messages to sparkspark:
(click here to add new message):

from outer-jessie :
Where are you? I miss you!
from onebluegreen :
Hope you are well.
from boombasticat :
Hey, California! I'd like to keep on reading, if I could.
from coldandgray :
miss you love you kiss you
from somuchsugar :
Hey Violet! Please let me know your login/pw, if you don't mind me asking... Miss you! xoxoxo Kim (somuchsugar.blogspot.com)
from curious-me :
'Shew I am so glad to see you locked up due to revamping rather than seeing some strange person has been reading your archives! Um yah that would be me. I have this bad habit of stumbling across a 'diary' and if it captures my attention then I just have to read all their archives before adding them as a fave! Usually I come clean once I'm all up to date and let them know I'm not a stalker (I'm not I swear!). I am all the way up to your Apr'08 archives! I work a boring office job with nothing to do on my lunch hours except surf the net if that helps justify my lurking!
from sduckie :
Aw, Miss Sparkly, I hope you are feeling better soon.
from mehiel :
What's your email address?
from sduckie :
or they might have burned you as a witch.
from sduckie :
Good @#!*, woman, I am traumatized just from reading your entry today! I'm glad it was only one week.
from coldandgray :
Well, the last posts were pre-getting wife's tests back and now he is locked up. I know it is none of my business; just makes me nervous. I sent him a note, so we will see. Thanks.
from coldandgray :
Have you heard from for-tart recently? I am worried.
from sduckie :
Obviously these are rampion caramels (Carampions?).
from janegamma :
Cheers to you, Violet!, and your voice teacher, and Ms. Lupone. Are you, indeed, an advocate of Faith Popcorn? There is often a copy of her report on the shelves at my workplace, but I have not yet read it.
from boombasticat :
Dear Maker-of-priest-cry: Tommy Tutone, for sure. Others include the Spoon song Black Like Me, Jenny I'm Sneaking Out by the Oranges Band, and Jenny Jenny by Joe Jackson (if you wanted to compile a list, like I'm doing, and I mean who doesn't). If you have others, send them my way.
from sduckie :
But now I can't decide, between the Senior Discount hat or the hovering leather hats shown in the picture above. Choices, choices!
from sduckie :
But now I can't decide, between the Senior Discount hat or the hovering leather hats shown in the picture above. Choices, choices!
from sduckie :
I have seen men peeing in public. Does that count as flashing? Actually I maybe have seen too much. Love the costume!
from boombasticat :
Smart play. Last night, I watched the boxing/steroids episode, in which she says to the other boxer, "I'm going to eat your babies, bitch," and had a good time laughing through my nose.
from sduckie :
Exactly. You are precious and should be kept in voluptously decorated room (like the inside of Jeannie's bottle! but of course you could come and go as you please) and be served grilled cheese sandwiches and chocolate milk at your bequest. How dare they make you have a job?!! No, no, you are a precious jewel... and I like your new stripes. Hey... does the inside of the boat, by any chance, resemble Jeannie's bottle? Don't you think that I have forgotten about sending you something... I just have to find something worthy. When I'm done having my life-crisis. Or sometime soon.
from coldandgray :
Your neighborhood blog is so great; they are becoming quite the thing. I know someone who started a Seattle neighborhood blog (capital hill) a few years ago and now they work for Marchex.
from sduckie :
Wow you are a heroine! And I'm glad you are okay.
from sduckie :
ooh what an early eighties dreamboat! i think i had that duran duran poster.
from sduckie :
No... have never seen that movie... but I'll rent anything that will let me feel better about the laundromat! Thanks, sister!
from sumi37 :
You win! I'm not sure what you win - but I'm sure it's brightly colored, incredibly rare, and only in your shoe size and no other. Or not.
from sduckie :
Of course you love Carmen. She'd fit on the boat! If you email me your mailing address I'll send you something interesting for boat storage, I will have to find the Perfect Thing first. Alas, most likely not Carmen.
from sduckie :
I am tempted to send you something, more stuff to store on your boat!
from sduckie :
That video made my back hurt. I wonder where you guys store all your stuff (i.e., cufflinks, guitar) if you live on a boat? Does it get crowded?
from janegamma :
Greetings to you, Volcano Goddess!! You are delightful as ever! I like the new stripeyness of your background; very edgy.
from sduckie :
Oh, Miss Violet, hope you feel better soon. Unfortunately, I do not have any motivational cure. If I did I would apply it to myself...
from sduckie :
The fact that you took such great care to replicated this photo with pen and ink tells me it is indeed traumatizing. I'll keep my eye out.
from azzweepay :
I added you to my favorites list. I found that I couldn't wait to read every new entry of your's. If that's not the definition of a favorite, I don't know what is. The pressure's on now. Stay brilliant!
from sduckie :
p.s. am I still in the "on haitus" section of your profile? I'm writing twice a day now to make up for past transgressions. Love, Duck
from sduckie :
no idea. can you pleeease tell us?
from bornearly :
Oh, for pete's sake. Notes don't take html? Do they perhaps take htm?? Does it stand for HATE THAT MUCH? I'm going to leave now, and look around for that missing l.
from bornearly :
Violet, you are the BOOM after everyone else's <i>ba-da...</i> !
from sduckie :
Wouldn't it be great where you could stage some sort of "tree abduction" where the tree was gone and there were just a few needles and a broken ornament left. Then a few days later the tree is back, visibly shaken and confused in a different location, having obviously been probed. I don't know if anyone in your office would get it, though. Happy New Year Violet-- thanks for lighting up my 2007 :)
from argentum :
MERRY CHRISTMAS, GLOOMY-PANTS!!! -jay
from boombasticat :
We had a very brief internet-style discussion of Belle and Sebastian a while ago. So check this out. Don't know if you read this comic, but I thought this one was pretty good: http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/030706/belle-and-sebastian.gif
from sduckie :
Welcome back! I'm rather partial to The Candle of Despair (perhaps for logical reasons)- but, simple, to the point, bland, and straight off the clipart wagon, it seems to say everything.
from sduckie :
Not that I'm stalking you or anything, but that "burst into song" entry had me laughing my pants off. Hope you are feeling better. Now, where are my pants?
from sduckie :
Miss Beautiful Violet, thank you for your note. :)
from azzweepay :
I can't see myself in a bra, though it would make an interesting pic. The ace bandage was something I hadn't considered. During the winter months that might not be a bad idea. Thanks! p.s. I hope you got the orange cat back.
from sduckie :
thanks, miss violet :) i always enjoy your updates. they are a high point of my day.
from sduckie :
Happy Birthday! If there is a story that combines Jeff Beck and weapon-toting strippers, I'd like to hear that one.
from seereason :
Happy Belated Birthday. :)
from sduckie :
oh, spark, how I have missed you... thanks for writing. how's the bellydancing going?
from herdarlinsin :
thank you for the birthday wishes. :)
from boombasticat :
Oh, man, you're right about "A Martyr for My Love for You." It's good and sad. Makes me want to go stalking high schools. I mean, no, it does not make me want to go stalking high school. You know what I'm saying.
from boombasticat :
My catalytic converter would have, were it still with us, appreciated your kind words. I miss it, and its unknowable exhaust cleansing. Just heard back from the mechanic. For reasons that sound very plausible and which also confuse me, the shop says they can't replace just the converter, that they instead need to replace the whole exhaust system. So, you know, $850 now, instead of $300. I should work for the Baltimore tourist board.
from crestone :
oh completely! something in me sort of sank that day. my heart, perhaps? it was so typicial of the stupid prescribed expectations that teachers had of us here in suburbia. and yes, it was so so wrong. he was a creative genius. a creative genius who, at aged 10, rode to school each day on a beat up skateboard.
from coldandgray :
COOL! There is a link to my myspace page on my dland page.
from mugwhump :
My dearest Violet - D-land has rejected me for the last time. So I'm taking my wares to blogspot. Please come see me musingsbymugwhump. Later gator!
from crestone :
i agree that there's a decided difference between the west and the east coast. i lived back east for a while and it was like night and day with californians. but i think i'm able to pick up on the differences since i was raised in the us. israelis (and i say this having a family full of them) are far less patient in guaging subtleties in americans. to them, we're all equally superficial.
from mehiel :
I love your new Easter layout. Also, I have been similarly afflicted by ennui. Blah.
from hibiscus101 :
aww thanks! i've been working my way through yours when I should be working :)
from nilliem :
Can you say "SQUEEEEEE" like a little girl?!? Cuz that song is one of my all-time falling asleep and it comes on and then I have to sing, songs!! I can't write down the words, but I can sing along. Oh, the joy, the rapture!! And you are so right...Evil Rock?? And you get to know the singer. sigh :)
from smedindy :
Ah, Perverted Justice is the name of the group that helps cops and the investigation. It's Dateline: To Catch A Predator.
from crestone :
The apparent (though counter-intuitive) rationale is that muscle failure allows the muscles to get even stronger because the body has to build itself back up again. That just doesn't sound right to me. The workout guide is short on explanation, but filled with lots of pictures of a guy in fatigues doing pull ups while seated on an actual mountain bike. He's clutching the bike between his legs while pulling himself up. He must know something, you know? You have a great diary, by the way. I've been enjoying it! Also, I think we may live in the same general vicinity.
from mehiel :
I also think "simper" is the word you're looking for, although I think "self-aggrandizing martyrdom" might also work. Oh, and thank you for your note!
from somuchsugar :
I love your blog; so good to catch up. I look forward to future postings. I think you're wonderful!!
from jackprague78 :
Whaaaaaaaaaa?
from dinahsoar :
Hi Sparky! Thanks for remembering and for asking for me. I guess I'm just on hiatus. I DO miss all of you, though and hope I get inspired to jump back in soon! Love, Cassandra
from mehiel :
What a great story. I'd be quiet about it for now. If she asks later, you can always say that you weren't so sure what to say.
from mehiel :
That pendant is great! I'm so glad that you found something that you like.
from poolagirl :
Ummmm.....I tried to leave you a comment and I got this big-ass error message telling me your comments are full. How can that be?
from sduckie :
please sign me up for the violet religion. Love,Duck
from boombasticat :
Kind of thought that came off as a cliffhanger. Glad to report everybody is safe and sound. The gun fired when it wasn't supposed to and I now like guns even less than I used to.
from readersguide :
All right -- I'll let you know ...
from sduckie :
hi violet, just catching up and so glad to read your entries of the last couple of days... also I just looked at the Keelhauler Korner, which is very interesting indeed. missed your musings... Duck
from chollaqueen :
New blurb up. Just like me.
from poolagirl :
How sweet! Shorts with hems! I know a guy who hasn't worn long pants since he got married 34 years ago. Guys are so weird.
from mugwhump :
I guess B&D is the old S&M. Thanks for the education. And I knew you weren't describing yourself - never our sweet Violet! Although .....
from readersguide :
thanks!
from mugwhump :
"I'm a bi-sexual, Romanian-American chartered accountant into B&D"??? B&D??? Oh how your wonderful mind works .... but you are going to have to explain B&D.
from mugwhump :
I just knew you want to play! :-)
from readersguide :
Oh, I do like that costume!
from kristinhank :
You are great. I stumbled on this diary while haphazardly clicking around. Glad I did.
from tuff517 :
It was your birthday. And I neglected to say Happy Birthday. I am also tardy on sending you your Special Birthday CD. But I will, I promise. I hope you had a great birthday.
from dinahsoar :
Hi Sparky! You are so funny and such a great writer. Today's entry was hilarious! I've been away from Diaryland for forever. Popped back in today (I'm glad I held onto my property)! It's great to re-aquaint with buds like you!
from meloogle :
oh yes, i am awash in warm-and-fuzzies! :o)
from zuzus-petals :
Glad you enjoyed the entry.. I must say, I thought it was a good choice, the bug poem - I wrote it about a Cicada and it could be wildly misinterpretted. I wrote it a year or so ago (I actually am quite proud of the poem, I think it's really good.) The wonderful part about all the ways it can be misinterpretted is that it really, wholly, truly is about a bug! I like the notion that he might think that some part of it is about him... snicker. - Zu
from janegamma :
I just wanted to say hi, because Diaryland seems to be throwing a tantrum right now, and won't let me read your very recently updated diary. So, hi Violet!
from chollaqueen :
No worries. I liked reading your rant about unacceptable behaviors. AMEN!
from chollaqueen :
Okay, I wrote. And wrote.
from veralynn :
Hee as I imagined why they felt they had to specify that, I just kept picturing a regular hotdog on a bun with kernels of corn dumped on top as garnish.
from mehiel :
It was really weird. All week, I've only been able to read "In which I up the dosage." Now, for some reason, I can see them all. Maybe it has to do with my new layout? I have no idea. I'm just happy to be able to read.
from mehiel :
Um, Violet...it seems I'm locked out of your diary. Have I made you terribly angry?
from mugwhump :
Thank you for you note. It is truly appreciated.
from sduckie :
What does an untalented butt look like??
from killsbury :
Thanks for the comment! Those shoes are obviously meant to be enjoyed ;)
from sduckie :
today's entry: Eerie. Haunting. will continue to disturb me into the night.
from veralynn :
It was the Royal Oak on Polk Street, same block as the amazing Pesce.
from serenaville :
Thank you so much for adding Serenaville to your faves/buddy list! I am STILL laughing at your spot on choice of quote for the comment/description! Makes me sound so badazzzzz. Heh. I'll be checking out your space too, so don't mind the archive diving, mmmkay? You could be a dear, and leave out some alcoholic beverages and comestibles for my visit. I prefer beer in bottles. Thanks again!! :D -Serena
from onebluegreen :
The Bitch friend who thinks she is too nice in relationships made me laugh. [A few entries ago you mentioned being ready for summer to be over -- me too.]
from chollaqueen :
Howdy, sport! How is life treating you? Life is status quo.
from trinityboy :
What sort of restaurant? Seafood? See Food. Burgers? Here's the Beef. Pizza? Yo, Have Some Pizza!
from janegamma :
Nay, fear not, the address was right, but Canada Post is pretty squeamish about putting mail into smallish mailboxes sometimes, when they are full of a couple weeks worth of junk mail. My fault entirely. Thanks again!
from janegamma :
I finally, finally managed to track down my June Moon cd at the drugstore post office where Canada Post decided it should be delivered, instead of to my apartment, and have been enjoying it ever since. Danke schoen!! I love that Sunshine song!
from sduckie :
if you find yourself often making a confused/hurt kind of face, I think Renee Zellweger would be a good choice. Hope you find the rubies. love, Duck
from boombasticat :
We made it through OK. I watched a lot of Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert the past few days. I think the East Coast Flood of 2006 flood waters knew that I had their shining snark inside of me. Also: my girlfriend has bigger crushes on those two guys that she ever had on me. If young white heterosexual women were the only voters, those two would totally wreck house.
from sduckie :
cranberry tablets are used to prevent urinary tract infections... couldn't that somehow fit into the prostitute/pimp scenario?
from tattoobelly :
I have played the Un-Game--my parents forced us all to play it a couple of times, but fortunately I think they found it as boring as we did.
from bornearly :
I got it at Kohl's; dont' know if you have those where you are. Places like Target also probably have the Barely There line. It's possible they've discontinued that model (it was on sale), but you'll probably have equal luck with another style. Happy hunting!
from janegamma :
Are Canadians allowed to express interest in CDs? Stand Tall does, indeed, rock, although I think my song might have been Break it to them Gently. It's hard to remember, though, due to all the duty-free beer I got at our respective nations' mutual border.
from jehsika :
oooh, kittens!!! Lovely...get two, they're small. I'm going to look at some kittens myself next week, at my friend Sal's house. They're too young to take home, but I'll get to pick the one I want and come back for a second visit to pick it up. Kittens, yea!
from sduckie :
I just want to write you a note everyday... but I'm thinking I'm starting to look like a stalker. Whatever... I think your kitty is SOOOO cute! ooh cuteness!!! can you get him?
from sduckie :
yeah she sounds guilty... don't ever let her watch YOUR salamanders.
from sduckie :
perhaps, the person who was shocked that you left a note, would never admit to her own mistakes... a telling remark!
from sduckie :
anyone who lies in their underwear and eats frosting from a can is a sister of mine...
from sduckie :
perhaps if you plucked one of your shiny hairs and left it under the *love* magnet...
from janegamma :
Willowfox recommended you, and so I snooped in your profile. Am I to assume that you, too, have a crush on Bill Murray? I highly enjoy your diary; would you mind being one of my favourites? Your ĎIím pleasedí strategy is pretty fantastic.
from willowfox :
Dude, I just noticed that I put FOOLISH BEAT BY DEBBIE GIBSON on one of your mixes. FUCK I'm awesome! I hope to GOD you appreciated that, Violet. I hope to GOD you appreciated that. I'm thinking Paranoid Android be damned, Foolish Beat is my next Girl And Her Microphone project.
from sduckie :
I can come and poke your boss in the eye if you want.
from sduckie :
Thank you, Fair Violet, I do appreciate your support!! love and hugs, duck
from veralynn :
Hoo, nifty! :)
from veralynn :
My folks have a 33' Hunter, though they're in the market to trade up eventually. What're you guys on?
from geeked-out :
Hey to save that picture I had to do ctrl/ print screen and put it into paint then crop all the other junk off of it. Shady flash.
from plopphizz :
Congrats, you have been Quoted: http://quoted.diaryland.com/crap_entry.html. Thanks for the great writing. -- Ploppy.
from jehsika :
I know how you feel (about the job not being good for you). I found out today that my bleeding gums and my very rapidly worsening forgetfulness and lack of proper brain function are both being caused by this job. Saturday the plan for a new job begins. XO~J
from jehsika :
Fools they are, fools and cretins for not recognizing you. I commiserate. Darling Vi, so kind when I'm down, you deserve better.
from coldandgray :
You are tagged, but only if you wanna.
from tattoobelly :
Oh lord, that is Hilarious! Just perfect, every word of it. I hope when Megan is leaving your boss's office, the heel of her shoe breaks off, which it totally will because those shoes are crap, and that she falls down, ripping her skirt and showing everyone her hyancinth blue Kmart underpants.
