messages to smartypants:
(click here to add new message):
| from moosehunter : |
| Interesting question popped into my head while reading today's entry: is the opposite of dismembered 'membered'. So if you have all your limbs you're membered. Creepy... |
| from thelovedust : |
| Sara Pyle to smartypants show details 4:26 PM (1 minute ago) Reply Follow up message Oh my goodness, I feel so dumb. I've been reading your site for 2+ years, never written in, and now I'm doing so because I JUST found out that your handle is the title of a computer game. God, I'm stupid. You're great, by the way. And I recommend Michael Buckley's The Sisters Grimm series for Nora when she gets a bit older -- I work at a bookstore and they're smart, hilarious, and girl-power-ful without being too much. Retreating back to my lame lurker status.... Sara |
| from wordwhore : |
| i'd say what you have there, in terms of rocko, is known as "boy cat". boy cat ignores the prevailing wisdom that says getting neutered will curb his enthusiasm for, well, anything. boy cat has the same enthusiasm for his tail as others do for the cat toy or boy humans/boy cats have for...er, other long tapered things that sometimes point straight up. the top of the head pressure thing is likewise a symptom of boy cat. my own opinion is that it is the only method by which boy cats can keep their tiny, airy brains from flying out. as for the pepsi box, it probably got something cat-yummy spilled on it - like cologne, dirty socks or menthol. dab it with vinegar and he may stay away. (sidenote: kudos on all the musical references in today's entry. brilliant.)<br> |
| from wordwhore : |
| hm, my reduced fat wheat thins just have a picture of the box, some suspiciously garlic-like onion, a small bit of cheese, some parsley, a box-o-WT, and of course, a couple of loose WT. of course, mine are reduced fat <span style="text-decoration: underline;">country</span> french onion (the underline is theirs, not mine), but it still has the other text schtick about no compromise.<br> |
| from cocoabean : |
| I don't imagine the police following me, but I have considered acting like I've been shoplifting, just to see if they will stop me on my way out the door.... |
| from stepfordtart : |
| Sounds like she's bored. My daughters both got a bit like that once they got into summer term. They kind of outgrew the class. Im sure she'll be fine next year. s x |
| from loopykitten : |
| Roald Dahl is great, I definitely agree. Beverly Cleary is very popular with girls around her age, although personally I don't see the appeal. Edward Eager is in the same line as Roald Dahl if she ends up liking him. You might be able to start her on A series of Unfortunate Events, especially if she's seen the movie, although there is a lot of verbiage in those books, but the series of Spiderwick Chronicles are very short little books with some illustration to them that might trigger her love of "fantasy" and get her to reading bigger books in that category. I love books and if you give me her exact age and interest I should be able to find a whole list of books for you next time I go to the book store. |
| from yelayna : |
| I might have judged Nora's age a bit wrong, but what about some Roald Dahl? They usually have these great spikey line drawings and I get the feeling she'd like some of the slightly disgusting things his characters get up to! Georges Marvellous Medicine and The Witches were my favourites as a kid :) |
| from wordwhore : |
| Yeah, Little House series is good. Also, the Ramona Quimby books, though they might be a bit too long, hard to remember. They do make "picture books" that are long enough to have chapters without being a full-on novella with 6th grade words. All the ones I can think of ATM are associated with famous characters (sesame street library, muppet babies, strawberry shortcake), but I'm sure there must be others. |
| from stepfordtart : |
| How about some Jiggy McCue? (Nudie Dudie, The Snottle, The Killer Underpants) - we think they're by Michael Lawrence or some Clarice Bean by Lauren Child. The Charlie Bone books are good too, so Im told (by Jenny Nimmo). My younger daughter's a bit older than Nora but still likes a book to have a picture or two. The Jiggy books are a bit on the lavatorial side but I dont think thats necessarily a bad thing! And what fun you'll have explaining all the English slang! s x |
| from artgnome : |
| When I was a voracious reading child, my favorites were: Pippi Longstocking, Harriet the Spy, and The Little Witch. That's all I can remember for now. Oh yeah, and those crazy Little House books, that Michael Landon ruined with television. The books were SO much better and full of historical facts. |
| from wordwhore : |
| My sister was JUST showing me the White & Nerdy video and we kept watching the DO dance coz we got such a giggle! I think what Oprah probably meant was "I weighed 3 times that when I was her age!" or perhaps "I like children MUCH fatter than that before I eat them!" My 6 yr old nephew weighs exactly 42.6lbs and he is definitely NOT underfed. It's just that he burns all his calories running around making high-pitched vehicle/gun/alien noises all day whilst punching things. |
| from artgnome : |
| I went to my 20 and 25 year reunion. I didn't remember a single memory anyone else brought up because I was high most of my senior year. It would have been 30 years last year. But I'm done not fitting in with that particular crowd. heh. |
| from loopykitten : |
| You are brilliant! In our case, it's no pigeons unless they are frozen. If we can keep them from stinking up the house, then yeah we can take them home for the bones. I love the darth vader comment, all of my geek friends are going to hear about it :) |
| from wordwhore : |
| you do know there are 2 versions of tempted, right? the original and the reality bites one. i'd heard the reality bites one often and was confused by your entry as there was nothing of that nature in it. i listened to the awful groaning ejaculating monster original version on youtube, though, just so i'd know what you meant...and i do. i want to hurt things now. paul carrack, mainly... |
| from goodluckgold : |
| Hey, I love your diary! |
| from annanotbob : |
| You have got that so right. I'll be biting right there with you x |
| from stepfordtart : |
| My 13 year old daughter has never sucked her fingers in her life. Not ever. She has braces on top AND bottom teeth. Your dentist sounds like a bit of a wanker. s x |
| from truelikeice : |
| miss mimi.. your brinks vid! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmZpY2qVJiA |
| from artgnome : |
| Ok, I never move from a public transit seat because I am afraid of making that person feel rejected. I know...I'm pathetic. As for shaving, try hair conditioner, you will feel even softer and smoother and the razor likes it even better than the shaving cream. |
| from russface : |
| Are you going to see Roky Erickson at The Double Door? I can't because I'm in Dubai -- aaack. russface |
| from savemyseoul : |
| Well, that was a solid ten minutes of giggling to myself and alternately shutting myself up with a stern warning and remembering that I live alone now and can giggle at whatever the hell I please. I teach five year olds, and my kids are perennially renewing conversations we had that morning - or the previous week - with no transitions whatsoever. The difference between me and a mother, however, is that instead of following their little leaps I just stare blankly and try to avoid the phrase "what the fuck, child." |
| from annanotbob : |
| Ha ha ha - I just love that reply on the baby forum, but I am not going to get sucked into it, oh no. But I must add you, hope that's OK, best wishes, Anna xx |
| from russface : |
| Hiya, My wife turned me onto your diary and we both think it's great. We have quite a bit in common with you. Check out sandbabies.blogspot.com and perhaps mine here at Diaryland. We're neighbours kind of. We normally live in Milwaukee and frequent Chicago quite a bit. Perhaps one day the girls can play together. |
| from nerryna : |
| On the way out I passed Paul McCartney, on his way to buy some Look Less Like Angela Lansbury pills,<--- omg, this is soooo true. it just hit me. you ARE brilliant. |
| from artgnome : |
| I'm also one of those people sitting in my office of about 4 people here, trying to get through the day and not stare off into space. Well done with the punk on the train. |
| from bethb : |
| i can not can not cannot cannot cannot *stand* singers that don't play an instrument. which i said once in front of my friend amanda. whoops. doesn't make it any less true 'tho |
| from artgnome : |
| I hate to be the one to say this, but you may have a serious politician in the making on your hands! wow, Nora, wow. |
| from onepinksock : |
| good for nora learning how to puke and rally! |
| from artgnome : |
| today's entry is a great one. Nora never ceases to amaze me with her fertile creative take on everyday things. I think you have a true conceptual artist there. Also the headline about the hamster and of Starbucks was almost as amusing as your LT's description of cannibalism as "rude". hah! |
| from artgnome : |
| Love Meryl Streep, love the background of Manhattan. HATE that girls need to keep their boyfriends or are considered to be bitchy shits too. I think Annie needed to get some better friends that could support her in her career choices. I didn't think she was selling out, but rather being open to a new experience. |
| from stepfordtart : |
| Re; The Devil Wears Prada. If its of any consolation whatsoever, the book sucked, too. I couldnt believe they made it into a film. s x PS I may use the expression "Bat-Lube" later. Maybe. |
| from happyyet : |
| Love the scavenger hunt comment! You're my hero. I think I'm going to try useing that to break up my next unwanted conversation. |
| from fridayfilms : |
| The SCUBA phase you went through in second grade wouldn't have anything to do with that Family Ties episode where Alex and Malory stay up all night studying for an exam that Malory has to take and Alex nearly loses faith in his complete nitwit of a sister until out of the blue...Eureka! Malory remembers what SCUBA stands for and then the two of them hold one another and jump up and down and repeat the answer (SELF CON-TAINED UNDER-WATER BREATHE-ING APP-A-RA-TUS!!!) excitedly, in unison and with increasing volume. Would it? |
| from cloud9girl : |
| I am a Christian, although not of the tract-distributing variety, and I gotta admit, handing her your Target receipt was hilarious. I'm still waiting for the day that Christians will collectively realize that accepting Jesus doesn't mean tossing your sense of humor out the window. I'm not holding my breath. |
| from cardiogirl : |
| I found a severed head yesterday! It wasn't human, but it was severed, nonetheless. Come, see. |
| from artgnome : |
| I painted my bathroom orange, it's lovely. You will so enjoy your color choice. I like to watch David Bowie dance around with goblins in Labyrinth. Has Nora seen that one yet? |
| from bettyalready : |
| That was probably one of the cutest damn things I have read that a kid has said about the yarn and the pipe cleaner. |
| from coldandgray : |
| SCIENTIFIC! |
| from bettyalready : |
| Don't you love that? I think you're right, if she were a boy, it MIGHT be all NORMAL. Geez, all kids are K I D S. They do kid stuff. They get mad. They go through phases. Stupid diaryland jerk blogger people. |
