DiaryLand members area

Kathy! I am going to hold you to that! When you come to SA again you're going to mail me, or call me and we'll meet for lunch or dinner! YAY. I'd LOVE that. :)

from janedoe0 :

Hey Kathy! So. I've never asked - are you a born and bred South African living in another coutry? Lemme know - 'cause I'm not too sure! I should send you some SA goodies you miss. So if there's anything you'd like to have in the way of snacks or magazines...or whatever. Let me know. :)

from janedoe0 :

from dream-catcha :

Hey sweetie, I can't get in your diary.:( My computers lost all my passwords. Could you send it to me again? Here's my email addy [email protected]. I hope you had a good weekend.

from janedoe0 :

Hi Kathy!! How are you? I hav no idea why WP is being so difficult! Does it give you an error message? If it does, try refreshing the page when it gives you the error message? :) You can leave me notes if that doesn't work either? :)

from theumbrella :

Thank you!:) I'd love to read:) letitbe . atle at yahoo . com :) Thanks, Kathy:)

from liquid-mojo :

Thanks Kathy. Long time no talk btw. Hope all is well...

from whystinger :

I like your new template Kathy...

from princesse69 :

Hi Kathy, I'm no longer writing in my locked diary, however I've got a new place on D'land under the name dream-catcha and it's unlocked. I've added you to my faves so you'll find me in your fave list. Hope you have a fab weekend honey! x

from stepfordtart :

Hey Kathy! Thanks for adding me. Can you send pw to [email protected] if you feel like sharing? thanks. s x

from sarahsundae :

hey sweetie can you email me your password, etc? I switched computers and lost your old ones.

from hissandtell :

Hi Kathy -- I've sent you an email requesting your password, which I've lost, so please don't delete it! Love, R xxx

from raven72d :

I do miss you.

from spring-da1sy :

You are SO not crazy! You have a huge, beautiful, wonderful, loving heart. Cats are people too. What's wrong about a person showing another living thing love and care? Absolutely nothing. You keep it up!!

from thelongreign :

where are you? I miss you. - des

from janedoe0 :

Hey there! I would love to read your diary, please send me the password?? [email protected] Thanks!

from raven72d :

How is your summer?

from whystinger :

A belated happy birthday to you! You should update a bit more, I have missed you but then again, I have been away a lot. Therapy keeps me busy lately as well as work

from raven72d :

I have missed hearing from you.

from jess1976 :

If you change your password, I'd love to keep reading. [email protected] Thanks hun!

from barank :

where r u? i'm worried. u haven't updated in a while. pls write and let us know u're ok.

from spring-da1sy :

Thanks for your concern, Sugar! We can update now, and I'll try to find time tomorrow. It's just that everything for me right now is centered on the wedding, but I know you don't read that one because it dredges up painful memories for you. I'll find something else to talk about on spring-da1sy-that's never hard for me! Hugs

from spring-da1sy :

I'm glad you said that about Dland and Andrew. A "few hours" is closing in on a week. I'd give in and go gold, but my credit card is smoking as it is! I'm glad you're gold-I can still read and post comments & notes! Hugs

from elgan :

Sorry I'm late in wishing you this, but Happy Passover nonetheless!

from second-love :

**tight hugs** xx

from whystinger :

sometimes a different psychologist makes all the difference... I stated with a therapist...

from raven72d :

I do miss you.

from x-plicity :

Be careful with cat bites. Even if your cat has all of it's shots you can still get an infection. *hugs*

from bitterwineuk :

startafresh.diaryland.com somethings/neverchange Becca

from whystinger :

I want a big greasy cheeseburger... and fries... maybe some fried chicken... Yeah, it gets hard and it is hard now, right after the meeting.

from whystinger :

I think you are doing great too! SO far, WW has really helped me get the eating thing in control... mostly the food log.

from mixedup :

Thanks for the kind words. Can I read please? [email protected]

from spring-da1sy :

That's sweet of you to say-thanks :-) I believe that too.

from whystinger :

I sent three. Let me know if you get them...

from whystinger :

I think I have your email, so I will try to email you a pic from when he was a kitten. He is hard to photograph...

from elgan :

Thank you! I just got the second postcard you mailed. It's lovely. I wonder whatever happened to the first one. Have a good week.

from spring-da1sy :

Thanks for your note and same to you. BTW-I'm on MySpace-how do I find you? I'm NewMrsG.

from zoela :

username: guest, password: guest

from smedindy :

Hang in there! Hey, you defriended me on MySpace!! Sob, sob! Anyway, I asked you to be my friend again! Pretty please????

from spring-da1sy :

I haven't forgotten about MySpace, it's just I don't have much time on the computer at home, and I've been doing other things. One day, I'll email you that I'm on there! Have a great weekend yourself.

from hissandtell :

Hi beautiful - I had a new version of Explorer installed yesterday and now your password's gone. Could you please email it to me again? Love, R xxx

from noaddedme :

You need to get your medicine. That will help the emotions and also help you see how many people do care about you. Your work & it's people are wonderful!

from sarahsundae :

I can't find your password and I know you gave it to me before. Email me when you can. [email protected]

from whystinger :

I figured that your Mom would be proud of you. I usually am proud of you... Continue to take the meds on schedule. You know how it helps you. I still take mine EVERY day. It helps us and keeps us well. I am so glad you had such a great time with your Mom.

from whystinger :

Enjoy your Mom and spend as much time with her as you can. Thanks for the note, but sometimes it is my fault too...

from second-love :

Thank you so much for all your notes and support on MYSPACE...you are too sweet!!! Love you

from whystinger :

I think it may do her some good, but she has convinced the doctors nothing is wrong.

from spring-da1sy :

I got the impression that MySpace was just a dating site after I joined, and I am so not interested in going there. But I wouldn't mind checking it out again. I can't do it from work, because it's filtered, but I'll go back from home when I get a chance. I'll probably just set up a diff account in my real name, Cindy. If I do, I'll let you know.

from whystinger :

I am truly sorry about the divorce, but things will get better. some years I have big hopes and they were dashed. Most years, things got better. I think a change is in the wind for you and it will be better.

from noaddedme :

It's not your fault, he made the choice to take the pills. Blaming yourself is just self harming behavior!

from spring-da1sy :

I, too, am concerned. I hope everything is okay. Hugs

from second-love :

Missing you too and worrying a bit since its been so long. But i hope you are taking care of YOU and feeling better. xxoo

from bitterwineuk :

A few days with no entries so I am just wondering how you are doing. Hope you are doing ok. Take care hun. Becca

from second-love :

Love you... miss ya! xxoo

from bigmonayho :

Happy belated birthday! Sorry I missed it!

from second-love :

I just wanted to remind you im going to be out of town this week on vacation...ill be back on sunday the 7th :)) Hang in there hon xxoo

from whystinger :

You all are in my prayers now. I hope the violence stops soon. War is hell, but I wish things were different. I do think it sucks, since Israel has worked so hard for peace. Really worked hard.

from spring-da1sy :

I couldn't get your comments to work-sorry. I'm glad you enjoyed the time with friends. Sharing like that can make all the difference in the world when we feel so low. Maybe if you write something about your friend, Bloomi, or a letter to her, you can let go a little of the nightmares and scary thoughts?

from elgan :

No, I haven't got your postcard yet. That's very strange.

from raven72d :

How have you been, girl? How's the summer? I have missed hearing from you.

from bitterwineuk :

Hiya Kathy. Just dropping in to say hi. Hope you are ok cos you sounded down yesterday and I've seen what's happening in Israel on the news today with the airport strike and the rocket attacks. I hope that none of this is too near you to be a personal threat to you. Hugs hun and all the best. Becca

from imazook :

Hi Kathy, thank you for stopping by and leaving the note! I LOVE getting notes from new people (as well as the old):) Jealousy has never been much of a problem before, I guess that's why this is so new to me. Would it be ok if I had your password to check your diary out as well? My email is imaz(remove)ook(remove)@gmail.com. Thanks so much! {Just remove the removes but I bet you figured that out=)}

from formerlymr :

This your American Diaryland Mother speaking. Take your meds. Take care of YOU first. Focus on your health. Or else I'm going to YELL at you girl! Hugs, Madi-Rae

from liquid-mojo :

thanks, you have a good week too. :)

from barank :

hey there! thanks for the awesome notes. i'd love to be able to read you if you're willing. let me know. [email protected]

from formerlymr :

Thanks for your notes, beautiful chica. I still act 16. At least I feel like 16 still. I definately don't feel thirty!! Your apartment looks so cute. I do miss having a yard. Remember to find beauty in the little things. It will help you get through the BIG overwhelming things. HUGS!!- Madi-Rae

from thehoneypot :

i cant see your photos *soo sad* ... im soo happy you are doing better ... hugss, Carter

from starpeople :

Hey..you left me a couple messages once and i was just stopping in. i'd like to read ur diary if thats cool...my email is [email protected]

from krazydays :

Hey hun! Sorry I never got around to sending you my password. I emailed it to you. :)

from liquid-mojo :

Hey Kathy, long time no talk...

from spring-da1sy :

I started a wedding-planning diary a few weeks ago. The-Big-Day. It's linked on spring-da1sy on my favorites list. It's not very interesting, unless you want to know the nuts & bolts of my wedding planning-I set it up for my own reference, but it's open, and I like sharing it. I hope you feel better soon. HUGS

from argolam :

Define well? But thanks for the note.

from rachelliz :

I'm catching up. I'm sorry about the divorce papers, but I think you are handling it well. I have heard the religious ceremony is awful, but you will get through that too, then things can only get better, right? As for Avner, I have heard of other men who don't want sex cuz they're embarassed things aren't working. Hopefully his doctor will figure it out! What's the boy doing getting you underwear if he won't have sex with you??? Anyway, thinking the best for you.

from bigmonayho :

I love the new backround. Very cute kitty! Take things a day at a time.

from krazydays :

If you would like to exchange passwords email me at [email protected] :)

from smedindy :

Ma'am - i someone lost your password info...

from spring-da1sy :

My heart goes out to you, and I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. I wish I could come spend some time with you, be a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen. Feel free to email, and Kathy, if there's anything I can do, please don't hesitate to ask. Hugs

from littlelove4 :

I would love to read your diary if you don't mind giving out the password. My email is [email protected]

from formerlymr :

I'm tagging you. Details in my diary. :)

from whystinger :

I miss you Kathy. I hope you are well and feeling better and making progress. You are so strong. I think you are super.

from whystinger :

Thanks for the note. I think we all only see our side most of the time. I also think both are at fault, but I don't want to place blame. I always think if I did better, then perhaps the marriage would be better... As for Trevor and your split, maybe it was not all your fault as you think. I would like to try a split or counseling or something. I have always been the one to want to get help. As far as YOU, would you do me a favor and go tour the city for a tiny bit? I think it would do you good.

from smedindy :

Thanks for the add! Hugs!

from spring-da1sy :

Actually your note didi help. It's always nice to know you're not alone in something. I'm sorry you're having difficulties at work too, and I certainly hope that improves for you. Hugs

from ladyvaduva :

sorry I ain't been back in sooo long and about the hebrew cd I'm sooo sorry about all that.. I never messaged u back or anything feel free to kick me in the shins! totally deserving of it lol!! cheers

from whystinger :

I have not been keeping up and really wish I would have. I feel so bad for you. I wish I could give you a hug or loan you Chubbles for a while to cheer you up. Love and relationships can be so damn hard. The pain sucks and you always wonder if it would have worked and how it would be... Must be fate telling you that it was not right. Setting someone free when you love them is sometimes the right thing to do. I loved Kerm very much and set her free. She did come back to me 20 years later as a great friend. Her and I would not have worked and it was a blessing (to me) that I set her free.

from chakra-chick :

My sweet, sweet friend! I wish I was there with you to help you go through all these emotions and tough times...I can cry when I think how we could we be there for each other and we not! I think you should just move back to South Africa... Take it easy my honeypie (((bigs hugs))) ~smooches~

from x-plicity :

Thank you for all of the love you've sent my way. You've always been there for me when I've needed you. Love you so much! *hugs* X

from x-plicity :

Moving is so hard. I KNOW! I've done it 4 times in three years! I hope you find happiness in your new place. May God bless your house. *hugs* X

from yellowrosetx :

I need your password dearest. Remember I accidentally cleared it where it was once saved. PLEASE. THANKS! I have my date with "B" tomorrow evening and we are BOTH so excited, but nervous! I tell you Kathy, I'm so VERY HAPPY! He makes me smile and I feel so wonderful when we are together or talking! I'll let you know how things go tomorrow! Hope all is well with you! xoxo

from whystinger :

Don't worry about it, I have been a stranger more than I like too. Congrats on your new apartment. Change can be good. Did I ever mention my diaryland mentor? She had lots of issues, self mutilization, eating disorders and such. She battled them long and hard. In fact, her psychiatrist is the one who had her start the diary... She decided on a change after many years and moved... She rarley writes anymore... because she is doing soooooooo much better! No more cutting, no more binge and purge. Sometimes a change can be good! By the way, beautiful pics

from yellowrosetx :

Hey girlie-I'm an idiot! I just hit backspace on your password, so now I can't log in and read! Please resend dearest! Hope all is well! Take Care!

from singlegirl :

Hi - I would love to read your diary. I liked your profile description and feel like I'm starting on a new journey too. My email is [email protected]

from x-plicity :

That is EXACTLY what you need!! A new beginning! A place to start fresh. You can leave all of the old memories behind and start anew!!! I'm so proud of you Kathy!!! *hugs* X

from whystinger :

It is IMPORTANT to keep on the medicine. It is a natural thing to want to stop when you feel better, but keep taking it. Don't stop and you will feel better and better. Glad your chicken turned out well. Chicken is fairly easy and especially if you buy pieces like thighs. Quick to cook, like 45 minutes to an hour. Bake at 350 degrees F. Use what ever spice or dressing that sounds good to you. I like to use italian salad dressing as a marinade... or sprinkle some garlic powder and oregano on and bake...

from x-plicity :

Happy V-day! *heart* X

from bitterwineuk :

in response to your comment at my last entry, as I was putting up the link I thought to myself "I'm sure Kathy will appreciate this, even if no-one else does." Hahahahaha. Have a wonderful weekend my dear. :) Becca

from whystinger :

How are you? Please remember you are not alone. You write here and those of us that love and value you are here. It is tough to feel us, but we are here for you. Let me know how you are. Drop me an email if necessary and we can sort of chat via email. Stay away from the alcohol and hashish. Take the medicine that the doctor prescribed and take it consistantly. It will help, but you have to take it consistantly and at the right dose. Let me know!

from x-plicity :

I finally got the x-mas card you sent me!! I love it!!! *hugs* X

from spring-da1sy :

That does sound really scary. Try not to worry too much. If your doc doesn't feel it's a major problem, then you shouldn't. Feel better, Honey. Hugs

from bitterwineuk :

oh wow, I so nearly left you a note earlier saying where are you Kathy now you are here. Hooray. Was getting worried about you as you hadn't updated for a while. It sounds to me like you could do with a break from the whole of Israeli society. And I hope you don't mind me asking, but how did you get to be in Israel in the first place. I think you should have a change of scenery and take a good rest my sweet. Take care. Becca.

from whystinger :

I jusst wanted to say hello and let you know that I was thinking of you.

from x-plicity :

Love you!

from whystinger :

Does she really sound like you? Honi used to love sex and she claims she still does, but I am not sure. She is older than you (and me) and is 50, soon to be 51. I think one reason I stay is that at 46, I wonder if women my age just lose interest in sex... You are in your thirties and both her and I were very into it during that age. I think she struggles with the depression, but could do better. At the last NAMI support group meeting (I took a friend in need) several women came up to me after the meeting and mentioned my sticking with her, complimented me and that was shocking... I should also send you an email. BTW, happy new year!

from icyjewel :

Hi there Kathy! I just want to send you best wishes for the New Year. I hope 2006 brings you everything you deserve.

from geeked-out :

Hey girl. I saw that you had added me as a guest poster. Is there anything in particular you want me to write about? When should I do it? =)

from elgan :

Thank you for all your kind notes, Kathy. I hope you have a happy Chanuka. I know you've tagged me to submit a guest entry, but I'm still thinking about what I will write. I'm flattered that you asked.

from bitterwineuk :

done a guest entry for you my love. hope you are happy with it. Becca♥

from heelandlass :

Hello you!! Thank you for the lovely note you left me on my 'anniversary'. You're a wee sweetie. I am quite busy at the moment and fear I may not be catching up with everybody as I'd hoped. In case I don't get the chance to speak to you before I go off on holiday - love you! Talk to you soon xx

from head-unbowed :

It is natural for this to bring up feelings of jealousy and longing. It is more than natural that it would send you down memory lane (since you were on it already, to some extent) and cause you to look at what you "almost" had. You will get past this. It will take time. As far as being happy...Babe, that's up to YOU and only you. It's about finding REAL things to make you happy rather than placing that on someone else. Rather than finding it in a bottle. I know...because I deal with wanting someone else to make me happy too...and damn it, it's not working. I'm always here if you need to talk. I understand lonely...Love -Des (comments wouldn't let me post)

from second-love :

Hi Hon... i emailed that entry to you to post.. love ya!

from ticktrix :

Hi Kathy! I added you when you updated for G-loop (I'm her BFRB) but I didn't realize you had your diary locked. Would you mind emailing me the UN/PW? Thanks! [email protected]

from bitterwineuk :

My dearest Kathy. I am so glad to see you updated while I was away and are ok following the recent bombings again. Sadly, these people will never stop. There will always be someone stepping into the next space. I'm sure Israel is a big place but I always think of you when I hear of this. You are always in my thoughts sweetie. Take care and have fun with that singer. ♥Becca♥

from starlight42 :

((hugs)) Sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now. I think it's great you're seeing a therapist though, not that I think you need one, or would even know if you did...but I really admire people who acknowledge they have some things to work on and are actually working on it! Have fun seeing your singer!

from whystinger :

Hmmm, I pretty much know how you feel... so you are on my mind now and I wanted to say hello...

from x-plicity :

Thinking about you! *hugs* X

from vickithecute :

Hey, I just tried to email you at mlevitt(AT)hotmail(DOT)com and it bounced back. Email me at vicki_thecute(AT)comcast(DOT)net and I'll send you the info

from formerlymr :

It's always darkest JUST before dawn. It will get better, girlfriend. Hug, Madison

from whystinger :

I enjoy hissandtell too. I find chickpea to be one of the sweetest folks ever. She is just the can't meow. One of the worse things about my broken pc is that I can't IM chat with her on Honi's computer. I miss chatting with her. I love the diary. Thanks again for sharing the passord

from liquid-mojo :

I'm in much better health, thank you. Although I do have better financial means, I have much less free time now that I have a full-time job. =/ Hopefully, I'll earn more vacation time and when I do I'll consider a visit. =) How are things going with you?

from whystinger :

What I really need is a good weekend alone and a good pc so I can go back and read all about you... Hmmm, I feel that most of the lack of sex is her fault and she says it is mine... What is your take on there, even though you only have my side of the story. She suffers from depression. She also has diabetes, Sarcoidosis and seems to be ill all the time. Her sex drive changed a lot after she was on the depression meds for a while... She tried to self regulate and that made it worse. I wish she would go back to the psychiatrist - that did the most for us... I do talk to her a lot and am getting tired of talking about it... BTW, you mentioned being heavy in your updates. From your pictures, you sure don't look heavy. Remember, a real woman wears NO LESS than a size ten! and I really mean that. thanks +

from heelandlass :

Hey Sweets! Thanks for filling out my survey xxx

from hissandtell :

Darling, I didn't do it to get something in return or a special mention or anything of the sort - I did it because I wanted to help you out! I'm always happy to do something for someone I care about. I only left you the note because I was surprised I hadn't heard from you, and I figured you didn't realise you'd received a 3 months gift from me too. Love, R xxx

from hissandtell :

Yes, that's the address I sent it to - it was to let you know that I'd gifted you a Supergold membership for three months, a couple of days ago - minutes after you'd posted your entry about yours running out, in fact. Andrew assures me he's put it through, and I was confused that you hadn't been in touch or mentioned me in your entry about chickpea's kindness. That's all. Love, R xxx

from hissandtell :

Um, did you get my email about the Supergold? Love, R xxx

from chickpea981 :

Oh stop it! You absolutely deserve it and I don't comment on you enough so I thought a little gift would be good for you. You're too good of a friend to too many people for you to not get a little gift. Enjoy it! *hug*

from chickpea981 :

You've got 3 months supergold. I thought you could use it. *hug*

from geeked-out :

Hey just let me know when you want me to write it and if there is anything in particular you want me to write it about.

from formerlymr :

Hey Girlfriend! Hello from Arizona. Thanks for the note. "Too forgiving" is the UNDER statement of the year :-) Hugs,Madison

from thehoneypot :

thank you fro your note .. i doing better tummywise .. i had gone through a few different kinds of meds toget me over the depression .. i didnt like they way some of them made me feel .. kinda like a 'i dont care' attitude. and thats not me .. finally found welbutrin ,, i feel like myself ,, and not dont have a killed sex urge... im happy *smile* .. i hope ou find something thats works for you .. shalom

from theflyingrat :

I wanted to thank you for all of the extremely kind and insightful notes that you've left for me lately. And I wanted you to know that you aren't the reason I was thinking about leaving - although by leaving I just meant 'writing less'. Anyway, I am just "getting to know you" right now but I plan on reading your archives soon. Just wanted to warn you in case you noticed a stats spike sometime in the near future. I think you're a great person. Thanks again. ♥ Jenn

from formerlymr :

You write what I feel. Thinking of you!!

from beckers-j :

Hey! Thanks for your comment. I'm glad you liked my entries over at Clarity's place. ;) Hope to hear from you again!

from sweet-cynic :

i owe you an apology :( i'm sorry i've been neglecting you. i haven't had much time online lately and dont have internet at home so i often forget to leave love. but ofcourse I still love you!!

from starlight42 :

Thanks for the note. Read your profile, sorry to hear whats been going on. Would like to read if you wouldn't mind sharing PW- my email is [email protected] :)

from formerlymr :

You are so pretty!! I'm off to Mexico. Look forward to reading when I return home!!Hugs-Madison Rae

from formerlymr :

winegulp at yahoo. May I? Thanks for your note. Any friend of Moz!!

from whystinger :

I am glad I asked to take a look. Thanks for the password. Not too much whining, as I do that too... That is what my diary is for - to blow off some steam... Very cool diary and thanks

from yellowrosetx :

I finally updated girlie! Hope all is well with you! Take Care!

from realsnoopy :

I agree. Why is it we don't realize what we have until it's gone?

from whystinger :

Thanks! I would like to take a peek... [email protected]... We've also had some depression battles in our home... Have you ever checked out NAMI? Check out their website at www.NAMI.org.

from theflyingrat :

Hey. I see your comments all over town and now I see you've added me. Thanks! Everyone else sings your praises and I'd really love the password to your diary. - [email protected] - ♥

from noaddedme :

I got a new computer at work and lost all my passwords!!! Can I get yours again? [email protected] thank you!!!

from liquid-mojo :

Thank you Kathy. I hope things are going up in your life as well. =)

from princesse69 :

thanks for the password kathy.i recently locked my diary and my username is princesse69 and password is catdog. hope your ok ♥ sharon

from heelandlass :

Thank you Kathy. And as luck would have it - I am feeling much better today xx

from geeked-out :

Grr I had the password saved and my stupid browser crapped out and lost it. Can I have it again? androidtomato at gmail dot com

from heelandlass :

Ah - sorry you were 3rd! I couldn't give any advance warning or I'd be in trouble, so it really was first come first served. Have a good weekend to you too! xxx

from princesse69 :

my email is - [email protected]

from princesse69 :

can i have ur password please? i've forgotten it! ♥

from ladyvaduva :

found u on heelandlass's page.. through the note you left about hebrew cd.. that'd be sooo kewl.. and my name is also really cathy as well lol

from liquid-mojo :

Well if there's one thing that can get my mind off of food it's sex, but then I get really hungry afterwards... =p Glad to hear from you again. =)

from heelandlass :

Hey! Thank you very much for adding me, that was very nice of you. Hope you're having a nice day K, and my email is [email protected] if you're dishing out your password these days? xxx

from rockabillie :

Just catching up on some past posts. Best wishes to you in the coming year.

from goingloopy :

Thanks for adding me, and now I want to read back...so pretty please can I have the password? :)

from argolam :

And a happy new year to you, too. Let's hope that the 5766th year won't be as crappy as the last 5765.

from swirl-girl :

Hey there! I know this has been a horrible year for you but you have such a great life ahead of you. Happy New Year to you and I hope this is a fantastic, special, and fun year.

from bitterwineuk :

Hey, thank you for the ecard hun. I just recieved it. Really brightened my day. :) Becca ♥

from alwaysaroura :

Thanks for the note. I hate feeling this way. It's so lonely. I feel awful for complaining because my life really hasn't been that hard or awful compared to other people's lives but it just gets hard from time to time. I guess I"ll always want my mother and father to accept me no matter how awful they were to me. I don't know why but I will. I haven't had much time to read updates but I'm going to get back into your diary as soon as I do!! I hope you are doing well!

from bitterwineuk :

Thank you for your comment. I was just feeling a little down last night, I was fed up with so many things and it just came to a head. I just feel so unappreciated sometimes, like I live my life for everyone but myself and I am starting to feel a bit of resentment. However, that was last night and today I am back to more or less normal. Thanks for yor concern. :) Becca

from icyjewel :

Hi Kathy! I hope all is going well with you. Sending tons of huge *hugs* your way. Have a great week! :)

from head-unbowed :

So, I'm an idiot. I had added you as krugarpak007 and kept thinking "why isn't she updating?" but with all the transitions lately, I'd not had a chance to come by here and note you. (or had been to distracted to do so, rather.) And when I just now realized what I did...I see I've missed a lot of entries, which I'll go about checking out now. Sorry about that Kathy. - Love Des

from gumphood :

its to bad we don't tal1~

from alwaysaroura :

So you have someone in mind, hmm? Give me your user info so I can find out all about him! And sorry for getting you in the mood, hell I got myself in the mood. I can't talk about Taylor without being in the mood!!

from mozangeles :

Hi Kathy! Yes, I am alright. I e-mailed you the log-in info, did you get it? xoxo - me

from x-plicity :

It seems to me that you are happier without Trevor. You can be who YOU want to be. Do what/who(giggle) YOU want to do. Yes, you're going to miss the memories and yes, you're going to miss the company but do you really NEED Trevor? Just a question. *hugs* X

from thehoneypot :

so you really like sushi now.. see what you been missing for so long

from alwaysaroura :

Oh I definately think things sometimes. Like what the fuck are they thinking? And things like that but what is the point of trying to make someone feel bad about themselves? The email just really hurt. Maybe it's because it's too close to home and I feel that maybe part of it was right, who knows?

from argolam :

Now I'm up to three updates in a short space of time. Who know, maybe there'll even be a fourth. But that would be pushing it. Anyway, I'm glad I was able to make you smile.

from realsnoopy :

Thank you for the understanding. Sometimes I think X and I are nuts! I guess we all have to heal in our own way. Our way is just a little differant I guess. Take Care :)

from liquid-mojo :

Being single can be a pain for sure. Finding someone whom you can be serious with can be really tough when you can't even find anyone to get together for coffee. =p

from bitterwineuk :

thank you for your recent notes and I just wish I could do something or say something to be of some comfort to you. I may be on the other side of the world but u can always email me if you like. I think we are very similar in character and I just want you to find true happiness without all the problems. (((((BIG HUGS))))) ♥ Becca

from catz-eyes :

hiya cherub ***HUGGLES*** ok, now i have to give you a gentle smack on the bottom! you are NOT a bad friend! i really appreciate you dropping by over thw weeknd and leaving a comment - that's fab! but you do have your own stuff going on cherub, and sometimes that (i.e. YOU) have to take priority - thats a good thing, not a sign of being a bad friend, ok? you're at a point where ou need to take care of yourself. when thats all good, then you can think about other people you may want to take care of as the need arises... anyway, have a question for you - did yu get my email? or have oyu changed email addresses? hope you're well cherub :( love & kindness to you xox's jay

from bitterwineuk :

thank you so much for your note at ishouldcry. I wish you all the best for whatever works best for you. I understand if you don't want to answer but what made your marriage go wrong and do you really think that it is far beyond that? email me if u feel more comfortable about it. part of giving my marriage another try is kind of saying I gave it my best and I accept life isn't always easy. I just hope you find someone who makes you very very happy. my birthday is 23rd Sept by the way.

from bitterwineuk :

hey, just realised, u and princesse69's baby share the same birthday.

from bitterwineuk :

awwww, sweetheart, I am so glad you had such a lovely birthday. It sounded great. I wish you all the best for the whole year of being 31. Becca

from catz-eyes :

hey cherub, how you doing? just checking to see you got the email the other day with mobile phone number...? ***HUGGLES*** :) love & kindness to you sweetpea - have missed you! =^..^= xox

from brooklyntcb :

i unlocked it the other day.

from yellowrosetx :

Glad your day turned out better than expected and ended up the joyful celebration it should be! I turn thirty this coming January and I too dread it! ARGH! But life is full of changes and I must roll with the punches and just have hope that it will get better! Have a great one deary! Take Care Kathy!

from rachelliz :

Happy birthday, honey. I hope you're doing okay.

from in-my-life :

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I hope you are enjoying yourself. I wish you lots of love and good health during this next year.

from floaty-ana :

hey.. sorry its been such a while since i've been intouch. can you email me your password again coz i never got it last time [email protected]. i hope life is treating you well kathy! seems like ages since i've caught up with anyone! havent had time really to do anything other than write supper speedy entries! can you ask second-love to email me her password as well coz she's not accepting new notes and its ages since i caught up with her too!! hope your happy and well!! take care zoe xxx

from thehoneypot :

i cannot read your diary because it is locked but the entry under me is a HAPPY BIRTHDAY .. i would very much like to read you ,, [email protected] .. and Happy birthday from me too

from amb1valent-k :

Gosh! Happy birthday

from yellowrosetx :

As for my evening with DB, what can I say? He was " an oven of fun-lovin' " as we say in the South! HEE! HEE! It was incredble seeing him, being in his arms again, his lips on mine! He was so sweet, funny, gentle, reassuring! I hope I didn't misread all the body language! ;-) This chemistry was so there! I want for this to workout so badly. I have loved him for so long and waited for a 2nd chance, so I hope we finally get it! I'm scared to let my heart go to him again, but I guess it's a chance I have to take! I framed an old pic of us and set it out as a reminder, and I found one of the first postcards he sent me when he started in the Navy from the year I graduated (1994). I still have an old statue of my puppy that he gave me one year for Christmas. I keep all of these things close to my heart with hopes that he will be back! God, I pray so anyway! I do hope I hear from him soon!

from liquid-mojo :

Thanx for the note. I'm glad you are having a good time. I can totally relate to feeling fat. I just bought a new pair of jeans yesterday and the only size that would fit me comfortably was the largest size on the rack (40 inch waist). Never mind that they looked pretty good on me and that they were loose and comforable, I was like woah! Now I really need to hit the gym. =p

from yellowrosetx :

Thank you Kathy for your sweet notes! I hope life is treating you well! I don't know what our time zone difference is, but I'm CST in Texas, so if you ever want to say hi I'm on Yahoo IM as [email protected]. Take Care honey! XOXO

from bitterwineuk :

thank you for your note. I feel like u r my d'land twin sometimes. So many of my pals have the "perfect" marriage and families that I don't but I really relate with you too. Looking back, I have been stupid in the past. Confusing being used with using my own power. In the end it all comes down to the same. I just accept that and try to get the most out of life. I do worry about you of course but if you are anyrhing like me, you'd do as you feel anyway. It's the only way we learn. and yes, that was reference to you in that diary. All the best, look after yourself and a big hug to my d'land sista!!!!!! *:0) Becca

from brooklyntcb :

I don't understand? Did you get an email from diaryland saying what the us and pn were? they said they were going to generate something like that for you.

from brooklyntcb :

try now..

from x-plicity :

Have fun tonight!!!

from brooklyntcb :

should be fine now...

from its-a-newday :

Hey Kathy! Thanks so much for the comment that you left in my diary. Kevin left that long comment, but of course his angle was so one-sided. Feel free to read my diary to see my response. And please send me an email so that I can read your diary (there is a link to my email address on my page). Thanks and take care - it will get better, I promise.

from brooklyntcb :

in case you care...UN-brooklyntcb PW-brooklyn

from swirl-girl :

You look BEAUTIFUL and very happy in your pics! I'm sorry to hear things are still in such transition for you but remember, you will only get stronger and stronger from this. My thoughts are with you.

from brooklyntcb :

I'm not sure where that email gets directed to...a sure way to reach me is [email protected]

from sillygirl27 :

Thank you. I enjoy every minute of it!

from lightupnight :

Thanks... I'm feeling slightly better today but that could always change!

from alwaysaroura :

I don't know if I'll open the shop or not. I should but part of me doesn't really want to go back to work, is that spoiled or what? It's not like I'll be having kids or anything so I could definately work but I like being at home. Maybe I'm a loner. It seems like you are doing well despite the drama with the beau. I didn't realize he worked in the hospital till you mentioned it today. Things pass me by all the time. I'm weird like taht.

from brooklyntcb :

Thanks for the note. Can I have your password??

from aliboomboom :

I really don't think I am going to be friends with Danielle anymore. I just can't shake the feeling that she had sometihng to do with the ending of me and B. Besides she's just not a good friend. She bought Griffin the cheapest gift for his birthday. It was so lame. And I know that sounds superficial but really we've been friends for ten years, I think you could spend more than $2, right? Fuck her. As for the sunglasses, it's killing me. I know she has them, she knows she has them. Who are we fooling exactly?

from aliboomboom :

I'm sorry that you are feeling so poorly today. What did you do? I am thinking about you and can't wait to hear about whatever happened. I hope tomorrow is better for you.

from alwaysaroura :

Thanks for the compliment. Taylor and I are definately not a perfect couple, we've been through so much but we are getting to a place where we feel comfortable. I really think that you are doing very well since you got out of the hospital. Keep it up!!

from sillygirl27 :

i came across your diary from a friends diary. I would like you to add me if you dont mind. If you do mind, I totally understand. My email is [email protected]

from lightupnight :

lol! Thank you!!!

from chickpea981 :

You always leave me such great notes and I suck at leaving them for you! Oy! One day I'll get better at this stuff. Yeah, I am thinking I might be. I have been off meds for a few years now and was trying not to go back on them but it might be time. I don't know. There are a lot of other factors contributing that I don't write about. But I think you're right.

from fatfree4me :

Jenny Craig is a weightloss center somewhat like weight watchers. The difference is you meet with an individual counselor instead of groups and you also purchase your pre-packaged food from them. It's a bit expensive, but very convenient if you have a busy life and difficulties with portion control.

from x-plicity :

I wrote a message in your comments and it didn't work...and for the life of me I can't remember exactly what I wrote. Well...just know I love you and am thinking about you. *hugs*

from second-love :

Im doin ok. I ended up deleting that entry actually. I dont want to write stuff like that there since it is VERY public... but im also bored to tears with those entries. I just dont have anything witty to say and generally i have nothing i WANT to write about. The whole purpose for writing in the beginning ANYWAY was because i needed somewhere to process all this crap with Sam. But now i feel afraid to write anything anywhere. If i write in dland... i know i dont have to worry about friends and family tripping upon my stuff and figuring out who it is... but i have to worry in dland that Sam is somehow reading it *sigh*... im stuck i guess. Im just not ready to give up my "friends" on dland. Im "stuck" :))) *hugs*

from bitterwineuk :

i didn't know you were out there. I guess it's part of being western that we dont understand why anyone would do that. It's a different life in those places. My husband is Afghani so despite our differences I hope he doesn't recieve any form of racial hatred over this because people are often too ignorant towards Asian people in the UK anyway. Take care. Becca (((Hugs)))

from bitterwineuk :

thank you Kathy. It;s not as bad as Sept 11th or at least I pray it won't be. It's just a shock that although we kind of expected something, you just don't know when. We've been on red alert since Sept 11th. I felt so bad that day but this hits home more. With the G8 summit, London seems to have been neglected for security as so much is going on in Scotland. Whoever was behind it (news reports suggest it MAY be an Al-Qaeda in Europe group)knew just when to strike. New news also suggests the bus was a suicide bomber. Sometimes I really think we live in a sick sick world.

from musicnut :

Hello there. Lemme know your password and such so that I can check you out sometime.

from catz-eyes :

hiya cherub :) ***HUGGLES*** hmm, don't know why that thumbnail didnt work for you :( bugger. tested it and it seems to be fine ... may be when you tried there was a problem at Imageshack, where its hosted...? hope you enjoy this week's very special poll ;) love & kindness to you always =^..^= xox's ps - yes, i do remember moshe. i dunno... am just a tad apprehensive about guys with history of violence...

from alwaysaroura :

Thanks for the note. I am in such a happy place right now. I never thought I would get back here after all I have been through. Sometimes I don't think I deserve it at all but I guess someone thinks I do. Right? I used to read you but I don't have your user information right now. I hope that you are doing well.

from raven72d :

I do love your layout images.

from second-love :

thanks for the sweeeeeeeeeet comment about my picture.... i guess you never saw that one when i posted it briefly on dland...thanks for the compliment xxxooo

from xx-angel-xx :

thank you so much for your note :)

from second-love :

Yeah, i dont think you can leave comments unless you are a registered member... kinda cuts down on the anonymous "hateful comments" ya know? But feel free to comment here still if you want or email :))))

from bitterwineuk :

A big big thank you and a big kiss too. Cheers babe!!!!! :):):):) Good luck to both of us. Becca

from chickpea981 :

in 6 months his debt will be paid off

from yellowrosetx :

I'm alive/ok! :o) I wrote that @ a special friend in Florida. I'd love to be able to tell him that, but "oh me of little nerves!" HA! HA!

from swirl-girl :

Hi Kathy! I've been catching up on your diary (finally!) and it sounds like you're doing well! Way to go! Keep in touch, I love your notes and emails.

from bitterwineuk :

Hi Kathy. Thank you for your note. It made me feel much better. I guess I was expecting people to tell me, yes I was stupid but now I just put it down to experience. I suppose I'm just a little confused about my feelings still. Just when I think I'm over things, it hits me where it hurts. I just don't want anymore disappointment from him. Did you have similar feelings at the end of your marriage???Anyway, my dear I am very glad to hear your work is going well for you. Take care. Love Becca

from aliboomboom :

I don't know how I'm losing all the weight that I am. I am just watching calories and not drinking soda. I am drinking a ton of water and low calorie juice. It's working great so far! I'm sure you'll get there in no time. What motivates me is seeing the change in my body and knowing that if I keep it up, I will be so much happier. You'll get there. I'm really glad to hear the job is giong well. Yay!

from argolam :

I get that a lot. And getting electrocuted in Cuba? It's a long story. It involves taking a shower and loose wiring. Not a fun experience.

from bitterwineuk :

napping and snacking sounds fine to me. Wish I had time for naps but with a toddler, it's impossible. And that's a good way to spend your last free days before you go back to work. Hope all goes well on your return!!! :0) Becca.

from chickpea981 :

he is a complete and utter moron and I dont plan on ever seeing him again. Also, I am always reading about you and your men you attract - I don't know why you even question your beauty.

from aliboomboom :

Why do I even bother caring? I mean really.

from orangeslush :

Hi, can i get the password? I miss reading you! Thanks! [email protected]

from catz-eyes :

hiya cherub :) thanks for the comments! am so pleased you enjoyed the 'eye candy'! heheheh. hope you're havig a lovely weekend sweetpea ***HUGGLES*** love you lots! =^..^= xox's

from rainforme :

no, he leaves on thursday for another army thing. this may be the last time i see him for years on end, especially if i go off to other countries. maybe someday in the future... if it's meant to be.

from chickpea981 :

;)

from brunette99 :

A little random sex isn't bad, just as long as you know where you stand--- go out and get yours Kathy!!

from mozangeles :

Hi Kathy, my name is Jess. We have a lot of friends' diaries in common, and we seem to have a lot in common in regards to depression, etc, so I was wondering if you would not mind sharing your diary with me? My e-mail is [email protected]. Thanks!

from geeked-out :

Could I have the username and password for your diary? Pretty please. If you don't want it left in my notes you can e-mail me and androidtomato at gmaildotcom

from yellowrosetx :