from coldandgray :
I noticed your star of the day is Richard Brautigan, I miss him. Have you ever read the book his daughter wrote called: Can't Catch Death? a goodie.
from heidiann :
I think so too!!! I seriously considered feeling him up in appreciation.
from willowfox :
Hi! I don't know when you left that note, but I just found it. I swear my mind is blown because the regimen you laid out is almost exactly like the one which has been passed down from generation to generation of the women in my family (the only difference being we heat the pressure cooker to 245 degrees, but only for 15 seconds). It filled me with such... pride, to see it validated in such a way by appearing in print like that. Seriously. Hilarious. I'm so glad you're actually writing for real. You're damn good at it.
from sduckie :
thanks for the note and the support. loved the story about the ex... hmm duck
from veralynn :
yet another reason why you rock. and why i am marrying you. :)
from pansycline :
yeah, I'm sort of regretting my hesitance. dammit dammit dammit!!
from onebluegreen :
They suck and you will be laughing at how much they suck as you lean back in your new chair at your cool and better paying new job.
from sduckie :
you go, beautiful violet, this is just the universe saying, we have something better for you!!! i believe it and send you lots of good energy and moon energy!!! go violet go!!! hugs from duck
from tattoobelly :
Well fuck them right in the EYE, I say. The moon or universe will send you a new job and when you quit you can tell them your new job sees you as a graphic designer.
from geeked-out :
You are so in luck Ms. Violet because as soon as you send me your address to my e-mail [androidtomato at gmail dot com] I will be sending you a freshly written mix CD for your guesstimating skillz.
from pansycline :
That is excellent advice. I'm looking forward to the shifty-eyed, secret-code, flask-toting greaseball gang that's sure to exist at the event, among my uncles, cousins and a few of my aunts. And probably my sister who is a bridesmaid. har!
from onebluegreen :
OK, so I feel like I am stalking your notes but . . .I would have bought those. She does have attitude. But I am a slave to another product, Instead (the idea being comparative Instead of a pad or tampon). The company doesn't advertise but pawns that job off on the customer by word-of-mouth which I hope to god works because I now prefer Insteads. When I first started using them I was so zealous about promoting that after giving one of my friends the free video my friends made me promise to stop. I am not alone though. One day in Target the clerk held up my box of Insteads and shouted "I love these. Aren't they great?" I don't know if the guy in line behind me rememgered the pitch and ever bought them for his girlfriend but I hope so b/c if the company goes belly up I will be bummed.
from onebluegreen :
"floating trailer parks" -- that is priceless. You are a great writer. Vivid, succinct. Have you thought of collecting your stories as essays? And if that sounds too daunting they are already perfect for NPRs commentaries.
from onebluegreen :
I agree, the guy sounds like a pain-in-the-ass "friend" -- of course Colombians would not poison they kill the whole family. Crazy man. If he brings the story up again I think someone should ask if he is sure they are Colombians and not Costa Ricans or Guamanians. And maybe he can go to psychic school to fine tune because his early ideas feeling should have enabled him to keep his wallet.
from veralynn :
Ooh yay. Look at us coining terms left and right. My parents' boat goes back in for the season in mere days. I think we may need to sort out some boataoke for the Chesapeake. heee!
from porchlife :
I added you. Willowfoxykins was right. I should learn that she is always right. More procrastinACTION for me! Yaaay!
from mehiel :
Who would dream of taking issue with you in the Comments section? I have to find this Comments section, now. I'll see for myself.
from toastcrumbs :
So then "Dear Stupid Whore" would be an acceptable way to start a greeting? I mean it is spelled correctly so that has to be how you would want to be greeted. Although I think I prefer tramp over whore. Personal preference.
from janetplnetoc :
I definitely never found your comments section and until yesterday could never find your notes. Now that I've found them, I will probably leave you notes daily, as I always want to say SOMETHING when reading your column. Also, I just watched a show on cable where some people converted a ferry boat into a home and are living off of a pier in SanFran. It was awesome. But even though I don't live on a boat, I will make an excellent home for the flying squirrel. I do know that squirrels like roasted vegetable quesadillas, so I will feed him that too.
from mehiel :
I just love that I knew -exactly- what you were talking about when you mentioned Laura Dern.
from mavenhaven :
I'm pretty sure that if you put the haloscan code right under %%entries%% in your code, it should work. The haloscan instructions didn't work for me; I had to tweak. And I am NO expert.
from mehiel :
I agree--sailboat life isn't for everyone. I'm not sure I could do it, but that's because I always feel a little awkward and clumsy on boats--it would feel like re-living junior high. But I've always respected the people who -can- live on boats, simply because I -cannot- do it. Whatever happened to respecting people for doing the things which we find difficult?
from toastcrumbs :
A 45 foot boat? I'm pretty sure that's bigger than my new apartment. I know I can get from the kitchen (one end) to the the bedroom (other end) in about 11 steps. Jealous? You should be. Also? I really want a flying squirrel. Really.
from bluemeany :
Wait -- you have comments? I thought you only had notes! And I don't know how to fix it. Also, I would LOVE to live on a boat, so FUCK those nay-sayers. P.S. can I have a flying squirrel?
from janetplnetoc :
I can't answer your question but I really want a flying squirrel. I have always wanted a squirrel for a pet and a flying one would be even better. I have a bowl of popcorn sitting here next to me, I could feed it popcorn!
from willowfox :
Oh THAT technical question. Yay for comments! Leaving you notes requires so many... extra... steps... ... .... zzzzz *snark* sorry, i dozed off from the exhaustion for a minute. okay! back to work! Um, so why can't you get them to work? Are you using haloscan? Because if you are I can get them to work for you. Tell me where you're signing up for comments (if it's not dland) and paste the code they give you (which you invariably have to change) in an email to me and I'll try to fix it up for you. i think you have my email, no? And by the way, I think it's super neato that you live on a boat. That's what you get for hobnobbing with Californians. At least they smile with perfect teeth and smell pretty when they condescend to you, huh.
from willowfox :
Please, oh please, ask me your technical question. If I can't answer it with any degree of accuracy, I promise my answer will at least be as suggestive and filled with innuendo as possible.
from hissandtell :
Um, *S*quirrel. Bloody walkabout esses. x
from hissandtell :
Well snarked, darling. I understand your sentiments, I think, because of some of the condescending reactions I get to the fact that I live on a cattle property (ie not IN A TOWN). A friend who grew up on a station (ie ranch) put it this way: Many people from "the bush" travel overseas at least once a year, and/or to major centres several times each year, where they visit the ubiquitous restaurants, galleries, theatres, cinemas, book stores and exhibitions. Ergo, they have a bit of an idea of what lies outside their own back doors. Many people who live in towns and assume the "poor unsophisticated you living in the barbaric outback" stance never step outside their own suburbs, or indeed their comfort zones. Ergo, they have no sense of wordly comparison anyway and are, in essence, tossers who should be ignored. (Also, please send me a quirrel.) Love, R xxx
from bluemeany :
I didn't say Rabbit Rabbit, so you're one up on me, at least.
from mavenhaven :
So, I just googled "freakishly large boobs" and indeed! you're fifth down the list! and I laughed! and almost snorked yogurt out my nose. Also, I not only said Rabbit Rabbit but wrote it in my journal first thing this morning. Aaaaand why don't you get some free haloscan comments so I can get out of this ugly d-land box?
from mehiel :
Who names a restaurant "The Widow's Walk"? Unless it's a haunted-theme restaurant, of course. But really, does the phrase "The Widow's Walk" inspire thoughts like "Hey, I'm in the mood for a sandwich!"?
from monicatutu :
Re: the Ruby Ring Question- To borrow from the beloved Blue Meany- On a scale of 1 to Gay- THAT IS GAY. Also, my sympathies on the loss of Mr. Chicken- I know you will miss him greatly.
from trinityboy :
If the boyfriend is new then an unknown friend isn't a big deal. The ruby ring is only alarming, as someone said, if it's a woman's ring. Then it could be a trophy (for a very smarmy individual) or a remembrance of times wild.
from veralynn :
Unless it looks like he's wearing the ring of a chick, it could be totally innocent. He could just have unusual taste in souvenirs and a sense of self-indulgence. That is, assuming she has no other reasons to doubt him.
from wildrosie :
Now, now, now, the whole ruby ring story could be perfectly valid. Maybe he already had the trip planned with this buddy, and he saw a great deal on the ring, and sorta neglected to get his GF anything. Lord knows, my husband often "forgot" to buy me anything while he was on his trips, and yet he managed to buy lots of goodies for himself. At worse, he is a selfish prick. Like my Ex. So dump him on General Principles. ~Rosie~
from mehiel :
"So...where are -my- rubies, sugar daddy?" (Seriously. He buys -himself- a ruby ring, but nothing for the new girlfriend? What souvenir did -she- get, a pair of fuzzy dice? Even if the guy's straight, she should lose him anyway for being in such poor taste.)
from lrig :
i would think to myself 'oh my god! how did i not know until RIGHT NOW that my boyfriend is gay?'
from yeahimadork :
Um... unless your boyfriend is Don The Magic Juan (or any pimp, really), I'd be suspect of any man wearing a ruby. I'm just saying.
from veralynn :
sweet! maybe some sort of deep fried sampler platter...
from dieselengine :
That would have been completely awesome if you threw away her resume...but maybe since you didn't Good Karma will be on your side. I am crossing my fingers for you!
from dieselengine :
That would have been completely awesome if you threw away her resume...but maybe since you didn't Good Karma will be on your side. I am crossing my fingers for you!
from veralynn :
Mmm maybe mall of america for the ceremony then we live in Tahiti (better than the other way round). The attendants can carry their flowers on orange trays from the food court.
from mehiel :
Trust me, that's how I feel each time we meet up with Robert's sister. She's so skinny she makes me never want to eat again.
from bluemeany :
I'll thank you for her, because she's probably a raging bitch. Cheers to you, Miss Vermont!
from smedindy :
Karma for you for doing the right thing. Our attic is NOT gorgeous, as it's full of conduit and wiring and ductwork, and our postman is a woman, and she works hard for the money. So hard for the money.
from veralynn :
The Outburst Log. Forget the keelhauler and marry me. ;-)
from veralynn :
Tom Sawyer! Heeeee!!! (ok now I don't feel so bad) ;-) "et maintenant, je realise que tu etais le seule" if I remember correctly. I also sang that song in French class for a LOT of extra credit. :)
from mehiel :
Good for you! I'm glad you're applying for the job, too. What kind of questions are on the questionnaire?
from mavenhaven :
Okay, this is all really funny, but trust fund embezzlement and fur coats aside, I am REALLY glad you're applying for this job. Just make sure you BRING it...the way it needs to be broughten.
from smedindy :
Sniff...I thought WE were having the mad, passionate, torrid love afair. Alas, I think I need to stop taking peyote at work.
from sduckie :
Notice, there are daisies in both pictures. Daises were THE flowers of the 60s and 70s.
from willowfox :
Thanks for the Hapy (sic) Birthday! ;) I JUST saw the Aristocrats this weekend! I love them for making me laugh at child molestation! YES!
from dieselengine :
I like the photos...but a question. Why so many calendars at your desk?
from mavenhaven :
DUUDE! It's from The Dark is Rising. "This night will be bad, and tomorrow will be beyond imagining." Not only is it one of my favorite books, but I stashed the series at the Brit's for idle bedside reading and I'm reading it RIGHT NOW.
from willowfox :
PS I have the biggest crush on Loudon Wainwright. Is that weird for a 26 year old girl? Will it be more reasonable on Tuesday when I'm 27? I think it will be. How could I not have a big crush on Loudon Wainwright? That's my question.
from willowfox :
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THALNK YOUS THKLAN YRUO TLS,DTH YFOE DKSLAH CKMEO THGEBAL ASLDKF OICMEOA DSLK ATGBCEA YOU!!!!!!!!!!! Okay I admit I added a few extra letters in there. I wrote about your LOVELY package for all the world to read (AND COVET MUAHAHAHA!) Love, Jenny :)
from goingloopy :
"Thunder, bursting lightning, the way you love me is frightening" (Ami Stewart, "Knock on Wood"); "Thunderbolt and lightning very very frightening me" (Queen, "Bohemian Rhapsody"); "The prettiest thing I ever did see was lightning from the top of a cloud" (Norah Jones, "The Prettiest Thing"). :)
from boombasticat :
Thanks for the nice note. And hey! You like Joan Didion and Tobias Wolff, too. I don't know if you've read his novel "Old School," but they took some liberties in the movie version.
from pansycline :
ah, but lucky you w/ Estee Lauder mascara and brand new muu muu!! If it's any consolation the clinique bag was totally ugly this time -- I don't know what they were thinking. Spring at Sunshine Retirement Village, I think.
from mehiel :
I don't know much about you, yet, but I still chose words I thought fit. You're really brave to do something like that! I'm not sure I'd want even my friends to choose so many adjectives about me...it would make me a little nervous. :P Anyway, happy Valentine's Day!
from hissandtell :
Darling, I have pronounced you brash, smug, blase, chaotic, vulgar and loud. And, I might add, these are admirable and even highly desirable qualities in all women. Don't ever change. Much love, R xxx
from dinahsoar :
Happy Valentine's Day to you, Violet! I'm glad "Tonight" took on new meaning.
from pansycline :
jeez I hope it's not just in Canadia.
from pansycline :
"ridiculously cosmetics"? I mean "ridiculously fancy cosmetics". The veganity of pure light must have burned a hole in my consciousness at that point.
from pansycline :
ok but you should know that it's Bonus Time at Clinique right now, so before you get all your love of ridiculously cosmetics micro-fibre-sloughed out of our system by the cosmic violets you should go to the nearest department store. $44.50 (Canadian) on something gets you additional free things!!! worth at least $44.50, too!! possibly made out of baby parts.
from monicatutu :
I never knew Denny Theriaux was spelled like that- Thanks for being ever-informative. I never thought of the speeling of his last name- but if I did it would be Terry-o just like that. I think "getting over one's cheap self, for fuck sake" will be my new motto to myself. Also- thanks for the great free association game. I got real interested in the item marked "Steve," for obvious reasons, not that it has anything to do with anything- anyway- I was cut off once- and it was with the Keelhauler and Maximo Hudson at Liquor Lyle's - I was outraged and completely snockered and I made out with Maximo- who, if you knew him, you would be laughing so hard you would pee right now. call the keelhauler and ask him if he remembers this- very embarrassing piece of my past that I am willing to share, once again, with the entire internet! xxoo- M
from mehiel :
I feel like a total moron, because although I grew up near Seattle, and was there for the Presidents' explosion on the scene (I knew by heart their "Super Sonics" cover of their own song "Supermodel"), it took me -this long- to realize where your "totally motionless" entry came from. Imagine me slapping my forehead, because I am.
from onebluegreen :
It is likely your boss is not encouraging you not because he doesn't think you can do the job but because it is likely to mean change for him. If you want to or are ready for a change you should apply. We'll give you all the encouragement you need. If you can avoid never compare yourself with friends or anyone else. Last year a friend of mine and her husband bought a 5.3 million house and then a few months later they sold it and bought a more expensive one. I could write that off because not everyone can move to Eastern Europe after the Fall and be in the right place at the right time but even my close friend here just bought a house for a million. And me? Well, I just finished up my housesitting stint and am barely making ends meet. I am working very hard to not pay attention to what is going on in others' lives only my own.
from veralynn :
I'm on that same word of the day list. :) And, of course, when sutra was in the subject line, kama immediately popped into my mind. :) Enjoy the practical joke revenge. But wait a bit to do it. The waiting will torture him more. :)
from mehiel :
I hope the revenge is sweet. I suggest leaving a hungry goat in his office, with a note attached. "It was patently clear that you were trying to get my goat. I thought simply giving it to you would be best." And seriously--who gave him the permission to go through your drawers?
from reynedecoupe :
Bwahahaha! What an asshole! You need haloscan or somesuch, girl.
from tattoobelly :
That was a brilliant trick on his part, and in light of his deception it's too bad you hadn't chosen to throw the cd away. I can't wait to read about your revenge.
from smedindy :
Oh, that smarted I bet. Jerko. But this is why I'm loath to give out my CDs even to my best friends, and will just burn something for them. Anyway, plot away, dear Violet. I'm sure you'll come up with something.
from geeked-out :
Melvin sounds like a lovely co-worker. More fun than the guy at my job who had seen Office Space one to many times and would stop by my desk and quote the entire damn movie. Then he would steal my stapler and pet it. I hated that guy.
from goingloopy :
I have to leave the electric blanket on, or my cats get pissed off at me. And I am totally in favor of the silicone spray idea for the memo board...that way, he may SEE you wiping it down, and then will be completely perplexed when it has the opposite of the desired effect. One must take advantage of such a lovely opportunity to amuse oneself at someone else's expense. I'm just saying.
from mehiel :
I know just what you mean! But it's not limited to people who are living in the same space. I just moved into a new place, and am stagnating among the boxes. I know I'll be much more productive when I finally unpack it all, but then I look at how much there is to do, and lose motivation entirely.
from pansycline :
is there sort of a translucent slime green I can paint my hand w/ to disguise the boogers from next time I have to keep myself from disturbing all the blossoming academics in the computer lab when reading your diary? nacho cheese?! Is that real?!
from willowfox :
Whoa! Okay, so check it. Your star of the day TODAY is Loudon Wainwright. I had no idea who that was and didn't give it a second thought, except for "huh. Rufus has the same last name." (Okay I guess that was a second thought.) I didn't give it a third thought. Forgot all about it. Then, I popped in the new DVD that I got from Netflix, UNDECLARED (I've been waiting for this show to come out on DVD since I'm such a huge Apatow fan and I'd never seen it. And I crush on Rogan) and there is the name in the opening credits, "Loudon Wainwright." So I IMDB the name and it's the dad! AND HE'S RUFUS' DAD IN REAL LIFE! HOLY COINCIDENCE BATMAN! Crazy.