| from crabbyjill : |
| My sister lives in Austin, and she is a lot of fun. I live in San Antonio, so I'd love to join you two if you get together. E-mail me at [email protected] if you want to meet up while you're here. |
| from trancejen : |
| I don't know, I kind of like "You couldn't rape a waffle!" as a general insult. "Your penis is so small that you couldn't even fit it into one of those tiny little, uh, squares! And I'm not talking Belgian! I'm talking Eggo!" Right. Hey, it could work. |
| from boxx9000 : |
| re: the coffee table book called 4 inches. I thought that was referring to the length of the man's penis. hehehehehe. re: Valentine's day. My birthday is on the 16th of February which also happens to be the same day my Mom died. I choose to celebrate by birth rather than mourn her passing. |
| from joiedv : |
| You have a bizarre doctor there. I thought they were supposed to help people NOT develop eating disorders. I have more than 10 pounds to lose, yet no doctor has ever mentioned it. Of course, they obviously have a different problem. But they don't get hit by offended patients either ;) |
| from cardiogirl : |
| Yes, my husband provided the voice for our cat, Clive, who now lives at a cousin's house (it's asthma-related and a long story). Anyway, our cat's "voice" was high-pitched, child-like and, in the past, had provided a hell of a lot of witty sarcasm, just when it was needed. (Side note: now that there's no cat in the house, the voice was transferred to our youngest daughter who isn't yet speaking. She tends to have a foul mouth when she's having a tantrum, I might add.) |
| from artgnome : |
| agh, everyone's a critic, aren't they? I get the same thing being a single parent going to college full time at 46 years of age. Man o man, does everyone around me think they can do it better! I for one think you are doing a great job with Nora. Best wishes for the new year. |
| from janetplnetoc : |
| I love Nora! I want to be her secret internet aunt! She's got spunk and spirit. I've been reading for a while but can't figure out how to leave comments and you don't have a link for notes so I had to go in the back way. Just often find things I want to comment on with your diary but of course, I can't remember them all now. Anyway, I can't believe you can't find wax paper, I just bought three rolls of it... not to rub it in, I'm just surprised. |
| from goingloopy : |
| Perhaps the astronauts have used all the waxed paper to make poop bags? |
| from janetplnetoc : |
| Action clothes! I love it. And I remember taking naps in KINDERGARTEN. As a preschooler teacher, I was 100% in favor of naps, as it allowed me to do my homework! Naps are an excellent thing. I will come smack the head of anyone who scoffs at your use of naps. |
| from trancejen : |
| I think I want a pair of those stuffed hands so that I can walk around with them on my ass. FUN! |
| from nerryna : |
| yay for banana! i loved that story. |
| from kungfukitten : |
| Banana is so cute! Aren't you just a little disappointed that the black eye didn't happen just in time for the family Christmas card? How cool would that be? |
| from dejour : |
| Lo Estrin has been a dream pill for me. Maybe look into that. If that's what you're on though, welp nevermind. I hear Yasmin is good, too. Also, vasectomy's can be reversed� http://www.webmd.com/content/article/98/104637.htm |
| from trancejen : |
| Very much Tee Em Aye, but going off the pill fucketh up thine period like you would not fucking believe. Like you will say, "Why did I ever do this?" I got sterilized and I still wish I could go back on the damned pill. Just my three cents. |
| from trancejen : |
| The toilet report doesn't end by age eight, I can tell you that much. I still get poop reports on a daily basis. And thank God for that, because it would KILL me not to know. |
| from amblus : |
| Bikes are totally my thing and I had a basic schwinn when I was a kid. I think you can still get gender-neutral bikes, they're just a little harder to find. This one looks good: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/customer-reviews/B00005A1LK/104-3823909-4417506?redirect=true |
| from coldandgray : |
| I have a friend who is an only child and just had a kid that she is planning to be an only child, too. Seems fine to me. Sorry you got sat upon. |
| from kungfukitten : |
| You should have made fun of Crazy Lady in the elevator ride down. Or just pointed and laughed. When I last checked, you were most likely to get teased in preschool if your name rhymed with something rude or naughty, not because you were Asian or adopted. Duh. |
| from lollygrass : |
| I can't believe Crazy Lady, I want to kick her in the crotch! Where does she get off asking questions like that! What a ho. Your Nora is so sweet. |
| from jackie-rae : |
| i've been laughing for an hour over your sex ed lesson. i'll think of you the next time it comes up |
| from simplify : |
| I'm sorry about your cat. |
| from coldandgray : |
| Oh, such a nice entry about Cat. She is a good soul. |
| from nerryna : |
| i'm sorry about your cat. it makes me sad too.. |
| from c1rcu5fr34k : |
| Your entries which include Nora are the funniest. |
| from veralynn : |
| I definitely get the school's logic for massive quantities of booze at the event. People with spare thousands + too much alcohol = higher bidding on the silent auction items. Seems sensible to me! :) And hey, free booze! Always a plus. |
| from goingloopy : |
| While I have never been married, I think cash is pretty much an acceptable gift for all occasions. I'm always happy to receive it, anyway. Much happier, in fact, than I would be if I received a banana...since I only like bananas in the euphemistic sense rather than the literal one. |
| from pansycline : |
| do you know (of course not), my ex-cat did the same thing w/ his food, but relying on his small cat-brain I just dumped the "old" food back into the bag and repoured it. Good as new! |
| from yukonruby : |
| I love reverse prank calls. I do them in person when I'm travelling. Mostly to teenagers. "Hi there! How are you!? It's been so long since I've seen you. How's your mom? Is she still bowling? Tell her I said hello. We really should get together. I'll call her. etc." Mostly without giving them a chance to reply and if I'm feeling especially bold with a big hug. Try unbending a paper clip part way to deal with the ear wax. If you take only one bend out of the clip you are left with two nicely curved scoopy things. |
| from nerryna : |
| ahahaha i LOVED that reverse prank call! hahaha thanks that made me laugh!!! |
| from trancejen : |
| OK, "I'm cooking paella - that shit takes all day," fucking slayed me. |
| from artgnome : |
| May I please apologize for the ignorant remark from that Christian(?). There was nothing Christian about it. I am divorced, single Christian mom and I am grateful that God doesn't feel the same way that person does. whew! My best wishes for good health to you and yours, get well soon! I so enjoy reading about you and sweet Nora! :) |
| from elle-marie : |
| i am new to diaryland and am just writing to say i really enjoy your diary. i found your site after i saw your new book �the world according to mimi smartypants� � funny stuff. i�m definitely going to get it so i don�t have to keep clicking pages and running up my online bill. |
| from f-i-n : |
| Nixon-esque hand gestures scare me. |
| from kate-lee : |
| Somebody else understands the weirdness of Boobahs! For a long time now I've called them the "Brightly Coloured Foreskin Toys" and have vowed not to let my own child have one...the whole "pulling back the foreskin (neck) to make the head pop out" thing just isn't appropriate for young children. For the most fucked up, bad-trip experience wesbite ever do a google search on 'Boobah', turn your sound up and click on the first result. It's just wrong...and somehow made more freakish by the total lack of any explanation. For another messed up English childrens tv show (filled with covert sexual inuendo) try out 'Big Cook Little Cook'. I agree...we really must have something against our kids. |
| from fridayfilms : |
| No, but we Paglia/Wurtzel dissers have to stick together. |
| from pansycline : |
| oh my god something is retarded with me because I've been reading you forever (literally) and it's taken me this long to figure out how to leave you a comment. Just the kind of reader you're thrilled to have. Anyways, your diary makes me laugh out loud and scare my cat every time I read it. And I can totally empathize with the non-brain type hangover. So much better than vomiting, though it only seems to happen to me on days when I have to hang out with people I don't know very well. Makes for incredible conversations. |
| from goingloopy : |
| What? Retarded is supposed to be a bad word? I feel it is almost (though not quite) as versatile as the word "fuck." |
| from darkest-elf : |
| Oh my God, now I'm about to cry just thinking about it. Poor Nora! She's so cute and smart and... and... snappy/witty/whatever-y that it's so easy to overlook how little she is sometimes. It's amazing, the things she comes up with to say. But this? This is just... yeah. A medal. Can I make her one? I'll make her one you can print out. Poor kid. Now I need a bottle. |
| from goingloopy : |
| I think I will have the obsessive urge to tell everyone that I am a corn-loosener when they ask me what I do for a living. |
| from k7flyer : |
| you're weird, so your cool and cause i said so |
| from goingloopy : |
| ...you have to know that men everywhere will be rejoicing that 7 inches=footlong. |
| from samanthaphi : |
| Thanks. I'm never eating meat again, but I have to say the sentence, "Carcasses or parts of carcasses may not be inflated with air" is the greatest sentence ever written. |
| from monkey-king : |
| So THAT'S why, I suppose, I haven't made your buddylist. I'm all about the heroics. |
| from scotvalkyrie : |
| Because I read too quickly and don't usually sweat comprehension, "monkey heroism" was translated by my brain into "monkey heroin." I then had to question why monkey heroin would be any different, and if it was different, was it BETTER?? |
| from goingloopy : |
| Ham is one of the nastiest foods ever. It's right up there with tapioca pudding and strawberries on my squick list. |
| from supertrampy : |
| Mimi Smartypants: Rhino Queen, I have become hopelessly addicted to your diary. It gives me a pathetic twinge of excitement to see an update, which I am careful not to read too fast so it will last longer. Like you might do to a Cornetto. I can't say I really know what you are talking about a lot of the time, but I like to hear you talk about it. I know all about Lilt though. Your English friends are right. Lilt is disgusting. I've been reading through your first entries (I've had a lot of time on my hands, ok?) and I keep wanting to respond to things you have said. Years ago. Which obviously is unreasonable, which is why I decided to leave a note instead. This is it. Cheers. |
| from psst-tsismis : |