Well, I must say he is beautimus! You have more "cajones" (as we like to say in the south) than I do! I'm such a chicken! I got on there and saw some people I know, so I lay low on there now! :o) Dating sucks and I'm no good at it! All the good ones are taken or long-distance I'm convinced! Glad you smiled for a change though! Don't be ashamed, just be careful deary! If you ever get bored, you can always ping me on IM! :o)

from yeahimadork :

Hey, Kathy. Thanks for adding me to your favorites! If you don't mind, I would like to check out your diary, too. My email address is [email protected]. :)

from liquid-mojo :

Well, once I get my life and my financial situation in order then I can think about visitn good friends. If something comes up though, I'll defintnitely let you know. :)

from eggsaucted :

Just read your note again...you always leave the kindest notes. I can't believe my little princess is going to be 2 years old in less than 2 weeks. Thanks again!

from yellowrosetx :

Can I be a preferred reader too?

from eggsaucted :

She won't stop growing. Thanks for the note, hope you're doing well also.

from soverycherry :

I got a new computer and lost all my saved usernames/passwords! Could I get them again, please? [email protected] Thanks!

from impetuousme :

hey you. thanks for the messages you left. you are alwasy so encouraging. and so kind. it's so hard to read your posts these days. you sound so scared and lonely. I hurt for you, so badly. I wish that i could somehow comfort you. That I could at least be there for you, when you need company, or when you are feeling down. But please know, that I am here, alwasy, thinking about you, and praying for you. I know that you are smart, and strong. That your heart is good and pure. Please know, that no matter how dark things look, you are never alone. I am with you, if only in spirit. Take care dear you. Please..

from amb1valent-k :

It's encouraging that they're giving you time at home. But I suspect being home alone is the time you're going to need the most help. It's good too that Trevor is still about, even if he's not entirely supportive just now. It'll take a long time to come round - you'll both have to have some stamina. Hang on in there xx

from brunette99 :

Doesn't the chair look sooo comfy!?! Keep your head up and just be strong for yourself. Take Care.

from brunette99 :

Thanks for note, hun. Believe me....when things get to be the way they are, it only means it'll just get that much better--hope you're having a good day. :)

from x-plicity :

I'm praying for you. *hugs*

from vickithecute :

For a picture of Sugar-Sky, just go back one entry. RIght now, that's the only picture I have but I'll probably post more eventually. Also, a Mojito is a rum drink made with lime and mint. Very yummy.

from jaykay617 :

Thanks for the note; I'm getting quite anxious about getting a cat; my fiance's parents have 3 cats now and I love playing with them when I visit. So, I'm looking forward to it. I still love my dogs though! Thanks again!

from uboob :

thanks..did you want the code for it? I never go on here anymore. I use xanga now. It was weird when i saw a note on here. haha

from rainforme :

i just got tickets to coldplay!!! boy problems? what boys!? heh. thanks for your note. i'm totally okay now.

from elgan :

Thanks for your note. I hope you also have a good week.

from rainforme :

hi back. :)

from second-love :

hey sweetie... would LOVE to hook up on the IM... are you still using the MSN??? I think i need to reload that on this computer... whats your screen name???

from argolam :

Thanks a bunch. And how's work? I hope you're treating the good old binding machine with care.

from raven72d :

I hope the week is going better than the weekend... Do write.

from surly-social :

Hi Kat! Sorry it took so long for me to reply to your kind wishes about school. I am now done and looking for a job!! I would love to read your diary if you feel comfortable with me reading it. Just let me know! Take care....Sassy

from x-plicity :

Love you!!!!

from purplesage26 :

Thanks for the comments on my page! I'd like to read your diary as well. My email [email protected]. Thanks!

from second-love :

Its ok... just pick yourself up and start again. We all slip backwards... ITS OKAY!!! You wont be perfect. None of us are. And we have to have the hard stuff in our lives to appreciate the good. You'll be ok sweetie...we all will.

from bitterwineuk :

thank you for the password, i can finally get in at long last. will be catching up on bits I've missed. take care. becca

from chickpea981 :

I got your CD and card and edible goodness! (It arrived in relatively good condition) Thank you sooooooooo much! it means a lot to me. Stay Strong baby!

from bluesjunkie :

Thanks for the note! I would like to be able to read your diary too, if thats ok? my email is [email protected]. Thanks!

from liquid-mojo :

Glad to keep you in positive spirits. ;) Anyway, I've been doing OK. Hope you are too. :)

from momma-at-17 :

=) Thank you sooo much! Your note really made me smile. I hope that you are doing well! Take care! Have a wonderful week!

from raven72d :

Lovely travel/hiking photos! It's the weekend: go out and party, lovely one!

from raven72d :

I'd like very much to be able to read you...

from virginlux :

I created a special covert email for this site, so send me your info: [email protected] I hope you're having a good day! xoxo

from catz-eyes :

hiya cherub :) thanks for leaving the comment/s. when i read about your feuding felines, was reminded of Taylor and Parker. it's been 4 years and they show no signs of get along :( Taylor and her 'sissy, as i call them (sister) Tiggy are close; Parket and Tiggy are close, but yeah... Taylor HATES Parker with a passion. it may take your 2 some time to work out their pecking order *fingers crossed* love & kindness to you sweetpea ***HUGGLES*** xox's =^..^=

from rainforme :

i hope you are healthy and happy. my well wishes and thoughts are with you. take care.

from serapay :

thanks for the visit--i don't make rude comments myself, at least never on purpose. here's my e-mail address, i'd love to see your diary! [email protected]. :)

from second-love :

Thanks for your worry sweetie. I have good and bad moments :))) but overall doing quite well. I think of you often and I hope you are doing well! *hugs*

from bitterwineuk :

Hiya. Thank you for your lovely note. I am on a new lease of life now and i can't remember the last time i was this happy. please resend me your password as i now have to use an internet cafe until i can raise the funds for my new improved home pc. my email is [email protected]. i would be forever grateful. love becca.

from emo-girl06 :

thank you. you too darling♥

from daze-of-rain :

hey babe...if you are around, could we chat?

from tigerlvr6231 :

I don't know if it's just me. But I can't get the username and password to work again. Do you think, you could give it to me again please?

from rockabillie :

I would like to read, [email protected]. You can find me at rockabillie.diaryland.com

from liquid-mojo :

I'm doing fine Kathy. I hope you are doing well too...

from x-plicity :

Oh, sweetie...I'm so sorry. *hugs*

from argolam :

Thanks. And you're right, I also think you two would get along. And how have you been doing? Sorry for being such an asshole lately, by the way.

from virginlux :

Hey Kathy, I used to write at silentdemand. I'm back with a new diary and I'd love to hear from you and visit your diary if you remember me. xoxo

from icyjewel :

Hey Kathy, I just wanted to let you know what this is my new place. :)

from amb1valent-k :

Admonishment accepted Kathy; I'm sorry! I understand (believe me I do!) trevor's sentiment about how hard it is to live with the mentally ill. Ot does feel like he withfrew too soon; but maybe that means he could return as easily?

from elgan :

Thanks for your notes and for the lovely comment in your profile. I don't know if I deserve such praise. I'm glad you're feeling better and I hope this is a permanent change. All the best to you.

from weymouth66 :

Thank you so much for sharing. Very best wishes - hope all goes well with your recovery and return to work. Love and hugs, Jess x

from weymouth66 :

Hi Kathy - may I read? My email address is pompey7475 at yahoo dot co dot uk . Thanks, Jess x

from elgan :

Thank you for your note, Kathy. Happy Pesach to you too.

from liquid-mojo :

for you, you can have as many as you like... ;)

from x-plicity :

It's so good to hear you're doing ok. I was getting really worried. *hugs*

from rdhdprincess :

Hey Sweetie Pie! I haven't been able to get in using the password I have since you started it, I think. I kept meaning to ask you again because I miss you, but then something would happen and Bella is taking every extra minute of time I have, and then it had been too long and I was embarrassed. Anyways can you e-mail me the info again? I must have had something wrong. I miss you! [email protected]

from luxlust :

when i switched computers, it took my passwork away. Could you email me one again? Please. [email protected]. Thanks. Hope all is well! ~annemarie

from bamstroker :

pw? [email protected]

from impetuousme :

i miss you too.. sorry i haven't been around much while you've been in the hospital.. but i had some minor surgury that's kept me bedridden for a while... and it's STILL rather not healed... so... hopefully YOU are doing better and get out of there soon and we can write like we used to... and ... and.. i just miss you... and quite honestly... find this little ache.. for you... pretty much everyday... i wish i could come see you.. so badly... i wish so much... take care.. dear heart... much love.. sam

from brunette99 :

Hey Kathy! I forgot your password so can you please email it to me again? Thanks! [email protected]

from jess1976 :

I used to read you back when you were unlocked, but since you've been locked I haven't been able to catch up on your updates. I would love to be able to catch up on what's been going on in your life. If it's possible, could you send your user id and password to [email protected] Thanks!

from rachelliz :

I am now caught up with you! I have been thinking about you a lot and wondering how you are doing. I know how you feel about Fluffy. I don't have much affection for cats, but I feel like my life would improve dramatically if I were able to get a dog. Take care of yourself and get better soon. And thanks for the notes!

from x-plicity :

Cats have an uncanny way of knowing human feelings. They are very brite intuative animals. I'm glad you have learned to love them! *hugs*

from second-love :

Hi sweetie... thanks for your note. I know. You are right. I do give too much to him...but despite my emotional rollercoaster... i am LIVING my feelings and he is not. So really he IS weaker than me - he needs my protecting. And im ok with that. I AM stronger now... i do still get hurt, but more often then hurt, i get angry... and thats good i think. I miss you... hope you are doin ok. And im glad you were able to get into my diary. For some reason I cant even access my own!!!!

from aliboomboom :

So Trevor is really moving out? That is so sad! As for your friend and the birthday cake, I cannot believe he acted like that!! What a jerk. What is up with men? I mean seriously, they are always such disappointments. I'll be thinking about you!

from momma-at-17 :

I would like to read. You used to leave me very kind notes at sexxie101. My email is [email protected], I would really like your password if you don't mind too much...

from second-love :

Honey... despite you and Trevors problems... if he didnt care about you, he would NOT be hovering around you like he is. And no amount of "guilt" could make someone "hang out" at the hospital where you are OR spend time with you when at home... especially now that you are separated. He DOES care, but he's being careful, im sure. There needs to be a delicate balance right now and i think he really is trying. XXX000

from swirl-girl :

Oh sweetie, I didn't realize you were cutting. I must have missed that when I wasn't able to catch up on your diary. I know it's hard to control and I sure as hell have my own ways of hurting myself but please don't do it! You're so beautiful and funny and smart, you're so much better than that. I know you want to go home but if the doctors think that they can help you if you stay a little longer, then please stay there. You have a beautiful life to live when you are better, just remember that!

from whatloveisnt :

Hey there, I was going to leave you a comment back. BUT I forgot your pw and username. And also lost the paper it was written down on.....can we say blond moment. Thanks a ton.

from swirl-girl :

Hi honey, how are you?! I'm so sorry that things aren't going well for you, you WILL get through this. Please stay in touch, I think of you often!

from catz-eyes :

hiya cherub :) did you get my emails? have changed browsers so no longer have password etc for your diary... can you email me the details again please? thanks sweetpea. hope Life is being kind to you. love & kindness to you always, =^..^= xox

from rainforme :

;). i'm beginning to think there is no OUT, just other versions of IN. heh, now I sound like a burger joint. In N Out burger... take care.

from clarity25 :

Just a little note to let you know I'm here and thinking about you. I hope you feel better soon..and that Cat sounds sweet. I could understand why you would want to keep it.:). You've been missed. Love, Clarity

from princesstosh :

I've missed you!! Thank you for updating. Just concentrate on getting better, and living day to day. XOXO

from second-love :

Miss you :)))

from aliboomboom :

I'm sorry that things are so hard for you right now. I hope that they get better and that you can come home soon. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I feel as if I am missing a huge chunk because of all the time I missed while I didn't have your password, why are you in a hospital and what kind of hospital are you in?

from diablogem :

Hey honey, we've missed you so much! Don't worry about the razor, like Avalonte said, we all make lapses occasionally, it's just part of the learning process, and it's not stupid it's just the way you've learned to cope with the sitaution. Just keep talking to the nurses, and keep concentrating on yourself - we all love you so much ********hugs********* gem xx

from avalonte :

The comments page isn't up and running yet, so I'll leave a note instead. Charlie didn't choose her over you, you silly thing! He wanted you! It was you who told him you didn't want him! He went off with his girlfriend because he couldn't have you!! As for the cutting, don't beat yourself up about it! We all have stupid lapses and do stupid things. And you don't sound mad in how you described it. It makes perfect sense that causing yourself physical pain will for a short time relieve the emotional pain! It's like if you have a sore finger and you stub your toe, for a brief time you can only feel the sore toe, not the sore finger! But remember it's only temporary! The original pain will return, only you'll have an ugly scar to go with it! Well done for catching the bus alone. I know that took huge balls!! I'm proud of you! Take care lovely, I'll speak to you soon. *hugs* xx

from catz-eyes :

hiya cherub :) just a wee note to say ***HUGGLES*** and that i *miss* you! you've not updated in like 10 days! hope that you're ok sweetpea, and that Life is being kind to you and yours. love & kindness to you always, =^..^= xox

from second-love :

Thanks sweetie... i am doing well. Its the first time in over a year and a half that i feel like i got a grip on this part of my life. Its very enpowering, i must say and it makes the weekends much easier to endure. I'm sure ill never be completely "unwacked" but thats what makes it fun!!!! I hope you are doing better. I think about you all the time!! Remember, one sec, one minute, one hour, one day at a time... whatever increment you need *smile and hugs*

from aliboomboom :

I'm so sorry, Kathy. I forgot to add you back to my buddy list and I haven't been around to read you. I am sorry that you are feeling this pain. It must be terrible to realize it's over for you and Trevor. Are you sure that it is? I'm glad you get what I'm saying about it not mattering what other people think of you and your significant other as a couple, the only thing that matters is the two of you.

from floaty-ana :

hey kathy i never got your email....could you send it again please :)hope your doing well... zoe xxx

from liesal1979 :

Hi kathy, I'm a friend of Betchys and was wondering if i could have your password as betchy always speaks so highly of you. LIsa xxx

from rainforme :

thank you. take care of you. cheerio.

from kisskeri :

Your welcome. I usually don't forward those things along, but since I was able to confirm it, I felt it was valid. I'm so happy to see you're back around. <3 Keri

from second-love :

Thanks hon... yeah he is wacky hahahahaha but the "cycles" dont get to me like they used to and we HAVE gotten MUCH better... so while it seems like I complain a bunch about it - its not bad at all compared to before. We have come a LONG way! Hope you are doing well, my friend *hugs*

from foolosophy :

thanks babe, after lastnight my legs are a little sore but feeling better... how u doin?

from star-belly :

hello, dear. i'm not sure if you remember me, but we were diary-friends for a short time. anyways, i'm here to inform you that i am back, and i plan on updating frequently. much love! ~ kayleigh

from amb1valent-k :

So hope this is working for you Kathy xx

from aliboomboom :

I finally got your password from Tosha. I just wanted to say that your pictures are beautiful. You look almost exactly how I pictured you. You are beautiful. Where are you though? I hope you are doing okay!! Note me when you get back.

from imabrat2 :

Hi...I just wanted to let you know that you've been in my thoughts. I hope all is ok.

from wifemotherme :

Hope your doing alright, miss reading you. If your passing out the code I would like to have it. wifemotherme@(remove)comcast.com

from x-plicity :

*huggies* Miss you lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots...*breath* and lots and lots and lots and LOTS!!!!!

from second-love :

Thinkin about you sweetie *hugs*

from floaty-ana :

hey kathy i miss your posts so much, please can i have your password n such. i hope your doing oki take care of yourself zoe xxx

from lettynow :

Hey you, was just catching up and you said youdidnt have access to your email. Well I had emailed you an ecard :( I wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts, take care of your self I hope you get better, I know you will. Loveya Letty

from aliboomboom :

Happy Valentine's Day, Kathy. Hope you are enjoying it!

from bitterwineuk :

Read from your last note you recieved, you've been in hospital. What's up? I have accidently deleted my password list so I can't get into your diary. Please could you pass it on to me. Hope you are ok. Will have pics of my boy heading your way as soon as I find someone with a scanner!!!! As for the dentist, that's not being brave, it's a necessity. Like giving birth, it has to be done. Though I would rather have lots more babies than trips to the dentist. Take care and please send me your password. Becca!!!!

from zitagsd :

HI Kath....I just got caught up on your stuff and am sorry to hear that you are in hospital. I hope you can get some good meds that will kick in and help. Sounds to me like you need away from madame smoker too!! I awear, can't they keep up with the regulation here??!! Anyways..February can be a hard month..cold, rainy, YUCK! but spring is coming..a new time and a new beginning. Be strong!

from shugge :

They're linked in the Fantasy Ticker entry, but you can check out the other photos in my album within the link! Thanks for the note, glad I could bring a smile to your pretty face!

from swirl-girl :

I just got caught up on your diary, I can't believe you're back in the hospital you poor thing. My thoughts are with you and I hope you feel better soon. You are an amazing, FUNNY, thoughtful person. Once you let yourself shine, all the assholes of the world won't mean a thing. XOXOXOXO

from liquid-mojo :

I wish I had the luxury to be able to travel wherever I wanted to go. Still, it's a nice thought to be able to visit you and to make new friends. Then again, who knows? I may actually be able to take you up on your invitation someday. :)

from nmnohr :

Thanks for the notes! To be honest, I've only gotten on the treadmill twice. I'm bad! How are you holding up? I hope that things start getting easier, and that you can get the results you are looking for. Hang in there, things will get better - we need the darker times to appreciate the good times!

from second-love :

Thinking about you sweetie. Keep plugging away! *hugs*

from clarity25 :

Thank you so much for your last few notes, one of them truly touched me! It's always so great to hear from you! I'm sorry I haven't been able to leave you notes lately, I've been having problems again getting into your actual journal..but don't worry, I will! I just have to be on the right computer! (it's in the office and it's always occupied during the work hours) But I just wanted to say "hi!" and let you know that you're in my thoughts, I hope everything in your life is going well and you're having a good day! love, Clarity

from nmnohr :

I'll be thinking of you. I hope you get the reset that you need and deserve.

from shugge :

Sorry you're away for a bit, hope all is well. I will post some pics just for you in a future entry, fair deal?

from elgan :

Hi Kathy, I just tried emailing you the mp3 that you couldn�t link to from my page, and it got sent back to me. I used the email address you have on your diary. Is it not working now?

from ahwell :

hey thanks for the note. could i have your password please? [email protected], thanks!

from phangasm :

mmm, I'd love to come visit, if only I could think of a way to make it happen!

from ponfarr :

Hey, can I have the pw to your diary? ponfarr -at- diaryland.com - thanks!

from liquid-mojo :

Don't worry, notes and comments from friends, especially the ones you leave for me always help be feel better if I'm down. :)

from aliboomboom :

I still haven't gotten your information. I need to catch up. I'll ask Tosha today. As for Jeff, I don't want a relationship with him at all. I think he's gorgeous and funny and sweet but I just want him to be happy. I want him to work it out. I really do. Besides I couldn't start a relationship with anyone in his situation.

from aliboomboom :

from second-love :

You are so right and ive been trying to do that. Really i dont have the energy to do much of anything... im sorta consumed with just keepin our heads above water. I think thats why Sam realized that THIS time was different and i would, in fact, go on my merry way if he didnt DO something and quick. Now, our ongoing struggles with relating to each other and his constant "teasing then rejecting" of me is another thing. Im not sure WHAT to do with all that - but i know im not gonna focus on it. I dont really care at this point...ill just keep doin what i feel like and he'll have to fight me off with a stick *grin*

from rainforme :

i think i miss the butterflies the most. thanks for the nice words, but you don't want my life, you have your own to live! be well.

from princesse69 :

Hey Kathy, hope your okay. Thanks for your sweet kind words,they cheered me up. (((HUGS))) x x x

from her-story :

Hey, thanks for stopping by. I was thinking about the tampon story all day, so I figured I'd put it at my diary. *shrugs* It was freaking funny, btw... and I am VERY glad that none of my boys have followed suit. :)

from normaltoilet :

those are some way cute pics chicah!!!

from shugge :

Isn't that song great?? I downloaded it the other night and burnt it to CD and have not stopped listening to it! Sex IS good, I kind of got a little this morning, you can read about it in my diary... And here's to you getting some!

from swirl-girl :

You go girl! I want you to feel as good about yourself as we all do! You're GREAT!

from aliboomboom :

Tosha and I talk on AIM every day so when she gets to work, I'll get the information and get back to you after I read your diary. I am glad that you have positive thoughts on the Brandon relationship. I do too. I'm very hopeful! Cross your fingers for us!

from aliboomboom :

from second-love :

Yes you NEED to drag yourself to work!!! You dont want to jeopardize that and be pathetically unemployed like yours truly *grin*... believe ME... unemployment isnt all its cracked up to be!!!!! And good for YOU not calling Charlie... one day at a time

from aliboomboom :

I've been wanting your password as well. My username is alexia and my password is 07gcr10. I'll ask Tosha for yours, would that be okay?

from second-love :

When i was at my lowest point... and didnt think i could do ANYTHING to change my situation or how i felt...i changed just the tiniest thing - something really easy - that gave me the confidence i needed. Then i would do another. That is how i am handling my financial stress right now. Every day i do one little thing... find one tiny bill i can cancel or one way i can save a dollar. It gives confidence. Try everyday to find ONE THING no matter how small, and build on that! It WILL make you feel better. Thank you too for your support... it means so much to me!!!!

from liquid-mojo :

Thank you Kathy. Don't worry, I'm still hanging in there. I hope things in your life gets sorted out as well.

from imadad2 :

It sounds like you and I are going through rough times. If I did not need a vacation so bad, I probably would move out this weekend. I fight with her more than I make love with her, so it is a losing battle. I appreciate the kind words. It always helps. Hang in there yourself. Being married is not all it is cut out to be.

from second-love :

You are doing GREAT!!! Good choice with Ian - seeeee you CAN make choices that are good for you!!!! Have a great weekend *hugs*

from princesstosh :

Thanks so much for the note, Kathy. Do you know what I love about Diaryland? That there are people like you on here! I was telling Lissy (Vagasmommy) that my mom would lecture me too much, and my friends would want to kick Michaels ass, but you guys always make the best out of everything and offer me encouragement. It's just what I need and thank you for that!! With everything you're going thru, and you still have time to offer hope and words to me---I truly love that about you and I think you are one of the most genuinely sweet people I have ever known!!! Thank you!!!

from swirl-girl :

god honey, I really feel for you and what you're going through. If we lived near each other, we'd be hanging out and talking through this. You're doing GREAT. Don't ever think you're not strong because you are handling this like a champ.

from swirl-girl :

from liquid-mojo :

Don't worry I'll keep you in the loop. ;)

from brunette99 :

user name: miriam password: teresaisabitch

from vickithecute :

Hey, I just had to lock my diary (temporarily, I hope) bcs a coworker of mine got access to it. It's still open to all dlanders though...the user name is vicki and the password is cute

from saara687 :

Thanks for the notes, Kathy, and for leaving your mark on my guestmap. :) I'm glad you think my template pic is funny. And thanks for the good luck wishes - I hope I get it right this time, too. No more loser men for me... hopefully!

from luvmykitties :

Hiya Kathy - thanks for the note. It definitely would not work to ask hubby if T could come over to visit. He feels it is improper for a married woman to be alone with a man other than her husband, father, relatives, etc. He does know that T and I dated in the past and that he was married at the time, and he thinks that is the most vile thing int he world. So, it is not a subject we discuss at all! I mean, he doesn't even like me visiting my gay friends, because they are men. Stone age, I tell ya!

from bitterwineuk :

I have not got any pics of my son on D'land because I don't have the Gold membership and I don't know anyone who does hosting so I don't know how I can get any on screen though I would love to at some point. If not I may get a couple of pictures scanned and ask readers if they'd like to see a pic to send me thier email addresses. I now all mums say it but he truly is the most gorgeous handsome little boy in the world. We got some new photos back yesterday and he's starting to look all grown up.

from classygirl83 :

Thank you soo much for your nice note. I need encouragement right now. I know I will find one someday though. I hope that you're doing well. Can I have your password? I totally understand if you don't want me to have it. I hope that you have a great day!

from chronicling :

kathy--hey, it's alyssa. i just wanted to let you know that i have not fallen off the face of the planet. this is my new diary and, although it's not totally set up yet, i'm working on it. i hope you are doing well!

from vickithecute :

Funny you mention that - I've been toying with the idea of doing a photo essay "Cats I have known and loved" but man, that's a f*** of a lot of cats. Of course, some people will think that's the LAMEST entry ever, but ::singsong:: I don't care....

from diablogem :

Honey, I've just discovered something quite shocking...You haven't signed my guestmap *gasps from all around*!!!!!! LOL! I think that needs to be rectified, lol ;D, gem xx

from foolosophy :

heya! thanks im ok, just got back from the airport, everyone crying except for me... go figure :p

from bitterwineuk :

hello, can I please have the password for your diary and thank you for your note. My email is [email protected]. I would like to hear about you. Becca

from imadad2 :

Thanks for the note. It was a good weekend. At least yesterday was. hope you had a great one as well, and have an even better week.

from saara687 :

Thanks for the comment!

from vickithecute :

Thanks for the comment, I had a blast playing with the animals too. I'd like to read your diary, btw, may I have the password please? I promise not to leave rude comments ::grins:: Email is [email protected]

from nmnohr :

I didn't think I could find 100 things, but once I was done with it, I thought of a bunch more that were probably more interesting. I don't even remember now what I put on there. I'll have to check it out! I've been wandering through your diary, and checking stuff out. You are totally beautiful!

from nmnohr :

Thank you so much for the nice note. My kids are feeling better thankfully, but I think I'm starting to get whatever they had. Lovely. I'd love to check out your diary sometime......let me know if it would be ok. [email protected] Thanks again!

from kisskeri :

Thanks for the notes!!! That quote has been one of my favourites for years for the reason that it's so true. I'm so excited about my trip. I've never left Canada so this is HUGE for me lol Although flying puts me into a panick attack just thinking about it...so I need some sort of drug to calm me down come time to fly. Maybe I'll take a few extra Gravol or something haha ;) The snow here was crazy. It's stopped now, but it hasnt left. That was probably the craziest, or one of, storms so far this winter. I'd love to read you as well if you'll let me! :D I'm Keri btw.

from second-love :

I like the way you sound!!! And who CARES if you called him! No biggie!!! As long as you take one little step each day to make decision for YOU :))))) And yeah... Sam knows MOST of what i write - but i DO sorta rant about him at times which is what he doesnt like. He just doesnt understand my personality type and the need to just sorta "think out loud"... so some stuff he WOULDNT understand about what i write... he gets confused by what i say let alone what i write hahahahahahha *hugs*

from second-love :

Sweetie, do you realize that just about every entry you say that you DONT love Charlie and never did??? Are you trying to convince US of that, or yourself???? Its OKAY if you DO or DID love him... and honestly, until you are able to just speak the truth outloud, you will never be able to get past it. And BTW... thanks for your kind words and reassurance- they mean alot to me!!! XXX000

from second-love :

Its the hard things in life that make us stronger. The easy stuff is just the reward. Hang in there through this tough part... it WILL be worth it and it WILL get easier!!! *hugs*

from princesse69 :

Hi Kathy How are you doing? Thanks for the note.It's nice to know someone cares. I havent been able to read your diary for a while as i have forgotten your password if you could please email it to me. Love Sharon x x x

from normaltoilet :

Yay for you! Now you can make that clean break and move forward, move on, move somewhere else :)

from second-love :

Good gracious.... and i thought Sam was confusing!!! I just dont get Charlie and his flip flopping back in forth. Must be a guy thing!

from princesstosh :

Kathy, thanks so much for your note. To be completely honest, it brought tears to my eyes. I always second guess myself and I was at that moment--I thought, maybe I am being too harsh and it's my fault but hearing from you that I am right made me much better. Hopefully this will change some things for the long run. It just has to because I cannot do everything I've been doing from now on. I dont have the strength. Anyway thanks for the encouraging words. Oh and by the way, even though Charlie has been mean to you I couldnt help but laugh at the photos. I mean really, I could see how you would find him adorable. Good luck with that situation and whatever happens with you and Trevor. You've heard the saying you've got to love yourself before you can love others? I think it applies. Take some time alone to figure things out and love yourself. You are very much worth loving!!!!

from imadad2 :

Check your email.

from imadad2 :

I may have to add some more clues. I did not want to make it obvious. If you do an advanced Google search on Wing Chun (exact phrase) and Tampa, his web page is in the listings. If I don't get any correct guesses, I will add more clues.

from psod :

I wrote the same to Gem.. Thanks for your words - It helps me to have the outlet of writing about it, it helps even more to know someone else is reading and possible making changes in their life. Thx...

from cats-corner :

Actually, I'd be rather glad to get rid of my notes section but it's an easy way for people to contact me and I'd rather have them leave a note than go to all the trouble of putting up an entry that says: "Cat I tried sending you an e-mail, but I have the wrong address and you don't have a notes section. How do I get in touch with you?!"

from zuzus-petals :

Can I get a password? [email protected]

from brunette99 :

heee heee hee!!! Those pictures are hilarious! What does it say on his underwear?? Anyway, thanks for the note you left me, it meant a lot to me. :)

from soul-glimpse :

kathy!!! i am sorry that i have not left a note in so long. i hope you are doing well, and you seem to be. i imagine that i cannot say anything about the charlie situation that hasn't already been said, but go ahead and tally one more for the anti-him! he turned out to be quite a piece of work. regardless, you have the right attitude and i'm SO GLAD for you!! i hope you are able to keep it up and have a GREAT day.

from whatloveisnt :

I was wondering If I could get the password again. We switched ISP's and well, I didn't "save" that email in time. Thanks a ton. [email protected]

from x-plicity :

you are right, those pics are comical!!!

from normaltoilet :

ok, so i'm a little behind on all of this drama, and haven't had a chance to do any backtracking... but i have a dare, well, a triple-dog dare! Next time there is a prospect of Charlie coming over (since he's going to be buying hit ticket "tomorrow" ever since i've been reading i'm not sure it actually will happen) BUT, the next time there is the option of him coming over I want you not to take it...choose to be alone tha time, make it a one time positive choice, rather than waiting until it's not your choice anymore. Just think about it k?

from foolosophy :

hey im good thanks and you?

from luxlust :

Hi dukkha-tanha reffered you to me, would it be ok if i entered? email me at [email protected]. thanks.

from vanoonoo :

hi there - i noticed you are reading pats diary - could I have your password vanoonoo at hotmail dot com I will email mine by return :)

from second-love :

No problem sweetie... and if you want to talk more... just email me :)

from second-love :

Being alone is good... but it takes some time to get used to it. Its sorta like bein on drugs and goin cold turkey. If you can get through the rough beginning and the inevitable pain that ensues, you will be MORE than fine. Keep your eye on the prize, which ultimately is a healthier and happier you. Ultimately, we HAVE to learn how to be by ourselves, cuz if you take away all the men or even friends - we only have ourselves and we HAVE to learn how to make the most of THAT relationship FIRST before we can ever really love another person the way we should. Hang in there girl - and thanks for the note... i AM doing better but it was only after really going through the fire. *hugs*

from second-love :

MAN!! im feasting im feasting!!! What a cutie! And listen girlie... you dont LOVE Charlie, you love the attention he gives you and thats ok because you are in a tough spot right now and VERY alone. But alone can be ok - try to plan things to do everyday. I know for myself, if i sit around and do nothing, that just gives me time to think and to miss and to wish...

from rainforme :

girl, at what ungodly hour are you reading my diary? thanks for the note, i'm fine, just frustrated!

from foolosophy :

heya! im fine thank you :) are YOU ok??? *hugs* sorry havent been online much lately, been building fences and im knackered!! everything hurts haha :p glad its the weekend :)

from imadad2 :

I never got your password ([email protected]) I am dying to read your diary. Thanks for the weekend wishes. You have a great one yourself.

from brunette99 :

thanks honey! I hope you have a good weekend too. Don't stay home and mope around. Go out, breath in the fresh air, hit a bar or two, try something new, get a little crazy while you can. Trust me, it'll be good for you. :)

from liquid-mojo :

A trip to Israel huh? What kind of sights can I see there? ;)

from normaltoilet :

Being alone isn't always bad (even though i do complain about it lots i definintely need my downtime) look at this as an adventure and do things you never would do if someone was around. Make it a fun thing, a weekend totally about and for you.

from betchy :

dont be so hard on yourself about Trevor. it took two people to break up the marriage. dont put all the blame on your self xxxxx

from vegasmommy :

I worry about you sometimes, Kathy. You're so hard on yourself and yet you're such a wonderful person! Thanks for the note. I love hearing from you :) Hugs and kisses, Hunny. If you ever need to talk, I'm almost always logged in (invisible) on Yahoo. VegasMommy83

from angelic7626 :

omg! I would love to read! :) [email protected]

from in-my-life :

Agh! I got a new computer at work, and I thought I remembered the ID & PW for your diary, but I guess I don't, because I can't get in. I'm sorry I bug you for the info every other week! Hope you're doing ok. Besos y abrazos ... k

from iwanttotell :

Thanks for asking about Donna. Actually, she's doing incredibly well. I tend to not write about happy news-only complain & whine about negative things. I'll have to try harder to be positive.

from thegoodbiboy :

Glad I can help out! Any chance of getting the login and password for your account? Just email to [email protected] if it's ok.

from dukkha-tanha :

Oh my goodness, we seem to be running around in the same crowd. That's way cool those guys are cool shit. I mean imadad2 and the goodbiboy. Anyway, I wanted to comment that I, too, love gay men. LOVE them. Some I have wanted to try to bring over to our team. Oh well my five minutes on d-land today are up. Ciao! =)

from thegoodbiboy :

Thanks for stopping by, and come again. I was married for 7 years before seperating and getting a divorce. Each day gets better, believe me.

from imadad2 :

May I have your password please? I'd love to read your diary. Thanks for the note.

from whatloveisnt :

I was also gonna say thanks and have a good day! My son bumped my arm and I hit the wrong key...oops!

from whatloveisnt :

Hey there. Thanks for the add and the nice note. I wanted to read some of yours if it's alright. My email is [email protected]

from psod :

Thanks - I'm all over the place sometimes and while it makes perfect sense to me because I was there, I forget that you weren't - if that makes any sense! I'd love to read you!

from lauralgood :

thanks so much for the kind words. I will vouch for hiss and tell she is one of the most lustful...um loving women ever. smiles. i would love your password and such too. if I can have it send it to [email protected]. Love Laural

from hissandtell :

Hi, Kathy. Thanks so much for your sweet note. I'm wondering if you're inclined to share your username and password with me so I can read your words? (I see we have at least four buddies in common - honestly, I'm a nice person - they'll vouch for me. Trust me, I'm Australian!) Love, R xxx

from liquid-mojo :

I'm actually feeling a little better, thank you. :)

from dukkha-tanha :

Want some motivation? Go to my diary and check out this entry: http://dukkha-tanha.diaryland.com/040629_72.html

from lonelylatina :

Hello Kathy this is Adela. May I please have the username and password to your diary?[email protected] Thank you.

from dukkha-tanha :

Thank you so much, for the note and the comment and adding me. I'd love to read you. Sounds like we have alot in common from your profile. Email: dukkha-tanha[AT]diaryland[DOT]com. =)

from imabrat2 :

Hmmmm...don't know how that happened. Sorry for the duplication.

from imabrat2 :

Thanks for the sweet note. I'm glad to see you are having some better days now. My thoughts are with you. **hugs**

from imabrat2 :

Thanks for the sweet note. I'm glad to see you are having some better days now. My thoughts are with you. **hugs**

from wish4u :

I know...I am staying atleast 50 feet away from anyone who is sick:) I hope you have a great day:)

from betchy :

trust me you should not be jealous, its nothing to be proud of! i am glad i made you smile and that you sound happier today!

from normaltoilet :

Wow, thanks for the compliment! How did you come across me? Will you let me in to read yours? my email is [email protected] Thanks!

from wish4u :

Sure I'll let you in, thank you so much for asking:) the username is: all and the password is: beer. Enjoy! xoxo Crystal

from second-love :

Thanks sweetie... its so nice to have you back :))) *hugs*

from thinwish :

Hey girl! Sorry I didn't get back to you! I hope all is going well with you! xoxo

from elliemay23 :

I was wanting to start reading you if you didn't mind. A couple of my buddies have you on their list. [email protected] is my email. xoxo, Ellie

from liquid-mojo :

Look, I know it's tough but I think you should stop wasting your tears over this guy. He's so not worth it. Loving somemone doesn't involve confusion between you and another person and it certainly does not involve moving to another country. Try to free your heart from this guy and eventually better things will happen to you.

from foolosophy :

heya! thanks for all the notes, sorry for the delay in replying!!! happy 2005 to you too :) hope alls well!

from second-love :

Things are going well on this end... but you dont need to worry about ME!!! I just want you to feel better and be happy. PLEASE!

from clarity25 :

Thank you so much for your beautiful note, that really brightened my day. I was feeling down all week. I'm sorry you also had to endure mean rude notes from people that feel the need to put in their two cents, as a result having to lock up. I may have to do the same in time. For now, I'm just holding on! Thanks again for reaching out. I have to change computers to access your entry, which is why I'm in your notebox right now:)

from second-love :

Soooooooo glad you are back hon! PLEASE say goodbye to him once and for all! Its a new year and we can ALL have new hope! *hugs*

from liquid-mojo :

Glad to be of amusement to you. =p

from second-love :

Oh hon... ive missed you SO much and i cant wait for you to be back regularly!!!! I hope you ARE done with Charlie now and dont get sucked back in - i dont even need to KNOW what he did!!!!!! Here for you and i feel like im REALLY in a good place now to support you properly!!! *hugs*

from x-plicity :

Oh, hon! I know how much better cutting can make you feel. But it's sooo temporary! I've been needing to do it a bit myself lately. It's so hard to ignore those feelings. The need for a quick fix. I'm here for you, we can do this together. *hugs*

from vegasmommy :

Kathy! Happy New Year! I hope... I really really hope. Hun, I'm so sorry you're so unhappy right now. But, do you know what New Year means? Not just a silly number getting bigger.. but a chance to start all over. Wipe everything away and give yourself a clean slate. And, please... forget about Charlie. Think about Kathy. She's more important right now! Hugs and kisses from Vegas! Hope your resolutions work out, Sweety!!

from second-love :

Ahhhhhh hon... i am SO worried about you!!! You DO need to be done with Charlie!! He really has been nothing but bad for you! You dont need to replace one problem for another. I know you are afraid and i know that its hard to be alone, but you WILL be better for it!!! And you have SO many friends that are here to support you! We are ALL here! Im thinking about you and praying for you *hugs*

from catz-eyes :

hiya cherub :) am glad you've had a lovely Xmas with your friend. but was saddened to see how deeply troubled you have been about your father ***HUGGLES*** am thinking of you sweetpea, ok? love & kindness to you always, =^..^= xox

from liquid-mojo :

Thank you baby, I hope your holidays turn out great. :)

from second-love :

I got your lovely christmas e-card and i think at least one other email so no worries!!! ill send you the password and stuff in an email... ok??? Merry Christmas sweetie!

from soul-glimpse :

merry christmas, kathy! i hope you are doing wonderfully; i just caught up on your diary (couldn't keep up with diaryland very well at my parents' either!) and i am glad to hear you are doing well and enjoying your mother so much. enjoy the rest of your vacation!

from feesticka :

MERRY CHRISTMAS! (from the other side of the world!). Have a great holiday, you totally deserve it! Cheers!

from vegasmommy :

Kathyyyyy!! Happy holidays, Sweety! I'm glad you're visiting your family. You need to be with them! I hope the holidays bring you happiness! Lots of love!! http://www.minibite.com/allred

from in-my-life :

Uh oh, I just realized I need your ID & PW again because I don't have it stored on my laptop. I miss reading your entries! I hope you're doing ok!! xoxoxo -k

from bigmonayho :