from willowfox :
A) You are so ridiculously hilarious and I appreciate your so wicked bizaah sense of humor more than you could ever, ever know. There are so few people in this world who can truly come out with the stuff that you come out with, and I officially deem you GENIUS VIOLET because of it. B) FUCKIN' A! BREAKIN' 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO!!!! YESS!!!! That's it. Next time you are back East, we're meeting up, getting a 10 gallon tub of coffee (um, okay cosmos) and meeting up with my friend Daphne who has the first AND second in her own personal movie collection and we are watching some serious Breakin's. Damn, baby, that's funky fresh.
from mavenhaven :
My old voice teacher's (G's) voice teacher, who was an imperious grande dame of the operatic stage, once told G "Get over your cheap self," which is a thing I like to repeat when I'm heading down some idiotic mental path of self-indulgence.
from sumi37 :
How about 'Violet and the Inquisitive Stoats?' I can't claim much originality there - I got it from the Laphroaig distillery. Mostly.
from onebluegreen :
Hey, I don't know when you changed your stripes but your page looks different in Germany. I like it. Was it recent or does my browser at home suck?
from dieselengine :
Someone once crashed into my car, five days after I bought it. It was parked on the side of a quiet street and they hit it and took off. About two weeks after it came out of the shop, I bumped into a parked car in our parking lot at work and felt so horrible I left a note. I am not sure if I would have done that or not if my car hadn't been hit weeks before and nobody was accountable. I guess being a victim gives you a different perspective. And by that I mean, gives you the RIGHT perspective.
from mehiel :
Wow, you make me miss California. Have you ever had Sunday brunch at the Sagebrush Cantina? It's buried deep in the heart of used-car-Calabasas, but it's worth it. Sawdust, soccer, and every kind of food imaginable. Anyway. My diary is locked; the username and password are "reader."
from pansycline :
weird, it must be the new browser--brouser? sorry 'bout the car. I mean, I didn't do it, but
from smedindy :
Argh! That sucks. But a woman, in a Volvo?? Meee-ow!
from lrig :
they rammed yr car. and didnt leave a note. thats unbelievable. actually, i take that back. its totally believable. people are douchebags. im sorry that happened. yeck.
from pansycline :
this is one spanky new template, friend. also, how 'bout s/w for "sangwidge"?
from smedindy :
Hey, I hope you didn't mind me poking at you in my last essay. Pat Robertson did - but I turned him over to By-tor and the Snow Dog.
from boombasticat :
I'd like to live in an old firehouse.
from smedindy :
I did a variation of that thing earlier in one of my music lists. It was the penultimate one. Take a gander and see if that satisfies. If not, I may try to weave one into an essay. I have turned down others in the past as they don't fit my idiom, but you're nice and I would hate to have Geddy Lee invade my sleep on a nightly basis. Though Tom Sawyer would get a rave review...
from lrig :
HOLY WHOA, BATFRIEND!! ...melody nelson as in serge gainsbourgs melody nelson!? [swoon!] also, the thing about feeling misplaced and 'home' anywhere? i have it too. and i also come from a 'thief in the night' type of upbringing, so it really might not be our fault!
from dinahsoar :
I love thrift stores! I used to go everyday at lunch when I worked in a hospital. Everyone would be there - from doctors to those dancing janitors (for real!). There was no dressing room and so we would slip on skirts so that we could remove our pants to try on the array of (at the time, very coveted) selection of Guess jeans. They had everything there - and so cheap. Lot's of obscure designers. I found a Norma Kamali dress for like 79 cents. At first, I thought I was only there for the books. Soon I was trying on bathing suits, nighties, tiaras. I used to call it my magic store. If you build it ... they will come. One Valentine's Day I was being taken for a pricey dinner by the one rich man I ever dated. I still had nothing to wear. That day at lunch, I found the perfect stretchy, skirty black veloury dress with red roses (hence the magic)! Once I was in Maui and was reading a book that I toyed with stealing from the hotel. I thought the better of it. My first week home, there it was at my magic store. Another time, I was shopping at L'Express & they were playing some French rockin' rollie loop that I asked if I could purchase. Mais non!, they said, explaining that it was a special tape only released to L'Express. Well ... yeah, there it was at my magic store. Another time this same rich boyfriend took me to New York. We stayed at the Parker Meridian, where every morning I stepped out of the shower to slip on a luxurious white poufy robe with "Parker Meridian" embroidered on the lapel. Of course, I would not stuff such a thing into my suitcase (who do you think I am?). You guessed it. There it was. Believe it or not, all the above instances are TRUE! Do you believe in magic?
from metonym :
what a beautiful diary.
from lrig :
i posted a meme and tagged you. and im telling you about it now. [ps- happy friday!]
from hissandtell :
Without wishing to speak in absolutisms, darling, I would like to say that you are the finest writer I read on this site - and I consider many of the others on my buddy list to be superb, sublime and embodying several other superlatives in that specific skill. Your friend's response to "Things to Do in Tucson" sounds suspiciously like the standard response to the "what to do in the mining town in the desert I lived in for four years in the 1980s?" question, which was "Get drunk and have sex". (A song written about the place [where men outnumbered women 10 to one] includes the lyrics, "It takes a special kind of girl/to make it here in this rugged world/keep her dignity when the oaths are hurled..."]) Fortunately I managed to slot in quite a lot of cheesecakey-eating as well, and a great deal of thriftstore shopping for lace, coloured glass, chipped enamel signs, leather jackets and vintage clothing (SNAP!), so although I'm not sure I retained my dignity I pretty much had a fabulous time anyway. Love, R xxx
from smedindy :
I also truly could have used a lazy day with no agenda and a mild beer buzz. Alas...
from dieselengine :
you make me want to go thrifting now...
from lrig :
dear violet- you have a great knack for stringing words together in thoroughly descriptive and interesting ways. if you wrote a book, id totally buy it. [and also stand in line at a book signing so that you could sign it.] im just saying. xoxo lrig ps- i am absolutely with you on the thrift store thing.
from wildrosie :
ODG...While Tucson is 60 miles away from Tombstone, they have much in common...though here we get drunk and wait for someone to shoot themselves with a blank. And then, as I started to click out of your screen, there he was, Lash LaRue. My old housekeeper's mother was his longterm live-in GF if you can believe what Bonnie said.
from toastcrumbs :
I guess I needed a diaryland break for a while, but it's nice to be missed! I could never find anything nice in the thrift store by my house, but a cold beer sounds perfect today.
from jehsika :
Lassitude was very evocative and totally delicious. Thank you.
from monicatutu :
sugary cake. mmmmm. next best thing to sugary pie in my book. sugary pie on a mountain high, eating that good ol sugary pie. Hey! I want a custom-made keelhauler and violet cd- send me yours and i'll send you mine, yo!
from willowfox :
Why, I think a custom Keelhauler made mix MIGHT just break me out of my funk! Thank you so much! When I listen to it I'll close my eyes and be back home in sunny Southern California, and you can listen to mine and close your eyes and be bustling down Newbury St. Then we can meet somewhere in Nebraska for a mojito. Okay my dog has farted 3 times since I started writing this. Just thought you should know.
from f-i-n :
No...if they don't bother me, I won't bother them. I've always seen them...even as a little kid. I guess it was someone who used to live there, just checking me out.
from monicatutu :
Keelhauler-ghost whisperer-er-er.
from f-i-n :
I saw a ghost in my aunt's house on new year's morning. She stood in the doorway and stared at me (I was on the hide-a-bed). She either had big hair or a big hat.
from tattoobelly :
I think I do believe in ghosts, and I'm sort of jealous that you have a protective one (or three) watching over you. That's pretty cool.
from willowfox :
Maybe he wasn't a ghost, maybe he was someone you've known or a dead family member looking in on you. It's possible. I don't know about ghosts, I've never seen or met one that I know of. Every once in a while, like if I've moved into a new place, I'll wonder if what I'm hearing is a ghost or spirit or whatever, and I've been known to just kind of announce out loud something like, "I'm just living here, you can live here too, we're all good" or something. Never had a problem. I think mainly that people die and their spirits can come down from time to time to say yo wassup.
from tuff517 :
To ghosts say I: Ahhh!
from bluemeany :
When there's something weird ... in your neighborhood ... who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS! Okay, now that I've got that out of my system ... man, that's some freaky shit! But I totally believe in ghosties, so at least it wasn't, you know, something trying to kill you, or whatever. (Because EVERYONE loves Miss Vermont!)
from candoor :
sometimes I feel like a ghost (sometimes I don't)
from hissandtell :
Ghosts? Yep. I didn't until I saw one, however. And my husband, who is otherwise the most pragmatic man one would ever meet, says he's seen both a ghost and a UFO. Not together, mind you. (He'll kill me for revealing that...oops.) What I love most about hearing other people's ghost stories is that pretty much everyone I know has at least one, and prefaces it by saying, "I don't believe in ghosts, but..." before launching into this improbably strange story that has no other particularly reasonable explanation. Love, R xxx
from heidiann :
I'm completely obsessed with the Madonna Inn. I've only been once (I stayed in the Floral Fantasy room http://www.madonnainn.com/tour/173.asp) but I constantly think about when I'll return. And staying in the Rock room is one of my biggest life goals. I don't know what that says about me, but I'm standing by it!
from hissandtell :
Oh. See, I thought you wanted to *do* Mrs John Krasinski, and that she must have been really hot. Oops; my mistake. (And was that an Anne Elk/brontosaurus theory reference I caught in paragraph one?) Also, you tale reminded me completely of my own team building seminars at which I've shone, usually by creating an edible Mission Statement for our group out of strawberries and chocolate fondue, designing a full corporate uniform (winter AND summer) for our team and making the group bookings for our next meeting in Rio. Love, R xxx
from yeahimadork :
Violet, you're going to have to fight me for that Mrs. John Krasinski title, as I love him. He is super dreamy. Me. You. Behind the bleachers. I ain't no hollaback girl (um...whatever that is - I just took the chance to use it in a sentence, and pretend-fighting over a guy neither one of us will ever really marry[sorry] seemed like a perfect opportunity). This wasn't so long in my head (that's what she said - ba dum bump). :)
from monicatutu :
Husband-o wants to play a guitar and needs one for his left-handed ness too. I thought Keelhauler bought you a guitar for xmas, no? i took guitar lessons and had sore fingers too- my teacher said they weren't really sore until you got all gnarly and callous-y- needless to say, i quit.
from monicatutu :
Dear Biolet- Husband-o gets e-mails/listserve from cartoonistconspiracy.com. there's a branch in s.f. which isn't as organized as the mpls branch. in anycase, they are loaded with calls for submissions for very illustrative talents such as yours. check them out, yo! why do i never hear from the keelhauler. i lost his number. what is happening- do you realize that i have known him known him for almost 20 fucking years! i am appalled!
from willowfox :
I think the word you're looking for is "meh" It's a new one, but I've adopted it. When I say it though, I don't just slip it in there like it's nothing. I hunch up my shoulders and put on my Billy Crystal face, put the palms of my hands up and really PRONOUNCE it. On another note (oh, pun INTENDED) please, dear Biolet, please don't let me break up YET ANOTHER marriage... I just couldn't bear it... Okay so seriously, am I getting a CD too or is that the point, that you put the hammer down on the entire operation altogether and the Keelhauler is no longer allowed to listen to music or play music or think of music when its in relation to me? It's okay if you did, I understand that sometimes a girl's got to keep her Keelhauler in check. :) SO glad you liked them!
from jehsika :
Indeed, I hadn't thought of it but does sound like you all over. And maybe you hear it you can tell me why it's so difficult to sing. It doesn't seem to be too high but I keep breaking at certain points. I want to do it for karaoke (not that the Suds crowd would really be appreciative but I'd enjoy it...) but I want to do it right.
from bluemeany :
Don't be all down on yo'se'f, Miss Vermont! It be bad for bidness!
from pansycline :
ah! the Ongoing Moment?! you must post a review when you're done. I just copied an article on that book so I would remember to get it b/c it sounds so amazing!
from pansycline :
psst! You don't sound self-pitying. It's hard to do that stuff. You think Walt Disney was Walt Disney when he started?! pfft. right. You'll win.
from veralynn :
Going through the same thing submitting my writing. Upon receipt of my first rejection letter I had my friends take me out for a beer to celebrate. To me, it essentially stood as evidence that I was taking my writing seriously. Alas, after the first one they don't hold that same feeling.
from lrig :
i care about yr illustrations. xoxo
from monicatutu :
Thanks for KeelhaulerKorner Violet. I think the Keelhauler should have his own diary and then he can call you McGanty and talk about boats and instruct people on various ways to do things (which i happen to know firsthand is one of his favorite professions after boat and beer and breakfast, that is:) ) Happy New Year Emerald McGanty and Coffee Mug Keelhauler!
from candoor :
I like Keelhauler's Korner... oh wait, what was I suspposed to do it I liked it?... dang, I just have such trouble following directions sometimes... anyway, I wish you a Merry happy New Year and a great 2006 :)
from willowfox :
YAY! I'm glad you liked the Improper Bostonian. Hopefully you'll like the CD's as well. I'm so cool!
from pansycline :
I am too drunk To evenm ponder keelhauler korner. I don't evev want to look at he keyboard, right now, je m'excuse.
from veralynn :
Sweet! Tell the Keelhauler I want to be founding member of the Keelhauler Korner fanclub. I expect my membership card in the mail pronto.
from goingloopy :
If the Keelhauler needs his own Korner...Diaryland is like, free, and stuff. :)
from willowfox :
re: ken the boss and violetta and in general your comment to me, I'm not sure that anybody quite makes me laugh the way you do.
from lrig :
that is funny that the keelhauler demands credit! if i had a quarter for every time brady demanded that i credit him, well, i would have not even a quarter. thats generally b/c i do not quote brady, probably b/c he is not known as 'the' something or other. poor brady. anyway, i am digressing. my point=keelhauler korner is kfabulous!
from monicatutu :
That cake..... I.....Must.....Vomit..... What did the Keelhauler get you. We're all dying to know.
from lrig :
hahaha! bitter emily! joe don! the flask! the forged notes! [wipes tear from eye] hahahaha! oh violet! you brighten my life! [psst- what did the keelhauler get you? where is keelhauler korner?]
from dieselengine :
That cake is similar to the cake I posted <a href="http://dieselengine.diaryland.com/051108_25.html">here</a>
from yeahimadork :
A recipe pyramid scheme? AWESOME.
from mavenhaven :
*weeping* Nickel-plated twat! OHHHHHHHH.
from smedindy :
Yeah! Closer to the heart, although I rupture myself everytime I try to sing like Geddy. I think you survived the holidays just fine - except for the scotch. You should have given the scotch.
from sduckie :
oh, spark, how i love you today, how this entry just hit the spot. it's like one of the stories i read when i was 12. but i'm not sure which one. thank you.
from pansycline :
hurry! I'm down to the quicks! --- though I do have my toenails still, I suppose.
from willowfox :
Man, you make me laugh every single time I read you. Okay, to business: first of all, that picture you're not supposed to open at work? Sent it to the wrong person. Awesome. Don't think I have your address. Second, I have something I want to Send you Send you. It's just a little Bostonian something that TOTALLY made me think of you, but it's a surprise. If you want to send me a snailmail address, you can do so at: fox willo at gmail dot com. If you want, I'll throw in a ridiculously cool mix cd or two. Third, the "Willy is NOT A TOY" comment just about made me spit my coffee all over the screen. Aaaand that's it. Enjoy your oceanic topographical charts. Er, whatever. ;)
from lrig :
okay so i dont even know how to read that wave report. at all. but i am IMPRESSED! you are the keeper of all knowledge. 'if violet didnt say it, it didnt happen.' thats what i tell people. some brokers were talking about the size of the waves at lunch today and i thought 'yeh RIGHT! suckers!' and then i come here and you tell me that there are waves and now i know it is true. as you speak, so shall it be. also, please feel better from yr lunch and post again soon when you have the strength, b/c i am very intrigued by this pyramid-bus-angelica huston-i forget the other one thing. xoxo
from smedindy :
Is it the long awaited sequel to the Grifters?
from veralynn :
You might have fun with swoon.com. You enter in the symbols from your dreams and it attempts to give you a run-down on the analysis. According to them, "Shrimp: Cooking, eating, or serving shrimp in your dream is a promise of pleasant social times to come." While not quite cooking, eating or serving, the social aspect seems to apply. :)
from willowfox :
Hooray for John Krasinski! Yes! I am SO with you on that one! Where is my John Krasinski?! (wait... are we talking about the same guy? Hold on, let me check.....) Oh my GOD yes. Yes we are. Sigh... Dood, he's from NEWTON, too. And we were born in the same year. And he was an intern for Conan around the same time an old friend of mine was... hmm... I wonder if they know each other... eh, it doesn't matter. I'm always JUST THIS CLOSE but then nothing. Anyway, hooray for John Krasinski. And hooray-er for you!
from jehsika :
PS...I'm sorry I didn't note you when you had you're scare with Keelhauler. By the time I'd read it the big scare was over, but I still should have sent good wishes. I'm glad all is well.
from jehsika :
Hey sweetie, thanks for the good wishes. Sigh...the course of true love never did run smooth so why should plain old dating be any easier. There was no chemistry...really nice guy though. But I'll try again if he wants to...I'm not giving up. Love ya...J.
from f-i-n :
I hope you get your fuzzy kitten!
from smedindy :
Well challenged on the movie reference! Ah, but you got me on a Rush kick, and right now Kristin is clapping her hands to "Subdivisions". At this point, Liz thinks it's humorous. Wait until "YYZ"....
from lrig :
a note link! a hilarious entry! [and it worked, ps. b/c now i keep thinking '....yes, i really _should_ get ms. violet some pearl dior stuff and a fountain pen!'
from toastcrumbs :
I agree, I think it's important not to jump on all the latest trends. That's why I'm holding off on getting a cell phone, I'm just not sure if they'll catch on or not.
from smedindy :
So, is that like "Booze, it's what's for dinner!"
