll be willing to try a long distance relationship. I’d love to read and follow you if you feel comfortable giving me the password :)
from wordwhore :
I am pissed on your behalf. I'm so sorry you're having to go thru this. You'll figure out what's best, but it's not an easy decision. ❤
from chakra-nadi :
Bleach does not kill mold, FYI. In fact, many types of mold grow on bleach. Cleaning Vinegar and Peroxide will kill almost all mold, however. And it has been proven that most recycling gets thrown in the landfills because it is not profitable enough for the recycling centers to do what they are hired to do. So, there's your downer for the day.
from wordwhore :
Well, I'm sure beating yourself up over it will fix it right up ;) In seriousness, maybe you're watching TV because it's like a safe form of social interaction? You're engaged with talking people, without actually talking them. Idk I may be totally full of shit. I thought of that because now that I'm interacting a lot more with ppl again, I am watching less Netflix and eating fewer extraneous meals/snacks.
from wordwhore :
Moi? Scold? Hope you remembered the vinegar for that finger!
from wordwhore :
Possibly a manipulation, yes. He also did not like hearing that I was dating more than one person, so he might also have been lashing out because of that. I think it surprised him. I think he expected it to be more difficult for me to find people. As difficult as for him, possibly. Anyway, stay safe. And start getting your ass in bed to sleep! :P ;)
from catsoul :
10.20.18. Hi. I agree, always have a plan. In our house when granddaughter isn't here, we have protection in every room. I have extra car keys around also. I go practice a lot. I believe in a one shot, sure shot. I also know that even when you call for help, it will take time for them to get there. Always have a plan. Glad you woke up. Peace. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
Well, as I said, I know none of that is what you wanted to hear. Hopefully things aren't as dire as he fears they might be. You weren't ready before to meet people, but it definitely sounds like you're getting there now. Best of luck with everything, my friend. Hope to see you soon!
from vxxen :
Thanks, step-pa! I'm trying! Love you!
from wordwhore :
Good luck with the medical procedure! You didn't talk to much about it, what with the PA's nice skin and all ;) but I hope it goes well and helps your voice!
from loveherwell :
you are probably very right. it's so hard to move past when you have it in your head all the time that something is wrong with you (when really, it's not).
from jimbostaxi :
I still want to do the class I havent given up hope on that yet, just trying to keep the rest of my life in check so I can go and enjoy it. I’d like to help Harley if I could because that’s my nature ,,, it seems like as time goes by drips of stuff come out what’s she’s really got going on
from catsoul :
10.16.18 Hi. Randy and I talked about the preying on young children also. Too bad in this day and age, you always suspect the worst, and hope for the best. I know that granddaughter's mom has "daddy issues." She dated my son who was older by 10 years. Changing subject, I hope you went for that walk and then came back to write. I have been investing money for years. I also thank my dad especially for this knowledge. Peace. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
If you're not comfortable dating a much younger woman, don't. If you're okay with the age difference, go for it.
from catsoul :
10.15.18 Hi. Oh my god, I so use the envelop saving money method. I have for years, hence, I can't remember when I have used a credit card. Randy told me I should have a credit card, in case of emergency when I go somewhere, haha, I don't get out much. So I agree, save in envelops, it is there immediately if you need it. I sometimes move those envelops around, and yes like this find my crockpot thingy, I couldn't find one envelop for a year or so. When I asked Randy if he remembered seeing my crockpot, he looks at me and says, I thought you throw it out because it had a crack in the lid. Now I don't know what to think? Oh, when I did find this one lost $$ envelop, I was $3,000.00 richer. I had it and didn't even need it. So I invested in more stocks. OK, do it, do it now, never too late to do it!!!!!! =^..^=
from wordwhore :
Glad the reunion went well! Red wasps are no fun! You could try some baking soda paste on it or wet tobacco. Those are supposed to help. Can't recall if they actually do.
from wordwhore :
So productive! Good job! I think your idea for the note to send back with the uke is good. It's kind but firm. Good luck getting it all ready before your folks arrive! You can do it. I have total faith on you. Take care friend!
from catsoul :
maybe it is yahoomail.com at the end of my email address, I can never figure that out. hahahaha, my excuse is I am getting oldish! Peace. =^..^=
from catsoul :
howdy...nope.....no email....don't know why? =^..^=
from gr8legs :
thank you.
from catsoul :
Thanks for the note. Don't worry about me, I was having a bit of a pity party for one, for just a bit. As for what I make, what would you use the healing salve for? Do you have any reactions to lavender, or do you even like lavender. As for tea, do you need a tea to help you sleep? I have a tea that I make that eases pain and helps to relax you to sleep better. If you are at all truly interested let me know. I will send you something especially made for you, ok? email me at ambereyesforyou @yahoo.com if you trust me enough to know this info. ok. I was just out this morning for a couple of hours gathering while the dew was still on some herbs/plants. Peace. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
Glad you're getting things done, even if not as much as you'd hoped! Forward momentum is good, regardless of how much. I've found out about another dating app you might check out called Zoosk. I don't know how good it is, just that O found people on there. I think you have to pay to message people, but idk for sure.
from whystinger :
Jimbo, don't worry about it. Wordwhore, that would be awesome!
from jimbostaxi :
When this is over I’ll turn the notes back on, sorry about the extra work :(. I sent you back and email
from wordwhore :
Wish I lived closer - I'd come be your wingman sometime! ;)
from whystinger :
Well Jimbo, since you aren't accepting new notes, I will post a note to you here. Wow! This is interesting and an unexpected turn for you. I sent you an email. Good luck and be safe.
from jimbostaxi :
Ok, sent you some juicy details about my situation :)
from wordwhore :
Good luck with everything. Making time to post an entry is a good sign, I feel. I'm genuinely surprised to hear you aren't being careful with money. It's always been a big thing with you. I think you're on the right track. I've been decluttering and it's fantastic. Hard to start, but once you get going... it feels so good. I'm gonna pretend that doesn't sound dirty Lol
from catsoul :
8.31.18. hi. Sounds like you have a good plan of action. I always use cash, always. I can not remember the last time I even used the only credit card I have. I always say that if I can not pay cash, you don't buy it. I do my best, and that is all one can do. Again, keep to your plan as best you can. Be kind to yourself, you have been through a heck of a lot and made it through. Peace. =^..^=
from secret-motel :
The Cramps are pretty great. I've half-heard them playing on the periphery of my awareness for many years. And then all of sudden something clicked, and I wanted to bring them forward into my life. So glad I did.
from wordwhore :
Again, thanks for your notes. I am definitely different. I've done my best to grow. Stagnation is death as far as I'm concerned. As for you, is it possible you're depressed? I know that often leads to excessive TV and lack of motivation for me. Or you might just be tired. I think you could at least try out another therapist without necessarily commuting to one. But also I think talking to the current one is a good idea. She might even recommend you going elsewhere. Stagnation and all that ;) Hugs back to you, friend
from wordwhore :
Thanks for the encouragement. It helps. I'm about to update again and I'm going to cover some of what you said in there, rather than write you a longer response here.
from cherrygash :
I started getting treatment for depression and anxiety issues at 12. i have been on a hundred drugs and concoction of drugs. I worked really hard in therapy then ended up in a abusive relationship that tore me to hell. I went to shit again and now trying to move forward. I do exercise, my health concern isnt about that. i know it does help with mood for anyone and i do what i can. havent figured out my motility issue so still chronic constipation, heartburn, etc. i think going through this and having to move back to my parents the second time is extremely stressful. we have a mentally emotionally unhealthy family. i am still trying to find a tolerable balance, but is hard when i feel like crap, then i get guilt trips or whatever from them, my depression worsens, and im trying to stay afloat. trying to learn their crazy and act upon their moods. it is confusing, and hurtful, and bizarre as fucking hell. it seriously boggles my mind. these people dont make sense. im on disability, and i dont have the means or the mind to move right now. i am terribly codependent with my mother. im working on it and trying to leave my face value family behind.
from catsoul :
8.17.18. hi. I think you mean Flint, Michigan. I mean Green Bay, Wisconsin when I write GB. Jump in.....to it Man, come on. I am rooting for you with bells and whistles. Peace. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
The emails that I sent that bounced back now seemed to have went through, now I saw the note it seems to be working
from aryssa90 :
Most of my experiences with tinder have been garbage except this current one but I know a few people who like it and have had good results!
from wordwhore :
I think the symbolism for the lock might be related to your feeling like you didn't reach out enough? But we almost always feel that way. I'm sure he knew you loved him and that's the most important thing. Sorry for your loss. I never got my bourbon either...
from cherrygash :
with the surgery thing. I've had a few but don't remember the drinking to be a problem. my wisdom teeth, I probably couldn't drink much. but with my hand surgery, I don't remember having problems with it. even my colonoscopy was ok after. with this sinus surgery, I had to pee so bad..must have been giving me major iv fluids. first time I used a bed pan. awww, life.
from cherrygash :
i just got your messages, thanks. yes, she does have the decency to always blame me, she is 63, but its always been that way. ive talked a lot about this to my therapist because it is perplexing at times. I have to keep reminding myself it is not me. I mean sure I get agitated too, but this kind of fighting is ridiculous....things I come to her to try and get through, or some resolution is like going into a war knowing youll be sent back in a body bag. its a brick wall. I thought by now, in my 30s itd be different. I keep telling her you cant scold me, im already raised. be glad im not drinking or doing drugs...lol...well its damn true. im a good person, just down on my luck with everything now and I have to live with you. I do know I cannot change her, but I can have boundaries. and I can only control my response. but its to the point where I will not take bs that I didn't derserve. im tired, don't feel good, and trying to figure out my health. im a good person, I help them, and yes I am grateful they help me. but it seems no matter how much good I do, I will be judged, and I will be treated like a child. right now, I cant do much else. well I will try your email, sorry this is so long.
from wordwhore :
i've also been having bizarro dreams. and the ac doesn't seem to work when i'm sleeping anymore because i wake up hot more often than i don't - and when i sleep, i sleep hot and if i don't cool down, i wake up feeling like i "got in my body backwards" as my grandmother used to say.
from jimbostaxi :
Thanks for the note, i kind of even missing in action lately, I was reading through your stuff and saw you were up here and I missed it,, ugh sorry about that. Hope you made the rounds to the rest of the people you listed and had a blast,
from catsoul :
keys means unlocking something new to you. =^..^=
from cherrygash :
Thanks for the note. I really expected the fatigue to lift sooner, still weak. Nose has minimal pain and congestion at times. My body flares are worse of course, the surgery was a stress to it. I couldnt drink anything after 12am, no gum, ice,notta. They took me back a little before noon the next day. I awful dry mouth, i apologized to the different staff coming in to chat with me about my mouth sticking together..ha. as soon as i woke up after i asked for water...well my stomach wasnt woken up yet so i puked it out. I had to learn to slow it down, but i was so thirsty! I had a little trouble in the car as well.
from wordwhore :
Part of the reason they don't notice is that some moron along the line in the past several years decided that, instead of having your dash lights stay off until you turned on your lights - usually the best indicator in a well-lit place that your lights weren't on - dash lights would come on as soon as you turned the key. Bright as hell, night vision-impairing led dash lights, I might add. One of my own pet peeves.
from wordwhore :
You've had a heck of a couple of years, man...
from cherrygash :
Hi, thank you for the notes. I will try to email you. Thx again
from wordwhore :
The poem catsoul quoted was the favorite poem of the first guy i ever had sex with. there's a fun factoid for this saturday afternoon Lol Anyway, Yay for clarity! That you woke having figured that out is a good sign, I think. I think it means your brain is looking out for you and not getting too scrambled by stress and other factors that can sometimes make the answers so hard to find.
from aryssa90 :
It must be! I’ve had really good kisses before but he’s a really good kisser AND I really like him. I think that adds to it.
from catsoul :
To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time BY ROBERT HERRICK Gather ye rose-buds while ye may, Old Time is still a-flying; And this same flower that smiles today Tomorrow will be dying. The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun, The higher he’s a-getting, The sooner will his race be run, And nearer he’s to setting. That age is best which is the first, When youth and blood are warmer; But being spent, the worse, and worst Times still succeed the former. Then be not coy, but use your time, And while ye may, go marry; For having lost but once your prime, You may forever tarry.
from chakra-nadi :
Titles often have nothing to do with my entries. I was watching season 6 of Dexter.
from catsoul :
Thanks. Sure what is the title. Peace. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
I'm sorry about your uncle. Glad you got out and did some socializing with some people in NY! I think Rochester is where my first ever gay friend lives now. Johnny from my entries. I checked, it is. Runs a restaurant known as the Revelry.
from wordwhore :
Thanks ❤
from wordwhore :
I find I go through cycles with productivity and when I don't cycle up to productive after a while, it's usually about depression/anxiety, etc.
from cherrygash :
Hey, thanks for the note. Yes i think i remember you. Wow, that was back when i was around 18. I cant imagine im that intersting..lol. sorry to hear of your divorce. Glad you had good support though. I havent had a really good t until this one now...wished i had her before, but now is the time that really counts.
from wordwhore :
I read something once that something like 75% of people with mental illness are misdiagnosed the first time. That's a significant #, to be sure. You rounded it out nicely, I think, as far as the note goes. I wonder if you've been nipping the Dickel again ;) I had not realized that about the rocking. That's interesting. It's always been soothing for me and rocking to be soothed was part of the documentary where I first started to suspect I might be on the spectrum. Thanks for your thoughts!
from wordwhore :
You should be proud of yourself, man. You were honest and clear and it took some facing down of Honi-demons to do it, but you did. *hugs* You need people to hang out with in person, huh? You've got to be touch-starved and lonely out there on your own. Hang in there. You're doing great. ♥
from wordwhore :
I actually really like Halestorm too! Call me a bitch like it's a b-b-bad thing ;) More on your note in my entry (for real this time)
from wordwhore :
It's hard to accept and hard to believe, sometimes, especially when, like me, you grew up with an emotionally abusive person before you ever got to your spouse, as you have suggested previously might be the case for you. And as I say, when you recognize that your reactions to their abuse were not always healthy reactions, you tend to want to say, we were both wrong, and forget that yours was a response and theirs an often deliberate, and always manipulative act. For me, I know that O wasn't always aware that what he was doing was vicious. I truly believe that... I'm going to put a pin in this and table it for an entry. Peace.
from wordwhore :
It took me a long time to realize O was emotionally abusive. Partly because I wasn't free of blame myself. But once I recognized it, it was very difficult to unsee. Yet still I tried again because fear for the future is a powerful motivator as is loneliness. I am glad you were able to recognize your habituations. Not sure that's the word I want, but hopefully you get my meaning. You deserve something good, W. And I believe something good will come to you. Hugs and healing, friend.
from wordwhore :
I am also not good at causing hurt when I care about a person, but once I've made the decision not to be with someone, I usually find it easier to be more detached. Best of luck. I know you want something in your life and you deserve something good - which also means something on your terms. You'll figure it out, W. ♥
from catsoul :
hi. Nice to see you writing. Tough to not rinse and repeat sometimes. Are you trying to not get your feelings hurt more than her? Just something else to ponder. You just need to do what makes you happy and brings joy to your life. Don't think. Peace. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
Hey stinger thanks for the note! At the moment things are calm my stepson told the tenant that he just wants peace and that’s where we are at at the moment. I’m happy he decided to try to diffuse the situation.
from jimbostaxi :
I’m having lots of problems logging on here :(
from wordwhore :
Actually, it was the opposite problem - sleeping all the time. But then last night, went back to not sleeping. I was keeping up with the exercise really well for a couple months at least. Since my last sojourn to TX, actually. Then middle of May, I just lost it. Tomorrow! Hope the voice is improving at long last. And hopefully you too can get motivated for some exercise. Hugs back at you! I need to make it to FL...
from wordwhore :
I've been having sleep trouble lately myself, the opposite of my norm. I wanna sleep ALL THE TIME. Good luck with everything. Have fun at graduation!
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, imagine you trying to scream but nothing comes out! Jeez now that’s fucking scary ,,what’s the time frame on you healing up,?
from catsoul :
Thank you ever so much for your kind words, greatly appreciated man. Peace. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
Can I borrow that email response (paraphrasing the last bit) and post it on my FB wall? That is a most excellent response.
from wordwhore :
My mom has changed back and forth between two pharmacies (Kroger and Fred's) about six times because they keep changing their generic policies and pricing. It's insane. Good luck backing away from CL.
from nineofswords :
I am not a fan of CVS for the same reason. Most recent disappointing CVS experience: I went over there with the flu, just sick as a dog, and all I needed was a pre-measured, pre-boxed Zpack. All she had to do was reach on the shelf and hand it to me, but she made me wait for hours. There was no crowd. No one ahead of me. I had to go home and wait hours to get that prescription "filled". She refused to call me to let me know it was ready for pick up by the way. I had to call her back after a few hours to see if it was ready. This kind of ordeal has happened to me a few times at that CVS. I hope it was just a rude worker and not a trend.
from catsoul :
Neighbor guy is in Colorado at Outdoor Guide Training, so getting boxes for here and now are not an option. Though Uhaul boxes is a great suggestion, I forgot about them. I also said to husband about liquor boxes because they are so sturdy. Thanks man. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger my man how you doing? Thanks for checking in it’s always something you know how that goes,,, the main issue going here at the moment is my kid getting into a blow out with my tenant over entering his apartment now the tenant is moving out ,,, always something lol. Love ya my brother
from gr8legs :
lol @ sore ass! my massage therapist was trying to loosen up my hips and said i had a "tight ass". we both cracked up.
from jimbostaxi :
Sorry if my note gave you that impression, things were getting pretty scary in the world when I wrote that and another friend said the post was fear mongerering so I had that in my head when I was writing to you.
from catsoul :
At-a-boy. I always tell myself, to be in control is to let go of control. Another helpful mantra I came up with is, I am at peace within myself. So man, peace to you. =^..^=
from catsoul :
howdy do. You are working so hard man on getting your voice back. Reality check man, this is how it is, you can't do the what ifs, what good will that do? Life sucks at times, then we pull up our undies and move along. So reality check, done. Now what? It is in your court. Peace. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
I wish I went to cons more frequently! They stopped having the Dallas one in the fall and there was more than a year gap between the Nash ones, so it's been 14 months! He has a 70 cuda... want it?? ;)
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger, that sucks about the vocal chords still not 100 percent but try and keep positive get that second opinion I know it’s hard but keep the faith buddy! As far as my last post goes, I figured I hardly ever write posts like that and if it’s your page your suppose to be able say what’s on your mind so that’s where I was at that moment. I really don’t do twitter so it’s got to go somewhere lol lol
from wordwhore :
best thoughts, w. ♥
from gr8legs :
i answered your questions in my march 27th entry and send you an email.
from jimbostaxi :
let me know if you do the Brooklyn thing I’ll take the ride downt there, ty for the info on the jury duty thing this will be my first time going down there just a little nervous.
from wordwhore :
ha, you didn't read my most recent entry ;) but that was resolved too, ultimately. more later.
from jimbostaxi :
Yeah, I’m out here near hauppauge, Have you ever been called for jury duty and if you have how was your experience ?
from jimbostaxi :
Thanks Stinger! Going to get questioned for jury duty in riverhead this week ever been there?
from jimbostaxi :
You could always try “chaparrita” slang for short female
from wordwhore :
fyi oj recently had an interview in which he remembered himself holding the knife...
from wordwhore :
I found Elle King by accident when someone made a Supernatural video to one of her songs and it was shared with me. Shortly after, se had a song in ghostbusters too and I then consumed everything I could find by her. Pretty sure half my entry titles around that time were her lyrics, heh. And when I mentioned her, RFB was like "oh, yeah, I have her album" and I must have figured I was behind the times and didn't share her with people.
from wordwhore :
As for the fitness, normally measuring inches is exactly what I do and I saw so much more progress that way. Unfortunately, I drove off without my tape measure and haven't made it to the store to get one. I've only had a car a few days. So weight was all I had to go by (aside from pictures), therefore, even though weight isn't the goal, it felt like failure to only lose a pound. I CAN look in the mirror and see a little bit of difference already, though, and that's important. I have been bad in the past about not eating all my calories, but this time, I've been struggling to stay within the limits some days. Other days are totally fine. Still, I'm more concerned with the movement and strength-building and I need to focus on that aspect and not worry about the calories too much (though still some).
from wordwhore :
LOL I was just agreeing with her not telling you to get with the program. I honestly couldn't tell from your entries how sure you were about pulling away completely. I know what you said in your note (and haha just realized you said you and I were on the same page, oops xD). I actually didn't mean picking people up in the bar. Should have been more clear on that. I just meant getting out and talking to people, like you have talked about in entries once or twice. Good luck with the apps, tho! Keep us posted!
from whystinger :
So, since I am being cautious and pulling away, aren't I on the same page with you, Wordwhore and Vxxen? Or am I not pulling away fast enough? LOL. I want to get involved with dating and yes, I still stop at the bar, but the bar owner and bar tenders feel that looking in the bars are not that productive... so I have started researching dating and dating apps. Thanks.
from wordwhore :
vxxen and i are on the same page. you definitely need to improve your social life. are you still making time to get down to that bar you like? what about a dating app? i mention that because taking to a lot of people in a romantic setting can help you hone your BS-detection skills. yours are good overall, but romantically, they might need to be dialed in, you know? also, my thoughts on extra-marital affairs are different from what they once were, but i have far less sympathy for the rich and powerful when they do it. oh, well. until we start forcibly injecting the willfully ignorant with birth control, they'll continue to make up half the world, so... guess that's how it is.
from vxxen :
I love you to death, 'Stinger. but she sounds like she knows what she's doing. I'm getting that, "Maaaaan, I don know' feeling. lol Just be careful. ill support you in whatever you wanna do. Jay has that same problem you do. Spanish lips are to DIE for hahaha love ya lol
from aryssa90 :
I’m glad your voice is getting better! I think ASL will be really fun to learn, I’m super excited. I’m Sorry, I don’t have a the info for your diary since it’s locked, wild it be possible to get it? My email holdhandsnskip3 at yahoo if you feel comfortable sharing :) thank you for the note!
from catsoul :
hi. all is well. apparently 3/4/18 entry is in my archives. still some glitches here, who knows how it got there. peace out. =^..^=
from vxxen :
Take your time, step-pa. I ain't got nowhere to go <3
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger !! I know you may not believe me I was just thinking about you when I logged on and saw your note :0) I was just reading about Cosita Linda( my version of that word is Chula or Chulita )seems like I missed a lot ,, she sounds yummy ,, it doesn’t sound from what I’ve read you guys have the most ideal situations going on but I was thinking Stinger should tear that pussy up!!! I know that may offend some people reading this but we know that the other head wins more often than not! Lol lol and thanks for the note on the Mandy thing. The whole mess is ugly ,,, I’ll post any new developments ,, take care my brother
from wordwhore :
Oh and I have pepper spray, I just didn't think to bring it with me because I haven't had that problem here before. I bring it with me every time now. In my experience dogs who are just trying to show dominance don't like rocks and will run from them. Dogs who are serious about fucking you up will not. *shrug*
from wordwhore :
Well, at least you know the equipment is still in working order ;) I still think, from an outside perspective, that her actions aren't necessarily... I'm not sure. It just reads somehow off. Now whether that's true or just my interpretation of your words, I'm not sure. It just seems odd for her to be so invested. Maybe you two have spent more time together than I understand, but you yourself said she doesn't really know you. You say she seems genuine, and I trust your judgement on that, but it's not that I think she's manipulating, I just find it odd that someone with 4 grown children is so quick to use the L word and be sincere in her belief. It sounds like something a much younger person would do, if that makes sense. It doesn't seem like you're interested in pursuing it, so maybe it doesn't matter. I just wanted to give you an outside opinion, in case you're considering it more than you're letting on. Have you discussed with the therapist? 50 shades of grey is not good/healthy BDSM. It's abuse under the guise of BDSM. Avoid.
from peggypenny :
I found 50 shades of gray boring.
from vxxen :
also, I got a new computer and forgot your password and stuff ill leave u my email ([email protected]
from vxxen :
yeah tell me about it. he got his tires. now its gonna be soon enough for the talk about what u wanna do with your life and shit. also, how did stepfortart pass? I really liked her. :( (I know, I'm late with everything)
from wordwhore :
Me? Tease and try to be funny? You must have me confused with someone else... xD My thoughts on love and romance are a bit fluid (as you may have noticed), but I think that, while an instant connection is more than possible, being struck instantly in love is not. Possibly your thoughts on infatuation turning into love are accurate. That seems far more plausible to me than actual love at first sight. I think love requires knowledge beyond visual. Then again, I think it's possible to love a friend instantly, so... I don't know. In love is complicated. I do think you were probably right not to try to tell her her feelings, even though I also think you were right that they were infatuation rather than love. Telling her so would likely be akin to telling a teenager they couldn't be with someone they wanted to date - she'd probably only talk herself deeper into it instead of maybe seeing the truth for herself eventually. Either way, I hope the situation resolves without anyone getting hurt.
from wordwhore :
I like the qualifier of "mostly" helpful ;) I know you're always open to my opinions. It was more than I started to say something about CL's assertion that she's in love with you and how very quick that was and then I thought that I've known people that it happened for that quickly (but it was both of them, not one), but also was reminded that O had a similar thing with the woman he dated (she said it after they went out twice) and I just had the thought of "Who am I to tell someone else about their romantic life? She whose own is a total mess." Heh. So it was more self-doubt than thinking you wouldn't want to hear my thoughts.
from wordwhore :
My stomach used to do that when I had ulcers and they'd flare up. It would go on lock down. Not a good feeling. Not going to comment on the romantic issues because, well... what the hell do I know, huh? Best.
from gr8legs :
could it be that you are attracted to "troubled women"? i had a friend that loved being the "knight in shining armor" so he ran towards damsels in distress. #2.13.18
from dangerspouse :
Thanks for the two great notes, 'Stinger. I appreciate the condolences. A lot. Hey, quick breads ROCK! Good for you, putting those bananas to good use. And you're right, beer bread is da bomb. Throw a bunch herbs in there, and we're talkin' serious cuisine. 'Atta boy! Lol - you're kidding, you heard the mighty Rick Forrest? BWAHAA! I su-u-u-u-cked back then. But I had a good time, and that was on a humongous station (1010WINS) so I got bragging rights...with whoever the fuck cared, which was basically no one. Oh well. Hey thanks again, really. All the best to you, buddy :)
from dangerspouse :
Wow. You do get into some amazing bus rides, don't you. Damn!
from dangerspouse :
Dude, you are living my nightmare. Hang in there!!
from wordwhore :
uh-oh. sounds like a big bowl of awkward. hope it all works out ok for you. you'll figure it out. best.
from catsoul :
Glad that is over for you. Gotta love a good two hour nap. Be careful. Peace Out. =^..^=
from catsoul :
Glad that is over for you. Gotta love a good two hour nap. Be careful. Peace Out. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
You got collagen AND got your lip plumped ;) Glad the procedure went smoothly and you had someone to help you out and get you home. Hope you find it easy not to say anything for the next week and that you get good results from the procedure. I suspect you will. You're right about the house. I am feeling very differently than I did when I got back from TX. I don't know if it's the dream or what, but waiting definitely feels like the choice. Getting excited about Sunday and the table read. Be well.
from jimbostaxi :
Me and my dysfunctional relationships it’s a wonder I even get out of bed in the morning. I wrote that stuff about my mom cause I felt the need to express some of the feelings that recently popped back in my head after dealing with this lady and her son. The son has moved to Arizona and his mother asked me not to call anyone,,,it’s her house and she doesn’t want to leave it,,, do I have a right to deny her right to live and die in her own house? ,,, I’m staying out of it. Thanks for the note my brother :0)
from wordwhore :
I am thinking I will probably wait on the better house. It's difficult to know what to do, because I have been in so much flux emotionally over the past couple of weeks, and I don't know where I'll end up. I'm still going back to visit O soon, and I think that will give me a better grasp of the situation. I am definitely not rushing into a decision, one way or the other. I don't have anything to lose by waiting. Good luck with the procedure!
from wordwhore :
It's spelled differently depending on the regional way it's made, I think? Google says: "The Scots spell it whisky and the Irish spell it whiskey, with an extra 'e'. This difference in the spelling comes from the translations of the word from the Scottish and Irish Gaelic forms. Whiskey with the extra 'e' is also used when referring to American whiskies." I was thinking it was something like that and I was surprised by the Dickel spelling which was why I remembered it. It's so pretty around the distillery too, the whole town. They had leather candles that smelled amazing too.
from wordwhore :
I've been to the George Dickel brewery. It smells amazing, but if I am not mistaken GD actually spells it Whisky, without the E. Unless you finished it, you can check the bottle and let me know. I'm not sure where my bottle got to... I am still not huge on plain whiskey/whisky, but I am very into Bourbon these days. Bulleit, Elijah Craig and Wild Turkey 101 are some faves. Not the Bulleit Rye, though. Nasty stuff. Anyway, thanks for your note. Yes, that's all true, about the want vs. need. I am also very bad at saying no. I wish I had whiskey/whisky now... This porter is okay, I guess...
from glorycloud :
Thanks for the note. From what I can gather from your diary posts you are feeling better and staying busy.
from dangerspouse :
Oh man, dude, there is SO MUCH you can do with phyllo! Rather than go through the dozens of things I can think of off the top of my head with would take up 75 inches of your Notes space, I'll just point you to: https://www.athensfoods.com/recipe/ . They have an extensive library of recipes (including a 'Quick and Easy' section), plus a vid on how to handle the stuff if you never have before, etc. You're gonna love it! (And have some of that great sweet-oak scented American whisky while you're deciding what to make :) )
from catsoul :
oh my gosh....I love scents/smells, especially the Mother Earth kind. I can identify most plants now after years of closeness to the nose. I so get, so get the description of your smell of oak. You would just love the one oil I make, it is carmelized vanilla, oak, moss, and of course a little patchouli. Yup, really liked your writing I just read. Thanks. Peace Out. =^..^=
from dangerspouse :
Thanks for the birthday wishes, man! Much appreciated. Ah, the foot will be ok. I'm married, I'm used to pain ;) (ps. Vernon says "HI!!")
from wordwhore :
The entry seems to be fixed now. Things are things. Right now, I'm not sure what to say beyond that. ♥
from wordwhore :
I'm not sure if you ended your entry where you did on purpose or not. It stops with a comma and doesn't really resolve, but it could be you meant to put a period and that is all. I feel like your voice will come back, but I have no basis for that feeling. Best of luck there. I'm at O's and things are weirder even than I expected. More on that when I type up my entry...
from catsoul :
1/20/18. Thanks for the note about Taffy. She did go to the vet last week. Her blood test was bad. Her AST liver count was 1,200 and for a normal cat it is 100. Her liver is shutting down, hence no appetite. They gave us meds to help stimulate her appetite, that worked for a day. Now again no appetite. She sits over the pet water bowl. She just sits there, so no water drinking. She had a wellness exam and shot updates the middle of November and the blood tests were good. In two months she has dropped 1.4 lbs. The vet said we can just make her comfortable. So I have been spending time with her and so glad I have had all these years with her. Thanks for your compassion. I am at peace within myself. This is my new mantra. It came to me a little over a week ago. I think it came into my mind to help me with Taffy. Take Care. Peace Out. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
That experience with the owls sounds AMAZING. I know just what you mean about odd wildlife interactions. Also, thanks for your note. Your reaction was similar to mine. I should have been adamantly opposed, and in the beginning I sort of was, but somehow now I am not. I suddenly got the feeling of "No, this is fine." Like maybe I need the temporary location change more than I need the avoidance of O, I guess. I think, ultimately, if Miss B is (or isn't) a thing to pursue, it will resolve itself so that can (or won't) happen. Best.
from gr8legs :
i'm paranoid. life teaches you lessons. a friend told me, "if they look like red flags, they are red flags. if they sound like red flags, they are red flags." don't make excuses. call it like you see it. if a friend had the same issue what would you tell them? #1/7/18
from glorycloud :
Be careful about this woman-it sounds fishy to me-do not get involved with this woman's messy life-you can do better-peace
from catsoul :
Hi. Wordwhore said it all. You know as we mature, and really, really know how we feel and what we want. Well, no drama, nice and smooth, tender, and all encompassing. So man, go with your gut and run. Take Care. Peace Out. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
My 2 cents (for which you may ask for change) is that she brought drama to a first date. I know more about her ex than I should and I wasn't even on the date with her. If she's still embroiled in that situation but already dating, it's weird. Take it from someone with a complicated life. That's a red flag, for me. Maybe because I know a man who was attempting to date someone while still married and made it sound like it was more over than it was and shit talked his (not really) ex to boot and caused a shit ton of drama for several people. It just sounds like trouble from here. Of course, I'm forgetting that this wasn't a first date (because I almost said that is a lot of ex info for a 1st date), that you'd actually talked a bit for a while, but still the hot and cold thing is also weird, as is choosing Christmas to reach out. Like you said: TRUST YOUR GUT. You're an intuitive guy. I think you're probably not looking for more drama. Not after Honi. And this woman sounds like drama. Too bad about the lady 3k miles away...
from vxxen :
its not too bad the medical coding and billing. right now I'm on medical terminology which is TEDIOUS for christ's sake but I KNOW its worth it. I hope 2018 is bigger and better! love ya, step-pa!
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger thanks for the notes I really do appreciate it. You have yourself a merry xmas and a happy new year :0)
from dangerspouse :
Hey, thanks for the Merry Christmas! Right back atcha, buddy. Hope you finally get that pony :) Yeah, I know what you mean about playing with all the knobs and settings on a DSLR/SLR as opposed to a point-n-shoot. (Although having said that, modern point/shoot and phone cameras are pretty freakin' amazing for what they are.) I'm no authority, having only gotten into DSLR's a few weeks ago, so I might not be the best person to go to for advice. I'll say though that I'm completely blown away by the Nikon D3300 I purchased, and that's considered an "entry level" DSLR. I can only imagine what the higher end models let you do. Maybe someday.... (The photog you're thinking of was Ansel Adams. He didn't acually "primarily use a Brownie", but did basically recommend people start with one because it forces you to concentrate on composition and good lighting. I talked about him I think in an earlier entry I did on the subject. A real photog hero of my dad's, and so by extension me too.) :)
from wordwhore :
Supportive hugs from friends are always welcome. Skeevy/forced hugs from people in power never are. Hope things settle down. If you think you need a piece, by all means. Your gut has been pretty reliable up to now, from the things you've written, so I'd say follow it.
from dangerspouse :
Gah, that SUCKS about the car break-in. Was anything important stolen? Jeez, I hope dealing with the ensuing insurance headache isn't too soul sapping. Sometimes that's worse than the initial rape. Hey speaking of rape, thanks for the well wishes on my shinglesherpes! Meant a lot to me *sniff*. And yeah, that's the same mangey cat. If you go back an episode or three, you'll see a pic of it blocking one of NewWifey(tm)'s tits from my hand. Fucking jerk cat. Oh well, at least it brings us much needed dead mice. (Hey listen, the more I've been reading about cameras the more I'm impressed with how well modern cell phones shoot pics. Even really big name photographers use them (to a greater or lesser extent). Technology all the way around these days is AMAZING. So don't worry if that's all you got. Cool that you were into Nikon film back when I was slinging my Olympus around! If you ever do decide to up your game, I think you'll like the new breed of DSLR's a lot. Yeah, the phone cameras are awesome for what they are. But if you're a real old school shutter bug, you'll appreciate the features an actual camera can give you over a point-n-shoot phone. Lemme know if you want any recommendations - not just for cameras, but sites that might give you good prices or objective product reviews. I've been swimming in them for weeks!) All the best, dude :)
from jimbostaxi :
The anxiety was from my wife being sick, my kids think that I overthink it. They don’t understand how it feels to watch some someone you care about suffer. Maybe they understand but they are too wrapped up in stuff to care until it’s almost too late. I’m afraid one day I’ll miss something that she’ll get sick and I won’t be there... as far as the being happy thing goes I think it’s overrated why get happy only to be sad again,,, yeah, I’m fine as is I’m a jaded cynical asshole it works for me no plans of changing any time soon. The problem is that I opened up to my oldest daughter and said that her being more in my life would make me happy. That was my fault I was stupid for saying that i should have just said hi and bye no fuss no muss ,,, She wants me to get inner peace and happiness ,, yeah ok ,,, fuck that shit,,, we were doing fine the other week we went to the movies and everything was cool now she wants to fucking analyze me ,,,bAh ! If my inner peace is a condition of us talking then I guess we won’t be talking much ... and believe me it pains me to write that. Thanks for the note my friend :0)
from wordwhore :
Heed the warnings of your own brain. Sucks about the car. And the lack of sleep. We haven't kept in touch very well lately, as we've both been busy af, but know I'm always rooting for you. ♥
from peggypenny :
Is this the (edit delete) that you want to know? Ha ha I'm thinking so... I... gave no time for, “no.” I'd never seen before (edit delete_)....................
from jimbostaxi :
Ty my friend, hope your holiday was good. My daughter just asked me to dress up as Santa 0n Xmas for the kids and grandkids jeeez this is going be interesting :0)
from peggypenny :
what? my diary entry all about people carry wood for fire... and my luv missing. This is several times (edit delete) ban together, share info on 'how' and 'who' how to take, use, pass thru... Strange thoughts we on same, yet how? why? you missing luv? Pegkins
from catsoul :
Thanks man for the cheers. You know me, I just keep plowing thru anything that comes. I have had tree stumps ground up and also dug up and them taking out as many roots as they can. I did the digging up of a stump once because, well I will share this with you and just maybe you will change your mind. Below Mother Earth, when the trees put down their roots and grow, the roots reach deep and wide. Other of Mother Earth's trees then intertwine with each other. If you dig and pull out the stump and roots you will be harming/killing other trees roots, hence making them weak. Mother Earth wants all her tree children to be as strong as they can to withstand other storms. OK. I said my Peace. We need to take care of Mother Earth, Brother. This is from an old hippie chick. Take Care. Peace Out. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
As I previously tried to say to you and instead wrote on my own notes page: dude, it makes total sense to me. it really is the little things that are so big.
from jimbostaxi :
12 hour drive jeezzzz and here I am thinking my 45 min drive to go get a car is long. I better not bitch anymore lol. As far as the co worker thing goes these guys have said that same shit to me that they said to you,, but you know what ? Fuckem lol I’ll do the lone wolf thing it’s much more me than trying to confiorm to a group :0)
from wordwhore :
hurray for P! lol
from jimbostaxi :
You lucky dog I’m still searching the one I thought I had didn’t pan out, we have a Honda in Queens that my kid was using it’s just the journey to get it sucks and she lost the title.
from jimbostaxi :
Your right I’m going to repair her I don’t have the money to throw away on something newer. I just found a sweet deal on a junker online just now I could throw some plates on it while I give the Jeep some tender loving care.
from jimbostaxi :
I’ve been going back and forth about putting money in this thing or just investing in another piece of junk, but I’ve decided least for now that least I know what’s wrong with this one if I buy another who knows what I’ll get.
from jimbostaxi :
I Haven’t been able to go to any junkyards in awhile but there a number of them in the general area. A few times back in the day they would just say go get what you need and I would get to wander around. I have a Grand Cherokee I’m going replace the drivers side seat after that I may look for some other odds and ends.
from catsoul :
Clap, clap, clap. I like it when I see the "you" again in your writing. You know what I mean. Oh my god, a place in the woods, you gotta do it, is my vote. Take Care man, and don't overwork in the back. Find someone else to do those trees, you are way to patient with those guys who haven't shown up. Peace Out. =^..^=
from gr8legs :
Hey, I'm glad to hear that you are making improvements everyday! I'm thinking of getting myself out there because I want to start dating. I'm debating using meetup.com as an avenue to date while partaking in my favorite activities. Also, I use the samsung gear activity tracker to monitor my movements. I would get the most recent one as a suggestion.
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger your streams getting stronger awesome pretty sooon you’ll be able to put and eye out at 50 ft! :0) little by little just takes time. I’ve always wanted to see those sites in Mexico. take good pics I’d love to see them !
from wordwhore :
Have you gotten with your doctor about your voice? As for dating sites/apps, OKCupid has worked well for me. It's available as both. I've heard the algorithms aren't as good as they used to be and they no longer show you who likes you unless you pay, but if you check out lower matches as well as higher ones, you're likely to find someone interesting. They ask a LOT of questions, which you can answer as many or as few as you like, but the more you answer, the better your chance to find a compatible match. And people are constantly joining or rejoining, so even if there is no one today, in three days, there could be 5-10 new people to look at that are more compatible.
from wordwhore :
Yeah, but it's more than that. I'm not thinking about old times. Well, if last year counts as old times, I guess... Anyway, I'm about to write some stuff in an entry, so I won't go on here. Hope Andrew fixes the search function.
from wordwhore :
woohoo!
from wordwhore :
A day early, huh? Then I *really* don't know what prompted it lol. Oh, well. I'll take it. ❤
from jimbostaxi :
I'm just jumping on the bandwagon with Catsoul and Wordwhore cut yourself some slack you need more time to recuperate, we are here for you my friend don't let it all bring you down
from catsoul :
Good Morning Man. Have your 5 minute fucking pity party for one. I had one the other day, due to my mom fucking screaming at me over the phone, maybe story tell later, back to you. I also agree with wordwhore and jim. You have been dealing with a whole lot of shit, ok, piss and now just remember we aren't superhumans, so rest and heal. Grab that book and start reading. Nap. Eat. Dream. Breathe. Peace Out. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
Remember that text I sent you? Hm? The one where I warned you not to get discouraged? I know it's rough right now, but you've been through worse and you're going to get thru this. It's only been 3 days since you were cut open, dude. My bf is still having pain post-vasectomy and it's been 4 months, so just try not to let these little setbacks get to you, ok? I know the voice thing has got to suck, but, again, think how much cutting they had to do. It's gonna take some time, but you'll get there. Give yourself as much slack for this as you did for being ready to date post divorce, huh? ♥
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger you made it through Irma and the surgery now you and your house will be both on the mend besides the trees sounds like you did pretty good over there. It's some scary shit just sitting there wondering if your whole life will be uprooted. Your a better man then me Stinger I Would have been a wreck. Its always good to here from you my friend and have no fear I'll be still haunting the halls of diaryland for years to come.
from catsoul :
The author is: Erik Axl Sund, I forgot to write that before. Randy, who is a charge nurse and was a medic in the army for 7 years, said that you should take the catheter out, sooner because of abrasion which could lead to infection. Then he said, it is up to you and what your doctors say. Though he always gives me his 2 cents worth and it is usually right on. For heaven's sake, rest man. Peace Out. =^..^=
from vxxen :
I've never met you face-to-face, but I adore you. ❤you really are my step-dad 😍. You are right and I'll do some searching with my therpist
from catsoul :
9/26/17 Well your surgery has been done. I thought of you and was sending positive vibes throught out the day your way. Now comes the healing part and for heaven's sake, rest/sleep/eat healthy. Do not overdo it. I suppose your mom and dad are back. Breathe, just close your eyes and breathe. OK. Peace Out. =^..^=
from catsoul :
hey man, no worries and no need to apologize. You have a lot, I mean a lot of stuff going on in your life. On top of your health issues, you have all those downed trees. Too bad we don't live closer, and me being retired and all, I could use a good workout cutting and bucking of some trees/wood. Laila would ask why is Mother Nature sooooo mad, that she pushed over her trees. She was beside herself when we had the 65 mph winds/storm go thru here in June. I can't imagine how mad Mother Nature was there around you. So wishing the best for your next surgery. Don't sweat the small shit, and just rest. Sit back and drink tea. Anyhoo, thanks for the two notes, and like I wrote, I understand, just breathe. Peace Out. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
thanks! hope everything goes smoothly from now through your surgery. you've earned some easy times! ♥
from catsoul :
Rest and sleep is for healing. I am surprised you only napped for 3 or 4 hours. Don't worry about your voice, it has to rest also. Did your mom and dad go home now? Anyhoo, take care and rest. Peace Out. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
One day at a time, as you know, so I hope you're not getting frustrated with yourself. You needed this time to rest, and I noticed you corrected yourself from slacking to resting, which is good, so I'm just reinforcing that ;) Take care and get well soon. ♥
from gr8legs :
Hey, stinger! Indeed, I am a fan of piercings. More so a fan of piercings than tattoos. I even had my navel pierced back in college. For me, piercings feel good when touched. But that's a bit of my kink coming through.
from jimbostaxi :
Sad to hear about your voice Stinger I hate that acid reflux stuff I was on a med that was bringing that stuff up it was awful. I hope you continue healing and prayers always with you. In the end when you said you had a shitload to do I thought you were going say you were also backed up from the opioids and hence ,, A shitload ofshit ,, but then I rembered Im the one who does low brow toilet humor :0)
from nineofswords :
Yeah, your ex was probably shopping for sport and taking her friends out to lunch on your dime. I used to make less than half what my ex-husband made we split up, I kept all the bills and paid his truck insurance and somehow managed to make it a lot better than we had done with both our salaries. Funny how that happens, eh?
from catsoul :
hi. hope you are healing well. I am going to get gyrandaughter tomorrow. my email is: [email protected]
from catsoul :
hello back at you! Are you on Facebook? You could see a lot of my wildlife pics. Anyhoo.....how is it going this afternoon Buttercup? Take Care. Peace Out. =^..^=
from catsoul :
OMG the size of a potatoe, holy crap. Just glad to read you are done with part one. Raise your legs a lot. Sleep and naps are a must. Just sit and watch nature. Peace out. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
What's the hospital stay on that? And how long will you be out of work? Now adays they just rush rush rush soon as your in recovery their like ok you ready to go it's freaking crazy! I need you to do one favor for me,,,, I need a full entry on nurses that tend to you,,, bahahahaha Stinger I'lll bet you'll be enjoying that sponge bath!
from jimbostaxi :
You'll be strong like bull in no time ! sendining prayer out for the Stinger man keep us posted!
from nineofswords :
When I divorced my husband, I just wanted my freedom. No child support, alimony, or anything. I let him take whatever he wanted from the house and just go. I kept the house (and mortgage)all the bills, and even paid his truck insurance for a solid year after he was gone. He left town with no job, no bills, and he reverted to being a kid. He lucked out.
from catsoul :
hi. It is probably one day until your surgery. Wishing for the best. I know, send your folks on a mini vacation. Good idea. Get them out of there so you can actually rest man. Anyhoo, will be thinking positive thoughts about you tomorrow or again the next day if it is then. Peace Out. =^..^=
from nineofswords :
I am saving and investing. I'm behind schedule on that to an extent, but I have a good net worth and I own real estate, plus I will probably never retire. As long as nothing terrible happens to my health, I'm going to always be earning. Good luck with dating. I am not ready for that yet. I don't know if I'll everrrrr be. Clearly I cannot be trusted to choose a mate. :-)
from nineofswords :
Pregnant motorcycle tragedy was really a bad one, but sadly, not the most shocking case I've seen. A young woman in med school who was dragged under a car until she came apart - by her stalking ex - was the worst one.
from lust- :
He asked if we could go over for (Canadian) Thanksgiving in October instead. His good friends are getting married around that time, as well, so I'll be meeting a whole bunch of people. Fun.
from dangerspouse :
Dude, those socks ROCK, what are you talking about? Lol... Hey, looking forward to reading positive things about the thyroid update. Keep us posted, willya?
from catsoul :
hi. Just tell your mom and dad that you do not, repeat do not want them going through boxes. They are only there to help and if need be tell them only one week. I don't think I could handle my parents being here for three weeks, I would go insane. Peace Out. Be kind to yourself man. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
Damn buddy I just read your last entry your hands are full with all you got going on. Praying all comes out well let me know how everything turns out.
from jimbostaxi :
Aaaaa Stinger you big lug I'm blushing :0) yep I'm back I was doing some soul searching looking into my inner jimbo the problem was I didn't like what I saw which made me drop out of sight. Glad your still on buddy now the monumental task of catch up begins.
from wordwhore :
O's family had the same philosophy with him and his siblings, I'm pretty sure. Not now, but when they were little. Your template loads fine for me, btw.