| dearerst ms. smartypants, so i've been reading you for awhile but before i get to the point let me introduce myself: i grew up as a rogers parkian (so your neighborhood references have zeroed me in to i-know-where-you-live-status - not in a you-best-get-a-restraining-order way - more in the i'm-proud-of-my-neighborhood and chicago-smarts-way); i was a slave at hashalom through my high school years - the jewish rest. on devon/california - you should try it, it's delish; now a pilsen dweller, but more importantly (in terms of having a point) one of the editors for Chicago Parent magazine. i don't know if you've ever come across it (for we are a small and poor company), but often, the thought of having you as a columnist has surfaced in my head and i think i will bring it up to my exec. editor, when we have our "retreat" (gag me with an egg beater) in october after several deadlines are over. they took me on (young, non-caucasian - quite rare for the co., single, no children, frequenter of dives, parliament smoking, art school drop out, insomniac) to "give some edge" to the magazine. and really, i've been completely void of such edge-like ideas, i fear that they'll fire me, which would be a very tragic irony if there ever was one. point is - we've got some boring columnist we can certainly say goodbye to and i think one of your monthly columns would be educational, entertaining and usher the magazine into the modern world. seriously, i think our readers would really appreciate your voice and stories of motherhood and Nora. so before i go recommending you out of pure impulse, i thought i should ask if you'd even be interested. pick up our next copy - our october issue should be out the last week of sept. - our cover story is actually about adoption in china. and also please note the lameness of our current columnists. we only use local writers and you would by far be ... i can't think of a word that equates "the dopest" (it's been a long day). so let me know. psst-tsismis used to be my journal until one drunken evening when i erased all my entries - a very cyber-Sylvia Plath moment. in any case, if you say no, i suppose i'll still read you without heckling the computer. but to plead my case just a bit more: it's extra drinking money. hope to talk soon (i'm sure i've sold you after my last point) - here's my email: [email protected] p.s. i hate leaving this note on here, but for some reason i couldn't connect to your email on your site... will you erase it when you've read it? thanks. |
| from smedindy : |
| My Katie always wants us to eat ice cream - her pretend ice cream. Three times a day. And sometimes she wants pretend french toast with her pretend ice cream. |
| from candoor : |
| you are so much a smile, I mean, I am so happy to find you here still rambling... it's been so long since I've left you a note I've forgotten who I am... and you probably never knew... but it's all good, cuz my T-Shirt says so... thanks for the words :) |
| from princessreva : |
| Okay, your Nora is so adorable it's cavity forming. this is good for me:) I love your writing! |
| from dinahsoar : |
| Finally someone identified the true origen of penis envy. We in the psych biz had been workin' on that one for millinea. |
| from dinahsoar : |
| I hear a roach means good luck. Wait. No. That was a cricket. |
| from dinahsoar : |
| Love what you did with the poem! You really made it your own! I think you and Keats are a great pair (even though he is currently geographically undesirable). |
| from rosedavidson : |
| Hello My dear Pls read this message and get back to me urgent,pls am serious about this. May this mail will find you in Good condition. It Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into relationship with you. I have the believe you are a reputable and responsible and trustworthy person I can do relay with for a partner and by matter of trust I must not hesitate to confide in you for this simple and sincere transaction. My name is Ms rose mary Davidson single , from Ivory coast , am a banker here in ABIDJAN COTE D�IVOIRE I need a very Good relationship with you and open minded so that we can work together as one family. Really ,we do not know each other before,It was also after I went through your profile this morning,I decide to contact you because of what i want to do with you. My plans was that as soon as this transaction get through I will resign from my work and come over to stay in your country. Your statue is good enough, due to the country you come from and I have the belive that if we can understand our self as we will achive something good from this projet. My communicateing with you this morning was very please to me and I don't want to wait due to the urgence this transaction needed . In my department i discovered an abandoned sum of $9.5m US dollars nine million, five hundred thousand U.S dollars) . In an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer He died along with his entire family in a plane crash in the year 2000 in that almost took the whole life of the pasengeres on board Since we got this information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot applie for it as next of kin,assocaite or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines but unfortunately we learnt that all his supposed next of kin or relation died along side with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim. It is therefore upon this discovery that I decided to make this transaction proposal to you ,so that the fund will be release to you as the next of kin. Since nobody is coming for the claiming of this fund and I don't want this money to go into the Bank treasury as unclaimed fund. Pls,this is an cfor you and me. The Banking law and guideline here stipulates that if such money remained unclamed after four years, the money will be transfere into the Bank treasury account as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin or assocaite in this transcation is needed occasioned by the fact that the customer is from your same Area and I am a citizen of this town I cannot stand as next of kin or assocaite . Please my dear,If you are capable to handle this project with me, contact me urgently as soon as you recieve this message so that I will go into details and tell you what you have to do. I Am waiting to hear from you. Remain the same to who cares with love. Miss ROSE MARY. contact me with this email [email protected] |
| from pansycline : |
| I love how on the surviving website, under the pearl barley they suggest some freeze-dried things that "You Might Also Like..." -- because someone who orders a 44lb bucket of pearl barley must REALLY LIKE barley!! whoo dog! |
| from samanthaphi : |
| I like the sign that reads: Inhaled. Burned. Thrown away. If it were anything but a cigarette it would surely be crying. |
| from simplify : |
| As I remember it, during one of the taped calls or something along those lines Clinton said that he didn't trust Monica to swallow. YET. I guess the implication was that once she proved her trustworthiness she would be allowed to swallow. So, also guessing here, it was his decision to spill his seed on her dress. Oi. |
| from fridayfilms : |
| I like the suggestion for how to make a snow-man ashtray. Smoking can indeed be all-seasonal and fun for the whole family. |
| from breathtaken1 : |
| I have literally heard people say, "Me, work? I have four kids. I can't afford to work." And from casual observation, I think the more kids you have, the more likely you are not to work. Childcare is too expensive. Well, and the time issue. Four kids and a full time job...I don't think so. |
| from f-i-n : |
| Your blog is so awesome. I love it! |
| from ramble-on : |
| As a "former" resident of Wyoming (read: lived there the majority of my life, recently moved away and will probably move back), I have to Google it too. Simply because the state is the most boring place on the planet. But I do know this: It was the FIRST state to allow women to vote, Cheyenne (state capitol) has the biggest outdoor rodeo in the country, and there are a little more than half a million people in the ENTIRE state. There you are, consider yourself Wyoming educated ;) |
| from bettyalready : |
| 2t underpants? It's hard enough to find 4T and those are too big for my Boo. She can fit into Build-A-Bear undies if that's any indication...which may be the route to go. Although I know full well Nora has no tail. |
| from f-i-n : |
| hihihihi! |
| from im-infected : |
| You, my dear, have the cutest little girl on the face of the planet. Hands down. |
| from goingloopy : |
| "Nora do it-make allbody happy." (Or is she over the "allbody" thing?) And I cannot even imagine listening to any sort of jamming from any sort of band unless stoned. What's the point? |
| from samanthaphi : |
| The way you talk about Sleater-Kinney reminds me of how I now talk about Sonic Youth - they were my all-time favorite band for years, and I have like every single bootleg and import, but now mostly they just give me a headache. Nevertheless, you have piqued my curiosity regarding S-K, and so I plan to see them when they come to Atlanta. |
| from fridayfilms : |
| Maybe somewhere on that card it could say: "Ask me about Duck Eating Pizza." |
| from fridayfilms : |
| Evidently, my diary screams "Legs and Feet!" also. It was my designer's decision, though, and who am I to argue with a free template? Besides which, I feel that it adequately describes my unique, offbeat perspective (me so quirky, as you might put it). |
| from puppetgirl : |
| The onion personals, in order to have more users to choose from, share their personals with two other sites. One of which is Nerve.com, a site devoted to articles about sex. So maybe some of the random onion panty sprawl filled personals were Nerve personals? |
| from divinetart : |
| Popcorn tongs! Yes! I knew there was a solution to the gross, faux cheddar powder on hands dilemma. Additionally, I'm hot for the Super Nanny too. |
| from alogglalala : |
| I've just found your lovely diary today, and after reading, I had to tell you how much I loved the finger puppet story. I'm never going to be able to look at another small child with a finger up their nose without thinking "Hello, I'm a nose". |
| from dinahsoar : |
| I don't care a whit about white cheddar popcorn! Don't you GET IT? Now I, too, won't rest until I see DUCK EATING PIZZA! |
| from normaltoilet : |
| i love, Love, LOVE the Nora Tales! they always make me smile... on the popcorn tong idea... what came to my mind was perhaps some of those babmoo tongs you can find at the asian grocery. That's the only place I've ever seen them. about an inch wide, would be perfect :) |
| from inprintagain : |
| "Croutons. For salad." SO CUTE. I laughed (out loud)... and I'm not the type that does that much while I'm staring at my laptop. |
| from dinahsoar : |
| Wow! I feel like I should renew my Passport. Today's entry took me everywhere! I laughed (loved the Christopher Walken eggnog), I cried (first about Cat, then Charlie), I ate croutons just to feel like a member of the family. I LOVED today's entry, whatever THAT means. |
| from dinahsoar : |
| Stuck home on a Saturday night & not a big fan of Cold Case, I was prepared for a boring evening & then somehow stumbled onto your diary. I am working my way through your archives, laughing all the way. I'm an adoptive mom, too, and am really enjoying the stories about your daughter. And Beef Lady was hysterical! Your writing is great! I feel I'm right there witnessing each scenario like a maniacal fly on the wall. Thanks for the window into your world! |
| from amblus : |
| That entry is several premium brands worth of sweet. Good stuff. |
| from nerryna : |
| 'I already knew that two-year-olds were insane,..' oh that cracked me up, so hard. hehe! love that! |
| from onepinksock : |
| whatever happened with "The Soap." do you still use it? is it still a miracle soap. inquiring minds really want to know. |