Thanks for the sweet card! I hope you're having a great time visiting your parents. Make sure that you have a great time over the holidays, you deserve it!

from princesse69 :

Thanks for the note and the hugs. It really cheered me up. So you are over in South Africa now? Is that right? I hope you are ok honey and have a merry Christmas and a happy New Year. Hugs! Hugs! Hugs! x x x

from second-love :

Miss you too!!! *hugs*

from turtlemomma :

I was waiting to see if you were going to unlock soon but I don't think you are. Can I have a username/password? Still have my email address? ~K

from x-plicity :

Miss you!!!!! *hugs*

from heelandlass :

Hi! Thanks for supporting my drunken ramblings the other night. I woke up on Saturday and thought 'oh my god what did I write?' but it wasn't so bad! Well, could've been a LOT worse!

from soul-glimpse :

kathy--hey i am up studying for an exam and wanted to pop by to say hey. i haven't been social much lately because of the end of the semester but i have been reading still and hope you are doing well. thanks for all your words of encouragement. i hope you are having a good week.

from second-love :

I miss you!!! Is there any way we can schedule a time on the IM??? I am willing to be up earlier if that works for ya... but i would really like to converse with ya!!! Let me know!!! *hugs*

from liquid-mojo :

Thank you for the encouragement. I figure it's only a matter of time before things fall into place. :)

from owningsun :

hey. i wanted to thank you for the note you left on my diary.and i wanted to ask you if i could read your diary. btw i'm 23 and i just got married 3 months ago. all my single friends are no longer friends and i'm having a hard time coping. [email protected]

from elgan :

Kathy, my very best friend (we grew up down the street from each other in Toronto) has been living in Rishon leZion for the past 20-odd years, and she�s right here at Diaryland: zitagsd. I already mentioned you to her (anonymously) as a fellow anglo-Israeli, and she thought that was neat. The ball is now in your court.

from juli-anne :

I wanted to thank you so much for your lovely notes lately. They really make me feel better when I am feeling down.

from second-love :

im right there with ya on the lonely thing... i am feelin that big time right now... and i too am really feeling sorry for myself again... WISH WISH WISH we lived close to each other!!! imagine the damage we could do to a bottle or two of wine *smile* - wanna come to California for a visit??? :)

from betchy :

hey you, i got your texts yesterday, but had no credit to text back. i am glad you are ok. i have been really bad keeping up with diaries the last few days too! just about had time to update. i havent been replying to notes either! i am such a bad buddy! anyway take care chicklet speak to you soon x

from x-plicity :

Phone sex is sooo fun, but I think it's a lot easier when you have a toy. I unfortunately don't own one. Yet. Just be explicit and use words like pussy, wet, hard, dick.....I think that's pretty much it. Try using them all in one sentence or mix it up a bit! *grin* It's no fun when the guy isn't participating whole heartedly, though. Have him describe him performing oral sex on you. That is always a turn on for me. Now you just need to find a sassy little boy to play with. *wink* Hope that's helpful!! *hugs*

from second-love :

As hard as it might be... i think that it is best to be done with Charlie... he scares me!!! And we are all here for you! *hugs*

from x-plicity :

I tried to leave you a little note in your comments but it didn't show up. Don't worry about being a good diary friend. You're excellent!!! Just worry about taking care of yourself, Love. *hugs*

from nora555 :

Maybe the amount of stress will be worth the pay cut- you never know. Everything happens for a reason. K Love ya let

from second-love :

OMG!!! That job change sounds LOVELY!!! How great that the boss will make YOU tea! It sounds much MORE positive and less stress! Just what the doctor ordered!!! I say enjoy! And i DO understand how you feel with the job upheaval... im right there myself. *hug*

from x-plicity :

Good you hear you're back home! Love you!!!

from second-love :

sooooooooooooooooooooo happy you are HOME!!!! YIPEE!!!!!! And i am glad that Charlie is there to help take care of you... that is very sweet! *hugs*

from betchy :

hopr you are ok sweetie, it must be horrid for you there. just remeber we are thinking of you x

from nora555 :

hey just reading yor diary, hope all is well in SA and hope your stay in the hospital was okay. Hope you feel well soon. Let

from second-love :

Thanks sweetie... miss you too. Cant wait to have you back! *hugs*

from swirl-girl :

Are you okay?!?!?! I just read your diary! Please, PLEASE feel better soon. BTW, I was in the hospital for 2 weeks when I was 16 and looking back, it was one of the best vacations I ever had. I wouldn't mind going back, haha! Take care of yourself and remember, you have friends all over the world who care about you!

from second-love :

ONE of these days we just need to schedule a gab session on the IM... i dont care WHAT time i need to be up :)))) Hope you are doing well. Just get better, ok???? *tons of hugs*

from liquid-mojo :

I'll need to find a job first I think. Still, if I'm ever in Israel, at least I know whom to look up. ;)

from foolosophy :

hehe yeah reading back thats a funny one ey... hope ur doing ok mate *hugs*

from cats-corner :

Wow! Thank you for making the donations and it's so sweet of you to offer Kathy. I would *love* a taste of Israeli chocolate. Do you still have my address? If not, I'll resend it in an e. *Hugs* -cat

from beautifulwoe :

I've been where you are several times over. Take this time to heal yourself. It's hard to love ourselves, I know this. But eventually it will get better, I promise! *HUGS*

from second-love :

Take care sweetie!!! I'll be praying for you!!! Let us know when you are back! *hugs*

from second-love :

well... its predictable in that i could NEVER give him up. X made that suggestion and it sounded like a foreign language to me. I dont know how to be without him again in my life. I know i would be OK if i HAD to (and i probably DO need to...) but i just cant. I think that if i can refocus back on MY needs though, it should be better. Just like YOU are doin!!! If we cant take care of ourselves first, we cant take care of anyone else. *hugs*

from beautifulwoe :

Thanks for reading and leaving the note. Would you be opposed to letting me have the password? Thanks ;) Woe [email protected]

from second-love :

you and me both need to just do what is best for US right now... and let the chips fall where they may *hugs*

from betchy :

it will all be ok sweetie. just remember that. its always ok in the end.

from foolosophy :

yeah im ok thanks :) just drunken and sad that night, tis all good :D

from flower21 :

I tried to log in to your diary using the username and password that you sent me, but it still denied me access! Why do you lock it anyways?

from swirl-girl :

I am amazed at your strength! Really! I don't know if you remember but one of your first notes to me was about not feeling the confidence and self-assurance that we're "supposed" to have at this age. Well guess what honey, you've got it in spades now!! I am really proud of you and I know that this will make you a stronger, happier person in the end. And if you need a holiday, come to Connecticut, we'll have a blast! HAHA!

from second-love :

This may surprise you sweetie... but you sound WONDERFUL!!! I know things are still very confusing for you in your mind, but you truly do sound better! You are making choices for YOU now and nobody else! I think its fabulous that you are going home for Christmas. That will be awesome for you!!! I am so proud of you! *hugs*

from swirl-girl :

You sound SO healthy about this. I'm so proud of you! I'm here if you want to talk!

from diet-again :

Can I get the password? Please? My email is heartofafighter(AT)aol(DOT)com. Thanks!

from officechick :

You go girl!! I am very proud of you too for taking charge, being strong and having that self control. EXCELLENT!!! You can and will get through this and will be a stronger person. Hugs!!!!!

from swirl-girl :

Dang! I've missed a lot over the last few weeks! I am SO proud of you for taking charge of your life and putting your happiness back in your own hands. I owe you a long email becuse we need to catch up! Keep your chin up because you are a great person.

from swirl-girl :

from second-love :

OMG!!! you sound SO good! I am so proud of you for NOT answering the phone! You are right... you dont need those guys right now ESPECIALLY if they are married. Please... take it from me - it can only lead to heartache. Thank you so much for your note. It made me feel better. Im still reeling right now. I feel a bit lost and very confused. Im just doing my best to carry on as "normal" as possible. I appreciate you and i am here for you too *hugs*

from foolosophy :

thanks, ill try my best :) have a good weekend :)

from foolosophy :

hey hey, i still need ur password! i dunno if i do that much :p i do play a bit of netball i guess... must say tuesday night was a big one, im still recovering.. glad i could sleep in today :D email me! [email protected] :) cheers!

from chickpea981 :

I prematurely noted you. *blush* I mean to say fuck Charlie, he's an asshole. Stay away from those who are possesive and jealous. I am ridiculously proud of you for shutting off your phone. Man that takes some balls. So yeah, disregard my note about Charlie but do try to remember to see yourself as beautiful because you really are! And don't go letting these stupid men giv eyou any shit. It is an upheaving time and they can all fuck off!

from chickpea981 :

So I go away for a week and and then lose your password (found it in a hidden folder in my email) and I have just devoured a few entries. Holy fucking shit! So trevor is gone, you are movign on, and my God you are adorable. YOu really need to start seeing what a beautiful woman you are. Charlie sees it and you should too. Sorry to hear about Fluffy, but my guess is that she will return. Now, post more of this Charlie person!

from elgan :

Thanks for the note and the well wishes for my son. I see that your diary is locked. May I have a key please? Thanks.

from runninginsf :

Kathy, thank you for your sweet note! I have been mainlining the tea, and I feel a bit better. I'm sorry you are not feeling in synch with the world today, but don't let it get to you. Everyone has those frumpy days, and I know you will pull through. I think it's a great idea to get a new place, start fresh, clean slate. It will all come together soon, just hang in there! **Good vibes for Fluffy**

from marianicoles :

thanks for the cute e-mail. i can't read your diary though. send me the username and pw. thanks!

from officechick :

Take it easy and one day at a time, like you said. It is a great idea to stay away from the married men....you don't need all the drama that comes with that. I really really hope that Fluffy comes back soon!!! I would be just sick if my furry friends didn't come home. They are the best friends people can have sometimes :-) Hugs to you!!!!!

from liquid-mojo :

Sorry to hear about Fluffy. I remember when the family dog got loose and was missing for a few days. It's easy to love pets because they are so unconditional. Hopefully Fluffy will find its way home and I especially hope those evil, posessive male types stop giving you a hard time.

from second-love :

Im sorry sweetie. I think we are all messed up right now, arent we??? I have never felt so off balance in my entire life!!! I have never felt so lost within myself. Unfortunately, i think ive done this to myself and only have myself to blame. I hope the kitty comes back and that you feel better. One day at a time, k? *hugs*

from liquid-mojo :

Things have been looking up, especially since graduation is just around the corner. I see you are going through your own changes as well. I hope things work out for the best for you.

from cats-corner :

I wrote that note when I was having a particularly bad day...I think I'm going to be sticking around for a while. If the offer on your password is still good my e-mail address is [email protected]. -cat

from second-love :

Ok... now i AM worried!!!! PLEASE be careful with this guy. He has ALL the classic signs of an abuser. Trevor is your HUSBAND for God's sake... he can touch you if he wants and if you want. I am worried for you. Please just be very careful! *hugs*

from x-plicity :

You can ramble in my notes whenever you want!! I haven't eaten the soups yet...the packaging is just so feakin' cool!!!! I leave them on my coffee table as conversation pieces. The chocolate was phenominal though. I don't think I've ever had anything like it. I kept the package for that too. lol I'm starting to gather a few things, nothing major, to send back to you. I don't know when I'll send it off, but I'll let you know. *hugs*

from second-love :

Good GOD girl!!! You SHOULD be overwhelmed! I have a hard time keeping up with all the different names of your male friends!! I have a hard enough time managing just Sam! I dont know how you do it!!! But you should be careful though... i didnt like reading about him having a jealous streak. That really never IS good in men. And for him to get that possessive that quick. Just be careful, k??? Thinkin bout you! *hugs*

from cats-corner :

Honestly Kathy, I'm not sure how much longer I'll be writing here...let alone reading other people's diaries...

from officechick :

Hi Kathy I know you're having a hard time right now and I wish you all the best. Take time and make time just for yourself (and your kitty) if you can. Sometimes we all just need a little solitude and time completely alone to think, relax, and heal.

from r-y-r :

Hi, I just wanted to stop by because I saw that you left a note after reading my note to Keven and were going to read. I wanted to read a bit of your diary but I see you are locked. I would love it if you shared your password. If you could and want to, you can email me at [email protected]

from second-love :

ahhhhhhh i love those pictures. you two really are so sweet together. i believe you two will work this out!!! you really do look so happy in all of those and you fit together like a glove. *hugs*

from rainforme :

you are too kind. muuwah.

from sexxie101 :

Thank you. I will remember that. What I meant was that I hope I can be a good mother if indeed I am pregnant. I ummm.... "lost" my first child. Well it was my fault but thats a long story.

from vegasmommy :

11/10 - I'm glad you're staying home today to gain some health back! I really do hope you feel better by tonight! Hugs and (well no kisses if you're contageous LOL)!

from betchy :

oh, dont worry about sending them back chick! thats ok. i think i put my address on the little letter i sent with them tho'. but honestly dont worry about sending them back xxx

from second-love :

Hope you feel better sweetie... that flu stuff is really going around here too. I say TAKE that extra day! *hugs*

from betchy :

ooooh i hate coughing it is exhausting. then you know you have to cough and you've just got comfy, then you have to cough again? its such a pain in the butt. the photos are up sweetie! thanks again for helping me with them x

from sexxie101 :

Thank you for the note. I really appreciated it. But things never get better. Thats just the way that it is. Thank you for your support though.

from runninginsf :

Thanks for your note! Kathy, I know you are going through rough spots, but you are a strong, intelligent woman...don't sweat the small stuff and ultimately go with what makes you happy. You deserve it!

from thinwish :

Thanks Kathy. I miss reading your diary, and I hope you're doing well. Don't let those bus drivers get you down! Take care sweetie!

from second-love :

Lets be pissy together!!!! I am STILL feeling that way today. Just general irritation and frustration. I want it to go AWAY!!! I think the group therapy sounds lovely. I did that once and it was awesome!!! Go for it! *hugs*

from betchy :

aw sweetie :( call me if you need anything x

from second-love :

As always...here for you if you need to talk. *hugs*

from second-love :

Thanks sweetie... im glad to be back too... i couldnt TAKE it! I need you guys too much! *smile*

from swirl-girl :

Hi Kathy! I've missed you! I can't get into your diary, can I have the PW again? Talk to you soon!

from second-love :

Glad you had a good time!!! Sounds WONDERFUL!!! I sent you the last open entry and i will post an open entry soon :))))

from vegasmommy :

I can't read you? Sniffles. This is Kissssy btw... I changed diaries. Could I please have your PW? I love reading you...

from betchy :

thats ok sweetie, you can keep them if you want to. i just hope that you are ok, i am a bit worried about you. just make sure that you are looking after yourself and taking care, thats all i am worried about x

from second-love :

Sweetie... we are here for you!!! And please know that i am STILL here for you even though i have to lock up completely. I thought about you the most when i had to make this decision... i am still here for you though and i know this is a very hard time for you. You WILL make it. Things have a way of working out even when we feel at our lowest. Heres that hug... awwww heck... take 2!!! *HUG* *HUG*

from princesse69 :

Hi Kathy.i never got your email. my address is [email protected]. love sharon

from flower21 :

♥ My email address at work is: [email protected]! Email me there between 5am and 1pm Monday thru Friday! After 1pm Monday thru Friday and on the weekends you can email me at: [email protected]! ♥

from princesse69 :

May I have the password to your diary please? I miss reading you. x

from byebyekitty :

May I have your password? I've read your diary many times before the lock, but if you don't want to give it out that's fine :)Thanks.

from foolosophy :

oh theres not much in there, i dont keep my diary quite as well as i should i guess, just had to get something off my chest... as it happens.. haha im not sure i could go 3 times a day, but twice would be nice i think :p cheers, Stu :)

from flower21 :

♥ Thanks for looking at my diary! I tried to check out yours- but it is locked! ):

from flower21 :

Thanks for looking at my diary! I tried to check out yours- but it is locked! ):

from rainforme :

i hope you get your time away...

from ohromy :

Hi, sweetie. Thanks for the sweet note! Yes, I'm having a bloody difficult time right now, but I'm hanging in there. You too. Can you give me your password information for your diary, if you're sharing it? I miss reading it. E-mail: GB3plusCBatAOL.COM. Thanks, hugs all around.

from imabrat2 :

The party I'm having is even better than a birthday party. It's a purse party, selling all the famous name brand knock offs, jewelry, watches and wallets. Wish you could come. :-)

from second-love :

You are not crazy and i know exactly how you feel. We are just the types to throw ourselves into something 100% and not look back. We get hurt doing this, but its who we are... but DO be careful... that bus ride story scared me!!!! *hugs*... here for you this weekend... JOhn is out of town and i will be pining away for Sam... so maybe we can talk on the IM!!!! *smile*

from betchy :

kathy please be careful! you will give me grey hairs!

from sostoopid :

I don't think you're evil at all. I just think you're at a shitty place right now and you need some help. It' nothing to be ashamed of. (Wouldn't it be great if we could take our own advice once in a while?)

from therertimes :

She is more than a lil' bit crazy - the woman is off her flippin' rocker.

from second-love :

I too prefer to just speak my mind and not play games. But this type of relationship lends itself to disception and "code words". I starting doing that just for HIM, not ME. Frankly, i could care less if i have a valid excuse for bein at his house. I told him yesterday that if i need a "reason" a valid one is because he's my friend and i want to spend time with him!!! Sheeeeeeeeeeesh!!! But because we are the opposite sex, that doesnt fly. If i was a guy, i could just drop over for whatever reason without having to have a lame excuse like picking up a piece of cake!!! hahahaaahahaa. Oh well :))) hugs to you sweetie

from foolosophy :

ooh and can i have a password pleeeease?

from foolosophy :

urgh i think i missed a message u left me a while ago, im sorry :( how u doin? thank you for the note :)

from betchy :

oh my god!!! i cant believe they finally arrived! i was beginning to think they never would. sorry i didnt put enough postage on, it must have been the stupid trainee girl at the post office who told me that what i put on would be enough. DOH! if you want me to send you any extra money for postage just let me know, its payday today. well i am glad you liked them! i cant even remember which ones i sent you now, so i will have to leave it to your good judgement to decide which ones are best. woweeee i am so glad they got there whoo hoo! and thanks for saying that i am pretty. of course most of those were pre-diet, so i am a little slimmer now, but not that much. yay, you are the first diarylander to know what i look like!

from second-love :

Sweetie... sorry i've been disconnected (literally) for the last couple of days. I just read your last 5 entries. Something ive learned over this last year with Sam... they see things differently than we do!!! We ARE emotion based and they are not. PLUS when you complicate it with all of us being married - that just makes it even harder. If you and Ian were dating, and NOT married, then i would say "dump him... he's just not that into you"... but because of the given situation, i think that he is doing the best he can. He may be shocked by your sudden irritation. I know that Sam's big problem with me is he feels like he gives as much as he can to me at any given moment and that i react at anger if i think its not enough. We will never be totally on the same page. One or the other of us will always have a different outlook or viewpoint. Take it easy on yourself AND on him... he sounds kind albeit confused probably if he is in an unhappy marriage. Just be careful and do your best to be happy! I worry about you SO much!!!! Hang in there sweetie *hugs*

from sarahsundae :

can I have your password sweetie?

from sostoopid :

Thanks for the note, and for adding me as a favorite. I'll be okay, everything just sucks right now. I'd comment on your diary, but it's locked! Are you handing out passwords?

from betchy :

do you know i wash my hair about once a week? i shower every day, but my hair is so long that it takes ages to wash and dry it, so i wash it once a week. i dont care if its greasy. i dont care if people tell me its greasy. no-one i know has got hair as long as mine so they dont know how hard it is to sort out. so what if your hair is dirty? its washable and you can wash it whenever you damn well want to!

from betchy :

hello, thanks so much for your note, it was so lush! i think you have totally hit the nail on the head with that whole perspective on everything, and it is hard to accept when they want it to be over. hmmm. i did write anentry about my whole history with that family, but it was way back in about may/june sort of time. its called "during the war" if you want to click back and find it. anyway thanks again for your note, i really apprecaite it xxx

from soul-glimpse :

oh kathy i can live no longer without your diary! please email me username/password at [email protected]. i miss you! i hope you're doing well.

from cats-corner :

Thank you so much Kathy, both for the congratulatory and condolence aspects of your note. It means a great deal to me. How are you doing? *Hug* -cat

from anita-girl :

Hey i Havne't been able to catch up with u lately, when did you put a lock up? Please send me the password and such at [email protected]. I miss you!

from fluttrbykiss :

Kathy-- Thank you so very much for the thoughts about my Papa... This lose is hitting me almost as hard as the loss of my Dad 10 months ago... And that's pretty darn hard... Thanks agao for your kind words... :o) If your giving out the password to your diary I would like to get it... Thanks huggss, Shell

from goingon17 :

Hey hon! First of all thanks for the headsup on my notes link not working. I think it's fixed now! Also thanks for the encouraging words. :)

from cosmopolitn :

Hi Kathy..I miss your diary! Could ya let me back in? Cos

from impetuousme :

having you there.. your words.. makes all the difference in the world.. you are a god send... and god DAM i wish i could come righ there and give you a big old kiss right smack on those pretty lips of yours... THANK YOU!!!!

from in-my-life :

Hi Kathy -- I hope everything is ok. I know I need to update after my migraine-from-hell-week-plus long absence. Anyhow, I'm thinking of you and want to catch up on your entries. Send me the password if you're up to it. xoxox K.

from nora555 :

thanks for the note, also i emailed you a passwrd request are you not giving it out? thats cool though I understand, But know you are in my thoughts. Letty

from impetuousme :

thank you .. AGAIN.. damn you are SO sweet to me... and as for that idiot that is not responding, you deserve better... truly... ok? smile dear, i ALWAYS adore you.

from betchy :

these men that you like may like you more than you know, but they sound like decent men, and probably appreciate the fact that you are married also. maybe ian wants to contact you but doesnt trust himself to be a gentleman.

from impetuousme :

thank you... (blush)

from notaboutthin :

I went to read and found it locked :( If you are willing to share the password, email me -- kaire ... [email protected] Hang in there!

from diablogem :

Hi Kathy, Thanks for the mssg you left :) ! I see you've locked your diary now, so I hope that you feel a little more protected and free to say whatever you want :) ******Hugs****** I hope that things are going OK, gem xx

from second-love :

Im sorry sweetie that things are so hard right now. Men do see things differently than us. We get emotionally wrapped up in them right away, and they can casually go about their day without a second thought to us. I had to learn to let this go with Sam, although i STILL am bad at it! When i am feeling good, its ok, but when i am feeling lousy, then i allow all kinds of bad thoughts to enter. Just take it one day at a time. Like X... take it slow and make one decision at a time. I think FEELING is good... i know it hurts, but i think in the long run its better to FEEL than to medicate. Love ya! Hang in there!XXX000

from soverycherry :

You're locked! Could I get the info, please?

from princesse69 :

hi could i have your password please? love sharon x

from princesse69 :

hi could i have your password please? love sharon x

from betchy :

hey you, i just got your text and thought i had better let you know that i have no credit on my phone, thats why i havent text back! but thank you for sending it, and same to you x

from cats-corner :

Thank you for your note Kathy...I'm doing all right. How are you? -cat

from feesticka :

I need your password, if you feel like giving it out! Aaak! What am I going to do without my daily dose of Kathy?!? [email protected]. Miss ya! Thanks, M.

from divacowgirl :

I'd like the password if you feel like sharing. [email protected]

from liquid-mojo :

I'm sure I would have had a great birthday. ;)

from luvmykitties :

Hey~I'm going through withdrawal here! Can I have the password too??? E-mail me! [email protected] ~HUGS~ Donna

from turtlemomma :

Are you going to let me in? Do you still have my email address?

from runninginsf :

I know you are locked and I hope you are doing well.....Hang in there..hope all is [email protected]

from miame :

Wow! Look at how loved you are! I'd love the un/pw too, if you're going to give it [email protected]. *HUGS* Sandy

from sweet-cynic :

eeek! can i have the password? i hope you're okay... email is [email protected]

from imabrat2 :

Did you get my e-mail? Can I have your password? I hope all is ok.

from razor-vixen :

Hey Kathy. If you feel comfortable, I'd love the password so I can keep up with you -- [email protected]. Thanks sweetie.

from angelkitt65 :

Hey, could I possibly get the passwork to you diary? I'd love to keep reading. my email is [email protected]

from second-love :

Hi sweetie... thanks for the note. You are NOT abnormal. Good GOD... read my entries! We are in the same boat... but you KNOW that those very same behaviors are what have caused all the repeated problems with Sam over this last year. Those are the things ive had to work out. I totally understand the butterflies, and the waiting around only to be disappointed. I understand the longing for just a few more minutes when you ARE together and just being depressed when they have to leave. I understand ALL of that all too well. It hurts like hell. BUT i try now to carry on with my life... have ME stuff. Thats part of what ive been learning. For me though, its about doing that without sending some sort of unspoken message to Sam that im doing it as a way to prove that i dont need him. Very tricky *grin*. Just take it slow and be CAREFUL. I would hate for you to sacrifice your marriage on someone who you aren't sure about... there's no history there and you dont really know, so just be cautious, ok???? Love ya XXX0000

from marianicoles :

is there a password epidemic going on??? oh no! i'll email you. peace...

from nora555 :

Hope everythings okay with you!! Email me! WOuld like the password pllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee THanks

from adulterous-k :

Hey Kathy, Could I have a password please? Here's hoping nothing bad happened to make you lock up xx

from princesstosh :

Could I get a password, too? Please?

from bigmonayho :

Could I get a password?

from juli-anne :

Password? *cries* Will you please let me in? Pretty pretty please? I miss you already.

from chickpea981 :

will you let me in?

from thinwish :

Oh no! A password? Is this a temporary thing or are you going to be giving the password out? May I have it so I can keep reading? Hope you're having a good week! (There's something juicy in there, isn't there?! Come on . . . spill!)

from second-love :

Tell me... where was Trevor when you were out with Ian???? YOu talked about sleeping there all night and then him picking you up again from work. Did i miss something??? (thanks for the email...)

from clarity25 :

Oh no..you locked up? Do you suppose I could have your password? I'll really miss reading your Journal!

from second-love :

Thanks sweetie... im glad to hear from you!!!! I know you will all be here for me during those 2 weeks. They are going to be VERY long!!! Since we have to be careful buying gifts for each other and dont want to take the chance of our "others" finding anything, we usually buy something from "both of us" - so John and I bought his something for his bike... AND then Sam and I usually do something for each other on our birthdays that isn't bought but IS enjoyed *wink*. hahahaha usually a ride together, or lunch. I've given him SEVERAL options for him to choose from... we'll see which one he chooses. Ill just be happy when he gets home tonight :)))). Thanks again sweetie. I miss talkin with ya!

from betchy :

aw that is so sweet! he sounds like a really nice guy! and keep playing it cool with gary, it is obviously driving him nuts!

from sostoopid :

Thank you for your concern. Things haven't been going well, actually, but I'm sort of lost on how to make them better, so I'm just riding the waves and trying not to drown, you know?

from swirl-girl :

Kathy, I'm leaving this morning for England and then Italy but I hope all is well. Did you get my email? I think of you often.

from betchy :

sorry i havent meant to neglect you, but i keep getting in trouble at work for being on the internet, and i need them to give me a good refernce, so have not had time to reply to anyones notes. i have literally just been updating. thanks for your text last night, i had no credit to reply, but i will write all about the job in my update later. i have actually come into work early to reply to notes. how sad is that? so sorry lovey, its not intentional, and i really hope you are cheered up. i hope that hash helped you out a little, but just be careful when you have it in a cake, bevause it can make you paranoid - i speak from experience!

from second-love :

You are so cute... havent you heard of the munchies?? *grin*... and YES... that guy is just creepy ICK!

from phangasm :

Why would I be offended? I think you're great! And you're right, we are alike.

from impetuousme :

it's cause you love ME so much.. right??? :)

from orangeslush :

i love that song, i listen to it all the time. so it's cool.

from cats-corner :

It sounds like you're doing a bit better...I'm glad for that. *Hugs* -cat

from second-love :

hahahahaha you are so cute...hmmmm drugs for breakfast... now THAT sounds interesting!!

from second-love :

I missed the rude message... im sorry about that. Probably should be glad i DIDNT read it! Weekends are hard... fortunately this weekend was filled with "stuff" for me and that made it go quick... but the next few weeks will be hard for me... next weekend Sam is gone (Thursday - Sat...) and then Nov. 1st K is having some surgery that will keep her home for 2 weeks... so no time with Sam at all then. It will be hard and Im sure i will be a freak!! hahahahahha

from liquid-mojo :

I guees it depends on which topic you would be agreeing with me. Still, I'm never one to judge. ;)

from cats-corner :

Thank you for the note Kathy...I'm trying really hard not to give in to the temptation to light up. Hehehe. -cat

from second-love :

ahhhhhhhhhhh screw whoever wants to judge or be negative toward someone elses diary and writing... that just means they are bored and shallow...*hugs sweetie*...(oh... and i LOVE the pictures!!!!!)

from second-love :

OMG!!! That is just nuts!!!! Really... that is some wacky stuff. Where does he get THAT from???? And i thought MY first husband was controlling... MAN!

from chickpea981 :

that is absolute insanity. Not allowed to do that stuff? What the fuck? Trevor sounds like a germaphobe that cab't tolerate mess at all. How can you be happy in a marriage like that? Oh wait, you're not.

from daze-of-rain :

thank you for the note...I am feeling a bit better...the cold is almost gone...still clinging to the stuffed up nose and cough...but other than that I'm okay. Emotionally is hit or miss..

from cats-corner :

Um--um...uh, the dog ate my entries! No wait...that excuse isn't going to fly. Honestly, I meant to post last night...but I got caught up in "being creative" instead. Luckily, I have lots of crap to say...so I'll probably be posting more than one entry before today is over. How are you doing? -catbert

from miame :

Thank you for the note. I ended up just sending April flowers the day before the anniversary of her brother's death, just as a little reminder that I love her. It worked out pretty well. I would hate to not see any of my family members for 3 years!!! You poor thing!!! I saw my little brother off this morning and cried like a baby knowing that i would see him in three WEEKS! I hope that works slows down for you! :) Sandy

from runninginsf :

thank you for the note! You hang in there too with your crazy work situation! And know you are NOT alone!

from dicentrah :

Hi there! Thanks for the congratulations. I haven't had a chance to browse your diary but I'll get to it this week. Good ta meet ya, and all that...

from betchy :

yeah i will be ok in a few days, i'm just being a whinge-bag! love the pics!

from cats-corner :

Oh Kathy, please don't feel that way. I once read a quote that said something like: "Be kind, everyone is fighting their own battles." The physical problems I deal with, in no way deminish the emotional/mental issues your facing. That entry was just my way of answering Aimee's question of: how do people in chronic pain cope. I'm sorry if it made you feel badly. *Hugs* -cat

from dont-stop :

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I love the photos.

from imabrat2 :

Thanks Sweetie! :-)

from chickpea981 :

You're such a beautiful woman. Can't help but look at those pictures and see a pretty woman there.

from dangerspouse :

I'm glad you liked the joke, and very proud of you that you got it without my help! Stick around, there are plenty more silly lines where that came from :) Ciao, Bella!

from soul-glimpse :

kathy!!! thank you so much for your notes. i have been meaning to write you one. i am doing fine. i think people automatically associate uppers with "bad" but it's no different than my smoking pot six times a day. and it's cheaper! i LOVED your pictures; i hope you post more. i am glad to see you back safe and sound. talk to you soon; have a good day!

from fluttrbykiss :

Thanks for the note... I will try to post pics soon... I vow to try and figure out how to post them on my pages... hehe... Thanks for the thoughs on my grandfather... I absolutely LOVE your pics!! YOU ARE NOT FAT!!! You are totally GORGEOUS!!! Be well.. Huggss...

from rainforme :

your kind notes keep me writing... thank you. your pictures are gorgeous. i love europe.

from second-love :

Man... LOVE the pictures!!! They are awesome and you are beautiful!!!!

from daze-of-rain :

I'm so glad you made it home safe and sound. Thanks so much for the notes of support. I'm going through a rough time right now, emotionally. So much uncertainty...your words are a nice reminder I'm not all alone. Thanks again

from swirl-girl :

The pictures are beautiful and so are YOU!!! I'm glad you're back and doing well.

from cats-corner :

What, one entry every five days isn't enough? Hehehehe. Okay, there may be more entries but I make *no* promises regarding the *quality* of said entries. :-D I hope you have a good week too. -catbert

from onewetleg :

thanks for the comments, my friend. i'm glad you had a good time and i don't really mind your groaning at all. eat something. you have to eat, you know? your body needs fuel! love,

from nora555 :

I'd like to say something here!!! You are the sweetest person, you always leave me nice notes and you think of others often, we read a few of the same journals and i always see notes form you there, so you're obviously thoughtful. Your a great girl your down on your self to much. Also your such a beauty!! The photos are lovely I want to travel!!! Thank you for sharing... Love Let

from second-love :

Man... i can totally relate to how you feel. I OFTEN feel that way. But i think you know just by reading my drivel!!!! *hugs*

from in-my-life :

Oh yeah, the whole overweight nightmare at the airport has happened to us too! It was a $50 fee and he wanted to get around it by opening up my suitcase and redistributing my things among other bags right there at the ticket counter. I don't think so! I totally flipped out and then I think he understood that he would never understand why packing a suitcase in a very particular order was so damn important to me, so he paid the $50. Of course he reminded me of this throughout the rest of our trip.

from cats-corner :

Hehehe...yeah, I know -- twenty-seven, I'm still a zygote. Everytime I mention my "advanced age" to my nearly fifty year old therapist, she gives me the "you're cracked" look. It's probably more about perspective than anything else. :-) Thank you for the lovely, sweet note Kathy. *Hugs* -cat

from kissssy :

Glad you're back!!! Yeah, I did work it out with my friend. Ugh. You'd think at being 21, I wouldn't be sooo sensitive still. I swear my moods are no more stable than they were when I was a teenager! LOL. Love you lots! Hope you had fun on your trip! Ugh. I'd give anything to be able to afford a vacation out there! I live in one of the world's biggest tourist attractions and yet, I'm dying to vacation elsewhere! LOL Hugs and kisses!

from second-love :

NO tranquilizer!!! GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! Thats awesome! And you will do FINE *grin* - hahahahah and im sure that was supposed to be sweety... Sam misspells that one ALL the time hahahaahhaahhaha

from ducky-girl :

Yeah, I'm fine I guess sweetie, thanks. I hope you manage to stay relaxed now that you're back home. *hugs n kisses* Ducky.

from mandy-pandi :

I'm glad you made it home okay. I was worried about you since I didn't know when you would be arriving. I am truly sorry you had to come home to such horrible news though. I know it's heartbreaking and it just makes you sick to your stomach. I really don't understand how people can be as hurtful and destructive as they are. It takes someone very sick to do thinsg like this. I honestly will never understand how someone can take a human life like it means nothing. You will be in my thoughts. Be careful and stay safe. Love Amanda

from x-plicity :

I'm glad you made it back home ok. When I heard about the bombing, my thoughts automatically went to you. The whole thing is just so terribly sad. *hugs*

from second-love :

Im glad you are home sweetie... and im so sorry - that IS very sad...lets talk soon. *hugs*

from swirl-girl :

I hope your trip was great! You'll have to tell me about Venice, I'll be there on the 22nd!

from betchy :

hope you ae still enjoying yourself in england, it sucks that i wont be able to come and meet you though! you know i text you the other day saying i was at the bus stop and it was raining? i was there 45 mins! i was WET!

from mandy-pandi :

Hey sweetie. I'm sorry yesterday wasn't such a great day for you. It happens to me too when I'm away from home for a certain amount of time. Especially if I'm bored and not doing things that I want to do. Take a day and enjoy the sites by yourself. It may help. Or bring your girlfriend along. Just make it a girls day out and make sure to do something to pamper yourself or just be completely selfish and tell her you're only going to see things that you want to see. It could help. I often have times where I just want to crawl into bed, turn the lights out, and shut the world out. Alan doesn't understand those times either. He always wants to fix things. There's nothing to fix. I can't help how I feel, and neither can you. Don't feel bad for not wanting to be around people. We all have our days. I hope today is looking up for you. Have a wonderful time! xxoo Amanda

from rainforme :

kop kun maa kaa... as in, thank you very much.

from second-love :

Thanks for your note sweetie and all your support! And i DO understand wanting to lock yourself in a dark room and not be bothered by anyone! I want to do that ALOT!!!! Especially lately. But i AM feeling much better now. Sam and I seemed to really have another breakthrough yesterday. I just wish these breakthroughs didnt have to be so painful. Lets for sure hook up when you get back! *hugs*

from swirl-girl :

Tell Trevor to use the Tube! HAHa! I know you're walking you ass off but it sounds like you're still having a great time! Mmm...Harrod's, I wish I was there now!

from rachelliz :

Kathy, I'm finally caught up on reading. I'm sorry you've been having a hard time, but it sounds like a vacation is just what you needed! Enjoy the rest of your trip.

from adulterous-k :

Glad you're having a good time. Get yourself up to the Tower of London - have lunch in the Dickens Inn

from second-love :

Im SO glad you are having a wonderful time... you deserve it SO much. Thanks for your sweet note. Lets try to arrange a time to hook up on the instant messenger when you get back... even if i have to get up at some wacky hour :))) im ALREADY up at a wacky hour, so wont matter much. *hugs*

from swirl-girl :

I'm so glad you liked the show! I'd really like to see it again if it ever comes to America. Sounds like you're having a ball in London!! Good for you!

from swirl-girl :

Blood Brothers is GREAT! I cried at the end and then the houselights came up and I felt like an ass! Enjoy!

from betchy :

i cant believe you're in my country!!! hope you enjoy it and dont find it too cold!

from swirl-girl :

Oh my gosh, ENJOY London!!!! I was never a huge museum person either, I just love roaming around the different neighborhoods. Have a GREAT time!!

from second-love :

You sound SO wonderful!!!!! Have a fabulous time there with your hubby! Enjoy each other! *hugs*

from kissssy :

HUGGGGGGS!! I've missed reading you so much! Zacky just never gives me online time anymore... Thanks for the bday wishes! Love ya tons!!

from dont-stop :

Thanks! I had an absolutely wonderful time.

from betchy :

the weather here is not great at the mo'. i would suggest long legs and sleeves, and defiantely a warm coat! its not quite scarf and gloves weather yet though!

from mom2kendall :

Thanks for signing my guestbook! I hope you have a great vacation :-)

from bamstroker :

thanks so much for the kind words *hugs* you are so supportive, thank you! i will try to leave more notes, life has been crazy what with my job and all (and, quitting it yesterday lmao) but you are amazing so i will put more time aside to check up on you and make sure you're doing well! *hugs* xoxoxo

from betchy :

i dont think i was much fun and laughter this weekend! and i didnt get any sex rather i had to listen to other people have it. never mind. i hope you feel better now, and if it helps, i do think about you a lot. and worry about you x

from habbit :

hi, im back. sounds like youre having a hard time with it. are things levelling out?

from nora555 :

Hey there, I hope youstart to feel better. I'm sure you will and if its any consolation to you. When I get notes in my box from you I feel better so if that little bit makes a difference in my day I'm sure that to thepeople you love and are near you, you mean a great deal. Luv Let

from second-love :

hmmmmmmm falling for someone you can never have hahahahaah thats MY LIFE!!!! Of course... i know just how you feel. And believe me, even if they DO give you attention, it doesnt feel any better cuz you STILL cant have them. Actually it makes it HARDER cuz the closer you get, the more painful it is. Oh... and i predict a WONDERFUL vacation time for you!!! Relax and enjoy being away from all the work demands!!! And thanks for your sweet note... ya know i read notes you leave other people, and you are so kind... very sweet and caring *hugs*

from cats-corner :

Thank you so much for your note Kathy. It means a lot that you think so highly of me. How is everything going for you? *Hugs* -cat

from second-love :

I think its great that you feel compelled to fast...whatever you need to do in life to keep even the thinnest lifeline to God. Sometimes thats all we have to keep us afloat. Don't let Trevor take that from you :) Many times people (even those closest to us)cant understand rituals like this. Im glad too that it sounds like you found a good doctor! Follow his advice sweetie... i WANT you to feel better! ENJOY this vacation!!!!!! It sounds WONDERFUL. Just let the time relax you and i hope you and Trevor are able to reconnect in a special special way *hugs*

from swirl-girl :

