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messages to unclebob:
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<
from moodswing :
you didn't happen to DJ a wedding in Savannah the weekend of Feb 7th didja?
from cdstacks :
omigosh, in the constant inconsistency of the every changing reality of the life in the world as we know it, it is good to see some stability (imagine you considered stability)... very many thanks for being here doing this thing you do and may life smile wider today and every day :)
from inprivate :
my retarded internet has blocked your diary due to the content! and I'm not some school kid with internet filtering this is MY mobile internet and it won't let me read you! *dead*
from moodswing :
oh my god, you are currently my hero for returning the greatest of "rad f'n pit". i love you
from misfitstray :
As far as I know there won't be 4 more years of Dubyah, as they are only aloud for max. of 8 years, or? So why do you wrote that shit? Yes Palin is the Antichrist, so McCain is... It is SO bothersome to hear her hypocritical opinions! Too fucking bad, that I'm not allowed to vote in the US, as I'm German *sigh*
from mariel :
hurrah! I've missed mister rad and his bong adventures!
from words-4-less :
Linky no worky.
from nilliem :
And this uninitiated is most appreciative!
from carriesplace :
Who is He? and why is he coming? You have me so confuzzled
from awittykitty :
Jesus is coming?? Who? Who?
from argentum :
He is coming in five...what? Who exactly is 'he' and what do I care what he comes in?
from stepfordtart :
Both my kids have had 'The' croup - if Andrew gets it again, you could try sitting him in whichever room is the smallest in your house (we favour the downstairs loo) and taking a kettle in with you on a long extension lead. Boil the kettle with the lid off (so the auto cut-out thingy doesnt work) and just boil, boil, boil. When the room fills up with steam - hence the need for a SMALL room! - just sit back and suck up the steam. Helps a lot to ease the throat passages. Honest. And if you kind of close your eyes, you can imagine you're in a sauna with some foxy Swedish chick, rather than sat on the lav seat, sweating like a navvy, with a barking kid on your lap. s x
from d33j44 :
Wow Bob, I've been reading your site for a long time. I have watched your family grow up and thru many things as well as admire your work ethic and persistence. I hope to continue to enjoy this site even if it isn't everyday anymore. So seriously, cut back on your obligations man! The boy and careers are a lot alone! You will thank yourself later for slowing down some now, especially if your health is suffering!
from haloaskew :
OMG UB...I was dying laughing over your spooky incident with Wheelie. The whole time, I couldn't help but think about a gal I know on Second Life, who's disabled in real life...but sometimes she shows up inworld, on a *dance floor*, with her avatar in a virtual wheelchair. Considering this is a world where you can do anything, look like a goddess with the greatest set of (WORKING) gams imaginable, dontcha think she'd can the wheelchair? I'm suddenly wondering if Wheelie has a Second Life account...
from awittykitty :
I just watched "Different Strokes" actor Gary Coleman on "Divorce Court". Short people ARE angry. Watch out Uncle Bob!
from wordwhore :
flip her like a turtle *chuckle* too funny...especially since my MIL once actually did that to my FIL - and he weighed considerably more than 90 lbs. My BIL was physically attacked by a woman matching your turtle lady's description, though, so count yourself lucky!
from vicunja :
Try him with these classics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9WvXFUg2Ls - can't believe he's 7, tho. Last I read your illustrious UncleBob diary, he was still in nappies... that's diapers. Must stop by more often!
from tigrefatalis :
Classical music is a great training device, my dear, Uncle Bob. Of course, Grieg was a little... weird. Still, if Andrew is going to go into vocals, having classical training will strengthen his sound dramatically. Glad to see you're still posting. Blessings to you and your family. Still hate cheese? *grins*
from argentum :
Merry Christmas, Bobbo. I appreciate you keeping this going. Honestly? I feel like I've learned a ton of shit from you. And I keep waiting for you to have a syndicated column nationwide like Dave Barry or Lewis Grizzard. Barry's gone, so...why don't you pick up the slack? Get an agent, and get it done!
from tranntpigge :
celebrtities in fatsuits? i agree; it's atrocious. you know what a better method of suffering would be? to make them be bulimic for a day. not pretend britneyspears or lindsaylohan bulimia, but real bulimia; you know, where they actually have bulimic symptoms. just for a day, make them be, say a 21yearold boy attending a large university in the midwest, working at a grocery store, who may damn well be the worst bulimic the world has ever known. everyday the same. not tasting, chewing, knowing that he's eating until all the food is gone. crying, screaming, clawing in anguish, so afraid of getting fat. have them down 120 laxatives at once and see if they survive to suffer his severly damaged stomach and intestine lining, or if they just drop over dead from the severe toxicity. make them gag themselves futily, bodies convulsing to heave up air. so afraid of getting fat. workout like a maniac for three hours. riding a stationary bike at 40mph. bingeing and purging two, five, seven times a day. never eating a real meal. oh, but never getting skinny, because bulimics generally are at normal weight or a little above. of course, they would have his same family, full of morbidly obese adults, whom he feels sorry for because they try and fail to diet so frequently, suffer severe health problems, and have thereby created his lifelong obsession with eating and puking, eating and poisoning himself, until it gradually consumed his life, and now he is nothing but a mia; hates all food. then maybe they could have the skinny little bitch endure years of therapy to maybe recover, but develop justplain bingeeating disorder instead, and truly become fat, never losing the weight. ever. then they would know what it's like to be a realperson. provided mia doesn't kill them first.
from frankzappa :
Hi UB. I've been reading your diary for a long time and have really enjoyed it. Thanks. Just wanted to mention a TV series that might give you an interesting view on Aspergers. It's called Regenesis. Now it is a Canadian show, but it's about scientists fighting biological terrorists, so that's pretty cool. One of the best characters is a scientist named Bob, who has Aspergers. He's different, super nice, and the one the other scientists come to when they can't figure things out. I don't know how closely it resembles reality in that respect, but it seems to suggest that when surrounded by understanding people, people with Aspergers can thrive. I guess what I'm saying is Regenesis is a great show that has a brilliant dude in it who has Aspergers. Take care and all the best.
from bleedenheart :
i'm having withdrawls.
from fester1964 :
hi just a brit lad first time reading...you are a very funny man....look forward to next madness
from princesse69 :
Was just checking out random diaries on D'land and so glad I found yours. Your little tale of the speeding-to-get-the-toilet drama really made me giggle! (sorry I found your misfortune so amusing). I will definitely be back here so I am added you to my list. Hope you're having a good day there.
from haloaskew :
Can't access your comments page for some reason, but wanted to let you (and THE PEOPLE) know that Brandi Carlile is also available on the Rhapsody music service. I'm totally in love with "The Story" now. Thanks, Unca Bob!
from haloaskew :
Can't access your comments page for some reason, but wanted to let you (and THE PEOPLE) know that Brandi Carlile is also available on the Rhapsody music service. I'm totally in love with "The Story" now. Thanks, Unca Bob!
from mojo-jojo712 :
when i was a kid everyone gave my mom crap about me being underweight and unhealthy and i needed therapy and my grandmother had the best advice, when shes hungry she'll eat she won't starve herself to death. so i say do the same with andrew. im as finnicky as they come but im still living. he wont starve himself and slowly start to eat other foods. the therapist sounds like abuse.... as for borat....i thought i would be disappointed with it as well, but it is actually quite funny and very entertaining. good luck:)
from somaserious :
Hee, hee. You're a righteously funny guy, Uncle Bob!!! Can't wait 'till I have more time to read your archives.... Soma
from haloaskew :
Dear Uncle Bob ~ you should be receiving a little Diaryland gift soon. Consider it my way of paying back the master. You were my inspiration. Four years later, I'm still going strong. Best to you and your family!
from artgnome :
Hey Uncle Bob;Happy New Year. Nothing like putting past crap behind you to start the new year fresh. I for one have never been a gold member. I use Blogtools for free comments and ImageShack to post photos. No reason to not enjoy Diaryland while still having some perks.
from awittykitty :
Don't go Uncle Bob. No I can't pay your gold membership because I'm po', but don't go. My brother does karaoke in clubs as a DJ and I love hearing about all the geeks, since he won't blaspheme his clientele like you. Congrat on the iPod BTW.
from roadside123 :
The new (and old) My Chemical Romance album is amazing; you have good taste. I have to say, though, I've been reading your blog for about two years or so and I didn't have you pegged as the MCR type but I like you more now because of it. Keep writing, I like the new tone.
from sixxgunn :
As always, you continue to be an inspiration. I used to have a diary here called "Ridin' the Shortbus". I've decided to try it again, after reading you. So... thanks! Please don't stop writing!
from nixtress :
Hey there. I just caught up a bit on your Uncle Bobness and literally just finished reading your entry dated 7/28/06. My condolences on the passing of your mom. I'm sorry for your loss. As for your situation with your son Andrew, I can understand a little what you're going through. I also have a quirky boy. My son Trevor turned 10 in May and was diagnosed in July with Asperger's Syndrome. He's always had quirks, always been a boy who was happiest on the outskirts of life...I guess I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. It's a blow to hear those words, I know. Sending good thoughts your way.
from wifemotherme :
Probably not, but get your ass back in here anyway!
from deareddie :
For goodness sake, Thank you, Uncle Bob. It's been a good damn time. You may never read this, but you helped me say fu the editors and actually got me published. Who knew? If, for some crazy reason, you get to Idaho, AKA, Boise, send me a note, I'll find good things and insane people for you (That is, insane people with children) to have fun with. Well. Let's be realistic. I'll steer you towards a bar or five. Cheers, love.
from frankzappa :
Sorry you feel you have to censor yourself UB. That blows. Maybe a good 'Drew Dog' entry might do you some good. Surely his circle of acquaintences aren't too internet savvy yet? 'His' concert description is one of the funniest blog entries I've ever read. Regardless, thanks for all of the brilliant entries. FZ
from kelly :
I wish I could retire from diaryland as gracefully as you have, Uncle Bob. I'll never forget you (or Brad Pitt.) Rock on:)
from jenniam :
I will miss you UB -- Love, your favorite lesbian.
from cheplotti :
Hey Uncle Bob, I've been a fan since I stumbled onto your page some time ago. I'm a college student, and I work in an office on campus a few days a week, so I've been missing your stories that usually start off my working days. Well, I hope you find it, where ever it went, also hope you and your family are well. Keep on rockin, J
from hzgrimm :
The Ellen Show is looking for a new DJ! GO FOR IT!!
from bigg-lady :
Freaking hilarious diary, dude. It's always good for a laugh when I need it. :D Bigg
from moosehunter :
Bob. Apologise for my lack of grammar and punctuation. Quite late at night and I hate bad grammar and punctuation! Moosehunter
from moosehunter :
Uncle Bob. Ben reading recently and am anticipating what will happen with the new family in our village (as in English, green and churches rather than 'The Village' in the US). We tried to get a house but it price was too high (£750 per month!!!) The family that have now got the house have 7 kids. SEVEN! How can they afford the house? What will the kids be like? Must be Catholic or really enjoy the 'humpty'! Moosehunter
from roadiepig :
Long time, no comment... I read somehing about "Larry the Cable Guy" the other day- about how he was some caller on a local radio station in Florida, and how he did multiple different skits (including an old redneck and a gay poof)and the "Larry the Cable Guy" crap took off, and now? He is some kind of media star, basically playing off of the "I hate everyone but my kind" of hate. He makes me puke. And my co-workers seem to LOVE him. And I (if you remember)live in Bumfuck, Illinois.So I have had to live with this crap my whole life. Racism, in any form, SUCKS! Whether it comes from some "fake" preacher, who uses race to make him a few extra bucks (Sharpton comes first to mind, but there are many(Pat Robertson), or if it is the latest "open minded" cretin who uses race to win a few more converts (take you pick of the latest white race mongers) It all sucks. I don't bother you very often, but "Larry the" shithead makes me want to puke. I'm just glad you seem to have the same attitude as me....
from moosehunter :
Wotcher Uncie Bob. Wish you were intercontinental. Getting married in August and, given my choice I'd have Pork Tornado design the invites, Dangerspouse do the catering and you DJ it. Unfortunately, the chances of you being in a small village in Northern England anywhere near are quite small. I'll just have to resign myself to reading about your exploits instead. Incidentally, I work for and Insurance Company (though 'spit, curse' I try not to admit that in public) and we insure a British Piss Boy. It's suprising what you find perusing the company database for rude words!!! Ciao for now and drop by my page any time you like. Was reading yours 2 years before I started mine. Moosehunter
from moose83 :
You are really funny. Thanks for making me smile.
from sixelasauce :
While I was watching Survivor last night I saw the weirdest commercial. It was for comcast. There was a sweetass d.j in the background...and an old couple dancing on the floor. It reminded me of one of your entries where you talk about doing a regular gig and the old people come to dance. It was very much your discription of that entry. Seriously...I think that someone in advertising is reading your diary and makie $$ from your life!!! (those bastards) I got your back!
from fairygodmum :
Happy Birthday Andrew! What I'd give to have a New Toy like that guess I'd better watch Little Einsteins so I can learn how to build one ehhhh??? Hugzzz Uncle Bob, come by and give me a critique on my paintings I posted. K... Bebe da FairyGodMum
from theswordsman :
Hi Uncle Bob. Congrats on the tie. John
from mercuryrain :
hi
from payoolay :
There was a Sex and the City episode about grey pubes ... Samantha's hot young boyfriend ("Smith") wanted her to grow hers because she was always clean-shaven and he thought it would be sexy. She did - and was horrified that they grew in grey. She dyed them, the colour didn't take (looked like a clown wig in her crotch) and she shaved 'em off again (Smith wasn't privy to a viewing). Gotta love Samantha Jones!!!
from annanotbob :
Hi there Bob, just a quickie in response to your comments about Little Britain. I think it has been vastly over-hyped but what I like about it is that, sad to say, these characters are so familiar. They've hardly had to do anything to make them grotesque - I teach in schools that are packed with girls just like Vicki Pollard, I know two guys who could have modelled for 'the only gay in the village' - I could go on... but this isn't going to make you laugh at it. Funniest thing on over here right now is 'Extras'. Wish I could have a go on your lawn mower...
from moosehunter :
Hi Uncle Bob. Newbie here as a member, but long-time fan. Drop by some time and say hi...
from spunkyhottie :
You are cool and funny you can make me laugh when my day looks like crap thanks and can i add you??~CHEY~
from annanotbob :
ps check out the Alabama 3 'Exit to Coldharbour Lane' - I think you'll like it. Their track 'Woke up this morning' was used as the theme to The Sopranos.
from annanotbob :
Fantastic - I'm 51 and I like rap (anything Dr Dre is involved in) but I've been surrounded by it for years due to teenagers. Enjoying your diary.
from chatterer :
i love this column! and i've never had an old, weird uncle before, heh! heh! heh! it's a mitzvah!
from sweetphatty :
i get so downtrodden when i can't view your diary.. it does it to me all the time bob-orino... :tear: not really.. but im secretly pissed off
from wowitsme :
Ok seriously, you must have one of the funniest diaries I've ever read. You should be proud, I'm never able to hold attention to anything longer than 10 minutes, but your diary was an exception. I see you smiling, yes I do.
from valkyrie1223 :
If you changed the wording alittle, unclebob the normal diary could become unclebob the hot steamy sex diary... you know you wwaannnnaa? Guess not then...
from als-pals :
Welllll, I DON'T know you in real life, BUT, I've never written you a comment either. I've been reading your site for about 8 months now. You're hysterical, I love it, the end! Thanks for the entertainment!!! And best of luck at the tux shop, that has to be "good" times!
from als-pals :
Welllll, I DON'T know you in real life, BUT, I've never written you a comment either. I've been reading your site for about 8 months now. You're hysterical, I love it, the end! Thanks for the entertainment!!! And best of luck at the tux shop, that has to be "good" times!
from ratherbored :
fight the power Uncle Bob! I believe in you!
from darcy-farrow :
still not working . . . :( This mama's lttle baby DO love shortnin' bread. Welcome Back. Interesting how movies we used to love just seem lame through older, jaded eyes.
from bluemeany :
Unless my Sunday School teacher was lying, Jesus still loves the little children ... and their parents. My back-slidden head will be bowed for that family.
from mr-wednesday :
did you know there is band called unkle bob in glasgow scotland? they are great!!! www.unklebob.com
from f-i-n :
(fake) hugs and kisses back to ya!
from icefacade :
i'm glad i'm not the only one completely befuddled by that commercial
from crazy4muffin :
Interview me. Even though you look exactly like an ex of mine that still owes me $800. Bastard.
from lost-family :
your story was very intersting, do all guys think that??
from amandabean :
hey uncle bob. I've written to you a few times over the years, but normally just a longtime reader. I'm a six year diarylander, but have read you regularly over that long period of time. however, I've decided to split with my diaryland, and go with my own domain. I'm now going to be at www.she-kvetches.com. I just wanted to let you know, and to tell you that you've been great (and brutal) with your honesty over the years, and it's been very appreciated. keep on rockin' in the free world. -amandabean
from bluemeany :
Hey ... you mean some people get WEEKENDS OFF?? Holy shit. See, I thought one day off every three weeks was what EVERYONE was doing. I may have to register a complaint with Uncle Sam. By the way, I have an idea for a mix tape: Songs Which Everybody Find Offensive. Just a thought. -Meany
from sunstargirl :
awesome site you have here. Thanks for sharing the laughs!
from mojo-jojo712 :
symptoms needed for xanax: anxiety, stress, trouble sleeping due to the first 2. it's really just an anti-anxiety medication that really mellows you out. and as far as being groggy the trick with xanax is you need a caffeine filled beverage in the morning, then you're golden!
from sampotato :
I laughed so hard about the Fish Dicks that I nearly wet myself. This is a great entry and a truly funny anecdote! Thank you.
from smiletenshi :
As a long-time reader of UncleBob with my morning tea, I would like to put my case before you. A poor college student, I am looking to go to Ft.Myers for five days this summer to get a bit of a vacation. The college semesters and the winter have indeed taken a toll on my nerves, and I feel at wit's end. Unfortunately, as a college student who has been victimized by the current economy, I cannot afford to go to Ft.Myers on my own. I will admit, I yanked the PayPal donations idea from PorkTornado's entry about DDR and put up my own. It can be found at http://smiletenshi.diaryland.com/vacation.html What I am asking, is that you link to me on an entry on your page. In return, I will be forever groveling in gratitude and link to you on my own diary, your face on my sidebar (image and linked) and proclaim the wonderful wonders that is Uncle Bob. You, being such a better writer than I, get so many more hits and having this exposure would help me greatly. Please, take a moment and read http://smiletenshi.diaryland.com/vacation.html Thanks for your time. Sincerely, SmileTenshi
from haloaskew :
Remember the line ET used in the Reese's Pieces commercials? He pointed at the display and said: "Eee-fa-gra-moo-fa-bitz." I made a point to memorize it, for reasons I'm still not able to grasp. (Oddly, I didn't see the movie until the 90's).
from haloaskew :
I am all for taking out the feeding tube to let her go, but it's sad it'll take her like FOREVER (ok, tomorrow, Wednesday?) to die. Geh. I wish they could just end it all already. But if they're having this much trouble taking her tube out, giving her an injection of happy-bye-bye-juice is not on the radar. I wish her parents would ACCEPT her fate already -- it's been 15 years. They need to break up and marry their lovers (it's coming, I'm telling you). HER PARENTS are the bad guys...how could they want their sweet daughter (who WAS good-looking way back when) to stay in a vegetative state FOREVER? It's so selfish. Can they honestly think that she would WANT to be kept in this condition? People want to bring her water and food. Why can't anyone smuggle in a gun NOW, when it would actually do some good?
from amberstone :
:::sighs::: That is so sad. Although it's not that women like her want "bad guys" or they enjoy abuse; it's that many women are so desperate for male strength that they mistake asshole-ness for strength. As much as society has tried to de-genderize us, some of us still crave the old-fashioned male and female roles, at least in the bedroom and behind closed doors. Men and women can both dress up in our Power Suits to fight the Corporate Dragons, get numerous degrees, be smart as hell in the workplace, but some of us women still want to feel feminine and protected by our big strong men when we come home again. Perhaps most especially attractive women. It gets really tireseome having every single guy go all gaa-gaa and wimpy on you just because of your looks. Unfortunately, some women, in seeking out that guy who will be the Alpha Male to their Alpha Female, commit a grave error in judgement when they finally meet a man who seems strong because he doesn't fall all over himself when he sees her and he doesn't let her walk all over him. They mistake this for strength and become very attracted. But all too often it's calculated manipulation on the part of the guy; it's not that he's strong; he's actually as you said, Bob: an asshole who is abusive to women. He sees her desire as clearly as a beacon and goes out of his way to exploit this in her. The sex is usually very powerful for her. Explosively so and perhaps for the very first time, she's with a man who knows all the right things to say in order to touch that private and deep part of her that is so desperate for a feeling of belonging. It may be even the first time she really has an orgasm to boot. This all combines to bind her really close to the guy and when the abuse starts, she's so far gone, she accepts it. To her, there seems to be little choice. She can leave him and try to work out a relationship with what she views as a "weak" man, the kind men she's met before that didn't know how to handle her or what she needed, or she can stay with this guy who at least understands how to give her part of what she craves. So yes, she feels trapped. She thinks it's the price she must pay and that there cannot be anyone one else who will give her what she needs from a man. Finally she starts to believe the things he says and begins to die a little inside bit by bit. God, I feel so sorry for her. Because if she only realized that so MANY men DO want to be strong and loving both and will give her what she wants if she could only be honest with them and herself in the beginning about what she is looking for. She CAN have it all, if she could only gather up enough courage to look for it. Sorry for the length. Sorry for the philosophizing. Sorry for the extreme projection, since I don't know this woman and I based all of this on so many other women I've known, including myself. Touched a nerve, sorry, couldn't help it.
from windylady :
I am only 2 degrees from Kevin Bacon. Woot! I was in the movie RUDY with Sean Astin, who was in White Water Summer with Kevin Bacon. Which makes me at the most about 4 degrees from any other popular famous person according to the Oracle :) Now, since I am leaving a note for you, and in essence 'speaking' to you, do you think that would make you 3 degrees from Kevin Bacon? I don't know all the rules...I'm just trying to help ya out :)
from betholindo :
Why not just download DVDs online? It's just the next step from music and there are plenty of (foreign) websites where you can do it legally for about a dollar a movie. You can take the money you save and renew your SuperGold membership.
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
Ptooey! I knew being first was too good to be true.
from haloaskew :
Getting your story straight for the cops there, UB? Or should I say "Jack"?
from wordwhore :
time to pay the diaryland man...i say phooey to no comments section!
from bluemeany :
Uncle Bob, would you do something awesome for me? I write for an Army newspaper, and I'm in Baghdad right now. If I get some photos of soldiers in your locality, and send them to you, would you run 'em in your paper and give me photo credit? I'm trying to build up a portfolio for when I get out of the fucking Army. Please! I'll be your best friend! I read your diary every day! Add flattering comment here!
from asloves92 :
hi uncle bob! its alexandra sloves. how are you feeling? anyways, i got my appendix out so i am stuck at home all week! give us a call! love, alexandra
from blazingstar :
Unclebob, I can't function without reading you every morning. Thanks for existing.
from deareddie :
Bob, I cannot possibly overstate my glee at your new employment! (Not that, of course, I wasn't pleased that you were gainfully employed as a piss-boy, you understand) I wish you well. Have you read Basket Case by Carl Hia(whatever)son? Made me think, fondly, of you.
from knife977wt :
Uncle Bob I need your help. I am the worst at putting songs together so that one song leads to another and sounds good. Can you put together a list of about 20 songs from the 70's so that I can make a decent CD for my car? I would really appreciate it. Thanks, the knife knife977wt@hotmail.com
from purplecigar :
Hi there. I sure do appreciate the shout out! I didn't create this survey it was laid upon me as well. I just wanted to clear that up mostly because if I had created the survey? I'd like to think I would have used a little better grammar.
from dogsdinner :
Everyone has an uncle bob, but i bet if you came over to my house, you wouldn't drink all of my cough syrup and vanilla extract like mine did
from blueiceflame :
Hey. Merry late X-mas. Yeah, I'm stupid. ;)
from invisibledon :
happy holidays
from bitchslap69 :
merry christmas, unk!
from deareddie :
Ah, the joy of random notes from strangers: About the V-tech V-smile thing--double check your order, the ones we sell at my mediawhorehouse don't come with power cords--and, poeticly, we don't sell the powercords either. So hit Radio Shack. Or just stock up on loooooots of batteries. Merry Holidays, Uncle Bob's Family!
from suicideblond :
heh - you're right, djing is one occupation where everyone thinks they know better than you, even though you could read the crowd in your sleep. i tend to stick with 80's classics, as they are what my particular crowds get into... last week, a 10-year-old boy came up to me and said, "can you play some good music?" i looked at him and deadpanned: "no."
from tephanies :
Love your work!
from wordwhore :
oh, yeah, and it's into the mystic by van morrison
from wordwhore :
in case 42,000 haven't already told you - someone forgot to update his gold membership - or decided he could no longer afford the poshness of a gm now that he carries pee all day.
from cosmicrayola :
My all time favorite song? Unchained Melody by the Righteous Brothers. Ok, I'm a nerd. So sue me.
from onewetleg :
onewetleg can't puctuate for shit. film at 11. creep by radiohead. the acoustic version.
from onewetleg :
ub let's his supergold membership lapse. film at 11.
from weymouth66 :
Sit Down by James.
from treesssa :
Seamus-Pink Floyd
from goldylockz22 :
Purple Rain...now go update your membership...
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
FYI>>>I tried to answer your favorite song question and got a Diaryland SuperGold Member error msg. :(
from fargahar :
Your comments seem to not be working so... Gypsy by Fleetwood Mac is my all time favorite song.
from wildrose1 :
happy thanksgiving. (((((((((hugs))))))))
from wildrose1 :
you always make me smile with the funny outlooks. I feel the same way about alot of the same things. I just can't find the words. Thanks again, you rawk. (((((((((hugs)))))))
from shutupnkisme :
me again...yup shared your story with some best buy employees, including my manager, they all laughed....i think we all think its hilarious because you hit every topic right on the head, like the alarm going off, the ad in the paper...who knows...your story is on our bulletin board in the employee break room...remember best buy loves you too...
from halcyone8 :
just surfed in and found your diary. one big bowl of humor i immediately loved. very refreshing to read on. makes life a bit easier for all of us. mind if i add you? it's more of actually letting you know i did already... hehe. consider me one of your many fans. have a good day.:)
from shutupnkisme :
yo unclebob, you crack me up, i needed a good laugh tonight...i guess i think what happened at best buy is awfully funny because i work at one....ive just gotta share your story, do you mind if i bring it in to bb, youll really be famous then...ha ...lemme know
from korn-19 :
Hey, there.. I just want to say that I love your diary, and it is by far one of the more interesting ones out there. You have superb writing skills, and you clearly put them to good use. You seem like a very interesting character... mind if I put you on my buddy list?
from korn-19 :
Hey, there.. I just want to say that I love your diary, and it is by far one of the more interesting ones out there. You have superb writing skills, and you clearly put them to good use. You seem like a very interesting character... mind if I put you on my buddy list?
from shutupnkisme :
Hey dont you know, they stopped making twinkies and ho hos....so now your going to have to live in a shack and eat sumptin else, whatll it be?
from bonnylisbon :
I came across your diary once a long time ago and kind of lost track of it. I found it again today and am so fucking glad I did. I would've have killed to be a witness to that fantastic wedding! It sounded so... classy and elegant!
from whatloveisnt :
found your diary, liked it read it and want to read more :)
from starchik336 :
THIRD DAY isn't so bad. an dif you happen to be into christian contemporary, i'd say they rock. lol.
from cindylou03 :
unclebob, i just have to say one more thing. ha..this is really cool..when i was reading your latest entry..you said something about your loogies being the size of dinner plates..and i was thinking how that sounds like something dave barry would say. and then..i looked at your profile..and found that he is one of your favorite writers. that's just fantastic. i love him, too.
from cindylou03 :
hey uncle bob. i actually have an uncle bob..well, 7 altogether, to be exact. anyway..that's why your diary caught my eye. every once in a while...i go and read diaries of people i don't know. and to make my doing so have a point, i leave a note letting the person know i read their stuff. so...there you go. this is your official 'let you know'. yours truly, cindy
from chilidogma :
Hey Uncle Bob: I was checking out diaries who've listed Ayn Rand as a favorite, found "Ideaguy," wanted to send him a note (his notes don't work), found YOU as one of HIS faves, and I discover that your diary is HILAROUS! Laughed out LOUD, for real. Tell Ideaguy to turn his notes on. Meanwhile, you're going on my favorites. Chili
from fairygodmum :
Did you ever think that your son has a crush on that Barbie Purse Gurl... it's NOT about the Purse.. it's Who's Holdin IT! tee hee.. Hugz, da FairyGodMum... btw.. think happy thoughts.. hope your toof feels better soon.
from bluejay785 :
Stay safe during Ivan.
from hippe :
That was not a panty raid. A panty raid is when you enter the dorm and take the panties. You and your fellow geeks were given a Panty Pity Party. It is proven when you said you gave back the panty in a brown paper bag! Pity such a pair of panties were parceled to perch on a pathetic person of passive peril. Take care.
from hippe :
That was not a panty raid. A panty raid is when you enter the dorm and take the panties. You and your fellow geeks were given a Panty Pity Party. It is proven when you said you gave back the panty in a brown paper bag! Pity such a pair of panties were parceled to perch on a pathetic person of passive peril. Take care.
from raceyred :
A hetero man who likes Radiohead AND Welcome to the Dollhouse? I LOVE YOU!!!!!
from deareddie :
Everyone tells you to drink echinaccea tea when you're sick. It works pretty well if you believe in it. Myself, I would go towards the Theraflu for nighttime and the Alka-seltzer for daytime. They taste pretty bad, like diet drinks, but they should do the trick. Think drugs and feel better!
from dark-doll :
Aug.21st. Aw that neighbor's girl. hahah poor thing. <3 courage.
from bluejay785 :
...For characters jobs, try a teacher, then you can have them complain about the class/classes they teach...
from sunstarr :
how about this profession: Taxedermist?? Much love to my Uncle Bob. You rock no matter what! *hugs*
from hamiltonian :
I just wanted to say blah.
from tastyskittle :
At least you didn't walk in on the kid. My younger brother walked into my parents family room only to find our nephew (little bit younger then my brother) whacking off to the Sabrina the teenaged witch on T.V. kid was whacking in his Grandmas family room the bathroom is at least private
from ratherbored :
hah, Andrew's new name reminds me of when my sister changed her name to the number 5. "Carly could you pass the brocolli?" *awkward 5 second pause* "I'm sorry. NUMBER 5 could you pass the brocolli? Thanks."
from daydreamz- :
~ I Love It ~ Knowing you won't have time to write me back/respond or anything but just wanted to say that I love it! xxx Lee
from sunstarr :
I am but one measley woman, but I'd hate to see you go! No matter what you write, I'm amused and entertained. That's not to say that it's your job to amuse or entertain me! You have a real gift with the written word and I'd hate to have to say good-bye!! Please don't go, Uncle Bob. Just like K.C. and his Sunshine Band say, "Please Don't Go"!
from sunstarr :
I am but one measley woman, but I'd hate to see you go! No matter what you write, I'm amused and entertained. That's not to say that it's your job to amuse or entertain me! You have a real gift with the written word and I'd hate to have to say good-bye!! Please don't go, Uncle Bob. Just like K.C. and his Sunshine Band say, "Please Don't Go"!
from sunstarr :
I am but one measley woman, but I'd hate to see you go! No matter what you write, I'm amused and entertained. That's not to say that it's your job to amuse or entertain me! You have a real gift with the written word and I'd hate to have to say good-bye!! Please don't go, Uncle Bob. Just like K.C. and his Sunshine Band say, "Please Don't Go"!