| from blump : |
| My boyfriend told me that he once read an interview with Metallica where they explained the inspiration for "One": (paraphrased) "We were just chillin one day, and someone said 'yo how much would it SUCK if you had no arms, no legs, couldn't hear, couldn't see, and couldn't speak?? WHOOOA THIS IS BLOWING MY MIND!!!!" And so they wrote a song dedicated to all those who suffer from this affliction. The title "One" is also supposed to remind the listener that the subject of the song looks like the numeral "1". PS: I loved this song much more after hearing the explanation. |
| from onepinksock : |
| mimi, i just wanted to let you know that the days that you update make working with a skankyfishybitchwad boss not so bad. |
| from crazy4muffin : |
| There is nothing wrong with poop colored walls in the bathroom, I mean earth tone terra cotta. Provided you steer clear of towels in the tones of butter, butterscotch, sunshine,..i.e. pee. urine. #1. |
| from haloaskew : |
| I am a prodigious note maker, but I would've condensed the copier note to say "Make/staple/distribute copies" -- there IS a difference. (And I would've made the note in my notebook. Not on a post-it for the world to view). You see, I like to check things off A LOT. It gives me a sense of accomplishment. That pretty much gives you an indication of how pathetic my life is. Welcome to hell. Are you staying, or just visiting? Because I need to make a note of it. |
| from zostrich : |
| "We are not able to reimburse for damaged containers, color tone variations, or Smurf texture." = mental picture of albino smurfs with acne = me almost wetting myself = best day ever. |
| from normaltoilet : |
| OK the latest Nora-tale (fingerpuppets) made me snort out my nose! I love it! NT |
| from vickithecute : |
| It IS fun putting words in the mouths of the little ones, isn't it? I still feel somewhat ashamed, however, for the time I taught my first born to order a Newcastle Brown Ale for me at Bennigans. (but the amusement factors outweighs the shame factor, so it's all okay) |
| from spoiltangel : |
| I love your way of thinking. In that regard, I have added you to my favourites list. Pure genius... I'm so jealous! |
| from fridayfilms : |
| And your wee environmentalist is a bit of a genius, I'd say. |
| from fridayfilms : |
| You may be thinking of Tibetans. Women in pastoral areas use it to protect their skin. The Tibetans also drink Yak butter tea, by the way. I hear it's an acquired taste. |
| from crazycutter : |
| re: the Mongols and butter; the Romans used to stick scented lard on their heads, if that is any consolation. |
| from turbogeek : |
| i liked your post on courtney love. |
| from tattodnanny : |
| Thought you would be amused to know that my son did a very similiar thing re: toilet training. He was 3 and the family unit was discussing new years resolutions. he said his was to use the potty from then on. funny, haha, right? the child never wore a diaper again after new years. not even to sleep in. |
| from red-wine : |
| Re: nothing specific, but I think I ought to tell you that my household (i.e. myself, Bathtubmary and the husband) have commandeered Nora's term "allbody". But when asked, we give her full credit. I feel cleansed for having made that confession. |
| from bettyalready : |
| Huh. My 3 year old calls them "Bips". It makes my breasts sound like a snack food. |
| from coldandgray : |
| I love that you call that a "short one". |
| from beetilda : |
| Here are my apologies from the Land of the Jackass, where I have apparently been dwelling all day. I wish to publicly state that I took my assorted crap out on One Innocent Smartypants, and I am totally mortified. I am not nearly the jackass that I have presented myself to be. No justification. Explanation involves geting hit with a lot of crap from self-righteous fundamantalist people. Not Smartypants. Seriously, my whole inane and confusing rant would have been more appropriately directed at the writer of the speech that Mimi linked to. I ASSumed that by linking, there was a tacit endorsement. I dunno, maybe it's the St. Patrick's Week Hell taking it's toll on me. Anyway, I do apologise. Geh. |
| from bettyalready : |
| "You know what, though? "Assuming the worst" about racist hate groups has served us pretty well so far. In this case it turns out no crazy neo-Nazi assholes were involved, and that's fine. But I think I will go on assuming the worst of them, in general. If that is okay with everyone." I'm right there with you. I'm contemplating telling my brother and SIL I'm raising my kids religion-free and watch them keel over. |
| from beetilda : |
| Um...do you mean to say that religion and science are mutually exclusive? Or that pragmatism and religion are mutually exclusive? Becasue I read that speech that you linked to ( and am presuming that one can assume that you are a like thinker)and she has some valid points. And let me add right here that I believe that everyone has the right to choose what they do or do not believe in and that nobody has any right to castigate them for those beliefs. BUT---I am appalled that atheism can have the same all-or-nothing-ness as fundamantalism. (I'm thinking specifically here of fundamantalist Christians.) I am insulted that someone can say that because I am Christian, I believe in evolution vs. Darwinism and tout that as an absolute truth. FFS what is *that* all about? It is a weak argument. Athiesm is no more a form of high-minded elitism than faith. Neither should be used as a weapon. We are not here to bash each other. (Silly me, that's a tenet of my religion. Must be invalid)As for your decision to raise Nora athiest, that is your decision, and it is not up to anyone else to criticise you for that. From what I have read in your diary, you are doing a very thoughtful and way above average job (not to use "job" negatively)in raising her, and I think she will be a very happy and well-adjusted adult, and will have a fantastic childhood to look back on. I don't think that athiesm or faith has anything to do with that. I think its more to do with who you and LT are and what you do. Sorry to rant on and on, and I am actually a huge Smartypants fan, but this link in the entry rousted me enough to get me out of lurkdom. Best regards, and I do sincerely apologise if I have ranted on and on based on erroneous assumptions. |
| from suziekins : |
| Hi Mimi, just finished reading your hilarious book. It made me laugh out loud every night on the train home. I look forward to your next entry. |
| from senorita11 : |
| Hi I recently bought your book after I read that you were on diaryland as well and it was great. Keep up the good work. Your entries are entertaining as well. |
| from darkest-elf : |
| Just wanted to say that I think your daughter sounds adorable, and I frequently almost shoot random beverages out my nose while reading your diary (... and I typed "dairy" the first time I tried that). So... uh, kudos, I think. :) PS - Do you happen to know how to find out how someone finds your site if they google something? Like... if they look for "Monkeys wearing pants" and they end up on your site, you can find out somewhere that they're kind of freaky looking up that kind of thing? ... Sorry. :) |
| from monkey-king : |
| Ok, so somebody *does* watch The Wire. We got a copy of Season Two on DVD at the store I work at, and everybody who looks at it has never heard of the show. |
| from basal : |
| hi 777 |
| from bettyalready : |
| The electric tea kettle fire hazard thing is really quite dumb. We couldn't have fans in our area because of the "fire hazard" thing. I worked w/ a lot of sweaty women. |
| from hel : |
| Take sharpie. Label bottle of lotion 'amazing ejactulating lotion'. Leave on doorstep of local gay club. :) |
| from breathtaken1 : |
| I just read some of your entries for the first time, and really enjoyed them. Congrats on the book. WOW, actually that is stupendous! And as for the "allbody" thing, all three of my kids did that too, and they are now 20, 17 and 7 (yeah, oops) so it has been floating around the cosmos for awhile :) Still cute though! |
| from azelya : |
| My kid did the same thing with a "leaf" once. "No thank you!" Funny. |
| from acaldwell : |
| i simply love your entries! and nora is just a joy! you are lucky to get noticed and published!! good luck! and post more often so we can read more tales!!! ♥ |
| from zostrich : |
| i was at that point with lip gloss too; does your current balm contain lanolin? that actually dries your skin out; a lot of companies include it so you buy more of their product. try going to a health food store and looking for lanolin free products; they should help. (i'm in rochester ny; it was -20 here today and i think i would die without a good lip balm. or at least be very sad because of my cracked and bleeding mouth.) good luck! |
| from luxlust : |
| I LOVE your postings, you always write things that crack me up! Thank you for helping me feel less nuts. |
| from default-hell : |
| I think you're funny and I'm adding you. Not that I really think you care, but I thought I'd let you know because I'm hella confused when people add me for no reason and... aw hell. Whatever. You know. |
| from saellys : |
| Yeah, that part about 400-thread-count sheets being like sleeping on triple creme brie served by Thom Yorke? Just further confirmation that you rock beyond description. And additionally, it's true. |
| from supermom3604 : |
| That is so funny that Nora had a French accent, because I am convinced my son is somehow French. He calls his brother "baby", but he says it like "bay-BAY." I am trying to get him to say "je suis la jeune fille" because it's the only French I know (learned from a Muzzy commercial) but my husband knows that means "I am a little girl" and put a stop to that. Oh well. |
| from bonnylisbon : |
| I recently read your entry on the books you've read recently. A really good "mommy memoir" is by Francesca Lia Block. I happen to think she's amazing, I don't know if you're familiar with her. She had a baby recently and wrote the most amazing book about it. It's not cheesey or forced, it's great. I don't have kids, I have no plans to have kids, I usually think those "mommy" books are lame, but this one is beautiful. |
| from becksterama9 : |
| hi, i really like your diaryland...and your username, too. :-) i have a joke for you which is NOT the funniest joke ever as some people would like to think: (i'm assuming and hoping you like jokes since you put one in your profile :-)) Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One says, "Gosh, it's kind of hot in here," and the other says, "Holy cow, a talking muffin!" |
| from oladybug0 : |
| Six degrees sounds like a tropical freaking paradise compared to the horror show that is Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada right now. We are at approx. MINUS 35 degrees. Booya. (Yes, I AM going a little bit Jack Nicholson in The Shinning fucking crazy from the cold). |
| from goingloopy : |
| Disclaimer: I don't have kids. But from reading your diary, and observing the parenting skills of those around me, it seems like you are a perfectly good parent...and let's face it, those people who are offering you unsolicited advice? Where do you think THEIR kids are when they're typing this crap? Yeah. In front of the TV. And I'm with you...if the temperature is not in at least double digits...not going outside unless there is a paycheck involved. |
| from vickithecute : |