Hope you're feeling better and doing okay. Rest this weekend and hopefully things will seem better. Thinking of you, Kelly

from princesse69 :

Thanks Kathy for leaving me a note. He may be cute but believe me you probably wouldn't want my rabbit if you knew the destruction he can do to your home! Love princesse69

from second-love :

Hi Kath! So glad to finally hear from you. Thanks for your note... and I was reading Kev's note to you - he is right. Many doctors DO treat depression as an irritation instead of an illness. They do that here too. I have several friends that finally got relief once they found doctors that understood depression! Don't give up until you find one!! *hugs*

from cats-corner :

Undelivered?!! I wonder why...I don't have any blocks on the pellca address. Huh. I'll ask around, see if anyone elses' mails aren't being delivered. Thank you for the well-wishes. *hug* -cat

from adulterous-k :

I've not written about it here (I think) but Lynne went through many years of panic attacks and feelings that sound very similar to what you express. Two things to say about that - it never once occurred to me to leave her because of it, although she kept saying things like you do about Trevor 'deserving better'. He'll want you better sure but for your sake, not his. Secondly: tranquilzors are only a temporary solution. Useful, but ultimately just a mask for what is going inside you. It sounds to me as though you need anti-depressant treatment. Find yourself a doctor that understands what you need - Lynne went twenty years before we finally met a doctor who was prepared to treat depression as an illness, not an irritation. Now she remains stable, needs no tranquilizors and accepts that the chemical imbalance that the anti-depressants correct was all that was wrong with her.

from second-love :

Love ya sweetie... hang in there! *hugs*

from betchy :

am sooooooo glad that you sound better today, i was really concerned for a while there!

from nora555 :

Im sure you'll be okay you are a beautiful person, you'll find happiness I'm sure. Why does life have to be so confusing??

from betchy :

kathy you need to stop taking so many tablets and try and cope with things. dont stop cold turkey, try reducing the amount you are taking, because taking that many is doing you more harm than good. in fact it will do a lot of harm. you dont owe me, or anybody else at diaryland an apology for worrying about yourself, you need be worrying about yourself, but about the right things. i am really worried about you, your entries dont seem like the same person anymore. please take care of yourself.

from second-love :

One thing Sam has taught me when i get overwhelmed like you sound... is to control the one thing that is easiest FIRST. Once you've got that part workin, move on to the next. For you, it could be as simple as controlling your breathing first. And as far as your tranquilizers... thats where i really worry about you!!! Take out maybe 4 a day and lock the rest away. Limit yourself!!!! Dont cut yourself off completely, but at least set a limit. I'm thinking and praying for you sweetie! Hope you dont mind my suggestions... really not trying to lecture! *hugs*

from second-love :

Sweetie... i AM worried about you. Things seem to be building to a peak with you and i hope you wont do anything TOO crazy. But please... KNOW that we have ALL been there - REALLY!!! You aren't "abnormal"... you are more normal than MOST! *hugs* XXXXX

from phangasm :

I think it's totally normal to have feelings for other people. You just seem to be torturing yourself over what you're feeling.

from swirl-girl :

Hope you feel better! Fortunately, my panic attacks only happen at night. I can't imagine how hard it must be to get them during the day. Breathe deep, feel better!

from rainforme :

yep, they were bugs! i didn't have the guts to eat one, but my friend did! thanks for the lovely note.

from second-love :

Kath - your note was so sweet. Thank you! You DO always make me feel better. I wish you knew how much your words meant to me. I AM lucky. 2 wonderful (but very different) men love me. I have to just somehow figure out HOW to have that in my life. HOW do i live my life now? *hugs*

from kissssy :

Hun, can I ask you a question? Why are you still in such a difficult country? There is nothing wrong with going home to your mom and saying you can't do this anymore for awhile. Your sanity might depend on going back to your family for a little while... Love ya!

from cats-corner :

Thank you Kathy, the note you left was very sweet. I think though, that some "cats" were meant to walk alone.

from divaredneck :

Thanks for the note! Good luck!

from mandy-pandi :

There really is no need to feel like you are being self-absorbed. If we do not worry about ourselves and try to figure out what's really within us, not just surface stuff, then who will? Life is a neverending journey and I feel like we change inside in so many ways thru this journey. It may be because of someone we met or somewhere we've been, but it touched us like nothing else. Each person that is close to us puts their handprint on our hearts and it's up to us to find out what that means and how we let it affect us. Finding your way is never self-absorbed. I prefer to call it self aware. Sweetie, you have to worry about you because you are the one person that knows you like no other. Get some rest and relax. Take a night to pamper yourself if you can. Soak your feet, paint your toenails. Do something completley girly and get a good movie and just veg out. xxoo Amanda

from betchy :

i will definately try to get there for an afternoon or something! i'm a bit cross about the piccies though. perhaps it will be like one of the stories you see in the newspaper where thay turn up 50 years down the line or something! i think i am going to look for another job. i dont want to but its the safest option i think. as for dean, i dont think i can be bothered with him, its too much hassle. it was fun for a few weeks, but it just pisses off too many people. i ain't going to be horrid to him, i'm just not going to make any effort with him. i cant be arsed! hope that you start to feel happier soon my babe. love you lots speak soon x

from mandy-pandi :

Not everyone falls in love and lives happily ever after. I had to go thru a very abusive and loveless marriage before I found out that I was worth so much more and that I could find someone who loved and appreciated me. I really thought that I got what I deserved. I don't feel that way anymore. I met Alan and fell in love when I wasn't looking really. It's been non-stop ever since then. I cannot stop loving him. I don't see that ever happening. Each day he does something that makes me smile and I remember how much he means to me. Even if we argue, I still feel how much love is there. Just because you get married, doesn't mean your body completely shuts off. I find other people attractive. Sometimes I let my mind wonder just a bit about them. Only one time has it gone any further than just a glance and a little thought. I didn't do anything physical with him. It was mainly a lot of talk, but no action at all. He was married and had children. I didn't even find out how he felt about me at all until I had moved here. We still email. He's a dear friend of mine. He was my test though. I always thought that I couldn't be with just one person all of my life. He proved me wrong. He showed me how much I do love Alan, and that Alan is the reason I never did anything with him. Why I never let it get that far. My main problem is I have such guilt within me if something does happen. It eats away at me like a disease. I do know people who are very much in love with their spouse, but feel as if something is missing and they get that in another place, but still love and cherish who they spend their lives with. I don't know if that's the answer you are looking for, or if there is even an answer. I used to believe that when you grew up and got older, you would find the one perfect man who completed you in no way another could and you spent the rest of your life with that person and live 'happily ever after'. That's not true. You find many loves within your lifetime. I've had 4 in mine. Not one was the 'perfect' guy for me. Alan is as close as I can get, and I'm done looking as long as we are together. The only thing that ever worries me is that he is in the military and I'm not sure how I would handle it if he ever has to do his year tour in Kuwait or Korea. Our relationship works because we are always together. I do not know how I would do if we were suddenly apart. xxoo Amanda

from betchy :

kathy, finding other people attractive does not make you abnormal. even acting on it would not make you abnormal. however if you are finding yourself looking at others and frequently having feelings for others, i dont think that it is because you doubt your feelings for your husband rather that you are trying to curb your own insecurities. and thats ok, i dont think there is one single person out there that hasnt done that. i used to do it all the time. but in the long run it will make you feel worse. i hope you feel better soon babes, remember how much we love you here! thanks for the note, i knew you would like that entry about julien! have those damn photo's come yet? i am going to go to the post office later and see if i can find out whats happend!!!

from second-love :

ahhhhhhhhhh sweetie... you are NO crazier then the rest of us here hahahahaahah - maybe that doesnt make you feel any better!!!! i mean... good GOD- all you have to do is read one entry of mine and realize THAT! you'll get through these 3 weeks... there will be plenty of my drivel to read as i am not goin ANYWHERE else for quite some time! *hugs*

from kbc :

Hey there. A moot is sort of like a mock trial. My partner and I will be defending one side of an appeal case against another team of two who will take the other side and infront of a panel of judges who will interject with questions at random. It's all highly stressful but it's one of those things that will be a great experience if only for the experience itself. Hope all is well! K

from cats-corner :

Thank you so much for the encouragement Kathy. I'm *really* enjoying the CD you sent. It's great! Is it just one singer or a series of different ones? They sound different to me. Anyway, I'm glad you're back home. I'm quite excited for you regarding your trip to London. I hope you have a *fantastic* time. :-) *Hugs* cat

from second-love :

Hi sweetie! I'm back and MISSED you guys! Lets talk soon... thanks for your great notes! *hugs*

from mandy-pandi :

Hey sweetie. I loved the pictures you posted from your trip. It looked beautiful! I hope your New Year is going wonderfully. I am sorry about your dr leaving and you having to find a new one. I know that must add some stress that isn't needed. Just take one day at a time and know that there are people that care for you and want only wonderful things in your every day. xxoo Amanda

from cats-corner :

Yay!! I finished that stupid book last night! WOOHOO!! Of course, now comes the *hard* part...taking notes, figuring out what we need, shopping for and buying it. UGH! Oh well...it's much better than getting another piece o'crap. DOUBLE YAY!!! The CD you sent arrived today!! Yipiee!! I'm going to listen to it as soon as I put new batteries in my CD player. I can't wait! I hope you had a lovely new year. *Hugs* -cat

from x-plicity :

I'm so glad you are back!!! Missed you lots!

from onlyuandme :

Hey there :) I was just wondering, where are you from?

from adulterous-k :

Hey Kathy - thanks for the note. And yes, these people are right. Your marriage is normal. As Chichpea says - time to take stock and start over. Thinking of you. x

from chickpea981 :

Take the time to reflect on this New Year and celebrate what you have. I know its hard when everything feels hopeless, but Rosh Hashanah always uplifted me slightly. It's a good time of year to start fresh sweetie. Wipe some stuff clean and give yourself a spiritual enema. You need it. L'shanah tovah

from usmcsis :

did you know that 114 people have you listed as one of their favorite diaries? try this, when you feel down on yourself, or sad, think about how many people here love you and look forward to your entries. granted, we can't be there physically for you, but we're here. take care kathy. talk to you soon. ~ cindy

from swirl-girl :

Keep focusing on that great trip! Think Harrod's! Ahhhh.....

from betchy :

wish that i was there so i could give you a hug and cheer you up sweetie x

from girlinshadow :

You're welcome and thank you Kathy. :-) I appreciate the support. *Hugs* -g.i.s.

from cats-corner :

I will finish that book today if I have to kill someone to do it! :-D No worries at all about the time frame of adding my diary. You're a busy, busy lady. I hope you enjoy your dinner party! *Hugs* Love, cat

from betchy :

i think that every couple is different, and that doesnt mean you love each other any less than couples who still get excited after years together. it just means you're different together and express yourselves differently. i wouldnt read too much into it honey x

from second-love :

Well... i think it goes without saying that i TOTALLY understand what you are saying. And for the record... your marriage IS normal. It IS normal to lose that excited feeling. It is the rare relationship that is caught up in that even after many years. So it takes work and an appreciation for the other qualities in our spouses that make it workable for the long haul. The romanace and all that is nice, but ultimately its not what makes a relationship last. Im with ya hon on ALL that you said. I too continually do selfish, dangerous things that can only end badly. But we will just do the best we can, ok??? Hang in there. *hugs*

from betchy :

hello my babe, hows you? i think that because you filled your weekend up with things, you maybe didnt feel like it had been wasted, thats probably why you feel happier. great photos by the way. i really cant beleive you think that you're fat. wait until you finally get those damned photos of me. that is fat! but it is pre-diet, so its all good. anyway gorge hope you're pk. leave me a note soon love ya x

from bamstroker :

the dog is completely back to normal (aka running around and shitting and pissing on all our furniture.) sorry for the delays, i'm not so good at replying to notes asap. your notes are so sweet and you are very caring, thank you. my mom is a lot better. she hasnt' been drinking but she will lose her license soon for a couple of years at least. she is keeping busy doing schoolwork and looking for a job. i just got a job and tomorrow will be my fourth day- i work at jcpenney's haha. but it is actually pretty hard and complicated so far. the pay is a little over 7/hr so its not bad. i just can't wait til i am comfortable doing my job. how are you doing? thank you again for your kind words. *hugs* all my best.

from liquid-mojo :

Kathy, don't you know that flattery will get you everywhere? ;) Seriously though, thank you for your reassurances, I feel better already. I'm also concerned with your own feelings of lonliness. Aside from the fact that you are married and that you reside across a significant amout of land and ocean from me, I find you a very attractive woman. Yes I have seen the pictures ;) but it's not just that. There is an aura of caring and intimacy that you exude, qualities that always draw me to a woman. I can only hope that whatever void you may be feeling will be fulfilled sometime soon... -D

from onlyuandme :

hi :) you left me a note awhile back, and I just wanted to apologize for not responding to it sooner. I just have not been motivated to write lately, so I havent been here much. But thank you for the note. :) By the way, I loved the pictures in your most recent post. :)

from second-love :

Just read your note... *grin*... well before Sam... i had never enjoyed phone sex either hahahahahahahaha but OMG... if its ALL you've got - it is HOT HOT HOT hahahahaha. We DEF need to meet! *grin*

from second-love :

i LOVED the photos!!! I really enjoy seeing other parts of the world that i may never get to see myself :))))) You look good!!! And what a sweet boy! I think your motto for life is good too... we DO only live once.... *hugs*

from second-love :

It makes me SO happy when i have heard that you have had a good day... especially when its been with Trevor. I think the two of you have such a lovely relationship that just needs some time and attention. And you are so much like me!!! If you are busy and doing something (and not laying around)the day is so much better *hugs*

from aliboomboom :

Thanks for the note. I really hope that I do meet a wonderful man who will make me feel better about the home I can give Griffin. I just have so many new worries since having him. I am glad that you and Trevor got to spend some time together. I think a vacation sounds great. Thanks for the note, it's always nice to hear from you!!

from betchy :

yeah she is lush! bless her. if you come to weston you could meet her! have those damned photos come yet? that is like 3 weeks ago i posted them!

from betchy :

you know where you should take a trip to? weston-super-mare!!! remeber my little entry about what a great town it is? and it will cost half the price of staying in london for 10 days. get a flight to bristol airport, and that will be cheaper than a flight to heathrow or gatwick. if you really want to see london you could go on a day trip, the coach is only �23!! you know you want to!

from second-love :

We could start our own "pathetic club". I could be the Prez and you the Vice Prez *grin*... hang in there sweetie *hugs*

from mandy-pandi :

Sweetie, you can do anything you put your mind to. I know sometimes things feel really hard and like there is so much stacked against you, but I believe in you and I KNOW you are capable of anything you want. Anytime you need support, just talk to me. I'm here for you. Try not to work so hard. I hope things calm down a bit here soon so you can get some rest. If you ever need someone to help hold you accountable diet wise, I can help you. We can lean on each other for support or what have you. Know that I'm thinking of you and hope that your day ended nicely. xxoo Amanda

from impetuousme :

oh my GAWD.. .like i could EVEer forget about YOU... silly puss... cheer up, give us a kiss... hmmmmm? pretty please, with lots of slobber?

from second-love :

Your notes are sweet and add so much to my day. I know you are having a rough time right now, but you'll get through this. *hugs*

from betchy :

hello gorgeous girl, try not to work too hard, and hope everything is ok at the doctors. you need to take care of yourself honey! x

from betchy :

we all feel fed up at times sweetie - even me! i know iy must be hard for you at the moment, nothing is more depressing than working really long hours and then not seeing your loved one, but its only for now, give it a few weeks and you will worry what you were down in the dumps about! i really think you should report the bus drivers that say those things to you. i know i sure as hell would if one evn dared say that to me! get his sorry ass the sack! cheer up my lovely, today is a new day xxx

from second-love :

Sweetie... if anyone understands you, its me. I've have done some things lately that really are inexcusable. I have a lovely home, lovely children and a lovely husband. I have a great job working at the church i love for a wonderful man... yet.............. i am crying out for another man... someone who is married...i want something that will destroy everything i know. And i wont stop till i get it. Now who exactly is pathetic?

from rainforme :

thanks. truly is tough to let go in real life... self preservation kicks in. i wish i could say an iota of the things i write. take care.

from betchy :

ye ha! i am back and badder than ever! not really bad, but you know, the same as always. just been reading your updates. one thing to say. NOBODY IS PERFECT! christ on a bike kathy, dont be so damn hard on yourself all the time. we all do stuff we shouldnt do, and sometimes we enjoy it and know we should feel guilty, but dont because it gooooooooood! look at what i am doing with dean. should i be doing it? no! am i enjoying it? yes. do i feel guilty? hell, no! do i give a flying fuck what the world and its wife think? do i buggery!!! and dont feel guilty about not feeling guilty. just be thankful that you dont! just got your text, but am trying to save money on my phone because i am skint, so will have to send you notes for a bit. sorry honey! i missed you though!xxxxxxxxx

from daze-of-rain :

thank you so much Kathy. Your notes and support help me so much at a time when I am hurting like never before. It helps to know I'm not alone...that i have a support system all my own here.

from kissssy :

I just don't understand how you can always be so hard on yourself and yet men pay attention to you ALL the time. Hunny, that means something. Trust me! Love you to pieces! And, YES! Come to Vegas! (I can get very annoying hehe)

from second-love :

I know how you feel. Some days are so hard and its hard to know which way is up. All we can do is plug along the best we can, right? Moment by moment sometimes. I've been dreading this long weekend and here it is... lets hang out together *smile*

from rainforme :

it's so true. i deleted that entry though, because really... these are diaries, i suppose we are blessed to even get a chance to read about people's lives... they shouldn't feel pressured about responsibilities to others here. i dunno. i waver a lot. have a great weekend.

from runninginsf :

thanks for the notes-section love that I was yammering about yesterday! You really made my day! I know that I shouldn't beat myself up about things like working out and small gains, but it's just hard. But on the same note, you really should not beat yourself up about your feelings toward your marriage and life and other men. Sometimes you just need to realize you feel the things you feel, and that's that. I know it's hard, and I know sometimes you wish you felt differently. But you can't. The only thing you can do is try to find where those thoughts/feelings come from, to better understand yourself and what you want/need out of life. That is the only way you are going to be truly happy, by being true to you. Please don't beat yourself up by feeling like a terrible person for feeling a certain way. Understand the reasons behind them, and know yourself better. You'll be just fine. (Sorry to get all Dr. Phil on you, but I really think the above...) Have a wonderful wonderful weekend! Happy and warm wishes to you!

from turtlemomma :

Hey, how are you today?

from cats-corner :

Oh Kathy! I'm so sorry you're feeling so awful, especially on your anniversary. I wish there were something I could do to make you feel less alone. It's terrible to be with someone and still feel lonely. :-( *Many hugs & kisses I wish I could give you in person, to let you know that you are loved* Love, cat

from second-love :

Kath... hon... havent you been reading my diary for the last year??? How can you feel abnormal? Have you not read X's diary, Adulterous-K... Avalonte... etc etc etc... you are MORE then normal cuz you ADMIT you have these feelings and this confusion. Just try to live each day the best you can. Make the best choices you can...it'll be ok :) I'm here for you if you want to talk... *hugs*

from fluttrbykiss :

Sweety, Please don't feel ABNORMAL for having the feelings your having... In MY experience at least one partner in most marriages feels exactly like you do AT LEAST once if not MORE... Both my dh AND I have felt this way at different times... Me more than him... Most times he does not know I feel this way... I try out my own things and work through my feelings of dissatisfaction the best way I know how... I know that feeling of loneliness and that *something is missing* very well... I do what I feel needs to be done, sometimes with guilt, sometimes without(depends on how I feel at the time) and eventualy the feelings go away and I'm as in love as ever with him again... I always come back to him, because he's my grounding point... He's my roots... He's ALWAYS there for me... You'll work it out... Please go to my diary and email me... We have A LOT in common and can talk... {{{{Huuuugggsss}}}} Shell

from nora555 :

I hope everything is okay and, I know exactly how it feels to feel guilty about not feeling guilty. Knowing you would do it again if the opportunity was there. Yeah I know Im sorry Im sure things will get better.

from impetuousme :

hey sweetie... what's up??? are things better? are you ok???

from onewetleg :

yeah, aol will be leaving here soon. as soon as i find that yahoo disc. i think it may be stuck in the old computers disc drive. well, i can got to yahoo and download it, can't i? you would think so. love,

from daze-of-rain :

I'm big on the omission factor...that's not what I am talking about...I am talking about bold face lies. I think he loves me too...he started seeing someone...and now he's not. It's hard to think he could ever change.

from kissssy :

Lots of luck, hun!

from nora555 :

You'll be fine... I'm sure..

from nora555 :

Thank you for that note and that compliment. That is just a good picture, I don't think i really look like that. Your little msn thingy always says your away!!!! Luv Ya Letty

from imabrat2 :

I live in the west, we're 3 hours behind EST so I guess since it's 8:30 AM here right now, it's 6:30 PM where you are. :-)

from fluttrbykiss :

I too hope that the new med. will help more than I know... hehe.. ;o) The packing is going fine, but it just seems like I can't get the mortgage broker off her arse for anything!! (More about that in today's entry...) But the studying is going great, getting ready to take my first test... And the kids like school, but are ready to live in the NEW house.... *sigh* Can't win for losing... How are YOU feeling?? Better I hope... Keep your head up babe, it does get better... How was the weigh in??? {{{{Kathy}}}}

from juli-anne :

Girl, you are awesome. I got your note this morning before I walked to class and you brought a smile to my face, the first smile in a couple days. I can never thank you enough for that. It made my day seem not as heavy. *hugs*

from kissssy :

A very confused, upset, and depressed Kissy once sat on her living room floor, screaming at her mom while she dug her fingernails into her forearm telling everyone she just wanted to die. A very stressed, unhappy Kissy once stood in the kitchen screaming at her husband, telling him she was leaving because she hates him, herself, and life in general. A very miserable Kissy once approached her husband a year or so ago and said "you know, I really wish I'd had the guts to go ahead and end everything years ago." What I'm trying to say is, I can relate to how you feel and how you expressed to your friend you feel almost 100%. Different situations, same feelings. I never intentionally thought about hurting myself. But, I have visions about it. When I used to be depressed instead of actually cutting myself, I'd suddenly get an image in my mind I couldn't remove. I could literally see myself slipping with fingernail clippers and cutting off skin from the tips of each of my fingers. And... Well, you get the picture. I've been there. I guess that's why I really want to find a way to cheer you up. To cheer everyone up. Jason pulled me from my hole of depression and I'd give anything to figure out how to do the same for you. Life is what you make it, honestly. If you're depressed, you're making it that way. I was hurting myself so much more than I'd realized. It takes a sudden moment of "wow, I have to stop doing this because I'm hurting the people I love" before it gets any better. Kath, I adore you. I know more about you than I do about any of my RL friends. I feel so intune with you because you speak so honestly, so from the heart. It tears me to pieces reading everyday how much pain you're in, but I love you more because of it. Because you're honest. You're such a good friend writing so openly to her to show her she isn't alone. Nobody is. There are more unhappy people in this world than there are happy ones. I pray you find the happiness everyone's searching for. I'm not totally sure I have. I go in and out of it so quickly, Jason's afraid to say certain words that could trigger it. No matter how unhappy you are though, you must try to learn to love yourself. You can't love anybody else very well if you don't love yourself first. Hugs.

from sugar-slit :

Thanks for the note! I read some your journal and it seems like you're so hard on your self! Don't be. We all go through crazy weepy times...it does get better. Be kind to yourself! xo

from tanprincess :

hey you go right on ahead and type in my comments box! i like reading what you have written! i dont mind at all!! i hope you have a great week. i'm going to try and write some this week, i'm just so damn lazy. so so pathetic.

from powerofduck :

I really appreciate the note. I was having some issues at the time.

from foolosophy :

elo elo :) thanks for the note! Hi back, and yes i sure did enjoy my weekend, it was spent drinking a lot... hope u had a good one too :)

from kissssy :

Gosh, my breastfeeding hormones are in a huge uproar right now. They must be. You mentioned you've been weepy lately, and I just burst into tears. I'm sending you as many good wishes as I can! You always have so much on your mind. (raises lo carb shake) here's to hoping you have a thought free day tomorrow! Love ya!

from second-love :

Oh... one more thing... here's a little task for you... i think you should go through your profile and update!!! sorta like X did... put your fav quotes next to the diaries you like... put down your fav book/movie etc... i would LOVE to know that stuff *grin*

from second-love :

ahhhhh sweetie i just WISH we lived close to each other!! we could just hang out and have a great time! I appreciate your notes so much. They are thoughtful and caring and i treasure them! You can ALWAYS leave a note or email for me no matter WHAT your mood *hugs and smiles*

from the-book-bag :

I'm leaving Kathy. If you want to keep in touch my e-mail is [email protected] -cat

from in-my-life :

Just wanted to say "hi" and thank you for checking up on me. Very, very sweet. I am so happy to report that I'm doing better. Phew! Now I just have to focus on maintaining this. Ok, I'm off to read your entry... mwah!

from usmcsis :

thanks for your messages in the past few days. they have meant a lot. keep smiling girl, if i can, then so can you. :) ~ cindy

from lindzeeleigh :

Hey Kathy! Just thought I would pop by your diary and say a quick hi and a thanks for signing my notes page. :) I have just read a few of your entries and I will be back. And I don't get this whole diet thing?! I checked out your pics and you don't look overweight at all! And what do you mean when you live on a settlement in Isreal? Are you just working there? I think I just may have to read back a bit more! ;)

from shi-ou-sama :

you don't know me, but i am so overwhelemed with the happiness of being back on diaryland that i give you many hugs and calorie free brownies

from kissssy :

OMG, Kath! I have the BEST weightloss program idea in the world! I couldn't be more serious! Here it is. Ready? Move. To. Vegas. Ugh. It's so hot here, I just don't ever feel like eating. And, just standing outside, I sweat like a prostitute in church which drops the inches too. And, oh my gosh. Come visit. (how many tactics do I have to try before you say, okay Kissy, I'll come visit??). I'm soooo sorry I haven't been on! I've been thinking about you! Really! Lol, I really need to give you my number!! Hugggs! Love ya!

from second-love :

hahahahaah i LOVE your notes!! You are SO sweet! and you aren't rambling! you are very thoughtful in what you say. I am going through some changes, but they are good ones for a change. Drunken Wednesday scared me, i think. It woke me up a bit although i was already in the process of changing how i look at things with him. Its better for all of us. I WILL keep writing... probably weekends more like usual cuz i still have so much free time and miss him, but i dont plan on leaving...i LOVE writing - it has been my saving grace this past year. Thank you so much for all your support, you're awesome.

from rainforme :

i completely understand your frustration. the curvy woman's body is so much more beautiful too... i wonder if the fashion world will ever realize it. have a good weekend.

from avalonte :

I'm so glad you had such a care-free and fun evening!! You deserve it!! That e-mail from your boss was cool! Bosses rarely give credit where it's due, so treasure it! I hope the overdose of fish pays off! Thanks for being there for me! You're an absolute angel! xx

from rachelliz :

I'm still here and just posted...I'm a little bombarded with work these days, so probably less frequent posting. But thanks for you concern. Hope you had a good weekend.

from the-book-bag :

Dear Kathy, Maya is one of my favorite poets and to see her in person! Oh, there's just nothing like it in the world! She has such an amazing presence! Thank you so much for ALL the notes you leave...you have no idea how much it helps me; what a difference it makes, knowing you care. (Forgive me if I'm being schmaltzy...I haven't slept and I'm having a rough day and re-reading your note, well -- it's just turned the waterworks on full blast). Thank you so much. *Hugs* -cat

from second-love :

I missed you too!!! Thanks for your sweet note. A couple of things... i just cant get over how men talk to women over there! It is absolutely outrageous! I dont get that whole outburst by Damon... makes no sense. And lets see... the whole Gary thing. I'm not sure what to think about that guy. He is VERY moody it seems. Nice to you one day and an ass the next - i dont get it. Its OK to be attracted to him! That isn't hurting anyone!!!! Lets see ummmmmmmmmm... oh - i thought that work email flattering you was VERY nice. I NEVER get that. Oh well... enough rambling... i'll post an entry later.. have a wedding to go to... MORE YOUNG LOVE.... YUCK ahahahahahahhaha bye, my friend :) *smile*

from onewetleg :

why don't you take my survey yourself? you might just enjoy it. love, jj

from x-plicity :

Kathy...I love you to pieces!!!

from nora555 :

Okay I just emailed you.. Even though you didnt say it was okay... and I added you to my msn msgr!! Letty

from nora555 :

Hey you I got your note, I think I might add you to, my buddy list on my msn msnger but I want your permission 1st letty

from rainforme :

you're the gorgeous one. thank u. have a good weekend.

from betchy :

there should be enough on it, they weighed it at the post office and because it wasnt heavy they said what i put on would be fine. i dont know, bloody postal service is crap everywhere. you should definately read the family history though, because you wouldnt believe it. i cant believe it my self. it is unbelievable thats why! dean has already text me 3 times today, the last one i got about 1/2 hour ago it said "i think your really great just thought i would tell you also dont worry about the cats i have got some stuff for it babe" because he is allergic to them. how sweet is that. fenton has been e mailing me aswell asking what i am up to tonight, but friday night is my t.v night, so i dont want him coming round!!! stay happy this week, i know it will be hard without my fantastic presence on d-land (joke), but i dont want to return and find you still sad, get happy!!! come on the sun is shining come on get happy! you've gotta chase all your cares away! sing allelujah come on get happy! get ready for your judgement day! text me in the week girly, lots of love! xxxxx

from marianicoles :

Kathy... On the one hand, we all need to cry sometimes, but on the other hand... it is not right to be stressing over Gary when you are both married to other people. Your job does seem very very stressful... just because of how many people you have to accomodate and everything. I like getting "good job" emails too. I print them out and file them... you know,for days when I think I suck butt at my jobs. Well, I can't leave a long note today because, as usual, I am running late. Have a better day! :-)

from betchy :

yeah fent knows i had a date and that i got laid. he sent me an e mail the other week saying "i nailed a french bird at the party. SAFE!" S i sent him one yesterday because he asked how my date went saying "pretty good thanks. plus i got nailed at the end of it SAFE! oh sorry for a moment there i thought i was you!" which he thought was very amusing. he isnt jealous, but then he hasnt seen me with him so you never know! i hope you arent feeling as sad today, and also i think that damon must like you, and been in a bit of a jealous rage! actually i dont think that i know it! blatantly obvious if you ask me. leave me a note in a bit, also have the photos come yet? i sent them over a week ago! perhaps there wasnt enough postage on them. shit, i hope they come still. i dont know what postal conditions are like between here and israel!

from avalonte :

2nd day without an update!! Now you've got me worried. You said you'd mail me when you got home but you didn't. You didn't even text. So what happened to make you so upset? Hope you're ok. xx

from tanprincess :

hey thanks for all of your commments you left! i am bad about not reading them right away and not responding--bascially because i'm a lazy ass!!! LOL. i read some of your diary and enjoyed what i read, i plan to keep reading in the future! thanks again for all of your well wishes and what not!! so sweet of ya!

from cosmopolitn :

You are welcome...I read that your diary was good so I thought I would give it a try...They were right! Glad you liked the poems :) COS

from betchy :

where are you today?

from two-bitpoet :

Dear gorgeous woman who has crazy taste in shoes... thank you for displaying the card on your computer, makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. *purr* And thank you muchly for the CD, will take time to really listen to it in one of my me times. Am working on a reply, sadly I can not pack the Indian Ocean for you. I tried though. *grin*

from shortst101 :

Thank you very much for your comment on my diary today. I appreciate what you said very much. Hope you had a wonderful day. Sandy

from pumpkinhouse :

Thank you for the kind comment you left regarding my sad, maudlin little entry for today (8/25). I just feel so...blah.

from swirl-girl :

Good for you on your eating! You inspire me! Keep finding those things that make you happy in this crazy world, some times it's the little things that make it all worthwhile.

from juli-anne :

Thanks for adding me to your favorites! It just made my day knowing that someone out there likes to read my craziness. :-)

from runninginsf :

thanks for the note! How have the last 2 weeks been for you? Hope all is well and don't get too angry at ungrateful people...it's bad for your health and unfortunately, there are people like that everywhere. Just continue to spread the love and you'll get it in return, I promise! Have a great day!

from nora555 :

Good morning.... Well I know you always leave me nice little notes. I'm sorry if I'm one of those people. But in reality your notes make sssssssooooooo happy. Especially with all I've been going through lately. So THanks Thanks For reading too

from mandy-pandi :

Lucky girl! Getting to leave work early and go shopping. I LOVE shopping. Especially if it's someone elses money. Naughty girl too!! Wanting to spit in someone's coffee, lol. I've done that a couple of times. It's a silent revenge. I'm glad you enjoyed your day with Gary. Hope your week is going well!

from fluttrbykiss :

Thank you so very much for the wonderfully encouraging note that you left... You are awesome!! :o) I just feel soo down in the dumps and I can't climb out to save my friggin' life... It will get better as soon as I get on ALL my meds regular again, I know this, but NOW is what I'm dealing with, and it's NOT fun... Anyway... Glad that YOUU have some great things to look forward to today... Have a good one... Huuggss...

from marianicoles :

GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE! OK, so I hope the good day you had yesterday overrides the issues you may be having today. I mean, I hate it too when I don't have new notes... I'm like "HELLO, DIARYLAND WORLD... I NEED SOME FEEDBACK (otherwise I would just write in my journal at home - if I could find the darn thing.) But, I'll remember that you're just like me in that regard, and I'll make it a priority to send you a positive note more often. Now, here is my advice for the rest of the day when you get frustrated or upset: BREATHE, STRETCH, SHAKE... LET IT GO! It works, I PROMISE! (and don't stress... stress releases cortisol into the body which results in fat storage in the midsection.)

from second-love :

Oh yeah... i sent it to him :)... really there isn't a single thing that i dont tell him or send him. I'm not sure why i bother even locking my diary... i guess im just afraid he would be overwhelmed by my anger sometimes. He doesn't do too well with anger. I DO feel good. Its different this time... and that doesn't mean he and i will NOT have our cycles, but i love being centered. Thats really what i am used to... i was never this wacky before him. ALOT of it was hormones, i think and this birth control device seems to be doing the trick, thank God! I just want to be "less dependent" on my feelings for him (if that makes sense) so that i can enjoy him when i have the opportunity but not obsess when i dont - and thats what im doing right now *grin* I think its great that you can list the bad stuff AND the good. Cuz really we all have bad stuff in our lives, but we have to remember that there is ALWAYS good if we look, huh?!! Right now im just focusing in on thinking about that 14 year old boy and the pain on his poor mothers face. I can't imagine what that must feel like - to KNOW that you will never see your baby again. Man... THAT gives perspective!! Thanks for your notes, you are SOOOOOO sweet!!! xxxooo

from avalonte :

!Lapped it up like a dog lapping up something!!!! LOL!! You kill me!! xx

from fairygodmum :

Dancing does sound like a lot of fun... funny how things always seem easier when someone else is doing it.. lol This stuff is kickin my literal butt off! Well... That IS a good thing hehehe.. Hugz, Bebe da FairyGodMum

from betchy :

hahahaha literally just got your text!!!! that is good i am glad your not mad at me!!! and i am analysing things because i know ti makes me sound so bad that i have been with 3 brothers. and its even worse when you go back to the one you started with and start going through them again!!! but i cant help it!!! i am a crazyhorse!!! and i like getting laid!! especially after not having it for months!

from betchy :

i have just read your update, and really hope your not mad with me for not texting back last night, but i honestly have no credit until friday, so cant do anything at all with my phone! if it makes you feel any better, dean text me four times last night, and i didnt text him back. and i think you must have sent me the e mails after i had left work. i left early last night. dont be mad xxxxxxxxxxxxx

from betchy :

hi honey, i did get your text last night, but have no money on my phone till i get paid on friday, then i will text you all the time!!! i have updated now have you read it? do you think i am crazy? i probably am, but its all good. anyway girly leave me a note later, love you too xx

from the-book-bag :

Well, I think I'm getting the hang of this grieving thing. I have moments when I'm really not okay, but I just tell myself to let whatever emotions are there wash over me...and then I'm okay. And I'm okay for a while until I have another bout of sadness, despair, doubt, feeling like I'm lost and I just let it come...and I'm okay again. And the "okays" are getting better and better and the tough moments are slowly becoming fewer and less overwhelming. So I think I'm going to keep doing this because it seems to be working. It brings tears to my eyes to know you care Kathy. I don't have words to tell you how much your caring touches my heart. Thank you so much. *Hugs* If there's ever anything I can do for you, just say the word. -cat

from nora555 :

Congratulations on your diet. Have a great day....

from fluttrbykiss :

Hi... Thanks for your note... Yes... It was a wonderful weekend, leaving me with an empty feeling because he's not here... Anyway, GRET job on the weight loss... I'm soooo PROUD of YOU!!! And coffee with a pinch of cinnamon in it is AWESOME... The cinnamon takes ALL the bitterness out, a little bit of an acquired taste, but great nonetheless... Good luck... And YES, I'll try to post more pics of the kids in the near future... TTFN... Huuggsss..

from betchy :

hey girly!!! no update yesterday because i had a bump to the head on sunday, so my mum made me go down the hospital yesterday coz she thought i had concussion (which i didnt). am also really busy today at work so wont be able to update, only reply to notes!!! but i have lots of news, which i will tell all tomorrow!!! gary is quite clearly crazy about you my love, it is obvious! have the photos come yet? hope you are ok got so much to put in my update tomorrow!!!

from second-love :

Thanks hon for your note. Its 3 a.m. here and i am up already... too much on my mind. Between the death of that boy, T and other worries... i just can't sleep. In some ways it DOES make you feel like you should do whatever you can to enjoy every moment in life however you can, and then again, it makes me want to live BETTER. To NOT be so selfish - to embrace my kids and husband more because you really don't know when they might just be gone. The stuff with T just slaps me in the face, of course. This could be John feeling all this pain she feels right now!!! This is how HE would feel if he found out about Sam. But then again, Sam is my savior in times like this. He is the MOST supportive and MOST kind... i NEED him!!! So, as usual, im stuck! HEY!!! and congrats on that DIET!!! I am SOOOOOO proud of you. I knew you could do it! And all i drink is black coffee hahahahahaa LOVE it! Maybe you need to try MY black coffee! Add a bit of cinammon to the grounds before you brew it... it will cut the harshness *smile*

from the-book-bag :

Oh Kathy, you're so sweet! I'm so sorry for making you worry. That is why I sometimes wonder if I just shouldn't post entries when I'm feeling poorly. I hate upsetting people. :-( Your care and kindness means so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you! *Hugs* Love, cat-scratch-fever

from soul-glimpse :

ugh, they're so not worth it! why can't i just be attracted to women? god knows, most guys are cocksuckers anyway. it should work both ways. sorry i'm so crude right now. i just hate the disappointment. thanks for the note though. and i'm glad you liked the pictures too! prom is one of my favorite memories. have a good day!

from imaphatpig :

Thanks for the note. I agree about the whole picture thing. It's a small thing but it makes such a difference I think.

from the-book-bag :

I wanted you to know, I felt well enough to add a couple of (humorous) postscripts to my entry...just in case you wanted to read them. Please don't worry about me Kathy. Although I would hardly be upset if something happened to bring an end to my life (a state of mind I feel tremendously guilty for), I will not do anything like that. I care too much about my family and friends to ever cause them that kind of pain. Thank you so much for your support and your notes. *Hugs* -cat

from the-book-bag :

Thank you for the note Kathy. I'm feeling a bit better and I see Jaci (my therapist) on Tuesday. *Hugs* -cat

from rainforme :

definitely not missing out. have a good week too.

from kiki-blue :

and a ps: well, the toilet paper does sound nice, and given what my entries have been about lately - it's quite fitting!

from kiki-blue :

Thanks :) Feeling better and all went well :)

from resonant :

thanks its stuff like this that make me stronger though...:)

from second-love :