from catsoul :
wow...some vacation.....inquiring minds want to know more about the fight on your plane ride, and dangerspouse will probably want to know more about the boobs. Peace Out. =^..^=
from lust- :
Thank you!xo
from mhscutie05 :
Yea, his 'buddy' is going to be staying away for a while now. Especially from me. lol But I'm over the prank now. He's still making it up to me tho. :P I'm just glad his 'buddy' didn't land him in jail!
from mhscutie05 :
Sure as hell wasn't funny at all! But the mark I left on his buddy's face was!!!! :P
from dangerspouse :
Damn, dude. Damn. I sure as hell hope your continued employment is at least secure if/when you go through with the surgery. Best of luck to you buddy, I mean that.
from lust- :
Yeaaah, you may be a bit too cautious. The big eyes and loud voice were attributed to an endorphin high after a bike ride and because he was able to be social for a couple hours. He doesn't get to do that very often. I can tell when he's in a mood when his eyes are almost slits and have clouds behind them. He may crash in a couple days...we'll see...but I'm taking and enjoying what I can get cause he's in a 'normal' state right now.
from glorycloud :
Thanks for the note about our little friend Rudy going to the afterlife. We miss him greatly, but death sooner or later comes to all living creatures. We are getting our doors from Pella Doors-three doors-I did not go into details about the doors-since we paid the full amount for three doors it came to around $8,000.00 dollars. We are getting a new front door that also has a new storm door-very fancy-new door frame etc. . . We are having the door leading out to our garage replaced-new door frame and door-and a new door for our downstairs storeroom that leads out to our back yard-all these improvements are needed-we have the money-next new carpet and then new furniture-if we want to sell this house someday we can get more money for it due all the improvements we have made over the years.
from catsoul :
Thanks for your note. Glad to read about your thyroid. Having dealt with my thyroid for years, just glad they believe that it will shrink. The fireworks actually were not too bad around here this year. Have a good weekend. Take Care. =^..^=
from nineofswords :
I see, I see, said the blind man...
from gr8legs :
the best advice someone ever gave me about relationships is that red flags are red flags. don't make excuses for them nor ignore them. you got TEN red flags. it's time to bounce. go on the vacation, clear your head and focus on what you really want out of a real relationship. 7/1/17
from catsoul :
Just do what is best for you. I feel for you man. Get your vacation on pronto. Have a good safe holiday. Peace Out. =^..^=
from nineofswords :
Well now I'm curious. What is it that piqued your interest? :-)
from lovercraft :
Thanks for checking on me! Just updated. You're right, things are moving right along for me. Very busy in the best way.
from catsoul :
Robin Trower's "Bridge of Sighs." I love the way he has a musical bridge into his next song. I saw him in concert 5 times now. He is one of my favs. Do you listen to him? =^..^=
from wordwhore :
good luck with the vacation. the thing i left in the note about bf turned itself around... or rather he and i turned it around with all four hands and a hell of a lot of emotional elbow grease.
from wordwhore :
from catsoul :
Man you have got to listen to "Dolphin's Cry" by LIVE. I am listening to them on my system now. So goooooood.
from catsoul :
I listen to GVF too. You may like Alice in Chains and the group called LIVE. I thought at first that LIVE was the album name, it isn't. Their song about flying is sooooooo awesome. Good taste in music man. Peace out. =^..^=
from catsoul :
ok, good advice. Thanks. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
Sure, you can watch the monkeys, but it costs extra LOL Yeah, haven't written anything about it yet, but the thing with BF blew the fuck up and is pretty well dead in the water, from where I'm sitting. More on that in an entry... Thanks ♥
from lust- :
Thanks for the note. Yeah, I've been reading up on mental illness a bit and how perspectives and a bunch of things can differ. I'm trying to be as supportive as possible. Anyway, thanks again..I know you've been in a similar boat before.
from catsoul :
oh I meant to mention we have a retirement fund going with the one you mentioned you like. We are very happy with them. Once a year Tim comes to the house to talk with us and advise us. We went a bit more aggressive this year, which is new to me. Just sayin'. Peace Out again. =^..^=
from catsoul :
Me too. I love that girl. Thanks for the note. =^..^=
from glorycloud :
a decent financial advisor-we use T.Rowe Price Retirement Plan Services
from gr8legs :
i'm glad things are going well health-wise for you! i'm glad you got those second opinions. 6/11/17
from wordwhore :
Sounds like a lot of good news!! Glad you didn't have that same pain and blood and everything from last time. I suspect he knew he was a much better doctor and chose not to tell you for the reasons you suspect. That he knew it wouldn't be a big deal when his office did it, so there was no need to worry you. I like this doctor.
from wordwhore :
Nah, if I ever felt the need to gawk at your junk, I'd probably just ask for pics LOL
from dangerspouse :
Hey man, sorry for the delay getting back to you on this. Was away for long weekend with wifey. Anyway... So yeah, about the boredom eating thing. Honestly, if I had a good answer that I wouldn't have needed to write that entry. I mean, before my elbow surgeries it was no problem. It helped a lot that the Atkins diet makes you feel full a long, long time after you eat a meal. But also, back then I could also hop on a bike or hit the heavy bag if I got bored. When I didn't have that option after the surgeries, it was a 3 year slide back into old bad habits. I wish I knew what to tell you, because I'd then tell it to myself also. I'm just gonna have to steel myself this time and be mindful of what I'm doing as I go through each day. Self control was never my strong suit, so this is gonna be a real test. At least now I can do some more upper body things, so that'll help. But still....good luck to both of us! Thanks for the note, buddy :)
from wordwhore :
Try not to exhaust yourself with all this travel and work. I think you dreams mean you want to trade what you once had for something more suited to you, possibly a brunette someone. Or maybe just that your brain is finding fun ways to process your attempts to reach the lady about the truck and your interactions with the women you've been around lately and your desire to be more than friends with someone at last. There is also the possibility that I'm totally full of shit and have no idea what I'm talking about ;)
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger my friend they are off the fucking charts over there, I'm actually thinking of transferring to a different building just to see if they are insane there too! I'm trying to keep on the right path Stinger ,,, easier said than done. The dream thing sometimes I can catch a lot of details if I write them down right after other times I forget right away
from wordwhore :
Boobs to finances, lol Most men manage the opposite, turning other conversations into conversations about boobs :D I could never get O to save a dime. I did, but it's long gone now. Worth it, though, as I lived off it when I left him. My sister uses Ally and loves it.
from wordwhore :
I got even more of the story after I posted and it's just horrific. She has PTSD from the miscarriage (which is common, but the circumstances around hers are not, at least I hope not) and basically I want to punch her IL's in their stupid faces. I can't imagine you were anything like that, even in your less sensitive, less enlightened times. That's just so fucked up beyond measure.
from lust- :
Hahaha. Drinking while reading about someone drinking certainly is exciting!
from lust- :
What's with the 'oooohhh' comment? Gosh. You need a lot of opinions! Here's to hoping it all gets sorted soon.
from wordwhore :
I'd be surprised by your inability to find good doctors on the first go, if I hadn't had 98% shitty doctors my whole life. They're like teachers. Either they were born to do it & are really good at it or they think they know everything and don't listen and don't think they have anything else to learn, especially not from you, the lesser mortal. Always second opinion for surgery, though, I think. Hope it all works out soon. Best ♥
from gr8legs :
yes, get multiple opinions. the last thing you need is to be medicated for an unnecessary procedure for the rest of your life. people that are that quick to cut concern me.
from lust- :
Sounds as if some R&R was well deserved. I think grooming can be a bit of a touchy subject. He initially said that he likes there to be less pubic hair for the same reason you said, that it helps to accomplish what you want to do orally. But, then it became more personal preference & I ain't all about that. I have my moments where I embrace my inner hippie & don't groom for months if that's what I'm feeling. I think it can be tough for people to understand that. Hah. I don't really give a shit, though. I still get laid on the regular, no matter how I look. I like your old school ways! I need to find more people like that. At least people who appreciate the female body no matter what form it takes. Too many people are ruled by what society dictates to be acceptable. Hope your dream lady wishes come true!xo
from catsoul :
What? =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
Happy Easter Stinger!
from jimbostaxi :
I'm glad your moms ok!! :0) I have to read back through your last posts to see how the catheter problem is going. Is the intermittent a step in the right direction?
from jimbostaxi :
Ty for the note my friend, sometimes it's hard to get restarted when I've been away awhile but I'm trying :0)
from dangerspouse :
I was really touched by the heartfelt note you left, Stinger. Touched. That was really excellent of you, and I'll take your words to heart. You rock, bud. Thanks. Really.
from dangerspouse :
Hey man, thanks for squeezing some time out of your hectic schedule to drop me a line with the Mom update. You're a champ. Glad to hear - there, and in your latest post - that things are going as well as can be hoped for. Sounds like you've scored a great medical team! My continued best wishes for you all going forward, and I'm sure you'll have no trouble staying on your A-Game. The best always rise to the occassion when everything's on the line. Oh, and thanks for your wishes regarding my own situation. Doesn't compare to the gravity of what your family is going through, of course, but I appreciate the well wishes nonetheless. And no, it wasn't an April Fool's post. Thanks, man :)
from dangerspouse :
Best of luck to your mother, Stinger. I hope all goes well.
from catsoul :
3/20/17...Thank you for your kind words. I greatly appreciate them. Have a good week. Take Care. =^..^=
from catsoul :
3/13/17 Sorry to read that you are tired and out of sorts. Today is National Nap Day, sounds like a great thing to do, nap alot. Feel better man. Take Care. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
Ty for the clarification :0)
from wordwhore :
Sending good vibes in your direction and your family's. ♥ Oh and I got your email, thank you. I tried a lot of that before, but I will check out the video and see if there was more I could have done/can do.
from jimbostaxi :
These are terrifying times my friend and I've made a promise to myself I'm going to get more active and fight for the causes I believe in. Thanks for the note :0)
from jimbostaxi :
To say white privilege doesn't exist would be a lie, to say only a white person doing something wrong gets stopped is also a lie it's a tough subject but I felt I had to make and entry about it :0)
from wordwhore :
Btw, if you don't open the letter, write RTS on it, X the address and scratch out any barcode for the zipcode, then they should return it.
from wordwhore :
I hope your mother is all right and that her surgery goes smoothly! ♥ I'm sure you'll figure out the best travel plans for that. And yes, another parallel. After I wrote that note, I got the "I miss you" text, so the hoovering is not finished yet, obviously.
from wordwhore :
Just realized I never said anything about your vacation plans. Let me know if you will be up this way and we can have coffee or something
from wordwhore :
Oh, just, telling me how he's spent too long obsessed with his job, but the new job is great and he's not going to do that anymore and also saying these beer glasses are nice, you'll have to have a beer in one when you come back in, trying to interact with me via videos of the dogs, etc, etc. Patterns. I too had patterns in my family that I failed to see earlier. I knew I had dysfunction, but some of it I didn't see, still. It's hard, untangling a psyche. Very hard.
from jimbostaxi :
Self preservation is my goal! Can't spend that money if I'm in jail or dead :0)
from jimbostaxi :
Loved that entry my friend and yes you don't need that shit :0) dropped by to say hi :0)
from wordwhore :
We had similar hoovering experiences today, it seems. GOOD FOR YOU! Stronger, better, wiser, yes. ♥
from gr8legs :
BRAVO!!! you are stronger, you are healthier, you are better. i'm elated that you recognize the manipulation that tries to pull you back into turmoil. i'm glad you chose peace. 2/24/17
from catsoul :
Hooray to YOU.
from lust- :
Yep. He's a med student, and is taking care of his health. What do you see as being a 'bad sign'?
from wordwhore :
So glad you got through that hurdle! I know you've got to be relieved.
from dangerspouse :
Dude. This has been some journey. I know you're happy with the current progress, and I am too for you, but...damn. Hang in there, bud!
from wordwhore :
Good luck with the self-C! Don't forget to hit me up with the thing you wanted to tell me about! I know you're super busy, so this is just a reminder for whenever you've got time and your thoughts compiled. ♥
from secret-motel :
Ah, thank you. Yes, it's been a while.
from wordwhore :
It's hard to say about the chick you're chasing. I've known people like that, where you start to feel like "I should take a hint" but then they get back to you. She may just be really busy/socially active or maybe she's testing your interest? She could want to meet up, but be wary for some reason, so she doesn't want to burn the bridge, but isn't quite ready yet to commit to meeting. *shrug*
from lust- :
Yep. Heard that before. Doesn't make me feel better. Not one bit. This is how I operate. I'm glad you got a second opinion. The new Doc sounds much better. Take care.
from aryssa90 :
Thank you, being sick definitely sucks. Would you mind if I had the password to your diary?
from wordwhore :
Interesting. Might be a piece to the puzzle. I know my dad contributed to my issues with O. And possibly my mom's reactions to my dad, as well. These brains... they are a complicated yet fragile piece of machinery.
from jimbostaxi :
Yep, shit gets weird when the mind doesn't rest. The visual stuff doesn't bother me as much as the brain being unable to process shit.
from wordwhore :
Shaking the first doc's words might be tough, but remember that's two doctors now who seem to feel Uro1 overreacted about the VV response. You got this, man.
from dangerspouse :
Oh yeah - I'm finally catching up on your prostate issue here. What a saga!! I hope the new course of treatment brings you relief, and fast. Good luck, buddy!
from dangerspouse :
Hey man, thanks for the note! You're right - very good! - the bain marie stock was indeed richer than regular stock right out of the pot. You can still get regular stock that rich, but it usually takes some reduction to do so. Both will gel - particularly if you add gelatinous things like chicken feet to the regular method stock - but this bain marie stuff turned into chicken jello without any additions, and very quickly. :)
from gr8legs :
i'm so freaking glad you got a second opinion!! i am relieved that you are working with someone that appears to have more knowledge and experience. hi-5s and booty slaps all around!! :) 2/1/17
from jimbostaxi :
Awesome entry that's why it's always important to get a second opinion.
from wordwhore :
Wow, what a difference! Hope you can get it all under control soon!
from wordwhore :
I think we do think alike sometimes. Could be part of why we are friends, no? ;) I admit, despite writing about them in my books, I don't know as much about prostates as I probably should. I wasn't aware the test was so unreliable. Seems like a lot of trouble comes from the results of an unreliable test. But if it's the only, it's the only. I know you've mentioned something like prostate cancer is a question of when you'll get it, which is kind of scary. I still hope, if it is a when, yours will be much, much later in your timeline. You got held back enough with all the Honi crap. You deserve to have some fun living while you're still young enough to enjoy it. And all this health stuff you're going thru makes me annoyed with the universe on your behalf. ♥ But I know you'll get through it and come out better on the other side. You've definitely earned it.
from wordwhore :
Get another email address and give them that one? As far as the medical situations, I know none of that can be pleasant and wanting it over with is perfectly understandable. But you're right. Rushing often leads to things blowing up. I'm glad you're consulting another doctor! I hope there is no cancer. I have wondered, given that you've had elevated levels for so long AND you have a benign tumor on your thyroid - could the same thing be happening with your prostate? I have no idea if that's even a possibility, just something that occurred to me. As always, I wish you the best and keep you in my prayers. ♥
from wordwhore :
Dismissal is a better word, I suppose. Either way, glad you got past it and it has helped you.
from wordwhore :
I did post a lot the past few days, huh? Oops ;) I agree, progress. And I'm glad you were able to grow and overcome your fear of therapy. I used to have similar misgivings, though for different reasons. Hugs back to you.
from jimbostaxi :
Just checked out your entry ty :0)
from catsoul :
Going to therapy is a godsend. Thank you for sharing and reaching out thru your words to another. You may have helped just more than that person. Again going to therapy works if you work on it and yourself. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
It was terribly fun!! good thing I didn't have more time I would have been fucked !! "F"s physical therapy appt is Wednesday lets see if she punks out lol
from jimbostaxi :
You know what's hard my friend? Admitting that I actually need the help. No one here has ever gone to therapy and I don't want them to think badly of me because I'm looking for help. I'll let you know how the search goes and I most surely will consult you because I'm certain i will have some questions.
from wordwhore :
Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. And I will definitely accept hugs. I think a lack of them is actually part of my problem. I lost a source of physical affection when I left TX and I haven't been full-on hugging people since I got here, except once or twice. It's taking a toll, just like it did with me and O. That was a large part of the issue and a large part of why I was so unhappy.
from wordwhore :
Interesting that you are less sore. I remember how unpleasant they last two were when you wrote about them. Maybe your pain threshold has changed, since you've been dealing with the catheter for so long? At any rate, less pain is good.
from lust- :
You're in my thoughts! Also, thanks for the note. I'm programmed to be hard on myself. Hah. Watched a horoscope video that put things in perspective, though. I'll talk to him about it in person. Dating and relationships are a lot of work!
from catsoul :
Sending and thinking positive for you and this procedure. Just breathe. Peace Out. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
Prayers being said and all good luck wished ♥
from catsoul :
It is so freeing not to have so many items taking up space in one's life. Good for you, really good for you. Proud of you man! Take Care. Peace Out. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
And if you should so happen to speak with your acquaintance and have any info to pass along, it would be greatly appreciated. Really hope the biopsy goes well and no cancer is found anywhere. Prayers and good thoughts. ♥
from wordwhore :
I honestly don't know what you mean, but I'll say this - if I'm ever chewing your ass, you'll know it LOL
from wordwhore :
Someone else's burden being larger doesn't make yours less heavy. Hopefully, you are cancer free and the TURP surgery will happen soon and clear up a lot of your problems. This whole cath business sounds like a giant pain in the dick, literally and figuratively. Best thoughts.
from lust- :
Thanks for taking the time to write the note even when you were so tired. It did make sense. I think I'll post it to FL after my friend gives me her feedback. Also, I need someone like you in my life when it comes to computers. Sounds as if you know what you're doing!
from catsoul :
To help remember stuff, how about the old fashioned way, write it down on a list. It helps me, though I used to spend time looking around for the paper, now I solved that also a few years ago, I have a basket with my notes in it. It works. Get a decorative sort of basket. Stay warm man. =^..^=
from catsoul :
GB Green Bay
from lust- :
Sounds like a masochists dream. Here's to hoping the doctor isn't a sadist, for your sake. The hwy sex shop was actually really nice! I would've bought a few things, if my friend wasn't waiting. Will just have to order things online.
from wordwhore :
The bolt thing is kind of common and known as sounding. The rest of it is really fucked up and you need to put a disclaimer at the top of your entry :P
from wordwhore :
Our brains love nothing better than to fuck with us and show us just a little of what we want, without quite letting us have it. Our internal clocks know when that alarm is coming and times the very best dreams accordingly, I find. The phrase "mod cock" makes me think of strap-ons... Anyway. Best of luck with all the things that are up in the air right now. Hope everything will start working out for you soon. ♥
from catsoul :
oh have you ever listened to Michelle Shocked? Well we listened to a lot of her songs/music while granddaughter was here, especially her song, "When I Grow Up, I Want to be an Old Woman." Listen to it super loud. Awesome words, Laila was singing it all the time. Love that girl. =^..^-
from catsoul :
Thank you again, for your kind words to me. Don't forget her grandpa though. So how the heck is it going for you? Take care man. =^..^=
from nineofswords :
Thanks for the good advice and the kind words. :-)
from jimbostaxi :
Not husky or sexy just normal range I'll let you know if I discover more lol. Im going be a grandpa jeez,,, ill be there for her she's been avoiding me for months I'm glad she included me in her life. Thanks for the note :0)
from lust- :
Thanks. Hope the New Year brings good things for ya and you accomplish your goals.
from catsoul :
Screamers have sexy, husky voices. Yup
from gr8legs :
Exactly on both counts! a person that can't kiss is just as bad as one that stops kissing you with the same intimacy as they once did. The college guy just didn't know how to kiss and 'A' stopped kissing me like he used to. a bust either way.
from jimbostaxi :
Happy holidays to you my friend stay safe! :)
from catsoul :
Amazing isn't it when there is less pain. Take Care fine friend. Merry Christmas to You and your family. =^..^=
from gr8legs :
i'm sorry your test results were higher than last time. i'm praying for you.
from jimbostaxi :
Hey my friend I haven't really been spending much time here but I did send you and email let me know if you see it.
from catsoul :
hi there. That is cool saurkrat and buttermilk. What are you going to cook with those ingredients? Take Care Man. =^..^=
from whystinger :
Note to self: October 19
from wordwhore :
Sorry things are so complicated right now. On the plus side, you could still be married and be having to go thru all this and deal with Honi too. ❤
from wordwhore :
Time for new doc? Geez... really glad you got that info before you experienced it. Having experienced that many times as a woman, I can tell you it never gets less unpleasant when it happens, and I can only imagine how much weirder it is through a smaller orifice, sorry :/
from lust- :
Thanks, Stinger. I feel as if it's my duty to educate the ignorant, especially when it comes to race. I had to deal with a lot of racial comments while growing up and during my travels and it's about time I stand up for what I know is wrong. You're definitely going through it, eh? I hope everything gets resolved soon. Sending good vibes your way.xo
from catsoul :
Fuck our damn bodies, right!! You wrote it like a comedy, so I was laughing, and so thinking that I can fuckin' relate. So was this your first? I mean your first VVR? Anyhoo, a beautiful writing also man. If we can not see the humor in all our lives, who can, right man? Peace Out. =^..^= P.S. Thanks for sharing all that, it is so freeing.
from wordwhore :
Oh good grief! You'll excuse me if I suggest your urologist is a dickbag. (Not to be confused with the one strapped to your leg ;)) (too soon? ♥)
from gr8legs :
i'm praying for you.
from wordwhore :
Oh, my, you are having a rough go of it. I'm so sorry. Keeping you in my thoughts. ♥
from jimbostaxi :
Damn. Stinger man I would be freaking the fuck out if I saw all That coming out you must have nerves of steel! What's up with those douchebags not answering the phone?
from dangerspouse :
Dude. Been away for a few day, and just now getting caught up. Saw your great note re: Stepfie. Thanks for sharing those thoughts. And I'm glad you got the pecker procedure, too. I hope that more or less puts an end to a major portion of the problem. The thyroid thing? Damn, good luck with that. I understand people do great on replacement hormone therapy, and I admire your attitude about the whole situation. Hang in there, buddy.
from jimbostaxi :
Stinger my man sorry for the delay she's out of surgery things are looking good. your in my thoughts and prayers like I said in that email don't be a stranger :0)
from gr8legs :
hey, stinger. i pray things will go well for you regarding your health. get second and third opinions if surgeries are suggested. and thanks for your note. i will agree that some marriages just won't work. prayer will only work in a marriage if both parties both try and want it to work. and from what you indicated in your entries, honi just didn't want to work on it. so i see your course of action with the divorce. i don't blame you one bit. you seem so much happier now despite current circumstances.
from wordwhore :
Wow, you've been having quite a rough go of it :/ I hope everything gets resolved as soon and as well as possible. ♥
from catsoul :
Holy Crap Man. You can and will get thru this. Better to know everything and deal with it. I wish I could just come and sit in your hospital room to keep company. I also think the worst first and hope always for the best outcomes. I would like to send you cards if you would like. If you would email your address to me at [email protected] =^..^=
from peggypenny :
Hi. How are you doing?
from glorycloud :
Hope you are recovering quickly-peace
from valasaurus :
Thanks! And nope, I live in NJ :)
from lust- :
Thanks for the advice & good vibes! Need to catch up on your entries..
from catsoul :
OK. Thanks. Back to your cath. My husband who is a nurse helped me when I had to have a cath for awhile a few years ago. When you shower put your bag in a ziplock bag. Can you hang it off the faucet. Sorry about it hurting. Maybe the tube is too wide in diameter. Take vit.e for awhile. Try not to stress too much over this, be super nice to yourself and don't think you have to get it all done. It is only a blip, blink, moment in time. It will be alright no matter what. OK. I hear you too. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
It's all good :0) jimbo knows you got a lot going on :0)
from catsoul :
It sucks getting older, so it goes. Glad the doctor did the urine output amount. The thyroid surgery isn't too bad though each case is different. Thank you for sharing your heartfelt feelings about Sarah. I am still thinking about her and her family. As for the raking I just couldn't do too much yesterday. I needed a rest time. You need to rest also now. Don't stress out too much. Better to deal with your health challenges head on(no pun intended, haha). Anyhoo, take care man. =^..^=
from gr8legs :
dude!! that doctor's visit gave me an anxiety attack. i'm praying that it's not anything more serious than you retaining urine.
from wordwhore :
oh wow you had quite the doctor visit! none of that sounds pleasant. hope everything goes well and it's nothing serious. keeping you in my thoughts. ♥
from jimbostaxi :
Dropped you and email let me know if you got it
from dangerspouse :
Hey, Stinger. Oh man, sorry to hear your issue cropped up again. I had to make a tough choice: I could only take enough time off to cover one surgery, and I chose the elbow. That's how debilitating it was, plus the urologist said it wouldn't be dangerous if I put his procedure off for a bit. Uncomfortable, but not dangerous. So I'll be addressing that next year. If you need a pen pal to chat about it, drop me a line. (BTW, that was a sensitive and touching elegy to Stepford-T. I already miss her terribly.)
from wordwhore :
❤❤❤
from jimbostaxi :
Foley catheter? Wtf did I miss you ok? That was a lovely entry about Sarah
from jarofporter :
Yeah, I think the anger has taken over at this point, it's just bullshit. If ever there was a person who deserved a great life it was her. This isn't how the story was supposed to end, ya know? Damnit...
from orangepeeler :
Thank you for the lovely comment. (Sorry for not responding sooner, I rarely check my notes.)
from jimbostaxi :
It blew my mind bro,,,I was pulling for her
from wordwhore :
Oh, I'm so sorry. If it's who I think it is, I know the two of you were close for a long time. :( ♥
from starkitten01 :
I just realized that I never updated my page to show any e-mail. Yikes, sorry! Feel free to send it to loveautumnrayne at a*o*l* dot com!!
from peggypenny :
Glad to hear Matthew didn't damage your home.
from lust- :
Thanks. I remember you saying the same thing a few months ago when I began therapy in Toronto. That lady was a middle-aged white lady and sometimes after our sessions I felt worse leaving than I did going in. I'm not sure what to expect with these sessions as it'll only be three with one therapist and they could only fit me in for Nov. 4. In the meantime they said the free walk-ins are still available, but that's a different therapist each time. Looks like I'm in this alone for now. At least I have this online community to come to. I'm glad you're safe after the hurricane. Good luck and have fun with the guests!
from peggypenny :
shape notes are on lines. 5 lines. Shape notes are either empty "O"s or filled in "O"s they have a line that either goes up or down, and some have tails.
from starkitten01 :
Thank you for that, it is certainly true, I desperately want something positive to come out of all of this struggle. I hope to continue healing, both emotionally and physically! I can't see your entries as you are locked up, but I saw a note saying stay safe in the hurricane, we are currently getting rain bands from it, hope you're doing well!!!
from nineofswords :
Ya know... I didn't remember the name of the author, or even whether I remembered the correct title, but I definitely remember the turtle on the cover!! So yes, I believe that is the very book I read that made all the difference in the world for my career. I might just get it and read it again!
from wordwhore :
Padded bra question - in my experience, once you get over a certain size, it's damned near impossible to find any other kind than padded! So, it's likely forced modesty, given that she has also run around without. Could be your case of drag-ass is mild depression? Or just discontent. Anyway, best of luck with the hurricane. Stay safe. ♥
from starkitten01 :
Thank you so much! It was not easy to talk it on my journal finally, but I realy really needed to finally address that part of my life. I normally talk about everything on my page, so in that respect it was also hard to *not* vent about it, as well.. I will probably never tell a soul in my life aside from the three whom do know, but I just felt like it needed to be told here. One day someone else going through this will stumble upon the entry and find hope because I did and it got me this far. :) I will definitely be discussing it more fom now on, and especially posting updates on how the treatment is going, and so on. Your support means so much to me, I am so grateful that you reached out- Thank you! <3
from jimbostaxi :
Nipplelicious new neighbor say that ten times fast , I must sell my house and move to your area just fugly ones next to me! great news that you ran into Stef sounds like that may pay off in the long run. :0)
from dangerspouse :
HA! Dude, you ever find yourself so unlucky as to be back in the NY/NJ area and stop by, I'll feed you so much saffron you'll choke. The girl just told my wife she's sending more over when she gets her next batch from the family. Woo hoo! :)
from jarofporter :
gary johnson is a jerk - (also, be sure to read up on his policy stances, but he's a "no-chance" for me... http://libertyhangout.org/2016/05/gary-johnson-shoots-himself-in-the-foot-throws-out-austin-petersens-gun/?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link
from lust- :
Haha. Definitely NOT falling in love with Michigan. I've only been once. We'll see what the next few months have in store...if anything! I do enjoy how close it is to where I'll be living and I'll have a car, so I feel that road trips are mandatory. New Neighbour sounds...interesting to say the least. OKC is the one online dating site that I would endorse. They give you lots of space to write about yourself and then you can answer a bunch of questions about morals, your lifestyle, your dating habits and sex. I'm still unsure how the matching system works and there's a percentage for who you're more compatible with, but I tend not to take that to heart. Anyway, you should definitely give it a go if you're considering it.
from lust- :
I had to look up what you were on about re: creatures below the depths. Wow. That's great that one of the interviewers gave you a heads up on things you should look up and work on. You have a leg up for next time! Hope things eventually work out in your favour.
from jimbostaxi :
The cashier thing kind of got out of hand, I really don't know what to say ,,, Theres no excuse for that I could write this and that but what it comes down to is I was and obnoxious dick and she was 110 percent professional. Thanks for the note my friend I will keep what you said in mind about the help and I will reach out to ya and keep you posted :0)
from nineofswords :
Yes, I sincerely doubt that Brad was her first go round with cheating.
from peggypenny :
Can you read shape notes? Can you feel music? Do you know the feeling when looking at painted art?
from jimbostaxi :
Locked up for the moment just use the ID and pass you gave me
from notunique :
Sorry it took me so long to see this. I didn't end up needing coverage, for some reason my HR department didn't flip the switch and "terminate" me while I was gone. I had looked into COBRA, but you end up having to pay the actual monthly premium of your healthcare, which in my case was something like $500-600. It was an option, for sure, I'm lucky I didn't have to resort to it.
from jimbostaxi :
Man, you got me wanting to see chick with the brisket ! Take a selfie with her and post it :0)
from sugamaniak :
Lol honestly just die alone...its prob easier than finding someone of value these days. Its all people under the stairs out there...
from hitch-hike :
Thanks for stopping by. Whereabouts are you in the South?
from nineofswords :
Job stress is no fun, my friend. I don't make my own ancho sauce. I buy chipotle peppers in ancho sauce and I drizzle some of the sauce in the slaw. It's really good.
from jimbostaxi :
Hey, my friend missed ya! Gimme a heads up when your planning to be in these parts I'll take the ride to Jersey or Brioklyn and we will have a beer! :0)
from raven72d :
Looking forward to it!
from wordwhore :
Wow, it definitely sounds like the current job is running you ragged! Not sure the other job sounds better for you, based solely on location, but that's something you'll have to figure out for yourself and who am I to say? Still, don't let the current job completely exhaust you. Try to take a few minutes every day to just stop and breathe and be quiet. Might sound crazy, I don't know. I just find it's best if you don't let the RUN!RUN!RUN! go on from day to day without little breaks from it, if that makes sense. Anyway, what I'm saying at heart is, take care, friend. Hope things calm down very soon ♥
from peggypenny :
I am healing. Yes, I live on ... Hi, Hi to you.
from raven72d :
how is life?
from i-lost-sarah :
User: Sorry PW: notsorry
from peggypenny :
Tuesday I will be under going a difficult surgery. The kind that makes a person stop to say "hey." Truffles and scuffles. The 'recover' is not until 6/2017. signing off. Peggy
from peggypenny :
I see what you mean, they put a sheathe page over my account unless you log in. I put my photos someplace else. Sorry about that. What a lousy site. Boo Boo. :) well, I'll be right here for a couple hours fixing this problem.
from peggypenny :
You mean "Taxi Driver" "It's The Tits?' Pinterest links my Paintings. https://www.pinterest.com/PeggyPennyPins/ Pinterest won't give you some? I have no blocks. Pegkins
from wordwhore :
Yes, avoid the suction. Good luck with the job search!
from nineofswords :
Thank you. I'm pretty flattened.
from lust- :
People really don't know what the fuck they want. I've come to the conclusion that the owner has nothing up there and she's straight up stupid. If I knew how to better manipulate people, I could play her like a puppet. Unfortunately, I'm not into games like that. Siiigh.
from sugamaniak :
Yes, I think you're right on the ex thing..those anger feeling probably just resound in some small corners of our souls. The bullshit thing is just a constant annoyance in my world...I feel like I'm an alien on this planet sometimes when I watch how people treat each other.
from jimbostaxi :
Charcoal, I was hoping to inadvertently set my building on fire while I was grilling for my drivers but no such luck. Good to see ya back :0)
from dangerspouse :
Hey, good to see you post again. I guess the chirpractor's doing some good, huh, if you're back into working out? Hope so. "Boobies on Duty" is gonna be the name of my new rock band!
from pyroguysr :
Sorry I'm responding so late. Thank you for the info and the positive vibes. I am under care (though, not as good as I'd always like). Things sometimes just get overwhelming. I've recovered and life is going on. Being bi-polar can be a real bitch at times, but I've compensated most of my life and now I don't look backwards as often as I used to - mainly because there isn't that much "forward" left! LOL Thanks again.
from vxxen :
HAPPY STEP-PA DAY! ❤
from catsoul :
Thank you ever so much for the compliment. =^..^=
from orangepeeler :
Yoga is great. I took a class one term in 1996, but I didn't persist, because its meditative aspect bored me to sleep. I really didn't appreciate my body then, I didn't understand how it was this beautiful funny thing that needed to be trained to breathe and flex and bend. It is an amazing feeling to finally appreciate it after all these years. I am looking forward to each session.
from loveherwell :
i really appreciate your notes. the sentiments feel much wiser coming from another person. i am still trying to figure it out - hopefully i'll have some semblance of that by the end of the summer. we'll see. thank you.
from nineofswords :
You're welcome. Now I want some chia pudding!
from jimbostaxi :
Thanks my friend you are 100 % right as always :0) I'm working on it June 2 is around the corner there's really no going backwards now it's all about moving forward how much will that be? I don't really know,,, I will decide that after the 2nd
from wordwhore :
nope, it's not a choice. and how one looks has jack shit to do with it. sad that we have people thinking that way in 2016, but then there are still horrible, ignorant racists in 2016, so it isn't that surprising, I guess. just my two cents, but perhaps dating someone at a place you like to go a lot is not much of a better plan than dating the neighbor? i can't advise where IS a good place to meet people (aside from online dating places like okcupid), i just think it would be a shame to have to stop going there if it didn't work out. sounds like you're not, anyway, but just throwing that out there.
from lust- :
Ooh, gonna try to start dating again, huh? Where will you start? It's good that you already have a few deal breakers and know what to look out for and stay away from. It definitely makes sense that most therapists agree that sex in a relationship is important. It's nice to feel wanted and desired and to have sexual needs taken care of. I know it should be a deal breaker for me, as well, but I've already invested quite a bit of time into this and I'm not ready to give up, yet. I'm waiting to see if he makes the effort and gets tested and if things will change from there. I'm giving it a week, tops. If not, it's time to move on!
from dangerspouse :
Hey, thanks for the note! Unfortunately, no cabins or abandoned homes in the woods surrounding me. I think I know the ones you're talking about though, outside of West Milford/Butler area. Still, I'm having fun regardless...and I like your idea about burying pennies for the little girl to find. Maybe I'll hide them in (used) condoms for a special treat. Have a safe trip!
from jimbostaxi :
:0) anytime
from nineofswords :
I will give you a link to some chia pudding recipes. This is really good. Chia seeds thicken stuff up. I like fruity recipes with chia seeds. Here's the link: http://dailyburn.com/life/recipes/chia-seed-pudding-recipes/
from vxxen :
I WANT to but my therapist is telling me that i cant just drop niggas. I want to. Shes also teaching ne to speak up for myself with that kind of personality. But, im like...fuck it
from jimbostaxi :
Sent you and email :0)
from secret-motel :
HaHa! Yeah, well, you know...either/or. Not in a cannibalistic way, of course.
from comebacktome :
Thanks for the note! The irony is- I really never do this. I am usually pursued and not interested in just sex, so guys give up. If he didn't have kids there might be potential, but given his situation, I am happy to just give the itch a old scratching and be friends after *shrugs*.
from lust- :
Definitely look up a suspension team in your area! The community is very welcoming and if you send an email, I'm sure they'll be very responsive of you checking out an event as a spectator. I can even give you a few tips beforehand, if you want. Each suspension is so different and I already learned so much about myself and the people around me from the first two, so I'm looking forward to seeing what the next one will bring.
from wordwhore :
They were incredibly grateful for our presence and vocally so. O talked to cousin again yesterday and reiterated to him that he wasn't alone and we'd include him in things. That was his biggest fear because he's never lived alone - at 51 - and he's terrified of being alone or at least of using his loneliness as an excuse to get into another bad situation. His sister is scared of it for him too. So.
from jarofporter :
thanks for the note! i'm not thinking of dating an ex anymore, was just using it as a segue for the topic i was leading into. :-)
from lust- :
Thank you! Entertaining is what we do best. It definitely takes its' toll, though. I need to make more time for myself. I've been busy and have responsibilities, though. Am hoping that in a couple weeks, things would have slowed down enough for me to have a bit of a getaway with no distractions. Thanks again for your kind words.
from nineofswords :
Yes, you did send me a pw! Thanks.
from lust- :
Thanks for the words of warning. I'll be sure to tread lightly around her. It's tough as sometimes we get along so well, but I'm sure you're right, she's just playing on my mood. Ohhh, Maria seems promising. You may also just need to get laid. Hah. Nothing wrong with that, of course! I'm all for letting go of things through sex. Also, thanks for the advice re: therapy. I still haven't received a call back to go in for a referral, yet, but when I do I'll be sure to do my research and find the best one for me. Have a good one!
from wordwhore :
went to reply to your note and managed to leave the damn thing on my own notes page... sigh. here it is: Well, if you want more info, I'll be happy to share. I keep forgetting I have other means of communication with you besides the email address that got hacked at some point... As for Maria, pretty sure it's a good sign that you're starting to get over your marriage, regardless of the whys of it. ♥
from jimbostaxi :
No card!! Come one man grab something anything write your number on it :0) thanks for the note and email :0)
from wordwhore :
Petite, at least in clothes, generally refers only to height, not width. Sounds like there were a few things going on. Chemistry was probably a factor, but craving touch was probably just as big. Also, a lot of the women you've met lately, there was a "what is the motive to her talking to me?" (or a "this is not an appropriate dynamic" like neighbor) while with Marrria, she had no motive, other than explaining dental stuff and being nice. I think it's natural you would respond well to that. And she's not a coworker or anyone whose position might later cause you grief (chiro/neighbor/etc). My 2 cents ;)
from catsoul :
Ask her out, go for her, do it. =^..^=
from secret-motel :
Yeah, the trumpet has such a lovely sound. Miles is my all-time favorite. I also love Freddie Hubbard and Lee Morgan. All those '60's Blue Note records.
from jimbostaxi :
Fucking douchebags there all over I've worked through the part of taking it personally with the main one I work with every night. He's not going to change and I'm not either I do occasionally need info from him and he makes it as difficult as possible but that's just how it is. I want to say some really fucked up shit to this douche bag but what will that get me? Just grief and I have plenty of that already.
from secret-motel :
Dizzy is pretty great!
from peggypenny :
Let me know, fire fox problem fixed, but I don't know about for Macs. So, please let me know if they play for a Mac. Pretty please? Peg
from lust- :
I s'pose some people are addicted to drama. I'm not about it, hence the need to escape yet again. Where do you want to go in Toronto? There are some very nice things about the city. I feel as if I've been stuck in it for the past two years, though. Time to move on. I need to work on re-writing my story. Good luck with all of your work thangs!
from jimbostaxi :
Send me a test one [email protected] thanks :0)
from jimbostaxi :
Just sent you and email :0)
from lust- :
Oh, she's not ready to go, yet. She seems to have changed her attitude the past couple days. I'm waiting for another bout of drama from her soon, though. We shall see..
from stepfordtart :
I'm intrigued by that cherry stuff - never heard of that. Definitely sounds more drinkable than your polish hooch - I've got some home made plum spirit that I got from a Romanian acquaintance - we're not brave enough to drink it but sometimes we sniff it, say "bloody hell" in a shocked vice and put it back behind the bar! Xx
from jimbostaxi :
You as well my friend :0)
from stepfordtart :
Thank you, you are a good friend xx
from nineofswords :
Thank you! My mom says she agrees with me, but she talks about buying my kid a house! She gives her money and care packages all the time. I don't mind the care packages, but I know it's a mistake to totally support a young adult. I would have never gotten it together if it hadn't been for the years I spent in poverty. I would like to have your pw for your diary. If you don't mind, could you email it to nynaswords at aol dot com? :-)
from wordwhore :
It's interesting that nowadays, even when you're talking about sad or angry things, your entries are still so much more hopeful and upbeat than when you were married. They used to center around "Here are the manipulations I suffered through in the time since my last entry" and now they are much more "Here are the things I did since my last entry, good and bad, and the growth I experienced from some of them." I don't know how it feels to you, but from my reader perspective, it appears your life has actually started to become a life again now. I know you're still processing and it's not over yet, but you're getting somewhere, I think. ♥
from jimbostaxi :
I almost forgot since I was so long on the other note thanks! yes, the job thing is going well so far next up will be the road test in like two weeks. You said do something for myself so I'm actually doing something who knew I could? Sky's the limit with the proper motivation :0)
from jimbostaxi :
Well it is a boring and long story I'll try and be brief due to stomache malfunction which is still undiagnosed by a doctor and money being tight I stopped eating for long periods which turned into two days which happened to help my pressure and help me with job which made me happy which in turn made me research the tummy thing which in turn made me say oh my which made me say I never new which in turn made me say I guess I have to eat something which in turned me on to the veggie thing :0)
from jimbostaxi :
All the gold in my kingdom for a dental hygienist with big kazangas to work on this back tooth of mine!!! :0)
from wordwhore :
Glad you're so accepting of us LGBT types ;) It is appreciated. I am sure the trans woman was very appreciative, since trans people are so often the victims not just of discrimination, but expressed via extreme violence. That gay/bi guy definitely sounds like he has issues far beyond what his orientation is. He seems to be a bit of an exhibitionist and probably needs outside validation. Or maybe, if he's religious as I think you said, it could be an overcompensation thing, as a response to residual guilt he might be feeling. Either way, sex talk is not appropriate in the workplace, regardless of orientation or gender, especially not to customers!
from wordwhore :
Yep, old Luci was known as the Morning Star. RFB was definitely projecting, but she got over it. We actually had a good talk afterward and got past it. It doesn't happen often, it's just really frustrating when it does because she's the person I usually get along with even when everyone else is making me crazy.
from peggypenny :
You are going to church today? The rain said to the rainbow, "Do you believe in always?"
from secret-motel :
Thank you much for the feedback. Yeah, I've been smitten with lots of people. This is completely different terrain. Not entirely unfamiliar. But rare for me.
from wordwhore :
You know, Lucifer was called the Morning Star... just sayin' ;)
from lust- :
The term for the male equivalent is: Crazy Cunt. Same goes with Massive Dick. They can be used both ways. I don't discriminate.
from glorycloud :
check out this book on the use of the Old Testament in the New Testament- http://www.wtsbooks.com/commentary-on-the-new-testament-use-of-the-old-testament-g-k-beale-d-a-carson-9780801026935
from glorycloud :
What you ask me would take me a book to answer-the difference between the Old Testament and the New Testament-just thinking about that question blows my mind! Hugh question-I would simply say the Bible is one book-the unity of Scripture-I would say the Old Testament is fulfilled in the New Testament-but the teaching/Torah of the Bible/OT is now internalized in the NT-read Second Corinthians chapter 3 verse 3-I could recommend some books if you want a list-what is important is to read the Old Testament and the New Testament together-for example read Genesis and Revelation at the same time-pray while reading the Bible and go to a church where the Bible is preached and taught-peace
from jimbostaxi :
Thank you very much your note put tears in my eyes but good tears not bad. I will work on Jimbo things and drop you and email. Thank you for taking the time out to send it :0) Peace
from vxxen :
Thank you for YOUR message, papa bear. Lol. It was nice and you are totally right. Which is kinda sad but I'm getting better ..or better yet, I'm TOLERATING it. I haven't even heard of those groups which sounds comforting, but Stinger, I am SO beyond not caring it wouldn't even phase me. Plus, I Think it would make me depressed. I don't do well with group. Sharing lol. I'm sorry about your allergies. That absolutely sucks money balls. Have you thought about wearing a hazmat suit? Lol and LOL on the lip service quote that was funny lol. And Honi is up north?! I knew the sitter smelled stank for some reason! ;) feel better😘
from wordwhore :
I think I am *finally* getting truly over it? I can't remember anything ever taking me down this long, but this stuff has just lingered. Still coughing, which I'm not fond of, but at least the extreme fatigue and chest pain is mostly gone. I too had an allergy attack that left my eyes red and sore (the skin around them, even) the next day. I haven't had a reaction that bad since I was a kid. I couldn't stop sneezing or coughing and my eyes just burned. Don't have a clue what it was. Anyway, glad part two of your entry sounds like a upswing! ♥
from vxxen :
😞 I'm sorry you're feeling a little down. I'm sending love!❤❤❤
from peggypenny :
I send you my good massage and hope you are ok.
from jimbostaxi :
Dude! I'm glad you are ok :0) accidents suck ! I Still walk with a limp from my worst one.
from jimbostaxi :
You are 100% correct my friend :0) what was I thinking? I should get a pass for a whole year!!!
from wordwhore :
the one time we were hit by a drunk driver was also in a rental car and it was also a shit show on the rental car side. good luck!
from catsoul :
Hello...sounds like way too much, on the road again. I couldn't do that. What do you do when your work time is over for the day, on the road? Do you go on any adventures? Take the girl plunge! Happy Trails and be safe. =^..^=
from peggypenny :
Yes, a new chain saw is multi purposeful. It could get rid of that pesky neighbor, saver money on hair cuts and even carve your holiday turkey.
from vxxen :
Hey, step-pa! I hope you feel better. And the biker bar entry was AWESOME! It was like I was RIGHT there sitting next to you laughing at those nasty girls and singing along to the 90s songs. Your entries always calm me down. I missed your writing :) <3
from nineofswords :
I just read something about people's noses being full of terrible germs. LOL. I guess a good dose of germ killing drops in the nose would be a good idea.
from lust- :
Whatever happened to that entry about kinks we both said we were going to write about? Clearly, your latest entry states you're a big fan of small tits, yet are intrigued by women with big boobs? Hmm...where will this lead you in the future if you decide to hit up that bar again down the road when you're going..down the road? I really enjoyed those entries. I pictured you nursing your terrible American beer (why no good craft beer in your parts?!) and watching that somewhat terrible band who were probably only good after you had a few and a lovely slut planted a smooch on your cheek, then you left in haste. OK, not in haste, in drunkeness. You were drunk, right? Glad you made it home safe and sound! We've all been there before. Watch yourself next time. There are people here reading (after drinking good, Canadian draft beer) and hoping you've made it home safe & sound. Rest your head easy, man..xo
from catsoul :
At first I thought I was reading about you in your dream. It was a bit surreal. You need a more nights out like that, you almost let it go. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
I tell you what I'm going do since your a nice guy and leave awesome notes thank you by the way :0) I'll knock 5 bucks off your storage bill all you got to do is load those trailers back up go through that gauntlet of obstacles, drive it up to Long Island unload it I'm my garage and drive back down! Piece of cake think of the savings were talking about 5 whole bucks :0)
from dangerspouse :
What the hell is going on with everyone getting the Creeping Crud around here? Knock it off! Good. Now then: WHAT A TRAILER FIASCO! Holy shit dude, that was an Icelandic epic of a storage unit run. I can't believe you ended up squeezing that trailer in and around like that. I was exhausted just reading about it. Man oh man. Well, I hope it ends up being worth it. Well done!