from goingloopy :
It's never too late, dear Violet, when you are dealing with a lazy, procrastinating sort like me... :)
from lrig :
[nudge nudge] note link! and update! [/nudge]
from hissandtell :
Love is like a truncheon, clubs you when it's blunt. Love is like a koala, pees on you with acidic scalding urine from up a gum tree when it suffers from chlamydia. Love is like a kangaroo, rips out your viscera with one swift disembowelling movement using its sharp claws and dances on your innards with gay abandon when it's pissed off. (Oh, and Gram, Gram, Gram ... sigh. There's nothing on earth or in heaven moves me like that ol' grievous angel when he's in full sob. I'd scratch his itch any time.) Love, R xxx
from onebluegreen :
How scary. I am glad he is fine.
from pansycline :
aww, buddy! whewf! I'm sure your boss had a little tear in his eye, too.
from poolagirl :
YES! YES! Blessings to you and the Keelhauler! YES!
from smedindy :
Hurray!
from lrig :
oh oh! [hugs] i am so glad he was spotted and accounted for and safe! and im glad that you can rest a little easier now, you poor girl. [do you have a link to leave a note on yr page and i am just a toff and cant find it?]
from monicatutu :
You are too effing funny. Is it Geeze- like geezer, or like geeze! You stepped on my foot? These things are important to me. Are you guys coming to town soon. We're moving to effing Stillwater. I can hardly stand it!
from dieselengine :
I always get a mystery caller on my cell phone at 8pm every night. It says "PRIVATE" but I answer and they say nothing and hang up. Then ten minutes later they call my home phone. Weird? Yes. But I will never change my home phone because the last four letters spell SLUT and it is so easy to remember.
from willowfox :
That was absolutely one of the funniest things I have ever read in my life ever. Ever. I was already pretty loopy but I think that may have thrown me WAY over the edge.
from hissandtell :
I cannot possibly come up with a witty comment that comes even slightly close to what that brilliant entry deserves, my little rusty peachpit, so I'll just surrender quietly. It was - and you are - sublime. Love, R xxx
from willowfox :
Where'd you gooooo?
from dinahsoar :
Believe it or not, we have Mary Kay people upstairs at work. They park their (now frosted) pink cars in the lot outside. They are very "Stepford".
from monicatutu :
of course, i have to leave you Three goddamn notes because i am on crack or something. I really and truly thought I mistyped exemplary. Instead I said nnamed. I am a winner. You are still a goddess according to Jennifer Garner and that crazy Ben Afflek.
from monicatutu :
uh-exemlary? that's my new word. Yeah.
from monicatutu :
I just want to point out that Ben Afflek and Jennifer Garner have nnamed their baby Violet! After you, of course. Your work is done, you are a truly exemplary model for today's youth! xxoo-M
from sweetresent :
Too funny. I'm proud of your pilfering success from the Monopoly Bank. The most I've ever stolen was $200, I'll try harder next time.
from sduckie :
how do you lose a pair of brown pants? you must have been smoking your mascara?
from bornearly :
I love your writing. I love your writing. That's something else you've retained.
from smedindy :
So, did they just all WALK away, was their skulduggery afoot, or are they just lost lost like some stuff in my house gets lost.
from sweetresent :
I love John Cusack! Everytime he takes the screen I'm in awe of him. I feel ya. Hope you had the Happy Thanksgiving you wished us. Take care.
from smedindy :
The first time I read the entry - I thought it was your love for JOAN Cusak. But John's OK too...but not the visceral rush for me, being a man and all that.
from pansycline :
"Larry May". yet again I am inappropriately snortling while people try to "get serious business done here"!
from goingloopy :
Thanks for adding me to your favorites. :)
from willowfox :
Well that's just crazy. I used to live on a sailboat in Southern California! Okay, no I didn't live on a sailboat, but I did live in southern CA until I was 10. In RPV, in fact. And I had a friend who did live on a boat in some marina nearby (I was too young to know where). I'm excited to move to Boston, but I'm also excited to one day make my way back to SmogLand. Ah, the parallels... well, actually, it's more like a perpendicular. :)
from trinityboy :
It's a pity you weren't out with the Trinity Divs tonight...we went to a pub and our waiter looked a LOT like John Cusack. There were loads of film trucks in the neighbourhood (Toronto is constantly being used as New York. I even saw a bunch of D.C. license plates the other day. THAT's not going to work...) so for a moment I thought we'd wandered onto set. Then I realized that this guy looked like Say Anything John Cusack, and that the real John Cusack is a lot older now...
from pansycline :
Lucky you! You lucky!
from willowfox :
Kindrid spirits indeed! V, I've been using Lloyd Dobler as my model of the perfect man since adolescence. (Well, one of them. There are probably closer to 37 now.) My college roommate's little brother (years and years younger than I) looks remarkably like a young John Cusack and I've been threatening to kidnap and marry him for years now. And I'm confused... Do you live on a boat? Do you work on a boat? What's up with the portholes or whatever? Gimme the lowdown, sistah. Thanks for the commiseration, btw.
from monicatutu :
I'm in Minnesconsin (my new term for my strange and liminal existence) Working the new gig, looking for an apartment. You should come here! I know I always say that. Come anyway. There will be drinking and 3 inch snowmen for you to kiss. Yay!
from monicatutu :
I haven't read your diary in like two weeks because I have been in ultimate transition mode. I know, it's not really an excuse. It is what it is. I just wanted to say that when I opened this page, at first glance i thought you had a picture of some twat-related chain-mail type object, only to find out it is an inverted x-mas tree. Even better!
from pansycline :
I'm there. As soon as my cramps recede, I'm cramming into some skin-like capris and sequined slippers. Meantime, the silk and brocade kaftan will have to suffice. And re. "rub one out", I'm guessing my best answer is, yes, I am kidding?
from pansycline :
Also (can you tell I'm catching up on yr diary?), a) I have a difficult time believing that you are truly frightened of becoming a leopard print pants, big hat, frou-frou blouse, satin bedroom slippers-wearing old lady. Personally I think that in my personal opinion I believe that sounds great! Don't forget the schmeary lipstick. Also, b) "rub one out" means squeeze a zit, right?
from pansycline :
oh my god, I'm crying from laughing. Maybe you could hang a 5-pointed "Star of David" behind the upside down holiday tree for some added meaningfulness. Do you recall the times when all magazine advertisements for alcohol had pictures of demons and naked ladies or skeletons secretly incorporated in the ice cubes?
from bluemeany :
I want that tree for my very own. But I want the demon version. Maybe you could spray-paint it red, and then you'd REALLY have the hell-spawn thing going on! Yay for Satan Claus!
from mavenhaven :
I loooooove when you update.
from hissandtell :
Now I'm going to be terrified of Christmas trees (or should that be "triffids"?) for ever and ever. I'll be waiting for mine to induct me (unwillingly) into Beelzebub's Court and follow me around whispering subliminally obscure things (in a husky scary fir-voice) like, "Pass the gun now. It kills the love, the love is cold" and "There was a little toolshed where he made us suffer, sad Satan" and "Get these bloody plastic angels off my branches before I kill you, bitch". Brrrr. Love, R xxx
from sduckie :
perhaps the Dior mascara is itself smokeable, like crack, and that's why sparkles are so addictive...
from willowfox :
BABE. Sometimes a girls just gots to get sparkly, yo. We can't explain it. It just happens. Go with it. Enjoy it, because all too soon the regular you is going to come and shoo away all that glitters and you'll be happily without sparkles wondering what was wrong with you. If you embrace the sparklititude now, at least you'll be able to truly abhor yourself when you're done! See?!? IT'S FOOLPROOF! Okay, that's not actually where I was going with that, but when the muse calls, YOU PICK UP THE PHONE. Anyway, when I was on my 8th grade trip to Washington (we do that out here in the North-to-the-East) we stopped at a Micky D's in Delaware (who's been to Delaware? Is that even a real place? I think it's more a State of Mind than State of the Union) and there was this woman there with her hair all pushed up into this Afro-Beehive and I SWEAR SHE BEDAZZLED HER HAIR. There were rhinestones ALL OVER that fucker! It was amazing to behold. Moral: Enjoy your sparkles and search to the ends of the earth for your Dior 'scara, but don't be that girl, 'kay? Love ya!
from tattoobelly :
Do you have a Beadazzler? Because I just got one and can hardly wait to put it to use. Any helpful hints or tips?
from willowfox :
When I'm down, And troubled, And I need a helping hand, And nothing, no nothing is going right, I just go to see old entries on sparkspark And V talks about Life Gems and Lunch gems and balogna earrings and brightens up even my darkest hour. Okay I kinda lost it there, the rhythm, but damn you make me laugh!
from onebluegreen :
maybe this defeats the purpose of having another diary but I am interested in reading what you are writing. my email is: vendingart at yahoo
from willowfox :
Thanks, I needed that. (Rough day). Big smiles to you. :D !!!!
from willowfox :
OH MY GOD I just noticed the stripes grew and have now taken over your entire background! The extreme shine of your hair must have blinded me to it (she writes, in a thinly veiled attempt not to be a total hypocrite) I like the big stripes... :) And oh yeah, like we're all sposeta believe that Hiss doesn't know what "rub one out" means. What EVER. She *invented* that phrase...
from bluemeany :
Now I am definitely coming to visit you -- you didn't TELL me there was a Smokin' Bag Boy involved!
from pansycline :
how about, "no it's not." Or, you could threaten to rub one out on them. or how 'bout, "I wiped my ass with Genesis last week, and I'm moving on to Deuteronomy"? maybe that's a little too far. sigh. it doesn't seem fair that they're allowed to go too far and we're not. and I see myself saying "them" and "us" which also sucks.
from mavenhaven :
God, your hair is really shiny. But I guess you already know that, since everyone else is saying the same thing. And since everyone is saying it, it must be true. I totally rubbed one out after I read your entry.
from hissandtell :
Now what on earth does "rub one out" actually mean? That's what gangsters do, isn't it? Also, one of my favourite students years ago - a gorgeous huge-eyed Italian girl who looked as sweet as sorbetto - used to pull the heads off sparrows. The city council offered a 10c-per-head bounty, and her mother's freezers were full of 'em. (Sparrow heads, not sorbetto. But possibly sorbetto too.) Also, might I add how very shiny your hair looks right now? I'm watching you through the porthole-thingy as we speak. Incidentally, your bosoms are spectacular, too. Also, I prefer a damned sight more tequila in my margaritas than you've meanly slopped in the blender so far, bitch. Love, R xxx
from sparkspark :
You rule, Violet! (Ooops... can anyone tell I'm writing this myself? Ahn, probably not.) You're a genius and I absorb and then reverently repeat every syllable you utter. Plus: nice hair! VERY shiny. Love, Violet I mean, A Fan, Distinctly Not Violet
from willowfox :
BRILLIANT! CLAP CLAP CLAP! YESS! BRAVA! It was poetic AND photogenic. I'd love me something pink while you're mixing up those cocktails, and if that something pink happens to be Carl the Smokin' Bag Boy then, well, so be it! I'm going back now to link your answers. It'll be a circle of links, much like the circle of life, but with less Elton John and more Carl the Smokin' Bag Boy.
from smedindy :
I will go with you to see Carl if and only if I can ogle an Amber who is scanning my frozen pizza.
from bluemeany :
You know, maybe the universe is trying to tell you that not only does Jesus love you, but he is also a bit bluish in hue.
from hissandtell :
All I want to tell you is that one of my most favourite poems ever is "The Idea of Order at Key West", which doesn't even MENTION blue once, although it does rather saucily talk about "grinding water and the gasping wind" and their "meaningless plungings" - oh my! (Also, chaste sweater or not, the whole sizzle-business is making me a little queasy, mainly because I'm remembering a denture-glue ad on TV where the sprightly old couple clutch each other into a rather passionate French kiss - presumably as evidence that her dentures are really held on very tightly indeed and cannot be dislodged by senior tongue-plungings, no matter how vigorous, and it makes me feel all icky every time I see it...) Love, R xxx
from jehsika :
Band names, band names...hm. Electric Light Orchestra! Wait, that's been taken. Lewd and Lascivious behavior! Wait, no, that's my band name. My imaginary band, the one that backs me up when I do karaoke. It's what they charged Jim Morrison with when he was arrested in Florida...I think it was Florida. I'm jealous of your band. How about Jealous Intent. I don't know what it means, but it sounds angsty, doncha think?
from willowfox :
I'm sorry you had to go to a mall. It's not my fault but I have to feel in some way responsible. Okay, I don't, but I understand the sick draw. It's so dirty... So, anyway, I tried to vote for you for most popular girl, but you didn't seem to be there. What's the dill? Um, um, and, um, OH YEAH!! SOMEONE ELSE HAS HEARD OF JIM WHITE!!!! Fine, all I know is Handcuffed to a Fence in Mississippi, but is that not one of the greatest songs ever made? Or, especially, SUNG the wicked way he sings it. Nice! 'kay, that's it. Way enjoying your diary, V! Good luck finding your earring. :)
from candoor :
Leonard Cohen meets Bob Dylan at a Crystal Gayle concert... each ask the other what they are doing there... each answer, "waiting for the train." Note: there was no point to this note.
from bluemeany :
I can't think of a clever comment right now, as I am tangled up in blue. (I know, I know. That was barely even a try.)
from dinahsoar :
You know what's weird? I, too, have been having uncharacteristic cataclysmic dreams (huge waves overtaking me, demons writing on the wall). And here's the kicker - I, too, am waking up with songs. I can't offhand remember the series of them and they don't appear to be related to the dreams, but how strange is that?
from lrig :
if you wake up tomorrow with 'songs for a blue guitar' stuck in yr head, you officially have a blue/sad theme. could you try to counteract some of the morning melancholy with some erlend oye or something?
from poolagirl :
I am so sorry about Fox. Give your heart all the time you need to heal and find your way again. Blessings.
from hissandtell :
Fox was a beautiful boy and I'm very sad to learn he's gone. I send my deepest condolences to Lucy and all those who love him and remember him. Love, R xxx
from toastcrumbs :
Fox looked like a fun dog with a great general shape from that picture. Sorry he is gone.
from onebluegreen :
Oh, that is sad. I am sorry to hear about Fox. Soul exchange is a great idea -- although I think the sour people would hold onto their bodies just because they could. (wow, that was a negative thought!)
from bluemeany :
Oh! You can be Miss Vermont and the Pole Dancers! Also -- lime Tootsie Rolls? EW.
from pansycline :
Wedding Balls!
from boombasticat :
Pony Tale. Only do long story-songs. Harry Chapin style.
from tattoobelly :
You cannot go wrong with Godzilla--oh how I love that song! I'm always thinking of good band names but I never write them down. If I think of any I think you'd like, I'll tell you asap.
from smedindy :
The Stray Kegs! That's the name, right there!
from mavenhaven :
Dude! Have you seen this?? http://www.redhotscott.co.uk/shoppinglists/index.html
from dieselengine :
So about this dog you are watching...did you dress him up for Halloween or what?
from pansycline :
awww! it's pretty hilarious that you asked them if it was Halloween. You are now officially a crazylady.
from smedindy :
Wouldn't they yell, "Ahoy!"?? Well, I would! Shiver me timbers. Ah, scavenger hunts. They remind me of pledgeship...
from smedindy :
So Joan Osborne was right all along! Well, I'll be....
from pansycline :
OG! did you know God doesn't like talking about lesbians? what a prude! he told me to go surf elsewhere.
from willowfox :
I can wear whatever I want?!? Yes! Now HERE'S a woman who knows how to throw a wedding! You've obviously been on the shit end, ahem, I mean, bridesmaid end of the wedding stick before. I think we can make the whole affair fun, if only through our uproarious laughter at the expense of the arrogant groom.
from willowfox :
Love, you can steal any little thing your heart desires off my page! Your igod convo was not pathetic, but very funny, as is what else I've read in your diary. Oh, and please, good LORD don't feel any obligation to read every one of my pages, since most to all are filled with mindless drivel. Absolutely feel free, however, to praise my wit and originality whenever and to whomever you like. :) PS How ever did you find me? I am but a poor child with no money for banners. I'm now hoping we can get to be best friends because I want to be the maid of honor at your wedding to Phyfe because YOU GUYS LIKE TOTALLY BELONG TOGETHER! It's so romantic!
from mavenhaven :
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaahahahahaha. I love this iGod thing so much, I have to do exactly the same thing in my next post.
from melwadel :
So I see! Hiya!
from trinityboy :
Call me cynical, but he called just a bit before his birthday? If I did that, it'd be to snag an extra present...
from bluemeany :
Hey, it's because I'm blue! That rules. I hope my bluey-indigoishness cheers you up even more. Remember, all you need is love. And booze. And ice cream.
from onebluegreen :
I am glad you are cheering up. The idea of curing the blues by surrounding oneself with blue is a great idea. I was thinking about the drug store clerk and it pretty much sums up what is crappy about fame.
from yeahimadork :
1. I can't believe you didn't make your template indigo. 2. Please tell me who the cockbag who insulted your diary was so I can read it and silently mock him. 3. Since I metioned it a few notes ago, I've asked my cat to start calling me Chartreuse, but he's totally ignoring me. I think he feels Andria better suits me. This coming from a cat named Ike. Sheesh.
from bluemeany :
HEY, you joined my ring! You're, like, the fifth person!
from smedindy :
OMG! I think I read that book back in high school doing a research project for my senior paper! (It was on the history of punk rock, from 1965-1983) Who wrote that?
from monicatutu :
ps- you should come to Mpls. It's only cold there "sometimes" Perfect opportunity for fashionable outerwear. Are you planning on another holiday visit to Deer Lodge Community Xmas dinner and craft fair?
from monicatutu :
Would that I could scan that photo of you with your hair pointing straight up while kissing a 3 inch snowman on the top of Mount Lemmon. Alas, said photo is in WI at the parents. One of the many items (box of photo albums) my father neglected to bringwhen he moved our stuff.Why would we need our wedding photos or the Kid's first birthday pics? No need for hand wringing- I will find a way for you to glimpse your own aura of lovliness on Frog Mountain.