from daath :
Ahhh, a Hunter S. Thompson fan. This is megolithic bueno.
from taliana1 :
Hehe..I remember Rock City--I went when I was a kid. I try to visit my family in TN each year, and yea, I had to laugh when you were talkin about the barns and all the signs telling you to "See Rock City," they are everywhere! How nice about the time share thing. :)
from maydenl :
I came across your diary today and found it hilarious.Is it ok if I add u to my buddylist?
from ibepiglet :
When you post again, will you reveal just how many aliases used in the comments doo-dad were really you?
from brandi-babe :
I hope everything is OK. I miss reading you.
from chaostraffic :
Dude, what happened to you? Enquiring minds want to know.
from coolgirl374 :
cool well maby stop by my diary and leave a not bye
from coolgirl374 :
hi cool diary you are an auther cool well maby stop bye mine and leavea note
from lobojo :
Uncle Bob...Uncle Bob...please update...your many many fans are concerned!!! Whatta matta you?!?!?!?
from try-me24 :
damn you unclebob i just ran across your diary read like 4 entries and cannot stop laughing until i saw that you had over 1000 posts so i am guessin that i will start fresh in the morning as it is 10pm and i am sleepy
from second-love :
Ok... so im SICK TO DEATH of hearin bout "unclebob" hahahahaha so i HAD to check ya out! and ill be damned... you ARE FREAKIN funny :) son of a bitch... now i have to add ONE MORE diary to my list!!! how the hell am i supposed to get all those mundane tasks like dishes, laundry, dinner, mopping, masturbating (ummmmmmm that WAS on your list, right *grin*) - oh well screw it... i added ya!
from missbabs :
Uncle Bob, just wanted to let you know I gave up crack and have become addicted to you. My scabs are healin' over; as they save laughter is the best medicine. You crack me up, pun so very intended!! I swear to God one day if i ever have the need for a DJ, and i'm rich enough to fly you to Vancouver Canada, you are so the man!! I know have over a dozen people reading your blog, and we love you. take care. Miss Babs
from bigpimpinmba :
I feel all touched and stuff that you were thinking of me this weekend. Also, thanks for the slandering of my music choices on my notes page. Disclaimer - I certainly didn't mean for professionals to try the John Denver trick at work. I also probably forgot to mention that JD is not a savior of a dead party by any means. It is a change of pace song for a crowd that is already having a good time. Sorry for your disappointment at the reaction you got and your having to be forced to place JD into your "floor clearer" bin. I used to DJ a little in college and I know the feeling of a "floor clearer" all too well and am sorry that I had a part in your otherwise Fab evening. Love ya.
from haloaskew :
You never write, you never call...I haven't seen the wee one (Andrew, right?) in ages...give the little nipper a big hug for me, but not too hard...broken ribs = Law & Order investigation. But then again, you might get off (!) on a mis-trial (Juanita, juror #6, won't understand what "punctured lung" means). BUT I DO! We should really start using the word "punctured" more often, along with the phrase "bully for you" (as in "Bully for you! You punctured a lung and get disability pay!") Or jail time. You can never tell what Juanita might do.
from liesal1979 :
Hi Uncle Bob I'm a fairly new reader, and am feeling the love for your diary. However, you have got me into quite a lot of trouble, mainly coz I was going through all your old diary entrys. and I got to the one about Andrew having naked time, and shitting all over the carpet, now the Nursery Nurse in me felt all sorry for andrew, but the girl who likes a laugh in me, absolutely pissed myself laughing. PISSED MYSELF! Now I should proberly point out I am English, hence the pissing myself comment. So in a nutshell. I LOVE YA!!!!!
from juddhole :
Between you and the now-gone Pork, your comments sections have been unceremoniously hijacked by some real fucktards. I'm offering a limited special, 4 for the price of 1 on comment-section-Troll hits. I don't mean web site "hits" either. Pork's already signed up for 9, and you better act now unless you want that shitwad, Drew, to exceed the 9 kajillion word limit (he's closing in). I dig your diary, man, and I only want to help.
from phishfood26 :
as a long time mcdonalds employee, i'd like to say that i would most definitely give a refund if someone tried to return a big mac by vomiting it on to the counter. thanks for entertaining me! --katie
from updropsfaith :
omg your diary is hilarious! definite favorite of mine. :) keep it up!
from haloaskew :
We must be in the same moon cycle or linked mentally like the "Escape from Witch Mountain" kids or something, because I read your latest entry after writing mine and you use the phrase "mofo." And I wrote a whole spiel on it! And then, to make matters even stranger, you mention the idea of tossing out old letters and just LAST NIGHT I was going through an old box (hoping to toss out some duds) and ran across notes from my high school boyfriend (couldn't spell worth a shit), a letter from my brother's friend in the military whom I had sent a goodie box to in Iraq the LAST time we went freakin' apeshit over there, letters from pen pals I knew when I was eight, and the best, a note to myself from fifth grade about how Chris Welter asked for my phone number and was going to ask me to "go with him," and I was going to say yes, but NOT TELL ANYONE, lest my boyfriend Billy found out. On the outside, I wrote "PRIVATE! DO NOT READ!" in a cursive style I'd just started to master....I was a whoring schemer in elementary school! How could I ever throw that memory out? I even remember the cardboard stationery box I used to keep those "Private!" notes in (apparently, the box didn't make it). Fuck, now I wish I'd kept THAT. Christ. At least I can be comforted I kept all my "Choose your Own Adventure" books from circa 1983. I rock. So do you, so DON'T THROW THOSE OLD LETTERS OUT!
from purex :
I thought I saw you at a gas station the other day. I was paying for my gas, and I thought for SURE it was you. I thought about whispering "Uncle Bob?" but figured all the other people in line would look at me funny. "You" were buying a pizza. Then I remembered all the tequila I had consumed the night before and realized it wouldn't make sense for you to be in KC anyway.
from cruickie :
Hi Unclebob! Just found your diary, its so funny, I've been reading your entries all afternoon! (yes its a quiet day at work!) Sounds like you have a fun time writing, you are very talented! Take care, from an amused Scottish lassie! x
from whiskeybabe :
lol you crack me up!
from jt76 :
hey man- good writing on the flick. I saw it the other day myself. Got a little choked up there in certain parts. The whole handing over of 'power' two days early I think was more to catch the militants off gaurd more than anything else. And lets face it, America is still running the country, and will be for years to come- that was the point of going in there, after all.
from iwanttotell :
Hi, unclebob. I just found you and I cannot believe one random entry of yours held MY attention long enough to read it. (That's a good thing) You are sooooo funny!
from talleyho :
Are you crazy??!!(don't answer, we all know)...Do not grow your hair back! Bald fat men are like manna! You look MMMMMMMaaaaahhhhvelous !!! (i just dumped my coffee down the drain, even i know when i've had enough....) You look good kid, do you come here often?
from shister :
Kazaa blows like a $2 whore. You want imesh for downloads. Less spyware and looks prettier.
from blueeyes19 :
just wanted to let you know that your diary is the source for a lot of my laughter everyday. You are hilarious and have a great knack for the written word. You make the everyday absolutely laugh out loud funny...especially liked the cheese it experience at the theater. bye!
from siddel :
Your site is quite enjoyable! After reading some of it, I thought maybe you should check out the user sundry, because her writing is also a lot of fun. Thanks for the laughs!
from starlahate :
I had no idea about Johnny until reading your post. I'm so bummed now but I'm glad I heard it from you and not some uptight newscaster. The Ramones will live on forever (on my cd player, anyway).
from betchy :
unclebob, you really do rock the dance floor!!! i would feel honoured if you replied to my note, but i know i am just a meager diarylander, and you are the king of diaryland, so i will patiently wait.............only joking, but you do seriously rock!!!! hugz, beckz xxx
from ratherbored :
Holy crap. I counted. I think they've buried Reagan at least forty seven times now in the past 2 days.
from pinkytusk :
saw someone's comment for you under their favorites. 'fat assed bitches really know how to ruin my day' it made me laugh. I'm still new to Dland.. I love Bruce too. I'm the 30 yr old chick who after too many beers starts singing Thunder Road in the corner by herself. :)
from sweetsolace :
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who lovews Big Fish! Not only being a huge Tim Burton fan, I feel in love with that movie, especially the romantic time stopping circus scene. Maybe I'm romance starved because of my ass, I mean husband, but I cried during that part of the "parting of the popcorn."
from krugerpak007 :
I just read your latest entry and laughed so loud, my coworkers are looking at me very weirdly. Ok, they always look at me weirdly, but after that loud laughter for an hour, now they know I am weird! Thanks for putting a smile on my face! Kathy
from myarms2yours :
You're a nut, but I luv ya brother.
from betchy :
hey unclebob, i resisted the temptation to read your diary for my first 4 weeks on diaryland, but every god damned diary i read had you listed as a fave!!!! so i thought "whats all this fuss about? i gotta read some of this guys stuff." and i do enjoy a laugh, so was glad i did read. laughed my ass off!!!! well done unclebob your a real funny guy, and i'm going to add you to my faves (not that that will mean much to you when you have 2000+ people listing you. i have 5. 5!!!!!) but i'm going to add you anyway. take care unclebob, beckz xxx
from bluejay785 :
Hey UncleBob! I love the 'I hate this fucking Shithole' song! It's funny as all hell!
from hedderbox :
Hey. I was reading your older entries (from back in December) where you mentioned your son getting (ear) tubes and how he is 6 to 8 months behind on his speech development, etc. My son has the same thing (his tubes have now grown out after being in over a year now) and I don't know about Alabama, but Florida gave us the option to enroll him in "Head Start" which is a pre-K program at a normal elementary school, so it's better than a regular daycare program. He takes speech class once a week. I don't know if you guys have that option. There was a "qualification" sort of screening process. But my son is also three, and doing better with his speech now. Just so you know. Have a good day.
from turbogeek :
my mom probably has a crush on you. anyways, have you seen kill bill?
from mugwhump :
You're lucky the Church group Pool Party didn't ask you to play "Larry Norman". That would have been enought to turn you away from DJ'ing for the rest of your born days!
from emeleeblu :
Hi Uncle Bob. You're funny and I mean that in the nicest way.
from betholindo :
Why don't yuo just write a whole book yourself? Or a bunch of them? I mean, you're only the funniest person north or south of the Mason-Dixon line.
from ispottedyeh :
Hey unclebob, I wanted to tell you that I love you like the uncle bob I never had. Thanks for never failing to make me laugh. I don't think you're in the funnydiary ring but you should friggin be the emporer of it. Check me out sometime!! :P
from peachsncreem :
holy you have the best diary ever LMAO!! the wholemcdonalds thing it is totally funny i cantbelieve that and im sorry im at school and thekeyboard wont let me press the space bar properly so meh. lol iw ouldnt read my todays diary i was in abad BAD mood so please excuse me teehee
from cianne :
good job, my man! i don't know if i even would have thought to go behind the counter myself - altho' if i were you, i'd have demanded my money back and left at the 20 minute point.
from aquira :
Heya Uncle. Haven't visited in almost a year, so I have a lot of catching up to do. You're down south now? I noticed you had the Boss in the music preferences in your profile. I saw him perform in the Netherlands twice, and he rocked. He's older than my dad, but man, he rocked..
from lcarter00 :
http://money.cnn.com/2004/03/16/news/companies/starbucks_music.reut/index.htm?cnn=yes Scroll down to the bottom and read....
from brittanya :
Hey, I know you must be special since it took seven minutes for your notes page to load! You rock SO HARD unclebob!
from peytonsplace :
I was searching the internet for a How to on how to pack a moving truck and this entry was on the list. . . http://unclebob.diaryland.com/nonews.html Dear God man, you are everywhere!
from saucy99 :
hi unclebob, i've joined the masses and add you as a favorite. Hope you don't mind, but your diary makes me laugh!
from infinatelove :
Hi unclebob! I am new to diaryland and your diary was the first I read, I have to say I did enjoy it. You made me laugh on several occasions :)
from peytonsplace :
Hey you, I may have a DJ gig in April. Plans are still up in the air. If the gig is for me do I get the $100 off for recommended you to myself?
from crazynahida :
blah! i love u very much.
from boxx9000 :
I found your diary thru ChaosDaily. Very funny. I'll be back
from saucy99 :
Hi unclebob, have been reading your diary for a while and thinks it's hilarious. Just wanted to say sorry about the job. I was laid off a couple months ago, one week before christmas and it was a terrible terrible experience. But it was for the best. I hated my job. I'm actually really surprised you said you were not good at marketing. Judging from your witty and creative diary entries, I would think you would be great at it. Oh well. Good luck!
from elysium1982 :
you are enormously talented, 2121 diarylanders think so, im sure whatever it is you choose to do will be a success. good luck and take care.
from saralynn81 :
For lack of a better word, interesting and......chaotic:)
from peytonsplace :
Just because you were fired doesn't mean you can't let us know what's going on.
from cornnugget :
Uncle Bob..Is that you?! Where's Aunt Betty? Holy Hell.. man, take the newspaper job! Please Please don't sling pizza's! Won't the newspaper let you work part-time? Your Deejaying would most likely be profitable on the weekend anyway. Wait a minute, I didn't marry you..you aren't supporting me.. so I'll stop harping. Decide wisely my child. Good Luck to ya!
from whiterose88 :
Dude, your diary is just too awsome! Wish you were my uncle! haha
from xrazorscarsx :
WiCkEd awEsOMe dIaRy DuDe
from lmfao :
hey there....i'm totally new at this diaryland stuff and i was just browzing around when i came across your tinky winky note... thanks for laugh it was just what i needed.. :)
from shadoweloc :
I can't even believe this. My company has this nasty firewall that prevents me from going to certain sites. Now...I can go to diaryland and I can view any other diary EXCEPT for yours! What the hell is that?!
from sstephanie :
ah.. my god. your entry almost made me vomit.. so i guess you achieved your goal, no? ;)
from jezimo :
okay regarding http://unclebob.diaryland.com/040120_18.html that entry there, i feel for ya, i am an 18 year old girl and at the tender age of 17 was violated by the doctor's finger. i tell ya, things were not meant to go in there, JUST OUT, it was painful sure he had the little thin plastic layer gloves but he had nails and not only was a finger shoved up my butt but a nail was scratching the insides. i suck because i have stomach problems now the doctor wants to do a scope... shoot me now uncle bob, shoot me now. im so violated. i have to go see him monday... again.... for the first time in a year... i waited one year on a waiting list to see a doctor who shoves a finger up my ass, maybe two.. if he can manage.. and then wait again to see him so he can shove a camera up there? its not a fun for the whole family video okay its my ass!!
from peytonsplace :
"True" "Two" "Sue" "Mew" Actually, I think you're right. Hope the Butt Scope went well.
from giannarazi :
My dad and mom for their colonscopy cleansing stuff like you are doing, they drank broths. Water too. May I add you to my fave diaries to read? Will keep you in positive thoughts.
from sampotato :
Uncle Bob I hope you get well really soon and feel better really quick.
from taraleebaby :
Oh yes, and I'm also Diabetic... come join our diaryring... haha yah. So alright, later.
from taraleebaby :
HOLY CRAP! My little sister totally shaved off half of my eyebrow with one of those awful things. I feel ya...
from blackndnails :
hey uncle bob- you frickin rock. i'm adding you to my faves.
from blackndnails :
hey uncle bob- you frickin rock. i'm adding you to my faves.
from soulontap :
A couple more beers and i'll be as fat as you, and equally inspired I hope.
from rentfreak82 :
Hey- just wanted to say awesome diary. I really enjoy readying it and it cracks me up. There are times when I'm rolling around on the floor laughing, which draws some really strange looks from my co-workers, but it's worth the smile it leaves on my face... (added you to my favorites) Miss
from purex :
hey if you want to lose weight fast and pills are an option, and anti depressant pills are also an option, try topomax! you dont sound like a sad guy, it was just a thought
from burningsweet :
somewhere down there is a nod to ghost planet and brak. i just wanted to second that. so this is me second-ing that or something.
from helderheid :
Hey Uncle Bob! It's been literally MONTHS since I read your diary but I had to check out your latest given we have boys about the same age and mine has been quite a headache as of late. I LOVE the picture. Too funny! I am actually writing you to hoop and hollah that you're supporting Dennis Kucinich for President. Yeehaw! He's my man. He's also why I've not been reading your diary. I've been so swamped with volunteering for the campaign I've not had time for reading my peeps. :) Heldy
from bloodyhell84 :
hey i found your site and thought it was hillarious. I hope you don't mind that I added you to my favorites. :)
from dooki :
It's funny that you're putting together a CD for new year's (or shall I say, "WERE" putting together, since it's now the 4th). I decided long ago, that a party should never play the following: Strokin', Doin' the Butt, We are Family, YMCA, Macerena, Sweet Home Alabama, Lady in Red, ABC, anything by Creedence Clearwater Revival, Bad to the Bone, anything by Dio, Reo speedwagon, BTO, ACDC or Steppenwolf. Journey seems like it should be on the shit list, but everyone knows that when Journey plays, clothes come off, and Journey rocks.
from knock-first :
next year you could try playing my husbands music. go to gideonspress.com They used to be a Christian band. Traveled with Petra...all that nonsense. No more of course, but some of their following still stems from that era and belives them to still be so. After the new album comes out next month that may all change....but you could still get by playing at at those affairs. Nice to see you are still doing well. -urs
from whodied :
I think you are the only diary on diaryland who has more linkers than entries.
from inkyblott :
Robert Smith looks waaay better than Michael Jackson does now.
from dooki :
there is another space ghost show that is funny. I don't like the interview show either, it is REALLY boring. 2 years ago, they aired a show called Ghost Planet, which was just the characters, no interviews, and it was really funny, featuring a character named "Brak"...not often on the interview show. Brak is what made the show funny. If you can find ghost planet somewhere, you wouldn't be so dissappointed. (signed: nerdy cartoon connoisieur-I know i spelled that wrong)
from mojo-jojo712 :
yes it helps to be thoroughly fucked up to enjoy the weirdness that is spaceghost. brownies would definetly help, they would also help if you chose to watch the brak show. -Eris
from athena32 :
Hey Uncle Bob can I add a beautiful Black Lab/German Sheppard Puppy to that wonderful poopie experience of your?!!!! heheheh Sorry I can relate my youngest is 4 and I have been there done that and have the poopie stains to go with it! It is soooosososoos much fun knowing I am not the only one with these experiences!!!!
from indigo-love :
happy holidays, uncle bob. i heart pot brownies. oh, just dyi, you crack me up on a daily basis...
from purex :
BUD BROWNIES ROCK (merry christmas uncle bob!)
from livefan91200 :
Just wanted to say love the entries... it's something I look forward to every day... and Merry Christmas to you and the family... and you'll potty train Andrew someday ;) L'amour toujours ~LP
from treesssa :
Making my rounds on the journals i read... Happy Holidays to you and yours! Teresa
from green-jade :
Your story in parenting made me giddy with the knowledge that I am not the only parent out there with a child who likes to create disaster. I hope all went well, and from a "mama" point of view, you chose to clean up the right one first, and if that happened to my husband, I think, well I think he'd be to wrapped up in his computer to even begin to fix the situation, so hats off to you.
from dano :
The entry on Jessie was sweet. Nice work. It reminded me of my best friend's neighbor, who also died of leukemia. We were in fourth grade, and she was maybe a year behind us. She did get to meet Bruce Springsteen before she died. He came to her house via some "Make A Wish"-type connection. My friend go to meet him too.
from invisibledon :
Happy Holidays -2003
from vanoonoo :
hello :)
from knock-first :
I loved your story. Cancer is a subject clsoe to my heart also. I would be interested in finding out how to help raise money. And I am sorry for your loss, though I tuely believe there are things worse than dying... as if that helps any.
from heathir31 :
UB, I'm so sorry for your loss. No matter how long it has been, I'm certain it still hurts a bit in your heart each December, missing your friend. And your sharing and then writing of your memories of her are just like she must have been: beautiful. Just beautiful, heartfelt writing. *hug* Heathir
from dooki :
wow...what a great story. The whole time I'm thinking, "was 'my girl' written about uncle bob?" thank you for sharing that. I'm impressed that you have such a great recollection of all that from the age of 7. I couldn't even remember my teachers' names. Thanks again, it was inspiring.
from wordwhore :
now, UB, i love you, you know i do, love your lil tyke, too - but i'm with the two people who said a>the ghetto-speak hurts my head & b>it's kinda creepy - funny, yes, all kinds of funny, but it also makes me feel kinda...dirty & not in that fun spanky way. maybe, since your wife's family is all redneck, if you went with that instead of the ghetto-speak...
from betholindo :
Shut up about writing "crap." I'm not sure why you haven't published a book yet, but your crap here is better than everyone else's. But you were just looking for a cheap ego stroke, weren't you?
from futureceo :
Just stopped by to see what the fuss is about. :) Lots of people list you as their favorite and that makes me curious, so here I am. Invisibledon raves about ya by the way.
from hadassah :
Did I mention I would like to have an uncle bob?
from hadassah :
Come read me ok?
from betholindo :
Dear Uncle Bob, I'm taking Genghis Jon off my favorite diaries list as he's really lame. And I'd rather just read your diary twice a day instead of once yours and once his anyway. It's more fun for me and a better ego stroke for you. Your friend, Crushing on Andrew
from pixie0323 :
ok, i know i'm probably overthinking this but just hear me out. i was outraged by Average Joe too! What a crock. But then, I was thinking (keep in mind that the show was 2 hours, and a lot of wine can be passed into the old gullet in that amount of time) anyways, so melana picks the guy who lives with his parents, really has nothing to say, works the same job he had when he was 18. she picks this guy over the guy who's fairly attractive, successful and happy at his job, has great friends, doesn't live with his mommy, and is rich. now. . .stay with me here. the guy she picked is ACTUALLY the average joe. guys like that are a dime a dozen. make sense? just a thought. she still made a crappy decision though.
from unicorn2323 :
ur diary is pretty cool i guess i'll have to catch up since u do knw so many people on here, angelina jolie huh, im all about men but id make out with her haha
from hadassah :
you are hilarious! I love reading your entries. Laughter is the best medicine. You rock!
from darkoverlord :
*shamelessly self-promotes* Hey, check out our AWESOME adventures! (From the people who brought you Broken-Face and Devilstear) :-D
from apeygirl :
Been going through some of your crap. Did I say crap? Cause I meant entries- entries which definitely do not resemble crap. I don't have any Uncle Bobs, sadly. All of my uncles are sad, boring, middle-aged Republicans. But you? Rock.
from treesssa :
I just added you to my fav diaries. I just arrived in Diaryland in October. You were highly recommended. I like your style Alabama Man! Take care! Teresa
from sugar223111 :
omg hahah so funny. I live in alabama too!!!
from ex-stripper :
Hey there Unclebob, I used you as a referral in my new Café Press Shop. I found out about the place from your site, so I figured you deserved a little kickback. So, tell all your friends to come and buy my junk! Splendid diary, by the way!
from awittykitty :
ya know, if I hadn't just talked to my mom on the phone I would have sworn she had been on that tour with you. Sure her name wasn't Bev?
from invisibledon :
Thanks for doing my iwasbored survey - which should have said as you guessed "I was bored and listening to the cure" but it wouldn't fit.
from onewetleg :
congratulations on teaching your child to type. good skill to have. i found a book at work yesterday that made me think of you and andrew. it was called 'the silly goose.' but that wasn't what made me think of you. what made me think of you was the inscription in the book. it said 'welcome andrew. april 2001. love uncle bob.'
from parlance :
I am advertising myself.
from littleloo :
I loved your diary. Im reading it ALL, guess its going to take a while before I start hitting the "current" button, but then again its so worth it. *You are and Add*
from jendra :
I think it's kinda sweet that you're making Andrew's christmas's so much fun. It is spoiling him a little, but when the house gets overun with toys as time goes on, he can help you pick out toys to go to needy kids when he's a bit older. I've heard that makes a balance with kids who have a lot. Plus clearing space and whatnot ;P I also think it's nice that andrew love the thomas DVD so much. It shows he's happy with what he has.
from shortst101 :
Just wanted to tell you that I purchased The Spicolis CD and think it is awesome.
from livefan91200 :
Happy Thanksgiving to you and the family... and the pic was definately entertaining. L'amour toujours ~LP
from saramago :
What I love is how Ask Andrew is both aggressively unfunny and also racist. One has to go back to the O.J. Simpson trial to find something this embarrassing. Ghetto speak + a 3-year-old does not = Comedy Gold.
from purex :
Saw a Wiggles DVD while Christmas light shopping with my mom the other day at Wal-Mart. I exclaimed WIGGLES! and started to tell her about Uncle Bob and how his kid likes the Wiggles.. I think she thought I was high
from betholindo :
Uncle Bob, Uncle Bob! Check out the Michael Jackson's mugshot on www.thesmokinggun.com
from kate1211 :
Thanks for the link tip hon!!
from burningsweet :
i do not resent being just another groupie; how pathetic does this make me???
from awittykitty :
is it warm in here or is it just that last entry, Uncle Bob? That pizza metaphor got me all bubbly. :-)
from sacy :
Pure comedic genius, Bob. I'm not disturbed at all, nor do I feel sorry for the poor sweet child you are exploiting. In lieu of actually being witty you have pasted the (very) cute face of a three year old onto the page and written a crude and lazy mock advice column to accompany it. However did you think it up? I'm leaning towards a drunken toilet epiphany myself. Why hasn't Letterman picked you up yet? OMG YOU ROCK! I am so happy I no longer have to resent being just another groupie, because I no longer am one. Thank you ;)
from loser-kitty :
decided to waste your note space just to tell you your diary kicks
from chuffnutt :
"I'm not gay. At least I find myself constantly having to toss out that disclaimer to explain my thoughts and actions."~It's okay, I pass no judgement on you. I tell myself I'm still a lesbian when I look at George Clooney.
from sweetsolace :
In my limited experiance with children and *shudder* new toys, I found it doesn't matter how cool, simple, educational, colorful or special. Usually, it had to be introduced to them in a non threatning manner, in the edge of their habitat until they are comfortable enough to breathe on it, especially if it cost more than a couple bucks. In a couple months after christmas, Andrew might want them out of the box. But, if all else fails, you can just give him a hanger and a remote. Works for my monkey- I mean toddler.
from sacy :
You spelled God's name wrong. It's 'Hasselhoff' - blasphemer!
from cassiopeia- :
I bought Cassie some colorforms and she rolled them all up in a ball. She doesn't play with her Leapfrog book either. Her days are filled with painting and carrying around her purse fill with Thomas the Train cars.
from mrscoble :
So I hear you became widely famous by being you. Rude, crass, and one hell of a tough guy. I aspire to be like you. Except I want to keep my boobs. I hope this doesn't ruin my potential.
from samiam0341 :
Dude, that is a hellish depiction of family life. I would kick the nearest ass if I was denied KFC and a biscuit. Greed sucks.
from sacy :
Thanks for the laugh. Your family sux almost as badly as mine! Almost ;)
from burningsweet :
you are the bam fucking schnazz.
from devilstear :
I agree, the version of Thunder Road from "Live 1975-85" is my favorite too! That'll probably be a VERY great DVD. Well, thanks for the note, bye! :-)
from marywa :
Drive the Odyssey and the Sienna, there's no comparison. We bought the '04 Sienna and I can't tell you how much I love it.
from lavidaloca-2 :
http://www.astonishingtales.com/php2/miscellany/webscreenplay/screenplay.php?filename=http%3A%2F%2Funclebob.diaryland.com%2Findex.html yah, i'da post it on your message site but i cant go on there anymore. so i'm spamming your notes.
from fargahar :
I tried to take your quiz but my computer crashed. But you aren't a male prostitute? I couldn't believe I got that one wrong. Should I stop saving my money so I could afford you?
from guppy1984 :
hi uncle bob! if you have time i just posted a new diary... can you take a look? btw: you are so funny and wonderful and sexy and delicious. mmmm bob flavored
from anon-amus :
Uncle Bob, I look forward to interviewing you after you “graciously win” diaryland survivor 6.
from awittykitty :
I started to watch "Saving Jessica Lynch" last night too. I thought the girl was Calista Flockhart. You know "Ally McBeal Goes to Iraq".
from luvlyrita :
Bob, what the hell? Office Space made me laugh. It made me a happier person for a couple of hours. It helped me realize I CAN escape my corporate hell existence! Watch it again. I believe you have my stapler...? No? Still not funny? Maybe I don't know you like I thought I did. Bastard.
from haloaskew :
Uncle Bob, Have I told you lately that...you rock my world? Without the use of batteries?
from jaspieuk :
Thank God no one in Britain is called Hank (except Hanl Marvin and I dount that's his real name.) Oh no, we have cool 'H' names like...like...erm...Herbert. Dammit - your theory applies even this side of the Atlantic!
from dlandbanner :
Big thanks for the plug Uncle Bob :D
from j-leem :
"Hank"? /me wonders what this world is coming to when a majority says that the name "Hank" is cool. Jeezus. Heh. But, Jon and Andrew rock my socks though! That's pure genius - hilariously funny shit!!!! *Looking forward to more*
from jessamine79 :
Harry... Dirty Harry. Come on now, you're a guy, guys like that movie.
from hanknbg :
The name Hank is the best damn name out there...and don't you forget it!
from untame-able :
Hannibal? Hanson? Hagrid? Habib? Hamilton? Hagen Daaz? Harper? Haley?
from so-cinchy :
What about Holden? Assuming of course that coolness is rated by girls 18-20 who write dark poetry and dye their hair different shades of burgandy.
from so-cinchy :
What about Holden? Assuming of course that coolness is rated by girls 18-20 who write dark poetry and dye their hair different shades of burgandy.
from crapstein :
what about Honky? That's a pretty fucking cool name if you ask me.
from bongo282 :
What about Harrison, as in Harrison Ford. Or Hal as in the computer Hal. I also thought Hameed was good too Haha!!
from fargahar :
Not gonna blow smoke up your ass like everyone else. I enjoy a funny diary and yours is. You may not want to read mine for fear of the occassional typo. :) Have a good day!
from xsweetamberx :
I always thought Hayden was a cool guy's name. That's the only one I can think of that sounds interesting with a 'h'...lata! Loved the entry...
from ladyforash :
A cool male H. name: Harrison. As in Harrison Ford. Granted, not liking the "harry" conotation of it, but I'm loving my Harrison.
from dano :
Harrison? I know Harry is kind of dorky, but Harrison I can't decide.
from fan4 :
I didn't like Finding Nemo either. Thought I was the only person to dislike it.
from metanoia :
Herschel? Hedrick? Holden. Helmut. Helmut is pretty cool...
from manda-d :
Heath? Hunter? Harrison?
from charismagurl :
Hans is a FINE, strong name. (heehee)
from luvlyrita :
Hank.
from odalisk :
I've got okay tits. It's my ass that's really spectacular.
from uninspired1 :
Fuckin' brilliant.
from saxyjackclar :
Hey there, you rock my socks, and you are the only diarist I have ever encountered who is cool enough to have his own freakin' mesage board. Damn. I felt so sorry for those owners, I always see failing business, and my stomach sinks. It makes me feel beyond depressed to see a failing business... I don't know what it is. Anyway, I look forward to playing!
from awittykitty :
Like father, like son in language skills. Sorry about the boo boo Andrew. Take care.
from hadassah :
Rock on guy! You're pretty cool. Take care
from moodymelinda :
thanks for the link....i will have my kids take a look at it.....but tell me...when you say they are the biggest band in the world...do you mean the world as in "earth" or the world as in " america"....just wondering......:-)).hope you have a great time at the concert!
from moodymelinda :
i just have to say one thing uncle bob: i have no idea what The Wiggles are......i havent even heard about them before i read your diary.....and its not because i dont have kids........i do have 4...must be some local thing over there eh?? your diary is hillarious though......but i am sure you already knew that:-)
from kristintracy :
I feel like I am leaving a note for The Fonz or something. You are 2 Legit 2 Quit!!!