from nineofswords :
Thanks! Sorry to hear you've got the scourge as well. I have been very healthy for a long time and thought I had the bronchitis thing beat, but it got me this time. The nephew brought me a germ I couldn't fight down and I ended up in bronchitis. My house is a spotlessly healthful environment, thanks to maid service and the fact that I come from a long line of clean freaks. ha! I do get sick every Spring from the pine pollen, so maybe that added to the fun.
from lust- :
I do agree that I need to be comfortable in my own skin before I reach out and decide to pursue a relationship with another. It's something that has been echoing in my mind for a while now. It's only been recently that I decided to fully stop dating and focus more on my needs while trying to maintain my current relationships. Re: studying. I find it's tough to get out of a rut once you're in so deep. You will find inspiration in something soon, which will turn you back to drawing, but now may not be the right time as you seem to have many other things going on. As for me, I'm taking one thing at a time. No point in being pulled in different directions. I've had many years to multitask and it's brought me to where I am now. My mind is scattered. Focus will come if I put my mind to it and lessen the distractions. Good luck with the organizing!
from glorycloud :
What church did you check out?
from dangerspouse :
That was a really thoughtful gift from your sister. Way to go, sis! And yeah, sawzalls rock. I got one for my wife about a decade ago for her birthday, and I can't believe the number of things she's been able to destroy with it (my ego...dinner...her looks...). GET A SHED! Waddaya doin', paying for someone else to hold your stuff? Gimme a call - I'll shoot over and help you lay the foundation. Hehe...lay....
from jimbostaxi :
Thanks for the awesome note! Yeah, Bella's running around doing good now. I've been in my own little world eeking out a meager existence for so long it was hard reaching out to other family members, but now that conditions are getting better it's time to look for the tribe and see what they have be doing the last 20 years. Hey, even if nothing good happens from connecting with family least I'll have something to put in my Dland pages :0)
from vxxen :
I miss my paw-paw :'(
from peggypenny :
I agree with Dad. Yes, a new chainsaw.
from lust- :
Sending good vibes!xo
from raven72d :
Down by NOLA, actually.
from catsoul :
I was just going to say hire someone to help you implement your plan. Anything or anyone that helps to get those juices going again. That sounds naughty and I like that. You get out there and implement so you can put it in. Hahahahaha I am too silly for this time of day. Have a great time. =^..^=
from lust- :
Just re-read my note and part of it doesn't make sense. Oops! I need coffee! Off I go.
from lust- :
We're not too big on estate sales up here. I'm sure my mom would have gone to one by now if it was a thing around these parts. She's all about real estate. She bought my sister's place a few years back, bought a condo in Toronto that has three years left on the mortgage and then my parents and her have had their current place for almost 20 years. I think they need to start looking into downsizing. Instead, my mom's looking at places for my sister and niece to move in to. Apparently, my sister asked for a place with a pool. Hah! I'm on a tangent here. Hope you've been well! It's always so interesting to see how your parents are when they age. Lately, I've been looking at my parents and realizing the ailments they have now are what I'll be going through in a few decades. Ugh!
from dangerspouse :
Yo Stinger, thanks for the rockin' birthday note! Yeah I kinda lucked out, hitting the Wife Libido Jackpot. Sorry your experience was at the other end of the spectrum. I always felt bad reading your tortured entries before you guys split up. I still feel bad for you, in fact. Anyway, thanks again, and I hope on your next go-round you manage to score big too. We'll trade notes then :)
from jimbostaxi :
I alternate between deep and crude Dangerspouse has made me promise the next one is laced with profanity and lude behavior I'll see what I can do. The white rock I wish I can lie and say it was coke but it was a plain stone coke makes me very chatty and somewhat emotional I don't like it. Besides my blood pressure is high already I don't need that heart pounding shit it felt like my heart was coming through my chest. As far as the sex drought goes I got the Sahara desert beat! On another totally unrelated note I was reading one of your posts the other day about the bar and him asking if you found s new hangout yet and it made me think about me being new in my area. I drive 8 miles to my old area for egg sandwiches ! Yep weird huh? I hate finding new spots I drive the 8 miles to go to the same pizza, stores etc etc
from lust- :
Ah, approaching people in bars is risky business. Tough when you're introverted, but the booze helps. Hope the medical appointments went alright. Enjoy your days ahead!
from vxxen :
Step-pa, you are awesome and I love you. And no, no video games. Lol idk WHAT he does lol
from jimbostaxi :
She was hoping you would be her dessert :0)
from lust- :
I agree that it's needed to be comfortable with oneself. I think it gets iffy with people who deal with anxiety and have to force themselves out of the house on days when there really isn't much for them to do. And, even if they do need to go out and get groceries, or something, they put it off 'cause straight up, they don't want to look anyone in the eye. Yep. Totally happens to me sometimes. Trying to get out of ruts and all that jazz. Enjoy your fam jam!
from jimbostaxi :
Its so insanely big because the last owner had all his vehicles and landscaping stuff here. Plenty of room to work on cars i should get a lift and a hoist and get cracking !
from dangerspouse :
Er...make that "DP'd". Stupid fat fingers.....
from dangerspouse :
Perhaps her date was a cold, charmless old goat and she was looking to be DP's. C'mon man, you gotta pick up on these things. ACT ON IT NEXT TIME!
from stepfordtart :
Perhaps her date was a cold, charmless old goat and she was having a little daydream. S xx
from jimbostaxi :
Good luck with the folks coming over for that long visit and I know what you mean about wanting to enjoy your new home. We will be knocking out a wall to expand the living room of course I'm never home to enjoy the living room now and won't be home to enjoy the expanded one but least everyone else will have fun.
from phaythles :
Exactly. I couldnt understand what her problem was that day. I normally dont care about comments about my hair. Ive got curly hair and I do like to switch it up. Ill answer questions and Ive had mini tutorials explaining how I did what I did and what hair products I use (currently using stuff that smells like coconut, shea butter,hibiscus, and marshmallow. Its winter in midwest. Ive got customers following me around like Im a tropical flower). I also dont care if people touch my hair as long as I get some sort of heads up before their fingers are jammed in there. I get it. Im tactile and I like touching people too. But she was just weird. Her comments and her tone was just weird. I dont know. New year goals are great to have. Im hoping this year Ill complete ONE. Just ONE goal. I always end up picking the weirdest one to focus on. Like one year I wanted to learn how to throw knives and become a Russian spy. That didnt happen. Not even close. Anyway I completely ignore that contact me function so I doubt it works. Just email me: [email protected]
from nineofswords :
Thank you for the condolences. :-)
from catsoul :
oh I forgot one, don't know how it would work for others but I was so itchy one night,in the dark and it was around my ankle bone and elbows. I got up in the dark, went to the bathroom and felt for the toothpaste, I opened it squeezed on some over the areas, for me it was instant relief. I have also made an oatmeal paste which is soothing, though it is better for sunburn. Just think about your body and nerves as organic, then it is easier to think about what you have in your cupboard you can use. I have an organic remedy book around here somewhere from the 70's, don't know where it is. I may have given it to my friend and she may still have it. It was my gift to her when she left and joined the "Rainbow People." Hope it is better soon. I have found the more you itch the longer it lasts. Just saying. =^..^=
from stepfordtart :
We dont have poison ivy/oak/etc here (I checked - in case we have drugs I could send you!) but it sounds fucking hideous. Im sure youre friend with the radiotherapy wouldnt mind a bit if you were complaining about it, the pictures Dr Google showed me were horrible ;-). Im glad Template Lady is managing to hold her boobs on OK - there's nothing worse than un-held boobs just a'fallin' off in the street. If I'd won that big-ass powerball thing Ive been hearing all about, I would employ someone to walk behind me all the time and hold my boobs on. It would be WAY more comfortable than a bra! s xx
from phaythles :
Yeah. I was probably all up in my feelings about Texas Toast. I dont truly feel she was racially motivated or anything but I was super annoyed with the constant comments about my hair. For SIX hours. Thats how long we worked together and she really wasnt saying anything new or interesting about it. Just the same comments over and over again. Like I get it, wild/crazy hair. Move on. 1) Whats the magic word? How can I properly stalk you if you keep me locked out of your most private thoughts? 2)Do you have a FB? If you do you can add me and stare at all the curly haired pics to your hearts content.
from jimbostaxi :
Nice pic on the template :9) dude hire a service or a kid from the neighborhood and tell them there may be poison ivy until you get the rash under control. Are we 100 percent sure that it it is poison ivy? Or sumac ? Feel better my friend
from dangerspouse :
Yeah, I think we established earlier when talking about car dealerships that you lived not far from where I am now. I'm right at the top of Jersey, right between Warwick NY and Vernon NJ, just off 94. I can walk to our stretch of the App Trail from my house. Lol...the first thing I did when I saw the ring was run my detector in a circle around it several feet hoping for gold fillings. Nothing, dammit. You should get one, bud. It's a hoot!
from catsoul :
pour cold coffee over rash, the cold coffee contains chlorogenic acid which has an anit-inflammatory property. Also rubbing area with the inside of a banana peel, or raw potato. Take an epsom salt bath. These have all worked for me in the past. Ivy, poison oak or poison sumac have urushiol oil which penetrates our skin. It can also be passed to us from a pet. For god's sake don't rub around your eyes, mouth, ears, or noise. People are always touching those parts, and oh, you know that boy part. Hope this helps. =^..^=
from dangerspouse :
Y'know, I loved the old template pic soooooooo hard. So hard. The booze, the bod. The bod. But this one has its charm(s) too. I approve. I don't approve of the poison ivy, though. Jesus, I hope you manage to eradicate it all. Soon!
from cuntfeel :
thanks for the note. i don't think i'll ever stop writing, but sometimes it's hard to know whether i'm overthinking or underthinking or something else. there are a lot of stories to tell, regardless. <3
from lust- :
That's a cute story about the bra bows. If I had someone to tease, I'd probably do little things like that. I think the whispers in public would be a real turn-on. Fucking sucks about the poison ivy! I feel for ya.
from jimbostaxi :
Poison ivy that must suck back in the day I recall someone saying calamine lotion helps, feel better and don't scratch anywhere important ! :0)
from wordwhore :
It could be worse. You could have gotten mites while having no health insurance. Those little bastards are unbearable. Having spent about a week in their clutches, with a full body rash and nothing that relieved the itching except a hot bath, I can tell you for certain that they suck donkey balls. In all seriousness, hope your rash goes away quickly and you can get rid of the irritating problem soon. Honi, I mean ;)
from dangerspouse :
Dude! Sorry I didn't get back to you re: the New Years wish. Parole hearing...Maker's Mark....RedTube...you know how it is. And I'm just a general shit that way. Sorry. But, thanks and I hope you've got a kick-ass 2016 coming your way. It certainly started out right: you may not be (a tenth of) the cook I am, but WAY TO ROCK A BARON OF BEEF, BUDDY! Woot! Woot! A tip o' my fancy white toque, pal. Now go nail that Haitian chick!
from lust- :
Hmm, you may have read some of my previous diaries. I started up here when I was 14 and went through many name changes, most of them being very 'emo.' Hah. Super teenage angsty stuff. Even had a diary full of fanfiction and then another one that I shared fanfics with a couple friends. Good times! lust- is the diary that I've had the longest. It stems back to my late teens. Jeez. Crazy to think about! Sometimes I re-read old entries and chuckle. You sound like quite the chef! Good on ya! I work with a lot of great chefs. I'm a Cafe Manager at a place that also does cooking classes certain evenings, but the chefs are so good, that I end up taking food home and hardly ever cook for myself. Hope the neighbour eases up a bit! It's one thing to be friendly and another to be downright pushy. Ain't nobody got time fo' dat!
from stepfordtart :
Hey hey! Thanks for the cooking props! You are forgiven for mis-spelling me stepfordTARD (a Freudian slip? You know me too well!!). I had to look up Hoppin John - I wonder how much of its origins are blended with the Caribbean 'rice and peas' dish? Oh, and the next time Honi asks 'why did you divorce me?', you dont need your list - the correct answer is (and will always be) 'because I didnt want to be married to you any more'. s x
from catsoul :
Well your "ex" sure has and still has the "it is me against you and the whole world," thing going on. I also heard you say, "maybe next time I will," well suck it up and don't allow for "a next time." Maybe the next time will never arrive because she can' t face her own reality. You on the other hand, have and are ok. I am very proud of you man, all those years. OK on to other things. Happy 2016 to you. Have some fun, get into working on that car of yours when you can. Take Care. =^..^=
from wordwhore :
your honi entry ends with "i need to just tell her next" btw in case you didn't realize that.
from nacht-katze :
Best wishes!
from lust- :
Thank you! Twas tasty.
from jimbostaxi :
Happy new year!!!
from wordwhore :
I've been a fan of probiotics for a long time (ever since I was given too-strong antibiotics when I didn't need them and my whole system got wiped) and recently, I got my mom taking them and she swears by them now. She says they've even helped her acid reflux, which is great because it had gotten pretty darn bad for a while. They have helped mine once or twice, as well. Good luck with your funk that you're in. I hate that. I'm in the middle of a similar thing myself. I find it usually follows a very productive period and I think you were recently very productive. So maybe just try to feel better and not worry so much about the not getting shit done right now aspect.
from stepfordtart :
Out of all my friends (real life AND cyber), I knew you'd understand. Thanks for the messages here and on fb xxx ps life is hard sometimes, ain't it?!
from wordwhore :
Well, I know all about procrastination myself, sooo... No worries there. I will look forward to reading your email whenever it gets written ;)
from jimbostaxi :
Need to see Selma Hayek!!!had a big crush on her for awhile.:0)
from wordwhore :
Someone gifted you a template? That was nice of them xD Glad you got to spend time with family and have more of that coming up. Big fan of that myself. Interestingly, being around my BILs makes me appreciate O a lot more...
from secret-motel :
I've loved Throbbing Gristle for years. Not sure if that visual was done with their cooperation. But it fits very well with the sounds, I think. I really appreciate that early 80's experimental video aesthetic.
from jimbostaxi :
So your pushy neighbor wants the salami real bad !! 9) thats super pushy of your neighbor saying let's move it now you handled it well. Awesome entry about the lesbian show have a great Xmas !
from lust- :
Ah, you're right. Kink is different for everyone. I would love to read a more detailed perspective from you! I should probably do the same. I'll get around to it eventually. Happy Holidays!
from wordwhore :
somehow i missed your are they lesbians entry until tonight. they could be bisexual or possibly pan (*cough*). sounds like you've had an exciting time lately. i think shutting down the pushy lady was the best course of action, regardless of her proximity or any other factor than the blatant disregard for your boundaries. sure it was about the grill, but really, it wasn't. it was a battle of wills. you don't need that. you had that already. sounds like something much better happened at the bar, though! can't wait to hear about that ;) take care, friend
from loveherwell :
i really appreciate that advice. i have considered talking to someone about everything. i just can't narrow down if i'm in the wrong place, wrong job, or with the wrong person. hopefully these next few months will bring me clarity.
from catsoul :
Wow...can you believe that neighbor lady, holy shit, abort. Good advice to yourself. Don't get involved. Also that was too funny about the "ex" telling you that you could give her Christmas gift to her early if need be. Merry Christmas and glad you got to explore to Lighthouse. Take Care. =^..^=
from lust- :
I'm glad you enjoyed yourself! I think I tend to surprise a lot of people. No one can truly guess what I'm into. The whole Dom/sub thing is somewhat intriguing, but I'm pretty independent, so it'd take a ton of trust for me to enter a relationship like that. Plus, being a wanderlust doesn't help with that..If anything, I'm a masochist. I don't really see hook suspension as a fetish. It's more of a spiritual/mind over matter thing for me. I like knowing that I can push myself and if I can accomplish something as 'out there' as having fish hooks in my body and being hung up by them, then I can do way more than I give myself credit for. I have a lot more to learn, though. I'm excited to see what else is out there. I could go on, but I'll stop, for now. Anyway, if you ever decide to give it a go, I'll support you! Sending good vibes your way.xo
from jimbostaxi :
Never knew about the bear repellant thanks I'll take a look today for that and some bats :0) yeah, the gun thing probably a bad idea I would have shot that kid he freaked me out when I opened that door and saw him standing there. After that I had a hard time falling asleep kept on thinking I heard noises. :0)
from gr8legs :
[email protected]
from wordwhore :
People often see more than we think they do of our lives. Enjoy your well-earned vacation in the cabin. Glad you had a good time with friends
from lust- :
Hmm...chillin' in a cabin sounds divine! Hope you're getting some much needed rest & relaxation. Thanks for the respect props! Hah. What way did you think I was leaning in? Suspension is something that I've been wanting to do for a while, but kind of forgot about, then remembered again recently. I don't even know if it's out of my system, yet. It was definitely an amazing experience. Even just watching the experience other people had was eye opening. I feel truly grateful.
from jimbostaxi :
Thanks for the note ! :o) ah man let me tell you my friend if I won't ask for directions imagine how hard it was to dial that number lol, yeah I was brought up you die with your problems you don't ask for help. John Wayne style he didn't need no help pilgrim !!! He died with his boots on and a shit load of red meat in his belly,, this talking thing is hard .. it did feel like a weight lifted off my shoulders so I guess it was the right thing to do
from wordwhore :
I can suggest a couple of excellent gay romances xD ♥ Enjoy your vacation!
from komachi :
Thank you very much, whystinger.
from bantenhut :
Hi, whystinger! Thanks for commenting! I'd love to read your diary too, if you're interested in sharing. Thank you for the advice! The class with "professor roldimort," as I call him, is over. So that's nice. And we have some favorite diaries in common! Very cool. Cheers! :)
from wordwhore :
What a nice dream! Weird, but nice. I don't know if it was a vision of someone real, but I've no doubt you'll find a person like that when the time is right. ♥
from nineofswords :
Why didn't I think of that?? We TOTALLY should outlaw Terrorism!
from komachi :
Thank you (^^)
from wordwhore :
You've been busy! Glad things are moving forward. Sounds like the sister visit and therapist appt were both really good for you. I'm glad. Pat yourself on the back - you're doing well!
from lust- :
Thank you. The whole situation is still bothering me, so I wrote a message to him and am going to wait until tomorrow to send it, because I feel as if I need an explanation. It seems way too odd for me to let it go. Plus, my feelings are still hurt. People are fucked! Anyway, I hope things are going well with the house. Thanks once again for your kind words and insight on the situation. Have a good one!
from wordwhore :
I had my suspicions about the neighbor lady when you mentioned the clothes changing business, but then I got distracted by my muse and forgot to say anything. I will send you an email with the details you requested!
from wordwhore :
Hey, I'm the Wordwhore - I don't mind long messages ;) I used the builder mail. Thanks for your kind words. Not rushing okc, but no one is even looking now. I've gotten likes, but only one that matched with anyone I liked. Heh. The panguy and I have crazy amounts in common. Not as in "oh, i love that movie too!" but as in "oh i had that same unusual life experience myself!" More about that when I figure out which email to write you with ;) (assuming you want to hear about it) ♥
from wordwhore :
It's usually best to listen to dreams like that. The TBN one, not the people getting beaten one. That one just sounds disturbing. My best friend's father is a barber and my dad was at one point as well. *shrug* Not that those are relevant. Hey, I'm gonna email you some things soon (as in next day or two), so be on the look out for that. Sounds like you're doing well, if in need of cable ;) ♥
from jimbostaxi :
Chest pains? Becareful my friend get checked out :0)
from jimbostaxi :
Thanks, it's bigger than the shoe box I live in so it should be interesting :0)
from loveherwell :
thank you - i really appreciated that note.
from jimbostaxi :
I'm a poor misfortunate soul he had pity on me as he is godlike and I am a mere mortal he showed me the way. I already knew how to make that stuff but it makes for a more interesting entry if I pretend I don't :0) don't worry Dangerspouse likes you better :0)
from dangerspouse :
Oh alright, I'll do you too. Jeez. Whining bitches. That's all I ever get. (And hey, for about that much money my buddy built a real sharp AC Shelby Cobra (S/C-version) kit car with a alum block 427 stroker. Probably not the sort of thing you're looking to do at all, but I just thought I'd mention it because I need to feel validated at least once in my fucking life by saying something manly. Thank you.
from dangerspouse :
Through all this, I feel bad for Chubbles. If a cat runs up to you, it really loves and misses you.
from dangerspouse :
You...you...missed TWO of my entries? How dare you, sir! And to think we used to be thistight, vowing to never leave each other through thic....oh wait, that was my mom. Never mind. Yeah, those two entries sucked anyway. You didn't miss nuthin'.
from gr8legs :
i'm glad both of you are moving on with your lives. it does seem like the divorce is making her "live" again. although, i'm a bit skeptical of her intentions but it would be lovely if you two could retain an amicable relationship.
from dangerspouse :
Take some of those sugar canes and make Vietnamese "Chow Tom". You can find innumerable recipes on YouTube. It's my wife's favorite dish in the world, and worth learning if you have access to cane. I think it's big of you to help Hunny, btw. Rock on.
from stepfordtart :
I love your sugar cane stories. I wish we did that stuff here. Photos? s xx
from peggypenny :
No. Take none of it.
from dangerspouse :
I really think the increased distance is gonna help all the way around. Oh, and take the washer and dryer at least. Seriously, your clothes are filthy, bro.
from lust- :
I think my body mods make it seem that I actually like the attention and want people to talk to me, which is not the case at all. I have a full sleeve and people often ask about it, so I tell them, but really, I deal with social anxiety and would rather not talk to anyone about anything if I can help it. I have all of my body mods for myself, for vanity purposes. I'd probably be completely invisible if it wasn't for them...guess I have to take the good with the bad. I hope you still go to 'headbanger bars.' They're quite fun once in a while. I'm glad that you've received clarity with the ex. Hope you can both fully move on soon.
from wordwhore :
What are online friends for? ;) I'm glad she's moving on. Hopefully that will be one less thing for you to have to worry about in the future.
from vxxen :
I can't remember got the LIFE of me your password to your diary! [email protected] please?
from loveherwell :
that's why i'm so exhausted haha. i am glad that you ex-wife is taking steps to move on. it sounds like an improvement for both of you.
from wordwhore :
Just FYI, your entry stops in the middle of Honi's text
from dangerspouse :
Yeah, y'know, rabid raccoons are no joke indeed. I appreciate the sentiment, but....duuuuuuuude. I'm more worried about YOU. Change in urinary patterns at your (*cough*advanced*cough) age are nothing to fuck around with. Quit conjecturing and go see or consult a pro. What are you dicking around for (pardon the pun)? Rule out diabetes and (god forbid) renal problems, willya, so we can all go back to enjoying your entries without that sinking feeling that each one might be your last. Don't piss your life away like this!
from catsoul :
hey there lumberman....great workout to say the least. Making wood warms you many times. I so totally agree about the Ethanol. About the chainsaws, we have two, a long blade and a bucking one. I spend alot of time on maintenance of those chainsaws. When your chainsaws are maintained they cut like butter. Have a good week. Take Care.
from lust- :
I suppose we all have people like that in our lives...Lentils: I don't use a specific recipe, but I always put a couple cloves of garlic in the water while boiling, tumeric, tomatoes, a bit of tamarind or lemon juice as a substitute. Then, fry some mustard seeds, onions and dried chillie peppers in another pan and put it on top/mix it in when the lentils are cooked. That's how my Ma always told me how to do it! You can even add potatoes and carrots if you want. Have it as a soup, or serve over rice.
from jimbostaxi :
You have the patience of a saint my friend, me order parts? Heck no I have work in a few hours where's that can of gasoline ? Ah yes burn the trees the yard everything ,,, damn the blaze got away from me and it jumped on the house.,, shit maybe I should have ordered that part ... Well,, too late now anyone got some marshmallows? :0)
from dangerspouse :
I had lots of comments ready for your entry, but they all pale in comparison to this: FUCKING ETHANOL ADDITIVE! Makes my life - well, my motorcycle's live - fucking MISERABLE. We hates it! We hates it forever! Great job on the chainsaw, btw. You rock.
from loveherwell :
thanks! i'm trying really hard to get it done as early as possible haha.
from wordwhore :
Aww, so nice you said it twice! :) Thanks. Need to get some more recent ones posted, show off the full (wait for it) 25.5 inches! Even though I took a few days off, I did the measurements and weigh in today and I had still lost a pound and some inches. Not everywhere, but enough places to make a difference. It really is hard to get back into it, once you stop for more than a day or two, isn't it? So worth it, though. I've made myself do it the past couple days. Sounds like that woman is just a royal pain in the ass. Sorry you've gotta deal with yet another manipulative person. I can certainly relate...
from wordwhore :
Thanks! And it probably would have been fine to comment on my picture - what were you gonna say?? ;) Don't worry, I've no intention of taking up smoking again. Since it's an addiction, I know I can't say 100%, but the desire to smoke again is not there, weird cravings or not. Good luck with that nasty business at work. Best advice: Document EVERYTHING. ♥
from dangerspouse :
Ooooooooooooh boy, this does not sound like it's gonna end well. Cover your ass with as much asbestos and kevlar as possible, bro. Workers like her are toxic, and that toxicity can really spread. Been there myself.
from jimbostaxi :
Stay away from that ex that sounds like trouble your a 100% right on that one. Glad your getting settled in the new place we will be going into a house with a yard In December and our little bit of stuff will leave lots of empty spaces it's going to feel very weird. Ugh I don't want to even think about yard work! :0)
from gr8legs :
hey, stinger!! i'm glad things are going well for you albeit very busy. when you get settled i hope you get a cat or two to help keep you company until you meet someone special.
from peggypenny :
I foresee a "Garage Sale" in your future.
from jimbostaxi :
Thanks very much for the note and the advice "F" means a lot to me so I want to do all I can for her. She's on a variety of medicines nothing new but it does look like she is depressed sometimes I think with my daughter being back in my life she feels less loved.
from lust- :
Yo. How's it going? I feel as if with all these changes in your life, a new flame will come along soon. Fuck all those old flames. Blow that shit out. You don't need to go back to the old anyway. I'm sure you know that and I'm just reminding you of your former thoughts/feelings. Anyway, good luck with life! Take it easy.
from glorycloud :
thanks for the note-slowly I am sure we will get over this cold-have a good week-peace
from jimbostaxi :
Hmmm I'm going say YES! But I want a finders fee! :0)
from wordwhore :
RFB just recently heard from her ex out of the blue after over a decade of complete silence. Don't know why they will suddenly come out of the woodwork like that, but they do. Usually at the worst time. Glad you saved some money on some things. Hopefully that's how it will go with the well. -Best, W
from dangerspouse :
Congrats on the house, and on discovering that Wally World is a society destroying rapacious evil-doer, but will save you serious scratch in return. Sucks about the Chevelle!! Really sucks. Damn. Grab that dipstick out and give the idiot a free colonoscopy with it.
from stepfordtart :
All washers are front-loading over here - we kind of snigger at your toploaders when we see 'em on TV. And $850?!?!? Holy shit! That CANT be right, can it? Shall I just send you one of these Bad Boys : http://www.currys.co.uk/gbuk/household-appliances/laundry/washing-machines/hotpoint-wmfug942puk-smart-washing-machine-white-22092952-pdt.html Even with shipping it'd probably work out cheaper ;-) xx
from dangerspouse :
Good luck on the closing. What a morass of paperwork and tedium, huh? Oh, and you can't remember what you wanted to write about? Bad sign, bro. Memory's the second thing to go soft, old man. Start writing shit down ;)
from catsoul :
Thanks for the note. If you miss your cats, now that you will have a new place, why not just ask the ex if she wants to be pet free. You have nothing to lose, and they should be together the cats. It sounds to me they like you better. You should send your folks on the mission for furniture, just a thought. =^..^=
from jarofporter :
yes, new homes keep ya busy, but on the other hand, it'll keep you out of trouble & give you something of which you can be proud when you're done. best of luck with it!
from wordwhore :
I think if your entry had ended up in *my* notes, I would have been amused and confused, but not pissed ;) You'll get it all sorted. You're good at this shit. Take a deep breath and try and remember this is life restructuring in order to get good again. There's gonna be a lot of construction and shit in the way for a while, but when the remodel is finally completely done, you're gonna be So. Much. Happier. ♥
from catsoul :
Hey Man.....You can do it. Pants off are always a better option. Hahahahaha. Anyhoo, get tough and just do it. Things will work out. Breathe. Take Care Man. =^..^=
from dangerspouse :
DUDE! Good to see you again. I have only one word of advice: take your Big Boy pants off. All the best things in life happen when you're not wearing pants. And...good luck. Buying houses is about as much fun as fucking a bag of finishing nails. Hang in there.
from phaythles :
Well hello! Yes I need boundaries. They are just hard to set when other people feel they need none. Yup I know Vx. I believe I've seen you comment on her stuff as well. Small world this Dland. :)
from catsoul :
Thanks man for the pep talk, appreciate it. I also know that a zipped lip isn't going to make her flip out. I just so needed a place to vent. See I got to know her even better because they moved in with us for a couple of weeks. Holy shit batman, no I mean I felt like riding my broomstick according to her. My husband and I got alot of laughs. I took the blame of why they had to move back to her parents. She couldn't handle a woman who wasn't an alcoholic. No I don't plan to tell her the truth. I don't want to make her even more sad. Take Care. Always nice to have a note or two, or a fuckin' zillion. Later. =^..^=
from lust- :
Hah. Alright, then!
from wordwhore :
I hope you can work it all out with the house soon and distance yourself from her completely and get started on the new chapter of your life for real. You've earned some happiness and I hope you find it. ♥ I have a friend from Puerto Rico. She actually lives in GA now, but loves going back for visits.
from peggypenny :
Ha ha! Ouch sting; your diary is locked. It was my diary. I removed to make my log in. Great suggestion.
from wordwhore :
Try this: put the three houses in a hat. Draw at random. You won't choose the house you draw, but your reaction to the one you pick may tell you which house is the right one. You've definitely grown over the past several years. It's only natural to feel elated sometimes. You've had a huge burden (namely the constant "should I stay? should I go? what do I do?") lifted from you and it is both logical and acceptable to feel buoyed without it. ♥
from catsoul :
Thanks for the note. I think that you should buy the home that would make you happy. If like you wrote you want to shed possessions then you probably don't want a huge house, you want a place to work on your vehicles/motorcycles. Ever thought of land then building a huge shop with living quarters in it? Just thinking here outside the box. =^..^=
from peggypenny :
'ouch' why stinger?
from swallowthkey :
i always have the hardest time leaving pets behind. i have broken up with many partners and friends and without fail usually end up missing their pets more than i miss them. maybe because pets are the innocent party: all they did was love you and let you cuddle them. they didn't deserve to be left behind. also yoga is great, i do it often and fully support your endeavour to do more.
from jimbostaxi :
Yeah my friend if your poor you will get killed in this legal system, it does have its flaws. My daughter sent me a message today I was so happy I was in tears :0)
from catsoul :
The descriptive word, "interesting" could have a variety of meanings. You put your word, "interesting" and "deep" in the same sentence. Very interesting. Bahahahahaha, get it or not, could be very, very interesting. =^..^=
from glorycloud :
When it comes to reading the Bible/translation I mainly use the New King James Version.
from jimbostaxi :
Thanks for the great note :0) I miss her alot and I do hope she gets the message and want to see me. Im 99 percent sure "S" was trying to contact her after we talked because she say in her car texting way and don't even try to start her car until after I pulled out of the lot.
from glorycloud :
It is a blessing to be able to read God's Word/Bible-peace
from catsoul :
Hey...you are doing the roller coaster train ride marathon. Enjoy the ride man, done the line there will be smooth tracks. It is alright. I so get it. I was married twice and divorced. My dad told me that the third one is the charm. Wild stuff. Take Care. =^.. ^=
from wordwhore :
You did a few brave and terrifying things at the same time (divorce, sell house, relocate) and you've been handling it well. Only stands to reason you might need to have a little meltdown, now that it's done (and you're about to buy a new house, so that's another), even without needing to grieve over your divorce. Best thoughts, my friend. And thanks - the stuff my entry was made of felt pretty awesome :D
from wordwhore :
I've had dreams like that. And had people that I didn't like or that gave me a weird feeling turn out to be child molesters. So I know how freaky all that can be. My first impression of a person is rarely wrong if it's immediately negative. I've gone back on my gut feeling and tried to get along with people and it's always backfired later, when I find out, nope, they really were the shithead I thought initially.
from nineofswords :
If you ever get the chance to see Lateralus done live you'll notice that absolutely no one in the audience is relaxed once the momentum gets going. LOL. The crowd gets really revved up for that song. I mean, it starts out pretty mellow, but then it builds up and hits a crescendo. I love that song so much.
from catsoul :
Thanks man for the note, appreciate it, plus was impressed by what a great dad you have. I hope he is still living. Hey man, I am on FB also. If you want to be my friend there email me at [email protected] Take Care. =^..^=
from nineofswords :
I read an article about mortgage companies doing things behind the scenes to make more money off their customers. Things like paying late for taxes and insurance. They have an obligation to pay these things on time, but we don't know they are doing it until it accidentally gets shown to us!
from cherrygash :
Hey thx 4 the note. How r u?
from nineofswords :
Yes! My puppy sleeps in his carrier. I put the oregano oil on my toothbrush and then the toothpaste goes on. It's a strong natural antibiotic germ killer.
from stepfordtart :
new friends = happy! s xx
from nineofswords :
We just want our food sources to eat well!
from misfitstray :
thank you.
from nineofswords :
Exactly! The expert on the talk radio show I was referring to also included cows in that. I agree that other grains are also not food. This is what Dave Asprey teaches in his Bullet proof diet book and in talks. He teaches people how to biohack and get the best performance out of your mind and body through these techniques. He explained that grains back in the day used to have 16 chromosomes but over the years grains have been modified and changed to the point that the same grain now has something like 47 chromosomes and it doesn't react with human cells the same way anymore. It's not food! It's delicious tasting non-food.
from wordwhore :
I don't have any recipes, but there might be some here http://benstarr.com/recipes/ He's got good recipes, so if he's got one, it's probably awesome. Glad you decided to take the neighbor and his daughter out for dinner. Sounds like that was a pleasant experience, despite the potentially negative presence. You've moved! Another big hurdle down (I know you still have to move somewhere permanent, but you've left the old house and that's huge)
from lust- :
So nice of you to take your neighbour and his daughter out for dinner after he helped with the move. A lot of people would say a simple, "thank you" and leave it at that. I should change my faith in humanity. Hah. Good luck at the new place! Thanks for your encouraging words. It's nice to know that poly works for many people. I've been researching, reading and listening to many different poly stories and it gives me hope that I can live the same lifestyle and learn a lot from it. It's nice to have support from the Dland community, too. Take care!
from dangerspouse :
You have a saint for a neighbor. What a guy! Great buddy, too. I hope you find support like that at the new digs. Good luck, man, as always.
from gr8legs :
i think you are doing so well with being amicable. i think you should go with your gut with cutting all ties once all the paperwork and moving has been finalized for your own sanity.
from wordwhore :
soon you'll be in a whole new state and you can "lose" your phone. i think that hotel room was a smart idea. ♥
from newschick :
do your own laundry. manipulative people will alllllwayyyys look for a way back into your life. it's far better to let it go, even if you have piles upon piles of clothes to wash. do it yourself. you will get moved, you will get to florida, and you will then be able to breathe. you're nearly there!
from catsoul :
6/21/15...I agree with your parents. Do your own laundry or take it with you dirty, does it matter, dirty or clean. Question....why don't you tell her the truth? Just wondering. Be honest with yourself and her....it is freeing. Just saying. You have accomplished alot and should be proud of yourself. You can only get so much done and accept that and that you did the best you can. Live, breathe, and relax your soul. Take Care. Journey well. =^..^=
from cherrygash :
Thanks 4 the encouragement. Ive been working with therapists for several years now. I didn't know the guy, just knew his first name. At times I wished I reported it, but there were other factors in me keeping it secret. Now I feel like I can be honest with my family...it's in the works. Gah the anxiety.
from dangerspouse :
Good man. Stay strong. That's not the kind of hoovering you want.
from stepfordtart :
That Honi's quite a piece o' work, huh? Does she not understand what divorce is? *shakes head* s x
from dangerspouse :
I'll light a votive candle for you AND sacrifice an (almost) virgin goat on your behalf. Gotta cover all bases. Good luck.
from eloira :
Thanks for stopping by! Thanks also for the lovely comment. People think I'm crazy for it,but the world needs more colour :)
from dangerspouse :
Hey man, thanks much for the note. I know you got a lot of stuff going on from keeping up with your diary, so it meant a lot to me that you took time out to pop by my place. Yeah, the fecal transplant thing has been discussed, and is under consideration (and lucky for her, I happen to have bags of spare feces lying around she can use). That'll become more a reality if the WMD pills she's getting now don't prevent a relapse. So it's wait and see at this point. I hope she goes for it, though. I've gotta get rid of all this feces SOMEHOW....
from wordwhore :
A spectacular week ahead sounds like just what we both need!! Prayers coming, no worries <3
from wordwhore :
Must be catching, I had the same kind of shit day yesterday. Not to the same extent, but similar "nothing will go right at all" kind of crap happening. Hope your today is better!
from wordwhore :
haha, no worries. i got your email anyway. i suspected what it might be about.
from wordwhore :
that's twice you've been mysterious in my messages and said maybe an email instead of a message...
from stepfordtart :
Im a bit of a dunce when it comes to html but Im kind of ok with 'diary html' - ie getting thinsg to work how I want them to. Email me if you like and I'll try to help. Im sure someone on here will help you change your template (not me - thats WAY beyond my capabilities!). Had a few WTF?! moments reading this entry - vacation? SERIOUSLY? Is she MAD?!?! *shakes head*. s x
from nineofswords :
Exactly... so tired of the haters. Like you, I don't "keep up with the Kardashians". I know that the Olympian formerly known as Bruce is "dad" to 10 people in this world who unanimously support their dad. By all accounts, Bruce/Caitlyn has been a very loving and nurturing parent. That sort of says it all. You are welcome for the link. :-)
from wordwhore :
i can help with up to intermediate html if you need it.
from catsoul :
Thanks man for the note. I am GF. My chicken meat is organic. I go to this ladies farm and pick out my chickens, they butcher them. So it wasn't listed in the ingredients there was any wheat and I do alot of research. So thanks again for the kind note. As far as tumeric goes I can't do any spices either. Have a good rest of your weekend. Think Zen and float in the waves. =^..^=
from nineofswords :
Have you ever heard of the marshmallow experiment? Long time ago someone did some research about kids and how well they could delay gratification. They then followed these kids and in adulthood it was apparent that kids who could not delay gratification were not as successful in their lives as those who were able to delay it a little to get a better reward. Here's a link to the wiki on that interesting topic: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_marshmallow_experiment
from stepfordtart :
<3 its been a long time coming, fella. s xx
from glorycloud :
thanks for reading-peace
from wordwhore :
Now you can move on to the next chapter of your life!
from stepfordtart :
Got your email :-). I think you are allowed to feel a bit shitty about this whole business - I know I did when I got divorced. I think you're a good person, Wyatt, and your natural instinct is to make things right when they are fucked up. On this occasion, you couldnt fix things and thats what makes you feel bad. You did your best, you really did. That you went back after you left that time is testament to how hard you tried. This will still feel hurtful to you for a while yet but Im here raising a methaphorical glass to your new (happy) life. Lots of love xxx
from wordwhore :
I know it's tough right now, but you have made a good decision. You will be happier in the long run, when you are no longer having to worry about whether her behavior is a manipulation because she's no longer in your life. Praying for you. You'll get through this. *hugs* ♥
from daath :
I genuinely appreciate the advice. We are typically exhausted by the end of the night, but I should put forward more effort.
from newschick :
you may have lost a LOT of $ now...but a lifetime spent with a financially irresponsible person would have been a never-ending battle of frustration. i have a friend who spends like honi. i can't stand to listen to her go on about her latest purchases, and she doesn't even affect my own finances! it's frustrating in the short term - especially when you worked your tail off to earn your own money and savings - but over the long term you will be far more content and secure knowing exactly where your money is going. take deep breaths and know that everything will be okay! oh and about the extended stay...it's horrible but it will work in the short term. luckily it seems like everybody in the hotel is either a contractor, here to work long hours for a few months, or people in between leases/home closings. it's quiet and people seem to be asleep early. no complaints!
from catsoul :
6/1/15...Sloooooooooooow Dooooown. Sit back. Close your eyes. Slow breathing in and out. Start drifting in the waves. Slow breathing in and out. Feel the sunshine on your face. Keep drifting in the waves. Hear only the waves. Sigh. Slow breathing in and out. Ahhhhhhhhh. There you go. Feel the peace man. =^..^=
from catsoul :
5/31/15...Thanks so very much for the compliment you gave me about granddaughter. Glad to read that you also enjoyed your time with your grandparents. Memories are so needed for kids especially the good memories. Take Care. =^..^=
from newschick :
wow i just read from about july to the present. you have been through the ringer, mate. i admire you for being as strong as you are. keep the faith, stay optimistic, and continue journaling about what is going on and how you are growing. xo
from nineofswords :
Hi there! Thanks for the nice note! I didn't know I had any notes and I just now discovered them! I agree with you about our day being a much different measure of time than God's day must be. The whole notion of God's time can be chalked up as "things we can't understand".
from wordwhore :
sure, holler at me whereever.
from stepfordtart :
Dont really have a note to leave, just wanted you to know I was reading xxx
from jimbostaxi :
There are a whole bunch of things that happen but I can't put them in this space for one reason or another. This is like a pg 13 movie what happens is more r rated at times verging on x :0)
from gr8legs :
glad to see you back.
from lust- :
Ah, gotcha. I do the no Facebook thing once in a while, as well. [email protected] should do the trick.
from stepfordtart :
Never mind! I remembered it :-) Im all caught up now (although, I kind of was anyway!) s xx
from dangerspouse :
How 'bout that. I used to live in Jersey City; on Palisade Ave., up in The Heights section. Never bought a bike while I was there, but that's still cool. You should have stopped by while you were there!
from stepfordtart :
Wyatt! Its been so damn long that I forgot my password! Can you send me another one? Email or notes is cool. Love you loads s x
from dangerspouse :
YO! Thanks for letting me know of your return. Forgive me if it takes a few days to plow through the epic entries you've put up, but I will. Chocovin rocks! Great to see you back :)
from lust- :
Hey, how's it going? Thanks for the note! I'll probably have to search for a bikini soon. It's finally warming up in Toronto. Thanks for your words of encouragement! Would it be possible to get a password, so I can read your words? You can search for me on the Facebook and send me a message: [email protected] I would suggest email, but I don't check that account anymore. Anyway, have a good one!
from whystinger :
No Catsoul, you are not whining too much. I just like the Natural Calm, has helped me sleep in the past. I am glad you are here too. Toilet calls wake me up too.
from catsoul :
hi again again....sleep issues. I have been told not to intake anything because I am allegric to so many things and some I and the medical people don't know about. I can eat something for awhile and then end up having an allegric reaction to it. Being so old and diabetic I have to tinkle alot. So my sleep gets interrupted because I have to get up and go to the bathroom. My oldest doggie has to go outside to tinkle around 4:40am each day. It is something I don't mind doing for her. I can fall asleep within 20 minutes because I have learned to clear my mind. I mediate alot. So sometimes I just whine because I am just plain tired some days. I live my life and deal with my health challenges as best I could. I am glad I am still alive. I could have died on Jan. 14th, 2006 from c-diff it was so bad. I was in ICU and CCU for almost a month. I saw my passed away grandma and my lab/mix dog. She told me that I can not come yet, that my family will need me in the future. So like I wrote. I am glad to be alive and living. You know some of those supplements aren't good for you. I learned to mediate and how to center. I think I spelled mediate wrong. Thanks very much for asking. I think the cleaner the body, the clearer the mind and soul. Just something to think about. Sorry if I was whining too strongly. Take Care. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
Welcome back! :o)
from loveherwell :
i noticed! i'm glad things are moving in a positive direction.
from glorycloud :
hope all is well
from catsoul :
hi again....yesterday I got into your journal and this morning I will need your PW. My email is [email protected] Thanks =^..^=
from wordwhore :
hope it's all resolved soon <3 ♥
from catsoul :
5/6/15....you have been super busy. You haven't posted here since Nov. 2014. Glad for you that it is almost over. Just breathe man....you will be alright. Sounds like you need to go and get a new fur buddy for you. Take Care. =^..^=
from dangerspouse :
Hey man, late or not your note was appreciated. Thanks for all that. Really.
from wordwhore :
I am pretty pleased about it myself. I can't believe how far O and I have come. I told RFB the other day, "I am actually happy." It's definitely an exciting time for me, all the way around. :) Thanks for your note. I'm curious, of course, how everything is going for you and I hope you're well. I hope this is the positive change for you that we all want it to be.
from vxxen :
Step-pa! I miss you so much! i hope all is well! i havent been reading your diary and i dont know whats going on in your life! im sorry for that. but you are always in my thoughts Love ya! :)
from jimbostaxi :
I've started putting peanut butter on my celery some days and cream cheese on my celery on other days. This eating right is a all new for me so thanks for the tips :0)
from stepfordtart :
thinking of you and hoping youre ok :-)
from glorycloud :
Did you change your password? I can not seem to get into your online diary.
from michellemort :
You are correct of course, in all things. It shouldn't matter anymore, and sometimes it doesn't. I can be happy for him with someone else, because he's someone else's problem lol, but it does bother me because it's *her*, and I know based on his actions that she isn't "the one" for him. But he's an adult, free to make his own choices and mistakes. I am backing away slowly.
from jimbostaxi :
Thanks im going to check everything that you suggested :0)
from secret-motel :
Hmmm...yes...you may be right. Thank you for the kind note!
from michellemort :
Thanks for the insight; you are probably 100% correct. Maybe it's time to stick a fork in this friendship and call it done. I don't want to be someone's backup plan.
from dangerspouse :
Wow. I go away for a few weeks, and see what happens? Everything goes to hell. So listen, I know you said you were not considering dating again. But...what about the girl in your diary's theme pic? The one without the head? Seems like a match made in heaven if you ask me. You might want to consider it. Hang in there, bro. You did the right thing.
from michellemort :
It is a very trying time for the kitties, with the loss of you and the move they may be feeling a bit overwhelmed (and start acting out by not eating, not using their boxes, scratching, etc). We kept the visiting to a minimum, especially after the first visit when they really acted up after he had left. Now when he visits they say hello but they are fine when he's gone, and the one he took doesn't seem phased at all by my visiting. And yes, those momentos are a passive-aggressive jab, I've done it.
from jimbostaxi :
Humor is and important part of the mix were able to diffuse any tense situation with a little laughter. This way no one can take themselves to seriously. It looks like your getting along fairly well since the split stay and ready to embrace your new life. Stay strong my brother :0) thanks for the note!
from michellemort :
In reply to your note: yes, he's bi as far as sex goes, but would never date or be in a relationship with a man. And I have similar suspicions as far as this engagement, considering she was supposedly in love with a doctor from Europe, but because he wouldn't marry her now she's jumping on to the ex (all within a matter of months). And who knows, maybe she is a tranny haha. The dating site was just to see what's out there, no interest in being with anyone for a while, and the responses made it clear now is not the time. I have been working on me, but I'm sure there's plenty more to work on (judging by my mutual phone fun).
from michellemort :
At this point I don't think you need to spend time dwelling on the why's and what if's and what's wrong...look forward, not behind. Know you've done all you can, let her figure out why for herself. It's no longer your job to fix her. You have enough going on.
from michellemort :
*Hugs* happiness is on the horizon.
from stepfordtart :
Wow. 0_o Are you ok? s xx
from wordwhore :
still thinking about you and wishing you well.