You are doing SOOOOOOOOOOO good on your diet!!! I am so proud of you!! *grin* With the right motivation we can do just about anything!!! Yes, I WOULD like to knock some sense into my dear sweet Sam too... but i love him nonetheless. I think X is wackin him around pretty good hahahahahahahaha

from usmcsis :

hey kathy. i was reading some of your early entries today. back in may 2003. girl, you are so pretty. i've seen your pictures. you are not fat. now i know that me telling you that you're not fat isn't going to suddenly make you change your mind. :) but i just wanted to drop you a note and let you know that i know exactly how you feel. i'm glad that you read my diary and i smile every time you leave me a note and i hope that this note makes you smile just a bit as well. take care kathy. ~ cindy

from swirl-girl :

I LOVE the shoes! Menswear is so big this Fall and your shoes are the perfect feminine compliment to the look! Fabulous!!!

from starpeople :

Thanks for the note girl! And for the boost of confidence ;)

from bananerzz :

So many people are congratulating you on your 'success' on your diet, but I think everyone needs to just step back. Everybody is so psycho about dieting that it's just stupid- it ended me up in the hospital, so I know what I'm talking about. The only reason I can see for a diet is if your weight seriously affects your health, ie. you have diebetes, but I highly doubt that is your case. Everybody has different body structures, and our society needs to learn how to accept that. So, I know it's incredibly hard, but try as hard as you can to switch your focus off of your weight... it's really not worth it in the end.

from mandy-pandi :

I love love LOVE those shoes!! They are so super cute. Thanks for the nice words. I'm hoping that everything will be okay. All I can do is be positive so that's what I'm doing. I'm just used to something bad happening when things have been going so well. Congrats on doing so super well on your diet! I know how hard it can be to stick with something. Motivation does wonders though. I'm going to the Nutritionist Wednesday so maybe I'll be able to find some help out for me too.

from second-love :

Those shoes are SUPER CUTE!!!!! Men dont know anything about FASHION!!!!! hahahahaha - im so glad you are doing good on your diet!!! thats AWESOME!!! and hey... i ALWAYS update on the weekends!!! i dont have anything to do either hahaahaha have a nice one girlfriend *grin*

from betchy :

i dont know if i would be able to post them. i dont have gold, and would have absolutely no idea how to put an e mail with photos on my page. i am hopeless. maybe when you get them i could e mail you my password or something, if you know how to do it. i am so crap!!! i wish i could update at weekends, i miss d-land, and am actually excited to get to work on a monday so i can read the updates and see who has left me notes!!! how sad am i? have a good weekend gorgeous x

from betchy :

what do you mean "look what he got. me" yeah and he is darn lucky he got you missy!!! are the photos there yet? i expect it will take a few more days yet. hope you are ok, and i think its hilarious that you wouldnt let him in!!!

from littlebub :

Thanks for the notes! You're sweet! :)

from divaredneck :

I look at your pictures, I dont see someone who needs to lose weight. Mini-psycho analyzing here, but are you positive if you lost this weight you'd like yourself then?

from the-book-bag :

Thank you Kathy. *Hugs* -cat

from turtlemomma :

I just wrote you an email. Make it sure it didn't land in the junkmail box :o)~

from rainforme :

:) thanks for the notes.

from fluttrbykiss :

Sweety, you are BEAUTIFUL!! I know what it's like to look in the mirror and see fat, fat fat... I do it everyday myself... Everyone tells me I need to stop losing weight, when I say NO I need to START losing again... But, please believe me when I say, you are such a beautiful woman inside -- and out... Huuuggsss

from swirl-girl :

Wow, that's willpower! I couldn't have done that! Anyway, you look beautiful and I don't know why you're so upset about your weight. I'd love to be in your shoes! I can relate to how your husband feels though. My hubby also gets very upset with how much I obsess over weight and appearance. He loved me when I was fat and he loves me the same now. He thinks I'm more unhappy now than I ever was before and I have to agree with him. When I was really fat, I didn't care how I looked. Now that I can pass for "normal" I'm so hard on myself and I crave perfection, which I know I'll never achieve. I can't enjoy anything in the present because I'm always thinking "when I'm 10 lbs lighter, then I'll be happy" and a million variations on that. You look beautiful and obviously your hubby thinks so too. Enjoy who you are!

from second-love :

hahahahahh thanks for your note!!! I guess i should just unlock the stupid diary. I dont know what dif it makes to have it locked anyway! If Sam really wants to get in, i guess he probably could. I am in California which is on PST... rynow it is 5:53 am. I DO want to try to hook up on the IM. I've been talking to X and its a big help. I talked to her yesterday when i was in the middle of all that mess. It was just good to have someone there i could talk to. Its just so hard right now. Im afraid of the damage we have done to our relationship. Im sure we will get past this, but every time we do this we do alittle bit more damage. He made a comment yesterday that the only reason he got together with me was because he was afraid i'd be upset with him if he didn't... cuz he was going out that night with K and a couple of friends and didnt really think it was a good idea to get with me early in the day and drink. Im SICK of him saying stuff like that... like im some sort of pity case. I told him if he doesnt want to get together, then DONT - and he was like "good, then next time i wont" blah blah blah. WHATEVER. I may just stay home today and call in sick. I cant deal with going to work. Maybe ill catch you on the IM later. What time is it there right now???

from second-love :

from betchy :

oh honey, you're not so terrible. and there is nothing wrong with the way you look in either of those pics. to be honest i cant see much difference, i just see a beautiful woman. i really dont know what to make of the situation with trevor. to be honest it doesnt seem to me as if you're happy, but i dont know if thats just the way you are at the moment, and if you would be unhappy with anyone, or if it because you dont want to be with trevor. only you can answer that. i hope you are happy again soon. how long does the post between here and there take? i posted it last night, i think i caught the last post!!!

from second-love :

Sweetie...i am so sorry you are in so much pain. I guess you just need to determine if your weight is worth sacrificing your relationship with Trevor. Its clear that he loves you very much. And its obvious that you love him. I know that no amount of comments by Dland readers tellin you you are beautiful will make no difference to how you feel... but it IS true that you ARE beautiful just the way you are. Here for you sweetie...*hugs*

from heartleaf :

Hi, thanks for the encouragement! Don't worry, you'll start loving shopping again someday too, it's all about seeing yourself in a different light no matter how much you weigh. (I sound like a preacher, hehe) By the way, I saw you picture and you're a beautiful woman! (then and now) You just need to realize that for yourself and you'll go far! =)

from fairygodmum :

Gosh.. that entry was supposed to be a JOKE.. everyone takes me sooo seriously.. lol Hugz, Gurlfriend, Bebe, da FairyGodMummsie

from kiki-blue :

Thanks :) I am feeling better so far. I haven't watched the movies yet, I might do that tonight. I know The Pianist is going to be a heart wrencher, from what others have told me.

from sweets73 :

sorry the ;& was suppose to make a heart! but it didnt! sorry

from sweets73 :

HEY! thanks for the congrats! i really like the job! thanks for the compliment i got it specially made cause i &; the bedtime bear! i like you layout! its so cute! -mariah

from weymouth66 :

Yes, I'm very much enjoying the Olympics, and you're right - the athletics hasn't started yet, apart from a few preliminary heats. The serious stuff starts on Friday. Meanwhile I'll be cheering for Katy Sexton, a swimmer from my city, in the ladies' 200m backstroke tomorrow and Fri. Take care, lots of love Jess xx

from the-book-bag :

My headaches have always been like this, long before I started taking medication for it. :-\ It's just part of my life.

from aliboomboom :

Thanks for the notes. I appreciate the compliments. I hope that Mike goes away too. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

from fluttrbykiss :

Girl, you know we care about you!! You matter to us... We want to know that you're okay and that your well... Huggss...

from betchy :

i've sent them, i've sent them, i've sent them!!! i think i have put enough postage on (i hope so anyway) they said at the post ofice was enough, so you should have them in a few days!!! how exciting!!!!

from resonant :

thank you so much! <333

from nora555 :

FOr some reason you are not the only person to tell me that, only one person has made me feel bad. But everyone else is happy for me it's weird...

from swirl-girl :

Glad it's not just me! I think I had more confidence when I was 16 than I do now! Oh well, there's always hope. Thanks for all your great notes! I was pissed off when I read that story about the nutritionist you saw. I'm glad you left! Take care!

from betchy :

yes, fent has gone off to france for a few days!!! oh well it least it gives me a chance to think about him and not have the temptation of phoning him and asking him round. i have sorted out some photos, i think there is about five, to send you, but they are pre-diet so i look minging on them. like i said, i will get a disposable camera when i get paid, and take a bunch of new ones, of fent and everyone aswell. i know you are dying to see what he looks like!!! it may take me a while to get round to posting them, but i will do it i promise!!! take it easy my little sunflower, becky xxx

from the-book-bag :

Dear Kathy, pysically I'm doing better. The cold ended up being more of a blip on the radar. I DID have to fight a bitch of a migraine for most of yesterday and last night (w/o medication). Luckily, Mom picked up some samples from the doctor's office today. Hopefully they will last until this whole mess with Medicare gets straightened out. Emotionally, I'm not doing so well. I'm feeling completely at loose ends and I'm still depressed over not being able to have the kind of relationship I want with the person I love. But I'm trying not to talk about those feelings in my diary because she's also one of my readers and I have no desire to make her feel badly just because I'm hurting. I really appreciate your note and the good thoughts. I think the word you were looking for is "rooting." :-) *Hugs* -cat

from betchy :

O good, i am so glad you're not!!! i was really worried then. you havent been too self absorbed honey, its your diary, who else are you supposed to write about?? its not that your worries are unimportant, i know what its like to look in the mirror and feel insufficient and inadequate. i just needed to let you know that you are not. and i cannot believe what those bus drivers are saying. like i said before, you should report them, if the bus drivers here said something like that it would be "bye mr bus driver!! have fun looking for a new job!!"

from second-love :

i hope the accupuncture works!!! and i CANT BELIEVE how rude the men are there!!! I mean i would absolultely beat the crap out of ANY man that said something to me about my weight. No man in America would EVER even broach that subject with a woman here... they would be taking their life into their own hands!!!!!

from betchy :

honey, i hope you are not cross about the note i left you yesterday. that bus driver is clearly an idiot who should be put into an idiots home immediately. just because you have gained weight doesnt make you fat. same as just because i have lost weight doesnt make me slim. you may have gained and i have lost, and i am still twice the size of you!!! when i send you some pics you will feel a lot better about yourself believe me!! i only have ones at the moment from before i went on my diet, so i am trying to sort out a couple that arent too hideous, and after i have been paid i will take some new ones and try and get some of fent aswell, and i will send you them. i havent taken a camera out since i started hanging about with fent so havent got any of him and emma and boss etc. i will try. i really wish you would feel better about yourself my babe, because you are such a beautiful woman, and you are so sweet and deserve to be happy. if not just imagine me walking home in the torrential rain last night - fun!!!

from fairygodmum :

I can't believe how insensitive some people can be!.. HOW DARE HE.. I woulda told him.. just cause he feels better than ME.. He just showed you he ISN'T... OMG.. Well.. You did the right thing.. he'll pay dearly for those comments! Come to SF there's a FREE EAR Accupunture Clinic on Tuesdayz and Wendszzdayz. Hugzzz, Bebe da FGM

from the-book-bag :

Thank you Kathy. The note you left was very sweet and I apprciate it a great deal. *Hugs* -catbert

from weymouth66 :

Funny you mentioned unattended bags being blown up - read my entry for today! (Just to make it clear for you, today was my first day of jury service). Am I right in assuming you live somewhere in the Middle East? Lots of love, Jess xx

from fluttrbykiss :

Yes, the house is moving along, now if I could get them to finish the culvert... And yes the kids made it safetly to school, and were all seated before I left them... Now, I mostly have my days back to myself... With the exception of the two little ones.... *sigh* Anyway, hope you have a good week too... Huuuggss..

from exit43 :

Oh no the hummus is going to find me.. (hanging on a cliff edge) save me.. (cough) .. wow am I bored.. have a good day :) Jason

from second-love :

You are so sweet!!! I am hoping you have a better week too.... weekends are SOOOOO boring!!! I just read diaries... check every few minutes for updates. Arent we pathetic???

from betchy :

i have a thing that i sleep with too, but mine is an old nighty. right, now i am going to get serious and tell you off. but not in a nasty way, just because i care. you need to stop obsessing over your weight babe. really. the way you are obsessing, you are going to make yourself ill, and i am sure you dont want to do that. take it from someone who has been there and knows. if you are even considering that doctor, and lying to trevor, the warning bells should be screaming at you not to go. there is obviously a reason why everyone has forbidden you to go there, it doesnt agree with you. what is wrong with how you look now? before i saw the pics you posted, i thought with the way you spoke about your weight, you were probably about my size, maybe a bit bigger. kathy, let me tell you, you are NOWHERE NEAR my size, and thats the truth. you have a perfectly nice shape, and your size is small!!! please stop worrying about your weight, because you are beautiful, inside and out, and i dont want you making your self ill and going through what i did. im sorry if i have sounded nasty, i didnt mean to, its just because i care. i'm not cross just worried. i still love you x

from the-book-bag :

Thank you Kathy. *Hugs* Luckily, I'm feeling better (physically) today. -cat

from marianicoles :

Thanks for the notes! Yeah, I'm so over my birthday and the horror it was. I am now actually looking forward to my party and (as I usually do after hitting a low) starting over on a more fresh and positive leaf for myself. 21 may have started out rocky, but I'm trying to have some smooth sailing. Read about it in my diary. Stay strong! :-)

from anita-girl :

Hey I just added you! I have been reading you for a while and never got around to adding you so I finally did it today! :> I like how you update often. BUt what I was wondering is where do you live? For some reason I was thinking Britain! But then I read the Middle East. Where you born there? I am so curious! Looking forward to reading more of you!

from greenspoon :

thanx much for your hopeful words, it gives me just a little bit more motivation. :) i hope you have a good weekend as well.

from babykanu :

hello! thanks for signing my guestbook! i love your diary, i'll keep coming back!!! take care!! ::HUGS:: Holly

from rainforme :

ha! if i ever get to have an orgy with the chick who invented cpr.. yeah, you're invited. :P

from second-love :

OH!!! just saw your note! bought a VERY CUTE skirt and top! If i knew how to get my pictures to post correctly i would take a picture and show ya!!! You should have seen me... i had an ARMFUL of clothes i could barely carry, i was on the cell with Sam and i was trying to describe my choices hahahaahah he is such a chick... LOVES clothes shopping for his women hahahaah. So then i was in the dressing room trying things on AGAIN describing to him over the phone hahahahaha. We are quite the pair!

from second-love :

I am completely uninspired this weekend too. John's bike is in the shop, so we cant ride together (although i guess i could go by myself woooooooooo peeeee)and all i can do is sit here in the house with Mini Me pffffffffff. Sam and K are riding - DANG i get so jealous of that! I get him all week long but STILL HATE that she gets him all weekend. Oh well... WHATEVA... so just know ill be bored with you *grin*

from exit43 :

Hey thanks for the note, I always appreciate them.. hummus makes me sick, but I'll get over it. Cause if I don't....(evil stare) Nah I'm kidding, thanks for checking out my site. Talk to you soon -Jason-

from jadedwings49 :

Thank you! Oh trust me, I will!!!!! Take care of yourself! <3

from fairygodmum :

Okay.. I just gave in and ate a Brownie... silly me as next week dance classes begin... Imagine.. the Ballet instructor as she gazes at my pot belly telling me to suck it in! Oooh.. IF I ONLY had the stomach muscles in which to do just that... OH.. that reminds me.. Hummus.. I MUST Get some HUMMUS!

from luvcoffee84 :

Hi thanks for leaving me a note. I thought it was really sweet.*HUGS*

from foursquare :

Thanks so much stopping, and thank-you so much all the compliments! You know, something is just wrong when I stare at my brother for a minute and then wish my husband looked a little more like him, lol.

from in-my-life :

Thanks for your note Kathy! I am doing better today, but it has been like riding a rollercoaster this week. Yesterday when I got home I collapsed into a sobbing mess, but Eddie was there to pat me on the back and wipe my tears. I'm so grateful to him, he really puts up with a lot. I have to wonder if it were him that were nuts half the time, if I would be as patient. Anyhow, I'm going to sneak out early today, so I only have 20 more minutes here at the office. Woo hoo! I need it. I really, really need it! Hope you are having a good weekend.

from the-book-bag :

Thank you for your note Kathy.

from weymouth66 :

Hi Kathy, thanks for your note. Do you follow athletics? If yes, enjoy the Games! Lots of love, Jess xx

from betchy :

ok babe, e mail me your home address and i will do just that (my e mail link should be working now)

from betchy :

you are quite wrong!!! but thats ok! i have got really long straight hair nearly to my waist, but its blonde, not dark. i do have rosy cheeks though, you got that right. i am not dark skinned, but not pale either, somewhere in between. i got brown eyes (which apparently are very smiley eyes), small nose and ears, quite biggish lips, and quite a big smile. i dont think that i am ugly, but i'm no stunner thats for sure!! i will have to get avalonte to take a pic and post it on her page when she comes down! my job is working with people who are unemployed (either through sickness, having children, or just choosing not to work!), i deal with thier benefit money. its good i love it, but its hard sometimes. can you imagine telling a heroin addict he cant his money for his next hit? thats when i get the abuse!!!

from greenspoon :

yep, i tried moving in with my mom for a while when me and my ex broke up and than her boyfriend moved in and she kicked me out,...she knew that I'd have to stay with this guy, but she did it anyways. Im still trying to get into some classes at the college here, so I'm hoping that maybe if she sees im trying to do something she'll make some room for me at her place.

from fluttrbykiss :

Sweet, It's not that I don't WANT to take my meds... They ju7st ran out at a really bad time of the month... I will be getting them tonight though, so NO FEAR... I take them religiously, because I know I'm a totally different person with them than without them...

from betchy :

glad you like!!! i cocked up the links but i think it is okay again now, otherwise i will just have to let jj know, and she will do it for me. anyway, i have never had a problem with this sort of jealousy before. its never ever bothered me how pretty my friends are or anything else, because most of my friends are beautiful, and i have always won people over with my personality. i'm certainly not a minger though, but i do think my size puts people off a bit (although it going down by the day, yay me!). but at the moment she drives me mad, and its not her fault. she does think the absolute world of me though, she loves me to pieces. every time she sees me she tells me how much she loves me, and that i am her bestest friend in the world. i dont know. i am just being a silly, spoiled brat at the moment i think. anyway, what do you picture me looking like and i will tell you if you're right!!!

from betchy :

from greenspoon :

yeah, i had gone to a therapist before and i also tried some medication..but nothing really seems to do any good as long as I'm still around this man. He's just one of those people that drains me. Not that I'm perfect without him, im still depressed, not like this though.

from kiki-blue :

lol thanks. I did dream of Nick last night :) I might put that up in an entry, as it was an amusing dream.

from princesstosh :

Thanks for the note! Why is your MIL not speaking to you? Also, does that cause you and Trevor problems? I worry that sometimes they'll kiss michaels ass and then we'll argue about them, but i kind of doubt it. He's really not feeling them anymore. Today I was aol instant messenger and they have these little things on your instant messages called supper buddys. I dont know if you've heard of them or not. Anyway, there was one called "bridezilla" and when you'd say hello she would scream at you. I sat there laughing for a good 2 minutes thinking how that just MUST be me. LOL. I love all the wedding planning but i cant wait until i dont have to worry about the $$ issues of it, or the running to get this or that, and I can just sit down and enjoy. Your bus drivers....maybe you're just finding all the wrong ones????

from pumpkinhouse :

I found the note you left regarding the confessionalism entry - and I am the reigning Queen of Neurosis as far as I can tell. I just think too much, period. About everything and everyone and what everyone thinks about everything. Yeah, I should stop that now. And by the way, I'm adding you as a favorite now (aren't you special!?!). :P

from betchy :

honey, if you are right, i am the happiest girly in the world!!! but he did just send me an e mail saying that he pulled a french bird last night. but thats just him. he is funny. i love him!!!!! lush is a great word, everyone here in weston uses it all the time, and its a real addictive word aswell, soon everyone will be saying it!!!

from juli-anne :

Thanks for the note! Sorry about the guestmap. I signed up for it a long time ago and now they want to charge me money to have a map of the whole world. Grrr....Anyway, I just read your first entry and I must say that I like what I've read so far. I'll have to add you to my favorites and keep reading. :)

from kiki-blue :

lol and that was a middle of the road kinda dream. Mine are just weird. People laugh at me all the time for them. Like they did at work when I told them about the banana peel cellular sex thing.

from eggsaucted :

He went to South Dakota, to a Motorcycle Rally with his brother and his stupid cell phone doesn't work out in the middle of nowhere. He's supposed to be back, but as far as I can tell he hasn't used his cell phone yet so I'm not sure if he is and I have called his cell phone, but that's about all I can do. Can't call him at home, the evil one will answer and have six kinds of fits. hugs! egg

from turtlemomma :

::gasp:: Never tried shrimp? I don't know what to say! ~K

from pumpkinhouse :

I happened across you in Betchy's notes - I adore Judy Blume and Sweet Valley Twins books...sadly I talked myself out of buying some Sweet Valley Twins books at a thrift store once, because I'm "too old" (28). I admired Elizabeth but I secretly always wanted to be Jessica too. :P

from betchy :

oh, and i am always re-reading my sweet valleys and judy blumes!!

from betchy :

oh good i am glad. i hope you are having a good day. i hope that my entry today was less depressing than the last few!!! i just got an e mail off fent, saying he hopes he cheered me up, and that i am having a nice day. bless him. isnt it funny how just a few short words from him can make my insides flop over, and make me feel like i am walking on air for the rest of the day? sad really isnt it? heehee. what do you do as a job by the way? i realise i am being nosy, but i am not sure i know!!!

from laukat :

Thank you for leaving me sweet, encouraging notes. :) It makes me feel a lot better. *♥*

from greenspoon :

yeah, Im trying hard to leave here. I don't know where I'll go when I am able to leave though. I'm just hoping that there will be somewhere relieable. I moved out before and just ended up here again..

from fluttrbykiss :

Thanks again for the wonderful note of encouragement... You are truely a fantastic person... Good luck with your diet... I am one a freaky sort of low-no carb thing that I waived back and forth through... I DEFINATELY have a screwed up eating ritual, but I have lost 45 lbs by doing it, so who am I to complain...? lol.. Hope you have a good day and that you and Trevor make up soon... Huuggss, Sweety...

from betchy :

do you know, the bus drivers here would be fired for saying things like that to their passengers. you should report them. well donr for the good girl eating. it might only be 2 days, but its the first few days that are the hardest so well done. (not that i think you need to diet anyway!) i cant believe that trevor acted that way, doesnt it make you mad when you are out at work all day, supporting both of you, and he is still lying in bed when you leave? that would drive me mad. anyway, hope you feel more cheerful soon. i have just had a bad few days, but its amazing what the smallest gestures can do. just all the notes that everyone here left for me cheered me up no end. and then fent popping round last night just to "cheer me up" really did make me feel better about things. i hope that when i leave you a note it cheers you up like you do for me. lots of love xxx

from fairygodmum :

Had an OBGYN experience once where there were about 10 people in the room lookin up my vagina.. all saying the same thing... Hummm.... wonder what that is... rofl.. 5 yrs later learned that my hubby gave me warts and I had to get that mysterious thing called Cryo Therapy Twice too. Cause the First Time it Didn't Get Rid of it!.. Freakin Truth!.. Now you may wonder why they call it CRY-OH .. yep.. it did! Hugz Girlfriend

from bamstroker :

holy mother of hell. your notes page is friggen popular. how the hell do you get time to reply to little old me? :P im just gonna quit therapy, i feel like dealing with things on my own for a while, so i dont want a therapist. i am kind of in the mindset where i want to be left alone.. and if i fuck things up then so be it. i appreciate ur note and ur support. i hope things are going well in your life.

from fluttrbykiss :

Thanks so very much for the HUGE vote of confidence... I so need it right now... :o*) Your a peach. dearly... Truly WONDERFUL... We can hope that he gives the go ahead... But, just between you and me, I am spoiled so I get what I want 98.999% of the time... ;o) hehehe... We shall see... Huge huggss..

from kissssy :

You arrrreee so beautifulll... to meeeee! You really are. I wonder why you're so hard on yourself. Hmm. I wonder why all women are hard on themselves. Especially this past few years. It's like an epidemic. And, here I am... 15lbs heavier than I'd like to be, 2 sizes larger than my ideal size, and obsessed with Reese's ice cream and I'm happy as a bumblebee (are bumblebees happy?). Why? Oh yeah, because I just don't care. Try it. It's FUN! :D Come to Vegas and just not care with me, k? Come to Vegas. Next month. I'll be 21... we can go out... Love you lots, hun! Cheer up!

from impetuousme :

hey cute pie... did you not get the e-mail i sent you this morning? just asking cause your post made it sound like you got NOTHING... which would suck, since I said so many nice things about you in there. Anyway, you asked who is Joe? Well he IS my therapist. Heh, can't rember really what i wrote about him today, so sorry if i was confusing. Anyway, I am fine today, and hope YOU are as well. Take care dear, and lots of hugs.

from turtlemomma :

(((Hugs))))

from fluttrbykiss :

Thanks for adding me too... Hope you get to feeling better after that ultrasound... I wish you all the luck in the world with starting a family, if that's what you want... Huuggsss...

from betchy :

sorry its taken me ages to reply, been mighty busy at work. thank you so much for your notes they are very much appreciated. i really wish i could tell him how i feel, but really i cant. i dont know what i am going to do about him. i wish i could stop talking to him, but he would be hurt and wonder what he had done wrong. on the other hand, i cant handle being his friend. i feel so strongly for him, and it makes me feel sick every time i think of him and vicky together, even though it was only a kiss. also if i told him, i am scared that everyone would be laughing at me. they probably wouldnt, but i am just so worried. i think its best if i keep schtum. thanks again for the notes lovely xxx

from le-vampire :

hey, that was *nice* of you to say hi, hehe. i've just been reading your diary and can't think why you'd even be slighty interested in mine, but go ahead... read if you want too... :)

from second-love :

Yeah... today is my appt. Im just hoping the doctor can help me sort this out. I really feel like crap today. I DONT like my mood swings and im sure it IS what is causing all the problems. But im also tired of always feeling like our problems are all because of ME. The man is so thick headed and really honestly feels like he has never done anything wrong. He is so deep in denial he has lost touch i think a bit with whats real. Thanks for the note sweetie... and dont be so hard on yourself about the flirting - that is NO reflection on what kind of mother you would be!!! I think you will find that having a child will give you a whole new focus *grin*

from peachick :

thanks! i hope you enjoy my diary :>

from betchy :

whats wrong with looking like cookie monster?? he is cute!!! thanks again for the email yesterday, it was really thoughtful. thanks xxx

from avalonte :

You didn't reply last night when I asked if you were ok! Quite ironic really after what you said in your diary about hating when people don't reply to texts! ;) Anyway, hope you're ok. I've had an internal scan too! Sounds like you were unlucky. Mine didn't hurt that much. But I agree that metal speculum is horrible! You poor thing having to go through all that! If my man told me to go through all that I'd forcibly insert a metal bomb shaped object up his arse!!! Hope you have a good day. xx

from the-book-bag :

I think it was a combination of the therapy session, which helped reinvigorate my desire to write. I'd been feeling stagnant in that department lately and when my writing's not going well, I get INSANELY depressed and anxious. And meeting Marie was simply wonderful. I spent two hours in heaven this afternoon. She's just wonderful! And talking with Mom helped; having her tell me that it's okay to focus on my writing and nothing else REALLY helped. Yeah, I'm feeling much, much better. Even though, I'm a little worried about the whole social security/meds issue. Oh well, I'll deal with that tomorrow...or later today rather. :-) Thank you so much for the medication suggestion! *Hugs* -catbert

from lifeasme66 :

Hey girl, email me for the pass ;)

from the-book-bag :

Thank you so much for the note you left Kathy. I'm definitely writing down the name of that medication. Does it leave you feeling groggy the next day? That's kind of a problem I have with all these sleep aides. I will be asking my doctor about it the next time I see her. Thank you again. -cat

from soul-glimpse :

kathy! i can't believe some of the shit that guys say to you. i'd like to smack the shit out of them. i wouldn't be hurt if you beat me to it. tell them to fuck off! wankers, indeed.

from argolam :

We sure will.

from halfdevoured :

I'm alive...and well. It was pretty rough for a while there, I was caught in a whirlwind of activity and very overwhelmed, but I'm starting to settle in and get comfortable again. I need a computer at home...I should have one by October. That way, it will be easier for me to post in my diary, correspond with you and other friends, read diaries, and work on other online projects. For now, I have to use libraries and internet cafes, which is a pain. But I should have the money for a home system soon enough. I hope that you are well...I'll try to write from this laptop I've borrowed after work tonight.

from fluttrbykiss :

Hey... Thanks for leaving me a note... Thanks for checking out my pics and thanks for liking them... ;o) I read some of your diary and I think you sound so much like me, it actually makes me sick... To see so many people in the world like me when I thought I was the ONLY one... It makes me ill there are so many suffering... I take my meds faithfully everynight... Your shrink sounds weird to send you a script by mail.. Hmmmm... Anyway... Thanks... Huuuggsss...

from usmcsis :

when i was on effexor before, a couple of years ago, i stopped taking it cold. just got up one morning and didn't take it. i had one day of withdrawl and that was mostly dizziness. now that i'm back on it again, i am scared to death to ever go off of it! lol if i am even an hour late taking my pill i get sick as a dog. headaches, dizziness, nausea, you name it. and i am having several of the side effects this time too, and i had no side effects last time. i have the heavy sweating, which is just friggin gross! i have strange and extemely vivid dreams which cause to me to wake up feeling exhausted. i have been thinking about having my doc try me on something else but i am freaked out about the withdrawls from effexor. my mom takes prozac but she refuses to talk about her depression or medication so i don't know much about how it effects her. good luck babe and keep us posted. :) ~ cindy

from greenspoon :

WOW!! that bus driver is a complete (and pardon me) fucker...it's never okay to say that stuff to someone..but if you're driving a bus for a living..all the more reason to keep your trap shut...oh and i love the little iron man competition picture :)

from second-love :

well WHAT AN ASS!!! how RUDE to say something like that to you. men can be SOOOOOO dense. really Kath... and i am NOT just saying this to be nice - you look AWESOME, really!!! and i know each person is different... but for me, the more i focused on my weight and losing it, the harder it was! when i shifted that focus it became MUCH easier *grin*... i sent ya a message online last night, i hope we can talk on there soon!!!!

from betchy :

i cant talk to fenton. he would freak out if he knew how i really felt about him. i cant talk to her at the moment, i would just end up saying something i would regret because i am so angry. i just dont know what to do. i dont want to see or speak to either of them ever again. i know that i will, but i just feel so let down. i very rarely feel like this, and now i know why. its horrible!!!!

from betchy :

you wont believe this!!! boss has just come into work, and said that fent went home with vicky sat night!!! i had to make out that i knew, but i didnt, i only had suspicions but now they have been confirmed. i am so angry, i dont know what to do. i feel like i want to cry, but what would i be crying about?he's not my boyfrined. i feel so betrayed, i feel sick. oh my god, i dont know what to do.

from floaty-ana :

i know. its just the way people are in hong kong, they mean it more as a satement rather than an insult. i dont think she realised how horrid it was to hear. she said her husband calls her fat all the time so i guess she thought nothing of it. i wont take the tea. i cant drink tea without milk! and whats the point. its only water weight not long term..

from usmcsis :

i have started to look forward to your comments about my posts every day. :) thanks for making me feel like someone's actually in there. lol i agree that you should maybe get another referral to a different doc. sending you a new presciption in the mail is way unprofessional. he could have discussed it with you in person or called you and then called it into the pharmacy. seems like he has a bad attitude to me. keep your head up, talk to you soon. ~ cindy

from betchy :

i will try and have a good day, but i cant stop thinking about saturday night. man, why am i so bothered??? i have seen fenton shmee with an array of different girlys before and i havent cared, why did saturday bother me so much?? and why do i like him loads again now?? jesus H christ, i never get bothered by things like this. why didnt i just say no when she asked if she could come out with us?

from avalonte :

I'm glad you've changed your medication! I've been telling you for ages you should! I really hope it helps! As for your shrink, of course it's not just you!! I keep telling you he's unprofessional and doing you no good! I still think you should go to your gp and get another referral. Hope you have a good day. And here's hoping you see the last of that fucking document!! *hugs*

from betchy :

has replied (sorry i accidently hit enter, thats why you have got half a note down there.) it is very annoying, i mean how long does it take to send one back, just to acknowledge you have recieved it? they dont have to add me as a buddy, just say thank you!!!

from betchy :

i am totally with you on the not getting replies to notes thing. i added a load of new people to my buddy list last night, and i left them ALL notes, and NOT ONE

from jadedwings49 :

Thank you so much for that very kind and thoughtful note! It really means a lot. Also thanks for the compliments. I wish I could feel good too. I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but I just feel incapable of being happy with my life and myself. I just don't seem to think I'll ever be good enough. Just knowing that you cared enough to say something at all makes me feel better so don't worry about it. You take care too! -Chanel

from bamstroker :

hey there, thank you for the kind note. my therapist is really smart but she's kind of pushy and critical, and i dont really feel like opening up to her anymore right now. i'd rather keep my secrets to myself, and with my friends you know? thanks for the concern.. i hope you are not dealing with any food issues, they can suck big time. take care of yourself, xoxo.

from nora555 :

You left me a note..... Thanks... Oh man can we relate.. Between being slightly off to flirting with cute boys..Man O man.. And having just turned thirty!!! Well I'll be 31 in November...

from greenspoon :

aww thanx for your kind words :) and Im glad you like my template. I stumbled upon it and had to have it.. I am only able to be online briefly at the moment, but next time im on I will be reading your diary if im able :D Seems like you're having quite a time these days as well. Sounds like no fun to be on medication..

from alethia :

Re: your note. But I'm nineteen! My sex drive shouldn't be dropping off *now*. Plus, I don't *want* it to. As I mentioned in my entry, all the mental and physical desire is there, but my body just isn't responding no matter how muh I want it to, and I can't figure it out.

from chickpea981 :

thanks for the words of encouragement. all is well now. as for you, just enjoy the flirting. don't think so much. It may be empty, but it can still be fun.

from turtlemomma :

BTW, the dog is doing great. I keep meaning to post a picture of his wounds but then again I keep meaning to do lots of things and never do. ~K

from turtlemomma :

Tsk, tsk... You're so naughty! But like the cookies in the cabnet, it's ok to drool over Gary but not ok to eat. He probably doesn't taste that good anyways, heh! ~K

from betchy :

a toyboy sounds like heaps of fun!!!! oooh think of the things you could get up to!!! naughty naughty! just make sure its a sexy one though!!

from betchy :

i wish i could come over there and take you out!!!! you need to make things happen!!! you need to go out and spread your wings!!! go out on the town with people from work, get trevor to take you for dinner, dont just sit around doing nothing, make your life fun!!! no-one can change it but you xxx

from argolam :

loniralee @ yahoo . com

from fan4 :

I am having a good weekend. Thanks for your note!

from turtlemomma :

What buttholes! Nice friends who would make you feel like celebrating your birthday would be an inconvenience. Did I spell that wrong? Errr... anyways, I'm sorry that happened and made you feel crudy. (((Kathy))) ~K

from avalonte :

*hugs* Just think about your trip. Whether you decide to come to England, or go home to see your family, that's something to look forward to! Personally, I can't see how there's a contest!! Why go to a dump like this when you could go back to beautiful SA!! If you do go back home, instead of a postcard, please could you send me a nice fit South African boy!!!!!! Mmmmmm!!!!! lol! Anyway, remember, instead of work, think about your holiday. Happy dreaming and planning for the rest of the day!!

from ravynespeaks :

Thanks for stopping by my diary and for leaving your mark on my guestmap. As for the music on my site, it is an embedded media player. To get it to work, you need the url for the song. It took me a long time to find a site that gives free songs on mp3 with a url link (usually they are download only). Now I cannot even remember which site I got it from ::laughs:: so I am pretty much stuck with this one song for now. Good thing I love it! Anyway, thanks again for stopping by. ::smiles::

from eggsaucted :

Thanks! Having a kid is an awesome awesome thing and also an awesome responsibility. I totally wasn't ready to be a mommy, but I completely love being one. It was not what I planned. It was totally not how I ever thought it would be. But I love my daughter to no end. Thanks for all the notes. Hang in there. I guess my unplanned pregnancy made my decision for me, I never had time to worry about it, I just was. Not that I recommend unplanned pregnancies. Ok...now I need to go to sleep. Have a nice sunday. Hugs!

from sweet-cynic :

i found this quote while quote searching and it reminded me of you. i dont know why.. "The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours. No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen. And the fact that it practically always doesn't, matters not a jot. The possibility is always there." __Monica Baldwin

from aliboomboom :

I hope that things are still going well for you. I am going to catch up soon. I posted more hospital pictures. I'll post more recent ones soon!

from argolam :

Hey, I'm never too busy. Just email me when you feel like it.

from luvcoffee84 :

hi Kathy thanks for leaving me a message. Your such a sweetheart. *hugs*

from thinwish :

You don't even need to worry b/c you're already beautiful! And don't feel bad about eating the hummus because not only is it super yummy (and one of my favorites!) but it's really good for you! Have a good weekend! :)

from habbit :

you can find me on AIM as habbitny, we can blog in realtime =)

from canosmyth :

Gotta love Ivri. :)

from rainforme :

thank you kind kathy, you always leave little bits of glow... this blossom's for you. :)

from runninginsf :

thanks for your note! Have fun at the concert!

from second-love :

Have an AWESOME time at the concert sweetie!!! I got my MSN IM up and running and try to keep it on when im at home and online... i put your contact info in there - maybe we can chat :) *hugs*

from stale-mem :

Thank you for the kind words.

from turtlemomma :

I won't go for a Snickers if you don't go for the cookie cabnet, deal? Hey, tonight's the concert, right? I hope you have a great time! The dog is doing much better and I think has almost fully recovered. It's sad to think he'll never be able to go on a hike like that again. He loves going "bye-bye" :( Have yourself a wonderful weekend! ~K

from mandy-pandi :

Here's to hoping the medicine works out. I'm almost thru with the horomone pills and then it's off to clomid for a little while. My husband thinks I'm silly too. That's just part of him getting me though. I cannot be serious all of the time or I get bored. I love acting like a kid at times and just going wild

from klutzygirl :

Thx for signing my GuestMap, great site. Your cast page reads like a movie script. LOL. Best of luck!!

from turtlemomma :

You're comments section hates me today so here I am posting a note and I can't remember what I wanted to say. ~K

from betchy :

i'm sure we will, and then when you come to england, you can come to weston, and i will take you out on the town!!!!

from second-love :

You are so sweet!!! Thank you! I'm ok... it gets a bit easier every time. And i learn a bit more everytime too. I get weary of seeming to always be the one "at fault". My reaction is never what it "should" be or what he is expecting. He "expected" when i got to his house, that i would be happy and we could just continue in our bliss from the afternoon... what??? pffffff i mean sheeeesh all i have to go on is past experience and he DOES usually wig out a bit right after we have crossed a new line. MEN!!! And they say WE are difficult! Thanks for all your care... and those flowers are BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!

from betchy :

i dont think a man can be raped, because he would have to be in a state of arousal for any intercourse to take place, so if he is aroused, he obviously wants it on some level. someone told me that a man cant be raped, i think it was fenton, and i thought that they could, and when he explained it, i thought thats very true. why do you want to be single honey??? i love being single, but i think you would be lonely if you were. unless you came and lived here and i could take you out every night!!! ye ha!!!

from ducky-girl :

Hi hun. Thanks for all your notes, they mean a lot. It makes me smile to think of you there saying fuck it and downing the wine. A girl NEEDS wine and cookies, damn it! Sounds good to me! But at the same time, like Sam said to you, it isn't good to know you feel that badly. If you ever need to vent, just email me and swear a lot, I won't care. I swear like a drunken pirate anyway. *hugs*

from turtlemomma :

The dog is doing much better, thanks for asking. He still has trouble walking and won't get up for anything other than going potty, the pads of his feet are still raw (all four of them), and every once in a while he makes sounds like he's having a heart attack. It's really strange. But like I said, he's better :o) I hope all the positve vibes I sent earlier helped some. ~K

from crazystephie :

No, it isn't stealing, I found it at a site of free tamplates. It is just too cute :)

from crazystephie :