from athena32 :
that is the cutest zebra I have ever seen. And us moms we just get more emotional every birthday. When my oldest son turned fourteen, I think I was depressed for a month. I dont know if it is from him getting closer to wanting my car keys or I can remember when he use to talk and it was ssssssoooooo cute. Hold him, love him, rock him to sleep, before you know it he will be wanting to drive your car and take a girl out on a date. sniff,sniff,cry cry. sorry.I cant help myself.LOL
from notoriousrrz :
Okay, I have to congratulate you, because that pic of Andrew in a zebra costume is one of THE most adorable things I've ever seen. Go your genes! He's going to break zebra hearts . . .
from pallid-acr :
I'm a new member and I was just surfing the various diaries when I came to yours. I have to tell you--you are awesome! My days at work have passed like a silent fart...fast and relaxing with a nice little gift afterwards. Just a joke! But seriously, thank you for making me smile! --ACR--
from awittykitty :
you no like brunettes??? I am crushed Uncle Bob, truly. Where's the Miss Clairol...quick!! p.s. Statistically, I'm just wondering how many of those fair-haired maidens you're getting dreamy over are TRULY fair-haired...if you get my drift...So much for truth in advertising. LOL.
from awittykitty :
So you enjoyed your trip then?
from onewetleg :
as much as i hate to complain, *snarf* i have begun reading your diary from the beginning and i am appalled at the fact that absolutely none of the links worked. i was all hot to see a picture of you and morris day, but no. i was so excited at the prospect of you having another web presence. again no. unky bob. you have hurt me. hurt me bad. what can i do? how can i rebuild the trust i have had in you all this month that has now been destroyed in one day? i will try to carry on. but this is a scrape that bactine cannot soothe. yours wtih utmost respect, and untellable pain, jj
from rosethebear :
Hey! I went to see the wiggles with my nephew over the summer. It was fucking crazy, they had half the coliseum full of shrieking kids. Definitely cemented my belief that I am cut out for aunt duty only. It was a pretty fun show, and my nephew was dacing around like a madman, but we didn't have the real anthony. ah well.
from jendra :
Very cold water does wonders for any kind of tomato related stain.
from sneakerbust :
I had a Driver's Ed teacher who played Santa every year. The thing was, he loved it so much that he would grow out his beard to be just like Santa's. A real beard. With the curls and everything, in the middle of August. He was a little odd.
from kate1211 :
You are one cool cat! I'm new to diaryland andeverywhere I go, your name pops up! Sounds like the Santa thing was a blast! Hugs~ Kate
from athena32 :
Hi UncleBob gotta love these santa pictures. I used them to bribe my 9,7,and 3 year old! How cool is that?! I have been reading some of your diaries and would just like you to know you are an awesome guy. I did not know they made other men like my hubby. Ones that like to help take care and spend time with their kids. And brag about them all of the time. I especially like Santa, and the kids did too!
from awittykitty :
Aren't kids great? I'm glad you gave them a GOOD Santa memory. Hugs for Uncle Bob.
from meg-cntrygrl :
You seem like a jolly good santa, but the part about "sit on my lap and we'll talk about the Wiggles" could be mistaken for perverted santa. That made me laugh :)
from moodymelinda :
hi bob......seems you make a great santa.....wish i could have taken my kids there that day! they would have loved it......even though they would probably not understand a word you were saying.......apart from ho ho .....but honestly......we are in october!!
from fakingcool :
Greetings, I'm trying my hardest to leave a note that does not include the following words and/or phrases "ohmygosh uncle bob!" "you are soooo funny" "not to mention a super duper genious" "if you ever quit writing, I would just keel over and die" "keep on truckin' greatest-man-alive'...because I bet you get that a lot. So that is all, I am done contributing to the honorable mission of making your scroll bar smaller than the smallest scroll bar ever. It took 1 minute and 4 seconds for this page to download
from thedebil :
You need a disclaimer warning people not to eat and read. I nearly choked on my damn crackers. Thanks for the laughs.
from koomaster :
Maybe I'm a loon, but isn't it October? Why Santa - it makes me cry like a dove who has had it's nest eaten by a malcontent 5year old girl!
from manda-d :
That is one pitiful lookin' Santa beard...
from jenne1017 :
dude, but tomorrow is my birthday!!! How can you not leave me an entry to read when I get back from WI -- with MY birth date on said entry??????
from mssassypants :
"Yo Assbreath, I am soooo fuckity fuckin' sorry to bother your shitass self, but this shit can't fucking wait another goddam minute. I've got this sugartit vacuum cleaner that your lazy ass has got to mack out on. It will cumdildo your assfoot life, babes. Straight up, ho-dog ... your ass want in on the shit or not?" *********soooooooo nearly pissed myself at work reading that in the archives. I luv my uncle bob*************
from mythrandir :
The image in the 10/15 entry about scared the crap out of me. It takes a lot to do that. Good Job! Get well soon.
from atgaspain :
Over 2, 000 fucking linkers already? Second in line to Bobby, who I think has the most. Maybe I should do what happened to him, write my diary URL on a clean bathroom wall and let the thousands of linkers come in a matter of seconds. And no, I'm not kidding. More people use the NYC bathrooms than the shitty ones used by the Floridians. I really do think that you're one of the few individuals on this site who is older than I am (thirty-three), but let's shut our fucking traps and get it over with. I don't know if you'd agree to an IM conversation or another note, some of these fans could get pretty fucking crazy out here.
from cravingsoul :
I must say,your diary sent me laughing like mad.I can't say I've read many diaries as comedic as yours...in fact,I haven't read any.I hope you don't mind,I added you to my buddylist and consider your diary the funnies of my mornings.^_~...Bye unkies!
from rizpickles :
Oh my GOD! You nearly made made me shoot coffee out of my nose! Do you know how much that hurts!? Hahahahahah! You're hilarious.
from cutielatina :
Hi.I'm a recent convert to your wisdom, charm and wit. I LOVE IT! You make me laugh when I need it, and thank for letting other see your life as amusing...:)
from meeyapede :
Wow, what a surprisingly nice note! Though I stand firm on hating that particular entry (hardcore animal rights believer that I am), I totally agree w/ you on the awards. What sucks, as you said, is how great they *could* be. Anyway, it's really a few of your FANS that drive me bonkers, not you. You didn't write me 100 harassing emails, you never made crude/cruel jokes about my family or past problems. So, thanks. Now if only you'd post a retraction of the mice mutilation we could be the bestest of friends (haha :)
from mnlady1962 :
Hey, at least he's not Jesse Ventura, like WE had for the longest time.
from thepersona :
You're as funny as they cum.
from danawear :
igby goes down was, indeed, a hoot.
from onewetleg :
where is uncle bob? doesn't uncle bob know that we worry? doesn't uncle bob know that our buddy-list is a sad and lonely place without him? please come back uncle bob.
from fuzzy-grey :
To be quite honest, Quizno's are not that bad. The first time I ate at one, it was, as we with black in our soul like to say, "aiight." But the second time it was a much more heartfelt "not bad". But annoyingly more expensive. C'est Le Toasty.
from groupie94 :
Courtney named her daughter after a LEGUME... right there has to be proof she is a junkie, right...?
from soulepiphany :
"Cold spaghetti cold spaghetti, spaghetti! Spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti." Yep. Thanks one hell of a lot...a great song to be in a person's head as they try to go to sleep in the middle of the night. Fucking sadist Wiggles.
from carrie688 :
lmao, my kids love the wiggles too :) i hope you have fun watching those annoying guys over and over again when you get home lmao :)
from metastatic :
ah, Uncle Bob, the British have a long tradition of Blaine-esque stunts, except they do them for charity, they just can't stand ostentatious self-aggrandisement for no reason other than, well, ostentatious self-aggrandisement. Well, that's my good deed for cultural relations over for the day. though, you did forget to mention the toy remote helicopter dropping a burger off for him. m.
from jezimo :
"And,luckily for everyone involved, we live in a free society (unless you're in Canada...those Nazi bastards...)where we can say and do as we please." THAT WAS IN YOUR ENTRY... and I'm apalled..*sniff* lol I actually adore and love your diary. My best friend and I read it ritualistically, a healthy dose of hilarious witty uncle bob. It's wicked. We're 18. Anyways, yes, it's amazing, but we don't understand what you've got against us Canadians?!
from picadilly :
free cat! i get it! its hysterical
from mommymartin :
hey not to be rude or anything but next time some one asks your wife to send them some info and a cataloge on her home buisness "southern living at home " or what ever it was. it might be nice if she actually sent one or at least made a follow up call.
from dollyllama :
keep the crib up for a bit, though. I've heard that sometimes kids do fine in the big bed for a week and then regress and want the crib and can't sleep at all, etc.
from chuffnutt :
I saw http://twop.meetup.com for Television WithOut Pity Fans, in case you're interested.
from carrie688 :
How many times have I had to tell one of my kids that they won't get eaten by the couch?? Plenty, just a kid thing lmao. Well have a good one! :)
from puter-chique :
I did something like that, with the whole video thing/ looking back. Sorta. But not really. Almost tho. When I was 17, I wrote a letter to myself. About what I was like, and what I hoped, and all the dorky things that 17 year olds think about. Its addressed to me at "Age 23", so I haven't read it yet. But boy, I bet when I do it will be pretty heartwarming and sentimental.
from crazygal23 :
yup~ isabel was quite interesting. knocked down two trees in my yard, and took off some shingles and stuff like that. and it was only a class two also... hate to see a class five...
from clairecav :
Hey your idea for the fake argument, was... erm...actually pretty amusing to a dumbass like me!
from wyvern :
No, we get the same stupid spam that guys get.
from carrie688 :
hey uncle bob,i think ur funny and i think the other guy is just a loser, so HAHAHA! But anyways, you are funny and witty and i love ur take on everything, you make my morning in my long and dreary day LMAO!! Carrie
from lavidaloca-2 :
I hope you know I hate you, stupid Bob made me leave my email AND url at Pork, you may have too many viewers to talk back to me, but him??? he's gonna make fun of me and make me cry, I'm scared now.
from wilkes :
What the hell, Bob? How many diaryland entries can there be about the Amish? Okay. Maybe only two. Feel free to scan my entry for 9/16. Love your stuff.
from jendra :
I think the beard thing comes from the part of the bible saying that shaving your beard is wrong, eating shellfish is wrong and sodomy is wrong. Kinda all over the place in that section, though I think it's all supposed to do with how to stay healthy in a desert. No knats or chafing in the bum or whatnot. ;P
from ladyforash :
Dude, you crack me up. Are you related to Seinfeld? Your comedic styly reminds me of him. Thanks for sharing!
from amberfalls :
I live in Mormon country and we've got those missionaries around all the time. I think they are plotting for world domination or something.
from emsk8forever :
i really like reading your diary the stories you write in them are great!
from marsterslady :
I enjoy the stories about Andrew immensely. I have four little guys of my own, and you tell stories about your children in such a funny way - I feel like I'm there, "enjoying" each experience with you. You? Are never boring.
from eggsaucted :
Uncle Bawb! You Rawk! As of this moment I have officially read every single one of your entries! Keep writing, don't worry about what other people say, they don't need to read it if they have a problem with it.
from ratherbored :
whenever I read your diary I laugh so hard my mom has to give me a paper bag to breathe in. well...she SHOULD...
from kelly :
dear uncle bob, i don't think i've told you lately how much you rock. in sum: you rock. xxoo, kel.
from lavidaloca-2 :
dude I remember that stuff from chem club in high school! It's some space age crap that's in diapers too, we used to do a demo using that and a beaker of red died water....ah instant jello, just dont inhale the stuff because you have water in your lungs or something like that and it can cause asphyxiation or however you spells it... poor uncle bob now you have me soo worried about your job!!! I hate it when people are on thin ice or are almost in trouble...poor uncle b, I hope the pres lightens up.
from ladyforash :
That was freakin' hilarious dude!
from bisa-pet :
I made a special button for Chrome that everyone is welcome to snag from my diary entry and display on their pages if they'd like. The URL is http://bisa-pet.diaryland.com/chromebttn.html
from ladyforash :
I think you make a great Mr. Wilson! :)
from dooki :
I read your entry about "the look." My dad had the most ominous look ever. He didn't even have to say anything to accompany it, just flash the look. My older sister was more rebellious than I, testing the boundaries of the famous, "one...TWO!!!" We always wondered what came after "TWO!" But we were sure it was something horrible and always ran in fear after our father started counting. My sister tested it once. He said, "One," she looked at us and then looked back at him, continuing with whatever sinning she was up to, "TWO" said my dad in shock that she waited that long, still standing her ground. "Two and a half!" he said more sternly. Holy shit, we didn't even know what a half was but it sounded like lethal injection. She stopped her actions and ran to her room, fearing the "half", and what it's consequence was. You could use that if the look doesn't look. Like, "hey, I want a raise" flash the look, and if it doesn't work, "One...TWO!!!"
from dooki :
thanks for dropping me such a heartfelt note. I'm glad you believe in my handjobs, because I DO TO!
from darkndeviant :
Congrats on finding your inner Dom! And yes..."THAT LOOK" works on women, kids, animals and bosses a like...:) Deploy with care!
from purex :
Damn, your kid is cute as hell! Something to be proud of :) Hope he grows up with your sense of humor!
from trinity63 :
Andrew looks so GROWN up and darling! I can't believe how much are babies are growing up -- the next thing we know, you and I will be writing about Kindergarten...god.
from luvlyrita :
BTW, I hate to admit I know this, but "Don't Know What You Got" was by Cinderella. *sigh*
from luvlyrita :
I'm catching up on your entries this morning (got to do *something* at work!) and now I'm left with no doubts -- you ARE my evil internet twin! I luuuuurved About Schmidt, although it took me two viewings to realize it. I just bought it a week or so ago, and the very same night I bought Punch Drunk Love! Wheee!
from jenne1017 :
Just a tip on the George Foreman thing -- food burns EASILY on it and so does any marinade/dry rub flavor. Turn constantly!
from catsoul :
Hey Bob, You are up early, the only time for parents. Your son is 2 years old and mine is 19 and didn't get home yet! See what you have to look forward to. I remember those early times, and I still savor the time my son and I get to have together around his busy life(well he thinks he has a busy life). I laughed all the way through your writing, you are pretty darn good at it. Just don't overdo the "look," you want to have it be effective in the long run. Got to go get ready for work myself now. I think I will add you to my list to check out more often. ~A
from dooki :
UNCLE BOB, I AM PLEASED. YOU WILL BE PLEASED WHEN YOU READ MY ENTRIES. I TOO, AM A FAN OF THE HUNTER S. THOMPSON. HE IS CRAZY NOW. LITERALLY. IF YOU'VE SEEN THE CRITERION EDITION OF FEAR AND LOATHING, YOU'D KNOW WHAT I MEAN. HOLY CRAP, DRUGS REALLY do AFFECT YOU IN THE LONG RUN! YOU SEEM LIKE A STAND UP GUY. AS IN, A GUY THAT STANDS IN UPRIGHT POSITIONS AND SAYS TO PEOPLE RANDOMLY, "HEY, DID YOU KNOW THAT I'M STANDING UP? BECAUSE I AM, YOU WHORE!" ACTUALLY, THAT NEVER HAPPENS, DOES IT? IT'S JUST MY WAY OF GETTING TO KNOW YOU. DON'T JUDGE ME BECAUSE MY NAME IS DOOKI. EVERYONE DOOKS IN THE TOILET. I JUST HAPPEN TO FIND ENLIGHTENMENT IN MY DEFECATION. WRITE ME OR READ ME, YOU WON'T BE DISSAPPOINTED.
from healthychick :
I've been reading you for some time now and thought I should say hello before I add you too my favorites. Hello Unclebob. I'm a morning person by profession and I love reading your half-awake entries! Plus, your a super dad (just like my mate!)
from amberfalls :
I watched About Schmidt last weekend with my parents and we thought it was uplifiting and positive. I didn't think it was sad or depressing. It was a great movie.
from dutch-girl :
I know it's wrong to laugh at the misfortunes of others .... but thanks for making me laugh so hard this morning I nearly had an accident.
from atgaspain :
You and I should affiliate sometime. I could be the hateful fuck, you could be the funny fuck. Maybe you should create a fucking logo so that I could eventually display it on my webpage. Of course, it'll have a link to your diary.
from ladeeleroy :
A random hello to you Uncle Bob.
from elfchica311 :
I just wanted to tell you that I LOVE your site!!!! And you are funny as hell!
from invisibledon :
Have a great holiday weekend 8/29/03
from lavidaloca-2 :
Hey uncleb not that its any of my business and you were probably joking so i'll look all stupid and stuff, but i hope that if you werent you'll go to a doctor asap because it sounds like theirs something really wrong with you.
from physcoisme :
hi
from dobe :
feel betta'.
from rockyraven :
hey i really like your writing style
from relybigtease :
hey...i have u listed as one as my fav diaries...i was wondering if u would check out mine sumtime an leave me a note!
from patadrina :
You can make a drinking game out of it. Every time a band member comes on the screen... you get the picture.
from pandionna :
Hola - Would you believe the firewall at my office blocks your diary? It doesn't block anyone else's on d-land that I can see. Not that I read a lot of diaries at work. Oh no, never. Not me.
from her-story :
I loooooooove watching Queer Eye b/c that blonde guy just cracks me up. I saw last night's episode w/ the bald transit authority cop. No offense, but flip flops on a guy....totally gross. I'm not a foot person, so the idea of a guy coming to take me on a date w/ flip flops and a sports jacket was just a little too much for me. Elvis isn't really dead... he's just taunting us... Or, at least that's what I'm told... personally, I think he's a gas station attendant in Milwaukee. *Shrugs*
from groupie94 :
Speaking on the Elvis thing... Just recently my 16 yr. old neice had her graduation pictures taken, while looking at her proofs I noticed she had some that were taken with a portrait of Elvis in the background, So I ask her..." Did the photographer slide that background in while you weren't looking...?" and she replied "No I am into Elvis..." To each their own I say, but if you ask me I would have to say there is something definately hinky going down when my 16 yr. old neice is into Elvis and I myself at almost 31 listen intently to Eminem... =)
from penaca :
I don't have a journal on Diaryland so please don't confuse me with a troll because I'm not. I found your site through DamnHellAssKings and after reading through most of your archives, I have to say you're an incredibly witty writer. I cringe when I laugh at your jokes but in this case, that's a good thing. Your Kenny Rogers chicken fiasco? Yeah, I had a dream about that the other night where they screwed me out of a full meal. I must note I've never even BEEN to a Kenny Rogers restaurant so yeah, I would really appreciate your influences staying out of my dreams. That's all. Thanks for writing. --Kristen
from livefan91200 :
excellent... must say one of my favorite entries yet... RIP dougie. L'amour toujours ~LP
from tiragem :
I download mp3 illegally online as well. Bitchin diary. I shall be reading more of it.
from twizt-freek :
I found u through the diarist awards for winners n such. I enjoyed reading your journal. It is very much entertaining :)
from wrthlss :
My father played Santa once at a church event. I knew who it was because of his shoes.
from biensoul :
I feel compelled to tell you Uncle Bob that the ONLY time I was ever afraid of Santa Claus (I was three, and yes, I had seen Santa before then with no problems) was when my father was dressed as Santa. I had no idea it was him, but something about the situation seemed "not right" to me...especially since Santa knew my name before I told it to him! Anyway, I don't think you'll ruin Andrew's faith in Santa Claus, but if he's squeamish around St. Nick to begin with, don't be offended if he runs away screaming. Good luck!
from bloodyhell84 :
FUNNY stuff..I love it
from herkinerf :
Gee thanks, UB. Makin' me tear up so early in the morning...and on the ONE freakin' day I didn't bring mascara to work with me. The bear idea is fantastic and I will certainly be donating to the cause. Thanks for printing his letter.
from pura-vida :
Have you read the novel White Noise by Don Delillo? It mentions another Uncle Bob: "Members of an air-crash cult will hijack a jumbo jet and crash it into the White House in an act of blind devotion to their mysterious and reclusive leader, known only as Uncle Bob." Mysterious and reclusive indeed.
from thecritic :
UncleBob I expect more of you than to physically harm a little child... PSYCHOLOGICAL torture is far more effective and it'll be easier to cover your tracks.
from livefan91200 :
OH POOR ANDREW!!! Kick that little bastard in the nuts so that he never procreates... that's what I say... little fucker... that ticks me off... if I were anywhere near where that kid lives I'd "accidently" spray poisonous chemicals in his bed so that he'll go to sleep and never wake up... argh... anyways, enough of that. We're rootin for ya uncle Bob! L'amour toujours ~LP
from staple-stuck :
Ah, I see you have the spawn of Satan too-the one we know is called Dylan but we know better. "All Boy", my ass. All Evil if you ask me.
from ironbull :
Dude, your diary is fucking awsome. I say it should be voted diary of the year. I nearly pissed my pants laughing.The adventure of you and your son in "Redneckland" is possibly the greatest story to ever be told on this site. Keep writing and rock on.
from livefan91200 :
Hey UB... I copied you too and did the kranzy survey thingy... I'm just all pissy considering I'm quitting smoking so I didn't feel like bitching for my entry today... thanks for the great idea... L'amour toujours ~LP
from bitchslap69 :
now THAT'S the unclebob i know and love! party on, dude!
from angel09 :
welcome back kotter...man, i love that show.
from lizagray :
Hi uncle bob. Can I just say that I love uncles with 3 letter names. My uncle is uncle Dan. Just love it. Anywho, your diary was quite funny and entertaining. Went to Georgia huh? What part? Not that I am from GA but I do live close. Just curious. So, since I left you a note I think ya owe me one! (oh, and you could read my diary too but don't expect too much.)
from alerae :
i was quite amused by your diary. look at mine. it's ALeRae... go there... NOW DAMMIT, i'm not kidding
from dani-lou :
Baby powder get the sand out of anything with remarkable speed. Just a tip! Soup doesn't always do the trick. Best wishes, Dani.
from livefan91200 :
hehehe nice story about bob hope... I'm kind pissed that everyone was jinxing the guy for the past few weeks with all the olf famous farts croakin all at once... everyone was saying "bob hope is next, I just know it!" and there he goes... thanks a lot... bastards... but yeah, good story at any rate... have fun at skool ;) L'amour toujours ~LP
from dano :
You may be in luck with the shower thing. Depending on which college it is (and how new the dorms are, etc.), it may have seperate shower stalls in the bathrooms. Mine did when I went to college, though that was in Indiana, not Georgia.
from raversweetie :
weird! i'm going to be in georgia this coming week too. see you there! :OP and the playboy is worth finding. they have all these shots of jenna and heidi on top of each other and all naked. and i really really want to know what the parents of heidi's students think because she's a total ho bag.
from oreogirl :
your lastest entry about Bob Hope was the funniest thing I can remember about him. Its sad that he is gone. RIP, Hope. I will pour a 40 for you. :(
from haloaskew :
Yes, you must try mom's chili recipe when you get a chance and let me know what you think! I'd like to try your recipe out - if you care to divulge your Bobness secrets via email...
from ursaminor2 :
it doesnt seem right...bob hope can't die....isnt he already imortal?
from plankton :
Hey, at least you only have to rescue your own kid. I used to rescue the ones in my husband's family fairly regularly. When you are a kid-sized adult, people think you have certain responsibilities.
from heathir31 :
Oh unca bob! What about b.b king?! He does diabetes commercials too! and he's way cooler than wilford brimley any day of the week.
from three-libras :
GOOD GOD mr popular.... your user pic makes me think i recognized you in alabama when i drove through it two weeks ago... YEAH RIGHT. unless you live in enterprise or dothan and in that case it makes sense why you are such a great writer. i added you months ago and i think you are the coolest guy ever! (or maybe not) yes, i write like this sober god help me.
from marsist :
I think in honor of Liza's divorce it's time to go back and reread the TVWithoutPity extra on their wedding... http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/story.cgi?show=56&story=3990&limit=&sort=
from livefan91200 :
lol great t shirt uncle bob... keep the woman motivated! SELL, BIATCH, SELL! Kidding, kidding, but yeah, that would be wild to see.... L'amour toujours ~LP
from greenwitch :
I wholeheartedly agree about the farmer's market conspiricy. I am a vendor at a farmer's market and get a morbid chill up my spine each time a customer over 70 approaches. Given the "trendiness" of markets Al Queda might win this one.
from luvabeans :
ok, so i "diary" at my job, and the network at work blocks your site. of course, now i'm dying to read it. alas. i've read such good things ABOUT you, i wanted to come directly to the source. but, you've been censored by the corporation i work for. you should be proud. oh, and hey, are you the same uncle bob from television without pity (formerly mighty big tv)? again, sorry i can't read your diary. woo, luvabeans
from spazchick98 :
Great entry this morning, I guess that will teach me to try and drink coffee while reading your diary!
from trasker :
Dude, of course Dat Phan is going to win. Dat. Phan. Names don't get much funnier than that. The show is based on funniest name, right? And i'm glad someone else has the train-wreck philosophy to watching that show. Why do i care when they play hide and seek? Why must i study ralphie may's corpulence and how it remains both when he wears glasses and when he is lens-less? And why can i not stop laughing when Dat says "Airplane, bird, car, tree"? There is no why. There is only the 'off' button.
from her-story :
I'm sorry, but that "ready, set, GO" thing cracks me up... cute... wait til he's older and discovers what a camera is for. I've experienced the evil inlaws... cept mine live IN my state and come over whenever they feel like it, making me annoyed and stressed out... b/c they think they own everything that's mine. P.S. kicking off Dave Mordell was a HUGE mistake.
from cherrychums3 :
hey ive been reading you diary for a long time now and it totally cracks me up its really great...i added you as a favorite please visit my diary it would be an honor if you would sign my guestbook or drop me a note....thanks :)
from dirtygirl :
Ah, Uncle Bob. I may be around about as much as Jimmy Hoffa now a days, but a Dirty Girl never forgets where home is. :) Love you!
from myshka :
wanted to submit a poem that sucked ass, couldn't think that well cuz i wasn't high on grass. Don't smoke pot no more don't even know what i'm doin this for, sittin here, wasting my time, tryin to bust out some dumb-ass rhyme.
from mydaydream :
Once this guy I know was eating a salad from Wendy's...and he got down to the last few bits of lettuce and there was a roach in that mofo! I wanted to throw up FOR him!
from biensoul :
I can't believe they forgot your dressing, too! I was in Wendy's last week and suffered the same predicament with MY mandarin chicken salad. Damn you, Dave Thomas, DAMN YOU!
from carrrot :
I got food poisoning from a wendy's salad a few months ago...
from wildrose1 :
I really like reading you but aint no way in hell I could pay that much. ((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
from wildrose1 :
I really like reading you but aint no way in hell I could pay that much. ((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
from staple-stuck :
glad to know I'm not the only one who seems to get screwed out of stuff when I go there! Taco Hell will undoubtedly leave one (or more) of my items out of the bag, and not give me any zesty chicken bowl sauce when I order a zesty chicken bowl. BASTARDS! (oh, by the way, the Wendy's mandarin chicken salad is good for you UNTIL you put the oriental dressing on it. It's better with vinegrette anyway-take it from someone who knows.)
from her-story :
Don't you hate it when people offer up diet suggestions? Nothing ever worked for me, though when I was pregnant w/ this last baby I was gestational diabetic. I never dreamt about candy and junkfood as much as I did those few months. I did lose weight, but I was a raging bitch those three months. Do the best you can, but the diabetic thing isn't something to mess around with, so be careful. (btw... visitors are wicked nasty especially when they bring their dirty kids with them... trust me, i've been there)
from kapow32 :
Hi, I'm diabetic too and a nutrionist and after reading your lunch menu ARE YOU CRAZY! After the carb load of a bagel a banana AND Pretzels- I'm surprised your sugar isn't out the roof you are eating three of the biggest carb no-nos there are. Pick whole grain bread sandwhich with your choice of lunch meat-add veggies. HAve an apple or a peach and carrot sticks . POPCORN! eat low sugar yogurt or some nuts or celery sticks with cream cheese or peanut butter. There had better be prtein on that sald at night or it won't satisfy your hunger very long. Are you properly chastised? Maybe then you won't be hungry, cranky and notice some weight loss. :)KP
from carrrot :
Oops, you DO get full rather.
from carrrot :
You should try the Atkins diet. Because of all the protein you don't really get full. Just a thought! cara
from sunstarr :
First, I can sympathize with your plight about the sister-in-law and the nephews. Imagine having the same situation but instead of living in a modest size house, you live in a 34' RV like I do!! (Not that anyone has wanted to stay with us for 12 days, but even for a weekend is ultra-cramped!) Secondly, I don't mean to insult your intelligence here (cuz you're one of the last smart human beings to habitate our planet it seems) but instead of going on so-called-diet, why not just make a healthy-eating-lifestyle-change? That coupled with a little bit of exercise 4 or 5 times a week should do the trick. It's what I do and it works well. I eat what I want to eat, but instead of wolfing down an entire bag of chips, I see what the recommended serving size is listed on the bag and measure/weigh/count that out and put the large bag away. That's only one example. I tell ya, once you lose that weight not only will you feel good about yourself but you will FEEL good. Physically. And you'll just increase the longevity of your life by living a healthy lifestyle with moderate eating and moderate exercise. You wanna be around for Andrew's whole life, dontcha?!? Anyway, I say this with all the love in the world cuz you're a great guy, Uncle Bob! Have a great day. (I'm stepping down off my soap box now.) :-)
from laboheme532 :
even though the picture you put in was fake and came from google.... i saw the real thing and it aint pretty!!
from laboheme532 :
i volunteered at a zoo last week... and while i was there i saw a killer rat (ratzilla) just like the one you showed in your entry a while back. DAMN those things are huge and freaky! i dont blame you a bit... i'd go berserk if that thing was in MY backyard!
from wildrose1 :
first peer pressure pushes a kid into booger eating then drugs. I think you better get working on an intervention. ((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
from robin-smith :
Yeah, Blue Rodeo has kind of adopted the Sadies, and they did a lot of session work on the Sadies' latest album. They're all fucking fantastic musicians. They have a VIBRAPHONE for fuck's sake! If you ever do get a chance to hear any of their stuff, take it. I was absolutely floored by this band!
from heathir31 :
oh, UB! That song "The Living Years" ALWAYS makes me bawl like a baby! I don't get along with my parents very well (even though I'm 32, happily married mom of two, and as "normal" as they come) and that song always guilts me into giving them another chance to make me miserable. And I'll let them, if I even *think* of that song. That song makes me think I could get along with them if I just tried harder. GAH! Thanks for the commiseration
from jamsjunction :
Dont forget, Old Man Thurman keeled..I guess you cant really count him for having celeb status..but I do agree, Bob Hope has over stayed his welcome...
from livefan91200 :
HAHAHAHA nice... scary, but nice... I approve. L'amour toujours ~Le Penseuse
from livefan91200 :
Hey Uncle Bob... I took your idea and wrote the 5 songs that make me a little misty-eyed too on my site... so yeah... thanks for the great Idear! L'amour toujours ~Le Penseuse
from pieceofmind1 :
Re: Hepburn and Hackett: You are one funny man. Oates, yeah.
from harlemrain :
Oh please Uncle Bob, not Oates! What would the world do with out the muziky goodness of Hall and Oates...besides have you heard that crap Hall produces and tries to call music without him? I use it to scare off crows in my grandma garden.
from katehackett :
Dude. Put Kate and Hackett together there. I'm scared for myself.
from peytonsplace :
No, I'm not pregnant. Did you read the entry I wrote, or somebody else's and just thought you would post on mine? :p I was talking about starting the whole trying to get pregnant again process. If I do get pregnant again, I will call you personally to let you know. ha ha ha
from peytonsplace :
Well, damnit, quit reading then! It's kinda funny, I wanted to be googled or yahooed so bad and now that I have been, it's freaked me out. Especially since the yahoo search pointed to the entry where I totally dogged Larry's cousin. Oh well, I guess I will now be forced to thicken my skin if someone does find it.