from stepfordtart :
Wait, WHUT?! 3 Tvs? For ONE PERSON? How is that even...??? I could (I suppose) countenance 2 TVs if you are the kind of person who watches TV in bed but 3? Nobody needs 3 TVs, surely? Glad you had a good/successful trip :-) s x
from degausser :
I suppose it certainly can be, though in my case it was more getting away from other people's emotions rather than my own. My fianc has too many siblings for this only child to contend with. One is very nervous and worries about things that aren't issues, REALLY worries about things that are issues, then freaks out the others until they're all off on a tangent being basket cases. The love is there, though. :D
from michellemort :
And in response to your note: yes, friends is best, because I can just not answer if I don't want to, or hang up and not worry about the awkward tension when he comes home. We had 11 years, you've had more. It's routine, it's a friendship, and there's nothing wrong with checking in with someone who has shared a large part of your life. I'm thinking positive thoughts for you both ;)
from michellemort :
Take it from me my friend, she'll be fine. I'll be fine. You never realize just how fine you'll be until you're faced with it, and see just how happy you can be when it's all over. You've read, you've seen me deal with it over the last year, I suspect the rollercoaster may be similar, but I do think it'll all work out for the best. The pets was the hardest for us; I miss the cat he took terribly, and I know he misses the two I have, but they too got over it (fairly quickly too lol).
from stepfordtart :
Nobody would want to see 'em just yet - theyre still a bit...err...other-worldly at the moment. Once the swellings have gone down and I can wear underwear that doesnt look like an instrument of torture again, then Im pretty sure every damn photo of me is going to have 'em in somewhere's - you wont be able to miss 'em! Have a good trip! s xx
from stepfordtart :
I think its OK for some bits to be painful - I remember packing up the house with my first husband and laughing and laughing about some dumbass thing and then we just looked at each other and it went very quiet. We still even have occasional moments like that. Its sad and its painful. There. Thats how it is. s xx
from michellemort :
Now is the time for manipulation. She knows it's happening, she knows it can't be stopped, and yet she'll try to the bitter end. I think it will be good though if she goes before you, less distractions to finish what you need to.
from wordwhore :
just hang in there. hopefully it won't get too nasty. ignore the manipulations as best you can. ♥
from stepfordtart :
Think I can beat your 'crappy diet' day. There's no food here and nobody to make it for me anyways so I had some cookies and a handful of jelly beans for lunch. Yeh. Maybe 'going to mums for a few days' is a good idea after all. :-( xx
from stepfordtart :
thanks xx
from michellemort :
You're in the thick of it now, but the reward at the end will be worth it all. Keep your head up, remember this all will lead to what you want: happiness.
from stepfordtart :
Yeh, Im ok, thanks for asking. In a bit of pain, I guess, but /uncomfortable/ rather than /painful/. Im really tired, too, but sleeping is difficult. Just taken a sleeping tab so I hope that will do the trick tonight. xx
from michellemort :
If you do ever end up going to Brooklyn, let me know, we should meet up and have lunch! Thinking of you during this difficult time, I'm hopeful you'll get the peaceful ending you deserve.
from stepfordtart :
Thinking of you every day. Divorce is never HappyHappyFunTime - the best you can hope for is to get out of it with dignity intact. If what you have said here is a pretty truthful account (and you're not a secret serial philanderer or something hideous like that!) then you should have nothing to be afraid of. Yes, she may well resort to dirty tricks if she feels hurt/wronged/angry but I would urge you, for the sake of your sanity, to hold your head high (and your morals even higher) and be the bigger man. As long as you're planning to do right by Honi with regards the division of property etc, I see no reason why there should be punitive measures applied to you. You committed no crime. Divorce law works differently over there, I know, but there's still right and wrong, huh? s xx
from stepfordtart :
Sending loves to you, dear BFAM. Thanks for your email - let me know if there's anything I can do xxx
from michellemort :
Once the initial hurt fades away, I do think it's possible, though some can't handle the friend thing. Do what's best for you in this situation, but make sure you don't have regrets down the line. Would be a shame to lose this written journey.
from catsoul :
9/29/14.....OK....wish you the best, chin up, and keep going, you can do it for yourself. Take Care. =^..^=
from stepfordtart :
sounds like a good night all round! Glad youre hanging in there - thinking of you, dude. s xx
from gr8legs :
i know this was an incredibly difficult decision. just stay in prayer and God will see you through this difficult time. sending you a big hug right now!
from glorycloud :
Yes I took that picture of that butterfly-last week I was out in our back yard mowing and spotted that butterfly on a weed and I got my camera and took several pics of this butterfly-we have milkweed in our garden so as to attract butterflies.
from wordwhore :
praying for both of you. you will both be better off, in the long run. ♥
from michellemort :
Sounds like the same happened with me. I logically said "okay, let's discuss what happens next" and we talked for a half hour before I finally broke and cried for 24 hours. Delayed reaction from shock I suppose. Then of course came the what ifs...what if I did this, what if I had sex more, maybe he'll stay, etc. Similar again that we split but still had to live together til things were settled, but you know all this from reading. You should also try and take comfort in the fact that while the first few months I was a mess, I am slowly getting back to my own life and she will too. She doesn't realize the strength she'll have until she goes through it again, and the change in meds should be for her, not for you. *Hugs*...it will get better for both of you, promise! Congratulations in having the strength to go through with it; the hardest part is over, the rest is just reinforcement.
from stepfordtart :
Sending lots of loves to you, dear Wyatt. I dont think there's a person on this earth who could say you rushed this decision - you really have given it your best shot. xxx
from michellemort :
I learned it by watching Hoarders lol, not that you're anywhere near that level, but it always stuck with me - the idea of surrounding yourself with "stuff" as a barrier. While this is a great place to work out your feelings and get some supportive feedback, I understand if/why you'd stay away while you work through this. I think of you often during this difficult time, and hope you find the light at the end of this dark tunnel.
from catsoul :
9/19/14...Remind yourself....look for JOY waiting for you, soon. It will be alright. Repeat. It will be alright. Take Care. =^..^=
from gr8legs :
praying that God gives you the answers you need.
from stepfordtart :
Dude, you know Im sending all I got your way and you know how to get hold of me if you need to. Loves xx
from jimbostaxi :
Hopefully she will give you the present you want the most and then you can really celebrate your bday! good luck :0)
from michellemort :
I'll be thinking of you today, wishing you the best of luck and the strength and courage to follow through with what we both know will make you happy in the end. It might be beneficial that she's in an "up" mood - to have hope that she'd be open and acknowledge the problems may be wishful thinking on my part, but either way she has to know in the back of her mind it's coming. I knew for years it was just a matter of time - denial is a great thing, but the truth is always there to deny to begin with. *Hugs*.
from michellemort :
I am excited to hear about the changes taking place, whatever they may be. Clutter is often a physical manifestation of protecting oneself-once it's gone, and you see how freeing you feel from removing it, other aspects of your life may require the same "cleaning/freeing" such as your marriage.
from jimbostaxi :
Hey thanks for the notes, I love the new template too!i should have changed it ages ago! Peace brother oh yeah almost forgot add getting one place ready while moving into another in the similarity pile :0)
from michellemort :
You are in my thoughts these days with the difficult decisions ahead. Do what's best for you, no judgments here.
from stepfordtart :
Im not good at prayers but Im holding you in my heart, BFAM. s xx
from jimbostaxi :
Thanks for the note, I was the oldest child and my job was to raise my younger sister because we were latchkey kids. Taking care of someone is all i know, first my sister then my kids and now "F". Learning to be a different way this late in life will be a monumental feat. I will give it my best shot my friend :0)
from michellemort :
*Hugs* sounds like your head is in the right place, time for both of you to be happy, and that can clearly only happen if you go your separate ways.
from dangerspouse :
Hey, thanks! It really was good. Wish I could say there were leftovers I could mail out to you, but.....buuuuuuuuurp
from dangerspouse :
Dude, Bully Hill wines are a hoot! LOL! I can't believe you know them...although considering you're from around here, I guess it's not surprising. They get pretty wide distribution around NYS. Some years ago I went on a kick of buying their "Love My Goat Red". You could Google this, but off the top of my head: Bully Hill's owner, Walt Taylor, was one of brothers or sons or something of Taylor Wines, the mega-huge California bulk winery. Walt came to the Finger Lakes to make his own stuff, but the family sued to keep him from putting the trademarked name "Taylor" on his bottles. He ended up with those wild labels you probably remember, and on some if not all there was a picture of a goat with the legend "They got my name, but they'll never get my goat". I just loved that, and used to drink it even if I never really liked what he made. Most of his grapes are hybrids (upstate being too cold to grow classic wine grapes) and those never appealed to me. Still, I can attest that they go good with pizza, if you ever convince honi to order another one again!
from stepfordtart :
I saw it on FB but didnt comment - glad I didnt now. How's the painting coming along? xx
from michellemort :
The time is now to decide...one way or the other. If you move with her and then leave her, it may be even harder because you'll add the guilt of the move onto yourself and that'll be the justification for not leaving and remaining miserable.
from jimbostaxi :
I hope honi feels better soon and your able to make that tough decision on whether to stay or go. I saw in your post that your Bday is coming up!! Im glad im catching up on my Dland reading and saw that :0) I know its early but HAPPY BDAY!!!
from dangerspouse :
It sounds like you have a great therapist at least. REALLY great. The rest? Sucks moose cock. I feel for you, bro. What an awful predicament. All the best figuring out what course to take. Damn.
from dangerspouse :
Sorry for the delay getting back to you. This freakin' AIDS thing, you know. Anyway - you've got quite a memory. Silvio Petrucci ran Country Chevrolet in Warwick until he died a few years ago and it was taken over by his son, Frank. It closed completely, though, I think 2 years ago. Probably because you moved out, you heartless bastard. And I think the place you're thinking of is probably Chateau Hathorn. NewWifey(tm) and I ate there shortly after we got married 13 years ago, then again last year to see if it had gotten any better. It hadn't. It's a wildly overpriced tourist trap that courts NYC apple-pickers up for the weekend who have more money than taste buds. And again: your fault.
from stepfordtart :
What size brush are you using for cutting in? Dont use anything smaller than a 3" - it just makes it more difficult. Also, the bristles need to have a tapered end, rather than a flat edge. I can bang on about this for ever - we're 3rd generation decorators, Crown Covermatt runs in our veins! s x PS Honi's starting to get on my nerves now :-/
from lust- :
Oh, yeah, there are tons of us over-analyzers out there, making mental lists and whatnot.
from jimbostaxi :
Ty very much for the note :0)
from michellemort :
I have a love/hate relationship with painting. I love it when it's done, but man is it a pain (literally and figuratively lol). Your stress is probably reflecting on her, and with her heightened anxiety already, it's a bad combination. The downfall of couples is they know what buttons to push, and I have a feeling she's going to push them all in this process. If she keeps pestering you about family coming, give her the ultimatum: either she helps or they do, you can't do it by yourself. Plan ahead; if there's even a possibility of a split, when you're moving stuff into storage, it may be best to have separate units for the both of you...
from dangerspouse :
HAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Did it again!! Lol...getting old sucks. Thank god I can still get it up at least, even if the brain doesn't work. Please use a #2 pencil and write on your monitor over my previous post: LEO KAYTES FORD in Warwick. Not Fette. Promise. Wait - what was I saying? Shit....
from dangerspouse :
GAHH! Talk about a brain fart. I pass by Fette Ford every day on my way home from work (rt.3 west into 46). Yeah, that would have been a HORRENDOUS place for her to try to limp into. Drivers would have shot her as they went by, not flipped her off. Fortunately, it was Fette Ford on 94 in Warwick. Which I will no go back and edit it to read. Thanks for waking me up!
from wordwhore :
I really hope you can get happy, one way or the other. I think you know which way I think you ought to go, but if you're not sure, it isn't the way O and I went. Anyway, let me know the actual dates you'll be in Nashville and I will let you know if I will be in town. I am a little confused by your statements about publishing because I can't tell if you realize that it has happened. I will have a book published next spring. They sent (and I signed) a contract and it's basically a go, so, after 27 yrs of wanting and trying, I am finally on the brink of being a for-real published author, not just a self-published or an online-published author like I was before. Thanks for your support! ♥
from stepfordtart :
Is the move just for a year? If it is, could you rent your house out? Packing up a house is a nightmare and she needs to be on board for this - youve got a Herculean task ahead of you, my friend, in more ways than one. Would deffo come and help you if I could. Stay strong xx
from stepfordtart :
Dear Wyatt, I thought I ought to let you know that I am laughing my arse off at your decision to edit. In fact, I was laughing so hard that L came to ask what I was laughing at. I didnt tell him. Wasnt sure he'd find it so funny ;-) Lots of love, Sis xx
from stepfordtart :
WAAYYY too much 'junk info', dude! ;-) xx
from michellemort :
PS...the comment about "who's going to pay my bills?" has me HEATED! Really? I can't imagine you're taking that one easy lol.
from michellemort :
The smart, less stressful way for you would be to invite family to help you out, especially if you-know-who decides to drag her ass about it. If you're going to discuss separating, it may be best to do it when you have a house full of family; they can support you and it won't let her manipulate you or guilt you because you wouldn't be alone. You can't do all this by yourself, and I have a feeling that's what's going to end up happening (she's already complaining about things hurting her and you haven't begun packing!). Get people to help you, get it done for you, and if she isn't along for the ride, cut her lose. Now's the perfect time.
from wordwhore :
Nashville is an amazing place. I grew up there. Yes, pansexual - gender is basically irrelevant to me when it comes to attraction. The realization was a long time coming, but now that it has, I feel lighter. Yes, I am still getting exercise. Not as much as I should be, but I'm keeping at it, anyway. I wish you could have the miraculous turn around that my own marriage has had and I wish I could tell you how it happened for us, but the truth is, I don't know. I know he finally grew up and woke up, and I know it took being right on the edge of divorce, which also helped me finally let go of my own anger that I'd been clinging to as a defense, but I don't know what finally got through to him and made him change. I just know that a year later, the changes have stuck. He's not kissing my ass to keep me around, he's actually changed into someone who thinks about me and puts our marriage ahead of other things. I feel like this is super long already, so I just wanna finish up with I am still praying for you and if you want to get coffee or something while you're in Nashville (assuming I'll still be in town), shoot me an email.
from x-centricity :
Time to start the next chapter in your life!!!!
from catsoul :
hi....you want to leave, stretch and flutter your wings, and free your soul. =^..^=
from michellemort :
The time has come, eh? Major decision ahead my friend. You could take her with you and deal with the marriage after the move, or you can take this opportunity for a clean break and both of you go your separate ways. Only you know for sure what the right thing is to do; you'll have my support either way.
from wordwhore :
best of luck with the move and the decision that comes with it. ♥
from michellemort :
Yes you have my correct email, sorry for the late reply! I'm hoping those around me can step up too should I choose to go it on my own. Scary thought though, considering if I leave the state I will literally have no one. No friends, no family, just me? Starting my life completely over at 40? Can it be done?
from michellemort :
Going to write one tonight. I've been keeping up with you though; seems you're still on the fence with so much. It's so easy to stay because it's comfortable, it's an evil but it's a known evil, ya know? There's so much unknown in a future alone, but the happiness that comes from it can be your reward. Remember why you left the first time, remember how it felt, and know if you're going to make this big move and take her with you, the problems will follow.
from dangerspouse :
"Being responsible" is not "being self destructive". If you think you're better off flying solo, the responsible thing to do is fly solo. Frankly - and I may be way off base here, but that's never stopped me - it sounds like she might ultimately benefit also. Your writings make her sound like a terribly tortured soul right now, and it doesn't appear that therapy is changing the status quo. But what do I know. There's certainly more to relationships than any one person can put into a blog entry. Or 457. You do what you think best, and best of luck to you with it. I mean that sincerely. (Oh, and to answer your question: NO FUCKING WAY was I gonna tell my wife about the hornets. She would have burned the house down to get rid of them. Or worse, told me how to handle in in hysterical tones. Or WORSE, called in an exterminator. Emasculating!) :)
from stepfordtart :
I'll send you one, then you'll have it xx
from loveherwell :
i really appreciate your note. i have struggled with that idea--of not actually getting to know the person--but i am lucky in that this dude is ridiculously transparent (in a good way) and very up front (whereas i am the one who is difficult to read and makes an attempt to hide this, that, or the other). regardless, you're absolutely right. i hope you're doing well, and if you're willing, i'd like to read.
from cybers1ut :
Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate them. <3
from x-centricity :
It doesn't matter what other's may say, sex is everything in a marriage. it's how a couple connects and/or reconnects. Things could be blowing up around you and you could be screaming ANGRY with your spouse yet somehow sex acts as a computer reboot and puts focus back on each other and how you feel about each other. Without it...there's just an ever growing distance.
from dangerspouse :
With friends like that....
from cherrygash :
Thanks 4 the nice note. I do know of Nami somewhat. I kinda live in the sticks way out here. So it sucks trying to find support. Ive tried a few online forums but nothing has stuck yet. So...it's a deal. Thanks
from stepfordtart :
I need to email you xx
from wordwhore :
I'm pretty good. Underemployed, but good :) You'll figure it out in time. Good luck on the move and your decision, either way.
from dangerspouse :
Great dicks think alike :)
from wordwhore :
praying for clarity for you, my friend. you deserve some happiness.
from realchild :
gah, teambuilding! good advice re: major, thanks.
from aryssa90 :
Hello! Thanks for your note :) I would love the info for your diary if you're willing? You could email it to me at [email protected] if you're willing. I'm definitely pushing the counseling. I think a lot of his issues are psychological from past relationships, some medical things etc. And I definitely know it's not me saying no since, well, I never do, ha. Thank you for the advice, it's much appreciated.
from dangerspouse :
That SUCKS. I feel your pain. Have done it a few times myself.
from dangerspouse :
Hells yeah! BITCH FUCKING PUDDING, BITCH!
from x-centricity :
I made the split from my ex during a move. It was still difficult and heart wrenching but it was easier then if I would have done it before or after. It was....seamless. *huggles*
from stepfordtart :
Hey Wyatt. Just catching up with you after my holidays. Wow! A move, huh? That would throw the cat amongst the pigeons, Im sure. s xx
from michellemort :
Where in NY will you be? We should visit ;)
from cybers1ut :
You can ask questions in whatever format you feel most comfortable. I don't care; notes, email, whatever suits you. Just let me know if you send me an email, it'll go to spam, in all likelihood.
from wordwhore :
it doesn't actually load the page anymore? but it still shows some sort of ad loading in the bottom left of the browser (down where it always says "resolving proxy" when your internet is screwing up, you know?)
from wordwhore :
since it doesn't show up on anyone else's it's either gotta be some code you've put on your page or a hack, i think
from stepfordtart :
:-/ s xx
from glorycloud :
thanks for the note-on Henry Miller and censorship read this book, "Tropic of Cancer on Trial: A case history of censorship" by E. R. Hutchison. I have never been into cars. All I know about cars is put gas into them and when they are broken or need maintenance take them to Joe's Auto Repair shop-peace
from stepfordtart :
Whilst Im chuffed you got laid, I cant help getting the vibe that it wasnt *quite* what you wanted. :-/ The car project sounds interesting, like to hear more on that sometime. s x
from wordwhore :
dude something is up with your page. it keeps trying to go to an ad or something.
from stepfordtart :
In less than 19 hours I could be in Warsaw, or Rome or Budapest, even allowing time to get a ferry across the English Channel. And you did that to visit your inlaws? That is an INSANE journey!! s x PS Its only shepherd's pie if you made it with minced lamb (Sheep/Shepherd, yeh?). If you made it with minced beef, then its a cottage pie. Although, having said that, I always call my cottage pie 'shepherd's pie', cos I dont like lamb.
from dangerspouse :
Welcome back! When you wake up later we're gonna have a little mano-a-mano about this whole celibacy thing. In the meantime, get some rest and have a nice breakfast. Proud of you for running 4 miles under duress!
from dangerspouse :
Hey man, thanks for the note and expression of concern. Sorry to hear about your MIL, but I hope other than that you're having a good time...and that the change of environ has maybe made Honi a little more relaxed. For however long.
from stepfordtart :
sounds like a fun trip already :-/ Hope it goes ok. s x
from catsoul :
6/15/14...thanks for the note. I haven't been reading your writing for awhile because I can't find your PW. Would you mind emailing it to me again at, [email protected] Thanks so much. =^..^=
from stepfordtart :
"Now that I have dragged out the welder, what else can I monkey with?" - I heartily applaud this sentiment! :-) s xx
from wordwhore :
don't know why it was showing me online coz i wasn't?
from jimbostaxi :
Hes a loser he should be working! Shes still early on in the pregnacy so hopefully things will change before she gives birth.
from stepfordtart :
Breaking the pattern where you allow someone to depend on you for their own wellbeing is hard. I know that. s xx
from michellemort :
Hopefully this is a solo trip, and you can get some time away to clear your head. I agree with you at this point, therapy is needed; sounds like there are hypochondriac/dependency/compulsive issues that she needs to resolve, and you can't fix that for her.
from michellemort :
Sounds like things are coming to a head again. Maybe with all the energy you put into projects lately, it has her a bit fearful, so now she's pulling the health card for attention, to reel you back in? Keep track of the positives and negatives, see what wins out.
from loveherwell :
thank you so much! i was very happy about it :)
from stepfordtart :
Aaarrgh! I read that as "GLASS EYE place"! I was all 'wtf???' for a second there! s x
from wordwhore :
wow! sounds like the CT got over whatever her issue was! that's really good!
from michellemort :
I think you are on the right track when it comes to her retirement. If she really wants to do it, she needs to be the one responsible for making sure it's financially possible for you both to survive. Let her find the planner, make the moves, work out a plan. You've always done everything for her, she needs to do this independently and not lean on you. Whether she realizes it or not, if she manages to do this on her own, she will end up with such a great feeling of accomplishment...at least I know I did when I took control of my life in some areas. In response to your note, yes of course, it's always easier said than done. Near impossible for me, as the truth is, he was always my best friend first and my lover second. Losing both at the same time is painful, and the more I try to convince myself to walk away completely, the more I panic and hold on to the little bit of attention I receive. There is so much I don't like about him, and I am happier without him, but I still love him and want him in my life, even if it's more painful that way. *Hugs*
from jarofporter :
yep, dodge matador, it was the base model for that year, the polara was a step up with more amenities, but basically the same car. the 3/4 fins were one of the big things that grabbed me when i saw it!
from misfitstray :
Thank you for your note! My achilles tendons are my weak spots. I tried everything. The only thing that helps is patience, stretching and more patience and strengthening the muscles around the achilles tendon area (if there are any) I already had physiotherapy, osteopathy, gamma-rays, some kind of orthopaedic stockings, inlays, etc... I guess there's nothing I haven't tried. It's getting better now, very, very slow but better.
from jimbostaxi :
Seems like your vacation was a roller coaster of emotion, glad you could get away from work to relax. That retirement bombshell would have blown anyones mind.
from michellemort :
*Hugs* thanks for the note, always thinking about you as I struggle in my own mess. I am hoping your frequent silence lately means better times.
from stepfordtart :
Doin' it, in your honour!....But the kisses will have to be virtual, seeing as youre several thousand miles away and we're both married, huh? MWAH! *smooch* s x
from jimbostaxi :
Lmao, OCD guy claims he never has done coke in his life..... But the locals say his thirst for coke was legendary!!! When OCD guy comes out that bathroom he can leap buildings in a single bound and is faster than a speeding bullet. Even if i wanted to kill him i would need the green cocaine todo it!!
from harp-goddess :
Thank you so much for the note. It was a nice surprise to see kindness from a stranger. :)
from stepfordtart :
No kissing? /suspicious/ o_O Es-PESH-ly as you'd brushed your teeth! Mmmm, minty snogging! s x
from stepfordtart :
Mmmm, sippin' whisky! I could help you make short work of that, fersure! s xx
from wordwhore :
too bad i didn't get to see you while you were in town! you need a new couple's therapist anyway, man. seriously. hopefully a scheduling problem WILL arise so you can change CT's.
from x-centricity :
A sexless marriage isn't a marriage, Wyatt. It's a roommate agreement. This promising of sex, is it a way to manipulate you? It makes me sad to see you trying so hard to hold on to the good stuff in your marriage. Maybe therapy will work THIS time. Just know, I'm sending you tons of good energy and hope that you get exactly what you need spiritually from this experience. Maybe it's a better relationship with Honi or maybe it's something else. *huggles*
from jimbostaxi :
I give you alot of credit i split with my ex wife after 13 years. She wanted to work things out i just couldnt do it. Alot of stuff was said and done and in my opinion no amount of counseling was going to help. We had alot of great times for most of the marriage but the last two or three years we argued about everything and i guess i just gave up on us. My oldest daughter was very young when we split and i still havent been able to fix my relationship with her since the divorce. I guess what im trying to say in a very long winded manner is good luck wyatt try and make it work! :0)
from michellemort :
Happy to see things may be looking up a bit, except for the lack of sex. But I worry about the both of you moving to a new place...like I said before, it's almost like running from your problems. She'll have to commit a lot more to your relationship before I'd make that move. In the end, we always want to work it out, but I wonder if the bad of staying in it is worth giving up the good in getting out of it. Good luck my friend.
from michellemort :
That is my theory as well. Ever since his father died he hasn't been the same, and we are approaching the one year anniversary and things are spiraling out of control.
from jimbostaxi :
Ty for the note, things were kind of off track over here but are getting better now. I tend not to update when shits hitting the fan im like " oh this is way too depressing im not posting this!"lmao
from x-centricity :
Catsoul is so right. Wyatt, you need to let go. *huggles*
from jarofporter :
thanks, i hope it's soon...
from catsoul :
3/8/14...Hi. Doesn't sound to good at home. You know that home is supposed to be serene, peaceful, and a place to rest. Just saying. I could say a lot more, the choices one makes in life to be happy and contented are many. Seems like you need to make a very important choice so you can be happy. I have a mantra I came up with. "To be in control, is to let go of control." Find in your heart what is best for you soul, even if it means letting go of what you have tried to make work. Think. Dream. Wish. Take Care. =^..^=
from michellemort :
And just read your note. Yes, things are progressing differently I think. I've stopped the fooling around, and am making an effort to stop the phone calls and texting when we're apart. I am asking him every day how the apartment hunting is going, and hoping this is all over soon. We'll see ;)
from michellemort :
Young couples think having a baby will save the marriage. Not-so-young couples think moving will save the marriage, as if all the bad energy can be wiped away in a new town, new surroundings, etc. It's just another trap, don't fall for it.
from michellemort :
Sounds like it was a great visit. Safe travels home!
from wordwhore :
glad you're having such a good time!
from jimbostaxi :
Yep, I think thats my best bet! It will be a blast I hope!
from wordwhore :
just curious: everything you write in the two paragraphs from "i realized that... to ...walk away from", have you said those things to her? maybe in therapy, those are things you need to say, just the way you said them here. the part about it being her turn to do the work, too. you deserve to have your needs met.
from dangerspouse :
I don't think I've ever seen a guy write the words "overweight, but pretty" before. But gee, at least it seemed like she has a wonderful personality. You should hook her up with Country Boy. Maybe he could manipulate her into bringing him a vente grande petite demi-espresso mocha every morning after he beats the shit out of her. Maybe.
from catsoul :
2/7/14.....thanks for reading and letting me know that you did. So do you still lock your writing? Could I ask for the PW? My email is: [email protected] Thanks again. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
Ty for the note, If i was in your position I wouldnt spy I would just go with it. Because I know that if i saw something bad i wouldnt be able to wait until therapy.
from michellemort :
I answered your question in my note with my latest entry. As for why you stay, I'm afraid only you can answer that my friend.
from dangerspouse :
You can cook over an open fire, indeed nestled right into the burning logs and carcoal itself, with enameled cast iron. In fact, their "doufeu" is meant to be put in the embers, with a load of embers piled onto the indented lid so there's heat coming from all sides. The enameling makes it more versatile, not less. Having said that, naked cast iron cookware is fan-fucking-tastic to cook on, and you give away nothing over enameled 99% of the time. That last 1% (discoloring white sauces, need to season, etc.) has to be REAL important to you to justify paying the 17-zillion pesos difference. I think you did the right thing. I mean, since you can't get the blow job....
from michellemort :
How I'd comment on your thoughts when in my troubled relationship: I just gave you awesome sex last weekend, was that not enough? We have to do it again so soon? Fine, but hurry up and get it over with...I thought I was done for a while to keep you happy. Oh, and now you want to go "think about things" by taking your walk? Think about what? We just had great sex, you should be fine, we should be fine. At least for a month! Not saying these are her thoughts, but they were mine once upon a time in this situation.
from dangerspouse :
I think you could generate a second income by hiring yourself out as a pressure cooker. Mine would have exploded by now.
from wordwhore :
you know, i have kind of tried to stay neutral all this time and not tell you one way or the other what i thought you should do, but...um, she asked why you had to pray about it? after she went to church with you? she questioned prayer? wyatt, i feel like that is a big red flag. maybe it's just me and the way i was raised, i dunno, but if the religious beliefs aren't similar, things don't work. and if it is obvious to a person who only knows what she reads about you on the internet that prayer is important to you, it should kind of be obvious to the person you've been married to all this time. the one who went to church with you that morning. i am just blown away by the question, honestly. i mean, i don't go to church and most christians would freak out over my life and the way i talk and act, but to have anyone, let alone a spouse, try to interfere with my relationship with God? that would be a big problem for me. -shrug- maybe it isn't for you and maybe i shouldn't be saying anything, but you and me we go back a ways now, so hopefully you know this is coming from a place of concern and not malice. best of luck to you, my friend, whatever happens.
from glorycloud :
Yes I am a book lover. Here are some pictures of some of my books. Hope all is well. http://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/sets/72157606290392170/
from michellemort :
We are masters at giving advice and never taking our own, aren't we. There's guilt in leaving, sure, but there's also freedom, and if others noticed the change in you that was for the better, you know it was the right decision. Keep rereading your older entries, see the patterns repeat themselves, and then study those entries from when you left. I'm hoping you find your way to happiness.
from michellemort :
I want to say the same things to you my friend, we are both trapped for now it seems. Perhaps there is a light at the end of the tunnel in our futures? I understand your hesitation though with the games she plays, and to give up the house is a huge factor I'm sure. But sometimes you need to weigh the personal happiness with the material stuff, ya know? I struggle with this as well, though not to the extent you do, but it just seems like you're always in a much better place when you're out and about and not there anyway. She's playing games, I know them well, as I've played them too.
from newschick :
i don't like to badmouth people i don't know, so i will just talk about you. i think you're a really caring, affectionate, clued-in spouse. you have qualities that most women crave in their own relationships. i feel bad for you because i can see just how much effort you have put/are putting into making your current relationship work. i can't advise one way or another whether it's worth it to continue your marriage, but i hope you remember your own qualities and emotions and value those just as much as you value Honi's. take care.
from annaisana :
Thank you for your note! And for reading. I appreciate your advice on my friend. everyone else gave me the impression I was being a bad friend by cutting ties off in such a fragile time for her. But it seems that she is doing better. I'd love to read your diary sometime if you let me
from x-centricity :
Mind games are mind games and it seems Honi is pretty good at them.
from michellemort :
I just replied to your email, sorry for the delay.
from stepfordtart :
Im a firm believer in "the more you do it, the more you want it". Have another go tonight - it doesnt have to be all 1812 Overture (if you dont know it, google it!) but I think you are in a position to try some manipulations yourself for a change ("remember how good it was LAST night? If it was only HALF that good again tonight we'd STILL be on a winner!"). Bon chance! s x
from stepfordtart :
Hey Wyatt. Just had a big catch up session with your diary. Hate this constant "waiting to see...." thing youre having to do. Why the fuck should you? In a regular relationship there's always times when one doesnt feel like it and the other does, but then there's a CONVERSATION which goes something like "hey baby, I know we said we'd....but could we have a kiss and cuddle instead? Im knackered. I'll blow you in the morning if I get a good night's kip!" and a bit of a giggle and a compromise which nobody minds. Not this infernal mind games and will they?/wont they? nonsense. Grrrrr. s x
from michellemort :
I so wish I could talk to her too. I want to shake her, cry, plead with her, beg her to see what she's doing before it's too late. I never realized how harmful my actions were...had someone told me sooner things may be different now. *Hugs*.
from michellemort :
I hate to think you're putting things on hold for the hopes of her fulfilling her promises of sex. Once again I am reminded of myself, constantly promising it "later" and that later never came. After I do this, after a shower, can't do it so soon after I eat but later, etc. That kind of connection, that intimacy, is needed in a relationship, and should never be used like she uses it, like I used it. It took me losing the one that I love to realize this.
from x-centricity :
So....this is happening? Good for you!! You can stay strong, Wyatt!!
from jimbostaxi :
Thanks for the info!
from x-centricity :
Ouch...September? And I complain because I only get it once a week. Do you know what I think? I think she's lazy. She sees sex as a chore and doesn't want to do the "work". She's emotionally in to you but physically.....*hugs*
from dangerspouse :
Since SEPTEMBER? Dude, even if she comes across 3 times TODAY (1x/orifice) that's still a starvation diet. Nuns put out more than that. And a head under the shirt doesn't count. She's playing you. Obviously you must love her though if you haven't bolted already, so good for you for trying to make it work and I should shutthefuckup. But still. SEPTEMBER? AND she's redecorating your shingle-less house with a 24% APR card? That's it. I'm nominating you for sainthood. And I don't even believe in god.
from stepfordtart :
Im torn between hoping you get some (cos, like, thats always good!) or hoping that you dont so you can prove yourself right. Happy New Year to you, BFAM. May we *both* get what we truly wish for this year, huh? s x
from wordwhore :
perhaps your brain is making the connection between a certain someone being more of a friend you no longer want to have sex with, big boobs or not. a friend who gives you very mixed signals ("don't touch me"/"let's have sex")
from newschick :
poland is awesome...you must go. especially krakow! if u get a chance, could you email me your login? newschick78 at gmail dot com. thanks!
from stepfordtart :
17 hours!!!! Fucking hell. You would run out of road (and country) about half way through if you did that here! s x
from wordwhore :
your therapist is not right. men are not like chevys. that's a stereotype. i found that out the (not)hard way.
from wordwhore :
as for semis, as many miles on the interstate as i have now logged from tx to tn and back, i can say with certainly that probably 75% of the time it is the semis fault because they go too fast, crowd people and otherwise drive like it's a regular vehicle instead of a huge monstrous thing they need to maneuver with care. on one trip when my mother was with me we wrote a song: "i hate truckers, i hate truckers, coz truckers are a word that rhymes with truckers" ;) then it's 24% SUVs and 1% sports cars. (these numbers should not be taken as real math)
from wordwhore :
wow, thanks! positive feedback is always welcome.
from michellemort :
For what it's worth, I am glad those log trucks didn't win out, and thankful you are still on this Earth.
from nutmegger :
Wow. No wonder you write a lot! I used to write a lot a few years back. I think that by all the venting I realized that if I wanted my life to change for the better I had to do different things. So I have been working on it, on the job front especially. But writing about it was the start to awareness. I hope that life will be getting better for you this coming year.
from wordwhore :
yes i wrote the article. and yes, i'm aware the entry was about a long time ago. but you went through all of that, but you stayed and you got her help...and things are still pretty bad, so it makes me sad for you, then and now.
from dangerspouse :
Wow. What a lot on your plate - and no sex to relieve the tension! I hope things work out for you both physically and employment-wise. I can't imagine how you're not drinking constantly from the stress. Good luck, especially with the job. DON'T MOVE TO THE FROZEN NORTH! You think your shoulder hurts now? Wait til you start shovelling our new, improved Global Climate Change Snow(tm). My wife says it's brutal.
from wordwhore :
your story didn't offend me, it just made me really, really sad for you. and really glad you didn't swerve into that truck.
from vxxen :
Aww, step-paw! I'm sorry! 💔
from stepfordtart :
*cuddles Wyatt* s x
from glorycloud :
Yes it is sad for us men not having sex when our wives decided when they get older no more sex-we do go through a mourning period-we have to look at other benefits of being married besides sex two to three times a week-it is painful especially since we enjoy the physical contact with our wives-I am thankful my wife has mercy on me when it comes to sex-love is painful-life is short and why can't we as married people celebrate the joys of sexual union? It is all beyond me.
from wordwhore :
sounds like it's time to be selfish and take care of you. you deserve to be loved. you deserve to be happy.
from glorycloud :
I was wondering how old is your wife? I can sympathize with you about wanting sex regularly. I am at an age where having sex several times a week has become impossibility-when I was younger meaning age 17 till 55 years old my sex drive was full blast-now I am on a slow burn (I am 61 years old)-my wife is a good to me when it comes to my sexual needs-the point is women do not need sex like us men-it is just different with gals especially as they get older. My wife often tells me a lot of women stop having sex when they get pass 50 years old-they tell the old man No more sex-well I close-peace
from dangerspouse :
Are there any cardio exercises out there that don't involve knee shocks seem attractive to you? Bicycling maybe? Roller cross-country skiing? Sex? (Oops. Skip that one.) How about a NordicTrack or something like that? I know when you're really into something everything else seems to suck by comparison. But it would suck more to blow your knee out Big Time. Best of luck with, well, with everything. You've got some real shit to deal with there, pal. I feel for you.
from aryssa90 :
hello! Thank you for the note. May I have the password for you? [email protected]
from jimbostaxi :
May i have a password ? My email is [email protected] thanks!
from dangerspouse :
"I plum forgot about the Slivowitz." I'm not sure I'm willing to forgive you for that. Oh heck, you liked the t-shirt. So you're back in my good graces. Y'know, I've never tried cooking with coconut oil. I know it's kind of the "in thing" now, but it's so damn expensive and I'm already such a god in the kitchen with more mundane ingredients that I don't feel the need to try it. Have you?
from dangerspouse :
That shrimp dish sounds friggen' awesome. Kudos! Oh man, I haven't had Wisniowka in years. One of my first girlfriends was Polish, and we used to raid her dad's liquor cabinet for that and Slivowitz (the plum liquor). Great stuff. The Poles have such great produce. (Take the sex. Don't question it. Take the sex.)
from nutmegger :
Thanks for the note. I used to write on the old diary-x a long time ago. Then I went back to school and had no time. My therapy was for complicated grief and I am feeling a lot better now and trying to move on with my life, so it was a mutual thing to leave therapy. Of course I can always go back. I would like to read your diary but new here and don't know how to find your email to ask for your password.
from michellemort :
God's thoughts on divorce differ depending on religion. What I choose to believe is that God, who cares about his creations, would not want to see them suffer. And if you feel as if He is in support of you fleeing, then I'd take that as a strong sign. Good days and bad days happen in any relationship, but in all that I have read from you my friend, the bad far outweighs the good. You are in an emotionally abusive relationship, you are a victim, and you know in your heart this is not where you want to be. I worry for you, and will also pray for you and for Honi, for she is clearly in need of some guidance to find love within herself.
from gr8legs :
yes, i know my older entries button doesn't work. been broke for some time now and i've bent over backwards to try to fix it. i contacted support a year ago and they haven't responded. i guess if i upgrade my membership to a paying one, they might help me. :(
from nutmegger :
Thanks for the boiler idea. (It is a boiler- I tend to call it a furnace but a lot of people don't know the difference.)It turned out to be a problem getting the boiler to start.
from gr8legs :
just read your update. yes, God does hate divorce but at the same time, He never wanted you to be abused. if you believe God is telling you to run, you run. just ask Him for confirmation.
from gr8legs :
hellooooooooooo! i'm glad you updated today. i was so concerned since your last update.
from wordwhore :
oh wow. it sounds like things are definitely reaching critical mass down there. thinking of you. be strong.
from glorycloud :
thanks for reading me-I like to read your diary-please send me your pass word- [email protected]
from wordwhore :
thanks! i'm on the mend now. hope your turkey day is happy, too!
from michellemort :
Sounds like a possibility, or she'll slave over making dinner and then use that in the near future for an argument about how much she does for you. Hang in there, embrace family and try to make the best of it, but brace yourself.
from gr8legs :
i wish i could give you more information on domestic violence but everything i have is a hard copy. domesticviolence.org has information although it leans more towards physical violence. it does define the abuser - Abuse is not an accident. It does not happen because someone was stressed-out, drinking, or using drugs. Abuse is an intentional act that one person uses in a relationship to control the other. Abusers have learned to abuse so that they can get what they want. The abuse may be physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological. Abusers often have low self-esteem. They do not take responsibility for their actions. They may even blame the victim for causing the violence. In most cases, men abuse female victims. It is important to remember that women can also be abusers and men can be victims. even though honi isn't physically violent towards you, it definitely seems like she is trying to control you from your recent entries indicate. i haven't read your older entries so i don't know anything about her history. but she could be repeating a learned behavior. take a look at it and discuss it with your therapist and see what she says.
from wordwhore :
thanks!
from michellemort :
We must be in sync my friend, as you wrote that note to me I had skipped to start reading the entries of when you left. I just finished reading about how you cleaned the apartment after finding your feet filthy, and then read it in my notes....creepy! I wanted to read a little more before I posted a new entry, and my new entry will touch on the questions you asked in my notes. In regards to your latest entry, it's completely normal to want to call her to discuss your bad mood...in the end, regardless of the ups and downs of any relationship, one with as much time as we've had always has a baseline of a friendship, of reaching out to the person that knows us the most, in the hopes they can make us feel a little better. *Hugs*
from michellemort :
I'm still in the process of catching up with your words, there are quite a few of them! I began at the beginning, read about a years worth, and then jumped to June of this year just to see if there was any light at the end of your long tunnel. Sadly, it was almost like rereading the beginning. The same thoughts, the same issues, and even though there was a time you were apart in the middle (haven't read about that yet), I can't see where anything has changed. This makes me sad for you. I will continue reading, but felt the need to make this comment for some reason. In an odd twist, a lot of what I am reading is almost as if it were coming from my soon-to-be ex. Your complaints and stories of what she has done mirror a lot of my past relationship. On the one hand I'm like, "I know exactly how she's feeling, I've been there!" and then on the other hand I'm all, "wow, I had no idea when I behaved like that, he may be feeling this exact same way." Thank you for sharing with me, I am learning a lot about you, and myself, through your words.
from gr8legs :
with my recent training at a domestic violence orientation, it really sounds like you could be experiencing it. there are 4 forms of domestic violence - physical, sexual, emotional and financial. with all of these, the perpetrator wants power and control over the other. from your entries it sounds like she is trying to control you with sex, manipulation and money/bills. think about it and perhaps discuss it with your therapist.
from stepfordtart :
Fucking hell! Yay you! Thats really impressive. And so are you! *waggles eyebrows* s x
from wordwhore :
you did awesome on your race! well done! my take on honey's behavior is that you did something without her and she thought that by her not going maybe you'd decide to stay home and you didn't, so she decided to make sure you paid for it.
from gr8legs :
congrats on the 5k!! you did an excellent job. don't be concerned about how others in your age group did. you competed with yourself and beat your average time by MINUTES! you, sir, deserve a pat on the back and an accolade. well done :)
from michellemort :
Thank you for your kind words. He initiated things, though maybe subconsciously I've been pushing him away...who knows. I'd love a chance to read your words, sounds like we're living similar lives.
from dangerspouse :
Good luck in the 5k! (But seriously, don't you think it might be a good idea to call your doc first and ask if 5,000 meters of back and forth shoulder motion might not be a good idea yet?) Lol @ "corn in the chitlins". I'd be more worried about finding chitlins...anywhere. Us Yankees are pussies, I tell ya.
from dangerspouse :
Thanks for the two awesome notes! First: yeah, after my shoulder injection the doc said it could be 2 weeks before I started to feel the full effect. And it was. But after that, it was real. So hang in there. Second: I know buckwheat and some other grains like that are very traditional in any number of fillings. But I went with just a spiced matzoh meal stuffing with the kishke, mostly because I was lazy...and didn't have any buckwheat. Oh, and also because that's what I remember the 2nd Avenue Deli's filling was all those years ago. Personally I love all those coarse "peasant" grains in all kinds of dishes. But this time, for that particular uncultured lout, it was just matzoh meal based. :)
from wordwhore :
haha, "the loin came out to your pleasing" - sounds like something someone might have said to me in the late 90s when they wanted to cyber
from dangerspouse :
Good god. You wrote all that in just 15 minutes?? I want what you're having. Hey listen, about the shoulder cortisone shot: I've had a couple now, and if you're anything like me it could take a number of days before really taking effect and reducing inflammation. Good luck with it. And...nice hair!
from jarofporter :
hey, thanks for the input. for the most part, i think you're right. makes me sad though.
from wordwhore :
congrats on the 2 miles without stopping! that's big! i was pretty excited to do that *walking* so i can't imagine doing it running!
from x-centricity :
Mike teases me about my chiropractor too. He is very tall and super good looking and suddenly Mike isn't a fan of me going. He always asks if I'm going to go get felt up by that "doctor".
from stepfordtart :
Why does your list sound like I wrote it about me and L? :-( s x
from newschick :
could i get the user/pw? [email protected] thanks!
from x-centricity :
Because of you I decided to start running!! Thanks, Wyatt!!
from x-centricity :
Way to go, Wyatt!! You got Honi yo communicate AND you got your way!!
from stepfordtart :
Wyatt 1 - Honi 0. Sounds like you were very reasonable and fair - and you got the true answer out of her in the end, too! I worry that new people wont like me and sometimes have to force myself to go along to stuff so I kind of know how she feels. Yay, success! s x
from sexonatable :
You are welcome! There will be more for sure.
from sexonatable :
Give you a new entry I shall!!
from stepfordtart :
Dude! Im lovin Popty Ping as my new name. Sorry I was gone so long - I think I even missed your birthday. My bad. Seems silly to be commenting on those entries of yours now, the moment's kinda passed, but know that Im thinking of you, my BFAM! s xxxx
from wordwhore :
ah. well my guess is it was about them not being comfortable with themselves and not about them not being comfortable with you.
from wordwhore :
ps. no i haven't tried that, but i really don't feel like i need it. if i start backsliding maybe, but right now i'm doing well and keeping track of it all really does just suck my time away. i've really gotten in tune with my hunger and my need for physical activity. i'm doing pretty well. but thanks for the suggestion!
from wordwhore :
it is possible that a>there was someone behind you that they thought was looking or b>what happened to me last time i wore a top that was more revealing than i had realized (once i was seated). i became self-conscious that the man i was seated across from (just a friend, but married and we once had history) would think i wore it just to attract his eye, so i kept tugging my over-shirt closer. although, i suppose i did notice his glance that direction, which is what brought my attention to it. -shrug- anyway, i wouldn't worry about it.
from stepfordtart :
I dont want to age. Does that me you understand me? ;-) Aging sucks. Im leaving it to the old people and going down fighting (but not in a tragic 'gold string bikini and fake tan' way!) s x
from wordwhore :
"some loving sex between two people who love each other" gosh, wouldn't that be nice? =(
from dangerspouse :
HEY! Lookie wadda the cat dragged in: another Sussex County sorry soul! Lol...forgive me for taking so long to get back to you, but I didn't realize one could leave a note at a diary that was locked. Anyway, thanks for the awesome bit of nostalgia (and Polish culinary lore) you left for me! I don't know about Sal & Joe's - it doesn't ring a bell. I live right on the NY State line, so I often pick up my grub at the Shop-Rite or Price Chopper in Warwick. I used to to the the A&P in Vernon a lot more, but their prices are so much higher than the others now. Gosh, it's fascinating talking groceries, isn't it? I could go on forever.... Hey, shoot me your password so I can stalk you in return. And thanks again for the note!
from stepfordtart :
Hahaha! I read that as "I did some mini ADULTS" and was all WTF???. Re the stomach probs - gall bladder? Just thinking how my ma was - couldnt eat anything with fat AT ALL without having pain. Thanks for your note btw, comforting to know my bro is thinking of me. s x
from stepfordtart :
Hey Wyatt. The email situation never really got resolved so I guess Im stuck with (myrealname)@outlook.com or [email protected] They are both working ok but its a pain in the arse fersure that I lost the other one. s x
from stepfordtart :
Exercise is a great mood lifter, you should definitely keep doing it. I hate going to the gym or anything like that but its medically proven that it releases 'happy hormones' so Ive been really trying lately. Is it really 4 1/2 years since you went back? Omigoodness Ive 'known' you a long time! s x
from wordwhore :
yeah, but it wouldn't help mine shrink - it'd just help them fall closer to the ground ;)
from stepfordtart :
Im glad you have your Therapist - you seem to be able to talk things through well with her and it sounds like she gives well-considered feedback. Other than that, Im not sure what I can say - I wish I had the answers, but I dont. *thinking of you* s x
from gr8legs :
do you and honi pray together? therapy is great and you both should continue it but i think praying with each other may just take things to the next level. a friend of mine does that with his wife and it has done wonders for their marriage. in prayer they also have "honest" time where they tell each other (with no fears of backlash) what bothers them and down right annoys them about the other so they both can work on it. i hope that helps.