You have to check this template out http://geocities.com/mmlove2024/stealcookies.html It made me think of you with your cookie cabinet, LOL.

from betchy :

course you will its only up the road!!!you know you want to!! xxxxxx

from swirl-girl :

Sending positive diet energy your way!!!!!

from second-love :

AGAIN i say... get the shower thing!! hahahaha you WILL feel MUCH better *grin* But dont be so hard on yourself! You are doing just fine! And it doesnt hurt to think about those other men or even dream about em :) But DO be careful with the wine/tranquilizer combination, k?? *hugs*

from betchy :

honey, you dont need to diet, you look lovely in your piccies!!!! so is this bus driver a good looking goatfish then?? what do you like about him?

from second-love :

Well GET ON THAT SHOWER THING!!! I'm tellin ya... you WILL be glad ya did and prob will NEVER look at another bus driver!!! hahahaahahah *grin* From all the notes on that entry, maybe i AM the only one that has taken advantage of the shower massage!

from betchy :

hell yeah, girly, we will party it up all night. if you stay in london, you will have to come for an overnight stay in weston, then you can come to all the bars that you read about. and maybe even get to see the wonder of fenton!!! when are you coming to london? god, it would be so cool if we did go out in weston!!!

from impetuousme :

interesting chair.. yeah... i'm thinking you're gonna have to start arranging things better with that hubby of yours.. mmmm... oh yeha.. I'm BACK.. heh... take care... huggy pooh.

from second-love :

hahahahahahahaha LOVE that chair!!!!!!! WHERE do i get one??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

from betchy :

hope you had a wonderful birthday!!!! i am back from my mini-break!!! had a mad weekend! hope you are ok, and if you come to england we have to meet up!!! yay it would be so fun!!! ok, ok, leave me a note soon angel, ok xxx

from the-book-bag :

Oh and on the "not caring" part, what I meant was, I don't think people WANT to read about my self-loathing as nauseaum. -cat

from the-book-bag :

Thank you. *Hugs* -cat

from soul-glimpse :

oh kathy! i am finally back online and i didn't realize i missed your birthday! i am so sorry! happy belated birthday!! the thirties aren't so bad and you still look in your twenties! i'm going to update now... yay, time warner cable!

from ducky-girl :

thanks for your note my dear. i'm sure that you're right. =) *hugs.*

from eggsaucted :

I don't know how you deal with it. You are a very strong person to live everyday in that kind of environment. I don't believe in living in fear, because then the terrorists just win, but I would feel a heck of a lot better if Kevin wasn't the first line of defense at a financial market. HUGS!

from iwanttotell :

Happy belated B-day. Sorry I missed it, but it doesn't sound like you lacked for attention! Glad it was so lovely a day for you. Hugs

from second-love :

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sounds like Trevor was an absolute sweetheart!!!! how wonderful that he made such a fuss over you! and remember what i said about your 30's........ they really ARE fab!!! hope your week is awesome *hugs*

from luvmykitties :

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Welcome to the 30's club! **HUGS** ~D

from argolam :

Well, my family's originally from Canada, so I grew up on a Hebrew-English mishmash. And as for the show, my "boss" screwed with a shift, so I won't be able to make it on the 6th. But I'm trying to get a coworker to cover for me. And even if it doesn't work out, I'm always up for a beer or coffee�

from second-love :

Happy happy happy birthday, my friend!!!!!! The 30's are AWESOME... BELIEVE ME!!! Very hot and you really start to feel like you know who you are. Just ENJOY. And OUCH on that sunburn... been there, done that *grin*

from kissssy :

Oh, you're just too beautiful! And, fun! Come to Vegas! (I'm going to have all of D-land here before I know it). You look great, girl... red nose or not!

from essence-girl :

you're so cute!

from phangasm :

Happy birthday Kathy! Your pictures are beautiful, that red will turn into tan in a couple days.

from imabrat2 :

Thanks sweetie. :-)

from aliboomboom :

I can't imagine actually planning to have kids. I think that everyone would back out. It's such a huge commitment, it's one of those things that you just have to throw yourself into blindly. If you try to plan it all out perfectly, you'll just end up being disappointed. I think that you are ready. And once he or she gets here, you won't have a choice and you'll love him or her so much that you'll completely forget that you questioned rather or not you were ready!! Good luck! I'll post pictures soon!

from usmcsis :

thanks for leaving me a note about my last entry. and you're right, i was five hours late taking my meds last night and this headabhe actually started around then so that is probably what it is. i hadn't even thought of that. thanks a lot. come back and visit soon. :) ~cindy

from bigpimpinmba :

Thanks for dropping me a note and complimenting me on my kids. I appreciate it. Don't be too afraid to have kids. It is a lot of work, but it is worth it. I wouldn't trade it for the world. And don't worry, nobody is ever ready to have kids. Thanks for stopping by!

from bigpimpinmba :

from al-bal :

Hey! How are you?

from diet-riot :

Relax... NO ONE is normal. I'll bet you are a hell of a lot more normal than most people. You'd be surprised! (I seem to have migrated to LiveJournal. I am theatre_nerd. Check me out! I'll still post diet stuff here though.)

from kissssy :

Normal. The only normal people are the ones who spend their entire lives wondering if they're normal or not. I'm back, hun!!! Huggggsss... As soon as I can, I'm going to page through your diary (I'm sure you left TONS for me to catch up on!! hehe) Love ya!

from aliboomboom :

I'm glad that things are going well for you and Trevor. I'm glad that you are trying. It's great that you know that you want him to be the father of your children, I wish I had made sure to find that before I had children, not that I would trade Griffin for anything in the world. Still don't be scared about starting a family, I thought that having Griffin would make me feel trapped but it hasn't. It's a whole differnt feeling. It's as if I have all the inspiration in the world now that I have had him. He's amazing. He makes me a better person. You would be an incredible mother. Good luck with everything and I'll post pictures soon.

from the-book-bag :

Hi Kathy, I just wanted to thank you for your lovely notes and for adding me to your favorites list. :-) *hugs* -cat

from rainforme :

thanks kathy. have a great day.

from mandy-pandi :

Thanks so much for the nice words of encouragement! Hopefully things will go well. I guess I'll find out soon enough.

from kiki-blue :

heh, no, you didn't offend me. If you look back through some of my older entries, and in my old diary (http://luminaryssh.diaryland.com) you'll see I talk about most things quite frankly. If you think of anything else you want to ask - ask away!

from hitch-hike :

Thanks for stopping by, Kathy. I guess meeting the family is a necessary evil when relationships get to a certain point!... I was browsing your diary, and I've been on the meds-for-moods merry-go-round myself, so what you write lets me see how it is for others.

from impetuousme :

hey, thanks for the compassioniate notes, they really have helped. and i'm sorry to hear about your troubles sleeping, and your continuous fight with food. it sounds sometimes, like it's just all making you SO damned tired. if only there were a way to break the cycle. Just know, i'm on your side, and will be as long as you wish.

from second-love :

ahhh Kath. I always wish i could just fly ova there and make you feel better somehow. We could just go have a lovely meal, drink some wine and jabber away for HOURS hahahahaha - then i'll go and give YOUR bosses a piece of my mind for ya *smile and hugs*

from swirl-girl :

I'm just like that with sleeping too. I work myself up into these huge anxiety attacks when I can't sleep. I admit, I've been taking xanex again but not every night. I just don't handle stress well I guess. And about your weight, since you posted pictures of yourself, all I can say is WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!?! You look beautiful! And thin! You have nothing to worry about at all my friend.

from kiki-blue :

ask away:) You've probably learnt by now I'll talk about anything!

from rainforme :

thank you dear, you're always so sweet. xo.

from raven72d :

At 30 you're still of value...

from eggsaucted :

Oh and her highness was a totally unexpected but wonderful surprise. If I had to do all over again I would probably do things differently, but not because I don't love her. Being a mom is not an easy thing or something I take lightly. But it is a wonderful feeling. I have no doubt that you would be a great mom, although you might not have time to leave me so many wonderful notes, so maybe I should talk you out of it. hugs! ~egg

from eggsaucted :

If you do decide to be reviewed you just have to take the review with a grain of salt and remember why you're writing your diary. Although some reviewers are just mean. over25revue, does a fantastic review and it's not some teenager reviewing you. I'm also kind of partial to mommaviews but then I review for them. We are really very nice, I don't think anyone has ever scored below 80/100

from thinwish :

Thank you so much for the note. I'm feeling a lot better and I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who does that! I'm going to add you to my favorites so we can keep in touch.

from catz-eyes :

hita sweet cherub :) hey, don't you be fretting about emails, ok? lordy, it took me over a week to reply to yours and some others recently so dont be stressing about it hun. as for the secret... hehehe... am a bit coy about it now... worried that if i make a big deal of it, people will invariably be disappointed. but see no harm in giving it a whirl... anyways, hope you're well cherub ***HUGGLES*** =^..^ xox

from rainforme :

heya... yeahhhh helllooo. feel better? i guess. i suppose heartless sex can make you feel better. sigh. maybe tomorrow.

from betchy :

man, i hate migraines they are just the worst. i used to get them all the time, but this is the first one i have had for about a year. lisa is just being a total cock arse at the moment, she was kissing up to me so much last week, then ignores me!! what is the point of that? she is so childish sometimes, yet that is what she says everybody else is. well what kind of mature person ignores their friends because they have got caught out?? i have given you my password havent i? i had to lock my diary because lisa was printing pages of it off and showing people. how pathetic. anyway hopeyour head is feeling better too, and dont get too bummed out about turning 30. apparently thats when we reach our sexual peak!!!

from themoodswing :

You poor thing! Being scared of not sleeping is probably what's causing you to not sleep. I used to do that when I was younger too. I'd be so worried that I wouldnt sleep and then would be tired at work the next day, and inevitably that would happen. It's a difficult mindset to get out of.

from raven72d :

Oh, some might have a while left...

from eggsaucted :

thank you so much for all the notes, you have no idea how nice it is to check my notes and see one there from you.

from runninginsf :

thank you so much for your note, I feel like you really got what I was trying to say.... I also feel like everything is so great and it's almost like I'm TRYING to create a bad situation b/c of insecurities. They just pop into my head and I can't rid myself of them....but you are right, I really need to work on myself. Thanks again for your support.

from divaredneck :

Thank you for your note, and yes I LOVE my hair. All I can tell you is I was dreading 30 because I had just gotten a divorce and really thought my life was over. It turned out to be the best year of my life and full of all kinds of new and wonderful discoveries.

from periscopeboy :

I'm back, sort of. I don't know how long for, but we'll see.

from second-love :

I wish I had some magical words to make you feel better about everything! But i know that those words don't really exist. I can tell you that i understand, that i feel the same way... that i am now 39!!!! I still feel like 16 too... or 19 - that is when i got stuck and i still feel that age. But the 30's have really been my BEST years and i have a feeling they will be yours too. You become less concerned with what OTHERS think or expect of you and are able to focus better on what YOU need for yourself. You WILL get there! I missed you this weekend. Hang in there XXOO

from themoodswing :

I have smoted those yucky hives :))

from gumphood :

Well hopefully it won't be a one time thing.

from argolam :

You also live in Jerusalem? We're even closer neighbors than I thought. And I don't think there'll be a problem with the show, but I'll have to check my work schedule on Sunday. Even if doesn't work out, I still have my eye on those cookies.

from onewetleg :

welcome back. 30 is not old. wait til you hit 37! remember, with age comes wisdom and confidence. love,

from rachelliz :

You are in Israel!!! I didn't realize that. How cool. Anyway, I'm now caught up. I'm sorry you've been feeling crappy. I have been there, but you know that. As for turning 30, I had myself a fantastic party and had friends visiting all weekend...cuz I knew if I didn't make it a big event, I'd be miserable. Can you plan something to do on your birthday that you will look forward to?

from luvmykitties :

Girl, I can totally relate...I'll be 30 tomorrow! AAARGH! Old age, here I come! One of my coworkers was nice enough to tell me that's 210 in doggy years! LOL

from phangasm :

Thanks for the note. I feel the same, I love finding a diary for someone who feels the same way that I do. Your back could very well be from sitting at the computer. I sit all day and I've had back issues. My back is totally screwed today, coincidentally. You can do some stretches at the computer, stretch your arms over your head and twist your torso, and get out of the chair once in a while!

from aliboomboom :

THanks for the notes and compliments. You are very sweet!

from turtlemomma :

Grandmothers give extra good lovin'. I hope you enjoy your weekend! ~K

from betchy :

i know it is so crap. i didnt want to ever have to lock my diary and now i have had to and i am really peeved about it. oh well. my d-land friends can still read all about my sdventures. unfortunately my sweet i cannot yet afford to become a gold member, so am unable to share any photos with you. i also do not have access to a scanner. maybe one day you could e mail me your address and i will send you some!!! or come to england for a visit and see for yourself. and your back pain probably is from sitting at the computer for too long, i get really bad back from that. i also get a bad back from my boobs being too big. i guess we cant have it all!!!! x

from gumphood :

I head you are an amazing person to talk to so I guess I wanted to kick off a dialoge.

from second-love :

thanks for the note!!! have a wonderful time this weekend. I am going to be gone as well... i hope we BOTH have a great time! *smile*... and i DIDNT get the email... what is up with that, i wonder??? did you send it to [email protected]?? Can you resend???

from turtlemomma :

I was just looking at your picture and wondering why exactly you're trying to lose weight. Is it all packed in your behind and I'm not seeing it? :o)~

from impetuousme :

thanks for the kind note. once again, your sweetness carries though and lifts my spirits. i know the next several days will be difficult, and even more so, when he passes, but it helps, knowing people are wishing kind things. thanks.

from aliboomboom :

Thanks for all the notes. I will try to post more pictures of him soon!!

from themoodswing :

Hello there. You left me a couple of lovely notes about a week or so ago, and I wanted to stop by and say thankyou :)

from second-love :

Thanks for the note sweetie... i appreciate it very much! Really, both of them have been trying very hard and i am just being difficult and feeling sorry for myself. I actually can relate to how you have been feeling very much!!! Regardless of my pathetic postings yesterday, i plan on having a good day and i hope you do too. Thanks for being there... oh and by the way... someone updating their diary happens to be one of the highlights of MY day also hahahhaah *hugs*

from betchy :

i get excited when someone updates, so if you're pathetic then so am i!!!!!! and if i get a note then i am especailly excited x

from onewetleg :

be sure to notice the picture of wench77 on the wall.

from onewetleg :

i think that is the best picture of them all. that is what i see when i write here. i will dribble out pics over the next few weeks. you're not gonna get them all in one day! love,

from joecartoon :

Of course I'm young... and being only 1 year older, you too are young. Hell, I bet the party is always where we are...

from betchy :

i just tried to sign it and i couldnt!!! i clicked on post and nothing happened!!

from betchy :

honey, i have just looked through your pictures and i had the shock of my life!!! i was expecting you to be some hideous, huge monster from the way you talk about yourself, but you have a lovely figure and you are beautiful. hell girly i wouldnt mind looking like you believe me. i wouldnt mind a figure like yours either. love yourself honey, you are extremely blessed x

from rainforme :

thanks kathy. unfortunately, i left my camera at home and was incredibly saddened by that fact, because this trip especially had some awesome photo ops.

from turtlemomma :

I know what you mean about taking the meds, or rather not wanting to take them. It's so depressing to think I will never again be able to function in this world without them. And what really ticks me off about it is that even when I take them faithfully I never quite get to that happy place. I hope you're feeling better today than you were this weekend :) ~K

from kissssy :

You, my dear, are blind. I have heard comment after comment after comment from you about how you look, and damnit girl... you're beautiful! Every picture I've seen of you, I just love! Go outside and flaunt it, hun! You're so pretty! Sorry that you're having a rough day, sweetie. Keep that chin up. You don't deserve to feel unhappy all the time!! Lots of love!! Hugs!

from runninginsf :

I'm sorry you aren't doing so well. I know how you feel, a million things that should be done, but no motivation to do them. Try splitting the chores up into small tasks and divide them up each day. That really helps me feel better about it, when I know I only have to do 2 things in a day....the rest can wait. **happy vibes to you**

from betchy :

hey sweetie. i promise that we would be nice if we reviewed you. i wouldnt suggest you request one if i thought you would get slated. yes fent did act like a dick on thursday. after i had updated he had the nerve to phone me and aske where i had "fucked off to." that night. i said "i went home." and he was like "you could have said goodbye, i was worried, i didnt know where you had gone." yeah, he looked worried for my welfare when he had that girlys tongue shoved down his throat. ooooh he makes me right mad sometimes. i am going to ring him now, until he rings me. i have got a feeling he will pop into work soon. probably tomorrow. i wont stay mad at him though, i know i wont. anyway enough about me, how was your weekend. your update sounded really down in the dumps. and you are not any of those nasty things you said about yourself. you are a lovely, warm person. dont believe the bad stuff sweetie, only the good. x

from kiki-blue :

thanks for adding me to your favourites:) and yeah, that guy is a bit weird. I guess I'll wait for him to message me again to see what other shit he spins!

from second-love :

WOW!! WE all have birthdays close together! I loved birthdays when i was little... and my mom always made them great - but as i got older, they just lost their appeal. Part of it is because John and I are equally bad doing stuff for each other on our bdays... im not much better for him although i tried harder this year. And this year is dif cuz of Sam. I'm afraid the stress of it all will just create problems for us instead of good times. Neither one of us do very well when we are under pressure. Hang in there this week - ill be thinkin bout ya! *hugs*

from second-love :

no worries sweetie... i think we are all a bit down right now. i usually write at least once a day if not more, but lately i cant seem to get anything out. i dont know if Sam will listen to Kev... he already said to me this morning that he didnt agree with his "take" that an emotional connection constituted "crossing the line"... but i already knew that *wink*

from onewetleg :

aww, c'mon! you'll feel better! thanks again for the nice birthday greetings. love,

from joecartoon :

Awww... c'mon, we've seen pictures of him before, it'll just be nice to see pictures of him OUTSIDE the womb.

from chicksreview :

may i suggest that you request a review from us at chicksreview. we will be nice!!!

from joecartoon :

Sorry, I guess I already know more details... He was born on Saturday, July 10. 19" long and like I said, 5lb, 9 oz.

from joecartoon :

Hey, no problem!! I'll let you know if I find out any more details.

from raven72d :

Thanks for the kind words! I do appreciate them...and I hope you'll keep reading and commenting.

from joecartoon :

Just thought I'd drop you a line and let you know that Ali had Griffin. Momma and baby are both doing fine. He was 4 weeks premature, so they're taking some precautions, but all appears good. 5 lbs, 9 oz.

from turtlemomma :

Hi, thanks for the note. It's always good to know there's others out there at feel the same way, that share the same dramas. I hope you're having a wonderful day :o)

from miapiglet :

Hey honey... how are you. Did you know you can save the password thingy on my diary so that you dont have to enter it every time? Check the box under the enter password info that says "remember me" or "remember password" or what not. I hope youre doing fine... talk to you soon! <3 *hugs*

from rainforme :

perfectly put about the meds. i don't know how it is. for those who really need it, the power of medicine is phenomenal. and thanks about the boy, but i had to delete that entry... getting tipsy makes me post inane little things. have a good weekend.

from runninginsf :

***motivation vibes coming your way*** And don't take the whole Google thing personally...so many times it's just random, unrelated rants that you could have gone one that lead to something random. You still rock!

from impetuousme :

ha ha.. not THAT kind of dribbling. .that would be DROOLING... tee hee.. you make me smile so hard... but thank you for being so sympathetic... it's good to hear something positive about getting OLD... heh.... and i dunno.. when the girls pass.. they are like... ZOooommmmm... and gone... so.. not much of a thrill there... and YOU.. 30 in two weeks.. if i forget.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!.... and you have simply GOT to stop hating yourself.. see... the thing IS... there really IS nothing about you to hate... and so the book is heavy huh... man... i do worry so what you will think about it... as it's pretty dark an all that... anyway, guess we'll see. in the meantime, i DO smile, thinking about YOU over THERE... like a zillion miles away, carrying MY book around... it seems so impossible... so.. thank you.. .you just keep polishing up the bright of my day... :)

from betchy :

cool, i am glad, but what have i done to deserve this outburst of love??? i do love you too though x

from second-love :

Man... that Alan guy sounds like a NUT!!!! I dont get it... he was either mad at your or he wanted to call you??? And following the bus?? thats creepy!!!!! i would say to stay MILES from that guy!

from ducky-girl :

thank you, deah :)

from eggsaucted :

Thanks Kathy! I really do believe someday Kevin and I will be together. I've never pushed or demanded and I'm not going to start now. I love him and I want him to be happy. Hopefully a house will fall on Karen soon or someone will pour a bucket of water on her and she'll melt. I don't understand her desire to make someone she supposedly cares about stay in a miserable situation. I also don't understand how she do that to the kids. She can't possibly be happy. I have to run. I have 2 hours to finish up numerous hours worth of work and then I get to go home and do laundry and pack and get ready for our little trip. Thanks for the notes. Hugs! Egg

from runninginsf :

Thank you for adding me to your buddy list!

from impetuousme :

hey funny YOU, forgetting the pages at work. how do you ALWAYS make me smile so? Anyway, I am all atwitter thinking about your reading the thing over the weekend... but PLEASE don't get fired on MY account, god, how would i live with myself???

from rainforme :

hi kathy. thanks for adding me! i just saw the desc in your profile and i hope my last entry didn't offend. i think i get more upset with the marketing than with the actual consumers. i know it's not as easy i like to spout off about. anyway, thanks again and i hope you have a great day. cheers.

from swirl-girl :

Oh yes, it was WONDERFUL! I have "Strawberry Shortcake" on my toes (a pretty iridescent pink). The name sold me. And because it wasn't busy, I got a free mini backrub while my nails were drying. Oh YEAH!!! I'm reading your diary with interest. Hope everything is okay.

from adulterous-k :

Sorry about that - where exactly are you? I was just smiling at the idea of telling Lynne I was going to visit someone...and then getting into how we 'know' each other. One day maybe?

from xperi-mental :

Hey sweetie! Looks like your site might be acting up. Just a heads up, but I'm sure you already know about it. *hugs*

from second-love :

You sound GREAT!!!! And that is AWESOME about fitting into the jeans! I LOVE when that happens!!! And ummmmmmmm REALLY... you talkin to other men is ok even if you ARE married - you arent sleepin with em... just havin coffee *grin*

from betchy :

i have updated!!! leave me a note when you have read x

from betchy :

what happened at the bus stop?????????????? and o.k your married, but its just coffee. you're not really doing anything wrong! and if it makes you feel good - go for it!!!!!!!

from kissssy :

OMG! That's horrific... I've never heard of such a thing. Of course, it seems very likely. I always get so annoyed with the morbid people out there who slow down to see if they can see anybody lying on the ground or whatnot. Ugh. That poor girl. BTW: Thanks for the support through this. I feel right now that I just want to... well.. give up. Lol.

from betchy :

the thing is i have seen him without a top and it is an extremely pleasent sight!!! and i just know that the rest of him must be as good, you know what i mean?

from betchy :

wow, just read your entry about the accident. that is way harsh!!! that poor girl. but if i am right (and i usually am - not!!!) you will keep thinking and thinking about this now, and it will make you feel down in the dumps. dont dwell on it sweetie. its not like it was something any of us could have prevented. it was just a tragic accident. remeber honey, smiles all round :-)

from betchy :

i meant i didnt count as in i was not a girly who he was shmeeing with. but thanks for your lush note you are so sweet. i do feel relieved that i talked to sal. i dont know if you read about what happened with that whole situation, but i think now it was all down to karen. that is one girl i'm not going to waste my time on anymore. somehow i knew it would be ok if i went over to sal. i knew she wouldnt turn her back or anything so it would be ok. and believe me sweetie, my life is nothing to be jealous of!!!! i know it sounds good, but i never quite know what going to happen next! sometimes i want to just stay at home in front of the t.v!!! thankfully i got to do that last night. i will leave you another note later, when i have read your latest. lots of love x

from second-love :

Amen sista!!! This life CAN be so dull. I say do whateva gives ya a thrill :)

from eggsaucted :

Hope your week goes well too! Thanks for all the notes. I can't wait to get out of town this weekend. Hugs Egg

from second-love :

Hang in there sweetie... thinkin bout you *hugs*

from betchy :

you should come and visit me!!!! we could have some mad fun and get drunk, and you could get to see what fenton looks like!!! i live not far from avalonte, only about an hour and a half away!!! ye ha!!! i wish you would feel better about things weetie. if you are that unhappy with your job why dont you look for another. there must be other jobs out there, that pay better and would make you happier. sometimes i feel a bit sad when i read your diary and you seem so unhappy. i know its all very well for me to say that, and it is hard when you're stuck in a rut with a job. **smile sweetie** you know it makes you feel better **mwah mwah**

from second-love :

Man... i could just do the same... i DREAD going back to work tomorrow and my "regular" schedule. I just want to quit work and not do anything. I am VERY tempted to do just what you did and crawl in bed and not come out. Hahahahahaha well now this wasnt a very uplifting note, was it????? Sounds like you two had fun with the tennis!!!! Keep going!!!! It will do good for you two AND its great exercise! Thanks again for everything... for all your notes and encouragement. You are so sweet!

from sweet-cynic :

hey love, wish i could teleport myself to israel and kick it with you for a day (or two or three or four). thanks for bringing me back to earth.. didn't think about him resenting me for it.. but in this case, i guess at least one person will be resenting the other. i just don't know. i don't want him to resent me for it...and i know i won't be happy if he asked me to give up jon or mike... but knowing me, i would if he had a valid reason (we were getting too close for comfort... actually 2 years ago i had to cool it with jon because jon and i used to be friends who very lightly cuddled before doug and i got together, so i had to break that habit.. and i did.. no grudges.. because i knew he was right) blah!... like i said, i wish i could teleport myself to your neck of the woods.

from second-love :

I CRAVE your notes and they are AWESOME. You guys are the only ones i have in my life that i can share ANY of this with. Sometimes i feel like im just going to explode. I'm feeling so emotional today... after wednesday and yesterday. I am just grateful that i have this place and these friends. *hugs*

from swirl-girl :

Oh my, I know how you feel. Sometimes I can't see the point in working so hard and making so many sacrifices when everything stays the same and will never change. Take care of yourself, if you need to sleep 12 hours a day, you do it. Sleep has always been my salvation too, I can hide from everyone and everything. Feel better my friend.

from crazynproud9 :

Hi! Thanks for leaving me a note. Your diary is one of my favorites. I wish I could write everything down so truthfull in my diary. Just so you know I'm not some immature little snob. I've been through a lot and everyone tells me that I'm 40 instead of 13. Take care, xoxoxo Chelsea

from aliboomboom :

I just don't know what to do. I don't want it to come back on me.

from betchy :

good i am glad!!! that guy was a smack head that couldnt have his money basically. he came to collect his giro, and didnt have enough ID to collect it. he was like "why do i need ID?" i am sure he would have been complaining if i had given it to someone else because we didnt ask for ID. god that guy made me mad. you will have to send me an email first because i dont know how to forward on to d-land e mails. mine is [email protected], ok sweetie have fun x

from betchy :

kill her!!! go on why not, if she's that bad, probably no-one would miss her anyway!! i'm only joking by the way, i am not some crazy serial killer!!! is she in a close proximity to you at work, so you cant ignore her? otherwise i would suggest doing that. cheer up kathy, smile and the world smiles with you!!!. i am smiling right now as i write this note, and i am hoping when you read it you will be able to tell that i am smiling, and it will make you want to smile too. so when you have read this let me know if you smiled ok? love ya xxx

from liquid-mojo :

I'll be back, maybe after my finals... ;)

from aliboomboom :

You should get another psychiatrist. That guy sounds like a prick. I don't know what to do about Mike. He is driving me crazy though and he's ruining the whole experience for me. Half the time I just want to call him and tell him that I was wrong and the baby is not his. I mean it's probably what he wants to hear anwyays. I hate him so much. It's just the mere fact that he is alive that kills me. Blech. I need to pray about it, hopefully God will help me.

from diet-riot :

I had trouble scrolling your entry today. I got part way through. Maybe your shrink is trying to get you to work it out for yourself? Or something. He probably knows you're not going over the deep end, so he might pay a little less attention to you than he would to his more freaked out patients.

from impetuousme :

yeah, my ex was a real piece of work... and yes, i DO think i know what you mean, because quite often when i read YOUR journal, I feel like "you wrote what I think," TOOO... so.. thanks...

from betchy :

just give her the lyrics "dont mess with me be-atch!!!" only joking!!! it is such a pain when people you work with annoy you, i'm lucky most of my colleagues ae ok, but they have their moments!!!! do you work in an office? i have got a hilarious e mail of office dares i could forward on to you, it would be sure to cheer you up!!!

from betchy :

yep, have to agree, your psychiatrist IS a total wanker!!!! i mean is he even qualified to do the job? isnt he supposed to care about his patients well being? well, dont worry, i will always note you back, even if he doesnt call you back. i may be a civil servant, which isnt quite the same as a psychiatrist, but if you want to chat i'll be here. **hugs** xxx

from aliboomboom :

It is so neat. I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks so. Quite the miracle.

from eggsaucted :

thank yew! thank yew very much! Yea I know the fat thing was gross, but hey I thought I would share.

from chickpea981 :

Damn girl! You left a slew of messages in my book and all I can say is thank you very much! Now I have to catch up with you!

from second-love :

ahhhh thanks kath... things seem better again. he just really needs to "go through a process" as he says. he WANTS to understand me and he WANTS to know what NOT to do and NOT to say so that i will just treat him like i used to... i have to say that my frustration comes out of not FEELING like i am treating him any dif... but he says i am. i finally just laid it out for him yesterday... that i LOVE him and i just dont know HOW anymore to stay safely within the emotional boundaries i've had to set up. i also told him that everytime he makes comments to me about being jealous of John over something... then in the next breath says "just kidding"... that THAT kills me. makes me feel like all this is just a joke. cuz i told him that when I SAY im jealous of Kathy... i MEAN it. he reassured me that he DOES feel jealous or envious of John as much as i feel that way about Kathy... he just works at trying to HELP me emotionally stay on an even keel even tho HE is having trouble too... HECK i dont know. I just think we are always going to struggle because its the nature of our relationship. He feels MUCH better tho and was MUCH better this morning on the IM... not sure WHAT we'll do today, but makes no dif to me as long as im with him... hey... got any idea where X is and Kev??? havent seen either on here for awhile!

from betchy :

i have no idea, but mine is huge, and far more jello than j-lo, thats for sure. perhaps it is so big it just needed to burst out, the trousers just couldnt contain it anymore, what do you think?

from betchy :

i am sure i looked even better when i woke up this morning, when, not only was i wearing the teddy bear nighty, my hair was also sticking up everywhere!!! i bet he thought "phwoar, what a beauty!!!" i dont think he does like me like that, and i am sure i dont like him like that either anymore. i dont want anything to spoil the friendship that we have formed, because it is becoming one that i really cherish!!! wow that is soppy for me!!! i really feel mean about this, but i really did laugh at your entry about the e mails and your skirt falling down. i kind of wish i had been there to see it!! not because i want to look at your arse, because it would have been really funny. sorry, i know it was really embarrassing for you, but i hope you did see the funny side!! did you read about when i walked to work with my arse hanging out of my trousers? ye ha, thatwas bad!!! love ya xxx

from diet-riot :

When I pee in the middle of the night, it is a good sign that I am well hydrated! I will try to drink water before bed so that I can flush everything out if I have to weigh the next day. It's silly, but whatever helps!

from catz-eyes :

:) thank you cherub for the comment you left tonight. oh, and thank you for the advice about not eating watermelon before bed hehehehe ;) you're a mighty fine lass ***HUGGLES*** love & kindnes to you always =^..^=

from betchy :

you are such a babe!!!! have i told YOU lately how much i love you? every note you leave me is so lovely!!! and although your life is very different to mine i still love reading about it. i guess with fent i just need to be there for him if he needs me. even though if he does becaome an addict again it will absolutely kill me to watch. but i know i should be there for him. and i do really care about him a great deal. he's my babe!!! but like i said hopefully it wont come to that. hopefully. love ya loads xxx

from second-love :

YES you def could be sleeping too much. I read an article once about how your body will actually react opposite if you get too much sleep and leave you not only feeling UNrested and UNrefreshed but also WAY more tired! I hope your day/night (whateva time it is there)gets better as well as your week. Lord only knows whats in store for me........ but i think it should be VERY entertaining if nothing else! :)

from second-love :

from betchy :

well, basically fenton used to be a heroin addict. he was always in trouble with the police, he looked like shit, he was a real waste of space really. then he came out of prison, and he was determined to go on the straight and narrow, and was doing a scheme where he has to have drug tests 3 times a week. well on wednesday he relapsed. he smoked a pipe of crack and a bag of heroin. he felt awful, it made him ill, and he feels really bad about it. i mean he has been clean for a pretty long time now, and he has done really well. i know he told me because he knew i would make him feel worse by being so dissappointed. and that would make him not want to do it again, i guess. and he has promised not to do it again. i should trust his word i suppose. i dont want to say "if you get back on drugs i want nothing to do with you." because that wont help him at all, if anything it will make things worse. but i dont think i can watch him go through it. i felt like crying when he told me, and i am constantly worrying now. i know this isnt about me, its about him, but i really dont know if i am a strong enough person to support someone through something as powerful as an addiction. i know i will be fighting a losing battle against that drug. i'm going off on one now, it hasnt even come to that yet, but i am so worried. anyway sweetie, thankz for your words of encouragement on the diet, much appreciated. and how bizarre that a watermelon made you pee all night!!!! hugz xxx

from rachelliz :

Thanks for your notes and for adding me as a favorite. Cross your fingers I'll feel better tomorrow.

from catz-eyes :

hiya cherub, just wanted to stop by and say thank you for the comments you left july 2nd, it was very sweet of you, very thoughtful and *much* appreciated :) of course, while here visiting your site, i read a few entries... i like your frank, forward manner of speaking :) and while i can't say i know *your* pain and what you're going through exactly... i do have some understanding and i sincerely pray that you'll find peace & happiness within yourself & in your world. was very moved by the story concerning Darren... you're a special lass, cherub, that much is clear. kind regards to you, =^..^= jay

from kissssy :

Oh, diets are so tough, I know. I was doing so well eating only 1600 calories a day, cutting my servings down, getting rid of pregnancy weight. I have 20lbs left. The first 40 went easy since it was mostly water, uterus etc. These last 20 are killing me. One thing I've been doing is tunafish on celery. No carbs in the celery and it's a pretty tasty little snack. It could be a high protein, low carb breakfast to take to work. Or, they have the snackwell locarb bars... Wish things were better!! Hugggss!!

from second-love :

I wish there was something i could say to make you feel better... your notes help ME so much and i can always count on you to leave one just when i need it. I hope you feel better... hang in there! *hugs*

from ssteedman :

Hey there... how does one delete a note? I checked all around the notes screen, but nothing there... I've e-mailed D-Land for help on this... I do understand the personal nature of your diary so of course I will oblige with this...

from second-love :

He is SO complicated. I think its just because he wont fully accept how he feels for me. He is always fighting it because if he FULLY admits it, then somehow he has failed Kathy and has betrayed their love. That very well could be true, but he doesnt yet see that DENIAL kills. It will evenutally kill us OR them slowly but surely. I just wish i could get him to see that its OK if we love each other AND still live within our boundaries. But he cant expect me to completely open myself up to him in all areas AND not get the same from him in return. OYYYYYYYYE! hahahaha its crazy

from liquid-mojo :

Nothing much really, just preparing for an upcoming exam...

from chickpea981 :

Hey thanks for adding me. I haven't gotten a chance to read more than an entry of yours, but I have a feeling I will return.

from aliboomboom :

I'm sorry that you are having a bad day, I hope that your weekend has gotten better. Thanks for the note. I am glad that you like the baby stuff. It is very exciting but it would be far better if there were no Mike. Oh well. I guess I can't fix that now.

from second-love :

DAMN!!! I say GO to the happy hour... eat and drink on somebody ELSES dime... get shit faced and THEN go home to bed *wink*

from second-love :

You cant change your name of your diary... i TRIED. When i first started i just used my "usual" screen name that was way too obvious. This was before i thought i would be writing so much VERY personal stuff. So i started over and cut and paste everything over. It was HELL!!!!! Dont DO IT! If you DO want to start over, just start a new one and go from there. The cut and paste is hellish and they dont stay in order by date. The date in the archive will be whatever date you cut and paste............ total PAIN!

from crazynproud9 :

I seem to relate to you. I am not 29, I'm not even 14. I have dealt with depression, and I seem to be slowly slipping back into my old path. I am also on weight-watchers, that is also a very difficult thing. After I've read some of your diary entries I believe that you are a great person and that you would be an excellent mother. I believe that everything will eventually work itself out.( If only it were as easy said than done.) Just keep your chin up and think about all the good in your life.

from second-love :

You never know if you are ready for kids or not... all you have is the desire to have them. We all struggle as parents cuz none of us are perfect and if you wait until you think you are... it will never happen. DO IT!! You would be a wonderful mother. You are caring and wonderful! Any child would be blessed to have you as its mother. And it makes you realize that there is more to life then our OWN problems. It takes the focus off of US and onto someone else. That is GOOD!!! Go for it girlfriend!!! *hugs*

from second-love :

Just read your note to me... YEAH... he can be very difficult. He's always sayin to me that i would go crazy if i was married to him cuz of his moods. Just makes me nuts that he calls a mood like this his "normal self". Who would want THAT to be their normal self??? But i NEED these moods cuz it does help me separate myself from him and i DO need that. I know he cares for me... but i also know that really we have nowhere to go with any of this so its ok... these times are good reminders to me that its not real life. Right here with John is. Take care sweetie and thanks for the hug - i would do the same for YOU if you were here.

from second-love :

You're doing GREAT!! Hang in there my girlfriend. When things seem really bleak, i just figure there is nowhere to go but UP!!! Im thinkin about ya and GOOD luck with the tennis *grin*

from swirl-girl :

Gosh, I knew as soon as I saw your template with the woman curled up in a fetal position, I could relate. As I've gone back and read some of your entries, I am so sad because I can truly feel your anguish. It's like my own diary these days. I wish the best for both of us, that we both find our way. That we can be happy again. Take care.

from eggsaucted :

It's not that I don't want to post pictures it's that I don't have a gold membership I know how to post pictures without a gold membership but everytime I do about 3 people can see the pictures and everyone else can't and it plagues me. But I'll try again. Have a good weekend.

from second-love :

Thanks for your note. Do you take anti-depressants?? Sorry i dont know that already... you may have talked about it. But with all the sleeping and sadness, you would DEF benefit. I've had several friends in your boat exactly and they cant believe the dif when they get on some kind of medicine! ANd you and i were doin the same thing YEST!!! I was reading lostinmylove, were you??? Her and i are in a bit of a tug of war right now... we have been emailing... but are keeping it pretty friendly. I like to read her to remind me!!!! Have a good weekend, k? Long one here with MOnday bein a work holiday...so it WILL be even longer than normal for me, but whatever! I'm getting used to it now *hugs*

from second-love :

from eggsaucted :

Talking to her accomplishes nothing. I won't say any of the things I want to, because I understand why she's angry with me and me being a smartass won't help Kevin. She just yells and gets more upset and frankly it drives her crazy that she can't upset and I don't talk back and say things. She tried to tell me last year she would take me to court and force me to get a paternity test. She has no legal standing to do this, I told her that (I did look into it, I don't like to talk from my ass) and she told me she did, rather than arguing back and forth do to, do not, do too, do not I just said "yea whatever Karen" so she told Kevin that I agreed with her and I was obviously lying and knew that he wasn't the father. She couldn't get the anger out of me that she wanted to she had to resort to making things up. I would have loved to see her call a lawyer and try to sue me for that. First of all, no lawyer in america would take her on because she has no money and has no legal standing. Kevin and I both told her we had no problem with a paternity test but neither of us would pay for it. Poor baby, no job, no money. So she finally let it drop. But now she is going to pretend to be all nice in her reason for calling me, yea right, there is nothing she needs to talk to me about. Whatever her issues with her husband are whether I know about them or not I'm not going to talk to her about. We gave her the chance to have everything she could possibly need all she needed to do was agree to an amicable divorce. We offered to continue to pay all of the bills for the house and the kids, but with the stipulation that we didn't hand over money she gave us the bills and we paid them. She wouldn't do it and made all sorts of threats in terms of the kids and Kevin's job. So we said fine. She can look stupid, her husband not only has a girlfriend but he has a baby with that girlfriend. He's still at home so she can't threaten to turn the kids against him or keep him from them or get him fired. We really thought she's kick him out last year, she still hasn't and so be it. The situation sucks, but we play the game better than she does. Thanks. Have a good weekend. Night Night!