from nightlynews :
Hello Unclebob. Let me just preface this with the obligatory "your diary rules". Although I'm not a "housewife from Novia Scotia", I find your writing very enjoyable and just about bust a gut everytime I read it. I do, however, want to break a bit of bad news to you. You know the timeshare "seminar" you've agreed to attend? My sister agreed to go to one with her husband...and they have daycare. You diabolical scheme to defraud the timeshare people by using your sweet little toddler as an excuse? Might be thwarted. Perhaps a plan B is in order. I suggest you consider completely inappropriate sexual advances on other attendees, mentioning you've recently had a willy in your mouth for the first time and you LOVED it. Or you could just whip out your wang in the middle of the blather about timeshares. That might work to get you kicked out of there. Cheers, J
from atgaspain :
Your diary is fucking awesome and I laugh so hard that I actually lost my ass while reading your diary. Eventually, I found out that my dog ate it, but what the fuck? I could do nothing about it. Maybe he decided to shit it out, so I decided to fucking kick his stupid ass. I nearly killed the poor fucker. Anyway, your diary rules.
from ionme :
Hi Uncle Bob. I wanted to direct your attention to my diary for a minute because I'm curious what your opinion would be regarding "battle of who has the best orgasm". :)
from cmkern3 :
We did a timeshare thing 2 years ago, and got an awesome deal to Orlando for it. The salesguys at the 'seminars' are pretty pushy, but as long as you're not easily influenced - they're usually worth the discounts, etc..,
from wildrose1 :
I believe you tried to hook forest up so badly because you have a butt phobia. fistfucking and potatoe pizza. somehow I find myself oddly hot and repulsed at the same time. (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
from snowgrrl :
Hey Uncle Bob! My parents have a timeshare with Fairfield resorts and it has worked out wonderfully for them. I think they paid it off in about 5 years and then they have their timeshare for life. They get two weeks a year at wherever they'd like and all they have to pay are the taxes and travel. It's a good deal, especially if you're the travelling type and have a family. Just thought I'd give you my $0.02 on the whole timeshare thing. :)
from redhott27 :
I freakin' love SWC. Now if I only had a DVD player... *sniff*
from ionme :
fistfucking potatoes, LOL!!!
from alicenobody :
muha nova scotia got a eantion. no one ever knows where it is.. do you?
from livefan91200 :
All I have to say is laughed my ass off... I worked at mcd's my frosh year in high school and nothing like *that* ever happened... definately made my day... thanks Bob. L'amour toujours ~LP
from ljungberg8 :
actually-yeh it does
from ljungberg8 :
your random entry thign dont work
from deviousone :
You're fucking hilarious. Reading that latest entry made my day! Thanks a lot!!
from angel09 :
you should check out the song "destiny" by zero 7 and let me know what you think.
from openspaces27 :
Song #14 kicks ass! Good work!
from alteridem :
Bob! that game is a blast and a half! My high score is $1,191,209! i discovered the best kept secret- DesignerZ. you can pretty much guarentee that if you buy it at 50-52 thousand, you can resell it for 59. a great profit. anyway- THANKS!
from deejyy :
The Funk Bro.s Totally with you on that man! We are going to see the live show this summer, no Ben Harper but it should still be great.
from dap6000 :
whatever happened to all the old bradpitt content? that stuff was fucking classic. i used to know how to get past your broken links and read it anyway, but now the whole thing is deleted. wish i'd have saved it locally now.
from jetty :
and hopefully nobody takes offense to me calling them "retard tests". I know it's not politically correct, but you have to remember, it was years ago, back before we got pc-minded. I was directly quoting my brothers! plus I don't mean any harm. jets :)
from jetty :
I just read a "random entry" of yours and it was about how you took your son to a speech therapist and he's had tubes put in his ears and speaks a lot of "jargon". well oh my god! I've never heard anyone else talk about something like that, but it sounds exactly like the condition I was in when I was three! AND I WAS THREE! not two. THREE. and my parents sent me for, as my brothers would tease me about from then on, "retard tests". they thought there was something wrong with me, that I would never speak properly, and they didn't know why. then I was starting to really up the ante jargon-wise, and the "retard test givers" said that with t-tubes, my ears would be corrected (clearing out the fluid trapped in my ear drums) and I would catch up to the rest of my age group very quickly. they were right, my speech took shape shortly after the t-tubes took effect. my sister was 9 years older than me and the only person able to understand me until this. and now I'm an intelligent, outspoken (possibly too much so), popular (not like, ooo she wears the right clothes and makeup kinda popular, but popular with most people that I meet, well-liked). I'm sure your kid will turn out fine too. just watch that he NEVER puts his pee-pee near your mouth again! and I have a question about that... are you going to embarass him with that story when he's older? or will you keep it quiet, simply because it's a memory that makes you shudder? your diary is highly amusing, I love it (no clue how I found it, pure luck)... mine isn't the same, I never came on here with the intention of having a fan following, but I'll soon change my diary as I aspire to be more like you and andrew! (not your son, although he seems to rock too, but you know, andrew, d-land andrew) I'll be reading!!!! (oooh, creepy!)
from peytonsplace :
Yeah, I know. There's no way that kid was cuter than Peyton! I think that his parents must have known right away their day was up and just voted continously. I e-mailed the company to see if I could resubmit the photo. I want that free sitting, damnit. Regarding the outfit, I only had to wear it for the photo, then I sat in a booth, ate nasty Ceasar Salad and called people. I raised about $900.00, which was pretty good once I looked at the other folks. And I got a free tee. Now that was the best part.
from manchmal :
how fucking sick. this is the sort of suburban entitlement to clean lawn and escape from nature that makes me want to kill people.
from komachi :
OH MY!!! I was laughing so hard that I got all teary. Aren't babies the greatest? lol.... having been peed on seems like nothing now... ;) Take care. ~K.
from staple-stuck :
OH. MY. GOD. I am laughing my head off right now at the vision of Andrew "accidentally" violating you!!! Maybe it's something he picked up by looking at the pages Pervy used to check out....
from ionme :
That's hillarious. Kids do the darndest things hahahaha
from ionme :
What is it about mice? My dad is scared of mice too. Hmm. I don't blame you for killing Ratzilla's babies.
from mikesperry :
If that truly is a photo you took of an animal in your backyard, then you have a capybara (http://www.rebsig.com/capybara/) a South American rodent (also, as you noted, the world's largest rodent). How the heck you got a capybara in your backyard is a mystery. I don't think their range extends up to your neck of the woods. Or maybe it does, seeing as how you valiantly fought one off with a lawnmower.
from fakingcool :
Uncle Bob...American Idol I'de vote for you!!
from slauditory :
Actually, that looks sort of like a nutria...which is a large rat-type-thing that plagues Louisiana. I guess it's plaguing the South now. Oh, and I love your journal!
from janysdrkpoet :
Dude, thats no rat!! lol but I bet you knew that didn't you? I was laughing so hard that finally my kids started to get worried about me.. Thank you for making me smile today, I needed it..
from jazzyocchi :
That looked more like one of them Monkeypox prairie dogs or sum shit. Damn. That's a hideous animal, regardless of wtf it was.
from pattypat :
Hi Uncle Bob - I think that is a woodchuck not a rat living in your backyard. Rats have pointy noses. Not that I'm a nature expert or anything, and I probably would have done the same thing myself, but you may want to clean up the dead carcasses or you will have rats. Pattypat
from vtsuthrnbell :
I just wish you could spend some time with me and my friends. They make me feel like a lunatic when I say things about how all birds are out to get me (which they are!), but I have a feelin you would back me up. Animals are not innocent little creatures of nature...they will peck your eyeballs out and eat you. If you're ever in Virginia please let me know. -Gina
from poked2x :
uh, unclebob, you should tell all of us suckas that sign up for the ozzy thing that jager (yum) will send an email wanting you to go and confirm your information. i almost deleted it because it landed in my "junk" email file thing. yep.
from dazeyduke2 :
Haaaaaaaaaaapy Father's Day, Nutcase!!! {{ Hugs }}}
from manda-d :
Void in Tennessee? Shit! I KNEW I should've read those "official rules"!
from carrier :
I tried to do the OzzFest thing from the Spicoli Web site - but it doesn't matter if you live just over the state line - if you don't live in a state OzzFest is in - well, they won't let you enter (I did get creative and use a friend's address...) Also - I wanted to comment on your Hilton Head trip... after hours spent looking for the Oyster Bar, with 2 of those being "Look kids! Big Ben! Parlianment!" - Can I just say I totally relate to your trip? <g>
from thepeachtree :
Dear Fat Kid Taking A Shower At The Beach, How often should I shower? Signed, Dirty Girl.
from srolive :
I was gonna enter the Ozzy contest, but there werent any dates in Washington state. Sorry Charlie.
from katehackett :
Erk. Sorry that posted twice...Donno what happened.
from katehackett :
I *HATE* you. Well, no. I HATE the fact that you can lie out for more than THREE FARKING HOURS and not burn! Wha?!?!!? I think your wife and I are two of a kind there.
from katehackett :
I *HATE* you. Well, no. I HATE the fact that you can lie out for more than THREE FARKING HOURS and not burn! Wha?!?!!? I think your wife and I are two of a kind there.
from wlcm2wndrlnd :
oh my god that was FUNNY!! you had me laughing soooo much while i was reading that! hahaha, nice. glad you finally made it in with the popular clique, even if you couldnt join them haha.
from froggy-angel :
HEYYYY UNCLE B. I started reading your diary a few weeks ago (although I started in 2002 not at the very beginning) and I just thought I'd let you know its great and it even inspired me to start a journal of my own.
from springfever :
dear uncle bob, you rock my world! i love reading your diary, you're soooo funny. I have this feeling your head's swelling up now, so I figure I'll just put in this addendum (sp?), pretty funny for a 30 year-old ;) (j/k)
from thepeachtree :
lol. *holds side*
from sstephanie :
hey ! nice journal, i love reading you ! im adding you to my favorites, how lucky are you? believe me, you'll get TONS of publicity from my diary ;)
from rachimal :
Hey, I love your diary. happy random guestbook signing week
from buttmonkie :
after reading your diary i have the magnificent aspiration to be cool uncle bob, though really i would have to be cool aunt bob..which just leads to its own set of issues and concerns. anyhoo, you crack me up, although you have heard it gajillions of times, i just thought i would add to it for kicks and giggles. really neither of the two, but im sure you get the point.
from scanzilla :
P.S. Stop shitting on my corpse's face.
from scanzilla :
Avenge my death you bastard!
from soulepiphany :
Favorite Sweet Tea? Favorite Hearing Aid Store? What the hell?? What kinda place are you people running down there? Eh. I signed it anyway. :)
from wildrose1 :
I made a spaghetti sauce that ocked saturday for a fund raiser. Men that cry are sexy, as long as they don't cry over a broken nail, lol. Can I have a recommendation? ((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
from stucknbumfuk :
I just laughed so fucking hard, I almost joined the little girl in peeing herself. Hilarious. You have this snarky way of saying things that hits my cynical side just right and leaves me cracking up.
from star-heart :
You crack me up, you really do. I will have to spend some time going through your archives. How can you be so funny?!
from jenne1017 :
Happy Random Guestbook Signing Week! Pass it on...
from fairyzebra :
"Tom Dickson and Sherrie Myers, the baseball owners that created the nationally recognized Lansing Lugnuts, chose the winning name from more than 3,000 entries submitted in a local name the team contest. The winning contest entry was submitted by Montgomery resident John (Tripp) Vickers. Mr. Vickers’ reason for choosing the name Biscuits was clear when he wrote in his entry “It’s playful and fun, plus who doesn’t like Biscuits? All Alabamians like ‘em.” Mr. Vickers will receive inaugural season tickets and Montgomery Biscuits team merchandise from the team’s official retailer, the Biscuit Basket. The team’s official logos and colors were designed by Percy Wang of Simple Studios, Chicago, Illinois, in collaboration with Dickson and Myers. The primary logo, containing an animated biscuit character who has a pad of butter for a tongue and wears baseball cleats, is known as “Monty”!" Unclebob, let me be the first to tell you that i am appalled to live in Tampa Bay, as it seems the Biscuits are "affiliated with the Tampa Bay Devil Rays". My apologies.
from cruel-irony :
Enjoy you vacation... you certainly deserve it.
from ravynemyst :
pity, no...envy..hell yes! I miss the ocean soooo much! Have an awesome time anyway!
from dano :
I just read about the Biscuits in a national baseball publication and how one woman wrote to one of your local papers saying that whoever came up with the name should be "covered in honey and thrown on an ant hill," or something to that effect. Interestingly enough, there is a group that travels to minor-league ballparks throughout the summer performing a Blues Brothers act. They've got the car and everything; they're quite good.
from samiam0341 :
Man...Hilton Head Island looks beautiful. Just like South Padre Island, only without Mexican garbage washed up all over the beaches.
from puarkat :
okay, er, you DID make that all up, right uncle bob? forgive me, i'm from NYC..if you didn't make that up please tell me it's at least a MINOR LEAGUE team???!!!!!! otherwise, i will KNOW there is something funny in the water down there!!!!!!
from cmkern3 :
I was totally waiting for the punchline to your practical joke regarding the Biscuits. You know, like the Matrix spoiler about Keanu having all sorts of mini-Keanu babies, or about how you and Susie were pregnant. But no punchline here?????? You've GOT to be kidding!!
from manda-d :
Ha ha ha! I especially like the slap of butter inside the biscuit!
from thepeachtree :
mmmm.... that team sounds tasty!
from gwsteed :
You know the crepes? I forgot the part where you roll them up into a log with the strawberries inside. THEN the syrup. Man. Been makin' 'em for 33 years. You'd think . . .
from ljungberg8 :
i saw a UFO too. i hate the way no-one belives us!
from veronica-- :
i like Peter Frampton, lol!
from wildrose1 :
those are cool memories. I hope you have a wonderful Memorial Day. ((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
from robin-smith :
Hey Uncle, thanks for your chivalry in attempting to rescue me from the den of iniquity that is Disco's residence. I managed to escape unscathed (and I'm going back in six weeks, because Doug is the shiznit).
from darkfairy13 :
Awsome diary, poor daycare lady........
from gwsteed :
U. Bob, Crepes? Yeah, the good French ones are thin and . . . unsatisfying. These are not as good but lots better: The night before you want them, mix up 1.5 cups of milk, 3 eggs, 1 TBS oil, 1 tsp salt, and 1 cup flour. Let this stand overnight. In the morning, stir it up, heat up a 9" cast iron skillet and pour in a third of a cup or so. It will be pretty thin and spread out a lot more than your usual pancake but a lot less than those French crepes. Flip it before it gets black, brown the other side, flop it on a plate, spoon in some strawberries, cover it with syrup or whipped cream or powdered sugar or whatever. Um-numm. You can double or triple the recipe without problem. My parents had a restaurant for 15 years. The couple that had it for 25 years before him served these as well. One key seems to be the iron pan. They don't come out well in a thin aluminum skillet. Best, Uncle George
from thepeachtree :
Good luck finding a good daycare! I hope you start feeling better. I had the same thing not to long ago. It sucks.
from foolish-soul :
get well soon uncle bob. i feel your pain.
from wildrose1 :
if you had bet you'd own the farm and ranch. I for one was rooting for Rueben. I am so tired of hearing 105 pound teenaged girls talking about dieting. I thing that the image of american idol was in dire need of a change. Besides who pays $15 for a cd because the artist looks good. I want a voice I can listen to for 45 minutes for that price. ;o) ((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))
from dobe :
Feel better ... much much better.
from amberfalls :
Get well soon. We're thinking of you uncle bob.
from seemedance :
feel better uncle bob! It's hard to start my day without some of your wisdom.
from lorisor :
Hope you feel better real soon UB! It sucks to have stuff coming out both ends at the same time, doesn't it. Maybe next time you guys will wash your hands AFTER having sloppy sex and BEFORE you sit down to eat......
from lovinglav :
Hi hope you feel better soon, if I was there I would MAKE you HOMEMADE chicken and noodle soup... hey have you ever visted Tshirthell.com they have one there I wanna get but will offend way to many people and I am not ready to do that at this point in my life... here is the link http://www.tshirthell.com/shirts/tshirt.php?sku=a222&style=e&color=04&size=3%3A+CHOOSE+A+SIZE
from wildrose1 :
I hope you didn't fall over in the shower. I like the way you write. Have a great day. No spinning. (((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
from lilhippy :
Poor Bob!!! *pat pat* Hope you feel better soon!! *hands you a balloon and flowers*
from samiam0341 :
I've found that puking is quite an abs exercise. Are you sore today? There should be a new fitness training video any day now featuring dysentery powered quick weight loss/abs blaster exercises. Or is it ass blaster exersises? That would be the legs workout tape.
from marsist :
sounds like food poisoning. General Tso's chicken did all that and more to me one time. I feel for you.
from chedderfish :
I understand your reasons for removing the army but i gotta say you were one of my only sources for any linkage. thanks!
from sammybob24 :
Dude, Waffel House is so wrong it's ridiculous. My family and I were comming home from the condo we own in Florida, and they were all over the place, all grungy and such. Anyways, it was like 5 am, and nothing else was open, so we stopped there to get some breakfast after driving all night. Big mistake, as I'm sure you must know. Don't think about going back to the Waffel house...please, in the name of our dear sweet Lord!!!!
from cassiopeia- :
Thank you for allowing me to be a part of the army while you had it!
from indpndnt-ter :
Wanna hear something sad? My mom (bless her outdated heart) still calls drugs "dope". In front of family. And strangers. With a completely straight face. "Ya know, Ter, all those rock stars are on dope and drink alcohol" ::sigh::
from amigamaster :
Thank you Uncle Bob. I found your site at Mr Bitterness' site. Like this site of yours :)
from thepeachtree :
Rain is fun! I wish it would rain more here. Consider yourself lucky you got drenched beyond belief to the point where you actually had to swim acrost the baseball field. *smiles*
from j-leem :
BOB! Had you listed on my fav's for a while now and thought it was about time I let you personally know your gibberings kick ass! I'm on ub's life support system, so if you ever pull the plug I'm gonna die! And if you ever had a few moments to waste: http://j-leem.diaryland.com Ciao bello!
from dobe :
thanks .... i enjoy the diary and the TWoP!
from mizerychick :
For the record, ducks HATE when it rains
from ravynemyst :
::laughs hysterically:: You have such a way of making what would to some of us be a dull day into an amazingly vivid display of theatrics with your writing. As always, I enjoy reading your posts.
from amandabean :
the best part of the matrix? my name was in one of the very last lines of the credits. woo-hoo.
from persimmmon :
Enjoyed your diary a few weeks back, found it again today. It encouraged me to write an especially suck-ass poem.
from lovingmysky :
i dont know why so many people get a kick out of your diary... saying something like "only nerds and geeks like science" is downright offensive. if it werent for those "nerds and geeks" you wouldnt have that precious computer in front of you right now. oh no.. then you wouldnt have all your little groupies to worship this lame site. sorry, um, no offense.
from lost-prophet :
just thort id tell u that burnt microwavable popcorn is definately the worst smell in the world. byeeee
from robin-smith :
Medeski, Martin and Wood are pretty great, actually. Acid-jazzy. Worth a look.
from funda :
funny and he has an army?... this one bears watching.
from cmkern3 :
Haley Berry wasn't married to Mike Tyson...that was Robin Givens...
from adobogirl :
Liver and onions be the Shizzy foe Nizzzy!
from thepeachtree :
hahaha
from cmkern3 :
Thought you might enjoy my similar entries on that new show people are talking about... http://cmkern3.diaryland.com/030410_69.html and http://cmkern3.diaryland.com
from alteridem :
Bob, I am saddened by this entry. Sure Rueban may be SLIGHTLY larger than the average star BUT, I think popculture has already gone downhill so why not try to break the stereotypes by getting a guy up there who most would expect to sing hiphop or whatever and have him singing some pop? He's just so lovable! whereas we have little gay Clay and country singer military dude. Rueban may have a problem with the name but hes OK in my book!
from moongazer37 :
he he. funny diary. i love it :)
from crazzymum :
Well Unk... I've got a confession for you!!!! Clay makes my knees weak!!!!! When he opens his mouth to sing, I turn into complete JELLY!!!!! And, I actually like the way he looks! I dunno... there's that innocent quality about him that I can't help but want to take advantage of!
from mayapple :
Damn, Bob. Mel and the Party Hats? Did we go to the same school. I never thought I would see that name on Diaryland. Anyway, you don't know who the hell I am. Carry on.
from robin-smith :
Ya know, it didn't even occur to me to mention Groovy Decay to Robyn? Probably because I was a) totally dumbstruck by his Hitchcockian goodness, and b) drunk off my everlovin' ass. But it was an amazing experience nonetheless.
from dmbmidnite :
Just wanted to send a happy birthday to your mom.
from chromemm :
Good lord thats twice you linked me because my spelling is so bad the only person in history known for anything worse is Dan Quale and his "potatoe". Then again I shouldn't bitch since the largest read person in diaryland *and probably as big or bigger then any single person on any other diary/journal/blog site* has so far linked me twice...this time actually using my user name rather then the "worst spelling be contestant ever." Then again I'm going to get a large chunk of hits the exact day I write an entry about being to damn sensitive, calling Gawain an asshole for insulting me for it, AND having Gawain...well you read him...you'll find out. Oh what a complicated twist of fate.
from shortbow :
How dare someone tell you that something is not plug-worthy! Who you decide to help is fully your business and no one else's. Besides, the very fact that you do put out these plugs speaks volumes of your kindness and generosity. Many, many people do not offer up even that small bit of help. Kudos to you, Uncle Bob!
from pieceofmind1 :
I believe you are right-that your plugs say just as much about you-your generosity of heart and soul, and your values, as anything else you would write. Personally, I am unable to donate money, but time is a commodity that I can share, so that is how I contribute beyond my work-a-day life. More Power to you, Uncle Bob!
from bigcanoe :
Hi. I was refered to you by "bitsofmylife." I had written an entry in my diary regarding a 60km walk-a-thon I am doing in Sept for breast cancer. By registering I have agreed to raise $2000 and am trying my darndest to do just that. She suggested I write to you and ask for your help as you apparently do "plugs" every weekend. If you could help, that would be amazing! If you'd like to read the entry it is titled "www.endcancer.ca" More information on the walk can be found (surprise surprise) at that website. Thanks a bunch, Kara
from dansting :
Hey man, I'm glad your friend and her baby are fine. My wife had a similar experience last week, but the baby didn't make it, so it is good to hear a good story about something like this. It's been a rough week and a half (you can check it out if you care at dansting.diaryland.com), so that story made me feel a little better. I hope they continue to do well, and keep up the good journals. Later.
from puter-chique :
Can't say as I've ever had to buy lunch for someone "while i'm out", seeing as i've spent most of my lunch times in the school cafeteria, but I can totally relate to the whole falling down with stuff part. i make a point of tripping over my own feet at least three times a week. keeps me humble. :)
from koomaster :
Dude, you did a great job already for future lunch buying trips - I'm sure no one is gonna ask you to bring them back a quarter of a drink and a dirty sandwhich. I don't think you have to worry.
from anifish :
Haha that sounds like a good idea! Maybe people will understand if you just tell them, "HECK NO" next time they ask! :)
from dungbeetle3 :
ok here's a trick. The next time you say you are going to lunch and they ask where, the answer is Target, Walmart, Kmart, Radio Shack etc. If they ask if you can pick them up something on the way over, it is never in the direction you are going, even if it is next door. "Sorry, it's not really on my way" is always a good answer. Even if you are actually going to the place that they want food from. Should you get suckered into still having to get them something "while you are out", you always collect the money beforehand, and get a receipt at what ever food place you go to.
from dykealways :
birkenstocks under a flannel dress... priceless.
from thepeachtree :
Awwah! Thats so cute. (Your kid).. But as a woman, i'm adopting, to avoid situations like that one.
from komachi :
I am glad that both the mother and the baby are doing just fine.
from peytonsplace :
Dear old Uncle Bob, how the hell are ya? I guess the new job is keeping you pretty busy, as we have been reduced to leaving notes in guestbooks and notebooks. Fungomery was much improved when I visited last week. I know it is to your hard work and dedication. Or it could just be that I only left the house at night, so it was too dark to see anything. Whatever it was, keep up the good work.
from sampotato :
I am sad that you are having difficulties regarding your church and the board at your church. I have experienced difficulties at churches myself. I can only speak for myself, not for you, but I believe that it is extremely important that the entire family find a church that meets their needs. We found this to be true in our situation since we had a teenager and our old church had no teenagers. We moved to one that had lots of people our age, teenagers, and people of all other ages too. The minister was very good and his sermons really helped us. Also, we felt like we belonged. I hope you can find this type of situation for your family.
from cassiopeia- :
www.partnersinkindness.org
from cassiopeia- :
This site made me think of you. <a href=http://www.partnersinkindness.org/>HERE</a>
from lavidaloca-2 :
good luck with the church, am not v. big with the believing but if you are then you deserve a chuch you will be comfortable at, any body who harps on you otherwise is big fat poopy headed dork.
from ravynemyst :
I admire your stance on the church issue Unclebob. I hope you and your family find one that fulfills all of your needs. Best wishes to you, your wife and your small child.
from randommuse :
Hi Uncle Bob! I'm a big fan (literally...I ate a whole box of chocolate fudge Pop Tarts all by myself this weekend) of your writing. Your recaps for TWoP are the best snark on a site with the snark experts. And, I hope you know that I'm probably going to lose my job because I can't start any actual work until I've read your morning diary entry.
from mikesperry :
Hey UB! I've enjoyed your blog for a couple of years now. Keep up the good work. I know how you feel about the changes your church has gone through, and your desire to leave it. Much the same sort of thing happened with my family and the church we went to. It sucks that the selfish desires of a few have had such a negative impact on so many (but what else is new?) Oh, and one tiny criticism: in your April 28 update you wrote "So this woman was not hired based on the needs of the church family as a whole, but rather the alterior motives of the people on the board." Um... there is no word called "alterior". I think you meant "ulterior". You're a writer-guy, you should know that! ;)
from vanillakitty :
What church did you go to??? (((hugs)))
from vanillakitty :
Hey so are you in GA? (talking about the tornado). Anyways I've been reading ya for a while now got your link from Katress & I really like ya! Just thought I would stop in and say hello! (((hugs)))
from samantha616 :
I read the story of Lota, the elephant, and was really moved. Me and my whole family signed the petition, and I put a link in my diary as well. I also sent it to my sister, who has been an elephant-rights activist since she was about 3 years old, so she will hold her friends at gunpoint to sign it! Thanks for helping!
from chuffnutt :
I've experienced hail like that in the '70's: brings back memories!
from pieceofmind1 :
OOH, AH, Amazing photos!
from dansting :
Hey man. You got me started on this diaryland stuff. I read you're Surreal Life reviews, and now I suffer through Fraternity Life for those too. I just wanted to let you know that your stuff is pretty good. Take it easy.
from amberfalls :
Hello. As one of your faithful readers, I was hoping you could give me a plug like you did for Erynn and Jeanne. I sent Erynn a postcard but I'm totally strapped for cash, so I wasn't able to purchase a bra for Jeanne. I'm raising money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and training for a marathon. You can read all about it by going to my diary and clicking on the READ THIS FIRST button. Of course, if you don't want to turn your diary into a charity festival, I understand. Thanks a bunch for checking it out though. -a-
from jendra :
I lived in Toronto up until recently; went to the movies, took the subway, ate out. Didn't catch me any SARS. Meh, it's not a big deal at all. Unless you're old or your immune system is compromised. Like if you had cancer or AIDS or you're getting over pneunmoina (sp?) There haven't been any cases in the States at all have there? What with the tighened border controls, I doubt thre will be. You Yanks are a wary of us!...and our SARS.
from bionicus :
www.wilcoworld.net .. download the new EP.
from manda-d :
I'd say a 5. OK a 7.
from crazzymum :
BTW......... HOOT AND A HALF BABY!
from crazzymum :
Hi guy... thanks for the laugh this morning. I really needed it. It helped make my morning a little more bearable whilst I suffer through yet another headache ridden day! Hope ya don't catch SARS!!!!!!
from groovebunny :
Loved the Joe Mingler entry. I can so relate to that. I hate mingling. But yes, once you get the groove on it's a pretty good feeling.:)~Ta!
from groovebunny :
Loved the Joe Mingler entry. I can so relate to that. I hate mingling. But yes, once you get the groove on it's a pretty good feeling.:)~Ta!
from dfallenangel :
Hey! Was browsing diaries and came across yours and let me tell you i'll be back to read more tomorrow!
from pimpshack :
holy shit UB, I didnt even notice that youre way past the 1,000,000 hits mark. way to go, thats f'n AWESOME
from unadopechica :
Not to be a totally insensitive ass, but how's the car? I mean, by Cobra, I'm assuming you meant a sweet Shelby Cobra and I'm guessing it was restored - no simple task - and that it's sadly totalled. Sucks about the boss lady too.
from lobotomybabe :
Most of your entries are pretty funny but I was laughing out loud all through today's entry--especially giggling about shooting the neighbor kids. You're hilarious, UB! --L
from groovebunny :
"A woman would laugh appreciatively when a guy farted to make a point." Sometimes my wee one will tell a story and fart at the end just to emphasis his point...like a double exclamation point. That cracks me the hell up much to the dismay of the grandparents...:) ~Ta!
from heathir31 :
you know...maybe I never moved past the toilet humor phase in my 'humor' development, but when my husband farts inadvertantly after I question him, responding with a "OK, that's what I think of that," I *always* laugh.
from melissa1983 :
GODDAMN YOU! I'm really jealous that you got the Family Guy DVD. I have not been able to find it anywhere. Everywhere I went, it was sold out!
from savecraig :
the Family Guy will be back on Cartoon Network on Adult swim, Sundays, woohoo!
from becsellent1 :
Yes, yes. Family Guy is hilarious. I don't want to start a riot here, but I do belive FG is consistantly more funny than The Simpsons. We had all the episodes downloaded, but bought the dvd when it came out. Now THAT'S pure comedy gold. My boyfriend and I want to purchase a white dog and name him Brian. We'll give him dry martinis day in and day out. If that won't make the damn thing talk then... well... at least he'll be drunk.
from crazzymum :
Should I really say it? HOOT AND A HALF DUDE!!!!!
from soulepiphany :
...Daddammit. Holy shit.
from ontheoutside :
hahaha uncle bob, you crack my shit up. :)
from btrflynurse :
ROFLMAO. Pervy's Story is sad, but funny. Did the doctor say if his constant self-whacking was the cause of this?
from crazzymum :
ROTFLMAOPIMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
from chimericalme :
heh, i know what you mean about the whole dying testicle thing. I dont personally know, being a female, but i have a close friend, also 15, who ALMOST suffered the same fate. they saved the poor thing by a few hours. :) useless info i know...
from savecraig :
imagine if he ever gets with a girl and she finds out he's a uni-ball, talk about an awkward moment...
from realminto :
talking of balls, it sounds like the ball on your mouse needs a good cleaning, and also the inside of the mouse gets all gungy too
from dykealways :
i love your diary. it cracks me up. when i have nothing better to do, i flop down in front of my computer and read about your day. oh.. congrats on the tax refund. LOL
from manda-d :
Hope Oprah doesn't get wind of that entry, ha.
from sakuradolly :
Hey, I wish that I could write such cool poetry.........Mines all about flowers and love and stuff......Dammit! *sakuradolly loves you already!!!*
from busybean :
Hey Uncle Bob, I read you every morning to get my day started with a laugh, but one thing in today's entry struck me. You made a comment about athiests that I didn't really appreciate. Athiests don't believe in heaven or hell. We aren't satanist, in fact, don't believe in satan. To say you felt like you were in heaven should have just remained that statement. There was no need to make a rude comment about athiests to make your point. I'm glad you enjoy your new job, it does sound great, now maybe you could help me find a new one! Thanks. Busybean
from pieceofmind1 :
Hi UC, what kind of mind is facile enough to equate "the juicy pimple on the supermodel's fine ass" with a neighbor's errant yard that is the eyesore of the neighborhood? Your mind, that's what. Thanks for my daily laugh! -Debra
from pieceofmind1 :
Oh, and btw, happy anniversary!