from monicatutu :
You just tell that Keelhauler that he gets props from me on handing over the card. Well Done! By the way, you have elucidated the "Pointed Look" he gives with his entire face perfectly. Impressive. Both of you.
from poolagirl :
Put on your Pie Rat hat and deal with the Keelhauler!
from bluemeany :
Yes ... some of us "love the Keelhauler" a little less OPENLY now. I'm so sending this entry to Husband. I'm a jealous mofo, and he gets a total kick out of it. He's always like, "Hey baby, I'm off to the bar; gotta go meet some chicks." To which I say "FUCK YOU."
from sweetresent :
Hilarious! Where in Cali do they give you a license that looks like that? Don't be stingy now, share. ;p
from bluemeany :
GASP!! Johnny's cheating on me! I am saddened. But nice shades, though. And yay, I'm glad you finally got your postal card!
from hissandtell :
Oh, and I just this minute noticed the "Ghost and Mr Chicken" on your profile, too. Gosh. That's something you don't see every day! x
from hissandtell :
Right. I understand completely. The first one didn't do you justice at all, did it? (Also, I plan to have Johnny pose with me next time I have an official photograph taken. Of course, I'll have to untie him first and make him promise he won't do anything foolish, like try to make a run for it...) Love, R xxx
from heidiann :
Atta boy, Luther! Oh my god...your appreciation for Ghost and Mr Chicken makes me want to bear your children.
from monicatutu :
#1- You're hot. I have the greatest picture of you on top of MT. Lemmon where you are leaning over to kiss a 3 inch snow man and your hair was actually verticle due to the excessive wind gusts-I mean all of your hair was pointing skyward (and you have a lot of hair). And fashion-wise, you had on a borrowed flannel shirt and super red beautiful lipstick, and that great purse. The photo is not in a digital format or I would show it to all of the internet to prove your transcendent beauty. #2- do what all the other peeps have suggested and get a new one. I just got my DL renewed and the photo is so hideous, and it doesn't expire until 2013!. I have approximately 7 chins and I either look like I just bit my tongue or that I am about to vomit all over. My hair, owing to the fabulous lighting at the DMV, looks black, which it most definitely is not.
from hissandtell :
How long do you have to suffer with this licence? Another five years? Can you "lose" it and get another photo taken? (I did that once. I looked so very scary in the first one, I considered it my civic duty to not frighten innocent others.) On the other hand, the best photo of me ever was my passport picture, several years ago. God, I was hot...of course, travelling brings out the worst in people, aand I bore little resemblance to the fabulous me there, either. Love, R xxx
from yeahimadork :
PS! I'll show you mine if you show me yours. :)
from yeahimadork :
I really do think the DMV has a special self-esteem squashing device which takes pictures of even the most attractive people, and makes them look like hideous beasts. I know, because I AM a gorgeous, blonde leggy supermodel, and my photo looks like a fat, frizzy-haired red-head who CLEARLY lied about her weight. So, fret not, dear. It's the dmv's fault.
from smedindy :
How much does it cost to have a replacement license made. You could conveniently 'lose' your license again. My passport photo looks like the quintessential 'last known photo'.
from vickithecute :
I would get a really nice picture of you and just tape it over that picture the other picture. Use that really fancy scotch tape, that way no one will notice.
from wildrosie :
Ok, number one, if you look shitty in your DMV photo, then when you ARE drunk and spitting out gum, the cops will think you look damned good! And as they say about passport photos, "When you look like you photo, it's time to go home!" So you will know when you've had enough to drink! And if you really can't bear the new photo, go to a different DMV office, and tell them you lost your old license. Yes, it'll set you back a few bucks, but what price vanity? Hugs ~Rosie~
from bluemeany :
Whatever! You are wicked pretty. In my driver's license photo, I look like a frizzy, stoned troll. With zits.
from smedindy :
And I have the freedom to send you a note to thank you for your comments. Nice snark! I think that guy needs a reading lesson, or something.
from onebluegreen :
I have seen a picture of you and you are pretty. I am not photogenic and even when I am at my *best* I usually hate my photos (esp. right now when I am carrying an extra 10-20 pounds). I have learned I looked better photographed from above then below (I call it the princess di look -- in my case it disguises my no-chin/double chin/thick neck/chipmunk cheeks) and I rip up any photos I hate. If possible I would try to get a do-over photo from the DMV b/c otherwise you are going to dread showing your license for the next five years.
from smedindy :
Heh! The most surreal sight I ever saw in Karaoke land was in Cedar Rapids in July. There, a 40-something, short, bald guy with glasses, looking like an accountant or something out for a night on the town, did a perfect version of "Ace of Spades" by Motorhead. I mean, he channeled Lemmy to the 'T' and didn't even have the disgusting warts and all.
from bluemeany :
P.S. I said that twice because it was EXTRA important.
from bluemeany :
Why are all your B-sides in Spanish? And maybe Blue Oyster Cult is trying to tell you that playing B-sides will charm General Jake into shutting the fuck up. Either that, or it's code for "More cowbell!"
from bluemeany :
Why are all your B-sides in Spanish? And maybe Blue Oyster Cult is trying to tell you that playing B-sides will charm General Jake into shutting the fuck up. Either that, or it's code for "More cowbell!"
from monicatutu :
True Story: S. was convinced we were lacking something in our cd collection so he went to the record store and got us a 5.99 cd of BOC. He especially likes to travel with it and rock out to Godzilla with the kid while I moan that this constitutes grounds for divorce. He also tried to convince Lotus that she needed BOC in her record collection, but she wouldn't go for it, smart girl!
from yeahimadork :
Re: your comment in my diary - your name is Violet, and your friend's name is Scarlet. I am changing my name to Chartreuse so we can all hang out and be colored friends. (See, I said "colored" I am PUNNY.). Also, I am going to kill my co-worker so that I can make a LifeGem out of her. That's the only way she's of any value (and even then it's still questionable).
from smedindy :
Better 'Godzilla' than 'Joan Crawford' or 'Don't Fear the Reaper'. For me, it'd probably 'Flaming Telepaths' for some God-forsaken reason.
from toastcrumbs :
Oooh, how about ashes encased in resin? All you need are some ice cube trays and some resin (less than $20 startup fee). Also only takes less than 24 hours to cure, then drill holes, and you've got a necklace full of your dead family member to wear on a chain.
from pansycline :
ohoh. happy birthday! that's what I get for not writing things down. Happy this, also: I went to the Steinman article and Oh My -- Air Supply!! That song is (obviously) in the top 100 of 1983, too, and it is actually just the SAME song, with different lyrics, isn't it! That guy really tapped into some vein of 1983 collective emotion, somehow. I think it must have something to do with his hair... and his brushing-it-back-over-his-shoulder move. That's not vanity at all, is it? No, no, it's something else entirely -- something mystical.
from monicatutu :
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a most fantastic and happily ever after birthday of all birthdays! O, I feel so low. I hope you had fantastic celebrations and got everything your heart desires.... xxoo M-
from pansycline :
People don't like it when I say this, but, I'm getting turned into soap when I die.
from bluemeany :
P.S. That would be "want," not "went." In case your brain chose today to go into hibernation.
from bluemeany :
LUNCHGEMS! BWAHAHAHAHA! Oh LAWDY, Miss Vermont, every time I read your entries I went to just send them to everybody I know.
from lrig :
HA! the genius of this entry has robbed me of my words and reduced me to chortles! HA again!
from onebluegreen :
Now why didn't I think of turning dead ones into diamonds? That seems like it is a pretty good way to dispose of someone who has been murdered. If Hitchcock had only lived to make the movie.
from onebluegreen :
Now why didn't I think of turning dead ones into diamonds? That seems like it is a pretty good way to dispose of someone who has been murdered. If Hitchcock had only lived to make the movie.
from pansycline :
get out! I'm a frigging idiot savant. Pointing ceiling wax!
from smedindy :
You know what it is...it's an ex NFL quarterback that took one too many shots to the noggin. He's already called the play, and tried to audible, but now he's pissed because everyone has forgotten the snap count. "Hut!" "Hut!"
from lrig :
maybe it was lil jon, and he was saying 'WHAT?!'
from bluemeany :
Are there any "moves" which go with the yelling? Like a kung fu kick or a judo chop or anything? Because that could kind of make sense ...
from boombasticat :
I've been listening to that New Pornographers' song every morning for a week.
from jehsika :
That knitting set...are you kidding about that? Because that is too funny. That's a pretty cool gift.
from mavenhaven :
That's funny, I was just going to do a drive-by saying UNDIES.
from bluemeany :
Y'know, I was thinking ... in a few months, if someone happens to be looking back through your comments, and they say one which simply says "UNDERPANTS!!!" I'm wondering if that person might be a little bit concerned for me. Huh.
from dinahsoar :
Thank you so much, Sparky, for your note of encouragement and support. It means alot.
from pansycline :
underpants. and, googling's not that creepy. well. it's pretty creepy, but creepy's the new classy, dontcha know?
from onebluegreen :
I would have bought those shoes. I understand why a guy wouldn't like them but they were cool. As for googling I am the queen and I say that unapolgetically. And in return I don't mind if someone googles me but, of course, that meant I had to lock my diary. What I think is creepy is if someone clicks on the link to find someone's credit reports or other background information.
from bluemeany :
UNDERPANTS!!!
from geeked-out :
it's creepy to google people? Shit. I'm creepy.
from lrig :
chonies! britches! unmentionables! knickers! undies! [thesaurus.com suggested these as well] Main Entry: underwear Part of Speech: noun Definition: clothing Synonyms: bikini, bra, briefs, BVD's, corset, drawers, intimate things, jockey shorts, jockeys, lingerie, long johns, panties, shorts, skivvy, smallclothes, underclothes, underclothing, undergarment, underpants, undershirt, underthings, undies, unmentionables, woollies
from mavenhaven :
Mezzo: yes. Sparkling: of course!
from monicatutu :
what a lovely poem, my dear.
from lrig :
isnt it? have you ever tried their meatballs? there was a prerecorded announcement that kept playing about them, and i kept wondering if anyone ever actually ate them. i wonder what they are like...
from mavenhaven :
Some poems turn me into a weepy-ass bitch the first time I read them, and that one did it. I guess it must be good.
from lrig :
happy birthday, two days late! i was hope it was a brilliant one!
from bluemeany :
Between the Journey song and the poem, you are totally rocking today. Did you get my postcard yet?
from onebluegreen :
Hey, I sent an with the username: reader and password: wurd but lots of people didn't get it. PS today I could use your kitten umbrella.
from cera-jeanne :
Happiest of birthdays to you! Look up my b-day would you? July 27/78. Thanks :)
from mavenhaven :
HAAAAAPPY BIRRRRRRRRTHDAY TOOOO YOOOOOOOOOOOU.
from dinahsoar :
Julie London was my dad's favorite singer. I actually used to be jealous of the attention she garnered. Thanks for the memories!
from pansycline :
fantasmo. I am cent pourcent excited. I share a birthday with Beethoven, I already know. And also, according to "Bless the Child", with Jesus Christ him or herself!
from pansycline :
me too! Dec. 16!
from onebluegreen :
I am looking forward to October as well -- although my birthday :-) is July 15th.
from bluemeany :
Oh! Oh! Look up my birthday! September 13! And also -- is it even possible to be both complacent AND headstrong? I'd always thought of those two as more oil + water. Ya know? Or am I just confused?
from monicatutu :
You know it, August 6. Please don't tell me the book says anything about August 6 being the day we dropped the atom bomb on Hiroshima... I know that already and I do not enjoy to share my birthday with that date. Gracias.
from hardsauce :
Hit me, baby. January 24.
from jehsika :
Oooh, me, me please! June 26!
from mavenhaven :
September 12, homie.
from toastcrumbs :
Oh, do me. No, not like that. Well you know what I mean. Do you know what I mean? I mean, sometimes people know what I mean, but sometimes they just don't know what I'm talking about. Forget it, April 4.
from smedindy :
November 18, 1965 - the best day in the history of the Universe! Look me up, ma'am!
from monicatutu :
OK- You have to stop- Bad Company is seriously in my brain and it isn't good. I need relief!
from monicatutu :
Those shoes......there aren't words, yet obviously there are words, but really. Remember when you vowed revenge on me for invoking CeCe Peniston and you had an ear worm of that song which I will not mention for about 3 minutes? Well, evil one, I had a dream in which Bad Company was being sung by a 70's revival band with a teenage girl singer in pink clothes, who thought she should do a butt jiggle to "Feel like Maaakin Looove" and Kelly Preston (John Travolta's wife) was there, also in pink to clean up. Oh, and the drummer was trying to figure out if he could put his cymbals in the second row of seats so he could leap back and forth from the stage to the seats. This is what you have done to me.
from poolagirl :
Hail to thee, fellow shoe whore! Hope you aren't offended by that. I mean it in a nice way.
from pansycline :
Maybe these are actually winter shoes. From the looks of the treads they could be useful on snow and ice. And you could probably fit big socks in 'em, right? So... just save them up for winter (you get winter there, right?) cram the wool socks on and strap on some leg warmers and suddenly these will become the Oddly Boot-Like Shoes. ps. never listen to males about shoes -- unless they are gay and own a pair of silver Cons. they don't know SHIT and yet ruin so much fun!
from questquecest :
I NEED to see these shoes. I've never ever in my life described, or heard shoes described, using the word "jellybean"
from bluemeany :
When you marched, did you sing "These shoes are made for marchin'"? Because you totally should have.
from toastcrumbs :
I really think you need to put up a picture of the shoes. They sound remarkably similar to a pair I own ($6.99). Do yours smell like nacho cheese too? No? Just me I guess.
from smedindy :
From the callback department - when I was writing my latest essay "War Pigs" came on my iPod and thanks to you I thought of strippers! Is that a good thing? Only Martha Stewart knows...
from pansycline :
hahahhahaahahhhhaaaahahaha! [that's supposed to be wheezy / emphesemic stomach-clutching laughter]. Keep us posted on the number of dates you get asked on by people who also love Bad Company. "Dear Tapestry, You don't know me, but you Do know how I Feel..."
from bluemeany :
In that case ... HAHAHAHAHAHA! HA!
from bluemeany :
You could present the winner with an evening of exposure to your rapier wit, in hopes that it rubs off on them. (I would bid high high high for that!
from smedindy :
Can someone choose both the makeout session AND the song if they give you a l'il somethin' extra? Of course, the man would want his taste...gotta kick up, ya know.
from bluemeany :
Are you sure the glasses were filled with beer? Because I would guess they were filled with Red Bull, thus making them All-Powerful Jager Bombs. All hail the Stripey Plate!
from toastcrumbs :
All hail the kitten umbrella! It is fabulous.
from bluemeany :
If you have not yet done so, you MUST go to http://messiahspot.blogspot.com. You MUST.
from bluemeany :
That is the rulingest umbrella I have ever seen, ever. For shizzle.
from pansycline :
oh, and also, PARTAAAAYYYYYY!! for me.
from pansycline :
Dear Tapestry, I would gladly trade you some cigarettes for some red wine! If only your lovely mural could also serve as an intergalactic bartering portal. Sincerely, Michekke
from geeked-out :
Id like a copy of it once you do perform it, or an invitation to the gig. I mean you know I won't be able to go or anything. It's just nice to be asked.
from dinahsoar :
Your mural is awesome! I wish I could have you do my whole house!
from jehsika :
Tapestry. I like it. It's funky yet romantic and old world in a drafty British castle demense sort of way. Work it.
from bluemeany :
Shee-it, girl, don't he know yo name be MISS VERMONT?!
from onebluegreen :
In the October Style magazine I saw Ralph Lauren made a parfume in your name with a chunk of your stone as the stopper. I was in the grocery store so I did not have time to rip open the ad to take a whiff before it was my turn to check out but it looked pretty.
from yeahimadork :
Tapestry is the new rose gold. Which is the new black.
from cera-jeanne :
I too am attempting to learn (well, relearn actually) guitar...Good luck & when I encounter some 4 chord songs I will let you know!
from geeked-out :
I'm glad you like them =) I had some trouble deciding which songs to put on there so I just made a bunch.
from yburuby :
when I started a band with my friends, the first (and only) song we learned was a cover of the Revolting Cocks cover of "If you want my body and you think I'm sexy." i know from experience that the bassline is easy.
from geeked-out :
You should write a song called "Sugar in the gas tank PS I hope you wreck Mr. C" or something like that. I bet it would just write itself.
from pansycline :
what if you limit yourself to one or two chords, that basically match all the rest of the notes? then you can just sing whatever you want over top of that. that could be pretty catchy... or, you could play some New York Dolls.
from monicatutu :
What if you wore matching rooster hats- it's kinda edgy. I, for one, have been to too many occasions at the Rooster, but they did give me booze when I was underage, so they will always have a special place in my heart. My mom likes lime vodka- it's cough syrup, turned up a notch... Eeew.
from monicatutu :
California Dreamin'- the Dana Owens(Queen Latifah) version, Big in Japan- T. Waits, and something from the Pogues would do nicely. As for a band name- well, how's about "The Red Rooster" after a place we know well?
from smedindy :
How about "Violet and the Hues" for the name? Since you are the front person. As for songs, these may be obscure, but hey: "Broken Face" by the Pixies "With A Cantaloupe Girlfriend" by the Three O'Clock "Good Fortune" by PJ Harvey "Orphans" by Teenage Jesus and the Jerks. (HEH!) "One Chord Wonders" by the Adverts "Slack M*****F*****" by Superchunk "Orgasm Addict" by the Buzzcocks There, there's a start. It may also be an end.
from tattoobelly :
Now THAT's sarcasm! Mr. Moneybags is a fool if he thinks he can out-sarcasm you, for sure.
from bluemeany :
You bring new meaning to "a woman scorned." In fact, I think that term was actually based on some wise psychic's prior knowledge of you. Also, I LOVE MY FOAM HAIR!