| Hey, I just wanted to say that, although I have a lot of diaries I read, only a few make me clap my hands like a giddy little girl when I see they're updated - yours is one of them. You rock!!! (PS - I don't know about monkey underwear, but I love my monkey socks) |
| from skwirlnutkyn : |
| thought this might amuse you... http://camelid.webis.net/neola/neola_calendar.html |
| from goingloopy : |
| I'm with you. Outdoors=not this white girl. My dad tries shit like that. My solution to the whole "why don't we go camping" was to only bring dressy shoes and a leather jacket. I was foiled. He owns more Gore-Tex than Bass Pro Shops and was happy to lend me some, as well as purchasing me a pair of $8 tennis shoes from Cosco. I spent the next seven days discovering how LITTLE hot water a motor home holds and how cold it is in Oregon in November. |
| from theotherchad : |
| I just wanted to stop by and say that I just discovered your page and I find it utterly charming. IF you stop by my page, you will find out just how odd it is for me to use the phrase "utterly charming" and thus discern the depth of my appreciation for your utter charmingness. Peace out! |
| from supermom3604 : |
| Re: Maisy...at least she doesn't want to watch Thomas the Tank Engine. Over. And over. And over. That has got to be the most dangerous railway ever - they crash in every other episode. And why does a small island need a railway? I could go on. |
| from fridayfilms : |
| Consider Canada!(Please) would make for a good tourism leaflet slogan, because we are accommodating and also very polite. Anyway, just wanted to say that Tree Wave is a bit like Stereolab or a hopped-up Sea and Cake (in other words, enjoyable). Because I may have imploded without an outlet for that revelation. |
| from goingloopy : |
| I agree. They never mention how much men weigh...especially not if they are powerful. What's even more ironic, to me, is that the media was calling Teresa Heinz Kerry "obese" but not Laura Bush...and it sure looks to me like they are almost the same size. And neither of them are obese, either. But at least you guys did get a good senator, unlike Oklahoma. We got a right-wing Nazi physician who plans to use his medical practice for political polling....almost makes me want to consider Canada, despite the egregious lack of burritos. |
| from veronicabond : |
| I just wanted to say that I am a new reader, and your diary makes me so very happy. :) Thanks! |
| from supermom3604 : |
| My son was all about the one word at a time yelling at the top of his lungs until you repeat the word he's saying until one day, he just started speaking in adorable little sentences. I don't know what the turning point was, it just happened. My younger son is 22 months and still doesn't do sentences. I think it's just different with every kid. |
| from oladybug0 : |
| Damn you mimi smartypants- I've been looking at disembodied penises at work for the past ten minutes because of your post. They are pretty funny looking. |
| from juddhole : |
| B, A friend who knows I have a diary sent me a link to this Chicago News Show's interview with this chick who got offered a book deal for her blog. Cracked me up when I saw that I already have that chick on my favorites. Plus, it was funny to hear the news guy say, 'smartypants,' because he was kind of a tool, and I'm immature like that. Congrats though, that is awesome. |
| from glasgerion : |
| What in the world is a hand sanitizer? Is it some sort of small washing device? |
| from pinkytusk : |
| Lucy had H.F & M disease recently. She only had the blisters on her tongue tho. I felt horrible to b/c it took me about 2 days to notice it. Hope she's feeling better soon! |
| from fridayfilms : |
| We love Annie's macaroni and cheese. We call it "cheddar bunnies." Like I'll say, "I'm making cheddar bunnies - you want some?" And he'll say, "Look, I only refered to it like that the one time. Can we just please put it behind us?" Not on your life. |
| from solarlab : |
| your big and small entry moved me tremendously. i really appreciate that you exist. |
| from fridayfilms : |
| That sounds like something Nicholson Baker might have said. The Fermata is probably the best instance of that manifestation in his writing. |
| from bonnylisbon : |
| Your last entry made me laugh out loud. A while back, let's say a year or so, by boyfriend got into this very heavy (and horrible) "hardcore" phase. New music by young people is rarely listenable, let alone good. Hardcore was like every cliche you can imagine in the lyrics being screamed over and over to sometimes too fast music. One night as he and his friends were at his house primping for a night out at a local concert venue, I asked one of his buddies who way playing. I of course refused to go after hearing the show was being marketed as "hardcore fest." He told me, "Umm Lorelei, as I Lay Dying, and Bonfire of the Vanitites." Now, I don't know if the boys in these bands are well read guys who just happen to make lousy music, but I told my boyfriends buddy to ask the three bands very specific questions. I told him to ask Lorelei if they were fans at all of Sylvia Plath, if As I Lay Dying enjoyed Faulkner, and if the young men of Bonfire... enjoyed Tom Wolfe, he just kind of looked at me weird and said, "whatever." |
| from bonnylisbon : |
| About Death In Gaza, the most disturbing part to me was when the same men, with covered faces and guns in hand say that the little boy is perfect for the job because he's just that, a little boy. Nobody, I'm assumming, would suspect a fucking thing. The worst possible thing that could have happened was for the cameraman who was killed to be turned into a martyr, which they actually did. BUT (there's always a but), the young boy then decided to become a cameraman, so for that reason alone, though his death was, for a lack of a better word, horrible, it was not in vain. |
| from tattodnanny : |
| What is truly frightening is not that one girl expressed the anti-revisionist sentiment...but how many people feel that way, and how many successfull poets have claimed that they didn't revise their work (I don't believe them, though! Allen Ginsberg so revised!) Amoung most of the poets I know there is the feeling of the work should stand the way it is, and to revise it would be to subtract from the works honesty. |
| from samanthaphi : |
| As a new reader, I like to say thanks for the smarty-pantsy entertainment. |
| from fridayfilms : |
| That so-called "For Him" section is just their way of reassuring Her that if her husband takes little interest in parenting, it is because he must go out and make the money, dine the clients, pump the iron, and occasionally preform his nocturnal marital duties with the lights off. By insinuating that his limitted displays of concern for his offspring are the most a woman could ever hope for in a man, it reconfirms women's timeless role as homemaker and child-rearer. Most likely, the magazine also entreats her to "do something special for him: bring him his slippers when he gets home, put the kids to bed early, and make him his favorite dessert." And that's all the rant I have. |
| from oladybug0 : |
| I too am obsessed with Real Simple and with the illusion that it is even remotely possible to be that clean and organized without hired help. So every few months I pay my $4.50 and read the thing in the midst of my apartment/jungle and sometimes it even prompts me to do laundry. Sometimes. |
| from oladybug0 : |
| I too am obsessed with Real Simple and with the illusion that it is even remotely possible to be that clean and organized without hired help. So every few months I pay my $4.50 and read the thing in the midst of my apartment/jungle and sometimes it even prompts me to do laundry. Sometimes. |
| from zostrich : |
| i'm almost sad now! i had never before bothered to find the lyrics to toto's "africa" before, because i preferred what my brain came up with better. i find it kind of pathetic on my part that my belief in the line "sure as kilimanjaro rises like a lepress above the serengeti" has been dashed. i pictured the mountain losing bits off of its base and gargantuan rockslides... somehow olympus just doesn't do it for me. |
| from naridu : |
| one night at work two weeks ago I was in an absolute agony of boredom and the stupidity of people when I stumbled across your writings here. thank you, thank you, thank you , thank you!!! I spent the next two hours reading as many of your entries as I could manage, chuckling, giggling and exclaiming in agreement. I also found myself absolutely wrapt up in Nora's development she sounds completely heart-meltingly lovely. I hope the emotional moodswings don't tug you around too much, I go through them regularly and the tears can be quite draining. ;) best wishes, naridu. |
| from artofliving : |
| my kids usually refer to their parts as their "pee-pee" but on reaaaalll good days, it's "pee-er" i dunno. |
| from azelya : |
| I've thought about this whole naming of body parts for my own kids. I've come up with coochie for girls, and well, I'm kind of ashamed to admit, weiner just sort of naturally evolved naturally with the help of my seven year old girl (school influence?). Also, I've used crotch quite liberally. It is genderless and neutral. |
| from tattodnanny : |
| Wait. They looked at you funny when you asked for malt vinager in a claiming to be Irish pub? Um, Hello? That's should be the only way you get to eat fries in any estaplishment claiming to be connected in any way w/ the British Isles. I'm sure you get this all time, but I really do love your blog! |
| from fridayfilms : |
| I'm glad they established that the heads are fake. Their resemblance to real heads is chilling! |
| from pinkytusk : |
| I wonder if Nora had the Roto virus. My daughter had it not to long ago blew her diaper off daily for about a week. The biggest challenge of the crap covered onsie removal process is keeping it off their face which ironically is the only part of their body which has been spared. Hope she gets better soon! |
| from linguikat : |
| mimi, you rock (bet you knew that)! You're right. That little girl should go home to her family. |
| from artofliving : |
| dearest ms. smartypants, i have been reading you faitfully for quite some time and i enjoy you more than i can express. thank you for being so ridiculously entertaining |
| from pinkytusk : |
| SP. I thoroughly enjoy reading your diary. For many reasons but one is definitely that I can relate. I have a 16 mo. old as well.. Lucy. I'm also a 30 something - Chicagoan. Anyway, just thought I'd drop you a note and say hey - and thanks for making my work day a little more tolerable. |
| from sex-onion : |
| Michael Barrymore is a British TV presenter who got in a spot of bother a while ago when he allegedly took a load of Cocaine at a party in his house and found a dead guy in his pool, or something like that. He hasn`t been seen on TV since and I have no idea why anyone would want a tattoo of him. |
| from techdragon : |
| Happy May day - I love reading your diary. http://techdragon.diaryland.com/ |
| from sex-onion : |
| Two things - 1) Yes, it`s ok to kill spiders, despite what the Arachnid Protection League (which seems to be just about everyone I know) says, and 2) I want one of those "Give Quiche A Chance" t-shirts, as worn by Rimmer in Red Dwarf. |
| from solarlab : |
| i am a part of a tron tribe. yes, don't say it. geek. but the j maynard link was brought up as an insult. and some guy defended him in such a great way. i will find what he said and send it to you. j got his due props. |