from vxxen :
8/5/2013 50 Shades of Grey?! Didnt know you had it in you! lol Good job. Fuck it, she wants a quickie? Quick it! lol yeah, anti-depressants suck! i cant seem to get 'over the hill'. it's bullshit! but, what ya gonna do? Miss ya! :)
from stepfordtart :
Nope, me neither. She's a hard nut to crack, fersure. s x
from wordwhore :
well i'm a gal and i don't get it either.
from stepfordtart :
Ooo, cheeky! s x
from stepfordtart :
Ah! I found it now. No, it really was PROPER boring - mostly me moaning about my email provider. When I read it back it was one of those entries that is basically a whole load of sentences starting "And then...". None of it was funny. Or clever. Or necessary to share with the world! s x
from stepfordtart :
I can see your comment on my email but not on my diary :-( Believe me, nobody wants to see nakie pix of me these days. But thanks for asking, anyway! s x
from x-centricity :
Sounds, to me, like you are headed for the door...
from wordwhore :
its good that you have a positive relationship with your mother in law. also good she got to see her brother, whatever the reason.
from x-centricity :
I have a hard time with oral, especially since having the babies. I'm just very self conscience about how different my lady bits are now. Maybe Honi has a few things she is uncomfortable with, the only way to know is to ask. *huggles*
from stepfordtart :
Ummm.....call the numbers? s x
from wordwhore :
i am aware that O and the truth have a difficult relationship. however, what kind of people decide to set up a married friend, whose spouse was just over for dinner a few weeks before, with their single friend, regardless of what he may or may not have told them?
from wordwhore :
i am getting exercise, too. and i am eating, just in moderation.
from x-centricity :
I can't wait to find out where the surch for the owner of the phone number will lead you. *hugs*
from wordwhore :
There is a thing you can sign up for on your phone so you can get the owner of most phone numbers (if they aren't "burner" phones where you buy minutes as you go). You text the number to the number of the service and it replies with a name and city or says it can't find a listing when its a burner. You can find out about it on whitepages.com if you wanna look into it.
from stepfordtart :
Re your bike - yes, I guess the UK would be a good place to look for parts for a British bike! Happy to help you look if you need it. s x PS The BMJ (journal for healthcare professionals) says that it is 'unsafe' for TWO people to try to move or carry a person without full mobility. Doing it on your own is dangerous, for both of you. I know you dont have much choice but you need to be REALLY careful, especially if the person you're lifting/moving is...umm...more generously proportioned. If you injure yourself, who will look after either of you? Is there no home aftercare available to you over there? s x
from stepfordtart :
Hey Wyatt! Hope Honi feels better soon. I think you are being very magnanimous with the 'its not her fault' thing. Yes, it must have been difficult to exercise and stay in shape if she has been in constant pain but i dont think anyone's been force-feeding her either! Perhaps the doctor's words will be the kick-start she needs to get some of the weight off and start to feel better about herself. A boost to her self esteem should make her feel less dependent on you, too, I think. You might have to be a little bit tough to get her through the first bits of exercise, because Im sure it will be uncomfortable for her, but Im sure as soon as she starts to see results she'll want to carry on. Good luck to both of you! s x
from stepfordtart :
Oh, and yeh, there's a few. Are you looking for something specific or just wondering whether to make an epic roadtrip? s x
from stepfordtart :
According to Dr Wiki (!), thats quite a procedure - not so much the actual operation, but the recovery. Lets hope its all plain sailing for Honi/you. Sorry Ive been MIA for a bit - cruddy laptop. Will update as soon as I can spend more than five seconds on the internet without the damn thing crashing. s x
from wordwhore :
glad to hear you are working on YOU! because you'll need the best you whether you stay or go =)
from vxxen :
Yes, please! I know it was junior.high.lunch food. Lmfao. [email protected]
from vxxen :
Yes, please! I know it was junior.high.lunch food. Lmfao. [email protected]
from torchstar :
Surprise! I'n typing up my old hand written diary of my days as a wild one in 1980. Looking back at myself in an old mirror is inspiring me - tee hee - Party as a verb!!!
from vxxen :
hey, Stinger! i'm at school and i forgot your password cuz it's saved in my personal computer at home! miss you, Step Pa! :)
from gr8legs :
have you tried doing the love dare with your wife? it's a book by Stephen Kendrick. it's supposed to be great for rocky christian marriages.
from stepfordtart :
No. Not bitchy. s x
from stepfordtart :
I think you're over-thinking this! Hahaha! A dick punch is, in essence, just a nice hard punch. In the dick. If you want to use it as an insult, you could go down the "Aww man! That guy is such a dick-punch". Or as a half-hearted, semi-abusive nickname "Alright dick-punch? How you doin'?" Hope that helps! s x
from stepfordtart :
Dick punch! Hahahaha! Yes, its a punch IN the dick. Nobody really wants that, do they? s x
from x-centricity :
Oh, Wyatt...it breaks my heart to see you here again. I was really hoping you would find happiness in your marriage.b ou can't live a healthy life when you live with someone that makes you emotionally ill. *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
No, Foley AL - about 10 miles north of Gulf Shores on Highway 59. Spent a couple of holidays in that area some years ago - it was cool 'no cares' type of time in my life. s x
from wordwhore :
i haven't deleted any notes from you, so either you never posted it or you emailed it.
from stepfordtart :
True dat....but you know she wont! Oh, and she was totally sucking up for your mum's benefit. I dont recall you EVER saying she has offered to make you something to eat. Or to cook dinner. Not EVER. s x PS Dealing with some serious-shit demons here at the mo. Wish me/us/L luck, wouldya? s x
from stepfordtart :
A coupl eof times recently Ive found online copies of instruction manuals for stuff we have. Might be worth a google of "XYZ thermostat manual"? s x
from stepfordtart :
Could you not ebay the stuff she doesnt want any more? Maybe make enough for the next months credit card bill? L is terrible with money, we would be destitute if it was left to him. He doesnt buy shoes but he has other demons to spirit away his cash (and most of them come in pint glasses) :-/ s x
from x-centricity :
I hate to see you unhappy...It seems like the old crap keeps dredging up. This is the same stuff that made you leave the first time. Does she know how you feel about all of this? Maybe she needs a reminder. *huggles*
from stepfordtart :
L and I are both quite untidy and frequently have to pick up after each other but we sure dont call the other one out if its not done. And dont get me started on the 'dirty dishes in the sink for days' thing. Thats disgusting. And lazy. What you need doing, BFAM? Email soon! s x
from stepfordtart :
I had to google that Scream Free thing. Hmm, maybe I should get that book. Is is a big book?If it fails I could always smack L around the head with it! s x
from wordwhore :
2/28/13- always happy to make people think =) sounds like maybe you are more positive than you were, which is strange since you also think you might be depressed. maybe you aren't used to writing and aren't being as open, though. anyway, hope things are soon on the upswing for you, depression or no. I am currently feeling like my own thing might be better off dead, but since I don't really know, I just keep praying and hoping for answers.
from wordwhore :
sounds like the book might be helping, glad to hear it. good luck. as for the other, the note regarding my entry, i've seen all the people in my life with mental disorders go off the meds. i've seen them on crappy meds and seen them on meds that work. i usually recognize the signs, even in internet friends, when they go off them or they aren't working. i guess my deal is that i'm a diy kind of person. i have my own mental crap and i struggle with it everyday and i feel like, why can't they? why won't they work at it, when they know which behaviors are the disease, just like i do (with my own and theirs)? it's unfair, probably, but damn, so is living with all these people who treat everyone around them like shit with no consequences, you know? yeah, you do know. that pushing back hard thing, not responding the way you expect, it makes you question your OWN sanity. or it did me, anyway. like all my instincts were suddenly off because i had not in any way predicted the negative behavior that happened in response to things i had done to try to repair things.
from stepfordtart :
So glad you got the all-clear! Now I guess you need to start working on the other stuff :-/ s x
from stepfordtart :
Hey Wyatt! Just catching up - glad everything went ok (eventually!) and hope youre all better soon. s x
from wordwhore :
sent you an email!
from wordwhore :
praying for you and your continued good health. also that you can work out your relationship. and that you will ditch that horrible horrible awful terrible worthless couples therapist!!
from newschick :
good thoughts coming your way from me today! let us know how it gets on... and try out couch to 5k...i hear it makes a 5k runner out of anybody! :)
from stepfordtart :
Thinking good thoughts for you and fervently crossing fingers. s x
from stepfordtart :
I can help you with the photo thing - Im an htmltard too so if I can do it, Im sure you can! Email me when youve got a minute and I'll talk you through it. s xx
from stepfordtart :
Merry Christmas Wyatt. Here's to 2013 - may it bring us the things we need. Lots of love s xx
from wordwhore :
's been a while, why. how're things health-wise? marriage-wise? hope you're well.
from newschick :
and sorry things aren't going well. for the record, i'm only married <1yr but i celebrate every time my hubs goes away. i love him, but LOVE all the space to myself too. i hope things turn around for you. xoxo.
from newschick :
why thank you. and yes, the good ole PATH train. i take it home as the NJ transit train times don't work...hate it!!!
from stepfordtart :
Just tell her she needs to stay. Then put your feet up on the couch and have a beer. Worrying about you at the mo, BFAM. ((hug)) s x
from stepfordtart :
Its not like you to drop a 'C-bomb', Wyatt - you must be REALLY pissed! Hope your week takes an upturn from here on in. s x
from stepfordtart :
Yep, that wouldve worked on me! s x PS Happy Birthday, dude! I think mine is four or five days before yours (but I forget exactly - we had this conversation a few years back but its all a bit blurry now!)
from stepfordtart :
(((loves))) s x
from wordwhore :
praying for you, friend.
from stepfordtart :
You sure do pick up a lot of info from looking at chicks, Wyatt! ;-) s x
from stepfordtart :
OMIGOODNESS! NO grown man should model himself on Shaft. No. Not Ever. He sounds like a total tool. s x
from stepfordtart :
Shaddup BFAM! I totally WILL update! Just as soon as Ive done the laundry and cooked the dinner and taken Jooj to her bf's and bought groceries and run errands and........ Well, Im working on it, m'kay! Guessing from your latest that life is getting in the way of updating for you, too, huh? *wishes for five minutes peace and quiet for BOTH of us*. s x
from stepfordtart :
Haha! The STFU was directed at the Glamour Nazis - didnt know you counted yourself among their number, dude! Mind you, Ive told my 'real' brother to STFU on a million occasions at least, so I guess you should consider youre REALLY part of the family now, huh? s x
from stepfordtart :
I want some small town grill food. It would cheer me right up. I applaud your use of 'scrappie' (and thanks for saying nice things about that pic). s x
from stepfordtart :
Oh the SOUND when they yank your head/neck like that! Its like a rifle shot, huh? Ive been to see an osteopath when my back has been so painful that I can barely stand, and Ive come out like a new person. Pretty sure thats not placebo effect. Dont remember any boobs in my face tho...although, my osteopath is a man! Maybe we should swap, for propriety's sake! s x
from x-centricity :
Placebo or not I would still go. Sounds like a great time. *grin*
from stepfordtart :
He says what? HE SAYS WHAT?????? s x
from wordwhore :
duuuude...your story cuts off right after your name! way to build the suspense, lol
from stepfordtart :
You told me about that guy once before, and his 'larks in the park'! Sounds like a pretty good plan, if you could spare the time (and the cash). Youve had a pretty intense few months, what with work pressures and health scares - could you maybe take a week's vacation time? s x PS Good luck with the scary work thing - Im liking the 'BAMF Wyatt'!
from newschick :
really happy that your result came back clear...you must have been very nervous. at least you now know a lot more about your health. most guys don't even bother learning about it! ;)
from stepfordtart :
SO glad you got a good result! And I know what you mean about questioning your mortality and all that. Im still having treatments at the moment but Im already saying "and when this is finished Im not going to *whatever* any more". I think it makes you appreciate what you DO have and want to do something about the things you DONT have, doesnt it? Good luck with that. Oh, and Im glad to see that the answer to just about everything seems to be 'more sex'. I'll work on that, I think ; ) s x
from stepfordtart :
"She has "indicated" that she doesn't believe a man can masturbate till ejaculation, but she doesn't want to talk about it." WTF?? Thats the most bizarre thing Ive heard for years! Your diary's reading like a medical journal at the mo, Wyatt - Im horrified but I cant tear myself away. Oooh, I do like a bit of gore, me! Seriously though, it all sounds a bit horrible and I hope it all sorts itself out jolly soon. s x
from stepfordtart :
Bloody Hell, that sounds grim! Hoping for a speedy recovery for you and only good things when you get your results. s x
from stepfordtart :
Very much holding you in my thoughts, Wyatt. Lots of love s x
from stepfordtart :
Thanks for the poop update - your readers need to know this stuff! Seriously though, sounds like work is kinda going ok for you (huzzah!) and you sure scored some useful shit in the scrappie*. Looking forward to seeing some pics of the completed car! s x PS *scrappie = scrap yard. Where cars go to die over here!
from stepfordtart :
Sounds like you have a lot going on at the moment, dear. Know that Im thinking of only good things for you. Lots of love s x
from wordwhore :
"i am in no ways tired, come too far from where i started from; and nobody told me the road would be easy, but i don't think my Jesus brought me this far to leave me."
from stepfordtart :
*fingers crossed* s x
from x-centricity :
I hope everything ends up ok. I'm sending prayers and positive vibes your way. Oh, and get a king bed. It's amazing! Mike and I will never go back to a queen.
from stepfordtart :
"the cute guy"! *snigger*.....But Wyatt, you ARE the cute guy! s x
from stepfordtart :
Yeh, update more. Excellent goal! s x PS Thanks for your note, youre a good friend.
from stepfordtart :
How ironic that you should get a ganglion in your wrist (L has one, as do many people who use their wrists a lot in their job - like guitarists) when you havent been banging one out as often as usual! Seriously tho, dude, that doesnt sound nice (the semen thing) and Im glad youre getting it checked out. Im glad you updated, I miss you around here! s x
from stepfordtart :
I guess...........YOU! s xxx
from wordwhore :
I said it before, but I will say it again now: Get. A. New. CT. Pronto. That lady is clearly a hack.
from stepfordtart :
TBH, the intimacy is almost MORE important than the sex. Lets face it, most of us can get sex SOMEWHERE whenever we damn well want it, but the intimacy is the super-important bit and its what makes the relationship work on that 'higher'level. You know that couples can be intimate without having full-on, chandelier-swinging nasty fireworks - hell, there's so many ways to feel 'that' close to someone. After I was in hospital last year, me and L couldnt have sex for weeks but we sure were intimate with each other. I cant help agreeing that maybe that CT isnt the one for you, and also agreeing that you two need to properly talk to each other. In other news, SQUEEEE to the free iPad! s x
from x-centricity :
I think what you need to do is get another couples therapist. The one you have now is a total joke. *huggles*
from wordwhore :
have you tried, outside of therapy, sitting down with honi and having and honest to goodness actual conversation about sex? not a walking on eggshells afraid to say what you think broaching of the subject and not a confrontational argument about the problem, but just a sit down, i need to tell you how i feel conversation? i don't agree with your couple's therapist about the sex OR not telling honi how you feel. if you are in the marriage, you have to BE in it. there shouldn't be these secrets. the fact the CT is encouraging you not to tell honi the truth, i think that is a red flag and if she really doesn't think sex is a need, she needs to go back to school. so my totally unsolicited and possibly unwanted advice is, have an honest discussion with your wife about how you are feeling. say to her, i see positive changes, but i need sexual intimacy with you in order to feel totally connected with you and right now i don't have that and i am incredibly unhappy because of it. she needs to hear the truth and have a chance to respond truthfully to it. if she doesn't, if there is game playing, or whatever, then maybe you are closer to an answer. if she does, maybe you are closer to a better marriage. -shrug-
from stepfordtart :
I got your email but havent had a chance to check it out properly yet. Will reply soon as poss. s x
from stepfordtart :
Hello dear! I'll email you over the weekend - got some good leads for you! s x
from stepfordtart :
You knew I was bound to disagree here, didnt you?! My sister is 51. My husband is nearly 50. Hell, my PARENTS are in their early 70s. None of these people 'negotiates' for sex. Its not pocket money, to be the prize for a list of chores well done. Its sex and its supposed to be fun! On a serious note - do some fishing around on the internet and see if you can find a website for women which explains how to use toys. I can remember reading stuff written BY women, FOR women and Im sure you can adapt that knowledge for your own use. If not, you'll just have to write me a REALLY private email and I'll see if I can answer without blushing! s x
from stepfordtart :
"every eight weeks", "negotiation". Neither of those things should ever be said when talking about sex. *shakes head sadly* s x
from stepfordtart :
Yay for spending time with family! s x
from stepfordtart :
Dont know how it is over there, but here the doc tends to call STRAIGHT AWAY if he has something bad to tell you. No news is good news with the NHS. Fingers crossed for all. s x PS Oh, and Im glad you had the 'Im working, you're not' chat. ((squeezes Wyatt))
from stepfordtart :
SHE's off work and YOU're cooking dinner? And then she's bitching about it? *slaps Wyatt*. Here, try this: "Im working, love. You'll need to do dinner today. I'll be home around 6." Job done. Even L can make a grilled cheese sandwich and a salad. s x
from stepfordtart :
Oh my goodness! That sounds terrifying! Thank God you're (both) ok. s x
from stepfordtart :
You can get a statement from your attorney saying what she did for her bucks - should make it a bit clearer about what youve been charged for. There's lots of things that you should be getting that you're not, Wyatt, and I really hope that you end up getting them. Just one crack at life - seems unfair to be sold short. s x
from vxxen :
AWWW! that was so cute! you're so gangsta! lol that's why ur my step-dad! <3 hahaha you said if u didnt have ur wallet and watch on you! hahahaha that one got me lol
from stepfordtart :
Arise Sir Wyatt the Duck Saver! Heehee, you're such a big softie. I rescued a homing pigeon once (it crash landed in my garden) - took me ages to track down the owners from the stamp on its wing. I put it in a pet carrier and they sent FedEx to pick it up. About ten minutes before the truck turned up to collect it, it died. It was SUCH fun calling the owners up to tell them! :-/ s x
from stepfordtart :
"taking better care of me" is always a good place to start. s x
from vxxen :
one word : slippers! lol <3
from journalmine :
I'm not getting sick of you at all. :) I'm just starting to worry that people may be getting sick of my problems. I wish I had something positive to write about, something positive to fill my mind with. You're right, his depression/attitude does make me ill. It saps my energy. I'm left lethargic. Weeks ago, I was exercising fairly well. But when he got worse, I just didn't have it in me. I was walking 2 hours per day, but I don't have it in me now. And he never walks. He cares nothing for exercise. (He has flat feet and it's caused him near life-long back and leg trouble.) The insomnia is ruining my days. I just feel like . . . all the good advice that I could think to give someone in a similar position to mine . . . just doesn't apply to me. I lost contact with friends and family ten years ago (and 99% of those friendships weren't compatible with my new responsible life as a wife and mother; I couldn't associate with them anymore (I guess I was lucky to "get out")). So no family support, no car, no "extra money" for therapy, counselors, psychologists. We're not religious, so there's no advisor there to go to all that's out. I'm stuck, so I can only try to make the best of the situation. I also feel bad because I know I get on here and let out these problems, and good people like you offer help. but there's really nothing anyone could do (now I'm sounding like him). I don't believe I'm in any danger, so. . . . I don't know . . . I'm just working off hope right now. Little things will improve me. Getting the yard and the taxes resolved. I just need the excess stress removed. I'm used to the stress of the norm, as sad as that is. That, I can deal with. Damn, this is long. I'd better go. But I'll be back.
from journalmine :
I just joined NAMI, and I've been reading about bi-polar disorder. Some symptoms it lists sound like TheMan. Little sleep, yet no fatigue; mood swings. The depression fits more than the mania. Gonna read some more later. He should home any moment. He pretty much demands my attention when he walks in the door. I've saved you in my rana.kane at yahoo contacts.
from journalmine :
I want to think good thoughts about this. TheMan said, after tax deadline had passed and after I insisted on the truth, that our CPA had let him sign for me. It felt more like he was telling me something to make me quit asking. I suppose it's possible. But then, where's our money? It's never taken this long before. Well, he has a week to show me some proof. Someone told me that tax returns are only direct-deposited on Fridays. Don't know if that's actually true. TheMan just has such a way of clamming up. He's damned good at the silent treatment. He's a natural when he doesn't want to talk. Ugh....
from journalmine :
I told TheMan I wanted our tax folder by next Wednesday, like I said I would. He said he can produce it by then. We'll see. And our CPA is a family friend. While I can't see him letting anything bad happen, it's weird that there was absolutely no communication with me at all. It's just really fishy. If I am given our tax folder and can check the status on the IRS site, I guess all will be well, aside from the fact that TheMan has been acting in a suspicious manner. He's getting worse.
from x-centricity :
I used the ring for birth control purposes and really couldn't handle how uncofortable it was. I'm surprised she wants sex at all. It's awful. Awesome effort on keeping things spicy for her. I hope she can see how hard you're trying to keep the marriage going. *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
You didnt need to explain - I dont think we had you down as a fistin kinda guy anyways (well, not unless someone asked you REAL nicely!). Im impressed with your perseverance, Wyatt - hope she appreciates it! s x
from stepfordtart :
I was just yanking yer chain, dude ; ) And fair play to you for exercising a bit of decorum on The Love Boat. s x
from stepfordtart :
could you call from a payphone, apologise and say your cell isnt working? Its not unheard of! Or, if Honi knows Nan, too, maybe she could call her? In any case, dont let her blow you for drugs...even if you could really do with the blow ; ) s x
from x-centricity :
People tend to go crazy when they're tired. There are days when I completely lose it and it's all because of fatigue. I'm glad you and Honi were able to talk it over. *hugs*
from x-centricity :
It's so hard to keep people in a relationship when the sex is so-so. Have you tried playing games? Like sex dice or maybe play with a coupon book. When things get a little less spicy, sometimes something fun and silly will help. *huggles*
from newschick :
haha YES i crave spinach. I LOVE THAT STUFF! ;) esp with garlic mmmmmmm. could you possibly give me a user/pw for your diary?
from journalmine :
I do keep telling myself that TheMan will quit smoking when he really wants to. I wish the beer could go, too. The withdrawals are just too hard on him. I've tried to point out how he displays a typical textbook description of the addict's justifications and attitude, but that just makes him mad. He turns into an ox and just plows right through, telling me not to try to stop him (on his way to the store). He also seems fine with being/becoming a "functioning alcoholic." I think he already is one. No matter how much he drinks, he never appears drunk and never misses work over it. He is proud of his tolerance, boasts of being able to drink others under the table. But it's like he's ignorant of what that really means. It's like he thinks it means that he's fine (or has exceptional internal organs), like alcohol doesn't affect him. But I am trying to separate myself from caring about his habits. I just wish money wasn't being spent on cigs and beer. I guess it's better than booze, cigs, and beer, though. The booze alone was $300-$400/mo. --- Yeah, the car show pics were cool. TheKid impressed me. He has Asperger's Syndrome and when I gave him the camera, he didn't seem like he wanted to be bothered with taking pictures. But when he got there and saw them all, it was a different story. Snap, snap, snap. :-) --- About the cat puke, I can't help you there. I've only ever had one indoor cat, and he didn't have that problem. But the thing about not cleaning up the puke for days or weeks . . . umm, something is wrong there. I can be lazy, I'll admit, but not to that extreme!
from stepfordtart :
If you had stomach flu or something and puked on the floor (it happens!), would she leave it a 'week or two' until she 'had time' to clear it up? Answer: no. Sorry, mate, but that is just about the most piss poor excuse for shirking responsibility that I have ever heard. When I had my cat, towards the end of her life she often puked/pee'd/whatever where she wasnt supposed to, and even L would clear up after her, even tho he didnt officially live with me at the time, and she wasnt his cat. *shakes head*. Thats rank. s x
from stepfordtart :
Ive got a piece of paper that says I am a proper decorator so I can say without fear of contradiction that PREP IS EVERYTHING! Unless, that is, you wanna do the whole thing again next year cos its gone all faded and patchy and crap. Tell her I said so! s x
from wordwhore :
isn't that kind of a sexist thing for a therapist to say? anyway, one time i wanted to paint a focus wall in the living room and O had to have final say or he wouldn't "let" me do it. did the whole thing myself with no help, but had no input on the color, when i think it should be the opposite of that. if you do all or even just most of the work, you should have total autonomy or more say on the color than the one not helping. oh, well, lesson learned for me, i guess.
from wordwhore :
nah, i've known people sucked for years. thanks for the health advice, but it was just the side effects of a really gnarly period and some anemia and dehydration. i've pretty much corrected things now. i should maybe know enough to prepare better by now, but they are so inconsistent - i never know when they will happen - and the very nature of the side effects makes me forgetful, so i almost always end up not taking the iron pills and drinking tons of extra water like i should to avoid these things.
from omfggwtf :
thank you for leaving that note, i'll be going tomorrow x
from wordwhore :
O & I never technically had a joint account, mostly by his choice - it was always his money was his, the bills (& my money) was ours, heh. however, his trip was he would expect me to schedule payments for the bills coz he could never remember on time. scheduling them required access to his bank account, but he would a>frequently change the password without telling me, b>get mad if i questioned a charge on the account, and c> just generally act like i had no right to look at the account, even though i HAD to in order to budget and schedule for bills. i don't think a straight joint account would have improved anything, but the O way made everything worse, i know that.
from stepfordtart :
you DO NOT have to share every last penny to 'show commitment'. What bollocks! Sure, have a 'family' account, for bills and stuff but dont be beholden to someone else every time you want to spend a little cash. L is TERRIBLE with money and we would certainly be bankrupt if I put all my salary somewhere where he could get his mitts on it. If he wants to blow money, he blows HIS OWN. Penury IS NOT something to be shared. Grrrrrrr. s x PS When are you going to spend 'your' money on coming over here? *wink*
from stepfordtart :
OK, ok, I admit it, I had to google images 'El Camino'. Its not a car they sold a lot of over here. Whatevs. And ref your note - by UK standards we have a pretty big house and are always happy to receive houseguests, whom we stuff with food and ply with drink until they pop. Come on over! s x
from wordwhore :
nah, 's all good.
from stepfordtart :
How bad do I want to come to shop night (even tho I know less than nothing about engines)? A METRIC FUCK TON! I would deffo bring the sandwiches. Any chance of you moving to the UK dear? s x
from vxxen :
Thanks pa! :)
from stepfordtart :
I applaud your use of the term "cheers mate"! In fact, I hadnt realised quite how often I say it until I stopped to think. Oddly enough, I dont think I say it whilst drinking/raising a glass, its more of a 'thanks/goodbye/nice to see you my friend' sort of thing. Im guessing some English person of your acquaintance got you onto it. Post pic of the new car? Email me if you want help with posting pics - I use photobucket, its easy peasy. s x
from stepfordtart :
That CT is worrying me. First off, what she said about joint finances is bollocks, especially if one partner is a bit cavalier with regard to finances. You'd very soon find you were BOTH bankrupt. L and I have a joint account which is JUST for household bills but we have our own money too and thats VERY important. Secondly, a therapist shouldnt ever admit to a bias, surely? I think a christian counsellor is always going to have a certain amount of bias towards keeping you together but I dont think her own opinion on sex/your sex life should be colouring her judgement. I wonder what a 'regular' CT would have to say? Thinking of you, mate. s x
from stepfordtart :
"I dont mean to be forward, but if it doesnt work out..". *stepfie hits Wyatt over the head with a handy plank* YES, you ninny! She WAS hitting on you! And I know several girls who have been full-on, paid-up members of Lesbians United.....only to help themselves to a portion of boy-parts every now and then (especially after a break up). Its just plain GREEDY as far as I can work out! Sexuality is a strange thing, aint it. ; ) s x
from stepfordtart :
MAPLE syrup! Of course! I remember now. I remember Pa Ingalls sticking something in the side of the tree so the sap would run out into a bucket (I think!). But would it work though? With the trays of snow and all? s x
from stepfordtart :
I can tell when you're stressed out, Wyatt, cos you get SERIOUSLY potty-mouthed! Heehee, its quite funny really. Hey, tell me something (and dont laugh at my dumbass line of questioning): In the Laura Ingalls Wilder 'Little House' books, they make some kind of taffy by pouring syrup onto trays of snow. Is that the same kind of syrup y'all have been making? s x
from wordwhore :
if you are thinking seriously of cheating, then you really don't want things to work and you should just get divorced already. then you can sleep with whoever you want.
from x-centricity :
Happy Belated Birthday, Hun!! Sorry things weren't special for you. *pout*
from stepfordtart :
Hey! Happy Belated Birthday. Cant believe Honi didnt even get you a card - no present? Yeh, maybe,if she wanted to be sure of getting you something you really liked but a card? Anyone can pop to the shops and buy a card ferchristsake! That restaurant looks fabulous. Next time Im in Savannah (?!) you're totally taking me there - dont worry, we'll go Dutch! s x
from vxxen :
Yeah. But i bought a thi chi tape (or however u spell it) cuz i remembered that i cant do yoga cuz of my accident. it's pretty cool
from journalmine :
I know I haven't been around in a while. (Over four months I actually had no internet access.) I just wanted to say that I've always found your entries interesting, thought-provoking, and emotion-inducing. I very much enjoy reading you and I hope all ultimately turns out well. Sometimes I wonder what her diary would look like, just out of curiosity. I'll be reading. Later. <3
from vxxen :
Aw, man! I have no idea how to fix that. lol but yeah. I start therapy on friday. i'm excited lol miss you, step-pa! :)
from gr8chick :
Dang, Wyatt. I just read the entry about the labor day weekend. I can feel your frustration jumping off the screen! OMGosh, how...ugh. I can't find the words. I really hope you find happiness. You've been working at this relationship for so long! Wishing you the best my friend!
from fragilegirl8 :
thanks!
from stepfordtart :
We have to recycle here - we have separate bins for each type of stuff. The binmen (trash collectors?) get really pissy if you put stuff in the wrong bin and will refuse to take it. Im not sure it does any good to recycle (too little, too late?) but it cant do any harm, can it? s x PS We often have so many beer cans that our bin is full before collection day. Then we have to lift Treacle into the bin and have her stamp all the cans down a bit so we can fit more in. I guess we could drink less beer....but that would just be silly!
from vxxen :
I call my 'doctor' Man woman doctor too. lol now i konow what men go thru. thank you for the lesson lmao
from stepfordtart :
Haha! Nice to know SOMEONE listens to me! And thanks for the 'full and frank' account of your butt poking. As I have already done an entry on colposcopy (or 'foo sliceage' as its known around here!) I guess we're pretty much done with the 'stuff you may not have had done cos you are the wrong gender' entries! Thanks for completing my education. Sort of. s x
from gr8chick :
Well, well. I don't know, my dear. What about that wifey, huh? I wish I had some kind of woman's insight about what that orgasm issue is about...but I haven't a clue. I've never heard of a woman that would turn one down. How odd! I hope your relationship gets better, but honestly, it sounds like you're ready to be on your own again. If that's what you truly want....???? Wishing you the best. BTW, you can still e-mail me at [email protected] ~hugs
from stepfordtart :
Wyatt, you ninny! Learn how to spell PROSTATE!!! (Unless you really do have a history of 'prostrate' cancer in your family - in which case that could be a real problem: family members throwing themselves to the ground the whole time!). Seriously tho, fingers crossed for non-nasty diagnoses and easy treatments that dont stop your soldiers from marching. s x
from gr8chick :
Hello, my friend! I decided to stop by and check out my old buds. How are things going on the homefront? Things are better at my place. Still issues, but I'm much happier inside. You still have my e-mail, I believe. Drop me a line sometime. Miss you much! ~Maria
from stepfordtart :
*swoons at 'guys who can fix shit'*. Have a good trip, travel safe. s x
from vxxen :
I know. It's been a hot min I have nothing exciting to write about now lol I'm sure something will come out eventually bit I'm chilling fo me Know Holla! I missed y thu :((
from stepfordtart :
Im so stealing that joke. Me and L run quizzes at the club so I might be able to work it in somehow. Thanks for the compliment re #1 daughter, too. s x
from stepfordtart :
Yes, you jolly well *should* update more. Your cyber-sister demands it! s x
from stepfordtart :
Its still funny now, dude! *sniggers at cat-boners* s x
from stepfordtart :
I think sex should definitely be an integral part of marriage and it seems a shame that you (both) are having to compromise over it (you go without or she does it when she doesnt really want to). I dont know that answerto that one....if I did, I'd sure as hell share it with you. Oh, and WTF do you do with 17lbs of strawberries? Are you making jam? s x
from gr8legs :
can i take a gander at your diary?
from vxxen :
Missed you step-pa! ;)
from stepfordtart :
OK, Wyatt. I do now OFFICIALLY know too much about your butt crack. Thanks for that. Get some diaper cream - should do the trick. Oh, and go visit your nephew anyways - I'll travel up and buy you both a pint. s x
from boombasticat :
Yes, art's nice, and sometimes I forget to look. Thanks for the note. Got a password?
from wordwhore :
hope YOU are feeling much better! last time i had something like that was salmonella and if i never do again, so much the better! i'm much better, though, thanks.
from wordwhore :
-snort- you haven't even seen a picture as a nonblonde(pics of my eyes don't count)! why do men go all stupid over yellow hair? lol
from stepfordtart :
I saw a therapist when I got divorced. My lawyer said I should. It was BRILLIANT. I'd definitely recommend it.s x
from stepfordtart :
Huh? What? You go blind when you're married? If these are good looking girls there is no reason to find them less attractive just because you're married. A thing of beauty is exactly that,whether it be a woman or a painting or a piece of music or a countryside view - theydont get ugly just because you have one at home! *tssk* s x PS Me and L point hotties out to each other all the time. Its cool.
from stepfordtart :
If you could add a couple of sidesteps there and maybe a handclap or two I think you'd have the beginnings of a pretty good linedance. Why is Bildo called Bildo? Is he a builder? Or is it some kind of Bill/Dildo compound? s x
from stepfordtart :
If she's new to 'em, it might take a while to find that particular technique which turns 'that feels quite nice' into 'OMFGGGGGG!!!!'. Unfortunately, everyone's different so there's no 'this will definitely work' guide to follow. Shame really, it would cut out months of frustration! Try to get her to use them herself, when you arent there (and when you arent likely to come back and catch her!) - she might stand a better chance of relaxing and finding what really works. s x
from vxxen :
Preach on, Preacher! haha Thanks Stinger, ur the man! Can I get an 'AMEN'?! haha nah, but he's a great guy . and i think ill keep him. . . form now. holla lol
from stepfordtart :
There's lots of women wont use a vibrator. I know a couple at least 20 years younger than me(us!) who think its somehow depraved and dirty to use one. Just for balance, there's a lot of men who dont like em, too - they think that the woman wont want cock any more if she has a plastic fantastic that she can switch on and off any time she likes. Bizarre. Hope you get it sorted. Cant make my mind up about cock rings that buzz. I think there's probably a knack to em but they dont *ahem* float my boa particularly. Lemme know if it works *wink*. s x
from stepfordtart :
And tonights homework is.....! Only kidding! Glad you got a chance to think about that and how you feel - thanks for sharing it. s x
from sxy38inga :
I believe you are accurate in that you hit the right (G) spot. Once women can get past the urge to pee, it can be quite enjoyable. In addition, stimulating that gland is actually what stimulates women to 'squirt'. Some may simply become wetter and others actually squirt. Too bad you cannot get her to explore some reading on her own - she might then want to try new things more readily.
from stepfordtart :
Lube = Fun. Get a scented one or something if it would make it seem more fun/less clinical. Durex make 'tingly' ones whcih can be nice, too! Oh, and commiserations on the speeding ticket. I got one back in the summer - 60 and 3 license points or 80 and Driver Ed (but no points.) I was broke at the time so I took the points and the lower fine. meh. s x
from x-centricity :
I'm a huge fan of lube. You have to convince Honi that it doesn't make her less of a woman if she uses it. It heightens pleasure and just makes everything a lot more sensual.
from wordwhore :
omg, i used to date a guy from st simons island...<br>
from sxy38inga :
Just checking in on you and wanted to say hello. In reading back a few posts, my opinion is that the lack of attraction has a lot to do with the anxiety and feelings of the past. I'm going through something similar myself. My husband loves me to death and is taking strides in changing his behavior as well....we've been communicating a lot lately. However, on my part - it seems that I have taken on a different outlook or reaction in that I'm not sure it matters at this point. I commend you for hanging in there and seeing if things can be worked out, knowing now that you do have the strength and means ot make it on your own probably changes your disposition as well.
from wordwhore :
oh, and plain ole white vinegar works, too
from wordwhore :
according to my BIL the bug expert, there are actually 2 different kinds of fire ants and that's why sometimes you get a reaction and others not. i wasn't allergic until i had about a dozen on one hand at once, but now i do my best to stay away from them because the last time, from one ant, my ankle was swollen for 3 weeks.
from stepfordtart :
I sort of meant "at all". It cant be easy trying to rekindle a sex life if there is little/no physical attraction there. I was kind of being nosy but not in a snooping way - us cyber sisters worry about our cyber brothers, you know! Being brutally frank, is it the weight or is it her? If she dropped the weight would she suddenly become the woman of your dreams (or at least would you find it easier to overlook 'faults')? Or if she stayed the same size but changed her outlook, would that do it for you? Im sure there's no instant answer to that and, like I said, its nosiness mostly on my part so feel free to shrug and say Dunno. s x
from whystinger :
The Nova plate is Lox and bagels, except Nova Salmon is less salty than the Lox. Your question "Do you actually still find your wife desirable?" What exactly are you asking? I can think of a few questions. Since I came home or with her weight up? Initially I was not attracted to her when I came home and I am still having difficulties in that area. I am still attracted to her, but I think I don't want to give a lot in that area, fearing it all will sour again. Funny you would ask, that has been on my mind lately. We still have issues, but we are working them
from stepfordtart :
Nova plate??? And that is...? Here's a question for you. Do you actually still find your wife desirable? Feel free to say 'fuck off and mind your own business'. s x
from vxxen :
Eff Weight Watchers....! Jenny craig works! Tust me. My mom lost 30 lbs since the summer
from stepfordtart :
Food log? Thats no activity for a man. *shakes head in despair*. s x PS I do have a couple of pics of the blue hair but cant get em off the camera at the mo as the laptop is in a huff. Patience, dear, patience!
from chickpea981 :
Happy birthday old man! Glad the marriage is improving too.
from vxxen :
Happy Birthday, W! And May u live for another 50! :D
from stepfordtart :
Recovered from the swine flu in time for your birthday! Yay! Happy birthday to you, dear, and many more to come. much love s x
from stepfordtart :
Do you have swine flu by any chance? Hope you feel better soon. s x
from stepfordtart :
Eeeuuuw! Thanks for sharing! Hope you feel better soon, dude. s x PS Sending good wishes for your ma too.
from vxxen :
Your welcome, W. Yeah. You're right. Wanting is better than having. But the thing about me is...im gettin bored lol oh, well. I got the summons for failing to read a sign after dark in the park or some shit like that
from taken-by-you :
I would like to read your Diary, please. If you leave the info in my notes/comments, I'll delete it promptly.
from x-centricity :
Wow...Honi is really trying to make changes.
from xxholding-on :
hey sorry for bothering anymore just wanted to let a few people who supported me to know that the art contest closes its voting tonight at midnight, so if you have a chance please stop over and put one last vote and review in for me, thanks so much =) http://www.brickfish.com/Pages/PhotosAlbums/PhotoView.aspx?picid=975395_34070543&pid=2767347&scid=452
from daath :
Why thank you, much appreciated. I'll return the favor.
from xxholding-on :
thank you so much! seriously every vote i get helps a ton
from stepfordtart :
Hey, dude! I dont have anything to say, just sayin' 'Hey'! s x
from xxholding-on :
hey i saw you were online and i really wanted the vote from diaryland members towards an art contest i joined. It's a coach marketing contest and i need as many votes as i can get, please help! http://www.brickfish.com/Pages/PhotosAlbums/PhotoView.aspx?picid=975395_34070543&pid=2767347&scid=452
from stepfordtart :
Aaah! The man who can manipulate a g-spot. You are in a very exclusive club there, my friend. There should be some kind of medal or badge that you guys can wear, so us girls can find you easily! There's another technique which requires a certain amount of firm pressure rather than the stroking but Ive already typed and deleted three or four versions of how to explain it. I guess its easier to do than it is to say! Ah well. Oh, and I laughed at your ass-shag remark. Im sure I shouldnt have...but I did. ; ) s x
from journalmine :
I don't think you're more bitchy. And I think you're a good man for giving the marriage another try. I think there might be a conflict within you now, though, since you've had a taste of life "semi-single." And because of that, I think that there may perhaps be a chance that YOU might possibly become the one who jeopardizes your marriage now, even though you might not be conscious of it. Just throwing a thought out there. -- And in trying a little to see her side of the sex thing WITHOUT TAKING SIDES because I like you. . . . I've had a few health scares before that have made me totally clam up in a shell. So that the last thing on my mind was sex, of all things. I was too completely focused on observing improvement in my condition (or the worsening of it) to give sex a second thought. It was understandably the last thing on my mind. I'd have been devastated if, in my time of stress and fear for my well-being (possibly my life), my husband left, citing lack of sex as one of the major reasons. Just throwing that out there because it's something that's come into my mind now and then when I consider your situation.
from stepfordtart :
Mexican sushi chef? Wyatt, You KNOW thats wrong, you should've run for the hills as soon as you saw him! I once had Mexican food, in cozumel, Mexico, cooked by an English guy from St Albans (its about 100 miles from here). It was as crap as I expected it to be! s x
from journalmine :
I call them wood roaches, and I just had an experience with one last night. It was right in front of the dryer. I always miss the first attempt at hitting them. It ran under the dryer. Of course. After 1am. Couldn't stop thinking about it as I tried to sleep. Got up at 6:45am . . . it was waiting for me in the same general area. Got it that time. I HATE THOSE BUGS!! And I don't know if they indeed are the same kind of bug, but these fly! And they do so seemingly without a flight plan! You never know where they're going to land. *shivers*
from stepfordtart :
*stands on chair* SQUEEEEEAL!!! Squish it! Squish it! When I was in Gulf Shores AL they had these big tree roach thingys and them suckers are QUICK! I assume something bigger will be even quicker? YIKES! s x
from vxxen :
Ha! Curlers...tee-hee
from erianne1 :
I used to own a business where I made and sold beaded earrings. How cool that you both make them, too! I've never done anything with cane sugar...that sounds interesting.
from journalmine :
No, the Crest Nighttime is good. And, yeah, it takes a layer of your mouth off on the inside. The A&H BS & Peroxide tasted like bleach. Horrible. I just got a Crest mint + Scope. It's good. Ooo, I'll tell you what's really good. Colgate Luminous - Paradise Fresh! Damn, I just remembered about that one! My favorite! That's what I should have gotten! *grumbles*
from erianne1 :
Thanks for visiting my diary and I'm glad that you weren't bored hehe. Anything you want to know about polymer clay or how to use it, feel free to ask!
from sxy38inga :
Wyatt, from what you have been writing - she has been trying in some areas, however when you see the signs where things are slipping you really need to nip it! There is no reason she couldn't assit with cooking (to have things to do together) or cook meals as you said. After all, she is home and that is the way a partnership/marriage works. Stay strong and let her know immediately how you feel.
from sassyphoto :
The power of Nori Sushi! LOL Hope you had a great time :D:D
from sassyphoto :
Getting hungry? Mission completed :) hehehe
from chickpea981 :
I'd be much more inclined to support all this if I was sure it would last more than a month or two. So as it stands, I'll refrain from comment until I see more. In the meantime, keep it up. Maybe it will last and you won't have to move out every time the road gets bumpy.
from dredhawk502 :
thank you for dropping by my diary. and i appreciate the advice. i agree with your "joined at the hip" comment and never intend to do that with this gentleman. an di have told him how i feel, but not to such degree. there are a few things that i need to work on with myself before i go out and display my feelings to him in their entireity. feel free to drop by anytime. and i love any advice i can get. thank you again.
from stepfordtart :
Hey Wyatt - sounds like you might actually get to a place where you're BOTH enjoying it for exactly what it is - FUN(instead of just having the physical evidence of enjoyment and the mind being elsewhere, either "I dont know if she likes that" or "I want to tell him blahblahblah but am embarassed/ashamed etc") Fingers SOOOOOO crossed for you one that one, dude. You BOTH deserve that, surely!? s x
from journalmine :
Great entry. You're right - men don't have crystal balls (you'd hear them when they walk), and too many women either expect men to know certain things or can't bring themselves to talk about them. But pleasing you men isn't as straightforward as most assume, either. There was a time when I believed that men's nipples were effectively dead, not worth any attention. And different men like different speeds and pressures; nails or no nails; squeeze this, bite that. :-D Guys can be pretty sexually complex in their own ways. (You already know this, of course, I'm just sayin'. . . .)
from vxxen :
Those guys seem so cool!
from stepfordtart :
Hey! Sounds like there's progress being made and Im crossing my fingers SO HARD for things to continue to improve between you two. s x
from vxxen :
Tee-hee. You said, "Drink the Kool-aid." haha
from lasweetthing :
Thanks my son is doing much better now! Hey, I'm glad things are going well for you, and yes it does take a lot of hard work on both ends. Good luck & hope it will last & work out for you ;)
from vxxen :
Aw, I'm so happy that you're doing well! =)
from journalmine :
You're right. And I have stopped. He actually once left you a note (find "minstrelite"), but he really got around on Diaryland, so he's crossed paths of many. -- I'm still keeping up with you, by the way. You're my soap opera. That's not an insult! :^) I'm very interested in your ongoing story. I just hope it all turns out for the best and you aren't made to settle into something that doesn't truly make you happy. Or at least reasonably, livably happy.
from sxy38inga :
Hello W! I am glad to hear that things are going okay for you so far. Great news. Thanks for stopping by and offering the words of encouragement. Yes - I do need to get out and walk in the a.m. or evening. I work out of my home (remote access) so the taking the stairs thing or parking further away isn't an option, LOL. This is where having the flexible to work from home becomes the hinderance - I work longer hours than I would if I were at the office - meaning I sit on my ass a whole lot more! Gotta change that. Again, thanks for the pep talk.
from vxxen :
Aw, thanks Stinger! I'm just glad that I don't hang out with them. Just that one time
from sexonatable :
really well I dont write a lot because i figure no one ever reads it so why update but thanks for letting me know u read I will try to write more
from stepfordtart :
5 lbs?! Wow, thats great! Well done, you! I tried to think what was on Honi's mind when she moved your hand from her waist. Fist I was thinking she totally wanted you to go further but then I remembered I dont really like L resting his hand on my tummy either. *thinks hard*. No. She definitely wanted you to go further. She could have moved your hand onto her hip, couldnt she? And thank you for telling us all about your Morning Glory - nice to know you're waking up with a smile on your face! s x
from robotheart :
you mean my boobs? building up immune systems? lol.
from vxxen :
(E) All of the Above lmao
from stepfordtart :
Haha! I should just keep my big mouth shut! Now look at the trouble I caused! s x PS She was TOTALLY primping for ya, dude!
from vxxen :
Haha you said, 'Homie dont play that game no mo'" lol
from vxxen :
W! why is your diary shuttin me out :( How was the race??!! hope ur goal was reached!
from stepfordtart :
Pterodactyl Toes are NOT SEXY, Wyatt! They are icky and freaky and weird. Toes should decrease neatly in size from large to small and not have mismatched ones sticking out too far in the middle. MY toes are all neat. Like babies' toes! s x
from stepfordtart :
Hmm. Sounds like you got a bad case of Blue Balls, Wyatt old chap! You need a shag but arent able to have one (for a million and one reasons) so you're seeing shagtastic opportunity wherever and whenever. I hope you werent expecting me to offer a cure there, I dont have one Im afraid. 'Feel better' soon, tho, yeh? s x
from vxxen :
That. Is. Hilarious! LMAO and the clean version is "Do your ears hang low? Do they travel to and fro? Do you tie them in a knot? Do you tie them in a bow? Do you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier? Do you ears, hang lowwwww!" lmao i got that from the animaniacs! Miss Ya!