from pieceofmind1 :
You are sooooooo funny-that story about the wasabi had me chuckling. I was also amused by your comment that your son says "No!" to everything-I remember that stage so very well. My boys are now nearly 13 and 18, and I will tell you that some things don't change all that much! Re: hot'n'tot hoity toities-I don't like pretentious people EITHER. Thanks for giving me something else to laugh about. ;-)
from poked2x :
for a minute there, I thought you brought home killer weed. but I guess that was for the first anniversary.
from ljungberg8 :
'ello! im a bit random i am. thats nice. ok, have a nice day! [insert random animal noise here]
from staple-stuck :
I've got a postie for Erynn ready to mail in the morning-always glad to help on stuff like this!
from uclafan87 :
hello! ive just created a new website.a public diary, whrere anyone can post and be anonymous... thanks! http://boomletters.diaryland.com
from shroomfaerie :
Just reading your cheesy entry made my mouth water with salivary thoughts of Parmesan. ...Then again, I also eat frog legs.
from jennamhughes :
Nobody gives vegetarians shit about not eating meat. HAHAHA-Uncle Bob, this is the one time I can actually say you're wrong! If you have any vegetarian friends ask them...people hate us. lol
from celtickatt :
P.S. You should start a diary ring for cheese haters if there isn't one already...
from celtickatt :
UGH! You're damned right there are others out there just like you! Cheese is evil I tell you! EVIL! Actually, it's more along the lines of what came out of EVIL's ASS! Good God that shit is rank! Especially Parmesan cheese. That shit smells like it's been eaten, digested and pooped about 8 times, then bottled. I'm definitely a cheese hater! I feel for you...
from madamefromag :
No cheese for you huh? As Madame Fromage, who keeps a "Cheese Log," I must be your antichrist.
from mizerychick :
"Smells like bad meat or good cheese". I think that pretty much says it all when it comes to me and the evil fermented dairy ass that is cheese. I have found quite a few that are odorless and non funky tasting but that's few and far between. I hear ya bro. Fight the cheese! Hell, I think you should start a lawsuit against "Big Cheese".
from btrflynurse :
Unwashed Ass? I will never look at or eat cheese the same way again. Thanks, UB. :-)
from sunstarr :
I can definitely sympathize with you and your situation. Although I am not lactose-intolerant, I am a vegetarian who CHOOSES not to consume dairy products. Imagine how quickly my choices are limited when I go out to eat... most of the world eats meat and meat with cheese. I'm not glad that you're lactose intolerant but I am glad that you don't consume diary products! ;-) Have a great day! (((((( UncleBob ))))))
from pieceofmind1 :
you are too much fun. Refreshing. I found you through Andrew. He has such good taste! Heh. I signed up for your notify list. If you need to know anything about me, you will find me at: http://pieceofmind1.diaryland.com
from captivated- :
Hey unclebob! You were listed as incugirls favorite diary and I just wanted to stop by and see what all the fuss was about, and my are you popular ;)
from crazzymum :
Hey there Mr. Hoot and a Half!!! If anyone can convince the Mayor that you need more Tony's, then it's you!!! You could convince a nun to do a strip tease for the Pope!!! LOL
from ravynemyst :
Ran across your site via nicronsart's site. She is right..your wit is awesome! I will definitely be back!
from shnut :
hey uncle bob its kelly, aka a loyal reader... just got my wisdom teeth out this morning- just letting you know you will be one major part of my entertainment for the next week! i'd say make it good, but it always is! thanks!
from btrflynurse :
Happy Anniversary UB and Susie!!! :-) Glad you are liking your new job UB!
from miss-miami :
I was a tour guide for three years and I'm going to make my script into a book. Hey, that is so cool. If you have a city as cool as mine, that really is uh, cool. (And at a job interview the boss-man said "You sure know a lot of adjectives! in a good way.)
from somatic :
Uncle Bob, you're a spectacular writer. Really. That's why when you write things like "now my conscious is clear", I have to cringe. It's 'conscience', dear. If your 'conscious' was clear, you'd be asleep or dead.
from kidneygurl :
I really get a laff from your site, thanks!
from groovebunny :
:) My son does the same thing. He won't eat any broken cookies, chips...you name it. If it's not whole he wants nothing to do with it. Regardless of the fact that it's going to end up a big mush mess in his tummy anyways. I think it's just one of the ways he tries to exert his own control over a world he has no control over. Or maybe it's his way of showing his idealistic view of the world at his age...a whole cookie for each mouth. Or maybe it's just one of those things designed to drive me crazy. :) Anyways...I enjoy reading your diary. Ta!
from helderheid :
My boy is the same way. Is yours a Virgo too?? Hehehe - yes - everything has to be just so, and don't you go changing that on him unless you enjoy listing to the piercing screams and whines of a 2.5 year old.
from crazzymum :
I know I've said this before... but, just in case, it didn't get through the first time. You are a HOOT AND A HALF!!!!!! LOL
from lavidaloca-2 :
wow congratulation on the new job its nice to hear someone's getting a job. too bad about the tour script, maybe you can make it up as you go along on the tour.
from robin-smith :
Congrats on the new job! And on all the happy, uninterrupted wanking that can take place in your VERY OWN BATHROOM! Cheers!
from missprisy :
Hey there, I just noticed a couple of your army diaries go to the diaryland page. I'm guessing they haven't updated in so long Andrew took them off the server. Maybe it's time to update your army?
from irisheyes70 :
"I see your balls." Oh my gosh! I think I almost wet myself! Hmmm, I wonder if that one will end up in the baby book! Best of luck on the new jobs! And with your church too. :)
from pazazygeek :
Congrats on your new job to both you and your wife!
from helderheid :
Good luck today - both Uncle Bob and Uncle Suzie! By the way, how old is Andrew? He sounds adorable.
from genibee :
Congrats on the new employment. It sounds like a really fun gig!
from jenne1017 :
well
from cassiopeia- :
waisted, waited...whatever! ")
from bluedawg :
Hey Unclebob, just wanted to say congrats on the job, it's great that you got away from those jerks. Cool diary by the way.
from btrflynurse :
Good luck on your new job UB! If I ever visit your lovely city (if I knew which city that was) I will be sure to enjoy all the touristy things that you are in charge of...lol
from cassiopeia- :
We have found that advertising in Southern Living has been successful, and that we waited money in the Alalanta Georgia newspaper...zero response. My husband has a computer game that allows you to build a city and if you suck, you get fired and loose the game. I would be happy to send it to you, because, guess who has been fired several times and will no longer play? But he still has to save the world by playing some other "save the world as you shoot everything in sight" game. *sigh* Good Luck, I believe you will LOVE this new job! ~Sandy~
from sammybob24 :
That took guts! good for you!
from cassiopeia- :
CONGRATULATIONS! You should get all of those snotty nosed people's email addresses and put them on the notify me list, just in case they don't know about your diary. That's what I would do, but then again, I can be mean that way. Happy New Venture to you and Susie too! ~Sandy~
from madamefromag :
Congrats on the job. What perfect timing. I wonder if you'll ever get that last paycheck.
from eggerbug :
(I just read Tuesday's entry) - I used to babysit for a couple with 2 little girls named Mercedes and Alexis. A few years after I quit (i.e., got a car and a real job), they had another girl and named her Portia...
from grace02 :
Wow, I always see your name on the favorites lists in like everyone's diary so I decided to check it out and I know why now... I love the thing where you can change colors and the army is awesome! I just really love the layout and your diary rocks!
from btrflynurse :
You're a friggin' genius, Uncle Bob. I always suspected it but never really knew until just now. :-) I have a boring diary too. It's so boring I don't even write an entry every day. btrflynurse.diaryland.com
from metanoia :
I don't know about spitting mad, but a lady at my church last Sunday said something had made her hopping mad. I wonder where they fall on the mad scale...
from cassiopeia- :
I hope that no one gets pinworms! http://www.genhealth.com/hupara.htm
from light-switch :
ladeeleroy? is that you?
from janeroe :
those little bastards. I hate it when they steal my money! You can take 'em on, Uncle Bob! That 'beware of crushing' thing is just there to scare you.
from crazzymum :
You're a hoot and a half!!!!!!!
from panjandrum :
Uncle Bob! You won an Anti Bloggie! http://www.antibloggies.com/3/ Albeit it's for most dead links. Maybe it's time to clean out the army. Oh well you still won, there's nothing wrong with that.
from jenne1017 :
LOFL snack cake pork rind no fall HAHAHA
from ladyirony :
OMG... that's quite possibly the *best* April Fool's joke I've seen in d-land. I admit I haven't seen many, but that one was... *wow*... you had me going.
from lilhippy :
*thwaps you with baby shower gift* :P Got me all excited and everything...hmph...
from recover-me :
you know, out of all the diaries i read, you're the only one that did a joke. And I was expecting nothing less from you! That was good. But you wouldn't be happy if you had another one? :)
from cmkern3 :
You are so mean!!!
from crazzymum :
You're such a nut!!! I, for one, wasn't fooled because I've been waiting all day for the April Fool's jokes!!! LOL Oh well... maybe next year.
from ddrboy :
very nice. very nice indeed!
from maritza27 :
awwww.....I'm so gullible. I almost had a tear in my eye, too. Damn you for toying with my sympathetic heart....but funny as always!
from mizerychick :
I highly, HIGHLY recommend the "They Might Be Giants" CD for kids - "NO." It's damn funny with catchy songs for kids but not sugary sweet annoying catchy, like Barney. I think Andrew would get a kick out of it.
from sintimate :
That was fucked up, Uncle Bob. I'm so gullible.
from savecraig :
you got me, good one.
from jendra :
Uncle Bob, you stinker! :P
from samantha616 :
Ok, that is not a nice joke to play on someone! Do you not realize that there are women out here with baby envy bad enough to kill!?!?!?!? Ok, I'm done being mad. I have to admit, you got me, and many others, I'm sure!!!!
from liquidhuman :
Uncle Bob! Toying with my emotions like that!
from hundredwatts :
I'm hoping tomorrow we get another entry saying "Suckahs - April 1 wasn't over yet. She really is knocked up."
from madamefromag :
Congratulations on the upcoming birth of your fake child.
from btrflynurse :
I can't believe I fell for it! I was sitting there going "awwwwwwww"....and the best part is, that was going to be my April Fools Joke for a few of my friends! The thought just passed through my mind only minutes before I read your entry. Geez! lol
from squishyvan :
I love your diary! You crack me up! Keep up the wonderful job. I'll be sure to read it often!
from crazzymum :
ROTFLMAO!!! I can't help but just sit here and laugh and your neighbor's name choices for his daughters!!! We have identical twin girls and one is named Mercedes. We were having a little trouble picking a name for the second one and, of course, our family started recommending all sorts of names... Mazda, Chevy, Mitsubishi, etc. But, I will readily admit that my husband actually considered naming her Alexis so that we could say, "We have a Mercedes and Alexis!" No, we didn't torture them with that... the twinners are Mercedes and Isabella! LOL
from hazard0001 :
Hey bob, love the site, can't believe your from alabama you sound smart, hey i can tell alabama jokes i've got relatives from tusculusa. Keep writing its nice to hear about somebody's life when its not on reality t.v.
from robin-smith :
Thanks sugar!
from lostinmylove :
You are awsome! I love the way you seem to take ANYTHING and make it HILARIOUS! Now I know why you are listed on everyone's fav's!
from caldwell-kid :
Oh man if I were in pervy's situation I would have taken a fresh load on your carpet and then break done crying blaming it on society and how they let ex-presidents get away with that kind of stuff. But hey we have all been there, not specificly getting caught but being curious and going into a room late at night and masturbating vigoursly because it makes you feel funny inside. but keep up the interesting life, it is hilarious.
from samantha616 :
Love your site! I would fread out if my nephew was looking at porn on my computer too! Hope you stop him!!! good luck!
from cant-make-me :
go unclebob! i'm glad you told 'pervy' off :)
from euphorion :
About the toolbar that Granny managed to mangle. It's really pretty easy to fix, assuming you're running a windows operating system. Just click on the toolbar and drag it to the bottom, it'll go with you. I keep mine at the top, but it's easy to put on any side of the screen. Someone else probably told you already, but there ya go.
from kellbelle :
Great stuff man... I love it. I have a 'grandma' too, but she's not MY grandma and now that I'm divorced.. I don't have to put up with it. Good luck!
from neckbreaker :
You are wicked funny and I'm a huge fan of your Surreal Life recaps! Maybe I should have post to the bulletin board but re: Men crying. I live in NYC and on the morning of Sept 11 right after the first tower fell I saw some men crying in the street and thougt "oh, shit. This must really be The End." I remember the only time my father cried after our dog died. That was scary because a) it was a shock to see and b) he was so upset that we didn't think the grave he dug in the back yard was deep enough but didn't want to upset him even further. Instead, we kind of just got some big rocks to put on top of it so and told him that they were the headstones. Just a little sharing! Bye!- Kate
from annie-m-s-b :
Ok, I'm hooked! Hugs, Annie
from mizerychick :
Love the diary, love the ranting, have pity on you for the inlaws. My inlaws invite me out to drink with them and then pay the bartab, so I can't really relate ;) Spread the love, check out my diary.
from cassiopeia- :
Uncle Bob, this is YOUR diary? What a concept!
from damodred :
maybe you need to get net nanny or something?
from surfingrl :
I once overheard a conversation between my grandfather and a guy friend of mine, dicussing good porn sites on the web. My friend wasn't allowed to come over my house when my relatives were visiting after that.
from traumamamma :
Oh God Bob, I stumbled on your diary and I laugh like a freaking loon here at work. I work nites, so I am still muddling thru your archives. I am a paramedic and 911 dispatcher and the nights can get pretty boring sometimes...you have the same sense of humor that we do....I am sharing you with all my hot medic friends. ( we would be on your list of chicks you wishes you slept with!!) I am gonna start adding my own 911 idiot calls I get as well as EMS calls I go to...hope you will get a kick out of the madness I have to deal with!! You rock!! Love your kid stories, I can sooo relate!! xoxo Donna
from barybabe :
Got your link from my sister Loriebug and love your diary. Very funny stuff. Congrats to your wife on the new job, I need me a job like that. Oh and riding mowers are GREAT! You should realy get one. ~G
from cassiopeia- :
What in the world did you have to say about Disney that people are all worked up about? I can't seem to find it. I was nervous as hell to go, but am glad we did. Security was all over the place. Congrats to Susie! or should I say $U$IE? ") ~Sandy...like the beach, no dollar sign...
from becsellent1 :
I agree about Big Fat Greek Wedding. I made my boyfriend watch it with me beacuse I heard such good things... it was AWFUL!! She didn't even go through a beauty transformation or have some corny montage of her trying on the 'perfect first date outfit'! She just slaps on some make-up that she could have done all along? And what's with the guy seeing her in the friggin' travel agency??? Did the restaurant have NOTHING to do with the movie?? Grrr... I'm still angry. Those people need to get a big fat greek job. And Joey Fatone needs to go back to N-Sync where he actually sucks Less. :)
from btrflynurse :
Dang that backyard is huge!
from btrflynurse :
Congrats to Susie on her kick butt job!!!!! My husband did the same thing and got a $13,000 raise. Awesome! :-)
from campouts :
hey thanks for writing.. i really enjoy reading your page. -liz
from marsist :
good for Susie!! I was an executive assistant for a guy who didn't know how to read e-mail or print things out from his computer, and one day he pissed me off just a little too much and I walked out. since then I've been reading the company's website and it's so much fun to see how helpless the guy is without someone to wipe his ass. there are few more satisfying feelings in the world.
from freakyblonde :
Hey. Love your diary. Maybe your wife's boss will get screwed in the ass with a rotten cucumber for being such an ass. Just a thought. Bye!!
from damodred :
oh and to jendra who wrote a note down there. canadian news is NOT unbiased, it's just biased in a different way than american.
from damodred :
hey um, how does one become a member of the uncle bob army?
from cmkern3 :
Tell Susie CONGRATULATIONS for me!! I spoke to her on the phone the other night, and she seemed waay too nice to be your wife!! Hahaha...just kidding UB!! (About the your wife part...she WAS very nice!!)
from madamefromag :
Congrats to your wife! I keep dreaming that an offer like that will come my way. Now I know that it is possible.
from moviegrrl :
chuffed to ribbons for the both of you!
from realminto :
Can you lend me $10?
from samiam0341 :
Thaz the funniest stuff I've read innawhile! Thanks, Uncle Bob! In a world of patchouli stinkin' birkenstocks, you are the comfy combat boot!
from jendra :
Oh dear, you get your news from CNN? That is the biggest American propaganda channel there is! I often wonder how yanks out there would respond to seeing Canadian news. It's very unbiased. I think that CNN has been brainwashing Americans and pushing the Bush Administrations agenda rathern than reporting the news. When you get an equal dose of Canadian news and American news you really see the difference. Whereas 2 out of 3 americans may support the war, the vast majority of Canadians don't. 1 out of 3 support the war here. I wonder if it's because we're recieving more of the story for both sides. Food for thought.
from vadergirl :
Heh, you are right. For once my younger sisters weren't angry I tuned into CNN instead of MTV.
from her-story :
I wanted to say that I agree with what you said about the nameless whatchamacallit who tagged your message board. I got one, too, on my guestbook. Cowards... Your son is cute, but I have 2 (almost 3) and my older one walked at 10 months. I thought this meant he was destined for greatness until he started to hit puberty. I think I'm recinding that now... Anyways... USA USA OI OI OI (if the Aussies can do it, why can't we?)
from captvfirefly :
I know you hear this all the time, but your little Andrew is too cute!! Your description of him counting to 10 was priceless. Oh, and I want to wish Susie good luck with her job (old or new). :)
from moviegrrl :
what IS it with toddlers and the number 4 - Siobhan has exactly the same problem! But she doesn't shout NINE! At the moment she's amazing us completely because she's doing really well with the ABC song..(it starts to fall down at LMNO, and then recovers for the WXYand Z....
from mojo-jojo712 :
Uncle Bob I just happened to stumble upon your web journal and I just want to say that you are hilarious! I especially love reading your re-caps of Fraternity life, I don't watch the show, but I love to read about it. You make my morning at work go by much faster. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
from staple-stuck :
I have to say...your lil' "cowboy/indian" story this morning sums it up well. *waits to hear of Andrew sticking a marble or bead up his nose*
from cassiopeia- :
You should sell your vintage toys on ebay, you will make more money that way I think. I just had someone buy three Hard Rock Cafe pins for $40.00, go figure!
from dasauce :
Whoa. Sorry about yer pal taking shit. I think you called me a bitch and a whore while I was trying to get to the point where you followed up on Saturday's news. Now as an equal opportunity journaler, you ought to have done the bitch/bastard whore/fuckhead routine. I feel like Nixon: "I am not a bitch!" Headshake and hand motion included for your sense of completion. Another father of a little Boy Who Ate A Dime Once.
from btrflynurse :
Looks like you spent your weekend the way we spent ours. Hope Andrew's dime appears soon, and glad Billy managed to salvage the wedding fiasco!
from abwhite :
How much for all the vintage toys and games? Seriously. No need to put them out in the yard sale. If you ask a price I can handle, I'll take them all off your hands. email me adynomoose@hotmail.com
from drgeek :
Congrats to Billy on partially saving the day. I would like to suggest though, that you take another few seconds consider e-Bay as an option for selling vintage toys. As a sometime watcher of "Antiques Roadshow" and other collector shows on TV, you're more likely to reach the people who are serious collectors on e-Bay. Yeah, it will be a hassle, but, vintage board games and the like are collectable. Simplifying your life is good, but simplifying your life for more beer money is better.
from wllybere :
Wow. That's just... WOW. Yep, Billy really screwed the pooch on this one. UB, I can't imagine how you are feeling because even I feel shitty for this chick. But, who the hell gets married on a Friday?? That is so unusual that she should've said, 'you realize this is a FRIDAY, right?'. Let us know the rest of the story... enquiring minds want to know! Wow!
from dasauce :
You know they handled it. And it made the whole thing more EXCITING... I can see the boombox now. Not to worry, Senor. They'll have stuff like your little guy Andrew to worry about ere long. And those are the things that matter. Really and truly. You can't take on other folk's guilt too. Lugging one's own is phucking hard enough. But, that, Sir? Does make you a caring human... and we are rare. Best. DatSauceGuy...
from pimpshack :
http://www.willyougotopromwithme.cjb.net/
from btrflynurse :
You crack me up!!! I love reading your dairies. I also live in Alabama (Huntsville) and sometimes this whole Southern way of life blows my mind. It's fun to read your perspective on stuff. Keep it up, Uncle Bob!
from thosemoments :
i've been reading your e-journal for months now, i just never got around to sending you a note. Hi! keep writing those great entries!
from raversweetie :
*ahem* you FREEDOM kissed erika. get with it!
from nmnohr :
Had to stop by to tell you that I stumbled upon your diary, and I'll be back regularly now (not that you'll sleep any better knowing that.) You are freaking hillarious, and I'm sure you've heard all this a million times before. I wish I had some eye-catching creative note to leave that would crack you up as much as you've cracked me up, but I don't. I'm all typed out... Just wanted to say thank you for the entertainment. I also have a 2 year old son, and I love to read about yours.
from darkwillow :
Thanks for giving me back the ability to actually smile while at work. Your journal's incredible.
from marsist :
it's not that Ewan likes idol worshipping, he just likes having guys grab his thighs and dry-hump his ankles. to quote TVWithoutPity, "Nicole Kidman sure does go for the gay boys."
from kitty2112 :
Oooooo, The Ring....good flick. Creeped the living hell outta me and boyfriend too. It's the kind of movie that makes you run and jump into bed after you turn off the lights - lol. Boyfriend and I watched it over my parents 2 days ago. The have a huge room on the back of their house that's mostly made up of windows, that all look out to the woods. My parents cracked out Mini Poodle kept growling at the trees throughout the movie. Freaky ass little rat!
from mommymartin :
pickey eater problem solver!!!! my 2 year old is a pickey eater at times also!!!! i use this site alot!!! maybe it can help you! http://familyfun.go.com/recipes/kids/tool/pickyeater_tlp/?clk=1011863
from jendra :
Methinks your wife is on to something. He eats bad food because he can. He wont let himself starve, anymore then he wont let himself stop breathing and die. He will go to bed hungry once or twice and those will be cranky, difficult nights but very quickly, he will eat anything you give. such as the veggies he needs to build a healthy, little body for him. I've seen miricles happen, just like the person before me. It's a lot easier to teach him healthy eating now than later, when it may become a problem.
from savecraig :
My sister went through the same thing with my nephew, right now your son is trying to keep control of something so it's his meals since he is young, he knows he's is going to get what he wants so he doesn't eat what you serve knowing some chicken nuggets will come eventually. My sister used to make 2 meals one for everyone and one for my nephew, she asked her doctor and he told her to stop doing that, the child is being stubborn, if you don't serve him special meals he will eat what is served. The first night he might go to bed a little hungry but the second night he will eat everything on his plate, I've seen it. Miracles do happen!
from cant-make-me :
hey, i just found your diary and it's great :) your son andrew is so cute. your entry about his picky-eating habits made me chuckle. bye for now.
from brocktastic :
Hey, UB! Don't worry about the picky eating - he'll propbably come along in a few years. That was the exact "menu" that my kids would eat from (one won't even eat pizza!!) and now that the oldest is in 1st grade he's eating all kinds of stuff! Salad, asparagus, broccoli, rice pilaf, chicken (real chicken, not just nuggets), ham and cheese, tacos (try tacos with him - both my kids love tacos, tho one without the "salad" on it), all kinds of stuff. When he's a little older try giving him the "one bite rule" - he has to have at least one tiny bite of everything on his plate before her can leave, or you give him something he'll eat or whatever. But for now at least put some of your "real food" on his plate with his preferred food just so he gets used to seeing/smelling and sometimes tasting it. It's hard to believe that the stuff they couldn't get enough of out of a babyfood jar just a few years ago is the same stuff they throw at you if you attempt to serve it to them now. good luck!
from moviegrrl :
tell Susie I know a kid who will ONLY eat chocolate spread sandwiches. Andrew's doing WAY better than him!!!
from lostimmortal :
So I've been seeing your name a *lot* lately, and I had to stop by and see what I was missing! And... boy am I glad I did. This was so worthy of stopping by. I'm sure I'll have to make it a ritual!!
from slurpymundae :
uhhh see what you have to say, i meant. :)
from slurpymundae :
i have an uncle bob. he's fatter than the diaryland uncle bob and he's also older. you're a skinnier younger version of my uncle i believe! lol anyways you're quite a read, i'm always stoppin' by to see what you have to see! later UB!
from sunnflower :
Well, after seeing your name pop up over and over again on DLand Faves list I had to stop by and visit. I wish I had an Uncle Bob when I was a kid. I had a Uncle Joe and he looked like maybe he worked for the mafia on the side - but that's not quite the same thing is it? After all, there could be a major string attached to any gifts given in that scenario. Sadly, he was really only a guy who liked to use a lot of grease in his hair and who sold stuff like real estate etc. My life is so...Suburban. I love your diary because now I know where to go to feel like I have the ultimate cool uncle experience I missed in my younger days. Thanks, Uncle Bob!
from jamabama004 :
cool diary-your really funny!! I wish my uncle was funny like you. Instead he tries to swing his hips to N'sync saying its the same ol groove thing. Its really scary, I tell you. A living reminder of the Stone Age. But it is kinda funny when Libbs comes up to him all sweetly then plows him with her doll "down there" screaming "BAD BOY!!" ...and people say family reunions are boring??!!!
from chicagojo :
I can't believe how big Andrew's gotten! He's not quite a baby anymore!
from manda-d :
My little girl had a hard time with "W" as well. It took me FOREVER to convince her that "W" didn't start with the letter "D". 'Cause if ya think about it, "W" does SOUND like it starts with "D". I think she is just exceptionally smart, ha!
from sugaramy :
Hi Uncle Bob! It's really great to know that you like "big black bootay"! Though, I'd have to put my vote in for Thelma!
from unadopechica :
Mad props on the Fast Times reference. One of my top five of all time. Just remember, if the customer asks for a refund, freakin' give it to them, no matter how much of the breakfast they ate.
from ncrebel21 :
Man, necrophylia is just NOT COOL...Esther Rolle (aka Florida Evans) is dead.
from heathir31 :
hi UB, I just wanted to write to say thanks for writing in your diary every damned day. Some days it's the only laughter I will expel from myself all day. Speaking of expelling...I could never get off in the shower either, and I'm a healthy 31 year old woman. So don't feel too badly,'K? -h.
from buchers :
Ditto on the bank tellers, UB...I just dealt with them this morning. Thanks for making me laugh every morning!
from burnthewitch :
Darling, you are all that and a bag of cheetos. I think you should read my diary.
from brinkster28 :
hey unclebob...ur diary kicks ass i love the layout...keep it up cuz u make me laugh!
from rarwhoisthis :
Uncle Bob--Alright, your diary rules. Hardcore. I think you should take a look at Rarr, you probably would enjoy it!
from rarwhoisthis :
Uncle Bob--Alright, you diary rules. Hardcore. I think you should take a look at Rarr, you probably would enjoy it!
from cassiopeia- :
I don't think you went to the first Kindermusik class. Not that I am keeping track or anything! Sandy
from gothangel :
cool stuff. ^V^ gothangel
from katy-bug :
Aha! No wonder all the hoop-la over Uncle Bob! You're damn funny. xx
from enondoiel :
Maybe, if I'm really, really lucky, I'll be the first Norwegian to add you as a favorite. *browses through your 1600-something fan list*. Maybe not. Wish me luck. Great diary!
from ladyrinth :
what do you think of The Simpsons?
from dreemfreek :
mommy mommy fun bags? "it takes two hands to hold a whopper". HAHAHAHAHA. i finally had to come see what all the hub-bub was about at uncle bob's place, and i was cracking up the entire time. i've seen your link tagged averywhere on diaryland, and now i know why. thanks for lighting up my otherwise dreary and boring sunday afternoon!
from blakdahlia :
Well, Uncle Bob... what's really funny about this is that I actually HAVE an Uncle Bob and a grandfather Bob and a cousin Bobby. Let's just say it's a family name. :) But I found your diary after looking around a couple other diaries and I realized how many times your diary was mentioned. So I HAD to see what the whole hullabaloo was about and I know now WHY everyone loves your diary and why it has been mentioned so many times. Your kid, Andrew is adorable! OH my goodness! ^_^ I loved reading what you had to say, and well, I know where to go if I need my spirits lifted, because you have definitely made me feel better. Thanks, and I hope to hear more from you soon. Aloha!
from crimson13 :
i think your diary is great. i bet you're a cutie-patootie. ;)
from mymys :
what does that word "heh" mean?
from kidneygurl :
I cried when I read about your dog.
from kidneygurl :
I cried when I read about your dog.
from natashka :
find an attorney in your area that specializes in workplace discrimination and sue the wife's employer to kingdom come. i'd suggest my partner's dad (he's pretty damned good), but he is licensed in wisconsin. hell, call morris dees if you have to.
from inkdragon :
Dear Uncle Bob: Thank you for loving Andrew and Maggie so much.
from buckingham :
Canadian funny people...well, haven't read the rest of your notes, so sorry if this is repetitive, but: Mike Myers, John Candy, Catherine O'Hara, um, a lot of other people from SNL (when it was funny), Jim Carrey (does he count?), and, um, the people who run standonguard.com... And I think it's funny that you suggested bombing Canada. We like attention up here. :)
from doodiesmooch :
just so's ya know.... even if you do get feedback from the plethora of idiots on the fraternity life and what not, remember this- they were and are dumb ass morons who agreed to be portayed in whatever light the editors saw fit so feel no PITY! and go right on ahead bash em to pieces they are asking for it..... BTW i read all your surreal life recaps and almost pissed my pants here at work AND i didn't watch the show. with your writing there was no need. HILARIOUS
from takacgirl35 :
You have a very ammusing diary, my friend. One of my friends found it somehow, sent me a link, and here I am. Anywho, just thought I'd mention it gave me a few laughs.
from fiestada :
I actually have been debating this week about whether or not to have my cat put to sleep; I don't want to have to, but she's really not getting around well and her bladder control...you don't wanna know. Anyway, just wanted to tell you I'm at work crying all over myself like a jackass. My sympathies.
from robin-smith :
I may be da shit, but you DA MAN. You realize, of course, that if you emigraged to frosty Canada, you'd be in the path of Saddam's missiles. It touches me that you'd make that sacrifice.
from jendra :
Oh, you silly man uncle bob. You know there are plenty of funny Canadians. Mike Meyers, Jim Carrey, Dan Aykroyd, John Candy, Micheal J. Fox, Phil Hartman to name a few. Kyahahaha.. We Canadians know that the States envies us and our funny people.
from liquidhuman :
Nuke YOU! Love, Canada.
from tara1665 :
Hey Uncle Bob! Hubby and I are going to bring our sleeping bags outside with a bottle of very good wine if the "BigONe" ever comes. Damned if ill live in a burnt out society where the microwave doesnt work and I have to wash clothes by hand. Nahhhh I would rather go out with a bang and not a whimper....
from kimyadawson :
i spelled hole wrong. jesus christ.
from kimyadawson :
you know uncle bob, i guess it was 2 years ago i put my 18 year old cat to sleep. i got her in 4th grade. half of her face, really, eye and ear included had melted off. she dribbled blood out of a whole where half her face should be. and i put it off and put it off until i saw a neigbor lure her into a carrier. i ran over and said, what are you doing with my cat? he said, taking her to be put to sleep. i said, no i will do it. and i did. after hours and hours of petting her and crying. and yeah, it was no "help! i'm a celebrity, get me out of here!" that show was a fun and awful jungle full of douchebags. when did bruce jenner have the operation. the old genital switcheroo with julie brown. holy crap. holy crap. they should show that shit on repeat in the waiting room at the vet on put your pet to sleep day. sweaty panting robin leach outrunning crocs would make me squeal with glee as they jabbed kitty in the ass with a needle full of nuclear waste. you are a good man.