from onebluegreen :
Funky people; Funky day. I hope he told her she wasn't allowed to use the salt and pepper. PS This morning I looked at my new cords but still can't wear them b/c the temperature is going to be in the 80s through the end of the month.
from bluemeany :
That drawing is a masterpiece. I love how you so skillfully represented Mimi's toothpickish arms and messy way of saying the word "Aztec."
from smedindy :
Nice drawing? So they play "War Pigs" when stripping at this place? Not "Paranoid" or "Hole In The Sky" or even "Children of the Grave"? Wow. Sounds like a good time was had by some!
from sweetresent :
I had no idea you ran in such exclusive circles. Oh, I'm laughing. Call Britney "Brit-Brit" again.
from toastcrumbs :
Brandine had her baby? Shoot, I can't believe I did not know that, where have I been? See, your diary is not only entertaining, but informative - without you, I would have driven home tonight not knowing that Cletus Federline is now in the world.
from dinahsoar :
That was great! They should hire you to cover the entertainment reports on VH1 or something. P.M.S. Who but Sparky would have thought of that?
from tattoobelly :
Oh shit, that's so brilliant. I think my favorite part would have to be the Concepcion business, but it's so hard to decide because it's all so happy-making. Well done!!
from smedindy :
When I was at the dentists a few weeks ago, the only magazines that I hadn't read were People and OMG it's was Britney's baby shower. Kill me now, as those images are burned into my retinas.
from yeahimadork :
Oh, Violet, my dear... this entry is why I love you. And I'm totally pissed at Heidi Klum. I was going to name my first kid the same thing!
from sweetresent :
Violet, that's a beautiful name. Your note was sweet. Thank you. Mine is Asia. Take care, I'll definitely be back.
from haloaskew :
When I worked in a bookstore many moons ago, some guy pulled me aside while I was stocking and whispered (as if someone was listening) that UFOs are REAL. Area 51. Everything. ALL TRUE. He knew someone who worked there. Thanks buddy! Might wanna get back to those self-help books. (But in a Spooky Mulder way, I want to believe).
from wildrosie :
Of course, your "Star for the day" Eleanor Roosevelt was possibly a lesbian too, as is evidenced by her own words in a letter to Lorena Hickok. ~Rosie~
from pansycline :
well THAT explains EVerything!
from bluemeany :
There are so many reasons why I love you. One of them is that you make me spew Red Bull onto my keyboard.
from smedindy :
Holy underwear! There were TWO lesbians in the Clinton Whitehouse then...Hill AND Bill...heh. Of course, the Trilaterial Commission rigged the elections for Clinton.
from trinityboy :
While we're on the subject, I have recently been acquired $4.7 million US dollars that I must be transfer to an American bank with great quickness. Please to giving me your bank account and social security numbers.
from curiouoso :
Dear Sparkspark, Thanks for the note. The Chameleon method of meeting people works sometimes but might not be condusive to long relationships when the paramour finds out you aren't really what they thought you were. But really, we act different for different environments anyway, so maybe it doesn't matter. Have you heard or seen the kid that is a terror to his parents, but the neighbors clain he's the perfect angel? I was always the opposite....How about you? Curiouoso*
from jehsika :
Truckin' research scientist...I think they might actually have those...For the CDC. Well...sort of. Anyway, I'm hip! But alas, I can't return to school just yet. So I'll have to be the truckin' research scientist granny! Now...how much does THAT rock? There's a show that'll last four seasons at LEAST. Why, you and me, we oughta go into show business writin'.
from smedindy :
For more of a scare, go here: http://www.limelightagency.com/
from smedindy :
"Sorry, you're a loser", how's that one. I did like the one from the Law Firm. "The verdict is in, and you are out." Grace Slick studied art in college way back in the day. (Thanks VH-1 and my stupid memory!) I do remember that she was almost 30 (oh my!) when they were at Woodstock! Doesn't Ron Wood paint now? Now that, that's scary.
from bluemeany :
"And we can buiiild this dream together! Staaaanding strong forever! Noooothing's gonna stop us, now! And if this woooorld runs out of lovers! Weeeee'll still have each other! Noooothing's gonna stop us, noooothing's gonna stop us -- nooooooow!"
from bluemeany :
Dude ... did you know I JUST found out that Grace Slick sang the theme song from "Mannequin" that I had in my head for like two weeks? That's kind of really sad.
from candoor :
I like feeling informed and amused, so thank you for leaving me with this feeling :)
from jehsika :
Ooh, that was neat. When I was a wee tiny little girl...like, in third grade...I wanted to be a trucker. Yes...that was one of my dream job, research scientist or trucker. I was a strange child.
from curiouoso :
Hey this is the Buttermilk looking for a copy from Spark-Spark. That's a big 10-4 on your last diary entry! Haven't heard much of that lingo since 76. Brings back old memories. Anyway, thanks for checking out my pages, come back anytime. KQA6640 out! Curiouoso*
from bluemeany :
"Better take care-a them mud flaps, there, Super Skirt."
from yeahimadork :
Violet, PLEASE buy a record player so that I can come over and listen, and then we can talk like truckers (like I don't already)! Ok, I gotta be going like a raped ape. I'm going to get some motion lotion, and then hopefully I won't be smoking with the devil. 10-4, good buddy. :)
from smedindy :
10-4 good buddy! We got ourselves a CONVOY!
from chollaqueen :
I'm going to find out about that taunting spider for you. In Tucson, I once took a shower and felt EYES on me. (I was living on A mountain at the time) Looked up and there was a wolf spider about to practice his long jump. He soon became an ex-spider. Hopefully, this spider had no relatives lurking.
from onebluegreen :
I HATE spiders. I don't like snakes but had that been a nest of big wolf spiders in the house I would have packed my bags and my cat and left Roger high and dry. I wish I could tell you what kind of spider that was but I don't know. And agressive, too! But as for the guys leg warmers surely you saw they made a comeback last year. I refused to buy or wear them b/c I think I am a tad old and I remember the first time they were in but you may have run into a lost Calvin Klein runway model.
from vickithecute :
It looks familiar. I had a spider who lived on the outside of my sliding glass window. I would study him at length because he was on the OUTSIDE of the glass and therefore harmless. Of course, he rendered our porch door useless for the entire season until he disappeared. I know now that he didn't really disappear, he went to visit you. At any rate, I never did find out what sort of spider he was.
from bluemeany :
HAHAHA!! You got invaded by a spider with poor fashion sense! HA!
from wildrosie :
After spending Friday with a great Dane...I mean, a wonderful Danish man, I can really appreciate that shirt...though I suppose I should get one that says "If you're Danish, I'll eat you!" Then again, maybe not.~Rosie~
from hardsauce :
I just ordered a "Kitsch Bitsch" shirt--I can't wait to get it! Liberace would approve, I think.
from onebluegreen :
I love your shirts. I might pretend to be Danish. Who would know?
from onebluegreen :
I love your shirts. I might pretend to be Danish. Who would know?
from bluemeany :
At times like these, I wish I was Danish.
from dinahsoar :
I love how you see the world!
from smedindy :
Bad Company and PBR! Maybe you should move to BFE Indiana - you'd fit in here!
from trinityboy :
Re: Martha Stewart: Sure...if an erection was leafy and bulbous. You might want to contact the men whose erections you've seen and advise them to get to a doctor. Unless foliage is normal on an erection, in which case I need to go to a doctor...or an arborist.
from mavenhaven :
Word up, mami. I'm glad it got to you and I'm glad you're digging it. I always keep my eyes peeled for shopping lists now, but so far, nuthin, which is why I just gave up and sent you my own.
from bluemeany :
You deserve an award for that particular comment on that particular photo. It made me snork.
from heidiann :
He HAS to be singing, "Lady", there's just no way around it.
from hissandtell :
Ooooh. I just read your entry about "Pancho and Lefty" - I adore that song. It grabs me like very few others, but I'm damned if I can put my finger on why, either. Bloody bandits. Bloody federali. Love, R xxx
from hissandtell :
But darling, VIOLET is already an anagram for "I LOVE T"! Actually, now that I've pointed that out I don't know where to go next, but I'm sure you can think of something . (Also, I heart U.) Love, R xxx
from wildrosie :
Hmmm...thanks for highlighting Al Perry. I've never heard him, but I'll try to get up to Tucson for one of his next gigs...maybe I can sweet talk Kaj?~Rosie~
from bluemeany :
I think my next car might have a license plate which reads "I [HEART] MS VT". How 'bout that, huh? :D
from smedindy :
Yeah, that's too bad about people with six letter (or longer names). How about LV VLET?? It's a start...
from jehsika :
Oh, if only we could make PMS contagious. And being able to zap it through the phone lines would be nice too...
from cera-jeanne :
I read your post today and felt like I was reading a page out of my own life. I fought the tears (and lost) several times myself at my desk today. I also loathe myself for not quitting when I know I should and accepting promotions instead...I think you should find something you want to do...I know now that is what I need to do. Good luck.
from bluemeany :
I'm so sorry you're experiencing the Yuck right now! Don't let it get you down -- carry a flask with you to work; things'll be WAY more fun.
from smedindy :
When something like hurricaine this bears down on us - it reminds us all that we're just little pawns in the whole huge schema of it all.
from smedindy :
When something like hurricaine this bears down on us - it reminds us all that we're just little pawns in the whole huge schema of it all.
from onebluegreen :
what a funny & strange man the former boss used to be. Although I wouldn't want to someone to sort through any of my files or piles either.
from bluemeany :
All I can say is ... beautiful. Just, beautiful.
from geeked-out :
The only thing I ever found was office party pictures of my boss completely boozed up. I wish I had taken them when I left. OH and a phone that looked like someone had taken a hammer to it.
from bluemeany :
I am so feelin' it. And I love that your sad moments bring you to IKEA.
from onebluegreen :
Your night sounded lovely. What an evocative entry.
from wildrosie :
Sunday night, Kaj and I heard 'Pancho and Lefty', and he turned to me, smiled, and said, "I just love that song." And he sang along to the chorus. "All the Federales say, they could have had him any day, they only let him slip away, out of kindness I suppose." I love catching him in those unguarded moments. ~Rosie~
from candoor :
amused, I am
from onebluegreen :
Ha ha ha -- I love old navy cords. I bought the dark teal and green. Last year it was dark brown and brick. That says sad, sad things about my life. I know. (any pictures of the new-to-you-two boat?)
from mavenhaven :
Violet Is The New Turquoise should be the name of your ghost-written autobiography.
from bluemeany :
Okay, Miss Violet, this list is among your FINEST WORK EVER. Said "finest" are ranked in order of "quantity of beverage projected from mouth onto computer screen." You got about half a can of Dr Pepper here, chick.
from bluemeany :
Okay, that is IT. You have just convinced me to come to Santa Barbara, for I love me a good thrift store. Do they have pot, too? For that would be pleasant.
from mavenhaven :
Girrrrl, I would totally come to your swinging pad and bum-rush a brewery. (First concert: Cyndi Lauper with The Bangles, Roy Wilkins Auditorium, St. Paul, MN)
from mavenhaven :
Two things that reading your entry has dredged up from my past: first, when I was in elementary school, I would go through, like, the Sears catalog or whatever catalogs came in the mail back then and select entire back-to-school wardrobes for myself. And also, when I was in 6th or 7th grade, I designed a whole line of clothing called, I believe, "Painted City," super-80s and very ugly and everything my heart desired. Oh my god, I just thought of one more thing: every morning on the bus in 7th grade, and I am not exaggerating, I would imagine each last detail of the outfit I would ideally be wearing if I were not a knockoff-having chubbette. Thanks, Violet, for all the embarrassing memories of being insecure. PS I like my outfits now. Mostly.
from candoor :
in my wanderings I found your sailing entry, my friend nicim does that too, so I found something to say in a note to you :)
from jehsika :
Whacked indeed. I'm certifiable. I oughta know.
from pansycline :
excellent advice, thanks! I hope you don't mind, but I'm stealing "Johnny Chicago" to replace "Mr. Chicago". In comparison, "Mr. Chicago" evokes images of handlebar moustaches and cigars, whereas "Johnny", well, solid-gold jewellery and tight tight pants!
from bluemeany :
Oh! General cuteness totally observed! I wish I was that tan.
from monicatutu :
Congrats on the race to you and that dude you live with- I know I'm a day late and a dollar short with my kudos, but I am planning a move cross country after all... As far as seat cushions go; PLEASE dig out the found 1970's photo of a boy we called Rusty and have it transferred onto material and cover your seats with his shiny and long red-headed, gap-toothed freckled face. PLEASE! Or, for another option, Mr. S. could screen print "Eat me, I'm Danish" on some canvas and you could have that to sit on. Or, here's one more: you could just buy some punk rock t-shirts and slip them over the cushions and call it done and done. Don't forget to invite your mom over to inspect. XXOO- M
from bluemeany :
I have no suggestions. But, um, hi!
from toastcrumbs :
I think Dorito bags would be nice. You'd have to get the jumbo size bags to cover the entire seat, but think of the fun crinkling sounds they will make when you sit down. Plus all the color combinations - the regular orange of the nacho cheese bag, the calming blue of the cool ranch bag, and the lush green of the jalapeno bag. The combinations are endless.
from pansycline :
just paint the cushions with housepaint! It works great and you'll get that old-tyme-y canvas cushions feel without having to travel to the top of a mountaing, shrink fabric, and learn to make piping. I painted the couch that the previous tenants had left in my old apartment. It works pretty good. Nothing sticks to it or stains it. --- Beat that, Martha!
from missy-17 :
hey ok i was just wonderin!! so hows ya been!?? ;D
from onebluegreen :
Make little phone caller voodoo dolls. Then you mark out their faces, staple and rip them, and poke them with paper clips. PS I don't recommend letting anyone else see you do this.
from jehsika :
Alas, poor Violet...I knew her, Horatio. When I was a pharmacy tech we got much the same type of things, doctors, nurses, insurance companies, customers all screaming at us, because of course it's the tech's fault the doctor wrote a script for a drug that hasn't been made in two years...and on and on...I feel for you Vi dear, I really do.
from bluemeany :
Your poem/Is the bomb/Which doesn't really rhyme/But what DOES rhyme with "poem"? You are my hero; I TOTALLY would have phone-bitch-slapped those fuckers.
from missy-17 :
hey, if i am not mistaken, is your name violet??? :)
from dinahsoar :
Go, Vikings! Hey & maybe the Death card signified "death" to losing.
from questquecest :
Ma naturalmente! And I loved this entry - I know nothing about boats, but I still loved it.
from bornearly :
Oh I do love your real life stories. What a race!
from pansycline :
woop woop! what a rad story! underdogs succeed Hollywood-style, but, there waits death's shadow looming over it all -- what can it be? I'm in suspense.
from bluemeany :
Well, congrats on kicking that race's ass! I sure hope the whole Death thing doesn't fuck stuff up for you now ..
from pansycline :
thanks! never fear -- I use pans sometimes. Mostly loaf pans, sometimes 9x14 cake pans.
from yburuby :
I, too, am part Danish. However, I'm not proud of my Danish ancestors, they were slave traders in the Carribean.
from geeked-out :
I had a good friend that was Danish, he would speak to me in it and it was the sexiest thing ever. Do you still have the badge? It might come in handy when you go to bars, especially if you don't want to worry about having to do anything but sit there.
from dinahsoar :
No diss taken. I used to be very above morning pages, but it proved to be my own being strangely threatened by it. Now that I'm actually writing & feeling by creativity, I'm not threatened & am giving it a second look. In L.A., EVERYONE was doing it for awhile. Starbucks (which are literally on every corner) would be strewn with artists collectively finding their way. As it ususally takes me awhile to get over my fear of 'trendy', I avoided it 'til now. The concept of "artist's dates" helps me to feel less lonely when I go out alone (now that my relationship is kaputz).
from pansycline :
I laughed out loud like a wild donkey at "Eat Me I'm Danish". -- good racing luck!
from bluemeany :
HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAHAAAAA! I am SO picturing the hat!
from bluemeany :
HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAHAAAAA! I am SO picturing the hat!
from trinityboy :
I, too, am Danish and I love me some Beowulf. Sure, sure, it's an Old English poem...but it was written by Vikings living in England. You can also be proud that the Danes, occupied during WWII, smuggled almost every Danish Jew across the Baltic, right under the noses of the furious SS. It was non-violent and hugely succesful. Also, check out Danish chutzpah...during the occupation the king of Denmark continued to ride through the streets on his horse, entirely alone and seemingly ungaurded. When a German soldier asked someone where the king's guard was, the Dane answered "All of Denmark is his guard." Meaning, "Just try it, asshole."
from toastcrumbs :
He's all yours. "Three Danish Vikings" is now my new theme song.
from dinahsoar :
Yup. All Julia Cameron and then some! ('course, I'm actually doing that myself these days & finding it helpful).
from monicatutu :
Dude,you made me have to pee, I was laughing so hard I couldn't get beyond, "Eat me, I'm Danish" I haven't read the rest of your entry yet. I'm totally using this, because I'm of Danish descent too as well as Irish and all those Erin Go Brauuuuughs are just too cliche for me. "Eat me, I'm Danish" will live on forever in my heart. xxoo-m
from jehsika :
Wah-hoo...gotta love Vikings...my own dear Dragon Baby is named after one...'cause he's so fierce...I've sent an e-mail w/password to your gmail addy, since D-land is not generating the proper password notification e-mails. Loved the Roeper letter...I wish I could be that articulate...those kind of things just make me speechless with anger...two months from now I'm sure I'll think of a coherent retort, but by then it's blown over. Love, J.
from dinahsoar :
And what a precocious Dane you were, with your little badge, you! Today's entry was hilarious! I never knew Danes were such a hoot!
from dinahsoar :
Don't fret, Sparky. You're still fun, no matter what David Crosby (or Graham Nash or whoever) says.
from monicatutu :
Hi Vi- Of Course, Jack White and Loretta Lynn would have a song about my new hometown. Thanks for speaking for all the Richard Roeper-haters out there- I actually saw the Dove ad some time ago and thought to myself that somewhere some asshole will make disparaging remarks in print about the gorgeous doable ( Chunky!what a horrid word!) women in that ad. A self-fulfilling prophecy I wish I could take back.Thanks for the congrats! I'm practically giddy. XXOO M.