from x-centricity :
I can't stop laughing!
from stepfordtart :
TMI, Wyatt, TMIIIIIIIIIIII! Laughing very very hard at that. And trying to get the image out of my head. s x
from stepfordtart :
Hahaha! Im SO gonna ask L if he's ever done that - you guys are about the same age so I guess you must be experiencing the same...ummm...changes! Haha, Im still sniggering. Im not a grown up at all. s x
from sxy38inga :
Wow, I totally did not see this coming (moving back). I did read where you mentioned it a few times, however didn't feel it was really a serious option for you. I wish you all the best and hopefully your relationship with Honi will improve and be stronger. What's important is that you don't give up on things you want and make sure you maintain the dominant role in the relationship. Perhaps then she will stop trying to be manipulative.
from stepfordtart :
Thats a brave thing you did, dude. Fingers crossed for you. ((hug)) s x
from vxxen :
Goodness! You aint supposed to mess up yo' back over some weeds!! those damn things! Feel better. Epsom salt bath by the way! :) Miss ya!
from amalthea23 :
i'm always the same, just at livejournal.
from lasweetthing :
I'm glad you updated/wrote here. Take care of your back & have a good weekend!
from lasweetthing :
Hi, you haven't witten in almost two weeks...Hope you're alright! Just thinking about you, and wishing all is well. Hugs Me
from vxxen :
Hey, W! I hope your easter was good! Miss YA! :)
from vxxen :
I really didnt pay attention to the guestbook thingie lol
from stepfordtart :
Wyatt, you dont really say 'shag' in normal conversation, do you? Thats just for us Brits, surely? Or are you channeling Austin Powers today? *snigger* s x
from vxxen :
LOL! i aint doin' nuttin! i dont even think im gonna meet him. im a big chicken lol im just talking. i been outta the game for a hot minute and i need to know what the new "game'' is lol Thanks cuz i know that was from the heart! LMAO
from vxxen :
LOL about the her "chest-es-es-es" thats what me and my friends used to call big chest lol Forget the therapist tell her to bite your shiny metal ass! lol
from stepfordtart :
Why shouldnt you be craving female company? Jeez! You are a man after all. Here - have this (((squeeeze))) - its the best I can do, seeing as Im married and 3000 miles away! s x
from x-centricity :
Wyatt....I think you and Honi should try going to another therapist. No therapist should be guilt tripping you into staying in a relationship. They are there to help the two of you decide what is going to happen next in your relationship. Be that staying together or giving you the tools to break it off.
from stepfordtart :
Yeh. I thought the same as x-centricity. I think thats a personal opinion. She needs a damn good shagging! Oh, and Im no doubt at all that I can get a pearl necklace whenever I want one! *wink* s x
from x-centricity :
It sounds to me like the C.T. is a bit of a Man hater.
from vxxen :
Ha "an Emmy" lol Date, date, date, date! :) Miss ya, god father!
from stepfordtart :
Your vacation day doesnt sound very...ummm...vacationy! Feel better soon How was your trip? s x
from vxxen :
Where u at, playa playa?
from vxxen :
you should get oils to to put i the baths. like natural oils like rose water. it'll make u smell scrum-dilly-um-cious! lol
from whystinger :
I will be driving, so the powdery epsom salt crystals will be in my car...
from stepfordtart :
I think anyone taking ziploc bags of white powdery stuff on a plane is asking for a cavity search! Best of luck! s x
from vxxen :
I LOVE the epsom salt baths! Just make sure you rinse off cuz it leaves ur skin kinda dry. cream should be ur BFF too lol Can you take salt in a bag to the airport??
from whystinger :
Alright Vxxen!
from vxxen :
I'm using the classifications! lol
from stepfordtart :
Dude, I havent forgotten I owe you an email! Oh, and dont forget, fast food has lots of salt in it - make you retain water = weight gain. s x
from vxxen :
Compadre, your apartment is very homely and and very yours. I'm sure it is drenched with your style and grace! ;) oh and tell those hypocrites to take a long walk off a short pier! yeah, take that! lol
from stepfordtart :
"God doesnt like divorce". I'll email you tomorrow about that one (as someone who recently remariied. In a church). Hope the bath works. s x
from chillier :
Can I get the username and password pretty please with sugar on top? My email is lngstoryshort at yahoo dot com.
from vxxen :
Compadre!!!!!! (godfather, in spanish lol) I have to thank you! you have influenced me! to write a summary in the beginning to sum it up lol u rock!! Miss ya!
from x-centricity :
The idea you had of your wife is destroyed. You will never be able to go back to the feelings you once had for her. You can either try to make new feelings or you can accept that you can't go back and officially end it. *huggles*
from stepfordtart :
Too much softener in the boxer's wash? Heehee. s x
from vxxen :
i have lavender body soap from Bath and Body Works. it really works i love it. Im on the asthma nebulizer and when i was reading your entry i was like, "Why are the words going by so fast?" LMAO it was the medicine... lol
from rdhdprincess :
Hi! I never got the username and password. May I have it, please? c
from x-centricity :
You definitely need to be honest about your intentions with Honi. It's easier when you break things off and make it known that it's over. And don't let her manipulations through friends and family make you change your mind. *hugs*
from whystinger :
Boob Lube, ie Udder Cream is a pretty good moisturizer. The lavendar thing is an aromatherapy deal... and is in the lotion. Good for sleeping...
from vxxen :
Boob tube~ lmao thats funny. Veterinarian cream? cool. i didnt even know they went that far lol o0o Lavender your a manly man. lol jk yeah, Eucerin! that works great too! i like that too!
from vxxen :
that pic is HoTT! I'm calling u Steve McQueen from now on! LOL I wouldn't give up that car for ANYONE! LOL now I know what it's all about.
from vxxen :
Cetaphil is the BEst cream for the winter months. No greasy feeling and stuff. o0o i ride on the bike?! COOL! Yeah that was type fishy. Good Luck with your stuff!
from stepfordtart :
to women in their 80s, divorce is a dreadful thing. No wonder she was crying. But the world moves on and only you can know the whole story, here. Does her ma know about her history of mental illness and how unhappy you have been all these years? I doubt it. Only a man made of stone can be unaffected by women crying but that doesnt mean that theyre right and youre wrong and it doesnt mean that you caused them to cry. Sometimes tears are of ones own making - from guilt, frustration, sorrow or even genuine remorse. You didnt make those gals cry - the situation did. s x
from lasweetthing :
There's no way to avoid hurting her, but that doesn't mean you're doing it on purpose...pain comes with divorce. STICK TO YOUR GUNS & YOU JUST GOTTA GET IT DONE FOR YOU BOTH!!! IN THE END IT WILL BE 4 THE BETTER, & IN TIME YOU BOTH WILL HEAL. HUGS TO YOU ;)
from stepfordtart :
I felt ashamed when I was getting divorced, like I couldnt even do THAT right. Dont feel ashamed, you cant fix everything. Some things get broken and cant be mended, its not always your fault. Sometimes its not anybody's. ((hug)) s x
from vxxen :
Rip the Band-aid
from vxxen :
May i have this dance??? Do you twitter? teehee
from vxxen :
Miss yo' Gangsta-ness!! lol get your doggone computer straight! lol
from stepfordtart :
I cant remember the last time I saw white coffee filters - they're all brown ones here. Can you get those 'perpetual' ones there? Like a metal mesh seive - you can wash it out and use it again. Much more eco friendly. s x
from vxxen :
You aint no 'old fart' more like a new burp lol hope ur computer is feeling better! lol My mother does that. she spins and talks and sings at the same time.... lol damn 4-lunged ppl lol
from torchstar :
Thinking of YOU! And wishing you'd twitter too. ;)
from lasweetthing :
The question would be...Where would you want those hot kisses???
from dream-catcha :
I need to invest in a proper toothbrush too. I've had my eye on those sonicare ones but keep putting it off. Now you've sold to me, I'll make sure I'll look into getting mine soon.
from dream-catcha :
That cat is a beaut! I'd love one just like it. :) I don't think Maine Coons are as a popular breed here in UK and I'm sure they aren't cheap either. I'd constantly worry that someone would steal my pretty cat. :(
from vxxen :
RUN DMC?! oh, man! and u know u black when u know RUN DMC from any black dude! lmao...yeahhhh mannnn i was winded lol... being carried around like that is hard work lol.... yeah he smells good lol especially that night cuz he smelt like fried chicken!! LMAO and besides that boy wont let me go.. i know him too well lol AND im HOT!? sheet lol WHYSTINGER!!! I MISS YO GANGSTA-NESS! ima bother u lol
from vxxen :
W!!!! a soniccare?! damn i heard they were the shit! i gotta crest one lol i seen the sonic commercial and i was like, "o0o0o0o0o" lol MISS U MANNNNN!
from vxxen :
Donde esta? Te extrano, compadre! (Where you at, homeslice? u are missed, godfather!) ok so i gangsta'ed it up a bit lol but u got it lol
from x-centricity :
Just caught up....Keep up your will power; don't let Honi suck you in. *hugs*
from wordwhore :
Last time I checked, suggah, Jesus was a wine drinker ;) Also, I've had that chafing from working out - NOT FUN! I use baby powder or cornstarch.
from stepfordtart :
Meh. Commiserations, dude. we're only just back online after same kind of stuff. Took ages to fix. Hope yours is simpler. s x
from vxxen :
WHYSTINGER! ima miss u step-pa! try puttin vasaline in the inner thigh. it should help. come on man, u no u black! lol
from simplysex :
Hi! Thanks for your nice comments. You're welcome to ask any questions you want...if I don't want to answer I won't!
from vxxen :
Damn, W! Thats some serious mess. I know i disappear a lot lately. :) its kinda cool to know im missed but the step-pa!
from sxy38inga :
Wyatt, I wish you the best. It sounds like you know how to stay focused and avoid the hoover attack, lol. I agree, most likely sex is her way of manipulating you into thinking she will be better. How many weeks do you have of CP before they make a determination?
from vxxen :
right on brother, right on ::clicks fingers as applause:: right on :)
from wordwhore :
most likely, she was just making it up altogether, trying to find out if you had moved on. or her friend just wanted to start shit. as for spending time, maybe CT is sensing that you are feeling that you're done yet still scared to end it, and she thinks time with honi will really help you make up your mind.
from vxxen :
no u dont need the !$h ...shoo. Senor white knight! and who says chivalry is dead! :) i wish-o mucho luck-o! LMAO
from vxxen :
yeah i was good. classy and not trashy lol i think im gonna use that one! lol when im buzzed i like to hang out with mac and eat cheeseburgers...then go to sleep lol im so old lol
from dream-catcha :
heyyy, how are you? as you see i've returned to d'land, and yes i have again lost your password! well, i can remember something but you've probably changed it anyway. sorry to be a pain...emails [email protected] thanks very much. hope all's good in your world. xxx
from vxxen :
ewww roughage lol. i didnt party that hard. didnt cuss anybody out (even though they deserved it lol) and i didnt puke. a little flirty and that was it lol i always wanted to ride on a bike! i might take the offer. lol and yes, sir W i shall get better. thank you for thy concern lmao
from vxxen :
No surgery for me!! YAY! lol eat more diary, like yogurt. it gives u energy. i partied on NYE with mac. it was fun. the steamables id great!! but dont get the 'Pictsweet' kind. its kinda gross lol get the green giant one, i think. that or bird's eye, but im pretty sure its green giant. but i *DEFINITELY* the asian melody! my fav. aw, man tell me that me email aint working!? grr miss u, double-U! :)
from whystinger :
It was a video file that was passed on to me. In the beginning of the video, it had www.xyz.com then went into an Animal Planet show that showed a cool bird mimicking different things. I decided to look at the address displayed and see, maybe more animal planet videos, nope, Porn. I am still pretty pissed off.
from wordwhore :
I HATE crap like those videos. Where the vid is perfectly acceptable, but it has a link to stuff that is not. Was the video a file or was it just a link? If it was hosted somewhere you could report it. Otherwise, I dunno what you could do to trace the origins. The site could claim they didn't make it (and that might be true - could just be some douchebag thinking he's cute).
from vxxen :
Miss you Home Slice! :)
from vxxen :
It said, "Thank you, Step-father!" lol but your STILL the best lol
from vxxen :
Bien, padrastro, gracias! you're the best W! :)
from vxxen :
Go Couples T! its about frickin' time! lol
from sxy38inga :
Interesting session, indeed. What Honi said, "how long before he will move back in". She is confident that her change in behavior and manipulations will work and is just trying to pinpoint the timeline down. Hmmmmm.
from stepfordtart :
Oi! Cheeky! Smash doesnt need any encouragement from YOU to be having inappropriate thoughts! Happy New year to you, dude. May 2009 bring you what you wish for. s x
from sxy38inga :
Hope your holiday's were all good ones! It sounds to me like the healing process is beginning and you are working very hard not to be hoovered back in. Let's hope 2009 has better things in store!
from rdhdprincess :
Hi! I couldn't get to your page to see your e-mail address, but I would like to read. Can I have a password? Please? c
from vxxen :
Mac's mother used to give him sheep for his birthdays, but she stopped doing it so i gave him one. eh, its something for draggin my crippled ass out every once i a while lol plus, i wasnt spending a lot of money on a guy i KNOW aint gonna shell out any for me lol hes a little quirky lol yeah i checked it out, but i gotta go to the post office to finalized it. after xmas, i got you ps thanks
from vxxen :
lol 'airline' lmao! Merry Christmas!! Have a good time!
from stepfordtart :
Wishing you a very merry christmas, Wyatt, and a peaceful and happy new year. s x
from x-centricity :
Hope you have a happy Christmas. *hugs8
from sxy38inga :
Must have been reading - sorry I missed you. Haven't been writing much lately, I keep waiting for something positive to say (and waiting and waiting). LOL - I hope you have wonderful holidays, and I say use the money to get yourself something for Christmas - make your apartment more comfortable.
from stepfordtart :
Head says: expenses cushion. Heart says: SPENNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDD!. Sorry, Im no help, am I?! s x
from wordwhore :
cool! lemme go get my parka & ski mask... ;)
from wordwhore :
Use it as a C'mas/apartment living cushion, IMHO. Or use it to buy that poor girl in the picture some CLOTHES! ;) j/k!
from stepfordtart :
definitely tacky to piss in the yard....unless its snowy and you can write your name! s x
from x-centricity :
I'm being totally serious. I got to see the Misfits about....well...6 years ago. They are so much fun.
from x-centricity :
You know Robo from the Misfits? You are so effing cool....
from wordwhore :
thanks, hon. and i don't really expect anyone else to know what to say, since i don't know myself!
from stepfordtart :
Just read your note. Hope you got her card, then! s x
from stepfordtart :
Heeheee! There's nothing quite so cool as being 'with the band', is there?! Although, for me it usually just means I get to carry loads of heavy stuff and drive home when everyone else has partied! Oh, and I usually get to cook supper for everyone, too! .....*thinks*......Actually, even with all that, its STILL cool! s x
from stepfordtart :
Hey Wyatt! Just a bit confused here, across the pond. If she's STBX, how come you said you would want to move back in and continue the marriage? Not trying to be contentious, just wondering if I'd missed something. s x
from stepfordtart :
You spent a long time considering your next move before making it and I cant see any reason to change that now. She may well have been totally sincere in what she said and if she was then she will still think that tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. Time is on your side in this one. Fingers crossed for the session. s x
from x-centricity :
I'm so glad things are going so well for you. You seem so much happier. Just keep this in mind when you go to couples therapy. Don't let the emotions of the session real you back in. *hugs*
from sxy38inga :
Wyatt, I'm so glad to hear your spirits are better. Cooking is good therapy and surround yourself with friends. Stay strong and focus on your much happier and brighter future and don't forget to take care of yourself. Word of advice - my brother-in-law agreed to pay the bills when he left and asked his wife for a divorce. Because of this, when they did go through the attorney's he was stuck with all the bills until the divorce was final. Be careful how generous you are.
from wordwhore :
thanks. i haven't fully decided what to do. i'm not there now, and i'm just trying to focus on figuring out what i NEED versus what i WANT. since i'm not really sure what either of those things are ;) it's a struggle some days. sounds like you're pretty much decided, and i think, from what little i know (which isn't a lot coz I haven't gotten back far enough yet), you're probably making a good decision and likely will be happier once it's over and done. i'm not quite there yet.
from misfitstray :
Thank you! :-) So, who was it, with the same picture?
from stepfordtart :
No worries - it wasnt really a recipe! Here's the recipe for the Nigella Lawson shrimp curry I make all the time - found someone else trying it out on the net so no need for me to type it all out again for you! http://www.notquitenigella.com/2008/01/08/red-prawn-and-mango-curry-from-nigella-express/ It really is LOVELY! and quick to make. If you can get 'lite' coconut over there it should cut down the cals a bit. MAKE IT! While you still have fresh caught shrimp! s x PS I use Photobucket for my photo hosting - really easy to use!
from lasweetthing :
Sounds like you are doing better...I'm glad! I haven't been online much lately, but I think I'm caught up on your dairy now ;) Have A Great Week, Hugs Me
from gr8chick :
hey, buddy. hows it going? i wanted to suggest that you checkout www.transformation.com. let me know what you think.
from vxxen :
I just remember something! My mom has a weight-watchers book of recipes i bought her! ill give them too you! ~yaaaaayyy! lol
from vxxen :
Yeah, maybe but you'd be a great Step-Paw ;) ps raw sugar cane is the BEST! lol
from whystinger :
I told you before I am most likely your Dad's age...
from vxxen :
1983?! wow, i wasnt even a gleam in my fathers eyes yet! lol you can and will do this! your the man! Miss ya, Home Slice!
from stepfordtart :
1983? Yeh, that was a pretty good year. I just left senior school and turned 17. I remember it well. And I know other people who had 'cable spool' tables and they all pretty much turned out OK. s x
from stepfordtart :
shrimp-stuffed peppers cant be more than a couple of points, can they? s x
from scotvalkyrie :
thank you for your note! It really is great to lose that 50 lbs -- now I know I actually can lose the rest!
from stepfordtart :
Of course you feel depressed - you're out of your nice house, living in a tiny dirty flat! Im glad you did the cleaning - even tho its only a temporary measure you need to make it feel as much like home as possible while you're there. And maybe focus on WHY you're there and what made you go in the first place. Its a means to an end is all. Before you go to the counselling, make yourself some lists - why you left, why you dont want to go back etc etc. Maybe it might help you clear your thoughts so less chance of being hoovered? s x
from vxxen :
Yeah! it was mad cool! my latest entry..help! lol
from stepfordtart :
Chewbacca?! OMG! *shakes head* s x
from vxxen :
LMFAO! thats hilarious! Chewbacca?! thats so funny lol and nasty..ewwwww lol
from vxxen :
Awww, W! i miss youuuuuuuu! ps do u have an ipod? im researching for one, and ur the best on advice lol
from stepfordtart :
Well, glad to know you're still alive, at least! s x
from wordwhore :
thanks. looks like we're in a similar boat, if not exactly the same one, just judging by the notes (since your diary is locked. if you're cool letting me in to read, you can email the info to the address on my page. if not, 's cool, too. take care
from stepfordtart :
How come you already sound so much more relaxed? Its uncanny! Glad you sound like you're doing OK. s x
from vxxen :
Yeah! you tell them! hag! lol
from stepfordtart :
Take someone with you if you go to the house! And the whole point of getting divorced is so that you dont have to 'do things together over the weekend', isnt it?! Stay strong, dude. s x
from sxy38inga :
Hang in there Wyatt! She is trying to manipulate just as she has done for years. I hope you decide not to leave dland as we enjoy sharing thoughts.
from stepfordtart :
You know that changing the locks is your 'punishment' for leaving, dont you? Now, if you'd just stop being so silly and go back home straightaway, Honi can give you a key and it'll all be alright again. *shakes head* If you're going to the meeting then take a deep breath and dont hold back. Say what's been on your mind for all these months - all the stuff you told us but didnt tell her cos you were sparing her feelings. She obviously is intending to fight so, if I were you, I wouldnt be pulling my punches - you have nothing to lose after all! Continuing with the 'crossed fingers' thing! s x
from vxxen :
Dont go! DONT go! bridge down!
from vxxen :
Whystinger! I miss you Home slice! I hope everything is going well! whats ya first movie? lol how did u kno i was doing the gangsta lean? lol holla
from stepfordtart :
How horrible. Cant pretend that it didnt bring back some dreadful memories for me, of when Shagnasty left. However this works out, I am sure that being away for a while will help you to get a handle on how you really feel about all this and what your next step should be. Thinking of you. s x
from x-centricity :
It's a horrible thing to go through, and I have experience from both sides. No matter what there's going to be pain and there's going to be guilt. I'm not going to lie, it's going to hurt for a long time but it gets better, life moves on and in the end you both will be happier. *hugs*
from chickpea981 :
I waited until you actually mvoed before saying a single word... now I'm not sure I have any words. I think I might be speechless that you actually did it.
from stepfordtart :
Im lovin' them upper case letters, Wyatt!! Yay you!! s x
from gr8legs :
thanks for the note. now i at least know someone is reading this thing!
from lasweetthing :
I'm very proud of you! You have more courage, and strength in you than you realize. It will be hard for a while, but you can make it through, and be for the better. Keep your chin up & be strong! HUGS!!!
from x-centricity :
I'm proud of you. It's going to be hard but this is the best thing for both of you. *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
Im really glad you went through with it, it must've taken a lot of guts. I can guarantee you will feel like a big shiny pile of shite for a while yet. Hope its some comfort to know we're all rooting for yez. ((hug)) s xxx
from sxy38inga :
It is never easy to hurt anyone, especially someone you love or once loved. However, you have taken the biggest step and given some time I'm sure you will find true happiness. Surround yourself with friends and family for the holidays and stay strong. Best wishes to you.
from vxxen :
W! I'm Sooooo Proud of u! ur doing good. dont forget to breathe....and check ur email :) g2g to therapy..wish me luck! lol
from coldandgray :
I am proud of you. Yes, it is going to hurt and is going to be hard, but you just got through the most difficult part. Thinking of you.
from amalthea23 :
Good luck, Wyatt!
from coldandgray :
OMG, EEK! We are rooting for you!
from srch4balance :
Also, when you're done, can you delete that note? Dont want my email here. Duh! Thanks :)
from fluidlife :
Send me your username and pw information on a comment on my blog (http://girrl66.blogspot.com). I moderate my comments, so I'll just delete it instead of post it. I was surprised at the news you posted on my comments there. I need to catch up with you. I'll try to update soon. Change is afoot in my little corner of the world. :)
from sxy38inga :
My thoughts are with you, stay strong and we are all here for support. Remember to breathe.
from stepfordtart :
Oh, Wyatt! Best of luck to you, dude. Fingers crossed until you tell us it all went OK. s x
from vxxen :
LMFAO!!! i went for looks last time and look how great that turned out. lol i figured if there hot there mean. i figured if they're fugly, they're decent....I think i need to rething my battle plan lol
from vxxen :
You ask for my prayers, you shall recieve them. My thoughts are with always. 0:)
from coldandgray :
Good luck, stay strong!
from stepfordtart :
*gasp* You make Earrings????? You know your posse of cyber-chicks love you ever MORE now, dontcha? I wouldnt worry too much about squirrelling away bits and pieces fromthe house. If push comes to shove you can just say "and Im taking a few things..." and load up your car, cant you? s x
from x-centricity :
I'm backing you; stay strong. *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
'ironic' or 'unhappy coincidence'? ((hug)) s x
from sxy38inga :
Stay strong and do in your heart what you know will make you happy. Reaching that moment is always the most difficult. Best of luck to you!
from vxxen :
Lmao. im glad that i wasnt the only one that thought that. and this will make my decision easier cuz hes fugly. lol Miss ya! ps. keep fightin!
from vxxen :
whystinger! i miss ya', gangsta wishing you a good day, ~VxXen ps let me know when u situated(u no what i mean) i got a surprise for you! :)
from stepfordtart :
"like most screamers" HAHAHAHAHAHA! Not to make a sweeping generalisation or anything! s x
from x-centricity :
I hope you have a productive weekend. *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
Hahahaha! Im SO stealing that! s x
from x-centricity :
I'm sending you *hugs*, Darling. This isn't going to be easy but you're tough and you'll get through this.
from stepfordtart :
Im sure you did the right thing in not taking advantage of the situation, Wyatt, but it must be hellish for you when you're already feeling horny. You have excellent willpower, my friend! s x PS I applaud your use of the word 'shag'. How very British of you!
from vxxen :
tee-hee hee...shag lol
from stepfordtart :
Your time will come, dude, and then it'll be just how you remember it. s x
from vxxen :
ps in the words of Bust Rhymes "It aint Yo' Fault" We live, we love, we learn, we heal.
from vxxen :
LMAO! Whystinger, i know u said you couldnt type well. sheet if me and my sister can make up our own language with our mouths full....i got you lmao
from stepfordtart :
*sending Wyatt a big fat hug with quishy boobies*. C'mon dude, stay with it. s xxxx
from x-centricity :
Oh, Wyatt...you need to get this over with. The longer you wait, the more excuses will pop up for you not to leave. Off with the band-aid!. *huggles*
from vxxen :
Home Slice, oh, Home Slice Oh, where could you be? Oh, where oh where could you be?? lol i know where u at..just throwin u some love! and a side of patience with a soda on the side! lol had to throw that out there..one love
from x-centricity :
I'm hoping everything went alright. Sending lots of love and prayers.
from stepfordtart :
((hugs)) to you. Thinking of you and keeping everything crossed. s x
from coldandgray :
Thinking of you.
from sxy38inga :
It is human nature to fear change or the unknown. Deep down W, you know you would have not pursued this means to an end if you truly believed there was anything to work out. Cloudy or rainy days sometimes have me thinking much along the same path you are. The sun will shine again giving you the strength needed to begin a new chapter in life. Take care.
from coldandgray :
You deserve happiness.
from x-centricity :
Feel better, Sugar!
from vxxen :
you right i was asleep.. dead to the world lol dont blame yourself, home slice. shes being attached to you cuz idk, maybe she thinks ur having an affair or something. to watch you. weird. :/
from pocket-pool :
I really appreciated your comments and thoughts on my bonelessness and have been kicking myself in the ass daily saying I gotta thank you. So thank you! Things have been interesting around here. I'll post today.
from gr8chick :
I texted him, and he was all receptive when he didn't know who it was sending him messages. As soon as he figured out it was me, he slowed down on the messages, and is not responding with what I percieved as excitement like he did when he got my first text. I really think that my wieght killed something for him. Being 50 pounds bigger since the last time he saw me...well, I guess I can understand that. So I set myself up for it, and now I'm paying for it. I have to admit my feelings are more than a little hurt. But, I'm happy for you and the fact that you are taking steps to be happy. I wish you all the best when the time comes to break the news to ole' girl! How exciting, and scary, but more exciting than anything else, right? **hugs**
from stepfordtart :
Hang in there dude, you're on the home stretch now. The four hour drive is worth it if it means nobody gets shot (or no accusations can be made). Menu sounds pretty good too! There's a common misconception about English food - most of it is unfortunately well-founded! Its a shame cos there's people like me whipping up a storm in teh kitchen every day but our voice is overshadowed by the 'chicken nuggets and oven chips' brigade! s x
from vxxen :
...Oh...My..God!!! you cooked all of that food??!?! if i get down on one knee...will you say yes? :D
from vxxen :
lol u aint lying! i had something to say, then i forgot lol then my justice league was on and i was a 'superhero zombie' lmao *NOW* i got something to write lol
from x-centricity :
I'm really proud of the way you are handling Honi these days. I'm also surprised you haven't strangled her yet. LOL
from coldandgray :
I do all the cooking and he better eat it. haha! I have been through a divorce before & it is hell. My ex just did not come home one day. I think you are doing the right thing & hope you can pull that bandaid of real soon.
from vxxen :
Neckbones?! W your a man after my own heart. now i like mine boiled with some bar-b-q sauce and water..do that then we'll talk lol
from vxxen :
YOU GO BOYYYYYYYY! lol
from vxxen :
Now why would i delete a nice survey like that? :-)
from x-centricity :
I felt the guilt and the feelings of failure after my divorce. Even after a year of seperation and finding an amazing person. No matter what, the sadness will be there. But it will be fine. It will pass and you will be able to move one. Just don't move on the fast. Make sure to allow yourself some time on your own. You need that time to heal and to realize that you are worthy of a whole, sane and incredible person.
from stepfordtart :
Yeh. You will feel like a failure...but surely not as much of a failure as you would be if you stayed in a horrible situation just cos it was easier than getting out. Hang in there dude, those pearl necklaces may be yours again one day ; ) s x
from stepfordtart :
Cmon dude, you've got this far. Imagine it as a toothache you've had for a long time. You know you got to get the tooth pulled and you know its going to hurt like hell....but its better than toothache forever, isnt it? I did your survey BTW. s x
from vxxen :
LMAO! im practicing lol i went from Sooofrrrito lol to curry lol i love it. you go boy! hey..im gettin the hang of it lol ps i was wondering where u were ..! :)
from x-centricity :
I give Mike permission to use me as an excuse whenever he needs an out. It's easier now that I'm knocked up. *grin*
from vxxen :
Whystinger.. My thoughts are with you. dont be nervous ;)
from coldandgray :
Dress Barn, tee hee!
from vxxen :
Ha! i cant believe u used the "I am fat." line. Nice. I was so nervous the whole weekend!
from amalthea23 :
can you re-send me my password? my new computer didn't import some of mine and i can't remember it!
from vxxen :
Ha! i cant believe u used the "I am fat." line. Nice. I was so nervous the whole weekend!
from vxxen :
Gangsta as hell..as always.Im proud that ur taking the high road and keepin it together. Laywers rock! I'm biting my nails to find out more! Good lord...
from coldandgray :
Oh Boy, I really hope you don't get shot or worse.
from stepfordtart :
Umm. Yeh. I think reducing the possibility of getting shot could be seen as a good thing right now. Thanks for your email, I'd seen some variations on the same theme but there were some new ones there too. Made me smile this morning. s x
from dream-catcha :
hey mister! can i have your password pleasey please? i have your old ones but i'm not able to gain access. did you change it? my email addy is [email protected] looking forward to reading you again. it's been a while. :) x
from stepfordtart :
Oooch! That sounds like you got one crappy weekend coming up, Wyatt. Try saying you really really want to go....maybe she'll change her mind just to piss you off! s x
from sxy38inga :
You did it, you finally made it past that first hurdle and have the paperwork rolling. It is such a shame that there is such a high cost $ cost to obtaining happiness. Just know we are all out here supporting you and wish you the best of luck.
from lasweetthing :
Good Luck with your appointment today ;) I'm sure it will go well! If you had a dollar for every tantrum she pulled...dude, you'd be rich. Once you're divorced then you will be rich in happiness, and can live again.
from vxxen :
LMAO! that was the shit..."I'm eating." PRICELESS! Good luck on monday! Your gonna do great. I loved the way you didnt blow up! ....Classy. A classy Gangsta!! HA! i freakin love it! ..ps where u at? lol
from x-centricity :
Sending you lots of love and good vibes for today's appointment. *hugs*
from vxxen :
LMAO! not at all, Gangsta Man lol im just reading your entries and tryin to get better. they say i am too! lol holla !
from coldandgray :
Wyatt, good luck with everything. It is hard, but I know you will keep your wits about you.
from vxxen :
damn, man. that stomach thing is no joke. orange juice and tra with honey could help? damn, your sick all by yourself?? you know what i mean. im sorry that ur sick. lol it was maaad graphic too lol i felt i was puking right along with you lol
from h2odragon :
Not Fair! You're locked and yet read me. PW to summer underscore gale at yahoo dot com or [email protected] dot com
from vxxen :
damn, man! you cant win fo' SHIT! dont be nervous...lawyers work for you. you runnin this! you tell them what u want! i got you
from teenmommie :
hey there, I got round to replying you.
from vxxen :
i think thats a smart move..brains over beauty for this one lol
from vxxen :
lol i like my white boy gangsta list too! lol it took me 2 weeks to think of all them boys lol
from stepfordtart :
Wyatt! Tell me how to get love bugs off a car! Last time I was in AL (which was 1993. whatever!) we hired a Cadillac Seville (?) and got it COVERED in the damn things. We'd been staying in a house which was down three miles of dirt track, too, so when we took the car back the guy was like "WTFFFFF????". Dont plan on going there again any time soon but the knowledge would be useful! s x
from vxxen :
Ok. grrr. lol i saw your note to gr8chick, and i made up a whole new email address its [email protected] lol
from vxxen :
Of course, Whystinger. I knew what u meant. It wasnt mean or anything. But that shit was funny! i giggled lol. i just like peoples views of things and im glad you losten to them lol. I always treasure your opinions. SHit, you gangsta lol
from stepfordtart :
"...something to throw in my face today?"...."Yeh. THIS. *clickclick brrrrrrr*" (I take it phones make the same noise when you hang up over there as they do over here!) s x
from vxxen :
LOL. Niiiiccce. I'd didn't think about that. Women r weird LOL
from vxxen :
"Hell, it took me ten minutes." My response: LMAO!!! ahahaha thats funny lol your funny,man lol i love it
from stepfordtart :
Time to start living, indeed. You only got one shot at it, Wyatt, might as well live it the way you want to. Be happy, dude. s x
from lasweetthing :
Hope you can get a little bit of peace since you are away for the week. It's good for you to stay focused, keep pushing forward to acomplish your goals!!! Hugs, Me
from vxxen :
you do what u gots ta do boy! still rooting for you! she hates everybody, huh? Blacks and Puerto ricans??? lolol well she wont like me lol o well lol
from stepfordtart :
Your birthday celebration, all fucked up cos she's homophobic? Fucking hell. I'd have put her in a cab and gone and had a festival beer. Your next one better be better than this one, Wyatt, or Im gonna come over there and get you and me and L will take you out and get you hammered. Then we'll roll you some green. ((hug))s x
from jalepenogirl :
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ;) Hope you have a great evening!
from gr8chick :
Well, happy birthday to you, Mister! Maybe you'll get a birthday present you wouldn't expect. HAHAHA!
from stepfordtart :
Hey. A proper Happy Birthday (ie on the right day!)to you. Pot mums, huh? What variety? Some of them are really lovely. And what a shame you arent nearer, we've got some lovely herbs we'd share with the Birthday Boy ; ) s x
from vxxen :
FIGHT THE FORCE! lol
from pocket-pool :
yep. I'll post soon. apparently I missed your b-day... you missed mine too a couple weeks ago, so we've even! :-p thanks for dropping me the note!
from vxxen :
Whystinger...((insert bitching here)) lol love ya!
from stepfordtart :
How 'bout I just wish you happy birthday instead? Not sure which day it is - I kind of remembered it was the same time as mine. Wishing you everything you wish for yourself. s x
from stepfordtart :
No worries, dude! Im a mine of useless information! s x
from x-centricity :
Stress can really mess with your GI track. Keep taking the "tea" and maybe consider meditation. I hope you start to feel better soon.
from pattypat :
Thanks for your note! I'd love to read your diary, but understand if you are keeping things private.
from lasweetthing :
It's Friday, 1:02am You haven't updated for six days...I HOPE YOU'RE ALRIGHT!!!! My thoughts are with you, take care.
from lasweetthing :
I'm glad you're being cautious!!! Have A Great Weekend, My friend.
from vxxen :
lol I got the emails and why do we not work? are we not clicking? tee-hee
from hadassah :
thanks for your votes out of over 1100 entries I came in 50th place.Didn't get the boat but can't say I didn't try right?
from vxxen :
I .LOVE. Your. Life
from x-centricity :
It really does seem as though she knows. Just don't let her change your mind. *hugs*
from vxxen :
Crap! i didnt! [email protected]?
from vxxen :
damn man. that sucks major ball with a side of hairy ass. do you take the paperwork to work? or that bathroom? i would run the shower for a bit and bring in newspapers or magazines in to fold in there. ;-) i got you
from stepfordtart :
Oh, and what EXACTLY gave you the idea to go googling for legs? *wink*.s x
from gr8chick :
Hey, buddy! I've read your last few entries. Sounds like you and I are at the ends of our ropes with respect to our significant others. We'll figure it out soon. Hope things get better, with or without her. ((hugs))
from stepfordtart :
Yes! I can do both bra AND penis, although, one of those terry-towelling bar mats is better for making penises than a napkin. Also, if you're gonna make a penis, there's less liklihood of you getting thrown out of a bar for doing so than a fancy restaurant!! At school I also learned how to make swan, water lilies and all kinds of other stuff which was supposed to turn me into the perfect hostess. I think it would have livened up my 'previous life' dinner parties if there'd been a nice penis at every setting, dont you?! s x
from vxxen :
ohh, stinger! im tryin so hard but i need pointers! what do i do if he calls again? pick up? or call him back..(eh, not feeling that) lol help! lol
from vxxen :
keep hope alive just keep doing what ur doing. u gotta do whats good for you and your mental psyche
from lasweetthing :
Hi, can you send me your username and password...please, to [email protected] I would like the chance to get caught up. Hope you're doing okay :0)
from stepfordtart :
BPD DOES spawn stalkers, as I can testify. Get yourself a strong-box or something with a big-ass lock on it and put all your stuff in there. Oh, and saying "You're going to leave/divorce/fire me, arent you" is a sure-fire way of making someone else say "Of course not!"....but then I think you know that now! s x
from stepfordtart :
Its funny how we can sometimes feel 'connected' to people, long after the source of the connection has gone. She obviously thinks the same. I would say 'just ask her', but I know you wont, and Im not sure it would be such a good idea, anyway! s x
from stepfordtart :
Jeez! There's more to 'having sex' than penetration - if she's got this medical thing going on so penetration is painful for her, surely there's other thing you guys can do between the sheets that would give you (both?) pleasure? Just seems a shame that you have to miss out totally. s x
from amalthea23 :
Come to LJ! Beeeeeee one of us!
from stepfordtart :
If you move on, you will let us 'old friends' know, wont you? BTW, as Im typing this, L is taking my picture with my new glasses on. I suspect there will be cleavage on show. I hope it licves up to your (very) exacting standards! s x
from sexonatable :
Hi glad you thought it was interesting yea.... It's a lil messed up :) I'm amazed that someone actually reads my diary!!!
from sxy38inga :
Dalton? GA?
from somstar :
No def. NOT married, but we were considering it. Not anymore obviously. My old diary was "After-"
from coldandgray :
hello, sleepy. Might I have the word, please? colleenfalling @ gmail . com
from gr8chick :
dude...I was wondering which days you were going to be in mi. I hop you enjoyed the weather. And yeah, I am getting closer to taking that step. My entry was going to be a little longer, but hombre came home sooner than I had expected. Anyways it's good to hear from you, my friend.
from pocket-pool :
I got the grill pic from online. It's greater than 14g, that's for damn sure! The length of the grill base is clearly key to the balancing act. Clever bastard! I'm not a welder yet. Just solder. Yea, you can save your pussy jokes. I'll get there! ;-) I'm not thrilled about the glasses biz. Oh well. All kinds of shit creeps up on ya, don't it?
from pocket-pool :
What an impossible situation you're in. :-( I'd wave a wand to make it all go away, but I'm not that kind of fairy.
from stepfordtart :
"women with problems....usually put out" Heeheeheehee! I dont know why I find that so funny. s x
from pocket-pool :
If you torch up to weld a pair of those wienie roasters, weld an extra pair -- I'll buy! Welding is an art I haven't explored yet, so I bow to you as the man. I'm too busy exploring the exotic world of drip irrigation at the moment. Eh, one thing at a time, right?
from dana-elayne :
hey :) I need a password. Pretty please.
from pocket-pool :
Yea, cat piss is stank. He might have a UTI or something and dribbles. Cats also love to mark property and possessions. They do it by pissing, but more often by rubbing against stuff (including you), especially with the sides of their faces. Years and years ago when I was trying to fool myself into thinking I was straight I tried and tried to eat pussy without gagging. The scent was nothing like cat piss. It was...well, fishy, and not in a good way.
from stepfordtart :
Wyatt! Stop explaining! You're just making it WORSE! s x PS Actually, a couple of years ago when I had a very very old cat, she started to get really smelly and it was part of a kidney problem that she had, so I guess you may need to take a trip to the vets. Maybe take Honi along too? *snigger*
from stepfordtart :
Your arm smelled of kitty arse and you thought it was your WIFE?! I dont think I can comment on that! Hahahahaha! s x
from vxxen :
wooo. maybe she trying to tell you that u rocked her world...! :-)
from amalthea23 :
can you re-send me the password? I just switched browsers and it didn't carry over it seems.
from vxxen :
dam that sucks that she came back early. at least ur gettin some. maybe she knows something is up for her to just know like that. hope the cat is ok
from stepfordtart :
Hmm. Tough call! Im trying to decide whether to trade my car (Mazda RX8) for something a bit more economical to run - gas is $10/gallon here now! - but its breaking my heart to have to do it! s x
from dream-catcha :
Budgets are hard! I know, Dave and me have been in sticky situations regarding money, many a time. I still don't think we've quite managed spending what we should. Whenever we get payrises and financial boosts for whatever reasons, we always seem to eat away the extra money. I think people like us, always spend what we get. Even if Dave got a 10K rise today we'd still probably overspend and find ourselves in the red. We've always been lucky though as we've never been so deeply in debt it's troubled our relationship. It's a stressful way to live, but as always we're trying to correct it. I could understand it if we blew all our money on clothes and on the home, but we don't! I think our spending is going out and far too much grocery shopping! You just don't realise how much it all adds up. I hope you get a chance to figure out all the divorce stuff and whether you're going to go ahead with it. It's not healthy hanging on to that prospect so long. It's nice to know where you're headed. It can't be easy trying to make decisions when she's there whining at you all the time.
from pocket-pool :
Thanks for your note -- looks like I'll need a password!
from vxxen :
you're gettin there, slowly but surely you are gettin there :-)
from sxy38inga :
Wow, I really don't know how you deal with all that. I wonder what medical definition there is for my husband. I read your postings and believe him to have some of the same systems - however I know nothing of BPD. He is like a hair trigger light switch, the slightest thing sets him off. He always has the mentality of "poor me, my life sucks, etc. etc". I really don't know anymore. Lately, things have been getting much worse - so much so I am starting to feel like it is all my fault - finances, outlook on life, lack of fun. You mention nothing is ever good enough - boy am I there. I have done unimaginal (well if you've read my diary, you know what I mean) to try and please him. When I do those things - I still don't get a positive reaction, it is more like "what are you going to do next, when and give me something to look forward to". I have to commend you on the strength to seek your independence and work towards a better life. I really don't have the strength - I'm always worried how it will affect him, can he survive, and of course we have two children to consider. Although - his anger and nastiness affects them too, so which is the lesser of the two evils. I love my husband dearly and would never want to devistate him in any way, but I really don't like him anymore. Just wanted to let you know, you're not alone with your torn feelings and desparate thoughts.
from vxxen :
i love when hes jealous! lol now lets see how long hell feel crappy like i did! ha! well, you shouldnt be miserable like that! you sound like your own ur way to the suicide booth..(watch the first episode of futurama to catch that if u already didnt) but, shit... you a whoooole lot better person than me..! for real
from dream-catcha :
thanks for the sock tip! :) i am almost there with my healing. Just need to be super good at night time. this problem has gone on long enough so i'll be a totally different person when it is all better. i've been a real grouch to live with! hoping all's good with you. (((hugs)))
from x-centricity :
I miss you Wyatt!!!! Is there anyway you could post your e-mail address on my notes? I don't have access to my personal e-mails but I can shoot you something from work. It's [email protected]? *grin*
from vxxen :
i did get the email and yes, i did get a peek. i understand...
from vxxen :
aw im sorry. i dont know why its not workin at [email protected] u can try [email protected] thanks so much im gonna read hers!
from vxxen :
may i have the password to your diary? the curiousity won out lol thank you
from stepfordtart :
Hey Wyatt. Im away for a couple of weeks now so I guess I'll have some catching up to do when I get back. Kind of hoping the next time you get laid there arent strings attached! s x
from vxxen :
thank you so mych for your kind words.. i am taking your advice. thanks! ;-)
from gr8chick :
Dude...I cannot find your passwords. Will you please send them to [email protected]? I have so much catching up to do in your diary. Thanks for the e-mail the other day. It really made my day. You're a sweet guy.
from stepfordtart :
Ooch! Y'all need to hide those books, Wyatt. What happens if she finds them? s x
from torchstar :
PS. My password for you didn't work! Did you change it? Send it to me again...
from torchstar :
♨ That guest book works every so often- very infrequently! I thought I put a new one there... Hmmm. ✭ I'm glad that animation tickled yo' fancy.✭ I've got others in the works. Sorry I've such a feeble correspondent lately- it's not because I don't care- just been SO distracted. ∞❤
from stepfordtart :
Perhaps they mean "really old and mostly bullshit". hee hee. Not really, I dont think you get that kind of nickname without earning it. Yay for you. Thank you for pointing out the difference between grass and lawn. : )While we're on the cultural references subject, you might need to know that, over here, I think what you're referring to is called "Turf". Cos a 'sod' is, technically, one who sodomizes as well as a big clump of earth with grass attached. You might wanna be careful what you're buying if you ever need to get UK based garden supplies! Ha ha, dontcha just love the way we speak the same language! s x
from stepfordtart :
Growing your own grass? Cant you get arrested for that? : ) s x
from chillier :
Can i please have the password? You can email it to me at lngstoryshort at yahoo dot com. Thanks Wyatt!!
from stepfordtart :
"skilled at manipulation" is damn right - my stalker *almost* had me believing it was MY FAULT! Good luck with the studies - fingers crossed for you. s x
from dream-catcha :
Hey Wyatt, can I come in?? My email addy is [email protected] Thanks. :)
from enurta :
i actually suffer from two diseases, schizophrenia and dissociative identity disorder. so yeah, i have a diagnosis.
from stepfordtart :
Haha! Im such a jerk! I remembered the p/w was something veggie but I tried about 300000 different combinations before I got it right! Bildo is absolutely right - only YOU know when its right for you. Still wishing you luck and the best outcome for whatever you do. s x
from sxy38inga :
I wish the best of luck to you and understand the lock up. If you deem me worthy (lol), please send code to same name as dland @yahoo.com.
from rana-kane :
I've only been reading you a short while, but I'd really like to continue. If I may have the user/pass, my email is rana.kane(at)hotmail(dot)com.
from frogeye :
Thanks for stopping by. I need some time read on here.
from krugerpak007 :
Gotta love cats... There is NOTHING like them..x
from amalthea23 :
Thanks :)
from amalthea23 :
You can always just open the account and not use it till you're ready :)
from amalthea23 :
If you have an LJ account, let me know and I'll add you to my list
from enfinblue :
Hey..that's very nice of you. Unfortunately, I do have problems finding guys to date. I work in a fairly rarified environment in a small city and am 37. This makes me too old in the eyes of guys my own age and not yet interested in the much older guys who come my way. :) Oh well, time will tell. Thanks again!
from gr8chick :
Dude, I'll send you a pic! Fancy phones are cool! Still waiting for Hombre to call home from the cell, but he has not called. What the hell?
from x-centricity :
Walking in Memphis/walking with my feet ten feet of the Beale.
from stepfordtart :
I think I knew that bassman once! You cuss more when you've had a few scoops, Wyatt - like its a bit more of the 'real' you. Its cool, tho, and doesnt sound offensive. s x
from elliestuff :
you're funny.
from dream-catcha :
(((BIG HUGS))) If you lock up can you give me the password?? I hope things will rectified for the positive soon and I can read on hearing about more happy things. I think changes for the better are about to happen for you.
from teainmd :
WOW ! what a journey you have been on. I cant remember how I came across your journal but I have just finished reading it from the beginning. Not sure how you have survived through all you have been through with the wife and her manipulations. Hopefully you will be able to move through and better your current existance. Good luck to you! I hope if/when you lock up you will allow me to continue to share in your journey. Take care and sending good vibes your way.