from diet-riot :

Damn...everything seems to have come crashing down right on top of you. I wish I could be there and give you a great big *HUG*. Trevor dealt you quite a blow. I'm not sure about the "act your age" comment. Don't most men want younger women? I have never seen you, but could it be that you are losing weight and she thinks you might become more attractive and then not love him anymore. I think my husband thinks that of me sometimes. Try to hang in there. Take yourself on walks. Do something for YOU.

from aliboomboom :

I'm glad that you like the clothes, I am having so much fun shopping for his wardrobe. I never knew buying someone else clothes could be this much fun!! I hope that I am doing right by Griffin, I just can't bear him being apart from me and I'd like to think that if he had the choice he wouldn't want to be away from me either. Mike's just not mature enough yet. He may never be. I don't know. As for your marriage, I hope that things work out. I really do.

from runninginsf :

Thank you so much for leaving that note. It really meant a lot to me...

from eggsaucted :

Thanks! Hope your day is going well, although I suppose yours is over while mine is just getting started. hugs egg

from aliboomboom :

Sorry you had to do all that typing, it doesn't sound like you enjoyed it much. Thanks for the note about the lawyer's though. It did go well but it still makes me nervous. I am afraid he's going to panic in the end and sue me. I guess I'll just keep praying about it. It's all I can do after all. I don't know what Ingrid has to be jealous of but you may be right, she's an odd person. I wouldn't put it past her to be jealous over something so wrong. Oh well.

from kbc :

I'm sorry to hear you're not having the best of days. The weekend is almost here, though, so hopefully that's kind of cheery. Hugs, Kara

from betchy :

thanks babe, i missed you too!!!! we were only joking when we said about sean popping amys cherry, so its not as awful as it sounds - honest!! well sean is a bit of a one. he has always confused me to be honest. and lets face it, he's no fenton!! not that i even lust after him much anymore. we have also gone into friends mode. oh well. at least i wont die lonely with all these mates!!!

from miapiglet :

Hey Kathy! Im back... I had to lock my diary also. Its username miapiglet and password rufkahr1. Talk to you later! Love estrellana

from betchy :

well, well, well, sounds like someone has an admirer!!! enjoy the attentin girl!!! well done with the old diet, the first few days are the hardest, after that it becaomes second nature, trust me. i made this lush salad last night, i just invented it when i was in the co-op looking at what i could have for tea. just get some prepacked lettuce, a tub of cottage cheese (low fat if they have it), and some wafer thin ham. chop the ham up really small, add to the lettuce, and put in a couple of heaped tablespoons of the cheese, mix it all up, make your self a jacket spud, with a small knob of low fat marg, then add the salad. it was absolutely lush, and really filling aswell. try it!!!! p.s. i cannot believe you have to work sundays!!!

from liquid-mojo :

Married women who are somehow still curious are slightly different. It's something about that forbidden fruit that always makes it seem the sweetest. ;)

from bluesea26 :

Think of this as a lifestyle change. you are in control, you choose what you want to eat and you deal with the consequences. I know for me, when I say I am dieting, I rebel against the diet after a period of time. With lifestyle change and eating healthy and doing WW, I decide if I want to eat a muffin and I count the points and decide if it is worth it to me. I am in control. It helps me not to think of things as being good or bad because the latter reflects in my self esteem. I don't need negativity. I have enough already. So, I take ownership for my weigh ins and today I lost 9 pounds. Of course, that is the first week counting points-eating healthy. Naturally, I am not expecting more than 1% of my body weight in weight loss each week. For me, it is no more than 3 pounds loss. We definitely can do it.

from aliboomboom :

I like Noah but it's popular. I hate popular names. I'm glad that you like the clothes, I am all about buying him cute clothes. I can't wait for him to get here!

from rainforme :

i was exaggerating with the price, but it is quite expensive here. thanks for reading me and for leaving such kind notes! take care.

from second-love :

Im thinking about you TOO and really look forward to connecting with you on here. You've been so supportive and i really really need that. Its amazing to me that i have absolutely NO ONE that i have told about all this in my "real life". They say secrets will eventually kill ya and it DOES feel that way at times. And YES!!!!! lets get a BIG bottle of something one day and drink it together over the IM!!!! hahahahahahha now THAT would be fun! :) *hugs*

from bluesea26 :

I am weighing in tomorrow. I gained 20 pounds(10 kilos) over the past 2 months...at least yours was over a year! ;) I know WW works. Nice to meet a new friend.

from sexyatheist :

exactly my point! what is wrong with these people. she's actually fairly skinny

from rainforme :

hi kathy. thanks for the notes, i will be back when it doesnt cost me 5 euro a min!!!

from runninginsf :

hi, thanks for the note. How dare that bus driver make a comment to you like that??? That was horribly forward of him! But anyway, read your last couple of entries and am sorry you are going through such a hard time. Good vibes coming your way!

from eggsaucted :

Glad to help. I love Kevin. He is so wonderful and dealing with so much. I just hated not having him at the party. I would have gladly given up all of the other crap to just spend the day together the three of us and it would have saved me ALOT of agrivation.

from bethany9 :

nope, i have nopt heard one thing from him... kon called to threaten him awhile back and he started texting him stuff like "bring it on big boy" ect. (dork) but he has stayed clear of me. i will just write him off as another reason why i need to become a lesbian.

from aliboomboom :

Mine aren't red so maybe they aren't new. I don't know. I guess I'll just keep putting stuff on them in case they are new or in case I have some coming.

from eggsaucted :

You leave such awesome notes for me and I never tell you how much I appreciate them. I really do. I just never find enough hours in the day to leave notes for everyone. I keep saying once the party was over I'll have so much time to do all of the things I keep saying I'm going to do and well who am I kidding? Thanks! Thanks! Thanks! You're so sweet. hugs egg

from aliboomboom :

I can't tell if the stretch marks are new or if they were already there and I'm just now noticing.I know I have a couple from getting tall so fast. I just didn't pay much attention. I need to start walking and swimming anyways. As for Ian, he lives 8 hours away and he doesn't talk to anyone that I talk to. The only people that he knows here or the people that I introduced him to and he doesn't stay in touch with any of them. It would be bizarre for him to ever find out. Are you from Israel?

from kissssy :

Oh weight watchers is wonderful! My in-laws swear by it. I'm going to join it too... once I'm done breastfeeding fully. I'm supposed to eat more calories than most women my age, heigh, weight...etc because of producing milk. But, oh now that you're starting, I did want to start the same time as someone else... sigh. Lol. Hope it goes well for you!!! Hugs!!

from aliboomboom :

Israel? Wow. That's a world away. I guess I should try the baby oil thing. I've been doing cocoa butter but I don't know if I trust it any more. I already have stretch marks on my butt due to getting tall so fast and they don't bother me much but I can't have them all over my stomach too. Yuck. Do they fade away after time or what? As for Ian, he wouldn't understand. We've only been broken up for a year and I'm already having someone else's baby. He would not understand and he wouldn't want to have anything to do with me. It would break his heart and in essense it would break mine too. I would prefer that he just remember me the way that I was. Is that so bad?

from second-love :

OMG!!!!! You sound GREAT today!!! Im so happy!!! And it seem like you really have a wonderful support system on here. You are going to do GREAT!!! I will be sending you super strong thoughts your way this week! *hugs*

from poplord :

keep up with the counseling. yeah it does suck ass, but if you need it, it is so neccesary. i don't know where'd i'd be right now if it weren't for my counselor.

from aliboomboom :

What country are you in?

from aliboomboom :

I don't feel like I belong in my body either. I am so huge. I think I found my first stretch mark today and that sucks because I have six weeks left and I'm bound to only get bigger. Yuck. Oh and I know how you feel about your sister in law, my sister is the same way. We haven't really gotten along since I got pregnant. I don't know what her problem is. As for me, I am trying not to worry but I don't know how I'll survive if someone tries to take my baby. I'll die. It's crazy to feel this way about someone. Oh and good luck with Weight Watchers, I may have to try it after I have the baby. I hate being big.

from second-love :

Thank you! I know you are right...and there is that part of me that just KNOWS we are gonna get caught. KNOWS that one day im gonna forget to close down the email and John's going to find all the email... or forget to close my diary and he will find THAT. OR worse yet... someone sees us out together in public. Its sort of like im watching a movie of myself and i KNOW how it is gonna end... like the slasher movies... you are yelling at the girl to NOT open that closet door!!!! and she does but you KNOW she's a goner! hahahahaha thats how i feel. Like i KNOW its inevitable... someone will see us and tell... then he will have to give me up completely and i really WILL be without him. See... isnt it funny? I didnt even THINK about the fact that my marriage would be over as well as my job, friends et al. Man... what is WRONG with me?

from aliboomboom :

I'm glad that you like the clothes. I am obsessed with baby clothes. It's so much fun to shop for him. I'll catch up on your diary too. Love the layout!!

from second-love :

Ahhhhhhhhhhh sweet! I love baby birds :) Hope they make you smile!

from diet-riot :

You added me! Thanks!

from second-love :

Hey! I agree with soul-glimpse! I like you angry too! Keep goin!!!!!!! And write WHATEVER you feel. Here comes that freakin weekend again................... and this is gonna be a LONG one for me too! Stick to that diet the best you can... and when ya "fall off the wagon" just pick yourself up and get the hell back on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *hugs*

from sparklejaxie :

Hi, thanks for your nice comments. I like your diary too! =) Hope to catch you around soon!! :) (And I hate it when non-bosses try to tell ME what to do, too.. heh) Jackie

from aliboomboom :

Sure, you can read my diary. Email me at [email protected] and I'll send you the username and password!!

from soul-glimpse :

i know i should be all "i'm so sorry!" but i love you like this. you're angry and saying what you think and not giving a fuck about anyone else. it's great :) i hope your day gets better but your self-respect remains. and thank you for your note. i don't know how to answer, but yes, every six months or so, i like to read something i wrote and go "not half bad, alyssa"! i'm afraid that's all low self-esteem will allow me, haha. have a good one, kathy.

from betchy :

believe me i am the last person anyone expected to go on a diet at all. let alone stick to it. i'm not following a particular plan, i have just been having salad and a pack of snack-a-jacks for lunch, pasta for tea, and another pack of snack-a-jacks in the evening. i havent really felt hungry either. and i have cut out snacking. that was my worst thing. i made sure i told everyone aswell, and i told my work colleagues to all keep an eye on what i was having for lunch, and make me feel so disgusted with myself if i broke down and had mcdonalds or something, that i wouldnt want to do it again!!! believe me, it takes is a few days of people telling you your doing well, and you actually WANT to eat salad. its actually starting to taste quite good!!!!

from leesey619 :

Hi! Thanks for reading! How did you stumble upon my page? I'm always curious to know! Also, I must say that I LOVED how you mentioned the men wearing socks with sandals thing!! My friends and I actually have a name for it: SWS!!! So funny you think the same way, too! Also, I have to take a bus at Disney whenever I want to go anywhere once I'm on their property and there are always tons of people who push and shove even though the buses hold 72 people. I always get so irritated when people sneak in front of me and then have the nerve to push, too! Jerks!! Anyway, I wanted to say hi!

from diet-riot :

Hi there! Motivation? Well, I'm not the best person to ask, but I will tell you this. One phrase was going through my head last night. "Being fat is not an option." People may think I go a little overboard with my program. I may be a bit zealous when it comes to improving my looks, but darn it, I deserve it! I deserve to be fit and attractive. As you may discover, I still have issues with food and body image (who doesn't?). I am trying to work on those. I am just beginning to understand that food is fuel and I don't always have to stuff myself. I am determined to be slim again. I know you can do it too. It does take willpower, but you just have to want it bad enough. You'll make it happen. Thanks for reading!

from leonmcphelps :

Well, I am sorry you were dissapointed, but I can't be giving out free peep shows now can I? And I figured that I give out enough nude photography in my regular diary anyway. To get the whole thing you have to at least buy me dinner.

from betchy :

help me!!!!!! i dont know what to do!!!!!

from second-love :

There ya go!!! All updated!!! Nite!

from bethany9 :

yea, i tried to leave a comment about where i could find those broomsticks and it wouldnt let me. that sucks.

from betchy :

i know it is just the worst situation to be in. but i really dont want to ask him about it, because he will get on the defensive. guaranteed!!! he wont admit to taking any money, i already know that. i would rather just ignore all that. i just am so stuck. i really really dont know what to do. i like fenton and boss equally - well slightly more partial to fenton because i have known him a bit longer, but.............aaaarrrgh!!!!!

from princesstosh :

Tee Hee. Who knew I could laugh at work (that I hate so much)? Thanks!

from ohromy :

Oh god, that broomsticks thing is fucking CLASSIC. Laughed my ass off, thanks! I hope you have a good day.

from xperi-mental :

Your comments thing really, really hates me...now I know why. Do you know that there are some excellent low carb cookies that actually taste good!!! Eat too many and they give you the runs though...I once had a binge on them once and regretted it for a couple of days. I should send you some!!!!

from kissssy :

If he helps out with the baby even a little bit during the night, it's suddenly like I owe him something. He carries it over my head if I get a little frustrated with him at any point in time. Like, since he got up and changed poop, I'm supposed to kiss his feet. F~~k that. Ughhh. So, I eat. I'm there too. I'm at that point where I just feel stressed and stress leads to hunger and I actually feel the HUNGER PAINS to eat more. I used to get by on a simple salad and half a tuna sandwich for lunch. Now, I want a double cheeseburger with extra pickles, a large fries, and a Frosty. Damnit. I just have no me time anymore. If I get any me time... he holds it over my head. Ugh. I handle 99.999999% of the piglet and it's still OVER MY HEAD. It feels about as meaningful as "Well, ~I~ handled the baby six weeks ago for 3 hours in the middle of the night while you checked on the laundry, washed the dishes, and came to bed finally around 2:30. Why do you need alone time now?" Okay. It's not THAT severe, but you catch my drift. Okay... Zack's demanding my time now...

from second-love :

hahahahahahhahahahhahahaha OMG that is TOO FUNNY!!!! i WANT one of those broomsticks!!! where can i get one????? *wink*

from daze-of-rain :

I have the same problem with emotional eating. Think about this Kathy, he didn't respond to you because he knows you see his outgoing messages? Maybe he figured you'd see it and it would save him having to do it twice?

from daze-of-rain :

so, i just added a long message to your flirting entry...and said something about the fight in front of gary. The reason he fought with you in front of gary and didn't think about it is because Gary isn't anything to him. He wasn't worrying himself with what gary would think. And yes, I agree with you. YOu make too much out of flirting. And it leads to you getting hurt. Please know I don't include Guy in this. This was something else...he's an ass. But, remember what I said...non married men. lol xoxox des

from vintagegurl :

Hey Kathyyyy! ;-P Have a good week too!! <3

from princesstosh :

Thanks for the note. I know, I got lucky that no damage was done. It could have been much worse but now I know and i can move on. But, it still makes me angry to see her! UGH! Anyway, how dare him yell at you! And, in a public place no less. I would have yelled back. Louder! And then ran off and let him be the embarassed one. Men, I swear sometimes I just dont get them at all! Oh well, thats why there are women for us to be friends with! And I trust you, thanks!

from betchy :

believe me if that happened i dont know what i would do!!! but i do honestly think that they only like me as a mate. both of them. i am quite a laugh to hang around with, so thats probably why. i was saying to boss last night, about always being the mate stood there while my friends get chatted up and he said "beck your problem is that you befriend them. you dont flirt. then you become such a good mate that no-one would want to risk breaking that friendship, even if they did fancy the fuck out of you. and you wouldnt be the easiest person to tell, because you dont make it obvious if you like someone. you spend time setting your mates up with people and dont worry about yourself." which sums me up very well actually. i dont like rejection though. it is so much easier to be the mate. thanks for all the nice notes though, you are a star!!! lots of love xx

from eggsaucted :

I guess what happens happens. I'm not a fan of rejection, but I am fairly happy with my diary, it is for me that I'm writing. It just annoys me to be called impersonal. Then that whole hall of shame thing is crap. They obviously have way to much time on their hands to go back and check diaries they reviewed weeks ago for links which were there during the review. They just didn't spend very much time with their review to not notice it. Have a great week, thanks for all the kind notes.

from soul-glimpse :

trust me, this is the first time it's ever happened to me either! it is preoccupying me but i sincerely have NO idea (except for one wishful-thinking guess) who it could be. and that just makes it frustrating. i'm like waiting for them to call back now.

from betchy :

bless you, your such a babe, i really like reading about your life too, its nice to see how different other peoples lives are!!! i do have a bit of a mad life, sometimes ihave a few nights that i dont do anything, and i realise how exhausted i am!!! its all good though!!! why do you miss this kind of thing? how come you dont do that kind of stuff anymore?

from princesstosh :

Well i just left you a long comment but it didnt take it. Dangit! oh well. Anyways, I know, my boss is always coming in right as soon as someone in my family is signing on to talk to me. It's like Boss ESP. "I know you're doing something wrong, so here I come to catch you" But he's on vacation this week so I can chat all i want. Speaking of, are you on MSN right now?

from ssteedman :

Yup I'm also a Jo'burg-ite. Randburg, Cresta, to be precise. Pretoria has changed names but it's still known as Pretoria, or at least as Freeflow Capital of Gauteng... By the way, the MSN popup / Boss looking thing is an international phenomena. It's the same mystic thing that causes mom's to walk in just as her teenage son is watching the raunchy bit of a rented video.

from ssteedman :

Well I've added you as a favourite diary in my profiles list, I always like to keep track of South Africans abroad. Besides, your life looks like quite a soap opera, and since I don't watch Bold & Beautiful or any of that crap, I'll just read your journal instead... P.S - Which city were you living in?

from avalonte :

No, Supergold's not new, but I the comments feature used to be available for Gold membership as well, but stopped a while ago. I only have Gold, but have to renew in the next few days. I'm going to have to upgrade to Supergold cos I don't want to lose my comments! Anyway, what did you mean about Diaryland and punctuation marks?? Didn't get that. Oh, and what on earth did you say to Gary that was so bad?? I don't believe it could ruin things if you 2 had a good relationship in the 1st place. If he can discard your friendship after one rambling email, then he's the arsehole, not you!

from soul-glimpse :

kathy, thank you so much for your note. i really needed the positive feedback at a time when i feel like i can't do anything worthwhile anymore. i hope your weekend was good and don't put too much pressure on yourself to do or restrain from crap. i think you're doing great.

from avalonte :

Gold or Supergold? Has to be Supergold for comments feature

from avalonte :

I keep leaving you notes on your comments section, but it keeps saying that you haven't got an up-to-date supergold membership! Has it expired?

from thecailleach :

Love is an unstoppable force, very true. I hope your week gets better. Thanks.

from avalonte :

Thanks, I'm glad it looks ok to you, because you're one of the ones using a 800x600 resolution! Is it better than it was before? Did you have trouble with it before?

from second-love :

OMG!!!!!!! I think thats GREAT!!!!!!!! You sound so happy and centered too!!! That is awesome. And i think you would make a WONDERFUL mother. It will be the best decision you've ever made in your life and you will not be able to believe that you can love someone else that much. Go for it!!! *hugs*

from princesstosh :

I got msn messenger so we could talk and you wouldnt be bored. Want to chat? [email protected] is my net passport thingy.

from betchy :

i would just like yo say i have the 2 best looking blokes in this town coming round to my flat tonight, even though i am a fat bird. ye ha!!! did you see the footie?? get on rooney!!!

from daze-of-rain :

hey you....are you around?

from betchy :

i will behave dont worry!!! i really like boss, but definately just as a mate (although he is gorgeous also!!!) i think he is a bit too nice for me- i like a bit of a bad boy!!! i mean fenton used to be a scag head and has been in prison twice!!!

from imabrat2 :

Thanks for the note Sweetie. Hopefully I'll come back with lots of great stories to tell. Take care of yourself and have a good week. :-)

from iwanttotell :

Sorry I embarrassed you. Sometimes it's hard to decide whether or not to add those sorts of details. Dick knows I live with Phil, but the circumstances that put me there were a little odd (if I can find the entry which tells the story, I'll send you a link). This was back when he was hostile and I was afraid to tell him (even though his cheating on me was what ended the marriage). I'm not good with confrontation, so I guess I've avoided telling him. He doesn't even know WHERE I live-just the town. The bottom line is he should have guessed it but he'll believe what he wants to believe. Does that make sense?

from betchy :

i am not getting my hopes up, he is only saying that i am sound. its not like he said "becky is the sexiest woman on the planet, i love her and want to marry her." although if he did, i would be a bit wary after some of the things boss was saying. no matter how much fent likes me , as a mate or otherwise, he is always going to be a player, and that wont change until he wants it too, and at the moment i think he is just having too much fun. fair play to him, he has been through a lot. i dont know. maybe he will get jealous of me and boss being mates, and that will turn him. i just spoke to boss and he is coming to mine to watch the football later. anyway enough about me, how has your day been? and do you just live in israel or are you from there? and if your not from there where are you from? i like to know these things, i am just too nosey!!!! hugz, betchy xxx

from second-love :

I am not sure WHAT i would do without YOU!! You just constantly lift me up when i feel like crap! THANK YOU!!! And really... i love your diary! I look forward to reading what you are up to and how you are feeling everyday. I woke up this morning not feeling much better. I KNOW this is hormones but cant do anything to get past it. Im just hoping that i get over it before the weekend starts or i WILL be here in bed the entire time! Thanks again, i cherish your friendship *hugs*

from imabrat2 :

Your "stress test" was a big hit in the office. :-)

from halfdevoured :

Thank you so much for your kind comments. I'm going to start updating a lot more often now that I'm not in school this semester. I'll do my best to be entertaining, though sometimes I can be quite morose. But that's what diaries are for, right? All your moods and madness. I have to run, but I'm making it a point to take a tour of your diary this evening. Thanks again!

from second-love :

hahahahahahahahaha love the dolphin thing!!!! and thanks for the note... i know that is a strange question for MOST people to answer and my situation is a bit dif then most... but thanks for tryin!

from betchy :

hey thanks for the note. i do always have good weekends, but its because i have good friends to spend them with!!!! spoke to fenton yesterday, and apparently he was waiting for me to phone him on sunday to come and watch the football!!!! uh-oh. never mind. glad you enjoy reading, where are you from? i tried to look at your location, and it said there wasnt one entered, are you from england? is that how you understand my pain over the football? hugz, beckz xxx

from imabrat2 :

Thanks for the note. I don't know about looking great...I'll just be happy if I don't get harpooned on the beach...lol. Good luck with the English Literature degree. Not getting a college degree is one thing I really regret. I'm working on my Treasury Professional Certification now.

from second-love :

Im crazy about you TOO!!!!!!!! Thanks!

from second-love :

YES! Your diary makes sense... and i know how you feel about writing the same thing over and over again- i just wrote that in mine!!!!! *smile* And you are SO right about thinking before you send an email - once its out there its out there and ya can't get it back. I've done that SO many times... hit "send" and then wish you hadn't! Alot of times, if im not sure i SHOULD send an email, i write it, save it in my "drafts" and then think on it an hour or a DAY before i send it! I ALSO agree with Kevin... take one thing, just one and focus on that!!!! We all need to listen to him more!

from adulterous-k :

Take one thing about yourself and be positive about it - take the course and stick with it and don't worry about the other stuff for now. Regain self confidence in one area and the other pieces fal into place or just become insignificant.

from eggsaucted :

You have a great week too! YAY! hugs egg

from kissssy :

I feel like a Kathy cheerleader. Give me a K! Give me an A.... Goooooo Kathy!!! (Okay, I'll stop now)

from kissssy :

Ooooohhhh yesss!! Take the course!! There is only one thing that can make someone feel wonderful and that's doing something you WANT TO DO! And, there's no better direction than English Literature. If I wasn't so addicted to cooking and going to a culinary school when Zack's older, English Lit would be my goal. Take the class! :D

from daze-of-rain :

hey there...what's your other sign in name for msn???

from kissssy :

Hmmm. Okay. Here's my advice. I have none. Men are idiots. All of them. The older they get, the more of an idiot they become. Okay, so that's NOT true, but it is today and nobody can change my mind on it. Jason and I fought. FOUGHT. For the first time in a year, we actually screamed, I cried, and he left angry. Ugh! Men can be impossible! I just want to... I don't know. Slap him and hug him and ugh... so many things all at once. Men suck. They make you love them than do something you hate then... suddenly they make you love them again and you don't know what to do with yourself anymore and eventually you just break down and ignore your after pregnancy diet and eat 7 Oreos, a dark chocolate dove bar, and a Reeses Peanutbutter Cup! Sigh. Okay, I need to plan a trip down to wherever you are and get away for awhile. Ignore my diet. Ignore my stress. Ignore that my son is (as we speak) throwing a tantrum in his swing. Bring on the cookies!!! Love ya. Stay strong (even if I'm not). Hugggs.

from eggsaucted :

Thanks! Hope you have a great weekend too!

from betchy :

thanks for the note, i dont think i have ever been called cute before!!!! i am sure there will be many adventures to follow, so keep reading!!! i will read some of your stuff soon when i get chance i promise!!! xx

from iwanttotell :

Thank you for your encouraging words. I mulled the whole situation over by way of an email to Phil and faced a lot of hard truths about myself. I felt better afterward. Details in today's entry. I hope Trevor calms down a bit. I don't see how you could've lugged that laptop that far. I can bet he wouldn't have either. Hugs

from xperi-mental :

Kathy, you are such a sweetie! You have no idea how much your notes mean to me. Just know that I'm always here for you as well. *hugs*

from second-love :

OH i just read your note!!! You are SO sweet!!! Dont you just HATE always bein the one to send the messages, emails, phone messages! Thank YOU! You DO make me feel better actually :) When i get down, i'll just think about you and smile *wink* thanks again!

from second-love :

Well sister...i am feelin NO BETTER either!!! So i can see its gonna be one of THOSE weekends for me too. So if nothing else... misery loves company, right?????? Hang in there... i wish i could give YOU more encouragement... but frankly i feel like shit myself hahahahahhahaha. But i AM thinking about you! *hugs*

from imabrat2 :

Hi. No, I didn't get your comment the other day. I think it was letting people write them, they just weren't showing up. I upgraded my membership so all should be ok now. Thanks for trying. Have a good weekend. :-)

from kissssy :

"How... could I ever... let you slip away?" Sigh. You brought tears to my eyes. My mind went back to this one guy I dated before I got serious with Jason. Aaron. He was a total ass, so naturally, I ended things and went on with my life. I believed for the longest time that I hated him. Then, years later (when my heart already belonged to Jason), I turned the radio on and R. Kelly's "Turn Back the Hands of Time" came on and I burst into tears. That was the song Aaron dedicated to me after our breakup. The song he sang (oh, how he could sing) to me when we had our last fling. Every time I hear that song, I break down. You never stop loving someone. Even if he winds up acting like a total jerk, you don't fall out of love. You can tell yourself you do, but you don't. And, Kathy, you won't. Even if a year goes by and you see Guy and you tell yourself you're angry with him and you hate him. Guess what? You'll have tears in your eyes when you drive away. It sucks. I know it does. It's the worst thing this world throws at us. Love is the worst thing in the best way and vice versa. I'm sorry he hurt you so badly. And, I'm sorry you feel like you need him still. It lightens up, I'm sure you know. It does get easier. It just doesn't fully go away. So, don't try to make it. Hugggss. I'm here for you. Be strong. Stay Calm. And, let your diary become your life if that helps. I go through spurts of how badly I need my diary... It's not just needing the diary, I believe. It's needing the advice and encouragement the people you've met through Diaryland can give you. Love ya, girl! Xoxo

from iwanttotell :

I'm sorry, sweetie, that he behaved that way. Some people are so self-centered that they don't realize other people have feelings too. Perhaps you can use this experience to begin to put him in the past. You're such a nice person, and nice people often get hurt the most. Here's a big hug.

from daze-of-rain :

it is not the least bit difficult to believe you were thinking and were even concerned about me. You are a great friend Kathy. Just because you get wrapped up in your own drama sometimes does not mean you are unable to see anything else. We all get wrapped in our drama. Speaking of, I'll be writing about mine over the last couple days as soon as I get a minute. xoxo

from eggsaucted :

Legally blond 2 was fine, I enjoyed it I just shouldn't have given up sleep to watch. We give scripts to our telemarketers who need to the scripts to be able to do their jobs, I did not need a script to make a call to these people. I'm capable of letting people know a meeting is being rescheduled. The manager who gave to me, is not one of my favorite people, but she's usually very greatful for my assistance.

from vintagegurl :

Hi! Yes, I was born there. Part of my family lives in Cali, and my mom spends half half in New Mexico and here.

from imabrat2 :

Hi. Thanks for adding me. :-)

from second-love :

I LOVE that "amazing conclusion" thing! Very funny and VERY true! hahahhaha. I know how you feel about the whole "secretary" thing... i have worked for companies (or bosses) in the past that just dont know how to say "thanks, great job". The church i work at now is GREAT at that and the pastor i work for is especially good... so im getting my fill of "thanks, your awesome" comments NOW and storing them up for later when i work somewhere else that is bad at it *wink*

from k-free :

Hi, Kathy! Thanks for your note! I keep telling myself that I'll feel soooo much better about myself if I just buck up and lose the weight. Good luck on SB. It worked for me for a bit, but it made me too fussy and irritable. Still, I see everyone else succeeding on it every day. So yes, somehow, we'll do it!!

from daze-of-rain :

thank you so much. He is most certainly my pride and joy.

from soul-glimpse :

and a lot of my feelings also come from the fact that my dad cheated on my mom... and it tore her UP. totally destroyed her. i basically raised myself for a couple years when i was 8, 9 years old and it was the worst feeling in the world. i still don'nt really like to talk or think about it. and even if sex isn't involved, i guess that's why i'm so hung up on the issue. i always blamed his affair and "cheating heart" so-to-speak on that misery i experienced. and now my mom's fine but my dad is still miserable because he never would fix himself or work on his issues. i know things will be different for you though. you're a strong person. just the fact that you're trying is awesome. good luck.

from soul-glimpse :

kathy: i'm sorry i came across to harshly. i guess i'm just very black-and-white, quick to judge. i am working on it. i know you are an awesome person and of course there is no way to convey all the details on the internet. i hope that things work out better for you this week and that you can get a routine you are comfortable with.

from kissssy :

Oh, Kath... I hope your Sunday evening brightened up after that entry. You really do need a break from this emotional stress, hun. I'm worried about you. Hugggsss.

from second-love :

Dont be so hard on yourself girlfriend. I HAVE been there too!!! Believe ME!!! I know EXACTLY what you are feeling. It WILL get better *hugs*

from second-love :

Im with ya tonight on that feeling Kath... just depressed and blah. Really just sick of everything... sick of being controlled by not just ONE man in my life but TWO. Controlled by that need to be needed... to be loved... to be cherished and never really getting it. I figure if i have a hard time getting it from the man im married to, who supposedly loves me to death, then how the HELL can i expect it from a man who "supposedly" loves me but is married to someone else. Im just realizing what a joke i have let my life become. Starting to feel the need to take charge again... to begin to somehow make the decisions that area truly the best just for ME. *hugs* girlfriend!

from bare-my-soul :

it's dreary here in new york city. but your notes always make me feel warm. love rose

from eggsaucted :

Thanks for the note. I hope I didn't come across as overly defensive, because well I guess I just don't really have to jusitfy my choices, I put it in my diary as an outlet of feeling and emotions. I'm not angered by the other notes, but well I guess I just don't care if everyone doesn't understand my decisions and my choices. Thank you though, you are sweet. I know I hardly ever respond to your notes and I feel badly, I just get bogged down and lose track of time for doing such things. Ok, we're off to the evil physical therapists. Have a great weeekend and thanks again.

from imabrat2 :

Laying in the sun and relaxing is exactly what I'll be doing tomorrow too. Have a good weekend. :-)

from kbc :

Thanks for your note, it made me smile. And I updated this morning, just for you! Kara

from vintagegurl :

nothing really, it's just the general thing about low-carb diets! good luck!

from vintagegurl :

good for you! please be careful with this diet, it's very controversial! <3

from eggsaucted :

Im hanging, but I left a lot of work for myself on friday and it's totally catching up with me this morning. Thanks for all the kind notes. Sorry for the scare.

from second-love :

hahahhahah thanks! yeah... the diaries seem slow this morning too- was having trouble just moving around. Hope you have a great week! *hugs*

from second-love :

Ahhhhhhhhh thanks for your note sweetie... Sam and I have come a long way. I just got done talkin with him on the IM during our "usual" Sunday morning time. I just cant believe how much he has CHANGED!! He went from being completely freaked about seeing me or having any kind of regular "schedule" with me... to being totally commited to it! Just baffles me! I knew I was connected and involved, but now i can see that he is too, which makes me feel better and less crazy. Still, this does move us to deeper levels which only makes it harder to live in my "regular life", ya know??? Many days i still think i am crazy for getting myself in this deep and cant see how anything good can come out of this... but im in too far now and there is no turning back. And i know what you mean about how when you don't feel good about yourself, the outside just reflects it. Thats SO true!! I just try to get out of the "rut" and dress EXTRA nice...or do something nice for myself... a new outfit or whatever... this will eventually make me feel better little by little...i AM thinkin about you and am glad you had fun at the pool with the kids *hugs*

from soul-glimpse :

kat, i just wanted to say thanks for your notes. i know you are going through a rough time as well with guy behaving like an asshole. you are such a great person and you really do seem to care about those around you... why let him treat someone as great as you like shit? anyway, i won't go into the cliches. i know what it's like to know something and still not feel it. you'll survive this though. have a great weekend! and thanks again.

from second-love :

YES!!! Good decision!!!! I like it! And believe me... if i did not have 20 years of love invested in Sam... i would most DEF NOT be doing what im doing right now. I cannot express it strongly enough that i really believe we are NOT designed to live lives that are so confused and divided. Concentrate on the man that has been there for you and who LOVES you sweetie... and everything will fall into place *hugs*

from eggsaucted :

Thanks for reading and for the compliments. Also thanks for the note, I always like to know who my readers are. =)

from kissssy :

GASP! I... I... I don't believe it... I mean. Okay. Um. What the hell was he drinking? You don't deserve to be talked to that way. If she left after one message... ONE FRICKIN MESSAGE, it definitely wasn't meant to be! I've been there before. A message. Or an email. Something to make you suspicious. And, I didn't leave. She doesn't love him if she leaves over one message. The truth is... if that's the reason she left, you definitely saved him from a relationship that was headed right down the toilet! Don't blame yourself, Kathy! You're better than that. You are and you know it. He has no right to put the blame on you and you shouldn't even offer to call her and make it right. It's his mess. Let him clean it up. Love ya, girl! Hugs!

from adulterous-k :

Even as a man I struggle to understand why he would react with anger. If things have gone wrong for him at home it won't be just your one msg, it'll be a repeat of whatever happened before. Your friends here are all right - this is one you have to move on from knowing you're not responsible. He isn't man enough to face up to his mistakes - he isn't man enough to help you when you need a friend

from kissssy :

Oh my goodness. Kathy. I'm so sorry it went down like that. I hope you're okay! {{{Hugs}}} The whole situation just wasn't easy, hun. Honestly, I think many women would have gone ahead and called him. Hope you're doing better! My thoughts are with you!

from second-love :

I would NEVER blame you or try to make you feel like you were wrong here. I TOTALLY understand where you are at... i have felt like you more often then you know! HE was wrong... HE did play a huge part. HE used you!!! He took your kindness, he took your caring, he took your attention and gave you very little in return. Now, he has decided he is staying with his wife, so he has no use for you anymore. I'm so sorry Kath. That is very hard. Do your best to just put one foot in front of the other moment by moment and know that someone can completely relate!!! I CAN!!!!And im thinkin bout you. *hugs*

from princesstosh :

I think you are right about making it a home. it's starting to look better and better already. Thanks!! And, sorry about the picnic, some things we just have to suffer through. Hope it wasnt too awful bad!! Have a good weekend!

from second-love :

I wish there was something i could say to make you feel better!!! I know that words just can't do anything to help sometimes. I think you are right though... you ARE trying to fill a void in your life. We ALL have different ways of trying to fill that void and some are better then others! Take it moment by moment sister! And know that i am thinking and praying for you *smile*... you WILL make it!

from soul-glimpse :

yeah i'm actually doing better physically but still not good enough to work, so i'm going stark mad. i'm actually doing great emotionally: too busy blowing my nose to get depressed! haha, anyway, have a good day.

from sweet-cynic :

not same country... same city! i know what you mean though. you would be great to hang out with! we could ride buses all day long and get lost and make fools out of ourselves and it would be forgivable because it'll all be deliberate :)

from feesticka :

hey there - if ya send me an email, I'll gladly send you along my password (my email is [email protected]). Thanks!

from sheloses :

sure!

from soul-glimpse :

yeah i'm getting ready to update on all that drama. unfortunately i only have time to do it because i'm struck with this awful respiratory infection or something. my fault for smoking too much. and now i'm paying for it. agh.

from sarahsundae :

Thanks for the note hon.I am still on the Topamax. I stopped it for a bit and tried a different med, but hated it. I LOVE the Topamax and it works for me.

from second-love :

Im so sorry that you have felt that you cant be completely honest. If you cant be honest here, then where CAN you??? I worried about John (or Sam) seeing my diary too and being hurt - that is why i made the decision to lock mine, but i also like that it has created just a few close friends that can understand me! I'm sorry that some people have decided to judge you, that would hurt. We ALL struggle with how we feel about ourselves so we know right where you are at. Hang in there, and if you need me, please shoot me an email *hugs*

from adulterous-k :

No sadly you're right! Some men really don't care. And it's a mystery to me how attractive some women find them!

from avalonte :

Thank you so much for your all your lovely messages! K is fine now thanks. I'm sorry you're feeling down, hon. *hugs*

from second-love :

Have a GREAT weekend!!! Wish I was going!!! :)

from xperi-mental :

Oooo, a love letter! Scandelous!!! *wink*

from kissssy :

Oh, girl... hugggggggss. That brought tears to my eyes. I'm sorry you feel so out of control! I hope the best for you!!

from miame :

Hi there-as promised, I'm back! I'm getting caught up, slowly but surely. I thought that I would drop you a quick line to say Hi and that I hope things start looking up. *hugs* Sandy

from second-love :

Kath... i am with you too... i just wish i could help you feel better. I think the diaries are good for us and really they are NOT for other people...so who cares if they take you off their list?? Are their lives so deluded that they dont want to read anything real??? Screw em!!!! Thanks for your kind words and i know i am getting closer to making better decisions for myself when it comes to Sam. Its just one day at a time... *hugs*

from second-love :

Your diary is NOT boring and you are not a bad writer at all!!!!And we ALL hate weekends... cant you tell hahahahhahaha! And I think we are ALL PMS at the same time - *smile*

from bigmonayho :

I locked my diary up, but if you want the password, just leave me a note!

from xperi-mental :

I'm glad that you are resoloving the eating issue, it's a hard thing to overcome and there will be lots of ups and downs; so be expecting that. We're all here for you.

from second-love :

Isn't it funny how we can look back later at someone we were once SO in love with and wonder... "WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING???"... I often think about that even now - and i've loved Sam for 20 years almost!!!! It SHOULD keep us from making lame mistakes later, i guess, or not make the same error twice, but it never really works that way, huh?? Sounds like you are doing better in the eating!!! You GO girl! And take one victory at a time... dont pressure yourself too much *hugs*

from poplord :

hey thank you!! i'm glad you've been able to connect with what i'm writing.

from kissssy :

Huggggs! Glad your weekend went well! I definitely appreciated the note! You know... when you're not feeling the most confident about yourself, a new outfit can sometimes be the right boost you need. Don't completely rule out buying things for yourself. You never know if you need that little pick me up! Hugs!

from xperi-mental :

Reading you this past week has had me worried as well. I'm glad that you are thinking a little more positive. I'm here if you need me. *hugs* Dre

from second-love :