from bluemeany :
That dude is obviously a freak of nature -- those chicks are hot! I would do them, and I'm totally non-gay. Whoever gave him a column needs to be taken out back and shot.
from pansycline :
pS, I just checked out the link to the actual column and not only is the guy's name Richard Roeper, his column is unwitty, unfunny, and he doesn't write very well. YOU should be Richard Roeper! with a different name.
from pansycline :
that was the best letter to the editor, EVER! EVER! (and once more...) EVER! God, what a fucker.
from mavenhaven :
Man I love it when you update THRICE in one day. Even when one entry is owing entirely to The Suck.
from heidiann :
Your letter was brilliant. Brilliant! And he is a total jackass. Jackass!
from yeahimadork :
Oh my gosh. What a massive fucking tool Richard Roeper is. He needs to stick to putting his thumb up or down for the latest Lindsay Lohan crapfest and leave the social commentary to others. What a dick. Your letter, however, was AWESOME. Nicely done.
from trinityboy :
Wow...what a colossal dink. I'm offended that he lumped me, and a lot of other men, in with his idiocy. I do find the Dove campaign disingenuous...I mean, if we're all supposed to like ourselves for who we are, why do we need beauty products in the first place? This does not, however, indemnify Buttsteak for being a moron. Besides...those models? Damn!
from hissandtell :
I don't know who the "chunky" hating man is, but I wouldn't fuck him with *your* dick, darling. And I need to tell you that I love you and want to marry you (or at least rub you with Dove and ravage you) after reading your letter to him. (And, incidentally, the thousands of gorgeous, intelligent and highly successful men (and women) I've ever been out with have all appreciated curvaceous voluptuous goddesseous women - and had no problem getting massive erections over them. That is all.) Love, R xxx
from geeked-out :
I'll never get tired of those.
from jehsika :
I'm resetting the password...you should get an e-mail with the new one...let me know if it doesn't come through
from bornearly :
Even though it's a painful day -- what a beautiful, poignant, classic essay. You are one hell of a writer, Spark.
from geeked-out :
my trapper keeper is of the Lisa Frank variety. it has a precious white lion and lots of pink. I'll let you borrow it if you lend me your troll pen.
from pansycline :
well, I could just tell you what it is and then you could decide. here's a hint: it looks like meat, but it's the end of a finger!
from trinityboy :
Try to remember: did you need a blender...heh. We used to sing "Try to dismember an audience member, and if you can't then hack an actor! Try to dismember an audience member, to pieces. Pieces, pieces, pieces, pieces, pieces!"
from yeahimadork :
Not only have I repeatedly put shirts on backwards and/or inside out, I have gotten half way to work and realized I forgot to put a bra on. Now THAT is just sad.
from pansycline :
mercury has been retrograde for Winona since the day after she got her eyes.
from bluemeany :
Can we blame Iraq on Mercury, too? Because that would be so cool -- almost as cool as grooving to Ace of Base!
from dinahsoar :
Loved today's deliciously nasty entry - you made those sleazoids come alive on the screen - eeewww! Also, I go to a Thai restaurant that bothered to print up these beautiful and elegant new menus. I was looking for my hot & sour shrimp (Tom Yung Something) & it was listed as "Framing Bowl" (because it's, like, on fire).
from tattoobelly :
If you lived in Seattle I'd think you worked with my mother-in-law; that Brgggggghhhhh-Baaaaaaaaa thing is right up her alley. Made me laugh very hard, and I thank you.
from mavenhaven :
I wish you would write more entries that try to parse out the exact components of people's annoying accents or speech affectations. Because I, as a reader, have no choice but to try to imagine and then imitate the thing you describe, and then I am cracking up, alone, with the computer. Also, I thought of you (o anony-you!) today when I saw a car with a license plate that said "OBLADA." Now actually, though I share your disdain for personalized license plates, that one kind of made me snort appreciatively, because why not "OBLADI," and also it's sort of like "whatever, motherfuckers." Of course this car also had a jesus fish, but it was the tiniest, most tasteful jesus fish I have ever seen--I actually had to walk closer to see whether it said "jesus" inside the fish (it did). This car was parked outside Goodwill, by the way--as was mine.
from bluemeany :
Oh my GOD. Dr Pepper ALL OVER MY DESK. "Brggggggggggggh-baaaaaaaaah." I think I am going to explode with silent guffaws.
from toastcrumbs :
Since I always click that "view the thread you just signed" link after signing notes, I realized I used the word "once" twice in the same sentence. So it just makes sense that I would be the type of person to wear a backwards sweater for an entire day. That is all.
from toastcrumbs :
I once had my sweater on backwards once for an entire day. I couldn't figure out why my throat kept itching and figured I was developing a flesh eating virus or something like. Of course that was the sweater tag itching my throat all day. I say since you were smart enough to notice the problem, by all means, rectify the situation at your desk.
from bluemeany :
YEAH you should turn your shirt around at your desk! All the cool kids are doing it.
from yburuby :
i'm so glad someone agrees with me on the over use of the word "pimp" in pop culture. how can so many people not catch on to its vileness??
from pansycline :
tortilla curtain?! whoo, thanks to you I have no more snot in my nose. It's all over my hands and the keyboard.
from bluemeany :
First of all, you and GLENN would make the perfect couple, living in whichever landlocked country he moved the boat to. Second, the fact that you actually called the deli? Beautiful! I do that kind of stuff all the time and my friends say I'm strange. So now I have you to be strange with! Yay!
from bluemeany :
I have to agree with monicatutu about the mustard -- I sincerely thought it was Cheez Whiz. Oh, and about the other site; yeah, I linked you from it ... your GLENN correspondence was too hilarious not to share!
from hissandtell :
Oh, is that mustard? I assumed it was semen. (Although, like Katie Holmes, I have nothing to compare it with.) Love, R xxx
from monicatutu :
That is not mustard, Violet. It's got to be some kind of orangish cheezfood. I'm glad you replaced Cece Penis-ton with Shania as your ear-worm. I am sure Shania is much better at getting men to kiss her ass- although Cece might kick her ass. In any case, simply listen to Jack White's new Doorbell song and you'll be fine. I've been walking around for days saying, "I've been listening for the doorbell baby, when you gonna ring it, when you gonna ring it." It works.
from yeahimadork :
That dream, about making fun of the Scientologists, sounds like my REAL LIFE. Just when I think I am going to be really funny, I end up putting my foot in my mouth. And, shoes don't taste very good. Trust me. And, that sandwich - as appealing as the giant mound of pastrami is (because, pastrami is the most sensual of the salty, cured meats[I am am giant Seinfeld dork. Forgive me]), it's totally wrecked by that gross glob of mustard. Yuck.
from bluemeany :
Oh my GOD. I do believe GLENN has some competition in the "who can be first to make me spray pecan-bits onto my computer screen, thus ruining it" category.
from yeahimadork :
Um, the song is called (funny enough) "finally." And, now it's stuck in my head, too. Thanks. Ewan MacGregor (shit, I think I totally spelled that wrong) is super dreamy. Also, is your name really Violet? Because I have to tell you, I am super jealous if it is. My favorite color has always been purple, and I always wished my name could have been violet (because Purple just doesn't have the same ring to it, ya know?). For a brief period when I was about eight, I told strangers my name was Violet, and asked everyone to start calling me that. It didn't stick, though, dammit. :)
from monicatutu :
It's only out of love that I spread the music of Cece Peniston around the globe!
from monicatutu :
Finally itís happened to me Right in front of my face My feelings canít describe it Finally itís happened to me And I just cannot hide it MwooaHAHAHAHAHAHA!
from jehsika :
Thanks for the support hon...good luck on your mural...that house (or what ever it was in the pic...building) has a funky look to it...let us see the end result hm? I envy you your mural skillz.
from pansycline :
Penis ton?! haha. --- you're so lucky you get to be a cool Ewan!
from bluemeany :
"I will not revel in your lack of underwear, Lumberg!" If you don't mind, I would like to make this my new catchphrase, to be spoken whenever someone pisses me off to the point of having nothing else to say. Is that okay? I swear I will take care of it and love it as if it were my own, even if it bites me. [wink]
from onebluegreen :
No, it isn't too late. If you can email the drawing in the next couple of days that would be great. (Hey, with all the mural work can I (fondly) call you Diego?)
from dinahsoar :
I forgot to thank you for all your amazing support & encouraging notes. You really do sparkle!
from dinahsoar :
Hi Ms. Sparky, Just wanted to let you know (in case you don't read my entry today - but tell me now, whyever wouldn't you?) that I'll be in Hawaii for a week, so I won't be posting again until Friday, 7/22. So ... take care & I'll write you on my return.
from hissandtell :
MY Paper Johnny is just wearing his briefs, a white dress shirt, a grey tie and his black socks. He has his glasses on and his hair is long. And, you know, I don't want him to change - not ever. He's damned perfect. x
from pansycline :
*snicker snort* you can totally see his crotch if you pull his pants up nerd-like, too. Plus you get some of that bling bling sides of the thighs good stylz!!
from pansycline :
oh lawdy, the paper-Johnny is so great! I'm making him wear his pants up super high and he looks so dumb! hahahahahaha!
from onebluegreen :
Hair and a buff chest? Lucky girl. My four post-divorce men all have had tummies -- although they did have hair (sometimes were hairy but that is another issue). Congrats on the mural!
from hissandtell :
Right - that's it for me today. Sadly, I am unable to concentrate on anything at all - not even coffee and cheesecake - because I shall be spending the entire day staring at Paper Johnny in his black and krodly boy-briefs, and putting clothes on him so I can divest him of them almost immediately. ("What's that, Johnny, you naughty boy? You want me to take your pants off? Again?") Love, R xxx
from dinahsoar :
Trompe l'oeil? Qu'est ce que c'est?
from bluemeany :
No SHIT. Our flower is poisonous? Well, isn't that a bitch. Glad I didn't eat it. (P.S. I would go to the Johnny paper-doll site, but I fear I would never leave it. Thus, it waits till later.)
from dinahsoar :
Hi Ms. Sparky, Went to the Johnny Depp paperdoll site & was amused for hours! So ... what's the mural gonna be? Be careful on that ladder!
from bluemeany :
Your comment made me snort! How could I have not noticed the cross-eyed-ness?
from dinahsoar :
Dearest Ms. Sparky, Thank you so much for the beautiful wishes you sent. It means so much to me. I almost didn't post today's entry. It was impulsive and out of context with my story, but I'm so glad I did. It is amazing to me that I have found a family of strangers who have given me more support and love than the people in 'real life'. I have been praying and praying, not like I usually do - formulaic and rote - but begging God to show Himself in my life FOR REAL. Opening my notes just now, I caught a real glimpse of Him. Thank you, Sparks.
from bluemeany :
Oh Violet, how I wish I knew the answer to your question! Unfortunately, I've been asking it myself for years, and the only comfort I have is my faith that God will make it all work out right in the end -- that's what's happened so far, at least. I don't know how I'd survive if I didn't have that.
from jehsika :
giggles...yeah, 'cause Hugh Hefner turns me ON. I know you're right, I know. It just came at a bad time. Of course, there's never really a good time to be insulted...I just feel vulnerable...I'm trying very hard to move on and date and put myself out there and be available...and the universe seems to be pushing me again and again towards someone who seems to have no real interest in me...past the obvious momentary sexual attraction (you know who...I've sworn I'm not saying his name for at least a week...trying to break my bad habits!) Thanks hon. You're a jewel.
from jehsika :
Yes, I'm feeling better today, thank you. It's not so much the state of being manic as the revving up to get there. Someone jammed down the gas pedal and your body is screaming and wheels spinning to make the leap to high speed, it's a very "uh oh!" out of control feeling. My grammar and capitals have returned. Sorry your relatives are so silly...could you not answer the phone? That's what I do when my crazy mother calls. But then...my crazy mother lives in another state, as do most of my crazy relatives.
from bluemeany :
Sounds like you need to go hang out with Ben, Jerry and Margarita! (Don't worry, I won't think you're "naughty." Haha!)
from banefulvenus :
Happy 4th of July!
from banefulvenus :
Happy 4th of July!
from pansycline :
marvelous, marvelous. A book would be great -- maybe a coffee table book? My dream is to make wall paper out of the lists [like, screen them, or whatever, and blow them up] or else wallpaper of pictures of what is on the lists, and then hang the lists, maybe framed our blown up, on the walls. yes. It would be like living inside other people.
from pansycline :
and I just have to add, even though this is all about me [though I know I'm not the only one who does this], my favorites are the ones that the mom started and left somewhere, and various kids came by and added whatever it was they wanted, without her knowing. ps. you are lucky the Keelhauler supports you. My bf (ex. now, and this is just ONE OF many reasons) was quite embarassed and disdainful, accusing me of "collecting garbage"!! of all things!
from pansycline :
oh my god, holy shit -- I'm inarticulate, but I can't believe it!! I was reading along in your entry and thought, hah, that sounds like she collects the grocery lists of strangers. And I kept reading... and you do!! And... so do I! [here I'm jumping up and down squealing and biting my fist.] I have giant zipper-up binder full of mostly grocery lists, but also various other hand written or drawn paraphernalia of strangers. There is some kind of thrill that comes from owning someone elses private piece of paper. I used to keep them in my pockets and imagine we were holding hands. Sort of, we were [not you and me, the stranger and me].
from dinahsoar :
Thanks for tagging me, Sparky. I'm so flattered, I did my list. Check it out. As I said in my entry - it's just 4 U !
from bornearly :
Oh, most excellent entry. I'm humbled.
from bluemeany :
Grocery List analyses ... what a great idea! I never thought about how you could get such a detailed image of a person just by looking at a grocery list.
from mavenhaven :
Word up, mami. I'll hit you with my venom tomorrow.
from bluemeany :
I am so glad I tagged you! I knew you would write some hilarious shit. I agree with all of it, except, I'm sorry to say, Jimmy Buffett. I can't help it -- I just love him. It must be the beachbumming lush in me.
from jehsika :
I hadn't heard it in song form but I have heard the parable before. Oh yes...it occured to me but oddly enough I considered myself the snake...I'm the shining, glittering creature with the bite that kills. I would consider him more like his pythons...his bite wouldn't kill me, but I can't expect him not to suffocate me (want me to be less emotional and irrational). So we have...a cobra and a python in combat...which will win?...or will each destroy the other (metaphorically...the relationship) with their particular deadly force?
from pansycline :
oh man, you probably hate glen, but in my heart of hearts I hope he doesn't give up on his boat dream.
from bluemeany :
Oh please, PLEASE tell me that these are the replies you are actually sending back to him. I bow to your idiot-e-mail-response genius!
from hissandtell :
I'm finally catching up on your recent entries, darling Violet - but unfortunately I have to stop for a while because I've wet my pants just now rolling about with laughter over the BOAT correspondence with your Liberian Libertarian, Victoria/Jimmy and the incomparable GLEN. Oh, dear dear. Love, R xxx
from dinahsoar :
Being Donald is Donald's own punishment (personally, I hope he doesn't attend)!
from jehsika :
Thanks for the birthday wishes Miss Vi...you're a sweetheart.
from mavenhaven :
I am the one creepily bopping through your whole archive today, and sniggering. So much is funny, but I especially like the entry talking about the word "boobs" as pronounced with the quack, because I can't help trying to say it myself and doing so is hilarious.
from ravengreen :
Of course you can, though I'm currently in the middle of 2 weeks of work hell, which is why I've only answered one of my questions. Will get back to you soon, promise. Also, maybe your currently under going layout construction, or it is much too advanced for my dated system, but I had trouble getting your main page to work. I was able to work the archieves page.
from f-i-n :
funny funny!
from yeahimadork :
Ok, I keep seeing the Vibrance commercials on tv, but I have to tell you, the notion of anything vibrating WITH RAZORS that close to my girl parts is kinda scary. I know shaving is a pain in the ass (at least for me, it is), so why do they keep trying to trick us into making it look like something fun? I'm not buying it! Thanks for adding me to your favorites, by the way. I know you did it a while ago, but... well, I am just flaky like that. :)
from dinahsoar :
Oh, Sparks! Once again, you are sing-ina ma song! I hate the whole notion of pampering! I have endured only had one paid-for massage & it was excruciating. When I complained to my "pampered" colleagues who had recommended the masseur, they matter-of-factly said (the "duh!" was tastefully implied), "Well, of course, you're SUPPOSED to feel worse ... that's because all the toxins are brought to the surface and are now leaving your body". I have only had one pedi & I must admit it lasted longer than my last marriage. It was a french pedi. Despite the obivious oooooooolala, I never felt compelled to return for another. I just don't like strangers fussing over me for pay. There's something weird & obscenely class conscious about it. Superficial as the bumper sticker which laments, "I want to be Barbie. That bitch has everything". Glad to know I'm not alone.
from onebluegreen :
I haven't seen the vibrating razor ad but I did get sucked into buying some shaving thing that is really no-name Nair and a curved piece of plastic that removes the melted hair. I haven't used it but I can't force myself to throw it away either.
from pansycline :
I love the get-rich-quick series!
from bluemeany :
You know, I should put up a boat-selling ad ... those e-mails are fricking hilARious! Keep 'em coming, V.
from dinahsoar :
Christina Aguilera morphing into Ethel Merman gave me a great laugh first thing in the morning. Thanks! I agree ... I knew she was dressing like a drag queen or a cupie doll on steroids, but you pegged it completely!
from mavenhaven :
My favorite feature of Go Fug Yourself is that the writers adopt the imagined persona of whomever they're fugging. I love the Britney Spears/K. Fed voices, and I am also particularly fond of the J-Lo voice, because it is so ESL-imperious.
from dinahsoar :
I'd hire you in a heartbeat, Sparks!
from bluemeany :
"and the Baby Jesus" ... ha ha! Priceless!
from jehsika :
<giggles>...when the courier shows up I want pictures, 'kay?