from amalthea23 :
when you lock up, i'd love a password.
from stepfordtart :
Thats why God gave em to us girls, Wyatt! If you guys had boobs you'd never go to work, you'd just stay in the house playing with your boobs all day! s x
from justjones :
Good point about Murphy, it IS androgynous. And I'm SO not too young to remember Murphy Brown! :)
from stepfordtart :
Sore? Probably because the damn woman's made of 95% vinegar! Seriously tho, dude, it might be an idea to lock up, what with things how they are between you. s x
from renovatingme :
You know how much I adore you -- but honestly but in this day and age if you are going to write about things that are that personal in nature, I'd lock up and hand a password out to those you trust. This information that you are writing about your wife could conceivably get into the wrong hands and come to haunt you later. Especially when you are talking about mental health issues and issues of sexual nature. Put yourself in her shoes and think about how you'd feel if this journal ended up your hands. Just looking out for you.
from stepfordtart :
Yeh. You do. s x
from stepfordtart :
Just catching up, dude. That doesnt sound like that sort of sex a man should be having with his wife - like she was doing you a fucking favour or something. Meh. *makes face at Honi* s x
from x-centricity :
Is Honi bi-polar? Seriously.
from pantypulldwn :
i will leave you a password and username tonight. contact me through email at [email protected] in the subject line leave the word password
from renovatingme :
Depending on what state you live in if you have been married over ten years then you split everything right down the middle 50-50 no matter what. As it is, after you are divorced and if she doesn't marry ever again, when it's time for her to collect social security she can collect under yours if hers isn't as much as yours.
from stepfordtart :
Aah No! That was MY $1000. I distinctly remember leaving it....ummm....lending it....ummm...losing it...umm...someplace. (You're not buying this, are you? No? *sigh* Had to be worth a try!) s x
from torchstar :
I was reading your recent diary entries. You've been doing some tough work! Peace Be with you, and if you need to release some cantankerous energy go to this page of mine designed for that very purpose: http://homepage.mac.com/eilsel/me_site/digi-media/flash-animation/boom.html
from stepfordtart :
Man, its complicated! Hang in there, dude. s x
from dream-catcha :
I wanted to wish you a happy anniversary but seeing as you went to visit a divorce lawyer it didn't sound right. Divorces sound so complicated when the financial side comes into it. Very complicated actually. If it ever does reach that stage (which I really hope not) I hope both of you can work it out amicably. Thanks for the last note. I'm getting quite excited about going away with the Hubby. August seems such a long way off but it does give more time to plan and dream about it. :)
from dream-catcha :
You'll get there. *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
I had to google Bret Michaels but it was worth it for the chance to say OMIFUCKINGOD! That he could find one girl willing to date him, let alone enough to form a cluster fuck, is quite astonishing. The guy's a twat. s x
from stepfordtart :
Or. Maybe. She. Just. Thought. You. Were. Cute. *slaps forehead* I do deals every day. Sometimes Im desperate to seal the deal. But I only wink at guys if Im prepared to take the consequences. And NEVER as part of the sales process.....*thinks*......well, depending on what he's buying, of course! Hee hee. s x
from dream-catcha :
Flirty with the sales rep? hehe Wyatt I think the day on the beach got you horny, all that fresh air... I love the clay shell print idea. I'll have to remember to do that with the kids when we go to the beach next. I'm sure their mummy would enjoy it too. :) Thx for the last note btw, it made me smile. I think sometimes the tough times bring you closer together.
from smedindy :
Take care, dude. BTW, was that Chuck Biscuits, by chance. He's the only one I could think of that played with Black Flag and one of Danzig's bands.
from x-centricity :
Keep your chin up, Wyatt. *huggles*
from renovatingme :
I want you to read a book call A New Earth by Gary Tolle. You are wasting a lot of energy complaining about Honi. You need to focus on you.
from krugerpak007 :
I am also diagnosed with BPD, if you have any questions maybe I could help. Hope you are enjoying being with your family and having a Happy easter.x
from stepfordtart :
Hey Wyatt. I'll email you over the weekend with some stuff about BPD. Hang in there. s x
from dream-catcha :
The last thing you need is a stalker! I've luckily never had one, but the thought someone obsessing over me gives me the creeps. Hope you can give her a gentle hint that'll keep her away. I think it's good your keeping your options open where Honi's concerned too. It doesn't hurt having a back up plan ready, but to me it suggests you've already left Honi in your mind. I don't really know how things are between you but it sounds like you're already half way out the door.
from stepfordtart :
Hey Wyatt. My stalker has BPD. I thought he was bipolar but Ive since been corrected. Dont know if I can be of any help over this, but Ive got lots of experience of BPD behaviour over the last 12 years or so that the little shitbag has been plaguing my life, so feel free to pick my brains if you want to. s x
from smedindy :
Oh, Memphis! Yeah! The home of Stax and Sun! Amongst other things!
from kungfukitten :
Sounds like you had a nice business trip with lot 'o eye candy. Just catching up!
from dream-catcha :
I've missed you too. Not had much chance catching up on everybody but finally getting round to it. *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
ahhh! There's nothing like a little blues to gladden the soul! See if you like this: www.myspace.com/tomdalemusic - Tom's a friend of ours, he's staying with us over Easter for gigging at a local blues festival. s x
from stepfordtart :
You have a good week, Wyatt! Oh, and make sure you get custody of that cat! s x
from veganfuck :
haha, Thanks. Been reading yours and it's not half bad either =)
from sxy38inga :
OMG! I don't know how you two go on with each other. I get miserable and frustrated of HMMs lack of employment because as you know that leads to money issues. Aside from that, we do have fun, laugh, and enjoy each others company. There is that good side with the bad. Honi reminds me of HMM when he is sick - he follows me around too. I think they have a need to be nurtured in some way, not one of my strong suits. I definitely think you need to find some happiness and less manipulation in your life.
from enigma1111 :
Getting out od debt was/is the hardest thing I've ever done. It took over three years to get out of the f_____g line of credit alone. The hardest part is out 'instant gratification' mentality we had, that is, if we want it, we put it on credit. Now we save for it. Funny thing is, when you save for it, when the time comes to buy it, it doesn't seem as important anymore. That being said, we still have nothing in our saings account, Revenue Canada, (The I.R.S.'s smaller, more evil psycopathic younger brother), has jut nailed me for some crap many years ago. Sooo, different debts but almost the same monetary output! I swear they were monitoring me lol Just kidding, maybe. Christ I can get paranoid...lol We got out by not ignoring any creditor AND focusing also on one debt(usually the one with the least balance) and work our way up the food chain. It was very satisfying to watch them fall. It was hard and you won't believe the pressure on you to buy stuff. Wow. Hope that helps a bit.
from stepfordtart :
I tried to set up MSN but BFs PC wont let me - he has huge amountscof blocks and security shit going on because he uses this computer for all his studio work at the moment and, as its quite an old syste, it tends to crash at the slightest provocation. Once he moves into the new studio = new computer = I can fill this one with as much pop ups and crap as I like = IM-ing!!!!! Yay! Til then we just have to have a little sulk about it! s x
from stepfordtart :
Hmm. Sounds to me like she is petrified that once you start travelling around you'll find that you quite like it and you wont come back, so she's trying to lay a big guilt trip on you. "What if the cat dies?" OMFG! Dude, you better never leave the house again! Cos, get this, cats generally arent immortal and eventually, someday, possibly when you are out of the house, the cat WILL die. I hate to break it to you. Sheesh. That woman. *shakes head* s x
from stepfordtart :
Thats a lot of money to get rid of poop! Best of luck in the new job, hope its all you want it to be. s x
from stepfordtart :
She's pissed at you for getting the wrong tomatoes? FFS! oh, and get this. If you're away from home working, the only housework that will need doing is the mess SHE makes for herself! Surely she can clean up after HERSELF cant she? Its not like youve got 15 kids or something. Man! s x (Ive had a shitty day today so Im not feeling very tolerant!) PS Crazy-Boob-Stalker Chick? You're well out of it, Id say!
from enigma1111 :
Good luck to you, and thanks for the note. Boobs are very dear to me...lol
from x-centricity :
*huggles*
from stepfordtart :
If you're selling stuff, get paid in cash and stash the cash out of sight somewhere. Not sure about your divorce laws over there but here you have to fill out a financial statement with all your accounts/cards/debts/savings etc. There's no box for "roll of notes in tin can under bed"!! s x
from jwinokur :
Thanks for stopping by my page and saying hi. Also, you didn't ask for my advice so here it is: Don't stick it out. Being single is wonderful. You get to fuck anybody you want and keep all your money. You can always remarry later -- you can even remarry the same person again if you want!
from stepfordtart :
Just cos its on a plate, doesnt mean its food. s x
from enigma1111 :
I wasn't accusing you of having an affair...lol, I have to be more precise in my writing. But the appearances of one can do you in. Good luck!
from enigma1111 :
That should read 'heed' not head. orry.
from enigma1111 :
Love your diary Dude. Head the advice your fans are leaving in your notes. Cover your trail, watch your e-mails, your Instant Message history and above all, your cell phone logs. That is what most husbands get hung on. Your best bet is never to use it if you have it. Period. Good luck to you.
from stepfordtart :
in my thoughts, dude. s x
from sxy38inga :
Baby steps are good, it is great to hear you are taking those first steps. I have to tell you, in reading your entries I think you are making the right decision. All marriages have problems - including my own, however we still have more good than bad to say most of the time. My entries on here probably seem one-sided at times, I use it to vent. We still show our love and affection for one another and I don't see any trail of that showing in your marriage. I wish you the best!
from stepfordtart :
Just remember to keep deleting those emails as they come in, dude. If Honi found one....well, you'd be surprised how quick an email could turn into an infidelity counter-claim - even with no proof! Sorry to hear you're in the shit, as it were - thats nooooo fun! s x
from krugerpak007 :
You are absolutely right to be cautious. x
from stepfordtart :
Im kind of with Robbie on that one, dude. Dont get me wrong, Im all for sharing experiences and being open and honest, but she does sound a bit fruit loops. Oh, and you might want to exercise some caution using a divorced friend as an accountability holder - you may find they will bring all their own bitterness to your table and you may not get the clarity of vision in the advice you are given. In other news, I got SlaveBoy a sandwich at lunchtime as I was going into town and he wasnt and he positively squealed to find it had salad in it as well as chicken. He is SO gay. s x
from stepfordtart :
Yay to the new job! A new start for you, maybe? s x
from krugerpak007 :
I am amazed at how strong and focused you are. Congratulations on the new job. x
from chickpea981 :
Disappearing entries, tech support questions that have yet to be answered (over a year now for one), and uploads taking a fucking century were the beginning of the reasons why I bailed out on diaryland. It's a sinking ship my friend. I have much catching up to do with you. Been kinda absent because I got frustrated with you, so I will be catching up here soon.
from krugerpak007 :
Try and have a relaxing weekend. x
from minstrelite :
Weird Freudian slip -- I'd meant to write: "I don't think I've run across you before." (Not "behavior" lol)
from minstrelite :
Thanks for your note. I don't think I've run across you behavior, but I've been in and out of D-Land thru various incarnations in the past five years, periodically deleting my entries whenever my overall mind-set changes. You have an interesting journal, and your candor is impressive on a certain level. I know what you mean about it being about the intimacy more than about the sex. That's so true (of me, too.)
from stepfordtart :
Yeh. That Keith! I TOLD him you'd be pissed, but he never listens to me. *tsk*. s x PS Ive stolen '"come to Jesus" meeting' - that'll be VERY useful in my office!
from krugerpak007 :
So sorry that people are pissing you off at work and at home. You my dear need a long vacation. You are a strong person-I see this over and over again. hang in there and be strong. And take care. x
from stepfordtart :
Im guessing that car thing is kind of like the auto-jumbles (or sometimes boat-jumbles as its a big sailing area round here) we get. You can buy stuff, trade stuff or just look at stuff. You should definitely go, it sounds like your kind of fun. Take pictures! s x PS That other stuff? The stuff you talked about at the beginning of your post? I have that. I have that every day and I hope you have it again. Soon. ((hug))
from x-centricity :
I hope you're week has gotten a little better. *huggles* Miss you, Sugar!!
from princesse69 :
Thanks for that useful point. I don't mean to wish time along faster. I know just how fast the years have been and gone. Hope you sort out that mortgage thing and that Honi treats you a bit nicer today. :)
from sxy38inga :
Thanks for the advice, I will look into that.
from gr8chick :
Hey, if you get the VM, leave a message, dude!! I answer my phone all the time now, unless I'm in a con call or away from my desk. But for the most part, I'm here, Baby!!! :)
from gr8chick :
OMG.. I thought you last sentence, "And there are things to do before filing..." said "and there are things to do before the fling." I though, holyshit, he's gonna go for it! But then I reread it. It seems like forever since we have talked/noted each other. Well, actually more like since I have talked/noted you. I see we both still hanging in there. Good for us, huh? You agree? I don't know. I'm bored, can you tell? OK..take care. Random entry comes to a close. ;)
from stepfordtart :
Home made hummus is da BOMB! Trouble is, its not worth making a little teeny bit and I always end up making loads. And then eating loads. And I always put tons of garlic in, so I stink for DAYS. I kinda wish I'd bought some of those chocolate foofoos - just about every man Ive talked to about them has said "....Cool!" I couldve sold em all for a handsome profit. I know some weird people. s x
from sxy38inga :
Yum! All that cooking, why do you spoil her so if she makes you miserable. FYI - if my hubby did the cooking, I would definitely not mind cleaning up the kitchen. lol
from stepfordtart :
My voice is REAL quiet, but I'll do it anyway if there's a chance it'll get heard. I know about needing sleep. It sucks. s x
from torchstar :
I'm alive and distracted. My flare-up is shriveling down- my bloodwork came up with stellar healthy numbers. The ESR was 14. YAY! My local Dr. referred me to my "Rheum of choice" at UCSF. He did the second opinion thing for me after I was in the Hospital 11/2005 . Double Yay! Hubby has been home for nearly 3 weeks. Things are kinda slow right now at the office. I'm looking forward to whenever the restless activity will mellow out at home again...
from stepfordtart :
Post a photo and let US be the judge of whether she was hittin on ya! Heehee. s x
from stepfordtart :
Im with x-centricity on this one, dude. You're gonna be toast if you're not properly prepared. Bide your time and get your shit together. s x
from x-centricity :
Yes, Wyatt, you NEED to be prepared. I have a feeling that Honi is going to want to not only punish you for wanting a divorce, she's going to want to completely distroy you. *hugs*
from gr8chick :
What up, Wyatt? First of all, thank you for the note. I know what you said is true...all of it. I guess I'm just scared, more than anything. Wow, and you're that close to asking for a divorce? Do you congratulate someone on that, or not? I just hope you get to be happy. And it was cold on Christmas, but it's colder today! With the windchill, this morning was -5 degrees. I'm glad I didn't have to walk to work today! Anyways, here's to a wonderfull new year. I wish you the best, my friend!
from stepfordtart :
Is evereyone you live with a little bit unpredictable? I seem to have heard that ignore/snuggle/bite scenario before somewhere....! s x
from stepfordtart :
Merry Christmas, dude! And a Happy New Year. s x
from princesse69 :
Thanks for letting me in!
from x-centricity :
*tap* *tap* Can I come in?? *huggles*
from stepfordtart :
Its only very recently that you've been saying that you're GONNA do it - most of what youve said over the past few weeks is that you MIGHT do it. Ive had a couple of 'breaches of security' myself and it does freak you out a bit, doesnt it! Hope everything works out OK. s x
from stepfordtart :
Got it that time! Thanks, dude. s x
from stepfordtart :
Am I in your bad books? No password for me? : ( s x
from smedindy :
Can you send me the keys???
from renovatingme :
email me a password: [email protected] this is renovatingme:)
from stepfordtart :
Dude, I emailed but Im not I sure I sent it to the right place! Can you password me at stepfordtartATdiarylandDOTcom? pleeeeeeease! s x
from amalthea23 :
i'd like a password!
from whystinger :
I goofed a little and needed to lock - email me if you want a password.
from stepfordtart :
OK, dude, I put you in my prayers (along with a lottery win, a way to lose weight through eating cake and BF to finally finish the new studio) s xxxxx
from torchstar :
"I really need to get onto a regular exercise program. That alone can be more effective than medicine" YEAH. It's moving meditation, uber effective medicine, your own Endorphins, free & legal. A walk to the tip-top of our hill makes whatever scary trip looming size XXL in my kitchen moments ago shrink up to itty bitty teeny tiny, microscopic, sometimes disappear entirely; the view: beautiful, ocean all around. ENDORPHINS, yum.
from torchstar :
Sounds like calm before the storm holiday season to me... Ahoy Wyatt! Plot your course now while in the Eye prior for equilibrium's sake. Thinking you've seen manipulation at its worst? The Bermuda Triangle is a kiddie pool- it pales by comparison to Eve of Destruction's violent blustery presence on your marital horizon. Honi will howl in an unholy way. Oh the rage! Oh the fear! Oh dear! What will be will be. Remember every storm eventually ends regardless of how much mayhem it wreaked. Wear a lifejacket!
from stepfordtart :
That's not a breakfast! It sounds suspiciously like a joint-snack to me! ; ) s x
from stepfordtart :
Yuk. Thats not nice at all! Oh, and you were right! Chinese Burn = Indian Burn. Did you try the Japanese yet? Hurts WAYYYY more! s x
from x-centricity :
*huggles*
from princesse69 :
Everything you wrote made perfect sense. You have got it in you to be positive and that will get you where you want to be. You're making clear realisations and that is good. Honi may not want to change but it's good she hasn't changed who you are. You'll find what you want soon. *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
I wanna know more about the syrup! That sounds really interesting - can you post pictures? Oh, and I think you're right about the resume - I worked in a recruitmane agency some years ago and part of my job was writing resumes for clients. These days I have to hire people and the style of the resumes has changed SO much over the years - you SO need someone who deals with them *today* to make sure you're saying the right things, in the right way. s x
from gr8chick :
Cougar says..."Growl, baby!"
from torchstar :
"I no longer wear my wedding ring." Wow I neve knew THAT. Do you put it back on once you are headed home? Is there a lighter patch of skin where it usually sits on THAT finger? Some people notice that sort of thing... And know it is common for sex to fire up as a relationship dissolves- it's a primitive non cerebral form of communication. You can have hot sex with somebody you don't know or desire relationship with at all. Ya know, "me Tarzan, you Jane" and the caveman dragging his woman off by the hair... There ya have it. Oh Baby- 18 inches! Moan, yelp!
from stepfordtart :
Horny or craving something you dont get at home? Id guess its a bit of both, dude. Sounds like there's some impatience in there too mixed up with a need to get your 'house' in order. A new job might just give you the kick up the ass you need to get things moving the way you want them. You say you still ove Honi, or is it just that you wouldnt want anything bad to happen to her cos you're a nice guy? I wouldnt care if I never saw Shagnasty again as long as I live, but if he got run over by a bus tomorrow, Id still cry - cos he's not a bad person, he's just not for me. I think you're going about these things the right way, dude. At least you can be sure that any decision you make wont be made rashly and without thought. s x PS And just cos you're on a diet doesnt mean you cant drool over the menu! *wink*
from stepfordtart :
Ha! I counted myself out of the running with the hands comment, mine are even worse! Mind you, I dont have a negligee either. The bottle of jack, however....ALWAYS got one of those hangin' around! s x
from princesse69 :
It's good to get someone's else opinion sometimes. I know from after having an slight argument with Dave, that having a 'discussion' about his family doesn't do me any favours, so I'm distancing myself from the whole thing. I'll talk to him about it if he strikes up the conversation but I won't be commenting on my in-laws no matter what I think (even though it's really hard!) Thanks for reassuring me I am doing the right thing. *big big hugs*
from stepfordtart :
Hey Wyatt. Im guessing "rather yummy" is not an expression you use very often! Hee hee. I hope you had a good thanksgiving. s x
from gr8chick :
Hey, you! I read your entry, and I see you got your swerve on! Scared of you! You know its sad that you are so trained to look for any and all manipulations on Honis part. I would think that would take away from the experience. But let me play devils advocate. There are times, few and far between, when I actually take the initiative with Hombre, and I do more than what I normally do. I have fallen into this bad habit where I lie there like a possum playing dead, and let him do what he wants till hes satisfied. Honi reminds me of myself in this aspect. Hell, maybe I'm worse! But then, for some reason, there are times when my love for Hombre justcums out (pun intended). I dont know how to explain it. I have tried to figure out what triggers these emotionshas he done something especially nice, or maybe I was thinking about our history together and remembering how things used to be between us, or maybe I have been thinking about how much I miss feeling close to himemotionally intimate. That really does take a toll on someonenot having that connection. Whatever the reasons, I just want to show him that I still love him. From what I understand, for men the actual act itself speaks volumes. More so than me telling him I love him, etc. Oooh, and when he takes a shower and shaves, and his face is all smooth to the touch...! Did I ever tell you that good smelling men are my weakness? Oooh, I love a man that smells good. My favorite mens cologne is Cool Water. I dont know what they put in that cologne, but man, it gets me going everytime. I think I'm gonna buy me a bottle and take a whiff of it whenever I feel like getting it on! Like a junkie...heh-heh-heh. That's supposed to be my secret sexy laugh. I think I lost something in the translation. Wishing you the best, sweetums!
from princesse69 :
We're all recovering now thanks. Last week was one of the most tiring ever. Things hadn't gone our way at all and that put pressure on Dave and me. I could really do with a holiday now. I hope you're well. I read your latest entry and things sound to be on the up. Is things improving with Honi? I'm so behind on diaries!
from stepfordtart :
Hey. Just came over to wish you happy thanksgiving but it sure doesnt sound very happy round your way at the moment. I can remember grieving for my marriage too. Nobody on my side of the family had ever been divorced, I felt like a failure. Some wives are fair and reasonable in divorce settlements, (my ex-husband still expresses wonderment that I didnt crucify him) most are not. My fingers are firmly crossed for you, Wyatt. s x
from torchstar :
18" is cool; Still light enough to handle one handed, as it does the job- powerful and smooth! Have a glorious Thanksgiving- enjoy the moment throughly!
from x-centricity :
*huggles*
from stepfordtart :
Hey Wyatt. Hope you didnt chop off any limbs that werent supposed to be chopped off! s x
from torchstar :
Never in Indianapolis... ever
from torchstar :
Uh... Wyatt, I went to High School in Erie Pa. What more can you tell me?
from stepfordtart :
Ha! As soon as I read that headline, I thought "porn music!". Thats a nice dream, Wyatt, even for a married guy. Shame you didnt get a chance to finish it. Maybe tonight....! s x
from torchstar :
Whoa! As I read that entry I could smell the ashtray and feel the hard on in the lap I sat upon wiggling with lust. Oooooh. Ah. Fantasy is so rich and fulfilling even in broad daylight. Thanks for a good time Wyatt. Mmmmmmm.
from stepfordtart :
Its gonna hurt, whichever of the 365 you choose to do it on. There's no 'good' day to do something like that. Get some advice so you dont get stiffed. Thinking of you, dude. s x
from gr8chick :
Dude...yeah, you sound like you're at the end of your rope. I admire the fact that you are taking steps to make things better for yourself. I wish you all the luck in the world. You know what I did? I called an Alanon support person. But...yeah, there's a but...all I got was her voicemail. I did leave a message asking her to call me during work hours on my cell. I don't want Hombre to know that I called. I'm afraid of what his reaction is going to be. So, here I sit on pins and needles waiting for her to call me. You and I...we can do this. We can make the changes we need to be happy...right? I'll say a prayer for you, bud! ((hugs))
from x-centricity :
Honi has been a real mess lately. Sending lots of *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
I did jury duty a few years ago - a case of tax evasion *snoooore*. Its pretty unusual over here to have to do it twice - there's enuogh of you guys over there, cant they get someone else to do it? s x
from torchstar :
What a great Halloween! We get nary a trick 'o treater- Kids don't walk uphill in the dark for candy on our street. And FYI, it is Halloween INside our house 24/7. I have several 4 foot blacklights on 365 days a year. You ought to see the successful spiders living around them! So beautiful in my opinion, as I am a pale skinned blue blood witchy celtic sort of pagan.
from princesse69 :
what a cool way to spend halloween watching the kids in their costumes having fun (with a few beers by yours side!). there's nothing wrong with joining in whatever you age. i couldnt really get too in the spirit of halloween as my kids are still a bit young for it but Honi should lighten up and should've joined in too rather than moaning. anything that involves fancy dress and candy is not a bad thing. :)
from princesse69 :
Hehe... how nice she checks you out and saves you the embarassment too. Hope all is well at your end Wyatt. :)
from stepfordtart :
Try www.photobucket.com for hosting your pics. Its easy to use, even for a 'tard like me! s x PS I laughed my head off at your green poop story. Thanks for that!
from torchstar :
You don't need discipline to DRAW. It's misplaced discipline that holds you back! LET GO. It's all ok, even if you leave clawmarks! All in the name of love Wyatt, love is the answer...
from torchstar :
If ya want a real thrill in the bathroom, find a bottle of Skeleteens "Brainwash," the blue version. Drink that tasty stuff down. Your tongue, lips, mouth- all the way down and out the other end will be the most amazing color blue you've ever seen in a toilet bowl; way more saturated than those dissolving chemical things people put in the tank. Having an aqua blue tongue is really fun, at least for a while. Ha! I recall baking intensely green gourmet xmas tree butter cookies one year. I set them on the stovetop to cool as Bob walked in the door. That morning I found a KILLER dumpster up the hill and we left to check it out. While we were diving, Scrappy, the butter lover, got up on the stove. He ate ALL the little green trees, doing to him as the velvet cake did to you. Hilarious!
from torchstar :
Oh dear! when I say "out on the prowl" I do not mean anything sexual, etc. My idea of prowling is just going out- seeing new things- a change of scene- seeing where divine inspiration leads! It is a happy healthy habit. And it gives God space to change things.
from stepfordtart :
No-one's judging you, dude. ((hug)) s x
from whystinger :
Actually I was not on the prowl. I DID leave the house, but I went out as part of the strategy to re-train her on how to treat me. She was definitely being a bitch and needlessly. I did go out and people watched, but I did not do anything improper. I did want to hear some music and happened to hit a cool bar with a live band...
from princesse69 :
hugs hugs and hugs! x
from krugerpak007 :
Just wanted to say hi. Hang in there. I know its hard. But you do such an amazing job.x
from torchstar :
Out on the prowl, eh? Good move! Hey, if all else fails to make sense, when big trouble is coming- THINK SMALL. Microscopic. Think Single Cell- paramecium, euglena, or an amoeba! As fellow life forms we are all looking to fill our similar needs. If that little critter doesn't dig the way things are where its at, it gets OUT of there. The amoeba will slime its way to a place that feels better. They never stick around trying to fix it or figure it all out. They move it on over and find a spot that's JUST RIGHT. Ask yourself this question: What would an amoeba do? W.W.A.A.D. needs to be made into one of those ubiquitous rubber bracelets; Or perhaps a tattoo. Motorcycle is like a flagellum.
from princesse69 :
Honi manipulating? Never! Hope the therapist goes well. Why can't Honi make some effort with the life coach? It takes two people to make a marriage work. *hugs*
from gr8chick :
Hey, Wyatt...I hope you have a safe trip. Just keep your ground with the missus! You think she'd finally realize that her manipulations just aren't working anymore, and finally jump on board, eh? But who am I to talk about relationships... Take care. :)
from stepfordtart :
Cats in the bed! *shudder* When I had cats they werent even allowed upsatirs, let alone in my bed. Im clearly a terrible mother! Good luck with your meeting, Wyatt. s x
from torchstar :
Oh my kitty goodness... Iggi started to heave on our bed last night too! I pushed him off in the nick of time. Bob told me it was just kibble; he flushed it before I woke up. Whew! glad it wasn't another rodent.
from stepfordtart :
I came her to add an uplifting commnet....but now I just want som Go Girl! I like the sound of that, I wonder if they'll ship it! s x
from torchstar :
Wyatt, see if you can get Honi some Go Girl- it comes in a really pink can. It is sugar free, has much less caffeine (140mg) and more (1200mg) taurine, B vitamins, Go Girl includes an herbal appetite suppressant (Garcinia cambogia) that happens to boost serotonin levels, too. Very cool stuff- better for girls than RedBull or RockStar. It is great mixed with a bit o' Sky vodka, too ;)
from torchstar :
This coach of Honi's may be an answer to YOUR prayers! You have been doing so much work on yourself & in the name of strengthening your marriage- cleaning up "your side of the street", the light shining from that halo of yours is ultra supernova bright! Open shutters, let a beam of light through the window of your mind- Look around- See that pristine clean slate?! Be proud- you, Wyatt, have nothing to hide. Enjoy the view, too.
from stepfordtart :
Yay for 'better than expected'! I'll try the other email address - your life's beset by communication problems, Wyatt Dude! If it doesnt work this time you better google swiss tony yerself...possibly whilst eating cauliflower cheese! s x
from torchstar :
Miss Juliette has the habit of chewing things too. She loves to chew glass- especially the corners of a sheet of glass. She loves metal things with corners, too. My sunglasses have obvious chew marks on the part that goes over the ear, so plastic is on the menu as well. First time someone hears/sees her in the act it inevitably inspires shock and surprise. She just loves grinding her teeth when chewing glass! Yikes a doodle!
from stepfordtart :
fingers crossed, wyatt. I emailed you some special swiss tony (but the cauli cheese recipe will have to wait!). The email is from BFs email - I cant get the pictures to work on my stupid webmail account. Enjoy! s x
from x-centricity :
Sounds like Q needs some extra exercise. A cat gym or a bunch of toys in a very open space helps. My cat has been extra feisty lately, too. I play with her for a good hour before bed so that she wont wake me up in the middle of the night.
from stepfordtart :
Hey Wyatt. Cant think of anything to say. Have a big squeezy (((hug)) with slight sexual overtones instead. s x
from smedindy :
Hey, it's MUSIC week at my place. That may help!
from x-centricity :
Oh, Wyatt....you seem so bitter and unhappy. Well more bitter and unhappy then usual. Keep your chin up, work on making yourself feel good and if Honi is going to get help, good. But it doesn't mean that you have to change your mind about leaving her. Sometimes, love just dies and there's nothing that can revive it. *hugs*
from princesse69 :
Maybe the life coach would help Honi, but the way you describe things, Honi changing for the better isn't necessarily enough now. It sounds like she's still playing games with you. Women DO play games but even I struggle to understand her. Why does she say she doesn't want to do something and when she changes her mind she gives YOU grief??? I hope Honi learns she needs to make a better effort. It can't all be down to you.
from stepfordtart :
Haha! I just looked at my own hands and they are, indeed, raggedy and a bit like man's hands. But no, Im *probably* not going to send that kind of picture - I think there's specialist website for that, isnt there!?.....Although, come to think of it, I did once MMS smashthegas a picture uncannily like the one you describe, although, in my defence, I was drunk at the time and did it for a joke. Hope you have a good weekend, Wyatt. Go do stuff! s x
from whystinger :
Hey Stepfie: you know, I never really looked at her hands. I have looked at a lot of women and see lots of REAL women with raggedy hands... so maybe this is a woman or perhaps it is a tranny. I got the pic from a friend of mine, Chickpea981 who created the template. she usually has pretty good taste in women, so it is probably a woman. If it bothers you, I am up to replacing the picture. Got a good one for me to use? LOL. In fact, if anyone has a good, sexy pic with tits and whiskey, I would be willing to consider it...
from stepfordtart :
The pics look very artsy but I cant actually see what Im supposed to be looking at (especially the wire one!) - I think its because there's a woman with big whangers and a bottle of JD in the way. Actually, now I look at that pic again, she has very 'mannish' hands. Slightly worrying! s x
from torchstar :
Empathy animated the muse's inspiration sparking divine motivation its goal- comforting you. Seeing beauty means the pill worked well. YAY! Very cool!
from stepfordtart :
10/10 for the negotiation skills, Wyatt! s x
from torchstar :
You had a gruesome gnarly bitch of a full moon week Wyatt! Bleah. In analogy: the level of psychic road rash your poor cerebellum encountered between work and Honi (rock & hard place!) this week is a fresh 12 x 12 sheet of #12 grit Aluminum oxide sandpaper set where the quilted Charmin double roll usually is. Why didn't I fuckin' Squeeze it first? Who was that scolding with a wagging finger, "Don't Squeeze the Charmin" <Be>Hind sight is always 20/20; once your butt is back to happy pink, laugh. And fantasize about ways to set that finger straight...
from stepfordtart :
Kinda thought I was wrong about the peroxide! We dont use that much for cuts and grazes over here. If you ever come over and go shopping for tooth whitening stuff, dont ask for peroxide, willya! God knows what might happen to your teeth! s x PS Good luck with the "give em enough rope" thing at work!
from smedindy :
My latest has a rundown of Ultravox' version of "Hiroshima Mon Amour" - at least the single version which was discordant, industrial and noisy.
from princesse69 :
Change is good.
from stepfordtart :
Im guessing the peroxide you're swooshing round your molars isnt the same stuff I spread on my hair to retain its natural "Rawk N Roll Barbie" look?! Thats worrying me a bit. s x
from torchstar :
Oh Dear! I missed your Birthday! I will make it up to you in grand style, albeit belatedly. My psychic flight on the Mothership landed last night. Quite a spacey trip...
from x-centricity :
I'm going to try that peroxide thing. I've been wanting to get my teeth whitened for a while but I just can't seem to spend the money for it. Even the strips are rediculously expensive.
from stepfordtart :
Happy Birthday, Wyatt. s xxxxx PS Tell her to SAVE UP, like normal people do. Teeth whitening isnt exactly a crucial expense - even in America.
from x-centricity :
Happy Belated Birthday, Wyatt!!! *huggles*
from princesse69 :
A belated happy birthday to you.
from stepfordtart :
Two lightning strikes AND an electrocution?! Shocking, Wyatt! Just shocking! s x
from stepfordtart :
Why not balance your checkbook on an Excel spreadsheet? Then if Honi interrupts at least you wont lose your place. s x PS I make my own hummus too. YUM.
from stepfordtart :
Hey Wyatt! Thanks for the Family Tour! Sounds like you need a bit more fun in your life, dude. A bottle of Black Label wouldnt last 12 DAYS in this house! s x
from stepfordtart :
I made banana cake. That made it a good day for TWO little somebody's! Where are your people from, Wyatt? Over here, most of us are from...over here! I can trace my family back to the beginning of the 1800s with no trouble at all and could probably go back a whole bunch further if I researched just a little bit. Im interested to know how the people 'over there' came to be over there, especially as my grandfather was born in Ellsworth PA. Feel like sharin' some history? s x
from smedindy :
Hey! That Alcatrazz song you wanted was originally done by the original Ultravox (late 70's model with John Foxx - not Midge Ure). I'm ordering it on Amazon and getting it Monday. I'll let you know how it sounds.
from stepfordtart :
Oh! That IS a lovely house! Thanks for posting the pic. And thanks for clearing up the kitchen mystery, too! We were thinking of getting one of those when our new bar's built. So people who cant come and party with us....can come and party with us! s x
from stepfordtart :
All that kitchen peeking....Umm...is that a euphemism? Do you get aloe plants where you live? Snap a leaf off and rub the juice on your sunburn - its great. s x
from stepfordtart :
Stop and smell the roses a LOT. s x PS Where's the pic of the interesting building? How interesting? Why was it interesting? Tut. That Wyatt, he never tells us NUFFIN.
from torchstar :
One additional thought came to mind, Wyatt- Being as sick as you were earlier this week: Didn't Honi volunteer to run errands for you so you could rest? How does she use her time? I am quite curious, in a nonjudgmental way, what sort of things inspire her...
from torchstar :
Sounds like Chubbles had a bad full moon to me! The only time my old manx cat (R.I.P.), LittleOne, ever pissed in the house like that was when the old abusive bipolar boyfriend moved out for the second (and last!) time. LittleOne was literally pissed off at him and sprayed his pile of stuff. It took years for that scent to disappear. ***You are right not to declaw, it is the equivalent of amputating your fingers at the knuckle. It makes a cat more likely to bite, too.***
from princesse69 :
Naughty Chubbles.
from stepfordtart :
If you really are that desperate to look at boring building photos just go to my other diary, which is billdersbum. I keep the two diaries seperate as I dont want my mum knowing what I get up to in my real life. Im not sure why you wouldnt be able to see the pics on my regular diary (or on the billdersbum one, for that matter), they are only stored on photobucket.com - could it be your PC? If you ever read an interesting caption and cant get the pic ("Look at me with the two sailors and the tame lion, everyone!"), let me know - I could easily email it to you. To be honest, I think not being able to see the pics probably ENHANCES most of my entries! s x
from princesse69 :
Tags - all you gotta do is copy and paste the tag I done and fill in your own answers. Hope you enjoy your time out of town. Have you gone far from home? How's Chubbles now?
from stepfordtart :
Just seen your comment. Plan B was the boring one where Anne Marie and Lee came to our house (instead of Plan A, which was the debauched one!). Which pictures cant you find? The ones on my regular entries or the building stuff? s x
from stepfordtart :
Feel better soon, dude. Not sure I would want to rub myself on a guy who smelled of cat piss...but, hey...all pussies are different, I guess. *sniggering at my own crap joke*. s x
from princesse69 :
Chubbles, sorry!
from princesse69 :
I hope you and Chibbles are feeling better soon. ((hugs)) x
from x-centricity :
Hope you feel better!!! *hugs*
from smedindy :
Hey! I found that song by Alcatrazz on iTunes! If you have iTunes it's easy to find. If not, then I can make you a mix with that on it. Just let me know. Contact me at smedindy DOT gmail DOT com. Or leave me a comment. Or a smoke signal...
from stepfordtart :
Hey Wyatt, try a diarylander called Smedindy. He knows EVERYTHING about music and if he has it in his MASSIVE collection, Im sure he'd burn you a copy. s x
from princesse69 :
I can't believe you got struck by lightening twice!
from vibinghigh :
Thanks for the note! I have been meaning to update soon. I'll try to do that this weekend. I miss diaryland - I'm so horribly behind in reading all my buddies' diaries. I like the title of your most recent entry. Hang in there, and I hope things get better for you.
from torchstar :
More lightning? I wonder what thats all about? A cosmic hiccup? Maybe it is time to install a pole and a grounding rod...
from stepfordtart :
Struck again! And a cold, too. Holy hell, Wyatt, it just isnt your week, is it, mate?! s x
from gr8chick :
What up, Wyatt? I be here now, took last week off, and no internet at home at this time. I have a recipe for you, but it's not mexican. My neice gave it to me, and I think she said she got it from one of her Dominican or Columbian neighbors. As for Honi...I'm sure that whatever you decide to do, it will all work out in the end. You deserve to be happy, and loved. We all do, right? Take care!
from torchstar :
Sorry to be so scarce, I see I've got a lot to read to catch up. A funky ass flu gave me swollen glands on one side of the neck and the runs- both ends, one virus! Several other friends caught the same thing- it is "going around"...
from stepfordtart :
You can FREEZE peanuts? Man, you guys are strange over there! Im glossing over all the Honi stuff as Im struggling for something positive to say. Sorry. s x PS and thanks for the wink!
from stepfordtart :
Awwwww. What a shitty day. Starts with a great big barrel of poop and ends with.....a great big barrel of poop. You guys sure do have some problems. I dont know what to say. Here, have some more of these (((hug))). Thats a nice sandwich between two English girls - what more could a man want? s x
from princesse69 :
Sorry you didn't get to enjoy the peanut festival as you hoped to. I was looking forward to hearing all about it. Honi sure is manipulating you. How can she be the one crying when she brings all the misery on you? You gave her the choice on what to do and she still wasn't happy, making you unhappy in the process. I feel your frustration I really do. *hug*
from stepfordtart :
Oh, I REALLY hope you went to the peanut thing. I want to hear all about it! s x
from princesse69 :
How many shoes?! I can't believe she's picking on you for buying a few motorcycle parts with your OWN money when she blows all hers-and yours-on hair, nails and shoes! I'm a girl and I don't spend half as much, but then again I'm not all that fussed about fashion. I think 10 pairs of shoes is enough for any woman. Thanks for the kitty deterrent tips by the way.
from stepfordtart :
I dont think we can get 'naked' peanuts here. Even the ones with the shells still on have been roasted. Meh. Glad the eval went OK. Maybe the cat's still freaked out about the lightning? Cats can be funny like that, cant they. A dog chased us down the road this afternoon and i hid BEHIND MY 11 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. Im really scared of dogs. And also a very cowardly mummy! s x
from torchstar :
I always write my entries in a text document first (an email works great) so I can save it as I compose/edit/tweak. I've had so many heartfelt entries go to heaven by hitting the wrong button or whatever. Not just here, but many other places online. Then I copy and paste my text to the text box at whatever site I want to rant at. That little gem has saved me much trouble & frustration!
from princesse69 :
Wow, just been catching up with you. That lightening strike sounds scary. I would have been freaked out. Was Honi shaken up by it? At least no one was hurt. Replacing and repairing electrical goods might be costly but at least you can be thankful that no one was harmed. I hope Honi doesn't leave all the costs to you though. Glad you're okay. x
from stepfordtart :
I just love all these local festivals you guys have. We dont really get anything like that here. Ive never heard of a Peanut Festival although I did go to a shrimp festival in Gulf Shores AL, some years ago. I never heard of boiled peanuts either - do you buy them ready boiled or do you have to cook them yourself? Hope the appraisal at work goes/went OK, Ive got one at the end of August. They suck. s x PS Drinking whiskey? Well, that'll be just about every night, then!
from stepfordtart :
Jesus H Christ! She's your WIFE! I cant believe you guys arent just dividing the cost up between you (at whatever percentage is fair based on your incomes). She acts like she's a lodger or something. Of COURSE she should contribute to the costs. As for the joint account - Im not too keen on those as a sole way of managing money, but BF and I have one just for the household bills. We both contribute a set amount each month to cover the bills and anything left over is our own to do with as we wish. That way, all the bills get paid but nobody's checking up on anybody or feels like they have to account for every penny. I hate to say this to a married man, but your wife doesnt seem very nice. s x
from stepfordtart :
Holy Shite! Well. like Torchstar said, at least you guys are all OK and stuff is just stuff, inconvenient as hell tho it is to do the insurance claim/replace thing. Hope it works out OK for you guys. s x
from torchstar :
Lightening Striking your homestead's trees is SCARY. That is some way intense energy. Poor Honi having to weather hearing that crack! And how stressful that ride home with groceries must have been for you! I'm glad to read the warm blooded living things in your life are all OK. As for the rest, it is only a matter of time (inconvenient + bothersome, yes) for replacement to happen- and probably with better gizmos than original. Oh, I hope you've backed up your data though. We don't get many thunderstorms in California- the Pacific ocean cools the stratosphere off 'round these parts...
from stepfordtart :
Hmm hindsight's a wonderful thing, isnt it! Really must stop sending notes when full of scotch, Waaaay too many spelling mistakes! Apologies for my last one - it was barely readable! Wonder what it is about the lube - maybe she feels like she's failing if she has to apply it to herself? Like, she can ignore the feeling that she needs it if its not her hand on the tube? What the fuck do I know, Im not her and Im not you (and Ive been drinking!). You have a good day, dude, if you lived a bit nearer we'd have big chats about this. s x
from stepfordtart :
Sexual incompatibility can be a wrecker for ANY relationship - let alone one whcih is clearly having ots own shed load of difficulties. Just wondering (ie just playing Devil's Advocate!), did you ask Honi about her sexual preferences before you guys got married? Did she lie about it and you fouin dout the truth later or did you assume she liked the things you liked/did and it wasnt til later that she felt brave/pissed off enough to tell you? I never discussed sex with my ex-husband (which is one of the reasons why he's an ex! Haha!), but BF and I talk about it all the time - Im quite happy to say "I dont like that" or "Please would you.." to him. Its a weird one, dude! s x
from torchstar :
I hope BigBoy is doing OK. And about the late nights- I understand your time thing, being a wee hour girl myself. Night time is the right time! it is less psychically distracting- there's less static to filter- literally quieter- when the majority of people are asleep. It's easier to think "straight", in my experience. Rejoice in your Inner Owl!
from princesse69 :
I'm a night person too. I find it easier finding energy in the evening. I wish I could get up earlier in the morning. That way I could get some chores done before the children wake up which would make it much simpler. But I need to go to bed earlier to do that. I always say to myself I'll have an early night tonight, but it never happens. I'm glad to hear BB's back home.
from x-centricity :
Some people are just night people, Hon. You are who you are. *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
'Retiring' is what you do when you have finally worked long enough to have saved a big enough pension to live on. Anything else is just bunking off. s x PS Draw. Go on. Draw something today.
from torchstar :
Just know that having your eyes open revealing an unmet need, is really the beginning of having that very need met! It's a spiritual subconscious process occurring All in Divine Order. More will be revealed...
from stepfordtart :
Hey! Im an ex smoker living with a smoker. I think you're more likely to say "Yuk, that fucking well stinks! Put the fucking thing out or go out in the garden, you skank!". Thats what I say, anyway. Funnily enough, the occasional joint doesnt smell quiiiiiite so rank! s x
from torchstar :
Oh, Big Boy's been gone nearly a week! Yikes. As one who has weathered the trials and tribulations of loving (till death did us part) a high maintenance cat through much crisis, my heart goes out to you and Honi. Here is my LittleOne's page: http://homepage.mac.com/eilsel/petfolder/littleone/littleone-love.html
from princesse69 :
Sorry to hear Big Boy's not been very well. Hope he can come home soon. I bet he misses you too. And there's nothing wrong about giving cats people food. Why shouldn't they? They won't let it go to waste. Hope you're okay too. x
from gr8chick :
Hey, Wyatt...I have added you to my new buddylist for gr8chick on d'land. At this time, I still have my WordPress diary under the name of ruready4me. I'll send you a link. Looks like you've got a few new buddies! What a popular guy you are! Do they know about the powdered balls? Or am I the only lucky lady with that info? ;)
from stepfordtart :
Hahaha! I DO actually! I have a picture of mine on my cell which I used once to get BF to come home from the pub (it worked!). A couple of days later when I was drunk I SMS'd it to smashthegas too - he didnt seem to mind, he's a good pal! Not quite sure what it says about me! s x
from stepfordtart :
Lovely to see some proper 'grown up' women on your list. Gives a little kick to us (just!) over 40's! And our home-grown Nigella,too! Big nose, chunky biceps, bit of a tummy and all! Yay you, dude! Didnt recognise some of the names so will have to have a little google tomorrow. Im not much of a one for TV so Im not great on popular culture! Bah on Honi witholding her favours, what kind of game is that? Cant be doing her any good either, can it?! Hoping you have a good weekend. s x
from torchstar :
During conversation with new acquaintances that covers life marker stuff (like graduating from college, or nightclubs I've done gigs at) the person gets a confused look. They can't imagine how I lived so much life. I love to watch their jaw drop when I tell my age! My ultimate punch line, "What is that age supposed to look like?" Such a fun thing!
from stepfordtart :
Had to do a little googling there as I only recognised Jessica. Cant see the attraction in the Rachael but would say that the Katherine has very nice tits. Do you not think they're all a bit empty-headed looking? Im sure its a sign of age on MY part but they all look like they'd have nothing of any interest to say. And, nice tits aside, wouldnt there need to be SOMETHING going on in those skulls? No? Just the nice tits then! In which case, Katherine wins. : ) s x
from stepfordtart :
Its OK, I knew exactly what you meant. I was just pointing out that attractiveness comes in many disguises and maybe (some) people are looking at you in the same way. Just thought you might like a little big-up! Have a good day. s x
from x-centricity :
You sassy boy!
from torchstar :
Wyatt, I think of you whenever I use my Sperry Pocket Pro Digital Volt-Ohm meter. Add to that, knowing your feelings about Boiled Peanuts. Hoooo Whee baby! It's getting warm in here. Way HOT! Sizzle Sizzle. Send me an email addy. I wanna send you some links o' mine. FYI, I'm a half century now. Time for a Jager shot. I gotta cool off. Thinking of you~~~
from stepfordtart :
Yes, "each woman has something that's attractive". And so does each man. s x
from torchstar :
Hey there! I just read the last couple entries to catch up. Boy you've got it going on! The new improved interpersonal relationship tools you've acquired are working like crazy. Isn't it miraculous to learn new tricks, and impossible to imagine how you managed without them? You've built a cart by learning the wheel. Now hitch up a willing beast of burden and go for the best fast fun thrilling ride of YOUR life...