from geminigodess :
wow! yesterday was my 1st time @ ur diary, & i cried when i read it, i lost my 1st dog unexpectedly a few years ago, so i could almost relate...your diary is truly touching & amazing...keep writing. I'm sorry about Maggie...i hope you and your family are doing ok. ~Danielle
from apothocary :
If anyone tells you that loving your dog enough to ease her pain is wrong, kick 'em in the head for me. It's a hard decision to make, and it takes a strong man with a lot of love in him. Hang in there, Uncle Bob, and take care of yourself.
from ladyirony :
After I read today's entry, I had to go hug my dog! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, UB. *hugs* You did the right thing. This might be a little sappy, but... http://www.rainbowbridge.com/ this is a site for those who've lost a pet.
from tinfoilhat :
Unclebob, I am very sorry for your loss. I understand what it is like. My own dog, vicky, had to be put down a few years ago. She had a spinal tumor which did not respond to surgery. In the end she could not walk... the way she looked at me... You did the right thing. We are the caretakers of our "pets". They become parts of our family. And sometimes it is hard to do the right thing... but you did. Breathe easy... she's better now. -tinfoilhat
from lilchrissi :
Hello I read yur update about yur dog Maggie. I know exactly what yur going thru..I lost my dog just last summer and had to do the hardest thing in my life as well. Your page is very touching and yes I cried... your Mags looks just like my Allie.. Hugs to you hun!! -Chrissi-
from carolc1966 :
Hi Uncle Bob, I've been reading you for a while, but have never contacted you before. I just wanted to say that you have my sympathies. I have several cats, one of which is almost ten years old and whom I've raised from a 10 week old kitten. I know someday I may have to do what you had to do yesterday and the thought fills me with dread. As hard as it was for you and Susie, Maggie is better off, no longer in pain. My thoughts are with you.
from mattieluna :
I am very sorry to hear about your dog. I had to put my beloved cat to sleep a year ago, after 17 wonderful years. i picked him out when i was 4. he died in my arms. it was the last thing I could give him--seemingly so little after all he'd given to me all those years. at the bottom of this entry: http://jollyfrog.diaryland.com/memories.html were my feelings on knowing i would soon have to put my little boy to sleep. he was just bones. we finally made the vet appt. and the night before, he lost control of his bowels for good--as though he was telling us we were doing the right thing. thank you for sharing this heartfelt entry with all of us.
from panjandrum :
As I was reading today's entry the song 'I never dreamed you'd leave in summer' by Stevie Wonder came on my MP3 player. By the end of the song and coincidentally the end of the entry I was in tears. Maggie was a good dog. You have my condolences.
from dreamies :
I know I did write yesterday, but today I wanted to say you are in my thoughts. Like all others have said, the picture you took is a good symbol with her collar in the window with the sun setting. Her life was a long and happy one, and she will be better now. No more sickness for poor Maggie. I can say that this entry forced me to go and hug my dog, you are stronger than I would be Uncle Bob. Just be rest assured Maggie is in a better place and will always be around you in your heart and your thoughts. Bright Blessings to you, Susie and Andrew.
from celtickatt :
Ok. I know I wrote a note yesterday too, but I wanted to note again saying I admire your strength. Along with yesterday, I again today was in tears. I dread the day my dogs world has to end. I'm very sorry about Maggie. I am, however, glad you are dealing with it as well as you are. Just remember that she is in a better place and knows you love her. Love & light to you, Susie, and Andrew. -Shannon
from madamrex :
Blessings to you and yours Uncle Bob... your entry today brought up many memories from when I had to have my dear cat put to sleep in December (especially because I kept his collar too), so I am typing this through tears. But you made the right decision. I'm sorry for your loss.
from cassiopeia- :
Usually I cry when reading your diary from laughing too hard. I began crying right away, from the sadness of a life ending. Then you posted that photo and sent me right over the edge. Thank you for sharing this story.
from rekhodiah :
That picture is extremely profound and just about sums up the entire experience...
from jaspieuk :
Your diary made me cry, something which doesn't happen very often when reading other people's entries. I hope that your pain at losing your old companion fades and that you can focus on happy memories. And aren't kids wonderfully, and refreshingly, pragmatic? All the best. xxxx
from light-switch :
i'm so sorry that your family had to go through that. but i'm sure you know you did the right thing. no animal deserves to be in that much pain, and you were suffering just as much watching maggie go through it. mental hugs to you.
from paxil-addict :
WAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! That was so sad...sniff. A co-worker had to put her dog to sleep last Monday & she had that dog for 14 years. That is onw of the hardest thing to go through: am i making the right choice? What if they get better? Should I be selfish & just wait & see what happens? But from what I have read about Maggie, & I have been reading your journal for over a year, it was time. They always say you know when it's time. Peace.
from ieatcheerios :
Your entry was very touching and brought tears to my eyes. Im sorry for yours and your families loss. Thank you for being such a great writer and sharing your life with us all.
from sumi37 :
I'm so sorry to read about Maggie. Funny how I'm crying right now over a dog I never knew. Thanks for sharing her with us. - anna
from cianne :
altho' i'm just another semi-anonymous name on the list, i feel like i have to let you know how sorry i am for you. if you believed maggie was suffering, then you did the best thing you could do for her.
from donnaleecr :
Hello, I know what you are going through with your dog. I found a lump on the chest wall of our Golden Retriever, the vet. told us she had breast cancer. X-rays were performed and the vets concluded that the cancer was encapsulated (had not spred). They performed a mastectomy. I was told she would need a couple of months of chemotherapy, that she would do very well. Well, two weeks after the surgery we found out it had spred to her lungs. She was misserable and suffering. We were heartbroken. So, Halloween night at 11:45pm we found an emergency vet. to release her from her missery and pain. You know my mom told me something when I was very young, it still holds true to this day. When you have to make a tough decision, the hard decision, not the easy one, is usually the right decision. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved pet. Sincerely, Donna
from chromemm :
You're a good man UB and you're doing the right thing. You have my condolences.
from clauren :
I am sorry to hear about your beloved Maggie. What you did was couragous and you gave Maggie the best loved ever. I know that you are going to miss her. I lost my dog Cinnamon last year and this past November I lost my late beloved companion, Mitten, A tabby orange cat. I had Mitten for 20 years. She in fact celebrated her 20th birthday two weeks before we found out she had cancer. I am so glad that she didn't suffer much. I think she deserve more and so did Maggie. YOu are going to miss her. I miss Mitten. Even now. I know I sound like a dork but somedays I just feel so lost because she has been a part of me since I was 7 years old. I used to go out to the garage where she slept at night and call out for her only to realize that she isn't there. I don't do that but I miss those times when I get home from work and she lay next to me. Stuff like that. My heart goes out to your family during this time. Maggie may be a pet but she was family.....
from sufferours :
Sorry to hear about your dog...I've had to do that. Horrible thing. You're taking it well. Glad to see it.
from smushy :
Your entry made me cry today as I just went through the same thing with my best friend and her dog. You definitly did the right thing.. it's not fair for a dog to be in pain and although there is no doubt in my mind that you will miss him/her you did the right thing. ((hugs)) Take care.
from genibee :
Thanks, Uncle Bob, for having the guts to let her die with dignity and peace. It's the last act of love we can show them.
from greenwitch :
You are doing the right thing for your beloved pet. When you take the responsibility for another life as you do with a pet you also, in a way take resposibility for their death. When animals are too sick in the wild predators take care of the end and it is mercy. You are doing the merciful thing. I know exactly how much it hurts, I put two cats to sleep and cried my eyes out both times. It hurts to make the decision but it hurts the animal more to go on in physical pain. Cry alot. Hug your son. Cry some more. I hope this helps a little.....
from lucylee :
We had a 15 year old cat with tumors. 2 surgerys and after the 2nd one we said "No more." He got to the place where he was having trouble breathing again. we did the only thing that we could for him. I about killed us, but we knew it was time and he did too as much as an animal can know these things. Peace to you for doing the good and right thing.
from lilhippy :
Hey, I've been following your diary for a while and I'm really sorry about you losing your dog. *hugs* I had to put down mine a couple years ago and it's really hard, but it's for the better, no matter what a bunch of crackheads who obviously never owned a dog say. Heh that probbly doesn't mean a lot coming from a complete stranger but I hope it helps a little. Happiness forever, lilhippy
from lil-stoner :
hi ive been reading ur diary for only a few weeks now but i just wanted to let u know im really sorry. i know how it feels to let something like that go. i mean my dog is getting older as we speak and it tears me up inside knowing that one of these days shes either not going to wake up or just need to be put to sleep. i do not think what ur doing is bad at all. its better that way actually. put it out of its missery. its better to have her put to sleep than to let her live and suffer. i just wanted to tell u that and im very truely sorry.
from carebearrave :
im sorry :{. we all know how much mags meant to you. we're praying for you.
from heathir31 :
Oh Uncle Bob, I cried when I read your entry this morning. I'm so sorry about Maggie. You can see the love on her face in the pic. Remember the love and please take care of yourself. {{{hugs}}}
from haloaskew :
Uncle Bob, I'm so sorry for your loss. Wherever Maggie is right now, she's no longer in pain and I'm sure she's smiling down on you in blessed relief. I know how difficult this has been for you, but you did the right thing. My best to you and your family. *Hugs* Halo Askew
from celtickatt :
You're doing the right thing, truly. And we are all proud of you for being so strong. It's hard enough to even read today's entry without tears building. Love & light -Shannon
from claudette :
You should not feel bad for taking Maggie in. It is the best thing to do. It hurts to see an animal in pain and it's really better this way. I know it's easy to say that and really hard to feel that way. Our animals are a part of our family, but what you're doing is the best thing. I wish you all the luck in dealing with it, but I don't think you should feel guilty. Well, you're going to feel guilty, but it is the best thing for her.
from carlac :
Unclebob. You did the right thing. You did the hardest thing in the world and it was absolutely right and the only humane thing to do. It is horribly wrong to keep a suffering dog around so that you won't have to start missing them. Once we take an animal into our care, we are entirely responsible for them, for their care, their happiness, and ultimately, their freedom from suffering. I hurt for you. I had to make the same decision several years ago and I feared that I did it too soon. I didn't want to let my dog go. But she was suffering and I had to. It was the worst thing I've ever done and I will stand by that decision always, as you must do. Please know that you did the right thing by not allowing your beloved dog to suffer further. I'm sorry for your loss.
from wonderchai :
Tears in my eyes as I read your entry. *hug* You're doing the right thing. She's your baby, but you want your last memories of her to be more peaceful, and you are easing her pain. God bless you. *hugs*
from waterfall2 :
Uncle Bob.. I'm so sorry. I love my dogs too. And if any of my dogs where in what your dog conditon was.. I would.. out of love.. put her to sleep too. People that don't love thier dogs like we do..don't understand. Just think.. no more pain. This may sound silly ..but..I believe that God keeps are special pets the ones that meant most to us.. waiting . ... waiting to greet us.. when we finally go home.. Our real home....Christina
from lorisor :
You are so doing the right thing. Take it from me, I've put down dogs (some dogs I only knew for a few days!)and it is the positively hardest thing a human can do. We play GOD with these animals lives, but thank GOD that we can end their pain and suffering before it becomes unbearable for them (and us)to endure. May you find some peace today in your decision to do the only thing you can to help your four legged soul mate on to her next journey.
from lorisor :
You are so doing the right thing. Take it from me, I've put down dogs (some dogs I only knew for a few days!)and it is the positively hardest thing a human can do. We play GOD with these animals lives, but thank GOD that we can end their pain and suffering before it becomes unbearable for them (and us)to endure. May you find some peace today in your decision to do the only thing you can to help your four legged soul mate on to her next journey.
from ladyirony :
Ohh, Uncle Bob... that just breaks my heart. :( I'm sorry, but I *do* understand... if the dog is suffering, then what else can you do? :( *hugs* My thoughts and prayers are with you today... losing an animal absolutely *sucks*. ;.;
from flippie :
:( I know how hard this is for you, but you are truly doing the right thing. She won't have to suffer anymore.
from somatic :
I've been browsing through all of the messages of support - at last count, there are over 30 on your message board and over 40 here. I just wanted to add my hugs to the bunch - to show you that you have an enormous blanket of people who care, understand, and support you.
from karenpuppy :
From the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry about Maggie. Just know that you're in my thoughts and prayers today, UB.
from boynurse :
I'm so, so sorry. I know what you mean about not wanting her to be in pain anymore. My parents let our dog die naturally (she had cancer) but I wished they would have put her to sleep sooner, just to spare her all that pain. I'm sure you'll still get protests from self-righteous, insensitive people, but I think you're doing the right thing. Take care.
from rekhodiah :
I'm just one more voice of comfort, UB, but I'm raising it anyway. You're doing the right thing, hard as it is. All the best to you, Susie, and little Andy.
from seemedance :
I'm so sorry about your dog Uncle Bob, please know my thoughts are with you and I hope that this doesn't cloud your memories of all the wonderful memories you've shared with your beautiful puppy. Millions of people would have given up long before you did, and that you kept her in your home this long is a sign of what a great person you are. Don't let these crazy people tell you you're wrong, you are absolutly right in this decision. I'm very sorry for your loss.
from jendra :
One of the hardest things about being a good pet owner is putting an old, suffering pet to sleep. You're doing her a favour. Imagine how good she'll feel being released from pain. I think dogs go to Heaven. What kind of paradise would it be without pets? But I'm sorry for your loss. We all know that despite the jokes, you really loved that dog.
from tuff517 :
I'm very sorry to hear about Maggie. I think you made the best decision you could for her.
from how-i-lie :
I know it's an awful decision, I was there twice with my cats. And I understand that sometimes if you love your pets, you have to give them some peace. Maggie would much rather you did this out of compassion rather than leave her to suffer. I feel for you. Lola x
from tygerchild :
UB, You are doing the right thing, believe me. Maggie knows it, too. Good wishes to you and Sue and Andrew.
from lost-prophet :
OMG ur dog is sooo lush. i feel so sorry 4 u havin 2 make that decision but from wot uve sed it sounds like the rite thing 2 do. ignore ne1 hoo sez different. god bless her soul. rest in peace magie xx
from lindsay-poo :
I'm very sorry that you have to put Maggie down today. I know how much she means to you. I just want you to know that I think you're doing what is best for her at this point. It's really hard to watch the one you love, suffer as she has been. I know you've given her as much love as you possible could throughout her life and I think she will love you even more for helping her through her pain and suffering. She will never hate you for your decision and she will feel so much better once she takes her walk over the rainbow bridge, where she will remain happy and healthy, until the day you two are reunited. I'm sorry that this is so hard for you, but I understand and I support you on your decision.
from ncrebel21 :
I am terribly sorry for your loss. *hugs*
from llamacran :
You're definitely doing the right thing. I'm sure all your readers know that all jokes aside, you really do love Maggie and hate having to do this. You're a good guy, Uncle Bob.
from artist7 :
Hey Bob, so sorry about Maggie. It's a shame they don't live as long as us. I don't know what I'll do when I lose my two little guys. You are right though, it is her time. Take care, artist7 aka tracy pierce
from ljt1 :
You're doing the right thing ... the only thing. Our pets trust us to take care of them and do what's best for them. You're doing it. This may be the hardest thing you've ever done but you're doing it for the right reasons and with love in your heart. And that's all that matters. You and your Maggie will be in my prayers.
from eggerbug :
You are definitely doing the right thing. I have been a veterinary assistant for 3 years and I understand exactly what you're going through. Animals get to the point where it's absolutely necessary to do the right thing and help them along a little. No animal should have to live in pain, and I'm sure Maggie is thanking you for looking past what you want - to have her around to love you - and giving her peace. Well done, Uncle Bob. This is one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to see people come to, and you did the right thing.
from krenan :
I think showing your dog the selfless compassion you are today is a heartfull, loving thing to do. Uncle Bob, she has depended on you her whole life to keep her safe and loved and that you've done. Rest easy with your decision, its the right thing to do.
from cassiopeia- :
You have gone above and beyond for your puppy and she knows it. It would actually be selfish to keep an animal who is in pain suffering. Maggie knows you love her, and you are doing the best thing for her. We include you in our prayers today. {{{Hugs}}}
from whatswhat :
Uncle Bob, I think you are doing the right thing for Maggie. You are right, it will be one of the hardest things you will have to do. I had to put my German Shephard "Hershey" down and I laid on the floor with her until she was gone. I was 30 at the time and had my MOMMY go with me....My thoughts are with you.
from habitualgirl :
I'm so very sorry for what you had to do today. As I look at my two dogs, there are tears running down my face. I understand that it is one of the hardest things we pet owners have to deal with. Your decision is the most loving thing you can do for her now. She'll be grateful to you. Take care and know that the majority of people will understand and grieve with and for you.
from manda-d :
I think you're doing the right thing for Maggie. It wouldn't be right to let her suffer any longer. I'm sorry, I know how hard it is to lose a pet.
from robin-smith :
I'm so sorry.
from cestelle :
Take care, Uncle Bob. You're right, you will never have to make such a hard decision as you just have. My heart is with you and your family - you're losing a member and don't let anyone tell you different. Maggie was obviously a much-loved girl and it is actually easy to see how much you will miss her. What else is there to say - the pain will ease with time but there will always be a small hole that only Maggie could occupy. In sympathy, Cestelle
from dreamies :
*hugs* My thoughts are with you today.
from lovely-freak :
you are doing the right thing for "mags". she will no longer be in pain. we had to put our 11 year old dog "fish" to sleep 3 weeks ago. he had cancer and it was horrible. it was very very hard and i'm sorry for your loss. we had fish cremated and are going to bury him alongside "maggie" our 13 year old dog who died of natural causes in december of 02. they will be buried together in the backyard and it will be nice for us and them. maybe you should do something like that?... just a suggestion. my heart goes out to you...
from peytonsplace :
I'm sitting here in tears at my desk, feeling your pain. I'm so sorry that you are going through this, but I know you have done all that is humanly possible to love and care for Maggie. To let her suffer is not humane, to let her rest in peace, is. I'll be thinking about you today.
from redzingerbee :
oh, man. i am so, so, incredibly sorry about maggie. anyone who has ever had a dog before, or any animal for that matter, knows how hard it is to see them suffer. my heart goes out to you today. no matter what anyone else says, you ARE doing the right thing for both you and maggie. be strong!
from secretchild :
Dear Uncle Bob, Putting my cat to sleep was the hardest decision I've ever made, and I've made some hard ones. I'm thinking of you today. Sometimes the best thing we can do for our beloved pets is let them go when it's their time, no matter how hard it is for us. *pats Maggie on the head* She's a beautiful girl. I'm glad she had such a great dad. Love, Emma
from antipop2u :
::sniff:: I lost my rabbit almost 4 years ago. That was the longest I'd ever had a pet, and he was my baby so I so empathize right now. As cheesy and cliche as this is gonna sound (and believe me when I say I'm letting my writing major down here), my King Arthur Bean will look out for Maggie.
from jyspike :
It's not a horrible thing to do, but it is a horrible thing to HAVE to do. But it's also a brave and necessary and loving thing to do, and the right thing to do - I am so deeply sorry for your loss.
from helderheid :
I am _so_ sorry for your loss. I'm thinking of you today. You don't need me to tell you this but I will anyway - you're doing the kindest thing you can by helping her die. It's the right thing.
from cant-escape :
We went through this with my neighbour's dog last year... she had been a part of our lives for as long as I can remember (I'm only 18) and as hard as it was for me, it was harder for my neighbours. They did, however, carry on, and this week they're getting a new dog. I wish you the best of luck with dealing with this...
from dasauce :
I am so sorry. I have done it with a number of pets, and it is never easy. Know that you are doing something that allows both of you more dignity--Best Bob, Rick
from lizard2333 :
I hope "a Dog's Prayer" by Beth Norman Harris will lift your spirits some today... Treat me kindly, my beloved master, for no heart in all the world is more grateful for kindness than the loving heart of me. Do not break my spirit with a stick, for though I should lick your hand between the blows, your patience and understanding will more quickly teach me the things you would have me do. Speak to me often, for your voice is the world's sweetest music, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footstep falls upon my waiting ear. When it is cold and wet, please take me inside, for I am now a domesticated animal, no longer used to bitter elements. And I ask no greater glory than the privelege of sitting at your feet beside the hearth. Though had you no home, I would rather follow through ice and snow than rest upon the softest pillow in the warmest home in all the land, for you are my god and I your devoted worshiper. Keep my pan filled with fresh water, for although I should not reproach you were it dry, I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst. Feed me clean food, than I may stay well, to romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side, and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my life should your life be in danger. And, beloved master, should the great Master see fit to deprive me of my health or sight, do not turn me away from you. Rather, hold me gently in your arms as skilled hands grant me merciful boom of eternal rest-and I will leave you knowing with the last breath I drew, my fate was ever safest in your hands. Love, Maggie
from ursamajor :
my heart goes out to you...
from mrsohio :
You poor, poor thing. You have my deepest sympathies. Holly Grimm Cincinnati, OH
from andelda :
It was so hard taking my dog to the vet to get the "Green Dream", but I know I had to do it. He was just so lonely without our other dog (who died a couple of months before him. She was chucking up stomach acid, so I feel for you) and his body was just shutting down. I don't think you're horrible.
from mickey225 :
*hugs* You are doing the right thing. I went through the same thing 9 years ago with my cat. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
from adobogirl :
*huG*
from rekhodiah :
God wasn't asleep, He was showing you it's perfectly okay to ruffle feathers in church. Jesus did it, and now so can you. Kinda makes you feel good, doesn't it? :)
from diarylandiva :
Wait, wait, wait...Sorority Life is STILL on MTV? When? I am ashamed I haven't been watching it...
from helderheid :
It may be all about public perception. I too live in a city where alcohol cannot be purchased on Sunday. There is no lottery here either. Things are changing though because the few radicals willing to stand up for what they really believe. I have no problem with you not wanting to hire her because her sermons suck. I have a problem that it's because she's lacking a penis (excluding the use of hubby's). Fortunately, it doesn't matter one wit what I think of it. ;)
from kenjigrl :
Ya know, I dunno what's sadder -- that MTV made a spin off of Sorority Life, or that I went to h.s. with the prez on SL2
from notquiteme :
I love reading your diary. I've searched far and wide throughout diaryland, and have found only a few that have REALLY made me laugh. Yours was one of them :).
from trasker :
three things 1: swastika tattooed ass? Hello, fellow Oz watcher! 2: The businessmen put out more when you kind of swirl your tongue around the outer edge of the nipple, then use your teeth to pull off this pinch-bite move.. you know, in case you ever have to go back to the mean streets. 3: college kids aren't that smart. And the ones that do the readings are the boring ones. Trust me on this. I don't do any readings and i'm goddamn riveting. Don't feel badly, you're awesome. Except for that bird thing. That was just cruel, dude.
from star-rizzo :
Your diary is the bomb. You rock sox. You are my god. Nuff said. ROCK ON!!!
from damodred :
you are so lucky that you aren't catholic then, their sermons can last for up to 30 mins.
from celtickatt :
As always, you keep me laughing my ass off. I must say though, today you topped it with a simple, "This space for rent." Too fucking funny! -Shannon
from patrician :
I have to say that up until now i was in rather a somber mood - you're a funny guy :) Very entertaining... and i would call to hear some of Uncle Bob's phone sex. Hehehe. Ciao
from cmkern3 :
I took my daughter to see "Tarzan" when she was 2 and a few months - she loved it and actually made it most of the way through the movie before she started getting antsy. do it! And I'm sure it won't matter that Andrew hasn't seen the 1st one.
from alteridem :
good lord man, you are a GOD in my eyes. This note may seem odd, as I will be flashing back to past entries since I just stumbled upon your helm of wonderous works. Anyway- anyone who writes notes on here to criticize (especially when they can't even spell) are only doing so because they simply cannot accept the fact that you truly exist; a god such as yourself is hard to fathom and to hear what you have to say, confirming your existance, only makes he or she relish the fact they do not compare to you. As for "giggles mcgiggly", I found this entry to be hillarious because I constantly find myself giving everyone I know nicknames that contain "mc" ie: fasty Mcstrongarm, quickyMcquickerson..etc..anyway, this has gotten long. keep up the good work. Love you man! ~Alexx
from bree914 :
Wow. Looks like I wont be the first to sign this. What I'm want to say would sound repetive and perhaps boring for you. So let's spice this up. Your son's a cutie. Nice Ideas by the way, and I like the "suck ass" poems. I'm sitting on my ass (surprised, I know), and my eyes are bloodshot after sitting at this damned screen for over 3 hours. Enjoy! I dont know why the hell I wrote this, but you seem rad man! Hell yea! ..ever think of stand up? keep that in mind.
from seemdiffernt :
jesus! you are hillarious.
from untame-able :
My mother, who has raised 3 kids, including my father, said that yes, 2 years and 3 months is too early.
from saxyjackclar :
I FUCKING LOVE THIS!!!!!!!! Unkey Bob, you are my hero.
from bablmiariver :
Future hubby and I took my 2 1/2 daughter to see Scooby Doo in the summer and she loved it. She sat in awe of the "big tv" and only took one break to go potty and then right back. We let her pick out some treats beforehand and she didn't even touch them because she was so enthralled. And like you said, it's free, so even if he gets fussy I can garuntee a million other parents will be there with their kids as well, worrying about the same thing. It's a kids movie, people expect it. And ya can always just leave. Have fun.
from ladyirony :
Just a theory, but maybe the lower urinal is for people in wheelchairs who can't use the regular one? Just a thought. ^_^;;
from wonderchai :
For taking the wee one to the theater... if you take him later in the evening, he might conk out on you, and give you ALL a chance to sleep. :) That's my suggestion. Oh, and no candy. It'll just... aggravate... the situation. Good luck! :)
from darcyn77 :
Hey! I just wanted to comment on Michael Jackson. I know I am in the minoruty, but I think you have it dead on. I don't think he's a child molestor. Never have. I think some greedy people found a way to capitalize on his strange friendship with some little boy. Also, I have a two year old who loves to watch TV. I don't think I would take her to a movie in the theater yet, though, because I know she wouldn't sit still. This girl can watch TV all day, but she likes to get up and walk around every once in awhile. But if you guys are willing to leave the theater, I say go. He might surprise you by sitting still and being quiet!
from cruel-irony :
Touche' on the whole Michael Jackson thing. I think even Peter Pan would find him disturbing and wouldn't appreciate the homage ol' Michael gives him. On another note, I think you've got a good plan going for Andrew's debut at the movies.
from dasauce :
That's exactly the deal Bob, you just enjoy half the film and your kid will look back fondly at it and feel PROUD that he went. And you can finish the movie together on DVD in a year or two. You've got the right guesses--so you prolly won't break your kid either. --DatSauceGuy
from krenan :
Uncle Bob, I love you. I'm a little confused. Why do you think a lower urinal is for a midget or dwarf? Maybe the men in your office have extremely long penises and need a lower urinal for comfort. Maybe they make fun of the length challenged men who use the high urinal. Just a thought............
from moviegrrl :
I agree with you totally about Micheal Jackson. There is no way on EARTH that man has ever had sex of any kind. Yes, he's sad strange and deluded, but he is not a monster. Just through I'd tell you you're not alone on this one!
from jennnnnn :
OR a message in my guestbook would be just as good! I mean,.....*sigh* it's my only birthday wish *sigh*
from jennnnnn :
It's my birthday on monday, and all i want is an email from uncle bob *sigh*,.....(wink wink, nudge nudge)
from dasauce :
I just spit up coffee at the moment of truth in the blue ball bit. I've never thanked anyone for making me regurgitate. But thanks. Good laugh, precaffinated, even. --DatSauceGuy
from lovely-freak :
you have been beeped.... http://beepbook.signmyguestbook.com/?a i have to say that i laughed my ass off at your entry today. i have a 1 year old child and we ask him all kinds of questions... he, however, answers in some type of gyberish that i pretend to understand. i think i may be encouraging him to create his own language and he may never speak english! i enjoy your thoughts!
from pischina :
My mom cooked the roast dry too. It wasn't until my great-cooking mexican mother-in-law cooked a roast in a crock pot for me that I discovered the yummy goodness of roast beef. Yum yum yummmmm.... Now I must go get a roast for tonight!
from jyspike :
Hi Uncle Bob So, I'm dying of curiosity.... How did the roast beef thingie turn out?
from death-vibe :
Sorry about your mom and all, but what the hell does that have to do with NASA? I don't think we explore space so that your mom can have a better time in dealing with her medical problems.
from donnaleecr :
Hello, I just wanted to say that I love your diary. Thanks for the smiles and laughter. Your sarcasm and wit are cutting edge. Keep up the great writing. Sincerely, Donna
from witchyred :
You are a Bob among men UB! ;) I have to agree w/you, and the ppl on the boards. Censorship and free speech belong to you, me, whoever write/owns a diary. I personally do not always agree w/some things that others say, so I either skip it, scroll past it, but get over it. Ppl have to stop and think... This is a big world, and if all someone has to do all day is slam total strangers over little or nothing, than their lives are very pathetic indeed. You write quite eloquently, even when you are talking about trained assassins taking out Bjork, and if I could be half as good as you... Well, if I was half as good as you I guess I'd be quite the elite diarist. ;) It is true, you may not be exactly who you say you are, but I still consider you a Bob in my book, and I was thrilled to hear all the excellent reports on Andrew. :) Keep up the good work! And never take shit from anyone if you don't have to. Rock on UB!! :)
from dead-star :
Damn straight on the "national tragedy". I agree with you completely.
from ass-licker :
WHY must people insist on ruining things for others around them. I enjoy reading UB each morning, it is the first thing I do. I want to continue to read the same shit I have come to know and love. STOP trying to censor the damn guy. Obviously when you write a diary, you put what YOU want in it. Stop being so damned literal, take a joke, and scroll past what you don't like. That is, if you can see the screen out of your own ass. I swear to god, if any of you screw up the kinds of UB entries that I enjoy to read, I will hunt you all down, put you on a spaceship MY-FUCKING-SELF and blow you all up.
from cmkern3 :
Wow..I've never received a rude message!! How about a few you hop on over and leave me one instead of Uncle Bob!! :o)
from lindsay-poo :
I've been reading your diary for a few weeks now. I enjoy reading about the progress your son has been making and about the funny things you have to say. I don't blame you for censoring out your messages. Some people are just plain rude. If they don't like what you have to say, why do they bother coming to read it. Personally, if someone was upsetting me that badly with their writing, I would simply stop reading it. For shit's sake, these are diaries that are simply open for the public to read. Being a diary, doesn't that give you the right to freedom of speech? DUH! I say, write what you want if it makes you feel better. If they don't like it, they shouldn't read it!
from raversweetie :
seriously? how many people are out there that post a nasty message and then reply to their own message as someone else? because my boyfriend gets comments like that on his webpage just about every week. do these kids sit at home and feel like their dick is big because they can talk shit about something they *chose* to read? oh and don't forget making sure they look even cooler by agreeing with THEMSELVES. gr. people shouldn't be allowed on the internet until they are 21. i swear to god its always going to be the 15 year olds. [ /rant]
from lovely-freak :
by the way... i "beeped" you... http://funland.diaryland.com/
from lovely-freak :
not that you'd care... but i agree with you whole-heartedly on the space shuttle topic... i have read some truly horrific things in the past few months and they are things that our government isn't even talking about... much worse than the space shuttle blowing up and interrupting my nightly dose of cable television....
from helderheid :
Holy shit! Just found your diary. I couldn't possibly have put it better myself (about the shuttle "disaster"). You are a brilliant writer. Wish I could write half as eloquently as you.