Im worried about you Kath. I know it feels bad right now... but hang in there. I can always completely understand your feeling like you "deserved" this pain somehow. I always feel like that. I think we just have trouble with the guilt. Im thinkin about you. Here if you need someone to talk to. *hugs*

from princesstosh :

just wanted to let you know that im going to lock up. If u want the info email me at [email protected] and i'll give it to ya! Hope you're feeling better!

from kissssy :

Ok. That bothers me. Dishonesty just won't cut it for either of you, I'm sure. In the end, all 3 of you will wind up hurt. That's all dishonesty does. I think right now, you need to just sit down and contemplate about what you NEED in life right now. I know he sounds like a great guy, but that really rubbed me the wrong way that his relationship with her is rising back up, but he's willing to give you a number to sneak around behind her back. That's disloyal and dishonest and it makes me worry for YOU. If he's willing to be dishonest to her, (I'm hoping hoping hoping I'm wrong), but what's to say he isn't dishonest to you? You need a vacation. Come to Wisconsin... let's get together for lunch... and forget about everything.

from second-love :

Kath... i know how you feel... its hard. But if you read my entry from last night, you need to do what i have done. You HAVE to try to take the emotion out of it. NOT the feeling, but the emotion. You have to ENJOY what you have with him when you have it and then do your best to live in the present in your life with your husband. When i started doing that, everything changed. Somehow they can sense it right away and it makes all the difference. I was nearly nuts there for a long time... that was dangerous not just for me personally, but also for my other relationships since i was having a hard time functioning... i was so depressed and freaked out all the time. NOW i look at my time with Sam as a BONUS (like he tried to tell me) and am just happy whenever i hear from him or are together. Its hard, but its the only way to balance it all. Hang in there........*hugs*

from second-love :

Please let me know how you are doing... i know its hard. Hang in there XXXOOO

from second-love :

You are welcome :)

from second-love :

Kath...i DO think every relationship runs he risk of losing its passion. We become passive and "comfortable" with that person that we KNOW will be there because of marriage or a long term commitment. It happens without even really noticing it - maybe he stops bringing you coffee in the morning and you stop fixing him his favorite meal. Its not because you dont love each other, but rather a feeling that its not all that necessary. Slowly, the passion and excitement gives way to contentment and passivity. We dont MEAN for it to happen. I believe that love is very much a verb... its action. New relationships (especially the type we all have here) are in many ways not real life. We are only getting the best of that person and the crap goes home. So we build it up in our minds and forget that if we lived with that person every day, we would deal with all the mundane stuff we do now. Thats not to say that being with our "others" wouldn't be better. For some, it would be WAY better then their current relationships... BUT as much as i love Sam and i think we would have a fab life together - i dont kid myself into thinking that we wouldn't deal with all the day to day probs that John and I deal with. Love and passion IS a choice.... daily. Hang in there chickadee!!! Email me if ya want to talk more! xxxooo

from xperi-mental :

I've been asking myself that very question. Does every relationship lose it's passion? I'll have to admit that I really never had a deep passion for Vince. We were always friends first. Makes me wonder if a relationship starts off very passionate does it remain that way or does it taper off to a mildly passionate one? There's still passion though...right? See, now I've confused myself. XXXXOOOO Dre

from kissssy :

Gosh, I've written you like 7 notes and just deleted them before I could send. I'm really at a loss for words today. I could tell you how much I adore what I know about you for a cheer up, but that's a little too Full House -ish dontcha think? I've thought about giving you advice like adrenaline cheers the mind or chocolate releases saratonin in your brain which is a natural anti-depressant, but that's a little infomercial-ish. And, I really hate cheesy sitcoms and infomercials soooo I'm at loss. Just know that I'm here when you want to blow steam (or even if you'd just rather sit back and giggle like school girls over how cute Bill on The Apprentice is...) I don't know how much help I am. But, I'm not the opposite of help! Hugs and kisses!

from adulterous-k :

I thought you were sounding a little happier Kathy..no? Thanks for your kind notes and concern. It has been an awful week. xx

from perfectbone :

Gee wiz gal! You and I are are in the same boat in many ways. I'm happy to have found your diary! -pb

from second-love :

it IS exciting cuz you sound better!!! keep it goin girl! *hugs*

from xperi-mental :

Sometimes I think I'm reading about myself when I read your diary. I thank you for your encouragement and I'm here whenever you are in need as well. *hugs*

from kissssy :

I really wish I could somehow say the right things to make you open your eyes, look at the person you are, and see someone you love. You can't be so down on yourself all the time. You need an uplifter. A personal vacation away from EVERYONE at a spa... or perhaps a complete makeover. Something to make you feel ravenously beautiful inside and out. I hope this trip to the north goes well for you. Try to stay happy. And, don't be afraid to just pamper yourself until you realize just how "worth it" you are! Hugs!!

from stelanotte :

Hope that you are sorting things out. Feel better :) xoxo Cheri

from second-love :

Have a GREAT week and take some time to reconnect with your hubby. You will feel better!!! I'll be here for ya when you get back! XXX000

from feesticka :

Thank you for all of your sweet notes. I hope that things get resolved quickly between you and Guy, so that you can either move forward with him or move on.

from xperi-mental :

I have the same feeling towards my husband. He's so wonderful but I don't have "wife" feelings for him. He's my best friend and I hate hurting him, but I can't love him with the intensity that he wants me to.

from kissssy :

Sometimes, keeping a friendship with someone after so many feelings are thrown back and forth is the hardest thing to do. I admire you for being so willing to try, even if he and his wife work things out. Just don't let him take advantage of you. A woman who admits she's insecure, is one of the easiest targets. Stay as strong as you can through this! Everything works out eventually, even if it feels like nothing but chaos right now. Hugs!

from second-love :

Don't be so hard on yourself girlfriend!!! At best, everyone is screwed up a bit and makes choices that aren't always the greatest... but that is the only way we can learn and grow. If we always made perfect decisions everytime, not only would life be boring BORING *yawn* but we would also not have an reason to ponder things and then change!!! If you need to talk, i certainly am here cuz i DO understand your feelings very well. I have them each and every day. XXXXOOOO

from stelanotte :

I agree with Xperi-mental on this one. Keep your chin up sweetie :) Thanks for the nice note that you left me. XOXO

from second-love :

Dont you just HATE that "best friend" thing. I get that ALL THE TIME from Sam and it makes me want to go beserk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They are just lying to themselves... it makes it easier for them to rationalize. Hang in there girlfriend!!!! XXXX0000

from xperi-mental :

So Guy wants to be best friends. I wonder if he means friends with benefits? *wink* I just hope that he doesn't try to play you and take advantage of your friendship. *hugs*

from second-love :

We do have very similar stories...the biggest difference i feel with everyone is that i KNOW that Sam is and will always be the only one i have this situation with. Years ago, i pulled back from our friendship cuz i knew if i let it go on, this would happen. I did consciously make that decision this time to reconnect with him. But after 20 years, he is still the ONLY one i would risk everything for - my marriage, my life and my reputation. Because of my faith (which is going through some major turbulence right now *smile*)i struggle with how WRONG this is, but know that God hasnt abandoned me, but rather waitin for me to get a clue hahahhaha. thanks for your comment, im here if you need me!

from sweet-cynic :

just wanted to say i love you!

from second-love :

Thanks Kathy... glad i found you too!! Actually glad for the whole bunch of ya!!! Has made my crazy life much more bearable!!! XXXX000

from second-love :

I have been reading your entries... we CAN relate to each other!!!! I look forward to knowing you more! Hang in there!

from kissssy :

The sun will come up tomorrowwww! Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrowwwww, there'll be suuuuun! ;)

from daze-of-rain :

thank you so much for your note. I added you to my msn buddy list and hope that we can chat sometime. xoxo

from avalonte :

Hi, just wanted to send you hugs!

from feesticka :

Just thought I'd let you know that now I have an addiction to the "pengiun game" too! :-)

from avalonte :

Can I ask a favour? One of my readers say my layout looks strange. The entry box doesn't fit the words in width ways, and tends to cut them in half so she has to scroll sideways to read everything. She also says that the whole layout is far too wide for her screen! And that the entry box itself falls off the screen so she has to scroll sideways to get to see it! I was wondering if anyone else had any issues with the layout? Thanks.

from sheloses :

thanks for your good wishes. birthdays probably are overrated, i'm not even big on presents. i just wanted to be remembered, you know? just "happy birthday". i always send a card. :-/ aww, look at me being all pathetic! i am off the console myself by buying art supplies :D Have a nice day!

from soul-glimpse :

i feel you: that's why i have decided to discard marriage altogether. i can always date someone and be heavily involved or whatever... i just require my own space and that agreement of sorts that allows me to get out at any time: an agreement automatically voided by marriage. at least you have a great husband though: so many women are stuck in abusive relationships with no way out, not to mention their kids. okay, i don't want to bring you down! enjoy your day!

from kissssy :

Oh, you're definitely not evil. Hugggs! You're one of the sweetest people I've met through DLand and evil would be the last word I'd use to describe you. The fact that you sent your heart out her way and stood beside her at the memorial service should prove to you just how wonderful a person you are!

from feesticka :

Thanks for the nod of encouragement! :-)

from laura-ly :

You're so pretty!

from vintagegurl :

Hey! pictures! Let me tell you that you are GORGEOUS! seriously you have such beautiful features! and I love your hair too <3 you make a really cute couple with your husband <3 I'm glad I could put a face on your name/diary! <3

from soul-glimpse :

i'm glad you put some pictures up; you are gorgeous: i am so envious of your hair. if i attempted anything other than a really long hair cut to weigh it down i would look like a mushroom head. anyway, cheer up: at least you lost weight! even though the e factor still exists... you'll get past it.

from kissssy :

Psst... I think you need to listen to more upbeat music! You'd be surprised how well that can lift your spirits. Music really is food for the soul. Celine Dion can really make even the happiest person depressed at times. Loved the pictures! You're absolutely stunning! Lol makes me think twice about posting my pics with my giant mommy-tummy. Try to cheer up :) Now, this sounds corny... but my husband taught me that whenever I feel down to just shout out "I'm healthy! I'm happy! I feel terrific!" And, it actually does put you in a better mood. Of course, you feel foolish for saying it and that usually causes you to smile right there ;)

from stelanotte :

Thanks for the sweet note XOXO

from feesticka :

Keep your chin up -- it'll be alright! :-)

from kissssy :

That's such a nice thing to do for people. To bring them food when they aren't their best. :) How thoughtful! Hugs!

from bigmonayho :

Thanks a bunch! I think its fair for enjoying nice weather in the middle of winter though.

from dont-stop :

I feel the same way, sometimes, when I'm reading your diary.

from kissssy :

You have such a talent for describing how both sides of you pull at each other and I think many of us can relate to some (if not all) of it. Stay strong.

from avalonte :

So what did he say when he called you? How were things left? Stay strong honey! And stay safe!! Hugs! x

from avalonte :

Good for you, hon! Stay strong!

from kissssy :

Marriage is tough. You can believe you're such a good person in your own mind, but once your husband starts talking... things can just open up and jump at you. Things you hadn't thought he'd noticed... or disliked. That's why the idea of therapy scares me. About how to find out if you're ready for children or not... you don't know. I didn't know at least. We tried for 2 years because I had a void in my life, a craving to nurture. When it finally happened and I saw the positive ept... that's when I knew. It's kind of like love... you just follow your instincts. Good luck with everything. And, 3 yogurts in the morning isn't bad... you could be indulging in 3 bowls of sugary cereal or a donut... but 3 yogurts is actually the amount of dairy recommended in one day :) Hugs

from feesticka :

I found your diary through furiouspuppy -- just wanted to say that your diary is a great read.

from twinker-bell :

thanks for stopping by...we both read sarahsundae,barenaked, and x... very interesting!! i'll have to check out your diary. have a good one :-)

from bethany9 :

thanks for checking out my pics! i dig your diary. i'll be back!

from stelanotte :

Thanks for such a sweet note! V-Day sucks! :) XOXO Cheri

from vintagegurl :

thanks! I know I am though ;-P good for you to stop thinking about E... it's hard but you're worth better than that <3

from sweet-cynic :

i don't know what to do with myself... seriously fumbling in my life right now. don't you wish the support you have online can be the support you have in real life? the hugs you get from sweeties like yourself could somehow be transformed to physical hugs and audible "it'll be okay"? take care, dear.

from bitsofmylife :

hey thanks for your note: it is nice to put a... person and their surroundings with a journal i guess. i hope you will put one up: i read your diary like it's cocaine and i'm not sure if i'll be able to afford the next hit. :) :) have a great day.

from influence :

Why thank you.

from xanasforcex :

**hugs** Ive been rejected a number of times, definatly not the best feeling, he is obviously not worth it, you deserve the best!... You ARE worthy!!.... take care

from xperi-mental :

Feel better! XXXX

from avalonte :

Yay, the cookie thief lives to fight another day!

from freed0m :

Thank you for the note. It's nice to hear from readers! I hope you're feeling better soon... :)

from furiouspuppy :

Hi Kathy; Nice to meet you....I will definitely be peeping at your diary....xoxoxo Lori

from laura-ly :

You are too interesting.

from xemowhorex :

you have me listed as a favorite. if you're still around and care at all, i have had to locked my diary for a while. the username: emo password: whore

from dont-stop :

If she contacts you again, tell her that you're done with him and then leave the both of them alone! You don't want things to spiral out of control. You don't want her to start messing with your life. You don't want her calling your work and spreading harrassment accusations at you just to get you fired. You don't want her coming at you or your husband in a violent rage. It's time for reality.

from vintagegurl :

hummmmmmmmmus... so good :-9 Hope yr visit to the doctor's goes alright! <3

from daze-of-rain :

Kathy, thank you so much for the message in my guestbook. It's nice to hear from people, good to know that my words aren't written and then sent off to space never to be read again. LOL I am also glad to know you can relate and I am not all alone.

from skinnyboney :

hi darling, i really hope 2004 is going to be a wonderful year for you...just like you said: new year - new chance =) {{hugs}}

from brian2290 :

helo the names brian but you can call me bri do you like music i do

from sarahsundae :

//hugs

from dont-stop :

Good! I'm glad you're getting past him.

from swimmmer72 :

half the battle is realizing you have a problem and need some help. you're already on the right track. good luck!! have faith, things will work themselves out. :)

from sarahsundae :

//hugs again sweetie.

from swimmmer72 :

yes, you are sunshine, and i'm glad you had someone to tell you so. :)

from calidris :

No offense, but your husband said "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health," did he not? Then he should visit you in the hospital. Really, I don't mean to be unsupportive, but him telling you he doesn't want to visit you is really...well, I think it's pretty awful. I'm sorry if that hurts you. I don't mean it to.

from sarahsundae :

//hugs. I hope you are getting everything you need.

from reese-dixon :

Oh you poor thing! I haven't read much of your diary yet, so I don't know what's going on, but you sound so desperate. I hope you're OK. Take care of yourself.

from blueeyes76 :

Is everything alright ? I'm a bit worried coze you haven't updated since monday... I miss you.....hope you're ok...give us some news....hugs xoxo

from swimmmer72 :

i tried to leave a comment, but it wouldn't let me. i agree with beth. she gave you some good advice from an excellent perspective. besides, this isn't doing anything GOOD for you, and it's time to let it go. i hope things work out for you! :)

from daze-of-rain :

thank-you so much for you kind message. It means a lot to me. I appreciate the offer of emailing as well. I am sure I will be taking you up on that when I have a bit more time. xoxo

from shrekkiezoo :

I enjoy reading your blog, you are an interesting person. I clicked on your link when I saw the reference to Kruger. Are you from South Africa? I live in Grahamstown. my site = http://freshfaith.org

from be-naked :

laurenrocks has moved to be-naked. thanks!

from bitsofmylife :

i'm confused. do you and your husband have an open marriage (aka can still see other people despite being married?) i think the situation with "e" as you call him is confusing; i can never tell if you like him in an amorous or amicable kind of way. hope you're having a great day!

from sarahsundae :

thanks for the birthday wishes honey.

from tutu-girl :

Hi Kathy..... (she says in a small sheepish whisper) sory I haven't written to you in so long, no excuses, I'm just a big fat loser. I am tying to catch up on your diary and ... whoa!! Laxatives!!! come on now,... you were doing so good!! I know you have most likely already taken them (in which case they are making you pay!!!;), but if not, DON'T DO IT!!! not b/c there sooooooooo bad for you or they don't work (b/c lets face it they do give us an nice little drop in weight) , but b/c they are soooooo adictive!!!! I have also been very tempted lately to get some but I know that (just like the purging) it would become a daily occurance again. Hope you are not feeling too bad, Take Care!! I will write more now, and if I don't feel free to yell at me;) April

from vintagegurl :

yeah but you were supposed to send me a pic!!!! I know you'll get better, you're a strong woman who's just going through hard times right now, but you'll be okay!! <3

from bitsofmylife :

hey kathy, how are you doing? i have never left you a note but i read your diary religiously. i appreciate your note. things are looking better (the longer i'm stoned, the better i feel). tomorrow is do-or-die day though... have to get things under control. anyway. we'll see. by the way... if i'm not mistaking, you're from the uk, correct? an odd link there: i was born in london but have lives here for most of my life. anyway. have a good week.

from agonie :

It's funny how I used to eat 1500 cals at least in a day, and since I fasted last week end, poof! I can't eat much now. Not more than 1000 a day, because my body desn't want food as much as it did. Everything changed, finally, and I wish it will stay that way. But that makes me all bloated everytime I eat a regular portion, so that's why I was kinda freaking out last time, referring to your message. Thanks for caring!

from swimmmer72 :

i don't think badly about you, not at all. i think you are just going through a difficult time right now, and believe me, we have all been there before as well. yeah,... the stories i could tell... BUT, while it seemed like hell at the time, i got through it eventually, and so will you. hang in there, and keep working for what is good for you. :)

from sarahsundae :

are you okay? 102903

from thintowin :

Hi hun, I missed you! :)

from vintagegurl :

thanks! and happy kippour! <3 <3

from tutu-girl :

Of course its normal!!!! Just reading all of what you said, it makes complete sense. You want to feel attractive to other men (totally normal), as you said, your husband is a wonderful guy, probably the type that would love you no matter what, am I right?? so maybe you don't feel that it is enogh that he sees you as beautiful, you want to know that you are beautiful to others as well (and you are!), others who aren't your totaly loving husband. It doesn't sound like you want to "cheat" on him or anything, or that you are unhappy with your relationship, just that you need some validation from other men. I really encourage you to talk to your therapist about it b/c I am sure that she/he will be able to show you why you are really feeing this way, and maybe help you feel less guilty. Again, I think it is completely normal and makes a lot of sense considering what issues you are trying to work through right now. ~April

from kaytayp :

never feel guilty for enjoying the happiness you have an absolute right to. enjoy yourself, if for no other reason than cuz some silly girl told you to :) good luck with the boss, and take care!

from sweet-cynic :

dressed like you're going to the movies? what a weird boss

from dont-stop :

Thank you for the kind words and I'm glad you're getting yourself on track health-wise. Take care, Beth

from vintagegurl :

hey! it's good to be dressed for the movies! why didn't you tell him "so can I have some popcorn, boss?" I hope you didn't try to jump on any guy on the street today! (same crazy bout of hormones with me lately, I feel like seducing even the grossiest guys... yuck!) Bye <3<3<3

from sheloses :

i just wanted to pop my head in and say hi. thank you for your sweet note :)

from ohromy :

beautiful men = endless motivation. glad you're having a good go of it. don't be ashamed to be a freak!

from tutu-girl :

Glad to see that you are taking care of your self. I had to laugh about your complaint of finding every second man iresistable, I wouldn't be too concerned, look but don't touch, From my experience the looking and the lusting are much more fun and exciting then the having..... of course I have isues...hmmm.

from barenaked500 :

Have I told you lately that I love you?!? :) Seriously, you're the nicest person in the world for making me smile so much!

from miapiglet :

I love and support you! <3

from miame :

Hi there! Thank you for the notes! Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner! I can't catch up on your diary right now...but when I get back from my honeymoon you can bet that I'll be back!!! Until then-be well and make sure to get a hair cut that you like!!! Sandy

from ohromy :

bed cures all shitty days (imo). thank you for the note, i hope you have a nicer day tomorrow. at least you're keeping up the good work! it will lead to nicer days down the road..

from toshchaya :

I know...'tis why I was so reluctant to move back there. Thanks for caring. It's like an warm, invisible hug!

from tutu-girl :

Kathy, sorry you had such a crappy day, but congrats on getting yourself into a better place. You are right, You Can Do It!!! It is a new day. I am also trying to get back to working out regularly, I took time off when I was sick and now just can't get moving, but I will make a pack with you,.... I promise to go for a long run today if you promise to do the same (or some other workout thing you enjoy) I know I just need to start and get over this slump. Lets help each other!!!:) Someting else I find that helps is to go and browseon the "Thin pages" Do you ever go there? are you a member? Talk to you latter, let me know if your up to the challenge:)

from miapiglet :

"I just want to be thin.....AAAAAAAAAAahhhhhhhhh!@#@!" Roger that, sister. Hope everything is going alright... dont be too hard on urself. You are beautiful! <3

from vintagegurl :

Hi Kathy, My prayers go to you, your own, your country. Please take care, please be safe. Love <3 Charlotte

from miapiglet :

Oh wow...Kathy. That entry is so tragic. I hope you are ok... Im not sure what happened yet.. but if you need me, send me a note and we can talk. <3

from cleorock :

i'm keeping my diary, thanx the note, sweetie take care.

from tutu-girl :

Hi Kathy, I can sooo relate to trying to loose that last friggin 10 pounds that just wont come of. Can be very fraustrating. (I think 5kg is about 10 lbs??) It feels like I've been trying to get down to 100lbs forever, I have decided to try something new, rather than always giving myself a "goal" weight, say 108lbs, I will say I want to stay "under" 112, I think this might help me mentally, maybe feel more succesful, otherwise I reach the goal and imediately set a new one and never enjoy it. This way I am more focused on "not gaining" than "losing", after maintaing under a certain number, I will lower that number by a couple pounds and contuinue. Hopefully it works. Hang in there, It sounds like you are at a plateau (DAMN FRIGGIN PLATEAUS!*@#^$%*!) A week of HARD work at the gym, and low fat food (dont really worry about the cals as long as your working it off, low fat is the key) and you will be sure to break it.

from vampiresybil :

Thank you hun! I always love getting messages from random people. you have really made my day, and you DID cheer me up! Thanks so much. <3Sybil

from miapiglet :

I can totally relate to "waking up flabby." They say the last few lbs are the hardest to lose...but I know you can do it. Im rooting for you! <3

from barenaked500 :

YOU ARE TOO WONDERFULLY NICE! :) love, love, love.

from swimmmer72 :

SURE! you figure out how to get to erie next may, i'd love to have you as a co-pilot! :)

from vintagegurl :

Hi Kathy! Thanks for your note! It's good to be back and catch up with other diaries, including yours! <3 VGurl

from miapiglet :

Congrats on eating well! I know you will do just fine on those presentations!! <3

from wifemotherme :

You are so not crazy about the carb thing! 90% of the world does the same thing. I would have denied that carbs had that effect on me until I went on a low carb diet. Weight drops off but after the first week you just do not crave sugar and carbs the way you did before. If you try to binge on carbs you will feel ill all over again. I am out of control when it comes to food so I always end up eating carbs and feeling sick.

from miapiglet :

Sorry I have been gone for a few days, but now Im back in the swing of things. Well, for now anyway. I hope that youre doing fine. Dont get discouraged. Im always here if you need me. <3 MiaPiglet

from swimmmer72 :

when you fall, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start over again. avoid the pitfalls when you can, deal with them when you can't. it'll work. thanks for the note! kind and supportive as always. if you happen to be near erie next may, stop in, we'll go for a drive. :)

from sad-doll :

<3<3<3 hey pretty.

from barenaked500 :

you are too kind. thank you. xoxo

from thintowin :

Thanks for the note. I am doing better. And I like your last entry... sometimes I look around at things other people have to go through and it helps me put things in perspective.

from pleasediana :

i've moved xredbracelet

from miapiglet :

I know its so hard to be positive sometimes, but just let yoruself sulk a while, get out of the rut, and then try to shake your bad mood. You are wonderful, embrace yourself. Remember, everything will be ok in the end, if its not ok, then its not the end. Much love, MiaPiglet

from sad-disease :

Thanks for the "take care." It was wonderful.

from dont-stop :

Yes! I was very spoilt and very very naughty. I loved every minute of it. Thanks for the note. I'm sorry about your mom. It sucks how they treated her.

from swimmmer72 :

i experienced the same type of 2-3 day depression after the two groups of relatives left this past month. i think with your mother, it was probably even more profound. where does she live? i think it is terrible about the sense of non-support and blatant disregard for both your and your mom's feelings that you got from your husband and his family. i really don't know what to say about that, but there is no excuse for that kind of attitude and behavior. i am sorry to hear it.

from wifemotherme :

Oh bless your heart! I love my mom much like you do yours. Saying goodbye leaves me spent for weeks. I hope things start to feel better for you soon. Feel free to IM me if you need someone to talk to - I only can offer sucky advice but I can cry with you. : )

from comfortm :

aww..thank you for the sweet note *comfort*

from barenaked500 :

thank you. :) i love pictures.

from stormseye :

Thank you.

from skinnyboney :

darling, you really are such a sweetheart...i'm glad you had a good day and i wish you all the best for the goodbye with your mom and the work - you definitely deserve it. take care, <3 sin

from get-thin :

:( Just wanted to say I hope you're feeling better, and that I'm thinking of you!

from swimmmer72 :

i've been a steady 180 for weeks now. it doesn't matter whether i pig out or work out, it's always the same. this morning my scale first said 184, then 187 when i re-tried it. even my scale is fucking with me. :)

from a-nymph :

Thank you for all of your thoughtful notes! They're great :) Take care, okay?

from silentdemand :

Hey, thanks so much for your note. You always make me feel better. I hope you can build some self-control so you'll stop feeling the need to take laxatives. I know how hard it is though, I keep stuffing myself whenever I get tired or stessed out. Take care of yourself xoxo

from vintagegurl :

Thank you so much sweetie! You really made me feel better :-) And please, please be safe! I don't like what I hear on the news. :-( <3 <3 <3 charlotte

from miapiglet :

Thank you for ur constant inspiration. Please be careful with the laxatives...its very addicting and doesnt even get all the calories out. They have already been absorbed! Dont hurt yourself...you can do this with ur own self control and will power! You are strong...Im rooting for you!

from poisonedtear :

Thanks so much for your note, it means a lot to m to know that people like my writing

from sicluceatlux :

thank you *smile* it's nice to meet you...

from swimmmer72 :

that was a pretty obnoxious comment from your father in law. please keep in mind that it is a reflective on him, and his ignorance, rather than on you. i'm sorry you have to put up with stuff like that. and thank you for the nice note. you are always very supportive, and i appreciate it.

from bitsofmylife :

thank god for high-speed. i just got it installed in this new apartment, which i am learning to love despite its significantly smaller size. thank you for your note though; it brightened my day. i had not read your diary before but i believe i'm transfixed. great writing.

from me-destruit :

thank you for the sweet note!

from pleasediana :

thank you. i hope you feel better as well. i've actually thought about you a lot today. i like it how you put ur weight up in kgs..i know you said you were from europe and i think that's how you guys weigh urself over there? but i still like it none-the-less.

from pleasediana :

well i've been keeping track with ur diary and even though you say you've been drinking tons of wine and eating ch bars like mad today it seems that your back to losing some of the weight. right?? and i know a little too well what that belly u r talking about looks like. i've had it many times myself after binging for days. i could ever pull mine out away from myself..which sorta told me to stop being like that and a couple days later i always did. you'll get back on track. it looks almost like you already are.

from xanasforcex :

ooops... the first sentence I meant to say " the way you explained your binging in your last entry" .. lol

from xanasforcex :

I am just like you , have you explained the binging in your latest entry.. I dont purge either... well , sometimes, and that's usually once in a blue moon and will only last up to 3 weeks tops.. but usually when I diet, if I felt like I cheated Ill keep eating one thing after another that day .... sometimes I feel alone, because alot of people either have the bulima or the anorexia... but its nice to know that Im not the only "binger" who doesnt purge... ... you are not alone!! .... we CAN overcome this! ... Im hopefully going to join the gym next week , and try to get my eating back in order again .. .. try to write down everything you eat... even when you binger, and write down the time you eat/binge and what your mood is... then you will find what triggers your binging.... it is truly helpful! ;)

from vintagegurl :

Thanls you for your sweet note, I love your diary! See ya and be safe, okay? Love - Charlotte

from sylviashadow :

Welcome to ana-mia fems.--sylviashadow,ringleader

from miapiglet :

Thank you so much for the kind comment. It was greatly appreciated and made my day.

from get-thin :

Thanks for your encouraging comments. I'm happy to hear that you are also newly motivated! As we all know, the actual practice of eating right is so hard to do, but having a positive attitude about it definitely helps. I hope your spirits stay up - I know we can do it!

from tutu-girl :

ahhhhhhhhhhh, Kathy, This may sound weird but you have just completely made my day. I got your pictures and you look wonderful, you have very beautiful eyes and your smile made me feel..... better. Your comments on my pictures were too sweet. Thank you. I have had an upseting night, don't want to really go into details, but basically my mom was suppose to come see my play and she didn't. I spent the whole night believing she was in the audiance, and she wasn't, I 'll explain more in my update. anyways your letter has made me feel much better, so thank you. Sorry to hear about the increase in kg. but hey, were women, we fluctuate. Good luck with the therapy, even if you are not completely ready for recovery, it can be nice to have someone to talk to about this stuff. I think that is weird that she labled you as bulimic, when you don't purge, I would say EDNOS, with anorexic tendencies, I know I am an anorectic with purging tendencies (although lately I've been more bulimic then anything else) I don't know, they want to put us into these neat little categories, when it just doesn't work that way. Bla, I'm in a venting mood. Take Care April

from swimmmer72 :

interesting entry, kathy. i wish i could offer some helpful advice, but i don't know that there is anything i could say that you haven't already heard. stay with it, one step at a time, and please don't get down on yourself if you have a set-back. good luck! :)

from tutu-girl :

Hi Kathy, I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. I downloaded your pictures but, because they are in a "zip" file I can't view them. I think there is a way to change it, but I'm not really sure how, Sorry!!!! My computer only likes "jpg" pics. hmph! I am putting my pictures together right now to send to you, so hopefully you get them soon.

from swimmmer72 :

you can do anything you decide to do. careful of the extremes, though. i'm an "all or nothing" kind of guy, too, so i know the feeling. i've had to work on moderation, but it seems to be working. good luck! :)

from barenaked500 :

thank you :)

from swimmmer72 :

isn't the desire to be thin part of an extreme? i mean, thin is fine, i want to be thin, too, but only to a point. from your weight and height, i'd say you are not fat at all. far from it. you are right about staying away from extremes, i.e., one glass of wine, not a bottle, and finding your balance. i try to balance my lowering weight with the desire to actually eat things i like, and here i am, a little heavier than i want, but eating things i like. that's my balance, you have to find yours, and i hope you are able to do so. people care about you - don't be afraid to go to them for help. also, thank you so much for the nice comment about my diary in your profile. i'm honored. :)

from pleasediana :

wow..where do you live at? i think it's bizarre that it's 11 49 p.m. here and you're already talking about it being monday and being at work! i love that. maybe you live in england?

from swimmmer72 :

at the risk of turning you into a drunk, if a couple glasses of wine help you relax and feel better about yourself for an afternoon, then maybe it's a good thing. yeah, i know, that point of view only has a limited good to it, but hopefully, the next day didn't erase it all. sometimes when i pig out, i'm really surprised when i DON'T gain weight. this (of course) is balanced by the days i work my ass off, don't eat a thing, AND still don't drop a pound. go figure. thanks for the note. i appreciate it. :)

from luminous-ice :

Yo! Nice Diary! Stay Cool! -Lauz

from silverelite :

thanks for the note :-) i'm feeling pretty good...just not hungry, but that's definitely a good thing! thanks again! i hope you visit my diary again soon!

from asilentplea :

thank you :) I wish i could say it was all my work.. but that would just fuck up my karma :) (www.shedoodles.com did it - amazingly nice gurl ) yours is pretty cool too :) hope ur ok, cheers once again, charlie xx

from asilentplea :

from swimmmer72 :

nah, it's a fine entry. don't be so hard on yourself. your mom, chocolates, and wanting to lose weight. sounds like a good entry to me. :)

from swimmmer72 :

yes, you are a nice person, and i thank you for that. you continue to write the nicest things in my notes. please don't feel you have to make yourself "harder". you do need to think about yourself, and do things just for YOU more, but it shouldn't come at the cost of being nice. you just need to find that balance for yourself. :)

from swimmmer72 :

i'm sure your husband accepts you for who you are, not how much you weigh. that being said, yes, you had a food filled weekend, and need to work some off. that's ok. but if you stress about it, it just gets worse. take hubby and go for a hike, get some exercise doing something you enjoy with him, and try not to worry about it so much, ok?

from tutu-girl :

Hey Kathy, I'm just waiting to get my film developed, I will let you know as soon as they are. My e-mail is [email protected] I can't wait to see your pics! Take care

from swimmmer72 :

bloated? yeah, i was 182 this AM, which is up 2 lbs, and i didn't even eat dinner. scales suck. have fun on your getaway, it sounds like it will be very nice. the little touch of mystery makes it special! :)

from swimmmer72 :

ok, perspective from the old man... age definitely changes things, but only if you let it, AND (this is what affects me the most) you let what others think about age detemine what you should think. people compare me to a 19 yr old mentality all the time, and i've been fortunate to be able to have the freedom to be whatever i wanted to be. still, it takes some adjustment, and sometimes i wonder whether i should be more accepting of my age. but NO, i don't think so. you do what is right for you. :)

from swimmmer72 :

if you can make some sort of exercise part of your daily routine, that ought to help. i know what you mean about needing that push to get to the gym (with me, it's the push to get to the peninsula), but, if you try and do it every day, i'm betting the weight will start to come off. and even if it doesn't, it is still better for you. AND, will help you live life to the fullest! good luck, kathy. :)

from swimmmer72 :

thanx for the note. i try to update every day, as long as i'm not just updating for the sake of updating. work will slow me down a bit, but not too much. :)

from swimmmer72 :

you are right, it seems like if all you are eating is fruit, the lbs (or kgs) should be melting off. maybe it is all water weight. yeah, it is frustrating. do you exercise? be patient, maybe you need to give the fruit diet a chance to really kick up your metabolism. i'm not sure what it is supposed to do. just don't give up, and please, give yourself a break, ok?

from swimmmer72 :

thanx for the compliments!! i really appreciate it. a lot of the pics i use come from corel gallery. they are mostly the smaller ones. the bigger ones, i.e., the ones that screw up my template since they are so big, are mine, plus some of the others. good luck on your own weight loss, i'm getting nowhere with mine, even with all the running. :)

from xanasforcex :

((((((((hugz)))))) we all have our bad days hun , dont beat yourself up .. .tomorrow's a new day,... wish you the best... take care/kita

from miapiglet :

Hi there...just wanted to say I really like your diary layout. Have a great day!

from swimmmer72 :

is taking things personally wrong? especially when that is how things were meant? i know the feeling, and it is a hard trap to avoid. i can't avoid it either at times. i like your diary, kathy. :)

from tutu-girl :

Hope you are feelin better, we all have those "bla" days, curling up with a good book sounds like a good idea. I will try to set up a picture account when I get back from Winnipeg, damn picture trail, maybe I will have some of me from my trip. Don't get too excited though, I am nothing special. I would love to see some of you, if you have access to a scanner and such. let me know. April

from tutu-girl :

Hey there Kathy, I love your new diary layout. I just wanted to let you know I was back (not that i really went anywhere, my life has just been a little too boing and yet too busy to write). Don't let yourself think that you are selfish, you are not, Too many people already think that ED's are about conceited people who just want to look good, but that is just not true, I fall the deepest into my ED when I hate myself completely, how can that be conceite?? how can it be selfish to deny yoursel the basic requirements of life. If you have issues with food and eating, chaces are you have enough other problem to worry about, please don't add "thinking you are selfish" to that list, b/c it simply can not be true. An ED goes deeper then that superficial stuf, if it didn't we would all stop when we reached a size 4. Take care ~April

from swimmmer72 :

give yourself some credit - you write about what is important to you. there is nothing wrong with that. the worst thing you can do here at d-land is compare what you write to what others write. it's apples and oranges. you write what you feel, and that's all that matters. :)

from veggiepunk :

Hey,wazzzup!First i wanna thank ya for the nice note you wrote me and second of all thanx for adding me on your buddylist, i really appriciate it! well...i hope you reach your goal! Take care!!!

from swimmmer72 :

i think i have the kg to lb conversion down, but can i ask how tall you are? i read maybe 8 of your entries, and i'm trying to get some perspective. i'm 6'0" and weigh between 176-180 (80-82KG?)usually, and want to lose a few. i know i am my own severest critic, but still. i work my ass off and it is a huge struggle to lose anything. so yeah, i understand. :)

from swimmmer72 :

MIND?? hell, i LOVE favorites!!! and i am honored to be one of yours! thanx for reading and i will be reading yours as well. visit any time you like! :)

from aurora-scars :

thanx for adding me...:) hope i dont bore you!

from silentdemand :

Hey, my e-mail's screwed up so I'm writing you back here. Thanks for the complements and the advice, it feels good to know someone's putting some thought into my life other than me. I don't think there's anything wrong with you going to the dietician at all, especially if it helps you feel more in control of your health and your eating habits. I don't like being hungry either. Don't feel guilty for eating, feel guilty if you constantly eat shite food that your body can't use for energy, because that's what food is, energy. xoxo C

from silentdemand :

Hey, thankyou so much ;-) xoxo C

from wrthlss :

Where do you live that you weigh kilos instead of pounds?

from starvemeana :

hey, may I know how tall are you? :) I'm 5'6"

from sweetvanity :

Thanks for leaving a note for me! Very nice of you and I appreciate it :) I added you to my buddy list and I look forward to reading your diary! I love finding new diaries to read on here.

from starvemeana :

hey, maybe you would like tochange my nickname to starvemeana instead of starve.me.ana? lol, just a small thing that bugs me :P Have a nice day and omigosh, i love your writing. you're good. love you xo.

from silentdemand :

Thanks for reading my new diary! I know exactly how you feel, hating that you like certain foods, hating being full, and feeling like your life is boring because its ruled by thoughts of diet and exercise. It sucks. But being thin does feel good, doesn't it? Take care, do something fun xoxo

from moviegrrl :

you're so sweet!!!!!

from thin-or-life :

Hey! Thanks for the note. I love your diary and your template is lovely. Yes, I'm obsessed with doing crunches, hehe. And I'm extremely immature for my age. We have a lot in common. xoxo

from luv-being-me :

If that girl really doesn't have any body fat, she'd pretty much not be alive, so I really suggest you don't plan to weigh the same as her. If you're taller than her, then don't try to set a goal like that. Set a goal for yourself for what you will make you happy. I mean, i'm 15 and I know that's what your supposed to do. I'm really really sorry you feel this way about yourself. I bet your beautiful and you just don't realize it.

from skinnyboney :

hi honey...thanks for your sweet note =) i hope you've had a good time at the hotel...by the way: what does your name (krugerpak007) mean?? take care, xoxo sin

from a-nymph :

love the picture in your layout!

from tutu-girl :

Hi Kathy, I finally added you to my favourite diary lists, I kept wondering when you would update, and then realized that I hadn't added you to my list, I'm an idiot. Anyways, I hope your diet is still going good, of course you will have a flat stomach, keep the mental picture of it in mind to motivate you. i was wondering where your from, I am thinking England, from the way you write, I'm from Canada. Well take care, and thank you for leaving me a note the other day:) ~April

from shrinkodebt :

Yes, it is. Very amazing that a scale can rule a person's life... a person's mood... a person's feelings of worth. Crazy crazy crazy. Take care, Kathy

from shrinkodebt :

welcome to dland Kathy :) I see you are another food&weight-issued gal ;) I haven't read a lot of your diary, but will read more- take care!!! ~odebt

from tutu-girl :

Hi Kathy, thanks for leaving me a note, it made my day. I hope you keep writing in your diary, I will definately be reading it! April

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