from grt8f84me :
Just read your last two posts...I think that statement Honi made about "you need a new wife" is kind of like when a woman asks, "does this make me look fat?" Any response is the wrong response...so good thing you didn't respond. My dumbass would have said something like, "I know, huh?" HAHAHA!!! It's great that your taking control over your life. I'm so happy for you!
from princesse69 :
Hey, good for you on the therapy. Do you think the list has made it make or break time then? Hopefully Honi read it all and took everything seriously. Maybe this will make her think more about what she's doing and your feelings. I'm hoping this will be the turning point for the better, whatever the outcome maybe.
from grt8f84me :
Hey, still thinking about moving your diary? I'm not sure how much I like wordpress. It's seems to grown up for me! Oh, and I loved your cannibal fruit joke...I had to pass that on! Hope things are going well!
from stepfordtart :
Dude! Thanks for your note and thanks for reading. Just had a wee trawl through your archives - Hmmm, tits and whiskey, what else could a body need?! s x
from x-centricity :
Welcome back, Sugar! *huggles*
from princesse69 :
Welcome back! Thanks for the comment. I'm sorry your vacation wasn't as great as it should've been. Diaryland has been playing for me too but I hope you'll continue updating on here. I've been using Facebook for a while and it's really good. Much better and faster than myspace etc so I really recommend it.
from grt8f84me :
Hey, Wyatt, long time, eh? I miss your little notes, and e-mails. I'm glad to see that the therapy is working, and empowering you. You can tell by your entries how your eyes have been opened to things going on in your marriage. That's crazy! I hope things keep getting better for you, and that you finally reach that place in your life where you are happy and appreciated. Take care, my friend, and don't be such a stranger!
from princesse69 :
Hoping you're okay. Miss your updates. x
from princesse69 :
Thanks for the comment. It's nice to be called a pup! I know health clubs are considered a rip off by some, but I wouldn't mind affording to go to one. That way I would never wriggle out of exercise. If I'm paying a membership I would definitely get my moneys worth. The gym I did attend had yoga classes and I wished I had given it a go. Yoga would probably help clear my mind of stress and make me feel better mentally. Your talk of planting makes me want to grow herbs. I love basil. I had a big pot of it last summer growing on our patio. It over took all the other herbs in the pot. Our garden has become MY garden too. All the flowers out there are down to me. The lawn is down to me. Dave would do it but I do it because I enjoy it. Have a good weekend! x
from princesse69 :
I see Honi is still playing her games. The exchange between you and Honi at the bookstore was funny to read because Honi reminded me of a child wanting daddy to buy something and stomped off when she didn't get her way. It's good to got to talk about it with the therapist. Do you think she's having trouble with her spending again? Glad to see you back-I thought you left D'land. x
from x-centricity :
If your life is richer without her....maybe that's a sign?
from princesse69 :
It's good you've had time apart but it still sounds like she's getting to you. Is this like a seperation thing or has she simply gone to visit her mother? Hope you enjoy the rest of your time without her-or is she back already? Missed you! x
from torchstar :
I miss you! It has been 6 days... I hope the server scene picks up speed again. Some things are slow, others are not for me.
from torchstar :
It is a digital volt/ohm gizmo- a Sperry meter that fits a pocket. I have a groovy tray for solder things with little heat sinks, clips to hold things, and the handiest soldering "pen" for making my own custom audio cables. There's a splendid store here, Electronics Plus, where you can buy ANYTHING. I love messing with electricity- have a generator too. Not typical girl toys, but I'm not a "typical" girl!
from princesse69 :
Hey there, just been catching up with you. Sorry to hear the cat got his claws into you. It was painful to read so I can't imagine how painful it must have been for you. Naughty Chubbles...
from x-centricity :
*grimace* That made me cross MY legs. LOL
from chickpea981 :
How long could it possibly take to paint a bathroom? It's taken 2 years to paint an itty bitty room that requires 2 coats of paint at best? Lame. Fucking lame.
from torchstar :
You said a mouthful here,"I think I need to learn more about this crap so if I leave and marry again, I don't repeat the same mistakes." Where ever you go there you are! Your refined response to the games is doing the trick; Too bad the plot of the graph isn't linear. Real life is all wavy- two steps forward, one back. I'm glad you got to have a few moments free of psycho-drama. Bravo!
from grt8f84me :
Hey, Wyatt...I'm glad you liked the template, but I changed it again. It didn't really feel like me. I think the fight has gone out of me, if there ever was any to begin with. I'm glad you got your freak on this weekend! :)
from dana-elayne :
It is...so far...about 11,000 in damages. It was a 2005 Toyota Tacoma. Mark is doing okay. It just stinks to be down to one car.
from princesse69 :
Mmm...the salmon dinner sounds good even though I don't know what cilantro is. But I love garlic and all the rest. I wish D could rustle up something like that for me. We should be a bit more adventurous with our cooking. Honi did seem to be behaving herself too. Maybe the meal put her in a good mood...
from x-centricity :
Honi behaved very well. I'm kinda proud of her. She didn't get pissy when you made dinner, she didn't have a fit about the motorcycle, it seemed that she was about to play a few games but I think she may be learning that you don't play anymore.
from princesse69 :
Hope you can share pics of your bike with us. Sorry Honi wasn't in a good mood when you brought it home. She should be excited for you. Anyway you are welcome to have some of our rainy weather, we've had more than our fair share and the kids want to go outside. Have a good weekend! x
from princesse69 :
From what I read, there seems to be a pattern showing here. Honi always turns arguments around so you feel you're the one to blame. She's very manipulative and maybe her illnesses play a part but I think she uses them too-to make you feel guilty or sorry for her. She never backs down but I see things changing as you're getting clued up to her games. It'll be interesting as to what the therapist will make of this. *hugs* by the way x
from whystinger :
That is her making the problem my problem. I don't know why she went and dredged it up. I guess I wasn't happy enough for her... The good news is that I have learned what she is doing and that is trying to make the previous ring episode my problem and I no longer accept the things she wants to blame on me.
from x-centricity :
I can't believe she made such a big deal out of the ring situation. She needs to learn how to pick her battles. It seems like she could make an argument out of a moth fart.
from x-centricity :
Wyatt, I miss you like crazy when you don't update but you getting your life in order is far more important. *hugs*
from princesse69 :
You should be pleased with yourself for your weight loss. 20 pounds is good! I wish my 'diet' was going as well. And there's nothing wrong with pampering yourself now and again either. I think you deserve it! *hugs*
from x-centricity :
What a way to take initiative!
from princesse69 :
Thanks for the note and book suggestion. I'm making good progress with my little 'plan'. Wearing a naughty surprise is a good idea. That's something I've not done for a while. On to Honi...I think she should take a peek into that book of caring for husbands! All she seems to do is nit-pick and bicker with you when life is there to be enjoyed. You can't let her bring you down with her.
from x-centricity :
This is such a difficult time in your life, if Honi doesn't want to grow with you, then she has to realize that you'll be moving on without her. She needs to hear it in those very words. *hugs*
from princesse69 :
Honi has been married before then? I think I've missed an entry or so somewhere. I didn't know she was divorced before dating you. Sorry if I sound like I'm really slow on catching up! I'm a bit guilty of being lazy in bed lately. I think it's more a lack of energy rather than a lack of wanting to do things. It's been a while since the kids have been packed off to their grandparents so I think an evening to ourselves would be just the thing to putting the spark back. Hope Honi's being nice to you today. *hugs*
from krugerpak007 :
And more hugs from me too.
from x-centricity :
big, huge *HUGS*
from x-centricity :
I can see why women play games and this is just from my own experience. Women don't really have control in a relationship. We have the "pussy" and we have our brain. That's pretty much it. Most of us aren't as strong, physically or emotionally, as the the men in the relationship. So we use what we have to get what we want. I know I played a LOT of games in my first marriage. It was the only way I had any pull because my ex just wouldn't listen to me. That might not be the case with Honi, but she obviously feels out of control if she constantly has to play games to get what she wants. Just an idea. *hugs*
from grt8f84me :
Vroom-vroom, baby! Nice ass bike!
from x-centricity :
That back end looks hot!
from torchstar :
That depression is a tough thing to live with. My X locked himself in a room with a T.V. for three weeks- never showered or took off his bath robe 'till the day I brought him into the crisis unit. Yikes!
from krugerpak007 :
Crazy dream! :-) I hope you have a good weekend. Take care. x
from krugerpak007 :
Waiting to hear about the kungfukitten ;-) Glad to hear how you are working on yourself on all fronts... take care! x
from x-plicity :
I proud of the way you handled Honi. *hugs*
from torchstar :
I read your entry for today and immediately added you to my list... I've lived with guys for the most part- as friends- not romantically. The only guy I ever "lived with" romantically turned out to be mentally ill- BiPolar- and that just about killed me. I went to therapy and was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder. On a scale of 1 to 10, I rated as an "8"- the returning Vietnam vet level! He never was physically violent, but the manipulative emotional trip he played was devastating. I'm married 7 years to my man, who has moments (or longer) of kookiness, but pulls out of it. My boundary setting (conflict!) ability is much more developed and profound, thanks to that bipolar X. If I didn't learn to "stand up for myself", I wouldn't have the cool partnership I have now. Isn't it weird how some people find giving a yes or no answer so impossible? You seem to be in the process of learning to set boundaries with the beings around you. BRAVO! As much as it causes "conflict" those boundaries enable growth, joy, and deepening of intimate relationships. I feel for you, having been through it. Thanks for writing from your heart. I really appreciate it!
from torchstar :
I LOVE Fri the 13th! My dad and brother were born on Fri. the 13th- that's just the beginning of my relationship with THAT magic number! Here's a cute little page I made for today... http://homepage.mac.com/eilsel/_posted/13th/13_th.html
from x-plicity :
I have moments like that too. Strange how people are connected, even in a spiritual level. I truly believe that people with pshychic abilities are just a little more sensitive to the human's hive mind...if that makes sense.
from x-plicity :
Wow....
from bongo282 :
Thank you for all of your suggestions. I will look at those books you recommended. Looks like it's time to bring up the "bartender" with your wife again. It seems like she has some issues she needs to straighten out. I know that when I used to come back from seeing my family it would take me a little while to snap out of the funk my family (mom) put me in. When I first moved from my family it was hard for me too I have been here 8 years and I have adjusted. I had to make my own life and leave my family life behind, for a new family life. I still love them, but from a far. Let me know how things progress. Good luck!!
from x-plicity :
I'm proud of you, Wyatt. *hugs*
from bongo282 :
I am so glad that you are getting something out of your "bartender". Thats what I call my therapist, it doesn't make you sound too crazy.lol. I will not be talking to co-flirt anymore for my sanity. I am sad
from princesse69 :
Sounds like you're making good progress with your therapist. It's good you have trust in her and can be open in your discussions. I wouldn't worry about having a potty mouth :) It might help give her a clearer picture of what life really is like at home. I'm sure she's heard a lot worse. Hope it continues to go well there. *hugs*
from hexychick :
amazing that it requires a therapist telling it to you for you to believe the same shit your friends and readers have been telling you for years now.
from x-plicity :
I personally think she is trying to hold on. I can't wait to hear how the appointment goes. *hugs*
from princesse69 :
Hehe...I liked your suggestions. I'm just ignoring my friend at the moment. I don't have the time or energy to be messed about with. I'm still waiting for an apology-but I don't think I'll get one. About going to your MIL's 80th birthday...I think your requested to go for all those reasons you listed. Sounds like your needed by both Honi and your MIL. I hope Honi does look after herself a bit better. Maybe she wouldn't be as prone to getting viruses and infections as much then. You can't do it all for her.
from x-plicity :
*hugs* Sugar.
from princesse69 :
Trying to bath a cat is so funny. Well it is trying to bath my old cat Tiger. Sometimes he would actually enjoy it. He would just stand in the bath tub, allowing us to wash him using the shower and shampoo. It always took him hours to groom himself back to normal though. It was good you spotted the poo before he tread it all over your house.
from krugerpak007 :
Hope that the therapy will help. Please take care. x
from princesse69 :
Good luck with your therapist. I think this will really help you and Honi. Getting things out in the open is a real step to making things better. That was funny about not sitting in that grey chair. I would have been tempted to-just to see her reaction. But that's just me. :)
from x-plicity :
I want to be bored with details, that is if you want to share. *hugs*
from bongo282 :
Thanks for the words, and good luck with your counselor. I have been going for about 7 or 8 months and it worth it. It's weird, our situations are very similar. If you ever need to talk email me @ [email protected] Hope all goes well.
from x-plicity :
Good Luck, Sugar!
from x-plicity :
I write a lot about sex when I' sexually frustrated. It's alright. Oh, and I would rub one out if I were you. I have a feeling you won't be getting any. She's already hinted the headache. It's doomed, sugar.
from bongo282 :
I understand that's why I am married because I never could bring myself to whore around. But, I know what you mean about seeking out other people, and if you don't seek them then they seek you when you are not expecting it. And of course there is that what could have been question. I really like your site. Keep it up!
from bongo282 :
If she promised you then she should keep her promise. Self centered people can't help themselves though. It's really sad that they are like that, I know because I also have a husband who is selfish and is really on a me, me kick. You don't know they will be like that until later down the road. I'm sorry she is treating you like that. Married again?? Never!!! I want to whore around again. I would do anything to be like that again. Ohh the memories lol. Hope all works out for you.
from x-plicity :
Hmm...no wonder Mike likes to give me massages all of the time...
from x-plicity :
Watch out for those flirty girls!! They're nothing but trouble!!! *wink*
from kungfukitten :
Stalker? Ha, she probably worked up all her confidence to approach you. I hope you dropped that you were out of town and leaving soon so she didn't feel totally rejected! She was looking for a date. ;)
from x-plicity :
Sassy....
from grt8f84me :
SINNER...SINNER!!!! Hahaha! JK...you horndog! ;P
from x-plicity :
It's not a sin at all! I look a pretty girls too, all of the time. *wink*
from princesse69 :
That was a beautiful entry. If only Honi could see the romantic man she has.
from x-plicity :
That last entry was so beautiful. Trust me, one day things will be the way you want them to be. You just need to get out of or fix the situation you're in now. *hugs*
from krugerpak007 :
You are doing SO WELL!!! I am jealous-I have really fallen off the bandwagon--I dream of french fries all the time and havent stopped eating-I feel revolting-and I didnt go to WW last week-this week I have to and it is HORRIBLE putting on weight-ughhh-I am so mad with myself!!!Well done anyway for your review!! Take care of yourself sweetie. x
from grt8f84me :
WHERE ARE YOU?!!!!!!!!!! missing you :(
from princesse69 :
I found the death of Anna Nicole very tragic. It's very sad for her baby daughter. Although Dannilyn will probably be very financially secure for the rest of her life, it'll never make up for the loss of her mother. I think the death of her son contributed to her death but I don't think it was suicide. You're absolutely right though, the media should have left her well alone. We all need our privacy-even celebrities, especially in times of mourning. Congratulations on the weight loss by the way. Well done to you!
from grt8f84me :
You must be outjur mind, Mister! ;) Good to hear from you, too!
from krugerpak007 :
You are doing great! I joined 2 weeks ago-tomorrow night is my 3rd weigh-in. Its going ok I guess. Slow!! But good. Good luck and take care!!
from x-plicity :
You're doing great!!! *hugs*
from princesse69 :
Good for you joining WW. It'll be easier if both of you go along. Thanks for your comment by the way. Thankfully that lump disappeared within two days. I was planning to see a doctor but didn't need to in the end. Dave is good at checking so he'd be the first to find anything unusual. My healthy streak is still going well. I make myself allowances for treats now and again, but impressed that I don't miss alcohol all that much. My other goal-to get more sleep is having a really positive effect on me. It's surprising how much better you feel going to bed an hour or so earlier. Hope you and Honi feel more healthier and energised soon too.
from x-plicity :
I'm so proud of you Wyatt!!!
from x-plicity :
To break a promise to yourself is the worst thing a person can do. *hugs*
from grt8f84me :
Hey, Michigan's not so bad...she may like it, you never know! I can feel your pain about the mortgage. I'm in the same boat with my car payment. Wish you the best...
from x-plicity :
Waiting for later is an awful excuse....
from princesse69 :
Sex put off for later usually never happens because something else always crops up. Sex planned for later lacks spontaneity which makes it all the more satisfying. Honi shouldn't worry about what jobs need doing round the house and enjoy the moment with you. Her mood would probably lighten up a lot more if she did.
from krugerpak007 :
I want photos of your little boy!
from princesse69 :
Naughty Chubbles. Why do cats always play up when it's night-time? My old cat is 17 and still wakes everyone up to be let in and out numerous times in the night and meows at everyone's bedroom door till someone lets him in. But at least Chubbles was good and let you get some sleep.
from x-plicity :
Hey, Sweets. Read this article. It's about the cure for type 2 diabetes: http://health.msn.com/centers/diabetes/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100150895
from x-plicity :
*hugs*
from x-plicity :
I do have to say that illness doesn't help to get a person motivated. I wish Mike could understand that. Sometimes it's so hard to lift a pinky finger when I'm having a "bad day", but I blame myself. I try so hard to be normal that I think people have forgotten that I'm not well. So when the dishes aren't done or the laundry didn't make it up the stairs I get scolded for it. Not that taking lids off of coffee mugs is a hard thing to do, but sometimes the energy to do something that simple at the end of the day just seems like a lot. *hugs*
from kungfukitten :
"The thinner, prettier Ashlee? Or The confident, curvy, heavier Karen." Why do you have to choose? Why can't you have both? Either alone or at the same time, your choice. ;)
from x-plicity :
You are such a guy! *grin*
from dvacowgirl :
If some woman has her boobs hanging out, trust me she wants you to look.
from kungfukitten :
Wow, that's some eye opening stuff. I know when I dated a guy for a long period of time and he wouldn't marry me, it felt almost like our relationship was a slot machine. The more time I put in, the more invested I was. I kept feeling that he would grow up and come around. He never did. Today he's almost 40 and still living with his mother. She does everything for him (except the sex part - eew) I realized he was already in a satisfying marriage and didn't want to trade that. Maybe Honi doesn't want anything to change because she's getting her needs met - financially, emotionally, you cook, clean, take care of the crazy cat. What are you getting out of the relationship? Are your needs being met? What percentage of the time are you happy? Also, to keep the Chubinator from bugging you all night, keep him from sleeping in the evening and have a big play session so he's totally worn out. Then he'll sleep with you instead of snuggling and bugging you all night. ;)
from princesse69 :
Happy new year to you too. Thanks for the note. I'm bit of a lazy girl in the kitchen so my Yorkshire puddings are ready-made. But the parsnips are really easy. I just peel them and cut them into four lengthways and put them in a roasting dish with very hot oil or lard. They then cook for about 50 mins at 200C-till they're nice and crispy round the edges. I think some people drizzle them with honey/syrup to give them an even sweeter taste. It might be worth experimenting with.
from x-plicity :
Yes it is rationalizing. That's exactly what it is. *hugs*
from x-plicity :
Mmm....shrimp and bacon....
from x-plicity :
LOL!!! It's funny that you placed your wife in the Excess Baggage list. Sorry, no it's not funny!!! It's just....slightly humorous...I'm a horrible person....
from dvacowgirl :
Number 1 - You didn't make her cry. The only person responsible for her feelings and her actions is her.
from x-plicity :
Get past the stress and go to this counselor. It seems like you're going to need help getting out of this situation. Just take deep breaths and know that people are sending you positive vibes. *hugs*
from x-plicity :
*chuckle*
from x-plicity :
Speed!!! *wicked grin*
from x-plicity :
You're in my prayers Wyatt. *hugs*
from kungfukitten :
I had a coworker who couldn't give herself monthly breast exams because it "weirded her out." Even after they found a nodule (benign) in it. I always thought that was so weird and felt sorry for her. I also had a friend who had MS and the medication they had her on made it so she couldn't orgasm. Her doctor gave her a prescription for something weird, like an antihistimine, and her husband could just look at her and she'd orgasm. (slight exaggeration) but it really did wonders for them, if I only knew what the medication was...
from x-plicity :
*hugs*
from x-plicity :
mmm....hummus....
from kungfukitten :
Martyring yourself to stay in a marriage that doesn't work just because she is sick is pretty lame for you. Unless you can arrange for an open marriage so you can get the physical love you need then what's the point of staying? She has family that can take care of her. I'm sure she's much stronger than she lets on. She can apply for disability and live well in a nice little condo. Can you spend Christmas apart with your own families?
from x-plicity :
Oh, Wyatt...you're spirit is definitely being strangled. I know you shouldn't abandon your wife but she's an adult. She needs to act like one.
from x-plicity :
Hey, Sugar. I LOVE me some turkey neck soup. When's dinner?? *grin* Sorry about not replying to your e-mail. I finally got to go through them this morning and it seems you got things figured out. *hugs* X
from dvacowgirl :
It's beef stew here tonight, no turkey necks.
from dvacowgirl :
Damn, still going through the same stuff. Long time, no talk :)
from krugerpak007 :
Oh honey, take care.
from krugerpak007 :
I hope it all works out. Take care and hang in there!
from princesse69 :
I think you're a very patient man. Honi should see that. I hope you can find a solution to Honi's issues and that Honi is willing too. She sounds like her own worst enemy sometimes. Hope it gets better for you. Take care.
from kungfukitten :
For HTML you need to close your link bracket. You have: BOOK</A and instead it needs to be BOOK</A> Make sense?
from grt8f84me :
OMG...I just read your dream entry. My face is flushed! Damn, Wyatt...!
from krugerpak007 :
I am so sorry that you are going through all this pain and frustration. Take care.
from x-plicity :
This is the second time you've mentioned this book. Now I'm going to have to read it.
from krugerpak007 :
Hang in there!
from x-plicity :
I think it was definitely a sign. *hugs*
from grt8f84me :
You can still have your steak...It will just be well, well, very well done! HAHAHAHA!!!
from x-plicity :
You've worked really hard to make things work with you and Honi. You just have to keep in mind that you can't fix everything. Especially when the other half isn't cooperating. *hugs*
from kungfukitten :
I think you've tried harder than most people would. Have you thought about a separation? It would get rid of the guilt factor and you could see if you are really happier being apart than being together and dealing with all the stuff you deal with on a daily basis. The problem is you've put up with all this negativity for so long that you've started to think that it's "normal." That sounds harsh, you just sound so unhappy and that makes me sad.
from krugerpak007 :
Sometimes I think you are too hard on yourself. I am so glad she agreed to the counsellor! (spelling?) xoxox
from x-plicity :
I can't imagine ANYONE thinking you an asshole! You're so sweet!!!
from madrigle :
hey, thanks for the nod on my costume. Cool recipe. I once had a thai blood curry. It was actually good. Not something I crave or anything, but still, tasty.
from krugerpak007 :
MMM, interesting recipe... have a great halloween. x
from x-plicity :
I LOVE mole, especially the stuff my mom makes. It's to die for.
from icyjewel :
Thanks for the note, and you are right...young guys are a pain! Hehehe...any other advice would be greatly appreciated on how I can get him motivated, arrgggg. I hope you have a good week!
from krugerpak007 :
My heart goes out to you.
from kungfukitten :
Have Honi go through her entire closet and everything that doesn't fit should go to a consignment store and things that are worn out get donated to the Goodwill. I've made a ton of money at consignment stores, sometimes you get cash on the spot, other times you need to stop in once a month and pick up your check. Then she can use that money to buy new clothes for fall/winter! It totally works.
from krugerpak007 :
I dont know what to say. You deserve a medal. hang in there and take care of you too.
from x-plicity :
Yup...he's definitely YOUR cat. *grin*
from kungfukitten :
I think I replied to your questions in the comments, but not everyone goes back and reads through the comments! Don't worry, I don't smoke. Those are two year old Sobrani cocktail cigarettes and if you watch carefully I don't even know how to inhale, I just hold it in my mouth and part of my throat and blow it back out. I sleep with the sword but I also have a ceremonial dagger close at hand as well as numerous fighting sticks and a police issue iron kubaton - one of those extendable metal stick thingies. I think I have every weapon in the house except for a submachine gun. Not to mention I'm a trained killer. ;)
from x-plicity :
I'm crossing my fingers for you!!
from whystinger :
I guess I still am angry at my old roomate and at my R.A. Hil, for talking me into letting him move in. I wish I said "let the office of residence life put someone in." The bad thing is that most likely they would have put him in anyway on Hil's recommendation. I did consider him a rapist. I was pretty disgusted at him and didn't want to be living with him. We did make sure NOBODY ever lent him their room again. He did ask. I rarely went home for a visit and made it even less after that. If I went home, the Swab usually watched over him. He did try to borrow other folk's rooms. He supposedly ran out of money and stopped going out to the bars. I don't think his ego let him be turned down. I suspect that his asshole attitude spread around where he hung out and the word got out that he was a mean and nasty fucker. He is one of the few people that have crossed into my life that I never care to see or hear from again. He's probably in jail somewhere now, taking it up the ass.
from kungfukitten :
"I was afraid he would try to lure some coed into our room and 'knock her on the floor and jerk off into her face' or worse yet, rape her." In my book that is rape! *Written in anger at the ex-roommate, not in your retelling of the story* I think with all my women's studies classes I took in college, he would have had some serious retribution from me and my friends! But what an awful thing to deal with and live with. Just because there was no penetration, doesn't mean these women weren't scarred for life. I'm hoping he was just exaggerating and trying to show off to you guys or shock you. He sounds like the kind of guy who does and says stupid ass things to shock other people.
from krugerpak007 :
I think she needs to be hospitalized for a while to get more stabilized. Really. It will make life easier for you. I have so much respect for you. You are really trying and you are amazing!
from grt8f84me :
Hey, hey, hey...don't call me a hallow weinie! But I be here, Mister. You got my e-mail! Don't be scared to write... ;)
from krugerpak007 :
Drawing sounds good. Lets make a deal? You go to drawing I'll start ceramics!
from krugerpak007 :
Have a safe trip. Has her doctor ever recommended her a short hospitalization for observance? Take care. x
from x-plicity :
*HUGS* Have a safe trip.
from sinslaidbare :
Thanks so much for the note! I hope our diary is as much fun to read as it is to write!
from x-plicity :
Oh, Sweetie...this isn't who you are. If she won't go to a marriage counselor with you you need to just go for yourself. *hugs* Oh and the golden whore thing is something that my brothers used to say. It usually means a girl is a "sure thing" with pretty much everyone.
from grt8f84me :
Puta de Oro...Golden Whore. Maybe it tranlates loosely to something like royal bitch? Either way, it's not something nice....
from hexychick :
de oro means of gold but bitch of gold doesnt make sense. I think someone was trying to say golden pussy.
from x-plicity :
Feeling saucy today, wyatt??? *grin*
from kungfukitten :
Sometimes people don't take diabetes seriously until they start losing limbs. Have her google: "gangrene & diabetes" and then leave for the night. I can guarentee you she'll be checking her blood sugars every single hour on the hour after reading a few pages and looking at the pictures. Scaaaary stuff. (I still have your e-mail I'm just waiting for a few free minutes to send you a decent letter!)
from hexychick :
No, it wasn't clear and thats why I got irritated. Couldn't believe that would erase everything and now having read the last 3 it makes more sense.
from hexychick :
so basically... you have sex once and it erases your feelings that have been building up for weeks/months and you suddenly don't want to get divorced? Suddenly the prepping for leaving is put on the backburner? You have got to be fucking kidding me.
from vibinghigh :
Thanks for the note you left. I read some of your entries - looking forward to reading more.
from kungfukitten :
Is she on Prednisone for the sarcoidosis? Because that can make you nuts and starving! It has some really nasty side effects. I know that I am exhausted all the time and was even considering asking my doctor about some sort of upper because the fatigue is getting to be ridiculous. You might have her get out all her meds and look up the side effects on rxlist.com.
from kungfukitten :
My impression (what little I can glean from a blog) is that you're staying purely out of guilt and that is not enough to keep a marriage going. Honi will do fine on her own. You need to take care of yourself and your own happiness. You can't force her to be happy. You can't make her go to the doctor and you can't get her to participate financially to the household. Once you finally make a decision you will feel a lot better. Bottom line: you deserve to be happy. It's that simple. You tried. You tried very hard and have exhausted all your resources. What is there left?
from hexychick :
the day you live up to your idle thoughts of "I'm gonna prep to leave" is gonna be one cold day in hell.
from x-plicity :
Do what you have to do to get out of that situation. It's not healthy for either of you. *hugs*
from dana-elayne :
Its a problem because it gives her something else to bitch about...*argh*
from sugar-slit :
Thanks for the note! I just need to let things roll off my back more. Everybody slags everybody so I'm not special in that. And my boss, he's the person that everyone hates the most.
from kungfukitten :
If you do laundry at my house you get strangled. I have rules for laundry, it must be sorted and only half can go in the dryer. Plus, I don't iron anything. My ex had to iron his own shirts but I did the laundry, he wasn't allowed near it and he was happy as a clam with that. If he wanted to do a load of his own laundry he could but it was something that I had to have complete control over or he'd end up ruining all my designer clothes - everything would end up shrunk, pink or gray!
from renovatingme :
if you do laundry at my house you get a blow job.
from x-plicity :
Any man that does laundry should be worshiped!!!! I know Mike gets the worship treatment ALL OF THE TIME. He's such a good house keeper-upper. I am totally NOT.
from renovatingme :
I have read your journal for a really long time now and wonder how Honi would feel if she saw what you wrote about her? Or how would you feel if you encountered a journal she wrote? No judgements here at all. I just wonder about the whole two sides to every story you know what I mean? Keep writing, it's good for you - I hope:)
from sugar-slit :
Whoa, I've never been able to make even the simplest of decisions. BIG life-altering decisions, well, that is another story altogether. I think I go through depressed phases...it definitely runs in my family. Suicide too.
from krugerpak007 :
Hang in there, thinking of you.
from x-plicity :
Honi's definitely depressed. *hugs*
from ms-turner :
Honestly, I suck at math. But, I like to be around people, I'm a people person. I'm hoping for a 9-5 job to come around.
from grt8f84me :
Si, un poquito...pos, no...mucho locita!!!
from x-plicity :
Thanks for the advice and good job on the whole chip thing. It's one of my vices too. I love Fritos to no end...*sigh*
from x-plicity :
Right on!
from bongo282 :
Hi back !! Good writing. Hope your yard will look good.
from after- :
LOl I can't sing for shit but I'm always singing along with my Ipod.
from kungfukitten :
Are you making fun of my "Kinky as a Cheap Garden Hose" banner ad? It's funny when people comment because I'm also running another one based on Men's Magazine worst pick up line ever: "Did you wash your pants in Windex? Cause I can practically see myself in them." I never know which weird banner they're talking about. ;)
from x-plicity :
Yesh...kinky waterhoses...LOL
from x-plicity :
Death to Paper!!!!!
from grt8f84me :
You're just a weirdo, period! HAHAHA! Thanks for the e-mails. I truly appreciate it!
from princesse69 :
You don't get ladybirds in the US then? I'm quite surprised by that. I thought they were everywhere. Ladybirds are little red beetles with black spots on them. They are fairly cute as far as bugs go-that's why I got cross when Ethan stamped on one. Maybe you call them by a different name over there.
from x-plicity :
Grits???? BLEGH!!!!!! LOL
from princesse69 :
Hi I just wanted to say thanks for the notes. Yeah email me if you like but if you fire motorbike related questions to me I probably wouldn't have a clue. But an email would be nice anyway. Mmm...that frijolies thing sounds tasty. Is it Mexican? I've never tried plaintain-they look like bananas don't they? Got to go now as a smelly nappy is calling me.
from jalepenogirl :
Yeah...I'd like to give them more then just bad nachos! =) Hugs, Me
from grt8f84me :
Oh, my! There is no need to imply that I'm lying to you, dude! Watch it now...
from krugerpak007 :
It will be woth it once your computer is up and running! Take care.
from krugerpak007 :
I hope your toe is better, and congrats on the new PC. x
from kungfukitten :
Poor toe! Take a long hot bath and read and that should get the rest of the gunk out. It sounds like a very mild ingrown toenail thing. I thought of your cat incident the other night when I was fixin' the cat's dinner and my boy cat jumped up on his hind legs and stuffed his cold nose up the back of my shorts. Whoo! I nearly hit my head on the ceiling.
from grt8f84me :
That is fucking funny! There's always a pussy that will bite...be careful! HAHAHAHA!
from x-plicity :
My cat used to always jump on my ex-husbands morning tent. I secretly looked forward to it. *grin*
from kungfukitten :
I was laughing at your entry on being bitten somewhere sensitive. I think we had the same incident a few years back when my ex Simon was living here. They don't call them trouser snakes for nothin' and cats are born to hunt. Still ouch. Sorry! (ha ha ha)
from x-plicity :
You can do it!!! I'm going to have to work on watching less tv too. Maybe 2 hours a day tops. Except weekends. *grin*
from princesse69 :
Thanks for the sweet note at my place. Why shouldn't you get a new computer? If Honi can spend all this money on herself then why can't you treat yourself once in a while?
from princesse69 :
Yeah...your horoscope does seem pretty exact to what's happening your life. But then horoscopes always have a way of sounding relevant to us don't they? Hope Honi hasn't been giving you much grief lately. Maybe the marriage therapist is the answer. At least you are trying to sort things out with Honi. I also hope Big Boy's trip to the vet goes okay. Love Sharon x
from x-plicity :
Wow...it is very telling. There's definitely a change coming.
from kungfukitten :
Realize that this is coming from someone whose last relationship was a complete failure and only knows you from your blog BUT: what I've seen is that you are very unhappy and have already tried very hard to hold things together and fix it. Don't forget that you deserve to be happy. Relationships shouldn't be this difficult and people don't really change. You're working hard at keeping yourself healthy/attractive, you can find someone that loves you for who you are. Wouldn't it be nice to have sex and conversations without fighting, begging or negotiating? You totally can have that. It's called normal. You deserve it. I mean this in the kindest little sister sort of scolding way.
from x-plicity :
Hey! That's a great idea!!! I'LL be your long distance fitness friend. We can egg each other on to stay fit. What do you say???
from krugerpak007 :
Welcome back. Hang in there. x
from jalepenogirl :
Thanks for the note. I think I am past mental exhaustion, really don't know what comes next. Helps just having friends like you here, to listen and understand. ;) Hugs, Me
from krugerpak007 :
Take care. x
from jalepenogirl :
Hey Sweetheart, thanks for the note. I e-mailed you the username & password. Have a great weekend. Hugs, Sweet Thing ;)
from hip2bme :
Thank you for your message! HUGS HUGS HUGS!
from jalepenogirl :
I've been missing you!!! I hope things get better. Do you still read my diary??? I lost your e-mail address. Let me know if you want my username & password. ;) Hugs, Sweet Thing
from grt8f84me :
Hey, thanks for the note. I'm sorry to see that things are kinda ruff on the homefront. I haven't had a chance to read all your other entries, just the last one as of right now (07/11/06, 4:45 p.m.) I'm ready for a chat whenever you are. Hope things get better. Talk to you soon.
from after- :
I don't think I would even know how to begin to handle someone with depression, I'm a half-full person and I don't like being around moody depressed bi polar or what have you people, you are more of a man than I could ever be of course that's figuratively speaking!
from krugerpak007 :
You are brave. And strong. x
from kungfukitten :
I was thinking about Honi the other day. Go to this website t-tapp.com and buy the video "Basic Work Out Plus" it's a 15 minute workout for people with autoimmune disease. Not only does it get your blood pumping, but it's all done standing up. You can see from the before and after shots that it works better than gym workouts. I've been doing it for 11 days and I can already see the differences in my body and I feel better/look better. Anybody can spare 15 minutes out of their day to do it. Plus, if you have her read the website she'll be hooked. Us girls are all about the vanity. :) Guys can do it too.
from krugerpak007 :
OMG. Just, OMG.
from krugerpak007 :
Oy. What did you say to her? Hang in there! x
from dana-elayne :
Um, she wants to what? What the hell? I'm sorry this just seems inane to me. I hope that she realizes that this is just a silly "requirement".
from x-plicity :
stale piss, huh? Maybe her depression is getting to the point where she doesn't want to take care of herself anymore. *hugs* X
from krugerpak007 :
I know it must be frustrating to see someone you love not even willing to try and get help. My husband said that was the hardest thing for him. And then he left. For good. Hang in there. x
from hip2bme :
Thank you for your words on my diary. Know you're very welcome in our country. I read your woman is fighting depression. You must have a lot of patience with her. And if she's taking medicine, she'll loose interest in sex. Sorry if I'm intruding, just thought I'd let you know. Hugs!
from krugerpak007 :
Welcome back! I am glad you had a good vacation. That fall sounds bad. I hope Honi is ok.. Take care of yourself, take it easy and hang in there. xox
from krugerpak007 :
Welcome back! I am glad you had a good vacation. That fall sounds bad. I hope Honi is ok.. Take care of yourself, take it easy and hang in there. xox
from after- :
I didn't even know you lived in MI are you close to Detroit?
from krugerpak007 :
Have a wonderful vacation and yay also for sex! Try use some of the time to think. Or maybe not to think. Just enjoy. x
from princesse69 :
Glad you had such a good time on the bike despite the breakdown. Why does something have to go wrong when you're having so much fun? As for buying your own bike I say go for it! x
from krugerpak007 :
Hi dear. I hope you are doing ok. Have a good weekend.x
from grt8f84me :
Yeah, new template. I just feel miserable lately. I keep singing that song to myself by Billie Holiday, at least her version anyway..."Good morning heartache. You gloomy old sight. Good morning, heartache. Thought we said goodbye last night..."
from grt8f84me :
Hey...Where are you? OK, so now I'M worried about YOU! Write soon!
from after- :
can you believe I've never eaten Sushi, i'm such a freak.
from kungfukitten :
He he. I like how there was quite a bit of exposition on the different types of women and cleavage you encountered and only one short sentence on the sushi. It must be summer time. ;)
from krugerpak007 :
You are a honey! xoxox
from x-plicity :
Stay away from the vengeful bitches. They eat sweet men like you for breakfast. I can't believe that you quoted Grt! Watch out for the booty-juice!!!! LOL
from after- :
I will read your diary tomorrow I promise! I'm always so damn busy, and you're on eof the few interesting on this damn site, I shouldn't say damn site, I rather like it, I just wish it wasnt' that addicting... do you hav ea myspace account?
from krugerpak007 :
Time for photos of your cute kittie I say! Thinking of you.
from x-plicity :
Chubbles reminds me so much of my Zak. That fucking cat. LOL
from grt8f84me :
This is why I call her bootyjuice: http://grt8f84me.diaryland.com/bootyjuice.html
from grt8f84me :
I never received your e-mail. I just checked last night. You may want to try this e-mail address [email protected] instead of the [email protected] If you are trying to use the e-mail link from the diary, it will not work because my gold membership expired. Plus, I think you have my work e-mail address...you can always write me there.
from krugerpak007 :
I wish I knew the right things to say.The loved ones I guess sometimes suffer more than the sick ones. It is very hard to be with someone who will not accept help. Not realise that they need help. My husband told me that that was the main reason he left. That I didnt take the help everyone was offering me. Well it did work. I started to get help. And I have my good days and my bad days. But him leaving gave me the actual push. I am not saying the ultimate solution is for you to get up and leave. If there is still love things can still get better. With help and therapy and patience. Thinking of you. xoxoxox
from hip2bme :
Yes, I know! hahaha It freaked me out too! lol Hugs!!!
from x-plicity :
You need to try to get more sleep, hon. Take some Claritin D in the mornings. That always helps with the allergies and sinus crap. *hugs* X
from hip2bme :
"Hey you, lick Grandma's bunions..." Geesh! *chills*
from x-plicity :
*hugs*
from after- :
Well I hope she doe sit by Tuesday, it doesn't soun dlike you're going to take any shit after that.
from trinity63 :
Hey you - You need to get the lastest issue of Playboy and read the Playboy Advisor, first question or article I think. It's awesome. I seriously don't know how you do it. I am sure there are tons of women who read you that would stand in line to relieve you of your sexual frustration:) Was it you that went over to my yahoo page? If so email me your addy?
from trinity63 :
If your wife is truly threatening to take her own life, I'd by pass your mother in law, and call her shrink yourself and get her the help she so deserpately needs. Don't play games with her, do the right thing.
from amalthea23 :
I don't think it's a threat. You're just being really clear about what will happen. What you also need to do is say "you have to call the psychiatrist by (insert date here) and if that doesn't happen, I'm letting your mom know. Then you really need to follow through.
from dana-elayne :
No, it's not a threat. Its self-preservation! You've done everything you can without her help. Now, its up to her to get her crap together.
from jalepenogirl :
;) I wish it were that simple. Hugs, Jalepeno~Girl
from impetuousme :
hey thanks for the post yesterday. yeah, I know ALL about NAMI. Looks like you do too. Aint life fuuuuun. Also, totally yeah about the whole grain pasta, but i've been assuming they put FAT in it? I'll check. Thanks.
from grt8f84me :
I just checked, and you will need to try again. I don't think my e-mail link in DLand is working without the Gold membership. And I really hope things get better for you. It's frustrating, isn't it, trying and trying to be there for someone, yet it seems to go unappreciated, or taken for granted. Like no matter what you do, it's just not enough, or not the right thing. Maybe I'm just PMS'ing...I don't know. Keep your head up, my friend. Things are bound to get better...
from grt8f84me :
Yeah, my super gold membership expired...so no comments or images. I have not checked my hotmail e-mail. I'll have to do that at home...since it's blocked at work. And I still feel like hitting someone...That's terrible, isnt' it?
from x-plicity :
*hugs*
from x-plicity :
Stay strong. *hugs* X
from x-plicity :
You need her to be placed in a mental hospital. At least for a little while. *hugs* X
from princesse69 :
Wyatt, I'm so sorry to hear things have got so bad. Honi needs professional help. It sounds like she has trouble accepting and allowing people helping her, once she starts the counselling maybe things will get better. I hope you find a solution soon-you deserve to be happy. Lots of hugs x
from grt8f84me :
Hey, Wyatt...I'm sorry to hear that things are not getting much better on the homefront. You said something about a dirty talking woman? Hmmm....
from jalepenogirl :
I've been missing you, and wanted to say hello ;) Sorry things have not gotten any better for you & Honi. You really need to get your strategy planned, and have a serious talk with her. Maybe a temporary seperation isn't such a bad idea, so you both will know in your hearts what you need to do, wether the marriage is gonna work or not! I wish you happiness & luck, my friend. Hugs, Me
from x-plicity :
*Hugs*
from after- :
Well like with any realtionship (even more so with marriage) you usually get a lot more bad than good! But I also hate whiney women, and that's pretty much all of them, see I'm whining right now. And yes I am back, but who knows how temporary it is, I mean, I'll always come back I just may have a week or two, or a month off between updates, but I appreciate all my readers, it's not very often I get one over drinking age. Adios.
from x-plicity :
Sometimes you just have to decide if all of the bull shit is worth it. *hugs* x
from princesse69 :
Hi ya. Thanks for the comment. Isabel is a bit better now though she will have her cough for a while. Sorry your weekend weren't so good. It's crap when you finally think you're getting somewhere and things are looking up and then it goes tits up again. I hope Honi has stopped sulking over the washing machine. Why is it always your fault?
from hexychick :
It's incredibly frustrating reading you some days.
from krugerpak007 :
Ooof..I hope you are feeling better. take it easy. I think you need a major break. Alone!!! And I agree about tom bloody Cruise! Feel good! xoxoxo
from krugerpak007 :
Firstly, yay for sex! I think she definitely has to go for help. Maybe the two of you can go together. I can only imagine how hard it is living with someone who is depressed. As I told you before, I am now working on realising that I can not blame Trevor for leaving me. It is VERY difficult to see the one you love suffer and to live with it on a daily basis. She has to get help. And I think it would be good if you also saw someone. Especially if you want to save your marriage. Please take care and feel good! xoxox
from jalepenogirl :
I'm sorry you had such a bad day, my friend. Hugs to you!
from amb1valent-k :
I agree completely - the older you get the more younger women there are. When you're twenty the idea of waking up with a forty-year-old woman is preposterous. But once you're that age yourself...
from x-plicity :
You're just adorkable!
from x-plicity :
Aww!!! Chubbles is just so CUTE!!
from x-plicity :
Good decision! I'm proud of you!! *wink* No need to make things messy right now with hot chicks. Wait until you've decided what you're going to do with your marriage first. *hugs* X
from krugerpak007 :
OM gosh. I am really very sorry to hear about Miss Pooh. I am so very sorry. It must be so difficult and especially difficult having to be strong, not only for yourself but for your wife. I am not quite sure what to say but I am sorry and I hope you guys are going to feel better with time. A lot of time. Take care. Kathy
from jalepenogirl :
Sorry for your loss, it's always hard losing a pet...they are a part of the family! We lost our dog of almost 16 years to a major stroke last year. Hugs to you ;)
from x-plicity :
Poor Miss Poo!!!! *hugs*
from srch4balance :
WHY, I'm so sorry about Miss Poo. I know what it's like to lose a pet.
from grt8f84me :
Oh my...I am so sorry to hear about Miss Poo! My heart goes out to you and Honi...
from princesse69 :
I'm so sorry about Miss Poo. When our pets go it's always a shock and you feel it won't ever be the same with them around. Miss Poo sounded like a well loved pet. You done well to hold the tears back in front of Honi. There's nothing wrong with men crying. *hugs*
from dana-elayne :
Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry about Miss Poo. Simon and I both wish her peace.
from krugerpak007 :
Shame, I am so sorry you are suffering like that. I always saw things only from my side and now I know why Trevor left. I don't blame him. I was impossible to live with I guess. Maybe you should discuss having a break for just a while. Or maybe both of you could go to some sort of therapy together.Wish I could look after Miss Poo and Chubbles! xoxox
from after- :
Eeek women are so pissy sometimes! And Yes Oso is Spanish for bear heh, that's why i named him that ;) Good job :-D
from grt8f84me :
Wanted to wish you a Happy Easter, Mister!
from krugerpak007 :
Oops sorry, went a bit crazy with the caps lock! :-)
from krugerpak007 :
Hi hon, trying to send you email but it keeps coming back. Please send me an email address. Have a happy easter! aND TAKE CARE. kATHY
from dana-elayne :
She can call the 1800 number on the back of the card and get the amount she owes. Done and done.
from x-plicity :
Sending lots and lots of love and *hugs*!
from dana-elayne :
My brother was like that. He LOVED the challenge that boot camp offered him. He loves being out to sea and doing all the boatswain stuff. It just really works for him. Good for Trey!
from x-plicity :
Right on!!!
from princesse69 :
Being tired, hungry and horny all the time can't being doing you any good. I hope Honi gives you some relief soon. x
from x-plicity :
Good luck!!
from x-plicity :
You really need to talk to her in the afternoon and such. My ex used to always want to talk when I was too tired to function. Earlier is better. And don't back down. Make a plan and follow through. If you need a seperation, then do it. *hugs* X
from jalepenogirl :
Missing you! Thought I would say hello ;)
from princesse69 :
I would love a duck nesting in my garden. I'd love to have ducklings running around. I hope the duck protects them from the cats.
from x-plicity :
Ooooohh...plasma cutter....
from srch4balance :
Im back! Hope all is well with you :D
from x-plicity :
*hugs*
from princesse69 :
Aww, I'd love a cat. The stories you tell about your cats sound really funny. I don't know when I'm allowed a cat. I used to have a cat when I used to live at home. I loved having him purr snuggled up against me in bed.
from x-plicity :
Here's to your enemies' enemies'!!! Happy St. Patrick's day!!
from princesse69 :
Thanks for wishing Ethan a happy birthday. He had a lovely day. Isabel's teething hasn't been too bad. She now has two teeth through. She won't have her gummy smile for much longer.