| from discothekid : |
| Hey Mimi. Love your diary. Huge fan E-ven. I mentioned you in a song that's on my page. |
| from reynedecoupe : |
| Just browsing, and came upon your latest... got to the end and the breastfeeding bit, yeeeaahh, babee! Sat up taller in my chair and head-swivel-mm-hmmed all over. My daughter is 18 months old and drinks out of a bottle, so there to them! I agree, yes, ok, breastfeeding should be pronounced the winner, but talk about the boobie-fundies! Gah! I saved an article I found in my bro-in-law's medical journal magaziney thing, saying that stuies have shown that babies exclusively bf to 6 months or more are more prone to allergy as adults. Now before ppl get all angry at me, i'll say the operative word is exclusively. They arent exposed to foreign matter while immunity develops. Oooh, deary me, sorry. End rant. Rock on. |
| from gonzokid : |
| Hey, just cuz some of us like too dress in green and get shit-canned for a week does not make all of us tools, does it miss PBR? |
| from onepinksock : |
| i didn't mean to...but i was flipping channels and saw the smartypants logo, and BAM there you were on the channel 2 news. ummmmmm good job? i don't really know what to say except that i was midly amused and a bit tiffed, perhaps just thinking that all the glory that is smartypants will now be known to all of chicagoland. bastards. |
| from tattodnanny : |
| the movie w/ the suicide by scissors was "The Dead Zone" with christopher walken, came out in the early 80's sometime. I saw it on my fist date. |
| from ladypete : |
| concerning tampon slippage, a large mass of lining can challenge even the most exercised muscle. it happened to me. |
| from badrobot : |
| hey mimi, just wanted to add a little "you rock!" to your day! so here's a rock that says "you" on it. |
| from sex-onion : |
| I like it when Americans use our words. "Git" indeed. Try to use "wanker" and/or "tosser" in your next entry. I dare say you`ll have met another one or two of them by that time. |
| from hulabelly : |
| Could you, would you, wage jihad?? You owe me one new keyboard. |
| from harri3tspy : |
| It's nice to hear Nora's keeping her mind occupied. At about the same age, my kid had a thing for The Idiot and back copies of the New York Review of Books. They may just have good taste in toys. Then again, they may be up to something. |
| from savecraig : |
| I saw an article about you in the Sun Times today, congrats! http://www.suntimes.com/output/lifestyles/cst-nws-mimi28.html |
| from veraandvera : |
| i really liked the little chronical you showed about the artist on lsd. its so interesting.=) |
| from girlygirl72 : |
| And yet, all worthwhile for the photo. |
| from im-infected : |
| Nora is gorgeous |
| from sukirella : |
| Your diary: amazing. Your daughter: adorable. |
| from ann-frank : |
| happy birthday, hope your next year is even better than the last! |
| from captvfirefly : |
| I just wanted to leave a drive-by "Happy Birthday!!" I hope it was great! |
| from damasu : |
| Chances are the Cherokee-talk came to you in an email and why you didn't write down "A-ya u-ha a-tso-se-s-di ni-hi-na ga-du-li-da do'-ya" as meaning "I have a restless and moist beaver" along with it, I don't know. Although, it might come in handy some day. Anywho, just thought you should snag that while the opportunity has arisen in case your mind ever pondered it. Cheers. |
| from fargahar : |
| the husbands birthday is 12/29! Happy Birthday!!!!!! |
| from amblus : |
| You just made me cry a little bit. |
| from lil-monkey7 : |
| R U talking about "thin man" being Charlie's Angels and "My Bloody Valentine" being Good Charlote? If so, u r awesome. note me back k? |
| from luxolive : |
| The best part about Taco Gilbert is that he appears to have a first name that is even more embarrassing, hence the first initial "S." I am having fun trying to figure out what could possibly be better (worse?) than Taco. It reminds me of a teacher my husband had called Dick Loser. It's almost like he knew the kids would extrapolate Dick if he went with Richard, so he chose to head (HA) them off rather than let them think they were clever. |
| from mnvnjnsn : |
| You will keep us posted with the title of your book, right? Or are you publishing under the Smartypants name? |
| from cheshireluci : |
| 'ey, woman! your story about why you are a bad mother was hilarious (110303.html)!! it seems, we have this belief that once children are involved, us humans are supposed to turn into these fault-less "parents" and can never do anything wrong. like people instantly morph into this other "parent" dimension where human characteristics and "accidents" don't exist. i'm glad that you can be honest about it all and realize that you're still a human. cause it'll probably help you out in the long run. i would think. plus it's funny for the rest of us that may accidentally do similar things. :D |
| from greyarea : |
| That is so awesome that you're getting published. I'm really happy for you. And jealous. Not murderously so, but ya know. |
| from son-shade : |
| I lost most the hearing in my righ ear a couple years back from a Kung Fu kick that caused some sort of syndrome. It's a useful excuse for ignoring people, y'ask me. Gratz on the book, too. Hard to just "sit" on it until it's out, isn't it? |
| from dorkfysh : |
| Your friend Kat had good taste in names. My kid is nearly 11 and has thrived without my practicing any "methods" on her. Trusting your instincts and keeping them laughing is probably the best idea. Oh...and dirt and germs build up their immune system so you don't end up with one of those kids with a rash on their upper lip from licking snot 24/7. |
| from smeep248 : |
| I finished your entire diary, I think. Got all the way to Sept. of 1999. You astound me. I love your entiries. Write more, as I seem to have lost all purpose in life after finishing your diary in reverse order. |
| from greyarea : |
| I think you will be an awesome mom, just the way you are. You probably know that, too, but it might be nice to hear it from someone else, too. |
| from mindquill : |
| I need help. This may sound pathetic, but how do you get people to read your stuff? You seem to have a lot of people who read your entries, I know I read them, so how do you do it? Forgive my insecurity, but can you give me a few tips? |
| from madamepierce : |
| Yaaay! Congratulations. Nora is beeeyoooteeful. |
| from dorkfysh : |
| Oh wow...she's beautiful and has your smartass sense of humor. You can see it around the eyes. |
| from harri3tspy : |
| That's one of the cutest babies I've ever seen. Congratulations to all of you. |
| from amblus : |
| Congratulations to you both! That is one damn cute baby. |
| from his-holiness : |
| You're right. That is a damn cute child. I'm not sure I have anything useful or interesting to say on the matter, but I used to work with kids (little tiny ones), and I am an almost religious believer in population reduction. I am in love with the fact that you adopted and even more in love with the fact that you adopted from China. One of my kids at the day care centre I used to work at was adopted from China and I loved her with all my heart. Of course her mom was also just fantastic. I do remember her having really bad excema though. But that's neither here nor there. I know it would sound stupid to tell you that I think you did something truly wonderful and necessary, but I send you my support and love. Take care-D |
| from candoor : |
| I wish I had more time to read your words and follow your links... I need to get a job where I can browse the web :) |
| from solarlab : |
| not that i'll be at the bar. i mean, you should go while your there. i'll FLY on wednesday. |
| from solarlab : |
| i don't mean to penetrate the thin vail of our anonymity but i will be in beijing on wednesday. go to a bar called suzy wongs. near chaoyang park. swanky. feel free to contact me for any reason once you're there. good luck weathering the blessed storm. |
| from son-shade : |
| I appreciate it very much when a person can fully express themselves with alacrity. NO WRATH FOR YOU! Not today. I am sated and surreptitiously satisfied. You please me. In further news, my thoughts on cheese was best described by a good friend of mine. When asked, "What is that blue moldy stuff in it?" she replied, "The POINT!" I stood on the table and applauded her snap. Cheese is good for you. So is Martin Amis' father - try reading Lucky Jim. I laughed out loud. OK, I often laugh out loud but it's usually in the FACES OF THE COMMON SENSICALLY INCOMPETENT. Oooo...close one. No wrath Son...no wrath today. |
| from robin-smith : |
| "Cat-sweatshirt people"! Excellent. Finally I have a name for them. |
| from solarlab : |
| parents? god, i'm not online enough. congratulations. |
| from solarlab : |
| 4 years. and still interesting. happy anniversary. s. |
| from cheshireluci : |
| Nacho cheese! - lol! k, so i've been reading some of your entries and had a random thought (which is most common for me): what if one of the jellyfish from the middle of the "coin pile" wanted to separate before the ones on top did? i mean, would he/she detach and say, "get off my head, you bastards!" or would he/she just be stuck there til Fred, Martin, and Sasha were ready? congratulations and best wishes with Nora!!! :) |
| from sex-onion : |
| You could recreate the birth experience by decorating Nora`s room with a simulation of your womb. You could hide in your own uterus! And play Pong! Your family and friends will stop visiting and you`ll probably screw Nora up for life, but it`s probably worth it. |
| from myheadspace : |
| you exercise with a big glass of wine or two? |
| from jcruelty : |
| just read your sesame street entry via solarlab. i mostly agree, although i think you underestimate oscar's capacity for unpleasant chaos. |
| from dani-lou : |
| Cool site, your latest entry made me laugh. Hugs, Dani. |
| from ladypete : |
| i know that bar, if it lives on western. it is where i learned of zywiec. bless me if i spelled that incorrectly. |
| from amblus : |
| Hey, super congrats on becoming parents! Nora sounds like she's one kick-ass baby. |
| from stwig : |
| Good luck with the whole adoption/parent thing. Take care. |
| from sex-onion : |
| If someone stole my Smiths tape I would not let them live. Kill them. Kill them all. |
| from goovie : |
| you are *so* right about the hooty boys on western avenue. especially in lincoln square. |
| from captvfirefly : |
| I just ran across your diary in the members area (most updated), and you are hilarious! I've added you to my favorites. |
| from mindquill : |
| Just read your latest entry. I have been having a C of C lately too. Although I would not watch Charles in Charge if someone paid me. Sorry. I usually end up eating Neopolitan ice cream sandwiches and watching Star Trek: TNG and wondering why I can't be as disciplined and aspassionate about life as Captain Picard. |
| from ozwald : |
| Hello Miss Smartypants! Just a long time fan - first time caller ... I mean signer. Anyway - I don't have anything specific to say - just that I'm a fellow Chicagoan trying to navigate these streets savely as you are. Take Care - OZ |
| from fixinto : |
| I am hoping you take requests, seeing as how your one of the...errr...smartest diarylanders... what do inverted nipples look like? Do people with inverted nipples have nipples that are inside out? |