from onebluegreen :
There is an unwritten code in many families and even among friends about not being happier, fianically better off or just too different. It is their fear but it still sucks to deal with. I don't know much about boats but you need a place to live and if the new boat will make your life more enjoyable, it really appeals to you, and the bank thinks you can afford it than I would go for it. I would imagine like a house there is a way to make an extra payment a year or something of the sort to pay it off faster. (PS now that I am close to deadline being stuck as finally past -- as soon as I sign off I am going to try to call you.)
from pansycline :
doncha know... you're only the second person ever in my life to call me bella. I'm a sucker for endearments. waitresses, bouncers, strangers on the crosswalk, I don't care just keep 'em comin'.
from pansycline :
heyheyhey! thanks for adding me to yr buddies!! I am truly honored.
from dinahsoar :
I'm so glad you're okay. That was scary to even read. I've always imagined living on a boat. Did you ever see that old Debbie Reynolds movie, "Tammy". She lives on a houseboat and sings to the moon.
from mavenhaven :
Dude. If you really want my shoes, email me: mavenhavenATdiaryland.com. And I'm glad you're safe.
from trinityboy :
If we could put the same intensity and focus into actual ministry as we do into fighting about sex, the church would be amazing. Sigh. If I was Michael Jackson, I'd buy an island somewhere, name myself its monarch and invite all my fans to help me set up an independent kingdom. Just show your complete collection of MJ CD's and you're a citizen. If you still own a sparkly glove, you're a member of the nobility. If you can sing "Bad" without lapsing into a Weird Al Parody, you can be the Lord Chancellor. King of Pop, my ass...I'd be King of Neverlandia!
from toastcrumbs :
I'm thinking of becoming the crazy hamster lady (CHL) because you're right, the crazy cat lady thing has gotten way too mainstream. As far as my jewelry, I'm working on a website, but with my html skills that is going slowly - so if you would like something, e-mail me and let me know what - bracelet, necklace, pictures, whatever. kimberlyDOTkelleyATraymondjamesDOTcom
from dinahsoar :
I've been trying to get The Feathered Heart with no success. I have Basic Cable, but I'm willing to upgrade to keep up on the happenings at Finch Tower. Mr. Singy sounds like one of those right-brain artistic types. They can be quite romantic, so I wouldn't eliminate him out of hand (you know that a bird in the hand ...). Also, is Mark Geregos involved in the Finch Defense? If so, I'd say the Singy's are home free.
from jehsika :
Zots! Have no fear...the same thing has actually happened to me!! Ha!
from tattoobelly :
I got the cd and it is Wonderful! Thank you again, So Much; you are a mix-cd compiling genius!
from bluemeany :
Maybe you can give Virginia some "special brownies" for her baby ... just a thought.
from dinahsoar :
You mean to say that you have to wear the "Witch Hat" for buying too many cosmetics? If that's the case, I'd have to have it cauterized to ever get it off! P.S. Saint Virginia is a cartoon.
from bluemeany :
Hooray for karaoke! I've always found that "Louie, Louie" is quite a crowd pleaser.
from rosedreaming :
Thanks...I'm actually thinking about changing it though.
from dinahsoar :
God, I'd love to hit the Lucky Kowloon with you sometime. I might even be persuaded to do my riveting version of "Smoke On the Water" (just kidding!).
from dinahsoar :
Wow, Spark ... that was really FUN for me, too! Thanks for the incredible ride! I love boats, but rarely get to be on one. Twice, on Kauai, I took a catamaran to the Na Pali coast & had a ride similar to what you described so well. I am generally a pretty 'err on the side of safety' person, but get me on a boat & I am altogether different. A wild side emerges that I hardly ever see anywhere else. Thanks for the great vicarious experience as well as the great memories!
from pansycline :
Hi I just read your note in geeked-out's notes thing -- about people looking at you like you've been "recently exhumed" when you're just trying to be nice. I do believe that is what is called a 'perfect description'! What is to be done about that?! Just going along, trying to be a decent human being, and the way people respond you wonder if, in fact, you have no idea what 'decent' is and you are somehow an incredibly obscene and frightening creature. Maybe I should stop letting my mom dress me.
from dinahsoar :
Just my luck! AW FUCK! Aced out by that pal 'o mine turned adversary Tattoobelly! I don't know what happened yesterday, but I didn't get to read your entry 'til today. Drat the luck! But, really ...Jimmy Page? Where is Kermit the Frog crooning "Rainbow Connection"? Where is Mr. Rogers, welcoming Shandy's tykes to his neighborhood? Big Blue Truck? I want you to know that, as a therapist, I am a mandated reporter.
from jehsika :
Oh my gosh. I have not read a single one of the books on the ten most evil-est books in the history of forever list. I am certainly not doing my part to create chaos. I'll get right on it. I shall get me some of them with all speed. No, I'm honestly embarrassed I haven't read any, not even on the honorable mention list.
from tattoobelly :
HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA! Am I first?
from dinahsoar :
Enjoyed reading about everyone's 'peak experience' on Sandstone Mtn. I briefly lived atop a mountain in Idylwild where the highpoint of the day was sitting on the deck (unlike your profile, where you are lying in bed) and watching the colors change. No kidding. When I first read your profile, I remembered that. Just a few short months on that mountain identified me as the despicable city girl I apparently am (gone my dreams of a Blue Tic Hound & corncob pipe).
from jehsika :
Gracious, I went a little postal on someone you said was you're friend, did I not? Ooh, look, it's going to storm here! Sorry, though I do stand by the sentiment (don't let pretentious fools get you down).
from dinahsoar :
Well, the fact that this is coming from a fluff-ridden Californian may take the edge off some of the edge, but I personally believe that you make Christopher Walken seem like Julie Andrews - that's how edgy I think YOU are! You make Emily La Strange seem like Holly Hobby - that's how edgy I think YOU are! I would LOVE to read your article! John Good (For Nothing) is a classless dweeb who wouldn't recognize nuance if it slithered up his slimy black leather laden leg (how's THAT for alliteration?)!
from jehsika :
Pfft, screw John Good...ask him if he knows how to spell pretentious fuck-wad. People like that, so horrendously caught up in their own coolness that reading anything the slightest bit silly is a blow to their sensibilities, take themselves WAAAAY too seriously. You are living the writing life...screw him and his lack of fun.
from tattoobelly :
I was raised by evangelicals too, except mine let me listen to top 40 music, mainly because when they weren't taking me to church and telling me I needed to be more social, they were ignoring me, and therefore didn't realize how "evil" top 40 music was. Score! I couldn't own a Magic 8-Ball, though, or watch Escape from Witch Mountain or Bewitched. Those things glorified the devil, you know.
from banefulvenus :
love the layout...
from dinahsoar :
Go, sista! I major in breaking threatening chain letters! Don't worry, God isnt't behind those cheesy pseudo 'prayer chains'.
from geeked-out :
Are you going to be snotty to the people attending like the volunteers here are? I always get the dirtiest looks when I go to gallery openings. Maybe it's my wearable art [doubtful] or maybe it's that I steal all the pepper jack cheese. my pig looked like a deformed circus clown. I have no mouse using abilities.
from dinahsoar :
I LOVED today's entry! Charisse is so fun to hate. In L.A., Charisse's abound. Mostly they listen to "Morning Becomes Eclectic" on KCRW while driving around in their white Volvo's drinking bobos (I'm probably spelling it wrong, but it's some kind of green tea thing with tapioca balls floating on the bottom). P.S. Just in case you drive a Volvo, I hear they are really good cars.
from jehsika :
Solidarity Sister. You have made me feel better. And don't worry, the writer's block does pass...always does...I have no deadlines to muster for, so I can talk, eh? But the words are piling up behind the block never you fear and will come bursting out when least expected...mine sometimes come while driving...most inconvenient. Do men know, I wonder, how they ruin us? Inconsiderate creatures, too bad they so fucking delicious.
from jehsika :
lol...Girlfriend...born in 1971, tha's me..."I love a rainy night, such a beautiful sight, I love to feel the wind on my face and taste the rain on my lips...you know it makes me feel good," Pah. Eddie Rabbit is a doofus. Rain is supposed to make you miserably happy...like Dracula and his howling children of the night...I've gone off the deep end haven't I? Too much vodka, too little sex. Be warned. This could happen to you.
from jehsika :
There was a song by...Garbage? I think...anyway, expressed sort of the same sentiment, I've always felt it in my soul. "I'm only happy when it rains..."
from jehsika :
Dah-ling, I shall endeavor to uphold the standards of soapiness to which we have all become accostomed. Long live melodrama!
from dinahsoar :
Yes, exactly! I have always actually preferred rainy days (and I live in L.A., where that hardly ever happens, although this year we are breaking records). I have always loved every song that referred to rain. Have you heard Tom Waits' "Rain Dogs". I am a rain dog & it makes perfect sense that you are, too. Thanks for today's entry.
from dinahsoar :
So far, I haven't been able to find the "Difficult shoes" in my size ... but your entry has given me hope and inspiration.
from onebluegreen :
I am sorry I haven't called. I am way behind. Is tomorrow okay? BTW, from your earlier entry that I don't think is showing up -- it was beyond rude and I would have gone to bed with an ache in my heart too. Not that this is an appropriate way to respond but I, myself, would be tempted to wait till the next time during sex then I would say "blah, blah, blah, anyway" and roll out or off.
from dinahsoar :
Lions (Aslan) and tigers and bears (and wood nymphs)! Oh my! So, it WAS you! I am hopelessly confused! Let me get this straight - your HTML (I don't have a clue what that even IS, but I think I have one, too) is weirding out & archived entries are popping up indescriminately while newer entries (hence the one I responded to) are spontaneously combusting! Got it! By the way, the Aslan bookmark was hysterical! More, please!
from dinahsoar :
Sorry about the wrong message earlier ... I was responding to SOMEBODY's entry on The Chronicles of Narnia, but I don't think it was you! Oooooooooooops!
from dinahsoar :
Refreshing to hear of a rapper with a sense of humor!
from toastcrumbs :
I am enjoying your entries from September 2004 pop up - it makes me feel like I have traveled back in time eight months. That's always fun.
from dinahsoar :
Thank God the Jesus I know bears no resemblance to Aslan. I've never read The Chronicles of Narnia, but have always heard them praised by Christians as opposed to, say, Harry Potter. Thank for the wake up! I have found that, if I am true to what guidance I can discern (and I don't believe God is trying to trick us), my ears become more attuned to His voice. There is a Scripture that says "His sheep hear His voice and the voice of a stranger they will not follow". I believe that His voice is subtle, given the noise of the world, but persistent and compelling. I want to say, too, that you are a very talented writer.
from mugwhump :
If co-workers are mean at work ... can you imagine what they're like with their families at home? Not a pretty picture.
from dinahsoar :
Wow! I used to work with a Beigey, too. Her name was Jackie. She served beige cookies at meetings. She balanced a beige 'shrug' over her bony shoulders to prevent any fresh air, God forbid sunlight, to reach her. She had beige glasses & beige teeth. She finally retired and had beige going away cake.
from dinahsoar :
Maybe next time paintball? Streakier, yes, but eliminates that pesky fade.
from dinahsoar :
Hi Spark (hope we're on a first name basis - if not, then SparkSpark)! How 'bout try this. It's a Gestalt dream analysis technique. You retell your dream aloud (even if only to yourself) and you speak from the first person vantage point of EVERYTHING in the dream - even inanimate objects. The theory is, as you said with Jungian, that every part of your dream is a disowned fragment of yourself. So, you are reclaiming the 'gestalt' (the integrated whole picture). Every time I've done this, I've learned something really important about myself. It sounds silly at first, but it can be very revealing. (i.e. "I am a beach ball. I am being passed from hand to hand. Everyone thinks I have no substance but air. I am colorful and light. People enjoy me for awhile and then send me on" ... - see how it works? So you would speak as Jonothan, as the black dogs, even as the stage, the song, etc. See what happens.
from dinahsoar :
Wu Hu. Who knew?
from jehsika :
Tassles AND karoake? Score, girlfriend! I love tassles. Love karaoke too...tassles and karaoke, two great tastes that go great together. Later babe.
from dinahsoar :
I have no clue who this Keelhauler is, but I hope y'all enjoyed the party without me. That homely girl must have crossed the street, because I got hopelessly lost. I ended up at some other kid's party, but she was crying and carrying on all night because her kitten was missing. What a drag!
from monicatutu :
Dear Miss. V,or should I say Joe? Thanks for your kind note, as always. You are the only person I know that I can count on to discuss the following topics: 1- Random animals who want to make out with you. 2-Clown hair grocery clerks. 3-How the 'Devil and Mr. Chicken' is your favorite movie. Kisses. Mz. tutu- ps-I once waited on Cindy Crawford. I had to filet a five hundred degree trout for her with my bare hands while wearing a dress made of swiss organdy. If that doesn't make you want to dig out your own eyes with a fork, I don't know what will.
from dinahsoar :
Hey well, now, I don't mean to in any way diminish the thrill of seeing J.R. by proxy, but the other day I was at the Marmelade Cafe in Thousand Oaks, California & who was at the table right next to me but Bob Eubanks! Amen, amen.
from jehsika :
Ding ding ding! Five big fat brownie points to Vi for entering the first name! Made from real brownies. Thank you...your participation is intensely gratifying.
from mavenhaven :
That's funny, tonight my date and I were joking about pickup lines and he said that he should've tried "wanna go do it?" on me. I totally would've. And then I did. Teehee. But my favorite implausible retardo pickup line is from the movie 200 Cigarettes, and goes like this: "How do you like your eggs in the morning, scrambled or fertilized?" JEEEEEESUS.
from dinahsoar :
You & Aunt Olive rock! Loved the list & really needed the laugh! Thanks!
from bluemeany :
That was the best list I've read in ages! I almost wish I was single so I could try them.
from geeked-out :
Things like your entry make me happy. 10-4 good buddy. No seriously I'm still laughing. Obviously I have a mental disorder.
from geeked-out :
Hey. Happy Birthday to you too.
from dinahsoar :
I don't believe it! This is truly uncanny! I thought no one would remember my birthday today! You are beyond thoughtful. You are downright psychic! No, wait! My birthday's July 8. Pass the Witch Hat!
from toastcrumbs :
I'm good with the clever animal naming too - I named my first cat Catty. So ashamed.
from geeked-out :
Thats attraction at it's highest form. When animals start to hit on you, you know you are hot shit.
from somuchsugar :
so sorry to hear you're sad; hope the Keelhauler comes home from sea & discord soon...
from bluemeany :
Nice banner. I've also noticed that you like freakishly large boobs. What class! -Meany
from somuchsugar :
would that bag be plastic or paper...?
from mavenhaven :
Also, "love bag" could be a really bad vagina euphemism, which makes sex-package-in-a-love-bag redundant, or obvious, or both.
from toastcrumbs :
I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one fascinated by the "packaged sex in a love bag" phrase. So catchy. I think a better question would be "Why NOT package sex in a love bag?"
from mavenhaven :
I LOVE the phrase "why package sex in a love bag?" I want to get it on a t-shirt.
from onebluegreen :
I have an under-the-bed storage box filled with journals starting from 1990-1991. I am overwhelmed. How am I going to store all of my writing? How will I ever read even 1/10 of what I've written? What was the point? But then when I start reading entries eventhough many of them are sad b/c they are about boy problems my writing also captured particulars about my life. Sometimes I remember the moment; sometimes I cannot read my writing. It is similar to Dland -- I wonder why I write. What is the point? (and honestly I wish I could be a short, pithy writer which I obviously can't) My favorite feature on Dland is random. I think writing is a release valve. A way to process. I don't know the reason but I am glad I did.
from toastcrumbs :
I think your company and mine had the same twisted Smile Thru the Phone type of training.
from hissandtell :
Hi - I clicked your banner; your writing is fabulous, and I'm really enjoying reading you. I've bookmarked you to come back for more. Love, R xxx
from somuchsugar :
Hooray for APD's!!!
from somuchsugar :
Thank you for your kind note last week; it meant a lot!
from for-you-only :
Heya! I clicked your banner. I like the letter "why" as well. lol.
from somuchsugar :
Your entry about the lighthouse was beautiful. You must be a writer as well as an artist? (I DEFINITELY need some of that "Blinding Lip Schmeer"!!)
from onebluegreen :
I love when you update.
from somuchsugar :
Hahaha, more ideas for 'foreplay' bumper-stickers please! those are hilarious. (i lived in Boston too for about nine years - so nostalgic for it sometimes still!)
from onebluegreen :
Thanks for the note it was a wet blanket on my soul and once I realized that I have felt better. I meant to tell you in relation to your faux-hemian entry your description of what unites them is so true. The first time I ran into someone pretending to be one thing, when really another, was in college. Our resident Deadhead graduated after six or seven years of college. Her Deadhead b/f, now husband became a banker and she started dressing in prissy dresses, she spent her days needlepointing and having cocktail parties. They became what they'd spent years making fun of and they even lived in the same section of the city they called pretenious. They also made fun of the people they used to go to concerts with. That was when I realized they were trustfund Deadheads. Recently I got an email from a woman I know she and her boyfriend, who lives five states away, are thinking about getting a vegetable oil burner for their next car. The email was smug and self congratulatory. I thought if you really want to minimize your impact then date someone who lives within walking distance.
from blueavenue :
heh. i clicked on your banner and read your oscar play-by-play. heh heh. made me chuckle. have a good one.
from somuchsugar :
i think that's great you got hired to paint that mural! just their asking proves you have talent! you'll figure it out.
from somuchsugar :
thank you for your kind note brightening my day! i love your new design & reading your diary.

back to sparkspark's profile
recommend this diary to a pal?

Other diaries starting with the letter:
a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

Back to Diaryland

Recently updated
News
update April 6, 2020: Sorry, we just had 8+ hours downtime due to a server problem. Restoring from backups took soooo long, but everything is back and no data was lost. Ay yay yay! Anyhow, hope everyone is well with the virus stuff.

Sign up for paid membership if you want!

Users online