from mary-poppins :
You're right.. Swappingtons is a damn good site. And about the "tragedy".. couldn't agree with yoo more. I heard they're selling pieces of it on e-bay.
from icecreamdork :
NOTE: I am not defending the people of the news, or the president, because i really couldn't care less about the people of the news or the president. Now that that's clear, the space ship crash is labeled a <b>National Tragedy</b> because they take the United States tax payers money to fund something they think is worthy. They being the government we all know and loathe. Whatever they put money into is supposed to show nothing but progress and good news <u>to the public</u>. Being that people were seeing toxic waste fall from the sky, the public knew. Go figure. And now that we know the meaning of National Tragedy, all I want to say is Kudos. That's it. Kudos.
from redhott27 :
Sing it, sister! Finally, someone who thinks the same way I do... ahhh...
from dichroic :
Feel free to avoid my diary then. I still believe that if we don't continue with exploration we're only half-human (though I wil agree if pressed that repeated trips into low earth orbit are a fairly half-assed version of "exploration"). If you want to move it back to earth, though, I can make a fairly strong case that the gains from NASA's research far outweigh the money spent on space programs. The miniturization that lets you have a computer on your desk? NASA. Remote monitoring of hospital patients? NASA. Superstrong materials used in airplanes and everything else these days? NASA. Microwave ovens? NASA. Velcro? NASA. Miniaturization of almost every kind from palm pilots to pacemakes? Guess who.
from thundersnow :
well, Unclebob, I never thought I'd hear myself say this ;o) but I totally agree with you about the shuttle disaster. But what the hey....the Bushwhacker probably just misspoke himself. Not a tragedy, George. It was a National TRAVESTY...tsk!tsk!
from cistine :
What's NASA done for you? Try pacemakers. Bar codes. Smoke detectors. Emergency blankets. Cordless screwdrivers. Current quartz timing in wristwatches. The dustbuster. Fireproof materials. Water filters. CAT scans.
from tara1665 :
Hey Bob, Just a note to say I agree with you about the shuttle. Dammit the thing blew up pretty much over my fucking house! I was awaken saturday morning with the house shaking and ratteling and the kids freaking out. Luckily <or unluckily for others> the debris kept going to the east. Thank for for the laws of physics , that if your going really fast , the thing that comes apart from you goes even faster and farther, so that the kids and I didnt walk outside and find body parts or shuttle all over our lawn.
from mizerychick :
Nice entry on NASA. It made it to my favorites, and that's saying a lot
from beesly :
This is possibly the most wacked out entry you've ever written! What do you mean "Or hiring highly-trained assassins to take out Bjork once and for all." That's crazy, man. Crazy.
from habitualgirl :
As I'm relatively new to DL (about a month or so) I hadn't read this letter to Andrew yet. I just did, and now I'm crying- thanks. However, I just wanted to say that you really seem to be living up to your promise of providing him with an excellent life. I start out everyday reading your journal, and usually laughing hysterically, but today I couldn't help but getting excited about the word "juice". Congrats to you guys and thanks for continuing to write!
from marsist :
dude... I was expecting you to mention the space shuttle crashing... well, then again, you are a HUMOR writer, so maybe not...
from mymys :
Hey, I literally was falling of my chair reading your entry on Andrew and "flo", Come take a look at my diary and keep writing
from mymys :
Hey,
from amberfalls :
My friend winehunter reads your diary, so that's one of the reasons I started reading too. But, she's moved. She is now at thegrapevine. I think she still wants to be part of the army.
from redzingerbee :
yay! so glad to hear the good news about andrew! your '65 mustang example reminded me of this 2.5 year old i know who will ramble on and on about any and everything, gesturing and inflecting, and it's like he's the ceo of some huge corporation launching a new line of tonka trucks or something.... it's amazing. can't understand a word he says sometimes, but he gets the general idea across. in other words, babbling is good. :) [sidebar: water with a t made me cry. nice going, ub. ;)]
from moviegrrl :
really pleased that Andrew's tests came back so well, a big weight of your minds I'm sure. Big hugs to the little guy (oh alright and you too!)
from pattypat :
YAY! So happy for you and Andrew. We went through the same thing with our son. Life is good! Pattypat http://members.diaryland.com/edit/profile.phtml?user=pattypat
from frootloops69 :
hey your little boy is soooo cute! Cutie pa tootie! hehe cute! anyway... just wanted to say your diary mad me laugh my ass off! you are too funny. hehe.. Tara
from cianne :
poor uncle bob, the maggie decision is tough to make. it sounds like she's in rough shape. if you think she's suffering, it's best to let her go.
from mrsohio :
Hi there.... Regarding Maggie, you stated in your note on Monday that your wife doesn't want to have the dog put to sleep until she is really suffering. I think if I were vomiting black gunk and dripping blood all over the house, I'd be suffering. I mean, I have a dog and a horse and I love them to death and would be devastated if anything happened to them....for a few days. However, I also don't want to see them vomiting up their insides. It is obvious that this dog is suffering. Please put her out of her misery. Luv ya!
from chromemm :
I know you and me don't talk much and I know you don't read me and I'm not exactly in a position to give advice or anything. That's a hell of a lot of ands. Anyways I say fuck it not everyone is going to understand simple basic concepts like "its your diary" or money is tight and the dog has lived a very long life. Personaly I can't blame you for wanting to put Maggie down and I think it's the right thing to do. And the bullshit that you are not taking "responsibility" for a dog you have been taking care for thirteen years. Jesus the dog is fucking old it's obviously going to die and is just not the same dog it used to be. She may seem like she's not suffering, but I think she obviously is. Sorry for the long ass note.
from madamrex :
Uncle Bob... Look, I love animals more than I love most people in this world. I can watch movies where people shot each others' brains out and feast on the goo and I won't bat an eye. But if an animal gets hurt I lose my shit. So I'm not some heartless bitch, just so ya know. That being said, I think you should take Maggie to the vet and end her life. Be there with her when you do it. Hold her on your lap and pet her and tell her she's a good dog as you do it. It will be hard, but do it. It's the right thing to do; don't let her suffer. I just had to have my cat put to sleep - he was only 6 years old, but he had cancer (he was puking up black stuff all over our house too). I cried for three days and I miss him a lot. But it was the right thing to do. I had his remains cremated and put in an urn that I will probably bury in our backyard when the spring comes. Good luck to you, and your family, with this and with everything. =)
from lovethegood :
Dear Uncle Bob, You know what? Those people are complete ass's! although I am sure that it is hard not to be bothered by comments like that please don't be. You have tons of other readers like me who understand that this is your mofoing journal and you can talk about whatever the hell you please. In my opinion you already go above and beyond sometimes to cater to your readers. Also, I am sure that everyone who does read you does so because you are funny as hell and for me at least you always brighten my day. I am so pissed off that those tools said that to you. You "rawk" and you know it(: -Carrie P.S. Good luck with your dog. That is a really tough decision to make and I am sure that whatever you decide will be best. Here is my 2 cents on that subject though. If it was my dog I would have her put to sleep. I am one of the most compassionate people that you will ever meet but it sounds like she will probably die soon anyway and since she only keeps getting worse it seems like even if you get her fixed now she will get worse again very soon. Maybe they can just give her some medicine for her last couple of days at home or something. Then you guys could just give her a ton of love and attention had she can go out of this world pain-free and happy...I don't know, just a thought (: Good luck again. And your mother and family are in my prayers.
from jendra :
Sounds like the guy overseas has sour grapes because HE can't use swapingtons.
from poked2x :
UncleBob, if those people are so terribly upset about what you write in YOUR diary, why the hell do they have to read it? That cracksmoker from overseas doesn't want to hear about how totally awesome swappingtons is everyday, can't they just scroll down or stay off your page altogether? URG. Some people.
from ass-licker :
Oxy Clean man. Oxy Clean. That shit will get anything out. My girl-friend spilled an entire glass of chocolate milk on my tan carpet the other day, and after I was finished slapping her around Oxy Clean ripped that sucker of a stain right out. It also works with greese. Black dog vimit is probably a bunch worse than chocolate milk and greese, but it took those stains out easily enough. Try it and see.
from haloaskew :
So sorry to hear about Maggie. We used to have 13 cats and a dog when I was a kid, and only 3 of the original 13 cats are left, so I hear ya, man. She'll soon be without pain, so please take comfort in that. On the lighter side,I'm a Dave Barry fan myself and I think you're a thousand times funnier. You're like a Hard Core Dave Barry, which is quite cool. My sis-in-law hooked me onto your diary and when we see each other we talk about your entries the way other people talk about sitcoms. You be funny! And no, I also don't believe your son is autistic. Criminey! He's *your* progeny -- you'll never be able to shut him up once he gets going! ;) Hang in there, kiddo, and best wishes, Halo Askew
from damodred :
we had to put our dog to sleep about 3 years ago. it was really hard, we had her for 12 years. she was blind and was getting confused and we think she had arthritis because she was shaking alot (from pain we think). hardest thing we ever did, but it's better to put them down and remember that they had a good quality of life.
from wonderchai :
I hear you. Doggies love you always, even when they aren't there to show it.
from celtickatt :
I'm sorry about Maggie, I understand how hard it is. I dread the day I have to let go of "Giz"mo. Having them for so long just makes them one of your children. Best wishes... - Shannon
from naomibeth :
Let her go, man. If it helps, you can tell yourself that All Dogs go to Heaven and she'll be waiting for you.
from romancoat :
Okay, if your vet is going to charge you that much for a checkup... you should probably have a different vet. But I know what you mean - I have a cat, and most vets here seem to think that if a cat is sick, it must have distemper. But yeah, it's depressing to say goodbye. But after taking care of her and having her love you and all that, the one last great thing you can do for her is give her a good death.
from cmkern3 :
Alright already with the Swappingtons - we get it! :o) You should go into sales!!
from amberfalls :
I'm sure you're getting a lot of sympathy notes today, so here's another one. I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. When you have a pet that long, they are a part of the family. Take care. -A-
from kitty2112 :
Damn unclebob! Sorry to hear about Maggie. That sucks ass. We're in the same boat as you right now. My boyfriends dog Keisha has cancer, and while she's not miserable at the moment, you can tell it's starting to bother her. Best of wishes to you guys.
from miss-edith :
Are your sure that the recipe called for Tablespoons and not Teaspoons? Because it might have worked with teaspoons. Maybe they were smoking crack when they wrote the recipe down. I have cooked some similar-sounding dishes, and none of them called for such massive amounts of spices. 3T garlic powder is just insane.
from kitty2112 :
ROTFLMFAO!!!! Can you get any funnier?!? That's all I can really type cause I'm crying. Thank God you're around to brighten up our days!
from mary-poppins :
Hullo.. Just dropping in a note to tell yoo yoo are absolutely hilarious. =)
from recover-me :
I know this is a few days late, but I just now read the whole Andrew being autistic thing. By what you said, it doesn't sound like he's autistic (my friend's brother is). It does, however, sound like my brother when he was little. He was diagnosed with dyslexia and ADD. dyslexia can cause them to have a speech problem, he was in speech therapy for 3 years. I'd say the first thing to do would be to start making him say the words. It really does more harm than good as we found out. I hope everything turns out well, and you might check out the dyslexic thing.
from ashlee06 :
i just thought i should let you know your hilarious. i always read your diary when im ina shitty mood and you make me laugh.. o ya and i signed up at swappingtons and put 'Bob' down.. Thanks.
from cmkern3 :
Oh my - every last thing you expressed about R. Kelly I agree to the very last drop. I could never have expressed my hatred of him the way you - so poetically, so beautiful, so perfectly spoken - so thank you. From the bottom of my heart.
from tara1665 :
Did you know that R Kelly is writing a CHILDRENS book? Now how fucked up is that? On another note.... Big fan here and your entries always lighten my day, so Thank you. Tara
from thecritic :
Hey I think Frederique is the mole too 'cause that stupid sub was called Das Mole and i think das might be a the in her native language... and as for the winner.. they're all kind of B list actors and stuff so even the winners are losers bwahaha
from schoonie :
Dude, Frederique is totally the mole. That bitch has messed up every game since the beginning of the show...just watch...its either her, or Trista. Or the Veggie Tale that looks like a big pepper. We'll have to wait and see.
from ree :
*stares randomly* A married couple having the same birthday isn't that weird. My mom and dad have the same birthday. I'm being told I can't say who is older than who by one year, but take a guess. It's why my mom's sister and my dad's Army buddy, who are married to each other, initially set up my folks. Incidently, the church bulletin always handled it by listing one's birthday, then the other, never together.
from cassiopeia- :
My nephew has scarlet fever which started as strep. If anyone breaks out in a rash, beware. I was wondering if you will be autographing the items you have on swappingtons?
from marsist :
sorry about your mom...mine was much the same...smoked, drank, was passively suicidal. what killed her? breast cancer from a hormone medication-- talk about reasons to distrust doctors...anyway, it's always a pisser even if you've resigned yourself to it. I made a mix CD when my mom died; lots of sappy and angry stuff. want a copy?
from cianne :
keep your sense of humour, uncle bob, and my fingers are crossed for the results of andrew's autism test.
from tinare :
Hey, I love your stuff! You crack me up. A local guy here in OKC,OK had a link about your Byork rant and it had me cracking up. I've been reading since and started my own diary last week. As I read your entry about your Mom, I was fixed on it and have to say how much I can relate. Everyone has there own thing and can't walk in your steps but it is strange how similar your mom seems to mine. With the glaring exception that my mom is no longer living. She passed in Sept 2002 at 60. She has been drinking up until she was hospitialized, never a mean drunk but she did rely on the 4 or 5 beers a day and contiinued to smoke even after cancer rang her bell and the doctors had to remove her entire left lung in 89. I love her so much and don't want to preach to you so I won't. I feel like you do about letting her do what she wants. My mom spent her entire life rasing kids and she put up with lots of crap. After fighting cancer and other illness's she too grew to hate doctors and I couldn't make her see a Doc until she couldn't walk to the bathroom without falling. I truly believe 60 is too you to die, but she was ready to let go and after 2 weeks she did. I wish I could be mad at her or blame her, but I can't. So I am glad I was there for her, (here comes the preaching part) No matter how much she makes you want to pull you hair out and scream.... just be there. I don't know your real family situation but I know it's hard to sit back and watch our parents do things that make our heads hurt and blood boil. I am so sorry to hear about your mom and I hope all goes well with your son. When it rains it pours, right? Just take deep breaths and be there for her. She may not act like she needs you but she does. However you can be, if not in person on on the phone or any way you can. I'll shut up now. Take Care Tina in OKC
from bitchorama :
Uncle Bob, my heart goes out to you (RE: your mom) and I am being honest, honest, honest when I say that I really don't think Andrew is autistic. From what I've read, and to me this is the biggest indication, he sounds like such a sociable child and while he might not be able to articulate it, *gets* what y'all are saying and doing, which is huge. He sounds so much like my cousin, who also had that crazy ear stuff going on and I swear to God, we couldn't understand *anything* out of his mouth til he was about 5 years old. He is now excelling in school, so much so that we are shocked at how "nerdy" he is! I promise it will work out no matter what, mainly because you and Mrs. Bob have good heads on your shoulders and can handle what life pitches at you. And, above all: you are not Corey Feldman.
from jasmine-s :
I'm very sorry about your mother. Thinking of you, Kind regards, jasmine.
from lisa-e :
Hi Uncle Bob! I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I know what a frustrating and helpless position you are in, and it sucks. Actually, reading everything you wrote about your mother made me wonder, are you my brother? Because I swear, that's my mother to a "T". Same age, all the same stats, even same cervical cancer. I imagine my own mother has similar other time bombs ticking away in her body, but she refuses to see a doctor. I hope the doctors are able to do something for your mother. I have had a lot of experience with kids, although I have none of my own, and can add to the list of those saying Andrew will probably be just fine. I've seen several children who discovered the joy of full hearing once tubes were inserted in their ears, and everything else that seemed to just not be happening as it should, fell into place shortly afterward. I signed up for the switch thingie (told 'em Bob sent me), and also, started my very own diary today, thanks to you! Whether or not I will manage to update regularly remains to be seen, but I plan to try. Hang in there, U.B. - Your fan, Lisa E. (aka Green at TWoP)
from amiebea :
Dear Uncle Bob, I have been reading you for a while, but am just now writing a note to you. I am sorry thing in your life are piling up on you like this right now. There is a diary of a woman who's son has autism that I have been reading for a while too. You might find it helpful...and she links to dozens of other resources. Here is the URL:www.hiddenlaughter.com. Anyway, I wanted to write and tell you that I always enjoy reading your diary. I need to get cracking on my own and stop reading so many others! But thanks for keeping up with what your started low so many years ago. You and your family are in my prayers. Oh...Also, here is another link that might help too: http://www.family.org/pplace/newparent/a0020411.cfm
from sintimate :
I signed up yesterday and used you as a referral. I put down "Uncle Bob", though. Let Andrew know or something. Don't let those points go to waste!
from wonderchai :
bob-ling, *hug* my nephew was tested for autism (he didn't talk until he was four) but he was just a late bloomer, I guess, because around his fourth birthday he exploded - talking, laughing, chattering, nearly perfect speech, normal cognition, the whole bit. Not only was he normal, he was smart! So don't worry. it'll all work out in the end. Til then, I'm keeping my cute little fingers crossed. :D
from darcyn77 :
Hey, Uncle Bob! I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am about your mother. My grandpa was just told his artery is 90% blocked. He's 87, so he's thinking he probably won't have the surgery. I also wanted to tell yuo htat I have a two year old daughter. She was born Sept. 22, 2000. Up until two weeks ago, she could only say three words. I was really worried about her, because I was sure something was wrong with her. Today, though, she mimics everything I say. She's talking up a storm. Two weeks ago she said "Mama" "bye-bye" and "hello." She was a late developer in everything. Didn't crawl until close to eight months, didn't walk until 14 months. So, my pont is, I'm sure Andrew will be fine. One day he'll just start jabbering. Good luck!
from miss-edith :
I used to teach pre-school (mostly kids around the age of 2), and I remember several kids who, for one reason or another, were slow to develop verbally. These kids often had more advanced visual skills than the other children if you paid attention, but verbal talents are the most obvious, while other talents sometimes are harder to observe in the child at a young age. I would get Andrew tested since you are worried already, but I think the tests are just to clear the air so you know you don't have to worry about that anymore. I'm not a doctor, but I do have a lot of experience with children, and Andrew sounds like a bright, creative boy to me, and it wouldn't surprise me if now that his hearing is corrected, his verbal skills start to take off soon. I think though, that you are right to get him tested just to know for sure.
from jyspike :
Hey Uncle Bob It's easy for me to say, because it's not my son who has a neurology appointment, but don't get too too upset until you have to. Every kid is different, and quite a few of my friends' little boys (but not really the girls, funny, eh?) were slow to speak. My baby brother (who is just about to finish his Ph.D. in biotechnology and get married to a fantastic cool girl) barely spoke a word until he was almost three, and he could hear just fine, unlike Andrew. We figure he just didn't feel like it; then once he did decide he was ready, he was speaking in full sentences in no time. All that time he was acquiring language - but he just hadn't felt like sharing it with us yet. All this to say, I sure hope everything turns out okay - I'm sure it will - but I'll keep my fingers crossed for you anyway. Spike
from jenne1017 :
RE: your mother...She sounds like mine. My mother smoked since she was 15. She had her fist heart attack at the age of 45. Stopped smoking for a day or so, then went back. Had her second heart attack at 48. She quit for a bit, started to eat better (i.e.-not Burger King every day), but went back to the bad eating and smoking again. She had her thrid heart attack at age 52. When she went back to the doctor after for her "After your 3rd heart attack" check-up, she was told she had some kidney failure and went into the hospital. While there, she had a stroke. She is in a home now, at the age of 56 and has been for years. She wore diapers for a long time. She is mentally equal to a 6 year old. She is partially paralized on the right side. But wouldn't yo fucking know it? She remembered to pick up a cancer stick!?! Orderlies got them for her. I don't think she smokes anymore, but I wanted to let you know that I know that things are not *SHOCKING* but they still hurt. And I didn't even get along witht he woman! If you wanna talk, you know where to find me!
from cassiopeia- :
I am puttin money on the doctor! Cassie also has one word for everything: "that". I would dance a jig if she said apple. Okay, if for some reason you are told he has any problems at all, get a second opinion. Did you not hear about the lady who had disfiguring surgery only to learn she did not have breast cancer after all? Just be careful. I am very sorry about your mom. My mom is in the same boat, along with my dad. The smoke is so horrible that the mail they send has to be aired out. Your mom sounds like a strong lady, maybe she will beat the odds. I hope she does! Take care. ~Sandy
from kitty2112 :
Hey there UncleBob! Sorry to hear about your mom. Like you said, even though ya kinda knew it was comming, it still is hard to deal with. It always is. I'm sure Andrew will be fine, but I'll keep you guys in my thoughts.
from moviegrrl :
hey there. Sorry to hear about Andrew, it must be scary. I don't know much about autism,but i do know that Andrew sounds like a happy healthy boy and I also know about friends who's children have tubes in their ears and their speech is WAY behind. It really could just be that. One child my motehr knows, georgia has had tubes for a year now and her speech still isn't quite as good as Siobhan's who's two years younger. That sounded like boasting, which it isn't, but it's just trying to throw some more experience your way. I hope Andrew's ok give him a hug from us. As for yourm om, nothing i can say will make that one any better. Better give yourself a hug from me too....
from clauren :
Hey. Happy belated birthday Uncle BOB....
from wonderchai :
sad birthday! *hug* I fought with my older brother - he's 20, i was 18 - on my birthday. and drove three hundred miles south. it was terrible. I hope things get better. and i understand the evil tongue thing. it's about half my diary. well, when I'm not trying to be evany. sad birthday. hope the days following it are better! :D
from artist7 :
happy b-day uncle bob. you know, you are the second person today that has told me about swappingtons, thanks man. it's a cool little site.
from robin-smith :
Happy birthday, by the way...or at least, my condolences that it wasn't. No worries about DOTD, since I'm a fucking Luddite and don't have a DVD player anyway. Weird about it making you sick...well, any move featuring live zombie lobotomies should inspire a LITTLE nausea I guess, but yeah. Maybe you were trapped in an underground military bunker under siege by the undead in a past life.
from porktornado :
I have learned not to talk while I am pissed off, sorta' like you. People with a sarcastic wit tend to have very acid tongues, and with such power comes great responsibility. My girlfriend hasn't yet learned that lesson about not saying the first thing that comes to mind when you are angry. It is because women, for their lack of a soul, feel no regret for hurting our feelings when they are mad. But they smell good and we love them. And we forgive them and they love us. You still should have had you some birthday sex, though.
from fforest :
Sorry to hear about your crappy birthday. After spending 6 weeks in Eastern Europe, I came home to a similar thing - big fight with the girlfriend on my birthday. It was not fun. ANd this was after going to work and being pissed off by people doing stupid shit all day. I hear ya' UB and feel for ya. I've been there. Just a little support from a regular reader. -- Ash
from cassiopeia- :
Happy Belated Birthday. I have to agree with you...fights should not be public! Sandy
from not-a-bish :
Probably for the hundredth time you've heard it in 24 hours...happy belated birthday, Uncle Bob! Sorry your day at church was kind of craptastic.
from wonderchai :
got you from whatawoman (she is fantasmic) and in turn added you to my links bar. i had no idea men thought about all that. coming from a family of six liberal femme fatales, i had no idea men THOUGHT. ;) thanks for the insight, baby.
from mymys :
you are the greatset, im addicted to your diaries, i have just started my own today, so its not really that great, but you along with mojo-pin78 inspired me to get my own diary, thanx alot
from mango-kiwi :
Hey Unclebob! You are the master of Diaryland. I was a bit disappointed that I wasn't on your favorite diraies list, though... ;) But if you do get a chance, go ahead and read me! I'd be honored
from tinare :
I dig ya! I also ran into your stuff on TV Without Pity the other day. You crack me up.
from crazygal23 :
be careful uncle bob. we dont want you having a heart attack. my dad just had one on christmas day, and he died 4 times in one night. (he was pulled out of it though, and is now okay) but the docs said that shoulder, neck, and back pains are signs of heart attacks, as weird as that sounds. so just be careful!
from cassiopeia- :
I'm glad you won't be going to that gas station again. Won't it be interesting when Bush raises the welfare requirements?
from ryan8-5cut :
you give wood on the third anniversary I am pretty sure. Do you write for TelevisionWithoutPity? I love that site. Stop by my diary if you get a chance. ryan8-5cut.diaryland.com
from chromemm :
Yeah keep up the good work he who once called me "the worst spelling bee contestant ever." heh...ok so I suck at spelling, but I have feelings too.
from tithonus :
Nice of you to link damodred. Good man.
from ikss :
So, I decided to check out your page because...well, I believe it's like the law of Diaryland or something. Well, I'm glad I checked it out. :) Great stuff. I'll be back. And hey, cute kid, too!
from sufferours :
Jesus Christ, I feel sorry for your wife.
from keryanna :
Happy Anniversary :)
from celtickatt :
Happy Anniversary! You really do provide comic relief to our pitiful, diary-addicted lives, and it's cool watching your son, in a way, grow up in front of us too. You will sure as hell me missed when you finally go (which hopefully won't be for a LONG time!) - Shannon
from robin-smith :
You...me...a bottle of Green Nyquil and a tent. Do we have a date?
from madamefromag :
Happy Anniversary! What does one give for a third anniversary? I think its paper or wood or something. Stick around a few more years and maybe you'll make it to silver.
from damodred :
*blinks* i just checked my stats and i have gotten more hits than i get in on day from your diary than i usually get in a week. i'm flabergasted. again, i appreciate more than i can say you using your diary to link to me and to express your concern for my situation. i'm just astonished. wow. if there is anything i can do in return just let me know.
from damodred :
thank you very much for the link. getting more exposure will certainly help with getting more donations. i really appreciate the help. wow, the famous uncle bob is helping me out. :) i feel so special, hehe. *hugs bob*
from z0tl :
get a life, bitch! if dland has 1 mil users and you have 1555 pointing to you, how successful is that, especially when 3333+ point to perceptions? fockin' kitties & flowerz, i shoulda known! but hey, deep down i'm a nice persona jes' like you, i dig ya :) keep it up now, ye hear?
from sparkleyblue :
Hi Uncle Bob- I have been reading your diary for a very long time and feel really close to you. Hee hee... I feel like I'm talking to Russell Crowe or Michael Madsen, I have major fan lust for the Uncle Bob, non? Please put me on your list of new diaries. I am your biggest fan. My husband will never have to know... I'm feeling a little sweaty. I would like to lick your knuckles.
from seemedance :
Thanks for 3 great years Uncle Bob...you are a hero and an inspiration to all sorts of snarky freaks out there.
from high5nmb :
i didn't know you read perceptions too....cool, yo.
from jendra :
Happy Anniversary Uncle Bob!
from robin-smith :
I learned from the master, baby.
from cmkern3 :
Hey! Where's the diarist of the day? :)
from kitty2112 :
Thanks for the note : ) Hope you start feeling better soon - poor thing! My friend Misty and I are completely addicted to your diary. Must get our fix daily - lol....Ahh "A Farewell to Kings", wonderful album, one of my many favs....And the men who hold high places - Must be the ones to start - To mould a new reality - Closer to the Heart....
from galaxia-amc :
Hey u.b:) Just stammbled into your diary today and have just read one of your entries but I'm...awed!!! Amazing stuff, hope you don't mind if I add you to my favs and keep checking back? Big thumbs up!!! Cheers
from marsist :
I got the references! although, does it count if I found out about Tom Waits and Leonard Cohen through Pixies and Frank Black cover versions?...
from scanzilla :
You're funnier than a trunk full of dead hookers.
from cassiopeia- :
LOVED the review, it was funnier than the actual show. Hope you feel better soon! My husband has been guy sick for three weeks.
from seussie :
Hello Uncle Bob! I just stumbled upon your diary a couple of days ago and I'm hooked. Interestingly, I've been an avid TWOP reader for over a year, so I'm excited about your Surreal World recaps as well. Anyhow, I just added you to my favorites. I just wanted to send a bit of fan mail to let you know! Cheers, Shelly
from thecritic :
I blame pretty much everything on Nyquil. I've used that stuff the past few days and there are a few hours here or there that are missing... I think I've been spontaneously passing out or something.
from miralogue :
hi there, u.b. I'm in your army under kateso, but i recently got a new diary, and now my name is miralogue. if you want to keep kateso on, tha'ts fine, because the diary is still accessible, but if you ever wanted to add miralogue, i'd like it. aaaanyway. have a good one.
from miralogue :
hi there, u.b. I'm in your army under kateso, but i recently got a new diary, and now my name is miralogue. if you want to keep kateso on, tha'ts fine, because the diary is still accessible, but if you ever wanted to add miralogue, i'd like it. aaaanyway. have a good one.
from lizardspace :
You should definitely take Andrew to the pediatrician and make sure he doesn't have another ear infection. The screaming at night is always the clue for me. Not long after he got the tubes (both times he got them), my son got a raging infection due to the debris from the surgery. Apparently, this happens a lot. It's pretty easily controlled with drops, and the tubes help drain the gunk, and things should straighten up after the initial blockage is gone. Not that I'm a doctor or anything, but I've been down this road.
from kinetix :
There's probably a toll free 1-800 number on the front of your snack machine somewhere for vender service. Ours all have one. Find it, call it, and let them know the snack machine is out of order.
from moviegrrl :
poor andrew! and poor you! - i hope you guys both feel much better soon! Sas
from sunny71 :
Watch some of your new DVDs!
from chile-pepper :
I almost wet my pants laughing when I read that you think you might have started your period! You slay me Uncle Bob!
from rekhodiah :
Does Pervy know what a "bus wreck" is? I've never encountered a human being (and a lousy excuse for one at that) more in need of a good bus-wrecking than your asshole nephew.
from silverchair2 :
Hell your funny.... I though I was the only one who did an "Oh shit" dance.
from livefan91200 :
Greetings oh dry sarcastic one... I've been a fan for a while... I'm the finacee of MadHatterSL... so I was forced to read your amusing diary a long time ago... it's become something we do together (aww, isn't that sweet... yeah, I know... go hurl now and read the rest of this) But yeah... good times.. keep up the good work! ~Le Penseuse
from sasori-gal :
Smiles and laughter from Japan!! Enjoy getting my fix from you! Best wishes for the new year!
from maralisa :
Oh my gawd! A real-life diaryland celebrity filling out one of my little surveys! *squeal* Sorry, I'll behave - it's about time I downloaded something new so I may just follow your advice. You have no idea how lucky you are even having a car, I failed my driving test four times last year. New year's resolution! xx
from aura-chic :
dood, could be several things wrong with your car... could just be you blew a hose, or the radiator itself....but you could have a busted head gasket...you do not wanna drive with this you could warp your head...if that happens it is a majorly expensive repair... but like i said could be many things...if you don't have a warranty on it...do what i did with mine after i spent days trying to repair it and much money on parts....junk it!!!
from sweetphatty :
ok. i had a car that overheated like that.. i drove it anyways. like you did. and my engine just got shit on. like it was just unfixable unless i had like 584395 dollars or something. so get your car fixed while you can U.B.
from mystical76 :
Oh, wow! You just gave me the best laugh of the day! Maybe the best laugh of the week! You caused 2 crazy office gals to snort, giggle, and guffaw. It was wonderful!
from herkinerf :
Hiya U.B. 2 things: 1) When your car is overheating, a good way to limp it home is to turn your defroster on its highest setting, as hot as it will go. The ride will suck, but you'll get to where you're going. Trust me...I was a rebellious teenager with a horrible old pontiac ventura (a Nova wanna-be) who simply HAD to skip school once a week or so to visit my boyfriend an hour away. The car overheated Every Single Time. and Every Single Time, the defroster saved my too-young fanny from getting stranded and caught. 2) The expiration date on milk/eggnog/dairy products is usually the sell-by date when the markets take it off the shelves. The product is still good for about a week beyond that date. Sometimes longer if it hasn't been opened and/or reopened frequently. Hope this helps!