| from mindquill : |
| I think I send you too many notes, but here's another one. This was a great entry. I throughly enjoy reading your stuff. |
| from gonzokid : |
| Just my own 2 cents here, however the best thing Andy Warhol ever did with his career was producing a few Velvit Underground albums (Regardless of what happened to Lou Reed at the end of the line). Thanks |
| from mindquill : |
| Okay, if you are an idiot for having soap stick in the butt issues, then I am a monumental retard! I have three boys myself, 9, 6 and 5 and never, I repeat NEVER did we do something like that. They pooped on their own with no help from us thank you very much. |
| from mindquill : |
| Just want to say that I love your diary. I enjoy reading it blah, blah, blah. Thanks for giving us that extra special glimpse into your life. By the way, I think the whole hotdog or work thing was a little dictatorial myself. |
| from catspajamas : |
| Do you also like IBOPA, jamie stewarts previous band? |
| from amblus : |
| Octodog! Oh my God. Oh my GOD. Thank you. |
| from sex-onion : |
| My "ship-to-ship-to-ship-to-shore" friend will explode with delight when I tell him about the spider porno. We have a long running joke about seeing a comedian on TV dressed as a vicar and saying nothing more than "Spider sex". You had to be there I guess. Thankyou. |
| from cabrona : |
| led zeppelin. flying-apparatus allusion in name of band: not QUITE air travel per se, but i's thinky it's close enough. besos, ~rachel~ |
| from candy007 : |
| GNAW OFF MY OWN LEG TO ESCAPE!? Holy frijoles you are my fucking hero! Cheers Darling! |
| from candy007 : |
| GNAW OFF MY OWN LEG TO ESCAPE!? Holy frijoles you are my fucking hero! Cheers Darling! |
| from dieren : |
| Hey, cool diary, dude. I was enthralled by your little odyssey into the Lovely Land of Letters. We have this old set of World Books that has the history of each letter in the front of its volume, and I used to spend hours looking through the explanations of Greek and Roman letters, how they've changed and all. So I strongly feel that we are kindred spirits, because REALLY. What better evidence is there than that? |
| from stormyclaude : |
| Last night i dreamt you e-mailed me, and in the dream that was some kind of great honorific achievement (like runny-mascara-eyed, clutching-roses-to-heaving-bosom, crooked-tiara-wearing "Me! She emailed ME!"). And in the dream i insisted on calling you "Meme" instead of "Mimi," my poor addled little dream-brain apparently making a (not irrelevant) leap. And when i woke up i ate some circus peanuts. That is all. |
| from palinode : |
| The 'how to sleep' entry is my favourite as well. I wrote in a burst of speed in between two competing tasks with impossible deadlines. By the way: don't worry a post-masturbatory farewell to an imaginary audience. But if velvet curtains suddenly drop in front of you, run for your life. |
| from sex-onion : |
| Saying "Thank you very much ladies and gentlemen! Good night!" to no-one after playing the banjo is genius. It reminds me of my friend telling me about one time when he sat bolt upright in bed in the early hours of the morning and shouted "Ship to ship to ship to shore!" for no reason. A+. Keep up the good work. |
| from shawn- : |
| Just thought I'd leave a note telling you that I've enjoyed your diary so far. This is based on the fact I feel a bit guilty about stealing two links (The penis forskin one and the Barf Cleaner) to tell my friends about already. I'll read more later, but good stuff. Later. |
| from luxolive : |
| http://www.our-pets.net/primatestore/ "Check out our Banana Bread Recipe!" |
| from stormyclaude : |
| don't forget the innertown pub, where the owner, a freakishly-mustachioed older man, will say "You don't need any water, GIRLIE. HERE'S what YOU need" and then will ply you with free shots. And if you're an idiot, as i am, you will be all (giggle) "Thanks!" and then will pay for it later: oh, how you will pay. x/clm. |
| from ann-frank : |
| Ha! I�ve done the post assassination Jackie costume! � stole the idea from a drag queen � I mean, how else? |
| from gretl : |
| uuuhhhmmmmmmm...yeah. I had that, uh, tape, in high school. Silk. And then it broke and I paid money to get a new one. My friends and I were really into it. And also had serious gangsta wannabe issues, so...you know. Yeah. |
| from goovie : |
| i'm surprised you didn't mention that the australian reviewer also called the rocky iv soundtrack "the most PUNGENTLY INFECTIVE MENTAL STIMULANT you can buy on the MUSIC MARKET." that whole review cracked me up. |
| from gretl : |
| oooh dang. the ITP is a breeding ground for babbling, incoherent, drunken men. I think you may have met my ex....My apologies. |
| from mrs-roboto : |
| Ahh - I was also going to comment on the Boones Farm. Adds a bit of class to any demolition project. |
| from luxolive : |
| BOONES! BOONES IN THE PHOTO! Rules. Also, explain nacho cheese? Snork. Re: lipstick, I have not many. I believe I have 3 tubes of Club Monaco Glaze (MONICA!), one of Savvy, and a Stila convertible color that I sometimes wear on the lips. Magnolia. Oh, and also Clinique Black Honey. Maybe that is a lot. I wear it in no particular order, and mostly not at all. Thank you and good night. |
| from amblus : |
| u diary is great. Ha! <p> Do html tags work in notes? I suppose I'll find out. Okay, lipstick. I have, from what I can remember, 6 lip glosses, 6 lipsticks and two lipsticks-in-a-Stila-palette. That makes 14, which I suppose is a lot, but I have at least as many moods and the two are definitely connected. |
| from sunniglass : |
| u diary is great. i've added u to my favourites. And.. the joke... Nacho cheese? i don't get it. %S |
| from ris-que : |
| shits and giggles indeed! |
| from silver23 : |
| i've been reading for a while and i love your diary. nothing more satisfying than a long rambling entry! happy easter mimi! |
| from hey4eyes : |
| I like saying weasel to myself. Try it. you know you want to try it. It feels good to say.Trust me lady. Bobbie Sue Dicks. |
| from dullthud : |
| I�m looking out for the Baha�i Bus, the Buddhabuggy and the Mithras Monorail. Maybe the Lutheran Luge if we get a cold snap. |
| from winkgirl4 : |
| I find your diary intriguing. Just adding a note to let you know. (Actually, my entry was going to sound something like: I find myself craving your thoughts. I wait, anxiously for you to update. I so love stalkeresque talk, don't you? Although, to be quite honest, I just don't have the follow-through to be a good stalker but one can dream, can't they?) But, something told me that it might sound a bit... I don't know, odd.-- Anyway. Intriguing diary. Keep up the good work. |
| from amblus : |
| I've found that conditioner is a fine substitute for shaving cream, if by fine I mean somewhat adequate. Toothpaste does not work at all. |
| from gonzokid : |
| Hey smartypants, if your going to quote the Jicks make sure you note it, or else you'll have to eat the deck and many other things, and you'll pay the piper with your wedding ring and you will never see your family again!!! |
| from onepinksock : |
| i have safety dance, hell yeah i do. want me to make you a copy? |
| from lula : |
| I just found you, but I enjoy you. People tell me I should be an editor. |
| from delighted : |
| We have matching shoes! And I am also all a fucking glow about them. Can I hang out too? I love the Park Rangers If You Are Lost In The Woods Guide! "Also, if you are lost and begin running around trying to find out where you are, you might fall and hurt yourself." |
| from onepinksock : |
| ok, red lobster does suck as far as seafood goes. but i just have to have to have to give them credit for their cheddar bay biscuit. so fabulous. |
| from solarlab : |
| 11. Teen Spirit. oh well, whatevernevermind. you are the bee's knees, the cat's pajamas. you are yards of muse. |
| from beatlesgyrl : |
| Submitting my minion application. Just know that I would not bow to just anyone -- only people who protest in Newspeak and humble me with their cleverness. |
| from goovie : |
| this is just me being a total muppet geek, but the muppet in that picture isn't prairie dawn, it' betty lou. prairie dawn had the bob; betty lou had the braids. god. i'm a total loser. |
| from stwig : |
| I've always had a thing for Grover. All other muppets pale in comparison. Sincerely, Your Furry Pal Stwig. |
| from ann-frank : |
| I have heard J-LOaf (in honor of marrying ben AFleck) but not the others. this is a game that will be in my head for a long, long time. |
| from amblus : |
| Holy crap, yes. Hot damn, freaking hell with the creepy decorations and kitten-eating, Precious Moments evilness. Yes. All of it bad. Also, funny. |
| from chuna : |
| ohohoh! i agree. and the moviefone guy does it too, with the devin and clyburn. and i'm still not over the train talking to me, and ONLY saying welcome after we pass the damen stop. that is so whack. (oh, and Hello.) |
| from beotch : |
| Dude! I have lived here for almost three years and I didn't know it was De-vooooonne! I am so glad I figured it out before I said it wrong and looked like a retard. |
| from soursaurus : |
| yo bitch' bananaclub be off the hook. go to homestarrunner.com. check out strongbad email. ha ah. oh yeah, you're neat. |
| from sickday : |
| "with whom I can rap about bukkake and Scrabble and postmodern narrative strategy" I know a meme when I see one. Me, The Onion and Steve Correll are all on to you. Bukkake has been on my short list of 'things with which to round out a grouping of three' for about a week, though I hadn't noticed til just now. Also: I used to date a very nice girl who talked about you constantly. I used to think she was you in a Clark Kent kind of way, but you ended up being someone totally different. So did she. |
| from zockendland : |
| DMZ Where you can get all your rabid chicken needs. PLEASE CHECK! |
| from solarlab : |
| hi genius. could that henry rollins idea be any funnier...hello from southern china...xo, solar |
| from sex-onion : |
| I`d like to audition for the part of the six year old girl in "tiny Henry Rollins in a Jar". My range sucks and I`m an 18 year old boy. Be honest, what are my chances? |
| from sex-onion : |
| I`d like to audition for the part of the six year old girl in "tiny Henry Rollins in a Jar". My range sucks and I`m an 18 year old boy. Be honest, what are my chances? |
| from onepinksock : |
| dear smarty mcpartypants- cheap trick, perhaps you know this one 'i want you to want me. i need you to need me. i'd love for you to love me, i'm beggin you to beg me....' |
| from thedykeic : |
| YAY! Thanks for the Prince reference from a lesbian who thinks that song and you are the bees knees. Cheers, Ky aka The Dykeic Hotline. |
| from smartepants : |
| I was kinda mad at first when I originally signed up for Diaryland and you had already taken this name, so I had to settle with the obvious, but then I started reading your site and shit, the name is suitably fit! So I wont bother being mad anymore, cuz at least the name is being put to good use! If it weren't, well, that would be means of my hating you. Your diary is great! |
| from popekessler : |
| ... yep. |
| from stilldunno : |
| is it really that bad finding out someone is canadian? i'll admit i find it strange to find out someone is american, after knowing them for a long time, but being canadian isn't a bad thing. it's not like it's our fault. i'd rather be british. i love your diary by the way, even if you don't dig us canucks. |
| from onepinksock : |
| i recieved the barrel of monkeys for my birthday this year. they hung exquisitely from our curtain rod in the living room. and the people who were nice enough to bless me with plastic monkeys even put names on them. very nice indeed. by the way, have i told you lately that you rock my world? |
| from indie-anna : |
| the nacho cheese joke is my favourite. ever. no one ever laughs when i tell it, and not because i tell it bad, cause baby, trust me, i'z knowz how ta tell it. they just don't think it's funny. !???! what the f-!? so now, i hope you know, i heart you. :) |
| from indie-anna : |
| the nacho cheese joke is my favourite. ever. no one ever laughs when i tell it, and not because i tell it bad, cause baby, trust me, i'z knowz how ta tell it. they just don't think it's funny. !???! what the f-!? so now, i hope you know, i heart you. :) |
| from goovie : |
| chicago represent! *ahem* just wanted to say that it's taken me way too long to start reading your diary, and i'm loving it. you seem insane in the very best possible way. |
| from mopsiehoney : |
| I'm a new smartypants fan -- just letting you know I'm loving the frequent, very funny updates. Especially your bizarre (and yet so familiar) stoner activities list. |
| from solarlab : |
| ok, im gonna be a little greedy here. i know you have a job and a boy and a habit, but only updating every other day is not enough for me. you could email me direct rants...scratch that. sounds stalk-y. nevermind. rock on. |
| from lrig : |
| yr the coolest thing since ever. and thats the trooth. |
| from onepinksock : |
| partysmants is smartypants spelled differently. rock on with the monocles and the demented fruit stripe gum zebra. does anyone chew fruit stripe anymore anyways? |
| from ewenorker : |
| Thank you for hating wine charms. Definitely not needed when you drink straight from the bottle. That would require something more like wine chokers, I think. |
| from the19thstory : |
| i recently had the exact same realization about that "these colors don't run" slogan. like maybe a week ago. i was so proud of myself when i figured out it wasn't just about the laundry. by the way, you crack me up. |
| from solarlab : |
| and you were researching animal waste for...obscurity? inspiration? |
| from onepinksock : |
| oh, tell me where this bar is. if you want to keep it secret, email me. but it has been oh so long since i've kissed a girl in a bathroom, and it was so far away too.... |
| from lizardspace : |
| Just so you know, they actually DO make gummi bear vitamins. http://www.healthrise.com/fea/hero.html They scare me, though. |
| from onepinksock : |
| does this perfect bar exist in chicago? there is nothing better than drawing all over tables while drunk and i'd like to partake.... |
| from james-lane : |
| Show us your face. Go on. GO ON! From Professional Stalker, Jimi Lane. |
| from boofkadinky : |
| "However, I will take almost any minor illness you want to dish out as long as this never happens to me."...i have that "this"..and let me tell you... its worse than it looks!to fix it a surgeon literally has to tear you a new one........ but there is the great bonus of being given the oppurtunity to say "i'm twice the asshole i used to be"...and the pick up line "hey wanna see my scar?"...while not very effective is still worth a good chuckle |
| from gonzokid : |
| Dear Mimi Smartypants, you are an inspiration for all random nonsense and stimulating bullshit. Keep doing what your doing. PS: I live in Chicago too, isn't it the shit!!! |
| from heidiann : |
| Bwahahahaha! NACHO cheese. Wow, I haven't even read your diary yet and I'm highly amused! Kudos on that accomplishment! Not that my praise will get you much in life but it's really all I've got to offer. |
| from weymouth66 : |
| The tarot card was Trump #13, Death. Much love, Jess x x |
| from ravenheart : |
| I think you should love me. Because I have you in my Diaryland favorites, I have listed at least two of your entries in my favorite entries thing. I am on you notify list and I study your writing like a good nerd every time you update. I just wanted to say that. |
| from onepinksock : |
| chicago and sneezing are going hand in hand for me. but i'm sneezing all over my work computer, not my home one. -mimismaartypants makes a hard sauce (that should be one of your thingies) |
| from fever-pitch : |
| i thought this site might interest you: http://homepage.mac.com/leperous/PhotoAlbum1.html funny, and horribly frightening in a hits-too-close-to-home kind of way. |
| from james-lane : |
| I love you. |
| from gallows : |
| Oops, you did it again. (Made me laugh.) |
| from slithy-toves : |
| god, you rawk. and by that i do not mean you are god. i mean. yeah. |
| from slithy-toves : |
| god, you rawk. and by that i do not mean you are god. i mean. yeah. |
| from gallows : |
| Chutney Enthusiast, I like. And as for W.A.S.P., I'll have to submit myself to a sort of depreciation of personal value to all those who know me by confessing to be a legitimate fan. Nobody claimed the lyrics were inventive, but the metal, good God, the metal... |
| from gallows : |
| You, me, and gay Paris, whaddayasay? |
| from marygraceful : |
| What is the deal with ants and bathrooms? My mom's apartment always has herds of ants in the bath tub. |
| from pieceofme : |
| i love your dry wit. thanks for the midnight giggle :) |
| from cptninternet : |
| i also worked at a video store, and let me tell you, the most irate people on earth are video store customers. people and their late fees are animals, i tell you, ANIMALS! |
| from boofkadinky : |
| anni fankenferter showed me the way unto you...and i laughed verily...espeshully at your nacho joke....i have a worse joke.. which derives its funny from its worstness... {disclaimer: this may or may not set me up in your eyes as a complete loony}...ready?...{disclaimer#2...did i mention its a very very bad joke?}...ok... so..Q. what did the farmer say to the other farmer?... A. "how's yer farm"..{boof lolling about the place in hysterics....gaining normality and wondering why the regular folks aint laffin}...i apologise in advance... p.s.i favouratised you..and i dont do that for EVERY bad joke teller...may the gods of good pap smears smile upon ye...boofka queen of australia |
| from ann-frank : |
| ANYONE who can work tam o� shanter into a conversation is like, God and Satan all rolled into nougat and should probably be stopped by any means necessary but maybe that�s just me? Anyway, a nice lady named Jenny pointed you out to me and I am forever grateful. now back more reading! |
| from polishstreak : |
| RE: Wilde-o-Rama New Hollywood version of "The Importance of Being Earnest" is out, or is coming out soon, or something to that effect. The advertising geniuses seem to think that maybe THIS time, the general public will realize that Oscar Wilde is more easily accessible to modern audiences than Shakespeare, but for the most part, the general public hears name of dead British author, and just tunes out immediately. Perhaps the bus ads will help, but I'm doubting it. |
| from neko-carre : |
| BWAH HA HA! I'm rolling, I'm giggling, I'm spewing soda out my nose. Found you through Red-Wine and her/your "[your first name] is" Google game. Love it! I shall be back. (P.S. I love E. Costello too. Just saw him in Seattle.) |
| from tuff517 : |
| I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one eating Wheat Thins for breakfast. Yay. |
| from venusalludes : |
| Bananas are good for leg cramps. Eat one a day for a few days and they'll start to go away. Unless you have some terribly dramatic soap-operish sickness. Then a banana just won't cut it. Dr.V |
| from near-sighted : |
| it's funny because my shower song this morning was : THERE'S A KANGAROO ON MY BALCONY, HA HA HA, HEE HEE HEE, THERE'S A KANGAROO ON MY BALCONY AND HE'S NOT WEARING ANY CLOTHES! uh... i scared myself silly that i had to jump out of the shower before i even rinced my hair. frightening. |
| from apothecary : |
| Hey, I found you by complete chance: by randomly typing "smartypants.diaryland.com" to see if anything would come up. It turned out to be a good hit- funny stuff and it's by (if I'm not mistaken) a fellow Chicagoan. Cheers! |
| from gerkat : |
| Bless your heart for linking to NARAL today! So many people are completely unaware to the very real threats to reproductive rights (and how much ground we have already lost). Thanks! |
| from delighted : |
| they'll still coming? My grammar astounds me. *mock me* mock me* |
| from delighted : |
| I bet if I looked hard enough I would find an entry lurking somewhere in diaryland reading; "mimi smartypants mentioned my email to her. How hott is that?" That's the thing with groupies, even when you're mocking'em they'll still coming back for more. |
| from red-wine : |
| Hey, did you hear about the gay penguin couple in New York? I don't have the specific link, but I'm sure they can be found easily. Thought you might enjoy such a thing. And, though I love Elizabeth Wurtzel, *that* was messed up. Out. |
| from delighted : |
| mimi"you rock" smartypants |
| from red-wine : |
| Oh! Ooooh! I LOVE your penguins! I have kind of an...eh...*ahem* thing for penguins. After gushing and sighing over then, I read. And liked! Hurrah! |
| from mad-cronie : |
| you diary is a piece of art, not quite psychiatric art (that link made my week), think you'll be my first favorite |
| from alain-delon : |
| hay smarty. |
| from glitter-bomb : |
| hey, smartypants! do you by any chance have the "forgotten english" calendar?? (yesterday's word was "pangrammatist" or however you spell it.) |
| from omorfia : |
| happiest of (birth)days to you Miss Smartypants .. i'll have a drink (or four) for you :) |
| from pgagnon999 : |
| Forced corporate parties are satanic re-education camps. B afraid. Don't eat the fruitcake. |
| from omorfia : |
| wishing you a wonderfully happy Christmas .. thank you for all the giggles and excellent links .. you are one of the funniest people I have ever read! All the best! x0x0 |
| from omorfia : |
| u crack me up ... |
| from dorkfysh : |
| Know what...out of all that digusting food....only the tweety on a stick really got to me. Although chomping on something that's trying to escape seems equally mortifying. Remind me to bring a box of Wheat Thins if'n I ever manage a trip to China. |
| from blue-hour : |
| too cool for school... |
| from stilabebe : |
| Hi- just stumbled upon your diary and I think it's great. Love the joke from your profile. Here's my joke that I always tell to people (since I was in 5th grade): What did Sinead O'Connor do after she finish brushing her hair??...... Pull her up pants! I know it's lame but it still makes some people laugh. |
| from dorkfysh : |
| Yes, you are Nora Charles....yep...you most certainly are. All you need is Asta. |
| from slaseniye : |
| Just wanted to say that I absolutely love your layout! It's so cute! Your diary is great too, I will definitely be back to read more! |
| from omorfia : |
| You are the funniest diary I read! I wish I could write half as well as you do Ms Smartypants ... thanks for the giggles :) ~ omorfia ~ |
| from freuds-fave : |
| I am outraged at That Bastard Kurt de Grand Honda's treatment! I'm glad you set him straight with firm niceness. And also...thank you for linking to me/my boots the other day. The many extra hits are greatly appreciated. |
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