from rekhodiah :
They're getting a Target here in Allentown too. I personally don't see what the big deal is. At least we'll have a place closer than Wal*mart, which is out by the frickin' mall.
from thecritic :
My New Years Resolution? To be more like UncleBob... I'm a dirty liar and a kiss ass *runs off to shower to wash dirty feeling away* Merry happy friggin' New Years.
from udders :
i love ya uncle bob. but bjork is a golden goddess.
from dadeeli :
Happy New Year!
from dcalien :
Thanks for the new year wish. Same to you.
from invisibledon :
Happy New Year
from manda-d :
http://www.onlinepharmacy.com/ Phentermine... It's the answer. Take it from a former fat girl.
from kelly :
you rock my world. i think you should write a sitcom based on your in-laws. it would be a big hit!
from dcalien :
Uncle Bob, come on, don't hold back, tell us what is on your mind. You are just so shy I guess.<-----attempt at humorous sarcasm. Sounds like your Christmas was merry and gay. hehe
from queenmaria :
You make me laugh out loud...thanks for taking the time! I'm slowly making my way through your archives, and have yet to determine a favorite, but I'm sure I'll have many...thanks again!
from cmkern3 :
Ahhh....I'm afraid I have you beat Uncle Bob. My fiance's mother is the LOSER of all LOSERS. She moves into an apartment, pays the security deposit and first month's rent and then never pays again - gets evicted (no, doesn't move out upon receiving NOTICE of eviction - no.....she waits until they physically come to remove her) and does this all over again with a different apartment. Occasionally she stays at a family member's house (never ours!!) for a month or 2, until she declares that "they" did something for which she cannot live with. But I digress. What do you get someone who cannot have much due to the fact that she's about to be evicted from her 462nd apartment? We didn't know. Many of you are probably saying "money" but alas! No, money would be *get this* degrading to her (she'd like everyone to think she's rich - unless she asks to borrow money that she never pays back, then she has no problem telling you how poor she is). So we ended up getting her a few things from Pier 1. All in all we spent about $30 on her, as we didn't want to make her uncomfortable by giving her an expensive gift when we knew she couldn't afford much for us. We understand this. We knew it going in. Nothing could have prepared us for our gift though: a $5 set of cheap never-put-them-in-the-microwave plastic containers from the Dollar Store. Not only that, but she opened our gifts from Pier 1 and actually looked disappointed. Ugh. I'm afraid I've gotcha beat on crappy ass in laws Uncle Bob!!
from chromemm :
How is it I manage to be blessedly thankfull that I don't have your in-laws, but envious of all the material you get from them? It's a conundrum I'll just have to live with. One hand plenty of stupid shit to bitch about on my diary. Wishing I had a lobotomy before I turn completely psycho and kill them all with a wet noodle and the many tapes of Freddy Got Fingered that sit on shelves today. It would be a creative mass murder, it helps with the insanity plee at the trial.
from lexilla :
I guess my daughter joined the freak world this year because she ordered "the guiness book of world records" from school. LOL. Its actually one of her favorite books and she claims one day she will be in it. She'll probably beat the record for either collecting the most miniature dogs, or for having the messiest room. When she does get into that book though, I want you to interview her, write a book about her, and make me rich!! ok?? hehehe
from guthrie :
Bjork might not be part aardvark?
from soulepiphany :
I've written on bjork before...and I believe the phrase you're searching for to describe her is Really Fucking WIERD. Because that's all she is. She lives only to shatter the fragile ear drums of cats and small children. ~sara
from lost-prophet :
You have one of the cutest damn kids I've ever seen. Well done I suppose :)
from queenmab95 :
What a great picture! Looks like Andrew is happy with his playhouse! Hope your holiday was wonderful.
from jenne1017 :
YAY! He looks almost as cute as my KiKi opening HER gifts (pictures to be placed in an entry tomorrow)...You rock daddy-o!
from jaspieuk :
Aww, the photo made me all teary eyed. What is Christmas without kids? XX
from ninabean :
good job! Those sugarplum midgets would be so proud!! But I do have to wonder if that smiling beaming face is truly over the playhouse, or the big ass Dora laying in the corner.... hmmmmm..... :) merry christmas uncle bob
from shroomfaerie :
Haaave yourself a vulgar little Christmas. ...Fuckin' Oath!
from smoog :
I always wanted tap shoes for christmas. I waited all year for tap shoes. I'm still waiting. I'd be dancing in the arms of Gregory Hines right this minute if I had received those Mary Jane patent leather tap shoes for christmas when I was 8. Coincidentally enough, that's also the same year I too got a concussion. The gym teacher, Mr. Landry, smashed me in the back of the head with a metal pole from his jungle gym monstrosity. I wasn't wearing tap shoes at the time.
from chromemm :
haha nice christmas story there Booby. Happy motherfucking Christmas to you too.
from lizblizz05 :
Te amo, Uncle Bob. Hope you and yours have a merry fuckin' Christmas.
from jaspieuk :
Well, Unclebob, if I wasn't sure before then now I KNOW I love you. XXXX May you and yours have a good Christmas, even Pervie. Well, maybe not him....
from robin-smith :
I knew I could count on you to bring a sentimental tear to my eye during this season of goodwill. God bless you and your fucking homeless midgets. Every one.
from cheerbaby12 :
Have a happy holidays Uncle Bob!! :)
from darkndeviant :
It is a fact, universally accepted, that a gentleman in possession of a speeding ticket will, sooner or later, come to unwittingly hold forth on the subject with a casually-attired law enforcement officer. It is thought to be particularly likely at seasonal social events! Bad luck unclebob...:) Have a great Christmas and don't let them take you alive!
from crackheadred :
whassup dood...found yer page thru ninabean...she said yer page was funny as hell...with her usually bein of sound mind...came to check it out...thats some funny shit...kinda reminds me of dave barry...but with cuss words...good stuff man..esp that cop part...been there before...LOL
from invisibledon :
happy holidays
from widower :
As far as your recent computer problems go...I say try out the Linux OS. I've never hada problem with it.
from miss-edith :
I'm a geek/and I know it/I wave my Tolkien and show it. I love you Uncle Bob! Kisses, Miss Edith
from quarters :
so okay, i admit, i've been away for a while. i'm just now trying to catch up on all the reading i've missed (we're talkin' since the beginning of july), and now i see that the links to the pervy pics are down! only to be teased even further by the following day's entry about how people reacted to them! oh, so very unfair... take care. -nick/quarters
from dcalien :
Did you think of all that just sitting at a light? You are funny.
from shetgawab :
Good luck with the speech!!
from ladyirony :
Oooooh, that's great!!!!! Now if only you could convince UAB to do the same thing. u_u Oh well, congrats! :D
from schleiffen :
Congrats on becoming required college reading. Joining the ranks of Plato and Nietzsche.
from dcalien :
Uncle Bob, as per your instructions, I am wishing you luck on your humor writing gig at the college. Somehow I think you are going to have fun with that. I know you don't want comments on the He%%$#@#d part of your entry, and wouldn't think of going against your wishes. Have you thought about using preparation H cream? I hear all the super models are using it to tighten up their skin. I am talking about the wrinkle you know.
from marsist :
cold weather makes your skin dry out and makes face lines more noticeable. use an exfoliant and/or moisturizer, and I bet the line won't be as visible. (the male version of "exfoliant" is usually to scrub your face with some soap and a washcloth.)
from dcalien :
Howdy unclebob, your party djing sounded like fun.
from dcalien :
What a trip for a present.
from cassiopeia- :
We gave Cassie her Christmas present a month ago. It is a Thomas the Train set with play table, also purchased at Toys R Us. They gave us a free $30.00 Tigger. I am not good at waiting. I am what my husband calls a "one marshmellow" kind of gal! I am personally proud to know of a dad who would go to such lenghts for their child. Susie and Andrew are both lucky!
from robin-smith :
I knew you'd appreciate my plight. Damn the pervey troglodytes and their blatant porn-surfing ways.
from pennielane24 :
Uncle Bob- I just wanted to drop you a line and let you know how much I enjoy reading your entries. I stumbled across your diary on www.damnhellasskings.com about a week or two ago, and have found myself dropping by your diary every day; laughing outloud at some of your observances and opinions. Good luck on finding the playhouse; christmas shopping... what a bitch. Allison
from cmkern3 :
And - wanting to please your son ASIDE - now its become a challenge don't you think? I know when I was investigating this issue for you yesterday, the more I looked the more I wanted to find the solution!
from poked2x :
Uncle Bob, I wish you were MY dad.
from withwings :
Hey my niggaz. Hahahaha I love it. I wouldn't say it to anyone as I live in the hood and I am ghostly white and fear or (ph34r if you are leet) for my life. If you find the toyhouse will you buy me one too? Please Uncle Bob? Pleaaaaaasssssse.
from cmkern3 :
I just looked on Little Tikes website and found that you can order this online at Target - I then went to their website and found that they can 5-7 day ship it, and there was a little thing that popped up that said shipping was free for orders over $100. Go to www.littletikes.com and check it out!!
from dcalien :
I have read you a couple of times, just took your survey oops, one of your surveys.
from cassiopeia- :
I just checked on ebay, and they do not have any Imagisound Playhouses for sale there. I have never known ebay to not have something, at least a beat up crappy item of similar sort for sale. I think you may be in trouble Uncle Bob! Good luck.
from condorman :
Re: Fogo. Dude, it rocks. There's a similar place in North Atlanta called Carro de Boi. And for the ultimate "All The Meat You Can Eat" treat, I recommend you buy a plane ticket and eat some roasted giraffe at The Carnivore. http://www.tamarind.co.ke/docs/carnivore.htm
from robin-smith :
Sexy headwound ensemble. Got it. We can go to a drive-in screening of "Dawn of the Dead" and make out. Deal?
from liquidhuman :
The clean-up guy keeps moving your garbage can because he wants you to recycle your Diet Vanilla Coke cans.
from lizardspace :
Two things. First of all, we must share a janitor, because I have the same fucking problem with my trash can. One day, I will be forced to get physical about it, but meanwhile, I keep leaving passive-aggresive notes in Spanish. Secondly, my son has two Dora dolls. In fact, every little boy I know loves Dora. I see LOTS of little half-Hispanic children running around several years from now...
from ghostie :
Everyone on here say they're "cousins" and your name is Uncle Bob. Did I wander into some kind of incest thing? Don't laugh I'm serious!
from finglunatic :
Uncle Bob, I'm quite confused. You live in Alabama, yes? Well, I'm in the Midwest and it's approximately 5:21 p.m. here on Friday, December 6. So, how the hell can you already have a post in your diary dated and timed, 12/7/02, 3:41 a.m.--is this some kinda weird time-warp thing? Please advise!! Thank you.
from sillyme00 :
I am glad to hear that everything went well with Andrew...
from queenmab95 :
I'm so glad Andrew is okay! Give the little dude a hug from me!
from flippie :
My mom always says she has "halfheimer's" but "sometimer's" is pretty good too! :)
from shroomfaerie :
Howdy, Uncle Bobula. Private Shroomfaerie reporting for duty. *Salutes, then proudly holds up latrine scrubs* ...Sign me up for the army for a few years? *Winks suggestively*
from getoffmyhalo :
will you put me down as a favorite???
from robin-smith :
If you keep posting such nice things in my guestbook, I'm going to get a SWOLLEN HEAD! (Yeah, you can take that and run with it.) Glad you're back, and whippin' out the smacks again.
from suzannah :
You think the doll for Lee Jeans is scary you should see the website, http://www.leedungarees.com Be sure to play the world's dumbest video game, Emu Lander, while you're there.
from z0tl :
 
from unadopechica :
I find it funny that you didn't put together the "Buddy Lee" name with the "Lee Dungarees" tagline and realize it was Lee Jeans. They weren't really hiding it. But I do agree. Buddy Lee is freakish.
from findyourself :
HOW DARE YOU LEAK THE SECRET ABOUT WRITER'S BLOCK! I can't believe you, Uncle Bob. Of all people, I never thought you would end up being a traitor to the cause. Feh to you, sir.
from cassiopeia- :
Where do I get one of those creepy dolls???
from neurobics :
What is it with the boat load of santas, snowmen and nutcrackers that have suddenly bloomed on every lawn in my neighborhood? It looks like a sex offenders convention out there.
from zqf8 :
Oh man do I feel your hatred for those sonofabitching Annalee dolls Uncle Bob. See, I'm from New Hampshire. Laconia to be precise, and Meredith (the next town over) is where the dolls originated. The founder/creator of the dolls just died this year and the Earth, and the Granite State in particular, is better off without her. She was a crotchety old bitch and no one liked her. But that doesn't stop every town in an 80 mile radius from decorating with her crack baby elves, snowmen, and smiling suns. Christmas makes it much worse. I'm sure she's in hell laughing at us all. Oh man I hate those fucking dolls. Ahhhh. I feel better now. Thanks Uncle Bob.
from trinity63 :
its about fucking time you write for yourself and no one else.
from stellarose :
stumbled upon your diary....will undoubtedly stumble back again. *SR
from robin-smith :
Happy thanksgiving and all that...come back soon. Or else I'll have to crank up my offensiveness rating to compensate for your absence, and no-one needs THAT, do they?
from carrrot :
U.B., I miss you!
from corran :
Wow...do you really read all these diaries?
from bfcynic :
Enjoy your vacation!
from untame-able :
(going through withdrawls...)
from shortst101 :
Happy Thanksgiving
from genibee :
Happy Turkey Day, Unka Bob!
from hippie5 :
Enjoy your vacation and have a great Thanksgiving! :-)
from levontaun :
Hiya UB, Thanks for the blurb in your diary... the traffic I got from it crashed my image server and it's still on fire after four days. Okay, not really. But I did get alot of traffic, and it prompted me to re-upgrade, thereby restoring my images and whatnot. Thank you, Bob, for restoring my faith in humanity and the world as a whole. Aw, fuckit... it's still a shithole. Heh. Lev
from queenmab95 :
Re:the offensive entry....Truthfully, I think most of us have thought that stuff to ourselves occasionally....I know I have.
from buffyslays :
So what do you have to do to be in your Army? Write a sucky poem? Uncle Bob Basic Training? Huh...huh??
from janeroe :
Dude, that was seriously funny. Not offensive at all. Please write more in the same vein.
from theotherchad :
Excellent non-PC entry. That's why you're at the top of my favorites list. Reminds me of a banner I saw on someone else's diary a couple of days ago. It has a picture of a typical Special Olympics "athlete" crossing the finish line, with this caption. "Argueing with people online is like competing in the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded." How's that for offensive?
from kelly :
who would have thought! 2 spicolis! heh. i told jordan that if he gets to talk to the band (like he inevitabley will) to see if somebody in the band was named mattie g who knew uncle bob! haha! he is going to sound so stupid when he does:)
from kelly :
hey uncle bob, know how you have a friend in the band that is called like. 'the spicolies' or something? are they touring canada? if so, my cousin is going to see them play tonight. totally random 'it is a small world' piece of trivia if it is indeed your friends band.
from jasmine-s :
Um ... "IT" was so great ... not "I". I'm never very great really ... giggles :)
from jasmine-s :
Have fun tonight !!! I have been to one of his concerts two years ago and I was so great ! And This summer he is coming here again and guess who's going ? meeeeeeeeee !!! And I'm not even a "balding, paunchy guy your age", I just turned 25 ... hihi:)
from pattymelt :
MY very 1st (real) concert was the boss back in the 80's - "the river" tour. (i don't think that shuan cassidy concert when i was 13 should really count) anyway, the boss was great and i still love that album!
from jenne1017 :
Have fun!!!!! The Boss. Wow. I've never even been to a concert...Do whatever people do there, doubly for me too, k?
from pthm :
hey uncle bob, i recently discovered the pitt stop, and i just finished reading ever entry in the old entries archive, but i know there is a gap between the last entry in the archives and the last one with the disclaimer, any clue as to how i can read these long last pitt stop entries?
from rekhodiah :
When Pervy comes over tonight, tell him the Internet is down because it's sick of downloading so much porn for an underage pervert, and that if he does it again, he might as well spend Monday nights on the street since he won't be (and SHOULDN'T be in my humble opinion) welcome in the Uncle Bob household. Oh, and have Susie take the bukkake pics with the tapioca on YOUR face... that should help him get over that little fetish. ;) Just my $.02
from trinity63 :
me loves vanilla coke satan! hahahaha
from circusfreak :
dear uncle bob: i would like a trans-neutralizer 300. can i have it, please?
from pimpshack :
http://pimpshack.diaryland.com/calendars.html .....anyone ever do something similar to this? UNCLE BOB ROCKS
from invisibledon :
woo hoo thanks for playing in my neighborhood again uncle bob & it was even unsolicited this time. Thanks again you remain the funniest uncle i never had
from jenne1017 :
Wow. That was a good story!
from queenmab95 :
UncleBob, I really liked the story you sent out last night. You're right, it does warm the heart (so to speak). You're an all right guy; I don't care what they say about you...:)
from crazygal23 :
uncle bob! awww.. i almost cried reading that story, good job, i dont cry often. neways, i love your site, i go every day almost once youve updated, and your really funny.
from sweetphatty :
Just wanted to say I read that story that you sent out to your notfiylist peeps.. man it made me cry! its so sweet... what a big lug you are unclebob.. sweetheart to the core you are :-)
from oraljoy :
To paraphrase that sleazy lawyer in "A Time To Kill"...Cheat. Cheat like crazy. Pop a coupla melatonin before your next appointment.
from sintimate :
from googlism.com Googlism for: uncle bob uncle bob is the savior of the universe and protector of all that is lame uncle bob is still alive 2002 uncle bob is that of a big uncle bob is affiliated with the union city rescue mission uncle bob is living in hawaii uncle bob is a psychedelic improvisational jam band located in denver uncle bob is completed mesmerized by lesbians uncle bob is not only concentrating on excellent flavor uncle bob is a favorite with the "old guys that wear knee uncle bob is a stunning beginning uncle bob is always reminding people of the slavery and horrors the black people supposedly experienced under white rule uncle bob is? uncle bob is like a snapshot of life uncle bob is a school teacher uncle bob is not a doctor uncle bob is really a play about nephew josh uncle bob is really going to regard that pocket p*ssy as a "gag" uncle bob is in one of the photos uncle bob is a cantankerous old millionaire with a family of greedy fools uncle bob is interested in raising his own crabs and oysters uncle bob is really doing a low uncle bob is in louisville uncle bob is doing you a favor uncle bob is gone but the memories live on by tim troglen the buchtelite uncle bob is my dad's brother and he lives in north carolina and works at the north carolina center for reproductive medicine uncle bob is about a man living alone with aids who is suddenly visited by his unstable nephew who wants bob to live with his family uncle bob is in combat and his letters lose their playfulness uncle bob is my "pistol uncle bob is my silent hero uncle bob is repressed or uncle bob is uncle bob is possible in the context of this email list uncle bob is almost apologetic in announcing that he has arrived at an art career with absolutely no credentials uncle bob is the most responsible and is very caring to others and to of course his beautiful family uncle bob is an engineer and lives with his family in chicago uncle bob is coming to visit uncle bob is also one of the university?s ?golden graduates? and was named the south uncle bob is now under long term engagement within the process of reconstruction uncle bob is the first to grab a pair of alleys uncle bob is a persona that i've invented uncle bob is very active uncle bob is back uncle bob is a web designer uncle bob is such a godly man uncle bob is black uncle bob is the only member of the family left and will be ninety years old may 8 uncle bob is exactly what i want uncle bob is a toy craftsperson uncle bob is a coach uncle bob is coming monday uncle bob is in its manic tone uncle bob is looking for more pictures of his adorable nephew uncle bob is in question? uncle bob is married to auntie cora uncle bob is always on the other end of the phone to help her out with her theories uncle bob is my "rich uncle uncle bob is chipping in $4500 uncle bob is an idiot uncle bob is taking some "quiet time" uncle bob is hunched over something interesting uncle bob is paying for the tickets uncle bob is the only one in this picture still living uncle bob is very moving uncle bob is here along with 51 other african leaders who have all come together to bury the oau uncle bob is in charge of the content of these pages and is open to any suggestions you may have regarding what could be included in the minnick family history uncle bob is a very funny man indeed uncle bob is shown here on his porch at home uncle bob is uncle bob is now a principal and aunt amy is a health teacher at west noble middle school – and i still remember what a better place the world is when you uncle bob is legitimate uncle bob is heckeling anna uncle bob is also one of the university?s "golden graduates" and was named the south uncle bob is way cooler than my kid's old man can ever hope to be
from waterbabee :
I'm very happy I stumbled upon this whole monstrosity. I read most of the notes,except the ones that were too long--they're kind of discouraging. Anyway, great fun but I have one thing to say--Everyone should vote. Even though I did't, I feel like shit for it. Hey I just logged on tonight But I WANNA BE IN THE ARMY.
from sheeptea :
*lmmfao* Fabulous. Juat fabulous. Been readin' yer diary for a few weeks now. Stumbled across it by accident. And am I glad that I did!!! Go get that pervy little bastard, uncle bob....
from oraljoy :
Babe, you're probably going to be up all night long now feeling guilty over screwing with us like that, aren't you???
from smartepants :
So, when you were 21, and with Susie, how'd you know she's the one? I asked my supervisor today how he knew his wife was "the one", and he said, "because she wouldn't give it up. Took more than a week, at least".. could my innocence be that rewarding?
from queenmab95 :
You are evil...eeeeevil, I tell ya! You're enjoying leaving us all in suspense, aren't ya?? You're so mean to us, Uncle Bob!!!! (j/k)
from wicked-sezzy :
uncle bob, what the FUCK? what happened with Pervy you big goon!!!?
from hippichic04 :
dude...as an avid reader, i have total right to say this...you are a nut! you were going to enlighten us on the pervy-conversation, but, no. you rambled on about other shit. get it together, unclebob!
from waterfall2 :
GRRRRR.. You left me hanging! Its not fair.. not fair I tell ya!!! Christina
from smgmatt :
That was one of the funniest entries you've ever written. There's a bit of Andy Kaufman humor there. Or is it April already?
from sillyme00 :
Love reading you everyday, I can't believe that you left us all hangin' like that... yes, I can!!
from fcprincesse :
you're just a tease...
from manda-d :
I thought you had a talk with Pervy???
from anat :
my god, man! out with it already! you're such a tease, i swear.
from queenmab95 :
ARRRRRGH!!!!! Uncle Bob, don't leave us hanging like that!!!!!
from mistachel :
hey uncle bob...not sure if you knew by now or not, but your entry today cuts off in the middle of a word in the middle of the pretzel story....just wanted you to know. :)
from mikeygal :
your diary was so funny I really enjoyed reading the hilarious entries sorry about the perv I think there is one in every family. my old roomie was like that and she was a girl. She had more porn tapes than she knew what to do with.
from aimezmoi :
That's pretty awesome, that movie being filmed where you live. I hope you get cast as an extra & get to meet the famous people & stuff. I'm sure you'll have fun, even though all extras get to do is wait & eat & wait some more & then eat some more & then get to film a couple scenes & then wait & eat.
from monkieygirl :
Baby Doolittle rocks. My daughter can name every animal out there because of those DVD's. Of course she can't tell us when she is hungry, but she sure has the difference between lions, tigers, and cheetas down.
from monkieygirl :
YEA Geeks everywhere! I am the ultimate geek, I went to a high school with the words, Talnted and Gifted in the name. Geeks rock. I am all about helping pitch in for the crack, crab infested whore.
from rekhodiah :
So I'm a geek. Is there a problem with geekdom? I'm a geek, and I'm *proud* to be a geek. Although I do agree with you that Episode II kinda sucked. Lucas has to take a long hard look at his directoral faults. While he's doing that, I'll make Episode III and make it kick ass. :)
from pthm :
hey there bob, just wanted to let you know that at the end of my day, reading your diary is a nice little something before i go to sleep. always makes me laugh, thanks.
from biensoul :
What about a list for Girls-Who-Went-To-Happy-Hour-at-2:30pm-Got-Piss-Ass-Drunk-Came-Home-And-Passed-Out-Then-Woke-Up-at-2:30am-And-Can't-Get-Back-to-Sleep? You know, if it isn't too much trouble since you're trying to appeal to all demographics here.
from melissa1983 :
I've been reading your diary for awhile now, this is the first time I've left a note. You're diary is very interesting. That list is hilarious, kinda reminds me of that list of the 50 fun things to do in Walmart.
from angelinlimbo :
Not to be picky, but I think it's a buttercup and not a dandelion that can tell you if you like butter...I can't imagine what the correlation is.....:)
from madamefromag :
Uncle Bob, Have you been watching Martha Stewart lately? I swear she must have given you some of those Friday night tips.
from caligirl27 :
hi uncle bob. I think you are super funny, but in the entry "Jesus needs a new DVD player" I was offended. You were talking about preparing for spending time with young boys, and you mentioned how a "gook" with a bloody pitchfork, and blah, and blah again. i dont't think it is very cool of you to call someone a gook. You really shoudn't use racisst comments in your diary because it might offend someone. But none the less I am still a fan. Just please try to be more careful with your language.
from carianne :
Oh God, I think I'm blind! Don't do that to a girl...or anyone for that matter. It looks like Alvin the Chipmunk gone terribly wrong...it's that Southern water I sweartagahd...it produces teeth like that.
from ladyirony :
SHIT!!!! Uncle Bob don't DO that to me!!! O_O;;
from marsist :
wow, that was the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life. except for my own teenage pictures, of course.
from abwhite :
I wrote you the king of suck ass poems. No poem can suck quite like this one!
from exiles :
I just started reading your diary after seeing your name mentioned my deepblue3 a few times. You really write a lot and are pretty funny. I just wanted to say hi. I really liked reading about pervy and your money hungry church. On both accounts I can relate. In the case of pervy I sort of of discovered porn just as the internet was going mainstream. I got the taste of early porn on the internet. It was a lot more toned down, now there is only money making in it. The stuff now is a lot more straightforward and anything a person can imagine is on. Everyone though develops there own sense and style when it comes to sex and there perceptions of it. I think it isn't too bad as long as you can seperate fantasy from reality. Some things can make one person sick and bring another pleasure. I try not to judge too harshly on anothers personal turn ons. I figure I let people have whatever fantasies they want as long as they don't hurt anyone with it. I hope that even if pervy has developed an unusual fetish that he finds a way to operate in the world and treat people right. I am a former exploited child church star. I used to do everything for the church and god. I just do things for the greater good an entity we put together as God. Whatever name we all want to call it doesn't matter. I found church is a way you can show faith but living a good life means more than going to church will ever mean. Church is only a means to show your love for God. Being good probable means more to God than going somewhere and kissing his ass or feet. Thats how I see it. Church is like your parents. They are something you care and can love but they aren't perfect or always right and sometimes you need to move away or on. They can only give you so much but can't be your life. That's just my 2 sense. Anyways hi and I look forward to reading more of your entries!
from pillowbqqk :
I really love reading your diary but I'm bothered by how you treat your nephew, Pervy. Why do you even give him access to your computer room? Just don't let him go in there. Why don't you include him with what you and the rest of the family are doing? Why don't you just try talking with the kid. He sounds like he could use a nice, adult role model. Instead of just shutting him away in a room, interact with him. And you didn't have the kind of access to porn that this kid does. If the internet had existed when you were 15 years old, maybe you would have been spanking it to weird stuff and not the underwear section in the Sears catalog. Lorelei
from okielion08 :
Hey, Polotics sucks,I know.I'm 13, and I..me, a 13 year old girl-Had to vote! And the idiot I voted for Lost.Stupid Oklahoma.grr.anyhow,Your obviosly lucky you don't have to vote, while my school forces us.ho-hum. -Okielion08
from sahibmihe :
Hey Uncle Bob! Regarding the porn issue with your nephew: There's something else you might mention to him when (if) you sit him down for that lecture. Porn sites often resort to sneaky tricks to get more revenue from unsuspecting people. They surreptitiously change your browsers home page to their own (imagine opening your browser to look up, I dunno, a bible reference or something, and instead seeing Jenna Jameson taking it up the ass), they put programs on your system that change your dial out numbers, and you get a phone bill a month later with $7000 worth of calls to Tunisia or something. They can plant a virus on your system, they can do all kinds of nasty stuff. Then there's the legality issue. I don't know if your community has legally defined "decency standards", but if someone decided to subpoena your computer's temp directory, are you sure that what's in there won't get you twenty years in the slammer? Password protecting your computer would be the easiest way to stop this. All versions of Windows have the capability to allow users to password protect their system. If that's not something you want to deal with, instead of pulling the keyboard and mouse, just pull the phone cord from the computer, and hide it (or the network cable, if you use broadband). If the computer can't access the Internet, your nephew will have to play Solitaire or something.
from miss-edith :
I didn't vote either! My entry today was titled "Why Miss Edith Doesn't Vote and Why She Doesn't Feel At All Bad About It" Anyway, I've been catching a lot of flak about it, so I was gratified to see that you didn't vote either. Awww. You just had to give me another reason to love you.
from ladyirony :
Wow, so it's *not* just the Captain D's in B'ham that have the Crips reunions going on? Gah! O_O;; Reminds me of one time that I went to that place, and I *swear* in the parking lot there was someone *slumped over* in their car like they'd been shot. O_O;; They must not have been, because it never made headlines or anything, but I know it took us a hell of a long time to get our food, and we *did* go through the drive-thru. *shudder* Scary. O_O;;
from nitemoves :
You don't have to vote for the lesser of two evils!!! Check out http://www.lp.org (The Libertarian Party) They are Pro-legalization of marijuana, (as well as other victimless crimes) and also have strong points with Social Security, National Defense and Crimes and Violence!
from nikkiwilson :
AHH! I love Uncle Bob!
from condorman :
Ho U. Bob! You can password protect your computer quite easily without forking over cash for new software. When the computer boots up, you should see a message that says "Hit DELETE to enter the BIOS" or something similar. Do what it says. If you have the most common version, you should then be looking at a blue screen with yellow words all over it. On the right half of the screen somewhere should be an entry for "Supervisor Password." Go there, enter a password, and from then on, you'll need to type that password every time your computer is turned on or reboots. (And if you need to change or remove it, just go back to the BIOS, change the password back to nothing. No, not the word "nothing," just don't type anything in the box. Sheesh!) But the point is, after you set the supervisor password, just turn your computer off when Pervy pays a visit (which would be a great name for a children's book), and he won't be able to even turn your computer on. Unless he rubs against it seductively, and buys it flowers. But that a pretty heinous picture. So don't think about it. Word, Mike
from paper-rose :
The keyboard and mouse thing sounds like a good idea, but you can also password-protect your computer through your screensaver. Set your screensaver to come on after 1 minute (just before Pervy comes over) and set the password. Once the screensaver comes on, Pervy will need the password to get out of the screensaver.
from secret-stash :
jaysez is right. Start putting up passwords.At the bios AND logon. And make sure that you lock your pc whenever they're around. Becos if you don't do that, then the password is a waste of time !
from ninap1031 :
Ok, I sent you a poem. "Water." I've joined your email and even fricking proposed. As is the case with all my relationships, I am giving giving giving and you are taking taking taking. :P Enjoy the poem! LMAO!
from jaysez :
Two words for the computer/Pervy issue: BIOS password. Or have your internet connection NOT save your password, thus requiring it to be entered each time you (or he) wants to get online. That's if you haven't told him what it is, of course... Good luck!
from tequillaworm :
I completely agree, legalize marijuana! Shit that the potheads DO go out every election with another push for legalization is a small miracle in it’s self. How many times have you found yourself stoned, sitting on the sofa staring at the TV slack jawed, needing to pee, but without any motivation to get up and walk into the bathroom? Well, until you’re about to shut down a kidney, or slip into death from water toxicity. It shows great tenacity on the part of the stoned masses, I say give it to us!!!